The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #354 Flavors To Give Up, First Taylor Swift Concert & Geoguessrs

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Nikki's stand up act shows that people can't help their thoughts. She has a few more notes on Brian's wedding which includes falling rocks and stolen fudge. A food Anya knows everyone likes but she can live without. Nikki has a rant about Taylor Swift and the song Dear John. Brian explains how a "round" helps his anxiety. Nikki and Noa talk about their experience seeing Taylor Swift in Minneapolis on the Eras Tour. Noa points out that Taylor Blurs her eyes like Nikki does when she looks at the audience. This leads to a conversation about weird things the body can do. In the Final Thought Nikki went down a Geoguessr rabbit hole and Brian learns about her thirst for warts. --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki! Hello! Here I am! Welcome to the podcast, Nikki Glaser Podcast. My mic is turned up loud, so I'm going to talk rather softly. Because I don't feel like walking across the room, crawling across the room and turning it down to where it is. It actually sounds great to me. Oh good. Oh, I'm glad. It just sounds loud. Maybe it's turned up in my headphones. That's probably

it um i'm shoeless today i just didn't feel like putting on shoes and i thought maybe some people would be driven to our youtube page if there's enough feet people out there it could affect the numbers our numbers are low on youtube and if that becomes the play like i'm not i don't want my feet like on a clip on instagram i don't want anyone think i'm angling for that but if the feet freaks are listening and they're and they want to see my feet you got to go to youtube and that's right i just wanted out today so if any of you are interested in that brian shirtless that's right i'm shoeless my elbows are out yeah and anya's not wearing underwear that's where it's just the idea of it. And if you want to hear her... I just feel super sexy that way.

Oh my God, I just feel so free. I just love the feeling of my linen jumper just on my labia. I'm sure that turns someone on out there a lot. There's nothing that I could say that would be sexy. I don't think I'm pop capable. No, there is not.

Yes, there is. You see what I did not yes there is oh let's think of it yeah there could be something hot I don't want you to say anything hot I don't want to be turned on ever by you Brian and I don't want you to ever be turned on by me it's a great kind of relationship to have a friendship where you're just like there's just there's never been any of that and there'll be none of that

and it's almost like brother where you can't because i'm comfortable being sexual around my parents and stuff because it's so off limits that it's like it's not weird to me like me talking about my sex life it's just like because they're so not someone i never have sex with it feels like okay to talk about it more freely like when you i don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but anyway my favorite part of your act i can't remember if this got cut out of good clean filth or not but please tell me anything you think got cut out because i don't remember and i need to put them i would like to use it for my next one i don't need it but i would like to was this in the special where you're like okay imagine you had to make out with or you had to oh yeah that's definitely in it but then you said the line you said the line live where you're like i'm so sorry but i we have to do this oh yeah

like would you rather go down on your mom or your dad if you had to and you like yeah it'd make everyone has to think about it and it's kind of like i realize most of my act is trying to prove to people that they can't help their thoughts and that they're all fucking weirdos too and that you that there is no free will and your thoughts just show up and I think that was a kind of a challenge to get them like I'm like I know you're thinking about it right now and let me just solve it for you real quick you gotta go down on your mom because you would you just and then my are you gotta tune into my special to find out why you should but it's uh you know it's perfect logic why you would um we have a lot to cover on the show today so i just want to full steam ahead i just want to say the topics i want to cover and i want to get to them if we can

um brian's wedding i have um a couple of things that happened while that we didn't talk i mean there's tons of stuff you didn't get to i'm'm sure, Brian. So just some loose ends on that. And then I would talk about Taylor Swift and Noah and I in Minneapolis on Friday night, this past Friday, which was an amazing trip in time. And then I want to talk about my show with my dad that I did on Saturday night at Yamava. Yamava Casino? Oh, did I say it? Yamava. Yamava.

No, Yamava. That's it. I drove past a lot of Yamava signs oh Yamava Yamava Yamava no Yamava that's it I drove past a lot of Yamava signs really this past week and I was like how do you say that

did you see my face on a billboard that would have been so cool because I was there I'm sure it flashed by I mean I was a I was a hot ticket this weekend

I gotta say they gave me a plaque not a plaque but a glass trophy for nothing it's not like I sold out or anything

I was very close to selling out, but it was like just a present. And then they made cookies of each of my eras. So like every, so nice. And they were so nice to my dad and me and, and my dad and I sang and stuff. And I came up with a joke that is going to work for any casino.

Let me see if I can remember it. Cause it because the wording is kind of difficult to memorize. Yamava, I found out, is the tribe that was out there. I fucked it up in the showroom. Hold on. The tribe is- Chumash? No, it's a Serrano. Serrano?

Is that a type of pepper? That's the CEO of Netflix. Oh, yeah. And Ted Serranos. Serrandos. Yes susan serrandon um no a serrano pepper it's the same tribe as that okay anyway yamava is serrano for prosperity and growth at the expense of you spending your child support check at the black table or something like that like there's i have to memorize when i say it fast it sounds cool but it i was like it's like a long it's a short word for

like a long meaning something that means a lot to them um so that was fun and then um yeah and that's about oh that's but let's start with brian's wedding i just wanted to some loose ends or just some things i jotted my phone while i was there there's signs for falling rock fallen rocks everywhere you know when you're driving up there what am i supposed to do with that sign what how does that help me or falling fallen oh that's a good it's written in fallen oh so maybe i can do something with that because they're lying in the road it wants me to watch out for the fallen rocks falling rocks i can't do a damn thing about that have you ever seen one when you're driving no i one time only one time in my life i was driving it was a big storm it was coming down big bear uh whatever that mountain is and it was a big storm we shouldn't have drove down the mountain and he

was like every five minutes a rock would come tumbling down like a big one um nothing to crash through your window and like go through your head the size of a softball football yeah no yes bad rocks we're like what the hell are we doing driving down this road right now we had to get out because there was a gas leak in our air Airbnb and we couldn't stay there either. Oh my God. Oh my God. I lived in New York City once and air conditioners just fall. Oh yeah. All down 22nd Street. You've seen them fall before? I saw, I've seen fall in AC units and they're science.

Let's just say fall in. In New York City, you know why there's so many scaffolding? It's because the buildings are so old that they have to put scaffolding yeah because pieces of the building fall off that's not just new york city that's every city of this tall buildings that have scaffolding when they in when they they have to inspect them every five years and until they get the inspection done they have to have the scaffolding up and it's because a piece of a building fell on an nyu student back in the 70s and killed a whole episode of that HBO show about it.

How To with, what's his name? John Wilson. John Wilson, yeah. He's so good. That's a fairly fascinating episode. It's kind of like Adam Ruins Everything, but with a guy who's a little bit different leading you through, you know?

Yes. But it's so good. It'll make you cry. Every episode, you cry at least once. Oh yeah, it's touching. They just film trash kind of blowing around and they just comment on New York City. It kind of is American pot or American beauty,

that guy like filmmaker kind of. But I wanted to say one day we were at Sirius, Noah, doing our show and a piece of scaffolding right down the street where we had all walked under hit a guy and killed him. Oh yeah, I remember that, yes. And it like happened while we were at work and we were all like, hit a guy and killed him oh yeah i remember that yes and it like happened while we were at work and we were all like we could hear the sirens we were like right by and it was like oh my god i walked that same thing it just happened that's always so

but you know what not the worst death if we're talking about deaths getting hit it sounds awful and it's embarrassing and if you are alive for any of it it's horrible but if you get conked in the head that fast you are out and you are dead and it's it's you never knew it was coming you know conked is such a funny word like the submarine guys how did your uncle die dude conked i just want to say about the submarine thing people are all like that's so it's fucking tragic for sure but it literally is the best way to die i because they um you things you what your brain sees and then once your brain goes oh i know what i'm seeing it takes like 0.13 seconds to get to your from your eyes to your brain to be like that's what i'm seeing everything's delayed that much pretty much and then feeling wise it's some other fraction of a second where something hurts and

then your brain processes it as hurt so for a while you get hurt and you don't feel it right and both of those are slower than the submarine impact based on the compression so they never saw it felt it knew it was coming had any moment of of, oh shit, there was nothing. Literally, the last thing, they were like, hey, could you pass me that? It was like that. There was some mundane conversation. I wonder what the conversation was that was happening. What were the last words? Of just like, have you guys watched Monk?

