The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #387 Looking Snatched, Going Buck Wild in Therapy & BECKHAM Review

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Nikki loves looking 'snatched,' and she couldn't help but get a little snappy at her pilates class or go 'buck wild' at her therapist's office. She shares a story told to her by a Bestie when life imitated the podcast. Nikki is an experienced traveler when it comes to transporting her guitar, but that doesn't mean she wants you to talk to her about it. They discuss brow lifts and cosmetic surgery before diving into Nikki's Reddit Dump.  They all have a good laugh over this video by Hanna Dickinson about guys who can't commit and are shocked by a question about telling a girl she looks like Jigsaw. In the Final Thought, they discuss men who don't act on emotions, and Nikki and Brian go through their watchlist." Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm here in St. Louis with Taylor McGraw again. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. You're in a fetching blazer.

Fetching. It's the only one I had at my mom's house it looks good why were you at your mom's house uh watching a cat oh just what i just picture staring at it i do she's very stare edible wait so you watching a cat though it's like low maintenance it's nothing yeah she wants me to stay there though because the cat was pissing on the rug she stopped and she thinks if someone stay there, though, because the cat was pissing on the rug. She stopped, and she thinks if someone doesn't spend the night there, the cat will begin pissing on the rug again. It doesn't make any sense. It makes no, that's not why it began

in the first place, but she's she really wants me to stay there. Got it. Are you getting paid? No, well, no. One time she gave me a little money, but probably not. You're just doing it out of the kindness of your heart. She got a blazer. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, is that your mom's? This blazer? No. I'm going to wear it to work tomorrow, so I had it there. Got it. Okay. Brian Frangie is also here.

Yeah, I'm blazer-less. Yeah. What's that shirt? It says, Since I Left You. What band is that? The Avalanches. Since You've Been Gone. It's an Australian.

Yeah, they did Since You've Been Gone they did all the songs that start with since which I think is only two since I fell in love with you yeah I don't know that's just if I fell since I

no there's only two senses I think it's something that America's been talking about for decades that there's not enough yeah and they played it

on a synthesizer yes um cool joke Noah's here too um I'm feeling good um

I'm feeling sore I've started doing so I have um I'm taping something on December 16th that I want to look snatched for and by the way

I've been using the word snatched way more than anyone wants to hear it like you got snatched up no like you look snatched I thought it was your wig was snatched for and by the way i've been using the word snatched way more than anyone wants to hear it like you got snatched up no like you look snatched like it's a good okay can i just say what i think it means but i don't know that if it's true like i it's definitely a gen z word that was retired eight to ten months ago so it was like oh no it was like a cool way to say like oh she looks snatched like oh it just means you look like I like the word. It makes me feel like your skin is pulled back.

Like you're tight. Like you're snatching your skin from behind. Yeah. Your ponytail is snatched from behind. You look like this. Yeah. So beautiful. I just want to look snatched.

It's a millennial word for vagina. Like someone's snatched. Oh, snatched. You're snatched. Okay. So what is the Gen Z term definition I have

well I can yeah go ahead sorry I'm no I don't have it dueling your here we go you get it Brian who's gonna snatch

the number one definition on urban dictionary is vagina the scent of her snatch elevated by his heart rate

they don't need to. Why do they? Why is that the sentence? The number two. Use it in the most disgusting, visceral sentence possible. The smell of her saturated, elevated his heart rate? Saturated snatch. And I like that anyone looking that up has to look up the word elevate too.

Probably. They're like elevate. That's crazy. Elevator. Elevator. Wait. Whoa. Those are connected. Okay. That's crazy. Elevator. Elevator. Wait. Whoa. Those are connected.

Oh, man. Okay. Wait a second. So if someone's saying like you look snatched, it looks like someone would kidnap you maybe? Her snatch looked like a bear trash. No, not as a now adjective. I have snatched if you want it. Okay.

Thank you. What is it? Okay. Used to take the place of on fleek, perfect, on point, or fashionable. Oh, okay. Fashionable, yes. Snatched. But what about ate up, which is what one of my students said I was,

and I said, that's not good. Oh, no. That's not good. No, she said it is now good. It's good. You ate that. Yes. If they say, oh, she ate.

People always are saying that about Taylor Swift. She ate this look yeah they said if they saw me on Instagram they would put flame

eight ball flame that's how my outfit looked oh that's okay what I've seen that I said eight up

means you did drugs ate that bagel use it in a sentence if you can it's gonna be difficult um the

the pussy fumes coming off I'm just trying to make it a discussion the snatch fumes coming off from below her skirt through her moist panties

made everyone say wow she ate I'm just trying to make the most visceral I thought it was like 8 out of ten or when we were in school eight up meant it was you did so many drugs that's eight up oh remember well if someone if someone's road hard and put away wet it's kind of like the same thing yeah

yeah but or no because that's like you just look like crap ate up as you did so many drugs that you're like stupid oh really yeah Your brain is ate up by acid. Usually. Okay, well that makes sense. Literally, it's eaten. It has holes in it. But if someone says I look like I ate, it usually looks like she's been overeating.

Yeah, I don't like that. I hate it. I would rather be snatched, although I thought you were snatched when your wig was snatched off. I thought that was a drag queen when your wig was snatched off. Like I thought that was like a drag queen thing. Wig is another thing. Well, wig it out. That's like millennials again.

No, no. You're just trying to bring it back to the 90s. What are they doing? What about wigs? What is she doing? They're just repeating the words that we had and redefining them? Wait. Okay.

Look up wig for like drag culture when something's wig. I swear to God that's a term that they use. A wig is a political party from the 1700s. Powdered hair. But I'm trying to look snatched for December 16th. And so I'm just, I'm not, I refuse to eat any differently because it's the only thing that I get joy out of in my life right now is eating. And I refuse to really work out any harder,

except I'm just doing Pilates four days a week. And then I'm going to work out as many days a week as I can. Pilates. It doesn't seem that hard. It sucks. Hardest of all the exercises. I really think it is because shout out to Kirsten who teaches Pilates and does it perfectly.

I can't even believe anyone could. Oh yeah. Holla's listening. I can't even believe anyone could. And Hala. Oh, yeah. Hala's listening. I can't believe any two of my friends have chosen this as a life career. It is so difficult. I know that I've talked about it before. And I was like, I like it because the routine switches up.

I said to Chris last night, I'm like, I can't believe anyone would try this and go, this is what I want to do forever. Because at what point does your body remember to do 18 things at the same time like when you're going to see a trainer like a regular trainer and they're like do squats like there's a little bit like you have to like have good back posture like there's there's some there's like three things you have to have in mind to have like a good form pilates there's literally 18 things at all at once you have to be a fighter pilot in terms of switching things on and off and everything feels awkward nothing feels nothing makes me go oh yeah this is locked in this is how my body should feel every time my hips are aligned and they're like this is how your hips should be i'm like i feel

like i'm doing playing twister right now like i'm twisted and my hand is on yellow and my foot is on the other yellow. Like it feels so contorted. And then you have to hold that. And yesterday I almost started crying because I'm so frustrated in my own personal life. But also it was like, it was all coming out. I went to therapy and I like kind of released the valve a little bit. I liked at two. Yeah.

And I cried a little bit and I liked at two and I cried a little bit and I grabbed for this box of Kleenex, which by the way, I know my therapist, I snatched it. I know that therapists are supposed to be supportive when you start crying. Please. And my therapist isn't watching. That's what I love about her. She literally did not know what a roast was. Like when I was like, I'm kind of known for the roast. Like I was trying to contextualize something about how people expect things of me and then I disappoint them.

