The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #389 Butterfly Clips, Curious Searches & Mukbang

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Nikki is thrilled that butterfly clips are back in style! She also appreciates when people hold themselves accountable for their blunders. Nikki shares with Brian and Taylor how couples therapy has helped her this week. They cover their favorite Halloween candies, discuss how they developed their signatures, and reflect on what Nikki learned from spending time with her family. Taylor gives a quick lesson about 'paraphilia', which leads Nikki to discuss her curious searches involving the word 'daddy'. In the Final Thought, Nikki playfully challenges anyone to catch her watching her mukbang videos on a plane. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,

and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the podcast. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki Hello, here I am. Welcome to the podcast. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. The whole gang is back together today. Taylor is here. Ayo. Ayo. She's here in the studio with me.

It's nice to have you here. Brian Frangie is with us today. I'm alive. You're alive. You're here. Noah's here. What's up, everyone? I brought my show and tell oh shut up noah has a clip it's from anthropology it's the same clip that taylor swift had that i bought is aren't those so good they're the best and i've had them for years dude they're worth it you have had them

for years you it should have been a noah styled. She got it from me. Taylor got it from me. It's very substantial. Can we talk about clips, butterfly clips being so great that they're making a comeback? Thank God. When your hair is long as a woman's and it's like on day two after you style it, it's like after you slept on it, you don't want to wash it again because it's going to be, you have to blow dry it and style it again. You just want to leave it dry and like deal with it and it's like too it looks too gross to like leave down

and if you put it in a ponytail the ponytail could be raggedy and that looks disgusting or a bun is like so hard to perfect in the right way and you end up looking pilgrimage they're for teens buns i think they're oh that's an interesting theory. Don't you think? They just never look good on me. I always am like, why did you wear your hair like that? But a clip, when it's all put up almost like an updo style, 1950s with a clip, it looks presentable. Like, I can wear it on stage. I can wear it on a Zoom call. I can, like, I have dirty hair now in my life because clips are back.

They were not. Clips were not back until like two years ago. There's a huge gap. They were lame. Our teenage years too. Yeah. They were uncool. They peaked in the 80s, right?

I remember in the movie. They were big in the 90s too. I remember being okay to clip your hair in the 90s through high school, early 2000s. And then they vanished. And we had nothing but the hair tie. Ponytail. Yeah. Rip your hair in the 90s and through high school early 2000s and then they vanished and we had nothing but the the hair tie ponytail and yeah rip your hair out hair tie by the way is the operative word for no it's rubber band rubber band then i'm scared i'm gonna get something that you would put around envelopes and then it's going to tug at my hair you know i mean like the guy from saw is the one that decides what you get like if i say rubber band what if i get a different thing anya was at cvs and i was like can you get me hair ties but i'm like what what

if she does what if that's regional what if like hair ties is what i call them that are like rubber bands with the like i my what's your favorite kind of hair tie like if if you could have a rubber band to put your hair back in rubber band hair tie what would you have what kind thickness length or like thin thick scrunchy whoa thin scrunchy what color oh probably like a neon color like neon green really but that doesn't go with everything like what if you're i just like the thin black ones like just the rubber rubber band. But I like them. I don't like them to be too small because then you can't double it up. I want them to be like medium size. Oh, no baggy either.

No baggy. When it gets to stripping and there's a little part of it that's just cloth and it's not rubber band. It just sticks off like. Oh, no, no. And it goes into Brian's fanny pack. Well, not the fanny pack. Your white pack thing. Yeah, your disposable white pack.

Or not non-disposable. But scrunchies are back as well. And those are great too. But having long hair is a fucking burden. It's so annoying. I hate it. I agree, even though I'm a man. You just see her pain.

If I don't get a haircut for like four months And my hair gets really long It just takes like so long to dry your hair It takes like 15 minutes Yours is like an inch longer I know But it does

And then when you get it cut It's like oh my god what a delight I've saved like 15 minutes in the morning Because my hair is short enough to dry It's so true Any girl that's ever gotten her hair chopped You know the feeling of like This is short enough to dry. True. Any girl that's ever gotten her hair chopped, you know the feeling of like, this is so

easy. I can't imagine being a woman. I'm having that long hair is insane. How long have you had long hair, Taylor? Like when did you grow it out? She went shorty hair for a while. I had like really short hair. You did? Yeah.

A couple times in college and then maybe like 10 years ago. Like a pixie, I guess. Oh, wow. Yeah, pixie. Like she had a Jane Lynch-y. Oh my God, Jane Lynch. I don't think she knows that reference. Jamie Lee Curtis

and their... Older Jamie Lee Curtis? Not Jamie Lee Curtis. Maybe a little longer. Was it a psychotic break that you had? I did. Most people, when they go... Yes! I had this boyfriend that I think I didn't know yet.

I had this really bad feeling about him and then I broke up with him for kind of a different reason. But then a couple weeks later, I found out that he been cheating he had like had a double life that he was stealing all this money that he got like me too'd for like molesting this girl yeah and so I like just had this feeling that it was in my hair and it was so weird I just pulled it up and cut it yes but I looked exactly like Miranda from Sex and the city and it was you have red hair yeah and i and i look like a lesbian which i was becoming at the time so did he push

you into being a lesbian like was there obviously that's not how people become lesbians is dating people who cheat on them men that cheat on them but what you did date a a woman and then she became non-binary they were yeah they were they already non-binary okay okay so you dated someone who's non-binary but um but but you've identified as a lesbian for a while right no and no but you were like i'm gay yeah just to make it easier yeah because i hate all the other words they just seem so stupid to me but like lesbian sounds mean because people called me that my whole life. Lesbian sounds mean?

It does. Queer sounds cool, I think, now. Queer is cool, but I don't identify as cool. Well, you should. You are. You're one of the coolest people all of us know. I think a lot of the words sound mean, because they are sometimes... Even cisgender sounds mean to me.

Like if someone says you're cisgender, it's like almost always. God, you're just cis. It's always in a negative connotation. It's never like, oh, look at that cisgender hopping through that field or whatever. Yeah, it's like saying you're a liberal now. Like liberal is like. Woke liberal scum. Yeah, that's interesting.

We used to get, we were talking about, oh, yeah, I think it's kind of funny when people take back the word, you know? Oh, yeah, take back the night. I love fat people saying I'm fat now. I think that one's cool. Oh, yeah. But you can't call them fat, I realized. It hurts my feelings when people say that. What do you mean?

Well, my sister says like, oh, it's because I'm fat. I'm like, stop. But she's saying it because she's like being like I wish I were skinny I'm fat or is she saying it like oh I'm a fat person yeah see it doesn't make me sad

I kind of like it I know but we got to change that but she wants to do it because it's they I like people that are just like yeah I'm just fat

it doesn't mean anything about me it just is what I am and stop telling me I'm not there's nothing worse than people being like you're not fat and it's like well what do you want so are you I'm not. There's nothing worse than people being like, you're not fat. And it's like, well, what do you want? I'm bigger than you though, bitch.

