The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #367 Double Date To The Auschwitz Exhibition & Do You Finish or Abandon?

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

The ever-charming Chris Convy is visiting Nikki in Los Angeles. They revisit their recent double date with Brian and Ali to the Auschwitz Musem. Chris and Nikki share what they took away from the exhibit. Brian points out ironic flaws of the museum that turn out to be comedic. Nikki sped through the museum and got just as much as people who took too long. After pointing Brian's "completion-ist" habits they get into a discussion about finishing things that aren't working out or abandoning them. Nikki shares some responses she got from Besties about having children. She and Chris binge watched a new TV show. Brian has an update on Mattress Gate but hold on to your hats because Nikki and Chris have a story of their own! Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  -- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Another week of shows, too, to be exact. It feels substantial. I'm here

in Los Angeles, California, kind of, on a ranch. I'm not in rehab, by the way, if anyone thinks that. I know it's been sounding like that, but I am on vacation from my touring life on a ranch in Los Angeles,

California, and I'm with my boyfriend who's visiting me. It's Chris Convey, everyone. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. So good to be here. And then also here with us, as always, is Brian Franji. He is in actual Los Angeles, California. Well, actually, I'm in Culver City. I'm in Los Angeles County. County. Yes. I'm in the city. I tried to make it. I was like, I don't want people to go find you. And Culver City feels like people could just walk around screaming Brian and you'd come out and be like,

what? Not very big. Culver City is actually the same size as my hometown, Wontaw, which is only 18,000 people. How do you spell Wontaw? W-A-N-T-A-u-g-h incorrect is it this w-a-n-t-a-u no no no it's w-a-n-t-a-g-h No U. Oh, so close. Wontag. Wontag. And then Anya is in Kingston, New York. And then Noah is somewhere in New York as well. Monroe?

Yeah. Warwick. Warwick. I'm dyslexic with W's and M's. Do you guys have this? No. When a word starts with a W, I often file it away as an M word. Don't know what that is.

If anybody else has that, please reach out. I feel really alone in this. I do that with something, but I can't think of what it is. But I, yeah, I do that with certain things. Well, I have the thing where if I'm in a country where you're always driving on the opposite side of the car or the or the road i will get in my head because i'll first go to the car and i'll go to the driver's thing that i'm used to and so in my head early on in a new country i'll say opposite nikki opposite it's always opposite so then i so then the second and third week i'm like i'm nailing it but then i cement the opposite in my head as

the normal and i go opposite Nikki, and then I'll start going to the other side, back to the original, because I have cemented the opposite, not what the side is. That's right. That's the devil's gambit. You can't do that.

Is that what it's called? That's what I call it. I'll do that sometimes. Chris Convy is visiting me here. He got in Friday. Did you go there just for me? Yeah, Friday night. Just for me, baby.

What do you have going on? Yeah, just for old Blaze dogs. Any other reasons? Special. Special. Oh, yeah. Another reason. I wanted to see Oppenheimer in the 70, like the huge IMAX.

Oh, did you? I think there's only like 20 of them in the country, and LA has four of them. Wow. And it's impossible to find two seats in a good spot at an imax i mean they've got they've got showings at uh you know 11 a.m and 12 45 p.m and still you can't yeah both yeah who would want to do that it's a three-hour movie i saw it did you see it can we talk about it haven't seen it you don't want i haven't seen it i can't i can't find these tickets i'm not i'm not that sad that i don't have to watch a three-hour movie i would go with my boyfriend to

anything um but three hours is a lot it's a lot let me tell you this this is not a spoiler i did have a near not a conflict but a, a strong discussion with my sister about this because we were all visiting my parents last week. And Maya really wanted to go to the IMAX in San Francisco, an hour from my parents' house or 40 minutes to see Oppenheimer. And I'm like, these guys are 82 years old. Let's just go to the nice big screen in San Jose at whatever Mountain View Shoreline. They have a huge screen, many huge screens. Let's just do that. Nope. I want to see the IMAX. Just like really

driving with them for an hour and then it's a three hour. Anyway, here's what I have to report. It is perfectly fine to see Oppenheimer on the big screen. It is a grand film with grand themes of music and visuals like it's

it's plenty big enough to see it on a normal big screen just don't go to the IMAX you don't know what it's like to see it on the IMAX it's overwhelming enough to see like your senses will be tingling after

just seeing it on like unless you I don't know i just don't think it's that worth it no but isn't there something to justify uh like if you have a bad boyfriend you're like you can you can he's fine even though he's racist or whatever it's good enough you know he takes it pays for dinner but aren't there those things that you want to see at the at like their most at their like peak the peak way of doing it yes you know like there's there's a few things that you're like i want to see you know it'd be like seeing bruce springsteen at the stone pony would be exciting but there's only one scene that that you would want to see

it on imax the rest is just like dialogue that like you think it's going to be bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. My friend Lizzie Cooperman said that there's one line that really bothers her in it. And it was like something she was like, it's too modern of a line. At the end, somebody goes, Oppenheimer, you're the bomb. Yeah, it was that. That was the end of the movie. It was like, it's going to kill a lot of people, no cap. No, it was that. That was the end of the movie. It was like, it's going to kill a lot of people, no cap. No, it was something like Matt.

I didn't even know Matt Damon was in it until she told me that he says something like, they were like, well, there's going to be something about zero casualties or something he says like, zero would be good. It was something like some kind of line like that, where she goes, that sounds too modern. What's going on here?

Yeah, they weren't talking like that in the, what, 70s? I heard that there's music throughout the whole thing and it's so intense, even in dialogue scenes. It's just the music never stops. Lizzie did say,

I saw three movies this weekend and it was Oppenheimer. It's so true, dude. That's what I said. I'm like, Act 3 did not need to be there. It's like, Act 1 and 2 are plenty. I don't think I need to see this movie. Did it change

your life? Are you thinking about it a lot? Barbie, I've been thinking about I'm glad I saw it. You know who made this movie? Men. You know who really wants to hear me talk and watch what I did for three hours? It might have been three plus.