And I was like, I'm known for the roast. And she's like, so a cooking show? Like she had, and I go, no, they're like, you know, there's like a bunch of comedians. A roast, that's when like a rancid vagina is emanating. And people make jokes about that rancid vagina. It smells so bad you have to joke. Yeah.

There's no other recourse. She really didn't know what that was and I was like, I like this because she's never going to like Google me. There's literally, I'm not kidding you. I walk into her waiting room yesterday and there's St. Louis Magazine sitting on the table and it's me looking at me in the waiting room. Can you snatch it? Because I don't have one.

Oh, snatch that. Oh, I don't think I can because that would be really wrong to get caught stealing at your therapist's office. That would be like- No, it would be something to talk about to like bring up. No, because I don't have a problem. You have a problem. And I would have to talk about the fact that I-

You have to talk about your shame of your friend. Yeah, that I did this thing for you. Even though you stole a lot of things from me back in the day and I do owe you. Yeah, you got to pay me back. Yeah, I would just go into a store and go, Taylor, I like this necklace. And she'd go, cool. And then I would put it back on the rack and then I would walk out into the mall and Taylor would just pull it out of her pocket and hand it to me. And I'd be like, thank you. And then I didn't have to do it. Quick draw McGraw. That magazine is sitting there. You got to steal it. You got to steal it.

You got to generate material. You got to go in there and do an hour every week. I don't need material. I don't need someone else's. You need generate material. You got to go in there and do an hour every week. I don't need material. I don't need someone else's. You need new material. No, no. Reading material, perhaps, but I don't need this magazine in my life. So I saw it and I pointed to it. This is weeks ago when I first saw it.

But yesterday, it's still there. It's been there like two months. And I saw it two months ago, I guess, is when I first saw it. And I pointed it out to her. I was like, that's me. Because she came out to get me and she's just like oh like didn't care at all which i kind of respect to not even be like she didn't care let me give you say that's me i'll do what she said you should sign it for me right here oh really okay like literally just like that's like a that's a move she's doing doing something. No, it's not. No, I swear. How old is she?

I don't know. I have therapist training. That's a move. I would have this woman's number if I thought. I'm down for a therapist being a little sneaky and trying to put me down and make me not feel so important. I've had that therapist before. This one just doesn't care about pop culture. So what does she care about?

Bugs? She cares about feeling your feelings in your body. But what does she do when she goes home? And tracing where the feelings are going. So she just goes home and sits. Oh, she has kids. Yeah, but she let me go buck wild yesterday. I was cussing.

I can tell she's like a very, like she's not prim and proper necessarily, but I don't think she's like dropping F-bombs a lot. How old is she? She's probably 49 to 87, 6. Something in late 40s. Yesterday, I was really accessing my anger, which apparently is a very good thing for me

because it lights me up and I feel invincible. I can think most people feel that way when they're angry. Don't you feel like? It's very good for you. I love it. When I'm done and I'm like you know what and fuck this shit man I feel like there's no more confident version of myself

there's like that's why my best joke from my last special was about old souls and I was like because they're old souls because I got angry and I was actually angry for that bit and so when I'm angry it like really does like it it it charges me up it makes me feel like it gives me self-esteem to be angry because I think it like overrides every other feeling you have because it's such an intense

feeling and I don't let it in much but so I was talking oh this is what I want from her and she's not listening but if any therapists are listening because I think we do have a lot of therapists listening I don't know about you guys Noah you see a therapist regularly Brian I don't think you do anymore Taylor you are one or you have been one when your client starts crying and there's a tissue box across the room that they are aware is there will you please not grab it for me? Will you just like let my tears fall? Because sometimes I think tissues, I know they're really just to wipe it up so you don't like have tears running down your face and like all over your clothes.

And it's like, it's just cleaning up a mess. But I think it is trying to, it's another way of being like, what you're doing is embarrassing and you need to clean up this mess. You're not allowed to sit in the tears i if i get to the point where i'm crying i don't want a man if i like for me crying is coming and it's hard to do don't throw a towel at me to clean up my squirt as soon as i like let

me don't go like oh god and put on your fucking you know medical goggles or whatever like don't shame me it's it's not she's not meaning to do it. She's being helpful. It's a power move. I would suggest to, I don't think she's not. She's not that kind of therapist. It's the power move. You're vulnerable and I have the solution to your problem. No, she's just trying to be nice.

And every therapist has ever done it. But it is, it's letting me know that something is wrong. Like she's uncomfortable. She wants it cleaned up. She's embarrassed for you. But she's not doing that. She really, all she wants, every time I even get close for you. But she's not doing that. She really, all she wants,

every time I even get close to crying, she goes, what is that? What's going on? And then I go, oh, I hate that. And I like that because she like,

acknowledges that there's something I'm like damming up. And then I release the dams. And then she wants me to blot it. Noah, do you like a helpful, like here's some tissues or how do you feel? Like what's the response you like when you cry in therapy well i've been seeing my therapist remote for a couple of years now but yeah she like amazon's you have some tissues they arrive before your session's over yeah she does right she's very

empathetic when i start crying she's you know she she's not like a straight face like you know her her eyebrows kind of like go down a little bit and she like feels bad for me right that's so nice that's what i think i like huh what would you say eyebrows go down eyebrows go down how does she show an expression on her face of sadness like this yeah like the outer parts of her eyebrows kind of like bend down where it's like you know brian look at your chart look at the face chart that the doctor printed up for you. Okay. Now look at Kitty. Oh, Kitty.

Oh, that's on the back. That's why. I don't know Kitty. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Like she does house. Like, oh. Like her eyebrows become a thatched roof where they like are. But when I was in her office.

I couldn't do this. They're like a bungalow. But when you were in her office. When I was in her office they're like a bungalow but when yeah you were i was in her office she would she would give me the tissue box but she would just put it on like on the table and not you know like not like like give it to mine is like literally throwing them at me and they flutter down like she it's it's so immediate that i next time i'm just gonna grab the thing when i get in there so that she doesn't have to like I don't like when people because I'm uncomfortable with crying because I feel like I'm just burdening

people and then everyone goes oh god I'm not going to be able to leave anytime soon like if after this podcast Taylor I was like everything is wrong like if you had an appointment you'd have to like quietly text them like I'm going to run late you can't just leave me if I'm crying like that's a crazy thing to do for a friend so i feel like when i when someone cries around me i guess

i'm projecting is that i feel oh no this is gonna be a whole to do like i can't so then i don't like to feel that way i don't like to put anyone else in that position i'm always like thinking like oh how is this gonna make that person feel but at the same time she has a time limit like on her yeah like we have a time and she's getting paid so you know that's true but I the weird part is so I leave her office and I got I squirted out a little tears like not full-blown sobbing and then I had Pilates so that was at two and then I had Pilates at 5 30 I went for a run beforehand because I'm trying to like get cardio and and I hate anyone talking about trying to lose weight I'm not trying to lose weight I'm just trying to look stay with me now snatched

and that just means like I want my I don't want my I don't want there to be a little run over over my back thing. You want it to be like somebody snatched your tail and snatched your ponytail and hung you upside down. So you're taut. I just don't want to have to stand in a way that my arm fat won't come over. Even though arm fat is not bad and having back fat is fine. It doesn't make me less funny or whatever. But there's a dress I want to wear. And to wear it properly, I got to look snatched.

