The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #343 European Adventures/ Full Frontal Nudity/ Mildly Hot Coffee & A Floor Lollipop

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Nikki is in Vienna, her first stop in Europe with her bestie Anya Marina, her boyfriend Chris Convy while Brian is allegedly in Tikrit. Brian once spent New Year's Eve on a plane and was annoyed that there was no celebration. Sharing adventures from Europe, Nikki fessed to crying in front of German men before her performance. They talk about performing in front of friends vs strangers. Chris shares a hack to save face abroad. Starbucks in Europe did not pass the heat test but has a naked TV show that Nikki is obsessed with. Nikki doesn't care about germs and was shocked that Chris saw her eating a lollipop that fell on the floor. Brian once had to have an intervention with a friend who had bad body odor. Nikki found comfort when she realized that she moves like Conan. In Reddit Dump, we learn that being on top isn't so easy and why acting aloof gets you in a relationship.  ——— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast, live from Europe. Vienna, to be exact. I'm here in my hotel room with anya and my boyfriend chris convie hello we're here auf wiedersehen yeah is that do they speak austrian here or german and is there a difference german so the austrian the language of austrian is not a language i don't

think it's a language okay i thought i noticed slight differences between the two but why would i because i don't know any german i'm sure there's like slight differences as far as like accent is concerned okay i noticed they said bichoshen today when like you walk in anywhere and i was like i thought that was your welcome and then i realized oh it's welcome it's like oh same as in russian or spanish or i guess any language wait what do you mean like i always thought you only say that after thank you. Like, thank you, welcome. But no, it's like when you walk into a room, you also say welcome.

Or thank you so much, you're welcome. Oh, it's different. Yeah, I mean. Like, welcome here. I thought German was willkommen. Maybe it is, but they said, bitteschön. I don't know, maybe I heard an end of a conversation, but it sure felt like a beginning.

And that's a great place to start. To the show, everyone. And Brian Frangie is joining us from Los Angeles. I'm in Tikrit, Tikrit, Iraq right now. What time?

What's the TZ where you are? Specific standard time. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's the wrong question i was trying to be uh uh adorable but um what's the time where you are it's 9 30 a.m in beautiful to crete and it's uh sunny and and actually it's like kind of overcast today isn't it weird that it's 6 p.m here or 6 30 here isn't that strange how and that it just there i guessm. here or 6.30 here. Isn't that strange?

How? And that it just... I guess I was watching Ted Lasseter the other day and he's like, why can't we all just be on the same time zones? And his assistant coach was just like,

the sun, man. And he was like, oh yeah, sun. But it is frustrating. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. And then you'll be a full day ahead.

If you're in Japan, it's like the next day. And yeah do you ever uh uh one time i was on a plane on new year's eve when midnight and i was doing a red eye chased it yeah i chased it i went from the east coast to the west coast and i hit new year's eve four times and what yeah and there was occasionally we saw fireworks out the window a lot of kissing yeah we all made out the whole time even before the ball dropped but you know what was ridiculous about it was they didn't do anything on the plane at midnight what the pilot didn't say happy new year they didn't give people free champagne midnight struck we're all waiting for some special event and then just time passed well see that's annoying because you know what the new year is kind of the same everywhere except china

i guess i'm sure those are the countries that also don't celebrate the same gregorian calendar we have it's like 5664 or something right now. Wait, so they don't, they don't do like Happy New Year like, like,

you know, Orthodox Jews and like acidic Jews like do not go to Times Square to watch Carson. Acidic Jews, you know,

the ones that their pH balances are very off. As opposed to basic Jews like Brian. Yeah, like, we don't go Happy New Year. they'll go oh another year oh well europe has been we've been here a couple days now i think we're kind of adjusted

i just took a nap that was very intense did you nap on yeah it's sleeping when you're jet lagged is the closest thing to being drunk or on heroin yes the alarm goes off and then you're just like i will do anything for more sleep anything i was starting to bargain stages of grief yeah i was i was close to weeping just like i can't believe i have to wake up i know and do a podcast too you guys the things we do for you oh my god i'm looking outside and there's one of those giant babe look you are gonna love doing that it's like one of those tower things and it lifts all the way up and has swings on it yep and this thing is like 300 feet in the air and it lifts up and it's like all around it we're doing i would never do it do you know what i don't like in a ride centrifugal force like i like centrifugal force if i'm locked into something and i can feel myself be like

you know the ones that you lay on you just like stand up and it would circle around i like that because it's like i'm only being pushed into a board and it can't go any further but when it's a chain thing or like remember remember the scrambler. That feels like it's like pushing. Yeah, I love a scrambler. It feels like it just wants to be free. It's like a tweet I read about Kim Kardashian.

Like someone said, I've never seen Kim Kardashian, just her body. It just wants to be fat so bad. Like that's how I feel about those swing things. It's just like, it wants to let the swing go

and you're stopping it and it's gonna win at some point and so we are not doing that but i want to watch you go up in that and look for a new boyfriend because you're supposed to go anyway nikki announced it at the show last night she was going she was like you know i'm some strong independent woman i'm this i'm that i'm single or like you know i'm some strong independent woman i'm this i'm that i'm single or like you know i'm single i'm wealthy i'm oh yeah because i was doing a joke i'm single she goes wait hold on i'm not back it up i just i said i've never said that once before it seemed like something i've been getting away with and then suddenly i forgot to change it my boyfriend's

in the room and i got caught ever because she's she's listing a bunch of things that are like great about her life yeah because it's leading up to a joke well that kind of shows you how my brain works for a joke like i will turn off whatever's true to fit what the narrative is for a joke like that that's like you know just trying i will sacrifice for a setup to hit a better punch line and and even if i was like performing without you in the room i would have been like wait a second i'm not single what am i saying because it would defeat so many of my jokes about right us being together and breaking up pretty soon so Brian's been there for some breakups. Oh yeah.

Brian's been through a few of our, um, it's never really a breakup. It's never, it's really over. I never really buy food and stare into the abyss during those two. Like you guys did after game of Thrones every time we would have like moments of silence for it.

Um, yeah. So the show the show i mean to be honest with you i was really bummed before the shows last night because i was just having jet lag depression plus depression plus just being in a relationship depression yeah not being single depression just really fighting all that and i was like crying before i needed to get a cry out and i never ever cry before a performance who am i katie perry and the hit documentary uh that she did i forget what it's called pairing yeah did you ever see that documentary yeah oh it's so good i think i was trying to have a katie perry moment yesterday because really you you you what's the what's the verb of resilient you resile you like become resilient yeah you bounce back it's like a triumphant moment she's like about to perform for 60,000

people in brazil like her biggest audience ever and you could like hear the roars and she just got word that russell brand wants to divorce her and so she's in the makeup chair just like i can't and like you've never seen someone cry like this. Like, it's just, she's a mess. And you go, and they're like, you're on in five. And she's just like, and they're like, Katie, we're calling it. Like, we can't do this. You can't do this.

And she's just like, no, I'm going to do it because the cameras are here. This is like a really good, we need a moment for this documentary. This is what I realized later on. But no, it's a great moment because she's beneath the stage and she raises up and she's in the shadows and she's beneath the stage and she's just like still weeping just like and then all of a sudden you see like the platform start to raise and she's still weeping and then right before she hits the light she just goes and she's like just hits her mark and then delivers an amazing performance and um so i just need to get a cry out so i was like weeping backstage yesterday hoping that none of the um german people uh who worked the club like came back to be like do you want more tea or whatever um because i was just i was just i

hadn't done comedy for two and a half weeks i'm about to perform somewhere where i then i start going over my jokes because i don't ever prepare anything before five minutes before the show i'm not even joking you i didn't think about one of my single jokes joke on you had a reminder of like 15 jokes I don't have them written down anywhere this is think-out on you write some down just last weekend talking about how you need to cry and you can't cry I know we warmed her up though ahead of time I went to the topography of Terror in Berlin, which is just the Holocaust museum.

