The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #376 Coping with Self Hate, Is Nikki Into Football? & Aaron Rodgers' Injury

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

Nikki's BFF Taylor McGraw stops by the pod in her full "cashew" form. Nikki had a devastating experience in a Beverly Hills dressing room and makes sense of it with the support of her friends. Brian shares how he copes with self hate. After watching Monday Night Football with Chris, Nikki seems well on her way to being one of those overly excited sports fans screaming at the top of her lungs. In The Final Thought, Brian talks about how Aaron Rodger's injury put a damper on his trip to Dallas. . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Welcome to the show. I'm in St. Louis with my dogs, D-A-W-G-E-S. Actually, my dogs, D-O-G-S, and my dog, Taylor, is here. Big Daddy. Taylor McGraw. Welcome to the show. Thank you. In studio with me.

Thank you. Thank you. She was over here organizing my, she was unpacking for me after my two months gone. It's only two months? That was two months? Seems so long. How many luggages long how many luggages there was three bags three and then uh half of another one so three and a half 3.5 bags yeah

a lot that's not bad she had a lot to sift through and there's another shipment coming because the thing that i was filming i got to keep all of the dresses oh shit yeah i've been doing this show for many moons. And they never let me keep anything. And this time I got to keep everything. And so I have lots of dresses to wear to weddings. Nice. Mostly. And tour. Strip clubs.

Yeah. I'm going to wear stuff on tour. I'm very excited. But it's nothing I can wear in my normal life. Because I just can't dress like the way I wish can't dress the way I wish I could dress. Oh, Anya and Brian and Noah are all here as well.

I just wish I could dress like a girl in Beverly Hills that just wears a long linen dress and some fresh sneakers and just a simple necklace. If I put that on, I'd feel like I was doing cosplay or something. It's weird.

I have to, I always picture like the people, like I always picture my, I almost said sister-in-law, but if I marry Chris, she will be. She's Chris's brother's wife and she always dresses so impeccably.

Even when she's wearing like Lululemon, like she could wear something that I'm wearing, but it just looks like nice on her. Like she just wears things and it all fits nicely. She's not stained. And it looks clean. No, she is. Stained person.

Yeah, she's not. I thought you said she's not sane. I was like, no, she's very sane. She just, yeah, she's not stained. Like I was picturing, I was like, if she dressed like me, if she was wearing this outfit, what would it look like on her? And it would just look different. I just carry things differently, I think. You have a new thing, though.

You don't know. You have changed. I've known you for a decade or more now. And there are so many days that I just look at you and I'm like, God, she is the it girl. And she has no idea. Yeah. And I can't even tell you because i've been forbidden it girl because my hair looks like no no no you just have like you don't even realize

it sometimes when you're just like you throw something on i'm like how did she do that like there was this one day and on the european tour where you just like showed up like fucking pissed like grumbling in the green room and i was just like look at this bitch in her pleather cool black shorts like some weird cute crop top jacket this oh no that was all to me i hated that it doesn't matter it was all led to me i didn't pick it out but it doesn't matter to my own devices i should not be left to my own devices I should not be left to my own devices I wear Taylor Swift shirts

that don't fit and then I put on shorts that are also really old from Old Navy all of my clothes are old but they look good on you you have the grace of a prized pony that's so funny you stride

I'm first of all I'm hunchback Cashew of a prized pony. That's so funny. You like stride. When you stride, like I just, I'm first of all, I'm hunchback Cashew. But every time I see you, you stride into a room and your clothes just like hang off you.

That's really nice. You're like a mantis with sexy clothes on. I didn't mean for this to be like, give me compliments, but it does feel really good. Thank you so much.

Taylor McGrath calling you a mantis is such a high compliment. I do look like a mantis. I hugged her earlier and she felt like a delicate, beautiful mantis. You said I was tiny as soon as you saw me and I was like, is she just saying this because she knows on the girls chat that I was crying about being fat the other day? I haven't been on it. Really?

I was telling them I'm kicked off. Oh, well that actually makes everything better because I go, oh my god, she just like, I rounded the corner and she immediately was like, you are little or something and I was like oh god, she she just like, I rounded the corner and she immediately was like, you are little or something. And I was like, oh God, she's just like saying exactly what I want to hear because she knows I was sobbing about

things I saw in a dressing room the other day. I'm not kidding you. This is my thought I had that I think is actually really funny. In a mirror? I know this is really grim, but it's really funny to me. I just saw Joe List special. So maybe it's getting in my head. Joe List has a joke in a special where know this is really grim but it's really funny to me i just saw joe list special so maybe it's getting in my head joe list has a joke in a special where he's like sometimes he sees a picture of himself and he's like i just should just kill myself to like for the betterment of

society like i'm so disgusting looking and i really related to that and for some reason joe can say that and everyone laughs and doesn't go no joe you're beautiful but when a woman says that everyone has to go no nikki you're beautiful and let when a woman says that, everyone has to go, no, Nikki, you're beautiful. And let me just say what I'm about to say, trigger warning. I'm about to be, I'm a skinny woman talking about feeling fat, okay? I am aware that I am a thinner woman and that I have thin privilege and that I am talking about how I perceive my body. It does not mean that if I see you at a meet and greet

and you're bigger than me, I'm going to be be like she's disgusting and doesn't deserve to live this is a me thing it's the way we see ourselves is different than the way we see others and I know I said last week on the show that my mom the way she talked about her body would make me really upset because my mom was so much tinier than me yet she would say she was big and then I would be like well what do you think about me so I know I'm being a hypocrite and saying that right now but I will just say I struggled last week I went into a dressing room like knowing I'm bigger like I'm I was fine with it like I know I'm bigger than I was six months ago like I just know the pants aren't fitting the same way I accept it I'm fine with it I just went through I just filmed a bunch of shit and I was like trying to get into,

I was wanting to be a lot thinner than I was for all this, but I wasn't and it's fine and it's just the way it is and I accepted it and I really felt ready to go in a dressing room even though I never go in dressing rooms ever.

I always buy things at the store and I take them home and then I cry there and like all that Abercrombie stuff that I had you return, I bought that online. It all doesn't fit me. I can't even get it past my neck like some of the things won't even go on my body is for children though I think no actually a lot of that I saw it was from Abercrombie children no it wasn't yeah it was there were a couple of things that were Abercrombie kids

and I was like what no way okay that makes me feel better then shout out to my ex-boyfriend from 2002 who tried to only dress me in Abercrombie kids oh baby what really yes you would always be like let's go to this store it's so fun I was 20 it makes sense to get like size medium or large yeah because you are like Anya is has sometimes if you're on your lower end of your weight he wanted me probably wear Abercrombie Kiss. He wanted me in a red t-shirt for a 10-year-old with a dog on it. I will show you the photo. It's insane.

He wanted you Delia's though. Like, he really wanted me Delia's though. No, Delia's was, I want to say that Delia's was not sexy. And that's what I kind of like about it. Delia's wasn't sexy. It was making girls feel empowered about being a little tomboyish. And I was remembering Delia's because my friends and I were talking about it

and one of them said, or I think I said, they were like sexy babies and they were like, no they weren't. There was no cleavage. There was no tummies hanging out. It was all skater, cool girl. They were cashew on purpose. They always had like a

hard side lane. or they'd be like Yeah, they were always like screaming or like kicking their legs like Avril Lavigne. Yeah, they were so cool. They were jumping a lot. Yes, and they were always just like leaning against a wall like kind of being like I don't care like chewing bubble gum. They were like

loitering. Constantly loitering at a mall. They were about to get picked up by the cats. So I went into this dressing room at a store called And Other Stories, which by the way, I needed to return something to it. If it starts with and, you know. It's not and, it's ampersand. Like, you know, so Chris, we were going there the other day and he was like, where are we going?

And he put it in the ways and I go it's called and other stories it's ampersand other stories so he when we got there he goes

I typed in ampersand he thought it was called ampersand other stories I would like that better so I went to and other stories

to return something like just I was there months ago in Beverly Hills getting my hair done and I just was really cold so I went into end other stories to return something. Like, just, I was there months ago in Beverly Hills getting my hair done, and I just was really cold, so I went in to end other stories just to get a fucking sweater for dinner. And I picked up a couple other things. They were all, like, yippy skippy, like, hot.

