The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #356 Things To Bring To Jail, Best Feelings, Getting That Raise & A New Song ForThe Funeral Playlist

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

Anya is heading into her wedding weekend and the stress is on. Nikki will have to find a way around that for her future wedding. She has a strong opinion on sleep masks as Brian is desperately tired. They answer what two things they would sneak into jail. Julie loves a "coup" but uses the word wrong. Nikki had a breakthrough in her singing lesson which leads to a conversation about complements that feel good after a performance. Nikki is obsessed with a new song by Boy Genius and wants it added to her funeral playlist. They have brief conversations about the toughest topics: death, sex and money. In the Final Thought they talk about different approaches artists take to achieve success. ——— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki Here I am, it's the Nikki Glaser Podcast Welcome to the show, I'm Nikki And what a great show we have for you

We are recording these a week in advance Because we all wanted a week off for the 4th of July I guess I wanted one I just didn't want to schlep my equipment to upstate New York where I'm going. Can you talk about this? This is an annual event, is it not? Yeah, it is.

Brian's here. Brian's back. I didn't say Brian was maybe I did say, no, yeah, you've been back for a while now. This is the second week back. We've done four episodes this week. Brian's back. If you haven't noticed, you haven't been paying attention. I've been talking too much, but Brian's back. If you haven't noticed, you haven't been paying attention. And I've been talking too much.

But Brian is back and Anya's here. Brian's back from his wedding and Anya's headed into hers this weekend. I like how we plan this. Not right now

when we're recording this. I know. And then Noah is just in the precipice of starting to plan hers. Which, after hearing what Brian and Anya have gone through,

I don't think there's a wedding that's imminent for Noah. She might be low. It really is remarkable how stressful it can get, even though I didn't care really about anything other than people having a good time, but it just builds and builds and builds. And I don't think there's any way around it. Leading up to the wedding,

you're just going to be stressed. I'm not doing that. I'm going to find a way around it. Leading up to the wedding, you're just going to be stressed. I'm not doing that. I'm going to find a way around it when I get married. You're going to have a wedding planner. Yeah. Wedding planners, though, will bring you into their stress. And you still have to make, this is the thing, people always go, Nikki, get an assistant for this. You can just go, instead of waiting all day to get a car at a place, just have someone get you a car.

I'm like, but I got to tell that guy what to do and that's stressing me out so even allocating even though i know what having a wedding planner would be great but anya you've you even like the kombucha email like you had to decide is it going to be one large container are they going to serve themselves i don't have a planner if i had a planner the planner would be getting all those emails so i'm sure that you think you don't think the planner would go getting all those emails so I'm sure that that's so much you don't think the planner would go hey what do you want a big one or a small one

well the planner might be like I'm going to send Anya one email a week with a bunch of annoying questions in it as opposed to every day

I'm not calling anyone annoying by the way if they're listening like I appreciate all the work she is but behind your back she would never do it on air do you have a day of on-site uh helper i do thank god yeah that's that's pivotal someone told me

that at a nicky show a bestie came up and was like get a day of planner if you can i did it it was 1500 bucks and it was the best thing you You're like, it's my husband. I could ever. That's Matt. He's tour managing your wedding. I have the lovely Derek Brake, Kate Walsh's ex-assistant, because Kate has been lovely enough to offer her home to me to get married there. By the way, I did want to say the other day when we were talking about how actors are so annoying, I was going to say it is so true, except Kate Walsh is one of the only actors i've ever met in my life who genuinely cares who she's talking to and will

remember things about them she's different yeah yeah she's unlike any other she's like a human being that's my point about actors is not that people shouldn't that they're not great people and that some of them can't be because a lot of them are great people but people saying that they're fans of actors is flawed because you do not know that person personally you can be a fan of their acting but you're not a fan of the person unless you really you've seen them on hot ones or you know like the conan podcast like you've got a sense of who they are. I'm not talking about Colbert for five minutes. Oh, she was funny, had some good stories. I mean like an extended podcast

where they revealed something of themselves that's a little bit more interesting. Otherwise, you are a fan of them as an actor. You are not a fan of the person itself. Yeah, you're like a little kid. You like go up to Robert Downey Jr. and like, wait, you're not Iron Man. And you get upset.

Yes, it's the same thing. Then you get upset. Yes, it's the same thing. It's so disappointing to meet your idols sometimes. It really is. You never say like compliments to, like you never just like a fan of a chef's work,

but you're like, I like this guy. Like, I'm trying to think of your mechanic. You like your mechanic for what he does on your car, but you're not like,

he's a guy I want to hang out with. But we extend that to actors because we, and some people maybe do want to hang out with our mechanics. I want to hang out with, but we extend that to actors because we, and some people maybe do want to hang out with their mechanics. I want to hang out with my mechanic. I love my mechanic. He's cool. He invited me to go to Egypt.

I want to hang out with him. Really? There's sharks there. Yeah. Watch out for those shark attacks. Papa. Callback. Sorry.

Terrible, terrible callback. Or else you're not going to get the Papa callbacks. I think, I feel like we could have been canceled before that episode hasn't aired in my world that i'm recording this we could have been canceled for that episode and so this might not even air because i heart is like they went too far papa um but so your wedding's coming up um brian's has just ended uh noah is engaged i mean there's a lot and i'm moving in with my

boyfriend there's a lot of activity a lot of like wait i didn't know that oh brian doesn't know wait no i listened but i didn't i don't want it to be like an announcement so i don't blame you for not noticing because i don't want it to be a big like dang like when i then there's like a fanfare no fanfare like a spinning newspaper in slow motion I don't want that you have to get your Facebook relationship status now it's complicated

before it was in a relationship but yeah Chris is going to slowly start moving his stuff in and then when I'm going to LA for a couple months to work on a thing, so he is going to, in that time, convert my guest room into his closet, which is going to be great because I don't even use it. And then we're going to...

He's just going to do everything. You will have the most organized closet of all time. I do now because he hired organizers for me a couple years ago. So I already have that. And then he's, yeah, for himself. It's insane what this guy is.

I've slept in his closet. Yeah, you could. I've slept in it and I was remarking about how organized it was. Yeah. Wait, at his house? Yeah.

Oh, in his house in St. Louis. Yeah. When I did Ludoween, I, Ali, Chris graciously allowed Ali and I to sleep in his house.

And I think he stayed at your house while you were on tour. And Allie slept in his bed. We maintained the separate beds. Really? Allie slept in his bed and I slept in his closet. Yes. And that closet is clean. And it's so cute over there.

Yeah, he's a cutie. For those of you who just tuned in, Brian had sleep separately from Allie because he has sleep issues, including screaming, right? Well, it's not just that. I believe that it's something that everybody should do. If you don't miss sleeping next to your partner, it allows you to sleep better.

You can have different sleep schedules. Allie's sleeping right now. It is currently two o'clock in the afternoon out here. And I woke up at 630 because I don't have a blackout curtain. And the sun wakes me up like I'm a farmer in the 1800s every fucking day. Yeah, you need to get a blackout curtain.