And I kept going to her like, you have a boyfriend. And that was just sinking me lower and lower. And finally, after enough of that, no, I was able to squeeze some out and feel better. But I was going over my jokes and I was like,

they don't, like my biggest jokes right now are about JonBenet Ramsey and Susan Boyle. And I go, I don't think these are references they get. I'm like, oh no. So I, I was kind of freaking out. And then I was sort of going over like my jokes that aren't about specific things. Like, you know, they're not written in my notes as like JonBenet, like there may be a joke about like seesaws but then i start going through them in my mind like the beats and i'm like oh my god all of the references in there are like american references of like walgreens second amendment yeah and how important it is now we need to protect it branches of the government yeah it was all stuff like family matters urkel i'm like do they even have that

over here can you believe how dangerous pittsburgh is you know stuff like that have you seen the chick-fil-a's in north carolina they're huge but then i made a joke halfway through the show because i said something that i go oh i i flubbed a joke and i instead of saying the punchline i go and then i forgot what the punchline was and then i realized i go actually i didn't i just got scared right before that you guys wouldn't know the reference so i shoot i my mind literally chose to forget it instead of to like i didn't forget it so i forget what the joke was your mind roofied you it really it totally did at one point at one point nikki forgot something of like a germany reference

that she was gonna do in a joke and she in the middle of the show she was like what'd you say babe i go babe babe what was that like it wasn't like i was like my boyfriend's here let me ask him babe i was just like and there's this commercial i saw and it was a who was it babe who was it and i go gerard butler babe spoke up and um and he reminded me but when i couldn't think of the joke before that i was like and so then i said i go okay well i'm gonna say this joke and if you don't get the reference it's whatever and then they got the reference and i go it's so american of me to expect that you guys don't know anything about america because we don't know anything about you. Like that's I I go.

It's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking like you guys are like us. You probably know shit about the rest of the world. And we don't I don't know fucking anything. And I'm embarrassed of it. But Chris Chris has written like four jokes for me since I've been here. And it's been pretty great because he'll say something and I go

can I use that and he's like what am I going to do but you've written some stuff for me already I'm going to an open mic in Munich later she would be like now I am single did it feel really good to oh yeah I was like I can't date someone who just starts comedy

did it feel good when that joke hit yeah it felt really good the line that you came up with we won't give it away because i really think it's going to be a part of my act and i wrote one i wrote a joke for tim too brian oh man yeah now you owe me one yeah i should give you one that's not how it works i get first pick in fact the one tim gets i was like i think that's probably better for tim i wrote a good one for noah too it's like you know when you're doing jujitsu and you're putting them in an arm bar and it turns out it's really just a figure four leg lock i get it when that happens you know when you got a guy in a rear naked show in tucson what's that reference in tucson was the first time

i heard you use the transistor radio joke. I thought that was really great. Oh, yeah. I told that one that you gave me that one. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. And I haven't done that since.

Yeah, that was because I guess I haven't been on stage. All the besties are like, no wonder Nikki's got way less funny recently. No, no, no. That joke last night killed. Yeah. That was great. It felt really great. But I had two shows last night and but i had two shows last night and

or we had two shows last night and um yeah the first one was just like getting my feet wet and it was good but then the second one much uh much better and anya was great and yeah you had friends at the second show though yeah i got some good laughs it's hard to have friends at a show do you ever get nervous brian when friends you know friends are in the audience you hard to have friends at a show do you ever get nervous brian when friends you know friends first you have to have friends yes continues i get nervous yeah if there's friends at a show i get nervous because i did i black out and make friends somewhere what if your rat friend is in the back they're both here tonight it's i would much rather perform for a room full of strangers than for anybody that i know without a doubt same yeah it's it's gotta i will say i think it's that

way for every performer no matter how much they go like it's my hometown i'm so glad to be here tonight every time i've said that st louis i'm lying like i'm i'm happy you're there and i'm happy i'm here and even actually new year's Eve was fun and I let go of things, but it's just never, it's never easy when your boyfriend's family is watching. It just isn't because even if you don't do jokes about things that make them uncomfortable, then you're not doing your best material and you suck.

You know, then I'm doing the material that's, then they're like, we don't get like, there's something kind of not that I don't get why this is so special i'm like because i took out all this stuff you can't you can't see but or it's just there's one chance to prove to them how good you are every time yeah and they can't possibly you can't be like let me do a redo come on and there's just you know especially with singing anya just from um my voice lessons

that i've been taking like if you have any tension in your mentally or physically at all throughout your whole body if your toe is hurting it can affect the sound of your voice and the resonance like any tension at all so like something you're thinking about do you think when you're singing do you think about the words or are you thinking about like other stuff? It's bizarre that you can think a million things. Don't you, when you're doing comedy? Yes.

And especially with singing. I can be in both places, like thinking about the song, also thinking about like, is my shoe the right color with this outfit? And like, you're moving weird. Like, did you forget how to move? Why don't you just relax? Pretend you're dancing. Okay, that's good. Now you're moving weird like did you forget how to move why don't you just relax pretend you're dancing okay that's good now you're now oh you forgot

it's like a constant conversation in my head is there anything that you ever like do you ever get nervous because i guess whenever i'm playing guitar and singing i always am like i fuck up something and then i keep fucking up on top of that. Like it won't stop the fuck ups. Is there a way to get out of that? Yeah. I think meditation, like just be in the zone right here, right here,

right here. That is speaking of which that's a new favorite Nikki Glaser joke of mine. What? Where you talk about aging and the passage of time. And it's almost like you're trying to like capture the moment now. Yeah. The point is, is like you're trying to like capture the moment now. Yeah. The point is, is like,

you're, you're, it's pointless to be like, I'm so old because you're as young, you're the youngest you'll ever be right now. Now, now, wait,

now you're older. Wait, now, now, wait, hold on. Like it's, I,

when I realized that I was like, oh, it's, it's, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it constantly. I've had that same sort of idea because, you know, as a man whose hair is slowly thinning, you're just like every day. No, it's not, babe.

It's thinning fastly. No, no, no. It's not at all. I would never be able to make these jokes if I really thought it was. Noah likes it a lot. Every day is the best it's not at all. I would never be able to make these jokes if I really thought it was. Noah likes it a lot. Every day is the best it's going to look. Yes. So like every single day I get with my hair, I can't be upset because in two years time,

I'm going to look back and be like, oh my God, I had it. I had it all. Yes. That day in Vienna. Yeah, you did. I had it all. You did. It's always a good sign when you see your boyfriend Across the street

Or like you don't know It's him And you go And you go Oh it's mine And I didn't feel that way today But it has happened before Kazania saw you first today

We saw a Viennese Chris It was insane He was wearing a scarf Which he had never worn He had the exact outfit Of Chris Condie Except a scarf How is like the outside

Of the show Is being in Europe fit? Well, Starbucks is amazing here. I have some thoughts about the Starbucks here. We will get to that right after we take a break. But that is a great question, Brian. More about our European adventure when we get back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

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Yes. Welcome back to the show. Anya just noticed that there is a rag that was laying in the room yes welcome back to the show anya just noticed that there is a rag that was laying in the middle of the floor of my clean room you know what like i always just thought and i i didn't complain because i go you know what all she didn't do was pick up a rag you know that's her crime maybe but like for me it was the grossest thing i've ever seen but it really was just a rag and like think how many rags are just on your floor before they leave the room. And they just go, oh, quick.