It was something like, oh, he's trying to, there was some, or like, hey, is the bathroom over? It was something like that. That's how quickly you can go in that moment i was and now they're all goo like the the amount of pressure is like the same solar like power as the sun so it melted them all to goo instantly and then there's conflicting reports of whether this kid was like i don't want to go or he like really wanted to go because his mom said he really wanted to go. And everyone else before that was like, the dad made him go, he was only going for his dad.

But he wanted to solve a world record of solving a Rubik's Cube at the lowest, what is it called? Depth. Yep, thank you. Pressure. So he brought his Rubik's Cube down there, and he had a goal so i'm like

was he really drug into this thing like i think we invent these narratives to sell a like more or you know the press does to sell a more interesting story of like this 19 year old like everyone's referring to him as a kid which like that's fine he is but he's not that's an adult age so everyone's like this my dad goes this poor kid and i'm like he was 19 he wanted to solve a roos cube down there like i'm not blaming anyone but like don't make this about like if it was a six-year-old kid i would you could say kid and like oh my god the parents made him but um he had some agency he a little bit and it's like no one deserved those he didn't deserve to die less than the other people really except like the guy that was in charge of it i mean that was fucking ridiculous he but he had a death wish but wouldn't you go in a submarine if you were doing something a little bit dangerous

and the guy who like his life he's going in there with you and he made it and he knows he knows all the dangers if he was going wouldn't you go But I learned you shouldn't go because people don't give a fuck about dying. They're not scared of it. There are some people, like my boyfriend. Once I heard the news, I talked to Allie about this. And I was like, we're never going to any billionaires anything for any reason. No. Yeah.

I mean, I will. I'm friends with a billionaire. So I'll keep going to their Hamptons house. I don't have to sign seven pages of like, I might die. I'm going to die documents to go there. But yeah, nothing risky. I'm not going in a rocket. I'm not going to another planet.

No. I don't want to skydive with a billionaire or otherwise. But my boyfriend would, and I'm struggling with it. He would go in Ocean Gate right now if they were still doing tours. He really would. That's what he said. While they were looking for the dead people

in the submarine, they posted a job posting for a submarine operator. You gotta be kidding me. This is just so funny. It's a comedy of errors. there was a whole backlash obviously like how could you do this but they then took it down but yeah they were like oh looks like we need a open spot now for someone who's really good with submarines and wants to have a life of adventure that is so i do i went to the website and it was like still operating and up like ocean it was still like

hey you could charter this thing and like you could buy the thing on there um and then once you went to buy it it was like file 404 not found but um but it's it uh what was i going to say about people are um you know this what this did more than anything was start to have we're having conversations about how much we hate billionaires because no one felt any empathy or sympathy and so it was really i've read a lot of pieces about how or i've just i guess i've read a lot of headlines of pieces and then i read maybe one of them about how we just love we have no compassion for billionaires because we hate them because um we kind of should i don't know enough about this story but weren't there's like stories saying that no one had tried this out?

And it was a sort of damage from the start? There was a whistleblower. It had gone down before. There was a whistleblower who said two years ago, or in 2018, he said, this is not going to work. This is going to implode. He said exactly what happened was going to happen. And then they fired him and then they sued him for saying those things. Wow. Yeah. Now, this is all now that you're listening sir you might be entitled to some compensation is on season

three of monk right now so he made it did you did you see did you see um the guy mr beast i guess he's like a youtuber and he posted that he got asked to go on the Ocean Gate. Did you see that? No, he didn't. But the text he shared, the screenshot of like the little blurb asking him to go was in blue, which means it was his phone. You know what I mean? Like he tried to like maybe fake a message that he was invited on and send it to himself

and then screenshotted it and didn't show like the context so but now everyone's like dude it's not blue unless it's your phone you know the bubble so he's kind of busted but the um yeah these i mean there's stories coming out of like i wanted to do this mission which i always love i love those where someone was like i was supposed to be on the plane that flew into the world trade like i i don't mind those stories um even though i'm sure some of them like people are just trying to find some kind of connection to it um another thing i wanted to bring up before we go to break about brian's wedding when we were there i just want to get this is like a grace's um airpods incident that happened to me but we were at the

cute little shop like um town shops in the what is it called grand lake colorado and there is a like a nice fudge shop or whatever oh yeah great fudge yeah so they're selling fudge in there and then their next store to it i think is the the shop where it has rubber duckies and as different celebrities yes famous rubber ducky shop it's called quackers yeah and so it's just different rubber duckies that are like you you know, dressed up as different celebrities. But they definitely didn't have a Taylor Swift or any Beatles.

So I do think that they are trying to get away with something because they know who's litigious. And so you can't find like a baseball one. Like there's every sport,

but like- Do they have Rob Thomas? They, oh my God. Quacks, Quacks 20. They would have some, everything has like

a pun about quacking and like um something instead of alice cooper yeah it would be that it would be bad like that not that i can think of anything better literally the think tank on these quack names were terrible it literally was like one guy first thing he thought of and um but anyway so outside so tim chris's brother was in there buying gifts for people and he's looking for a baseball quacker which they don't they have thousands of these ducks everywhere and he's like there's got to be a baseball one there's one for like lacrosse there's one like you know cricket there's got to be a baseball one he could not find. So I'm waiting outside the store

and I see on one of the bubble gum machines outside on top of it is a box of fudge, brand new box of fudge. And I looked inside and I was like, oh yeah. And I was like, it's brand new. It was totally untouched on the top and everything had the perfect little like, you know, tissue paper around, like the beautiful packaging.

And I waited and I looked around and then I was like, no one's coming back for this. If they do, it's going to be too late. And this is going to get thrown away. I know no one else eats other people's stuff like me, unless someone like Taylor comes along. She would do it. It's inside the store?

No, it's outside the store. Okay. There's no one around. You could tell they put it there. They got some change out of their pocket for their kid to get a toy out of the bubble gum machine or whatever, and then they just left their fudge. I do all the time.

I leave my fudge everywhere. If I had fudge to carry around, it would get left. It's like takeout. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Every day, wait in fudge. It's hard to finish your fudge. That's a very commonly left back food. I was watching something with the band Boy Genius,

who I'm obsessed with right now. And the girl, one of the girls in it said that anything smaller than her hand, she will lose. And I just loved that because I relate to it so much. Like anything smaller than my hand, do not give me,

I will misplace. And this fudge box kind of fit into that category. So I was like, I'm going to take this fudge because my family loves fudge. I'll maybe bring it to like the after party. And Chris and Tim and Emma was Emma was cool with it. But everyone else seemed to be a little bit aghast at that, that I would take this fudge and not leave it.

But if you leave it, sure, they might come back for it. They're not coming back for it. And if they do, OK, well, sorry, it's going to good use. It's not getting thrown away. The alternative in most likely scenario of this is that the fudge would get thrown out because someone would go, I'm not taking someone else's fudge.

And then some guy cleaning up later, like someone had to take it and it's me. So what did you do with the fudge? I gave it to my dad. I gave it to my parents. Yeah, I took it home. I was going to bust it out, but I forgot it was in my cabin.