I would recommend that before a sleep mask. We were kind of talking before the podcast about a sleep mask for you. But just get, because that sleep mask is going to come off by the morning anyway. It's good to help you get into, maintain like when you're ready to go to sleep, it's good to like be like anyway it's good to help you get into maintain like when you're ready

to go to sleep it's good to like be like it's time to sleep and you kind of train your face to feel it and then you're like oh it's sleep time but it's going to come off and the sun will wake you up you got to get blackout curtains yeah no i'm i have a signed alley to do it go to home depot she knows uh she knows the curtains better than me and so she's on she's on she ordered some samples and i hope they get here soon because i am desperately tired yeah well until then get just go to walgreens get a sleep mask i will have this luna one and uh this one is such garbage i have the same one and they send it to me free as like to promote it and i couldn't even do it because it's so not good well okay it was like 50 it's better than like other sleep masks that i've tried it because it's so not good well okay it was like 50 dollars it's better than like

other sleep masks that i've tried so far it's better yeah it's better than nothing and i've tried other sleep masks that are too tight on my head yes better than nothing you know the least we could do but i do i do see what you're saying that sometimes light gets in through the uh over overachieving nose hole and yes it gets right in underneath there and then by the morning it is somewhere else it's like it's like tucked in my pillow by the end of the day yeah i wake up every i love waking up and like it's off my face and i just like feel around blindly like a blind mole rat and then i find it and then i put it back on and then it's just like time to go back into dream world it's so awesome I love sleep masks it's my number one thing I would bring to like if I was on survivor

or something mascara and a sleep mask would you sneak it up your butt if you were going to jail oh yeah you you need a sleep mask up in jail for sure that would be important or I would just learn how to sleep with my arm over my eyes like this if you had to if you were going to jail for three years and you could only obviously you can only fit a certain amount of things in your butt what would be the top two things you would put in your butt to get you through the three years in jail oh fuck that's a good question he's done saying it i was waiting for the echo to stop um uh call back um yeah see you would bring tea on yeah for sure and you would be making me in the toilet or whatever they do never mind you can only have a perfect cup of tea so unless i can have a perfect cup of tea english breakfast has to be and what what made you land on english breakfast out of all of

them did you try the picos did you try the yeah you've tried darjeeling i do love a darjeeling too but it just to me it's the perfect tea tea do you guys hear it yeah and even uh your your jaw and mouth move like i did it went it it unhooked it unhinged like a fucking viper eating a mouse i was making a list for myself earlier today and i was like things you need to do today and it was something like you know buy parmesan cheese get tea and then i went tea like i started laughing and i rewound I'm like oh fuck I really do say along I like it you just lean into the tea I'm thinking I would bring I really like this um I would want to write while I'm in there and I wouldn't want to write with like a dull pencil or maybe a pencil

that had been sharpened where the the the brown part is like too extended to the tip do you know when like you sharpen a pencil in the lead and the wood yes like you're writing with the wood i want to i'd rather life in prison than right with it's worse than getting you know shivved in the shower that is writing like on and then like having to write like on your mattress as like the so i'd want like a clipboard up my ass and, um, like a felt tip marker type pen. That's good. Um, and then the Bible. I,

uh, I don't know. I would be writing my own. Um, I don't know what, what else I would want a sleep mask probably. Yeah. That's or a white noise machine.

So any kind of thing, this is a lot of tickling on my ass, but listen, if you know anything about me, I've been working towards this. So, um, yeah, like, uh, an Amazon echo could probably fit up my ass but listen if you know anything about me I've been working towards this so yeah like an Amazon Echo could

probably fit up my ass at this point many people got some great writing done in prison Martin Luther King Hitler Plato Socrates they all wrote in jail not great people he wrote Mein Kampf in jail

Mein Kampf was in jail in there yeah oh he did wait what was he in prison for his art hitler well yeah oh i could tell you all about hitler he was uh tell me well he was in prison for trying to uh create a coup for the government before the nazis took over sound familiar my mom used to love that word the coup she used to be like ej we just got the biggest coup and i'd go what is a coup like as a kid i always remember it was like this girls we have our hands on one of the biggest coups ever like she almost like sounds like trump but it was always talking about a coup like ej this is a major coup like we are getting this beef tenderloin for 7.99 baby and i don't think she really understood what it meant and that she could have been in prison

for it um okay so hitler got hitler was trying to be hitler before people before he learned how to be uh charismatic a little bit too early he went for the coup and he was nearly killed. In fact, there was a, some of his compatriots were killed right by, like bullets flew past Hitler in this moment and hit people behind him and killed them. Jesus Christ.

And he survived. He went to jail and wrote Mein Kampf in jail and- Is this like the late 20s, 30s? This has got to be the late 20s,

early 30s. I'm not even- Okay. But- Yeah.? This has got to be the late 20s, early 30s. Well, you seem to be. I watch a lot of Hitler documentaries. Can you talk me through the mustache? Because no one else was wearing that then. You think, oh, that's just the style, but it's like you look around and you go, no, it wasn't.

I thought it was stylish. Didn't Charlie Chaplin have them? Oh, yeah, Charlie did. And that duo? I forget what their names are. Laurel and Hardy. Yeah, Laurel and Hardy. You're right.

Okay, you're right. They do have the mustaches. You know Joe Mackey's joke about Hitler? I think I do, but please tell me again. The joke is that he convinced everybody that blonde-haired, blue-eyed people were superior when he had brown hair. That's such a great joke because it's right there and no one's said it yet. No one's thought it. Joe Mackey, if you have a chance to go see him, he should be doing theaters.

He's on America's Got Talent. He's one of the funniest guys out there and um if you give a if you if he comes to your comedy club like a funny bone near you or like a crackers or something you consider yourself very lucky that you get to go see him for a cheap ticket because he's amazing m-a-c-h-i joe mackie you should look him up because he's he's one of a kind um yeah so you know a lot about hitler okay things in jail what would you bring to jail b? Well, I have an answer that's like, you know how when someone's like, what's the most dangerous animal? Then they go, human being.

And you're like, fuck you. Oh yeah, so yours is like, I would bring cigarettes because then I can trade those for anything. And smoke them. Man, I would start smoking again in prison. And that is a good, yeah, that's like the three wishes. Like I'd,

I was for more wishes. And yours is just more cigarettes from a genie. And the genie's like, you're not going to jail. Why do you keep asking for cigarettes? But you watched 60 days in, right? I did.

60 days in. Yeah. So after watching that, I'm like, I don't know what, what would work. Like, it sounds like different charisma.

Yeah. And like a good posture and like an imposing presence like you want to be an alpha reality show about jail yeah it was a reality show on a and e where people voluntarily went into prison and see see if they could last 60 days and was there like a cash prize like what was the incentive i don't even remember uh there was no cash prize i think it was just like to prove you could do it like a survivalist and then you're helping out the prison and prove it's blah blah blah right right so they yeah but then they they have to come up with a story because if anyone susses out that they're like full of shit because

there's also like the documentary crew like kind of following them but it's mostly like you know um cctv footage of them trying to make their way making my way downtown quentin correctional facility like it's really them just trying to figure out their place there and like and it yeah it seems anyone get hurt or harmed or beat up or worse i'm sure there was like a little of that but no because all the guards know that that person is not really a only the foreman nobody knows except the foreman but if it gets close they have a signal where you can put a towel

over your head and walk around like you're a sad ghost and they'll take you out and they'll take you out and that's when you've like tapped out before using the show alone and there was that one guy one season who was so lame. He was lying to it. He tapped out after like three hours

and then he got put into solitary confinement and he said he had his stomach hurt and he would never get, he couldn't get, he never got out of solitary. Oh, that pussy. Yeah. And he talked such a good game going in.

