The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #361 Jazz, A Rag Bag, Stuck in "Waiting Mode" & The Truth About Joke Thieves

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

Nikki wonders what people find compelling about Jazz. They find the best explanation in a Kyle Dunnigan joke. Brian wants to play piano in front of people and not be annoying before he turns 40. Anya has more insight into her creepy ice skating performance as a child. Brian might never get rid of his little bag of rags. Nikki explores the phenomenon of "waiting mode". Nikki and Anya run at different speed modes. Nikki tells a story about making a guy blush at a cafe which leads to a conversation about modern dating. Unbeknownst to Nikki, it was a big deal to meet Jeremy Renner after her comedy set. In the Final Thought, Nikki shares her brand of honest strong opinions about comedians who supposedly steal jokes and why a gradual rise to fame is best. -- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. I hope you all had a good week. I am here with, by myself in this room, but joining me on the podcast is, as always, Brian, Anya, and Noah.

Nikki, coming in like a jazz radio station today. I know. I don't feel as tired as my voice sounds, but yeah, it was a little bit like, hi guys, welcome back to the Nikki Lanser podcast. Join us tonight. Yeah, it's a little- We've got Dave Brubeck coming up after the break. I couldn't think of any jazz singer. Wait, let me just-

That's all I could think of. Herbie Hancock. Wait, is he jazz? Is he jazz? He's just piano. Josh Coltrane. John Coltrane. John.

There were no Joshes back then. Ron Jeremy. So close. Cat Calloway. I took a jazz course in college and it was one of the best classes I ever took. All we did was watch Ken Burns' PBS documentary about jazz. And if you watch one Ken Burns series you are because

first of all it is like a college course it takes so long to get through they're so long and if you're paying attention and taking notes you learn you do learn a ton and I think it should qualify you as being able to talk about things that other people can't like the civil war if you got through that baseball what else is that the holocaust watch that one i remember ken burns jazz thing taught me that jazz came from basically jizz i mean it's it's another word it's a euphemism for sex remember that did i did i sleep through that class how did i not hear that that was would be the only thing i could retain that's what i recall i just remember being deeply attracted to win winston marcellus oh yeah winston marcellus god he was hot i just remember being like okay i i have feelings for this like older man and i was like

a college student it was just yeah he was really hot in the documentary i don't know the light just everything was popping off in his little interviews he would come on it was just, yeah, he was really hot in the documentary. I don't know, just everything was popping off in his little interviews. He would come on and it was just a calming presence. Never got into his music, never even looked into it, even for one second. I just, jazz has never interested me at all. But you did jizz to Winston Marcellus. I grew up with Winston Marcellus because my dad loves him so much. So that was always, Sunday mornings was Winston Marcellus.

And then like comics in the paper, like spread out on the living room floor. And then my mom making crepes. She would always make crepes. Can you sing a Wynton Marsalis song? Can you like? No, I think it's instrumental. I think he's a trumpet player. But I mean, can you even like hum it?

No, not at all. What do you play? I think trumpet. I don't know. My dad's a trumpet player, so I'm guessing that. Jazz, I mean, is along the lines of heavy metal for me. And like, I don't, I don't, it's easier for me to get than maybe death metal. I don't mean to put heavy metal and death metal together, but to me, they're the same thing.

I don't know the difference. In terms of, I don't understand how one could like that more than anything else but could you maybe enlighten me? It's an acquired taste. It's an acquired taste, Jazz. It gets better with you just gotta keep listening, baby. That's the way it goes.

Why do I want to fight to like something? You don't have to but my dad grew up in the 50ifties with like conservative parents, but they were both secretly. What? About how he's like old timey music. He's like, you think about old time music where it's like,

he's spinning like one of those records. He's like turning it with his hand and he's like, and his parents are like, keep that racket down. And he's like, this is our music, mom and dad. This is cool. Not like your violin shit.

It's like a nickel in my pocket and a penny in my dreams. And he's just like, this is fucking rocking. And then he's like, why did every song used to have talking about nickels? There was a nickel in every song. If you had a nickel back in the day, you were doing good. But it was just so funny how your dad was rebelling with jazz music. It was just so crazy. Jazz was rebellious.

I mean, you know, it's black music. It started in the South, I believe. Just kidding. I missed that from the whole thing. I watched the whole Ken Burns series. Huh? I think what's cool about it. I watched the whole Ken Burns series. Huh? I think what's cool about it is- That's how Benny Goodman started it.

Is there aren't rules of jazz. So it's a lot like comedy. Weren't we just talking about this the other day? Or am I having deja vu? I would have never. No. I would have never compared. I'm just kidding.

No, it's- So you hate it. I don't hate it. I just, there's nothing for me to sing to. There's nothing for me to like, I like just kidding. No, it's... So you hate it? I don't hate it. I just... There's nothing for me to sing to. There's nothing for me to like... I like memorization. I like... Yes, there's a part of comedy

that I can see how I really like when people... I don't watch crowd work clips. It does... It's not interesting to me because I could never do it because I'm not improvisational. I don't like it.

What about Sinatra? Like that's still under the umbrella of jazz. When he's like, whoa bop, ba-do-bop, look at this table over. I mean, he had a plan. He knew the lyrics. I mean, you like that. I guess it's jazz, but it's not like Oh, God.

That stuff. Some jazz can be very annoying. Yeah, and it's like I think sometimes jazz trios and quartets or whatever their goal is to dare you to like it like I dare you to enjoy it

we're not going to play any sort of melody at all some of these aren't even fucking notes they're just screeches that are scratching the edge of the saxophone we're daring you how cool are you are you going to stay and listen to this? Because only the coolest people would. But do you relate to that of like,

I don't like things that I can't see myself in some realm being able to do. If I was just, if you just turn the dial up on my talent, I could be Taylor Swift. You know, like that's probably why I like it. It's in the wheelhouse that I have no access to, but it's, I can see the wheelhouse.

Coming up with a jet, even yesterday we were listening, Brian was over at my ranch place, and there was a guy playing, what was he playing on guitar? Or a piano. He was playing piano, I Will by the Beatles. Who knows how long I love you.

And it was good. And it was like he was kind of playing around with it and doing a lot of fun riffs and stuff. Yeah, little riffs. He wasn't singing it though. And Brian was like, this is my goal would be able to like play this good. It's not, it wasn't like crazy good. It was

just, it was good enough to play at a wedding. It was happening at a wedding nearby. So I'm on this ranch where there's lots of weddings happening every weekend and you could just hear them in the distance they're like 100 feet away and you hear speeches like and then silence and you're like that joke didn't do well and more people are crying or something but we heard this beautiful music and Brian was like that would be my ultimate goal because you play piano brian right and you just want to be able to what's your ultimate goal with the piano like what's the setting that you picture yourself like killing it in what song are you playing and uh

what's the vibe it's one of my 40 under 40s is to be able to play piano for 30 straight minutes in front of a group of... I thought you meant 30 straight white men. I want to play piano for 30 straight white men without getting turned on at all. I want to play piano for 30 straight minutes in a public

setting where there's only strangers and no one tells me to stop. It's not annoying. Right. You're not the guy at the airport who sits down at the community piano and plays chopsticks. And everyone's like, what the fuck? I want people to be pleasantly like,

oh, that's nice. That's a nice piano. Are you not going to do that? Do you know where you're going to do that? Oh, yeah. Well, there is one location that I know is a possibility and that is LAX. Because they have a piano in LAX and it's just sitting out there.

It's in some sort of bar but it's just out there, clear and available. If someone really knows how to play piano, they can sit there and play it. I'm sure everyone will be happy about it. So that's one possibility. I love the idea of you buying a plane ticket just so you can get in there and play it.

Because you can't just, this isn't the 90s, you can't just walk into an airport. You've got to buy a ticket. You'd buy the cheapest ticket, like a flight one way to San Jose. Yes. Oh, like it's after TSA. Right.

Yeah. No, I want to play there. I'm also hoping that one day I'm in like a hotel or something and there's a lobby and there's a piano there and then I just sit down. But the really, I mean That would be amazing. I'm sure you guys can relate to this, but like the real nice

thing about piano and guitar is that it is an instrument that you could play in the background and it's fine like when i was growing up i played the trumpet and i i just wish my dad would have told me when i was 12 years old that no one's gonna want to hear me play the trumpet after i'm 13 years old no don't even want unless you're in a band with winton marcellalis. Well, yeah, that's for sure. But no one's excited about a trumpet. I'm sorry.

