The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #363 Barbie Spoilers & Are We Strange For Not Mourning Loss?

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

It's hard to forget catchy commercial jingles from childhood like the one from Cellino & Barnes. Barnes' untimely death could have been another post on Nikki's saved Reddit/r/lastimages. Nikki went to see the Barbie movie (EXTREME SPOILERS) but would have rather watched something about "complete destruction". Brian is still agonizing over his mattress, revealing more about his decision making process. Nikki lets herself off the hook easily when she destroys or loses her things. In the Final Thought, Nikki reconsiders her friendship with Brian after he tells her a story about driving in fog. --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.

Joining me today are Brian and Noah. Anya is not here because she is in Canada and they don't have wi-fi in Canada so it's not working wherever she is Nova Scotia where is she she's in Nova Scotia yeah yeah she's like at a cabin on a lake so what oh like no yeah I used the word no at the beginning of nova it is a pun for no before we got started on the show today just seconds ago um noah and brian were remembering local tv ads in the new york area and noah had one that brian didn't recognize. And then Brian said, Salino and Barnes? Yeah, Salino and Barnes is injury attorneys in New York area.

And they had a catchy phrase. I think I know Salino and Barnes. You do? Maybe I know it from living in New York. Sure. No, they were there when you were there. But I don't think I watched TV in New York. How would I have seen this?

I'm very confused. But maybe I did. Maybe on the radio. They didn't have... It was TV ads. I wasn't listening to the local radio either. But I do know... Maybe they... Yeah, Subway ads or something? Okay, anyway. So what about Selina and Barnes?

Did you want to tell us? And you said, save it for the show. Everyone needs to hear this. This better be good. I'm just kidding. Pressure's on. First of all all nothing I say is worthy of that type of God

Noah do you remember the Selina and Barnes theme song yes Selina and Barnes injury attorney call 888

888 888 yeah that's it well Barnes is dead. Barnes has died. Just died? He died, no, it was a couple years ago,

but he died in a helicopter crash. Holy fuck. What? Wait, I do remember this. Yes. What? Yeah, he died in a helicopter crash, or maybe it was like a small plane,

but he was flying it and he died. So it's like, yeah, it's tragic, but also like he was flying the plane. So people are like, okay, well, you know, he took the risk and he didn't pan out. But what's funny about it, or not funny, but what's interesting about it is that the billboards around the city,

they used to say Salino and Barnes, within like 10 days, it was just Salino, injury attorney. Oh, he was so excited to finally get Barnes out of the way. Yeah, I bet you he was ready to break up with Barnes. He was sick of having Salino on Barnes. He wanted it to be just Salino, 888-8888, and now he's got it. I know, did they change the song? I haven't heard any song yet i i it makes me wonder if there's a conspiracy theory that perhaps seleno sabotaged the helicopter really i mean it's my conspiracy theory oh i just would love to see him get the call that it happened that's what that's footage i want to see of like no and he's writing things down right away. And he's waving it for his secretary. Get on the billboards.

He's out. He's done. This happened last year. He does a mime of a plane going into his desk. She's like, no. She's crying. He's like, get over it. Move on these billboards. Get Barnes's name out of there. There's something so...

Man, when I hear of a plane crash, I'm on it. I want to know everything about it. That's why I know about this. Like, just a tragedy like that? Yeah. God. I got really into, who was the woman, Patsy Cline, died in a plane crash.

Read about her a lot the other day. Had no idea that she died that way. And it's so tragic. And she used to, like, have premonitions that she was going to die. She used to like tell people she was in a really bad car crash where she almost got scalped to death. Like a couple years before her plane crashed. And she survived that. And then the plane, not so much.

And God, there was one I read about over the weekend that was, oh God. Oh, this is so bad. There was a couple plane crashes over the weekend. was oh god oh there's a couple bad plane crashes over the weekend girl was there i think maybe you're about to talk about the one at the air show or something no i didn't i did read about that last night there's you know in my reddit search of last images where it's the last image of a person there was a guy taking a selfie and behind him was like this pilot that was standing on the wing of her plane being like i'm getting ready to go up and fly and it was like that she died and then there was like a crash at an air show and then the air show kept

going. And then there was another crash or something like that at the same air show. They were like, we just got to keep going. And then there was another one. That's just what I read in a Reddit comment. So who knows if it's true, but this was also in last images where I read all my morbid stuff. It was a girl in a helicopter with her. It was a screenshot from the video. She's in a helicopter with her brother and she's in a wedding gown. She had the idea to surprise her groom by helicoptering into, instead of being walked down the aisle,

I'll helicopter in and he has no idea. So he's waiting. Everyone's waiting at the ceremony here comes the bride and they all start getting alerts on their phone this is what i'm guessing because it kind of said something like this that there was a helicopter crash a mile away and no one at the wedding knew that she was coming in by helicopter because it was a surprise. Oh, my God. Except one person. So that one person was probably like, there was what? Sorry, share that with me.

There was a mile away. Okay. Oh, God. No. Oh, God. And had to like tell people. And it was really foggy. Guys, if it's fogging up yeah

not don't go in a helicopter just don't go in a helicopter don't go in a helicopter i did it in hawaii and it was one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life going over this like cliff that had a waterfall and then you just right over it you're like it's all grass beneath you and then you go over it and it's like jurassic park and it's like this huge it was one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen in my life still not worth it now that i think back on it because i could have died and and i just get so nervous about those propellers i have dreams where all i'm doing is ducking as i'm walking into near a helicopter you ever hear about people that are like plane propellers that they're just walking out of the plane and yes oh my god and they just walk right into it

because you can't see it? I mean, I don't seek this stuff out, so I haven't seen the specific story about it, but I do know that I'm very mad at places like seemingly innocent publications like People Magazine because they just love and on my news app, when they pop up, it's

always something like bride and groom die on the way to their wedding. I got to subscribe then. Man who just had a baby had his arms cut off. It's fear porn. People get addicted to that. Yeah, it kind of is. And I love being scared of things and having my fears validated.

Because I'm not doing this stuff anyway, so it makes me feel like, good job, Nikki. You're not going skydiving. You're not going to a rodeo. You're not going to a monster truck rally. This is the right thing to do, which by the way, what is the point of a monster truck rally? Is it really? I mean, people could say the same thing about a Taylor Swift concert. I really want to understand, is it very exciting to see cars go way up in the air and like fall in some mud? They smash other cars though. They smash other cars too. That's why.

Why is that entertaining? I realized another fear of mine over the weekend because I went to go see Barbie and there was a ad for, I usually love, you you know trailers but there there's just too much action going on i close my eyes during any car chase scene it is not the fear of the crash i don't like when a beautiful new car even there was a barbie chase scene i closed my eyes during it if anyone in listening saw barbie there's a scene where she is in like definitely a chevy truck that they bought an ad for because it's all chevys chasing each other and this chevy like you press a button and it like it goes faster there's not that button in the chevy that you buy i don't understand why

they even like are selling people are going to be like where's that button that makes you go hundreds of miles an hour faster than the cops anyway she, she's in a Chevy and it's like a new, I don't like watching new cars go up on curbs and like have their axles like disrupted. It really, really bothers me because there's going to be so, like I hate hitting a bump or like, and in car chases, they're always going over curbs

and they're breaking really fast and there's smoke and I'm like, oh, the tires are are being damaged i don't like watching damage interesting you only like people either i don't like watching people get yeah like you love hearing about people getting damaged why don't you like for i like hearing about like complete destruction like i didn't mind the cars that are like being slammed into each other and like they're totaled but if you still have to drive that chevy around after it's been in this chase I feel like its alignment is gonna be off it's a brand new car you're just ruining it I think I also have like my mom's voice in my head like you just got this car Nick you oh the and my dad being like you know what my dad talks about car alignment more than

his love of his grandchildren like there's every car the alignments off i gotta get the tires rotated every single car the alignments off any curb you hit any little bump the alignments off so i have that kind of paranoia but i don't like car chasing scenes although there was an ad for this new movie called gran turismo which is gonna bomb probably but it's about like people who play the grand turismo video game and then they are recruited to like play oh and there's a guy in it that i find myself wildly attracted to and i don't i don't know what happened i i've i've seen this guy before i was never into him and then he showed up on the trailer and i was like that guy's hot and

he it made me feel the same way I felt as like a young girl when I've I talk about it on stage sometime when I first uh was attracted to JFK jr when I was in eighth grade I was like I'm a woman now because I'm like attracted to a man and this guy I feel like I'm growing up because there's just when you get start getting attracted to 50 60 year old men like you're feel like I'm growing up because there's just, when you start getting attracted to 50, 60-year-old men, you're like, oh, I'm just getting older. My body's just regulating to what I deserve now because my skin is older. So who's the guy? David Harbour? Yes.