And you know, we were dancing the night away. Did you tell them that you bought it? Did I tell who? No, I didn't. No, I told them the story, and they were proud. Yeah, I think that's the proper way to handle that situation. I don't think they were going to come back for the fudge. They were probably gone.

But Chris kept making jokes about everything, like anything that was laying out. He was like, I guess I'll just take this dog bowl, because know someone just left it and i was like that's not the same and i know you're joking but i are you because you're kind of judging me what about an ancillary note on an ancillary note i can't believe you've brought up fudge today so many times because on the girls chat holla asked us all today if you found out you had a food allergy to something most people love but you wouldn't care too much about giving it up what would it be and i thought long and hard Halla asked us all today, if you found out you had a food allergy to something most people love, but you wouldn't care too much about giving it up,

what would it be? And I thought long and hard about it. And then I definitively wrote fudge. Do people love fudge? Are they talking about fudge all the time around you? Probably not. I made myself laugh so hard when I wrote that. I want everyone to think about the food

that if you were allergic to and had to give up because you would die if you ate it. But it's a food that like everyone generally loves. It wouldn't be that hard for you to give up. What would that be? We'll have Brian and Noah's answers in mind when we get back. But for Anya, it's fudge. I was walking down the street cracking up myself up. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show

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So, fudge is your answer of things that you associate most people would be like, I can't live my life without fudge. How am I going to do this, Johnny? Yeah, that's the one you chose. It's more like I thought of like, what do I not like that other people like? And I'm like, oh, I fucking hate fudge. Oh, you don't like fudge. You hate fudge.

I fucking hate fudge. Well, it's not really a sacrifice. What about something that you would like that you are now candy? Do you like brownies if you found out you had a food allergy to something most people love but you wouldn't care too much about giving it up what would it be well so yeah that's the question take it or leave it with fun okay okay but why do you hate fudge do you like brownies or those too rich oh i love brownies what is the thing that's like i think it's fun aren't a verb that or an adjective that's used to describe brownies i think brownies

are you thinking of saltwater taffy i hate saltwater taffy okay we're getting closer to what you don't like fudge it's like yeah i fucking hate that shit but the bread okay we've nailed it anything that's just too thick but a brownie is that has like that lava stuff in it that chocolate i love that like a fudge brownie sure that's not fudge fudge is disgusting it's like almost you're wrong it's just sugar so it's like can't be bad yeah i don't like it like when chris will be like it is a milkshake and he's like that's a bad milkshake i'm just i've said this before but how could it be bad unless the milk has gone bad it is sugar and milk like it's cream and sugar it can't you can't it can't be bad isn't that what you're signing up

for bad ice creams i don't believe it. Too sugary. Okay. Or not sugary enough. I do. I do not like when it's too sugary. And also sometimes Salt and Straw, which is a chain in LA, they come up with crazy flavors like turkey gravy or something.

That's just for press. Yeah. You know, one time there was a yogurt store, you know, one of those 15 handles, 16 handled places. And they had Irish, no, no, it was Guinness flavor for like, it was for Ke, the month of Ke, for whatever you're saying. Celebrate Ke. And so I was just, I had just quit drinking. And my whole life motto was that people don't really like the taste of alcohol. It's a lie.

If it didn't get you drunk, no one would be like, oh, I love Guinness. And people are like, no, I love the taste of beer. If it didn't get you fucked up, it's disgusting. You're so stupid.

It doesn't taste good. Maybe you're used to it. Same with coffee. Coffee doesn't naturally taste good. You're addicted to the way it makes you feel and so it makes you think you like the taste and you actually do, but it doesn't taste good.

The kids aren't like, I love hops, you know, like whatever kid is naturally like interested in eating is generally something that's like good and not based on something that you have like a mental hook around. So my point is I went up to the guy at 16 handles ago, how much of this,

uh, this are you selling? And it was alcohol. Like it was, it wasn't alcoholic, but it tastes like Guinness. And he goes, um, oh, none. It's just people just sample it no one gets it and I go of course because it's not good but how many of those people are like uh how many people are like uh Guinness

is my favorite drink why wouldn't you like that as an ice cream then oh because ice cream's not getting you fucked up so it proved my point and i felt so victorious yeah what is your alcohol and any they put it in cakes they put like a rum cake they put in all sorts of things get it out of those little chocolates those little chocolates that have like a little bit of liquor in them i don't like that either no it's so people can get fucked up people want excuses to have alcohol but alcohol inherently in and of itself is a poison and does not taste good that's why it is loaded with with sugar. It's just the point of it. And it's okay that you like it because it makes you feel different. I like everything that makes me feel different. It is a problem in my life. So it's not a bad thing that you like it because of that, but don't convince yourself you

like the taste. It's, it's your mind playing a trick on you, which is fine. It's kind of cool. Um, but, uh, uh okay there are three things that i don't eat already that people like okay one of them is so yeah let's just throw those on the list french fries i don't eat french fries okay well do you not eat them because you don't i don't eat fried foods really me neither fried food was my answer oh i saw I saw your answer. No, it's okay. We are, but why do you not eat fried food? Do you not like the taste? It makes me feel, oh, I love the taste. I mean, fried foods are so fucking good. I could eat them all day, but it makes me feel like shit. Yes. I feel greasy and grimy and I, then I can't move. And then, and then I, and then I,

my face gets greasy. This is mental for sure. Oh, 100%. Because it doesn't have this much of an effect on you. But it does kill you slowly. And then I start bleeding out of my eyes. And then I yell into the sky. No, it's like an allergic reaction to the idea of what it could be doing to you long term possibly. I'm getting better at it. I'm actually getting better at eating some fried food. Wow.

I'm trying. Incremental training. Because you know what? It's delicious and in small quantities you can have a little fun you know like i used to go no no to everything like i i'm so in i'm so out of control that if i have one fry i will have to have all of them or if i have one piece of pizza i have to have all of it if i have one bite of pasta i have to have all of it and so i i still have those where i'm cut off from it because I don't trust myself around it but

fried foods I've been testing those limits and being like I'm just gonna let myself because it's if I order something and I don't know you get it all the time you order something and it's fried and you're like fuck you just like pick off the fry you get it oh my god yes just let yourself have a couple of them and pick off the rest but enjoy it because it's so fucking good i mean there's sometimes it gets snuck into to a sushi like oh i love it when i'm like whoopsie didn't know yeah for me because of my mental craziness if i if i order sushi and then it's tempura and then i eat it and i didn't know then i get all those weird symptoms or i'm like, I feel greasy and like shit. There was one time I was at your house.

One of the worst reactions I ever had to food was back in 2017 or something. We ordered gyros from a gyro place. Yes. And I ordered a chicken salad. And I didn't know this about gyro meat, but basically, you know when you see like the spinning meat on a stick? That is not meat.

It is barely meat. I went on the internet and I looked up what actually is that. And it is 90% fillers. Some of them have literal sawdust in them. And they all come from three distributors. Like every time you're like, oh, look at this Euro place, this unique, authentic Greek Euro place. If they have that spinning meat, they're probably getting it from one of three distributors,

and it's probably filled with sawdust and preservatives, and it's probably like 5% meat. So I ate that chicken. Yeah, that's what someone told me about those places and Subway. They're like, if you're a vegetarian, you can eat there because there's no meat. And their bread is made of yoga mats. Yes. There's a plastic, yeah, for sure. My dad said we eat a credit card of plastic every week,

each of us, in our diet. My dad said he prefers American Express. I'm just picturing you, Jay. That's a joke. That was pretty good. Just like crunching into a credit card. Yeah, it's cute i'll take it like communion okay so fried food well i was at your house and i ate the chicken yeah you ate that chicken okay remember that chicken meat i ate it and then i felt like shit i felt so shitty that i it was like i left your house at like 11 30 p.m

and i went running for an hour outside because i was like i need to get this out of my body and i couldn't get it out i haven't had a reaction like that in quite some time i'm so glad because you and are in a good relationship yeah that keeps your head on fucking on but i haven't had gyro meat since i have not had it since now could ali stop you out of one of those tailspins like let's say you went out with your boys or something and you ate some of that meat and then you get home and you're freaking out would Allie go yeah go for a run or is like is that a part of your she must help with some of these anxieties um there's nothing she can do in fact she can only make it worse I mean I really thought I was going somewhere with that she could frust frustrate me and say things that make me mad.