I don't think anyone. You can't solo in an airport. It's the thing that wakes you up in the morning to go do boot camp. Right? My wife's dad plays trumpet. He's in bands and stuff. And that's good. Playing in a band where it's acceptable.

But you can't be at a party and just be like hey guys i brought my trumpet and try to play you know fucking these are different goals you know a trumpet player you're a guy much like myself who like well this is why you do comedy you want the attention on you you want to people to like what you're doing and you want it to be kind of a solo endeavor you don't you don't mind a band sure but you want to be the main person providing the entertainment i mean it's very it makes sense i think there are trumpet players who are like i would never need to just like play i don't want to play at a party that would be like so weird but trumpet players do i would say a lot of them they live for a solo Like my dad is the head of a band, a big band.

He plays trumpet and it's all about like, he loves the collaborative thing, but when he nails a solo, we will hear about it. He'll be like, I nailed the solo, you know, and that's hard to solo on trumpet. No, it is. I can tell you that firsthand. I'm sure he plays another instrument too if he loves like does he play piano or guitar my dad plays a little piano no guitar he plays a tiny tiny piano a little piano um okay does because i don't understand why people who would crave

that kind of spotlight would do something that wouldn't give them that. But I guess we all crave, like we all kind of protect ourselves with your dad might actually be scared of the solo and only want it once in a while. I think he is, but he loves the band. He loves being in a band. He kind of loves being the band leader.

He loves being like, we're doing an arrangement of dusty Springfields of your mind. I got it arranged by the Chuck Berry or whatever. Yes. In the trumpet community, they have their big deal trumpet guys or girls. Oh, for sure.

Sure. Yeah. Chuck Mangione. Really? Yeah. Chuck Mangione. Really? Yeah. Chuck Mangione. Yeah. Can I just say when I was in high school,

I was in the high school jazz band. I played trumpet. And I had a solo in one of the songs. I forgot what song it was. But I remember thinking, I am not good at soloing. And we're going to have a concert in front of all of the songs. I forgot what song it was. But I remember thinking, I am not good at soloing and we're going to have a concert in front of all of our families

and I'm going to have to get up and solo during this. And I remember getting up and playing the solo and thinking, wow, I just did a terrible job soloing. That was really embarrassing. And I sat back down. What I did not know is that they were recording that performance and putting on a CD for everyone to have. And I did not know is that they were recording that performance and putting on a CD

for everyone to have. What? And I forgot about this thing. And then 10 years later, I find the CD and I'm like, oh, I remember the jazz band being pretty good. We were like a pretty good jazz band. And then I go and listen to the song and man, that solo is much worse than I remember it being in person. It was like a fucking disaster. I don't even know if I was... It was like I was in a different room practicing scales than the band itself. It was so bad. That's humiliating. That's like my ice skating tape where I pretended to faint when I tripped.

And that exists on a VHS somewhere. I have to leave the room to hear this story. Same here. I'm leaving my body. Okay, just tell it and I'm going to go somewhere else. Because this one makes me so uncomfortable. Wait, is it the part where I'm doing a skating routine too? My heart belongs to daddy.

First of all, that's the grossest part. That it's like a stripper song. I'm a sex worker but i'm nine and isn't your dad on a chair yeah my dad is nearby reading exactly on a folding chair reading the new york times or something in a suit like that's what his character is doing he's like a part of this okay right yes and i have a boa no a boa i forgot about all these details the fainting part is worse enough but then you add all of this a purple leotard i just remembered i was wearing fishnets dude disgusting fishnets and a leotard and a boa i'm like skating around my daddy so you mime fellatio on your dad and then um nicky i would not

go that far yeah i fainted on my fainting i mean it's close to do that god only knows what they made these girls do at another just one generation removed we've progressed so much past this this would be insane to do now i've got a nickel in my pocket communities it'd be fine but um okay so what what happened next so i'm only 10 or 20 seconds into the routine i do you know we're gonna be to say 10 or 20 years old i don't really remember i think i was nine or ten oh no i was like 10 or 11 i had not gotten boobs yet but just on the brink of um what do you guys call it in your little group and dire i was just on the brink of being a bra yeah and i'm doing a few back crossovers and i'm getting ready to do my axle or whatever and then i trip over something silly like maybe my boot some not even

doing anything remotely hard and i trip and i just like face plant and the ice has just been zambonied so it's like completely slick no one has skated on it which means when you fall you really fall far like you're just like skating far like a slip and slide whereas if the ice has been skated on you you don't kind of go a couple feet and yeah so I'm like 15 feet you're likeding on my air hockey table puck just like taps just sliding but fainted and during that moment everything slows down in my mind and i'm like this was such a stupid fall that you have to act like you fainted and something went awry because like no one would fall like this so i just pretend I'm unconscious. And there's just like, my music just keeps playing.

My dad isn't aware. I can't, I need, there's a price that I would pay to see this. It's more money than I spend on Taylor Swift tickets to see this video. I've got to ask my dad where it is. There is a video of it? Yeah, it exists. What? Anya. Anya. Find it. dad where it is there is a video of it yeah it exists what anya anya find it solo audio and we need this video yeah and i did give your dad this mission did i ever play you the audio of me like

talking to my dad about that no um i went home and i i him about it. Let me see it. I was watching it. Why did she make me do that? I don't know. Can you hear that? And you thought it was creepy too? I thought it was creepy, very creepy. And I said, I hope nobody else thinks this is creepy.

And she made you dress up in a suit? I don't think I went on the ice. Yes, you did. She had you part of the routine. You were sitting on the ice wearing a suit, reading a newspaper, and I was fucking skating around you in fishnets going my heart belongs to daddy what the fuck jesus christ i'm glad that most people are dead that's a great line i'm glad that most people are dead that's true in any situation

that is um did you what happened afterwards did people like come up to you and you had to pretend like or were people kind of just like get up girl we know what what is i think eventually i got up i was like i'm not fooling anyone and i finished out the routine and it was so embarrassing and you know i got last place of course and it was just that moment like you had Brian of like I'm sure if I watched the video it would be so much worse than I thought it was I'll look for it I'll see if it exists the first time I remember of this like I remember Dane Cook had a bit about if you trip and then you look back and you go like like you laugh or what do you do you get like mad if you trip because you're so embarrassed. Instant embarrassment

causes you to have these spikes in your emotions. So people would dink a bit where any time anyone trips, they're like, what the fuck? Who put that sidewalk there? Yeah, who put that sidewalk there? But I remember the first time I ever heard that kind of idea was Kirsten,

my friend from high school. We were in French class in eighth grade. And I think maybe John Reiner, I forget who, someone, John Dahlberg or something, was leaning back in his chair too far, like trying to be like cool, you know, like leaning back and like had his leg like kind of on the desk.

And then it fell back, he fell back all the way. And then he was like, that was fun. I want to do it again. Like you guys should try it it was just like i just remember her pointing out that that's what people do when they're embarrassed and thinking that's so funny what a great observation i was like i'm gonna i'll be a comedian someday and steal that i think that's what planted the seed but i was just like that was the first time i'd ever heard anyone call that out and so i think we started making fun

of people that would do something embarrassing be like well you well, you gotta do it. It's like really that was actually fun. I'm not embarrassed at all. And you're like bleeding from the head. Doubling down. Okay, I gotta go to break but we'll come back with more after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears

on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. The Daily Show Podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Brian, before the show, you had an announcement.

You said something, and I said save it. Okay. I don't know if this is worthy of the show but i have i have a bag and uh in the bag are all these uh little uh you know these things these like thread free cloths oh yeah they're for wiping your glasses yeah anyway i was looking through the bag of cloths i have a lot of them i took some out actually i have more than all of the i i can't see your camera right now for some reason but like all of the cloths are like little things that you get from sun like oh i see it now

all like to clean sunglasses and stuff yeah you get them from sunglasses sometimes you gather them in that bag with electronics and i just is that why you asked to keep my bag yesterday no no no you like little bags to put things in? No, don't you dare say that about me. Okay, so, oh boy. Okay, so this one is this one's like fucking

20 years old or something. Why do you need more than one? This is from Vision because in case I, I don't know. But this one's from Vision People, which is a now out of business eye care store

on Long Island. And the last time I went to Vision People was well over 20 years ago. So now I have this I have a rag. Yeah, I'm going to throw it out. Okay, there you go. That's what I was was gonna say before the show just in case anyone was

wondering about my bag of rags things on your desk OCD I never use those Anya always has them to wipe her glasses and her glasses

are probably scratch free I use whatever is around to clean off sunglasses or any kind of camera lens I a burlap sack a sos pad anything that

i it's it's cost me so much um strife in my life i don't know why i don't learn but it's better than a smudge i guess a micro micro fiber cloths is they really fucking work otherwise i would lose them but i do covet them. When I come across one, I'm like, snatch it. I mean, I can see why you have a coterie of them.