And it's like, that's the difference between a clean room and a dirty room. So I smelled the rag to make sure it wasn't like piss. And it was vinegar. And so they were cleaning the room with vinegar, which feels like a... European thing to do. Really? That's what they use for deodorant. I'm surprised they use anything based on what's rich hazel um v um so we first got to we were in berlin yes uh the past two days and this is sitting i have just been like a little doggy on

a leash like i just kind of on your orders for me at starbucks because i'm scared that they're gonna be like oh god she's such a dumb american and so i was just like venti extra hot almond milk and it's sugar-free sugar and then um extra hot she's like gary on except it's the opposite oh no no yeah g's telling V. Yeah, I'm totally Gary. It's your sister-in-law from Connecticut. I got my drink and it was not extra hot. But here's the thing about Europe. They don't do things extra.

It's just the way it is. And there's no hot or cold. It's just everything 68 degrees. The room will not go below 68. It won't go above. it's just what it is there's no ice there's no an extra hot to them they were like because i knew that they were going to pull this i knew exactly so i said anya it's not extra hot and i don't even want it and so she being my

good friend who is not scared to stand up for me she went back to the counter and was like um excuse me this is not extra hot. She asked for extra hot. And they were like, that is extra hot. Yeah, very loudly. That is extra hot. I was like, and I just go, well, it's not. And a pretty amazing comeback. But this is why they don't. And Anya made a good point.

It's because it burns the coffee. And they want things to be pure. And you taste everything and like making it too hot, like burns. And I like things that are burnt cause I like pain because otherwise I suck it down too fast because I'm, I like it to scorch my throat.

Um, and then like today, I think Germans are into that kind of stuff. Yeah. Pain. Yeah. Pain. It's like you would think,

but they just, everything here, even the Diet Coke, you reach inside a cooler, you but they just everything even the diet coke you reach inside a cooler you know when you in the states you pull up like sometimes a drink is freshly stocked and it's just like warm and you're like okay i'm going to the back all of the ones are that first one here in europe there's no there's no ice cold anything that's like offensive to them and i listen i could get on board i'm not judging it of course i'm judging it but i don't know why are they just they're not wasting as much energy

as us is that it they're respecting the coffee but what about the diet coke there's something to respect oh like why won't they use ice like why won't they people mustn't be like demanding it because there's there's another issue in other parts of Europe too Like I think in France they're like Can I get ice with this and they think you're kind of crazy Or they just give you like one piece of ice Yes Cold beverages aren't like what they're used to And they don't demand it

It was delicious though in Berlin I had the best iced coffee I've ever had in my life I don't even drink coffee They screwed up my order And I was like no no I'll keep it And it was two little square perfect cubes of ice like the most perfect cube you've ever seen and then it was just like the most delicious drink i was like i want to become a coffee drinker now and it was it was

just perfect maybe america overdoes things yeah i would say i would blame it on celsius because their range of numbers isn't as large as like. We go from zero to a hundred degrees. That's well within our range in Europe. It's Celsius. Zero is freezing. And then like 70 degrees is 20. Like how they don't have the numbers. They don't have the numbers.

20. What about the room temperature? Why won't it go below 68? I think it's, I think it's a power issue. And there, I think it's a power issue. And I think also I was told not to bring my own hair dryer, even if I have an adapter,

because it'll blow out their circuits. I think America's just like big, more power, more things. They don't have sedans here. I don't know what that's about. Everything's tiny. Everything's tiny. There's teacups in your room. There's mugs at the venue but they are 40

smaller than a teacup you might think or a mug that you might see in america but their portions have not been disappointing i gotta say i've been pretty fucking amy with the boy they got a little confused on my order today at lunch that we anya and i ordered the same thing they didn't know i ordered two of them. They only brought one and then we're just waiting and waiting. And then finally I'm like, I think they didn't get mine, which they didn't. So then Chris went in to buy another or to pay for. She was like, oh, we'll bring it out.

And they brought out a sandwich, which is not what I ordered. And then we were like, no, we wanted one of these, another one of these. And then they go, okay. And so they took the sandwich and they seemed to be annoyed but they were very nice chris went in to pay for that to because it was more than the sandwich and what did you do in there i hit the guy who bought me what did you do after you pay no more of that it's your trick good sir oh yeah here's a here's a you only hit me don't talk about that come on don't do that okay i told you i'd never talk about it in public he does not hit me babe babe how many times did you hit me today babe babe

no here's a pro tip for all you international besties and people that are traveling oh yeah if you're canadian blame things on us and if you're american blame things on canada so basically if you do something stupid and you know the people in that country if germans see you doing something stupid if you like walk in front of cars and you're like looking the wrong way and you're like oh boy that's not how they do it back in canada you just identify you'd be like oh i'm so sorry and so you just make sure that they know that you're befuddled in a bike lane be like oh i'm so sorry and so you just make sure that they know that you're like befuddled in a bike lane be like oh this reminds me of uh montreal which is the country where i'm where are the mounties a bike lane that's all a boot yes exactly basically just reference the country you want to blame it on and so americans can really only blame it on canada chris literally

today when he was paying for my meal for the second time because it was like we were just such like i was such an american like nitpicky like i mean it my way he just goes oh it's okay man it's just we do it differently he said it to the girls he goes oh really canada he's like yeah yeah sometimes we mess things like that up in canada yeah we're always just thinking about hockey no but I do love Canadians but you guys could do it to us too it's very it's probably easy I like that part of it yes always yeah I mean but it's but it's something I used to do back in high school so like if I did something like rude or untoward if I like accident you know I'm a 17 year old kid and I curse in public i'm always like oh man i can't

wait till we play slew and baseball because we're from de smet i was used to give it on another school so i used to i used to blame any bad behavior on other that's really funny but now it's international because i want to be don't you want to be a good american citizen when you're over here you don't want to be like the people that they complain about on reddit yes we are you want to be that you want to be the best behaved you want to be a model citizen so the people are like americans not so bad after all i'm sorry that smell on the plane today though i was getting a little american about it of like this it was giving me a headache that guy's body odor it was a grandmother in front of me oh it

was i thought it was the man in front of me it could have been both yeah it was so bad it was just rancid bo i just don't know how people don't know that they have that coming from their body because i thought when we first sat down i go well we're gonna get used to it and it will go away because you're yeah but we didn't so then i go this motherfucker has no excuse this is this is newly like refreshing in my it would i never got used to it so i could not because i understand sometimes when people smell i'm like they don't know because they get used to it this is how we adapt as humans because we we we use that to learn about new smells coming in so if like there's a dangerous smell that we smell um you know humans have adapted to be like

what's that smell and then once it doesn't like kill everyone we go okay we're gonna get used to it so we can smell new dangerous smells coming in so it's a very um you know important adaptation that we have but it makes us not know that we smell like shit but these people have no excuse there was an open mic in new york that had bad bo and then after like six to eight months of going to open mics with him we all had an intervention and we said you got to start using deodorant. It's going to hurt your career and he started

using it. That's good. And that was Louis CK. He does look like he might have smelled at one point for a really long time. That's hard probably right? To do do that to have the intervention yeah um i guess not in this in an open mic sense because we're all like you know

you guys were like probably salvating to yeah let's do this it wasn't that bad i mean we felt you just had a roast for him yeah we had a roast and every comic just said this guy should wear deodorant right and then he got the point. How did it run, like this intervention? Did he walk into a room and it was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, like the intervention show? And then there was like an old woman with you guys to lead it. And he goes, no, I'm not doing this.

I'm not doing this. I'm going outside to have a cigarette. I'm not doing this. And they're like, just sit down. Everyone has a letter to read to you. We all wrote letters. We're like, your smell has affected me in very negative ways and and then eventually no but it was it was after the open mic you know it had been a long time coming and he you know it's the whole

it was really bad but yeah like you experienced on the plane and we're like listen you got to start wearing deodorant because i we you know i know, I know that maybe it's, I don't know what it is, but you didn't wear deodorant and you don't realize that it smells and everyone is affected by it. Maybe everyone's been too nice to say it. Now we're all saying it together to really shame you to say you should do it. And he did start doing it.

And I, I think it actually helped. I'm not sure. Did he laugh it off? Was it really, did he, could you see? We tried to do it so nice.