I identify as fat. But I like that they take it back. Yeah, it's ridiculous to be like, I don't like that. It hurts me. So what? I'm not fat. So I should shut up.

It's none of my business. But we are so trained to think fat equals bad and morally wrong. And like you're lazy and stupid, like all these things. I mean, it's just, but I like that they're taking back that word. And I love when people just say, yeah, because I'm a fat person. I'm just like, oh, that's so cool to say that and to be proud of it and not have it be this thing. Of course, it's a thing that defines them, but it's not a thing that says anything about their character. Yeah.

Stupid people should take back stupid. Yeah, they should. They should be like, I'm stupid. I'm just stupid. What's wrong with that? Nothing's wrong with it, Brian. You're right, because this is the thing. People go, no one's fat.

No one's ugly. no one's stupid. Yes, they are. And being stupid, animals are stupid, but I don't think that they have any – I think that just because a creature is less intelligent doesn't mean that they deserve less love. Vegans are the ultimate people who are like – I think that a lot of people argue we can eat animals because they're less intelligent and then that's just like that's okay to do because they're dumb and they don't know and it's like

well then, okay, well then we should kill all people that have mental retardation because by your standpoint Yeah, as long as we're eating them and using all their bones So it's not, being less intelligent doesn't make you a worse person In fact, sometimes it does So it's not, it's making less intelligent. Doesn't make you a worse person.

In fact, sometimes it does. I mean, people are great. It's so fun to have stupid people around. Sometimes I like them a lot. There's nothing more fun than a stupid guy. You're just walking around. Who's the stupidest person you've ever met?

Have you like ever come, come across some real stupidity? Yeah. I worked on F boy Island. I mean, half those guys are stupid. There's so much fun and they should just be Yeah, well, I worked on FBoy Island. I mean, half those guys are stupid. They're so much fun. And they should just be like, yeah, I'm stupid.

And it should be okay to admit that I don't know something and I'm stupid. And that's great. We love that guy. Yeah. That's the thing that we don't do a lot of is just saying, I don't know. I know.

That's what I've been thinking a lot about that recently. Right? Like, why is it so hard to you just automatically before you can your brain isn't even working yet barely

and you're just like making excuses sometimes I catch myself I'm like now it's too late because I already started the excuse but I should have just said

I don't know it's embarrassing that's another thing is like because we just don't want we don't want to appear stupid because it has a negative connotation

we don't want to appear fat because it's a negative these are society's you know things that they've put on like there's moral uh judgments about all these things when there really isn't a moralistic judgment i mean people with down syndrome are the sweetest kindest people and some of the greatest people in the world but they're sorry they're stupider that intelligence wise they've never committed any murders. I'm almost positive. Right. They've never like, they don't hurt people.

Yeah. And, but it's somehow it's just, you're like a bad person if you're these things. But I think that we all are just so scared of being bad people all the time. Even though like there's this, people are just so quick to make excuses about like i'd rather just get the answer wrong and be really like and just have no one fact check me then just say i don't know or if you were like hey this thing you did like isn't ideal and the person goes well it's because of this and this is like oh my god just let it just say that you fucked up it's okay to fuck up yeah i said this before but i i mean maybe i do it as well and i have to be better about it because i'm just noticing um i think as i get older i'm just

better about calling out when something has been i'm having better boundaries of like hey let's give an example hey you were late can you not be late tomorrow like it just i i really like it's really important to me that you're on time for this thing like if i was to say that to someone the person goes well there was traffic and also i didn't get the email until and so i didn't know where to leave and it's like maybe just say yeah i didn't i wasn't i will i will do better in the future but i think they think they're dealing with someone who's completely irrational who's like i'm gonna we're all used to getting check like strike work yeah

you know and like my strike does not mean anything if I'm just like hey I didn't like this next time can you do it this way it means I've forgiven you and I'm just giving a corrective thing of like I'd appreciate it and it doesn't need to be it can just be like I fucked up you're allowed to fuck up who's

infallible besides jesus asking people to be more accountable yeah just like don't make excuses for why you fucked up or didn't or or were thoughtless you know like today for example i was at starbucks and getting some writing done before i had a 10 30 um i had to be on air with a baltimore station oh for their like good day baltimore show um because i'm gonna be in baltimore on saturday i'm gonna be in boston on tomorrow or tonight thursday in boston and on friday in boston but that's one sold out um but i was promoting it and i for some reason when i looked at my calendar i just saw 10 30 you know like that's what it was in my head is 1030.

I didn't recheck it. I'm at Starbucks. It's 1007. And they're like, are you here? And I'm like, yeah, I'll be there. I heard it's at 1030. So I'll be there at 1030. I thought they were one of these stations.

It's like, we need you to log on 20 minutes before to check the Zoom to make sure everything. And I'm like, no, I'll be there at 1030. So I responded kind of like, yeah, it's at 1030. I'll be there. And they're like, it's at 10. so I responded kind of like yeah it's at 10 30 I'll be there and they're like it's at 10 and I was like oh no and a first instinct is to be like um well I think it was putting my calendar wrong or but I looked at the calendar it clearly says 10 so I just wrote I'm so so sorry I just totally forgot and looked at the and had it in my brain as the wrong time it was an excuse it was

just what happened and you just own it and you just say sorry you don't have to like make up a reason there's power and you're still a good person because the truth of the matter is i am still a good person even if i did i it the truth of the matter was i wasn't like it's gonna be on my timetable not there i just forgot you're're not a bad person for reading a time wrong. So don't make all these excuses. It feels good to say, I messed up. Once you get past that hump of letting go of your ego and then saying,

oh, I was wrong. I really messed that one up. It starts to feel good because you're just free of any sort of culpability. You're like, yeah, I fucked up. And then you start going deeper into it. It makes it easier for them to let you off the hook because if you're just constantly making excuses they have nothing to say more combative because they're like no

we we know what we want to do is when they don't let you off the hook and they just want you to they want to twist the knife oh when they keep yeah they keep reminding you well it really did hurt when you did this and i go i know and you're allowed to say that two more times after I've apologized. Two times as if I ran over your dog purposefully. That's two more times. But if I'm just late to something, I don't need to hear how sad you are about it. Two more times after I've already atoned for it and said, I know how it made you feel. This is how I plan to not do it in the future. I will say yesterday, Chris and I went to our couples therapy, which is so fucking good. If I

can just tell couples out there, if you're struggling at all or like having a bad day or like just starting to like, you're just in a rut, couples therapy fucking rules, dude. I feel so close to him afterwards. I feel so like, you know, hopeful about everything. And I go in there and I just get to admit to all the bad shit I've been doing. And I have to, and I have this woman who also hears me and is like,

you know, it's one thing to apologize to your partner, but it's nice for them to see you you eat crow in front of someone else too. I was a little baby bitch the other night when I suggested, why aren't you? He was trying to do something nice for his family the other night. That was the biggest cunt I've ever been

in my life, I think. I was just in a bad mood about so many different other things. It was not even about this. I think I told the girls chat, but there was like a slight emergency in his family and he offered to go bring someone food that like maybe didn't have time to get dinner that night and it was like all of a sudden this like thing popped up on his phone he was kind of freaking out about it he might have been like even welling up with tears and i was just

like my boyfriend's leaving i just got home we were about to just start watching the rest of beckham like we just had our thai food that just arrived like everything was so cozy and now he has to go like get food and deliver it and i said can't she just uber eats that's what i was thinking why is that so shitty because it's a nice thing. And the family needed him. And it was just me being, it had nothing to do with me being like, because my therapist was like, oh, I think she was like, are you jealous of like the tension he gives his family? And it wasn't that.