People don't know what that means. But when we were kids and there would be, like, pants that were too, like, short, and they looked like like flooded you know like they were just flooding kirsten and i and i think you we would call them yippy skippy kippy egan because my parents have a friend named kip egan and so we made we were like i don't know how we got to call them yippy skippy kippy egan but anyway so they were yippy skippy and so i had to return them i went there the other day with chris to return them and they gave me a store credit because i didn't have the um receipt they go i go um can you just get my credit card and like find it in the system which every store has

been able to do that since the 90s but they go sorry we only do um you know physical receipts and i go oh no she goes no we can't do it we can't look it up from your credit card i go oh well i'll just look it up you probably emailed it to me and they go we only do physical receipts. And I go, oh, no. She goes, no, we can't look it up from your credit card. I go, oh, well, I'll just look it up. You probably emailed it to me. And they go, we only do physical receipts. And I go, isn't that convenient? And I said it sarcastically. And she goes, I know, right? She thought I was being helpful, but I was being sarcastic.

Not to her to be like, I wasn't being rude, but I was like, well, isn't that convenient for the corporation? Other stories I want to tell. What do you think is the reasoning behind this name and other stories what are they going for there i think it's just whimsical yeah whimsy one time i was at rag and bone and i bought an outfit and the guy helping me goes i love this this tells a story so maybe it's like accessory like and other stories tell the story about rag and bone because that's not whimsical that's dark it's like accessory and other stories. Tell the story about rag and bone

because that's not whimsical. That's dark. It's like what is found on a corpse. Rag and bone. And blood. Bone. It is a risky name. But you know that they chose that name to be K.

It's like when you call something, like they called a restaurant egg slut or they call it like dirty water for like a bar so like they just names that are like challenging you to like like them

rag and bone is definitely one of those and other stories reminds me of like things remembered remember that story from the mall things remembered it's not like egg slut it's not like these provocative like oh i have to look at that now because what is that it's like just a cuh bullshit name yes totally fairytale and it's like the font is like written like it's like scribbled quickly yeah like they didn't even spend time on that like they just were like let me get get my grandmother to just write this.

And then that's going to be the end other story I tell about this business. This is what happens when we tell everyone they can be entrepreneurs. Yeah. Well, end other stories has some decent stuff, I have to say. I do like the store. But I don't like, so I went into the fitting room. I was like, okay, I'll just use the store credit I got. And I was like, I'll just spend it now.

I like when you get store credit. It's just a gift certificate that you get from yourself. It feels like free money, but it's from my money. Oh, I spend it immediately, though. I can't hold on to it. Because Chris was like, you can just get some stuff online. And I was like, I will lose this card. I'm spending it now.

So he went up the street to James' purse. And I stayed there. And I was like, I'm just going to try on some stuff. I never try on stuff but I was also like I'm not gonna return this if I don't try it on because I have to get money yeah I won't get money and Taylor will have to like track down the return address it will just be

it'll be hell so I was like I'll turn it try it on I grab two pairs of jeans one in the size that I don't want to be and one in the size I do want to be you know we all have those sizes the one that we used to be in and the one that we're gonna get back to and the one that we're probably in and we don't want to be and guess what I tried on I grabbed the one that I used to be and I go I'll put these on first and they're like kind they're pretty snug but I'm like they're all like they are not acceptable and I will not ever be seen wearing them,

but I'm not, I'm spilling on them. And I had to go like, I had to do a yippy skippy dance where I'm like pushing my legs out to get them on. It was a struggle. It was embarrassing. And then I go,

well, that's fine because these are the, these are the old ones. These are my old size. The, the, the, the young Nikki.

And then I took them off and I grabbed the other ones and I realized they were actually the ones that were supposed to be too big and they were so tight so then I go I am I will be damned if I don't try on these tinier ones and just see where I'm at and I tried on the tinier ones and they were more of a struggle but not that more of a struggle so then that made me question all the sizing all together it's all different they were actually longer than the other ones that were a bigger size so anyway but then as i was taking them off and i was feeling okay about that i'm just like okay so i'm bigger than i thought i was but i'm still like i don't look in the mirror and like despise myself but that was until i saw a different mirror and it was a mirror behind me oh no that was showing and this reminds me of a david spade joke where he catches a glimpse of himself in a dressing room mirror and it was a mirror behind me oh no that was showing and this reminds me of a david

spade joke where he catches a glimpse of himself in a dressing room mirror and he sees the side of himself and he's like you ever see the side of yourself and you're like well no one can ever see that again so he goes to the bar that night and he only meets women and he walks like a crab so that they can never see him from that's what i do and um that's my favorite joke it's so funny and it reminded me of that but i saw in that mirror the ass of a woman. I don't know this woman. I would never recognize in a lineup the ass that I saw. It was, I just was like, I have to do everything I can to keep Chris.

Because no one will ever love me. Again, I know he's seen this. Because I've been walking around nude. I'm not going to let him see it anymore. I thought it looked way better back there. He didn't see it in bright hellish lights and a box with a bad color.

No, I have a ring light next to our bed that's on fluorescent mode. Everyone can say the lighting. Everyone can say the mirrors. Everyone can say whatever it is. The fact of the matter is it wasn't about the lighting it was the shape in the like it wasn't the it wasn't the skin tone or the the cellulite although that was a problem but i like i don't mind the sagginess and the skin tone because i know that is lighting and i know that i can't help that. It was the size and the shape.

What's that movie called? The Shape and the something? It was that movie. And other stories. And other stories. About my ass. I was so depressed when I left there. Wait, was it bigger than you thought? Much bigger.

Like wider? I don't understand how. This is Stifler's ass from third grade. Your butt is a little tiny peach. It was, no, no. I've seen it. It's going wide. This is in 70K widescreen.

You should see Oppenheimer on my ass. It's going, it's branching out. It's really finding itself. But it's just going, it's getting to be an old woman's ass. And then I saw Chris and I just looked shell shocked and I was like

I can't really function right now like I'm not gonna be I need to cry and there's nowhere to cry in Beverly Hills why not in the dressing room that's what I've done

album title because just get it out they needed that dressing room there was like a long line and so I just and I didn't want to be in there anymore

I was if I you know and other bitches in line to cry so i just bought my shirts my big shirts and chris was like what'd you get and i go a bunch of shirts for fat girls i was being such a bitch and not that there's anything wrong with being a fat girl and i was like i think that's just that's what's going on i was like a bunch of shirts that are like oversized skater girl shirts like giant like yeah delia's and I was like I can't buy any bottoms anymore that's just not my life right now and we went into a store with him and he was like so what do you think about this and I was like I'm right now catatonic mode like I can't think about anything else but my body I'm obsessed right now we have to go see Oppenheimer in an hour I need to get I'm obsessed right now. We have to go see Oppenheimer in an hour. I'm so glad we're going to see Oppenheimer

because I need to get this out of my head. Do you ever feel that way? Like where you see, yeah. Out of my head. Do you ever see? Why do we obsess over our bodies like this? I was totally happy before this. I went to lunch.

We went to go to a shelter to look at dogs. I was having a great day. And then I went and looked in a mirror, and my day was hijacked. September 11th, shout out. Oh, my God. I don't know why I keep doing shout outs to 9-11. I don't mean that. Yesterday I did a 9-11 shout out.

But my brain was hijacked. And I was like, this is the sickness. It's not even about what's going on in my body. It's about what's going on in my head right now. I have a theory. We're human beings, but we're probably not supposed... We are spiritual. This is probably just evidence that we really do have a spirit.

Because it's like this cognitive dissonance when we see our body. We're like, that's not me. But it is you. And it keeps changing so it's probably just kind of it's traumatic we've all had this moment i i'm sure men even have it right brian or you're just like uh that's me uh yeah it could be about your hands it could be about your butt their ear hair when i showed him a video of himself at the porsche thing he was like you showed me a video the other day that I like was a little bit shook by

seeing that angle of myself. So like, yeah, it happens to men. Brian? I've never, yeah, of course. I've never actually seen myself in a mirror.

So I'm looking right now to find out. And yeah, I'm horrified actually. You're looking in your good mirror. I always get obsessed with the fact that people, like I just all of a sudden

get really embarrassed. It's almost like if you listen to our secret podcast that we did for big money players. What are they called? The Power Players? Diamond. Yeah, shout out 9-11.

