The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #377 Eric André Explains His Yearly Text To Nikki , Ideal Partner & Why Vacation is Good

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

When Eric André crashes your podcast, you know you're in for a wild ride! Nikki catches up with her bud and host of Bombing with Eric André. They cover all sorts of topics, can Nikki ever take a vacation? Can Eric be on the new season of FBoy Island? The annual text Nikki gets from Eric, polyamory, tripping and finding meaning. Anya probes Eric about his ideal woman. And before Eric takes off, of course they talk about how to deal with "bombing". In the Final Thought, Brian shares his personal story with Eric and Nikki talks about getting honored in St. Louis.  . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. And to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The Happiness Lab's how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, welcome to the show.

It's me, it's Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Today, let's just get right to it. We have a special guest. We never have guests on this show. You know that. Regularly with us is Anya Marina, Brian Frangie, Noah. But also with us today is one of my favorite people, comedian, podcaster,

also on the Big Money Players podcast network with his new podcast called Bombing with Eric Andre. It's Eric Andre. Hi, you dillman booster. Hi, Eric. What are you doing in St. Louis, Nikki? I know. Don't tell people I'm here. No, but what are you doing out there?

Who are you hiding from? You were like, nobody knows I'm out here. What does that mean? Well, it's because the industry thinks you- Let's unpack that. Well, let's unpack it because the industry, if they think that you're not in LA or New York like you won't get as much work that something happened to you that you've

you've given up in some way and so everyone in LA thinks I'm in New York and everyone in New York thinks I'm in LA I kind of like to keep it that way and I'm doing like the Nate Bargatze thing I guess he's the only the Chappelle thing where you just like live somewhere else and you have like a normal life outside of this biz.

And, you want to be, you, what? You want a healthy life? You want a healthy, fulfilled life? It's hard.

You have nuts. You picked a life in comedy, dude. That's behind you. I was just in couples therapy today talking about my boyfriend. You have a boyfriend? Yeah. So he lives here and we've been together forever.

Really? Well, off and on for 10 years. Isn't your stand-up like, yeah, whatever, I fuck whoever, I fucking do whatever the fuck I want? You haven't seen a special for a while, but yeah, no, actually, that is kind of what my stand-up's about. You're not wrong. It is like— What does your boyfriend feel about your set?

You're like, I just fucked this guy right before I got on stage. Fuck you. He's that guy. Jordan, whatever his name is. Yeah, no, he's okay with all my past stuff. He's very comfortable. It's hard to find someone who's secure enough to listen to me say all this stuff.

And then the stuff I talk about about us always is I present it as my ex-boyfriend so that he's not implicated. But it's also true because we've broken up a bunch, so he is my ex. But we were just in couples therapy, and the thing that he brought up implicated. But it's also true because we've broken up a bunch, so he is my ex. But we were just in couples therapy, and the thing that he brought up for us to talk about, which was our biggest fight last week,

was he brought up, hey, you're taping a special coming up. You've got a huge tour and everything. Let's talk about where you should go on vacation at the end of the special. And I started almost crying and saying, I don't want to go on vacation. Vacations don't make me comfortable.

I don't know even how to do them. And we were fighting about how I don't like to relax. And so, yeah, you're right. Being a comedian takes a certain type of, you have to be sick in the head. That's what I was crying about in therapy is that I don't want to go on vacation with my- You don't like vacation?

No, because I feel guilty that I'm not getting anything done and I feel indulgent. I feel like the fact that we get to do what we do is already such a gift. Like I get paid so much money to be an idiot on stage. This is what I'll say to you that will help me because I go through that too. Okay. I had a feeling.

I actually think that your vacation is more productive for your work and your creativity and your writing than not going on vacation. Stepping away from the pen and the pad or whatever you used to write. I would say that you would be filled with inspiration. You take your boyfriend

to Greece. Get a little fucking pond. What's the last vacation you did, Eric? I just did two months. I did a month in Africa and a month in Europe. Africa? It's the longest.

What'd you do? Yeah, it's the longest vacation I ever did. I did Morocco, Ghana, and these two little equatorial islands called Sao Tome and Principal.

Oh, yeah. And do you feel amazing? Do you feel refreshed? I feel amazing. Do you have new material? Do you have new inspiration? New inspiration, feel refreshed, no new material. I don't really use that anymore.

Did you? This is all I want for you. Don't listen to me, actually. Maybe this is why you have 10 Netflix specials. You had a great special. I had one. Did you buy any good Moroccan rugs? Hold on.

No, this is what I need to know. I did. I bought a great Moroccan rug. Eric, the reason that you, like I'm obsessed with your special for your your Netflix special from I forget what it was I watched it during COVID was it 2020

it was from 1993 you say in the special that it's 2006 as a joke and my boyfriend and I were watching it the other night so I could have a little refresher

and he was like was this shot I was like no this was but it was because at some point it does seem the same but no

your special is so funny the bit that i'm i love more than anything and i have played it for so many people including brian who this was before we even knew you were coming on the show and i was like you we were hanging out a lot recently and i go we just need to we need to watch the best uh people's the best jokes of people so i was like you need to see this little trinket that Eric got from Cuba. Oh, yeah. That thing. Yeah.

This thing you picked up at a novelty shop. I guess you just picked it up at a little. You know, they have all those tchotchke stores where they're selling tourists. They're selling gringos. My friend always says about that stuff when you get like a little snow globe and a little tchotchke that says like the country. My friend just takes that, he picks it up and he goes, this goes in a landfill and this goes in a landfill

and this doesn't biodegrade and this doesn't biodegrade. That's all I see when I go to Target is just all of this is going to be in a landfill. Just look at the, just thousands of products and within two years, most of a landfill. Just look at the, just thousands of products. And within two years, most of it landfill. It's insane. But that inspired one of my favorite bits ever.

If you want to find it, it's about halfway through Eric's special called legalize everything. And it's on Netflix and he's holding up this, I don't know. There's like dangling spoons from it. You'll see it when you get to it. It's one of those like wooden kitchen tchotchkes that your grandma has. It's like, life's a beach or whatever.

Live, laugh, love, and whine. It's like one of those. It inspired one of my favorite bits of all time in a special. And then you go, your special's just packed to the brim with amazing stuff, and I just loved it so much. Thank you. But now you're doing a podcast about bombing on stage, which I've

really never seen you do. Well, I did it the other day at the slipper room in new york is you oh god yeah that room what happened were you doing uh what's his name show no i was doing my friend sandy show and i just like i'm like i gotta get back on the horse and try new stuff and then like i did and i bombed i was like like, no, I don't. Stan, that's annoying. Yeah, it is annoying. You're like a Terminator, dude. You're so good at it.

You write so much. You have so many logged hours, so much killer material. You're a crusher. Thank you, Eric. I don't know where you get the fucking energy. It's so fucking exhausting. My initials are NRG,

so it starts with that. That's what fucking exhausting. My initials are NRG. So it starts with that. That's what I thought it was. The energy comes from feeling like it's, I think it's the only thing that I've ever been good at and so I better just keep doing it and also knowing that 10,000 hours gets you to an expert level.