We tried to do it so nice. We tried to do it so nice. Like we're trying to help you. Like maybe no one's ever told you this. And that's the mean thing is to just be there. And then after the whole thing, I'd be like, this person stinks like shit and never tell them. And that's what we've been doing for a year or more. But we're not that way anymore. Like clearly this isn't the first time.

We've been talking behind your back for eight months. has anyone ever confronted you guys about something that you're just like oh my god like i remember the first time i got told you need deodorant when i was a teen i was like 13 and my cousin jd and my sister conspired to go nikki you stink and i was just like i couldn't i i'll never forget that feeling and having to i remember going up to my mom's room in this house you're staying in in michigan and going through her like dop kit and being like what do i do and then finding she she used that um ban do you remember ban it has like a ball at the top that you would love that feeling and it was it was just like wet and i just remember being like this is welcome to womanhood just putting some like like having a dog a cold dog lick you under your pits and just being like oh and i was

just so ashamed and i remember just going to my room like crying being so embarrassed um but someone has to tell you someone has to tell you it's good that you did men have a mitchum man you know the mitchum man chris knows the mitchum man yeah i know well i know mitchum deodorant but i don't remember the mitchum man well because you have really sweaty pits you use mitchum deodorant and it dries up your pits and then on the commercials they would show a guy with sweaty pits and they'd say that's a mitchum man you don't know those i watch tv too but maybe i wasn't watching the same tv i never remember that he really sweats a lot is that what that means yeah well he's a mitchum oh no he doesn't sweat at all

because all his friends are all yeah it's like the marlboro man and he's got like he smokes he uses it yeah okay um speaking of body disgusting bodies no i thank you for that bodies yeah we okay so we are in berlin on the first night i think that we got in yeah first night we slept we we got in early we slept all day we did it all wrong but it turned out great we're just doing great and um we chris is i'm in the bathroom just like putting on i don't know brushing my teeth or something and i hear a yelp a yelp come from the tv room and i knew chris had just been scrolling through the tv last i left him and he's like oh my god and i or was i in the room i forget what happened but no the tv was tilted towards me and you were

sitting on the couch and so you didn't you you didn't have an angle and i was single listen i make these stories up in the way I want to present them. Yeah, you're right. I just couldn't see the screen. And he goes, there was a penis. There was a full penis. Two. Two full penises.

What? Oh. Yes. TFP. And I go, what do you mean? I thought maybe he stumbled on TFP. I thought maybe he stumbled on porn. Yeah i thought maybe he stumbled on porn yeah yeah like why not or like that maybe i got bumped up to the premium thing because you know we're in a suite or something

but it was just a regular channel and i forget that what the channel is called it's like rtl or something yeah i think rtl something like that it's the best channel ever i first of all this show ends up being my favorite show it's called Naked Attraction and the premise is is that a woman comes have you heard of this Noah? I've heard of this yes okay it's I think they must

I wonder if they franchise it because this is a very German show this woman's hosting it she is a host she stands there with a contestant who is looking to go on a date okay it's shot this is shot so cheaply the lighting is horrible it's in a studio it's in a studio that's where it all takes place and then they go on a date later on and that's in like a shitty bar and it's always in the same bar and it's like what and then they use one camera there's like no there's no other

angle it's the cheapest show it's ever been a box studio with with like what five lit weird color boxes like columns like almost phone booths and they have each of a different color they are gonna get a huge increase in their budget now that the host of f boy island is talking about it i want to bring this to the states and i'm not joking it we won't be able to have the same nudity but even blurred out and having people describe what they're seeing would be hilarious so this so they're behind these panels you just see their silhouette and then the first thing that lifts up is the panel and you see their penis down to their toes just the first panel lifts all the way up and the girl talks about each person's penis and legs

and everything we have no idea we can't speak first of all it was all it was all in german and we watched six episodes and the word penis is what they used for penis so there's no subtitle no we looked did they say penis or penis or penis I don't even know but you could hear that it was you know when there's just like English words they were just straight up saying or maybe they were just using different words and they said penis a bunch but other words

also to describe it but these people have their flaccid penises out and they're just like sad torsos and then it finally lifts up so then you get eliminated one guy gets eliminated just only seeing your penis so yeah the first round is like you eliminate either one or two people just when the when you can see from like the waist down basically so it's legs and and so it's like to tell the truth except it's uh disgusting bodies and and not lies yeah and and and then when they get eliminated the whole board comes all the way

up and you see their face and it's somehow worse than their penis like it's always there's some people are not that no one i don't think the most attractive woman you were in the shower when she was on and she was really cute but she was they start with her vag no they start with everyone's like yeah they start waist down so there was one episode where it was a bisexual woman so there was like a transsexual woman um what or transgendered woman there was a uh and then there was two women and then there were one guy that was kind of more effeminate looking that had like fingernails done, like, you know, painted,

but long, like beautiful, like manicured hands, but like a dick. And then one with, and then there were also men on that one. So there was, and then there was one where it was all, I don't, I didn't see one where it was a man deciding in all women. No, I didn't see that one. We need that one. The US version will have us judging women's bodies that's what we do best but so they do they they

then they eliminate two people and then they lift it all the way up to like their right before their head and then they talk about like their butt their gut and their like arms and tattoos and stuff they're just like analyzing these people's bodies oh then they turn around and you just see their butt and then there's like close-ups on butts there's close-ups on penises this is a nightmare and this is europe you guys so there's uncircumcised penises galore it is the norm there was one circumcised penis i think i saw the whole time it was yours came out of the shower no uh there was none there was there was one out of all of them and i am not someone that is like spent a lot of time with i've never seen one in the flesh and that is the choice of words is appropriate um i've never they look like um yams

chris i was trying to come up with what they looked like yesterday before i went on stage to talk about this and i go it's kind of like a yam and chris is like i don't know what that is and so i googled the yam and he was like, I don't know what that is. And so I googled yam and he was like, oh, that's exactly it. A sweet potato. Yeah, a sweet potato. How did you not know what a yam was? I don't think he knows what it looks like. I'm not well versed in vegetables.

Yams and sweet potatoes are different. That could be a fun game. What? Yams and sweet potatoes are different. Oh no, the apple is just speaking up. Let me guess, yam is like more yellow when you cut it open. And a sweet potato is orange. Well, sweet potato tastes better, I think. It's a little sweeter.

That's what I... And the yam is a little thicker meat. Go to potaterankings.com. Go to my website, potaterankings.com. Go to rootvegetables.net. You should get on that train. That's funny that you know that. Do you cook a lot, Brian?

All the time. And also, I do want to say, I recently... That's right, Nikki. I cook. All the time. Right now. You're like frying up something. She doesn't cook at all. She microwaves eggs.

Oh, I would too. Here's the beauty of brian if he wants to do something he figures it out oh and he does it the right we talked about his dancing oh yeah he can dance yeah now casual dance casual dance i do want to say i have a tip i have a hot tip on a non-apple fruit just quickly and that is uh strawberries There's a new strawberry on the market that is the best strawberry by far I've ever had. It's called the Gaviota strawberry. It is the sweetest little

strawb in the world. You gotta try it. Gaviota. I did sample a strawberry the other day at Whole Foods because they had the sample thing out which I'm sure Chris is like, you eat from that? Gross. Are you grossed out that I eat from samples?

No, why? I don't know. It just seems like something that people that have like germ things that are like do the proper thing. No, Nikki is saying this because she dropped a lollipop out of her mouth onto the floor.