It was just like, I just wanted my night. You're just logical. And I was like annoyed about something else that had happened. And so I was just not in the mood to be graceful or let anything slide at all and i was i mean i do it all the time where i just catch myself being a bitch and i can't stop the wave the tsunami's coming i'm all the time the shore has come out it hasn't hit yet and i could stop the wave but i can't and it's coming and I, everyone run and I just like, I'm locked into it,

but I was able to apologize for that and admit to it. And then I admitted to some other stuff that was really embarrassing to admit to. But it felt really good because I was like, I think this is a, the mark of a, to me, the mark of a strong person is being able to see when they have failed in

their life, even when it's embarrassing and watch watch back at it and like be like oh i did this really dumb ugly thing because i was being a widow baby that makes me feel strong to be able to admit that yeah i mean it's great to do that i think the sign of strength for me is being able to lift a lot of weights. That's a good point. If I could lift a TV over my head, that would be something. Yeah, a TV? Wait, they're fairly...

Not anymore. Yeah, are we going to get one with a tube? If I could lift a small TV, that would be great. An 80s TV? A CRT? It's amazing. I've never done couples therapy. I don't know.

Allie, I don't think has ever been to therapy at all. Not even like one-on-one. She looks like Taylor Swift and Taylor Swift also hasn't been to therapy and it really annoys me. Wow. That's crazy. I think at this point she probably has. Probably. She has to talk to someone.

She has all the money in the world. Why wouldn't she? It would be hard to find someone. Because you're too busy. I think she's mentally very sound. It looks like't she? It would be hard to find someone. Because you're too busy. I think she's like mentally very sound. It looks like she has great parents. And handles her feelings through song. To be honest. I know. It does look like she has great parents, to be honest.

God damn it. It does. Unlike Brittany. Oh. Jesus Christ. Got the worst hand dealt. She got a pair of twos. Isn't that a bad hand?

Actually, it's not that bad. I mean, you could do something with it. The worst hand in poker is a two and a seven. Okay, well, her dad's a seven and she's a two. Oh, yeah, because those can't be connected by any three cards. And if you have two twos, you already have a pair, which is not nothing. Okay. Okay.

Well, it wasn't nothing because they definitely got her into dance classes and like nurtured her career. She had tutus. But she didn't get anything on the river. No, the river was like an eight. She got a seven. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

All right. We'll be back with more poker metaphors after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces

from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Thrustle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Alright, so last night was Halloween. What did y'all do? Let's go all in on Halloween. Let's go. I got some spooktacular savings.

I didn't actually. Did you? No. They're gonna be happening today. Candy. What's your favorite Halloween candy? Because that was my question for all the kiddos. Mounds. Mounds? Whoa, that's a rare one. You don't want

an almond? You don't want milk chocolate? No, no, no. I like dark chocolate. Oh, creepy secret almond. Have you always loved dark chocolate? Oh, yeah. Even as a kiddo? Yeah, I don't like sugar a lot. What? Dark chocolate's the best. What a great life. People hate mounds, though.

People really will get mad at you if you say mounds. Good, I'll trade. Someone has a great joke about mounds being just a horrible name for... It is. Mounds. They called it Almond Joy, and then they were like, mounds. Oh, yeah, who is that? Mounds Joy.

Is it Shang Wang? Maybe. I remember hearing that at the Comedy Attic, so I think it must be a Midwest headline. It's really, really funny. We got to figure this out. It's only one thing. Why is it Mounds?

If it had the almonds as little titties in there, it makes sense. No, because they come in packs of two. Yeah, when you get a full-size Mounds, I've never had a full-size probably. Mounds is such a dumb name, though. It sounds like shit. It's like a shit log.

They really, but it doesn't taste like it. Almond joys were my favorite. Really? Wait, you guys are good. I love almond joys. Coconut's great. Out of all candies.

I love the consistency of coconut. I'm a big consistency gal, which is what I learned during COVID when I lost my sense of taste. None of my food choices changed. Everyone was like, now I can eat salads because they don't taste like anything. And I'm like,

no. Taste doesn't matter to me. It really is about consistency. And I love that gritty sticks all in your cavities. Yeah, I love it. And then that crunchy little... I don't like when you get an Almond Joy and it's

stale and you have to get the almonds chewy. Well,'s stale. And you have to like, the almonds chewy. Well, anything stale sucks. I mean, what's good that's stale? No. Peeps. Stale Peeps. Candy hearts. Those aren't Halloween.

Yeah, that's about it. Yeah, Peeps are not Halloween, but I'm sure they have Halloween Peeps. The worst stale candy by far, I think, is a Twizzler because you can't even eat it. I kind of like it because you can't eat it. It's like the way I order my extra hot coffee, so it makes me go slower. Because otherwise, I'm Twizzling. Nerds Ropes. Nerds Ropes are the greatest candy ever, ever, ever.

It's both a crunch and a chew. A scrunch and a crunch. Oh, my God. My mouth is watering thinking about nerds ropes. I used to want to like tie one off with a nerds rope and then inject nerds into my veins. I love nerds ropes. BDSM your boner with a nerds rope. Last night, Poppy, who's four and a half, I asked her what her favorite candy was and she was like, I'll go get it. And she ran into the room and she came back with a box of Junior Mints.

Oh, brother. And I was like, for a four and a half year old? Wow. It's very mature. Distinguished. That's a 65 year old person at a movie. She was like, it's either that or Rolos. And I was like, what?

No, she didn't say that. But Rolos is her favorite candy. I prefer a Charleston Chew. I think Heaths are very old-timey, but delicious. Keith's are so good. If we're talking about putting it into a blizzard, Keith is going to be real good. But he could crack your toot.

A quick shout-out to my cartoon. I did a T-Rec show exactly talking about favorite candies, and a lot of your candies were mentioned in the other side of the coin. Like the not-good kind? Well, the way I... Snickers, overrated. Disgusting. So overrated. This is crazy. were mentioned in the other side of the coin. Like the not good kind? Snickers, overrated. Disgusting. This is crazy. The way I posed it was that there's two types of people. There's two types of people. There are people who

love chocolate candies and there are people who say, I just don't really like the chocolate ones. And like, there's just no... I can't, I don't understand people who say I don't like the chocolate ones. But Snickers always was not... I would eat them. I'm not going to lie. I don't understand people who say I don't like the chocolate ones. Like Werther's? Snickers always was not... I would eat them. I'm not going to lie. I would, but they were never

ideal. I don't like the little strata that's on the bottom that looks like a seismograph. I don't like those. It goes like... It was made when a... No, like the bottom. You know the bottom? There's like these etchings on it. Oh, yes.