Diamond Players Network. You get a free episode. And if you listen to that one, you'll hear about a really embarrassing moment of my life. And it was almost like that. What's embarrassing about being be when you're embarrassed it's because other people witness it right like if you trip and fall in your own home you're not like what an embarrassment you're just like oh that sucks you know but embarrassment relies on

other people witnessing it so for me it was like i can't believe i've been walking around like this thinking i'm thin that's what I think all the person confidence and know everyone's knows that this is like not the way and and by the way please know don't write to me and say Nikki this is all true like it can be triggering to you I know it's triggering to some people this triggers me sometimes when thin people talk about feeling fat I promise you this is my own issue I don't think you, this is my own issue. I don't think you're fat. I think fat is beautiful. I don't think it's a problem. I just, I have a lot of, you know, trauma from the growing up in the nineties and early two thousands when we all thought Britney Spears, the VMAs was fat, like these kinds of things where it's like, I'm just re I need to

rewire my brain. I'm just sharing my truth and has nothing to do with you. And I'm sorry if it hurts anyone's feelings that I'm saying this. I love all of you. I don't think if you're fat, that means you're wrong or anything. And I don't know why I think I'm wrong if I'm fat for some reason, but that's just the way it is. So please don't take this personally. I love you all. And we have to go to break,

but I want to hear your thoughts about how you guys get through this because I was able to get through it. And I want to hear what you guys do. All right, we'll talk about that when we get right back after this. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears

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Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the

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The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And you get your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

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or wherever you go to find your podcasts. All right, we're back. What do you guys do when you have been overwhelmingly depressed about something, whether it's a physical thing you see about yourself, whether it's some critique you get back on your work, or you just realize all of a sudden what you thought was not what it seems. You get cheated on where your reality is not what you thought it was. What do you do? I enter into

a fugue state where I endlessly work to try to change what happened. That's not a healthy way to respond. Sometimes it is. For work and stuff, if I get bad notes on a script or something, then I will sit in a chair for two straight weeks trying to learn

why I was inadequate and fix it. And then usually I come out. Your ass gets flat from sitting in that chair. Then you got to fix that. Gets wide. Getting wide. Usually I come out on the other side with something better. Same thing happened when I got cheated on.

I decided, well, I went and tried to figure out why, which that doesn't work. But then I went and I went on a million dates. And that's usually, I usually, for some reason, falsely believe that I have the power to change my position. And sometimes that's wrong. And you're just punching a wall or hitting your head against a wall that will never give. And sometimes it works.

And you actually do mold the universe into how you want it. But most of the time, though. That's not a bad idea. Well, I was talking to Chris last night about, we were talking about sports. We'll get into that in a second. We were watching football, and he was kind of reliving his days of when he was a budding athlete.

And he wishes that someone, he wishes he would have worked harder at football in high school and trained off the field and outside of practices to become even better but he said something to me that I really it really resonated with me which is when you're young you don't think that hard work is going to change anything you like you know about hard work you hear about it but you kind of just feel and we talked about this before that you either got it or you don't and that hard work like when you're in high school you're just like i don't know i'll just like i'm not gonna like persevere past this it seems impossible yeah you need like a really

mean father to push you to do that or like a coach you know what i mean like you can't do it on your own but like i think as adults i i just have a better idea of that now that I can I can do anything except you know be president or fly but like I can do or understand football I can or understand um uh the what is going on in the movie the big short we'll also get to that in a second um I can do pretty much anything if I if I if I try hard enough and um yeah I think that that is exactly what I decided to do about this I was like okay my body is not what I want it to be right now what what can I do and so I'm like okay without like killing myself I'm just being more mindful and I'm just like being more um uh you know disciplined I guess is the word and like

feeling like I'm gonna and now that I live with Chris it's kind of nice because before when I would like eat better or get on an exercise regimen there's like no one to see it you know and like I do everything for like a for someone going like you're actually doing good you know like that's I don't do everything for that but like it really helps to have someone go wow you're like putting in the work you're actually doing it and so i think it like it helps to live with someone for that regard and it's been one day of doing things extra but isn't also that why people post instagram stories of like look at me i'm working out i'm here i lost this weight it helps And I know people don't hate you as much if you just show up with a glow up.

Yeah, I don't mind if you post stuff about working out. I've been clear about this before. But don't pretend like you're trying to motivate me with that shit. That's why I call bullshit. If you can say, hey, I want to post this because I'm proud of myself, go for it. That's the reason.

That's why you're doing it anyway. I'm proud of myself. Go for it. That's the reason. That's why you're doing it anyway. I'm proud of myself. I want attention for this. But don't try to trick me into being like, you can do this too. You don't want me to do it because you are trying to be hotter than me and you don't want me doing that too.

You post like, you do videos on the Nikki Glaser podcast, Instagram of you playing guitar because you want to improve playing in front of people and then that's a good way to do it i kind of want to do that too with with piano but i haven't yet uh built up the courage go live you can go live on nikki glazer pod anytime you want to practice your instrument it's like that's a safe space to go you can always go in there because it's always people that are going to be encouraging they know what they're getting into

i that's what i do sometimes in case you didn't know, on the Nikki Glazer Pod Instagram. I go live and I just play guitar and sing. And I say countless times, I don't think I'm good. This isn't for entertainment. This is for you to be witness to me practicing because it's the only way I can ever practice is if someone is like, yeah.

You need witness to struggle. And people have been encouraged to pick up guitar or pick up singing or do something that they didn't, you know, that they think they're too old to do. So I have encouraged people. Is that why I'm doing it? No, it's not. Because I'm being honest with you.

I'm not about, there are some things in my life that I do that are meant to like help others and make it so girls have an easier time in life and young boys. I think my stand-up is more motivated by, I want people to have information that I didn't have back then, but am I playing guitar to inspire others? Fuck no.

I'm doing it so I can get good. I like this thing you're bringing up. It's really activating my brain a lot about, what do you guys do when you're traumatized? How do you make it through? I think that helps people too. Just to hear that other people even successful celebrities can have these like i would love to hear emily ratatowski talk about like has she had a dressing room moment i had this and i'm a very very thin woman i had this a year ago i remember the day i was in Baja, California in a hotel with different lighting, bright sun.

You were in a Baja Fresh bathroom. On your break. Yeah. After refilling the salt bar. But the light caught my, I was in a bikini and the light caught me and I was in a new mirror, new room. I was just like, what? This cannot be right. And it was a new mirror, new room. I was just like, what? This cannot be right. And it was a huge mirror and the sun, it was like morning, bright, bright sun. And I just

couldn't believe my eyes. It was cellulite from my, like from my everywhere, like all over my stomach, all the way down my leg. And I was just kind of marveling at first, like, wow, this is incredible. And then the breeze started going and like it was just like my ease in the dressing room i was in my hotel room and then i started like moving my skin around and i was shocked at the lack of muscle tone and i was just like my leg is flapping in the wind like a flag and i was so triggered it really looked like that it looks like just fabric. I'm never looking in a mirror

ever again if you guys feel this way. We shouldn't have Do you want to know my process though? I don't want to. What did you do? Yeah.

Did you fold it up and give it to a fallen soldier in family? I never let it touch the ground. I did what I would. Okay. Here's how I've grown

because in the past I would just like skip right to action. Like, what do I do what I would. Okay. Here's how I've grown. Cause in the past I would just like skip right to action. Like, what do I do to fix this? But what I think is really helpful is like sit with the feelings. Do not take a shortcut around to action. Cause action should be like step three. The first thing I did was just be like, wow. Okay. I'm just going to sit with all the feelings I'm having. Anything it can be like, this is disgusting. I to sit with all the feelings i'm having anything it can be like this is disgusting i don't accept myself i can't believe i'm aging this way holy shit and then like the most important thing for me to realize is my eyes are not accurately seeing shit also this is

a two-dimensional thing this is not in four. So whatever I'm seeing right now is actually not totally, but maybe 3d. I don't, I don't know what D, but we know nothing, but it's not accurate. Like I cannot be a good tried and true trusted resource. How true is that? Because anytime I see my friends think they look like shit, I mean, there's sometimes where you're like, yeah, you're kind of spot on. There's sometimes where you just go, yeah, I can see what you're saying. But I would say 90% of the time, I don't see what they're talking about. And not in a way that's

like, I love you and I only see you in a beautiful way. I truly can't grasp what they're fucking saying. I think y'all are fully and completely tripping all the time. I'm like, oh, okay. Ani, you have a good point. Like your eyes are fucking,

we just see ourselves so differently. That's the other thing is that your eye, like you are in your own head. And so you don't get to see yourself like everyone else in the world sees you. And then to double down on that, when you look into a mirror, it's a reflection of you.

It's not even what people see in real life. Yes. Yeah. That's so weird. Like in cognitive behavioral therapy, they do this. You guys know all about this. You work through stuff. You say your feeling.