No, it wasn't out of my mouth. It was out of the wrapper. I wouldn't have done it out of my mouth. It was not wet yet. It was not wet yet. Okay not wet okay okay okay at an airport people are in and out of bed i know i know i'm just on the floor of the airport why is it different than an airport than a hotel room anything i would have said you would have gone no like they everywhere and then did like shoes and then did like one of those gangster things where you you know how you like blow on your knuckles and then rub it on your shirt yeah she did that with a lollipop it goes like yeah and then put it in her mouth like like and i okay can i say i

have no shame i would admit this a thousand times over yes that is what i do i don't care about germs it is so stupid to think that because it touches the ground for two seconds that if i rub it vigorously on my jeans and then blow on it that i wouldn't get off whatever it just got when it wasn't even wet it fell on the ground dry so what are you even talking about i get how it just looks gross to people so i kind of looked around me to make sure no one was looking people go into the bathrooms and then they come out of the bathrooms and then they step on where you're okay eating your food i get that so so i draw my lollipop a dry lollipop floor is get that. So I drop my lollipop. A dry lollipop. The whole floor is your plate. I get it. The dry lollipop

is on the ground and it gets like a poop particle on it. Vigorously rubbing it on my jeans is going to get, if it was able to pick that poop particle up, just gently falling on the ground, rubbing it vigorously on my jeans is going to take off whatever it got on the ground. Brian, you're all looking around and

then it spreads it around. And then Chris goes, hey, this is the way we do it it got on the ground. Brian, you're all looking around and then it spreads it around. And then Chris goes, hey, this is the way we do it in Calgary. Yeah. It was not wet before it fell out of my mouth. If it was wet, I would not run it under water first. If it was wet and you did it, that almost might be beyond the pale.

But because it was dry, there's a little bit of a gray area there the funniest part he just likes having canadian picnics everywhere she goes canadian picnic is the funniest way to call it but the best part was that i knew like i like to just i'm a gross person i'm out about that like i don't care about germs it just doesn't bother me i wish it did so that i appeared like I wish when something fell off my plate. I was like, well, it touched the table. I'm not going to put that in my mouth.

It's just not the way I think. And I'm not going to let that piece of food go to waste. And so but I realize that that grosses Chris out and he has to kiss me and I want him to be attracted to me. So if this would have happened when Chris was around, I would have definitely just put the lollipop like aside and like hope that he did it like and then i would have pretended to throw it away and then like put it in my pocket for later and he wouldn't have known but he wasn't around when this happened he went to the bathroom to go get shit on his shoes so so he wasn't there so when i and then i picked it up and i put it i did the gene thing and then i you know and i put it back in my mouth and he goes god no glaze and he peered out of nowhere and i was like you weren't

supposed to see that like i wouldn't have done it if you were next to me i would have done it later have you guys ever seen that like meme or something it's like um it's some woman tweeted out like guys do you reuse the towel that you like dry off your like genitals with wow and a guy tweeted back he goes you start at the face and you work your way down the towel forgets everything by the next day yes i constantly reuse towels and don't think about that but i just figured out also the other day i was watching on Reddit. Some girl was talking about she was like, I think it's gross when people use the same bar of soap. Like, I just put that in my ass. And he goes in your ass.

She's like, yeah, you put it in your ass. And he goes in. She goes like not in your asshole, but like into the crevice. And you like go up the crevice. And I'm like, and then the guy's like, no, you don't. And she's like, what do you mean? And he's like, you put you lather your like and then the guy's like no you don't and she's like what do you mean and he's like you put you lather your hands and then go in with your hands and she was like what she's like i've been using the bar and i'm like that's i'm her oh really i go soap into the crack

you have a bar of soap no but if there is a bar oh like a hotel yeah the hotel bar alone is fine yeah okay but i'm with you i would never lather a bar in my hand and then go i'm with you i agree with i it's soap though my my rule is that it's soap so it's gonna kill anything that gets on it i mean it's on it it's soap already okay you can't get cleaner than soap and it rinses off i will say that i've been i've been scrubbing a lot more recently same ever since my experience oh yeah yeah when i go i'm good i just just and i go no and it still lingers it's i i my showers have gotten three times as long which is still three minutes but it's like it's nick used to pride herself on how quick her showers were and it was like well these are these are just ineffective showers. You're basically

not doing anything. I'm washing myself off all my jeans and blowing myself. Do you have a loofah at home? Yeah, that's what I do in the shower. No, I don't loofah. It's just my hand. It does feel nice to exfoliate all the dead skin. I feel like you might like it. It takes too long.

I'm just too impatient. Brian, too long. I'm just too impatient. Brian, how long are your showers? I hate how long it takes. I'm a guy. I realize this is out of turn, but I hate how long it takes to get ready in the morning.

For me, it's like 25 minutes and that's every day. 25 minutes. Why does it take you 25 minutes it doesn't take me 25 minutes to do full hair and makeup and blow dry my hair okay my hair we're gonna add more time but what what are you doing well i go in the shower i scream for 10 minutes and then there we go it's just the slow side of the shower wall oh yeah that takes another 45 seconds five reps of the slow slide and then you and then yeah it's just putting all the stuff

on your you know i moisturize my face i do beard oil a lot of beard stuff and then uh i uh when you moisturize your face how long are you like rubbing it in like little circles and like making sure i just like slap it on well he's just crying and then he rubs his tears i just watched american psycho for the first time uh christian bale you guys remember the beginning of that movie where he's like putting all those creams on anyway that's a reference to something that doesn't relate to me yeah but yeah um but you take your time i don't take my time i go as fast as i can it takes 25 minutes i was watching a conan clip and sona his assistant was talking about how he applies lotions and how he she's like she was

describing this to one of his guests and she was like oh he was putting on lipstick julia louis dreyfus's lipstick because she was like i'm i didn't know this is on video i'm gonna put on lipstick he goes i should put on some too it's really funny thing and he's putting on and she goes what are you doing and Sona's like he does everything roughly he treats himself he likes to abuse himself in everything he does and I was like that's what I do do you know how many times I've put on jeans and I've cut my legs severely because I just scratch myself on my nail or something or I've I've cut my face on my rings dozens of times i slap on it made me feel it made me feel good that my hero conan also does these things because we both do things fast and like hard and we plop down on things and we throw things and it just it felt good that there was

because usually when you're looking for i've never had a single role model in this or like a single person that is like me everyone's always like you're so rough you don't you don't get to have nice things and why is that am i doing these in my mom's voice because she was the one that said them but you ruin everything you have everything gets ruined i'm not buying you things anymore and so it's nice that i i was the first time i ever heard of anyone being rough like that. I mean, you notice it, Chris. Oh, yeah. Me just being like... Yeah, like even you opening drawers and cabinets and... And like zipping things and

everything is just... Yeah, you always seem like you're in a hurry and someone's timing you. Like you're on a game show and they're like, you gotta get it in on the line. It's like a Japanese game show. It totally is. You're on supermarket suite. Close this luggage. And sometimes it adds... It's like, are you mad at the luggage? Extra time to your life like you'll be like don't just do this do it let me do it i think that i probably have saved more time because i try to sometimes slow

down because i've been i have to admit i have been slowing down because of you guys like your therapist probably no no because of this trip i don't want to be the one that's like walking faster than all of us but i have i swear to god i'm it's not like because i'm like you guys are so slow i'm trying to be normal i'm trying to fit in and so i've just been walking slower and just like and like just and especially chris i is you are so meticulous and like shocked right now chris and i no you're like really i'm i'm shook too this is a revelation there's just like things that you guys do that i am trying to emulate where like if you were like okay let me just zip this up this is an example of what i would do versus what they would do okay i'm putting the mic down really quick and this is something you'll

have to go look at on youtube to see my demonstration. I can say what you're doing. She has a fanny pack. Oh, thank you, Chris. So this is me opening my fanny pack. And like getting something out. Okay, quick. And this is Anya. Like gently guiding my hair. This is not helping. You're a Foley artist. I can hear the zipper

slow down. This is great podcasting right here. This is me. to be sound effect. It's like a Foley artist. I can hear the zipper slowness. This is great podcasting right here. This is me. Right? That. Yeah. Quick.