But no, the only thing I can do are my little rounds that I do in my little room in the dark. What do you mean? Rounds? What's going on? I do little rounds. Are you a nurse in a psych ward? What's happening?

I have to sign. I eat my cookie in a round. Yeah. While I walk around. I have to go to a hospital and do my nurse rounds, and that's the only thing that makes me feel better but no

I do this thing called the DNRS DNRS is a program I do to help with my psychosomatic symptoms and there are these things called

rounds where it's the dumbest thing ever but it works but literally you're in your room and you do these you basically like

do these hand movements and then you start associating positive memories like tapping it's more like have you ever heard of NLP like Neuro Linguistic Programming you basically do these hand movements and then you start associating positive memories. Like tapping? It's more like, have you ever heard of NLP? Like Neuro Linguistic Programming? Yeah, I've been in a cult before.

Yes, so it's like that. It's a lot like a cult, but there's actually a positive benefit to it. This sounds cool. Yeah, if anyone has psychosomatic issues, I joined the dnrs program because of a really charismatic uh leader who wanted to put me in a harem but after that i i'm just kidding i'm just kidding okay i joined the dnrs program because i had um multiple chemical sensitivities i couldn't um smell different cleaners and stuff.

Yeah, he would be walking on the street and there was like this little scent of like a detergent in the air. He would have chronic pain that would almost like paralyze him in pain, right? Like Julianne Moore in Safe. And you couldn't go outside. Yeah, he couldn't go outside.

He couldn't like, it was keeping him inside and scared to like go out in public because it's like perfume or something. Like it was crippling for you. Right. It started because I got a brand new car and the new car smell made me go insane. And, and, and I learned later that it was associated with extreme anxiety, but, um, I could, I had to sell that car. I bought the car brand new and then I had to sell it right away which was like

a huge loss of money because I couldn't drive it couldn't drive the car and we know it loses its value when you drive it off the lot

that stinky car off the lot so it was it's almost like when you pulled a geographical like where you got rid of the car

thinking the car was a problem but it wasn't the problem and I went on I did all this research I went on a spiral like there must be chemicals in the car and i got really mad at the car manufacturers and for the whole world from like how could you drive in cars like this you're

poisoning our bodies so after you get over that phase where you're like mad at the world for having chemicals in it then you start to realize that this is a me problem have you ever seen better call saul yes i was thinking of his brother so his brother and better call saul has a Then you start to realize that this is a me problem. Have you ever seen Better Call Saul? Yes. I was thinking of his brother. So his brother in Better Call Saul has electromagnetic hypersensitivity. Yeah. I mean, I was literally seeing that in my head. And he has that and he killed himself.

And a lot of people do kill themselves because they don't understand why it's happening. And it's just a torturous existence. And the thing is, it sucks so much that the thing is it's like it sucks so much that the answer the the diagnosis is it's like it's it's you because the thing is it isn't you like no matter what no matter what it is going on in you you don't have control over that so you can still look at it as something that is like happening to you that you are not the person creating this because you're not but because we associate with like it's in your head that seems like then you have control over it so why are you doing it you fucking crazy

person and it's just it is is just as you're just as a victim to your brain doing that with anxiety as you are to the world having chemicals in it if that were true like what you know what I mean like we look outside ourselves to be like it's your fault but the fact that it's happening in our head is also not our fault so like but that's the struggle with that stuff is because then you have to address that you have to accept you are like i guess crazy but then you have to also accept that it's not your fault that you're crazy and then it's your subconscious mind which acts on its own but you and you have no control over right because the traumatic storm of trauma

that created your uh symptoms you didn't have control over yes but what you do have control over is how you react to things i would argue you don't but yes but yes um you're right you're what your conscious brain can do and then retraining your subconscious brain to get the right messaging that like hey when we smell this thing it's not that happening and now we know that because we've imprinted it they were talking about in this book that the book i'm reading or maybe it was a video i was watching about the book it's like if you wrote something on a piece of paper and you wrote it like, no one loves me. And you wrote it over and over, just scratched over the same thing over and over.

That imprint would be so strong and it would take so much longer to erase it than anything else. So, but that is what you have to do. You can erase it, but you have to like, the erase has to be doing it so much more. We've talked about this so much,

but that's just another kind of like analogy to understand. Like your subconscious brain is like so susceptible to so much but that's just another kind of like um analogy to understand like your subconscious brain is like so susceptible to so much bad messaging from you it's so hard once i know i'm out of control with my negative thinking and i'm like stop doing it because your subconscious brain is a baby that is listening and you are shaping it to be what it's going to be when it grows up yes so i have That's a good example. Yeah. Well, you know the Taylor Swift song that you were singing?

I have a Radiohead song that I sing that's the same message, which is, you ever hear this song? You do it to yourself, you do. Yes. And that's what really hurts. That's how I sing that all the time to myself when I'm thinking this stuff. That's some good messaging.

You're not doing it to yourself. You can't help it. That's when I'm really down and I'm like, I myself yeah oh when you want a depression it's like it's my fault i'm doing it to me you gotta get you that's but brian that is the key to getting over this and i know you know that is like not associating that with it but i but i do understand i'm such i'm so guilty of like loving to listen to a song that punishes me. Yes, punishes. Yes.

I have a whole playlist on Spotify of positive songs that, you know, like Sunny Side of the Street. And what really gets me through a lot is Ren and Simpy's Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. Oh, yeah, that's fun. And the log song. That would bring me back. Everyone needs a log.

That was so good. Really, if you want to retrain your subconscious mind, you have to be like a psychopath happy person. You have to be so happy. And you have to be really enthusiastic about the things you want. So like if what you want, there's all these videos I watched about it, but it's not,

I'm excited about what I'm trying to imprint on my subconscious brain, which is I'm a great singer and I'm a songwriter and I have a story to tell that someday is going to come out. So that's or is that can come out that is locked inside me. That's the story I'm trying to tell myself. And one of those steps to getting your subconscious brain to think that is not only to say that to yourself a lot, but like to be really excited about this thing and kind of obsessed with it. And they give steps on how to like because sometimes the thing you want to imprint you're not really that obsessed with so they teach you ways to convince your mind that you are obsessed with it but i'm i'm glad because the thing i want

to imprint i'm already obsessed with and thinking about constantly so my brain right now is thinking about stuff i'm like is thinking about singing or is processing some kind of song i was working on before because i know it is because that's all I want to fucking do when I'm not doing anything else. So it's stuff like that but there are tools that if the things you want to achieve are not things you're obsessed with, how to trick your mind.

It's so fascinating. Your conscious mind is the manager and you can assign your subconscious to do some work while you're even asleep. Yes! It's so cool. And I wish I would have learned about this before I was 39. I really do. Like if you're young out there and you have this, like don't sit on this.