What's those etchings? Yeah, the bottom surface. Yeah. I don't know. Secret code. The ancient Sumerians got in there. I don't like it. It definitely looks like an earthquake

went off in the factory. I don't like the bottom. I don't like, it's too many peanuts and peanuts are like an adult food and it made me always, and it's almost too satisfying. Like it fills you up.

Candy's supposed to be like it fills you up candy's supposed to be like an empty feeling and after this i feel i don't feel yeah that's the whole commercial campaign yeah i like being hangry before when i'm eating candy um i like it to never satisfy oh oh i just thought of one that's making my mouth do a weird thing okay one that's so bad when it's stale, but so good when they're not. And they're rarely not stale. Like I think they are just made stale.

Lemonheads. Oh God. I love lemonheads, but they gotta be crooked. Dusty on the outside. No, they just get, they have like a chewy outside and then inside you kind of get to the center.

I don't like that chew. It's not a good consistency. If you put out a bowl of candy, Lemonheads would be one of the things that just is there until December. I'm obsessed with them. I think they're so good. I think hot baked beans are disgusting. I never understood the feel of those. I haven't even heard of those.

Boston baked beans. Yeah, those Boston baked beans. Hot tamales are okay. They're not better than Mike and Ike's. And then let's talk about, oh, I love Jawbreaker Minis. This is crazy. In the green box. These are the craziest candies.

I just crunch those right away. I don't let them dissolve at all. You can just crunch right through. You're going to break a tooth. This feels like what an orphan would say if they couldn't afford Reese's Cups. So they're like, I like the lemon drops. Reese's Cups are disgusting. So expensive.

Reese's Cups feel like you're biting into a sock. That's the number one candy. It's so like, okay, this is the sound it makes. It's like, when you bite into a Reese's cup, it's like, you're supposed to bite. You're supposed to like texture up the cup. You must taste something. You must have some, like, would you eat

shit if it was textured like a lemon drop? Some of it is good. No, I definitely have taste a lemon drop? Some of it is good. No. No, I definitely have taste, but I think most of it for me is texture. I just don't want too many peanuts in there because I'm not a Snickers gal, you know, so don't put peanuts in my shit. What about

Butterfinger? Oh, disgusting. I think I'm... Favorite candy? I don't like it. Eating the chocolate off the outside was fun. Kit Kat, though, I like that consistency. Butterfinger, though, it's too crumbly. Kit Kat sucks. It's too, like, chalky. Kit Kats are impossible

to eat. But then I also love Smarties, which are chalk, so I don't really know. I'm all over the map. Clown aspirin. Clown aspirin! Kit Kats suck. They're impossible to eat. They're too small. They melt too quickly. You love a big cat.

You gotta have a big cat. You can't eat a Kit Kat. Those are stupid. Four of them, they should just take the four Kit Kats that you break off and they should just melt them together.

It's too hard to eat. Yeah, you're always doing the big cat and when I made fun of you for licking your Kit Kat bar and you were like, it's not a Kit Kat. It's a big cat.

I'm like, okay, thank you. It's like the dad of the Kit Kat bar and you were like it's not a Kit Kat. It's a big cat. I'm like, okay, thank you. It's like the dad of the Kit Kat? It's like a one big log of a Kit Kat. More wafer, more chocolate. Wait, crunch bars. When Taylor and I were little kids, there was

a snack bar at our pool. A woman that worked here was stupid. She was a stupid person. There was a snack bar at our pool. A woman that worked here was stupid. She was a stupid person. She was owning it. Because she was not educated and possibly being molested at the time by someone that worked at the place and we later found out that no one really stopped it.

We were two mere children at the time and we saw this child dating a very old man but everyone seemed fine with it. He was like 35 and we're like he was decrepit and old. Well he was too old for her. She was like 14 or something. But anyway this is beside the point. So that poor girl. Sorry April.

Yeah sorry April. There was nothing we could do. But she worked at this concession stand and one day they did like an overhaul and they're like we're doing a new venue and they made they like wrote down all the candies that you could get and she and they put her in charge of writing the menu and man this girl i remember her handwriting exactly i could like replicate it and she spelled crunch bar i mean what was it it was like C-H-R-U-N-C-H-S

churches it was like churches so we would be just like little assholes and be like can I have a scrunch

so mean was there any other things she misspelled that we laughed at there were but I can't scrunch was so good we would like go

and just run up and look at it and then run away because we couldn't get enough. We loved it so much. Speaking of handwriting, I was with Kirsten this weekend. And she was writing something.

She was like, you know, filling out a writing in the tip. And she just has the cutest handwriting that's ever lived. It's back upside down O. It's like a little horseshoe. It's so cute. And her R just goes like. But she said that you were over at her house and you saw like a little label sticking out

of a Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook that said chicken soup that Kirsten had written. And you said, I could see this piece of paper in like an Aztec ruin and I'd be like, Kirsten was here. Like you would know it anywhere. And yours. And mine, really? My handwriting has changed so much through the years

yours i can still recognize it you and kirsten with your handwriting because your handwriting was just the coolest number one i copied writing of all time and then kirsten's was just cute as fuck and i wanted to be both of you so i did copy both of you and i feel like that is like kind of my personality is just like always trying to be other people and then they kind of combine together and then I get a mixture of Taylor and Kirsten and then it's like then that is me. Because whenever people are like, you're so unique and I'm like

oh that's just something I stole from this person because I wanted to be cool and then together they made red and blue made purple. So I'm purple but I'm really just this person's red and this person's blue. That's the Gemini way. Is it?

Mm-hmm. Enneagram 3? Yeah. Kind of? Yeah. Did you work on your signature, Nikki? Because you have to sign a lot of autographs. What did you do?

What was your thought process behind that? Sixth grade. Just writing it over and over and over. So you haven't changed it since sixth grade. Signature's good. No, I actually, I just remember sixth grade doing it a lot and someone being like, why are you doing that? And I didn't want to say because I'm going to be famous,

but I secretly thought it because that's when I started wanting to be famous. But no, I worked on it for a while. For a while, I did the, my E was really cool on Glazer because I would go out of the S and then I would just do a straight line out of the S. It circles around, comes out, and then I would do a slash over it and a slash under it. So the E would

just be like three lines and there would be no connective thing. And then I would do an R. So that looked cool for a while. And then I also... That was 90s. Or 2003. My sister also did the E. Yeah, it was pretty cool looking for a minute, and then it just got old.

But then I deliberately, my parents had a poster from the Monterey Music Festival or something, and George Harrison was there. And they had, it wasn't his real autograph, but it was like a print of it. And he signed his G, like a lowercase G for George. And I thought that was way cooler looking than a cursive G. Cursive Gs look like fucking hell.