Right? It doesn't really work. Well, I would never do it because it's usually hooked. It's harnessed to me usually. And this is on just, she'll be like. Yeah, she's like watching each tooth unfurl. Because no man ever looks at a woman and likes a woman that's like. It's not graceful but men love women that are just like so delicate i don't know they work it like a gentle shaft like it's just like it's just it's it's so i don't think men like a gentle hand job brian are you and ally

on different like timetables like are you moving slower than her is she getting frustrated it's actually one of the only things we ever disagree about is i will be like walking 20 feet in front of her because i'm just like i gotta go especially if i'm walking jack and she'll be like can you just walk with me that's right i am i'm on a faster speed i'm the fast walker yeah that's a new york i think that's part of the New York in you. What about you guys, Noah? I'm usually a fast walker, but I'm usually the one who gets left behind

and getting frustrated for Avi to wait up for me because it hits on my abandonment issues. But what about just in general, when you're leaving for a night out or something has to get done? Is somebody else... Are you guys on different timelines? i always wait until the last minute and i have to like do everything like really really fast and i'm very frustrated because i

know that i'm i should have thought about this a little bit more and he's always packed like a couple of days in advance but i will say that although that i am hasty and i move very quickly i know exactly how long everything takes me. And I'm rarely, if I'm late, it's because I kind of don't care about being late. But if I want to be on time, I know exactly I can get ready in 25 minutes. You said you do that thing where if you're late, if you know you're going to be late, then you start slowing down like on purpose. Yes.

When that's when I've woken up late or something is just out of my hands late that's when i just start going i'll just miss the entire lover era that's what i did uh for taylor swift's concert um yeah it's uh an annoying thing chris how do you feel like we i know how i feel about it. Tell me how you feel. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. There you go. I'm a single man. I'm a single guy. As a single man,

I move at my own pace. No, Chris is efficient. That's the thing. Chris, Chris, Chris is efficient. He doesn't waste any time doing stupid stuff, but he does move at a slower pace

because he's making sure, like he will be the one today when we checked out of the hotel in Berlin, he goes back in twice to check the room to make sure there's nothing left. And I'm the one that has to call and say, will you send me my AirPods? Yeah.

And I'm leave no charger behind. Yes. I was just going to say, maybe I was born this way, like slightly slow, which I bet I i am but also it's the result of a lifetime of like getting hurt because of the zipper thing so i'm very like i've learned my lesson now i'm gonna do things this way i don't think i've always been why have i not

learned my lesson because it's not a value to you because you kind of like the pain you like the pain i don't care like i have never once this is a big difference here's here's the root of it people putting on and off shirts or sweaters is so different than the way i do it like one time i was in fit i'm always um my stylist favorite fittings not only because they said the best boobs of anyone they've ever seen. I just want to toot my own horn. Those are her tits. I will say one time,

I'm not going to say who my stylists were who said this, because I have many different ones. But one time one of them said, one of my stylists that I've used in the past said, my friend asked me the other day of all the celebrities I've ever dressed, who has the best boobs? Because they were like, you've seen them naked they were talking about like you see celebrities naked all the time and they said without question nikki glazer and i was up against some good i go

better than and i was listing and they go honestly yes and so i was like do you not know that no i know they're good but i never knew that they were they were better than like allison breeze no that's not a real person they don't dress her breath tape it's like how is that like when i was describing selma hayek seeing her the time i saw her like how is a person shaped like that well that's really nice it's like that the point of this was to say that but it was also to say that one time this other stylist i was working with he said i've never worked with anyone that is as fast as you because usually people are like putting on the pants and then they like button the button if there's a button and there's like also like you know the tongs that like latch on i will not button the button i'll just do the tongs and

i'll do the button later if i remember that i often forget zippers um but he was like there's he goes you take off pants because he'll be like you know actually that doesn't work let's try something else so he turned around and then as he turns back around, he's like, I'm already standing there naked. And he's like, you are like a gay man. You were like,

you take down your pants as fast as a gay guy who for the first time gets a blowjob. And he's like, finally goes, you know what? I'm gay and I'm going to do this. And he was like, that's,

and I was like, Oh, that's totally how I move. But it's, um, yeah, it's, it's,

it's always been something I've been ashamed of. It's my whole life. I've been loud and I've been fast and I was like oh that's totally how I move but it's yeah it's always been something I've been ashamed of it's my whole life I've been loud and I've been fast and I've been I move too fast I slam things around I'm not careful with things and my family isn't like that no one in my family is so it's always been a shameful thing

but I think maybe this is the exciting time of your life where maybe this will be the chapter of really leaning into accepting who you are. And just liking that thing about myself.

Well, I do like it because I can't stand watching these comedy specials and hearing people talk this slow and deliver. I like when Ali Wong talks as slow as she does

because there's a purpose to it and she's not just slowing down because she Wong talks as slow as she does because she, it's, it's, there's a purpose to it and she's not just slowing down because she doesn't have material because she does talk very slow sometimes and says, I want to drown my daughter. And it's awesome. And it's, it's, it's my favorite.

We're really loving Ali's specials. She can't, no wrong she can do. And Chris was not really familiar with her comedy and was like, we'll see. And I just love how much he loves her. But then Bill Burr, he talks really fast too, which I like.

But yeah, I'm grateful that I talk fast because of comedy and think fast for it. But move fast, my body suffers the brunt of that. We'll be back with more show after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

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Let's do a little Reddit dump. Noah, are you ready with some clips that I sent you? Because I don't even know what I sent you, but let's review some of them. Hold on. You moved too fast for me. Okay. I know. I didn't even tell you. This is your Reddit dump.

That's my old voice. You can really tell the difference. Reddit dump. And I'm back to ruining my voice because I just did that. Erased all of Dr. Zytel's work okay um Noah what's the just surprise me because I don't even I sent Noah all the videos I had saved a couple days ago and I don't remember which ones I don't want to do this one I think it's very apropos um this yeah this one uh it's is titled. Maybe you'll remember it.

I've been going hard. I've been going harder. Oh, yeah. Harder. Harder. No, no, no. Keep going. Keep going.

Go ahead. Go ahead. What happened? Yeah. What happened? What happened? Wait. Exactly.

21 seconds. So, Anyaa it's a okay so what we're watching is is a guy that is his girlfriend his girlfriend is on his bed so there's a guy and he's encouraging his girlfriend his girlfriend is on the bed and she is basically

acting like the guy in the relationship and he's like coaching him because basically he's like this is what I got to do right so like you know have sex with you yeah exactly and so he's like you gotta go i go i go harder than that and she's going and she's getting tired and it's like you know it's a 20 second long video and he's like you can't just stop and the caption is why i last a minute it really did like make me feel because i know whenever i'm have you know in in the in the past been on top which is rare once in a while i try to get up there i go you know what i want to go on a hike and so i put i i go off there and it is so hard up it's so hard up. It's so exhausting. The elevation up there. It's like I get hydrated.

Think about planking. You're planking. You're planking, first of all. And that's hard. It's so hard. But it makes sense that I like men being up there because men are just like have more brawn anyway so they can like put up with it.

But like, do you guys get so exhausted? Like, I don't know how you do that. Everybody should watch that video and have to do that people should everybody should do watch that video and have to do that exact thing for a minute i have so many questions about how men have sex first of all i've wondered this too like how do you have the stamina but also do you when you started having sex were you like where do i put my knees like inside their legs or outside their legs like did you ever worry about your stance did you worry about yours yeah i was like what's the right way because in movies women always would do like have

their knees up and like or or like around yeah and i was like that doesn't feel good to me and i i knew i liked like being really straight legged oh right yeah like tense toboggan and i was like oh this feels so much better but no one in movies is like there are no women in movies like on a toboggan you don't like that during missionary though like i think i can't think right now i have to think about chopstick legs before you pull them apart i think i might do it you know i think i might have chopsticks legs i don't i definitely don't i don't know isn't don't. I don't know. Isn't that weird that I don't know? I'm relaxing and maxing all cool.