The guy from Stranger Things, the sheriff from Stranger Things. And I haven't seen Stranger Things but my god there's something about him in this he just seems kind and giant yeah

he's a very big man that's the characters he plays kind and giant and he seems a little stern in this one too like he's not putting up with these little gamers

bullshit that's exactly what he does he doesn't believe in them that's him in Stranger Things he's a sheriff yeah oh he is okay I think I. That's him in Stranger Things. He's a sheriff. Yeah. Oh, he is? Okay, I think I saw the first episode of Stranger Things.

I do remember him in it. I've seen this guy before. He's married to Lily Allen. Don't even think I didn't research it. Okay. She's my age. Not that I want a chance with this guy. I'm very happy in my relationship.

But I was like, uh-oh, new attraction unlocked. I've never been attracted to anyone who looks like him even remotely this is like a he's just a burly man like a bear man yeah yeah never have been into a bear i like kikis i don't like boobas he's definitely got a uh no one knows he's definitely typecast as a tough lovable guy like he was in kind of a doofus yeah he was in the black widow movie as he played a russian uh at first villain who was really tough but then it turns out that he was a sweet man um and then he was in he's got a kindness he looks like he could be bigfoot or he could be santa cla, which he was in Violent Night, where he played Santa Claus

defending a house from intruders and killing people violently. Oh, I did see that picture of him on that. And I thought he was like in a horror movie about Santa. But no, he's a good guy in that too. Yeah, I think it's more like in the genre of like Cocaine Bear,

where it's just like so over the top ridiculous. Right. It's funny, but also entertaining. That was a new thing for me. I did see Barbie this weekend and it was it was everything i wanted it to be you know i like lowered my i tempered my expectations because it was so built up and i was thinking this is going to be the next mean girls like this seminal comedy classic that i would revisit the rest of my life was it that no it wasn't that i will I don't need to ever see Barbie

again I might need to see it if I was I would watch it with Chris again and just I would like to get his take on it I would like to watch it with the girls trip get your guys's take on it that's the only reason I really want to see it um again but not because it wasn't good um do you ever see a movie where you're like, you leave and you go, oh, that was okay. But then you can't stop thinking about it. And you go, wait a second. I think it was probably really good because you should be able to get a bad movie. It should leave your head right away. So I'm like, oh, maybe I'm not, I'm thinking a lot about what just happened. So it was like that for me. It was my favorite part of the whole movie.

I told Brian this last night. Oh, we need Anya's spoiler horn. This isn't a spoiler. Okay, good. I just sound like I'm having an asthma attack. Like a fucking porpoise having a seizure. Okay. I don't't know she does it but um there's just one line that really first of all here let me just give you some headlines

and these aren't spoilers and this everyone has heard if you've read anything about barbie you know this stuff ryan gosling is a comedy treasure i want to go back and watch everything he's ever done just in search of sponging out any even more self-comedy. Although I will say, he was really funny in that wild crazy love or what crazy fucked up love. There's some movie where he is training Steve Carell's character to be crazy stupid love. he was great in that and

he was kind of funny and charming I mean he's always charming but my god him as Ken I mean you've seen the trailers for it I'm guessing where he's just like there's this one trailer that doesn't give anything away it's in the trailer everyone calm down where um she's like he's injured and he's at the doctor and they're like you're healed in the second in the sentence that i'm talking to you you've healed completely because it's barbie land and everything is fine and then he's like barbie you know my job isn't even lifeguard it's not even lifeguard my my job is beach and she goes i know ken and he's like cool barbie and then he goes like barbie can i come? So Barb,

Ken's whole existence is based on whether Barbie looks at him. That's what, that's like the first line of the movie is like, and there's a narrator that's like, and Ken's only purpose is if Bobby talks to him that day. And so she's like, hi, Ken.

And he's like, yeah. And then she says hi to another Ken. And he's like sad again. And he's just so, he's so fucking good. You got to see the movie just for him. And also to stare at Margot Robbie's stunning face the whole time.

It's just fun to watch her face. She is incredible. So there is one part that I love, and this is my favorite line in the whole thing, and I'm not ruining any of the plot by saying this, but there is a moment where Barbie is bedraggled looking and her beauty has been kind of stripped away. And it's,

it's this pivotal moment where she's realizing that like all of the, her worth was in her beauty almost. And now she's ugly and she doesn't feel like she's worthwhile anymore. And she's telling America Ferrara's character like, and I am ugly now. And she's supposed to look ugly, man. She has no makeup.

Her hair is flat. She's like laying on the ground. Her face has been in the AstroTurf and she rolls over and she's supposed to look ugly man she has no makeup her hair is flat she's like laying on the ground her face has been in the astroturf and she rolls over and she's like and I'm ugly and no one will love me she says something like that and then the movie pauses and oh my god I've had the I had the quote saved let me just pull up the quote really quick I know this is annoying because I screenshotted it because i wanted to get it right um it says during the heartbreaking speech barbie admits that she never feels good enough and not pretty enough despite essentially being the perfect woman it's then that the narrator who has been silent for most of the film chimes in with note to filmmakers margot robbie is not the

right person to cast to make this point it was so refreshing because what movie in the middle of the movie says the actor's like name which is insane but you can tell that they made this adjustment because they were i would love to interview if i ever talked to greta gerwig i would ask her when did you put that line in because was it after you were probably watching it you're probably doing screenings and it just wasn't resonating. And you needed to address the obvious, which was this woman's too beautiful. And to prove a point about women feeling ugly,

you're using the wrong person. And they probably just went into ADR the next day and were like, let's just quickly get this line from Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren was probably in a hotel room in Prague, like with a blanket over her head, just being like note to filmmakers. And she was like, I'm doing this line. Helen Mirren was probably in a hotel room in Prague, like with a blanket over her head, just being like, note to filmmakers. And she was like, I'm doing this line. Wait, Helen Mirren was the narrator?

Yeah. Helen Mirren is doing everything. She is doing... I mean, she is... Well, she... Yeah, she's narrating all sorts of things. She's saying yes to things that she shouldn't say yes to. Like what?

She was the host of the Harryter quiz show that was on hulu um and and she clearly like didn't get like what the point of the show was and maybe didn't really see harry potter or something because every time she would ask a question if she would read it like a a grandmother referencing something that her grandchild likes. Oh, like the quote-unquote jiggy with it. Yes, exactly. In the movie. And then she'd have to make...

The Hufflepuffs? Every time there is a game show or there is something like that that needs to be hosted, you need to cast a comedian. It is so awkward when an actor like helen mirren is forced to make a funny retort or witty banter or something in a situation like that it's it's crazy more so in that in that in that game show she's like yeah so she says things like that in the first harry potter film her Hermione Granger did magic for which house?

And then they have to guess, and they're like, Hufflepuff. And then she has to say, and then she has to make like a joke because they got it wrong, and that's like an easy question. So then she'll say something like, Oh no, it appears the Quidditch snitch

got out of your hand and it's like clearly someone wrote that for her who's not funny and then she delivered it as if because she didn't really know what the words meant but she said them that's what it felt like the whole show people just think that anyone

can do this stuff because they're famous and that's enough often times it is enough that they're famous and that's good enough. But you're so right. There's so many awkward hosts of things and just because they're famous and it's excruciating to watch. And thank God for that because comedians, being stand-up comedians, it's like we get bored of stand-up. We like to do other things. We're not always the best actors.