You rate the feeling. Then you like how, what percent of this feeling is accurate and true? And then you list all the facts. And then what percent is not true? And then list all the evidence there. And then you list all the facts. And then what percent is not true? And then list all the evidence there. And then you have more balanced thoughts. So I try to get to a more balanced place in this triggered state of like,

I am discussing this as an emergency. And then- Yeah, that was what was happening to me. I was code red. Yeah. I was, but this is the thought that I had that was funny that I want to share that I promise you is not how I really feel,

but it was in the moment. I wanted to kill myself, okay? I wanted to jump off a bridge. Not really, because that's not how I would go if I ever did it. I said on Andrew Tantino's podcast recently, I was like, I have suicidal thoughts. We were talking about it. Cause that's what I talk about on every podcast that I guest on. And, um, and he goes, how would you do it? And I go, I don't want to ruin the surprise. And people, people said, I was really sad for you until you said that it made me laugh. So, um, but I would never jump off a bridge. But there was like something in me that was just like, I need to end this right now.

And then I go, but I don't want to because then someone has to do an autopsy and they'll see me naked. I was going to be embarrassed in front of like a hot coroner. I really was. I was like picturing them like lifting up the thing and being like and like being like your ass is flat there's severe dimpling on her ass so like

they'll think it became flat from hitting oh so you're actually off the hook you gotta put that in your suicide note that you request

an ugly coroner and be like my ass was very luscious before I jumped really I recently watched on Theo's podcast. It's so interesting. He interviewed a coroner.

And that's why that word is in my lexicon. He wasn't hot, but he was cool. There was like a hotness to him because he was like so empathetic and like sweet. Did you watch it, Noah? Or like see a clip or anything? Yeah, yeah. It was really good. That was a really interesting thing.

I forget what uh i gleaned from it but i just i wanted to share an interesting fact oh yeah about that i went out i went out with my girlfriend uh paloma yesterday and she's doing a program to become a death doula or like a death midwife wow and um this program that she's uh going through encourages people to not go through the embalming process. And she was telling me how before the Civil War, every household had a death room where you would hold funerals and where you would keep the dead. And after the Civil War, when all the soldiers were getting killed, the families wanted to bury the bodies in their home state or whatever. And it took a while to transport. That's when they started doing embalming.

Also, embalming is not a law. It's just a suggestion right now. What is it? Covering you with wax? It's like formaldehyde, right? It's formaldehyde. It's ejecting. I'm such an idiot.

You thought they were like shellac I thought they just covered you with wax why does embalming sound like waxing because it's a balm yeah like a lip balm

yeah they'll put the balm on there they'll just cover you with birth bees so your skin doesn't get dry yeah

you get like vaseline birth bees would be expensive okay so it's just a suggestion you shouldn't do it okay

no it's you know choice but part of your death planning and after the civil war those death rooms turned into

the living room oh that's where we get living room from oh would you bleed out in the living room because after they'd be

embalmed like once they decided like that they didn't need to have a death room, they just were like, let's change it into the opposite. It just changed the sitting room.

It changed the funeral industry and people started moving over to funeral homes where bodies would be embalmed and stuff like that because you couldn't do that in the house. Oh, is that why they call it

the living room because it's the opposite of the dying room? Yeah, the death room. Yeah. What? Oh my God. And it's a room for the living.

Oh my God. Louis C.K. is the funniest joke about his grandmother someone donating her body to science and he was like what if you donated your body to science and you just like you were given to some student who got like an f and they just write an f on your fucking head just rejection like if the kid just fucks up is that a louis bit brian i know you're encyclopedic about Louis, but that made me laugh so hard because you think you're like giving your body to like research that's going to like cure cancer,

but it's just like some kid is like poking around and like probably is hungover and just shows up and like, just like scratches your eyeball with something and they're like, nope, that's wrong. You've ruined this corpse. And they're like F and just like throw you in a dumpster. I got lost at the school

and I found the morgue. Not the morgue but it said gross anatomy and it was just like a basement. I was looking for the bathroom and it was just that one room

with like a big metal door and I heard like clanking in there. Clanking? Clanking of like metallic tools and metallic blocks. Yeah, Taylor's a professor now.

Woo! I like that. Do they Taylor's a professor now. Woo! I like that. Do they call you professor? Yeah. They do. They do? Oh my God. What are you teaching again?

He said professor, McGraw. Psychology. At where? I don't want to say. You don't have to say. Okay. They're going to find me or not. Oh yeah, that's true.

Didn't one of your students find you? Yeah. You messed up your eye. Oh no, my eye makeup. Oh no, don't cry. Oh no, you guys know I You messed up your eye. Oh, no. My eye makeup. Oh, no. Don't cry. You guys know I'm wearing makeup now. I'm a fraud.

Did you hear the thing about when there was a controversy at least 10 years ago or something where a lot of the bodies being donated to science were being donated to the military

and then they were just using your body to test weapons on to see how like a human body would react to like getting shot by a bullet that explodes they like chernobyl your body they have to do that though they have to do the right research and throw a body into like a live animal but the controversy was like i'm gonna donate my body to science and they weren't telling the families that like this is actually going to be shot by a tank. Right.

Like run over by a tank. That always reminds me Taylor of this. Oh my god this comes full circle to like the joke that you told me about the Simpsons that you said was the funniest joke you'd ever heard in your life. I reminded you of it a couple years ago. Do you remember it? They like they shot

a dead body in a cannon noah do you know this you have speaking of encyclopedic knowledge of uh simpsons they shoot like a grandma in a canyon and it said a cannon that's what i meant jaguar and what does it say on the flag let her rip that's funny that's so funny and that's that's funny. That's so funny. That's what they said when they shot those people with gannets. That's a great epitaph. I mean, letter rip? That's a great epitaph. Isn't that great? That's a great

one to have on your... I want that on my gravé. Can I say one more thing, Nikki, about you? No. Please, the thing we were talking about. Please, mommy, please. Yes. The thing you were saying about trauma, clearly this is speaking to me a lot. But how people get over breakups and stuff, like Brian talking also about beating himself up. Hurling yourself into things.

How can I never repeat this thing? What has helped me so much is advice you've given me and other people a lot with regard to having a trauma around a relationship or someone that's like- Find a bridge. people a lot like with regard to having a trauma around a relationship or someone that like find a bridge someone that like shoots on you or can't love you the way you thought and rather than like beating myself up for it and like figuring out how to never have that happen again what helps a lot is just like the thing you say about it's like hugging someone that doesn't have arms you know like they really can't help it and it sounds so trite you know you can't tell someone that and believe it right after

you found out someone cheated on you but um but so often that is the thing like you really didn't deserve that particular trauma and it is like you just picked someone that can't give it back to you and it might even have the it's like the same thing with a job that goes badly. Like maybe it's just not a match. I'm going off. No, no, no. I think what I, I remember the person who gave me this advice first was Rachel Feinstein.

I was going, I like liked this guy so much and he just wouldn't like me back. And it was like, why not? We're perfect for each other. Like you, I know you like me as like a friend why couldn't this be romantic I know you're attracted to me it just doesn't make sense and she

was like he can't love you the way you want to be loved and I'm like why though she goes no you're not hearing me it's not that he can't love you he can't love anyone like it's you're asking for something he doesn't have to give. And people can sense that. It's. You can be so hot, but they're, they're probably like, oh, I just can tell they want more. People can sense it. It's like asking a fish to ride a bicycle. Yeah.

Exactly. Or a fish to hug you. With what? His fans? Yes. Like they just can't do it. It's like trying to fuck a fish. And like my.

On a bicycle. I think that's what was so uncomfortable about like my body not being what I wanted it to be was that for an order for I think we just want immediate. We want to take action. We want things to change instantly. Someone's mad at me. Stop being mad at me right now. You're cheating on me. Apologize and make everything

better and say you won't do it again. And sometimes you just don't get that immediate thing that you want so much. I mean, I know every bestie is like thinking about something. I hope that you're thinking of something in your life that you're like, yes, I just want this to be like relieved now. Like, why can't you just give me what I want? And when you're dealing with your body stuff, like it's just, it's impossible to have a quick fix. There isn't one. Even if you were to get surgery, if you're, if you're due to do Ozempic, those are still things that are going to take

weeks. Like I will not, I can't fix this right now. And that's so frustrating that I just had to go see Oppenheimer when really I wanted to go do a, I wanted to go run 20 miles. Like I just wanted to get, and I had to go to dinner that night. And like, I'm like, I have to eat a meal soon. And like, this is what got me here is eating. And I have meals that I have to go eat.