Yeah, I think it is. A man would be like, they're lucky to see this. I love movies made by men. They're great. Yeah, they're for you. We can't just be watching Barbie every weekend. Sometimes you got to throw in a boxer who has a abusive uh abusive boxer or a mafia movie you can't just be watching greta gerwig and francis ha every weekend i'm not a film i'm not a film like nerd

or geek or anything or and like or director nerd but there's something about a christopher nolan movie that you're like i really have to i i really want to see this really yeah christopher nolan i think he's next level i think he's exceptional hard on soundtrack then that bothered me as a like a music person also hsp 25 highly sensitive person okay scored a 25 that's pretty high it's so much it's like also it's quick cuts quick cuts so you feel like you're watching a movie trailer for three hours it's like scene with matt damon for two seconds wait i kind of like this emily blunt for two seconds then you'll love it it's three hours of that where you're like you feel like wait when are we gonna get to like one scene of dialogue does emily blunt have to be in everything honestly does she have to be in every movie that men make men fucking love her like yeah

like her the way she talks with her teeth kind of her lips kind of covering her teeth and she just looks and then there's the one movie where she doesn't talk at all that they probably like the most the quiet place or whatever she's in everything isn't she in everything and everyone loves her I'm sure she's great and she seems like a wonderful person and I'm captivated every time I see her on

reels and I watch anything because her face is beautiful but isn't she in a lot of things and isn't she the only action woman that even works anymore? Yeah, like what happened to Mila Jovovich? Can we put her in some of these? Yeah, bring back Mila.

She's over 40. Yes. What are you talking about? It's disgusting. She's great in this. Kate Beckinsale used to do some of them too. She's also over 40. Bye.

Hattie Berry used to do, who's the new one? Anna de Armas, I guess. Yeah, and she'll age too. There's never action women over. The French girl from the Bond films. Hmm. Oh, yeah. Yes, I guess. Yeah, and she'll age too. There's never action women over... The French girl from the Bond films? Hmm. Oh, yeah.

Lea Seydoux? Yeah. I like her because she has crispy clams. Oh, she does. Oh, big. You gotta Google her. Lea Seydoux. Clam.

Well, yesterday we did something. I went with Brian and Chris and Brian's wife, Allie. We all met up to go to Auschwitz. That's right. I don't think you went to Auschwitz. Well, they brought Auschwitz to us. I'll tell you that. We went there in our minds

and our hearts and our souls. Yeah. Wow. A double date to Auschwitz. I've been wanting to go to this Auschwitz museum exhibit for quite some time and it's you know it's at the Ronald Reagan

library and museum which is in Simi Valley California very interesting grounds and also extremely crowded and popular which I had no idea people cared about this place Jesus Christ they packed us in there like something that's a reference.

It gave the full experience. It was hard to get close to a plaque to read it. There were so many people there. It was sold out for sure. Was it like opening? No, it was supposed to be the final day of Auschwitz, but then they expanded it

to January. So we got tickets to the last day that it was supposed to be. That's why I think it was so incredibly crowded. I think so. They should have sold less tickets because that made it for not a great experience. You were constantly maneuvering around someone who was

spending too much time there to prove to you that they're sadder than you are. I just saw a lot of people just, I think it's a natural reaction, obviously, but I think there is some kind of performative thing going on in there where who, like who's the most bummed by it all wins.

Yeah. Like who takes the most time, who, who there's a lot of you. I was just, cause I would, I would kind of zip through it, a section that,

you know, there's too many plaques, too much reading. And you also have headphones that's, and you type, a section that, you know, there's too many plaques, too much reading. And you also have headphones. And you type in a number and it speaks to you. So you can't read and also listen at the same time. So I would stand up to the side and just watch. And everyone does this thing of looking and then going.

Shaking their head. And just shaking their head and looking up like god and it's it I understand because I caught myself doing it a couple times too and it is so horrific that you do that at times but I think it was performative at some points because

people knew how crowded it was and there's everyone around I wonder if people would go through by themselves if we would have as much head shaking you know what I think it is I think it's body language it's like you communicating with the people around you without having to say anything I'm I get it and I'm not here for any other reason than to be horrified and uh I'm not here for morbid curiosity which most people are I'm here to honor it and um and yeah which you know is a part of it but i think most of the reason you go to the auschwitz museum is out of morbid curiosity i

would think you'd go to learn or at least did you guys learn anything you didn't know but like would you learn about something boring i mean this is there's nothing boring about us you know what i'm saying like well yeah it's learning but i also think it's like i think it's like a responsibility that we all have to go and pay our respects to these forget these people and like you know so so many of them were forgotten but like by being there it feels like okay we're doing we're doing something for those people looking at a shoe i really did feel like looking at a woman's shoe who's nameless who will never know but looking at her shoe looking at the stitching on it looking at the way like her bunion kind of made the side of the leather poke out like seeing the form of her foot made me feel very connected to

that person and like wow if this if i had this happen to me, I would wish someone would stare at my shoe and take their afternoon to like read about it and that's the least you can do. And so it did feel that way. Aside from the people, there's a societal responsibility to understand the profundity of it all

and just remember that it has happened and it's possible to happen and it could happen again. And if we forget that it happened, then it could, you know, we could go down that road and not recognize the steps towards the Holocaust and not, and then it could happen again.

That's like being reminded of those, being reminded of those steps, you know, like the little indignities that led to monstrous atrocities, it's shocking. It was just step by step by step until it was an absolute disaster. A lot of people have the question that, well, how could you let this happen? Why didn't you flee? Why didn't the people revolt?

Stuff like that. You have to remember that back in the 40ies, the Holocaust hadn't happened yet. The idea that somebody would be taking millions of people to gas chambers to mass murder, all of them was not even a concept that people had in their brains yet. So nowadays we know that that's something that's possible, that that could happen. And so if it could,

if it happens again, or someone talks about it again, not in China where it's happening currently, then we'll stop it from happening or we'll at least have more knowledge to prevent the atrocities from continuing.

Wait, it's happening in China? There's genocides happening all over the world and they're just going on and there's nothing anybody can do about it and it's horrible. There's a group of Muslims who are being treated the same. I love that it's horrible there's a group of of the muslims who are being

oh right that's right the same i love that it's just like me going oh yes yes that's like all i give look up now look up yeah look up yes now you gotta shake your head oh just say i'm sorry but did you guys read that one like polish guy who's like all right i'm gonna prove to people that this is a thing he He got captured for something. He went in there, he went into Auschwitz, he figured out a bunch of stuff, then escaped,

then like wrote a book about it, then told, you know, told his government, told governments in London. And everybody's like, all right, fine.

We, you know, cool, I guess. Yeah. People didn't really believe it. Then he got hung. Yeah.

He did got hung. There's a couple of observations I have about the Auschwitz exhibit that were interesting. One is when you go to the Ronald Reagan Museum, the Ronald Reagan Museum has Air Force One and it's a bunch of other things. The Auschwitz thing is just an exhibit. So in order to mark you

as someone going to Auschwitz, they give you a sticker that you have to wear on your shirt. Is it a yellow star? No, it's a purple circle. It's a purple present. But the fact is they're like- That thing means you're bisexual. Yes.

Yeah, purple- Are they in on it? No, there's no irony at all. They're just like, oh, you're going to Auschwitz. Do they give you a striped jumpsuit? You're going to Auschwitz, put on this sticker, and that'll mark you as someone who... And then you walk up to the entrance to the museum,

and there's a guard there. And the guard looks at your sticker and says, you go to the left, Auschwitz. And the people who don't have stickers go to the right, which is the Air Force One plane. It's insane. Oh my God. That is crazy.