He talked such a game. That was so funny to see because you really wanted him to fail because he wasn't the type of confidence that you're like, this guy's got it. And then he failed and you're like, oh, that sucks. You were like, no, this guy, I want him to get the shit kicked out of him. I want him to have a moment.

Yeah, that show, I should watch it again at some point. I'm sure there's many seasons I haven't seen. I'm watching Jury Duty right now. It is fucking amazing. I can't recommend it enough a bestie wrote to me saying thank you god that you someone she said that someone on the podcast had said jury duty was okay and i was kind of like oh but i changed my tune because i didn't know the premise what's the premise oh yeah when you said that you didn't know the premise i was like eh i don't get it

yeah that would have this is so funny this is happening to people where they don't know that the guy that says the only thing about this that isn't a jury or whatever is that everyone is an actor except one person so i miss that slide because it's really quick it is quick but i just don't know how anyone would i don't watch a show unless i kind of know a lot about it i guess and the only thing that would ever sell me on this show is that the premise so i feel like that's why my question to you was like why did you start watching this then i just saw it on instagram someone i follow was like this show is incredible it's genius and i was like i gotta try this out but i was doing other stuff and i missed the beginning and i'm like also the main guy looks weirdly familiar like he could be an actor he's like cute and the one who's not an actor and i was just so there's

one guy that's not an actor and everyone around him is an improv actor and they're brilliant and they're it's they're doing a documentary about a about jury duty and so he believes that he's on a documentary but he doesn't know that everything is fake around him and it's like truman show-esque and it's so funny so and it's so it's so funny i am like i'm so wowed lisa gilroy uh i wrote to her i've written to several of the actors in the show saying you are a comedic genius because it's just like they just need to know that was so good they're so good oh my god she's like and like then they started writing really nasty comments and like and and she's she says as well a lot i'm an influencer and as well as my dog i also am a representative for his instagram as well as i do

lash tech and as well as i am an actress as well as a model as well and she you can tell she studied has studied that girl who did the maps thing and it was like as well as the iraqs and as well as so they're all improvising it's not written at all would you is it no it's ready you know it's like curb probably we're like here's where we want it to go but here's it's like a here's where it's going to go and they're so in control of all of the factors and all of the things leading up to it that it kind of it you'll see. It's so good, Brian. You'll really like it. Okay, we're going to go to break.

Go watch Dirty Dirty. Don't, just kidding. Don't listen to me. Keep listening to the podcast. I'll be right back. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts um okay so i just went to a voice lesson we um did a podcast earlier today and then i went to a voice lesson and i had like a breakthrough because i played a song for my voice teacher and I looked up and he was crying isn't that great I'm so honestly it's like the best accomplishment I could ever have because

he said I let him down so much in my performance now um he was sad tears yeah I mean he was we are very we're good friends and so we always kind of like catch up first for about like a half hour. And then the rest of the time is singing. So he had been, we had been sharing, you know, about from your dance coach. Well, from all sorts of things. My physical therapist, it's like, wait, I need physical therapy too, actually. But we just talked for 40 minutes. Every lesson I've ever taken, I become, you know, if the person's halfway decent or someone I would like,

I become friends with them. And then I'm just just it's an excuse to hang out with them yeah and right so I just think yeah but that's just the way we do it and I really like it because um I know now that the becoming like um to to have someone teach me how to do this thing that I'm struggling with bingo card scratch it off guys I'm talking about singing the thing to be able to get that vulnerable I have to trust someone so much and like have a very very um intimate relationship in terms of like what we the things we share about our lives and so we have become like really close friends and he shared uh like he was having like a tough day and so i think he was already in the mindset to like maybe cry and needed to get it out but for me to be able to pull it out when he was not crying to begin with was uh i think i think as a singer-songwriter

anya you gotta think when's the best jeffy i always say when you've made someone cry well any time anyone's ever said like that, that song made me cry. A lot of times at our shows, I'll do Satellite Heart from the Twilight soundtrack, which is available now on iTunes, Amazon, wherever you get your digital music. And people will say, I heard, like, the second you started playing that song, it just took me back. And I cried. And I'm like, that is the best compliment. And then they'll ruin it by being like,

I'm so embarrassed that I love that song. I'm so embarrassing that I love that soundtrack. They are embarrassed. They like Twilight movies. Not your song. They don't say your song. No, but they're always like,

Oh my God, it's so embarrassing. I totally know that song from the Twilight soundtrack. I'm like, it's so embarrassing. I was on it. um no it's a proud achievement of mine but of course there's no better way about reality people are always like i watch f boy island i know i'm like i it's good don't there's nothing to be ashamed of like what you like it's like obviously twilight was very successful because something anything teenage girls like as a culture, we just dismiss as being dumb.

And this isn't my original thought, but I read this. There was a comic about it. And it's like anything women, all young girls like, we dismiss culturally because and they're, they're obsessed with things. And they're just, what's the, they're just, it doesn't really have a lot of, it doesn't carry a lot of meaning. Right, it's like vapid. Vapid, that's the word. Yes, thank you. And it's not.

It's like, no, we're kind of on to something. We might, we're more emotional young girls that are going through the change. And so maybe we're more in tune with things that are extremely emotional and um maybe it's good yeah but were twilight movies good i never saw one i've seen your scene but i've never seen one yeah and i i've seen it a couple times but i've never seen another one i'm embarrassed to say and the books i don't think i ever i didn't read the books but I heard they were um I don't think they were like you know even but JK Rowling people are like no she's a great writer but then with who wrote Twilight books um that was Nikki don't you William

I'm not I'm not trying to set you up. You should know that. I know. I knew her name at one point. Of course. Of course. It's been years. Stephanie Meyer. Stephanie Meyer. Yes.

Stephanie Meyer. Of course. Yes. Stephanie Meyer from Hartford, Connecticut, 49 years old. Did you guys ever read the gray ones? What's it called? Shades of Gray. Shades of Gray.