People don't trust us to put us in that stuff. But thank God we can do that shit. But we have to take a break. We'll be right back with Helen Mirren. She said yes to coming on our show. She just does everything. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back. So I saw the Barbie movie, and um i was and delighted you went alone i went alone yeah i was coming back from a lunch with my friend lizzie and then i was just like man i've got a whole afternoon of nothing to do which i'm very uncomfortable with and even though i complain about being over scheduled all the time and i was like i do want to see barbie it's like one thing that i've i haven't wanted to do anything like all the time. And I was like, I do want to see Barbie. It's like one thing that I've, I haven't wanted to do anything like this in so long, but it was like,

I really want to go see that. I want to be a part of the zeitgeist. I want to be able to talk about it with people, even though no one in my life has seen it. No one has seen it. I tried desperately last night. I'm working on this project and there was one girl who's seen it. And I was trying to flag her down to be like, can we talk about it?

But none of my girlfriends have seen it. None of my family has seen it. No one in my life has seen it. I could have waited. But anyway, I want to talk about it desperately with people. And but what are your thoughts on the uh barbenheimer phenomenon i mean i don't my friend lizzie saw oppenheimer and she's she has a new joke that she was like i saw three movies this weekend it was oppenheimer um which i like because so fucking long it's too long barbie's an hour and 54 minutes

i checked i i any movie i put in my phone google just fills in because it knows that i need to know running time yeah i need to know how long this motherfucker is going to take and you you bite your ass i knew exactly the i looked at my phone the minute the the trailer was trailers were over so i could go one hour and 44 minutes from this time i will be out of here i'm just always looking for things to be over yeah um oppenheimer she said there was too much music in it like there's a beach scene and it's like there's like he's going to bed they're like like it's like the music is constantly swelling to this crescendo of of of anxiety and yeah I just hear it's super um anxious and but I do want to see it just so I know references and um I would like to see it

with Chris and I would like to see it when we can know references. And I would like to see it with Chris. And I would like to see it when we can pause it. Because that was something I wanted to do during the Barbie movie. I missed a good chunk because I had to go to the bathroom at one point. And I wanted to pause it. But I couldn't do that. But you know about the Barbenheimer phenomenon. This meme.

Well, I know about people going to see a double feature. But not many people did. Because Oppenheimer only has made $300 million. And Barbie has made $700 million. Yeah, well they definitely drafted off of each other and certainly Oppenheimer I think drafted off of Barbie because I don't think it would have been as popular if not for the Oppenheimer.

I had no idea even what that movie was until it was all attached to Barbie. It's like the Dark Knight fans. And then Inception and stuff. So on boy Reddit, they were talking about Oppenheimer a lot. Chris already knew about it as soon as I was like, what is this Oppenheimer thing? Because I just only knew

it as attached to Barbie. But what a great marketing scheme. Well, I think that they didn't plan this. I think this is the internet being sarcastic and ironic and saying that they're going to go see both movies. And then the studios just fucking hit the jackpot.

It was an organic meme that people only liked it because it was so stupid. It happens on the internet all the time where something is so stupid that people then sarcastically and ironically pretend that they love it. So people did go see both movies and what i'm not looking forward to is the next movie that those execs have they they're gonna think that they're gonna have a huge hit on their hand based on their genius whatever paddington turismo yeah it's like you're gonna go see paddington 2 and grand turismo and people are gonna be like no sorry nice try and it's like you're not a Nobody, you didn't do anything to make all that money on Oppenheimer and Barbie. It was because people found something randomly so stupid that they went and did it. And you're not going to be able to recreate that.

I can just picture the exec being like, yeah, I did. I did Oppenheimer. I think I know what I'm doing around here. And then they're going to fucking have a flop. Their next movie, whoever the execs or producers of the people who made Oppenheimer I think I know what I'm doing around here and then they're gonna fucking have a flop their next movie whoever the execs or producers of the people who made Oppenheimer their next movie will be a flop you heard it here it's going to bomb it's probably gonna be like an eight it's probably gonna be like a one billion dollar budget and it's gonna and it's gonna make like 300 million or something I guarantee you guys know what Barbie is about because one of the

the reason I wanted to see barbie more than anything was like what the fuck how are they going to make this a feminist statement like what are they doing with it what could the plot possibly be chris and i were also talking about this like how could barbie how could this be a funny script like how could they make a like barbie is a big deal but it's i'm sorry i think it's taking on this cultural importance that it really didn't have like they're making a story about how barbie is in all of our lives and has been with us all along when i gotta say we all stopped playing with barbie and they even say it in the movie around five years old and it's not like it's if you maybe have some kind

of down syndrome or something barbie has stayed in your life until your adulthood but and that is no shade on people with down syndrome but they tend to like childlike things well into their adulthood you barbie is an afterthought and it wasn't that i didn't like i didn't feel empowered by barbie it didn't make me feel like i could go and get a job and be an astronaut. Maybe it did. Maybe the Barbie, the vet made me go, oh, I could be a vet. And it's as easy as there's just a picture of a dog skeleton on the wall. And that's all I have to do all day is just have a stethoscope with a paw print on it. And there's a dog skeleton on my wall. And I get to pet little dogs all day.

And I get to wear cute little outfits. But Barbie did not impact me this much. I think that was part of their marketing scheme was to sell us on the idea that Barbie was a huge part of our lives when it wasn't. Oh, yeah. Do you know what the plot was? Can you guys guess what it's about?

Well, from what I've heard, some things about it, but I'm going to guess that Barbie is in Barbie Land and then she gets zapped into the human world. Yes. That's the guess. And she shows them that women can do anything. Right. So the pretty women.

The loose premise is that Barbie Land and real life are separate, which, okay, that's great. That makes it so it can be a thing and mattel is aware of barbie land and likes to keep barbie land as barbie land and barbie land has the disillusionment that they've solved everything for women in barbie land all the women are like in charge of everything every woman is a supreme court justice every woman wins a new nobel prize every woman and men are just like less less than women are in the real world like they're just they're an afterthought no one even knows where they live they're just there and like every night is girls night ken always goes home alone no one even knows where he goes. He's just there. It's Barbie and Ken.

And this world is created by a large corporation called Mattel. Yes. Oh, okay. Yes. But they, it's like, it's self, Mattel's not controlling it. It's not like Truman Show. It's just, it's the world. And they walk around on their tiptoes.

And then things start to go haywire where Barbie starts to like have thoughts of death and like have flat feet and this is in the like beginning of the movie and they realize that there's some kind of you it's just you can make up anything they're like there is a a portal that's open and somehow the real world thoughts of like what the real world is like for women are is entering into barbie land and it's and all the barbies are freaking out that she has flat feet and they're like oh my god you have to go see weird barbie and weird barbie is this barbie that represents like the girl the barbie that has like cut hair and like marker on her face and like girls like is always in the splits and that's played by kate mckinnon who's genius anyway i thought it was very interesting how they did it

and i'm always curious like when you have the concept of like what's a Barbie movie I don't know how they're gonna do Polly Pocket the movie but I guess it's being made like they're gonna try to recreate this for like every toy it's an epidemic in Hollywood I mean every fucking show and movie it doesn't matter as Hollywood execs are afraid to make new things these days. All they do is make things with pre-existing IP. How did this get made then? Even Oppenheimer is a historical thing. But if you can attach someone who already had a successful thing,

then they can make what they want. But if it's a new person, it can either be superheroes or it can be pre-existing IP. There must be something attached. They're running out. People are talking about how Barbie isn't like is a new concept. No, it's pre-existing IP. Yes. So it really wasn't anything original.