Like I can't not eat the rest of my life. And like, that is really frustrating that you just have to go eat. Like I can't not eat the rest of my life. And like, that is really frustrating that you just have to keep living your life when there is something that seems like so desperately in need of change. But then you just think about like, I just had to go back to like, I'm so happy I have arms. I'm so happy I have an ass that is like bigger than I want it to be. It's better than having no ass, which I'd had for a really long time it's hard to sit on and really hurt a lot and you know like or whatever it is like I just I just um all I know is that what helps me is that I was a weight that I liked not so long ago and if it took me this long to get here it'll take me that long to get back to that like I

don't have to do anything crazy I didn't do anything crazy to get here. I just ate a little bit too much here and there, but it wasn't, I haven't gone nuts. And maybe you're someone who has gone nuts and who is like, well, I've never been the weight that I want to be. I don't know what to say to you, but for me, I don't have a solution there, but I think the solution is just,

is truly just accepting the moment and just being like, and going back to a thing that I said years ago in this podcast, solution is just, is truly just accepting the moment and just being like, and going back to a thing that I said years ago in this podcast, which is like, I don't want my ass to look like this. I would have never chosen this. It's not my fault. And I could say it's my fault because I overate.

I was a lazy ass. I didn't work out. But if I could have, I would have. And I didn't. And it's not like, I'm not a bad person because my ass looks like this. I'm not, you know, I was talking to my therapist yesterday and I was't and it's not like I'm not a bad person because my ass looks like this I'm not you know I was talking to my therapist yesterday and I was lamenting this stuff and I'm like

to me it equals lazy and to me laziness triggers everything that my dad didn't like about me as a kid or my my mom as a as a kid my like my dad's a go-getter always wants to be like let's go on for a bike ride let's go let's go down to the creek let's go do this let's go on for a bike ride. Let's go down to the creek. Let's go do this. Let's go pick up pine cones. Come on, you punks. Let's go canoeing. Yeah, let's go do anything. And if we didn't want to do something, if we would have preferred to stay in and watch TV,

we were lazy. And it was kind of like this, no shame on my dad because that's just the way he is. He was kind of like disgusted with us. Like, how are you even my kids? Like, you just want to stay inside? Like, that's such a waste of life. So I have this like association with being lazy as being a wasteful person a bad person and then to me having

a fat ass equals you weren't active you were sitting on the couch eating too much equals you're a bad person you chose to do this but i didn't i didn't choose to have this ass if anything i'm very upset about it so if you don't like what you have just go back to the reasoning of like you didn't do anything to do you're not a bad person because you have it because no one would choose to have something on themselves that they don't like it just is the hand you were dealt and did it help that my boyfriend then wanted to go into ag jeans that is now has a whole section that's by emrata and emrata's fucking abs and her dumb little ass that is literally the size of my forearm is her waist is so fucking tiny and it's everywhere on

these posters and i was just like fucking furious because she doesn't she has her own struggles but she doesn't she was just born with that body she didn't do anything different than you she doesn't work out more than you do she does like she doesn She's just born that way. Also, a great tip for being traumatized in these moments in a fitting room or at home is get away from the mirror. Go put on something comfortable. Those two things have saved my life so many times. That day that i was in the bikini in front of me i'm like yeah get away from this fucking mirror you've spent 20 minutes just being like oh my god what about this angle oh my god what about this i don't have a problem with like i don't dig into it i see it and then i leave and get out of the bikini and put on something

comfortable because there's nothing worse than having like super tight pants on where you're like, I can't believe these don't fit. And then you're in them for hours just like these fucking pants, my fucking body. It's just. Do you do the thing though where, I mean, we all do it where you look at someone who has the body you want or has the job you want and you just go like, how could they ever complain about anything when their body looks like that? How could they? And they're squandering it. What? I get mad at them. Oh, you get like, like you think they're just they're not even appreciating

yeah i'm like you don't even your pants just slide right on isn't that great and then you slide out the door and everything's fine yeah like every time if anything they're sliding yeah there's they're sliding yeah that thing of like you've never put on pants and gone like oh they're tight like i know certain people like that again i can't put this on nothing like you've never put on pants and gone like oh they're tight like i know certain people like that again i can't put this on nothing fit you've never done that yeah i see a dude who's got a famous person who's got a great bod or at least i used to do this i would just look up what their workout is like i did the hugh jackman workout for a couple of years and i did the chris evans captain amer workout. I wanted to be like, I can do what they do

and look like that. And the Hugh Jackman workout actually did change my body. You're an action man. Yeah, now he has knives for his fingers. Yeah, I have knives coming out of my knuckles now.

It was actually surgery, not a workout. Did I say that? The Hugh Jackman thing, it reminds me of when, I probably have told this on the podcast before, but it's like a famous moment in Chris and I's relationship. Is that how you say Chris and I's?

Chris and mine. My relationship. We went to go see Avengers. One of the fucking X-Men movies. Is that X-Men Avengers? Avengers is Marvel. X-Men movie. Sorry. We went to see X-Men. I'm so sorry oh my god offended by

that truly that is only something that someone who truly doesn't know that stuff could say like a person who knows like if you're trying to come up with a joke anything about it you're trying to come up with a line of dialogue that someone who doesn't know about this stuff would say you wouldn't be able to do it unless you truly didn't know. Because that's so mind-boggling. I wouldn't even think to say that. That would be like you saying, I don't know,

that Britney Spears was in Clueless. Like you just take two cultural phenomenons from the 90s and you like put them together. Or Britney wasn't Destiny's Child. You think like Taz was an X-Men. Okay, right. That sounds crazy. It is. So yeah, I truly don't know about this stuff because, and Chris

always tells me when I don't know about things because I get annoyed that I don't know things. I'm like, how do I not know the X-Men, Marvel, DC differences? Why would you? And he says, because you don't care. And I'm like, but I want to know, so doesn't that equal caring? You want to know everything. So anyway, we went to go see,

I do want to know everything. We went to go see X-Men years ago. And Hugh Jackman, there's a scene in the morning where he wakes, he gets out of bed. He's like in bed with a woman. He gets up in the morning and he like goes like, oh, and he like stretches. He's sitting up in bed. You'll know the scene if you know what I'm talking about. And his back looks, and I. This is in Logan.

This is Logan. Logan. Okay. looks and I this is in Logan Logan okay I accidentally gasped in admiration of it I just was like like I but Chris immediately heard

it and goes did you just gasp and I'm like I'm really sorry but I didn't mean to it wasn't the type of like because I've talked about this on stage where there are certain guys and girls who will, like, say little things. I'm sure you've dated some guys like this. Or certainly Anya and Noah have dated guys like this. Or been women that do this when you're in a jealous situation in a relationship where you will make comments about celebrities in front of your partner.

Because celebrities feel safe because it's like, I'm not going that person so they're like safe to comment and be like god she looks good or oh my god he's so hot because you're like i'm not gonna actually meet him what are you jealous about john but you do it because you're trying to make your partner jealous it's like this passive aggressive way to get away with making them jealous that you're like well i can't really ever be with them but it's a shitty thing to do. I would never do that on purpose unless I was like a really bad version of myself, but I wasn't doing this on purpose. It was truly a gas deep from within me

that that's like where I was like, oh, I know I'm not gay. You know, like there's a moment like that that comes out of me where I'm like, you know, sometimes I question if I could, I'm probably like, I think 20% gay. And that confirmed the other 80% hardcore was that just came out of me

the huge jacked man the huge jacked man and have you guys ever dated someone who's made like comments about celebrities or like just little things

that you go like are so annoying and you're like oh really you think she's hot yeah you think she would ever like you everyone likes her

duh anyone no I'm trying to think like someone who's intentionally cruel you think she's had yeah you think she would ever like you everyone likes her duh anyone no I'm trying to think like someone who's intentionally cruel like that like no

but they're getting away with it it's such it's such a good move it's someone who's very smart about being a piece of shit because they have the excuse that it's just she's a beautiful woman

she's a model on TV what am I not supposed to no one should look like that. No one does look like that, babe. I wouldn't expect you, but they're just doing it to get at you a little bit. It's like,

we know they're good looking, so why even bother? Yeah. Well, I have a joke about it, so I'm sorry to share my joke-a-vitch about it, but didn't he just win

the finals? Nah. Yeah. Well, here's my joke-a-vitch. Because this really happened to me. A guy, like right after we had hooked up, was on his TikTok and was going through

and he saw JLo and he goes, God, she's hot. And I was just like, kid. And I called him out for it. I was like, that's really, I go, what I said was, can you not, and I'm really sorry,

apologize if you hear this in my act, and I'm not trying to tell the story to be like, give you a little trailer of coming to see me live, but this is a joke I do in my act, and I'll try to make it more conversational. We'll see you this weekend in Chicago and Peoria. Chicago, September 15th.