Fifty Shades of Gray. Oh, yeah. Fifty Shades of Gray. Yeah. Did you ever read those? I read one i only read the nasty parts i only i only read the parts where it was like whoa this is pornographic and it was nothing yeah i remember thinking that i felt like it was when we lived together it was and i went through all of it and i remember yeah we we read it to each other and I was just like this is kind of like not that big of a deal

when you're watching gang bangs every night it's hard to like really it's not easy to make me blush unless it's that scene from The Departed oh god I gotta watch that after you guys talked about The Departed I was listening to it on the drive

and me and Allie were like, we've got to re-watch that movie. It's so good. It is so good. Okay, so you've seen it. Oh, I've seen it. So isn't the cry as a musician, is that like the equivalent of an applause break or like a standing ovation or a spit take

for a comedian? I mean, you guys tell me what is it? Oh, are you asking Diki? Okay okay go ahead i'm asking anyone yeah i think it's i think it's the equivalent of for me i will say as a comedian it's equivalent of i have never had anyone say the things that i've been thinking yeah my whole life or something like that where they're like it's so true even though that's such a um obvious thing to say or it's almost we a hacky thing to say in response to a comic is to go like it's but it's true it's like when you're able to touch on something that either like the joe mackie joke

has been there all along and it's like low hanging it seems like low hanging fruit but no one's ever pointed it out those are great moments that are these awakening moments of like wait why did we all know hitler likes white you know blonde hair blue eyes why has no one made that connection that's a brilliant moment of like cracking this thing but then there's the other thing of everyone's kind of thought it but are too embarrassed to even admit it to themselves so they haven't even in their mind they've thought it but they haven't even thought that thought like that's a weird thought they just think it and then they move on to something else and then you are reminded of that thought you had that one time and it makes you feel like well maybe i could have written that joke and you could have if you were paying attention to your thoughts the way we are

in in the way that we have to to mine for this stuff but um that's the way i feel what do you think brian like what's the best compliment you could get from stand-up or or you know any of the art that you do i mean um the best thing i can the one of the best feelings i ever had was i was doing a show at a bar in vermont and no and nobody knew that there was going to be a show and they were all drunk and they were watching the fucking college football playoffs which is like you're not gonna pull them away from that yeah and everyone was just going up into a meat grinder and just like one person and really some really like embarrassing things happen like somebody um took out a dollar bill and put it in one of the comics pockets. Like they were a stripper. So it's like, this is not good.

And then like something really weird happened was like, one of the comedians who I just met came off stage and I was like, man, this is a rough crowd. Is this in Burlington? This was, no, it wasn't Burlington. It was around there. Killington. It was Killington.

Oh, it sounds like you just made that up. They don't have a coat factory. No, they don't. They have a coat hanger factory. That's why it's called Killington. Yeah, yeah. A really weird moment. After this comic I never met before.

You know, we're all all comics so we get to talk and she came off the stage and i was like good job this is this crowd fucking sucks and she refused to admit that the crowd was bad she said i thought they were good i thought they were fine i was like what what are you talking about i and i was like oh okay nobody the entire night got a single laugh nobody even got anyone to pay attention and yet she's trying to go she wouldn't blame them into thinking that this is a good crowd no and then she left she didn't even stay for the other comics so anyway i went is that girl still around doing comedy i'm sure she is um i went up last on the show and I fucking got them. I got them. It was the most, it was the most, it was the happiest moment of my life in comedy for just like, I figured out, it's almost like a parlor trick.

I figured out what to do in that situation where no one's paying attention. Everyone's drunk. They don't want to hear what you're saying. You can't just go up and do material. You need to do something else to get their attention and so i did i did my um i asked i told people to yell apples at me oh that's great i said yell an apple at me and i'll tell you what i think about it and i did that oh my god hilarious they almost like picked me up and like you know at the end of the sports oh my god i walked down the aisle high-fiving people i got like seven new instagram followers it was incredible cool

it was one of the best moments that is a great moment yeah and uh so that moment i guess would be like if someone was crying during a song yeah no that's absolutely what was the song that you sang i don't think did you say it oh oh oh so it's i wanted to talk about this earlier because it's it's been a while since this has happened for me but i have a new song for my funeral playlist that i need to be played at if i die and i haven't added it on spotify yet to it so listeners i'm going to depend on you if i die please contact my parents and let them know this needs to be on my playlist it's by boy genius who is the super group of um phoebe bridgers and two other lucys lucy something and that and dakin julian julian baker julian julian baker i'm

obsessed with those girls as well i'm embarrassed that i didn't know their names yet but i have not had the time to do definitely my eyes on them i haven't had the time to do deep dives on those girls yet but i am or however they identify i'm obsessed with them though and um i'm like each individual like i really was kind of rolling my eyes about this group at first because just everything phoebe bridges does is cool and it's like god can she just not be cool for one second but this is a fucking great band and three-part harmonies with all these women is and they're all great musicians all great songwriters and they all are like really actually good friends I've watched countless interviews with them they're they don't think they're cool at all even though they are so like that adds to it they're kind of like that Matchbox 20 vibe of like they're not trying to

be cool like they are cool because and they make of like that matchbox 20 vibe of like they're not trying to be like they are cool because and they make cool choices and you could accuse them of being but they are not they're genuine artists and they're great but the song is called not strong enough and i found it because there was some instagram meme that was like um it was said something about like a basic bitch like we know who you are like if you all you love all of these things you're struggling right now because uh it was there was a couple things on this like um what are they called starter packs you know when those memes do those things of like this is the starter pack for a soccer mom from okay you know phoenix and i feel like

i'm plugged in and i've never seen one of those, but that sounds cool. You've never seen starter packs? That sounds like a great meme. Yeah, so it'll just be like what that person would wear, like this kind of tank top, this kind of water bottle, this kind of phone, these kind of shades, this kind of bumper sticker. And it was some starter pack for

something and a couple of the things, items on it. If anyone comes across this meme, please send it to me because i it's so hard to google a meme you can't find them for the life of you but it was some kind of thing it wasn't completely a starter pack but it was about the type of girl and it said something like and you have not strong enough by boy genius on repeat or something like that and i had never heard that song but i related to almost everything else in the starter pack where i'm like well this clearly is going to be up my alley and i've started listening to it in um the airport uh in denver i think coming back from your wedding oh

it was it last weekend no it was this past weekend so wherever i was was it past this no it was the weekend before i mean i don't know where I was coming from. Did we have shows or something? I forget my life. Oh, yeah. You were in California. Yeah, I do. I forget my life. Yeah, I was with my dad and I was coming back and I started listening to it.

And at first I was like, yeah, it's all right. And then listen four or five, I'm hooked. And then by listen 20, it's memorized. And then yesterday I started to learn it on guitar. And then I finished hooked. And then by listen 20, it's memorized. And then yesterday I started to learn it on guitar. And then I finished it. And now it's complete. And I have the whole thing memorized. And the guitar is very hard to do.