Gran Turismo pre-existing IP. Yes. Every original font. Yeah, there's a new Marvel marvel dc character coming out beetle bug or something yeah there's a there's the blue beetle which is dc's so dc is like there's a radioactive bug who bites somebody and then they get superpowers and they're gonna just pretend like we didn't already see 7 000 spider-man movies i mean insane um that movie looks truly atrocious it's just like granny has a gun like the pivotal moment in the movie is in the trailer where it's

all of a sudden a granny like someone's abulita yeah like has a huge machine gun and they're like granny no and she's like i got it kids and it's like that's the why did you show us that like that is the funniest thing that happens in the movie because it's all they have trailers suck now they just give away everything i didn't even watch the barbie trailer it's if they would have left the foot moment for the barbie trailer like that would have been a crucial moment in the there's funny stuff that happens but they they gave away all the funny moments in barbie and i just gave away another one that actually would have been saved um but then um but yeah the barbie movie did make me later on i was on i did like nine sets this weekend not like nine i did nine sets this weekend and i was getting into some like feminist stuff that was maybe sometimes a little bit over the top and i oh at

one point i go listen i know it's hard for men too i saw barbie and the crowd fucking exploded because it was exactly what that movie was about was like men don't want to see it because it's like oh it's anti-men i guess like some right-wing people are like up in arms but don't go see barbie because it's a feminist movie like that would be such a horrible thing yeah i guess but that was me it's it's yeah you were a talking head on uh i was almost gonna say tucker carlson but that's not on anymore um yeah i don't know any fox and friends um gutfield yeah so yeah it um it it what it did if anything it made me feel like bad for men and make me go like, oh,

men need to be supported more and need more emotional support. They're kind of lost, which I guess is also not a good, like, you know, Fox and Friends people would think that's like, that's men aren't lost. They don't need to cry. But it was about that. No, it's a tough time for men these days. You know, we had a grapple with the fact that people are questioning our power. Well, yes, it's that. I mean, listen, I love playing that card of like, oh, poor men. You've had it good for so long.

Now it's our turn. Oh, you can't cry. You're sad and isolated. But the truth is they are. Men are. Men don't have as many. Men don't have girls chats. Men don't have emotional support.

They don't need it as much because women are just fucking bananas when it comes to emotions but it is there is a problem there and men don't need to be mocked for for being like having a stiff upper lip and like being a little bit um and being angry because they do they have like a lot of rage hormones that we don't have that thank god we don't have it that they don't know what to do with there is a great book that is on my reading list i actually started reading it a while ago and then i stopped and it talks about how men handle depression and their communication is so different than the way women do it it's actually a book that's written for men not really you know but it still gives like a good view of it for other people who might want to read it it's um terence real who i'm reading his other book it's called i don't want to talk about it

oh yeah and i well what a great uh what a great title yeah yeah i i think that that's how men um the most of the men that i know handle any kind of they they handle depression by actually like doing stuff so it's like they will go and they'll start hitting nails into like a wooden plank and fix up the porch or something that's how they they handle depression and we turn to our girlfriends to actually talk and and have like emotional process it yeah well do does building a porch help them process it though like is it is that helpful or is it like they're just building a porch around their problems no it's that that is how they cope and so it does work for them yes

i mean i just keep saying they and them like what like i mean'm a man. I'm not building a porch when I get upset. Well, you might do something else. Brian, you're different. You're different. You have like a more feminine energy in that way. Like Brian has friends that he talks to about his feelings. How did, for men listening who don't have that, like, is that something you've always had?

Is that something you realized you were lacking? Like you do seem to process your feelings in a way that i relate to at least i that's why we're not including you yeah get out um i don't know i think i think there's just men who are like me and there are men who you know bury everything and uh hammer nails into wood in order to get rid of their feelings. But I mean, I did go to therapy for a long time, but I think I'm done. I don't think I have to go back. Did you think you were a pussy for going?

Like, was it hard to get you to go the first time? Like, how did you get in there? No, not at all. I thought it was great. I never thought I was a pussy. And I do know, I think it's, there is cultural, you know, with people who, when they grow up and around, maybe your older brother calls you a pussy for going to therapy or something like that. And they get beaten out of you that way.

Or if you're on the football team and that's why there's a lot of football teams like the Indianapolis Colts who they're like their charity. You know, every football team has got like a, here's our, you know, how like Pepsi is like, we're going to do houses for dogs or whatever. Indianapolis Colts charity is kick the stigma of talking about your mental health. So it is like a thing in sports too, but I never

had a problem with it. I think I'm open with complaining about all sorts of things. So I think that's where it comes from. I'll just complain and I'll just go on and on. I talk a lot. I just talked a lot just now. No, like what? I mean mean welcome to the show i mean that's uh yeah you do talk a lot you talk things out and um you have a more analytical

approach to talking you're not as um feelings based as facts based i've noticed when you talk yeah um which i think is probably more masculine But you do have a lot of logic. And like your mattress saga has been a fascinating one to live through. Brian bought a Tempur-Pedic mattress. And I'm not joking you. Let me just tell Noah, how many hours do you think Brian spent at the mattress store the day that he purchased his mattress before making that purchase how many hours do you think he spent um just at one mattress store was it one mattress store brian yeah it was at one mattress store tempurpedic okay our uh yeah how many hours i i mean i can't imagine spending more than like an hour and a with the the the buying process, maybe like an hour and a half.

But knowing that this question is probably a significant amount of time and it's Brian. Like what would you guess if you were a betting woman that it's, you know, I know what you and I would do is probably like more than an hour and a half is like excruciating. But what do you think Brian did? So if you didn't frame the question in a way where I would be able to tell that he spent probably like five hours at the store. I think I would say that Brian went to the store multiple times to just be sure. No, it's one time. One time. So I don't know. I guess I'm thinking about how long I spent and I just knew it like immediately. So I would say like an hour and a half. Okay. Brian, how many hours did you spend at the store before you went to the store? Well, first of all, this was the second time I went to the store. Oh my god. Okay, I didn't know that.

So, relatively, it's more than this, but the day I bought the bed, I spent six hours at the mattress store. Six? And I kept saying, am I the most annoying mattress purchaser you guys have ever had? And they're like, no! No, and then they did that thing where they're,

they go up into a falsetto, and they got they also turn over to different shifts of people well that's what happened it got to be so long that um i said to a guy one of the there's two guys and one of the guys like well i'm gonna take my lunch break and so he left and then i turned to the other guy and i was like do you need a lunch break i mean we've been here for like three and three and a half hours and he's like no no no i don't need a lunch break actually you, I actually get a little bonus for pushing my lunch break. So it's actually good that you're here for so long because I can get a little bit

of money because you're here for so long on my lunch break. What are you doing? This makes no sense to me how you could spend this long of a time and you have someone assisting you the entire six hours. You at no point were you like, go take a nap, you guys. I said to the guy, I was like, don't you need a lunch break? And he said, no, I get a little bump. And then another- But he's just hanging out with you for six hours? Have you seen him since?

I lay down and then I say, can you please, can you? Yeah, so I go there every few days and lay down and we- You lay down on each mattress for 15 minutes? You have to lay down for 15 minutes to get a feel for it so i told the guy i said you don't have to lay here next to me or to stand around and watch me lay just go do whatever you want and i'll let you know when i need you and he said fine and then an hour and a half passed and he comes up to me and he goes listen i really got to get lunch i'm really hungry and i was like so go get like he was the guy who was like don't worry

about it i don't need lunch yeah and he's like, listen, enough time. I didn't think you're going to be here for five hours. I need to get lunch. So I was like, I'll tell you what, I'll go get lunch also. And then you get lunch and then we'll reconvene after a lunch break. So he did that. I left for 20 minutes. I got a smoothie and then I came back and we both took a lunch break and then finished the six hours. And then I tried all of these mattresses. I laid in. Did you fall asleep in any of them? It was like 15 minutes.