It's like a torture device. I don't like it. What the fuck is that? Yeah, why is it a harp? I don't want... It's a giant arm. Why is it a lyre? Harp doesn't have Gs. I don't...

A lyre. Yeah, it's a lyre. I do crosswords. Very good. Me too. So I did a big G a big lowercase G and I continue to do that

to this day yeah that's cool and then my N I do a big loop and everyone always says it looks like a J so really

famous people's autographs never look like anything and Taylor Swift is my favorite because she just writes like Taylor and it just looks like a you could fit it in a circle

her entire autograph and I think that's very cool. So I'm trying to get more minimalistic with it. Shape is good. NRG was a cool one they used to do. Oh, yeah. I would do an N. And then the R, I would do a triangle.

The top part of the R was a triangle. And then the bottom part would go down. And then that triangle that the R made would be the shape of a G. It's almost like a C shape. And then I would connect that and I would do NRG. Your middle names are? Yeah, Renee.

And my initials are Energy. My parents didn't know it either. There's a football stadium named after NRG. I know. I went there for Taylor Swift. And I was like, it's mine. Was it in Houston or Dallas? Yeah, Houston Texans.

That's right. That's right. Arlington. My signature, I worked, I changed like in adulthood because my old signature I felt like was taking too long to do

because I would do like the whole name. Oh my God. When people write, when they sign checks or something, I'm just like, just scribble something,

you fool. Oh my God. Do you ever actually sign when that iPad comes around and you have to sign? Do you ever do anything other than a line? A line? No, I just do a scribble.

I don't do a whole line, but I do a scribble. When people are writing their whole names, like they're fucking John Hancock in the Declaration of Independence, you are so slow. You're so old. You're so old. Put away your checkbook.

Embarrassing. Can they just stop asking us for a signature? Is anyone actually cross-checking this? Because no one is actually signing anything anymore No, you're so right It's so pointless Yeah My signature

It's a contract It used to be Brian Frangie And then God, when I was like starting comedy I had the M in there Because my name was Brian M. Frangie Because I thought that Why? That's too long

Because I was Brian M. Frangie because I thought that the- Why? That's too long. Because I was Brian M. Frangie. I wore a blazer on stage and- You were dying to learn. You needed an identity. Yes. And I thought that no one's going to remember my name, but they'll remember that I had a middle initial. They'll be like, oh yeah, that guy with the middle initial.

That's so cute. I changed my signature to, my first name is Brian. So it's BR. And my last name is Frangie. So it's FR. So it's kind of like BRFR. So I do BR and then a line. What do you mean it's kind of BRFR? I don't know what I mean by that.

They're like similar. I thought it was like, okay. They both have R's. So like, it's like a capital letter and then an R, a capital letter and then an R. So there's like some symmetry there. I go BR and then a line.

I don't do any of the other letters. And then the line. Oh, whoa. You're like, you get it. Yeah, exactly. And then the line goes through the F, like the bottom arm of the F. Cool. I gotta see it.

Can you do it on a piece of paper? Yeah, I can. I'll do it on a piece of paper and this will be a YouTube exclusive. People are going to be clamoring. Everyone else will just have to check out the YouTube because you won't want

to miss this BRFR. Last night, they got Fun Dip. Who? The kids. Oh, you went to your sister's? Which is also a chalky hell. Yeah.

That's Fun Dip. Oh, oh, hell no. It's sugar. It's sugar. You lick and then you dip it. Yeah. You can also snort

Oh yeah That's pretty cool It does look like It looks like Bring Fruit Friday Yeah

It looks like someone Yeah bring fruit It looks like you're Censoring yourself That's pretty cool Yeah It does I like it

It's badass I like it too And it's quick We missed that M though Because how does anyone What does the M stand for? Martin? Yeah what is the M? Martin No it's quick We missed that M though Because how does anyone What does the M stand for? Martin? Yeah what is the M?

Martin No it's the most common You can guess it instantaneously Matthew That's correct Matthew It could have been Michael But Matthew

Yeah that's pretty common BMF BIMF And then that also stands for Bad motherfucker If you're like If you like that But my brother's initials

Are Adam Richard Frangie, which spells ARF, which is funny. Did your parents think about that? No. Did they ever? I don't want to think about, if I had a kid,

I would make the initials be cool. Yeah, that's something to think about. and yours is energy. Yeah. That's kind of cool. Kirsten's is Kith. I like that.

Noah, is yours cool? Do you have like a bunch of middle names? I don't have a middle name, but I wish I had one with an O because then my initials would spell my first name. That would be the coolest! Oh, God

damn it. You can pick a middle name. It could be Ophelia. Oh, I like Ophelia. Then put it on your birth certificate. That's my name now. My middle name. That would be good. Wait, what's Avi's last name? Culloway Knack

N-A-C That's like a supplement people take For focus Right? Cum I wonder if anyone's cum I'm sure There's people with

But there's not really a lot of you names Ulysses Ulysses Ursula Ursula That's it Oh my god Last night I was going through I was at Poppy's In Poppy's room a lot of you names. No, Ulysses. Ulysses, Ursula. Ursula. That's it. Oh my God.

Last night I was going through, I was at Poppy's, in Poppy's room and I was looking at her class. Like there's a printout of all like the people, kids in her class with their names. I love those.

And seeing the new names are so great. What are they? There was one that said G-U-G-U. Goo Goo. That's what I said. I go, who's Goo Goo?

And she goes, what? It's Juju. And I'm like, oh, sorry. No, it's not. It is very much Goo Goo. And Goo Goo is a cute name. And she was a cute little girl. Then there was a girl named Eleanor.

And I was like, are you friends with Eleanor? She was like, what? No, there's no Eleanor. And she was like, Ellie. And I was like, OK, sorry. Oh, my God. It's Eleanor here. Jesus. Edith. Wow, Ellie. And I was like, okay, sorry. Oh, my God. It's Eleanor here. Jesus.

Edith. Wow. These are like. Going back to the. The 1910s. I like those. Yes. But Poppy has the best name.

That is obviously. Poppy's a great name. The best name going. And then, yeah, Poppy's going through this phase of like, I think she like really loves me. It's so awesome. Yeah. Where she was just like.

She always did. She's kind of just like looking awesome. Where she was just like, she always did. She's kind of just like looking at me, like smiling and just like, she just wants to like be close to me and like hold onto my arm. Is there ever a better feeling than a kid or a dog leaning on your arm, like resting its head? No. Oh,

Jesus Christ. And she kept going like, when are you leaving? And it sounded like she wanted me to leave. It was the opposite. She was just very worried that I was leaving and I don't even come around that often but I think they caught on that I have

money because they kept being like how much did that cost like you can just tell their parents have conversations about my money like they've just heard they've caught on and they're like do you have 6,280 zero and I'm like, I think so.

I'll have to check with my accountant. Wait, how would they know that? They just heard someone say something. I think I bought Arlo that giant skeleton that was like $60. And I think my mom made a big deal of like, you bought that for $60? And my mom is always talking about how everything she gets for $3 for them. So I think they were just like, we,

you have so much money. And they were like, can I have money? So they're starting to understand what matters in this world. Yeah, there you go. They get it. Cool.