Why is everything made of them? Yes. Why aren't more things? Like, why aren't more shirts? Like toilet paper. Like these are shirts for people who wear glasses. You could always,

mine is for a guitar. Oh, that's a good idea. Yes. A sweater. For a guitar. Again, I would just clean it with something that my mom i just hear my mom's voice don't clean it with that no it's my dad's voice do you ever

like hear a voice and you go like who is scolding you for this nikki you're gonna scratch it you're gonna scratch it oh god you're scratching it up that is like my whole childhood is that some version of that what do you just you just ruined it and just being like okay i know i can't have nice things i'm a sloppy mess i'm different than everyone in the family kids um and you probably just a version of that i would 100 do that i school people all the time for things that I do. It's like you become your parents. That's why I don't want kids. There's no chance that I would even

be close to being a better parent than they were in those moments. I do the same exact thing because they condition me to do it. Your dog makes a mistake. No, dogs don't know nothing. My dogs aren't cleaning up anything ever like my dog's never trying to be a better dog these are

all moments where i was trying to help and do something um and and i failed at it and this is why i don't clean my room this is why i don't clean bathrooms because i do everything wrong anyway and i always mess it up more why would I try to do the right thing so then I would leave it alone alone I would leave it do the rest of the Pottis dogs. Make it. Yeah, I would just make it work. Or my mom would do it for me. And then that's how I grew up

to have a room that is completely in disarray all the time. But it's an organized chaos. And I like that. When I found out that those two words together it really brought me a lot of peace. And the more I've looked on ADHD memes on Reddit,

which is what my boyfriend and I often share those because he has a different kind. I think he has more advanced ADHD than me, but he's like, he has found so much solace in these memes that make him feel so much less alone. I've never seen someone so comforted by memes, but he's like, I saw another meme today that I thought was just me, but it's ADHD.

And it's like, it's so freeing for people to have a label to put on things. We hate labels, but it makes you feel like such not like an anomaly or a freak. And again, it makes you feel like it's not your fault that it's something outside of you when really everything, no matter what feel like it's not your fault that it's something outside of you when really everything, no matter what it is,

is not your fault. And outside of you, no free will, a bingo card. But, um, I just see him all the time feeling so much better. Like,

Oh my God, he has a thing. I don't know if you guys relate to this. If you, I probably brought it up before cause it does it. I don't relate to it. And I'm kind of almost mad because I fit a lot of ADHD things, but not this one.

If he has an appointment later that day he can get nothing done into the until the appointment like it's sitting there and he's like I have a three o'clock dentist appointment I'm gonna get so much done before that I'm gonna wake up at nine and it's just it's that appointment is all that exists that day even though there's a full day before it you are all nodding your heads I can't relate to that at all and I think I would have no success in my life if i had that that seems very tough what's he doing before the appointment that i don't know i think maybe tidying around the house like just or or like watching netflix or something napping or like it's just i guess the feeling is i can't speak for him but i i will and continue to the rest of our lives with a lot of authority and just sureness that I'm getting it right.

But he, I'm guessing, would say that there's nothing else to do that day if he has an important thing. There's just the rest of his day falls away. And then nothing gets accomplished, even though he did have a whole day free. I don't know, though. But you guys relate rest of his day falls away. And then nothing gets accomplished even though he did have a whole day free. I don't know though. Do you guys relate? I saw some nodding. I experience this phenomenon sometimes. The way to counteract that is to make another appointment that's earlier

and then you have two appointments. But I do that all the time. I think if I was to guess why, I'll just lay around and I'll look at my phone and I'll just kind of languish when I have an appointment at 3 o'clock. And if I was to guess why, I'll just lay around and I'll look at my phone and I'll just kind of languish when I have an appointment at 3 o'clock. And if I were to guess why that is,

I would think it's because no matter what thing you assign yourself to do, it feels like you're not going to have enough time to finish it because your appointment's coming up. And then you have an unfinished thing. What is it?

I think, so I relate to this too, and I'm a procrastinator. And I think it's just another excuse to procrastinate on things. Yeah, that could be it too. So it's an excuse because you can't get anything done like what Brian is saying. You go, I can't get this thing done anyway.

Yes, like I don't have enough time before the appointment. I don't want to be late for the appointment. Okay. And it's like, you're just constantly. Perfectionism, procrastination. What's the other P?

Oh, pussy. Okay. I just found it. Waiting mode is when you can't get anything done because you're distracted by the awareness that you have something planned, such as an appointment later on. You feel anxious, impatient, and even overwhelmed. People with ADHD know all about waiting mode, and it's incredibly frustrating.

And that's from, you know, Google snipped that to read. Yeah, people, I can't start any tasks because I have an appointment later is just a common thing. Nothing ruins a person with ADHD's day like a 3 p.m. appointment. Let's talk about wait mode. I can't do anything when i have a scheduled i mean over and over people are struggling with this wow wow i don't know because i feel like i know that i have to leave 15 minutes before that there's no worry about a wait like as i set my alarm on my phone for five minutes before i have to actually leave you know like there's and I feel like maybe I might not do anything really important to get done but I almost feel like that gives me a free time to like I have an appointment so I will be doing something today

there will be a sense of accomplishment so I feel free to pursue my hobbies or like something that I just or to be on my phone or to take a nap I don't feel disappointed in myself because I do have that scheduled thing does he feel disappointed in himself yes I think that is the overall vibe like I don't think it would be something he like is like I relate to it so much if he wasn't feeling anguish over

because what happens is you go to your appointment at three o'clock you get back home it's fucking 530 now and you're like what the fuck i didn't do anything all day except go to this appointment that's why you feel bad which happens all the time but i relate to yeah what did you say adhd is a blessing and a curse i think that it's a curse with stuff like that i don't think i have it i mean maybe a little bit or whatever i don't i wouldn't think you do but yeah i think we all have a touch

maybe yeah i mean i only i just keep all my rags but i think that that's yeah ocd adhd by the way look at this little astigmatism look at this little shit rag why do they why does anyone will you give me some of those brian will you give me the one you're about to throw out the the vintage one no the vintage one for like a mouse's monocle i already threw it out was it on top of a dirty banana and some raw eggs like just i'll take it out of your wastebasket next to your desk okay i'll eat the trash i'll eat that rag um adhd is a blessing because i feel like um a lot of people who are very good at things have adhd they have an extreme attention to detail and they don't let things slide. And that creates really amazing things like producers and writers and stuff like that because it's like I must make this right.

They get laser focused. Laser focused. And nothing else can distract them. And people think that ADHD, we've talked about this before, they think that ADHD is just like, there's a squirrel. I'm going to talk about this. And it is that in a lot of ways. I have it when it comes to conversation. I'll be in the middle of a sentence

and I won't finish the sentence and I'll start the next, like I just did. I'll start the next sentence before finishing that sentence. So I think that's the negative side of it. But it is a lot of just hyper focus because when you get in a tunnel, and that's, I think, the appointment thing. I it is a lot of just hyper focus because when you get

in a tunnel you can and that's i think the appointment thing i have an appointment today i can't think about anything else i can't do anything else i have that to do hyper focus i can't miss that i waited a really long time to get this appointment um and there's like a lot of stress around that but yeah i think it's a blessing and a curse as well um i've seen a meme about reading a book if you have hd adhd and you just read the same page over and over realize you haven't absorbed the page go back four pages and the same thing happens again you just cannot absorb i think that's i think that's probably adhd people suffer from it but i think people without add have that too because

sometimes a book is fucking boring and you are just thinking about something else and you're trying to read the book to distract you from that thing. But your brain is like, no, we need to solve this other thing, which I think could be ADD. But I think a lot of people have that feeling of reading the same page over

and over. I know I do it constantly when I'm reading or when I'm, I mean, more so when I'm watching any anything I mean i've talked about this before I will watch a scene 17 I'm not kidding you like on succession because succession I want to I don't want to miss a single line and there's sometimes When I would watch it and i'd be very distracted on my phone And I would keep looking down my phone at the exact moment that I would do it every time and I would

Watch for five seconds ago. Don't do it again Nikki and then I'd forget time and I would watch for five seconds and go, don't do it again, Nikki. And then I'd forget not to do it and I'd look down again and I'd go, I missed it again. So that just, yeah, that happens. Perhaps that's why you like, you're an active watcher. You like talking when you're watching shows. So maybe that helps you pay attention

because you're engaging 100% in the material there's something riding on my attention which is a human connection that i'm trying to make if i'm not watching the show i have nothing to say to this person i will i'm accountable if i'm watching with someone i can't watch anything alone i don't know when this happened as a kid i could watch things alone all the time i do think i have adhd from social media and phones. I think it's late onset. I think I had early signs of it, for sure.