You would just lay there and like toss and turn or like, what would you do for 15 minutes? Would you be on your phone or would you just stare at the wall? Like what are you doing? Sometimes I'd be on my phone and sometimes there'd be another customer. There was this other guy who was also looking for a mattress and then we laid in bed together and we talked about the bed for 15 minutes. That guy wound up buying a different bed than me. There is another guy who came in who had the same story as me where he's like, and he was definitely rich. I mean, he did not give a fuck about buying the mattress. He was like, I will drop 50. He kept saying, this guy came in and he kept saying to

the guy, he's like, I have a mattress. I don't like it. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on this mattress and I can't, it was the worst money ever spent. It was this outrageous amount of money and I was not comfortable in it. My wife hates it. And so we just want to get a new mattress. And I was like, oh yeah, I did the same thing. I bought a really expensive mattress. I had it for three years and I hate it. And then I was like, yeah, it was like, I spent like $5,000 on a mattress. I threw $5,000 at him and I could just see it in his eyes. He's like, I'm not telling you how much I spent on my mattress. Cause it was probably something like 20 to $30,000, which you can buy a custom made like fancy mattress for that. Because he looked like-

Why didn't you say I'll buy your mattress from you and try it out? Because that guy's just going to put it out on the street. Rich people don't care about reselling things. Yeah. Well, I wanted a Tempur-Pedic and so did he. Oh, right. He just looked like a Beverly Hills rich guy and I was like, $5,000 mattress is the equivalent

of getting a Wayfair clearance sale mattress to him. But then he wound up buying the most expensive mattress in the store. So did you. So did I. A different firmness level, but I got the same one and I fucking hate it.

I spent six hours in that store laying in all the mattresses this didn't work for you no six hours no it would have been better off because i asked brian the reason i know about six hours is he's talking about this mattress that you know he has and he hates and i and i hate to be like my mom because my mom would just go then why did you buy it nick and it's it's like, well, I didn't know I was going to hate it. The answer to that is like, because I didn't know. But I eventually asked Brian, why did you buy this mattress? If you knew what you wanted, and it goes against what you want. Because Brian wanted a Tempur-Pedic because he wanted that like sinking feeling where it like encapsulates you.

But then he ended up buying like a hybrid that's like a half spring, half that. So it's like, it was called the deluxe the luxe breeze medium hybrid and it's not that median hybrid it's not that i um it's not that a hybrid's bad it's that these breezes are so fucking stiff i i really do think they're going to discontinue them because there's just no way they intend the bed to feel like this there's just no way but i go i to feel like this. There's just no way. But I go, I say, Brian, why did you get this mattress then? Like, how are you there six? And he goes, because I was tired and I was disoriented. I was hungry and I didn't know where he was anymore.

Like, he had been in this fucking store for so long that in the end, it backfired because he was like, he hadn't seen sunlight in over six hours. He was like starting to lose his mind no yeah i never give myself that much time to make a decision about anything the other day i went and i got my nails done and i wanted a pink for barbie even though i didn't see the movie oh yeah your pink is so good noah i've been looking at with the green sweatshirt that you're wearing it's perfect thank you i picked a pink she put it on and it was sheer and i was like uh i don't want sheer i want it to cover so she went and she brought me like three other colors she put the first one on and and then she was going

to do the other one i was like you know what don't even give me the choices i like this i like the one you put on my pinky let's keep it that way same same i can't i went and got my nails done yesterday and the guy's like is this good he like you know did a rounded one and i was like yeah it's fine it's fine when they ask me rounded or or flat or coffin shaped i'm like i'm thinking about coffins right now because i i feel so bad that i don't care i just don't care i've never i don't even know what woman would ever be like i need it to be this shape of roundness. And they're all fucked up.

The problem with going to nail salons is they gloop it on too much and then it will never dry. My toes were still not dry and I was pressing into them just to show how they weren't dry. Six hours later, I could have bought a mattress in that time.

And I was pressing into that and they still weren't dry. That is absurd. I want to go back there today. I have an hour and a half and it dry. That is absurd. I want to go back there today. I have an hour and a half and it's 30 minutes away, but I want to drive back there just to say, look at this. This damage happened six hours after you guys painted it

and then not do anything because they'll just do it again. Like I just want them to see. And I forgot my sunglasses there. Do you ever forget something and you just go, how much were those sunglasses? They were $85. Okay. I wore them for two months. That was pretty, that was probably like $20 worth of wearing it for like when I really expected to lose these things. This place is 30 minutes away. I don't even know

if they have it. And I don't want to call ahead because they don't really speak English and they don't seem to like want to answer their phones based on when I was there. So maybe I just say goodbye to those glasses forever. What you just described is my thought process for every single decision I make about anything. Really? I just analyze all that stuff. You don't seem to value your time if I was to be guessing about how you manage your life. No, I am valuing my time because I knew that if I picked the wrong mattress, I would suffer and that would cost me way more time.

But you did suffer. I know. It is wasted so much of your time. Yesterday, he went on another mattress. What? I went to Macy's and I went to another. Because he has to get rid of this mattress. He hates it. This mattress. So the thing about Tempur-Pedics is that there's a break-in period.

And they say that you have to lay in it for 30 days and then it'll it'll feel more like the store it's more than 30 days well whatever it doesn't matter that's the 90 days is the time he has to return it yeah but if he returns it he's got to pay a restocking fee but he also has the chance to return it and then they just give you another mattress and it's a fine and there's no restocking fee so that discourages people from you know returning it and then buying a new one but if he gets a new mattress without the restocking fee if they just exchange it and it's a clear exchange he's stuck with it there's no 90 day anymore dilemma of what does he do because i would say just go with the one you know now you you've been back to the store. You've tested your mattress that you thought you wanted.

It sucks even there now. You realize when you got it, you were not in the right state of mind. Get a mattress now that feels like the one that you originally wanted, the Tempur-Pedic that fits to your body, not this hybrid bullshit,

not the breeze bullshit. Not the breeze. But then I think about that and i go nope i think i think it's too much of a risk brian is too sensitive of a boy yeah he's not gonna like this mattress it's just too much of a i just i'm stressed out for you man i don't know how you're gonna do this i went to the mattress store yesterday and i laid in the i laid in the breeze hybrid the one that i bought because i I was like, did I just totally fuck this up? Because I must have laid it in the store and thought it was comfortable.

That's why I bought it. This just must not be broken in yet. So I went to the store because I was like, I want to lay in the mattress that I bought and see how it's supposed to feel. Smart. So I did that. I laid in it and I was like, this is the worst mattress i've ever laid it oh it's as bad as it is that day it's like my mattress isn't broken in the one at the store is broken in and it's like two percent softer i just don't understand i gotta feel this mattress i want to come over and lay on it by all means imagine a mattress being so fucking bad that you have horrible night's sleep your back is like cracking in half from the sleep like yes i've just never heard of a mattress being that bad unless it

had like spikes on it like i don't or unless it was like a there are spikes on a sofa mattress that you put that has a bar going through it there are spikes on the end and they cut you and then there's like a river of acid that flows through the middle that's what keeps it sounds like it every every time i see you you're just like my the worst night's sleep of my life yeah no it really sucks with me fucking bad my wife laid in it and you know she has her own bed much softer my wife so she doesn't have to do anything with this my wife maybe it's time you two sleep in the same bed her bed she laid in the bed and she said she's a king-size bed she's got a king-size bed all to herself and she sprawls out like a starfish right in the middle for now for now can you sleep in her bed so you don't have to like torture yourself anymore you know you're

getting rid of this one well i i'm torturing myself because just in case it breaks in and i'm like you know what i actually love this bed like like noah was you pay someone to lay in it while you're at work or something like to break it in faster what's um and are beds broken in at the store because people are laying in them all day what i don't understand is how temperpedic could sell people a mattress that feels like shit for 90 days and that's not just me. For many people. Why? Because you're reading consumer reviews. And Reddit. How could that company survive? I have a Tempur-Pedic mattress and I love it. So two opposing views

here. It's the best mattress ever. Do we know what model you have? You know, I was just trying to search through my email for it to see, but it might be, it has like that cooling technology in it. So I think it might be the hybrid. They all have cooling technology, but this is the latest cooling technology.