Yes. Come get tickets. It's going to be so exciting. But I don't even know if I'll tell this joke on stage. I'd probably tell it one every 10 shows. But he, this is 100% true. I had just given him pleasure and to completion, right? And I'm cuddling afterwards with him and watching him on his phone.

And he pulls, J-Lo comes up. And he goes, gosh, she's hot. Like just under under his breath almost like i can't help it kind of thing like the way i did with hugh jackman but i knew that it wasn't just involuntary like sorry i can't help it babe she's hot i guess it's different than a sentence first of all even if it was a gasp anything that comes from that place of like man she's hot that's a horniness right yeah i had just his horniness was inside me at that point if you have no semen in your balls anymore you have nothing in you your body is not sending signals to your brain to go to lust after women men who men who are listening after you come is there anything in

you that would be so horny that you couldn't help but say god she's so hot literally a minute after you come no it was completely done to be to send a message to me please leave and you i don't really like you that much and i said to him i was like can you please i really did say this because I was trying to practice telling my feelings to men more than I usually do. Because my whole theory is that, I don't know, I always think that if you tell men how you feel in a relationship and you're like, I don't like when you do this, they'll just leave you. Because they'll go, well, that's the way I do it. What are you doing? So I said to him, can you not say other women are hot when your semen is still in my upper digestive tract? And that is literally what I said.

And I said it in a jokey way. Even though I stood up for myself, I was still like, I have cum in me. I suck your dick. I'm a little cum baby whore. It was still like me being like, but remember, even though I'm confronting you and a little bit mad, I'm still a little cum baby. I have pacifier. Cum, cum. And so he laughed

and then he truly said, no matter where my cum is, it's never going to change the fact that J-Lo is hot. She's always going to be hot no matter where it is in the world. It's never going to be

anywhere near her. Yes. Well, he had worked with her before. Oh. And so he was kind of, and he also told me that she was so cool on set

and was so nice and made me, It's so unnecessary though. It's like, this is who I am. If you want to date me, this is who I am. That's what he's doing.

That's what all men, so many men do this in the beginning of dating. They just show you who they are so that you know like this is the shit you're one of my friends was texting with a guy early on and it was just like what are you up to and he said something like well doing my favorite stuff like saw my kids did this and watched porn and i'm like he's just letting you know right now so you can't get

mad at him later. That's so true. And yeah, this guy was telling me who he was. And I left shortly after that and was just like, bye. I was proud of myself for being like, bye, and slammed the door. I mean, I pursued it for too long after that. But yeah, I mean, loud and clear. But he still hasn't fucked J-Lo, has he?

Probably not. No. No, there's no fucking chance. No chance't fucked J-Lo, has he? Probably not. No. No, there's no fucking chance. No chance. All right, we're going to go to break. We're going to come back after this. I want to talk about football, of all things. I'm so sorry to the girl in the room that doesn't want to hear about football.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world

is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Okay we're back Last night was Monday night Was it Monday? Yeah Shout out September 11th yes never forget september 11th happy thursday to all the haters but today is thursday yes today is september 14th yes um but we are recording this on a tuesday so um yesterday was monday night football i i think everyone here would know and probably ever all my listeners I don't understand anything

about football I don't get it it's confusing I can't follow the ball everyone looks the same it's too many players on the field I can't I don't understand literally anything about it um Taylor do you can you follow a football game pretty well it almost never even touches a foot the ball well there's kicking there's kicking. There's kicking. Oh, I never seen that. So I guess I don't know anything. Do you understand like downs and the yard lines and like line of scrimmage and like touchdowns and penalties? Taylor does not know.

Okay. Anya doesn't know and I don't know. The only time I ever watched it was in high school. When you guys watch a football game, what, and you try to understand it, is there anything that you understand? The first part of that sentence

I can't relate to. You've never tried to watch a football game. You've never been somewhere where people are watching a football game? I was forced to cheer for football players

for a year of my life or a season. I was too on the pep squad. But that I I was that I also was about Taylor and I were both on the girls. But we still, we didn't watch because we're just boys and our faces and just like leading cheers and arranging the boys to spell penis with their chest. Oh, right.

Yeah. Cause it was pioneers. Pioneer. Yeah. Um, I forgot about that. I still have a picture. I can find it and send it toers. Piper Pioneers, yeah. I forgot about that. I still have that picture. That's so good.

You should find it and send it to him. Okay, but okay, Brian. Yes. Last night, I was watching with Chris, and Brian likes football, and I was kind of inspired because last weekend, last week, we went to Brian's house,

me and Chris, in LA, in his apartment, his lovely apartment, with his lovely wife and his adorable dog, Allie and and jack and we watched thursday night football yeah well yeah it was nfl kickoff was the first game of the season it was nfl kickoff is it like every night it's like every night no no it's famously not every

night i mean yeah they it is increasing in days just to make money but it is the big day is on sunday and then there's monday night, and then there's Monday night football, and then there's... Now they added Thursday night football, which people aren't happy about. The players aren't happy about. But how do they differ? Why are the players not happy?

Because it's too short of a rest week, and more people tend to get injured on Thursday night because they only have four days to rest between a Sunday game and a Thursday game. Ah, gotcha. Tell me about it. So, we're watching football. So me about it. So, um, we're watching football.

So I was inspired by Allie, who is Brian's wife, who like understands football is like passionate about it. Like they're both excited to watch it together. And I'm like, man, I have a boyfriend who's just as passionate about football as Brian is. It would be nice if like he had an Allie in his life that could like

understand it and like follow along with him. He had it on, I guess, Sunday night. And I just don't like Chris Collingsworth's voice. It just sounds like in the back of his throat. I just don't like how it sounds. And it's just like he always has a bubble in his throat. Is it from being buff and a thick neck from being a football buff man? I don't know.

I'm guessing he was a football player, Brian. Yeah, he was a football player. It just always sounds like he liked talking to me. I can't do a good impression because it just hurts my throat, but his voice doesn't... It's almost comical that it bothers me. It doesn't really bother me that much. But I love Joe Buck. Love, love, love

Joe Buck. He does Monday Night Football. Wow, that is a controversial statement. He's, well, you know what? It shouldn't be because I know Joe Buck personally and he is one of the greatest people I've ever met. He is a friend of mine. He is a true friend. He is a good person.

He is so funny. He's one of the funniest people outside of comedy that I've ever met. I originally became a fan of his because I had no idea who he was i knew he was like sports related it was like a lot an older jack buck with his dad okay was his dad that did cardinals um announcing but joe does baseball and football and i'm sure other stuff but i first heard joe buck on howard stern show and he was doing um the commentate like the commentating for um jd one of these people on the show eating a cheesesteak or something and it was just so funny that he was doing the play-by-play

of this guy the sloppy guy like eating food and i thought it was so funny and i was like this is the first time i've ever been like interested in anything sports related was this joe buck guy he also um was getting a hair transplant and had um was getting when during the hair transplant they gave him like a tube down his throat for the anesthesia during the process and it damaged his vocal cords in such a way that he couldn't speak afterwards like he lost his whole voice and he is a commentator like he's that his voice is him and so he had to go get vocal cord surgery he was actually the one that sent me to my vocal cord surgeon, the best in the nation. Who's done Adele. Who's done John Mayer. Who's

done, you know, that one guy that sings. Sam Smith. You know that song. Anyway, he's become such a good friend of mine. I love him so so much so last night I woke up from a nap at like 7.30 and I walk out of the kitchen and Chris is watching football and I go is that Joe Buck? his voice just is like a soothing blanket to me I fucking love him is he Cardinals?

he does the Cardinals but he does I love a Cardinals guy one of them I listen to it in the car he's just the best guy I just love him so much you know when you just hear someone you I love a Cardinals guy. One of them. Really? Yeah. I listened to it in the car. He has, he's just the best guy. I just love him so much that, you know,

when you just like hear someone you like love and you're just like, my friend is like doing this. The thing that is watched by the most people, my friend is his voice is talking the whole time. And so that made me kind of want to get involved because I'm like, I'll watch anything Joe Buck does. And so I was like, Chris,

will you explain football to me I know I tried this before let's do it again and so he got out of he pulled up on his iPad like a picture of the football field and we talked about downs and he ran a fake game to be like okay so what down would it be and what it would be blank and blank and I'd be like okay it's second and three okay now they got a penalty so they lost five yards now they're and I would be like, okay, it's second and three. Okay, now they got a penalty. So they lost five yards. Now I'd be like, okay, now it's third and two. And so I think I got it. I think I understand the basics.