The strumming is like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like really, really fast. And I was looking at it being like, Nikki calm down you're not gonna be able to this is too fast and this strumming pattern is too intricate and it's too weird you're gonna need like give yourself a month or two to get this down let's slow it down and I only slowed it down once and I was able to get it after slowing it down once I sped it up to because I learned this lesson from um my vocal teacher I'm taking like online a course of she said that Anya and I thought this was very interesting if you're ever recording something and it's too high for you um have someone just with their instrument take it

uh down or take it up a half step and then just sing that up a half step and then go back to recording it and it'll be so much easier because you're doing it harder you're like working out with a so either you know it was a great tip and so I I went faster on it and then by the time I went down it was able to get it so I've become obsessed and then I worked on it yesterday at my voice lesson and then he gave me some pointers and then today I came in and presented it and he cried and it was great oh my god that's so cool I don't even want to listen to it because he always sends me the recordings and it's better in my head than I'm thinking what it was oh yeah so I'm just gonna leave it alone and just let it be and maybe listen to it in many years from now when I'm much better

and I can go oh it's so cute you thought you were good and then you made him cry why is that like I remember photographs of myself that I was just absolutely disgusted by like in my early 20s and then I'll look back at them and be like oh I gotta find that picture where I was really overweight and then I'm like I'm so cute what was I thinking like I was fine I was absolutely adorable like who cares it happens to me within you know I just recently did a photo shoot in Phoenix and this guy sent all over all of the pictures the newspaper

yeah the newspaper guy yeah and I couldn't thank you yeah good memory you want to hear the headlines I came up with that post yes I've been dying to hear these and he hated them he hated them he like quickly wrote back, keep brainstorming. I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

While you're looking that up, can I just say NikkiPod memes. NikkiPod memes. Can you do a starter pack for Besties? That's a great meme for your account. Oh, that's a great meme. What would be a Besties starter pack meme? You have to have a NikkiPodcast t-shirt. Getting to I do, but only the first third of podcast t-shirt getting to I do

but only the first third of it the book getting to I do Columbine book a Columbine book I was going to say actually when people cry to music when people say that you're my Taylor Swift to me

that gets through like nothing you would imagine I'm not expecting everyone to say that to me unless it's true i would hate for you to say unless it's true but you know the way i feel about taylor swift if you communicate to me that i'm your taylor swift i will like make love to you right now like i will try to give you everything i will like put myself inside i like grab people that say that because i just know I can't even imagine anyone would ever feel that way about me and it just feels so fucking good um okay what did I say oh it's so bad these

were like because I was working with Chris to figure out what to say so the the idea is I did a photo shoot and the guy wanted me to hold a paper okay and to look surprised at the newspaper and then we were gonna write a headline that's like me going oh you know about the headline but the headline was gonna be a joke right so his like pitch was make it like Jeff Ross is funny or something and I'm like Jeff like because he also photographed Jeff Ross so he's like you guys have a back and forth you guys roast each other you know something like that not a like yes a bad idea but also like it's fine like it's fine that it was bad um I have to type in the keyword so I finally he was just like writing like do you have any ideas for this because this is the one that's going to go

in his book like the and he's and I told him let me come up with the idea for it. So, where did I... I remember your idea that you were throwing around on the pod. What was it? Agent Comedian figures out a way to get naked on film. That was too meta and I never sent it, but that was the one I would have loved to do. Like, if I post it, I'll write that into the caption. So, you're holding the newspaper, like, above your body and you're not clothed?

Yeah, she's sitting on a... Is that a booth basically an open booth like a diner yes yes no well like it's at a booth and i have my legs crossed and the newspaper is like right over my legs and covering my boobs but i'm definitely you could tell i'm definitely not clothed um okay let me see where i wrote this and the headline is going to be on the back of the newspaper but that's not the article you're reading but i guess i'm reading like where it says like see more you know like i'm reading the second part we all know that you only read the third so you would not make it to that i would never even i am in the i'm reading an ad for something you know like there's

yes um so i was thinking paul rudd ages it would be a safe one like something stupid like that um teachers get pay raise um uh wolf blitzer nudes leaked i like that um female starlet keeps original nose um and then spray tan causes cancer and i'm very obviously spray tanned in this photo so i thought that would be funny and uh he shied away from the word cancer probably he wrote please keep sending more as they come to you he didn't like him and it's all right paul there's nothing it's a hard uh order because i i don't want it to be like a classic joke um and i also didn't want to spend too much time on it because i'm not being paid and i'm not gonna put this picture anywhere because i it's not my favorite picture of the bunch so um there's only so much work you can put towards something that you know

like when someone asks you to do something and you go, you realize you've been working on it for an hour and you're like, wait, why am I doing this? Shocking, but shocking article inside. Exactly. That would be that I would approve of because it's so it's just like shocking article inside is so funny. Because you're looking at the inside. Bath, bed, bed, bath, bed, bath and beyond coupon inside. And I'm like, 20% off.

But yeah, so that happened today. I made my teacher cry. I'm going to see Ben Folds tonight. And I'll hopefully cry at some kind of song he sings. I went to go see hall and oats at the hollywood bowl and they saved their top three songs for the encore so the whole time you're listening out of there yeah you're listening the whole time you're like man when are they gonna play rich girl when are they gonna play um i can't go for that i can't go for that yeah and

when and then um what's the other oh uh you make my dreams come true and they get out they didn't play them for the whole concert and then the encore comes and it's oh and then it's like okay now we're gonna play um you make my dreams come true and the fucking monitors broke this the the speakers so uh hall or oats i don't know which one's the main guy he He couldn't hear himself. So he stopped singing. And instead of stopping the concert and going back and playing it, he just went like, my monitor's broke. Oops, I guess I can't sing this.

And then the band played through the song. And then they just went on. No. So the other guy was doing harmonies to things. The main vocals were not being sung. And he was unapologetic. He was like, I can't hear myself.

I guess I can't sing. You see the Lewis Capaldi clip where he loses his voice on stage? Yeah. And Glastonbury, they all like fill in for him and sing his hit song. That was sweet.

What's his hit song? That was sweet. I couldn't watch it because I was so nervous for him. Apparently there's a documentary of him and I love him on any chat show talk about someone that you can say you love which i don't my whole thing about loving actors you can love singer songwriters because they're being like actually vulnerable and if actors write their own

stuff you can love them but i'm not letting you say you like actors anymore no one gets to say it um but uh yeah he seems like i love lewis capaldi i think he seems like a really funny humble uh goofy really um just cute guy and then that moment at glass i couldn't watch it but it sounded cute did you watch it on you where everyone sings for him yeah i did on mute exactly i know like isn't this thing that is like essential that you hear it like that was really sweet on mute it was yeah i couldn't i couldn't unmute papa fast enough i was like i gotta hear this guy scream for his dad as he's being eaten by a fucking bull shark i've seen so many shows like that and i know a lot of singer singers who like they'll get sick of their song like imagine if you guys recorded you know know, you have recorded albums

and your fans expect you to deliver the joke exactly the way you did it at the age of 23. I get it. You'd be like, ugh. That's what you signed up for as a musician that wants to be a pop singer. Like it's a part of it that I know it sucks. That's why I don't go to Broadway shows.

I think they're bored and I don't want to see people do things they're bored of doing over and over all the time. And they didn't go to Broadway shows. I think they're bored. And I don't want to see people do things they're bored of doing over and over all the time. And they didn't write the Broadway show. So there's also that for me where they're singing songs they didn't write. But Matchbox 20, I don't give a fuck if you don't feel like singing unwell. You got to sing it. You got to sing it like the day you wrote it.

And that's what Rob Thomas does because he appreciates his fan. At first, when you first start doing stand-up comedy, Brian, you know this, you have to do the same jokes every night because you have to get good at telling them. Oh, yeah. Right? No. Like, even now, I have to do the same, you know, a lot of the same act. And I don't get to deviate a ton, especially when I'm working towards a special.