Like just start exploring it because it is real. I was talking to someone about manifestation and they were like, you know, I don't believe in it, but everyone I know who's super into it, it kind of works for them. And that just may be people reporting only the good that happens. No one's going to say, I did the secret and it didn't work because it's embarrassing to admit you fail. So it could be confirmation bias or whatever,

but there's something to it. And I wish I would have gotten into it sooner and not like laughed at Jim Carrey and his million dollar check he wrote himself or whatever the fuck I do feel like Gen Z is ahead of the curve my sister and I play this game where she calls it like geriatric or

11 year old because she thinks that like Gen Z dresses like they're 80 so she'll often send me pictures of a person on the train and be like guess how old this person is are they 81 or are they 11 and you can't tell yeah they like big white sneakers and big mom jeans and that's so true and I was like swift I'm gonna guess 11 on this person and then she sent me

the full picture and it was it was definitely like someone who's probably 30 but looks 11 and they were i mean she really they look so young and they're reading a book about getting sober i mean this person doesn't have a wrinkle on their face they just have like a cherubic face and i'm like well this person's reading like a cool sobriety book i know i think it's so great who was i just talking to that i was like did you oh a friend of mine got so he went to like rehab when he was like 12 or something and it's just so interesting I remember Jim Norton got sober really early Mulaney did and then had relapse but I mean he got sober really early as well and was a big influence on me that's um Taylor Swift has been she her newest outfit that she's been spotted out in is one of my favorites of all time. She looks like a postal worker, like a hundred, like sexy,

but like, she's not, you know, she has this like vigilante shit. That's like, you know, I don't dress for women or for innocence lately. I've been dressing for revenge and she is dressing just for herself.

Like, I think for a while it was like, Oh, what's going to project that I'm in my single girl era or what's going to, and it's just the outfit she wore the other day. We should put it up. If you can find it, Noah, it's going to project that I'm in my single girl era? Or what's going to, and it's just, the outfit she wore the other day, we should put it up if you can find it, Noah. It's like she was walking into Electric Lady Studios, which is where they always snap a picture of her.

But I wanted to talk about Taylor Swift, her latest announcement during the Saturday night Minnesota show, which we were in the Minneapolis show on Friday night. Saturday night she had a big announcement. Oh wait let's look at this picture. Yes. Oh so accurate. God. Cute little navy baseball

cap. Big oversized white button down and then a cute little mini with pleats. Mini in light blue dark blue hat like pin striped white oversized shirt and then

what kind of shoes are those they're almost like creepers or dogs oh yeah and then she has her socks are like frilly

and pulled up just to her ankle and she just looks so perfect and I love this look so much but she just said at her concert

you could pull that off by the way I think so of her and so I was at her concert pull that off by the way i think so of her um and so i was at her show on um friday with noah but on saturday before we talk about friday she made an announcement that um you know her speak now album is coming out the re-release and she would not she would like if everyone kind of left alone the people she wrote those songs about when she was 18

or 19 to not like bring this shit up again and that she is and the way she said it noah do you have the quote of what she said i have it because i really loved what she said as she introed the song as well she goes i'm not putting this album out so that you should feel the need to defend me we have all grown up. We're good. And then she said, and then she performed Dear John. Yeah, but before she performed Dear John, which is about John Mayer,

we all know it. And Dear John is, it's not because it's called Dear John. Dear John is like a type of letter that people don't know the double meaning of the song title. And they think that she just wrote a song called Dear John,

but it's, you know, it's double, there's a double meaning. It used to be a TV show and it would start off with i think it was called dear john there was like a whole song yeah a dear john letter is like a letter you write to someone when you're like breaking up with them i think i forget like the connotation of it but yeah so it's so good it's the best it's one of her best songs ever and it's like one that Swifty's like just you know have a lot of affection for because it's just one with a lot of like anger and feelings and and it's up there with All Too Well so we've been dying for her to do it for a

secret song which is one of the two songs she plays during the show that she is not in the set list and she hasn't um but she made this announcement because people went so hard on Jake Gyllenhaal with the re-release of Red they went we didn't I don't even know what they did the first time because I wasn't a Swifty but like I didn't go hard on him the second time but I witnessed how mean everyone was and how um you know just his Instagram is littered with Swifties just I mean it's an army you know that is sicked on you and it's and it's now she's re-releasing this album and so there's a song Dear John on that album and she said before she sang she was like and um and now and I'm only saying this because I'm about to sing a song because I like the song not for any other reason it was the way she said it's way more

eloquent and she's like so I'm gonna play Dear John and it was like yes and she goes the only reason I'm playing this is because I'm proud of this song I'm going to play Dear John and then that's how she said it it was like perfect because like that would suck if I wanted to talk about something or if like you wanted to write a song about someone and then they like everyone attacks that person but then the onion had a really funny funny uh post about like oh god because i because i was thinking like there was a part of me that thought she could have done this during the jake gyllenhaal thing like she had this capability the whole time to be like to sick her fans off of people but she chose not to during red and i i would say if i really knew to like taylor if you're if you're watching i know that it just occurred to you to do it and you would have done it then too

because you don't give a fuck about him either but there was a part of me that was like uh you know what i don't really care about john mayer like he doesn't i'm not mad at him anymore can you just like not be that mean to him but like this other guy i'm just gonna hush hush on this one um i wonder if it has anything to do with john mayer saying that thing about like i felt terrible when i found out that song was out about me did he say that yeah he was like it was a viscer like i felt absolutely awful i thought he said that i don't trust my memories anymore mission. That's all she would ever want. The thing is, by the way, Taylor Swift did want to communicate to these men in these songs. I've written jokes about men that

I've wanted to hurt and let know how much they hurt me. And but the thing is, she already did it. So at the time, she absolutely fucking I think he she mentioned something about him writing to her and she's like, and sometimes they send you really long emails that are a little too late. And it was like something like she was not having it. But, you know, whoever aside, I'm just saying like sometimes it's very cathartic as a, as a girl who's been hurt to take it out in your act. And you do want to hurt them. You do not hurt them, but you just, well, you, you do want to hurt them you do not hurt them but you just well you you do you want them to feel the way you felt and it's childish and that's why she said i'm

33 now i'm grown up i don't need you to like do this anymore you know and i already did it back when it mattered to me so um i really liked it but noah let's talk about um how about we go to break first okay let's go to break first, and then we'll talk about Taylor Swift. Because you've been mighty quiet, and I need you to, because you're Swifty now, you need to be chiming in to all Taylor talk. And we'll talk about that right when we get back. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Oh my gosh. Noah, can you tell us about your, because I've done this now seven times. This is my seventh Taylor Swift show. Do you want to walk us through? Okay, so I have seen the light on Taylor Swift. Thanks to Nikki, my Taylor Swift shaman. Nikki was the perfect person to go see Taylor Swift with. Because she, like, for a person with anxiety or, like, social anxiety, I need to know everything that's about to happen what to expect and man did nikki know every single i wish i would have had it for myself that is i'm the same way

and so i was giving to you what i wish people could give me before i went to my first one yes it's like watching the wolf of wall street next to scorsese during the director's cut and he's like all right here's a scene where Leo... I have memorized. Now, I went through the show the other day in my head, and I think I had half the show. I think it was half the show I could get through before I fucked up one of the songs in the order.

Like, I have the 46 songs in a row memorized in the order. And just naturally, not from trying. It's not just the order of the show. Like, Nikki knew the choreography. She just the order of the show like nikki knew the choreography she knew which part of the stage taylor would be at we had literally front row we were on the the barricade and um so like her stage i guess is shaped like a capital i so we were at the like the head of the eye like on the side yes and um for the secret song okay so nikki let me know that the secret song is coming up and she goes capo on the fourth fret

cornelia street well because she said it was from lover and from our angle i didn't have a clear indication of her guitar so to me it looked like it was on the fourth fret, but I think it was on the second. It was on the second, yeah. And it ended up being Paper Rings, which I was excited about. But when I found out she played Dear John the next night, I was like, why do I keep getting robbed of my favorite special songs?