Wait, are you like this? I'm sitting b-ball down by the pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When you're coming? Yeah. Really? I don't think I can have an orgasm like that.

Yeah. I'm saying too much on the pod lately because I'm meeting besties after shows and then it's like they know everything about me. Yeah. You forget what you reveal. Yeah. I don't. i think i gave it a i gave a kissing a lot of thought but sex i think it was um i did i was like he should know because he was much older than me and i was like then i'm if i'm new at something i don't feel bad when i'm

bad at it oh you mean kissing or sex sex kissing i felt really bad because i knew that it was a simple thing and i wanted to get it right but sex and her mouth was full of dirt and crumbs from the floor from her canadian technique disgusting everyone kisses all the time and that's somehow okay but it is insane that it is insane that people kiss each other what we. It's insane you kiss me. With what I do. But yeah, it's... Pumping seems hard. It is. Okay, next video.

Poor Anya got hung out to dry on that one. Well, I knew that Chris wasn't going to answer it. Her last line. I like that. It was good. Pumping seems hard. No, you're right. No, I thought it was a good ending.

Yeah, I did too. Yeah. Did you feel like that's not how you wanted to end I know she just made me laugh I thought it was a funny segue

I liked it wait we're gonna ask you to do that for all of these just give us a final takeaway we won't we won't ask for it

you just when you feel like it's over you've got to give your final takeaway that's a good that's a good idea

okay okay so this next one is titled how Adam Brody met leighton meester do you remember why oh yeah they're together yes wait why is this not making it big hold on before you press play can i yeah try to make this big yeah go ahead for us this is okay this goes on a little long but this was i only picked this because it was talking about it kind of goes into getting to i do stuff okay okay so this is adam brody i'm wondering if you remember the first time lately entered your consciousness i think the first time i saw her

i is when i met her at canner's the deli in los angeles i used to eat there all the time and i think josh i was there on my own with maybe a friend or two. And Josh happened to be like taking a bunch of the cast of gossip girl through like after a party for like your first upfronts. And I saw her and yeah, that's when I, that's when I saw her. And,

um, yeah, I was, I was smitten instantly and I was, um, you know, smitten for a long time. I didn't,

I didn't get to know her for many years after, even though we even worked together briefly. She's so lovely. She is. She's so sweet. She's so nice. She's so good. And this is to her credit. She remained elusive to me for so long. And aloof. I couldn't get a total read because even though she professes to have been interested in me and all those things,

not only did she not pursue that, I mean, she was perfectly willing to let that never happen. If it never, you know, like, like, um, yeah, she was perfectly willing to let that message in the bottle return to see, um, and, and, um, at several points means she already had faith in your love. She was already letting you go. She says, oh, it's because I knew if we did, it would be the thing.

It's too powerful. That's a lie. I can just relate so hard to that guy, the male co-host who is too close to the screen. And it's like, Hmm. Ben Badgley. I think it was.

Oh yeah. So there's, that's like the guy from gossip girls podcast. I, I was making fun of the girl being like, she is so lovely because i just can't stand when beautiful people are also like amazing humans too and everyone fucking loves them like can't she be a cunt i would love for that you could just tell the way the girl said it she

probably is an amazing person and it bugs me i'm just like isn't it enough that she's stunning and is married to this guy from the oc that we all had a crush on. Not me. Definitely. I had no, no one on that show interested me at all. He's the guy that made nerds cool. Wait, which show?

OC. Oh yeah. That Adrian Brody guy seems cool. Wait, that's him. Wait, what's his name? Seth.

He was named Seth Cohen on, uh, the OC. What's his name in real life? Adam Brody. Adam Brody. Adam Brody. Yeah. Is Adrian Brody the pianist?

That guy? Yes, he is. He's the pianist. But yeah, he also said the word aloof in there, that she was aloof. And by the way, we, Chris and I, we were going by a lesser known. Like there's two definitions of aloof that you just found.

Yes. Because today at lunch, he was talking about someone and said they were aloof. And we were like, and Anya's like, I don't think that person's aloof at all. And he's like, you know,

just kind of like, just not really paying attention to things. Like kind of going by the seat of their own pants. Like almost like head in the clouds type. I like going by the seat of their own pants. What is it called? What is it? Going to the feet of their own pants. What is it called? What is it? You mean going to the feet of their own drummer.

On other people's pants. That's totally. I've been in Germany too long. You know how you say it? Take their socks from them tonight. Yeah. They have a great day. Put their socks on with their sandals. Wait, what's the one that Giorgio says that's so cute?

Our friend's husband says, it's like oh there i thought you would remember it never mind it's a really cute what is what does your mom my mom says take their socks from them when i play a show and she means knock their socks off that's so cute um okay ways to get so what does aloof mean babe okay there's two definitions one is not friendly or forthcoming cool and distant but then the other one is conspicuously uninvolved so conspicuous meaning oh i get it like i'm taking myself out of the situation very obvious that i'm uninvolved i thought it was more innocently yeah i thought it wasn't rude i thought it was innocently uninvolved like yes like it wasn't something that was rude agreed

it was just i thought aloof i could see how something that was rude agreed it was just somebody's just like living their life by their own pants yeah by the seat of their own pants yeah but i just thought that that clip was like of course this perfect girl who's like you know she's really great she's really cool like was totally didn't even care about Adam Brody who ended up being her husband. So it's obviously she was attracted to this person and she was cool enough to not care at all and let it go. And it's like, write

a book, Leighton. Teach people how you got that way. Maybe your parents should write a book. Like we should all, every woman should be like that, but no one is my parents my dad told me something about my mom that really sounded like what adam just said in there about the message in the bottle like she didn't mind casting that bottle out at sea and never seeing him again if that was the possibility my dad goes i remember something about your mom i met her

you know we were engaged six weeks later but i remember in that six weeks i thought i'm gonna marry this woman i go what made you realize that and he goes we got into a little tiff and i just remember thinking she can live she doesn't need me at all she can take me or leave me right and he goes i i like that and i don't like he didn't want to lose her but he had the feeling she was like if you don't like it, fuck off basically. That is a quality that's got to be attractive because no one wants someone

that like needs, even though we've grown up with like, you complete me and that's like what a relationship is. There's something cool about someone that like they'll be okay with that. Like I want that person because you know,

do you think I need you? I do need you. I mean, he wanted to be be needed but you guys are both rooted in yourselves you're not going to be sacrifice your values for the other person right i think we're better together but i don't think that you need me no i don't think whatever he says it also changes it changes over time like if you're not dating yet you can't be looking for a partner because you need your needs fulfilled but if you've been together for like 10 or 15 years and you developed some kind of dependency on the person for something i think that's fine yeah that makes sense like chris always chris got me chargers for adapters for this trip and like i thought he got me even a hair dryer he got but he got he said and he didn't ask me he wasn't like

hey i'm gonna get these things they just did and i did not even think until the night before like maybe they have different plugs like i would never think of that not that i would never think of it i just knew i didn't need to because i was going with this guy i had that thought today i was wondering i wonder if nikki thought to herself chris will get the adapters yes i did because i i was i'm with him so anything that we are lacking he'll figure it out so nice but if i was going alone but when you're with matt like when you're all you were doing the flip sometimes i usually on tour it's you and matt yeah and then it's me alone

and it's like if i was going here alone i would have been obsessive about like what what if they don't have this like i was wondering that well food wise i have all food for my i've prepared i've had all the adapters of food i have everything that will make it so that i can actually eat and function here. So I've taken care of that because that's not something that Chris is responsible for for me. But everything else, Chris has got it.