And it sucks because you're not as in it. And it's a part of the process i don't like but if my life required me to do the same jokes i did at 17 that might have been hits then even now as i'm 39 i would really resent it and probably not pursue it because it's not it's not what i want but actually no that is what i'm pursuing I do you you get it up and you sing Anya there are times that you sing songs you sing your songs that you've sang a billion times and you're kind of like oh not feeling this tonight what do you do to like get it up for it like do you just or do you just go on autopilot or what do you do I'll mix up my set if I'm really bored

I like to challenge myself and be like I'm gonna relearn like I'll do broken my set if I'm really bored. I like to challenge myself and be like, I'm going to relearn. I'll do Broken Bottles, which has a hard strum or something like that. I don't know if I'm ever really, truly not into a song. I just get into it. Really? I'm just like... You just do. Get into how cool this is.

You're in a theater with all these people. I mean, there are definitely rough shows and rough crowds like Brian was talking about. And that was the best thing to hear you win them over but um yeah yeah i mean i've i think going i agree with you going to a show where you see someone like an icon do a bunch of hits like acid jazz which i saw someone who shall remain nameless but everyone knows her name and she just was bored on tour and was doing every song in a weird avant-garde jazz fashion and it sucked one two three not that one not her to move on now i

will tell you it was a different one i did go see feist and i was so excited to hear my moon my man i loved that song and she had chosen on that tour and i love her i love all their stuff but on that tour she was like yes dimming the theater so that all of the lights were it was like twilight like you could barely see and on stage they had like barely any lighting and then every song was so slow and she did did like one, two, three, four. I'm not exaggerating that fast. What are we at? Brian's wedding?

Let's speed it up. When's the drop? You can do that in the beginning for songs where we go, okay, they're having a little liberties. Get back to it though. Get on those BPMs that we know and like. We want it at the speed we want to sing it to. Okay, we'll be right back after this.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content. You won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. We're back. So anya ahead of the wedding what are we feeling what are the vibes are you are you you are you excited to have that moment that brian frangie had where afterwards you get to be like it's over and then you get to just sip your tea i hope all i hope is my parents are in one piece everybody's like makes it to the wedding one pieces you want that you don't want your dad to wear that bikini again um i just want everyone

to stay healthy my mom has like some health issues so i just hope everybody makes it to the wedding and that you know i write my vows eventually i have not even begun and then i pick out the right songs and then i can just have fun. I'm excited to do it. You know what you're walking down the aisle to? Yeah. His friend Chris Hansen, who's in the natural lines with him, is going to play live. He's going to do a song on guitar.

He started playing some Paul Simon the other day. And I was like, dude, can you play that? It was like so pretty. Some finger pick thing. And then we might walk off to Kodachrome because I love that song and Nikki and I played the Kodak theater in I forget what that was upstate somewhere yeah I don't know forget to but it was and I did Kodachrome and I just loved that song and he was like I know it I'll play it so we're gonna go a little Paul Simon

vibe or maybe I'll walk down the aisle to nico's these days is it velvet underground and nico i don't know he played something that was really pretty i walked down the aisle to simon garfunkel you did yeah you did yeah it was a guitar dual guitar version of america oh my god chris was talking about doing america last night maybe we'll do that. It was so good. I love that song so much. What did you walk off to when they go, we now pronounce you husband and wife

or whatever. Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest. I didn't even know you did music for these parts. I know. Now Noah's starting

to get the residual. She's getting the final stretch so she's kind of like going some stress and now it's being now noah's like oh god i gotta think of a song to come off to meanwhile i'm adding to my funeral playlist because i'm thinking way ahead i love that i was talking to someone the other day i'm gonna walk on the aisle too but god knows what i'm gonna be carrying down the aisle too oh yeah i was talking to my ex-manager the other day we still have a friendship and he was like what have you been working on i'm like oh just all this shit i have to do that i'm like you know getting all my shit together with finances and i got a financial advisor and he's

having me doing like an estate plan and he's like i cannot believe you're doing an estate plan like getting my will together and everything and he's like actually that's a hundred percent on brand with you and he worked with me a decade ago so i guess i've always been like this like planning for the end yes the jewish it's a nice thing to do yeah it does make sense have you talked to your parents about this the end of life plan or mine yeah like i think it's just like the so my therapist said there's three conversations that are the hardest to have and it's uh death sex and money yes and avi's dad just um called him the other day and he's like oh could you call me back i i want to you know like i went to my grave site and i think i really like

it now and i want to give you some land there and I'm like your dad talks to you about this stuff this is like that's really cool yeah that's a hard conversation I talk about it so often with my parents that it's become normalized for me to be like dad do not get that geode I do not want to have to hold this up with Lauren someday and go do you want this or do I want this this? Or do we throw this away? This geo that dad bought when we were in Arizona on a trip that he doesn't need, that's just sitting on this shelf.

So I referenced it all the time. You know, even this past weekend I was playing my dad's guitar and he was like, it's so cool that I'm going to have someone to give my, like my guitars will still be played after I'm gone by like someone that is me you know part of me and then he started going like and i'm trying to get arlo into it and i go no no no and he was like i'll give arlo a guitar and i go well arlo will have to go through me i will have to die then arlo will get i'll give him don't get any ideas but um no we talk about the death thing a

lot but also not really talking about it because if I really, I can talk about my dad dying, but if I engage my actual brain and turn it on, then my voice starts going like this and I can't handle it and I will not go there, really. But I do talk about it all the time because I think it's the thing that scares me the most. Wait, so what was the other one? Sex? No problem with that. Death. And then money then money yeah money I also have no problem with you Ani was saying that her dad was gonna ask everyone she was like she was like just someone needs to run defense on my dad he's he I'm scared he's gonna ask Nikki and Kate how much money they make a year and I was like I'll gladly tell your dad what I make in a year. It's absurd. I'm proud of it.

It's weird. He can tell everyone. I don't give a fuck. We need to be more transparent. People need to know what actors are making. You need to talk to my dad. Because it's absurd and it's not fair. Because you don't judge people and I do.

And you allow people to be weird in who they are and I don't. I'm not always. I'm pretty judgmental. But your dad asking, we should be able to talk about money i remember judah friedlander comedian once told me that every comedian should tell each other what they make on gigs yes so that we know what to ask for because we all don't know that's right that's unionizing that's all that's a huge dude it's true and you can get in trouble though for finding out or trying to find out like certain companies

because they want to pay you all less and it's like some i remember someone got an email that told them what everyone at their company made and they were like blown away at the discrepancy based on the job titles that are all the same and how much it's like and so i don't like to talk about it because it sounds like i'm bragging and which in a way it is I'm not gonna deny that like I'm like sometimes I get an offer and I go I can't believe I was you know I even said on here I was offered you know to do that Dave Matthews thing it was like $43,000 which I was bragging yes but I'm also like this is the kind of money these places have people need to know about it and people also need to know this is the kind of money these places have. People need to know about it. And people also need to know this is the kind of money people like me that have this kind of money. You better see us spending it towards good things.

You better see us donating. You better see us like paying our taxes. You and and I feel like I do do those things. You better see us lending money to our friends who might be in dire straits, who may or may not pay back. You're not the problem. I mean, you're such a small- I'm in the 1%. Well, it's the corporations.