Arlo's a cool name also. I don't want to just, Arlo's also as cool as Poppy, I think. It's great. And then Forrest comes in third. I mean, it's okay.

I like Forrest. No, Forrest is a great name. And third. I mean, it's okay. I like Forrest. No, Forrest is a great name. And calling him Forry, he's just like so freaking cute. I can't even stand it. But just drooling constantly. I think,

honestly, I think one of the things I don't like about kids is the drool. Anything that comes out of their mouth. The constant drool. Any outfit you have around them

is going to get stained by the drool. Like laughing and food flies out. It would be nice though to never have any nice clothes and just know that everything you wear is not nice or just like a little mask to that well they have those little bandanas for drool yeah he has that but he's always like putting his hands in his mouth and then he touches your hand and i'm just like

every time he touches me i'm sure he feels me tense up like, oh, this sweater is dry clean only. Oh, God. But it's just like just wet hands that are like grabbing things on the ground and have like carpet fibers in them, but also jacket. If I had a kid, I would give him a Bane mask and oven mitts and I wouldn't let him touch me. I think it's so funny that I really last night was starting to be like, oh, it would be nice to have a family. This is kind of sweet. Sure. This kid's affection.

I know this seems overwhelming, but there was a dial of me that was churning towards wanting kids, and then the drool started flowing. And I was like, the dial went even into negative. And then the drool stuck in the dial and made it speed back really fast. It was too much drool. You were there at the best time though you were there when they're all enjoying halloween you weren't there at 11 p.m when they weren't going to sleep because they were sugar high and you were like please i was there late and i would they were all in the bath and i my sister is there and she is a teacher they're in the bath together they're all in the bath together oh god i want to see that so fun and the water was like splashing all over the place and i was like my sister's just so calm and cool and i was like god we're gonna have to clean up this water and then and then my mom is like we're leaving and i'm like i think i'm going to go too and i'm like i

can't just leave you with all of this like and then matt comes back upstairs and looks like the most deadbeat dad because he's been handing out candy and hanging with the neighbors. He's such a great dad, but it looked like my sister had been like, she's upstairs with her three kids in a bathtub. And then he walks up in a hot dog costume. He's like, you look like the biggest piece of shit that's ever lived. He's like, what's going on, guys? And she's struggling with one kid in one arm and has his book in the other. But Forrest is obsessed with – it's just so funny when babies have taste

like when they like i like this but i don't like this he's not even two yet and he loves his favorite book is cement mixer and it's just a book we were laughing so hard and i go did arlo like this she was like she had no interest in trucks or anything like this like he already it just i learned how a cement mixer works. There's all the different parts of the cement truck that you pour the cement into the gravel and then it spins to keep it wet. And then there's the slide where it comes off of. And the guy is named Bo.

That was the cement mixer. And Bo does this. And then Bo's job is done. And then it's going to dry. And that's how you do a floor. And it was like, he was fascinated by it. And then we were like, pick out another book

and we kept picking out these books and he'd be like, no! And he's two and he just knows he doesn't want to read about woodland creatures. He wants to read about only trucks,

like pictures of trucks. What? This is like where you just go. That's why Bob the Builder was so popular. How do they like trucks? Why would a child want to read about cement from symmetrical mixer?

Boys are given that and girls are given soft toys. They did an experiment, I just taught about this, where they dressed up, they cross-dressed the kids and then they put caretakers and they had all the boy toys and girl toys, but they dressed the girl and the boys clothes and all of the

people over and over were giving the girl only the girl toys. It's just ingrained in us that that's probably what they the people over and over were giving the girl only the girl toys it's just like ingrained in us that that's probably what they want and so they were giving all the boy the boy the girls even when the kids were dressed they were dressed and they're not in there and then they told the person at the end um they were cross-dressing why did why were you giving her all the girl toys oh i just you know they were closer and they're like would it would it change if i told you that was a boy that we put in girls' clothes? And they were all like,

oh, I just thought I was so like advanced. But they were tricked. Okay, I misunderstood. So if you're dressed like a girl, you're going to get girls' toys. Yes. They believed. And so it's just within us to do,

because the kids aren't choosing things. We are choosing things. I definitely felt like mad that I couldn't have boys. I didn't want I liked girly things but there was a part of me that did want some boy toys that I thought were off limits. Why not just say which one do you want and then let the kid decide that he wants the truck.

Because they're like too little at that age probably. Or what about like you're buying them a present. That's how they're getting everything. The parents are going to Target and buying it. There are girls that just know they're getting everything the parents are going to Target and buying it but there are there are girls that just know they want to be moms

since I was a young baby I've known I want to be a mom and I have a joke about it but I just was always honestly when I had baby dolls I was disgusted when people would be like are you a mama and I'd be like no no one fucked me I kind of knew

that something hanky-panky went on to make a child where it was like i don't have that and i don't want to do that and like this is just it comes out of somewhere and wherever it is i don't like it yeah i just i was listening to um what's that guy's name? Andrew Huberman to his podcast. Yes. He had a podcast about fertility. And he said that there was a study that found when very young girls live at home without a father and the mother is dating and she brings around different men. The little girls start to mature way faster than girls who have their father around and that was like oh very interesting weird yeah like they'll start getting body hair they start

to mature like physically yeah because there's like uh men around that they could and they're responding to it in this like like subvers way. Their hormones respond to this new dick energy coming in that they could possibly procreate with. Because their dad, they're not going to be turned on by because that would make a baby that has an arm coming out of its eye. Maybe it's competitive. I didn't really get any more than just that detail. Yeah, that's human nature.

God, there's four men jerking off to this part of the podcast right now, at least. And their initials are C-U-M. They're totally initialing to this right now. Carl, Ulysses, MacGyver. Carl, get out of here, Carl. Let's take a break and come back, because Taylor's going to, what class are you

teaching today? Psychology? Yeah, both of them are psychology, yeah. Yeah, Taylor's a prof right now, and I want to talk about the lesson that she's going to your what's class are you teaching today psychology uh yeah both of them are psychology yeah yeah taylor's a prof right now and i want to talk about the lesson that she's going to talk about today because it's um speaking of yeah speaking of it's interesting stuff so we'll be back with a little lesson in para what is it called paraphilia paraphilia and we'll find out what the fuck that is anything with philia ain't good because I want to feel you in a different way. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.

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in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Alright, we're back. Paraphilia. What does

philia mean when something is, that word is on a word It means love From Greek Oh Okay so it's para To love something Para means

Anything other than So it's abnormal So what does the name Ophelia mean Abnormal love Like Oh I love you

Wow Probably That's a good name though But it's not spelled The same way Oh it's F spelled the right, the same way. Oh, it's F-E-L or P-H-I. I think Ophelia is P-H-E,

but it's P-H-I. So you're teaching your students about paraphilia today? Yes. So like people that like want to fuck cars and stuff? Yeah. Well, anything. Yeah.