So whether you're good at it or not, like if you just keep doing it, it's like going to the gym, like you'll build the muscle like it is an exercise it is you know and i don't write off stage are you are you someone that like sits down with what's your writing process i guess is the worst question it's always magic and alchemy to me i never really have like uh like people like like you know you hear seinfeld like i write four hours in the morning but like i need to i this is what i do i have like a wisp of an idea or something I'm mad about or something. And I'll do,

I'll put it in a voice memo and it's not funny yet. Yeah. And I'll say it over and over again. I'll listen back to the voice memo and kind of add to it, but it's not funny there. Then I have to get on stage and do it. And it usually tanks. And then I have to either just like put my tail between my legs and

completely give up on it. Or I go, no, no, no, there's something there. And then you kind to either just like put my tail between my legs and completely give up on it. Or I go, no, no, no, there's something there. And then you kind of keep beating it like all these different directions. And then there's like a magic that comes from the pressure of the audience looking at you. And then it like kind of like galvanizes on stage. God, that's so true. That's what it is. There's that pressure.

There's that moment where you start to feel them them doubt you and it's do or die. And you're like, it's, it's this, it's like the strength that women summon when they pull a car off their child or whatever. Like I just had those moments where I will make this work. Something is going to happen to get this so that I don't, because everyone's so nervous for me.

I can't let them down. I have to be a hero in this moment. And something happens. It's that pressure. It's that awkwardness where you need the pressure. I can't let them down. I have to be a hero in this moment. And something happens. It's that pressure. It's that awkwardness. You need the pressure. I don't get anything done without pressure. I don't get anything done.

You need deadlines. You need pressure. I write so many jokes on my way to shows. While I'm walking on stage, there has to be some kind of accountability. Now you're on, now you're on the set of kids incorporated. You're on the set of double dare. You know what I'm talking about?

You know, the pressure. If you don't know, my studio does look like the color. Clarissa explains it all. I'm familiar. Listen, nineties throwback was in when we designed the studio and

it's a little passe at this point. And you're plugging your own show with your hat. You got like merch from your... Oh my god, it matches too. FBoy Island, baby, coming out October 16th. Why don't you get me on FBoy Island? Oh my god, I would love to have you on that. Are you single right now?

I'm single right now and I would go on there, but don't have any contestants that would recognize me, which would'm single right now and i would go on there but don't don't have any contestants that would recognize me which will be easy but like i want to go in there and be like a fucking crazy i would fucking love it i mean that's just me being regular but like i want to go on can i go on like one episode you can eliminate me after one episode immediately first you're gonna eliminate me immediately but i want to be like a maniac. I would love that so much. I was going to say, if you came on, like the show is mainly about what?

I want to like eat peanut butter with my hand. I like walk up there. And I'll be like, all right, who's ovulating? Your confidence alone Would be attractive That's what I found on these shows Is that nothing else matters except that

Eating peanut butter with your fingers And asking who's ovulating That's just a guy who doesn't give a fuck Mainly on the show If you're trying to get eliminated That's not what you should do Maybe getting eliminated would Weirdly

It's kind of like the first time uh uh when trump won he like wasn't trying to win the presidency he was just like hey i'm doing promotion for my new whatever my new steaks or whatever and then he won he was like shit it'd be like that where i'd be like eating peanut butter with my fingers you'd be in the elimination girls love it I mean yeah if you wanted to if you wanted to get eliminated

you just come in and like kind of nervously say you look beautiful ladies and like shake their hand respectfully and then you're fucking out no one needs that

lame lame boring yawn are you worried at all that like if I did a show that was had a theme

like a podcast with a theme I'd be worried I like would run onto stories is that a worry of yours is that why I ran out of I ran out of gas halfway through I'm like oh yeah somebody threw a bottle at you okay whatever next I mean it then it becomes a show about just bombing in life because I think yeah that's what it is it's

about failure it's not about just bombing on stage it's about like failure and I always open it up to like bombing like just any the worst job you ever had the worst day job you ever have it's about failure it's not about just bombing on stage it's about like failure and I always open it up to like bombing like just any the worst job you ever had the worst day job you ever have it's just like just the failures and trials and tribulations

of life rather than just bombing doesn't it suck that like we always get to a point in life where you think that all of your failures are behind you

and you're grateful for them because they led you here but like we all have to like we're all gonna trip at some point in our lives coming up soon and it's gonna be really embarrassing and you're gonna fall on the ground like i always think about how i have a bunch of trip and falls or like dropping things

on my toe or like things it's it's never gonna stop life is gonna keep throwing bullshit at you and i'm gonna keep bombing like bombing's the worst feeling in the world and i will keep doing it uh the rest of my career it will never stop for me there will be times on stage where it's so awkward where i will question everything and want to cry when i get off stage and i know that's in my future it's gonna probably happen this week on tour um like yeah the last thing you do is you bomb you dying is like really embarrassing like the last thing you do before you die is this so your final bomb Is it so You go Or you go Oh my god

Like that's like the most Embarrassing you'll ever be Yeah That's so true And then you poop your pants And then you shit your pants Yeah You shit

Don't you Like does everyone do that Everything stops You blow It's so embarrassing You just look like Oh god No one's looking hot guys

Nikki's concern is gaining weight You bloat It really is You gain five pounds No one's looking hot dying. Nikki's concern is gaining weight. You bloat. It really is. You gain five pounds. You're dieting so tight. You were so tight before. When they draw the chalk outline, it's like half an inch bigger

than if they would have gotten it two seconds before. That's so true. The one death that looks like so hot, though, did you ever see the one of the woman in the 20s who threw herself off a building and she falls on this car and she falls in a beautiful way? You should look it up. She looks so hot though. Did you ever see the one of the woman in like the 20s who threw herself off a building and she falls on this car and she falls in like a beautiful way.

You should look it up. She looks so hot. That's not footage. I don't want to see that. I like morbid stuff like that. Nikki has watched all 9-11 footage. She's obsessed with Columbine. She's seen every corpse. Oh, so you're more you have a morbid fascination. I don't watch like

beheadings. I don't watch, I don't like watching people die. That's where you draw the line. Even your show, I have had struggles watching because I don't like people even getting hurt or punched or like falling.

What are you talking about? You're into Columbine and 9-11. It already happened and I just, I don't want to watch footage from it because there is no footage. That's what makes it like creepy. And then 9-11,

there's barely any footage from that. There's a good amount. But you don't see people actually hitting the ground and stuff. You know what I mean? It's all like an enchantment. Do you know they're remaking 9-11 with all female terrorists? Oh my God. It should have done it a while ago.

It's about time. Time's up. Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones is the star. Can you imagine um what have you been up to eric besides the pod so you're getting bad on the road yeah i went on a two-month vacation oh yeah monday i'm going to peru to do ayahuasca and climb machu picchu and then i go right from peru Kansas City to start the tour. Oh no, that's a great segue. Wait a second.

