The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #371 Everyone Hates Rachel Zegler, Life Isn't Fair & No Respect For Star Trek!

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Nikki wants to know what it means to mix a song, and fortunately, Anya is currently navigating that process with her new version of Satellite Heart. Brian spent his weekend studying why people are not into Rachel Zegler and found himself agreeing with an anchor on Fox. They dissect the controversy behind the Snow White movie and why it's where woke and anti-woke people meet. Nikki wants everyone to know that sometimes life isn't fair. They share stories about getting bad news about a job. In the Final Thought ,Brian's failed interview experience serves as a valuable lesson in what to avoid when striving for a new job   Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Fresh week of shows.

Everyone's here. The whole gang. Fresh week of shows. Everyone's here. The whole gang, Brian Frangie, Anya Marina, Noah is in Arizona. Guys, what's up? How was your weekends?

Anything, any headlines? Cause mine was pretty uneventful. I'm really slipping. What's up? Song. We all have so much to brian would you like to be recording a song i am re-recording a song of mine from the past and it's been fun and a challenge and i realized i really hate mixing but um the recording the

writing part is fun what does that mean mean? The recording part is fun. Mixing is like just tweaking stuff. So it's all been written. It's been written. It's been recorded. And now it's like, can we bring the cello? Like it's going, can we have it go? And it's just like, okay, that'll take 45 minutes.

It's just tedious. But isn't that nice? Because you can go like, I want that cell take 45 minutes. It's just tedious. But isn't that nice? Because you can go like, I want that cello to go, and I'm going to go make a tea and go sit and pet my dog for 40 minutes. I like when things take long to have to do because then I have time.

I'm doing something, but I can't do it. I mean, you're not the one making the cello go, you know? That's a good attitude to have. And that's what I should do. I did get a lot of Wordle done and a lot of Spelling Bees done. So while I was listening to.

I think what you're saying is the mixing is kind of like the editing for my specials, which have always been the worst weeks of my entire life. And I say that with no hyperbole. The worst times of my life have been editing my specials because I have to look at myself listen to myself make choices just um and mostly like look at myself but you don't seem to have a problem listening to yourself like I do you do you hear stuff and go god I wish I could do that again? No. No.

In fact, I'm like, that was good. And they're like, we should redo that. I'm like, I think it's good. It's charming. My guitar parts are, I don't know. I used to hate my voice a lot. But you get used to it. It's been so many years.

But I would hate looking at myself. I think I could not stand that. I have to make a video for this song. And I am dreading it absolutely dreading it but you you can do that I can watch myself on mute I can't listen to myself because I just get annoyed with why didn't you write a funnier line why did you why why did you emphasize that word instead of that word? I think that so much of the artistry of standup is, is actually, I mean, it is the audio. The visual is like, is it, I'm always like, oh, my hair and makeup looks good. And my dress looks cute. Like what? I can't really like fuck with that, but the rest is all up to me. Like I can blame my makeup on my

makeup girl and my parents for making my face look like that stand up is like it's always evolving whereas a song usually it's like okay now it's done when you record it it's done but stand up i guess you're always kind of working on it i guess with music it's sort of the same like the music. I would feel the same way of like, that lyric could be better. Oh, that lyric is, I know you have things where you're like, oh, that was a C.

That lyric, I didn't really work that hard. And I could have made it an A, but like we just wanted to finish the song. But you just feel like it's more once you recorded it set in stone and you don't have regrets about it. Actually, I did have that one. This is Satellite Heart from the Twilightilight soundtrack which i kind of want to release

anya's version because i never did own the master of that because i had to sell it to the twilight people when it was on the soundtrack and um i really wanted to redo it with cellos and like something more organic and um so now it's it sounds so cool but re-recording it i'm like wait how this song is very it's like all the same tone and the thing that makes it dramatic is all the other shit like cello's coming in here taking them away then there's drama then there's one weird note here but it's like i didn't write that i wrote a pretty basic, pretty song that stays in this zone of like, meh. So when I was recording it, I'm like, fuck, this is boring. But it's not when it's finished, when all the things have been added.

But yeah, on its own, I was kind of like, I can't believe this got so big. Taylor Swift, not done Taylor's versions. Were you inspired by re-recording? Because I feel like a lot of artists are starting to re-record things after no i wasn't inspired to re-record it i've wanted to do that for years because i'm like i want to own this song i want to put it out myself i almost did it on my acoustic my live album a couple albums ago but for some dumb reason i just didn't get to it um but i was inspired to title it that but now i'm like maybe i won't because i don't want to be like you know like taylor's yeah i mean it would be i think it's

cool that she did that i think it's great when artists uh re-record their stuff and um it's great that she's been doing it like so fast because it's become a story. Do you hear your voice mature? Actually, yeah. Because yours is like 15 years later, right? I was just ABing them back to back, like the old version and the new one. And I was like, fuck, did I nail it in the old one? And I did, but I sang a little differently. Like there's this one line,

it's about Bella when she's depressed in Twilight. And the line that I wrote is, call on all your girls, don't forget the boys meaning call your friends don't forget to date other people too just because this vampire left you don't like become you know a depressed person sitting at home but i sang it in the original call on all your girls, don't forget the boys. I was like, okay. All right, little lady. That was sassy.

So this time you're not doing boys. Yeah. You're not doing it like that? I was like, what was I doing? I mean, it's kind of cool. I never noticed it. But listening back, I was like, okay. Somebody's feeling it.

Feeling herself. Do you think your voice sounds different? Because on Taylor's different versions, you can hear the maturation of her voice. I mean, granted, she recorded a lot of these songs when she was 18. So there's been a lot of a change. Your voice stops maturing at 33.

So if you recorded past 33, it kind of doesn't change after that, unless you do training or whatever. I want to A, B, speak now and see how different it is. Because she was really young when she did that, right now and see how different it is. Because she was really young when she did that, right? It's so different. Yeah. Well, speak now.

Fearless is before speak now. And she's done re-records of that too. So yeah, it sounds like a girl singing and then it sounds like a woman. And also, I spent all weekend watching vocal coaches on Instagram assessing Taylor's voice. And they do the right thing, which is they never say anything bad because they know better. So it's never like,

they're always just like, and they play examples of her belting out, you know, something from, I knew you were trouble at like some award show in 2017. And then they do it now. And it's really interesting because they just,

some of them are really annoying and they're like oh her dress is so pretty I'm like that's not what you're here for tell me what she's doing with her mouth and her breath and then like they're like oh look at her she's a little fairy she is so cute it's like stop sucking up to the swifties watching this we all know you like her we all like we're on board um and so my makeup my lady was doing my makeup and i was watching them yesterday and i just kept screaming at like we get it you think she's cute you're a vocal coach tell us what she's doing i need to understand why she's saying mon instead of mine and what that does to her like teach me the way yes i've been taking vocal lessons i told you with uh charlotte martin who's fucking blowing my mind and irony of all ironies charlotte is the

ex-wife of ken andrews who produced satellite heart for the twilight soundtrack so he it's just weird that at this like 14 years later i'm re-recording a song and now i just happened by coincidence just by coincidence i'm recording a song that a song and now i just happened by coincidence just by coincidence i'm recording a song that my vocal teacher's ex-husband like made sound through him right yeah i had met her years ago she's an incredible singer songwriter and now she's teaching and she's like kicking my ass i've only had two lessons with her but i like her so much she's insane she i've like stalked her on instagram started during the pandemic i'm just like who charlotte is wild like but uh she's like teaching me to sing and i'm

trying to hit a note and she's like tighten your asshole tighten your asshole that's the trick my my my vocal coach does the same thing try Try to squash a peanut with your asshole when you're trying to hit a high note because I don't know what it does, but he always tells me he's like, do a Kegel. He's trying not to talk about it. He's like, whatever it is that you guys do down there

to tighten, he's trying to be very respectful. So yeah, when you go for a high note, tighten up down there your asshole your kegels and it does work wait so that's how mariah carey gets those whistle tones no she is um she is naturally uh just a really she just her body probably does that naturally i don't think she's definitely had training but i't think... The whistle tones are a different thing, I think. I also found out I'm a... That means her vocal cords have a pin-sized hole between them.