Is there anyone that doesn't want to be cool when they sleep? And why is this a new technology? This is like wheels on luggage. Hasn't everyone always wanted to be cool when they sleep? Memory foam mattresses sleep really hot. They sleep really hot. You sink into them and it heats up. And that was the initial complaint about memory foam is that they sleep too hot.

I sweat all night. So they started injecting this cooling technology into their mattresses. And now I think they've gone too far. But my wife laid in this mattress and she said, I would rather sleep on the floor than sleep on this mattress. That's how stiff and hard it is.

Anyway. I don't know what you're going to do. I'm pretty sure I'm going to return and then get a Tempur-Pedic hybrid medium non-breeze ProAdapt. Okay. But when you were talking about you lose stuff like your sunglasses or you leave it somewhere, I lost my wallet this weekend. Oh, yeah.

That sucks. Yeah, I lost my wallet and um uh ali said so this is like this is where like my i don't know if i don't have feelings or something but i lost the wallet and i realized it was lost and i've just always been this way i just instantaneously moved on from the fact that i lost it and within 30 minutes i had replaced everything in the wallet. And Allie said that I have never seen someone move from realization to losing something like that to having it all taken care of so quickly. I'm very similar. I realized that when I left my purse in a cab one time and I remember someone was over my house

when I realized it might have been Andrew. We were, I was at my apartment in New York. I realized I just got out of the cab and gotten up to my apartment, four floor walk up and I get up there. We're up there for like a half hour and I go, Oh my God. And I know exactly what happened.

There's no even question where, where it could be. Yeah. And I just was like, all right, right well that it's just accept immediate acceptance because any of this like oh god no oh this i think it's a rebellion of my parents because again my parents would be like why did you leave it there yeah yeah like oh because i wanted to i really like losing things and replacing all my credit cards like my mom's questions constantly it's like why wouldn't you look before you got out yeah that's the word just this constant shame of like how dumb are you to have done this thing like it's your fault and so now i think i just in rebellion to

that which is a great thing i just go immediately to acceptance it's gone let's figure this out like when i realized yesterday i lost my glasses it was just like okay do i care i got some good times with them that was fun like they they're. I think they're still in stock. I could still get them. I expected to lose them eventually, and it just happened sooner than later. There was a moment of like, man, they were in my lap. I knew I should have put them in my bag. Bad, bad Nikki. And it was probably for 0.4 seconds that I felt that way. I pictured them in my lap, and I picture putting them in my purse, and go why didn't you do that and maybe I'll do it next time but there's no point in beating yourself up because that doesn't bring them back I used to

get um I used to get like scolded and like well you're not getting another one you're not getting another one and I always lose my accessories like there's all I hope I don't ever lose my engagement ring this one i really look at but i know that everything else as jewelry is gonna be lost one day unless i keep it in a safe and never touch it and i always let myself off the hook for it because when i was younger i was told well you're never gonna get another one again we're not buying you one and now i'm just like well i work and i can buy myself another one if i lose it no big deal yeah i was always just told this is why you you can't have anything nice you lose everything

you treat everything poorly you don't care about nice things you just don't deserve nice things and i've been like thinking about recently and i've been talking about it on stage but i never got an american girl doll and my sister did and I really think it was because and she to this day is like a much more organized person has three kids of her own keeps track of everything just is like such a good efficient mom and my parents just kind of knew this was not I was not to be in charge of an American Girl doll they had had too much going on. My sister always got like littlest pet shop. Those had so many little accessories. I was not going to keep track

of all that bullshit and like Molly's chalkboard and Addie's basket. It was just everything was going to get lost and I'm still to this day. And it is nice. I think that is a reason why I have like being well off in that way because now i kind

of just i don't know when when i do lose something or i'm like oh we can just get another like i do like the casualness with which with i get to respond to these things because my mom still does have that in her where it's like nick you really got a stain on that oh where'd you get this you just gotta go i'll just get another it was 45 bucks it's not a big deal she's like oh i can get that out and i go nope i have money like i just like to it's like this little fuck you to this the chronic shame i felt of ruining everything we'll be right back after this and talk about more stuff. I want to get into a book that Noah is reading.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. Wait, one more thing Brian needs to say about this wallet. So I lost the wallet. I knew exactly where I lost it. It fell out of my fucking fanny pack, which I have a habit of not zipping it up and just walking around with it flopping around. I remember I was at a farmer's market once and I had it unzipped. And the farmer's market guy was like, you got to zip your fanny pack. And I was like, nah, I'm fine. And that's when the writing was on the wall that one day I would lose my wallet.

And so six months later, my wallet falls out of my fanny pack at a gas station. I lost it at the gas station. I was like talking on the phone, filling my gas With my fanny pack just open Just like your backpack This is why you don't talk on the phone Yeah This is a lesson Like you could actually

Something could fall out of there And you love talking on the phone so much And we were talking about this And it's like Stop talking on the phone Just text people No it's good to talk You love a phone call

I'll talk for hours on the phone I'll talk The only thing I'll do for longer than that Is try out mattresses Buy a mattress I was hours on the phone. The only thing I'll do for longer than that is try out mattresses. Buy a mattress. I was talking on the phone, so I was distracted. I was filling up gas. I bought a lottery ticket, and then I dropped the wallet. The lottery ticket was not in the wallet. But the way I learned that my wallet was stolen, because I texted you, I was like, is the wallet in your hotel room? I called the gas station. I said, did anybody return the wallet? And they said, no.

And then I saw on my Chase account that there had been some purchases made. And I looked up online, what are the chances that somebody finds your wallet and returns it? And they said that statistically, it's a 50-50 chance. That 50% of the time when someone finds a wallet, they return it.

So I was looking at this guy. He took my wallet and he bought $250 worth of vans. He went to vans and then he spent $80 at a 7-Eleven. And I'm just like, what? I don't think it's a kid.

I just think it's what kind of piece of shit person sees a wallet on the ground and their first thought is to immediately, immediately drive to the mall. He drove to the fucking mall. A kid. You think it was a kid? I don't know.

Why is it a kid? Vans, yes. I think it was a kid. It's not just kids who want vans. I wonder what size they were. We could find out. They were baby shoes. Yeah, I think a teen.

Maybe it was a teen. I've had that moment where I remember in college there was a girl walking in front of me who dropped some cash and I just pocketed it. And I'll never forget how wrong that felt. And like, what the fuck? I get it if you find cash and no one's around like

i'm not gonna do a lot to be like did anyone drop some cash like the worst thing you can do is say is take the cash and try to give it to someone at the hotel desk or the or this crazy like can you return this cash if someone comes by looking for the cash i'd never in a million years do that but i saw this cash fall out of this girl's pocket and I pocketed it and it's one of the worst things I've ever done in my life I really I'm embarrassed to even admit that I did it

and it was like three dollars I'm not even joking it was like no money but I was going through a hard time I mean I was a klepto back then anyway but yeah the sociopathy that has to be going on in your head to steal. And my ID was in there.

It's sociopathic. My ID was in there. He could have at least given the ID. I know. But instead, he took the whole thing. And if you put an ID in the mail, it'll send it to that address. Yeah. You don't need to address it.

You can just put it in a mailbox. That's a really good tip. But yeah, and my Parks Pass was in there like they it's an and like my parks pass was in there and it's just like you can't use that parks pass and so i yeah i just i feel like i just lost faith in humanity that's what i always think is yeah of course it's just like you see a fucking wallet on the ground you know where i live you know where i lost that's why i put um my phone number like chris got me a label maker i put my phone number and my name, Nikki G, on all my AirPods and on my laptop. Because most people are good.