As people call it Aya, I realize that's what they call it. You've done it before, I'm guessing. Never done it. Never done it once. No way. I haven't either. Are you scared, nervous, excited? What's your intention going in?

You know, the usual. usual yeah clear some stuff out look at some rooms in your brain you haven't seen before yeah closure you get it yeah yeah yeah okay i'm into that yeah i'm scared vomiting you vomit yeah you purge you purge it's not i'm gonna come out a little thinner sign me up no people most people have told me they go, I lost five to ten pounds. Shut up. Because you're vomiting so much. Look at Nick. Okay, and your inner child.

Nicky's like, I guess I'm coming with you. We film a road trip movie. Are you going with friends? Are you going to do this solo? Solo, I know no one. So I'm going in a group of strangers, yeah. Oh my God. And are you worried you'll be recognized or does that even

cross your mind now I'm not worried about it I don't think it's that kind of crowd do you do Burning Man I was actually going to do it this year I was like nothing sounds appealing about it it's hard to get to you gotta build shit

and then like barter I'm like huh there's rules nothing sounded appealing but this. And then like barter. I'm like, huh? There's rules. Nothing sounded appealing, but this year I was like, I got to go. I'm going to do it. And then I couldn't. I had work and I couldn't figure it out. Yeah, I get it. I'll do it.

I'll do it just for the experience. Even if I don't like it, I'll do it for the experience. And I'll do like the bougiest version i will do the most suburban wuss fucking i'm glad to hear that yeah i'll do like because you seem like somebody wouldn't do the bougiest version no no burning man i'm not gonna yeah i'm sleeping on the ground i'm gonna shit in a hole and pick it up with my No. I'm too old for this. Because you, like, I will say one thing about you. We met, I don't know, probably 15

years ago or something. In a chat room. Probably longer than that. Chat roulette, specifically. I forget. I mean, I guess we met through Amy, through Schumer, and you've always been so nice to me, and you had fame before I ever touched it

and you were still nice to me. Really? I don't think that's true. Yeah, you started rising up. I feel like we were on the same. We were kind of maybe on the same thing, but I don't know. I always just kind of assumed you were ahead of me in the game,

but you were just one person that was always so nice to me. And you still, we haven't hung out. I haven't seen you in person. I can't even remember the last time, but you still send me invites to your birthday parties and stuff like that and i'm wondering never come i've never once been able to go but i always want to and i'm always so touched so please never stop sending those i just wonder like how are you are you just spending

a whole day going through your phone just sending like how do you go about inviting people your party because if i'm getting an invite there's thousands that are getting invites i know my birthday is april 4th and i know the last week of march i carve out time so i plan my birthday for about like four to five months yeah and i know there's a last week where and i've done it like almost like a ritual for like 12 years where I text every, I don't do a single group text and I text everyone individually in my phone. It's incredible. No, it's sincere.

And it is like, it is psychotic. It's psychotic, but it's the way I started doing it. And I just got into the rhythm of doing it. It's like a huge birthday party, four to five months of crazy, crazy birthday party.

I used to be broke and i used to live in a little shithole apartment in hollywood and then when i started getting money i started wasting it on my birthday party and i would get like camels and donkeys i would live in i live in a tiny studio i would get all these crazy exotic animals into my apartment and into the parking lot and we would like do all these drugs. We would huff ether. We would light off firecrackers. We would have like crazy nudists come by

and all these like noise bands and it's grown from there and last, this year was my big 4-0 and I did like a crazy. Yeah, now it's like a fest. Yeah, now it's Burning Man. Yeah, now it's like

Gathering of the Jugglers. Wait, what are you looking for in a partner? Wait, well let's figure that out when we come back from break. Okay. That's a cliffhanger. I'm trying to think of the woman. That's a great, great question.

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with Catherine Legge, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of I Heart Women's Sports. All right, we're back. Eric. I did not expect that. Eric, what are you looking for in a partner? Anya does ask a great question.

The usual polyamorous atheist with like big old titties and a big ass booty. Okay. Are you really looking for someone poly? Are you into that lifestyle? Have you tried it before? I am looking for somebody.

I used to not really date with purpose. I never really cared about long-term relationships until recently, very recently. And I would say that I am looking for someone. It's all hack and cliche what I'm about to say. I'm going to say someone with a sense of humor and somebody who's a critical thinker. But sense of humor,

I realized it all trickles down from there. Schumer said to me, she goes, you need somebody that has the ability to finish your jokes for you and with you. And I was like, that's totally true because sense of humor if you guys can lock in on that it tells you about the person's worldview about their like ethics about their personality it really is it really is um it really is the top ingredient because it informs all the other ingredients.

It's so true. It is true. And it's not just about- And if she's Brazilian or Filipino. I was going to ask, what part of the world should we pick this person out from? Yeah, it is clean. It's so cliche to say sense of humor and I think I roll my eyes when men say that most of the time

because I used I had a bit about it in my act about how and it was true they did studies that say men and women both look for sense of humor in the opposite sex that's the number one thing they say they look for but women define and women and men define sense of humor differently women define sense of humor in a man as someone

who makes them laugh and men define sense of humor in a woman as a woman who laughs at their jokes. So it's like... Oof. But it doesn't sound like that's what you mean. But it can be. No, that's not what I mean. As long as they get your jokes up. It should be both.

It should be like laugh at your jokes, but also joke together. And be able to add to each other's jokes. Yes. Because it tells you about everything. It tells you about their personality, their worldview. So when you get back to the Polly thing, I would think that critical thinkers... You want to date an improv troupe.

I want to date an improv troupe. A Filipino improv troupe. No, I think it's like I want somebody who looks at the institutions of the world and challenges the institutions of the world. Whether the institutions of the world whether we like decide to act on each experiment with each institution some institutions are there um so there's no absolutes in nature some have their reasons some are they're typically sexist and homophobic and racist but like but like most institutions of the world are, uh,

tools of control. Uh, so, you know, marriage was based on a property transaction. So I think that just having somebody who is smart means they have a sense of humor. If they're smart, they're going to share a worldview with me where we look at each institution and really question of like, is there like, are we just following biological protocol? Should we rise above biological protocol? Should we, or are these, a lot of institutions of old are from Abrahamic religions

and they're just trying to control you and control your happiness and your spirit and your... Is that hard to find someone that's like, because I'm already like, my brain is like i'm thinking of so many girls i've met that are so much like you but then they might not check every box but they're like check check check polly funny big titties not brazilian big titties loose

pussy but yeah diarrhea maybe maybe not it. I'm sorry. Nikki's edgy, so I try to keep up with the edge, but I don't know the rest of you. No, diarrhea is cool. We're into diarrhea. I try to be like, I'm still edgy too. You're not the only one. You guys are like, dude,

inappropriate. No, you had us a penis queef. Okay, great. Good. What was your question? one question inappropriate no you had us a penis queef okay great um what was it hard to find a woman who's like funny and hot and like holly and like like they're not on raya yeah i think i think intelligent i mean yeah i think that like there's no such thing as like Dan Savage has this quote. He goes, there's no such thing as the one. There's the at best the 0.65 and you round that motherfucker up to one. That's so true.