That's scary. So insensitive. It's insane. Oh my God. That is crazy. So insensitive. That's really funny. Second thing is there's guards in the Auschwitz exhibit just sitting there, full uniform guards. Like they're security guards, museum guards, like Paul Blart Mall Cop or whatever. And we were there at the last timed entry point.

So the museum was closing at six. When it got into the five o'clock hour, the guard would stand up every 10 minutes and say, alright, move it along people. Like I would be literally like in the train car exhibit and she'd be like, alright, let's go. Come on. You got to keep moving. You're not going to be able to get through Auschwitz

in time. It's like, do you not see the irony of what you're doing? I do not see. I felt that same way. I didn't connect it. It's like, do you not see the irony of what you're doing? Nazi. Yes. I felt that same way. I didn't connect it. The last thing that I did connect with,

like it's so, this is so exactly what we're going through, is when you have to give up your headset at the end and you throw it. There's a guy sorting all of the headsets and you just got done looking at, people had to go through all the holocaust victims personal belongings and all the silverware and all the things they brought with them just whatever they could grab and they tried to burn it all and all these things are mangled together because they

tried the nazis tried to burn it all to get rid of the evidence so there's like these spoons and like it looks like these art projects just all this mangled metal and then at the end you have to put in your fucking headset. And he goes, just throw it on the pile. And there's this like sad man sorting through all this stuff. And it's literally three steps away from the mangled like shoes and all the things that people have to sort through. And the bodies that they're sorting through and pulling them out. And like just the headset cords being tangled.

It was very visually like just what you had just seen kind of was there another one that you had brian before we go to the break the third observation i had was it didn't seem like there are very many jews in the auschwitz exhibit like i'm looking around i mean i didn't i didn't see anybody that looked jewish i saw a lot of uh people that probably aren't jewish which is interesting to me I love that you're profiling yes I just want to declare I'm Jewish

but I was I was looking around and I was like I don't see any Jews here huh and you would think it'd be all Jews right

yeah I think there's something really positive about that at a Ronald Reagan museum that there's a lot of people that are like paying their respects

and honoring what took place. One thing I found like, you know, kind of amazing is how much the, the, the people, cause you know, you got to listen to interviews and you would read about people that were

like people, everybody needs to know history needs to know about what happened here. Like that, that like resist that woman who um scattered teeth that were removed from people's mouths like all over the yard so that they couldn't hide that um yeah and then all these all these people that wanted you know their story to be told i thought that was and then the whole thing empties out into the ronald reagan national library gift shop where the only people shopping in that thing voted for Trump.

And so those people, I hope, went to the exhibit. Because who is buying anything? Did they have a purple sticker? They have no Trump stuff in that place, by the way. And you could tell people are kind of like, where's the Trump stuff? Because if you love Ronald Reagan, you probably... And so it was like, of all people that need to know about this, it was nice that that was what was there.

We have to go to Blake. We'll talk about more when we get back. Okay. Wait, wait. Let's do a cliffhanger. You know what Ronald Reagan's campaign slogan was, right? In 1984. Well, we'll find out when we get back right after this.

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Okay, Brian, what was Ronald Reagan's campaign slogan back in 1984? You can guess. There's no such thing as AIDS. Didn't he at one time completely deny? That was unofficial. What was his slogan? His slogan?

Was it Make America Great? Yes, it was Make America america great yeah there you go so do they know that did they know when they said make america great again they were doing that um or was that just coincidence unclear i don't see them ever having any kind of foresight like that reagan was a great man of course they knew they knew you think oh my god yeah i mean they've they were whoever did that was yeah knew whoever helped him do this understood the history of american politics 100 right yeah i mean yeah it's just probably too close to uh you know make america great make america great again there's a it's probably too close i do want to say that uh yesterday before we went to the museum i was looking through my closet to pick out something to wear because i'm kind of running it's probably too close. I do want to say that yesterday before we went to the museum,

I was looking through my closet to pick out something to wear because I'm kind of running low on stuff. Cause laundry doesn't get done that often for me here. And I said, I was looking through my closet and I just kind of laughed to myself. And then I said, Chris, do you think I should wear this today to the museum?

Are you ready? This is a YouTube exclusive. Are you ready? is a youtube exclusive are you ready i go chris should i wear this to the holocaust museum no can you believe i even own this and this is an option in my fucking wardrobe for everyone at home it is a blue and white striped long ways vertically striped dress but it looks like the top to its I mean is the exact if I would have been wearing this in there and I I would have worn this okay not such a curb your enthusiasm moment pajamas were you aware again were you aware that that's what the the girl in the striped pajamas were you aware again were you aware that that's what the prisoners wore in the holocaust or were you just not thinking like

oh could i wear this no i was doing it as a joke to him because i knew the only reason i thought of it was because i was talking about going to the um auschwitz museum with um my two jewish friends who i'm with a bunch here and they were like, yeah, make sure you wear your striped pajamas. And they made some joke like that. And I go, Oh my God, I have to show you guys what I have. That would be fucking so obtuse of me to wear,

but I'm so glad they made that joke because I might have worn that and we might have not thought. Yeah. Like, would you have caught it? You think? Yeah, I probably would have.

Okay, good. Thank God. I don't even know. It was like when i went to the wishing well wall and was wearing short shorts i just like the wailing wall western wall the western western wall sorry the western wall and i was wearing like booty shorts and felt so horrible about how disrespectful i was being and they gave me a skirt it would have been that same thing but so much and they gave me a skirt. It would have been that same thing, but so much worse. They gave you a skirt to wear? Yeah.

Yeah. They came up to me. I forgot about this. They put a skirt on you. I bet. It ruined my day. I wore a mini skirt and like some gypsy lady ran and tied a scarf around me. Yeah.

And stole your wallet. It's fine. There was a part of me that was like, fuck this. I'm a woman. I can wear what I want. But more than anything, I just felt like I don't want to shame I don't want to be embarrassing I want to respect what's going on here and I felt like embarrassed more than I was like they shouldn't cover up my woman legs I can drive and vote and I just felt more like oh I'm sorry that I was being

a woman here so you guys have been to the Berlin Terror of, or what is it? Terror Museum. Yeah, yeah. Museum of Terrors. How did the Auschwitz Museum compare? So much better. More involved.

How do you say better? Well, it was the audio. You got like a great audio tour, which I'm sure you could have gotten at the Tower of Terror, but. Yeah, but we had a sound check to get to. I prefer the Ha Mountain Mansion, honestly. The Auschwitz exhibit

was one of the best museum exhibits I've ever been to. And I've been to a few. I've been to Dogs. I've been to the Titanic. I've been to a lot of museums. Bodies? Bodies is good, yeah.