Yeah. And this is what I've said before about the airport thing. Leave your luggage. Most people are not going to buy a ticket to go on a plane, get inside, and then just start stealing things. And steal a guitar that they then have to bring on their flight. Like this isn't pre 9-11 where you can just walk into an airport. And even then I would have probably trusted things.

Most people are not going to steal things, but I would say, I'd say it was more than 50% chance, depending on where you are, of course, but that you're going to get it back because most people aren't insane like this. I mean, I go to Starbucks all the time and I have my laptop out

and my wallet and stuff and I will go to the bathroom and just leave it. And I don't ask a person near me, can you watch this? Because I'm like, I assume everyone's kind of looking out for each other and that's probably naive. And knock on wood, I haven't had anyone steal anything from me, but just in case, put your name and number on things huh your phone stolen from your hand remember yeah but that's like from my hand this wasn't because i like left it sitting out like you can't really prevent that now i do i will never on that corner it's right across from my apartment i will never walk stupidly with my phone in my hand and by my apartment and on that same block anymore i mean maybe that's not the

dude it was like a relay race like i was holding out a baton he already he got a running start he came at me running and just grabbed it from my hand so fast i didn't even notice and then he was running down the street a bunch of people saw they were all around me it was like a crowded moment in my neighborhood and these two girls witnessed me have my phone stolen and if he was a kid i think he was probably like 12 13 years old and he was running away and everyone wants to know like what race it was a 5k no um he i don't know what race he was he had a hoodie on but he was running away and um and i just go come on oh come on and i just love the idea that he'd be like all right i will come on like this is crazy what am i doing with my life but i really just wanted the phone case because it was this taylor

swift phone case that i had uh spent a lot of money on on Etsy and I really loved. But yeah, I immediately accepted it. In a way, this reminds me exactly what you're talking about. These girls that witnessed it were like, oh my God, oh my God. And I just picked up my Trader Joe's. I just was like, nah, well, I guess he needs it more than I do. I literally was over it within seconds.

I said, come on. Okay. And I just was like, guess i'll be on my laptop texting tonight i have to go to the verizon store tomorrow like i just already accepted it because what good and they were like what are you gonna do and i'm like what i'm not gonna call the police like what then i have to deal with them coming also they won't do shit they won't do anything who cares I would be more torn over like, oh my god, this guy's gonna see my photos. Was the phone unlocked? Were you using it?

Yeah, I was using it. I was texting someone at the time. I wasn't worried about that because I would benefit from any photos leaking. Anything. Please, please break into my iCloud and use all the naked photos that I have in there. No, no, no. Begging you.

I'll be more famous because of it. I will be really hurt and discouraged and sad. But on your phone, there's so much more information than just naked photos. But it will be so good for me. There's so much information on there. Right, but you can just get that from me anyway. If they're going to fish you and find your stuff, I don't want that to happen. Please, God, no.

But when it comes to videos and naked photos and stuff, you know what are you going to do I would be a lot more upset if I lost my phone than my wallet my wallet is like, you can cancel the credit cards and then those numbers are just useless now

and I can get my the one thing that's funny that they have now is my WGA card, so like they can go swipe in at the picket lines and um you i can get my the one thing that's funny that they have now is my wga card so like they can go swipe in at the picket lines if they wanted to or go get into the wj library they can maybe they'll start submitting packets they need to wear out those new vans in the in the line picketing um the phone though it's i think i would rather because you know what if i lose my id i have to go to the DMV. There's no way around it.

You have to go wait in line, take a ticket number, sit in that terrible space, wait for your number to be called, realize you don't have all the right documentation. They send you back. It's like a lot of red tape. With a phone, you just have to wait for the Apple logo to upload. And it takes like 20 minutes at the store. And then everything comes back pretty quickly. Yeah.

Well, with the ID, you can... You have to go. In California, you don't have to go. I just went on the website and I said someone stole my ID and they send you a new one for $30. Oh. Yeah.

All right. That's not bad. Nothing. That's why it wasn't so bad. I gave myself like 15 seconds to be upset, to do the thing that those girls were doing. I went, ah! I was just like, why do I have to do this?

And I went down on my knees and I landed on the couch. And then I got up and I did everything. And I was... I thought you were going to say the floor or the mattress. It would have been the same feeling. I landed on the mattress and it was very painful. And then I got up and I fixed everything. The only thing I haven't gotten back yet was my WGA card, which they need to call me back.

Well, I guess some would say that you must mourn these things. And maybe the approach that we have is not healthy because it will just push down feelings of loss. I think even with death, sometimes I can be this way. When I find out someone dies, I'm just like, all right, well,

there's nothing I can do about it. Let's figure out what's next. Like, I'm not going to like me crying about it. It's not going to bring this person back. Isn't going to change anything like practical. Let's think about moving forward. Kiwi Herman died.

I just saw that on my phone i was like sad but then i was like well of course what did i think he was gonna live forever like everyone has to die it was just kind of like okay yeah oh god that sucks okay yeah but there's nothing i can do about it it's just um i think it's maybe an unhealthy way to look at things sometimes to move on from them so fast because i know you know my friend kirsten this weekend dropped a plate of cookies and was crying about it and like what she scraped her knee too and she spent all this time working on these cookies and they fell and they like were all over her garage floor and they were

ruined and they were wet so like i because i was like if they're dry just like wipe them off with a paper towel or like blowing them hard it was fudge but it was like fudge wet fudge on like you know dirty floor so they were ruined yeah and she sent a picture and she was like her face was like cry looking and uh she mourned them like she's like processes her emotions in a really good way i would have just been like it was always gonna happen yeah but what if you don't feel anything you drop them you're a. Yeah, but what if you don't feel anything? You drop them, you're a little pissed at yourself

and then you don't feel the sadness. Is that bad? But maybe you don't feel the sadness because you're not letting it in. That's always what I wonder. Like the reason I'm not feeling it is because I'm not in tune with it. Is that why I'm in so much pain?

It's going to find its way. I'm going to want to cut myself later because of this, like in weeks or like I'm going to want to do, I'm of this like in weeks or like I'm going to want to do I'm going to be depressed later because I'm not feeling this feeling.

Oh, it's like delayed? Yeah, repressed. So if I dropped a plate of cookies I need to like mourn them for 30 minutes before moving on

or else I'll get depressed later or I'll feel pain? Maybe. Is that real? Why can't it just be like i'm not a guy who gets emotional like that like i don't feel the emotion at all that's what i'm saying about the wallet it's like i was frustrated for like a few like 30 seconds but then i didn't feel anything like i rarely feel anything well i but you do because you are generally disgruntled about

a lot of things you feel things so much that's like the only thing i are generally disgruntled about a lot of things. You feel things so much. That's like the only thing I feel is disgruntled. Well, the mattress thing, it makes sense to feel disgruntled about. There's something you can do about it. The wallet, it's out of your hands, literally. There's nothing you can do. It's out of my path.

And I think that is just a freeing feeling. When something's truly out of my hands i'm just like well okay what's next like acceptance is the i think i think what kirsten did is just taking the long road to the goal of acceptance and like for whatever reason when you lost your phone and i lost my wallet we didn't have to go through sadness town in order to get to acceptanceville yeah we went we went around. Yeah, we took the freeway. Or we took a helicopter in the fog.

Oh my God. Yeah, never do that. Why would you ever go? Just let's do it anyway. I mean, I understand why that's been happening in the past. I know I understand why Kobe was like, let's just go through it and get to it

because he's a guy that has achieved the impossible. There's no obstacle. He couldn't just find a way through. It like fits with his character to be like, this is the best pilot. I only have the best. There's a little bit of fog.

I've been through fog and helicopters before. Let's just do it. But if you're not Kobe Bryant and you haven't achieved the impossible, don't fucking go. don't just trust fog how could you would you ever drive through fog i would pull over on the side of the road final thought i've driven through fog i mean when i was there was one time i was in a snowstorm i was driving in south dakota on the way to badlands national park and i really felt like this is the closest I ever come to dying in a car because, well, besides an accident, because I was losing control of the car on the icy road, like every two minutes. And we would be driving past other cars that had gone

over the edge into the snow drift on the side of the highway. And then there was a point where there was also construction. And it was the craziest type of construction you can have. Imagine you're on a highway. A 65 in South Dakota, it was 80 mile an hour highway. You know how highways have a median?