So I went to Pilates at 5.30. And there was like a group exercise. Like, I'm sure these girls are listening because I think maybe they recognize me. But there's like a group of girls. And I picture anyone who does Pilates regularly and wears like a matching nude set that has like a cute bra and it's like a mauve color with a matching high-waisted like tight, you know,

scrunchie matching and like a fun ball cap and like perfectly white nude trainers but like a matching nude set. We all know it. From like, you know, some company called Gypsy and Wine. Or like, you know,

like it's some Instagram brand. And they're definitely going to make an ad for it someday where they're like, I honestly, these are all Instagram ads. I'm honestly pissed off that this exists because Gypsy and Wine before, before Gypsy and Wine, I had so many clothes and now this

is all I wear I'm literally angry with Gypsy and Wine like that's the new angle of these ads is that they're like mad at the company they're promoting because they don't wear anything else and it's reversible and it looks so cute and they're they're always size negative 1800 and they're always like and I don't ever feel big and this it's like why would you ever feel big you're so tiny so these girls were all doing their group workout which is fine it's like they were a class but um and i was doing my like individual session over across the room and another woman was doing her individual session and this woman i'm we're like she's um she got there a minute later than me and we're on the same they're doing the same exercises for us so like i see her like catching up and i'm like no i should be ahead

of her because but i'm slow and they have more springs on the board than her so she's like obviously more fit than me and i'm feeling ultra competitive with her but she's not even looking at me and i loved it like she was not i can tell when someone's competing with me this girl did not give a fuck and i liked it okay she was totally she was like and she was like married i could tell she was maybe like a mom like i just like admired this woman who is my age and wasn't comparing herself to me at all i was like this is a strong bitch and we're like literally on reformers next to each other with different trainers doing the same exercises 30 seconds differently and then there's this class going on over there they finish a half hour before our they started a half hour early so they're done a half hour into ours and then they just hang out at the front and

they're like talking like you do after a class and they're like friends they're three girlfriends and they're adorable and i'm just you know i'm i'm doing that voice because i'm like jealous of them and anyone who i'm jealous of i like do this voice and so they're like hanging out afterwards and sipping water and this one girl like just kind of was like she was just like staring at like i'm literally as close as i am to you right now three four feet and i'm on the reformer doing like a hard exercise where i'm like shaking and she's like now now your inner thigh and i'm like i don't feel anything on my inner thigh like i'm having i'm not saying that but i'm like i don't feel anything and i'm having to do this weird thing where you just like move your leg a little bit and then

snap back kirsten's probably like i know exactly what that's called but and it's so hard and she's looking at me and i you know at the end of your day when you're super tired you have no defenses for being a complete cunt yes like don't i ever none i had none i literally looked at this girl and this is not a joke of what I did. And we're this close. And I'm like this. So look, look me up and down and then meet my,

meet my eyes. I went like this. If you can't see it, wiggle, you just go, you raise, you get your eyes really big and you go like, what are you looking at?

Kind of face like, Ooh, and you wiggle your head really fast. Yeah. Wiggle your head. And I do it every day in the car and i felt bad because i told chris about it later and he was like she could have just been tired after her class you know when you're tired you're just kind of like staring

have a seizure you don't know like one time i was staring at casey mulchler's boobs after geometry class and i think it was like they were impressive but i was just kind of zoning out and um who was that what was that guy's name fuck I know you know his name I can't even remember it's like it was he was on the water polo team he was kind of like a little twerp anyway he was like Nikki why don't you take a picture and like all these boys caught me staring at Casey Munchler's boobs and I felt like I was gay and that they caught me being gay so I felt like this girl might have done that and so I owe her an apology if you're listening I'm sorry I got a rude face with you I was at and that they caught me being gay. So I felt like this girl might have done that. And so I owe her an apology if you're listening. I'm sorry I got a rude face with you.

I was at the end of the day and I didn't feel like, I felt like you were judging me because I was probably judging you. And so I was just doing the same thing onto you. But there was a little part of me that was proud of like doing something confrontational because I rarely do that. I'm usually just confrontational through your car. You can just zip away. In a place when they're within...

I was like, what do you want? Come at me, bitch. It feels good to feel crazy sometimes. Yeah, why not? I love it. It wasn't against an employee, which I'm always really grossed out

when people get like that. It was just another person. Sometimes I accidentally do that. Against an employee. I mean, I've done it too where I, and I always have to go, I know this isn't your fault. I'm not mad at you. I know this is the CEO's problem. They're not giving enough money. They're taking too many Christmas bonuses.

I've been here 12 times and this has happened every time. It's not your fault. But on the 12th day of Christmas. I fucking snapped, my Lord. Snatched. All right, we'll be back with more show after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can

retire early, well, How To Money will help you to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions?

Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. All right, we're back. So i said that i would get to this yesterday i was at doing a meet and greet after the show in san diego i think this was yeah and one of our besties is there i don't remember his name he was adorable um and i think he was alone which is cool but he told me that he flew from dc to san diego I don't know if it was to see my show, but he was either visiting there, but he arrived that day. And he said it was so, it was almost kismet because he was on the plane. And he heard someone going like, and look at the truck.

And look at the plane. That's a plane. And those are the wings. And that's a man with, what color of those things he's waving? Orange. And like, and he, it was behind behind him and he was kind of like okay i remember nikki complaining about this like we get it you're a good mom yeah everyone on the plane has to know that you are just really zoned in on your kid and your kid is just getting the best education homeschool queen um plain school queen and um and then he was getting off the plane and this woman

was talking to her dog oh and this is a new level that's not true yes he was a hundred percent the dog needed i'm making up those things he was was saying that she was narrating the airfield. Oh, I thought you were going to say it to her disabled son or something. I mean, that would be sweet. I would feel bad. It's fine, but does it have to be so loud? Don't kids have amazing hearing? Yes.

Can't we whisper to kids? You sure can't. No, they definitely want you to know you're a good mom. They always have to let you know. I'm a really involved parent. Oh, look at her shirt. Is that Taylor Swift? Look at the stars on her necklace match the stars on her shirt.

And I'm just like, I don't even know what to say. You don't have to talk like that either. You don't have to talk like you're blippy. They can understand human conversation. That's going to make the child not be good. Yes. I don't have to talk like you're blimpy they can understand yeah it's gonna make the conversation not be good yes i don't think i started um oh i was this happened that actual conversation the stars on her shirt match the stars on her necklace happened on my taylor swift shirt on through the morning on san diego once on sunday when i was leaving the hotel and this little girl she must have been like three or four was just like what's that and she was talking

about my guitar and she pointed at it. And her mom goes, that's a guitar. And I said, that's a guitar. And then, and she was really cute. She had glasses, which always makes kids amplify. Like their eyes are like 14 times bigger with those big. Why do kids' glasses always make, like they don't look like normal glasses. They always make their eyes look really big.

Because they're like farsighted. No, because Colin's make his eyes look small. But some people eyes look really big. Because they're like farsighted. No, because Colin's make his eyes look small, but some people make them look big. Colin is your boyfriend. That's what I'm talking about. Colin is a god. But anyway, she had those big, you know, cute eyes because she had those big, thick glasses on. She's like, what is that? And then her mom goes, and I bet she's really good at it and i go i'm not and i just like cut it like

because i'm just like i don't want to lie to this kid and like also i'm not and that's okay and i go i'm not and i go but that's why i practice very hard because if i practice a lot then i get then i had to like make it a lesson but like don't put your that you're very good at it on me i know she was trying to be nice and she probably thought i was a professional because everyone does when i'm traveling with a guitar yeah and i always just say i'm a hobbyist and that i suck and i just do it for fun and oh and then i was getting on the plane this guy goes what model is your tailor and i had to take out my fucking air and i go what what model is your tailor i go i don't know what like we i am walking down the aisle.

I understand if you say that at the gate and you're trying to spark up a conversation and flirt with a girl. I'm walking by. And I know he was just an old man trying to connect on guitars. 707.3. I just said it's a baby tailor.