Fucking perfect. Nobody is everybody's annoying. Eventually, I'm fucking annoying. Everybody's annoying eventually. And everybody you get you get like close close but nobody is checks every single box i don't even know if that's what it's about like no but everybody's gonna get on your nerves don't yeah about like we all many of my girlfriends read this book about you know how to attract a man and how to like just kind of teaching you how to settle because what you're saying is we're always

looking for the one and it's like stop that there's no one and it's i think the percentage that we always talk about with noah and anya and i is if they're 51 good like that's how little because then keep them because it's so hard to find someone that is even that and um i think that's true it's like just it's i have a bit about i hate to keep quoting my own fucking stupid act, but like people say you should never settle, but that's what we all have to do. Eventually. You can't just keep looking forever because you're eventually going to get to a place where like no one really wants you if you keep waiting. And we can't, we don't ever have to settle because there are so many options all the time. Do you feel like there's too many options?

And the potty thing, man, I'm on board with it too. There are two people. Brian and Anya just got married this summer and Noah's engaged. Not to each other. Yeah, not to each other. But they're already in separate cities. We're on different coasts. I'm always supportive

when my friends start doing this and I have a lot of friends that are starting to have kids and I suspect that they're all having kids cause they're just kind of bored and that's just the next thing you do as, and I'm trying to get at the meat of like, why do you actually want a kid? Is it because you actually, this is the first I'm hearing you want one is in the last year and it does

nothing to do with the fact that you might be kind of bored or like I'm suspecting those things. I'm learning that there is much more to it than that. But marriage for instance, like I just suspecting those things. I'm learning that there is much more to it than that. But marriage, for instance, like I just, um, I also am,

I'm of the same mind as you about that. And I look at, and I don't talk about this a lot on my podcast, but you kind of brought up something about, um, just the poly lifestyle. I think that I'm more into that than, um,

most people are because I don't look at, uh, if we're, if my boyfriend does not take me up on this but I'm open to him having sexual relations with other people because I don't and he's not open to me doing it so it's not a two way street laughter

you could if you wanted to he comes out from underneath my table laughing you were just here babe um yeah it's uh because i just i look at sex kind of like um i don't know people are like how could he ever i mean sometimes but um i i just look at it like if he were to eat someone else's food like i cook you dinner every night and you're going to get some food cooked by another woman.

Like I just don't see it as, as long as I'm not going to get a disease from what he does. Right. I just don't have it. I'm not trying to be a cool girl. I'm not trying to make people feel bad about monogamy. I just don't care.

Yeah. That's how I always feel, but I'm in the minority. We're in the minority. I think that people equate love with sexual exclusivity. And I think finding a partner and building a relationship is about building a life together and a home together, not about sexual exclusivity. I think long-term sexual exclusivity is unnatural and we're not built to do it, but it's so beat into us societally that people are encouraged to give into their jealousy instead of like turning down their jealousy. And jealousy is a selfish emotion.

It's a natural emotion. We all experience it. And it is. I don't know. But, you know, I don experience it. And it is, and I don't know, but you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is.

I don't know what the answer is either, but I think it's a lot of pressure to be someone's sole sexual partner forever. I think maybe that's why I'm into it. Cause I'm like, this is a lot of, you know, I've said it before. I think it relieves the pressure.

I think it relieved, whatever you want to call it, polyamory or being monogamous or whatever, relieves the pressure in a long term. If you've like, I've been talking like 10, 20 years. If you've, I think you have to establish a trust. I think you have to establish a foundation of trust. And you have to have a best friendship.

And then once you've kind of, I don't know Why do we get to have friends? Why do we get to have multiple children? Why do we get to have multiple friends? Why do we get to every other part of our life where we have love in it, we get to have so many different

ways to fulfill that but when it comes to a relationship, it's one and done and there's supposed to be everything for you and comes to a relationship, it's one and done. And they're supposed to be everything for you. And if they aren't, there's something wrong with you. That's, I don't get that.

Like my best. It's a bullshit thing. It was a sexist thing. So basically to quote Dan Savage again, who's like, please do. I love him. He said that men have never been monogamous for all of recorded human history.

They've had whatever prostitutes and concubines, and then they fucked their assistants and all that shit fuck their secretary and then 60 years ago when we gave when marriages became egalitarian relationships instead of giving women the same freedom men always had we gave men the same limitations women always had and that's why the majority of marriages end in divorce and you And the average marriage lasts two to three years. And yada, yada, yada. So instead of... Oh. And we equate...

Because women didn't want to go out and fuck as much. Is that it? Why didn't it go the other way? Because men were too jealous to handle that? They wanted it for themselves? It's sexism. Women were property. A guy would pay the woman's father a dowry and he would like inherit like half his farm and shit like that.

It still is that way with weddings. Like why did my dad pay for our wedding? Because Matt's dad is dead. That's true. But it's all sexism.'s like it is it's it's um it's because we've treated women like property yeah yeah it's like oh thank you for passing like the dad passing the daughter off to the husband as a wedding ritual is like weird it's creepy it's sexistist. I saw TikTok the other day of this dad dancing with his little daughter and it was like an

adorable moment. She's like three and he's spinning around. She's like, daddy, daddy. The whole thing was captioned and he put it out there. I can't wait to play this on her wedding day. It was like everything in this little girl's life is leading to her wedding day. Why are we even referencing that?

You know he's going to be one of those dads. It's like well, you got to get through me to get to her wedding day. Why are we even referencing that? And you know he's going to be one of those dads that's like, well, you got to get through me to get to her. It's gross that we are all set up to have to get married. People talk about it as soon as we're... Women start planning their weddings and being prepared to be mothers as children.

And it's just... I remember being a child and feeling this pressure like, oh God, someday I got remember being a child and feeling like this pressure like oh god someday i gotta be a mom and a wife like i'm gonna have to do that and just being like i don't want to get fucked by men you know like it was just like there was this felt this weight in this pressure even back then and um and i think that's probably why i've rebelled against it for so long because it just felt like i don't like being told what to do and and maybe that's keeping me from pursuing marriage or pursuing children because

it's i don't i'm trying to rebel against it it might be something i really like and i'm just trying to be obstinate i don't i don't really know the answer but i i can't imagine i'm so scared that someone's telling me i can't fuck anyone the rest of my life, even though I'm not in it. I don't want to fuck anyone else. Like I'm happy with my boyfriend. I don't want to be told I can't. Yeah. Yeah. It's the principle of being like you can only have Pepsi the rest of your life. You can never have a Coke or something.