But I think it is really amped up because of devices. I don't see how it couldn't be. Yeah, I think we all suffer from that. All of us. That's what I wonder. When is it ADHD and when is it just a person in 2023 who owns a phone?

Agreed. Tell me about it. You can't. That should be a meme. What is this disorder when you have a flight in the morning, but you have 24 hours until the flight and you spend the entire day packing perfectly? Like the perfect amount of shampoo. That's what I do before a big trip. That's OCD. OCD based on anxiety.

You have anxiety about the upcoming engagement. And you're trying to protect yourself from any outcome that could be negative by packing so perfectly. I am so glad I don't have that. But I'm jealous that I don't at the same time. Because if I fly so much, my life would be fucking hell. I'm jealous of just being organized and like having nice things nicely folded. And like, you know, I just want to be a neat woman with like nice things and like just my suitcase unpacked so that the dog can crawl in it and be like, I'm going to miss you. But my dog could never even get neat.

Like I want to take a cute pic i could never take a picture of my dog in the suitcase because he can't get in because there's things there's things flying hurling towards it as i threw throw them from my closet he would get hit in the face with a fucking stiletto that i won't wear because i've never worn stilettos but i keep it in my closet because someday i might need a stiletto heel even though they haven't been in forever and they hurt my feet so badly i won't wear them so um yeah there's something that's my whole thing I'm jealous of something and I want it but I'd actually it would really hinder my life do you feel like annoyed that you do that like I don't think Anya Marina would give up if I could tell you you will pack exact you will pack um less perfectly but you will save,

you will only do it for three hours before your flight or at some point before, not directly before. Would you sign up for that? And you risk potentially forgetting to bring sunscreen. Yeah, you might have to go buy sunscreen at CVS, but it's not going to be like- I mean, my heart rate is rising right now. I feel it rising.

Just you asking me that question, I can feel my heart beating like this but i do think i've made progress because i used to spend eight hours packing not even joking for like a tour weekend and now what like i went to new york the other day yeah i because i would be like i i don't want to bring one extra t-shirt of merch i but you always do like i always would what happens if you do like you're not trying to get things under 50 pounds necessarily because you carry on so like who cares if you bring an extra shirt or something no i do try to get it under 50 i hate bringing

extra shit with me i hate being like i can't believe i lugged all this shit around or like there's an extra bag why is that worse than spending hours of your life well i did get to a point where i'm like this is this is a waste of my time you know you don't need to spend the whole day because you're cutting into your life like this isn't fun anymore and so now i'm a much quicker packer and i do feel like i've gotten i've made progress around like who cares so what if you only have one outfit and you forgot more clothes? Or who cares if you have like too many clothes

and you never wore those? Or you brought two books and you never even cracked one of them? Who cares? So it's better. I packed for New York the other day. I understand who cares so much. Like, thank God I do

because my life really would be hell if I had to pack so much all the time. And I really do start packing a half hour before I will leave for like two week trips. And there's no joke there. I just grab, okay, going through my shirts. I love this shirt. I love this shirt.

I know I need like around, I'm going for five. Let's say I'm going for five days. I'll probably want nine shirts because I might just want to wear different things in different days. Nine shirts. Okay. Sweatshirts. I need two. I like this one. I like this one. A denim jacket. Perfect. I need actually a dressy jacket. I'll take that. Okay. I'm going to need black boots and like, oh, white boots. Those go with everything. Okay. Gym shoes, running shoes, sneakers that'll look good on stage, sneakers that are kind of like scuffed up that I can wear to

get coffee, flip flops in case we go somewhere like that. Oh my god, I'm getting so stressed out right now. Nice pants. Really? Yeah, so many things. I'm taking those right now. Like, uh, Lululemon pants. Okay, let me go throw my Lululemon pants. I really, okay, I'm gone five days. I like to wear them every day. I kind of like a clean pair every day. I'm gonna honestly

bring six. Fuck it. I'm gonna bring six. And I'll probably only wear two. Who gives a shit? They don't weigh that much. Throw them in there. Okay, uh, toil toiletry things that's already packed up because i live out of a toiletry case anyway i never put anything away back away so i just zip that up put my face wash back in my uh whatever is out on the counter put it back in zip up throw it in um socks okay go to the sock drawer i'm gone five days let's bring 10 socks fuck it i don't know what's gonna happen there might be a lotion no way 10 socks throw them in and then I roll up my suitcase and I go whoa this is about 52 I can feel it okay we gotta go back in those lululemon pants I don't need fucking five okay

those are kind of heavy let me pick the heaviest ones let me take two of those out okay um what of these lotions in my bag are under three ounces that are kind of heavy that I can put in my carry-on? Okay, take those out. That's two pounds. Okay, good. Good to go. Let's go. Oh, I forgot all the podcast equipment.

Noah, hit me once. But that's really like how my mind works. If I could move that fast, I could pack that fast what I just said. Yeah. I don't like this. I'm not wired that way. What is going through your mind when you pick out shirts?

I am an anxious... Let's say you're on four days. Why can't you just grab five shirts? It's like asking a cow why they don't run like a fucking jackrabbit. They just don't. The cow's like, I will take my time. I just cannot do it. It doesn't...

It really aggravates me. I don't like being stressed. I don't like rushing. Like I was coming here today and I was like, I'm going to be 10 minutes late. I'm like, no, fuck it. I'll be five. And it was just like, I hate this.

I would so much rather be early and chilled out than like plugging in my headphones and putting in and trying to get online. I love being right on time and rushing right to that moment because I just know it's, I know, I just know how long things take almost perfectly. And I am late a lot of times, but I'm always like at the most, unless I'm like super late and it's I've overslept or it's something egregious, there's like a car accident that there's huge traffic. If I check my text of the word late,

I would say it would most likely be the number three or seven next to it. Three minutes late, seven minutes late. And three minutes late, people go, why do you even need to tell me? Well, it's because it's late. But it's always, and I know exactly what it's going to be.

I guess that's, I will like that part about my personality, but I don't like getting somewhere and having to wait. Ooh, God, I want to just walk right in and go. I love waiting. I love it. part about my personality but um i don't like getting somewhere and having to wait oh god i want to just walk right in and go i love waiting i love it because it's like it's an illusion of wasting time it's like i can spread out i can open up my laptop i can listen to a podcast and i don't have to stress at all that i'm like that's like rushing now it's time to stress girl because you

have nothing to do until it starts and you don't have any of your distractions with you. I mean, you have your phone and maybe your laptop. So you do have distractions with you, but it's taking out maybe, like I'm there for like a lunch meeting with someone at a cafe. I don't want to get there early

because I'm nervous about it. Or a date, like when I used to go on dates, like I don't want to get, I'm always five minutes late because I want to get right in and I don't want to sit and think about it. Or a date. Like when I used to go on dates. Like I don't want to get. I'm always five minutes late. Because I do. I want to get right in. And I don't want to sit and think about like.

You should run. You should not go. I don't want to be. I saw a couple. I was in. Oh this was so cute. I was having. I'm staying on this ranch.

And there's a coffee shop here. And every morning. I see this girl. And she's so freaking nice. I just love her warmth. She's like this young girl. Cute. And I get a latte. And she's so nice. She knows my name now. And I and she's so freaking nice. I just love her warmth. She's like this young girl, cute. And I get a latte and she's so nice. She knows my name now.