I don't know. It's just the kind you can travel with. I wouldn't know the model of my car if I had a car. I don't know the model of my car. I do have a car. I have my mom's car. You don't even know you had a car. I know the make of it. The make is a Lexus, right?

That's what the make is. And then the model, it's a bunch of letters and numbers that I would be wasting my time memorizing. Chris knows every- PLS. I made that up, I think. Chris knows every model of every car. And because he cares, I don't understand remembering. Because I was like, I saw this Mercedes I really liked. It was like boxy, but in the front, it was kind of round. He's like, oh yeah, the CS24HL. Oh, and I think that's the DS version. And I'm like, how would you remember all this random? There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. Although I do think I want to get a Mercedes GLA. Oh, I love the GLA. I can put S-E-R at the end of it.

Because I think that's cool. I would literally get a car just for that reason. They're a good looking car. Yeah, they are. I do miss having it. I was driving a Mercedes during. Yeah, oh, custom plates. I think I would do it though.

What would you do? Even though it's called. Begging for attention. It's a vanity plate. That's what they're called. Oh. Yeah, and, custom plates. I think I would do it, though. What would you do? Even though it's called... It's like begging for attention. It's a vanity plate. That's what they're called. Oh. Vanity. Yeah, and you're right.

Because you're vain. Yes, and vanity should be the name of it because you went the extra amount you paid and you went to the DMV and you like... You tried a few different combinations. I don't think I've ever seen one. You put a 4 instead of an A and you put a Z instead of an S. I saw the best one

ever. What was it? It said demon. Not demon one. And I can't believe I'm saying this. I hope there's not a lot of Missouri listeners, but it wasn't a Missouri plate, so I'm going to try to get it. Okay. Demon. Oh, do you think people are going to

beat you to demon? You're going to try to get demon? I want demon, baby. Why? Because I am one. Do you ever send an email, or it was back in the day, and it would go to the wrong person? Who would write you back? Mailer demon.

I want you to picture this little devilish little scamp being like, that's not the right email address. I'm going to send you a notice from Mailer Demon. He returns it to your mailbox. Demon. Scamps. Little scamp. I like Mailer Demon always made me laugh so hard.

I would get a vanity plate, but actually I wouldn't because it's too much effort. But I don't think they're not fun. When people have them, I'm not like, I actually think they are cool. I just don't know that I would do it. They can be cool. I think bumper stickers aren't cool either. I like them.

High probability. I think you are risking getting your car keyed. You're risking being like everyone thinking you're lame. I think actually having bumper stickers is cool because you're risking doing a thing where almost everyone thinks it's lame when you have bumper stickers. Unless you have a really good one.

Like BNL. Remember when Huffy in high school had BNL? Remember those ones that are just like three letters? It'll be like Adirondacks. It'll be like A-D-R-K-X. Yes. Or something. Or like DMB.

Or BX. And it was like a cool white hat thing to do. Speaking of yesterday's white hat thing. But Huffy had B&L for Banned Naked Ladies. Oh, my God. And who I argue are a great band. I heard Chris's show talking shit about it. Well, Chris is talking shit about it on his show today.

And I was like, you can't tell me that Brian Wilson is a bad song. And you can't tell me that My Old Apartment is a bad song. And you can't tell me that My Old Apartment is a bad song. And you can't tell me that You're a Good Boy is a bad song. Because you're a bad boy if you think so. But okay, so what I will say about, oh, there was a vanity plate once in LA. And I'm not joking you. It said something like, to the effect, it's maybe not the exact thing. I tried to get a picture of it, but he was driving too fast because he was cool.

He was really cool. But at first I thought, because his license plate said, I don't care. Oh, hell yeah. It was something like I-D-O-N-C-R-E. That would be, I don't sear. I don't sear tuna. Sear, coming. But it was, I don't care. It. I don't sear coming. Yeah. But it was I don't care.

It was very clearly that, however he wrote it. And at first, I did think, okay. What if it's I don't car? I-D-O-N-C-R, I don't car. I think it could have been something like that, but it was truly his vibe was I don't care. And his car wasn't that cool. It was probably like a Subaru. Yeah, but if you're doing a vanity plate that says, I don't care, that means you do

care. If you really didn't care, you did not make a plate that says that. But I'm not joking you. This guy, because he had announced that, everyone kind of got out of his way and everyone wanted to be him and was trying to follow him. He

ruled the road on the 101. I drove behind him for 20 miles trying to follow him he ruled the road on the on the 101 i drove behind him for 20 miles trying to like and he was he was out of sight because i was like oh at first everyone hates this guy but then they truly are like no i want him to like me like we were all trying to keep up with him he really set the tone because i think that's the thing everyone wants to be is if someone doesn't seem to care everyone wants wants their attention. Yeah, that's true. And it made me realize that announcing you don't care is akin to not caring.

It's a way to tell yourself you're not going to care. I just thought of a really good one I saw on the 101 also, and it said, I'm 90. That's good. I tried really hard to catch up and look, and they were indeed 90 in there.

That's good. Isn't that good? Don't and look, and they were indeed 90 in there. That's good. Isn't that good? Don't be mad at me if I drive slow, maybe. But also, that's too old to be driving. Well, they weren't. They were doing a good job. Isn't that too old? It depends.

There are some people who can do it. My voice teacher's in his 60s, and he just told me that getting his pilot's license, because he let it lapse, if he got it again, it would be very difficult because of his age, because they don't want people up there possibly having heart attacks or just passing out because they stayed up late to watch 60 Minutes the night before or something. So it would be hard to get it. And I go, oh, that makes sense. That would be a sad day.

That is a... Getting old fucking blows, dude. When you like, lose, that's why I always say that I hate losing fertility. Because it's the first thing you lose. It's the first signal of,

yeah, I know. Well, it's the first signal that like, sorry, like, you're gonna die before you ever get this again. Like, there's nothing else in life that you lose until fertility collagen things start to go you lose collagen collagen but you still have a little bit and you can still get you can do things to get it skin i guess you could adopt and stuff like that there's still things that give you the aura of like i have i have fertility but fertility

i think is the first thing taken from you And men don't have it taken from them, obviously. So I think the first thing that's taken from men is hair. That's a good point. But you can get it back. Penis function. But you can get it back. Boner ability. Boner abilities.

It's more like the slow degradation that is bothersome to me. It's just like all of a sudden this thing hurts when it's used to not. Your penis is degrading? Yeah, like the penis just keeps, like little parts of it hurt. It hurts? Yeah. I'm sorry. The vagina does degrade.

It does? Yeah. It dries out. It becomes a snatch. It's snatched. It gets unsnatched. It's moisture snatched from it. It gets loose. Everything degrades. It's snatched. It gets unsnatched. It's moisture snatched from it. It gets loose.

Everything degrades. It does? Everything starts sagging. No, I think it becomes tight because it gets dry. Oh, you would think. I don't think so. No? Mine is, I think like most skin on your face around your, it gets jowly is what Anya said.

And I'm using that in my set. But mine is definitely, I'm like all worried about getting a brow lift. And I'm like, I got to double do it. I'm going to have something done down there because I see what's happening. Like in most days, it looks great.