Yeah. This construction closed one side of the highway and directed traffic over the median onto the other side of the highway. So now- So it was a two-lane highway? You're on a two-lane highway, but it's an 80-mile-an-hour, four-lane highway going in both directions. And that right then would freak me the fuck out.

But also, it was icy blizzard conditions and so i was like this is fucking insane every every few minutes i the steering the steering wheel of the car would not work anymore i don't like the outdoors it would be on an ice drift and i would just be like i do when you're on an ice drift in the car you just have to let go of the wheel sort of and just glide along with it it's called um it's like similar to hydroplaning you just have to kind of glide and let it go because if you fight against it, you'll just skid out and that's what those other people did.

I'd be so mad at my boyfriend for wanting to go to the fucking Badlands if we ended up on a highway that was iced over going 80 miles an hour at each other. I would file for divorce before we were married. It was horrible. I would never ever, honestly, I married it was horrible i would say i would never ever i

honestly i would be happy because it would prove everything i'm scared of like this is why we don't do this stuff like this is why i don't go why what are the badlands so why were they what it's a national park why were you even doing this it's one of the me and ally want to go to all 63 national parks before we die and this is one of the national parks. Well, you better get to it soon because it sounds like you're putting yourself in situations where you're going to die all the time to do this. Well, so we did the... And also we were on that road for over two hours. Head to head, 80 mile an hour highway in the blizzard.

It was insane. And you're in South Dakota. There was like, well, we can't just pull over. Why not pull over? We can't just pull over and then just be in the cold. We need to find a town and there just isn't any. There's just nowhere to go. So we just had to keep going because we're going to the middle of nowhere.

We're going to the Badlands. We were staying in an Airbnb in Wasta, a little town that's got like 15 people in it. We had to make it to Wasta. So we made it. It did wind up paying off because we get to the Badlands and the roads are closed because we got off the road just in time. They closed all the roads because of the blizzard. So nobody can get to where we are at all in any way. So we go to the Badlands and we asked the park ranger, how many cars are in the park? And he said, you are one of three cars

in the entire park. And so we went into this park. It was like a winter wonderland and we were the only ones there. And that was amazing. And we only did it- Worth almost dying for. Not worth almost dying for at all.

But there was a payoff to- Like if you had kids, would you have continued that journey? I would have in the car i would have gone twice as fast oh brian okay i have a stupid question brian doesn't the snow though make it look just like any other snow-covered park no this looked amazing i can show you pictures it looked pretty amazing i mean it was it was amazing just being there it was freezing it was like one degree out that first of all i just think you get there and there's no stores open there's nothing there's no that sounds like hell we ate what do you do for food well we had we had food in the car because this was like a we were doing

a cross-country road trip and we had food in the car but we were doing a cross-country road trip, and we had food in the car. But at that point, we were so starved for a hot meal. It was like we were eating canned soup or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for days. And we were like, man, it would be nice to just have an actual restaurant. What is the payoff here? Just seeing beautiful trees with snow on them? What's the payoff for going i i'm not playing dumb i know this comes up all the time on the show like what nikki why can't you just understand the beauty of a hike or whatever what's the point of all of this

the point of it is that there is no point to anything in life. They're bonding. It's the bonding experience. And so all that matters is... No? I don't think it's... Well, yeah, we did bond, but that's not what... We didn't do it so we can bond. Is the point to look at pretty things?

There is no point. That's the point. That's a point. There is no point to doing anything in life. Life is inherently meaningless and pointless. And so all you have to do is decide that something has a point and then it does. So what is that point that you decided matters?

It was an adventure. It was like- That you can scratch off that on your bucket list. For me, I love the idea of checking off that on my list. But also it was an adventure. And that trip, we could have stayed, it was like a seven week trip. We could have stayed at home and experienced nothing for seven weeks.

But now we went and we experienced. No, you could go out to brunch. You could go on walks. You could go shopping. You could watch a bunch of TV shows. You could go on hikes around here. But that wouldn't have been as special. This was really special.

We had an amazing time. And that's why people go, I think there's a certain level where you shouldn't go in a helicopter in the middle of the fog because your chances of dying are so high. I wouldn't skydive. But like this to me, and we didn't anticipate being trapped in this snowstorm.

This is just something that happened. Right, but there is you did go in the winter to a place that could have snowy that was not a lot of of rust stops well no no it wasn't it wasn't the winter it was a a unseasonable arctic blast well you went during climate change and that shit happens so it's on you yeah no i okay i will say that there is something in me that does understand why hikes would be nice because there is a i'm staying on this ranch and there is a tiny patch it's point probably zero four miles so it's a it's a little little patch less than a 20th of a mile.

And it's beautiful. And it's like, you walk through it and you're like in the woods and there's a waterfall and it's so nice. And I will walk that back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, just listening to a good song. That's my kind of hiking. It's right off from where I live.

It is within, I don't have to drive anywhere to get to it. I don't have to, there's no climbing. There's an end. Anytime I want it to be, I am 0.04 miles from an end. It is right there. It's just a pathway. And I can just go back and forth and get that sense of nature. And I found myself just going back and forth so often.

I go, oh my God, I think I like hiking. But the truth is I still don't like hiking because all the things about hiking that I don't like are not involved in this. This is what I like. I like finding a wooded path that I can walk back and forth on. Like it's the courtyard of my retirement home

and they just built it so I could pretend I'm out in the woods. That's what I like. So I do understand like being in nature feels good, but I want it to be close by. And man, I'm just like, I'm angry about this two-lane highway experience. Oh, that was bad.

I mean, I wouldn't choose to do that. I'm so mad at you. I want Allie to file. Was she mad about her? Was she just like, oh, no no she likes this stuff so she was probably like oh this is scary but we did it she's way less risk averse than me i was like white knuckles like i was freaked out i was like this is really bad and she could have died she was freaked out normal which is like for her that is like screaming your head off i was like this is insane that was i would never choose

to do that i don't even like driving on a regular two-way like road like a country road i think it's so stupid that you can drive over 50 miles an hour in opposite directions on the road and just trust that the other person's not going to go over the yellow line the yellow line doesn't stop anything it's just a line in the middle of the road it's just a line and people be texting man people be grabbing um an ice cream cone that they dropped in the passenger side seat that's how dawson's dad died oh my god you ever like reach for something that dropped and you're like you can't help but the steering wheel moves with you yeah like there's i can't believe people aren't oh no there's some really dumb so much more often every when you when you're eating in the car one time i was eating in the

car and like i forgot it was like something like a little bean like a little tiny piece of the thing that i was eating fell and i was and for some reason i was like i cannot allow that little bean to be on the floor of my car for another second while I'm driving. So I was reaching for the bean and I felt myself like I'm out of control right now. I was like, what the? And I had to stop myself. I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Is it really worth dying to pick up this bean?

I'm going to be done driving in 30 minutes and I could spend all day looking for the bean. Why do I have to do it now? I relate to it so much. It's so reckless. It's so stupid. We have to go. But I wanted to just say what I want to get to tomorrow on the show.

This weekend, I met one of the richest people in the planet. And I can't wait to talk about that. And truly one of the most wealthy people on the planet. And I can't wait to talk about that. And truly one of the most wealthy people on planet Earth. And I got to interview them about being so wealthy, which is so exciting. And then I want to talk about

the book you're reading, Noah. And I want to talk about the festival you went to this weekend. Oh, okay. And then I think Anya will be with us tomorrow, but we'll see. We'll see if her internet is up and working, but that's everything that you will get from the podcast tomorrow.

Thank you for listening today. Anya, we missed you. Don't be cut and just don't take any chances. Pull over. Get the bean later. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we

can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.