They have so much more money than any of us can even imagine. Yes, obviously. But if we don't hold me to a standard or someone that's making as much money as me, then we can just keep going up the chain and going, well, I don't make as much money as Walmart. It's like, no, I have more money. My mom the the other day was like we're taking you out to dinner Nick you and my you're and your dad and I are taking you out to dinner where do you want to go and I was like I want to go somewhere

nice so I'm gonna pay okay because I don't want and she goes we're going to flavors do you want to do flavors Indian and I'm like yes but no I really want to go to this Miley place and there's like I know the entrees are like $22. It's way overpriced. And my mom's going to go, this is ridiculous. And I know they want to pay and they want to treat me because I'm their daughter and I give them so much. And it's nice to let people pay for you sometimes.

I'm not trying to steal that from them. But I just told my mom, it really is dumb for you to, that money means something to you. And that goes towards a to you. And like you, that goes towards like a trip you're saving for. Whereas to me, I don't have a lot of family. This is what I want to spend my own money on.

So it would be like we went to a place and I had a gift card there that's expiring tomorrow and you paid. That's how it feels to me to not let me pay because it doesn't, I need, you need to spread the wealth you need to be generous with it so i think that's why people that's why i tend to talk about these figures is because um i don't know i wouldn't i was amy and i used to always hang out schumer i used to find out what she made for things and i just remember being like

no fucking way like i didn't even know that was yeah possible you could make that money and you can ask for that when you get to that level and you did or yeah yeah and and sometimes i do but like it's just it makes me realize i didn't get into comedy for that money because i did not think that kind of money was in comedy ever i thought that kind of money was for jay law not thought that kind of money was for J-Law, not like, yeah, Ali Wong and me, you know, but it's,

it is. And, um, I'm proud of you, bitch. Well, it's, I'm just,

I just got lucky. That's all it is. But thank you for being, being proud of me for getting lucky. Can we cue Seinfeld? We need like a Seinfeld. No, no. Even what Seinfeld said.

She's got the voice. She's got the thing. She's born with it. I know i'm not denying that but i'm saying that is luck that i was born with that if i was born with something it's luck it's all luck but you can still be proud of my luck and thank you for saying that can i just say about people who work in for corporations because i know that there's people out there who every year they go up for their raise and they can ask for three percent or they can go big and ask for ten percent and you have to know that corporations will pay you as little as they can get away with and not a penny more than that they will go as low as they

can that you're willing to accept and if you're afraid to ask for ten percent or three percent just know that they don't give a fuck about those percentage points. They don't, it doesn't mean anything to them. You ask for as much as you think you're worth. And what I've seen is they will respect you more if you ask for more money. Yes. It's so, my, someone in my life was trying to talk about doing a raise and was so terrified of because he's he's like my job is already so great it's absurd I like love my job so much I don't want to ask for more money because I would do this for less money but the amount he works and the value that he the job is easy for him because he's good at it and that is what why he's that's why it's

easy and I struggle with this too where I'm like it's easy so what why he's that's why it's easy and i struggle with this too where i'm like it's easy so why am i getting paid a lot it's like that's you're you're being compensated because it is easy for you and his he could not he kept being like i'm gonna ask for like two percent more and i was like this this company i know i know would not that it is not anything to them to give you 50 more it would not mean anything to their bottom line to give you a 50 raise and a hundred percent so you not asking for at least 10 is is absurd so i hear what you're saying brian like these companies they can do it there is the money there and I always think that there isn't because I also know that when I'm negotiating and someone's like, ask for an extra 100 grand

because Whitney got that on this. She made millions on this and you're just getting this. Ask for extra 100. I know that Universal, whoever the studio is, that it all ends up going to, Jeff Bezos can afford to extra 100,000. But what I'm thinking about is the

departments that are in charge of those financials that they do have a little bit of Titan purse strings and I don't want Diane from accounting to get in trouble because I'm asking for more so I'm what do you think about that when I'm thinking when I'm thinking about these corporations I'm like yeah of course fucking whoever owns the CW can give me more money for FBoy Islet I know they've got it whoever's paying CW has the money to give me more but I'm worried about CW who's like trying to make do with what they have and whoever's working in their department what do you say to that anyway whether you ask for that money or not it comes it comes from a different budget you know what I mean? right but whoever makes the budgets whoever's in charge of those

they have wiggle room they know how much money they can play with and is it going to be you that gets the 10% or is it going to be fucking Brad who had the balls to ask for it it's going to be somebody so let it be you ask for it, get that money, they have it

and what's the worst thing that can happen? Because I think some people are probably listening going like, okay, but what if they go no? And then you're fired because why would you ever ask for 10% more? They won't fire you because it will cost them way more than 10% of your salary to find someone to replace you and train them. It's not worth it to get rid of you. How true is it that when you

want things from people, they like you more? When you respect yourself and demand more things, people think you are more valuable. I am using that tactic right now in a thing where it's like, it's just absurd how much that works

and I don't like it, you know, that is that the more you ask of someone, the more they end up liking you because they have to convince themselves, like, I wouldn't just be giving this girl this thing for free unless I liked her. So they convince themselves they like you, even if they don't.

It's kind of fucked up because it's manipulation, but it works. And there's another reason, sorry, there's another reason why people won't ask for more money. And that's because- Dutelle. That's because they feel like, well, i like this company and uh they're like my family and

they treat me so well and i don't want to push the envelope and that's another thing that everyone has to realize your company does not give a fuck about you at all at all what oh brian but brian this is a mom and pop company and even though the the guy at the top is a billionaire or maybe a multi-hundred millionaire, he's my good friend. Yeah. And he really does care about me. I mean, he was at my kids. He was at the christening.

Just wait until a larger company buys that guy's company and then does layoffs and gets rid of everything that you've ever loved about the company and eliminates you. And that's why you got to get your money when you can just get it, get your money. I'm kind of of the point of view of, I like what you guys are saying. And I do believe in a lot of it, but I'm also like, I know what I need. And I don't just want to ask for like an exorbitant amount just to see if I can get agreed like I like to live within my means and also I like to save obviously and I like money and I like having the convenience of money but like I also like job security and I I know a bunch of people

that were laid off because they were too expensive for that company like if this happens in radio all the time they'll like fire the program director because the program director is making you know 220 a year or something and everybody else is making 60 a year so let's get rid of him or her because we'll save 220 a year that would have happened anyway because except the difference is they would have been making 180 a year and they would have been laid off at least make the 220 for the time you're there good point and i do believe i know what you're saying on you where it's like i often say that too where there was a recent thing that my agents called me about and without going into total specifics they were saying you're in in this deal um final thought my agents called me and they were trying to get me on the phone they're like in this deal um final thought my agents called me and they were trying to get me on the

phone they're like in this deal you are part of the deal is that you're gonna have to do more work and it might not be more money for you in the end there's a little bit more money but it's not enough to maybe be putting your name out there that much they get to use your name a lot and you're not getting a lot out of them using your name and then I said I hear you but having my name out there in any context where I'm saying I'm Nikki Glaser and it's playing on anything else is always good unless it's annoying unless my name is associated with something annoying but I'm they were saying like this is not cool that they're going to use your name a lot and I go but I'm not not benefiting from this because the more my name is out there in any way that's why I do tons of game I do a lot