Every time I go, it's like, okay. And Hits Different, that was her special song when we were up in the fucking thing that's one of my favorite songs and I was just like ah I wish I was down there so I'm happy that I get to go anytime but yes um it's um it was it was it was magical it was it keeps getting better people would think that after seven times I would think even as a Swifty after seven times I would be bored I am I don't sit down even one time I have not had to go to the bathroom even once during the whole show seven times which I would never have guessed because I go pee all the time um and I'm not holding it and I've just you can I've if you want any tips going to airs if you have any questions for me please dm me and I will have whatever concern you're having,

whatever freak out, I will help you. The only thing I can't help you with is getting tickets. I have no insight into that. I paid $13,000 for two front row seats at one point. And now I have a hookup and I deserve it because I've worked very hard. And please don't come at me. I would hate me too if I were a Swifty

who like couldn't afford tickets or couldn't find a way in i would fucking hate me i get it they but i should all hate me because i'm i'm not that big of a swifty i'm just like entering that world no it's if you're not a swifty and you get a chance to go do not feel bad that you don't know all the lyrics and you aren't just you oh you know every transition you know every little easter egg and every little thing to shout out like no I was telling Noah like no one cares no we all it's the most like loving atmosphere and yes there are some girls that are like I'm a bigger Swifty than you and kind of having that attitude but by and large no one gives a shit and everyone kind of I realize for the most part, not everyone, most people don't know every single song

that are there. So don't worry. What were you anxious about, Noah? Well, I mean, it was very intimidating. I mean, this is like a stadium full of like hardcore fans. I brought, it was just like kind of like, Nikki texted me on Thursday. The show was on Friday.

So like, I didn't really have time to plan an outfit or anything. So, you know, just like the whole like rush of it. I like time to prepare and to think about. But it was actually better that I didn't because it was so funny. When I got to Minneapolis, it's kind of like a very a very like gray single-toned uh city but all of a sudden on every corner you see these like sparkles and hot pink and like a glistening cowboy hat and all these like swifties are slowly starting to like emerge in the streets the closer you get to the stadium it was really cool um it really reminded me i guess of like what uh people who are fans of wrestling are like

it's like the wrestlemania of pop concerts that was awesome when you said that i was like oh that's cool and now i see the appeal of that thing that i did before like it's something that like only you and the people in this universe understand the obsession yes and it's very friendly i liked how when we were going uh up to the stadium before security the whole thing was security um all all the girls are like can you take my picture can you take our picture and you're like oh this is like a common thing in swifty world you take each other's pictures yeah we had some cops take our picture they were really nice nikki asked a cop who looked and sounded exactly like bill burr to take a picture yes it was like a minnesotan bill burr i love those

pictures you guys looked so cute and you were so into it and noah you seem to know a lot of the lyrics well nikki okay so nikki challenged me to do the cruel summer thing bridge bridge i saw that that's a hard one. And it was so hard. Okay, first of all, I didn't expect it. Because it's such a uniting moment. To learn one thing, that's the thing you got to learn. Yeah, and Nikki said that all the Swifties, they love the bridges,

and especially when Taylor addresses the hometown and asks them to sing. Now, I didn't realize that was going to be the first song. And it was immediate immediate right away. And I was like, what it's now I could barely get the sound. Yeah, I put you on the spot. And I thought you were going to do it with me because the video,

somebody was like the two people doing it, but I couldn't. Oh shit. Sorry, girl. I wasn't at the point where the, the concert sound was being processed fully in my head. So I couldn't really hear what

she was saying no yeah it was not a perfect um intro you'll get a second chance no when you're in the front row how's the audio at first it was it was pretty hard to understand because the sound was just kind of like bouncing off the different sides of the stadium but eventually i got used to and i was able to hear what she was saying yes it's hard to hear her speak um almost but it's okay because Nikki knew exactly what she was gonna say so when I had a question right now she's telling us that she feels powerful that she feels amazing and that she's kind of different every night I guess what I'm trying to say is you're making me feel like I'm the man I would be complex like I know all of her little um what was that is it the same every night the banter or roughly this no it's it's

it's roughly the same but she has moments she gives a lot of unique moments but it's yeah after you know champagne problems there's always a time where every town we just she didn't start this but it's like a time where everyone just like claps their head off and it's about you know probably seven songs six songs in and so everyone is finally just ready to like give her just a huge thing and it goes on every town like tries to beat each other and how long they can applaud but she cut us off in minnesota like it could have come as long as she like looks around and goes oh and like and takes out her ear thing and she's like yeah and sometimes

she cries like she lets it in it's a really great moment it's so fun to be a part of but you could tell she was just like, we need to keep this show going. And she was just like, guys. And she just knows how to work crowd. I knew as a performer what she was doing was moving the show along, but I don't think most people would realize that.

That's it. That's why it was so cool to see it with you because you understood it on that level. If I had gone on my own or with like another friend, I wouldn't have experienced it that way. Yeah. She's like a maestro. She's she knows. And then she was doing kind of fun things where she was like over here and like pointing and it was like, and that was really fun.

And she'd never done that before. But it was certain bands that cultivate a culture around the concert. Like you went to go see Dave. Dave's got a huge culture. Yes. Where all the fans act the same societally. They have traditions that they all do. Like Phish is the same way.

It sounds like Taylor Swift. The Dead. The Dead. Wrestling. And I was just wondering if there's... it's so important to garner a fan base that's like a lifelong diehard fan base that'll follow you anywhere and i was just wondering if there was anything that could happen at a nikki glazer show i you know someone was like great someone wore thank you so much for that question honestly so good because it does remind me there

was a girl that came to my show and she was dressed in all pink and she was really dressed up and she was like i had to wear she was like i'm wearing pink for nikki glazer and she was like and and i go you look amazing she was like i have nowhere to wear this too and like it seemed like this is the night to wear it i was like fuck yeah like i would love if there was a thing where people like dressed up for my show and like whatever i wish there was like i had more of a theme going like i would love if there was a thing where people like dressed up for my show and like whatever i wish there was like i had more of a theme going like i need in that though you always call back to the call back yeah um you i think you do kind of cultivate that because you

always get dressed up in these like really cool outfits on stage you and anya both do and i have noticed that that in your audience now, the audience members are kind of picking up on it too. Yeah. I think that sets the dress code is like what the performer wears. So, but I got to say, I think I'm going to start switching to like nice things and then like sneakers. So that's because my feet are killing me and I kind of want to move around more,

but I say that, but who knows what I'll really do. But yeah, that was a great feet are killing me and I kind of want to move around more, but I say that, but who knows what I'll really do. But yeah, that was a great tip you gave me. How does Taylor Swift's fans know what to do? How do the Dave fans know what to do? Like, how does it happen?

Did they say something at some point? Taylor definitely says stuff and like, and the way we dress the way she dresses, you know, I don't know about the Dave fans though. But when did it start during era's tour or prior to no because people are going around no people have been dressing up for taylor's shows i when i went to red in 2013 we like took took notice of what we were wearing

and like when i got there it was like oh we came underdressed you know like we tried to dress like her though because that's what i think you dress in the era like it's she is yeah like the when it was the red tour you just like wear red or whatever when it was 1989 you're kind of like dressing like the aesthetic that she puts out in the album and what her appearances she's made so far i think i you know who knows but i think eras really brought it out where it's like, it's Halloween. I think on the message boards, like Fish has huge message boards. Same with Dave Matthews. So people probably- The Warehouse.

Talk about- You got a bad membership. Yeah, it was called The Warehouse. Because of his song. Yeah, it was. I always wanted a membership and I never did. Can someone from The Warehouse please give me an honorary membership? I've been dying for one since 2000.