Okay, what's first and 10? That means it's the first down and you got to get 10 yards. Yeah. Oh. Is it first in 10 or first and? For any sport, if you want to understand any sport just like anything you need the proper motivation and the only motivation there's two ways you can

motivate joe buck there's two ways you can motivate yourself properly for a sport and that is pick a team that you like and root for them because then you'll be invested and knowing the rules because you want them to win if the ref fucks up and fucks your team, you'll be like, you didn't know the fucking rule, ref. You know? Yeah. That's what I told Chris. I want to be someone that goes like, oh, fuck.

I want to be able to be at a Buffalo Wild Wings and go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. That's fun. I want to do it on, because I can do it, but I'm always a second behind everyone else because I want to make sure that I'm doing it on the right time. I've done it the wrong time. Right?

It sucks when you do it for the wrong team. So I want to be able to. And then I was also motivated by, I saw, I sent it to Noah and Anya, a clip of a bunch of famous people watching tennis. It was like Cara Delevingne and like Nicole Kidman and they're in the healing and they're Amanda Seyfried and they're going back and forth watching and they they all like at the same time we're like oh and like tennis is easier to understand

like when it's like oh but there's like lots of little rules in there where it's like the ball can maybe go on the line and that's okay i don't know any of that stuff and i was like if these bitches can understand this i gotta get in on this like there's got to be something fun about this i want in so brian um the thing that i'm a little confounded about though is i don't care about learning the positions like i don't care about learning wide receiver i don't care about learning um you know uh the defensive line the um i don't care about the i don't care about that those certain positions um what is the position of the guy what's the guy that is the quarterback

and then he tosses it to that guy? The running back. The running back. I don't care. And I also don't understand why. Why do they do that where they have to toss it through their legs? What a dumb little gay rule.

That's sexy. I mean gay in the sense that it's men who have sex with each other. I don't understand. When they're not in the shotgun, the quarterback literally has to stick his fingers in the center's grundle. It has to be as close up there.

I know, what do they do? What is it called when they do that? When they get right under? Chris told me. Grundle. The running back comes and he's just like sitting right under his ass. The quarterback is sitting right under the center's ass waiting for the hike yes that's right it's just a snap what is that called snap

a hike i don't yeah it's what what is the point of tossing it through your legs do we know is there any point to it is it just like well what's the point okay well if i was gonna get into the history of it then at there's a lineman that needs to protect the quarterback and you could just hand the ball to the quarterback so that he has the ball, but then he would get hit immediately because there's no one protecting him. So there has to be a-

You need that time. There has to be a big giant guy who's standing up where the ball is and he has to throw it back to the guy behind him that really needs to have the ball so the big giant guy can protect the guy who needs the ball from the other big guy. Okay, thank you. This is helpful.

I just want things to make sense. And a lot of things don't. Chris was talking to me about if anything but their hands touch the ground, it means that it's a fumble. And I was like, well, why wouldn't their hands? So why wouldn't you always just lay? I couldn't understand the hand thing. He's like, because your hand can be used to propel you. You could still be going with your hand on all fours like that little horse girl. I couldn't understand the hand thing. He's like, because your hand can be used to like propel you. You could still be going with your hand on all fours like that little horse girl.

I don't know. It's what I don't understand. What horse girl? If you understand all of, oh, you've never seen the girl that runs on all fours like a horse? Oh no. Taylor.

You know I want to see it. I know you're off the grid and you just have a flip bone. There's so many fucking crazy things happening on, you've never seen it either? Anya hasn't seen it? Yeah. The girl that can run

like a horse on all fours. Have you seen it, Brian? Is it sexy? Oh my God. I'll pull it up for you guys later. I'm not trying to do real football or anything.

She's like probably in her late teens. Okay. Yeah. But she jumps over things too like a horse. Like she'll jump over those like little fences.

You just made a horse sound. Does she eat apples? You did neigh. You did neigh. That's the next generation. They're all trying to be little animals. But Brian, can I ask you this? And we'll close up this talk.

Final thought. Brian, did someone sit you down and tell you these rules? Because I don't know how people... I even asked Chris last night. I go, do you think Allie, like someone sat her down with an iPad or like drew a football field? It's just from watching. Well, for me, it's I played...

I could watch it a thousand years and not understand it. I played football video game, Madden. And so you learn the rules that way. You learn all the players that way. But then also you just sit down, you watch, you root for your team. And now I gamble. So then I know everything about everybody.

All those things combined over the course of... have to understand over the course of what's it now like 20 years 25 years i've been watching this so of course some of that's gonna sink in over that amount of time no matter what is there anything that do you remember though times in your formative years where i just feel like yeah maybe otheros. Everyone is just born with everything about football in their head already. Like, do you remember being like, well, dad, why did he just get that?

Why are they now going to the side of the thing? And why is the clock still running when there's no action going? Like, questions like that that have confounded me. Why does the clock keep going when there's nothing going on?

That is confounding. When the players are all walking around like they're socializing on the field. Well, that rule keeps changing and so I relate to your confoundedness. Like, why is the clock running now?

I'm always like, stop, the guy that runs the clock is sleeping. And to make things even more complicated, in college football, the rules are different. So if you're watching a college football game,

it's like, well, now the clock doesn't stop. That's enough. But no, I do have... I'm just so impressed. There's exciting things that happened in football over this weekend that were not game-related

that I think you'd be interested in. So to start off, this weekend I'm going to Dallas because every year my high school friends go to a Jets away game somewhere in the country. So they can go to all the different stadiums and see their favorite team, the New York Jets, play against another team in an away stadium. This year, they're going to Dallas to see the Cowboys play the Jets. So I'm going this weekend. Oh, at NRG Field?

I guess so. Is that what it is? Is that from Taylor Swift knowledge? I don't know. I've been to all these football stadiums now because of Taylor Swift, but yeah. So we're going to the Dallas Cowboys stadium this weekend to see. Now, the big thing about the Jets is that they got a brand new quarterback this year, Aaron Rodgers, who is a Hall of Famer who came from the Packers.

And the Jets have not won the Super Bowl since 1969. So if you're a Jets fan, this is like every year is just hell for you. You're just watching your team get dominated. And this year was the first year ever that they had a quarterback that could potentially take them to the Super Bowl. And everyone was excited and it was all built up.

That's not the story, though. So, as you may have seen, last night, Monday Night Football, three plays into Aaron Rodgers' tenure as a New York Jet. He tears his Achilles and he's out for the season. What? Yes. I didn't know that.

He tore his Achilles. He's out for the season. All the Jets fans. Oh my God. They spent $25 million in caps based on this guy and three plays. He's done for the season.

His career is most likely over now. And this was the only hope. Because he was old already. He was 39. Just because of an Achilles tear? Just because. Achilles is a giant, giant tendon. An Achilles tear.

Dude, it wraps. You can't move it. He's out at least for three months. He's out for the year for sure. And then he probably will. There's football players who get Achilles tears and they can never come it. He is. Yeah, he's out at least for three months. He's out for the year for sure. And then he probably will. There's football players who get Achilles tears and they can never come back and play again. Because not only does it take a devastating injury, but also, and he wasn't even the only

guy who tore his Achilles this weekend. A running back also did it too. What? Usually if you tear your Achilles, you cannot come back and play to the. You remember on Pet Sematary when the kid like cuts the guy's Achilles on the stairs and he just goes... It's a devastating injury. Usually you can't...

It's awful. Usually you can't... Can the team get their money back or at least to store credit? No. Why do you want the team... Like the player should get money. I mean, he played.

He still tore his Achilles. You know, you gotta give... But they spent all this money on him acquiring him, right? Yeah, there's not insurance for that. Yeah, but that's like

saying... That's like taking away money from the worker. Aaron Rodgers is the guy doing the work. He put his body on the line. He tore his Achilles on the job. Yeah, he should still keep the money, but why am I feeling for the big guy? I don't think you're feeling for them.

You're just thinking logically, like if you spent something on something and it got injured. We want some emotion to go into this. If I bought an Aaron Rodgers... Some feminine energy. So, this guy's hurt. The Jets fans are devastated. And now, on top of that, personally, I've got to fly to Dallas

to watch some backup quarterback get trounced by the Cowboys. This is going to suck. But here's the really interesting thing. There's controversy. Because the Jets, which they also share the same stadium with the Giants. It share the same stadium with the giants okay it's the same stadium they just switch off their gillette field or something i think so

oh my god this is where you could come in handy watching the game yeah he didn't know that's gilette you know like how the distance and like all the treachery that could be for all the players i just know that's where taylor to stumble. Listen, I don't know who's winning the game right now. They're snapping off from the blank space. Yeah, I just know everywhere she sings

and I can talk about plays that way. Okay, go on. Yeah, so not only do I have to watch the shitty game, but so on this field, the Jets and Giants share the field. It's MetLife, MetLife Stadium. And the field, there's controversy because the field is made of turf.