Yeah. Awful. Better metaphor out there, but no, it's a pretty good one. Thank you very much. So yeah, we'll you'll figure this all out in Peru. I'll figure it all out in Peru. You'll puke this all out into a bucket, and then you'll see it in your bucket of puke. Do you have existential fears that you're trying to resolve with ayahuasca?

I don't want to go into it too academically. So, I don't want to be like, I have my list of existential fears, and I have to. That's what I would do. You can't think your way out. You got to feel your way out. So, I want to be like, I have my list of existential fears and I have to. That's what I would do. You can't think your way out. You got to feel your way out. So I want to go in with not too much. I'm even was like a little bit reluctant to talk about it here just because I don't want the pressure of being like, okay, I got to figure this out and that out. I just want to kind of like.

Have you ever been to Machu Picchu? I've never been to Peru. Do you hike a lot? I mean, you didn't like Burning Man camping Do you hike? Isn't Machu Picchu a pretty significant hike? I wouldn't say hiking Machu Picchu Is like camping at Burning Man

That is a false But is it an outdoor? It's a pretty big hike I got a tour guide You got some new boots I did a bougie trip to Peru Have you done some new boots things like that a bougie trip to peru have you done dmt i did toad venom which is a dmt derivative 5meo dmt um yeah was that bad what's have your trips been i've never tripped and i i really want to and i'm terrified of it

but have you had bad trips though and was it like the worst thing ever okay the only bad the only thing that gives me a bad trip is edible weed yeah i do mushrooms are the best i've only had good times on acid mushrooms toad venom yeah do you go to therapy constantly did you start later to the point where i think my therapist is like sick of me. They're like, I don't know, man. Just like getting out of sleep. Yeah. It's a never ending process. And yeah, I think that's the compulsion to go on stage

or to work all the time is just not having to be alone with my thoughts. But it's like, what's so bad in there? I don't really know. I think someone said it. I was listening to Mulaney on Conan's podcast and he was saying that

Conan, like he's like, the real Conan, you're like a mean person and I think one of Conan's, his assistant, Sona was saying, yeah,

Conan's actually mean. People don't know this about him and John was saying, yeah, all comedians are like kind of pieces of shit. Like when, there's,

but I don't, I don't think we all are. I think I'm a fairly nice person. Conan is the nicest guy I've ever met. So nice. What are they talking about? But you know what I'm saying? What he's talking about is John said that

when he went on his show to do stand-up early on in his career, and Conan would talk shit about the other guests being duds. And he really appreciated that, that Conan's a shit talker. What I think he means is like, we all have, we're all kind of piece peace i guess what i am getting at is that i secretly think i'm a piece of shit like i always think like someone's gonna find out that i'm really a sociopath and i'm

really like selfish and a bad person i think that's my biggest fear in life do you ever do you have that or do you know you're a good person? I think I'm okay. I don't really know what you're talking about. What I'm talking about is I think my biggest fear that I... You think you're secretly a sociopath? Yeah, like my biggest fear. I think why I'm in therapy is trying to... A sociopath never thinks that.

A sociopath is just like, how can I fucking eat their skin? How can I control them? I'd go a step further, Eric, and say that the fact that I'm saying I'm worried I'm a sociopath is my sociopathic brain trying to mislead people into thinking I'm not one by saying that or something. You're totally fine. You're not a sociopath.

Yeah, but okay, then I guess there's no point in me being in there sometimes. But comedians do have a dark streak. I think that's what you're saying. Well, John was also referencing... I don't think you can make a broad generalization. I think some comedians do and some comedians don't. But they're like, it's hard to make a broad generalization.

Do you have the stock answer for why you're a comedian lined up? Like what the formative thing in your life is that made you one? I think Fran Lebowitz said the best quote. She goes, talent is just the universe throwing random sprinkles across humanity. And it's just like, you're good at basketball,

you're good at ballet, you're good at piano, you're good at comedy. I can be like, oh, I can pathologize everything oh my dad didn't hug me enough and all that shit but there's people who are depressed and anxious and their dad didn't hug them enough and they're not funny at all yeah totally not funny at all i just did neil brennan's podcast and he actually said john mulaney who you just brought up said

the same thing people like oh you're depressive you that's why you're a comedian he goes i know depressed people who aren't funny at all. Totally. Melanie said that. So I don't know. I think it's more the Fran Lebowitz thing where like talent is just like random sprinkles across humanity. Yeah.

I think it's just the whatever makes up our brain. You're speaking Nikki's language right now. You are because I don't- I don't like making everything bad. Oh God, it's because my mom never fucking took me to my quinceanera or whatever the fuck. Yeah, but I do think it's random sprinkles, but the randomness for which you receive this urge to want to make people like you on stage. Yes, I would say standard.

That's a random sprinkle that you got. You got a sprinkle of wanting to be liked. But there's plenty of people that want to be liked. Everyone wants to be liked. That is a human need people that want to be liked. Everyone wants to be liked. That is a human need. You want to be loved. Oh, yeah. Everyone, every human on earth wants to be loved.

Unless it's like fucking Jeffrey Dahmer. But they don't want it as much as we do. Because they would have found some way to get it like we do all the time doing a podcast every fucking day. No, maybe they do and they're just not good at comedy. That's a good point. Sure, we do want the validation of strangers. We're like,

stand-up is very, stand-up is insane. It's like we go, it's super anxiety-provoking and stressful and I have been like shaking in my boots backstage before I go on.

Last night, I was shaking in my boots before I went on stage. And it is insane that we do it, but I don't think, what's the term? Causation without correlation? I don't it, but I don't think, what's the term? Causation without correlation.

I don't think like, I don't think like, oh, we want to be loved by strangers and that's why we're good at comedy. It's like, everybody wants to be loved. I don't know if everybody wants in different,

in what amount or how to measure that amount, but I don't know. But some people are satisfied by the love that they get from a couple like people in their lives close to them on the daily on their dog on the couch that like satisfies them enough that they don't need to get it elsewhere i'm no we're fucking nuts i don't like any

comedians who like go oh my god i'm so depressed and so interesting and my parents didn't love me enough i don't like i don't like to pathologize it that way either but i do think that there is um some let me ask you this when someone's mad at you are you able to handle that no i'm a mess you're a mess i need them to like me and then i'm like i i'm stewing on it forever even if you're right like let's talk about something it depends depends. It depends. It depends on the person and the situation. It's like, if they are, if it's like road rage, somebody cuts me off, he's like, fuck you, pal. I'm like, ah, fuck you. Sure.

You know, like, that's not, I'm not so invested in that. But that comes up in weird ways. I really need a bartender to like me. It's got to be, that's got to be like the alcohol making me depressed or something. Yeah. Like, I really, really need the bartender to like me for some reason. Yeah, and I bet they do. If the bartender doesn't like me or they're having a bad day, it's really hard for me.

They're cool and they have authority and they have the power to give you something you want. Yeah. They are so cool and they can just totally ignore you so effortlessly and there's nothing you can do about it. There's no one to go. There's no manager to go talk to. They're the end all be all. They have the peripheral vision of someone working at a Delta desk too where

they can just pretend like they don't see you and you're right there. Getting them to like you is something that I don't drink anymore but I really relate to that when I used to. When did you stop drinking? I was 27, so a couple years ago. No, 10 years ago. No, now it's been, yeah, 2011.