You're going to get a brow lift? Yeah, I'm going to get a brow lift down there. I'm going to have them lift my brows so much that it pulls up my vagina. It's going to, they're going to have to really snatch it back though. But yeah, I think your vagina,

I remember hearing Joan Rivers do a joke about how her vagina fell. And now she looked down one day, she looked down one day and said, I didn't know I was wearing bunny slippers. Like it's like on her feet. And I never understood that joke. Like I was always just like, okay,

but now I really get it. I'm like, oh, gravity affects every area and if you have like your lips not really because those lips are so light yeah they're but like i'm talking about the outer outer outer where it's like the skin area that's the part that starts to droop i think it looks like a bunny in fact it does look like bunny's ears in fact oh yes but you can just

get them snipped, right? I think yeah. The outers because that wouldn't hurt. It would be an easy ish surgical procedure but still a fucking pain in the ass. It's still annoying. Pain in the vag. I was talking to Whitney Cummings about getting a brow lift and she was like, dude, do it because maybe that's what you need

to take a break. You know, like the last time I got surgery, I like took a break from work and she's like, maybe that's what you need to take a break. You know, like the last time I got surgery, I took a break from work. She's like, maybe that's the only way that you'll vacation. And I was like, that's actually really smart because I don't do it otherwise. Because I was talking to her, I'm like, when does anyone have time to get this shit done? That's what I wonder about.

I don't think she's done surgery, but she gave me the number of some guy that's going to be amazing. So I'm going to get that done at some point. But I almost can't do it before. I'm taping this thing December 16th. And it will probably come out in, like, March. So, I probably have to do it in, like, July. Wait, what does it do?

It'll just make me look like my old self. Like, just pull back things. Oh. I thought they were going up. Okay. No, it's not going to be like I'm constantly shocked. Like, you're constantly telling me you're pregnant. No, it's like I just want to look subtle.

What's the downside of that? Do you lose your ability to make certain expressions? Surgery, going under anesthesia where you might die. Do you lose the ability to make certain expressions? Yeah, you might not look the same. I think they have. That's what I think. No, no, no.

That doesn't happen anymore. Not for you, for that, but some people. It doesn't happen anymore. That's old. We all think about surgery and it's like people either going to shitty doctors. Oh, is that true? I'm going to go to someone who has done celebrities. And I know that everyone has that privilege, so I'm sorry if you have to go to a shitty doctor.

But you don't have to. If you're spending $50,000 on your face already, you're in a... Like, find a good person if you're spending that much money on something. Find someone who's done examples of work that you're like, I like that, and that make people look like a younger version of themselves that don't look like a totally different person. If I end up looking like a different person,

I'll go with it. I'll run with it. Like, who cares? Is everyone going to be like, we don't love you anymore. What about Jennifer Grey? Nobody loved her anymore. That's the example I give in my stand-up. No, the only, we don't love you anymore? What about Jennifer Grey? Nobody loved her anymore. That's the example I give in my standup.

No, the only reason people didn't love her is because they knew. It wasn't that she looked better, to be honest. She looked aesthetically, not better, like it's in the eye of the beholder. But most people would argue her face, like classically beautiful, symmetrical, all those things. She looked better post-nose job. But the reason she stopped working was because everyone knew she got one and it's shameful and it's embarrassing and it's like ew like that's really sad and it was such a shameful thing that

we created in the media of like we know you got a nose job that's why celebrities get nose jobs whittled down slowly through the years so that you don't notice because she lost all of her work. And it wasn't because her talent was in her septum. It's like she was still talented. Why didn't she work anymore? That nose is pretty good at acting. It really was because people were like, you're sad. And this is why people like Jennifer Lopez lie about getting plastic surgery because they know that people will go, oh, you cheated.

That's sad, even though they all fucking do it. But they don't say they do it because if you say you do it, you get shamed. That's why, you know, people don't respect people make fun of Kathy Griffin for having work because she's honest about it. People make fun of Joan Rivers for having work because people make any excuse to make fun of Kathy Griffin. People just don't like Kathy Griffin. God, they really don't, man. But did you see that Jennifer Grey's nose went on to have a career on Broadway? It was nominated for a Tony.

Didn't win, though. I mean, if anyone has another theory of why she lost work after she got her nose done, I would love to hear it. Like, did she get less talented? Did she look so different that she wasn't a leading hear it. Like, did she get less talented? Did she look so different that she wasn't a leading lady anymore? Like, she arguably did look better. I thought, like,

her character was gone out of her face and she just looked like everyone else when before she had, like, a striking look. Since when is that a problem? Not, it wasn't. I think then it might have been. Now, not at all.

Now they want everyone to look the same. Okay, that's actually a theory I will accept. But I still think that it was mainly because people were like, you got a nose job and that is so sad. You're sad. I've got to go to Pilates. That's the thing. Yeah. That's like, I don't.

Pilates is so hard. Wait, have you guys done it ever any of you yeah i do it all the time it's the hardest exercise wait how do you i said to this woman if i couldn't if you weren't here there's not a chance i would be doing this at all correctly i couldn't get this in so do you have a coach brian because no one no one is doing pilates on their own the correct way i don't believe unless you are pil instructor, you're doing the wrong form. Because I can work all day to get in the right form and like remember it in my body. Like you were saying about your posture.

Kirsten taught you that. Yeah, that's what people do. You can't remember Pilates because it doesn't feel right. It doesn't even feel like you're doing anything right. Muscles go around to support the correct position. Stop telling me to suck in my ribs to my spine. I don't know what that means. To me, that means just sucking in and then I have no breath.

It doesn't make sense. I don't like Pilates. It angers me. I don't know when this is all just going to click and I'm just going to feel strong everywhere, but I'm going to keep doing it. I'm doing Pilates four times a week for the next five weeks. That's got to give me something. If I don't see results, I'm out.

I'm going to turn to a coach. People tell me Pilates changed my life. Wait, what did you say? I said you're going to be doing it so much you're going to turn into a coach. Yeah, you might. That's what happened to Hala. Yeah, that's true. It did happen to Hala.

I just don't understand ever doing this unless you were getting ready for taping something. Or like your wedding, I guess, is people's version of what i'm doing i think once you get into the shape you get into the position then your muscles form around it then you know the position and then once you feel so good you want other people to feel that good okay thing i guess you've achieved it and then you can do the things effortlessly, do the movement. And then it's just fun and easy. And then it's like you just get an easy workout. Right. It's like stand-up.

I feel like your whole day, you're putting yourself in the wrong position and your muscles are doing the wrong thing. And Pilates is just slowly trying to correct that but failing over the course of time. You'll never be able to catch up to your shitty day of muscular positioning. That's what I'm saying. Unless I do Pilates 15 hours a day for six months, I don't think my body is going to start learning it. But I'm going to trust the reformer. I'm going to trust all the weird little equipment that makes me feel like I'm disabled and needing to get into a pool. It all looks like physical therapy equipment. I'm disabled and needing to get into a pool. It all looks like equipment, like physical therapy equipment.

I'm going to trust it. It's very Scientologist, isn't it? Like the reformer. It sounds like something you have to like. My instructor, thank God, doesn't make me do a weird thing. You have to get on the reformer and you have to put your hands like a genie in front of you. And then you have to stand with your Pilates stance and then lower.

She just lets me get on it. And I'm like, thank you for like, not making me honor this machine in any way. But I do have to clean it up every single time because I leave behind spray tan sweat. That's like orange sweat and people are confused. All right, we got to go to break. We'll talk about more stuff when we get back.

More sweat. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily

Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme

with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love

speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture this season we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like i'm pete bill chatting up with hit maker sam holland sugar steve chatting with the legend nick low and i've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with willow sonata matreya kathleen hannah and the rizza these are conversations you won't hear anywhere else.

So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All righty. Let's get to Reddit Dump. This is your Reddit Dump. All righty. Let's get to Reddit dump. This is your Reddit dump. Ugh. God, my voice really sucks there.

You can re-record it. It's a little Julie there. I'm going to read, yeah, because it's before my vocal cord surgery. And I would not have noticed. I actually used to enjoy that before I got vocal cord surgery and started doing voice lessons. That is someone's voice who is in distress and trauma. Oh no, so that's traumatic. Let's re-record it.