And the same with you. Even yesterday when you went up to Starbucks, final thought, yesterday when you went up to get my drink reheated for me, Chris goes, is this something she does like because she's working for you as like the tour manager or is this like what she would do normally and i was like i think a little of both like i just need i wouldn't it it was i knew that you would do it

for me because you're like more sassy when it comes to that you're not scared to ask people for what you need like even at the airport today you're like where do we need to go i was like is this tour manager on you or friend on you and i was like it's a little of both i think but i think even if you weren't and it was one other thing it was fun yeah why is that fun it's fun for me it's like a lark i mean i won't do it again but yeah or like it just felt like let's see what happens here like i enjoy that when it's not me if it was my drink i might be mortified i'm the same way you are you're like you i like doing other people's homework i like writing jokes for other people and when it comes to myself it's too much or like it's interesting it's like yeah why is it okay to take up for someone else but yeah

krista there's so many things that i'm like if i got even today with the wi-fi issue i was just like wait till chris gets here like i he'll figure out the chords or like whatever it's just that's what's really nice about a partnership is that someone does something for you yeah definitely but then there's also like it'll take me three minutes to do something technical that would take you a half hour to do yes but the same thing if i was like i need a joke for this thing it could take me three months to think of something that you could think of in 30 seconds nice but yeah it's um that is what's nice about having but because i was i was very unprepared for this trip in every way and i realized because it's not like me i worry

about what am i what if they don't have this thing what What if they, the funniest moment was when we, I started having anxiety, which I talked about on the podcast before I left about all my European anxiety about what if they don't have this thing and the language and I look like a stupid American. And I started having that as we were descending into Berlin and I go to Chris and I was like,

I'm just kind of like stressed out right now because like, what if we land and they don't have Uber and we got to get a taxi and the guy doesn't speak english and he thinks we're stupid and like he doesn't know where we're saying and he just kind of goes i don't know i don't know and then we have that moment where you're like both your languages you just go i don't know and then we have to take all of our luggage out and he goes uber is a german word we're gonna be fine and i was just like oh you're right like it's all gonna be okay but i just get so freaked out um and it's nice to like put my worries in your knapsack where you organize them

but that's like i think good couples you know obviously have all these wonderful things about each other but it's nice when you can fill in each other's gaps a little bit like yeah you're not you know like you you don't travel internationally all the time i've done it quite a bit more than you so it's like i wasn't even thinking about like things to be nervous about because you're like oh this isn't that hard it's so nice last time i came to europe i was with my sister and she's been here a ton so it's just nice to have somebody that's like i got this i know this train station i know where they're going b Brian, do you and Allie, what are things that you, like she's

deficient in or great at that you're either deficient in or how do you guys fill in each other's sandwiches? Yeah. She's happy and I'm sad. I think that's the main one. If we're at a party or something, I'll come in. She's beautiful.

Yeah. She's beautiful. Yeah, she's beautiful. I'm ugly. No, that's really it. It's the optimism versus the pessimism. She'll come in with reasons why things aren't so bad, and I'll come in with all the reasons why you should be careful. Well, let me ask you this. Because this is often something that every person in my life

deals with in a relationship. When your partner complains about something, what do you, do you like when you're being pessimistic about something? Do you want her to listen or do you want her to offer advice and try to like fix it? When I'm being pessimistic? Yeah. When there's like a problem in your life and you're just like, it's not going to work and you're just being, you know, it's all going wrong.

Yeah. What I don't want is for her to tell me why i'm wrong about being sad about this thing you know i want her to listen i i we've talked about this many times and uh sometimes it's hard to do because i know that that's not her natural inclination to be like you're right that does suck even when she says that sucks i know that that's just not her and it comes off fake but that's what you really want to hear when you're right that does suck even when she says that sucks i know that that's just not her and it comes off fake but that's what you really want to hear when you're like man i just did i i i uh i love my like my phone broke and now verizon's really being a pain in the ass and her natural

inclination is to be like well you can get another phone and i'm sure it won't be that bad but but what i really want to be like is yeah they, they suck. We should go kill them all. You know, like that type of thing. Just to affirm my negativity. But when it comes to things like before I'm sad about stuff or just like outlook in life, you realize as a pessimistic person that maybe I should be optimistic about things. And maybe even though it feels against the grain and you feel stupid when you're optimistic, it feels like as a pessimistic person, I feel stupid when you're optimistic it feels like

as a pessimistic person i think nikki you're the same way as a pessimistic person seeing optimistic people makes you think optimistic people must be dumb they're not thinking of the all the problems that could happen yes yeah yeah in many ways but in some ways i mean my thing when nikki's like catastrophizing or like projecting that something is going to be bad my thing is like okay maybe but but what if it's going to be good or what if it's going to be great or what if it's or what if it's just going to be not as bad as you think like this like you know even last night like the the the shows they could have been a disaster because nobody could have understood a bunch of Nikki's references or jokes or whatever. And it's like, but what if it was,

it might be good. And so, I mean, I think that's one thing I try to do without being annoying because you can be, there's like something called, uh, what's it toxic positivity.

And you don't want to get into that too much, but you do want to be like, but what if you're wrong? I like that. I, I am the opposite of when i'm in those things of like i'm ugly i hate myself i'm never funny i want people to go you're fucking insane right now you don't you're you literally don't make any sense like i'm sorry you're feeling this

way like i'm so sad that you're sad like i like that anya will give me a hug and chris will like rub my back and like and and, and, and, and be sweet to me. You know what I mean? But I don't want to, I don't, I want to hear you're crazy right now. You're not thinking correctly because then that,

that makes me feel like I have an, cause if you just try to prove me wrong and say like, but that's not that, that's not the way I see it. I, I feel smarter than you, but if you call me crazy like because i know i'm crazy i know my brain does not process information the right way sometimes and like will

twist things like i have um life dysmorphia you know like some people look in the mirror and they think they're fat like sometimes i look in the like you know i just see everything wrong and so i kind of like when you're like i'm just not seeing what you're seeing. Like, I like that. And that's what I try to do. I always get anxious when someone's like that because I'm like, I don't know the right thing to say. Because I want to say you're crazy, but then sometimes that can trigger the person

and be like, don't fucking tell me I'm crazy. It's really hard to say the right thing. I mean. It is. Yeah. I have a perfect analogy for like the positive. You got to have those. It's so nice to have a supportive, optimistic person in your life to tell you those things.

And I have this perfect. Oh, sorry. I have the perfect analogy for this. It's like we are. He's like, it's when a sweet tango. It's like you've got a gaviota strawberry, right? It's like you're on one side of the street. And I'm like, I don't want to go to the other side of the street.

It's going to be shitty over there and it's dangerous. And then your partner is like, we should cross the street. There could be great things across the street. And then you go, okay, let's cross the street. But before we cross, we're going to look both ways. I think that's our relationship. Oh, okay. That's sweet. I like that. And you're going to hold both ways. I think that's our relationship. Oh, okay. That's sweet.

I like that. And you're going to hold my hand. Yeah. And if it sucks, you'll admit that it sucks too. Yeah. Like you'll entertain that I could. But how often are we wrong about what we think something is going to be? Every single time.

I knew my shows were going to be fine yesterday. I knew that even when I was crying about it. But I still felt like even if they go wrong i still suck and i just tricked them and that was my point of like i'm not good at this i don't deserve to be doing this even if it's good it doesn't matter because it's it's i'm fundamentally stained. Look at this photograph. No, what is the stain song again? What's that Nickelback shit?

This is how you rip it. No, that's also Nickelback. Damn it. A great band. I forget the stain song. Yes, I love Nickelback. Wait, where did I get the stain one? Wait, what was it, Noah? We used to always recall it on the show oh it's been a while

oh yeah since i've made that reference um all right well we covered a lot of ground today in europe we will be back in europe again um the next time we you hear from us and uh thank you for listening hope you enjoyed the pod thank you b, Brian. Thank you, Anya. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Noah. Thank you, besties. And we'll see you on the next episode. Can't wait. Just cross the street with your partner and trust that they'll help you get through it. Click both ways.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music.

I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different.

Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy.

This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.