It's a turf field. And a lot of the time, the fields are made of grass, which are harder to maintain. But people have been saying for years that this field is horrible to play on. It causes injuries all the time and the players have been begging for them to change this field from turf to grass and uh in fact in 2026 the world cup is coming to america and for 2026 for the fucking soccer players who have demanded it for some reason they are changing that field from turf to grass. They did it on purpose. It's a conspiracy.

I believe it. So they all agree that the turf field is bad, but they left it there and they're changing it for the soccer players. Three hours before the game started, this guy on Twitter, three hours, many hours before the game started. Sorry, Brian,

was the Monday night game played on this field? Yeah, the Monday night game was played on this turf field. Okay, thank you. Everyone's like, this is bad for the players. And then it was raining outside. How many fields are turf in football? I can't answer that, but they are slow. Like Detroit's field changed recently. They are trying to change out the fields

to not be turf anymore. That's crazy that they would each have different. I know that tennis can play on different kinds of courts, but like why not keep it consistent? That's insane. Home field advantage advantage some NFL teams are indoors and some are outdoors and like if it's snowing that's true yeah yeah yeah um it's a cold night at Lambeau that's yeah is that whenever i would wear this to Chris would make fun of me because i when we used to do shoots outside for not safe i would wear this gigantic long down jacket that goes all the way down to my ankles like black down and whenever i wear it he'd say it's a cold night because i guess i looked like i guess they wear those jackets down to their legs is that down to

their ankles uh yeah sometimes they do do that yeah okay so that's how i know it's a cold night you know a lot again another field i know okay go on brian so it's a cold night. You know a lot. Again, another field I know. Okay, go on, Brian. So the conspiracy on Twitter, three hours before the game on Twitter. Three hours before this random guy, random guy whose name happens to be at Daddy Zaslav and his Twitter name is David

Zaslav, which is just like supposed to be funny. Wait, Daddy Zaslav is what Tim Dillon calls Zaslav. Yeah, so maybe he's a tim dylan fan i'm sure he is this guy tweets out i quote aaron rogers is going to tear his achilles on a rain-drenched metlife turf in two and a half hours see yes it's a conspirer I knew it I can smell MKUltra he tweeted that and then two and a half hours later they paid him to take a fall

why would that be a conspiracy like that would be horrible for the game it's horrible for the NFL it's horrible they paid him to take a fall that's bad for the game that's bad for money because a rich person is this guy yeah what do you think it is this guy I think he knew about the turf

and he was just predicting... He was just taking a shot. Taking a shot. Out of all the millions of people who tweeted about the game, he just happened to be correct. But what I don't understand is you look at that same Twitter account today

and for some reason, that guy's Twitter account has been banned. No duh, because it's conspired. That tweet has been deleted twitter account has been banned no duh because it's that tweet has been deleted and he's been banned why no one knows because because i don't know and by the way this is we're all talking about x now right twitter is not the way yeah it's not twitter anymore it's called x it's weird that he said in two and a half hours. Was he exactly right on the time? Well, that's when the game started.

So pretty close. And it happened right then? I mean, it happened about three minutes into the game. Don't you think that's also a great guess? Yes, that's why this tweet got viewed millions of times. There's probably lots of ones that lots of people probably made tweets like that. This one was exactly right. Aaron Rodgers is going to tear his Achilles.

He said the exact injury. He knew before, but then it was banned. But does he have a weak Achilles? Does he have history of any kind of Achilles issues? No, not at all. Maybe he didn't really tear his Achilles and it's all part of the plot. What is the plot for? Okay, so there is a cue.

I don't know. I don't even know what football is. People on the internet do. I'm trying to be interested. There is a dumb conspiracy theory online that the NFL is ascripted, which is totally wrong, but people do say that.

Oh, yeah, I believe it. Ascripted? It's scripted. Like the WWE, yeah. Yeah. Are you guys gonna watch the mtv movie or music awards tonight is there any interest there because i am so excited about it i don't know because taylor might be there i'm watching to mtv music awards because there's just rumors she might be there and where are these rumors on twitter or i mean not on sorry not on x they're on reddit just in the taylor swift sub there's no way she's actually gonna go jim i was thinking there's probably a on Twitter. Or I mean, not on X, they're on Reddit. Just in the Taylor Swift sub.

There's no way she's actually going to go. I was thinking there's probably a million people that are going to watch this just for the off chance she does show up. Does she not go?

She's nominated for 11 awards. Will Nicki Minaj be at the BMAs? I don't think she was listed when I saw the rundown, but I could be wrong about that. Why? Did you hear? Zaslav just tweeted it.

She's going to be there. There's a rumor that they have a collab going. So the Barbs and the Swifties are about to collide. Oh, the what? The Barbs? Is that her fan group? Yeah. Okay.

I think the Selena Gomez's people, their group is called the Senators. Do you know why? It's a football team. I have no idea why. Oh, that's a really good Selena Gomez. Is this a good one too? Have you been watching Only Murders season? No, that's really good, Anya.

My God. Guys, I'm riding the elevator separately from you. Oh, my God. That made me have ASMR. I know. Her voice is so soothing. It's pretty good. Okay, so I talked about, so I think I have a grasp on football.

Chris is going to keep tutoring me. He got really into it. It was really fun to have your boyfriend explain something to you it would be like me getting to explain like Taylor Swift stuff to him or like I'm trying to think of when I explained something to him that really

got me worked up but a lot of times I like if you want to have a good time with your man ask them to explain something they care passionately about and let them like demonstrate it and get up and like draw diagrams and things like that like I think he had a

really good time with it and I was really dumb and surprised like oh my god really I was really dumb but you have to get it at some point otherwise it gets frustrating you have to some degree he was proud of me. I can see you now

at Buffalo Wild Wings being that girl. I can see it. I really do. Listen, I'm a passionate person. I really love to care about things and root for things.

I've always felt my whole life that the fact that I don't enjoy sports, there's something missing. There is something fun about root. Like even though it is fleeting and I really would argue that most people

can't even remember what happened in a game. They really cared about four months ago that they were screaming about and like breaking things about that. It just doesn't matter. I can't wait to find something. I love so much that I break shit. Like what is Taylor? What is your thing that you care the most about?

I recently- JonBenet. I was going to guess that. We should all guess. You know that. I just got asked, because I'm doing Ellie Kemper's podcast next week, and it's called Born to Love,

and it's like, we talk about things you love on it. And so they asked my assistant, or they asked my people, can Nikki give us a list of things that she loves? Columbine. And I said Columbine and Taylor Swift and so and Ellie Kemper reading that made me so laugh to think about her getting an email being like um are she sure that she said uh Columbine yeah maybe she's very like okay well um I guess we can talk about that you know everyone loves different things like her just being very she's such a positive person but um i was um struggling to come up with so your your passion most passionate thing is jean benet uh yeah murder psychology stuff when casey anthony's verdict

was read were you like at buffalo wild i was screaming i mean you can see a lot of good video clubs of people like do you remember the OJ verdict yeah I do too I was in sixth I was in seventh grade no sixth grade and you were probably

in seventh yeah I remember that was a big fucking day we were in gym class and we had the radio playing so we could all listen

sixth graders yeah to watch the OJ verdict that's insane because the teachers had to and there was no way they could pretend would need to know

yeah oh my god i remember all the black kids were happy and all the white kids were sad i was happy dude because we went to school like we we had uh a lot of kids from yes uh the city and also you know from the county but mostly from the city and i remember just how divided it was and it was not it was it was such a man do you remember the espn oj documentary did you ever see that uh probably oh it's so good when that when there was an oj resurgence of like the oj um show the the true american crime story that was happening and then also the ESPN documentary. I think Brian, you came over and watched that with us. That was an Emmy. 2007, 16, 17.

That was the, no, it was like 15. That was the best time of my life. It was the best time of TV ever. It was so good. All right, we gotta go.

Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Come see me this weekend in Chicago. I cannot wait. There are tons of shows. San Francisco is being announced. October 20th added

a second show. So I'll see you in San Francisco as well. Anya will be there. Special guests as well. New, I'm saying as well a lot, like that girl that was like in the maps in the Iraqs as well.

And new merch. So excited about that. Thank you for listening to the show. Don't be cute. And John Bonnet. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins.

Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Course Love. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Course Love Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season,

but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter,

and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.

I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.