So yeah. Yeah, go give me an honorary membership. I've been dying for one since 2000. So yeah. Yeah, go ahead. No, you. So I was going to say, another thing was our, I could not believe what it felt like seeing Taylor Swift literally within arm's reach. Yes. She came to our side of the the stage i think it was twice where she was like really like stopping in front of us three times actually yes three times i could see like the glow of the light on her like beautiful little peach fuzz on her skin i know i saw her she

had hair on her arms and i was like i want hair on my arms like she had like blonde hair and i was shaved mine and i was like i'm growing mine back i arms. Like she had like blonde hair and I would shave mine. And I was like, I'm growing mine back. I loved, because I could see the follicle. And I'm like, I'm having an insider look right now into something that she has that no one, unless you get this close to her, you are not seeing this in photos because it's all buffered out and over, you know, lighted or over lit.

Does she seem taller, smaller? She has a bruise on her, she has a bruise on this arm. Wait, this one right here that I want so bad and it doesn't go away. It's like a permanent like little like purple bruise that looks awesome. And I want one so bad. I've been banging my elbow on everything. So crazy.

The only thing I noticed about Taylor is I believe that she does the same thing that Nikki Glaser does when she looks in the audience, she blurs her eyes. She what? Oh, really? Blurs her eyes. I agree. I think that Taylor has my blur effect. She knows what she, the blur effect.

I don't know that she blurs her eyes, but what I do know is that she has the same results from what I do, which is blur my eyes, that she does, which is she's not making actual eye contact with anyone because it is very, very distracting to make eye contact during a performance, for me at least. And it is very, very difficult to make eye contact with Taylor Swift. I've tried many times.

I was going to say. No, no, no. I really, anytime she comes, let me just say, anytime she ever walks over, I am standing very still with my camera pressed against my chest, which is the same camera case that she, or phone case that she has. So I'm sure she's like, if anything's going to catch her eye, it's going to be like, this bitch has my phone.

But I like someone found like a picture of her taking a picture and they saw in the image on the mirror that her phone case was this thing. So I bought it. And if you want to to see it I'm holding it up now but um so I just hold it to my chest like this and I'm very still and I just look up and I'm just like and I'm singing the words but I'm shrinking because I don't want her to look at me because it will be distracting because she'll maybe be like isn't that a girl like I just don't want to distract her at all because she has a performance to do I'm out of the way I do not want her to like see me and like oh my god she's like I am the opposite of that I even was told that possibly during the Chicago week that I was going to have a chance to

meet her and I had told everyone before the show if the chance comes up I'm all preparing you now I'm turning it down and i'm in therefore you will all have it not a chance to meet her too because you probably come with me otherwise but we are not meeting her i am not meeting her like this i can't do it i don't want to be in her way she has to rest she is doing too many shows so um but no at one point the one time though that i would accidentally make eye contact i was like setting down my camera and i came back up and noah goes she just looked at me i was like i swear to god you know i believe you she okay so she was on like the shaft part of the eye i don't know like the yeah you know what i mean and i like when you say shaft and she was doing that thing

where she like looks over the audience, but she looked into our section, and I swear to God, for a split second, she made eye contact with me, and I just froze. I was like, I don't know what to do. And then it was done. Yes. She looked at Noah and was like, is that Nikki Glaser?

And I was like, oh, no, no, it's not. Nikki left. That's what she just saw. Wow. As soon as I turned my back, this bitch heads to the bathroom. How do you blur your eyes? What is that even? How do you do that?

Let me just do it right now. Okay, I'm looking at the camera. And I'm blurring my eyes. I just unfocused them. So nothing, I don't know. You'd have to look at the YouTube to see if my eyes are changing at all. Okay, I'm not blurring them. I'm totally, so someone watching on YouTube.

I'm not blurring them. Looking into my single. Let's zoom in. Okay, and now I'm going to blur my eyes are changing at all okay i'm not blurring them i'm totally um so someone watching on youtube i'm not blurring them looking into my single let's zoom in okay and now i'm gonna blur my eyes blurred anything changed did my pupils change i don't know we'll have to see it's like you're looking through someone like beyond them past yeah no but i can straight up blur like i can be looking at a screen like in a movie and if it's a really scary scene coming up, I can make it so blurred that I could never, it would just be blobs and shapes. Start crossing your eyes, Brian. I can't do it. It's a great regret of mine.

I can't do it. Oh, dear. Oh, I would never be a comedian in the 40s. Some people can't. Can you whistle? Some people can't whistle some people can't whistle i can whistle i can whistle i can't do lip trills because i got too much uh stuff in my lips no oh that's a lip trill yeah it's hard to do i can't do it at all it's because and i'm supposed to do them up to like a high fucking c and it's impossible but um okay so you can't cross your eyes can you guys not do anything cool i can do this hold on

oh the tongue thing you have the genetic one yeah the double tongue that's i've always wanted that one i only have the single one um and i can my hands behind. Not cross my hands, but I can do prayer hands behind my back pretty high. But you guys can do that weird dance. Like flossing. I can't floss. You can do it. It just takes practice. No, I can't.

You can't floss. What do you mean? Like it's a dance. A dance. This dance. Nikki can do it. Wait, hold on. You go.

Wait. Oh, I got to be able to do it. So sorry about my hips hold on you go that that that wait oh this is so embarrassing that that that that there you go okay how fast you well you couldn't i can't do that i lost it you couldn't do that even with practicing like is this like rubbing your belly and yeah you could do it with practicing. Okay. You have another dance too. This is really easy for me.

I worked 14 hours to get that good at flossing. I did. I had to work at it. Like, I remember. And once you get it, you can kind of get it. I can't see you rubbing your belly, Brian, but I can see you hitting your head. It's really easy for me. I don't know why.

To do that? To rub your stomach and hit your head? Wow. Maybe it's from piano. I got it. That's good. Oh, you could be from piano. Yeah. I don't know why. To do that? To rub your stomach and hit your head? Maybe it's from piano. I got it. That's good. Oh, you could be from piano. Yeah. I used to be harder. Oh, that's interesting.

Can you do the Charleston? No. Crossing your legs and arms things and you won't be able to see it. Oh, where you're like like that? That would be cool to be able to do. Your knees are making an X with your arms then unfolding the X with your arms Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah I can do that but I was sad that there was no group dancing

at Brian's wedding he forbid it he wanted no song that was like down down boogie down boogie down none of that Oh people tried I almost learned it from the guy that was doing it in front of me I was like oh this is a fun dance and I can learn this

so he was on like his fourth repetition and i was about to start i was like trying to get it down and then and then you were like move on to taylor swift slow james can you butchers shake it off please instead of this no i get freaked out by group dances i don't like i don't like i'm going to get some food and then I turn around and everyone's been taken over by robots or something. I don't like that. I don't like seeing everyone doing the same thing. It freaks me out. I bet if

you got in it and learned it, you would have fun. Have you ever done the electric slide or were you, did you get electrocuted as a kid by the electric slide? What happened to you? Final thought. I've done the electric slide before and i just i just don't like it no matter how much everyone is having a good time can you learn is it because you can't learn it or you do you get it down and you still don't like it because when you get in that groove oh man it's so fun to be dancing with other people to feel like a connection with

everyone moving at the same time i don't know why it freaks me out i just maybe it's kind of like a connection with everyone moving at the same time. I don't know why it freaks me out. Maybe it's kind of like a Nazi march. You don't like that idea of people walking in or moving together. You know what I hate more than the electric slide is the cha-cha slide. I love that. That's the down, down, boogie,

down, boogie. That one. It has that weird song. When you go... Yeah, I think it's that. Wouldn't it be cool to learn country dancing? Line dancing? Yeah, that's the other one. It just looks so smooth.