And I think she's like, you know, she's, I don't know. Everyone knows my name, cheers. It's happening. So, and it's just me and this girl. And I sit there and I write my journal and then she's just doing her stuff and people come in and out. And the other day I walked in,

there's, it was like round 4.30. It's closing at five, maybe 4.45. And there's this guy sitting there and there's only two tables like round 4 30 it's closing at 5 maybe 4 45 and there's this guy sitting there and there's only two tables in this very very small cafe it's almost like annoying that I'm in there when she's in I'm sure she's like can you just go outside but it's so hot here so I'm sitting there and this guy is sitting at the other table um and it's right next to me like we're on top of each other and he's a young kid and um he's just sitting there and he's holding his phone and then he puts his phone down he's just staring straight ahead for a really long time and i'm like wow it's so cool like this guy in his like 20s can like just not be on his phone like it's i've never seen this in this generation i couldn't even do that he's just sitting there thinking and

and um she's starting to do closing duties you know because it's closing and um she says to him or no he says to her do you want me to help so i'm go oh they know each other i thought at first i go what is this guy doing is he on the ranch too like maybe i'll make a friend um and he goes and then i go does he oh is he her boss or something and i was like oh i looked at him i go no he definitely doesn't work here This is probably her boyfriend who's like come to pick her up and he's hanging out before. And so she goes out, she goes, no, I'm good. And she goes out and she's stacking chairs in the front. She can't hear me. And I go, is that your girlfriend? Cause I'm just like obsessed with this girl. I think she's so adorable. I saw a guy come in the other day while I was writing in my journal.

This, this, there's a lot of people who cycle through this Canyon I'm staying in and they stop in at this ranch to get coffee. And he stopped in and they were like flirting and they both liked each other and i was like wanting to set them up whatever so then she's adorable i've like really imagined this whole life for this girl she can have anything she wants in life she's fantastic and um i go is that your girlfriend and he's like oh no and then i realized oh he is her he's like i'm just her friend um just I'm like this guy's in love with her this is a friend who is in love with this girl he's he's like I just uh just I was in the area so I just decided to come and and hang out where I think we're gonna go get uh dinner so

like there's like too much information coming up but he was like what guy goes and just watches his friend close the place maybe they were just friends but I I was projecting a lot onto this of like he's got this deep crush on her she kind of knows but doesn't and maybe would be into it but he's not direct enough and he's but I realized what he was doing with the phone thing is he was he was trying to look like he's sitting at this cafe he has nothing else to do she's there watching him but she can't talk to him because i'm in there so she can't like be friendly with him and he's thinking like i can't i don't want this girl to think i'm just always on my phone and that's like all i do and i'm obsessed with my phone like other guys so i'm just gonna like stare that doesn't look cool fuck okay um now i just look like a psycho like but there's nothing there's nothing for him to write there's nothing for him to do

so he was just having this internal struggle of like how to look cool in this moment. And I bet you anything, he wishes he would have got there a little bit later to not have to like deal with this like waiting time because she didn't want help from him. But he was, but what are you doing that? I do, I guess I was projecting the whole way

because I know that when I think I'm being watched or I'm trying to look cool, I don't want to seem like someone who's addicted to their phone. So I'll put it down. But then you go, well, what do I do? There's nothing. Do I just sit here and think? That looks maybe even more crazy. Like, do you ever just- Yeah, wastefully gazing. Yeah. I've done that.

Gazing at a wall. He had nothing to look at either. There was like a line at Starbucks or something. And if you just look at any line at Starbucks, everyone's on their phone. There's not a single person on their phone. And there was a time I got, I frequently don't look at my phone. I'm one of those guys staring off.

And I sat, I stood on the line and I was the only one on the line without a phone. And I, you know what you feel like? You feel like a 60 year old dad or something. Who's like, I'm looking around and these people know, like, if I look up for my phone,

this fucking guy is going to try to talk to me. And that's what happens. Yeah. I can feel your presence, but I didn't want to talk to anybody, but that's just how I, I didn't have a phone. So everyone was thinking that I was going to do that,

but I just really wanted to look around. Yes. you are a guy that is not tethered to his phone so we have a common friend here that we were hanging out with yesterday and she was talking about trying to get out there and date again she's mid-30s got out of a relationship recently is like wants to get back out there is discouraged by the the apps. And she's like, you know, the days of meeting someone at a bar are so long gone. And she was like, or just like out in public. And we've said this before, and I've heard this before, but it just struck me. She's like, because everyone's looking down now. No one even looks up anymore.

There's no one even looking to make a connection out in the real world. It's so discouraging. And they got earpods in too. Yes. And that what a way to show the world don't talk to me i mean when people talk to me with my earpods and i go are you fucking crazy can you not see yeah that there's nothing playing in these and i'm wearing them solely to let you think that there's something playing in them and i'm listening to a podcast i'm engrossed in an audiobook that's

why everyone's fucking their co-workers now because it's the only time you can actually talk to a person and you are forced to not be on your phone yeah you have to look at them across the table at a meeting that's such a good point i keep thinking is that true is everyone's fucking their co-workers everybody co-workers biden i keep thinking we're gonna grow out of this biden oh my god i think that we will there will be a reckoning i think that you know i think it's gonna be like eyebrows seem really uncool thin wait for a watch bushy high-waisted jeans low-waisted high-waisted low-waisted it's the trends will keep going back and forth yeah i think it'll go one or either way it'll either go there'll be a generation who thinks it's uncool to be connected to your phone and that it's cool to be in present

or we'll just keep increasing until we're so connected that we our cell phone is implanted chip into our brain and we're never not connected so it's not even a choice i tried to scroll the other day on i took some notes to go on stage i was doing a million sets the other night and I had my like a note card from my you know hotel notepad and I wrote some lines on it which I don't normally do I'm always just like looking at my phone and I was holding my phone and holding this note card and Carlisle was in the car with me as I was reviewing my set and I tried to scroll on the note card multiple times I kept doing it I've done this thing on photos are you trying to enlarge it or like with a page from a book I'm like oh I was doing it and I realized I thought

and I tried to convince myself I was self-soothing just like I'm just rubbing this paper and I go no you're scrolling my hand is constantly in a phone claw In every picture where I don't have a phone in my hand, it is already in, it's missing it. It's reaching out for it. And I do have that dent on my pinky. Does everyone have the pinky dent? No. Where your phone?

We all have it now. But that's where you rest your phone when you're holding it. And there's a dent now in most people's pinkies. Look and see if you have it on your pinky and your phone holding hand. Do you see that dent in mine? A little bit, yeah. Right there. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

That's not where I put my phone. Do I? Yeah, it rests there. Sometimes. It rests there. Yeah, I had a million sets this week. Nine to be exact. Nine million

and over two nights. Four on Friday, five on Saturday. And talk about like having such um pleasure when you are like i can do a whole night i start at 7 40 and i end at 11 o'clock and i can go boom boom boom boom and hit them all at the right time i plan them all and i but i ended up waiting at all no waiting at all i just walk in and go right up or if I'd you know sometimes I see the set before me or something which is sometimes kind of fun because it forces me to watch stand-up which I'm uh don't want to do sometimes but um I I had a I had four

sets on Saturday and then someone I had a block of time between like 8.45 and 10.11 where I was like, what the fuck am I gonna do in that? I'm in my car, I'm in Hollywood. I'm 20 miles away from where I'm staying. I can't go back home. There's no one to go to dinner with. I don't wanna go have dinner alone. I just was like, what am I gonna do?

And then I got a text earlier that day that was like, Nikki, do you have time tonight around nine o'clock? And I'm like, yes. And do you like Jeremy Renner? And I was like, yeah. I just wrote, ha ha ha. It was from a number that, I don't really know who it is to be honest with you.

It's just someone who always books me on shows and I show up at the shows and I never know if that person is there or not. I'm always like, ha. I just like greet everyone. Like I've been texting with them for years, booking me on places. Thank you for this. I don't know who this person is. It's just an 818 number.

But we have a history of texting about texts. It's like, do you like me? He's like, I'm cutting to the chase. We've been texting for years. Do you like me? I was in a terrible accident. Which I did not remember. So I said, I said, ha ha ha. So I said, I said,

ha ha ha, and I said, yes, I am free at that time, and yeah, I think he's extremely talented. Which I do. I was like, what do I feel about Jeremy Renner? Like, I don't really often comb through my feelings about actors whose work I really haven't been exposed

to because I'm not an action movie gal. Hawkeye. He's in the Hurt Locker. And he was what? Hawkeye. He's Hawkeye. He's in Disney's Hawkeye and Marvel, every Marvel movie. The Avengers. I knew he was in Avengers, but I didn't. He's a short king. He's a short king.