It's really done. We gotta redo it then. We do. Stevie Nicks. I'll redo it because that was not, it's just, it makes me sad for myself. Do you still have that microphone?

That karaoke microphone? Oh, I have three of those microphones now what because karaoke microphone yeah i love karaoke so much and when you go to a karaoke room they only have one or two mics and one of them is usually shit or it smells like breath yes so i have three of these that are boom as loud as a karaoke system so multiple people can sing karaoke because if you know me i like doing karaoke but i like multiple people to sing with me so i don't feel like i'm like getting too much attention and stealing the spotlight um okay let's do um let's do one of the videos i sent you okay noah can i do the one with the hat yeah i don't remember this one. It's been so long. Okay, so this is, you sent it to me. Actually, it's on Instagram.

It's Hannah Dickinson. Oh, yeah, this was so funny. Tonight I saw something very upsetting. I saw a girl holding onto a guy whose hat was like this. It's like resting on top of her head like a ball cap, like literally just sat. Ladies, if a man cannot commit to a hat that's literally on top of her head Like a ball cap Ladies if a man cannot commit to A hat that's literally on top of his head

He probably Is unable to commit to you This is genius I mean this is ridiculous It's so daintily touching It's just so unnecessary It's not even like it was daylight and he needed a melanoma shield i was just like taking it off taking a break it was like he just fully went out

like this for an evening it's so i can't speak to men because i don't understand how they think but ladies like you deserve to be more than just another accessory that a man is unsure about. What are you doing? Hans Dickey is her name. H-A-N-S Dickey D-I-C-K-I-E on Instagram. She's so funny. But that killed me. It reminded me of you know because she kind of like talks like you.

And because she said melanoma. I liked that because you have a melasma hat right? Yeah. Chris and I have a melasma hat right chris and i have our melasma hats because melasma is like when your skin gets tinted yeah from the sun you just get these like dark spots and it takes forever to like buff them out of the skin so we just have to wear these like gigantic brim melanoma hats oh so you can buff them out though like they eventually like shed with your epidermis uh if you're lucky they like forever yeah like through a lot of um what is it like hydroquinone or something like just a bunch of chemicals and lasers and stuff like that what about when you

have you done a spray tan do they light up on the spray tan because i have certain spots on my body that like capture a spray tan and hold it tight and the rest of my skin will not i've never tried a spray tan i think it's the same thing maybe but yeah that hat placement is so funny and so ridiculous and the fact that a girl was like holding on to that guy is also a very funny image yeah like please any wind would that thing would be airborne i always wonder like what what is that trend it's like basically backwards hat and the hat is not it's just resting on the head like what a top hat would do not to mess up the hair but then why you wear it it's because they don't care it's because they're so chill oh yeah no nobody's that no nobody's like that yeah that's

the driver of the car. I don't care. That guy does care. And the person with the hat cares more than anyone else. This is ridiculous. Stop putting this I don't care on these people. These people care more than anybody in the world. No, we know. We're saying that we are trying to convince you they don't care.

But the I don't care person is also doing that. But he's tilting. I'm just telling you it works. In order to keep that hat on his head like that in that perfect position is more difficult than wearing a hat normal. So he's got to spend all day making sure it stays on there like that. If it could get blown off,

it could go down a little bit for God's sake. I feel the same way. This is not a racial thing because white guys do it too. But wearing your pants super baggy where it looks uncomfortable and you could not run and sprint. Have you ever seen someone try to start running and then they kind of have to they kind of have to bowl legs.

Sorry, Brian. It looks so uncomfortable. And hold it up. But they would probably say the same about us in high heels and like. Yeah. But high heels make you look good. Like what does that what you know like high heels create an illusion that your calves are then locked it like your whole leg looks more muscular you look

taller which gives you a more statuesque look which will attract men which will attract money which will attract safety and protection it's like an evolutionary thing to make your legs look longer and more like fertile or whatever but why does a man's baggy pants make him look more attractive? Gotta show off the trunks. It must be something it's doing. So he doesn't look fertile, so you don't think he's going to knock you up, but he is. Oh, you think men are trying to undersell their virility? Maybe. Whoa, dude.

I've never heard of that. They're like, it's okay to just sleep with me randomly because. But women's subconscious doesn't want to not get pregnant. We constantly want to get pregnant no matter what. And it's the opposite of tight underwear so you have more sperm. They're very loose so you would think his sperm are fine because they're not being suffocated.

I don't think our caveman brain is like, that underwear is cutting off his semen sac or whatever. No, but that is what it does. Oh, maybe it does. It's so very interesting. It saves time because his pants are halfway off already. Yeah, for the poops that he will have to take. Okay, I have to read this one.

Wait, Taylor, I know, would love this. Okay. This is from Too Afraid to Ask. Okay, this is someone on Reddit saying they're too afraid to ask this question. I probably wrote this. I think you probably did. Okay, the title is, this literally sounds like you trolling. Oh my God.

This is from Too Afraid to Ask. Okay. How can I stop seeing Jigsaw Puppet in my crush's face? I did. No, you did not. I have a crush on this girl. She's cute as a button,

pretty face, bright smile, can sing, dance, act, and does brilliant accent imitations. What the fuck? Why would you add that to it? That's weird to say. This sounds like Kirsten, honestly. She's very proud of her.

She can dance. She does imitations. She has a bright smile. She has a pretty face. She does Pilates. Her butt is rock hard. She's a class act. Oh, yeah.

She has a, what is it? A brilliant derriere. A gorgeous, a perfect derriere. What did that old man say to Kirsten about her butt? And we were like, oh, that actually is a nice way to compliment a butt. She can open a beer bottle with her butt cheeks.

Yeah. She's a class act and a crowd puller. What the fuck? Ew. And I always wanted to get to know her better. But lately I noticed that her face resembles the jigsaw puppet. We got to see a picture or. From the Canadian horror series,

Saw. Okay. It's Canadian? I didn't know that until he put that in and why is anyone going which Saw? I know.

The horror movie Saw but which one? And his name is Jigsaw? Yes, that's the name of the guy that's like I have a challenge. I have something for you. I've never seen Saw

but I read about it. The resemblance is so uncanny that her face is exactly shaped like it. Nice rosy cheeks and a long chin with round eyes. I now inadvertently crack up when I see her, and she's noticed it multiple times, especially when she's singing.

She tends to be very passionate and fixates her eyes on the roof level while using her beautiful expressions to elevate her performance. But she ends up looking like the puppet, and I can't control my laughter. Should I tell her she looks like the puppet just to get it out of my system? She might end up laughing and becoming self-aware. How do I unlearn the resemblance? Oh my gosh. Definitely don't tell her she looks like the puppet.

Oh, he says English is not his first language. So this is very clear through that. Okay. And American is not his first culture. Someone said, Christ no, please do not tell a woman she looks like the jigsaw puppet. One time you were referencing him and you said, Christ no, please do not tell a woman she looks like the Jigsaw puppet. One time you were referencing him and you said, you called him the guy from Saw that does the

challenges. Yes! I hate that his name is Jigsaw because I say in my act, I say that when I get too much filler, I look like Jigsaw from Saw. But if you're a comedian, you know that you don't say the word before, like having too much of the word. So if his name was Jig, it would be funny, but his name is Jigsaw from Saw. So it's funnier to say the guy in the Saw like having too much of the word so if his name was jig it would be funny

but his name is jig saw from saw so it's funnier to say the guy in the saw movies who gives the challenges but okay have you ever like but this has happened to me before where someone like looks like something and it makes me laugh every day of my life really uh dog detective yes what's that front wait what was that i thought i thought people have looked like a detective that was also a dog before, and I couldn't unsee it. Wait, have you ever gotten the ick from like a partner, though, that you were like someone you were interested in, and all of a sudden someone was like, they actually look like blah, blah, blah. And you're like, oh, I can't unsee it. There's a Seinfeld episode about that where Jerry's dating someone that looks like Jerry. Oh, yeah. Or no, George is dating someone that looks like Jerry oh no George is dating someone that looks like Jerry oh that's right I don't remember that one yeah that actually I just saved a thing last night an article let me pull it up I didn't save it in

here um it says oh stop okay it says people tend to be more attracted to opposite sex individuals who bear a resemblance to themselves according to new research i watched posh and becks last night and it's true that's a great show by the way about posh spice and and david beckham it's not called posh and it's so good yes it's great's great. He is an incredible athlete. I love sports documentaries, which is that, but it's also a love story, a codependency story.