So whenever that was, yeah, 12 years. Were you just drinking too much? Yeah, I was like blacking out every time. To quote Mulaney again, he had this joke that really resonated with me where he was like he was black out after like two drinks and his doctor said yeah your brain just is like we know where this is going let's let's close

down early and so my brain just like knew this girl isn't going to stop let's just we know where this is headed and it was just getting embarrassing like just yeah but the real reason was the next day retelling stories to people and them going, Nikki, you told me this last night.

And I wasn't like a sloppy drunk. At least I didn't think so because people would say, but you weren't drunk when you told me this. Like, this is crazy. And then so, Eric, I just started not telling people stories because I was so scared of having someone go, you told me this last night. So it was just embarrassing. And I kind of was at a point in my career where I was like, oh, this is like I got a

pilot at MTV. This is my first chance to make it. And I don't want the reason I don't to be like I was hungover or whatever. So I stopped. And then I struggled with this. Were you drinking every night? Were you drinking every night? Oh, yeah.

Every night. Because you do sets every night. And that's how you hang out. Are you from St. Louis? I'm from St. Louis. Yeah, yeah. Grew up here since I was six. so is that like a st louis thing like you drink every night then you go to the steel mill and you're like i'm sure it is but you know i i left st louis as soon as i graduated high

school and then i never came back until covid so it wasn't like i grew up drinking st louis i think it was just like a comedy club what are you doing you doing out there? I'll probably come back when I get a show or when, you know, I'll get a place there. You know, we're just, I'm nomadic, so I'll keep a place here and I'll come back there and I'll come back for your 41st birthday. It's dangerous. It's fucking too

dangerous out there. What are you going to do for these birthdays? Let me just ask you about this. The burden of your birthday every fucking year. Like, do you now feel like, oh, oh i gotta have a party or do you look forward to it is there as you're getting older is your like tolerance for partying um is it becoming harder to you know get it up to last all night and have camels and fucking flamethrowers yeah i was trying to make it till like the sun rose the sun rose yeah I was trying to make it till like the sun rose. The sun rose.

I was trying to make it a sunrise this last birthday and like 3.30 a.m. rolled around and I snuck out of my own birthday. I got an Uber and I went home and I went to bed. Yeah. Okay, so you didn't have it at your house.

I even texted my friend. I lied to my friend. I was like, I'm going to the after party. I think my friend caught me trying to leave and I was like, I'm taking the after party I think my friend caught me like trying to leave and I was like I'm taking the Uber

to the after party they were like where is it I was like save yourself I don't know and I just like went home

went to bed well is this a part of you that like you feel like you got to keep up like is it like you know I always think about Bert Kreischer

with taking his shirt off on stage and at some point he's like oh like the party animal persona yeah and I'm sure people have asked you about animal persona no because i always

say i always scream for the mountaintops that i'm like a boring suburban nerd and i'm i'm in bed like 10 30 p.m every night because you are you're like you have that side to yourself but yeah you yeah that's like the id you know i access like the the parts of my brain but you're not doing it out of pressure no I'm doing it out of like real joy wait when we're talking about you getting like wanting people to be I know Anya's just like joy what's that um marriage is all

she knows um when you get like when you feel like you're scared of people being mad at you how can you do pranks then like is that a different part of your brain do you shut it out sense nothing makes sense because i suffer from anxiety yeah yet i do pranks until people people have pulled out knives on me yeah i was pranking a guy that had like a loaded gun on him so like jesus christ i'll put myself in these like extreme anxiety provoking situations but like i hear the slightest creak at night when i'm home alone and i'm like

is that a burglar and it's like an egg corn falling on my roof yeah so i don't know i don't make any sense what do you treat yourself to like what's what's like you know eric andre since he's made it. Like, really? No. What do I treat myself to? That does seem like the classic. I mean, I love fondue. Sure.

I haven't had it since I was a little kid, but it's good. The vacation, the big vacation was a big, big. Was it luxury? Like, do you stay at the nicest places? Do you treat yourself well? I did all the entire spectrum. I would do like the real posh place. And then I would like sleep on a floor

at my friend's house in Paris. Just to hashtag stay humble, y'all. Yeah, yeah. You got it. No, because I was running out of money

and my business manager was like, what are you doing? And then SAG went on strike when I was out there and I had to like cancel my Comic-Con gig that was like a big payday

and I was going to do a movie and I had to cancel. So I was like, shit. Yeah. Are you a big spender? Like, do you, is that like a problem for you ever? Sorry. No, not until recently. I've been trying, I'm trying to do the bi-coastal thing and like to LA and New York.

And that's like a very expensive venture. And then everybody went on strike and I was like oh shit and now you're getting back out on the road yeah that's why I'm like playing Possum Ridge Arkansas coyote bladder Mississippi boring question alert Anya make the noise do you

do you enjoy the road um sometimes yes sometimes no do you bring friends yeah that that that is a big essential big part of surviving it yeah because like I have done it where I'm just alone and you're in like Des Moines for like five days in a La Quinta. Dude, that's just I've stayed at that La Quinta. That's a good one. Oh yeah. And you're like, you were just like,

there's something sad about like, I'm just like a single guy in a La Quinta in Des Moines. Like during the day, I'm just like sitting with my Jimmy John's sub and my salt and vinegar chips. I have so many Jimmy John's on the road.

Refreshing my email. That's like, no. I'm like, what am I doing? Who am I? It's something really depressing about that. So yeah, if I can bring friends on a tour, I do. And then. And do you get nervous before shows?

Like, is it not a fun experience for you in terms of like anxiety? Or is there a streak that you hit after you feel like you've got it back? You know, where you're like, okay, I don't have to like, are you pacing around backstage? Are you someone who can like have just enjoy? Yeah, it depends on the night. Like last night I was pacing. I got real nervous before. And it came out of nowhere.

It was like I was totally fine all day and then i got real nervous right before i went on and then the show was great it's a little bit like psychedelics like you're real nervous before you take psychedelics and even when they kick in you're like oh should i have done that then you're like fuck that was a mistake and then you you kind of cross over to the other side and then you're like oh this is the best decision i fucking ever made like yeah that's i mean being on stage is a wild thing that uh not many of our listeners probably relate to but um it the fact that i'm never sure that if it's it's going to go well i don't really get nervous anymore and i should because things don't go well a lot of times and i don't really have a plan and um i think being nervous gives you kind of a moment to come up with a plan and to actually focus. And I think I distract myself

all day so that I don't have to think about what could go wrong. So I'll be in like a conversation right until they call my name and then I'll go, I'll finish that thought right now. And then I walk up on stage and people are always like, how does she do it? She can have this conversation. It doesn't seem, she doesn't have to meditate before and it's like no i'm fighting the fear that i feel constantly about what i'm about to do because if i think about it too much it freaks me out but i will say about bombing like the most interesting thing that happens to me when i'm bombing is that the the flop sweat happens instantly but it happens this has happened to me my whole life i feel a trickle of a bead of sweat start on my lower back and then it starts

its forms almost immediately when the bomb starts like when it starts to just like the audience does not connect with me and they're questioning me and they're worried about me the bead of sweat starts and then i have until the bead of sweat hits my ass crack that's all that's the time i have to save it and turn around but if it hits my ass crack that means i'll be crying off the stage it's always that way it's immediate it's crazy how it forms so quickly and it's i remember figuring this out probably when i just started like a year in i was like there's always that bead of sweat thank god it doesn't happen on my brow i'm not like wiping it but it's right back there and just recently that same thing happened and i had to i had to just fight for my, not to hit my ass crack.