Yes. But all I know of him to be honest with you, besides stuff in the tabloids or stories of his life, i.e. that snowmobiling accent I know that he was great on SNL I remember seeing his SNL monologue

and thinking everyone give up this is this guy can sing he's probably a good actor because he plays piano and he was singing and I was like this guy is a renaissance man he's good at everything he's attractive he's probably a good actor because he plays he played piano and he was singing and i was like this guy is a renaissance man he's good at everything he's attractive he's he's funny like he's nailing it he seems i just remember being very frustrated after i saw his and usually i'm not frustrated by men in that way when they're super talented i'm usually like well they're a man

they're not my competition but i felt like jesus christ i can't believe god bestows that much talent on some people and others. He like, you know, I can't do a fucking B minor chord. It's just frustrating, you know? And so that's all I knew. And then I get to the, so then I pick up Carlisle to go around to my sets with me. And I was like, oh, I'm doing your friend Katie Cordoza's show at the Haha, which is this club in the valley that i never go to because it's just not in the area but it fit with my schedule so i've said i said yes this show and she also asked me

or someone asked me who booked me on the show if i like jeremy runner and she was like oh yeah she's friends with him and i was like oh okay so is he on the show like i thought oh i'll get to meet him he'll be on the show i guess he's trying stand-up like doing a Jeremy Piven all the Jeremy's right are trying stand-up I don't know and so she's like no I think he comes to watch sometimes and I was like oh okay he'll be in the audience but like why would I be asked if I like him why does that matter if like I can he will only watch comedians who he who like him or something I was just like it's just a weird question from a person I don't know and so I got there and they're like Jeremy Renner is in the building I'm like is this not like I don't even know I don't need to know this I don't like to know when famous people are there I mean sometimes it's fun there was a show where I was at where

Bette Midler was there and I was like what jokes would Bette like but most of the time I don't I don't know it's just like now there's something added to it and then to add to that I'm in the lobby of the place I'm about to go up and I'm like what jokes did Jeremy Renner like I'm like I don't even know I don't know anything about this guy but I also would have pleased a celebrity because they're a celebrity and everyone else is like making a big deal

of it not like a huge deal but they're like Jeremy Renner is like he's here he's in like he can change my life um and there's like this just that idea i guess in hollywood of like every show you who knows he could be like she's a leading lady or what i don't know but i wasn't really thinking that way i don't even want to be in movies and then um and then i see a guy at the bar and i'm like is that fucking carlos mencia who, you know,

when I started in 2006, you might not think Carlos Mencia is a big deal now, but he was such a fucking huge, he was the biggest comedian. He was in the stadiums, right? In 2005 to 2009, he was like the guy. Arena, like Madison Square Garden,

probably multiple shows sold out. And he's at the Ha Ha Cafe on a Saturday night at the bar is he wearing shorts are those long mowing shoes what's happening but I'm like no that guy just looks like Carlos Mencia and then I go in the hallway and I'm like kind of like because I opened for him early on in my career we had the same agency and they were like you should go on Carlos's tour and i went to one gig with him on a weekend and brad williams was there too he's the little person comedian he was there too and josh blue i think maybe josh wasn't there but um carlos didn't we didn't get it's not like we didn't get along it was just not a good fit for his audience to have me do like abortion

jokes for five minutes like trying to be serious before he went up and did whatever he did he's to go to break but i'll finish this story when i get back john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So I'm at the Ha Ha Cafe. I'm about to go on. I think I've seen Carlos Mencia. I don't know. He comes over and he's like, Nikki, it's Carlos. And I was like, oh my God, Carlos Mencia. Still like locked in this part of my brain, which is like, this guy is a big deal. He can change your life change your life I don't feel that way now and Carl Smith is a good example of like why none of this fucking matters because he was doing arenas and now he's at the haha cafe on a Saturday night having beers with his friends and he's not it's not that he's I'm sure he could be working it's not like he's hard up for gigs but he returned to the clubs like he had a someone would call it a fall um where it was like he had everything and i i don't brian was saying

yesterday you had a good point about him will you share that point about like his comedy did not age well i guess oh well uh yeah i mean some of, I guess, from back in the day would be considered offensive now to the degree that he probably wouldn't be able to get away with doing it even. Like he used to do. Like his signature bit was where he'd make fun of a mentally handicapped person. And at the time, that was perfectly fine. And nowadays, it's not. So maybe that didn't age well and then also he was accused of joke stealing and that kind of really derailed his career like it was really

it really affected his career i don't know why that was the thing but like it's really crazy that uh something like that that was like getting canceled before it was about uh you know sexual harassment that was the most offensive thing that you stole it you could possibly do you could get That was like getting canceled before it was about sexual harassment. That was the most offensive thing. You stole a joke? That you could possibly do. You could get away with jerking off on somebody in a closet, but you can't get away with stealing a joke. Yes.

It was. I mean, well, there was a footage of Joe Rogan confronting him at the comedy store, and that was right when I think Joe Rogan, it made Carl Sansea unfamous and it made Joe Rogan famous. Yeah. Oh. Pivotal moment.

Yeah. And just like raise his Don't cost Joe Rogan whatever you do. Status. Yes. Joe Rogan's one of the most powerful men in the world.

He wasn't at that time though that that clip came out but it really brought him Yeah he was hosting Fear Factor. Yeah. Which is art and he was on news radio i mean

he was a famous guy there's no question about it like but the way he is now he was not at that he was not a household name um and i think that clip did the opposite to each of their careers but what i will say about carlos mencia what i think i observed from being on the road with him for a little bit and the way that his um the the openers that he had and how they would all talk i believe that i do believe they absorb things and think they don't think they're stealing they think they're they i think his argument was like i'm doing it better kind of thing and i was thinking about this weekend because my voice teacher is trying to get me to, he knows that I'm not writing original music. So he's trying to get me to do covers in my own way. He's like, you can interpret the song in a completely different way and deliver it. So

it sounds like a completely different song, even though it's the same melody and the same key and everything, it can sound totally different. I'm like, why is that okay? But it's not okay to take someone's bit and go, you know what? I could actually have a much better perspective on the same thing. Why is that so forbidden? And I agree it is. Like I obviously don't ever want anyone to do that to my jokes,

but how many fucking times have I seen a joke that I have thought of before on stage and someone is just scratching the surface? Like they didn't scratch the whole scratcher's ticket. There is a great joke there and you can win a million dollars, but you just scratch the first row and go,

ah, it's something. That was kind of fun. And you don't win. Is there a way to do it where it would be respected by your peers? There is one way.

You think? There is one way. You just say like, oh, I've never heard you say that joke. Parallel thinking. I guess I, you know. No, but no one gives a shit about that. If you you're called a joke thief it haunts you the rest of your life look at Amy

Schumer every single clip of hers there's someone saying she steals jokes when it was really just parallel thought you know like if you get called it once you it doesn't matter if it was parallel thought and I'm talking about when it's not parallel thought when I do the other night I saw Mark Maron do a joke that I'm like I have had that thought in my head and now and not to say that he just did a scratch the surface joke he he did dig into it he's talking about being vegan and I've been and Carlisle goes I've heard you say that so many times that you could do that you said it it was the first time I met you you said it how he's like the best thing about being vegan it's actually really hard to do it doesn't't taste as good, all these things. But the best thing

is that you are a good person and no one could argue you out of it. You are doing the right thing and you, there's no argument. You're choosing to eat animals. Pretty much what I say all the time, which is like, it's the only thing I'm certain of that makes me a better person than everyone else,

if they're not doing it. But he killed with it. I've never found a're not doing it they're that that and and but he killed with it i've never found a way to articulate it but that's dead to me if i have a little bit of a different perspective on that whole thing i can never do that i can't touch that idea that vegans are superior and that i actually feel like a better person than everyone else and i it's gone it's dead but i could have different things to say to it i could have different riffs that i want to run and like in a song like you know what I mean like why are songs able you are

able to artistically interpret a song and sometimes make it better I mean there how many people think that the what's a better cover than the original there's millions of songs but we're not allowed to as comedians I think the tide's changing I think it's getting more acceptable to kind of just as long as it's

not a straight up exact same joke I think it's getting more acceptable to kind of... As long as it's not a straight-up, exact same joke, I think it's getting more acceptable because of TikTok. Where on TikTok, everyone is just stealing everyone else's sketch and putting their own spin on it. And even if you look at the accounts that tell you, here's how to become viral on TikTok or whatever. They literally say, go through popular, successful TikToks and take that idea and then make it your own. And it's not stealing because you're going to take it and put your own

spin on it and it's your thing now. I don't know if I... I would be so pissed if someone did this to one of my jokes, but if they brought something new to it that I didn't, I would be a little bit jealous and go oh I wish I would have thought of that and I'm glad that information should be out there that added thing like

just like a tag or something it needs to be no no it has to be like you're talking about like if I did a joke that was about you know working at a deli and I had a bunch of jokes about working at a deli and then somebody else came out with jokes that were about working at a deli and i had a bunch of jokes about working at a deli and then somebody else came out with jokes that were about working at a deli it's like well no that's not i

don't think anyone could accuse that you both worked at a deli that's fine you have different perspectives i'm talking about a specific joke like if i were to do a mark maron joke of like i feel better than all of you people i know that it's if i wanted to just expound on that in my own way that would maybe make that point resonate more or in my own, you know. I see this happen all the time. I mean, I can't.