Anything that's abnormal. Pedophilia. Yeah. Fetishes. You know, all that stuff. Sadism. What's some- We're watching a, we're going to know, all that stuff. Sadism. We're going to watch some Jeffrey Dahmer.

Because he wanted to fuck people who did not have any consciousness. Yeah, well, he's a sadist. So he liked pain. Yes. But he was kind of making them not in pain, though, I thought. Because he would pour acid into their brain so they'd be zombies. He wanted to just fuck something that didn't have any autonomy but was still alive

right but it's not that's not a fetish I mean because a fetish means it's not a person or you have a fetish only with a body part which is partialism so the only thing that he has even though it's crazy is he has

sadism because he does hurt people but it's also you can they're still being hurt even if they're like not conscious but they're dying like he wanted to fuck something that was a zombie like that was what he kept trying to do he didn't want to kill anymore he just wanted to keep them so he wouldn't have to do that he didn't like that part he wanted them to just submit and he wanted control. Oh, so is being into control, is that a paraphilia? That's part of sadism, yeah. How many people did he do that to?

But it's also part of 17, I think. I was going to say that. So he killed 17 people? How many people did he pour acid on and then make them like a zombie? That was like five or six. Not as many. I mean, the craziest one was that he did it to a young boy who actually his brother was one of his first victims oh my god they didn't

connect it and they like he like forgave him he paid him off i think yeah like something i forget i watched the dahmer show if you watch the dah show, this is old news. But the kid, he drilled in the kid's head, poured the acid in. The kid is just like knocked out and fucking bleeding from his head. The kid escapes, has the wherewithal to escape. He goes out into the street. He runs up to these like, these women find him. He's shaking. He's naked.

He's a child. He's like 14. And the cops come. And then Dahmer comes and is like, that's my, that's what is he? like 14 and and the cops come and then dommer comes and is like that's my that's what is my boyfriend my boyfriend and because cops are so homophobic and didn't want to even deal with he really got away with a lot because he was gay and the cops were just like i don't even want to even walk around this apartment for this not white people too and they were yeah and the child was not white he was like loatian or something and they were like he they were like oh they

probably just look young. Cause that's what like Southeast Asian people look younger. Right. And the, and the women that were with the little boy holding him away from Dahmer were like, this baby is bleeding. He is scared.

He couldn't make sense. He was not making sense. Cause he had a hole drilled in his fucking head, but it was such a small hole that it was like untraceable and in his hairline. So you couldn't really see where he was like, and they just convinced him that he got too drunk and they got into a fight and that he's his lover and that uh so he really used that that was very interesting how he used their homophobia

against them and their racism and was able to keep doing what part of the country was this milwaukee and what year was last weekend you missed out. 1990s. 1990s. Holy shit. This was 90s? Early 90s. Oh my God. That's a... You were alive for this. That's horrible. Yeah, you gotta watch Dahmer.

It's a great show. I don't wanna watch it. No. No, Dahmer's not good. Dahmer, okay. Watch the interviews. This is disturbing. It's a good show.

Yeah. Oh, and it's... Yeah, it's... So, okay. So, what are you teaching them today just all of the definitions of all of these and i have i have one yeah how to drill what to put in it uh i have two classes and one is like quiet and like fun and i mean sorry loud and fun and this one's like the really quiet one like when i taught about depression everyone was just like silent and

when i walked out of the class i went like oh because they're just like very quiet oh yeah didn't you say make it audible you were like oh they like heard you gasp when you left i just sometimes i'm like you got and i kind of mess with them i'm like well you know i'm sure none of you have depression i'm sure you're very bright and fun and exciting outside of this class you just don't want to show it to me for some reason right but um so i'm yeah i'm a little worried about it because i'm going to be like, and sadism, and pedophilia, and incest. And they're going to be like, oh, boy. What to, what, incest?

Is that like, but isn't incest? Incest is not a disorder. It doesn't feel like, it feels like it's almost like prison-y, where it's like, well, this is just what I got right here, so I'll just do it. It is. It's kind of like convenience. Out of convenience. They do.

That's so crazy. It's not often, it out of convenience. Out of convenience. They do. That's so crazy. It's not often like physically forced. Like it's usually you manipulate people. As someone who watches a lot of pornography, I mean, step stuff. Like the most popular one. Is it? Yes, by far. You can't get away from it. It's like the most popular one. Is it? Yes, by far. You can't get away from it.

It's everywhere. And then I'm someone who's into like, like I've been typing in recently. I don't like to really talk that dirty on this show, but I just have to say like, I've been typing in like daddy stuff because that is something that just turns me on. Like just not even like, I'm actually thinking about my father when I say that just turns me on. Not even like, I'm not actually thinking

about my father when I say that, by the way. I like the dynamic. That say like, good girl and stuff like that. Yes, and where the guy is like really verbal. That's what you want to hear is good girl? Oh, lots of women do. We all want to hear it.

Oh, like take it. No, just like I want, what I like in sex is like being pushed to my limits, but like being impressive. Like it's almost the same thing I like in my career life. Like a gymnast. I like people going, wow, you are so exceptional at that. Like a lot of girls wish they could do that, but they can't. Like I like being like someone being like,

whoa, you are such a whore. I can't even fathom that anyone would take this much whatever. Someone holds up a sign that has a 10 on it. Yeah, gymnastic. I also like the idea of a coach type figure where it's like

someone who knows that you're capable of achieving great things is pushing you to your limits and then is like really impressed when you do so i like that verbal confirmation so like the daddy stuff i only type in daddy because there's no other like i guess praise kink is what i'm into but there's no other really like um i just know that that's where i'm gonna find those kind of videos like noah said like it's not about like the dad figure and even if it is even if you're into stuff where it's like kind of daddy or whatever like it doesn't mean you want to fuck your dad like i have done a lot

of like research on this where it's like and by the way i don't call my dad daddy so i don't have a problem with saying daddy in bed because i would never i've never in my life said daddy to my father and if if you do, I think that it's really weird and you shouldn't do it past a certain age. I even think it's weird when adults are like, well, daddy's going to be home in a... I hate it.

When do you think daddy should stop being said for children? I think eight. Eight is kind of the limit. I think nine years old we go to dad yeah and maybe that's just me

and I know there are people listening being like you know there are adults that call their dad daddy and it's not weird for them it's just weird for me I guess

I never called my dad daddy or dad yeah we called him just random shit now I call him Jimmy but I used to call him like

we called him OG for old geezer and like pop yeah yeah like joking or we never said yeah i'd call i'd call him the general you know no i'm just kidding i'd call him the final thought sir hey maverick when's dinner you know stuff like last night poppy did say, I was like, you know that Junior Mints are Grandpa's favorite candy. And she goes, Grandpa? And I go, yeah. And she had two grandpas there last night.