And then I can dig out of it. It feels so good though when you are able to gain the trust back from the audience because the bomb is happening because they are worried that you're about to crash the plane and that you don't know how to fly and that they got a bad pilot. Are there any tips for, or have you guys found as comedians, have you found ways of getting out of that tailspin or nosedive that work like general tips testing new material is much harder than like relying on old material so if it's like you're testing new materials sometimes you just have to bomb and to figure it out also just acknowledge it you're doing acknowledge what's happening

yeah acknowledge it be like ohledge what's happening. Yeah, acknowledge it. Be like, oh, that sucked or whatever. Do a little crowd work. Yeah, sometimes that kills harder than any joke you've ever written. It's just addressing it. Or do a little crowd work to get your sea legs back, but don't, this is what I've learned,

when I start bombing, I kind of start disassociating and looking up above their heads because it's like I subconsciously to consciously like, I don't want to be here anymore. What a comic told me a long time ago. They're like, don't lean back and look up, like lean in and make,

keep making eye contact with them. Keep connecting with them and making eye contact and shove those jokes down their fucking throat. Don't give up. Don't give up. Because if they see you getting like a little weak in the knees, they're going to feel

stressed out and nervous. That's a really good tip. So keep making eye contact with them and lean in. Like physically lean your head forward and into their faces just to like stay connected to them and stay in the room.

Don't disassociate. Stay present. Lean into it. try to make make more of a connection when everything in your body is telling you to get the fuck out and to flee do the opposite that's that's actually a really good advice all right it helps and then and then you can just start riffing and doing crowd work to kind of get your your shimmy back and then yeah i usually just start shitting on myself and and doing almost the gaffigan style like what they're thinking.

Like, man, she's funnier on YouTube. I wish she would just do her roast jokes. Like, I paid this much money for this. We have a babysitter at home. Like, I just start trying to, you know, you just tell them what... All that works. Yeah, all of it.

There's tricks to get out of it, but man, it's an uncomfortable feeling. I'm going to let you go because you're leaving. Is your microphone strawberry flavored? Oh oh i should not have done that yes yes ice cream so good you oh my god i've seen that hypnotic eric i will i just want to leave you with this that actually licking this microphone which is disgusting reminds me of something that happened one time um when i was it was we first both like popped on the scene was probably 2013 i was doing the red carpet at the mtv vmas and you were on the red carpet as well and i was so excited to see someone that i recognized that was my friend it was like oh thank god you came through and you

kissed me on the lips and i was just like it was really a funny moment and then um i realized and i saw you canceling are you canceling me live no it was not consensual and that's why she brought i absolutely wanted it um uh but you were asking for it i was wearing a dress and so right before that though i saw later in the evening you had like puked on the and then you like we like tongue kissed and it was um it was just one of those it was a perfect aaron andre moment i i love you so much thank you for doing this podcast thank you for um i'll do yours if you want to have me bombing with aaron you were doing mine today i'm like. You're like, we're starting in five, four, three. I was like, no, I say that.

Well, I'll do yours next. I can't wait. Bombing with Eric Andre. Check it out. Big Money Players Network. Thank you, Eric Andre. Have fun in Peru. Thank you, Nikki Glaser. Appreciate it. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight

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Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history competing in some of the world's most notorious

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production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. sports all right we're back from break that was um really fun with eric andre did everyone enjoy it i didn't get to tell him about the time he's at my house i know that compelling story that i have can we hear wait did you tell that on the air did you tell them on the air no okay let me just tell that on the air? No. Okay. Let me just tell our listeners. I don't think so. When we found out Eric Andre was coming on the show, Brian was very excited. He goes, I actually have an Eric Andre

story to tell. And I was like, great. Oh my God, this will be amazing. And we were like, what is it? So will you tell the story, the amazing Eric Andre story? One time I was at my old apartment and I look out the window and in my own backyard is eric entree and i i yelled to my girlfriend ali i go look who's out there she's that eric entree and i

go yeah eric entree is in our yard and then what happened that's it. He trapped an armadillo or a raccoon. Maybe that's why it didn't come up on the show. But isn't it interesting to be like, well, isn't it interesting that you were in my yard? And why were you there? And what were you doing there? And now isn't it crazy how the world's connected? I did mean to bring it up. It never did come up.

But I'm guessing, what if he trips on ayahuasca and all of a sudden he connects where he remembers Brian from? He remembers seeing a strange man in the window. Well, he wouldn't remember because he didn't see me. He didn't see him. I only saw him out the window. He was out there doing his own thing. Maybe he saw you in the window. There's not

a chance. What are the odds Eric Andre would have any recollection of that day do that's what i'm curious about i don't think he's gonna remember this podcast he didn't remember kissing nikki glazer after vomiting on a red carpet eric andre has led such an illustrious insane life that's why i really am like you know we talk i do a lot of shit talking about celebrities who suck and who you know and i but I also praise people who have just been cool. And Eric Andre is just a person that has never needed to be cool to me, but you can tell,

like he just said, he takes like five days before his birthday to message everyone individually. I knew, I knew that would take him so long to do. Cause every time I get a text, I go, we have not texted since the last time you invited me to this birthday party. It's amazing that you, that's why I keep my old number.

Yeah. I get like a million texts a day. I think my number's for sale online because I just have people texting me, hi, Nikki, with like a winky emoji. Oh, sure. And I'm like, you paid $10 to do this. I'm blocking you right now. This is pointless.

But because of things like that, I would be so sad if i missed out on an opportunity to get uh an invite to and someday i'll go to that party and i'll bring you all with me but um he's a sweet genuine real warm guy sweetie yeah you want to hang out with him i was thinking like i know i know two girls that he would be like bff with that are i don't know about dating but like for sure he seemed you know alana uh glazer from broad city like i bet you like they just seem like they would be best friends like they seem simpatico totally i agree yeah and i love her and he's he seems like a doll yeah he's just one of the real ones and um i just want nothing but the best for that kid.