But I can't do it because that's why I don't like watching comedy because if I didn't see him do that, I could have possibly argued that I get to keep doing that. That's what I'm saying. But now that I've seen it,

it's off limits. That's how you get away with it. You don't watch comedy but then you keep yourself from so many good bits. I don't know. That seems so general. There are some jokes that become so famous that you can away with it. You don't watch comedy, but then you keep yourself from so many good bits. That seems so general. That you can't... If somebody went ahead and did a joke

that was like Oscar the Grouch is angry because he's a homeless poor guy, like Dave Chappelle's joke. If somebody did a joke like that, then that would be off the table because it's such a famous bit. If someone did a joke like that then that would be off the table because it's such a famous bit but like

if someone did like a right it's very specific if someone did a joke about gun control needing bullet control that would be clear you can't do that because Chris Rock's bit is so famous but like I don't know there's just some things that

it's just it feels icky to me it feels like i would be wrong to it's like shoplifting when you know that they have a surplus or something it's only it's still wrong even though they won't huh it's only icky if you did it on purpose if you sat down saw someone tell a joke and said oh i can do that joke better and then did that joke well am i not doing that when i see mark maron do a bit that i've only thought and said, oh, I can do that joke better and then did that joke. Well, am I not doing that when I see Marc Maron do a bit that I've only thought and said to my friends and said on podcasts,

but I haven't actually said, oh, I want to take them on the stage. Isn't that stealing to be like, yeah, that does work on stage. I'm going to start doing it on stage. How is that not to me? It feels I'm not going to do it. You're never going to do it.

I've heard Bonnie McFarlane say years ago, I'm a vegan. Any other vegans in the house? I mean, you know, they do say that it's like the number one way of helping to save the environment is being a vegan. So I'm better than all of you. But anyway, she goes on. So that's like a parallel. Well, I've said the joke that I will keep in my act is like it's just a short one, but it's not going into it, which is I really do recommend being vegan.

I just I feel better than you um just saying it like you know a little kevin nealon ish but okay that's a perfect example that's not but i want to like but it's parallel no i was jealous of mark maron's because it really everyone in the audience i know that audience was 90 not vegan at the fucking uh most least whatever the word is for that and um and they all fucking got it they were all like feeling a little guilty but also laughing and i'm like that's what i want people to do is like actually see i want to make people go maybe i should go vegan that's a good point he's making but i don't think that my little joke that i just told does that at all and i think his does so anyway what i think happened with carlos m Mencia is not only that where he's like I could do it better I think he had joke writers for him right he had

his openers would write for him and give him bits and I think sometimes they would actually be talking backstage and they would say something funny and he would just take it from them and just he'd be like that's good I'm gonna use that because that has happened to me and Brian he's nodding so many times where you're talking to a comedian and you guys, you bring up the bit, you start riffing on it with the person next to you. Maybe they say some dumb tag and they go, I'm going to use that. That's good. And you go, no, what? What just happened? I came up with that. You've just now convinced yourself you did because you either laughed at what I said, or you acknowledge that that was good. Like that is the most insane thing and it happens a lot and I've only in the probably the past five

years been brave enough to go no I'm gonna that's mine like I'm gonna use that it happened the other night someone someone who I know very well did it to me and was like I'm can I use that and I go it was really hard for me to do because I look up to this person and I I would like to be as successful and prolific as this person but now I know how they're prolific because I go no I I might use that and I honestly didn't think about using it until you just said that you wanted to use it but it is my thought so I get to determine whether I was like I'll let you know if I don't but I think I'm going to and I probably never will but I don't want him to have it because it was mine it's cool that they asked I don't think they asked he was like wait he kind

of asked but it was almost like I'm gonna like I could do that right and I was just like he did ask I guess and it was nice so but this was the thing I think Carlos Mencia had his people right for him and they would steal from people and so he would do a bit they would knowingly steal because they're like we got to give carlos something they would see some open mic or set so carlos wasn't doing the one that was stealing he was having writers write for him and they would steal because i would see i i would i think that's what was happening so when he heard like these but but who knows he also was confronted with some pretty obvious bits that he probably really did hear like the Cosby one about something.

We were watching Gabriel Iglesias special this last week, and he did a joke that was extremely similar to a Bill Burr joke. But it's just because the premise is like, you know, it's like

not that original, but it's still funny. The joke was, uh, when your, uh, dog comes to greet you at the door, your wife gets jealous because you like greeting the dog better than, uh, the wife. And then the wife goes, why are you happier? Uh, why are you happier when you greet the dog? And then, uh,riel glacius's punchline is like uh well because uh you don't have your tongue hanging out running around in circles all happy to see me and bill burr's punchline is well if i come home at 2 a.m drunk you're not walking up to the door shaking your ass and like it's the same joke but did they steal that joke from each other i don't i would

say that people would argue if people connected it they would accuse whoever came out later with the joke and by the way actually they would accuse because no one would ever think bill burr would steal joke but i think people would probably think gabriel okay let's just still burrs was first for sure yeah it was but i think even if it came second no one would ever people would go he wouldn't do that like no one would have i think mark norman got accused of stealing a joke once and then no it didn't go anywhere because everyone's like no this guy doesn't pull that shit we just know it the type of comic he is he doesn't need to do that bill bird doesn't need to do it i'm not a huge gabriel iglesias fan but i would think based on the well

things i i'm not a huge i don't know his comedy but i don't think he's a thief but i think he would get pinned on that more than, you know what I mean? And my point is, is there something like that even matter? Like, like, yeah,

I guess that was the same joke, but like, yes. When you want to villainize someone and discount and discredit them. Yeah. Well, that's all that people have sometimes. That's what I fear,

I guess is like, I, people hate me. So there are some people who don't like me so much that they would love to do what they did to Amy, which is finally we have a reason to not like her other than she just is a girl who's talking too loud and making us feel, sometimes calling us out.

So, oh, and telling us not to use guns or whatever. They're really annoyed with Amy for, but they're like, no, she's a thief now. We have something that is like, yes. And now let's stick to it and write it under every clip she has and now that's people that don't even know the story of where this originated from and how it's based in fucking nothing will just think she's a liar because or she's a thief because that's what we wrote in this YouTube comment that's how that's what I'm scared of yeah but anyway I met Jeremy Renner

um Carlos comes up to me and he's like it's carlos i was like oh my god carlos we hugged and we remembered working together and he was so nice and was like congrats on all your success and he was kind of like are you handling it well and i've realized this thing in la that people think i'm really like it's very nice but everyone thinks i'm just fucking killing it it's like it's it's nice I really am like, don't you know that anything on Instagram isn't real? Like it's, it means that I'm doing a good job on social media, which I didn't think I was, but for my constituents to believe that I'm like killing it, which listen, I have no complaints about my career. I literally don't want anything to change. I want for nothing. But am I like the

number one comedian and the like killing it in the ways that I feel like these people sometimes say? I'm like, no, like it's fine. It's good. But it was nice of him to say that. But I'm like, I'm nowhere near the level of what he was killing it in the mid 2000s. Not even fucking close. But he was like, wow, you're really,

but I'm like, but I said something like, I like my, I go, it's been very gradual. I actually heard James Marsden. There was a quote yesterday I read on Reddit of him saying that, because people are like, why has he not had a big moment? Why is he not more famous?

And he's like, I'm so glad I'm not. I love a gradual, 2% more successful every year. Gradual. Like an index fund. And that's the way to do it. No one gets, yes, like an index fund. Safe.

There's low risk to do it no one gets yes like an index fund safe um there's low risk there's no because if you do a gradual no one gets fucking annoyed by you people just go oh yeah like but a media meteoric rise people are gonna fucking turn so you gotta be gradual i like that little gradual and i even said that to car Carlos and I didn't realize I was kind of saying to him what I, you know, noticed about his own career. I was like, I like gradual. I don't think I could handle overnight.

And I think it would be taken away from me like immediately or like within years. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm telling him his life story. In other words,

I don't want to end up at the Ha Ha Cafe on a Saturday night, even though that's where I am right now in my career. So then I do my set. It was fine. And Carlos watched it.