of appearances for free on networks because I know the value of that airtime whether that is an ad or not and they're making money off of me being associated with this thing um you know there is a there's an upside to that as well so it's like and it's like is it that much more work for me and am i gonna be that greedy and be like i want more money probably i should be but at the same time i'm like let me just throw that maybe if i throw them this bone they throw me other bones down the same time I'm like let me just throw that maybe if I throw them this bone they throw me other bones down the line right or something like that but um there is something to and there's something to um I don't need more more like I think some people get so greedy I mean we're seeing it with the billionaires who are trying to cage fight each other they're like

we kind of gave up this like, this money race, like, because we realize it's just like, we know they're always in competition. You know, the Zuckerberg and the Bayes, is it Zuckerberg and Musk are going to cage fight, which is just sounds like something that is a made up thing by AI,

but it's real that they're actually going to try to do it. That was a deleted scene from Idiocracy. Yes. And I realized it's probably because they already like know who won the money thing and the power thing and they're kind of bored of that and they're like now it has

to come back down to like arm wrestling. Physical prowess. Like we've already, we already know who's won these other things. Pretty soon they're just going to show us their penises and be like... We're going to do a penis sword fight. I would pay for that. If they just revealed

Mark Zuckerberg's little flaccid penis, I would love to see it. Are you listening, Elon? And Elon Musk's probably fine penis. They're obsessed with going up and down. They want to go into space or they want to go underwater what the fuck is going on because they cannot be contained and they constantly are unsatisfied and i mean what enneagram are they we're becoming obsessed with enneagrams in the girls chat bingo card

um we i'm a three i'm a nine nine with obama obama's a nine two now what are our nines like peacemaker peacemaker and they don't mind being like helping a three yeah we're really good at supporting others and being like co-hosts and like co-stars and in a support position i always tell people this anya could have been taylor swift if she wanted to be like she has and i just don't want to be and the voice i'm not kidding you you don't want to be no you had a record deal you were starting to get signed up like you were starting to have that kind of rise to fame back if we go to the twilight times and anya was like this is too much pressure it's kind of too much for me i'd like to be enough i'd like to

be in theaters but not in sheds not stadiums but to be fiona apple you have to have done like a ton of press and all the things that you didn't want to do you didn't want that life of being having emails constantly coming in like you want what fiona apple has but what it took to get there you just weren't you didn't you were like this isn't like what my this isn't my style and I respect that so much I don't understand it it's like it's so it's so cool to me because we do need some of each but I can't understand having someone go being born with the talent and then obviously working hard to make that talent even better. But you, I've watched you and I'm like, she has everything Taylor Swift has.

There's no difference between their two talents. Literally none. The only thing is that Taylor Swift is a three and she's not a nine. That's the best compliment. That's almost better than I cried during your song. Coming from Nikki. No, I would would I'm not kidding

you Anya Marina is as talented as a songwriter as Taylor Swift and could be just as prolific and all these things but she's not a three she's a nine and so she things that make that get her off to quote my mom hi um do not are not the same things and that's what's so fascinating to me is that you can be born with all of these things, but if you're not the type of person who's motivated by praise and people loving you and strangers thinking you did a good job and that's not like what fills you up,

then you're not gonna like pursue that. And I think, I love the idea of someone being so talented and just being like no i'm good like it's so cool and you are that maybe i mean i definitely would love to sell out theaters i'm just too afraid and anxious no anya come on accept the compliment be a good compliment acceptor do the thing no no she did she gave it i love the compliment but i i don't know if it's so much like i don't want it i don't think that's totally true because the truth is yes it is no i think i i would love to like be playing theaters playing like an hour of my show and not have to stress

about it selling out right but you but to get that you have to do those other things and you're not willing to do those things so i am saying you're like no thanks i just don't believe that i can do it probably that's not you that's not true you because i've talked to you about your music confidence and you have a hundred percent confidence in your ability to be by the way singer. By the way, Fiona Apple doesn't do a lot of interviews. I think Fiona Apple made some incredible records. I think it's a nice thing. And I haven't made records that are really resounding with people in this time of TikTok and Instagram.

I'm not willing to do all that. You're right. I'm not willing to be online all the time. But what I'm saying is you could, and you're just not to and that is yeah maybe that's true because you're not it's true like i don't know how to do like you do that or you wouldn't enjoy doing but you don't you wouldn't enjoy it because you would be stooping to something that isn't artistically authentic to you and that's not to say taylor swift does stoop so that but taylor swift talked with a country accent for many years and she doesn't have one so this girl did do things that were outside of what she wanted to do she's not from

the south no she's from pennsylvania and she went to nashville but she she said y'all a lot when she was coming up because that was what they were packaging her as and she went away you know this and she's a child by the way there's no shade. I'm not throwing shade on Taylor for saying y'all. And by the way, I would fucking say y'all if I was being a country star for a few, if that's what I was going to start doing, you know, and like, yeah, the country for like, yeah, it's, it happens. But, um, we got to find out what Brian is. Enneagram.

Yeah. Do you know what Enneagram you are? No idea. I'll pay you $12 to take this test Noah too because it's $12 to take the test

but then you get a really good answer of what Enneagram you are I'll do it for $15 I'll send you the test and I'll Venmo you ask for $24 ask for $24 okay

I'll give you $15 to do it I will give you a 10% raise I think is what it kind of amounts to great show today guys

thanks for being here. Thanks for listening to the podcast, you guys. I hope everyone has a great Anya's Wedding weekend. I got so many tour dates coming up. Let me just rattle some of those off. Vegas. Well, that's not going to be until September again,

but get those tickets now, September 29th and 30th. Chicago, September 15th. That's a big one, guys. If you are in the Chicago area and want to plan a weekend to Chicago, September 15th. That's a big one, guys. If you are in the Chicago area, want to plan a weekend to Chicago, the Chicago theater, it's a huge venue. I want to sell it out so badly.

I desperately want it. And I would love for every one of you besties to make an impact in selling that out. It would mean the world to me. That'll be September 15th. Then Peoria, Illinois. The next day is September 16th,

Calgary, Alberta. I'm coming to Canada. I'm doing a casino in Minnesota, Napa california wheatland california san francisco san diego iowa uh lawrence kansas my college town if you are anyone in that area the lead center i'm going to be back there so fun boston uh maryland delaware uh atlantic. We're doing again, Portland. And then I will be in Munhall. Someone said, Nikki, come to Pittsburgh or Philly.

I think Munhall is close to one of those. Detroit, Michigan, Denver, Colorado, Massatantucket, Connecticut. I don't know what that one is, but that's in February. Don't worry about it. I'll tell you later. Thank you guys for listening to the show. Massantucket. I don't know if that's February. Don't worry about it. I'll tell you later. Mash and tuck it. Thank you guys for listening to the show. Mash and tuck it. Well, I don't know if that's right.

That sounds like something you tell someone who's putting on a dress for the first time. Mash and tuck it. Mash and tuck it. That's how you remember it. I'll be there February 17th. Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. Don't be cuh. And just ask for that raise, bitch.

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