She can put them together and leave a little tiny space that's tinier than any space you could imagine, and that's what the wind is going through. What did you find out, Anya? I found out I'm a coloratura, which I didn't even... I thought that was just a type of opera singer but charlotte was like your range is insane it's and i i've never tell me any nice thing about my voice because my whole life people have told me my voice is like inadequate

to hear i know i was like i am so it just means i have a really high range she's like you're a fucking g6 like she's doing like and i'm like going higher and higher and every octave she's like fuck you i hate you what the fuck people she's so fun follow her char mar music charlotte martin so i'm doing a lesson with her on next week and she's not going to say that to me she's just i wonder what what way she'll spin it to make me feel good about myself i know i was definitely like black and white atoro not a color atoro you're a sepia atoro yeah it's going to be uh disappointing but she'll find she'll be like

you are funny your sounds are funny that's what you have such a great quality to your voice you got that Julie Glazer gene going through your

no don't say that that was 37 years of smoking is what gave my mom that voice no she has power dude thank you and then Brian what did you do this weekend is what gave my mom that voice. No, she has power, dude. Thank you.

And then Brian, what did you do this weekend? Well, I spent a lot of time digging into this Rachel Ziegler controversy about the Snow White movie that's coming out. Me and my wife sat and watched a bunch of YouTube videos because I wanted

to figure out why are people so upset? Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I think so. And I do not care less because she's just an annoying theater girl who is like Lea Michele. She thinks she's never, she's always the soprano. She always gets the leads. She's always been successful her whole life. And she doesn't have a lot of perspective. And she complained about being Snow White or something. And she's trying to relate to the sag strike is that it and people didn't like it because she's like i have to be in hair and makeup all day and everyone's like oh that's your job bitch

is that it no uh well that's part of it but i think the the original reason people were getting upset was because it was kind of like hard to put my finger on. And so we watched all the interviews like over and over again to be like, why is this upsetting? Because she's pretty and successful and talented and most people aren't. But wait, explain the controversy. That's not fair. That's not fair. Because that's like saying like, you're just mad because a woman

has an opinion. And it's like, I don't know. I hear a lot of women with opinions and I don't get like upset about what they're saying. But for some reason, these interviews are upsetting and me me and my wife are like why is this upsetting okay what is this i can't figure out why you need to understand what why does she okay here's someone who has no idea i thought the controversy was that she dissed the original snow white by saying it's super sexist and fucking weird. Their dynamic is creepy. He stalks her. This is not a 1939

production. We're doing a modern version of Snow White that's not problematic. And people were up in arms. Is that the controversy? Yeah, but so why is that upsetting? And I think, and what happened was, we started watching all these takes on YouTube, and then something happened that I can't believe.

I watched a take on a clip from Fox News, and they articulated why I was upset. And I was sitting there going like, yeah, you're right. That is why it's annoying. And then I realized, switch flipped. This is what people love Fox News for because they watch stuff and they're upset and they don't know why. And then some blonde woman in her, you know,

like great hair and makeup says something articulating why you're upset and it gives you, it justifies that feeling so i really had no idea what did this blonde woman with too much um eyeshadow tell you yes she said that um rachel ziegler basically is this is starring in snow white but she hates snow white she hates her own character Why is she even doing it if she... Because she wants to be famous!

No, but why did Disney pick somebody who hates... Because they didn't know she hated her! Like, they get for the role, but she didn't walk into the audition and go, I actually hate this, and I'm just saying it anyway. And now it's coming out after she already has started filming.

Again, why would they give it to her? Because they didn't know she hated it. It's a rhetorical question. That's explaining why I'm upset or why the Fox News viewers are upset. It's not like logically why did this happen? We can all figure out how this could have possibly happened.

But why, what about it is upset? And then also just like, Allie kept saying- Why do people complain when they have kids and then they go, being a mother is so hard. It's like, well, you wanted it. People don't go, but people allow that to happen. And they don't go, well, then let's take your kid away. You know, like- So let me get this straight.

Why can't this girl not like something she worked hard to get? Because she's pretty and successful. And we're supposed to be like just like it and she's white and so we're like why didn't they give it to a black woman and like is she white i don't even think she's white i don't know i haven't paid attention okay she's not white so i don't i don't know that's critical though i think they're just I think people are just jealous that she's pretty and talented and she is a little sassy and has a bad attitude and people are like, fuck you. That's it.

Now you nailed it. We have to like you. If you're pretty and like, if you're pretty and you don't have a bad attitude, everyone will love you. Even though on the last episode, I talked about someone

who's very pretty and everyone fucking loves and she actually does have a bad attitude because she yelled at that barista and you'll never know about it. But Rachel is being honest about her bad attitude and it's leaking out and people don't like it. It's the same thing that happened to Lea Michele.

It's less about her bad attitude and there is something in like the, there's like a condescension in the tone. And that's what Allie was saying. Like, she's like, there's something about her that she's just like, she just sounds like a bratty Gen Z spoiled kid. And's i think part of it everyone's not grateful well so there's plenty of hot girls who have attitudes who i'm not i don't when i listen to them i'm not mad

like i don't think it's fair to say like you're just you're just mad because she's successful no i don't think that's why you are. I think that's why as just a society, we want people to, if someone's like hot and has had literally, you just think, man, they were born with a perfect voice, so much talent. They're also thin and beautiful.

Like it takes so many, you have to roll so many dice and land on the perfect number. She rolled a Yahtzee in life. Each of her dice, her body, her face, her voice, her hard work her face, her voice, her hard work, the money she was probably born into. She rolled a fucking Yahtzee.

All landed on one number and she is a perfect person. And then for that person to not be grateful and always be sweet like Margot Robbie, if Margot Robbie had a little bit of an attitude at any point, everyone would turn on her. If you're a pretty girl that's been like given a lot of talent, you are walking a very fine line and you better keep in line and be grateful and only be nice. And you can be a diva, but you better have earned it first. And she hasn't earned it yet. She could get this. She could, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, who are other women that are like notoriously like kind of like um divas they

they had success first you know before we they were household names before that's probably part of it and there's there's also the aspect of like just paying no respect to like the creative people who came to the nazi who wrote it yeah well it's just... At the time, this was a... Snow White came out in the 30s when they didn't even make cartoon movies like this. So this was a groundbreaking movie and obviously it had a cultural significance. And then just to say, it's from 1938,

so therefore it's trash, is a little bit offensive, I think. Why is it offensive? It's a fucking movie who gives a shit anyone who's like but snow white was the first movie i ever they're all dead who was standing up for like that was another funny thing is like everybody who like there's all these people online pretending like snow white like it changed their childhood no it didn't like you're like a 90 year old yeah that's that's why do we have to respect

everything that's old too why can't we say no do we do that with slavery like i know it's not the same but no one's like don't offend this thing that got me through life don't don't take that away or or shame it that was just the time it's like we can say things are shit back then. It's about respect. It's not shit. It was a different time. Respect about what? Cartoonists? Who gives a fuck?

Without that movie, you wouldn't have the movies you have today. It's just like saying, fuck Lenny Bruce. He's not funny. And giving him no respect at all. Because you watch a clip. Is she giving it no respect? She said, well, first of all, it's a movie from 1938. So right there, it's shit. And also, it's a movie from 1938 so right there it's shit and also it's

creepy and like the the prince word and then she said something which you know as a man i was like a little upset about where she's like we should just cut out all the scenes with the man in it oh yeah that's a bummer i can't i think she's going i thought she was probably on a little soapbox sorry definitely on one no you're you're right. She's on one. But I don't think these are her original ideas. They sound like regurgitated ideas she got from the director or someone else. She probably thought people were going to like her

a lot more once she did this and it backfired because someone like her is very calculated about being liked. She's probably devastated that people don't like her. This is probably not very... Don sure all these interviews generation is psyched about what no they don't like her standing up to old fox news people no one likes her right now i don't know no one like i think well they're because there's the ant there's like the woke

there's the anti-woke people like Fox News. We got to go to break and then we're going to break this down after that because we desperately have to go to break. But we're going to get into this more Rachel Ziegler thing when we get back. And by the way, Ziegler was the last name of the most beautiful girl in my high school. So I think it's like if you are born with that last name, you are stunning. I just want to, Lauren Ziegler, are you out there? Where are you?

I've been looking for you forever because you were the most stunning person in our high school, and I cannot find you anywhere because once women get married, they give up their names, and then they become missing persons, and it's bullshit. I'll be right back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, so people who don't like Rachel Ziegler, they're split, Brian. You've done a lot more research than I have. What's really fascinating about this whole thing is that she's getting flack from the woke

crowd and the anti-woke crowd. So the people on Fox News and a bunch of mostly male young YouTubers are saying, we're mad at you for disrespecting the movie and for being a woman with an opinion, stuff like that. And then

the woke people are also mad because and this is more this is less mad at rachel ziegler more mad at like just disney and writing overall because they're saying like rachel is saying that we can't have a movie where the main character just falls in love and uh wants uh to find a prince and settle down and have a home and all that stuff. And the woke people are saying like, why is it that every woman in every fucking thing in the last five years needs to be a girl boss bitch? Why does every woman need to be an action hero protagonist

that's just cutting bad guys' heads off while holding a baby in her arms? Can't there be a protagonist that's just cutting bad guys heads off while holding a baby in her arms can't there be a protagonist that's just interested in you know having a nice home and friends and stuff like that why does it have to be every character that's a woman has to be a strong female protagonist boss bitch who also has kids because women don't feel yes yes i thought woke people were like we're sick of this whole romantic love bullshit being like the pinnacle like barbie is not gonna really yeah this is like new they flip they only yeah yeah because it got to the point where you can't have a female character that's just like, I'm interested in finding a

husband and having a family because that's not good enough. And the lesson to be learned is like, no, a woman can be any type of character. It doesn't have to be either in the thirties, a woman who just falls in love or in the 2020s where a woman has to be a CEO of a major corporation with three kids cutting people's heads off. It can be anything. And I think, well, go on, Nikki. I mean, there's another part to this. No, keep going. Go, go. The other part to this is the dwarfs, right? We all know about the dwarf situation where there's the seven dwarfs. And instead of making it seven dwarfs, which Peter Dinklage was very upset about, they made one dwarf and then six just characters

from all across the world. Tim Dillon calls them freaks of nature, I think. Yeah. Tim Dillon has a great rant about what are these dwarves when they announced it. He was like, they look like they got seven random people from Skid Row. It's like all different types of people.

And it is a cast of characters that no one really wants to look at i mean no it there it's it's disturbing there's such a funny part in tim's rant where he goes he looks there's a guy in the middle who just looks like a white guy with long hair and tim's like what category is that guy what why is he getting in this little lineup because they're trying to represent like the rainbow of like disabilities and you know category is that guy? Why is he getting in this little lineup? Because they're trying to represent the rainbow of disabilities and, you know, is there a dwarf in them? Or is there one dwarf?

One dwarf, and he's in the front, obviously, because if you were filming, you wouldn't be able to see him if he was in any other spot. It should be seven dwarfs, but instead it's just one. But here's the lesson, and this is why I think everyone's mad. I think it's why people are mad at Rachel Ziegler, but instead it's just one. But here's the lesson. And this is why I think everyone's mad. I think it's why people are mad at Rachel Ziegler. I think it's why people are mad at Snow White. I think it's why people are even mad at that Little Mermaid movie, even though

80% of the people mad at the Little Mermaid movie are probably racist. But the other 20%, it's because stop pandering. Just make something good. Don't try to figure out the political angle that will sell more tickets because you're not going to be able to predict what woke people and anti-woke people want if you're pandering we'll see certainly not now and we'll be annoyed but no i think i think that decisions that have been made to make things more inclusive have been good where we see like people are complaining like god every couple in a in every tv ad has to be a mixed couple now like i think that's good to put those people that is a choice that was made to say we're not gonna just cast white people all the time if we're just lazy about things you were you were citing something the other day brian where you

were like all the people were white what was that you were talking about and you were like today can you imagine yeah so that was all the people being white yeah so i was what i was watching school of rock the jack black great jack black movie from 2003 oh three jesus okay 2003 yeah and i'm watching this movie and and you know school of rock has jack, who's obviously a white man, and then he's got his class. And the class was a pretty diverse... He's a dwarf. Yeah, so it was early representation of little people in cinema.

There's also the class, which is actually pretty diverse, even though most of the diverse classmates were stereotyped in certain ways that probably today would get a little bit of flack. Like, you know, the,

the Asian guy is nerdy, like stuff like that. Yeah. Why is he playing the violin? Why is the black kid rapping? Yeah. The Asian guy played the piano, which is,

and then like, of course the amazing singer, he was playing that little instrument that is always being played at canal street. That little string, like just so fucking stereotyped. go on so that was good um but then i'm watching in every scene where there's supplementary characters in every single instance where there can be an extra character who's not intrinsic to the plot they are white a white man

so generally so like at the beginning of the movie, Jack Black gets kicked out of his original band. And the band has four bandmates in it. And out of those four, guess how many of them were straight white men? All. I'm not going to guess because I know. All four of them are straight white men. And it got to the point where I'm not going to guess because I know. All four of them are straight white men. And it got to the point where I'm so used to watching shows that aren't just all white people

that I was like, I can't tell these four guys apart. They all look like the same fucking guy to me. It's actually confusing watching movies from the 90s sometimes because you're like, is this the same guy? Yeah, that's so funny. And then Jack Black has his teachers that are at the school with him that he's substitute teaching at.

And they're at a lunch scene where they're all at the table. And except for one guy, out of five teachers, all of them were white. Four white guys, one woman, and then a non-white guy. And it's like, I can't believe how many of these white guys are being cast. If this was in a movie today, it would be like making a statement

about maybe it's only rich people or the devil. This is hell's lunch table. Right. If there's that many white people, which is a good thing, but when- That's a good thing. That's a good thing.

It is. I mean, except for you. Diverse casting is a good thing hey well it's bad for me personally the amount of white men i've heard and i don't you know i don't begrudge them like and everyone's always gonna there's gonna be a some group of people that's gonna miss out when there's things like affirmative action or some kind of like um a mandate to put more people of color in writers rooms on TV. Like there's,

there's going to be white men and white women who are going to miss out. And I just say to them, cause you know, as a white woman too, I kind of got successful before it became like, you can't have, and I'm a woman. So it's still kind of a minority,

especially in the comedy world. So I benefit from that too. But it just, it's like I say to white men like they're just like man it sucks right now no one wants i mean you hear it constantly white men saying it's just not the time for us right now and most of them have that kind of attitude about it like it's just you know it's not i mean not a good time for us because it is true but um being mad it is true it's just like not the best time to be born as a white man and that's just the you know and the rest of the time it was shitty to be born a person of color trying to make it in this business so

um you know you don't get everything you want in life i guess is the the theme of this that people just i think sometimes people just think that, but I want it. And you just go, well, you just, you don't get to have, not everyone gets everything they want. And sometimes that sucks. And you just have to make peace with it. Would you have made that argument 30 years ago to a black person who's saying that we can't get cast in anything? Yes yes because that's the way the world is working right i'd say i want to i would like it to be different for you but it's not and this sucks i'm not saying like just accept it and don't like fight against it but um sometimes

you just do have to accept like the way things are aren't fair some people are born into money some people aren't some people are born with um a talent some people aren't like i was talking to well this is a sticky situation that i should probably leave for the uh bonus pod but we were talking about trans uh people in sports and i actually have a very good explanation for it and why things should be the way I think they should be. I'm going to save that for a time when it is not such a polarizing subject to get on. But I was talking to my boyfriend the other day about it and he was on one side, I was on the other

and then we came to the same side and I came up with like an airtight argument for it and I can't wait to share it with you guys offline, but it's pretty damn good. My point being, maybe you can get to it from me saying this, you don't always get what you want. Chris is really good athletically, but he's not tall enough to play basketball at a level that he should. He could probably be an amazing basketball player if he were born with a different body, but he wasn't. So that sucks. He can't play basketball. I am the biggest trans rights advocate that I know of personally. I'm the one that's always, I feel like I'm on the right side of things. I

have lots of trans friends. I try to educate myself about stuff, but I do believe like I wasn't born with the vocal cords that I want to be a pop singer. I wasn't born with the agility to dance the way I would want to, to be a pop star. I wasn't born with the parents that were like, we should get you in dance classes and singing lessons and guitar lessons at the age of seven so you can be a pop star someday. And some people were, and that sucks, but it's, I could have maybe done it, but I didn't get to because I wasn't born in the body of someone that's good at dancing and singing. But inside me, I know I could be it. Does this make sense at all? Like sometimes you just- Well, Charlotte's going to tell you you can.

Yeah, I know. But yes, you can with enough training. But my boyfriend will never be in the NBA. I know Muggsy Bogues was 5'8 or something. But Chris, because of his height, it's impossible for him to be in the nba at any time in his life would you agree brian that like you probably wanted to be some so you wanted to be a basketball player what stopped you from being the best basketball player possible but the best basketball player i wasn't very i wasn't good so your body betrayed you right like your body you were born into it because my

friend the other day was like listen i love trans people and I totally want them to have every right they want. But I will never understand what it's like to be born in a body that isn't the right body. I'll never understand that. And I go, really? Because aren't you fat? Aren't you a woman who struggled with her weight her whole life? I say fat. She was like, am I?

She identifies as a fat person. She's not really now, but like she is a person that has struggled with her weight her whole life. She identifies as a fat person. She's not really now, but she is a person that has struggled with her weight her whole life. And I go, how do you not understand? And she was like, whoa, I'd never thought of that. I'm like, that's all you got to do. Have you ever not liked your face? Have you ever not liked your hair? Have you ever not liked and thought, you know, why does that girl have that hair? I should have been born with that hair i feel like i should have been born with straight silky hair or whatever it is you weren't so you are you can empathize with trans people you wish that you you feel deep in your soul that you should have been born with a different look or

a different body that's how you get to that so i just feel like we can all kind of relate to that struggle i don't know how i got to trans stuff but that's how i feel about that well people go i don't understand what this could be i'll respect it but i don't get it oh so you were just unless you're fucking giselle bunchen she's the only person on the planet that should be like i don't get wanting to be born in a different body because everything on her is perfect. She's the only one that should have no trans empathy. I'm sure she does. She even had a nose job.

Okay, so there you go. She had an operation for her outside to match her inside. So anyone, that's a new thing. Anyone who's had any corrective braces or a nose job or a brow lift, you're not allowed to not like trans people. You did the same thing they did of switching your outside to match your inside. Boom. Case closed.

What about people who just want a tattoo? I mean, yeah, I would say that too. You body modified to match your inside something and you wanted this tattoo i really regret not getting a tattoo i fucking so regret it in my time you can still do it i yeah i i can and i probably will because i love taylor swift in like a gothic font really big across your chest. No, because that's going to be, it's going to start melting. Creeping.

You know, like, yeah. And that's an area that like, I don't want anyone looking at my decolletage. That's getting spotty. What if it's just, you get ahead of it and you just tattoo old Swifty? No one wants to see an old woman's chest no offense to old women out there showing their chest that's not something i'll want to show off not that you know there is a girl i know that has born in 2000 tattooed on the back of her like right below her butt cheeks right born in and then or made in and then 2000 the year 2000 and i'm like that is so cool right now because it shows everyone you're so fucking young but you are going to be hiding you're going to

have that number adapted at the end pretty soon like what year does she start covering that up but it is in a place on her body where she won't be showing that region off when she is ashamed of that number. So I guess it's the perfect place to put it. Because right now you see it all the time. It's such a odd place. Yeah. Well, it's a...

You'll start covering it up. It makes sense because it's in the place that you show when you're in your 20s. Right. But it is... She's going to start wearing shorts that go less short pretty soon and then you won't see it. And... But yeah, that's... But I regret not getting one because I like having memories on my body

of things that happened in my life. Like I have this fucking curling iron burn that will always remind me of being backstage in Europe, of the Europe trip. And then I have this scar from the dead sea that will never go away and it reminds me of walking into the dead sea and i have different i have a scratch on um my face that my sister scratched me on the face when we were fighting as a kid and it reminds me of like hating her that day um i have a i have another scratch on my finger, on my thumb from a trash can

the first day that I ever did live radio in Kansas City. I remember I was like, oh, I'll always remember that this scar is from the first time I ever went on radio, which is a big deal in my life. I like having little reminders, even of things that are embarrassing.

I wish I would have done it earlier on. That day. I just was throwing something away and there was like a little piece of metal sticking out of it and it just scratched it and i just got a vaginal wink oh my god thank you um yeah do you want to say uh sorry what well just just to finish just to wrap up what i was saying before and also speaking of tattoos when i was watching schindler's list there's two characters in schindler's list two main characters there's liam neeson and there's ralph fines does that say his name yeah ralph it's not ralph i

think it's i think it's spelled ralph but it's pronounced ralph it's ralph ray ray fines yeah okay i think i thought there was another guy named Rafe Fiennes. And then Ralph Fiennes is a different guy. What the fuck is going on? Anyway, I saw these two guys in Schindler's List. And they're both white guys. And you start off with Schindler, who is played by Liam Neeson. And then eventually you see Rafe Fiennes.

And when I saw Rafe i saw ray fines i was like why is oscar schindler wearing a nazi uniform or whatever because i thought they were the same guy for like the first 45 minutes of the movie yeah they look so similar right not only are they white guys but they look similar and it's like only in the 90s would you be able to do casting like this well also it's a period piece that is about white people yeah well you can't cast a black person as schindler right yeah well i don't know i mean maybe disney would i went to a play once on broadway and it was like some old play that you like don't fuck with right like i don't know some maybe it was it wasn't glenn gary glenn ross but it was a classic old broadway play and they they they were did it

updated so the married couple in the 50s was it was like they were both white and then their black son came home from vietnam and then their like trans child came home and then their like asian child came home and the audience was free it was all old people and they were so fucking confused but it was just like modern casting it was just something that people were wait glenn gary glenn ross isn't that the movie where Alec Baldwin screams? Yes. It wasn't Glen Ross, but it was an old play that was set in the 50s.

And all the old people in the audience were like, how can his son be black? What is happening? And I was like, they're just doing this for casting. They're just doing this for representation to challenge us. Well, I think that is confusing but they're redoing um yeah they're redoing 12 angry men it's called 12 angry people

that's true i can see that happening i'm just kidding but we'll see yeah i mean i don't i don't i guess i just i don't care because i'm not an actress. I guess it would bother me if, as a white person, to be like, oh, it's tough out there right now. But, you know, it's, there's, it's still, when I do a comedy show, there's like maybe one other girl on the lineup. There's not as many women doing stand-up comedy as I thought there would be. Can I just say that? I thought there was like a boom, felt with sarah silverman she got a lot of us into it it's like my entire class of female comics that you know of now um we're all inspired by sarah there's janine there's a class of janine garofalo's there's a class of people that were inspired by, well, then that's pretty much it.

But Schumer and then me, but it's still not a lot. Like I was complaining to my friend who owns a club. I go, when are you going to have some women on your show? Because I see clips of like who performs there and there's like no women. And I'm like, well, this place is making a choice not to put women up. And he goes, there's no women doing comedy in town. place is making a choice not to put women up and he goes there's no women doing comedy in town like we'd put them up and I don't want you to just put up any old woman this is the problem is like sometimes any old woman we need yeah like because some you got to be good at comedy and this is the problem this is why a lot of times because there are so few women comedy clubs will do the right thing and put women up and they're not good because they'll just take anyone oh she's been doing comedy for two days but she's a comic so

let's put her up and then audiences see this woman on a show with a bunch of other dudes who are well ahead of her based on the amount of time they've been doing it and they're men so they're naturally funnier that was a joke i'm seeing if you're listening and then um she does poorly and then what does the audience think when they leave women aren't funny because they're putting her on the same level as all the men they just saw so it's a it's this weird thing of like don't put women up before they're ready but also like why aren't women doing more comedy i still don't get it i still maintain that women aren't encouraged to be funny as youths because women are supposed to be dainty and delicate and pretty and clean and cute. And boys' humor is all rooted in farts and dirt and frogs and poop.

And those are the favorite words of every kid based on my niece and nephew. Yeah, I just found it here. You left it. Well, I would also say that i think joke about that stuff open mics and early and road clubs that's still a boys club i mean you you if you're a woman starting out doing comedy and you're going to open mics i mean there's gonna be 80 90 men at these open mics and they're most of them are probably don't feel very welcome and are not treated well over it no sorry I mean I listen I don't want to say get over it that's that's going to be clipped and it's going to be like she doesn't understand we all get raped every

day but I that was my favorite Schumer joke used to be like people always ask me what's the hardest part about being a female stand-up and I always tell them the rape um and it's it's I don't I never had a hard time as a woman because I had no other experience doing comedy so I can't compare it to what it would be like to be a man there's one comedian I met who's one of the most famous comedians working who when I went up to him as would be like to be a man. There's one comedian I met who's one of the most famous comedians working who when I went up to him as he was talking to a bunch of young comedian boys and having a grand old time, I walked up. I was the headliner of the club. He was just in town hanging out because he had done like a huge theater down the street.

And I was at the club and he came in to watch my headlining set. So after my set, I go to my green room and then I come back down to the bar where he's like holding court with all these young comic guys that are just like hanging on his every word because he is arguably one of the goats of comedy and I walked up and they were continuing to talk about whatever they were talking about and one of them said like fuck or something and he goes hey hey not around the lady he like quieted the guy and I'm like did you just hear my act so all of a sudden it was like he couldn't the diet the dynamic completely changed and we weren't allowed to talk dirty anymore we weren't allowed to talk like boys we had to talk like everyone just got awkward because I was there and so I excused myself

because I was like I don't want to ruin this fun whiskey drinking time with the guys. That was like, I've been very lucky then. That was like the only time where I felt like, wow, no one wants me around because I'm a girl. Otherwise, being the only girl on a comedy scene was pretty nice. And I didn't get pawed at. I wasn't like sexual, like maybe I was sexualized like when I wasn't around, but it didn't happen in front of me that often. There was a gross club owner who used to be like, say I was hot and then say gross things. But I just kind of like, it wasn't, I wasn't like scared to, I don't know. I just kind of don't buy into this whole thing of like, it's a boys club and we're not allowed. And, uh, but maybe female comics need to write to me and enlighten me of what they're dealing with now

because it might've changed. It might've gotten worse. Or I might've just, which is what I say all the time about why I've never been in a relationship where I got hit, why I've never been molested. It's not because I was like faster than you

or I picked better people than you. Like I just got lucky. So I could have just always been hanging around certain comedy clubs where I just got lucky. You know, like I walked down alleyways where I didn't get raped, but then I would be like, alleyways are fine. It's like, well, you just picked a good one on a good night. The night before, you could have been raped on that one.

There are injustices, though, that happen that are maybe more invisible, like what you just described is an injustice. Like, eh, let's not talk you know let's let's be different around yeah but who fucking who like also what about how much you were paid do you know if you were paid equally um no but i'm getting paid fucking more than anyone now like it just i i don't know i wasn't we're all paid in equally. Is anyone really transparent about pay? I'm sure I got slighted on things, but I will say that being a funny woman, I know this is not going to be popular with female comics who are struggling to make it and like to lean on the fact that they're a woman is the reason they're not successful whereas i would say it's probably a mixture of that and the fact that you're not maybe not as funny as um other women or other men and that's

just because you weren't born with being funny enough or like it's not like your fault it's not like you're a bad person but i think that it's so quick to be like i've seen so many female comics claim because i'm a woman and i'm like but i haven't laughed at anything you've ever said can we talk about that but you can't talk about that because it has to be blamed on this is a boys club which it is by the way there's no doubt about it but I would like to say that I think I've benefited from being a woman when I get asked these questions about how hard is it to be a female comic I'm like well I'm the only one in the scene. So, and everyone thinks female comics are shit. So if you're kind of funny, people are like,

holy fuck, let's headline her before she's ready. Like, I think I've been afforded opportunities that I know I have. I got asked to be on Last Comic Standing when I was two years into comedy. Did I deserve that? Fuck no. Did I get it because I was a girl?

Yes. So if I were a female comic listening to this, I'd be pissed at me probably. So I understand your ire if it's directed towards me. Well, you're not saying it's a level playing field. This is all because of my luck. No, it's definitely not. But I'm saying I've had advantages for being a woman

and I've had disadvantages. And the bottom line is, it's just, it's not fair. Not everything is fair. Why does everything have to be fair? That's a good point. Like life isn't fair. Like it's not fair that I had good parents that were like, you should try comedy.

We'll give you money to pay your rent while you pursue this dream. That isn't fair to someone who's like, I have to work three jobs to even be able to afford to do open mics at night. It's not because you can't be mad at me. If you were born with my family, that would be your lot too. It's just, I got born in a different body with a different family. It's just, everything's not fair.

But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't hear you and go, okay, let's create a fund for struggling comics. Or that doesn't mean that I don't pay my openers a little bit extra when I know that they come from a family like that. Like we have to account for those things, but life isn't fair. And believe me, I cry about it all the time. I have my things that I'm like, why wasn't I born with that thing? I'm plagued by why does she get that? Why does he get that? And I don't. And the bottom line is, it's because life isn't fair and not everyone gets everything they want,

except Rachel Ziegler. And even she's getting taken it away right now. But I bet that girl did not come up against a lot of, you know, like, oh, this weekend. Okay, we have to go to break, but I have an actual perfect example of this. We'll be right back.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else,

like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This weekend, I was watching a clip of, I guess, the casting director of American Horror Story or something like that. And it popped up on my Instagram. And he was talking about Margot Robbie auditioning for American Horror Story. I guess before we knew her as Margot Robbie, I guess that show's been on forever. And he said she had the best audition he'd ever seen, but she didn't get cast. Okay, hold on. Let's go back. Do you think he'd be talking about this random girl who auditioned

in 2007 if she wasn't Margot Robbie now? And do you think he'd be just wistfully talking about how she had the best audition he's ever seen and he thought we don't have a place for her but she needs to find a place somewhere in this world no this is all things you think retrospectively because you know you missed out on having someone who is the biggest star in the world right now in the biggest uh money-making movie warner brothers has ever made and you're embarrassed you didn't cast her but you also want to be a part of her narrative you want to put your name in there she's a part of the american horror story um story you know and yes and also it made me happy because margot robbie had a bad day once

margot robbie got so close on her role you guys a thing she wanted so badly i think we can all relate to a guy you want a job you want a dog you think you're gonna get a fucking house you apartment you think you're gonna get and it got she got a call one day margot robbie was like yes oh really okay um no that's okay all All right. Thank you so much. And then she put down the phone and she cried. Margot Robbie one day had a bad day. And that made me feel so good. She hasn't gotten everything in life that she's wanted.

We all don't get everything we want. But then someone will spin the story later on to make you feel better about the thing you lost out on if you end up being a huge superstar. Because now she can be like, oh, they thought I was the best actress in the world. Guaranteed they didn't say that to her in the room. Guaranteed she got no feedback on it besides the fact that she didn't get it.

Or she probably never even heard she didn't get it. She probably just saw the TV show that she auditioned for and someone else was in the role that she thought she was going to get and was still waiting to hear back on, which is how most people find out in this town that they didn't get something. There should be a website called baddays.com

or a book called Bad Days where you just have successful people. Tom Brady's, yeah. Yeah, like telling a story about how they failed or what went wrong to make people, like it could be a Tumblr even. What's the worst news you guys have ever gotten career-wise? Career-wise?

I mean, my career is the string of bad news. Okay, so last week, Brian. What was the worst thing last week? I don't know. I mean, I definitely had both of my reps retired and just randomly at a young age. There's plenty of stuff that I pitched

and I didn't get. You're athletes. Yeah. There's shows that I didn't get. There's festivals I was rejected to. People said I wasn't funny.

There's all sorts of things. I mean, it's like every day. And then just bombing. You know, it's constant bombing on stage. And,

you know, everyone's telling me to quit comedy and i don't understand why you're still trying and now who's everyone gonna lie god you're making this i'm exaggerating a little bit uh no no but it is i mean like i feel like i have uh failed much more than i've succeeded but But my successes have... But I just keep trying because I'm a straight white man and I feel like I deserve it. Mine have been...

I thought I was going to get a Kevin Smith show that I was going to be his co-host on. I was one of three girls considered for it. And I was like... It seemed like it was going to happen. I signed a contract that in the first year of making this show that would be a syndicated show on all like channels this was in 2010 or 11 it was going to be a half a million dollars in one year and at the time I didn't even own a computer I couldn't I couldn't get a laptop because I had no money and I was like this is going to change

my life and I got wasted the night before the audition because I was so nervous. And because I was hanging out with a boy I really liked. And I just wanted to keep hanging out with them. So I got fucking wasted. I woke up the next day. I had no voice. I did this audition, which was an hour-long podcast taping audition. And I bombed because I literally like sounded like this.

Like I had no voice because I was like drinking the night before. Like terrible. So I look back on that though and I'm like thank god that happened I submitted so many packets to write for the Jimmy Fallon show and would write these amazing packets and go there's no way I'm not gonna get this these jokes are some of the best jokes I've ever written or ever seen written um I'm like so proud of myself and didn't get that job thank fucking christ I didn't get a writing job I'm so great shout out to people who do writing jobs thank you so much I would have I would have festered away inside a writer's room I would have gotten stuck there if I would have been good at it I would have been stuck there I'd still be there and it would be a great job

and I'd have lots of money but I would feel very unfulfilled because I don't, I don't think that I could be fulfilled writing jokes for people and possibly having them say it the wrong way that I wanted them to say it, which, you know, Brian writes jokes for me a lot of times. And I can only imagine like when you write a joke and I just like fuck up the delivery, like what a crushing blow that is. Like I couldn't handle that. So I'm so glad I didn't get that job and then there um I have it's it's oh there was something just recently that I really wanted so badly

and it didn't oh I was gonna host f boy island in um Australia we had drawn up the contracts I was gonna go to Australia to live for like two months and shoot this show to live in australia for two months and to have a presence down there which may make it so i could live there someday and like make money you know hosting something you know chris loves australia we both have friends there i was like oh i could like retire in australia if i kick off my career there and everything was set to go in the last second they were like they went with an aussie to host it and it was such a bummer and that was a recent one and um there's been other things too recently that just fall through and you know it's just you don't get everything you want and men the amount

of men i have liked that didn't like me back sure sure is innumerable you guys infant infinitely so many guys chris is one success story of a guy that i love desperately that ended up working out but there was most of the time i did not get the right man that i wanted um me moving in with my parents during covid embarrassing I'm 35 why don't I have anywhere else to go like there's just there's been so many I've recently gained five pounds I am very upset about it because I am currently in the middle of making something where the whole wardrobe was set five pounds ago and things were tailored to my body five pounds ago. And I know five pounds doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when everything you're wearing is skin tight and

then you put it on and it doesn't fit. And now we have to make, we've done the other day. She was like, you're wearing this tonight. And I go, the fuck I am. That's something I'm supposed to wear when I'm dehydrated for three days. Like I'm not wearing that tonight. And we had to scramble to find something else because my body was not, you know, playing. It was not playing along that day. It's betraying me lately. So we just,

sometimes you just don't get what you want and it sucks. Yeah. Anya. I was on the short list after two callbacks for the Ellen DeGeneres show. I was going to be her sidekick and I was down to me and three other guys. And my God, I was in many. And I was going to be her sidekick, and it was down to me and three other guys. Oh, my God. I was in many, and I was actually not devastated. Oh, yeah.

It was before I knew you. What a bullet you dodged there. I know. Jesus Christ. I mean, it would have been good for your career, but we all know what happened to the person that did get that job. Rest in peace. So maybe not the best mental thing. Not saying that that contributed to it at all. But also, we also know about that workplace environment that job. Rest in peace. So maybe not the best mental thing, not saying that that contributed to it at all.

But also, we also know about that workplace environment. Yeah. Maybe not the best. I remember knowing like, I'll be fine if I don't get this. But the money was, I don't even remember if the money was crazy because I was like an unknown. But yeah, I remember thinking like, this would be huge if I was on TV like four or five days a week or whatever it is

but i remember not really wanting it so when i when i like i was like i don't think i'm qualified like they wanted me to be a dj like over there like acting like you were like pressing the music and like what up ellen did you do a thing with her as a chemistry test not a chemistry test no it was just down to four of us and then the next round was going to be that i think but they were like gotcha we love you we think it sounds like you're like on the verge of really killing it in music and we like you we'd almost want you to be like a writer on the show because you're so funny and you're personable but i was very open with them i'm like i'm not a dj like i'm a radio DJ. I'm not a spinning DJ.

And they're like this, we don't need you to DJ. This is a track that you're pressing play, honey. I know. But it didn't work out, but I was kind of crushed. Oh my God. I was like a finalist on this. God, this was, oh, well, one of my major blows was when my record label

started to go under and like let go of their artists. And I kind of knew that I shouldn't take it personally, but it was so crushing because it was just such a great place to be because they were single-handedly responsible for getting my songs in so many films and TV shows. So I knew that that change, even though it had to happen for that label, I was just like, ah, this is going to be harder to really get out there. My manager left me, which was fine in the moment. But I remember just being later on like, this sucks. Like having to find a new manager is hard.

And I have not. I've just been managing myself. There was some dumb Kit Kat commercial. I was like, not going to ever release this song but I tried multiple times and they were like we love it and there's always such great money in ads and I probably really needed it at the time and it was just like

so devastating that I didn't get it I was like god damn it but now I look back on all those things and I'm like thank god like I wouldn't want any of those things maybe the label it's interesting that you guys are'm like thank God like I wouldn't want any of those things maybe the label it's interesting that you guys are both like thank God because I definitely am full of regret that I am not thank God and for and but I do want to I do want to respond to you know the writing jokes

it's like I I love writing for other people and because I don't want to be on camera delivering the stuff I don't want to be the star I'd much rather give somebody material and then watch them succeed with that material and I'll take pride you weren't always like that we've talked about this you weren't always like that right well yeah back in like high school and college I was different but yeah there's two there are two instances that spring to mind that I am full of regret over and not

a bad thing happened and I am not saying thank God about it I am saying well it's a different feeling to be like well that was a mistake I know it was a mistake I fucked up and now I just have to come to terms with that because I still really would have wanted that thing

so one of them was 2014. I was submitting packets, like hundreds of packets. And I submitted a packet to The Daily Show. And this would be the first year that Trevor Noah was hosting The Daily Show. And this was my dream job to write for The Daily Show. I had been writing political material. I had a political sketch show that was running weekly at an improv theater

in New York and I had a political blog where I would just like write satirical articles. It was called nothingisgood.com and I'd write satirical political articles and so I was just prepping for The Daily Show for like the last like four or five years.

And I finally got to submit a packet. And those packets are blind submissions. And somehow my packet got accepted and I was brought into the second round. So the first round, there's probably over 1,000 submissions. And then the second round is probably narrowed down to 50. The second round is like a 24-hour period where you have to turn around a second packet in like 24 hours based on current events that are happening that day. I turned around the packet,

I submitted it and I got called in for an interview. I learned that it was down to two people, me and another guy. And the other guy is a guy I happen to know who is now my arch nemesis. But I... Because of this? For many reasons. But I think I already told this story

on the show. But I did the interview and Trevor Noah and all the EPs were there. And they said, you know, it's a thousand submissions and it's just you and another guy

and I was like, oh my God. And I just had a bad interview and they didn't take me and I was... Wait, what did you do during the interview?

Why was it bad? Were you yourself? I can see that being like, this is down, it was a thousand and now it's down to two and you're this is Brian

wow like they they wanted you to go like oh my god and you were just like cool and they're like we don't

this guy's like doesn't seem excited something like that final thought yeah I mean something like that I mean I don't know if I'm allowed to say

so like maybe that's for intrusive thoughts it's like why did I not get this job but I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to say, so maybe that's for intrusive thoughts. It's like, why did I not get this job? But I know why I didn't get the job. I was told later, many years later, why I didn't get it. But I didn't get the job. Why?

And I was like, it... He said he couldn't sell. Oh. The person who got the job wasn't a stand-up and didn't really write anything before. And I just didn't understand how it was even possible. And it shattered my conception of comedy and actually doing hard work

because I had been working towards this goal for five full years, doing all the things you need to do. I did stand-up. I did the political blog. I did a political sketch show. I got the interview. I got past the threshold. And then I went in for the interview, and it didn't matter.

And I didn't get it. And I never had a chance to get it again. Were you wearing your fanny pack? No, that was a free fanny pack, Brian. What it did wind up doing is I wound up switching away from politics and I started making cartoons after that point. So for that instance, it was good. But I was like, my whole conception of comedy was shattered at that point. So cut to the future, another job interview. Um, there is a show called,

um, uh, lower decks, which is an animated star Trek show that was created by the people who made Rick and Morty. And, um, it's a,

it's an animated show. It already came out. I think it's already been canceled. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but this was a huge deal for me. Cause now I'm in like, I'm trying to make cartoons. That was what I had been doing for the last now eight years. Longer than I had been trying to do politics,

I had been doing cartoon stuff. This was the people who made Rick and Morty, the best cartoon ever made. I was getting to maybe enter into that world. It was a Star Trek spinoff. I did my first interview with the Rick and Morty people and they really liked me. I was like, oh, this is great. They had me come in for a second interview with the Star Trek spinoff. And I did my first interview with the Rick and Morty people. And they really liked me.

And I was like, oh, this is great. And they had me come in for a second interview with the Star Trek people. And for some dumb fucking reason, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. The Star Trek people asked me, so what is your favorite Star Trek movie or show? And I said, well, you know, I watched First Contact with my dad, and my dad watched The Next Generation a lot. But to be honest, I haven't seen a lot of Star Trek. Is that true?

That's true. I haven't seen a lot of Star Trek. I was being honest, but they were like, okay, you know this is a Star Trek series in the star trek universe why didn't you like binge star trek before going into this i i because it's impossible because there is so many thousands and thousands of hours like who the fuck cares why were they mad about that like because it's a star trek show i haven't read twilight in the star trek universe but I was supposed to be writing for it. But you had to write one song that was going to be like listenable outside of the narrative of Twilight. He has to write for a Star Trek show.

Yeah, so I got really awkward after that. But you could catch up. I got really awkward after that. I fucked up the interview after that. And I said, but I swear if I get this job, I will sit down and I will watch every Star Trek there is. And they said, I don't think you're going to have time for that. And so I didn't get that job either. And I was just like, I was like, why was I, why didn't I just lie?

Because you're an honest guy and it's good not to lie. But yeah, but I told Francis Ford coppola that i had never seen um what was the movie that he wanted me to do during my audition and i go oh hamlet that i had never seen hamlet or heard of it or like i've heard of it but i didn't know what he was like do this do this speech in the style of hamlet and i go i don't know what that means and he's like well you're at the grave of you're talking to someone who died I was just like well then why don't you just say that like um so I also had to be honest and I'd never seen any of the godfathers I didn't tell him that but I hadn't and I was ready to be honest about that if I had because that should be if that

matters to them like when I meet someone and they're like i'm sorry i haven't seen if i brought it someone in for an interview to work on a show that i was doing and they said and i go and someone i would never ask this but if someone asked uh what are you familiar with of nicky's and they said i watched you know perfect with my dad and then i've seen a little bit of banging just from clips, but honestly I haven't seen, but I will watch everything if I get the job. I'd be okay with that because I don't think everyone should see everything

that I do. This is a different monster. This is like, there are, there are Trekkies who will annihilate you if you get something wrong. This is a whole universe that I was trying, like I'm trying to enter into this universe. So you knew going into this, when you parked your car that day to go

in there, did you have in your mind, they're going to ask me about my knowledge of Star Trek, let me just be honest with them. Did you have a plan going in or were you hoping that question would come up? Did you plan on telling them the truth? I was dealing with my new car problem that I was having where i couldn't

think really and so i was i was already going in on on a if you guys don't know oh brian had a new car that had a weird smell going on in it and it was giving him what it was just a regular new car smell okay so brian was having anxieties in his life that his body took and made into smells that he was randomly chemical sensitivities. Yeah. It's called multiple chemical sensitivities. So if you're someone out there who, um,

if you smell certain things and they give you, uh, insane migraines and you can't function, you can't like leave your house anymore because someone might be like doing their laundry and you might smell it and it will give you an, uh, was it migraine? What other stuff did you get from it?

Brain fog. Mostly it was like brain fog and fatigue and depression and just like yeah if i like smelled a uh dryer exhaust like i like there was a time when i came became so sensitive to it that i could tell whenever somebody in my neighborhood was doing laundry. Right. Like blocks away. I'd be like, somebody in this town is drying something. And it turned out it was all in his head. Not in a way that he's crazy, but like that's where his anxiety decided to put itself so that it would like have a reason for being. So Brian was on this mad hunt to like eliminate these smells from his life, avoid these smells, and it made him a recluse and it made his life fucking unmanageable and miserable. And the whole time it was really about anxiety. And then how did you treat it, Brian?

Well, there's a, there's a, what finally wound up curing it was I did a DNRS, which is the dynamic neural retraining system, which is the only thing that actually helped, which is very similar to Dr. Sarno's philosophy of TMS. But this is exactly when I was doing, I was at the peak of my multiple chemical sensitivities when I was going in for this Lower Decks interview. And I drove the new car there. Well, good thing people who make Star Trek stuff

don't do their laundry. So I was already feeling like I can't think this is going to be bad, but I need to just fight through it. And then I went in and I was a little awkward and then the Star Trek thing threw me off. And so looking back on that interview, I don't

feel, thank God. Thank God I didn't get it because if I got that, I wouldn't have done that because there is nothing that I would have gotten or that i that i missed out on by by getting that job like you don't know you don't know you could have gone it could have been a terrible boss that you don't know and it's by the way i just want to mention work right now i just want to mention we have come full circle rachel ziegler on this shit you got zieg'd. Ziegler didn't have enough respect because she didn't have enough respect

for Snow White. And now people hate her and you didn't get the job because you didn't have enough respect for Snow White. Well, that's the difference. I didn't get the job. They did the right thing. They did their research. They didn't ask her about Snow White, which I'm guessing if they did,

she lied through her teeth. Yeah. I've seen it multiple times. I loved it. That's what she did. She's smarter than me because I should have gone to the interview wearing a fucking Spock t-shirt

going like, live long and prosper. With those little glasses that go across your eyes. This would be a dream for me. I've watched every episode of Star Trek since I was a little boy and all I want to do is write for Star Trek've watched every episode of Star Trek since I was a little boy. And all I want to do is write for Star Trek.

It's been my dream ever since I was a kid. And I'm so excited to be here with you, Star Trek Voyager people. And instead, I was like, nah, I've never seen it. What is it? Who is it? Dr. Spick? It would have gotten you in hot water. I hate when there's a time.

The times that I will sometimes catch myself lying and I don't want to because I hate lying is when someone goes like have you seen it like they just quickly will be like a mood like I almost say yes because I don't feel like them explaining it to me like it's not me trying to be like like me I just like don't want them to have to go into what it is so I just want the conversation to be over so I go yeah and then I'm like fuck why did I do that because then there's the conversation is not over now it's involving me

I could test me you be the interviewer and I'll show you how it's done okay have you seen the Ed Burns movie Newlyweds oh I love that movie it's so good I didn't really like it it was so amazing oh well you know well you're wait what was your favorite character creating a show who was your favorite character i mean too

many to count too many to count i think there's like four i think actually yeah there's four main characters which are the four which are the four uh susan susan no you just say the best friend so the wife yeah oh i loved her her performance was so amazing you know i don't remember the names of the characters her performance i just love i just well i just love how real it was you know and it really it really made me feel seen when i watched that movie because you know i'm a person um who uh deals with you know love and things like that and i've had my share of heartbreak in the past especially when it comes to times like you know when it gets really high stakes when you're gonna get married or you do get married and i'm worried

because i'm not you know i'm a person who just got married and like yeah seeing her what she went through were you satisfied with the ending um you know yeah i i was pretty satisfied with it i guess i'm believing you There's a couple things I would have done differently Maybe, but I mean, how could you How could you argue with a legend? Your character reminded me so much of your wife Allie

Don't you agree? Because you saw it, right? I didn't make that connection But I mean, I guess if you did Then you could tell me why his sister not her sister I want to be clear why is that

she was like young and beautiful she was beautiful and young and she like has the same like face shape and like body shape and like hair now I see what you're saying well I'm satisfied with this ending. Thank you guys for listening to the show today.

We worked out a lot. We will be here tomorrow. Don't be cut and just lie in interviews. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jonart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines exclusive extended interviews and more now this is a second term we can all get behind listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app

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