Bodies is pretty good. Bodies is not really an exhibit to me. Bodies is like a whole thing. but bodies i've been to bodies is good yeah bodies is pretty good i but that's not bodies is not really an exhibit to me bodies is like a whole thing it's like going to cirque de soleil but to me as an exhibit auschwitz was like up there with uh with some of the some of the greats in museum exhibit history like uh elephants you guys remember elephants i felt bad because i was cruising through it faster than anyone i got to a place where i like ended this one part like it was probably a fourth of the way through and then you have to go downstairs so i go oh i'll wait for everyone because i'm done i'll just sit on this bench nearby and wait and then i was waiting there for 15 minutes and they still

weren't and i go i must have missed them they must have gone downstairs and i was looking at my phone or something and then i went back and they were still like 10 minutes away from even being at the part i was so i was 30 minutes ahead of you guys i may go back to it because i'm gonna go see the air force one at the reagan library i may go back into i want to just take a quiz about it and see what the fuck i missed that you guys did it oh yeah i don't score a perfect. I'm sure you'll score a perfect score. I'm sure you were one of those people in high school that just was able to skim through stuff and ace things.

I have to like reread a chapter 17 times before I can retain anything. I did kind of have a thing where I was like, okay, I know this person is starting this plaque at the same time. Let me see if I'm like if they're a slower reader or if they're just like and then i did beat everyone that i read plaques and i wasn't trying to speed read i was like no

don't try to show off right now it's your own little test that you're doing and i i do read faster and then there's lots of german names that i skip and if they're like i was wondering if you read a thing okay brian chris if you're reading a plaque and there were many plaques that said this, um, this prisoner, and then they would say the prison number, right? Their number afterwards, prisoner S two, five, six, eight, seven. Oh yeah. Would you read the whole number or do you skip it because you know, it's a number and who cares? No offense to, I mean, like, do you, do you go five, six, two, eight, nine, or do you just go, it's a number and who cares no offense to i mean like do you do you go five six two eight nine or do you just go that's a number i'm just gonna move my eyes um i read

the entire number and then i write it down and i put it on paper in my pocket this is a real question on a bench and think about it i reflect for five minutes i take the paper out of my pocket and also i do this with German names or any names. If it was up to me, I would read everything. I'm just, I am just,

I don't know. I have like a condition where I, I need to know everything about, I need to know all of the information. And it comes,

and it comes from childhood, I think, because I say this all the time that when my parents were divorced, that information was kind of hidden from me because I was too young to really understand it. So ever since then, I have been a guy who needs all of the information. And if there's ever any information that's being kept for me-

If you never go to a divorce museum, we'll never get you out of there. You'll read every plaque. So I'm reading all the things. And I have to say, I was the last person in the, I was the last person to leave the outfits thing. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys wait for Brian and Allie? No.

Oh, you were like, peace out. Well, I told Chris, I found him at the, you know, I found him when I,

after I waited, I go, Hey, what's going on? Like, are you guys, are you reading every little thing? Are you reading every word on the maps and stuff?

Like, and he was really nice about it. He was like, yeah, I think goes because you know the audio thing we know what number we're on and he goes we're on like 22 at that point i think is in the thing and um and i go i want to be out of here in an hour and 15 minutes and he goes what how does how many numbers are there i go 55 and he goes oh shit okay so then he starts zipping along and then he keeps up with me Allie and Brian are way they're still at 15 or something 12 or 15 and we are out of the muse

when I sent you that text that we were leaving and not going to wait for you what number were you at do you think yeah I think I was around 38 or something I was 100% expected that text. I was checking for that text like every 10 minutes or so,

being like, when are they going to leave? Because there's just no way. It's like if I go to a restaurant with you, you eat faster than I do. I eat like glacially slow. And so if you finish your meal, you have to sit there with me the whole time. He's eating around the pancake.

Brian eats cookies. I'm not joking you. And Kit Kats. This is not a joke. Everyone gear. If you have been tuning out of the podcast until now, now's the time to listen. Brian will listen. Brian will take a Kit Kat.

A big cat. And a big cat. Okay. And suck on it. He will lick it like a lollipop like one of those giant jawbreakers that's how long a giant job or a complete cookie you know the big ones from lenny and david or what lenny and larry he will nibble and suck on a cookie you don't suck on a cookie he does he sucks on. He does. He sucks on a Kit Kat and a cookie.

He sucks on a cookie. You suck on a cookie. A Kit Kat I get because you're probably trying to melt the chocolate around the wafers. No. He's trying to take his time because he wants to enjoy it. It's like a weird eating disorder that's acceptable for some reason. Kourtney Kardashian only eats Kit Kats in this weird way. I've seen it. Why have I seen this?

It doesn't take her four hours to eat a Kit Kat. Brian will be looking and sucking on a Kit Kat. And then Nikki does everything quickly though. But sucking on a Kit Kat is so funny. Yeah, it is funny. It's disturbed many people that I've been around. Yeah, if you put it in your mouth and you're like fucking like deep throning it.

That's probably what I do. I don't like licking and sucking. It takes me a long time. But I'm savoring it. I have found that it doesn't matter if you take a molecule of a food or you take a huge chunk of a food, you can still extract

an equal amount of flavor from it. You get satisfaction from a molecule of flavor from it. You get satisfaction from a molecule and flavor from a molecule the same amount as you do from a huge chunk. I was thinking about you in that Holocaust exhibit because they were like, we would have to make a piece of bread last four days. And I go, the only person I know that could do

that is 18 plaques behind me. Yeah, that's right. But no, it makes the big cat. I have a big cat and I make an afternoon of it. Make an afternoon of it. It's amazing self-control.

You go at a slower pace and you have a completionist. Oh yeah, 100%. If you start something, you gotta end it. It took me a really long time to learn that thing about books. Like if you don't like a book, just put it down and don't read it. But for the longest time, I was like, I've got to read this entire history of 1850s France

or else I'm going to miss out on the one thing. You know what book I read that I just hated the entire time? The Sound and the fury just just like a faulkner because everybody everybody talks about how great it is and it's so cool so you know this is rambling nonsense i hate this whole thing it's a bunch it's a stream of consciousness drug addled horse shit he is oddly esoteric and i don't understand what he's saying who would read faulkner for any other reason than you have to for a class i this is the same with james joyce like people who are like pretend to like this stuff they're i think they're much better people than me i automatically go this

is a genius because there is no way i could ever glean any enjoyment from this stuff that I I'm talking about having to read a paragraph over and over and over it's there's nothing it's just uh I never understood it as an English major it just seemed like torture to read those things but if you do read that stuff for enjoyment you're better than me there's only one time that I that I forced myself to finish a book. I had to reread paragraphs over and over again. It was excruciating to get through. And it was A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking,

which I read that when I was in high school. It took me like an entire year to get through it. And I feel like that helped me have a better understanding of like the universe or whatever. It was worth getting through is the point. Okay. The only book, though, that's ever happened with that I was like, this is excruciating. I hate reading this.

This is so boring. But it was worth it in the end. Some good songwriting advice, too, that I got was just finish a song, no matter how bad you think it is. Even if it's short, just give it a verse, give it a chorus, try to write a bridge and wrap it up. But don't leave song ideas just sitting around because you're never going to get back to them, which I've found to be true.

I couldn't, I think it is healthy to abandon things that aren't working or you don't like. And I think that both are true. It's like one of these kind of advice, life advice things that i i find so annoying because the both the opposite and the and it are true of like if someone is in your life like there's always just these things that i find are just paradoxical and you're like

okay well which one am i gonna do and that one is finish the song but also like don't waste your time doing something. Be able to abandon. I think it's healthy to be able to abandon things that aren't serving you and to stop this like little thing that you have in your ego of like, I must do it all or like superstition that I think people have.

I think it can be OCD sometimes to be like, I must finish everything. And it's a huge time waste and it takes you from doing other things that are actually beneficial to you. But will say that brian is extremely smart and it's probably from all of this stuff that you've gleaned just i agree with abandoning books and things but if you start if you're creating you believe in burning books it's not a thing that you talked about on here but i want you to know on you yeah i wanted to keep that to myself i have a lot of beliefs and ideologies you guys might disagree with i'm just kidding

um no i think just with like something you're working on there's something healthy about just but i don't know i'm i could change my mind too i think there's something healthy i look at it like abandoning it i can abandon this thing just finish it it doesn't have to be great it's more like just i don't know for my song group like i'll turn in a shitty song and that to me means it's done rather than being like i'm gonna i'm gonna polish this turd and turn it in someday i'm never gonna do that just turn it in it sucks who gives a shit that's how i feel about uh kids like if you get halfway through a kid and they're boring you you should just abandon them i think

six seven years old or dogs yeah the kid thing well many many many besties wrote me about why they want to have kids or why they think people want to have kids. I got many responses. I got a great one today that I really loved that I think is spot on. And I want to share it with you. So can you rephrase the question so I remember exactly how you asked it? I just was saying like, why do you think people,

what's your reason for having kids? Because I'm working on a bit where I want to cover every single reason possibly that someone could have kids and I want to address every little aspect of it. And I I don't because I hate when I'm watching a joke and someone's like covering all the angles and they don't cover my angle that I'm like well actually I do that because I have a really good point that you didn't cover and you're acting like you've proven this thing that I like wrong but you didn't even consider my angle and I if I want to

prove it wrong which is not I don't want to prove it wrong, which is not, I don't want to prove it wrong. I just want to address every angle. And this said, ever since I was little, I've always wanted to be a mom. I thought it was just this maternal instinct. Now that I'm in my 30s and haven't had children,

I think I felt that way to heal something within me. Note, my parents should have never had kids. Lots of childhood trauma over here. Even though I recognize it could stem from some unhealed place, I still want kids. However, I want to adopt, which admittedly probably comes from trauma.

I don't feel the need to pass on my genes, but there are kids that didn't ask to be born, and I know they could give them the love they deserved. I thought that was interesting. Because I'm trying to figure out what is the instinct? Because as animals, we don't have the instinct to want kids kids just show up we just like all of a sudden we're pregnant because we had sex we didn't connect sex with having kids so there was no like we until we became intellectual enough to like actually go oh this thing that i

do when i get cummed in makes a kid we just had we just had sex and then all of a sudden nine months later we were like i had a kid a kid, and they're so cute. That's why babies are cute. You have this thing that's suddenly a burden, but it's so cute, you raise it. And you need help around the fucking village and stuff. So the wanting a kid for any other reason than labor and having your, I don't know just like yeah other than labor cheap labor free labor continuing your genetic

line it's an instinct but people people don't say that I want to have kids because I just want to continue my lineage people say it because I just want to be a mother and you go well that's not wasps do

like rich wealthy white People say it because I just want to be a mother. And you go, well, that's not. What? Wasps do. Like rich, wealthy, white people. I thought you really meant the animal wasp. I think a lot, like people want to continue their name, their line, their genetic. Maybe they don't brag about it as much. The type of immortality. They definitely do.

Right. People want to have kids to take care of them. I hear that sometimes when they're older right well that's that's one i've touched on you don't want to die alone you want someone to put up with your disgusting body and old age like the the way you are when you're old no one really wants gives a fuck about old people because they're supposed to be dead and they live too long now and so you need younger people to take care of you yeah so you want that right that's the problem guys who run hardware stores they want someone we need people yeah they want like

you know their son to run the hardware store um also i got a message that said i'm watching episode 344 of the podcast you anya and chris in london i'm a heterosexual man first of all i just wanted to point out that i think chris is looking directly into the when he looks directly into the camera. He resembles Vincent Vega with a good haircut and that's John Travolta in Pulp Fiction. I don't Yeah, that's a good that's a good one. Also Chris I think you do this. I think he's like looking in the camera. Can you guys tell the difference between this where I'm just staring at do this I think he's like looking in the camera can you guys tell the difference between this where I'm just staring

at Nikki and Chris and now I'm looking into the camera like hi guys hi audience no there's no difference you can't tell at all I never look at the camera

Chris where do you look I'm looking at who's talking okay yeah yeah okay isn't that a John Travolta film but then they said at the end I like this part he goes Chris seems like a John Travolta film.

But then they said at the end, I like this part, he goes, Chris seems like a great guy because I didn't see, didn't once see a hint of an eye roll during the entire pod.

Okay. I hate the other hand. Thank you. Yeah. That is telling me, sir, you were tired of my antics.

And you, but that is true. I don't get many eye rolls from my boy. Even last night. What was I doing last night that was just so annoying? Oh, I accidentally interrupted you. And then I kept interrupting you to like make it even. Because I could tell it was like a little annoying the way I interrupted you.

And so I go, oh, I'm going to get out of this by keep doing it. Right, like you were going to, that was a bit that you were doing yeah like yeah and it kind of did it made it a little fun

we were like laughing okay good it was funny a thing that we've been sharing this weekend that I'm obsessed with is the new show that I didn't even know

happened it just popped up on Netflix there was no warning because Netflix doesn't really advertise things before they're out and it's called Down down for love down for love okay it should be called downs for love but that

would be too hard because it's about people with down syndrome looking for love it is by the producers I would imagine I don't have this confirmed but it's shot in the same way and it's in New Zealand and it's by um the same people who Love on the Spectrum which is one of my favorite shows of all time. Great show. And it's 1,200 people looking for love. Such a good show.

It's amazing. And this is just as good. Like it's... I prefer Love on the Spectrum but there's something that is even more uplifting about this one because Love on the Spectrum,

there's a lot of misses. You know, there's a lot of people that don't connect and you know, don't have like a big spark and on this it's like everybody is sparking there's sparks it's all sparks and it makes people people fall in love within seven words with i'm not kidding you they start saying i love you within 10 minutes of meeting each other it's amazing so there's beautiful things about it yeah because i don't i go you know maybe this is happening because they have an intellectual disability i mean what down syndrome is they

are going to be less intelligent than most people and it's sometimes i think wow we all we all could just love each other the first person you go on a date with we all could love each other that much if we weren't if our intellect didn't get in the way it's almost like they are better off in that way of having they can just love so much easier it more easily it feels like there's like a purity to the whole experience yeah and it doesn't make me there's a part of me that goes, well, they're just kind of stupider, so of course they're going to fall in love. Like, oh, man,

they don't even know what else is out there. They could find something better, but then I go, I can't imagine Carlos with someone better than Eleanor. Even though at first I go, no, hook up Carlos. Who else would he write poems about? With Libby. Yeah, I wanted him with Libby. I wanted him with Libby. I was like, Libby and Carlos would be the best match

you because you meet people on this show so many spoilers you're not there's nothing spoiled because every person they go out with they fall in love with yes there's no chance they won't end up together what about libby yeah libby actually libby's the one because there is a spectrum there's a spectrum of people with Down syndrome where it's like there are some that are more highly functioning than others. And Libby is a very highly functioning woman with Down syndrome. And she's a little bit more selective. So you see the more...

And then sometimes they have it so much. I don't know how it's like it's different or whatever but sometimes they just they're not capable of really connecting like the one guy her brother that she brought on the date with her oh yeah that girl's brother and he like couldn't really even talk to his date but you just want them to match up intellectually you want them to be on the so you start to learn all these people with down syndrome you go oh he'd be great with her oh they're this they're they both like they both have the same you know they're on the same level it's great to just abandon cynicism for like a half hour and just and just that's such a good point bask in the beauty of people that are like excited about each other

I hate to say this but when i watch something if i we were talking about it last week with louis ck if i'm watching or listening to enough louis i start talking like louis i start thinking like louis and i have been a little bit more like i love that like a little bit happier a little bit more like um have the i have like the disposition or i want to have the disposition of people with down syndrome because they are so cuddly they are so happy this morning chris was cuddling me in bed and i go is someone getting a little downs because it was like it was so because they love cuddles they love cuddling and kissing it just shows one side of them we can't say that all of them are you know, we don't want to do that.

But it is, but I looked it up. It is a hallmark. It is a thing. Most of them, and not all of them, of course not all of them, we all are complex human beings. Oh yeah, they're very loving. But there is no question

that they are happier than most human beings. there's no fucking question and maybe write to me if you have experience and educate me about um and i know they're aware that they get made fun of they're aware they have a disability they are aware that life might not be as easy for them and they don't get certain things and they're bummed out about that but i am obsessed with um people with down syndrome i again like the way I felt after I watched Love on the Spectrum, I'm like, I want to be around this more. I want to be around these people more

because they are so pure and so joyful about the things that they do love. And they're so cuddly. They're so like, I know being a parent to someone with Down syndrome must be just a fucking really hard road and all the things that go with it. But Much Love on the spectrum

the parents seem oh man the parents are blessed that they have a down syndrome child yeah and maybe that's how they spun it in their head but i don't feel that way no i love the parents on the show they are so like i mean but you know it's probably like they chose people with good families and stuff to be on there but but those the parents that are on these shows are amazing they're some of my favorite people on any shows ever and i'm telling you if you want a baby if you want a child that never grows up and is always going to be cuddly and like you're you know how moms go god when he was six i was he all he wanted to do was cuddle and now my baby doesn't even want to touch me and he's throwing things. He's slamming doors and locking me out. They are so cut. Like, you know, imagine a kid going on his first date when he's 20 or whatever, which is not that late or whatever.

And this mom being like, you look so handsome. You go out there and imagine that son, a 20 year old son that doesn't have an extra chromosome. Do you think he'd go, mommy, I love you. Thank you, mommy. And kiss mommy and give mommy all the love that she wants in that moment because her son's growing up you're not gonna get any of that you're gonna get mom shut up leave me alone and these kids are like one of them just goes she goes i'm so proud of you you look so handsome and he goes boop and she goes oh boop to you and

then he snuggles in her neck and i'm just like, oh my fucking God. It's so goddamn sweet. I can't, I love this show so much. We're taking our time getting through it because Chris keeps, he's, he's sleepy at night and I go,

you fall in a sleep? What's going on over there? And I talk to him like a baby when he gets sleepy because I don't have kids so I make Chris my baby sometimes and I go, oh,

is your little head a baby? And I hold it like a baby and I go oh is your little head a baby and I hold it like a baby and I go it's a little baby and um I just want to clarify that um Down for Love

has no producer in common with Love on the Spectrum no way yeah totally different people we gotta go to break that's blowing my mind

because it's shot the exact same way yeah it's very similar I would have bet a million dollars on that I'm so glad I didn't I would have bet a million dollars on that. I would have bet a million dollars. I'm so glad I didn't.

Yeah. I would have bet a million dollars. I probably would have bet something extraordinary because there's just, it's done the same way and it's in New Zealand. Well,

Love on the Spectrum is Australia. I thought they had one season in New Zealand. They did. It's the producers are from Australia. The other ones are from the love, down for love people

are from New Zealand. The Love on the Spectrum company is from Australia. The other ones are from the love down for love. People are from New Zealand. The love on the spectrum company is from Australia. Well, Brian's going to read the complete IMDb before we get back to the break and we'll have all the information for us when we get back. John Stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast. We'll be right back. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So we're back. Any highlights from your all's uh lives weekends well i just want to say um thank you to the besties who have uh shared with me all of their mattress uh purchases over the last couple of days i have hundreds of people telling me what kind of mattress they have i have still not decided it's almost making it more difficult because everyone is saying a different mattress is the best one. The whole mattress buying experience, it's all a scam. The whole thing is just one big giant scam.

And we got scammed hard this week. Oh, what happened? What? We were about to make a purchase on our mattress. That's so weird you brought that up. I kind of forgot. I wanted to talk about it. I asked about your weekends and it's back to mine.

But wait, so Brian, let me just, you are going to return the Tempur-Pedic you have and get the other Tempur-Pedic. Is that what you've concluded? This is actually interesting. My current plan, believe it or not, this extension of the mattress saga, which is the most boring possible thing to talk about is interesting. So I am going to return this mattress. That's my plan and not exchange it. I'm just going to return it. And then I'm going to buy another Tempur-Pedic. So I go to the Tempur-Pedic store a few days ago.

I go in and I am all business. I go to my guy who I bought the mattress from. What's his name? Kingsley. And I don't even let him respond. I just say, I do not- And he doesn't say hi either. I don't even say hi. I walk into the store, I open the door. I am returning my mattress. I don't like it. I feel like it's a terrible mattress. I get it that it's not broken in yet.

I don't need to break it in anymore. It's too firm. I don't think it's ever going to get firm. I tried the mattress at another store and it was too firm. I don't want to try. Please just let me return this mattress. I'll pay the restocking fee. I'd like to get another Tempur-Pedic mattress. If I have to do it from another store, that's fine, but I just want to return this one and get a refund. I'll pay the restocking fee. And then he responds

by going, we've been attacked. We've been attacked and all the systems are down and I can't do anything because there's an attack and i go what are you talking about what are you saying we've been attacked i was like how long have you been attacked for and he's like we've been attacked for two weeks the systems have been down there's no way to do anything there's nothing we can do and i go oh okay well is it going to be

attacked for longer than my 90 day return period and he And he's like, no, no, no, no. The attack will be over before then. So he said he was going to call me and let me know when the attack was fixed and so I can return my mattress. He said by Monday. It is now Monday and I have not received a call yet.

He's a liar. There's this whole mattress thing. Mattress, there is an underbelly. Somebody needs, it's John Oliver. Somebody needs to attack. I did. You should attack thisress, there is an underbelly. Somebody needs, John Oliver, somebody needs to attack. I did. You should attack this problem. I wrote an episode about this.

There is an episode of Adam Ruins Everything about mattresses. And I wrote it. I wrote it. And I still didn't, I still got fucked over. Wait,

what did you learn in that, Matt? What did we learn again from that? There is no... In satisfaction, there is no difference. Once you cross the threshold of price, which is around $500 to $800, once you get over that,

there is no difference in satisfaction between a $1,000 mattress and a $50,000 mattress. You will be satisfied no matter what amount of money you spend. Because you're asleep. Every mattress is... Every mattress uses the same three companies

to produce their coils and their foam and their padding. So it's like the same materials are being used in all of them. Oh, shit. And then they talk about how the stores scam you by changing the names and stuff like that. And saying we're going to be attacked. Do you think the attack is fake? Yes, 100%.

It's a ploy. Well, then I Googled it. 100%. I Googled it, Tempur-Pedic attack, and it turns out they have been attacked. But I don't know if that's just some... By themselves. No, by themselves. So they had too many returns and they decided to do an attack?

No, I think it's just something that they say to people. It's just the first line of defense. Somebody comes and tries to return a mattress and they say, hey, we can't do it right now or systems are down or just whatever the first line of defense is to get that guy to go away because there is a 10% chance that Brian will just give up and not do it and they won't have to deal with it. Yeah, there's probably more than 10% chance. They don't know Brian, but they know 0% chance.

You don't know Brian. Brian, did your mattress takedown discuss the seedy underbelly of mattress salesmen and tactics and that stuff? Or was it just about prices? No, we talked about mattress salesman tactics and stuff like that, but it wasn't quite as

in-depth and expose as you would see in 60 minutes or something like that. Or oliver or john oliver but i it was better than john oliver but i think that um i should have known you know i bought the most expensive tempur-pedic there is and that was the mistake right there you knew that the the enjoyment does not go up it's also like the happiness scale of like, if you make more than $115,000, you're happy all the way up to billions. Your happiness does not change any at all. And people don't care.

No. They don't care. And you didn't care even knowing that. I didn't care because final thought, I am going to buy a mattress I think today, but now I'm scared because I have it all rung up did we get scammed this weekend? do you believe we got scammed Chris?

but you just said it's all a scam did you feel we were do you think there was any kind of scamming happening when we went not me you bought a mattress this weekend? I'm confused why you just said that it's all a scam and now I didn't get

scammed well the whole like have you ever tried to buy a mattress at like a mattress store oh well yeah this weekend it's horrible store but just like like a they have like a bunch of different brands and oh oh yeah yeah yeah it is a no have you done that before first of all the mattress is how we got our mattress and what i mean did they give you all types of weird stats and like oh this is 50 off today or oh and then you like another one they're like we just had we're literally talking at my jeans before as i was like walking out of the door you know they they just want to keep you there until they make that sale they're like even worse than car sales because the mattresses they come in i bet they're like a hundred bucks to make in some like poor country and then basically it's a game for them to see how much

they can make people pay god i took our mattress like bag off one day to watch to see if i could wash it and i'm like oh this expensive tempur-pedic mattress i was sleeping on is just a huge block of foam that's all it is yeah just a block of foam someone cut and put into a bag they would be like this is all nasa technology i remember 20 years ago this is nasa technology i'm like i gotta get one of those you think us going to avocado we we saved that kind of rigamarole there's gotta be a huge i bought a quilt from avocado and they were highly recommended by my friend that's really into eco-friendly stuff. I have a duvet from there.

Three of the bamboo buttons have come off in the washer. Three. That is not normal. I have a different opinion on Avocado mattresses. My brother and sister-in-law have two of them and I've slept on both those mattresses and they're great. We went this weekend. I think with avocado, you are paying

for some sort of understanding of where it came from and it operates... An avocado. Where did it come from? So you went to the avocado store in Santa Monica or something? Yeah, we were out there for a meeting and then we went to the avocado store in Santa Monica or something?

Yeah, we were out there for a meeting, and then we went to go to lunch, and we go, we're just going to walk down the strip. So we walked down the strip. We went to Nest first, which is cheap, and we laid on the owl mattress there. It was very comfy, and we liked it a lot. We go, okay, you got to beat the owl. And so then we went over to Avocado avocado and they beat the owl, man. They, um, I did the plushest one because there's something about too plush of a

mattress makes you feel like this is too luxurious. Like I can't, I don't want to have this every day. Right. Then I, Chris was like Pepsi challenge. Why not? Oh yeah.

Pepsi challenge. Cause the Pepsi, the Pepsi challenge, will you tell people what the Pepsi challenge is? I don't know if it was eighties or early 90s or or what but basically you would do the pepsi challenge and you would take a sip of pepsi and a sip of coke and it was just a sip so most people said well i like the pepsi you know people that weren't connoisseurs who don't know the exact difference say i like the taste of the pepsi better and so

everybody's like oh well pepsi must be better because the Pepsi challenge works. Like everybody likes Pepsi better. However, they went back and did another study. If you're drinking a full can of soda, people preferred the Coke over the Pepsi. So on a one sip off, Pepsi is better, but Coke is better over a longer period of time. So we laid on the Pepsi

and we thought this is great it's the it's taking a sip here they start us out on the hybrid of like it's like not too firm not too soft and that was awesome and then i go i think i kind of like soft i just i don't know why i want to try it like it i've always said i don't like soft because it's too luxurious it feels too good what it'll hurt why would you not like something that feels too good i don't have back issues i think back issues are all in your head so i don't subscribe to that so i don't i'm not worried about my back um on these beds i think i could just read a book and have it go away and i know people are rolling their eyes right now what book game of thrones call back to how we first met um but um i laid on this plush one and chris is so sweet he's like

i'll just do whatever you do like he was like i like them both you're like you're not totally like i hate this i'm gonna let you but you were like i like it yeah no i was and then we i was like i think i like the most plush one i think i like the luxurious one i saw the the how they cut it you know they showed like a cross section of it and it's not just a foam block it has lots going on and there are many

different layers there is wool in it and I go oh and then they have a vegan mattress that's just a block of cheese

like you know cheese vegan cheese this is like a block of tofu and extra firm I was like

and I already have that mattress and I had to do a foam topper for it. And so I was, but then they go, PETA has actually approved of our mattresses that are sourced from alpaca and the wool. Because we only shear the sheeps twice a year. We actually are always on back order because we don't shear them more than they should be and i'm like i'm gonna have to check on this because i do not believe that pita would ever support any animal being even you can't look at an animal with a with a grimace without pita being like how dare you make that animal feel but pita is crazy man you're like let me just google this quick they're like we've been attacked yeah so i gotta look into that i just don't there's no way that PETA is approving of this mattress so I haven't bought it yet

because I do want confirmation of that because I don't like to be lied to and we're not only getting a mattress a king size amazing mattress but we're getting an adjustable bed that goes and makes your legs go up zero gravity

not separate which avocado version did you get? the plushest one and makes your legs go up. Zero gravity. Not separate, no. Which avocado version did you get? The plushest one. Wait, why wouldn't you do the separate? I can look it up. Because what if Chris wants to sleep and you want to be on your phone sitting up? I think we can always agree.

We're a pretty good team. Yeah, I wouldn't think that we... Well, let me chime in on that because Avi and I got the zero gravity platform and he prefers having our legs up and I prefer having our torsos up. So I might be up to something. Luxury organic mattress.

King plush. Eco adjustable base. Organic cotton mattress pad protector and avocado green pillow it all comes to a whopping eighty six hundred dollars and eighty dollars eight six eight zero point five one and now i hear that and i go man i could just get a two thousand dollar mattress and be just as happy sure sure i mean i'm gonna go to the avocado store in the next couple of days and try out these mattresses. I bought a thing on Amazon for my parents.

It was less than $300. I slept on it all week. It was amazing. I don't know. I forgot the brand. It was so firm, though. And I love a firm bed. But man, it was great.

Great sleep. Well, I just have to say, then we went. We were on our way back to the car. And there was another mattress store called Haston's. S-A-S-T-E-N-S. And they got good looking beds that I've been loving for a long time. They're like this buffalo plaid print on all the... They just look cool.

It's blue and white plaid for the mattresses all in the store. And I've seen this place for a while. Walked by there. We used to live near there when we were staying in Santaanta monica do you know about hastens brian before you look them up don't look them up okay i'm not looking so we walk in hastens and the whole thing is like it's horse hair horse hair is hollow so it um wicks away um moisture and it's really uh just absorbent and it's all horse hair tails from the horses that are like, yeah, you can take my ponytail. What? Okay.

We go in, we lay on this bed and this guy goes, welcome to the best mattress you'll ever lay on. It is the best mattress in the world. No better mattress than this one. And we go, okay. I was going to ask if they're Russian. So he might have been Russian. He was something.

Because they eat horse meat there. Maybe he was Middle Eastern. eat horse meat there maybe he was middle eastern hastens is a swedish company oh yeah he was but he was not swedish so we lay on this mattress and it feels pretty good yeah i start going oh my god we just kind of signed off on avocado she made a whole print up of the thing all i have to do is press pay and we're done like i was kind of a done deal and i go go, I'm liking this Hastings. This feels really good. He's telling me it's the best mattress in the world. He goes,

we haven't changed it in 200 years. We have perfected it. You will have this mattress for life. There is no reason to ever get another mattress again. This will last you 100 years.

He said, we've never gotten a return. We don't have returns. We don't have returns. I don't even know if they allow returns. So then I go, okay, great.

And I'm thinking, man, I think I like this mattress a lot. I go, how much is this king size one of this version? He goes, $17,000. $17,000? And he goes, no, $70,000. What? $70,000. What? $70,000? What?

I said, $70,000? And then all of a sudden, I'm like, get off this mattress. I almost pissed my pants because of the price. I'm like, I'm going to ruin this thing. And I go, $70,000? And then he obviously knew there was not a sale happening. I was like, maybe in the future when I have have sebastian maniscalco money or something but jesus christ and i go i go well let me lay on this one over here i go this is like beyonce sleeps on this thing there's no question but beyonce and he goes

what did you just say and i go beyonce jay-z they're sleeping in a bed like this and he goes they are a client of ours uh very good we they have custom-made beds we make all the beds they're building a new house right now they just contacted us recently we make in beds for them and i'm like of course they are taylor swift sleeps on this bed seventy thousand dollar mattress doesn't get better and they're just a little store in santa monica i felt so i instantly you just go what am i doing in here you kind of feel like pretty woman like where they're just kind of like but he was very nice at no point did he give up on us yeah and i thought you know what this guy thinks i'm gonna make it he believed in you he knows that i'm gonna have a haste in some way but this is so

emperor's new clothes like what bullshit could we stuff into a bag and sell to people for so how about horse hair yeah like yeah was it really horses the only hair of an animal that is hollow so it absorbs moisture and i don't know like the hot like if you put it under a microscope it'd be hollow it's like a little tube as opposed to get any kickback for this they're just taking all these they literally kick back because they're cutting someone's cutting their tail and they kick them. They're making money off horses' backs, literally. Isn't everyone making money off horses' backs?

Yeah, so that's the... So I might buy that, because I want that bed waiting for me when I get back in town. Yeah, I don't blame you. PETA has not signed off on this. There's no way. No, not the Hastings. PETA would fucking hate Hastings. And I'm not going gonna get this thing until i

am very very rich uh hastens but i i do have to check avocado if pita signed off because i think that was just a talking point the girl was a very good saleswoman yeah she was good i forget her name but when i told her my name she goes i thought it was you and i went to that i did like that okay guys we gotta go Chris will be here tomorrow too from California hope you enjoyed the podcast thank you keep writing to me about why you want kids it was very interesting reads

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