So she goes, EJ? I just love it. I was like, Dad, she's calling you EJ. And he was like, she just started doing that. I don't know what that is. It stands for ejaculator. That's how you were born It was a long road But he made you But

Born is just like It's I type in daddy And you guys I see stuff that I'm like I think I should report this Because it's Adult women

Dressing up as children And I don't think that's okay Even though they're adult women I don't think it's a Like is that okay? Why? I guess women I don't think it's a like is that okay why I guess so I mean what's wrong about it it's honoring a thing

it's like saying we wish we could do this but we can't isn't that good that it's in porn so that people who like that it's sublimation but I think it like I'm you know I have a lot of weird thoughts about this because I do think that you know pedophiles should maybe have sex dolls that they can act out on so they don't actually hurt children. But then it's like, is that making them go, I want the real thing more?

You don't think so? No. Anything that can stop somebody from actually doing it, I think is good. But what if it, like, sometimes, I don't know, I do a simulated thing and I'm like, man, this just makes me want the real thing even more because this thing isn't crime. I think it's different when it's something that you know is like a crime or will have a victim and pain associated. Do I get off to them? A hundred percent because they are covering all the other things that I want, which is the discipline, the like, I'm mad at you. You've been a bad girl kind of things.

So it's all so blurry and makes me feel weird. But you know, what makes me really feel weird is all the constant ads for old people that I get. Like if you watch porn, Brian, you've probably dipped your toe in that world. Do you get constant

old saggy women's boobs of like there are old women in your area that want you to fuck them and they're just like literally 70 year old women it's as disturbing as seeing children i mean it's like oh like because it's something that i have to say like you should not be sexually attracted to 80 year old women that is that seems paraphilia right it's not but i mean shouldn't it be though like because at that age you're not supposed to be like a sexual attractive being yeah there are some hot 80 year olds i'm not saying that they're not but like when you're human you're good that's that is within that is not too young i don't get a lot of that i wonder why i get what I'll get is an ad for

Lois from Family Guy fucking Homer Simpson. That's an ad. Japanese anime girl getting plowed by Bart. I get jerkmate a lot or chatterbait and it's always just like I also don't understand the ads

targeting people that are like you want to come in 30 seconds? And I'm like, no, I want it to be like 30 minutes of Goonin. Can you not figure out how to come right now? Goonin? Yeah, I like Goonin. I've talked about it before, but I like the anticipation of the orgasm. I don't like the orgasm.

So when they're like, you can come in seven seconds or less, I'm like, that sounds awful. But I guess some people are just on a tight schedule and so that appeals to them i gotta go to work you know yeah and then are people also figuring out like really oh yeah that's a good point are people also there have been times by the way that i've been on a plane and i've been like i really want to fucking watch porn right now and so i kind of understand. I would never do it, but I understand why people sometimes sneak it because I, on planes,

if you ever see me on a plane, try to film what I'm watching. I give you permission to, if I catch you trying to film what I'm watching, because I think it would be hilarious to catch what I'm watching because so often it is ASMR

and it's so weird. Or that girl that's face is really messed up because you find inspiration in her. Oh, yeah. It's either someone who's horribly disfigured, who's talking out of a straw in their lower cheek because they got burnt by a volcano. Or I'm jerking off to it.

Or it's someone eating an enormous amount of food. I really like the sound of chewing. Oh, mukbang. I like mukbangs. But most mukbangs are like, I'm going to eat this live squid. And I'm like, just eat some fucking candy, man. Like my favorite mukbanger right now, if you want to check them out. I know I've said, turn people on to this.

There's this person. She eats so much fucking food and they do one meal a day called OMAD one meal a day but they eat so much and it's so soothing and they don't talk at all

I don't even know what their voice sounds like and that is VNM ASMR they have like 168,000 followers That is V-N-M-A-S-M-R. They have like... Is that supposed to be healthy for you? 168,000 followers. No. This is ASMR candy ice cream,

Snickers chocolate Twix cookie, Milky Way caramel bar, or an Oreo cookie sandwich. This person ate... I mean, I'm looking at this. Two Oreo ice cream bars, two Snickers ice cream bars, two Twix ice cream bars,

two Milky Way ice cream bars, two Kind Bar ice cream bars, and one gigantic ice cream bars, two Twix ice cream bars, two Milky Way ice cream bars, two Kind Bar ice cream bars, and one gigantic M&M cookie in one sitting. And it only took them 11 minutes and 54 seconds. How much money did they get for that? For this, it has 4,500 views and it was posted seven hours ago. So this person is averaging

Oh, you know by how many views how much money they're getting? Yeah, I mean, her biggest video has 3.7 million views. That's when she ate a bunch of ASMR chocolate ice cream. And then, yeah. How much do you get for a million views? I bet she's probably making a

couple grand a month. Yeah. For having 168 thousand followers. Don't you think so? Brian? Yes, I would love if you did ASMR, please. Not eating. But you like ASMR, right? I like to tap. Yeah. You should do it.

And now I have long nails. I should tap. Oh my God, it would be so fun if you did ASMR. You're such a good boy. You're such a cute boy. Yeah. I'm getting a dog. Tapping and just talking.

It's so soothing. I wish I just watched sports when I was on a plane or something that other people could look at. I should make a video where I eat a cookie for two hours. One single cookie. That would annoy the fuck out of me. I want to see people eat the amounts of food that I want to eat. I'm watching it because I wish I could binge and I can't, so I'm living vicariously. It's like porn.

I used to watch it because I wanted to tap, but I bit my nails and now. Oh my God. Yes, it is that. We are just looking at what we want. If you ever look at mukbang comments, there are always people that are like, who here's on a diet? And it's all people that are so starving

and just wanting to watch someone eat. So it's usually something when I'm like trying to be good and behaved, I watch those ASMRs, but I just love it so much. Try to take a picture of me on a plane. We've got to wrap up this episode. Any more Halloween thoughts? Any best costume you saw?

Did you hand out candy? I did nothing. We had no trick-or-treaters. We just went for pizza at Rocco's. That's so nice. I guess I didn't either. I didn't hear the doorbell. That's why I like living in an apartment. There's no trick-or-treaters.

Allie and I went to the Chargers-Bears game and dressed up like skeletons, which has now become kind of a tradition, where we go to a football game on Halloween and dress up like skeletons. You guys don't need therapy. It's just too cute. That's so adorable. And then we made a sign. We made a sign that said, are skeletons on it what you know you can have a sign at a sports sporting event

was there a joke in that or is it just the joke is like the joke the joke is that it's very literal that's so cute you guys are adorable um i wore a shirt that said the bones are their money oh yeah that's great. That was from the art. You think you should leave the sketch. But I didn't go as anything. But Poppy put on a wizard hat on me and I thought it was a witch hat.

But if it's floppy, it's a wizard. Oh, good to know. Good to know. Wizards. Just know that if it's flops, it's a wizard. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.

We will be here next week. Don't even think we won't I'll be in Boston tonight Thursday night tomorrow Friday And then on Baltimore On Saturday so come out to see shows Don't be care Don't be care at all

Just Wear a floppy hat Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju

Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju

Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Juju Jujuuju. Juju. Juju. Juju. Juju. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt.

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