And I was nervous about Carlos watching it because he's a fucking killer. Thief or not, one of the best performers ever. And you can't get to that level without being super fucking talented. He's very nice to me, even back then. And it just wasn't a good fit for me to open for him. But he was in the room. And then I walk out. I have to run to my other set because now I'm kind of late.

And Carla's like, wait, wait, wait. Jeremy Renner wants to meet you. And I'm like, why is this like a thing? Like, why is why do I have to go to like a wait for Jeremy to exit? He's a big fan. I was like, OK, well, now I will. And so I wait. And then Jeremy comes out and he's kind of like

I think he's drunk I'm like oh like I was like hi and we like hug and he does like kind of a long hug not like a creepy long hug but it's slow it's like Anya packing it's um it's just deliver like just a slower thing and I'm like oh he's wasted not wasted but like verge of wasted and he's kind of talking slower and I'm like how's it he's wasted. Not wasted, but like verge of wasted. And he's kind of talking slower. And I'm like, how's it going? And I was more asking like with the strike, like, oh, hard out there. Like, oh, you got time on a Saturday night,

you know, to come to the ha-ha. And he's like, considering everything I've been through, it's, you know, I'm just happy to be here. And I was like, oh, oh, oh oh my god and then all of a sudden it went flooding back like the snowmobile accident he almost died and I was like oh my god rescuing someone yeah he was like rescuing his nephew I think yeah I didn't look into the details I should have looked to do it more but he I know he was like almost maybe in a medically induced coma almost died um has to like learn to walk again he looked and then

all of a sudden when i saw him in that light when i i realized that i had beer goggles on as soon as i thought i noticed a little bit something off with him i just go he's wasted and i like kind of i'm just like let me just get through this and then all of a sudden he seemed very lucid to me and i was like you're just doing great and he was he was he was hilarious nice talking a little bit slower but um and seems to be well on the mend and like you know he was just saying how great he's like I've learned a lot in all of this like having that kind of gratitude that people have when they go through something very traumatic but he was just so freaking nice um we had many hugs of just like oh I'm so glad you're here like it felt like I'd known him forever um he was so nice and i uh we took pictures together and it was just a great he was just

a very normal i can't i was like you're i didn't realize like what a huge fucking star he was but it was a very cool to meet him and he was very nice to me and that's all i have to say about that so why was he talking slowly because i think he's maybe on pain meds or something. Okay. Wow. He broke 30 bones and had blunt chest trauma after being hit and run over by a snowplow

at his home January 1st of this year. Jesus Christ. The fact that he's up and he's walking around. Oh yeah, he was totally mobile. Ten weeks later, he was strong enough he's walking around that's a huge oh yeah he was totally ten weeks later he was strong enough to start walking

with a cane so it was quite a big wow accident he's a fucking superhero yeah he's gonna be back he looked great

but he was really nice and I was just so happy to meet him and hopefully like have a new friend in this business that I'm like oh it gives me faith

in this crazy celebrity culture that I kind of just roll my eyes at. Yeah. So cool. It was nice. Yeah. I mean,

that's amazing. And I feel like there's going to be a lot of people like that are going to want to be your friend. Yeah. It's interesting. Cause like, yeah, you forget that like actors look at comedians like,

how could you do that? I could never do that. There's, you just go up there and there's no script. And like, and they do put us on a pedestal. I forget that sometimes because we're way less famous than they are. But if they've seen like one thing we do, they're kind of like so impressed with us. So that is nice when you like are known by so like i would never think that he would know who i was but it's at that point now um yeah

especially when you're like going through recovery i'm sure you're trying to laugh as much as possible so i bet he got exposed to you even more during this year you know what i mean how cool that he killed it on snl too i want to go watch that performance now. I have a faint memory. I got to watch it again, but I remember just being so upset by it because it was too much talent. TMT.

I have a story I got to tell that's relevant to the joke stealing that I'm glad it's at the very end of the podcast because I'm a little weary of telling it. And I won't say who it was, but many years ago, I was hosting at the Comedy Attic and there was

a feature that came, and this has nothing to do with the headliner. This is just the feature. It's a middle act. Yeah, the middle act. I was having a drink with him or whatever I was doing, and he started telling me this story about this very famous comedian who he used to open for and he said he opened for this guy for around seven years and then all of a sudden stopped

and the reason is because um he would he this is a guy he's a feature he's less than 10 years into the game he's got 25 minutes of material that's it like he worked all that time to get his 25 minutes and he takes it on the road changing it's well it's not changed i mean he has he doesn't have the opportunity to grow it i mean i can relate but he's like you know he's got 25 minutes and that's like the most precious thing in the world to him that You got to understand that. And he has been opening for this guy for seven years. And then one day he gets a phone call from this guy. And the guy says, listen, I just filmed my hour special.

I want you to know that I may have accidentally used one of your jokes in my special and I'm really sorry about it but I will give you $40,000 or maybe it was $10,000 $10,000 for the joke and the guy was like okay well that sucks but I guess

you know $10,000 for one of my jokes that's fine I guess I don't love it but I'll take the money so he takes the money and then the special comes out and it turns out this guy used 20 minutes

of his material on the hour special and because I'm so excited to find out who this is when we're off air and because he paid him ten thousand dollars legally he has no recourse because he signed something yeah he's like i'll give you ten thousand dollars for the joke here's the thing to sign he signed it and it just said like that motherfucker lied and yeah i'm sure he told him it was just the joke you do that there's just this joke you know like i'm sure they talked about what joke it was i'm positive he told him it was just the joke you do that is just this joke I'm sure they talked about what joke it was

I'm positive of it but it was not so now this guy has five minutes left and now this guy can't do any of his jokes because people will accuse him they're like that's not your joke that's this other guy's joke yeah and then he almost quit comedy

but then he slowly clawed his way back and he did he now has 20 minutes again and I watched And so he almost quit comedy. But then he slowly clawed his way back. And he now has 20 minutes again. And I watched him do the 20 minutes. And it would be nice if he had those old 20 minutes back. I got to say. Oh, no. No one's paying for this new 20. Jesus Christ.

How do we make this person pay? They've already paid dearly. I'm going to say, I think this person has been cancelled in some way cancelled by God Karma is my boyfriend Ralphie Mae I'm not saying who it is

why do you say Ralphie Mae because he's dead he's not the only person who's dead though I don't know but he's the first person I can think of that died as Anya's dad would say person who's dead, though. I don't know, but he's the first person I can think of that died. As Anya's dad would say, most people are dead. That's true. God damn it. Who's a dead comedian?

Why can't I think of... Not Greg Giraldo. I'm not going to tell you. I know, but I want to keep naming names for our listeners to maybe, you know, incite intrigue and have them guessing. And I want you to have a reaction when I say a name that will confirm who it is

who's dead come on you guys think of dead comedians Gary Shanling died but he wouldn't do that it is not Greg Giraldo and it is not Norm Macdonald I will say that definitively I was gonna say why can't I think of but Ralphie May seems like it's when it could be but I'm guessing it wasn't um

god who else has tragically died um someone hugely famous right yeah someone who had a really good career and taped a special within the past 10 or 15 years um god damn it let me just look up dead comedians really quick not bob well gary shandling bob what's his name the brother of albert brooks So I can't remember who was on Curb Your Enthusiasm, but he's not huge. Not Bill Hicks. Not Bernie Mac. Oh, Robin Williams. Well, Robin Williams is a famous joke stealer.

Yeah, we have all forgiven that. Not Mitch Hedberg. No fucking way was it Mitch. Not Bob Saget. No. Okay. Not Bob Saget. No. Okay. Not Bob Saget. Thank God.

Not Patrice. The only thing Bob Saget stole was our hearts. Yeah. No kidding. Oh my God, that's so sweet. Okay, well, I'm going to stop guessing, but you are going to tell me within 30 seconds of us ending this podcast, and that's why we have to go.

You guys, talk about it amongst yourselves. Maybe we'll make little Easter eggs about who it's about in a future episode, but we'll never confirm it because we can't have this out there, and we want to protect the guy who got paid $10,000, who is probably at the chuckle hut in Dayton this weekend with that new 20. All right, thank you for joining us today. We will be here tomorrow. We'll do a Reddit dump tomorrow. Let's get into it then. Thank you all.

Don't be cuh. And just take a joke and make it your own. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend john stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines exclusive extended interviews and more now this

is a second term we can all get behind listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts