The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #373 The Chris Convy Call, Wedding Speech Blunder, Movie to Walk Out Of & Burning Man 2023

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

In her hotel room, Nikki is joined by her lover Chris Convy and it happens to be his birthday! He explains his unique birthday policy. Nikki brings up the trauma she experienced around Santa Claus as kid. They talk about Nikki's infamous speech at her sister's wedding that disappointed a large portion of the crowd. They talk about movies they walked out of, the show Suits and a date Chris went on in Abu Dhabi. Brian has a lot to say about Burning Man getting buried in mud. In the Final Thought, Nikki learned something new about consciousness, Brian, Nikki and Chris talk about their crossword competition and Nikki likes sports that are 15 years too late.   . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Happy Labor Day weekend. Hope you had a good one. I am joined today by Brian Frangie. Hi, Brian. Hello. Welcome to the show, everybody. That's me welcoming you to the show also. Yeah, there you go.

Noah's also here. Hey, Noah. Welcome to the show. It's me welcoming everybody. And then that's the laughter of my birthday boy my little baby baby birthday boy my boyfriend

my lover my special guy whose birthday is today it's Chris Convey everyone that's me welcoming you to the show and Anya's not here today because she's filming a music video in Rhode Island on a boat.

Oh, wow. And so, she'll tell us all about that when she gets back. That's pretty cool. But we get Chris Convey today. He came to visit me. I'm very excited about it.

He came in, what day did you get here? I don't know, Sunday? Sunday. Yeah, Sunday. And we have

a fun week planned. We have an activity for your birthday on Thursday. This sucks when I have a birthday present that's coming two days after his birthday. Because today is his birthday and I literally have nothing for you except kisses. No, I think that's fine. Really? I think you've got time to give somebody a gift. Really?

Personally, it doesn't matter to me either way and but i think yeah how are you supposed to like line up something perfect on somebody's birthday in this day and age am i right brian oh in this day and age is that what you're talking about this day oh yeah no it's hard but i do know that you don't say happy birthday to chris convy you chris convy says hello to you yeah yeah so you know you can't call you can't text he's. So, you know, you can't call, you can't text. He's got to call you. And if he doesn't call you on his birthday. Let's explain what you're talking about.

Will you explain it? Yeah. I mean, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I can explain this. So, I mean, I think when I was young, this is like 20 years old, this whole thing, people were obsessed with their birthdays and then they were upset.

Oh, you missed my birthday. And if you miss somebody's birthday, it's this big ordeal. And somebody's like, oh, I'm sad. And everybody just loves their birthday so much. So the deal I was making with my friends was, you don't ever have to remember my birthday. I will call you on my birthday. And you go ahead and call me on your birthday.

So now on my birthday, I'll call, you know, but basically everybody in my phone that I care about will get some sort of a phone call to be like, hey, you never had to remember this. Yep. You shouldn't have to. I'm taking that off your plate. Right.

And so he, it would be, it's a funny thing. So Chris would call everyone in his phone book on his birthday and then if they didn't call him on their birthday he would have no love lost because that's the rule that's the rule like who cares about birthdays um well clearly i mean it's and it's it's effectively uh made my birthday like a very very busy day that Nikki used to hate a lot I used to loathe it because we would just it would be Chris on the it's like when Chris was

doing a deal on Wall Street in the 90s on his birthday like he was on the phone on the floor trying to sell and buy all day long I'm not kidding you all day long we would go go to dinner for his birthday and he would have to step out

and just collect these calls or call people all day. Because he'd go through his... Imagine going through your whole contact list. And most people don't pick up that. Here's the beauty. It's good that his birthday celebration is Thursday. Yeah.

Actually, it's going to work out for you. It is because I don't have the time. So the beauty of it is I'm pretty bad at keeping up with everybody i'm pretty bad i don't i don't love phone calls you know i'm not good at responding to texts but this is one day of the year that i'll just get to say hi to as many people as i can yeah and like we both have laughs about it sometimes they they won't pick up and then i just get to leave a message and get yes but it's oh that's sweet it's there's something beautiful about it that has emerged so how many people are you calling you think i don't know my my friendship

group seven seven thousand wow it's a lot thousand it's all day long no i bet it's in the it's in the hundreds yeah but that's a lot of calls somewhere You're like a telemarketer all day long. Yeah, I should get you a little cubicle, little headset. Have you ever been a telemarketer? I do the same thing on my birthday that Chris does, except I do it the day after

and I call people and go, oh, so you didn't remember my birthday, did you? Look at you. Nothing, not even a little text. That's what I do. How many calls have you gotten today already? Or how many calls? Wait, you did. Zero calls today, but I've gotten some texts. Aren't there friends that you go over a year of not talking to or not even thinking of that you still love those people?

Yes. Of course. Yes. And, you know, it's sort of a nice thing to have a yearly check-in to be like, hey, we're still buds. But some of these people, Chris, they're dying to talk to you right and they're just people that like you there are some people that you call on your birthday and i know for a fact you're like i would love this conversation to be four minutes long but it ends up being like 40 minutes but this is the this is the game we're playing nothing nothing's 40 minutes nobody nobody does that to

me okay everybody knows they go hey some of the guys will pick up and be like hey i know you got a bunch of calls i'll talk to you later oh that's cool yeah it's um do you ever get any like passive aggressive responses like oh yeah it's been a really it's been like a year since i've heard from you no nobody people at this point if you're if i'm friends with you they know the drill they sort of they know the drill and they sometimes they it's it's funny they're like they'll pick up and be like hey man i've heard from you a while and i'm like hey you know what day it is and they go i forget every year like they even forget when they're getting the phone call or some people pick up and be like i know what this is all about yeah because i don't call anybody i call nobody ever but for someone who

says they don't like birthdays you always celebrate mine in such a genuine way are you just doing that because you think it matters to me or like do you i think it's not that i don't like birthdays it's that there was an era like you remember when you were in your like 20s and everybody was so stoked on their birthday yeah it was like that was the invention of the birthday month when girls would say it's my birthday month that's still thankfully that's that ship has sailed so that was me taking the power back yeah i get what you're say it's my birthday month. That still has. Thankfully, that ship has sailed. So that was me taking the power back. Yeah, I get what you're saying. That was annoying. I don't like when people tell you,

oh, my birthday is this. People in their 30s or 40s telling you their birthday is this week. You're an adult. Who cares about your birthday? This is insane. Nobody cares. It's really weird.

It's really weird. But I think it is nice. You know what i like about a calendar year it is exactly long enough where you go okay it's time to celebrate again like it is a perfect if it was two days if it was 363 days you go didn't we just do this forever it's a perfect amount of time where when it rolls around again you go this did this is just enough time that it's time for this again i'm talking valentine's day i'm taking birthdays i'm talking halloweens like if it were a month shorter like let's say like a couple weeks short christmas yeah i don't um acknowledge um well christmas yeah christmas is i like christmas being celebrated a whole month i

like getting into that spirit i'm not someone who's like well there's already christmas music playing i'm like yes it's playing let's get in the spirit and i know that some people in this uh podcast are jewish and are probably like i love christmas time you do i think christmas time is like a jewish person's favorite time in America, at least. It's so, that's so nice to hear. Everything is so jolly. And like all of our holidays are like based off of like sad events or, you know, like Jews overcoming something. But I don't know, just Christmas, I guess I don't really know the full story behind it, but it just seems like very jolly. You don't know the full story behind Christmas?

I think this podcast just became the story of Jesus' birth. You don't know the full story behind Christmas? I think this podcast just became the story of Jesus' birth. Noah, what do you think? I always forget if he rose or died or fucking was born. Noah, what do you think Christmas is about? No one knows. What do you mean no one knows? Yeah, it's the birth of Jesus, but like the whole thing with Santa Claus, I don't know how he comes into the picture. Oh, well, that's just a pagan thing, I think. Yeah Claus I don't know how he comes into the picture oh well that's just a pagan thing I think yeah I don't know about Santa either every time there's a thing

like that is because of the pagans anything anything that's fun the pagans added it at some point yeah and we just took I want to do a little bit of a if you're listening around children to like turn this off because oh man I will just, yeah. Because I will just say that- One of my favorite things that's ever happened. Oh, well, Chris can tell this story. But first I just want to say, I didn't find out about that thing not being what it was,

that man being not that man and maybe two people in cahoots until I was in fifth grade. That something isn't real yes but i knew let me just say i knew it wasn't probably around fourth grade it was confirmed and ever for me hold on real quick i'm sorry yeah who is listening to this podcast around kids i don't know like people have things on there are people that are driving their kids to school and they have it on Driving their kids to school And they have it on the morning radio

Oh really Yeah I'm not like talking about You know D's and B's and BJ's We did talk about V's And P's And A couple other letters that

Certainly I wouldn't want my kid hearing If I had a kid I'm sorry. Kids should be able to know about P's and V's. We just shouldn't know about them going into each other. Well, they should also be able to know about SC's as well. Then if they're going to be known about- What are SC's?

What you're talking about. Oh, SC's. Oh yeah. Well, I think that you should tell your kids about SC like almost immediately and say there's this thing that a lot of like, I just think it's the biggest- Yeah, but then to school such and they ruin it for everyone you know what everyone needs to ruin it for everyone because it is an amazing thing to like like to believe and it's fun but um it's the same as like kids do kids believe cartoons are a real

world and is there a moment where they go, no, it's not real? Like, I think in the beginning, they kind of assume that this is a place that exists. And then there's not a moment wherever we go, we have to sit down and tell you that Barney's not real or like Bluey isn't real. So why can't we do that with this where it's like, it's just a thing that we talk about, but we don't like sell it so goddamn hard. And we keep it for for and then there's this moment where we're like we have to tell you santa's gay like we have to sit you down and be like we have to you know what i mean like we have to tell you like it's a coming like it's a serious conversation where your parents are like we're

letting you're becoming an adult now and we're ruining yeah that part's weird for you i wonder what age is a good age because if you do it young enough then because you have to take into account you don't want your kid to go to school and be like guess what santa isn't real and all the other kids cry and it's just you don't want your kid to be that kid and when you're that young you can't help it if you have a secret that juicy come on so you gotta parents are like beating their children while also being like and santa's real they're fighting with their husband and throwing glasses at him it's like you motherfucker

you don't do anything for this family and like screaming and then they're also like but santa comes down the chimney and like so kids have to live in this like really real world where their parents are like just guttural alcoholics and i stole that word from rachel feinstein it's not a real world but it goes perfect with alcoholic. And where they're being screamed at every day and beaten and abused. Like kids live in like this. Some kids are, you know,

have to witness horrible things, horrible adult things before they're ready. But then they, Santa's real and you go to school and you make little stockings and you draw a turkey in your hand. And it's like, why? Why do we keep this up?

Are your parents getting, are you guys getting divorced? Yeah, we're getting divorced, but the tooth fairy is still going to go to both houses. Yes, yes, yes. So like when, anyway, my sister found out about the big old hoax in third grade and she came home and my parents were kept lying to me i would confront my parents and say i know it's not real like dad it's not and i would see his foot

shake rapidly he crossed his leg and his foot would shake and he go sant what do you think it is that's what he asked what do you think and i go well i think it's he's not and he'd go well he is and i knew he was lying and i was just like this guy's i'm full of shit i can't trust this man for anything i can't believe i ever let him take me in And I was just like, this guy's full of shit. I can't trust this man for anything. I can't believe I ever let him take me in a kayak and a river. Like this guy is not trustworthy. And then I knew he was lying, but I kept it up for my sister. So then I was vigilant about not letting my sister watch any adult TV

because I thought adults were going to give it away all the time. So I kept up the ruse and let my parents believe I believed. And then also, so my sister would still believe because she was younger. And so I remember them all being like, let's watch SNL. Like I was in fifth grade, my sister's in third. And they're like,

we're going to watch SNL. And I was like, we can't watch it. Cause I was, I knew SNL was adult and comedy. And I was like, we can't. And I couldn't say why though to anyone,

because I couldn't tell my parents. I know. You have so much trauma from Santa Claus. So much. This is why. And then one day my sister came home from third grade because her teacher, Mrs. Wright, who was a black woman, because in the black community, they do not lie to their kids that late, at least in the St. Louis black community in the 90s.

They are not keep, or whenever this woman grew up in the St. Louis in the 90s, they were not telling their kids into third grade that Santa was real. So she's this black woman working in a little like white white you know school elementary school the kids were like santa's coming and she goes oh sorry to burst your bubble kids she said burst your bubble i'll never forget it and the parents went fuck she goes but santa's not real the parents went wild she was nearly fired my sister comes home from school mrs wright's class in third grade my mom's at the sewing machine i'm sitting there watching say by the bell or some shit my

sister walks in from the bus and she puts down her backpack and she goes i know santa isn't real and my mom goes well now you know and i go that was it that's it that's all you had to say and i and i'm kind of heartbroken because now it's kind of very much confirmed and and i was in fifth grade and i had fought for Santa and was embarrassed in front of all my classmates for two years at that point. Fifth grade. Where Tyler Schoonover was like, Santa's not real.

And I was just like, yeah, I know. But deep in my heart, I like knew that he was, like, it was just this, it was exhausting. Let alone keeping my sister from being kidnapped with my, which my parents also didn't seem to care about. I was the only one who seemed to care about that, keeping her safe from pedophiles. I was obsessed with it and wouldn't let her roam around the neighborhood. My parents were like, let her go. And I'm like, she's going to get kidnapped. I'm smart enough not to get kidnapped, but this little girl, she's too trusting. So I was obsessed with that. And then

it all culminates to me at my sister's wedding oh well i'm a little confused now because i thought you i thought your sister knew santa wasn't the one that told me and confirmed it though i never had real confirmation but i kind of knew you know i mean like i knew but i was i was gaslighting myself into believing still oh okay okay gotcha because i no one ever really told me but i i was like 90 sure and then my sister was the one that was like 100 backpack on the floor santa's not real done deal you know what would be worse if you're i'm the reverse would be worse if a parent tells the kid that santa claus is not real and then does all of these things to try to make it seem like

it's real like dresses up like track boots through the house and leave ashes and eat a cookie and leave a note and all this weird serial killer shit yeah but imagine if you're if you see the boots and you see you're four years old you see the boots you see someone came in and ate a piece of cookie and you're like santa is real and your parents like no he's not i don't know what you're talking about wouldn't that that be worse? No, it is worse because then you put all your usual suspects in and you realize your parents have been doing a lie the entire time. But when you're four. And they kind of feel bad because you were like,

you realize all the times that you never gave parents your credit for the gifts they got you. And you were like, Santa killed it this year. Mom, you blew it. Like this doll you gave me sucks. But this pizza thrower, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rules. Santa killed it this year. Mom, you blew it. Like, this doll you gave me sucks, but this pizza thrower, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rules. Santa nailed it. You blew it,

Mom. You know? Okay, so when we come back, we'll tell you the story that Chris has about me and Santa. And I'm sure we've told it on the pod before, but we need to tell it again. Not with Chris. Oh, okay, good. Alright, we'll be back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back chris so what happened so so at nikki's sister's wedding nikki gave whatever what's the speech there i mean the maid of honor speech like it was like a reception for a wedding she had two years prior that was like a she really that's what that was wedding yeah it was just a reception there was no ceremony oh god i didn't remember it like that yeah well nikki gave a speech at the wedding and during the wedding you know she said all these wonderful things about lauren but about how she was you know you know more advanced in some ways or mature or whatever it was and one of the things she said at this reception where there were aunts and aunt's children and uncle's children like there was kids there's kids at the wedding yeah

nikki goes lauren found out santa claus wasn't real before me and like moms were like putting their their hands on kids ears i burst some bubbles that day burst many bubbles that day we're crying in the bathroom and it was controversial kids were crying in the bathroom aunts were mad at nikki yep it was it turned out to be like kind of the talk of the wedding. They had to learn somehow. Besides the cold coffee. They had to learn somehow. I mean, I was making this point about my sister being just like

always feeling like an older sister to me. She kissed a boy before me. She got a boyfriend before me. She lost her virginity. I didn't say the virginity part, but that's true too. She was plucking her eyebrows before me and had to be like, hey, big sis, get over. Your your eyebrows are problematic let's like fix them she was always like more advanced and wore makeup before me just knew what to do before me and then also the Santa Claus thing I

just threw in not thinking but you know what they gotta learn somehow and this is like I'll bring it back to something else people go like no spoiler alert isn't the shock of and i know everyone's gonna say no it's not we want to learn spoilers like in the movie itself the way the director wanted us to learn the spoiler but let's say i tell someone tells me like oh the end of the sixth sense or whatever is this thing um isn't the shock of me finding that out then also the same surprise if i would in the movie i'm not at all because if you don't know what's happening leading up to the sixth sense like the sixth sense is like the perfect example to not use that's a good point because the whole movie

is completely ruined if you know but i'm like isn't this a good surprise too of you finding out just from listening overhearing this conversation isn't that like also pretty good of like whoa damn you know like you did you have to find out the way everyone else did now you could have a different experience by watching the whole movie or you gave them a gift you keep trying to pull this christmas came early for those kids you keep trying to tell me this all the time that the last few weeks and i'm not buying it i'm not buying it every time. The spoiler thing? Yeah, the spoiler thing because Nikki's got a lot of spoilers

that she's holding over my head and she's thankfully not giving them up yet because every time she goes, can I just tell you... No, I don't like spoiling things for people. I really don't, but I do argue that when they come out, I go, aren't you surprised now? Just in the same way you would be then? Just enjoy this moment instead of being mad at me.

I want to defend Nikki on this because we do drop a lot of spoilers on this podcast and some people take the spoiler alert some people like oh they they give away too much of plots if so if a tv show or a movie is good then the spoilers won't matter you would still enjoy it like i think there's something unforgettable about that moment in sixth sense or there's a moment in um the departed there's something on forget there's something unforgettable about that moment in six cents or there's a moment in um the departed there's just there's something that that they that the director intended like brian said that that um that we were led into on purpose to elicit a certain reaction and that agree that is something that is stolen no matter what, if there is a spoiler on a show. Now, some spoilers aren't that big of a deal and don't ruin anything.

Right. But if you're like, oh, this character dies and you're like, hey, you'll get that feeling early on the movie anyway. Well, then fine. Yeah. But like spoiler alert. Did you guys know that in Dude, Where's My Car? They don't find the car? Wait, I kind of did forget that.

But if something happens within the first half hour of the movie, it's not a spoiler. Shut up. Like this is not, that's not, I don't think that that's something that people should be able to get mad about. Spoiler alert, Dude, Where's My Car, only movie I've ever walked out on. Really? Yeah. Whoa. I thought it was pretty on. Really? Yeah. Whoa. I thought it was pretty funny.

Were you just like- I was with a bunch of friends and they were like, this is terrible. We're out of here. And I was just like, okay, I guess we're leaving. And they got up to leave and I left with them. And they were like, Santa isn't real. And they screamed it at the screen. And then I've never walked out of a movie since then.

Because I was like, this feels wrong. I have trivia for Noah. Noah, what's the last movie I walked out of? I've probably said it so many times that I would think you know. And if you don't know, then I'll say it again. Because this is the test of if something's been said too many times on the podcast. You know what? I feel like I know so much about you, but I don't remember this fact.

Horrible Bosses was the last time I walked out of a movie. No way. I was so mad about it. I don't remember this fact horrible bosses was the last time I walked out of a movie I was so mad about it because I'm like just quit your boss sucks we this is the I know this is like the thing of like just call him you know like when people are in movies where you go you don't have to just go you know take a train in the middle of the night to tell him you love him just like call him and then the movie would be over with these easy fixes but that movie i was like stop killing your boss just just quit and i didn't like jennifer aniston um being so sexual i like need it was me being like puritanical about her of like i don't like her being such an evil sex pot right i just need her the way that i want her and for whatever

reason it bugged me and also um dinner for schm, I almost didn't make it through, but I did stay. But I will walk out of a movie without any problem. No way. I rarely, rarely ever walk out of a movie. In fact, I can only remember walking out of one movie ever. And this is how long ago it was. It came out in 2004. So I was like a teenager.

Can we try to guess what it is? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, is it a comedy? Yes. Is it starring a... Does it pass the Bechdel test? No way, a 2004 movie? Not a chance.

Probably not. I kind of remember i was with my high school friends and i remember we all decided we're gonna we're gonna walk out old school no um does it star someone that is in old school um is it embarrassing now that is it like a classic now no i i actually you probably should stop guessing because i doubt you even remember this movie it is called welcome to moose port no is that ray romano it was ray romano's uh attempt at making a full feature-length film ray romano and gene hackman and man i was like i can't even believe this is on a screen. Like, how'd this make it to the screen? Of course.

That was peak Romano, though, right? Yeah. That was like, everybody loves Raymond. Yeah. Everyone loved him. Except for Brian. I just like, of course, Chris, I don't think you walk out of things. You're a completionist.

You like will finish something. Because suits. Have you guys talked about suits on this podcast? I think a little bit. Well, suits has become... Let's talk about you watching suits. We know you watched four days of television.

Chris is not alone. I completed suits. I added up suits that amount of days. Chris is not alone. Chris is amongst millions. No, he's not alone. It is one of the most watched shows on Netflix

Right now it's crazy And I don't even want to talk about it Because I don't want to continue promoting this show I mean it just feels like insane The one thing I'll say That I love Whenever Suits comes up on Chris' show The Courtney Show which is a podcast I listen to

Every freaking day and I love it so much But when Suits comes up on there, there's someone that like newly is watching it or something. Cause Chris gets people into suits. Cause it's what did you say? It's the center of television. Kind of like matchbox 20 is the center of music. Yes,

there is like, okay. When you think about suits, you think, is this, this is like one of those USA shows. Yeah. Characters welcome.

You look at it and you're like, is this Franklin and bash or, or like the doctor on like the move to the hamptons but but he got like disbarred but he like helps rich people like be okay psych psych yeah burn notice burn notice you think like okay you look at suits and you say this is just another one of those terrible shows that of course i would never like but if you guys have time for just a mini story yeah the way i got into it because i looked at it the same way i was like this is going to be terrible and i just wrote it off as like just a cheesy show um so i was you know in in 2017 or something nikki and i had broken up at that point and i was in the i was in dubai working for a little while were you not in abu dhabi for an abu dhabi i was

in abu dhabi actually so it's in abu dhabi for for what i'm on bumble for what for abu dhabi okay complete the sentence i'm on bumble i meet this girl we hit it off a little bit over text oh did you yeah oh what what just what made you swipe right on her? Was it just her smile? Yeah, she seemed like she had a good personality. I'm a personality guy, as you guys can tell. Everybody knows I'm a personality guy. So we start talking and, I don't know, we get to something where I was like,

I was really into Game of Thrones at the time. Brian and I used to have Game of Thrones watch parties. Nikki was there and would like tolerate it. Respect it. You did respect it, which is really nice. Very respectful. So I was just so into Game of Thrones. It was before Game of Thrones stunk.

And she's mentioned something about suits because I guess we talked about what TV shows. Oh, they were flirting. If I'm matching with you on Bumble, I'm getting to TV shows at like the fourth text probably. Yeah. Just because I've got nothing else. It's all I do.

Anyway, I say there's some sort of bet where she says I will like Suits more than she would like whatever show I come up with. So I was like, you will like Game of Thrones more than I will like Suits. And I was like, okay, bet's on. And I take bets pretty seriously. Yes, he does. I get into it. And so I started like Suits. And I was like, okay, bets on. And I take bets pretty seriously. Yes, he does. I get into it. And so I started watching Suits immediately.

And like a week later, I finished the first season of Suits. And she- You followed up with her? I followed up with her. She never even watched one single episode of Game of Thrones. And so I, but by the end of the season,

I was like, you win already. You will not like Game of Thrones as much as I like Suits. Because you of the season, I was like, you win already. You will not like Game of Thrones as much as I like. Because you liked it. I definitely was like, I can watch this entire thing. Are you sitting there like focusing on the episodes? Because isn't it like a procedural in the background type show? I mean, they're like an hour episode, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I would say that, you know, I was in Abu Dhabi for an Abu Dhabi. Thank you. And, you know, like you had a lot of time on your hands to watch would you say it was your abu hobby it was not an abu hobby to watch suits you didn't have much else yeah yeah yeah um no i liked it no so anyway my point is don't overlook suits just because you're like too cool like i you know no i i want to point is, don't overlook suits just because you're too cool.

No, I want to start it too. Don't overlook suits. Hey, what about this? Because you don't like Meghan Markle. And you know what? Maybe you don't like Meghan Markle. Because why, Chris? There's a smear campaign.

By? The deep state. The British royal family. Yes. If you investigate why you don't like Meghan Markle, you come up dry, bitches. You come up dry because you don't really know. It just seeped into your pores over the years. You don't even know why.

Oh, because she's stuck up. Why do you think that? Where did you get that idea? You sound like Rick from Rick and Morty. I'm pissed about it. I don't like it. I'm so tired of people. I was listening to your podcast the other day and there was a guy on who like should not know,

have any opinion about the royal family. He's an older man that was in radio back with Courtney. His name's Guy Phillips. He's great radio guy. But he even said, I'm watching Suits and I love it. Even though I don't care for Meghan Markle very much. And I'm like, why does this 60 something year old man have an opinion, a negative opinion about Meghan Mark merkel it's because the royal family won they've seeped in she's a nice girl she just fell

in love with this guy she didn't try to root and why does any american give a fuck about the royal goddamn family shut up about it why do you care so i understand brits like having this weird i don't know i don't understand this. Because it's almost like growing up in a church of Scientology. It's just they're brainwashed into caring. It is weird. They can't help it. The idea that there is a queen of another country on your money,

like for Canadians and Australians. Australians are very laid back people and they're not worried about it. But from our perspective to be like, you've got the Queen of England on your money. Yes. This is bizarre. And then I love Doug Stanhope's point about like, well, the British people always say, yeah, it's the royal family, but they don't really have a say in politics or anything. It's like, well, then why do you fucking care about them? Their defense is always like, but they don't really do anything. It's like, well, then why do you fucking care about them? Their defense is always like, but they don't really do anything.

It's like, well, then what is going on here? People should Google Doug Stanhope's stance on the British royal family. I played it on the podcast before ages ago and we have a lot of new fans

since then. So if you haven't heard it, go listen to Doug Stanhope's rant against the royal family. It really solidifies how I feel. But to close the loop on suits. Close it.

Listen, I'm not saying everybody's going to love it. I'm saying give it a shot because you might casually like it and be surprised by it. There's good, there's like a,

if you like watching shows where there's like good looking people that you can like kind of have a crush on, there's somebody for everybody. Oh, that's cute.

I like that. Yeah. Who are you crushing on? Markle. You were a Markle fan. I was a Markle man. When I, the royal family got me, I used to be a Markle fan? I was a Markle man. The royal family got me.

I used to be a Markle skeptic. Markle's charming on the show. And I used to be like, oh, do you like Meghan? Because he liked suits before anyone else. And I'd go, oh, is she so hot? You're probably so into her. I was kind of jealous. And now I'm obsessed with her.

And I think she's the coolest and the smartest. And I really am just such an advocate of spreading the the word about how great she is she was recently seen at the beyonce concert and people were just like oh are you at beyonce it's like she can't do anything and people are gonna be mad at her although i will say i saw a clip of timothy chalamet oh spoiler alert with kylie jenner they made their first public appearance together at the Beyonce concert either yesterday or the day before. And he was smoking a cigarette

in the SoFi center and ashing over the ledge, which I found to be insane. But they're out and they're together and that's weird. It seems so bizarre. Yeah.

It makes it like I remember when Kylie Jenner is part of the other royal family. Yeah. That people care about but people people that's the weirdest one too because people seem to like always hate the kardashians but then why are they so popular you know like everyone seems to just not like them but we can't

stop consuming them right at the end i mean it's like brian said it's they're like the they're like an american royal family yeah that's true but i like chalamet i'm a ch family. Yeah, that's true. But I like Chalamet. I'm a Chalamet man. I'm a Chalamet trailer. How do you think they got together? I was enchanted by. Like how do people like so famous get DMs? Oh, you think it was Instagram?

Yep. I think it's always DMs for celebs. Or it's like, you know, or they're friends of a friend gives a text or something. Or they're like backstage at fashion week that's it that's a hundred percent backstage at fashion week backstage it's always backstage at fashion week oh my god that's so true um it's so cute to me to picture chris on on the apps do you ever think about your boyfriend like being out there like trying to meet people like just like being like i think it's adorable.

Just, you were, like, swiping and, like, had to make first moves. Like, and, like, just do cute things and, like, have a one-liner, like, to get in. And then you were talking about suits and making bets. I think it's so adorable. Where's that spark? Where'd it go? It's gone. I think it's when you call me adorable and cute.

It's so cute. Oh, you don't like being called cute? I think it's... I think it's, you call me adorable and cute. It's so cute. Oh, you don't like being called cute? I think it's... Patronizing? Yes. Really? Yeah. Oh, I think it's... I don't mean it that way.

It's endearing to me. Like how when you were just a single guy, I like that guy. I understand it because you're like rooting for the person and they're like in a vulnerable position trying to find someone and you really want them

to succeed and you're like I can help you but I'm not there to help you. You guys I think are looking at it from a different perspective. No, he's just a horny guy

in Abu Dhabi. He's not a horny guy looking for a girlfriend. He was not like Brian. It's somewhere in between what you guys are saying like it's more just like oh i'm bored and don't know anybody in abu dhabi like let's see what's going on you know why i like it chris it's because for me when i first met you i would have never

thought when we broke up the first time i would have never thought you would get on the apps because you're a guy who like doesn't do what everyone to do. And so when I found out you were on the apps, I was just like, wait, you made a profile and had to scroll to find your age and you had to answer these hinge questions. It's so humiliating. So not you. Yeah. My profile was blank forever. I think my profile just said like, you know, just like one thing that I liked.

Like pizza. Oh, I think it said soft rock. I just had no profile anything. Yeah. Because I was just like, this is... Because you got a face that can carry it.

Everything that is about this is humiliating. It really is. And I think I wrote maybe for a while something like not as tall as I look. Right.

Just something to like take it down a notch. Yeah, literally. Yeah. Take it down a few notches. So Chris is visiting and today's his birthday we have a special thing planned on Thursday

I like how you say we like we're both doing it we're both going does Chris know what it is? no it's going to be a surprise but before that we're going to look at dogs

that's your birthday present I know I was like for your birthday we're going to look at dogs we that's your birthday present i know i was like for your birthday we're gonna go do something we're gonna go look at dogs at shelter um she just texted me about it actually the the girl that's helping us look for dogs because last natalie from mayday rescue natalie from oh yeah she's been on the podcast before natalie from mayday rescue is um going to go meet us and we're gonna make maybe make a video at the shelter with some dogs and give them they'll be like i'm going home we're like no we're making a video with you bitch get over here and go back in your cage just using you for content if people like like i that's like half the reason i got on social media was to like look at the dodo and things like that so people like you know dog rescue people should follow mayday

rescue yeah she does a really good job of placing animals and it's just so nice when you know dog rescue people should follow mayday rescue yeah she does a really good job of placing animals and it's just so nice when you see a little scruffy dog that is covered in like a bath mat of fur and then they look like a different dog once they get a makeover and then they end up happy on a couch licking someone's face yes you get success stories yes so the other day though i got really close on a dog um i didn't even tell the girls chat because i'm tired of like the last time i got close on the dog i like announced on the girls chat and then i had to like tell everyone that i didn't get it and it was just so sad it's i i don't mean to relate it to people telling people they're pregnant and then losing a

pregnancy but it just it's it's the closest i've ever gotten to that what was that that's exactly what i thought of i was like oh she just it's like having a miscarriage it felt like that's the closest nicky's version yeah yeah it's so funny um so i don't mean please know that i don't i don't think it's the same at all but it's like the closest i have been able to feel to that where I like start like looking at dog toys and stuff and like imagining the future of my life with this animal by my side and I'll say that like I can see the animal it's not like I like it's there I met it I hugged it I carried it I like it licked my face I thought thought I had it. So last week on Tuesday, a woman died and the next

day or that night, her friend posted on Instagram I need to find a place for my best friend died last night. It was so tragic. She had a heart condition and she went in to go have a thing put in and it didn't work out

and she died tragically and she went in to go have a thing put in and and um it didn't work out and she she died tragically and she had a five-year-old dog i'm looking i know it's so sad but she but the doc i will say that the there was she went into the thing no like i think it was like a 25 chance that it was maybe gonna end this way so really it wasn't completely like which is still tragic i mean you would think you you have a 75 chance of it was it was awful it's awful but people die it's part of the story i'm not trying to make it about that or i'm not also trying to not make it about that because someone died in this story but um her dog was then um you know didn't have an owner so they her best friend put this picture of this dog online

and um and then it got posted by someone else and then Anya saw it and she sent it to me and she was like this dog seems to like meet all of your needs it's this many pounds it's this it's five years old it's cute and it does it seems to not have a barking problem it's like a perfect dog. So I went and I messaged the woman immediately. I asked Chris first and I was like, this dog seems kind of perfect. Do you think we could maybe do this?

And then you said, you know, go for it. And I was like, thanks. And then I wrote to the woman and I said, listen, I travel a lot. I want a dog that I can travel with. So I just wanted to be upfront, like this dog is going to travel because some people might not want that for their dog. But let me just say that if you don't want a dog that I can travel with so I just wanted to be up front like this dog is going to travel because some people might not want that for their dog but let me just say that if you

don't want your dog to travel this is the because then she wrote back and said we don't want this dog to travel and sorry you uh we're gonna meet other people but thank you so much for your interest very polite about it and I was really like sad about it and then I was really like, sad about it. And then I was like, wait, I feel like, I don't know. I feel like I can convince this woman because I'm not going to do something to a dog that's going to make this dog's life worse than someone else. I'm giving this, I would give the dog the best life possible because just because it travels with me, I do a very- She thinks you're putting the dog under the plane. Yes. I think sometimes people think that's-

You're so right. So I made that very I said I'm just gonna shoot what my shot one more time I'm sorry to bother you I know you're grieving and like I don't want you to have to read a bunch of texts but I'm just saying if you the fact that it would travel with me means it would travel under the seat in a carrier it would be I would be checking on it constantly it would be safe I've traveled with dogs before I would never do anything to an animal that would cause it anxiety. If it would have anxiety and wasn't good at traveling, it would stay with my boyfriend

or it'd stay with my family who has dogs. It would always have people to take care of it. And I said, here's the other thing. It sounds like it's a bad deal with this dog traveling all the time. But what that means is I don't have an office job. I'm not leaving my dog alone in a cage seven hours a day, which I guarantee you, whoever this dog ends up with, it's going to spend a lot more time alone than it would if it was with me. And maybe that's what they want for the dog.

It's like, it's okay being alone because it turns out this dog, I guess, is okay being alone. But I was like, this dog will never be alone. I'll always be with it. It's tiny. It will always be with me. And if it's not alone, I don't leave. I don't allow my dogs to be alone for more than three hours. would that's like the most before i had someone come and walk them or

something and if you leave your dog alone for more than that time i don't think you're a bad person you do what you can but i don't believe dogs should be left in cages at home alone for more than like i think the i would say pita says like more than five minutes. But some people leave it at home, not in a cage for long periods of time. Yes, but sometimes they like the cage like and they need the cage. Like the dog likes the cage. Yeah, so I don't mean to say,

I'm adding cage to sound worse, but sometimes I mean that's like a better scenario than just like on your couch. But I've heard of people leaving seven or eight hours and the dog just has to like hold it. And I think it gets worse than that when people have, you know, just are a little bit more negligent. I think it can be worse. So I was just saying like this dog will always be with someone.

So she then reconsidered and said, yeah, come meet it actually. This is, you know, I pled my case and I said, I'm a vegan because of animal rights. Like I'm not going to ever this a dog feel unsafe or have anxiety like i will do everything to make it comfortable a hundred percent of the time and she she bought it man she bought it no so she let me go meet it and i held it and it was so cute and so nice and i loved it so much and it was so calm and sweet and and i you know it i just I loved it immediately and I was like this dog is mine like this is happening because the girl the woman was really cool and we she's a writer we connected and I just felt like we had a good talk she also um we were talking about having kids and

how I'm like I don't plan on having kids and she was like she gave me some advice on that which was really awesome but I don't want to say what it was in case she hears this and she's like you betrayed my trust but I'm not revealing who this woman is. But she was awesome. And we connected. We walked the dog and I felt like, oh, this is going to happen. And then I was on the treadmill like an hour later. And like in the middle of a workout, I just get a call and I'm like, oh, and then I get them. I let it go because I was like panting at the time like a dog. And then she was like, she was like, I'm nearly crying because I have to panting at the time like a dog and then she was like she was like I'm nearly crying because I have to tell you we are just we want the dog to be local um because

I guess the woman's family wants to maybe like see the dog and they don't want it to be all the way in St. Louis so I didn't get the dog and I was so sad for like a day because it was only like a day that I thought it was less than a day that I thought I was going to get it so it wasn't like super seeped into my consciousness but I was like but i had i had like the fact that you were going to see it like i had already started like being like okay our life with hobbs yes and i was excited about it i know and we had a talk about what we had i almost messaged that lady to be like hey you're doing the right thing by seeing nikki like because you know luigi the first day that nikki had luigi you know everybody said it was a mistake luigi was like scared and barking and then and then

and then bit nikki and and like we were like what is going on and she was like you were just you would have been like this dog there's nothing it's gonna be trouble the whole time in a corner shivering all day long and you're like this is a disaster and nikki loved it into being submission into submission i luigi's like the great it's just the greatest dog and then nikki did it again with marion so i wanted to tell this lady like hey nikki's gonna love this thing like in a way that's extraordinary and it's gonna have an amazing life but i i also understand like you know if that if that woman who died has siblings and that dog makes them feel close to their sister then it's like okay i as hard as it is yeah that he's not he doesn't get to be ours it's like okay this guy's this this dog might give these people comfort over the next few years but it's still hard i put my woman i put myself in that woman's shoes or like the brother's shoes of the woman who died i think you're gonna say i put my woman pants on

i did put my woman pants on that day i hate it when people say i was embarrassed when i met when i met the dog i was we were like it was very hot outside we were on the sidewalk and we sat down on this like you know gray pavement to like play with the dog i was we were like it was very hot outside we were on the sidewalk and we sat down on this like you know gray pavement to like play with the dog and when we got up i had sweat so much that there was like wet stains all over the ground and it looked like i had like pissed everywhere but it was just me sweating and the woman had left no stains so it looked like i had just like so i might have not gotten the dog because I had a puppy pad problem. But I did like think, you know, if my sister died and all I had was her dog and I couldn't take it, but I wanted it to find a home, I'd want the dog in St. Louis.

I wouldn't want it to go to California. Yes. Like I just, even if I wasn't going to see the dog, because I don't think the guy's going to visit the dog. I would just want it in the vicinity. It's like, you just got to. And so, and i always believe everything happens for a reason and like there is now there's a dog out there that i

wouldn't have that i'm gonna get and when i get it i'm gonna be like i can't believe i almost didn't have you and i know that dog is out there right now shivering in a cage somewhere oh yeah the one there's that but also you and chris had a conversation about having a dog because you guys are living together now yes we had a great conversation for that so that's exactly right like we're we wouldn't have had the conversation if it wasn't for this dog and now we're ready for whatever that next yeah we had a really good talk about like what the expectations were with the dog like all i wanted chris to say was like i just with luigi and marion it was always nikki's dogs even though he was like very present in their lives and it always kind of

like i just was like man i want it to be our dog you know like i just want him to say my dog and like then i'd have this thing with the person i love like that gives me kind of the thing maybe that a maternal instinct where you're like making something with someone and so for this i was like you'll be just as accountable as you were with luigi and marion which was like very helpful but not the not the number one like i'm always and i will do the most of the work because i that's what i want to do i really do like i want if i'm getting this dog like i know that i'm taking responsibility for it but will you just say our when you say it on the radio? And he was like, yeah, I can do that. And Chris is also, as I've

said on the podcast a million times, the best part about him is like, if I ever need anything, this guy does it. Literally anything. He will make sure it happens with no questions asked. No like, you forgot that? I gotta mail it? Like it like no i always thought the

best part about me was my jawline i mean you're 42 now babe yeah i know it's not looking great no your jawline's never been better actually i took a picture of you last night that really made me laugh um where he looked like he was just making a bad face and i was like happy birthday baby i love your smile i was so happy with that post. Really bad. It was so funny. But no, I grew up in a house, no offense, dad, if you're listening, but like, and my mom too,

where every, like if something, if like my mom forgot something at home and they were trying, it'd be like, Julie, why'd you forget that? Or like, EJ, you should have remembered the fucking garage door. And it's like, I did not repeat that in my relationship. I have a relationship with someone who doesn't go like,

why did you do this? Like, it's always just like, okay, we can go back. Oh, that's, it's like a compassionate, like that sucks, but like, we'll take care of it. It's not like a punishing, what were you gonna say? Well, no, I thought you were gonna say that i was really responsible and when i was here last time brian do you know this i ran out of gas in nicky's yes yes i've heard this it's not his fault though i've never run out of gas before the car was faulty i've never been in a car that

ran out of the car is faulty you saw it no it is it's not as like obvious as when other cars run out of gas it tells you it's set when you have 70 miles left and then it abandons you and there is no there's no other warning until you're out of gas that's a faulty uh mercedes and nicky was so we started the car and i was like i gotta throw some stuff away you're going to see barbie so i drove like i you know like 20 feet away to in the parking lot where there was a trash can and i went and i put i put something in the trash can and I came back and the car was dead. The car starts like shuddering,

like it's about to start sobbing. It's like, and I'm like, what's happening? The car's going like, and then all of a sudden, dead. Oh man. I was just in disbelief.

And I go, did someone go to the Reagan Museum a little too many times yesterday? I went to the Reagan Museum. little too many times yesterday? I went to the Reagan Museum. 70 miles. That's not enough. No, it's bullshit. It tells you 70 miles is enough now. That's like telling your kid when they're six that they're going to hit puberty one day.

And then when they turn 13, you're just like, what are you talking about? Yeah, it's like, what's happening here? And so today, Chris was like, when you have to work today, maybe I can go do my own thing. And I go, uh-huh. Just keep an eye on that gas gauge, baby. Happy birthday. All right. We're going to take a break and come back after this.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. So, does anyone know anyone who's at Burning Man right now? I mean, I don't, but we do know people. You just don't know that they're there. Yeah, you just don't know that they're there. There's 70,000 people. This guy Glenn has got to be there.

My Uncle Mike is there. But I feel like, yeah, definitely a couple guys named Glenn are there for sure. You're right. You know, it's surprising, though, that you don't know anyone off the top of your head who's at Burning Man because it seems to be the kind of thing that people talk about all the time if they're right. You know, it's surprising though that you don't know anyone like off the top of your head who's at Burning Man because it seems to be the kind of thing that people talk about all the time if they're going. Oh, yeah. It's like CrossFit or birthdays.

So you know what happened at Burning Man, right? Rain. Yeah. So everyone got, it rained for days and then it got all muddy and then people, one person died and people weren't allowed to leave Burning Man. But they don't know if it's that. and then it got all muddy and then people, one person died and people weren't allowed to leave Burning Man. But they don't know if it's that.

It could be like drug related or whatever. Sure, sure. Somebody died, but someone did. You would think at least one person a year dies at Burning Man.

That seems low, doesn't it? Thousands and thousands. Yes, it does. 70,000 people doing drugs in the desert. I mean, it seems like there would be at least five deaths a year,

but guess not. It's like the Khaleesi's wedding what do they say it's like if i have at least all affair yes if at least two people don't die it's a dull affair and a dothraki wedding that's a game of thrones uh lore yeah spoiler alert several people die at the dothraki wedding and is that the red wedding i saw the red wedding? I saw the red wedding. No, that's not the red wedding. That's a real spoiler, but that's too long ago. That's a real spoiler, but that's too long ago. That's a real spoiler, but that's too long ago.

Cal Drogo. Was she topless for it? No, she was topless that night. Okay, cool. Nice. Nice. So it rained a lot at Burning Man, and it got really muddy, and it got so muddy that they had to shelter in place, and they weren't allowed to drive home so

some people including chris rock and diplo had to walk six miles in the mud to leave burning man which i know it's in the mud so that makes it more difficult but walking in a six mile hike is not that long not bad at all but still people were then posting to social media like it was more like a flex and like a and it's also like a straight line it's not like they're going through mountains or yeah but with the mud i can understand it being a little difficult they probably didn't have like proper gear to like hike but like six miles you could do you know in like a half a day. And people were posting on Instagram and other social media

that they were like refugees from Syria. They just got out. And also how amazing transformative experience it was. And they were expecting to get some sort of, what's the word? People caring about this. What's the word I'm trying to think of oh yeah sympathy they're trying to get some sympathy for this and try to seem cool but instead everyone's just like fuck you fuck you you fucking losers they are gonna be insufferable every all 70 000 people that were at this thing it's it is going to be like we're

going to hear stories about it for the rest of our lives we're never going to get to we're never going to hear the end of like oh i was at the burning man well and imagine next year's burning man when you have new when you have people at burning man next year and they're like yeah but i was at the one last year it was when we were in the mud and i'm a better person than you because i was in the mud one. It's just going to be a little... I don't know if this is true or not because I read it on Reddit,

but apparently there is a private plane at Burning Man that people take just so they could join the Mile High Club. It's like one of the attractions there. Sure, sure. That's how like... So you just go up and have sex and then come back down?

Yeah. It's just a theme park it's become like maybe in the 80s when they started burning man it was like just a bunch of hippies trying to figure their shit out but now it is just a theme park for the rich where people not everyone's not it does sound transformative and fun i've been sold on it slightly by people and i i was the biggest like oh god burning man i don't want to go because it's camping and it's muddy and it's like communal and i don't have to like talk and hug a bunch of people and have people be like what's up man and like share my food like everything's there's no money it's all bartering yeah yeah there's no

money everything's bicycles and that was like sold to me as like a good thing i'm like no i don't know who's selling it to you because it does not seem like a thing that you would have a good time at. No, not even close. I can't. I'm just saying like I don't. I have some people in my life who I think are cool people that like it. So I don't think it's that lame because I just trust these people to be not as lame as the type of Burning Man person. But I will say I do know someone who's there who I really don't like. And at first I was like, ha ha, this bitch is stuck in the mud.

And then I go, oh fuck, she's going to have this story. Yeah, she gets the story. She's going to be worse than anyone. So it's almost like it's better for them than if they just had a great Burning Man. Are you kidding me? The people that go to Burning Man just want to talk about burning man and this gives them this license yeah it becomes their life like that's their personality now is that every year they go to burning that being said i'm very interested in going i think i would do better at it than you would i'll go with

you that's really cute yeah sorry in a good way that's sexy yeah you don't like cute anymore or you never have i just found out but um yeah i'll go with you i would i'll go i'll feel protected by you right because you protect me from things that i don't care for in situations like that you'll make it as comfortable as possible you'll be like i got your charger hooked up here and i'll do this cord the extension cord i got this frisbee that lights up we'll do that like he'll bring snacks i got a lot of like a lot of light up frisbees in my life he went to rei the other day and he got there was a sale he got me a blanket i love a sale at rei he just gets me little gifts and like it's i didn't know it was my love language till i till i knew so he got

me a beautiful little blanket that is just like a thing you can ball up into like a really nice pillow or use a blanket and he got me a light up fris is just like a thing you can ball up into like a really nice pillow or use a blanket. And he got me a light up Frisbee that is fucking cool. It's for us. Got us a light up Frisbee. Well, yeah. And for like, you know, when you're here, like if you wanted to go play. But also this thing that I think might be good for a lot of different people that travel a lot.

It's only 10 bucks. It is a it's like a scale that you hold in your hand that you can weigh your luggage before you get to the airport so you don't have that like panic for two hours before you get to the airport to be like am i at 53 pounds are they gonna bust me on this am i gonna look like an idiot unpacking my bag how embarrassing take your vibrator out yeah so it's like 15 pound vibrator i mean the hitachi magic wand is industrial strength it's probably 1.5 pounds at least but yesterday i was like weigh my leg so i was like laying in bed and chris was just like hooked it to my leg and i was just like just lift up so we were weighing my legs they both weigh the same yeah 12.5 which is about would you you guys would go to burning man right

i mean i know that we all make fun of it and we should. It deserves to be made fun of. But it still looks cool and fun. Does Avi want to go? No. No. Really? But he likes outdoors.

Not our culture. And he likes rescue. But it's not like, it's not an outdoors thing. It's more about like being artsy and like eclectic and on drugs and the whole bartering thing. Like, hmm. being artsy and like eclectic and on drugs and the whole bartering thing like i would want to go to burning man just so i can justify my hatred for it like i would go and be like now i know for sure that i hate this that's great yes this sucks yeah the people here suck they're they're confused and flailing that's what's happening taken to a different world so like i love sleep no more

in new york that thing where it was like you go in i love that and then like beyonce's like concert recently swifts yeah it's just like you get taken to a different place for a short period of fake place that costs uh millions and millions of dollars purporting to be an anti-capitalist utopia. Instead, it costs several hundred million dollars to make and the CEOs and the top 10 people make over 300k a year to put it on. It is a hypocrisy.

It is a farce. It has become a playground for the wealthy to destroy the environment, essentially and and post something on instagram that makes them feel like they're superior to people who don't go that's what i view it as and i thought i thought it was free but ticket prices start at 575 dollars and vehicle passes are 150 you spend thousands of dollars to go so So this is not... If you are... If you are an actual person who

lives in the desert and lives in a yurt, you cannot afford to go to Burning Man. Wow. Are there scholarships or something? And then... I understand the transformative experience in taking you to a new world. I'm not saying there's nothing

good about Burning Man, but I do wonder for these people who have transformative experiences, is Burning Man transformative or is doing shrooms transformative? I think that's what it is. Is it because you did DMT? Is that why you're thinking it?

I mean, it's a cool place to do DMT, that's for sure. But I don't think Burning Man is a requirement to have a transformative experience on shrooms i agree but there you're also with like-minded people yeah so like you're with you you feel like you're in this ultimate safe space of like-minded people because that's the brand you know is like we're coming here to be like a hundred percent ourselves in some way and then we have to go back to our lives except we know i mean we're not we're coming here to be like 100% ourselves in some way. And then we have to go back to our lives. Except we know. I mean, we're not, we know enough to know that if you get 70,000 people in a spot, you are not in a safe space.

Out of those 70,000 people, there's at least 25,000 people who have, who are just weird. Yeah. And there are 10,000 people who have malicious intentions. Not like I'm going to kill you, but like I'm going to try to fuck your girlfriend. And then there's going to be 500 people who probably are evil. That's just humanity. And now you're putting them all together with no rules in the desert.

There's no water. And you're setting things on fire and doing drugs. And you're telling me this is what you want to spend $3,000 and a Labor Day weekend on? We need someone who's been to Burning Man on the show to speak in.

Yeah, I mean, I am sort of like having their back in some reasonable way. I mean, I mean safe space like emotionally.

I don't mean like physically, but I will also say that every institution that has ever existed, whether it starts with, you know, good intentions or not

becomes perverted by people who will get into that institution and make it way worth i mean i mean you look at our government you look at basically every religion like all of those were probably started with the best of intentions and then have been perverted into something where it's like it all ends up being like because we want to just make money and have power you want to anybody who wants to make money and have power will will seek an institution right that they can manipulate so that they can have power yes and make money and burning man is no exception final thought i was listening to this um interesting podcast called stuff you should know that i go to sleep listening to almost every single night and it always puts me to sleep but then i also learn something and it takes me

probably like four weeks to get through one hour episode because i always fall asleep but then i i slowly absorb the information and there was this one episode about um the bilateral fuck i forget what it was called but it was something about how, like when our brains, when we snapped into consciousness as humans, there's a theory that before we had consciousness and had like our thoughts in our heads that we knew were our thoughts. We thought this is thousands of years ago before consciousness began. Humans thought that thoughts in our heads were god or a ruler talking to us so if you had the thought of like i'm gonna itch my leg there wasn't the thought of like this is my leg i'm itching it it was god is telling me to itch my leg it was any thought you had in your head was just god or the ruler the ruler of your little tribe before religion

so there was no so it was but it was it was before it was like basically after you're smart enough to to like be aware of something before we were aware intelligent enough that we had like our own agency yes so somewhere in between that in evolution. Yes. It's like 1980. And it wasn't like a god. Like they didn't have a religion. And Ronald Reagan was the one telling us to scratch our legs. Yeah. Well, you should scratch your legs. Not bad.

Not bad. That was really good. So it was an idea of God of being like a supreme being. Like they didn't really have religion yet, but it was just this supreme being. Or they thought it was the voice of the ruler, the guy that was in charge of everything. Like the kid that was in charge of the,

whatever tribe you were in. So no one was like, I'm hungry. It was like, God's telling me to eat. I'm just like, it's almost the way I feel about free will, where it's like their brains weren't them. They weren't like I am. It was just like, I'm a robot operating on the system of someone's just feeding things into my brain

and I'm acting on that. So that's what they all quote unquote thought because thoughts weren't really what they were doing. They were just kind of working on this automatic response. Then at some point um they became intelligent enough that it was around the bronze age i believe when we started working with tools and it like made our brains smarter because they figured out a way to make bronze that um we snapped into consciousness and all of a sudden it was like i like i like our brains became on one side of your brain and the other side of brain started

working in tandem and that became consciousness i'm really like butchering what this means but pretty much religion was invented for a nostalgia for that supreme being that used to tell you what to do so these people suddenly were like now i'm responsible for everything i don't like this i now need to invent a god because i miss the glory days of when i was just an automaton that was walking around like a zombie being told what to do by this god and in religion then this is all a theory based on like um some anthropologists back in like the you know know, in the 20th century that came up with this theory, but it kind of all jibes together because it's like religion came right after consciousness probably showed up. And so we missed being just told what to do automatically and not having to

like take accountability for our own actions. And so we invented religions to give us some sort of pathway. And I just thought that was pretty interesting. And I love this show. Is there anything that always puts you guys to sleep?

This show, I don't know what it is, it reminds me of maybe my parents having a party in the living room. I can just hear kind of muffled voices. That's the greatest thing to fall asleep to is you're at a sleepover when you're a kid or something. And you're at camp. And there's just two people chatting. And you're just kind of listening.

And it's just a safe place to be. Because you know, if there's two people having a casual conversation, then everything's probably pretty safe. And you're not alone. You're awake enough to fight off intruders. Yeah. And also they're probably the people you like. That's what I think gives you a caveman sense. Yeah.

That conversation is great. That's so funny. Avi, we were on a road trip and then he really likes history and we'll watch documentaries and I'll always fall asleep. We were on a road trip once and he was listening to a book on economics

because that was his major and he's listening to a book on economics because that was his major and he's like really into that stuff i could not stay awake like i really tried to listen and synthesize but i think it's so much information that my brain just shuts down and then i fall asleep yes it has nothing to do with yeah any kind of like knowledge like when you're that i think that's what this show is i always pick a subject matter where it's like the, you know, there was one about the end of the bronze age, which like the collapse of this,

like the world was doing great during the bronze age for like, there was like societies and there was kind of beginnings of governments and everything. And then all of a sudden things started to fall apart and society completely collapsed. I'm kind of interested in that because it seems to be what we're on the cusp of pretty soon and i kind of want to hear how it begins and like how it starts and trickles down until everything is just chaos and ruined because that's what happened like everyone died off all the society like there was obviously some people survived because we are here now but um

so i'm just like have you guys read the book sapiens oh i tried reading it did you love it yeah i tried i just couldn't get through it i tried to listen to it speaking of things it's pretty dense and like i don't know i i tried to listen to it i'd rather just get this is one of those instances where i'd rather just get a blinkist summary of it because he just kept going on and on. I was like, do I really have to read all of this in order to understand what they're trying to say? What's the point?

I usually love shit like that and I just couldn't get through Sapiens. I think I'll like it because it's linear and it will take you... because I feel like when I learn about history, it's like these moments, these little batches of history. And I go, but how does that fit into the rest of it?

Because I don't know. Here's the dumbest question I've ever asked, maybe on the show. When people say BCE, is E different? Does E add something different to BC? No, it's just era, I think. Really? Why are we throwing on an E? No one needs that.

Stop making you sound smarter than everyone else. So is the world just AD, zero, and then BC? Is that all we do? Or is there something before BC? No, it's just BC. BC just keeps traveling back into eternity. Okay. Before Christ.

Anodonomy. Right. You know Louis C.K.'s joke aboutk's joke oh it's such a great joke because he talks about like people in bc didn't know the date was like 80 bc yeah right and then it would be weird like on new year's eve they'd be like and now it's 79 he's like what are we counting down to like the fear of being like wait what is this all leading to they didn't know christ was coming right there was no date before then it's such a brilliant it's such a ridiculous thing too that like that we started time 2 000 years ago i mean i know that like the chinese

calendar is on like what is it like 4790 something? Yeah. That Jewish calendar also is good. Oh really? Yeah. I think it's like 5,500 and change. I'm so ignorant. It's like 5,782 or something. Or 5,783. Yeah.

I did feel smart this weekend on the crossword puzzle. Oh yeah. Crossword puzzle. Which ones? Brian, me and Chris have crossword puzzle oh yeah crossword puzzle what'd you like which ones brian me and chris have crossword competitions where we time we know they're timed anyway but we're trying to like we do like every every i would say monday through friday we send each other most of the crosswords this has been a couple weeks now and um and and see who wins brian is probably winning at this point i've lost quite a lot. I mean, just yesterday was a huge victory for me.

Huge. Yesterday, he beat me by like... Chris and I did 12, 12 something minutes. Half the time. You did 12, I did 14, and Brian did in the sevens. In the sevens on a Monday. It was really embarrassing for us over here. I don't understand.

We were just distracted because we were in love. There are people who can do... We're next to each other and just staring into each other's eyes. We're't understand. We were just distracted because we were in love. There are people who can do... We're next to each other and just staring into each other's eyes. We're getting lost. You've got to have Allie do it next to you too and see if you get it wrong. There are people who can do, especially the Monday

crossword in like under four minutes, like a sub four minute mile. I don't even understand how you can type them in that fast no i know because if i even have a typo i go i'm done yeah like i'm gonna yeah it's a go i've screwed everything yes if you're just reading the answers from an answer key typing it in i would still think it would take four minutes there are some times on a crossword where i feel like oh this one i got lucky yeah like because i remember in sixth grade we had someone come to

talk to our class and he was from burkina faso oh yeah oh otherwise i wouldn't fucking know what burkina faso was in a million years and we had a hint the other day that was like country burkina blank and i was like faso that would have been one that i just was like what the hell is this you slumdog millionaire And there are a lot of sports references where I go, well, Chris is gonna have the advantage here. Home court. Yeah, every time I see some sort of variation of a sport one,

I'm like, how does Nikki ever get this? And I know that's like the point of crossword puzzles is that the other letters fill in. The answer is Untold, the documentary series on Netflix that I am very much into and i have a lot of information about a couple certain things malice at the palace if you want to know anything about the ron artest fight in the stands i got you johnny manziel i know all about him

and mantay teo mantay teo the, I love sports documentaries. Jordan. Oh my God. Well, I had a bit of a, some, something where it's like the only, Nikki can only get into sports if it's like 15 years ago. Yes.

Present day sports has, it's like not interesting to Nikki at all. It's like, she needs to hear the story, the drama. Sure. Sure. Like moments. I mean,

I got, I was very much involved in the Ta Harding, Nancy Kerrigan thing when I was in fifth grade. I was because it was captivated the nation. I mean, there was crime involved. It was in fifth grade and I was like, I knew all about it. My mom was up on it.

My mom was a big court TV watcher, even though that wasn't on court TV or whatever, but she was just that kind of woman. I knew all about the OJ scandal. I was in sixth grade. I had strong opinions about OJ. But I love these sports stocks. If you guys have any suggestions,

listeners, for good sports documentaries from me, please send them my way. We're going to go back through 30 for 30s. Tell us which 30 for 30s are the best ones to watch. Chris does have an ESPN.com subscription because he is a boy. Last night I go, let's watch 30 for 30. We were looking at one that we used to

watch that we made fun of called broke where the whole time guys are just like man we were spending it's all about like diamonds how athletes go bankrupt fast and the whole thing is just them being like man we had cash flowing strippers cars watches they just list and the money wouldn't stop it's a half hour of them listing things they bought yeah boats boats yeah cars and it never ended and we thought it would never end and so we kept buying things shoes watches okay cool they're like where's the story and they're like man man and then i kept buying things never end i was buying things for my family and the graphics are all like money flowing down and like cleaning supplies.

It's like the dumb, it's like VH1. Like I love the nineties, but done ESPN. It's so funny. So I go, we should watch that again. Like we watched it in 2015.

We've been making fun of it ever since we didn't even finish it. I don't think we were just like, this is ridiculous. 15 minutes in and it was just listing things. So I was like, we should watch it again. And last night I go, it's on,

I go, we got to buy it though. It's ESPN.com. And Chris was just like, babe, I don't think you said babe, but what were you, do you said,

I don't remember what I said. You think I don't have an ESPN.com subscription. What do you even think of me? Who do you think you're driving with right now? I go, I'm a guy that doesn't guy that's about to run out of gas. We won't need it at Burning Man, baby. Are you talking about figuratively in this relationship? All right, Chris Convey, happy birthday.

Oh, thank you. Thanks for waking up early to do the pod on your birth. Wouldn't have it any other way except except that I would be sleeping yesterday we slept till we were in bed we didn't get out of bed

until two two two o'clock nice we really did it it was awesome and then I will say we went to

maybe we'll talk about tomorrow going to the Middle Eastern restaurant because I made you laugh by being myself I don't remember what you did that's what are you do in there come on a little bit more does that ring a bell no what is that sir come on you can do better okay that's a teaser for tomorrow all right guys thank you so much for listening to the podcast

um as always uh check out my tour nickig glazer.com chicago theater coming up september 15th and if you're in the chicago area if you have friends in the chicago area send them to my show it's going to be so much freaking fun yes chris convey's uh brother tim is going to be opening for me anya will also be there it's going to be one of the greatest shows of my life because it's at this huge amazing theater in chicago where i just feel so special and i want you there i want my besties there. And then the rest of the tour is going to be so excellent. I'm so excited. But pales in comparison

to the Chicago one. Yeah. Wait, what? All the other cities are just trash. No, once I get Chicago under my belt, which is the first one, the rest will feel much... I'm going to feel so good. At any point in the tour you see me, I'm going to be... I mean... I'm going to feel so good. At any point in the tour you see me,

I'm going to be... I mean, I'm cooking with gas right now for my stand-up. You're building up this stuff. You're going to go out there on this tour, and you're going to have so much new material, and it's just going to be... You're so ready to go out on tour again. It's crazy. I know, and I thought I wouldn't be

because I've been stagnant for two months, but I am ready. We got to go. Thank you guys so much for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast I wouldn't be because I've been stagnant for two months but I am ready we gotta go thank you guys so much for listening we'll see you tomorrow on the podcast don't be cuh and just what some more I mean you can give us some more but that's not enough wait what are you doing what's going on here deep tease see you tomorrow

John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.