But I love how he's like, he has no idea I was in St. Louis and now he's like, you got to get out of there. Everyone wants me to leave here so desperately. And I'm not like staying here forever, even though I was today just honored by Explore St. Louis,

which is a company that does promotional stuff to bring tourism to St. Louis. And I was asked to do this thing. It was supposed to happen tomorrow, and I'm going to be in Chicago tomorrow. We're recording this a week early. So I was in Chicago last week. They were supposed to have it on that day. They were like, can you shoot a video for us?

And then they said, actually, we're doing it Thursday. And I was like, I'm actually in town. So I went to this thing at 11 o'clock today. It went to this thing at 11 o'clock today it went to 1 30 it was honoring all like people in st louis who like you know help tourism in st louis this big huge event my brother-in-law and my mom went we got like a free luncheon um and i had to give a little speech i fucking killed because it was really otherwise a very dull... A dull affair. A dull affair. Oh, tourism's going down. It's going down.

But I had some good lines that my brother-in-law and my boyfriend helped me with. Yeah. I said, I'm so glad we had such a good year for tourism in St. Louis, despite the fact that Taylor Swift didn't come here. I was like, but we did get Hoobastank, and that helped immensely.

Just did a classic Hoobastank line, just threw them under the bus. They're the new Nickelback or maybe the Nickelback was them. And then I said, oh, there was this one thing, like there's this video that throughout the show, like throughout the awards, they played this video and it kept like popping up accidentally

and then they tossed to it and go, oh wait, we already played the marketing video. So right before my speech, I was like, before I speak, they'd toss to it and go oh wait we already played the marketing video so right before my speech i'd like i was like before i speak i'd like to toss to the marketing video again and i go oh wait we've already seen it nine times so that did well and then um i was also honored with jackie joiner kersey for like our celebrity status of bringing attention to st louis it was really a lovely thing to receive because all i've ever wanted is to be acknowledged by you know the people i went to high school you know like you want to the reason a lot of people get famous is

this deep desire for all the people that didn't think you had it in you to like be successful like hometown success like garden state you want to go back and everyone to like love you and i've always felt that from st louis but there's no reason st louis is a pretty conservative town in terms of like sense of humor or like entertainment. It's wholesome. It's about the Cardinals. It's about sports.

It's about Catholicism. So for them to embrace me, a dirty comedian who has made my money talking about my vagina and doing roast jokes that people would never even can imagine anyone

would ever say is pretty lovely of this town and shows kind of like the progress it's made and it just warms my heart. So it was me and Jackie Joyner-Kersee

were the two celebrities there. It's amazing. And I said it was such an honor to share a table with her and be at this lunch with her and I have to say that, you know, but I want to say

I did eat faster than her. And then final thought. You got a four minute salad. Yeah. I said, what was the other thing I said? Oh, I said that, you know, because of Explore St. Louis, this, you know, brand, they got me to be able to sing the national anthem at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. And I was able to throw the first pitch at the Cardinals game.

And I was like, you know, I thought they wanted people to come to St. Louis because of those two events thousands fled and then they also oh I got to watch two Diana DeGarmo and Ace Young two American Idol finalists performed and opened

the show with a whole song you know that song that's like and the sunshine and the sunshine the sun whatever so they sang that they were amazing so they opened the event with this like broadway tune and then my mom at one point they were like everyone sing with us the sunshine and we're all singing and they see my mom singing ace young this like hot american idol guy sees my mom singing and he's like i'm coming to you you're gonna sing with me and so my mom singing ace young this like hot american idol guy sees my mom singing and he's like i'm coming to you you're gonna sing with me and so my mom goes oh god no and he came up and

he put the mic in her face and they sang together and that was exciting and then um they at the end of it they were they kind of gave to start the whole performance they gave like their story about them being a couple and um and how they they they, they didn't meet on American Idol, but they met on Broadway and they fell in love and they've been married for 10 years and all this, or they've been together for 10 years, married however long. And,

um, and I just whispered in Chris's ear. Cause they're both like, they're both like performers and they're both like singing. Like, I don't know. I just was like, imagine how fucking toxic this relationship is.

Like I just quietly, cause I just picture these two broadway like i'm a star no i'm a star and they're both like fighting with their vibratos and i just pictured like this has got to be fucking nuts you know and i have and then chris leaves the presentation early right and i've been like snarky little like imagine how toxic their relationship is he leaves early because he has to go to something and he goes look what i just witnessed they walked the whole way this way hand in hand walking out and walked down this giant hallway down like they had like a mile

walk that chris walked with them back to the like the parking structure and they held hands the entire time so i had them so wrong not that that's a sign that everything's okay but you can't do that if you're in a toxic relationship you do not hold hands the entire time as a young couple that's been together for 10 years so um i'm sorry i ever questioned your love diana dagarmo and asian you were amazing today at the show you like it was the best part of the whole show not to you know i don't think anyone would be hurt by me saying that. It was just so... But it was just funny for me to be like,

they're so toxic. And then they're holding hands the whole time. That's your dream. Yeah. To sing and then hold... Well, not hold hands. Because Chris and I goes... Chris goes,

they held hands longer in that walk than we have our entire relationship. And I'm like, I'm glad you acknowledge it too but like we both are not hand holders and i've said this on the show like that i want to it's like me with hiking like i don't want to but i want to be someone who doesn't right yeah i want to want to so um it was really cute and um had a lovely little day and today is my brother-in-law's birthday and he came with too. And he's one of my favorite people in the world.

And so I'm going over to celebrate his birthday right now with my family. I wanted to get the niece and nephews some presents because whenever I show up. And I haven't seen them for two months because I was in LA. And so this will be my first time seeing them. So I asked my sister, like, what do the kids want? And Forrest is one and a half. And the other kids are like five and six, right? And so I was like,

she goes, oh, Poppy's into princess stuff. Arlo is obsessed with Halloween decorations and Forrest is really into trucks. And I was like, I'm not getting Forrest a gift. He's not going to remember. Like I just,

I get gifts to, for, to get like, it was funny that you told me i like forget about for it yeah for like conscious beings no but um so i went to target yesterday and got for us a truck and i got poppy um a princess thing and then i went to the halloween section because i was like this is awesome that like arlo doesn't want just like a classic boy toy like he wants some fucked up hollow like the weirder the better so i got him this gigantic life-size skeleton but it's a pumpkin skeleton it's uh and i'm so excited

i put it in the trunk like a dead body and i'm gonna ask him i'm gonna be like arlo i forgot to get you a gift or did i let's go check the trunk of ma of grandma's car because i drive my mom's car and um so we'll go out there and I can't wait for him to pop it open and it's going to be wearing this hoodie that I also got him that has a skeleton hoodie and I'm so excited that he likes fucked up things. He's really into death.

He's into death and morbidity. What a good aunt you are. I can't wait to bring him to Columbine. He's going to love it. I'll film his reaction for the podcast Insta. But we got to go. Thank you to Eric Andre.

Thank you to Diana DeGarmo and Ace and your everlasting love. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Don't be c- Just go into ayahuasca with no intentions, man. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rappaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it.

And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's

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