He has OCD. Do they show that? Big time. Yes, I want to watch it. Yes, he does. It's really good. Okay. So pretty much they tell him

not to tell this woman that. No, that would be the dumbest thing in the world to do is to tell her she looks like a jigsaw puppet especially if she if he likes her he's thinking that this is like i think a subtle neg like he thinks like oh now that i think this about her she's less intimidating to me or maybe if i undercut her a little bit then maybe i'll chance with her but really he just he's grasping here and this is stupid he shouldn't pursue this avenue no i will say when men send me people who i look like on instagram i will never you will never have a chance with me

no matter how single and desperate and horny i ever get if you've dm'd me a picture of a girl it's not worth it there's no one you can send me that will actually make me feel like it's either I think you're lying if she's hot or I think you're really, really mean if she's not. And so I always there's so many people that have just been like, man, this guy is trying his best to fuck me by saying

this girl, they're just trying to connect with you. And they found a way, like, this person looks like you. Never gonna work. It always is offensive. And they found a way like, this person looks like you. Never gonna work. It always is offensive. And by going on Reddit and posting this, he's asking the Reddit community for permission. First of all, he's excited about a girl he likes. So he wants

to go on there and be like, I like a girl. I like a girl. She's so hot. She's so hot. Maybe I'll get to talk to her and she's my friend. But then also, he wants permission to neg her. He's like, can the Reddit community give me permission to call her a puppet yeah it's so true like you're right because then he has an excuse for if it backfires yeah they told me i should i asked like i don't know if he would say that to her if she got all upset like i asked a community

some guy just wrote to me on instagram saying that he was bringing a friend to one of my shows coming up and he said something to her that upset her and now she won't go to the show anymore. And she's like, don't talk to me again. It's pretty much what I got from it. And he's like, can you give me a meet and greet? Because maybe that'll persuade her to go. And I did because I give anyone a meet and greet who asked pretty much, but I'm getting to the point to be honest with you guys that I can't keep giving them out because i am so exhausted after shows and um i'm reaching a threshold but that being said if you hear this episode and you want to meet and greet just go into the merch booth and ask on and she'll probably give you one but um i did give him one but i think

this is the same scenario i'm like i bet this guy's friends with this girl he got tickets to my show to be like he likes her rom romantically. And he wants more with her. She's probably not interested. And he nagged her. And she was like, nope. No thank you for that comment. I'm not talking to you anymore because I've done that to guys before. Where one guy called me white trash.

He was like, oh, I could see how you have white trash in your family. And then one time we were at Subway. And this was literally 16 years ago, maybe more. And we were at Subway in line. Sorry, I keep burping under my breath. That's disgusting. I keep trying to get away with it, and I did once. But I thought one bestie is going to hear that.

It's going to nauseate them. So it was me. We were at Subway, and he saw this hot girl walked in. He was like, oh, my God, look, it's you if you tried. And he liked me so much. Yeah, and I started crying at subway and um jesus it wouldn't be the last time i run and then um and then another time i got off stage and he was like you have a really big forehead like it's really long from like your eyes up to your hairline that's's the only excuse for that. Okay.

What? I'm autistic. Sometimes. But it was also, he would like punch me on the arm jokingly and it started to get really hard more than I would like be talking about other guys. Getting out aggression and anger at you.

Yes. Resentment. Totally. It would like bruise my arm. It was like really abusive. Okay. Next up. What a guy.

This is also a too afraid to ask. You're ugly and disgusting and then he hits you and that's what his plan is? He wanted me so bad because he just didn't, you know, like boys don't know

what their emotions are. It's like them having a crush but being a bully. Yeah, they just, they do, they don't have anything

where they stop and go, is this maybe rerouted anger for the fact that I can't fuck her or is it am i actually angry at her they don't examine and not all men but like i think it's a very common thing i've that's why there's road reactions with with men yeah their anger like goes is much more propelled than ours and much more um unchecked because they're not examining their motivations for like why they do things final thought brian when did you start going like i wonder why i do these things like is it a weird

man thing where you just like i think i've always been examining like why am i the way i am i think some men are just like i'm just gonna act because that's what i'm feeling like doing and they don't ever go let me stop and like think about where this could maybe be about something else than this thing. Or like, that was embarrassing. Why did I do that? Yes. I maybe need to apologize. That was like, I can take accountability. When does that click in? And was it always in you to be that way? Because you're that way. I think it was always in me, but after college, when I had my ball pain for six years, I started to go to therapy and figure that stuff out. And the ball pain was mental? You can really make ball pain funny. The ball pain was psychosomatic, pretty much. But yeah, I think after that, that'll force you to be introspective. But I think I've always been

like that. I think it's because my parents got I think I've always been like that. I think it's because my parents got divorced and I was always trying to figure out what is it that's going on here for real underneath it all. So I think that helps develop that. I think some people maybe will never...

There are definitely people in the boomer generation who have never figured out any emotions at all for their entire life and they just die angry it's crazy yeah but i think it's also nowadays like newer generations are way more aware of that it feels it feels like people are more emotionally aware it's more accepted than it was back then i saw a video the other night like talk about new generations of like little boys being raised to like feel things and have boundaries and like stick up for themselves and like not be scared to be like, I'm scared or

whatever. There was this little boy and his dad was holding a pumpkin and kind of going like, I'm going to get you. And at first he was like really curious about the pumpkin. And then he just goes, no, no, no, that's too scary for me. And it was so, and the dad immediately stopped, but the kid like had a threshold and like let them know and like I feel like so many people would keep doing the scary thing and like this kid just like knew this is above my pay grade. I am not going to keep

seeing this jack-o'-lantern getting closer to my face. I'm getting scared and he was like aware of it. It was like, oh, I can't wait for this kid to be president. Like it just I like that. And someone would be like that kid's so off. I can only handle Someone would be like, that kid's so off. I can only handle like 10 seconds of the pumpkin.

That's enough. It's too big. Too scary. David Beckham, speaking of like, so in the documentary, he pretty much loses England. He is what England thinks

is responsible for losing their chance at the World Cup, which is the biggest thing that ever could happen in England. And so they're at the World Cup, which is the biggest thing that ever could happen in England. And so they're at the World Cup and he does this thing, and you'll see in the documentary, but he does this thing that he didn't need to do and he gets a red card. That means he gets kicked out of the game. And because he gets

kicked out of the game and he's their star player, they lose the match. And they all think it's his fault. And honestly, but he's the one that was going to win it anyway. Talk about Tom Sandoval. They wanted him to die. They hung this, they were doing burning effandoval. They wanted him to die. They hung this. They were doing burning effigies. They were hanging effigies of him.