Line dancing I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind if it was more complex. I just don't like the... Simplicity of it. No, there are complex ones. That's what I'm saying. If you love the YMCA, and do you love it because you get to do

the YMCA? No, I love it because the beat is so good that you can't not dance to it. Okay, we need to find other songs that

have this beat and see if you like them. There is another one. What is it? Macho Man. Macho Man. Oh my God, yeah. The beat is

so good. What is your favorite song, Brian? What is your like, let's like get into some of your favorite songs brian what is your like let's like get into some of your favorite songs i just want to like explore or no just like if you are like let's say you're going to walk to go play basketball and you just want to get in a mood that'll get you kind of like feeling physically good and and mentally happy like a good happy song. Oh, a good happy song? Or just like you're walking outside and you're just like feeling it and you can kind of maybe have a skip in your step. When I run, I listen to like really

intense rap music. And then when I am trying to be happy, it changes all the time. But, you know, lately I've been listening to You Make Me Feel Like Dancing over and over again. What's that? Leo Sayers.

It's not a one-hit wonder, but close. You make me feel like dancing. I'm going to dance. Oh, yeah. I like that one. Oh, my God. Was that 70s? Yeah.

I listen to a lot of funk, 70s funk. Oh, yeah. Some new funk. I don't think I'd ever hear that song outside of a wedding. I listen to a lot of songs you'd hear at a wedding. Yeah. I like listening to, I loved that thing

that they used to do on the street where they would go up to people and ask what they were listening to as they were walking. Oh, yeah. It's one of my favorites.

I could watch that for hours. Speaking of watching for hours, last night I watched for so, way too long, Geo, Geo trackers, Geo tracers.

You must know of this, Brianrian where these guys miraculously can take a random place in the world that you know on um on google on google maps you know like when you search your address and like the image on google maps that's kind of like a fisheye lens they take that and it just places you anywhere in the world and then they can guess exactly within like miles of where that photo was taken for everywhere in the world and not only can they do that they can do it in a blink of an eye where it shows on the screen the image shows on the screen for 0.1 seconds and these guys can get it within miles is it like a cross street no it's like like imagine if I put into your, if I put in Google image your address

and it just showed your street facing one way on your street. Like it's in the middle of the street facing, I swear to God, if you don't believe me, it honestly is like, but then they had one video where I was watching one of them because a lot of these guys are good at this

and they are like all friends and they all have videos together and it's actually this whole community. I'm getting into this weird YouTube world now of these guys. It was one Reddit clip that got me into it. One of the guys was blindfolded and then the other guy was placed somewhere and then describes the location

to the guy just by what color the road is, what color the dirt is, how much vegetation there is, what do the guy just by like what color the the road is what color the dirt is um how much vegetation there is what do the road signs look like so what i glean from how they do this is road sign memorization what color the google truck is because in certain countries that'll be like oh in jordan they use uh uh black google trucks and you can kind of see a little bit of the google truck in the photo like a little sliver of it at the bottom. So there's like certain it's all like there's magic is never magic.

There's always like a logic to it. So it's like, but these guys, they've just memorized all this data, these data points about different places. And then it breaks it down into categories. They go, is the sun in the north? OK, so that has to be below the equator. So I was thinking it was either Sweden or Peru. So it's got to be the Peru city that has that has to be below the uh equator so i was thinking it was either sweden or peru so it's got to be the peru city that has that certain type of stop sign okay we're gonna go with peru it's like boom down it's like one of those charts one of those uh what are those

calls yes i don't know you follow it and you eventually get to something yeah it's so impressive because i frequently say if i'm driving around indiana I look at a street, I'm like, this street could be on Long Island. Could be anywhere. This street could be in Ohio. This street could be in Florida. Except for that one palm tree giving it away. Every place in America looks exactly the same. I agree. It's kind of comforting

to know that places are unique. I love it too. It sold me on travel a little bit where i was like oh this is kind of cool that these guys maybe have but i don't think they've even been to these places all they do is just sit in their basements and record these videos i have another recommendation for wasting your time a little bit on youtube have you guys watched dr pimple popper oh disgusting i can't wait watch wet things only warts wet things i don't want anything wet blood i don't want

i can't i can't stand the name i i don't want to watch it because of the name but if you liked that you would watch it because that's exactly what's giving you yeah she's so popular so huge um she takes out lipomas do you know what those are uh fatty tissue yeah fatty she has her own television show doesn't she she? It's on like HGTV or something. Yeah, she did. Yeah, I've just been watching the highlights. There's thousands of, like Anya, go into YouTube and just watch cis being taken out. Whatever kind you like the most.

You look like almost the most. Or something. Yeah, you can just go type in. I don't think I like it. I think it's a way of self-torture. Just a little. Because the entire time I'm watching, I'm like, this is disgusting stuff. Oh, see, I love watching warts. It's never disgusting to me. just a little because the entire time i'm watching i'm like this is disgusting stuff see i love

watching warts it's never disgusting to me i'm like yes get it out of there make it fucking like dig it out i love it there's no like that's exactly the noise that you should be making when you're like oh god i can't wait i'm i'm begging i want chris to get a planner's work so fucking bad because he's the only person that i can get into that will give it to me but he won't I know he won't trust me next to his foot with any I'll be like trying to do some treatment on it but really what I want for it is to grow bigger so I can fuck with it and like really get it big and like oh man I wish I had one so bad I would give anything to have I had one of my foot so long ago and i always look back and i just i'm like man that word on your toe that was so fun to pick at and i miss it so much so when so it's satisfying to

get it out like you can get the root out yes and there's people on reddit on wart that will just post pictures of the word they pulled out and then the hole and there's mil there's like probably dozens of us being like show us the goddamn video where you pulled it out why did you skip the best part film it coming out we're just like and then some of us will be like show us the hole where's the hole it came from we are so sick and it's just i'm not alone though there are other hornets out here we We're just like, show us. And like, we want them to like scrape it out, pull it, a common joke in those subreddit warts is like just rip it out.

Cause people go there like that are just like first time wart havers that are like, what do I do about my wart? They don't know that there's like a bunch of sickos being like torture it and make it bleed. Like they think we're, there's a lot of people helping people with warts, but there are people like me who have no interest in that and we want to make them and we're like pull it out with the rusty pliers like really that's the most satisfying well that's the

joke what everyone makes is a rusty pliers because it's just like the most disgusting way but we're just like you just get it like burn it with fire like we love torturing it so i'm not alone and it makes me feel really great and um yeah so if you're like me there's there's a place for you all right so um we have to go you something there i was hiking in utah on the way to the wedding and there was a thing that made me think of you it's kind of offensive now but i was i saw a big dry rock and it was covered in dirt but it looked like um really dry skin and the soil was thick and cracked and you could just peel off oh yes and i was like i was i really wanted to just peel off all the dirt and i was like if nikki was here she would want it can you not because it's like

a national park they say yeah well you're leave no trace but like you could pick up one little dirt oh my god you should if you ever get to pick off something film it for me yes especially if it's like skin and it doesn't it was so big it was such a huge mound and it was just little scales of dirt oh i love it and i was like this needs to be smooth and i kind of like and ali was like we need to leave to be smooth. And I was like, and Allie was like, we need to leave. We want it to be smooth. She's like, go do your rounds. Oh, God. All right. We have to go.

I'm going to be in Vegas this weekend with David Spade. Come out and see that show at the Venetian. And there's so many tour dates available right now on NikkiGlaser.com this fall. I'm going so many different places. I'm so excited. Anya will be there. And so get those and listen to the podcast keep listening thank you so much for listening we love you so much and don't be cut and just pick it off from me and film it catch john stewart back in action

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