Like, they wanted his head. They spit on him in the street. He then went on to play, went back to his team, Manchester United, to play. And he went on for months. Every time he walked onto the field, they would boo. Anytime he'd get, like, kicked or, like, hurt, they would cheer. Like, his own team fans it was unreal and he never once lashed out everywhere he went paparazzi were screaming things people

would spit at him in the street like locals would get in his face and go what the fuck is wrong with you because it's like it are these people who are British people honestly because Chris when I was watching it he was like one of my biggest fears is that England wins the World Cup ever in my lifetime like I don't want them

to win it they're like they colonize they think they're better than everyone else like he was I go what if we move to London will you root for them

he's like I don't even think I could he was like I want a team that's like a South American team to win like an underdog England and then we go on to watch it and he goes

do you understand why I don't want England to ever win the World Cup? And I'm like, a hundred percent. What they did to David Beckham is so disgusting. You want like humility. It's kind of like the British press with the royal family. The British press is disgusting and the English people just seem to believe

whatever they're fed by these people. And this was back in the 90s. So it maybe is a lot different now. I don't think it is because of what happened to Michael Markle, but anyway anyway um so but he said like he never once lashed out at them in any every one of his teammates was like i don't know how this guy survived it like he went for months of being just spat at and and his own matches where he would win and score goals they would boo constantly you fucking

wanker fuck you back up fuck you constantly when he's on the sidelines when he's playing and and they're they want him to win and it's like brian i don't know if you know any of the history of this because chris didn't seem to be that well versed in in this whole controversy but this was wild i've never seen anything like it and they said the only reason because the documentary guy who's actually uh the one of the characters one of the actors from um succession what's his name he plays the publicist i forget his name but anyway he is the director of this film and he asked beckham there's another burp, that, like, how do you think you survived it? And he said, my dad, how tough my dad was on me.

That's why he has OCD. Yeah. He also wouldn't have gotten to that point where people were, like, wanting to hang him if his dad wasn't hard on him. Because his mom was like, I just want him to have a childhood and, like, be a fun kid. And I was looking at Chris because Chris and I were like, man, he is an amazing athlete. We're just kind of marveling at all he's able to accomplish at such a young age.

And then it gets in, later in the documentary, it gets into how his dad made him practice. I want to watch it right now. And it truly is, if you want to be great, don't have a childhood. Yeah. You just have to be, if you want your kid to be the best at what they do, and we're not talking about like average levels of success because you can have that.

But in entertainment and sports, if you want to be the best, there's no anomalies. It truly is whoever doesn't have a childhood and just dances or shoots hoops or does free kicks over and over and over for eight hours a day, rain or shine, no vacations, and no good jobs. That was great today. You did the best of everyone on the team. It's constantly, you could have done better. You did all right. We're going to work harder next time.

Never praise them. Always make them feel horrible about what they're doing. Like they're never enough. And you can create someone with, yeah, crippling, what seems to be pretty bad OCD. Well, you have to keep them in the practice zone. You have to keep them. If you push them too far out,

they'll get so frustrated that they'll break. Right. So they have to be like earning things enough. It's the reach you got. They always got to be reaching and they can never grab it, but they can't't it can't be so far away that it's like this is impossible to grab and you can never say they're amazing no which i would say if i would raise a child and want to make her a pop star i would absolutely say she's amazing because i know that's what taylor swiss parents did but you have to inst like you just have to you have to sacrifice everything did you

ever watch the queen's Gambit? Yes. I just watched that for the first time. I didn't see it back then. You got to play chess on the wall. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, so she had that type of mentor, the custodian who was just like, you're fine.

You're fine. You're going to have to do this now. Now this is going to happen. And also she had like the upbringing. I watched that whole show this past week and i was so excited about it i thought this is so amazing and i was like i'm not gonna look anything up about elizabeth harman um because i don't want to know like what age she died and like what actually happened i don't want to spoil it and then i look it up and it's like she's not real

oh really this show's not about a real person I was like, I don't think this is based on a true person. I was so disappointed because I was like, half the reason this was exciting to me.

Because that would be an incredible story. And then this orphan gets trained by a janitor. Yeah, and then wins and then

beats the Russians. I hope you never look up Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. I was so disappointed. I was like, so

she's not dead because she was never alive? I wonder where you went wrong to think that was a true story. And I like that the fact that you didn't look it up because you wanted to wait.

Yes. It made you even more believe that it was a true story. What a triumph. Yeah, that movie's really good. Or that series. It's basically a movie. It's basically a movie. It's pretty much, yeah, it's when people want that series it's basically a movie it's basically pretty much

it's yes when people want to make a really fucking long movie they just break it up into episodes yeah morning show losing its goddamn mind y'all the morning show moment it's only getting worse yeah it's only getting worse that's all i'll say i mean there is a sing-along part in this next one or in the latest one, that is just crazy. But Jennifer Aniston and Jon Hamm are hooking up now. I really feel uncomfortable with it because I know they're friends. And I would feel really weird making out with my friend and having to roll around in bed if you were like,

and he's married. I don't know. I'm usually not a prude about that stuff, but I was just like, I don't... She was in Friends. Yeah. I just want her with Ross and no one else. They were on a break. Ross isn't real either.

Ross is a character played by an actor. Ross, can I say is real? Because I did an audition with Ross, David Schwimmer, and we had to act against each other. He was already cast in this role, and I was like,

it was the closest I've ever gotten on a role that was for a pilot. But I had to do a scene where we were a couple that was fighting and all this, and he was so Ross off camera. He was so nice. I'll always love him. He is Ross.

Juice, even in that OJ documentary thing, which is one of the best things I've ever watched. I need new stuff to watch, though. Any suggestions? Me too. Murder, please. Golden Bachelor is amazing. Love it.

He's getting rid of all the hot women. Oh, wow. He just wants a normal-looking woman with no face work. Yeah, he's old as shit, dude. He's 73. Golden Bachelor. 73, and he looks good, and they had a pickleball tournament with no face work. Yeah, he's old as shit, dude. He's 73. 73! And he looks good. And they had a pickleball tournament

on the last episode. And it's so funny watching it with Chris because pickleball comes on TV and he loves pickleball. And so he got very excited. And Gary is like, you know, I love pickleball. Pickleball's a big part of

my life. whoever you know wins this one is gonna be with me playing I'm trying to find his voice but it's kind of like I need to find someone to play pickleball with forever Chris really does a really good impression of Gary this is more like it if I find a woman to play pickleball with me I mean I play it every day I really this is a big day and so chris and i are realizing like whoever wins this and whoever's good at pickleball is like gonna win because this guy oh he's retired all he wants to do is play pickleball he wants to win pickleball too he wants a partner that will win him the trophy he wants to lose their partner who is great at it so

anyway um whoever won this competition gets to be gets to be on the cut or like have a spread in Pickleball Magazine. And by the way, I didn't say in twice. In Pickleball Magazine is the name of the title of the magazine. So you could just tell every time they were announcing the prize and whoever wins gets to do a spread in Pickleball Magazine.

Like you could tell the first time they were like, and gets to do a spread in Pickleball Magazine. And they were like, it's sorry. Again, Jessie, it spread in Pickleball Magazine. And they were like, it's sorry. Again, Jessie, it says in in Pickleball. So I. The magazine is called in Pickleball Magazine. So they have to say in Pickleball. In Pickleball.

So the next issue of in Pickleball Magazine will have The Bachelors in it. And guess who will be getting that? Chris Convy. I got him a subscription to Pickleball Magazine yesterday. I can't wait for it to arrive so don't tell him okay guys thank you for listening to the show I will be on tour this weekend in Milwaukee in Iowa in Lawrence Kansas and then next week I am going to be in Boston Baltimore

somewhere else two shows in Boston so many shows coming up can't wait for you to be there I'll see you out there. And don't be care. And just in and pick a ball. Yeah! Joel, the holidays are a blast,

but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all,

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