The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #39 Press The Right Button w/ Dr. Emily Morse

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

Between You and Nikki today's pod covers some great topics about sexuality. She and Andrew dig deep into his love for, of all people, Hugh Grant. In the news they cover a sex toy study, misophonia and ultimatums. They connect with the expert on sex and host of Sex w/ Emily, Dr. Emily Morse in the Deep Dive segment to learn more about masturbation, solo or with a partner. In the Final Thought, Nikki and Andrew share something that they've been wondering about relationships. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cord usually invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.

Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am How's it going everyone out there? Thank you for listening to the podcast It's Nikki Glaser Podcast You know it

Wednesday I'm heading to LA In a couple hours Gonna hop on a plane Go out there, land land get a spray tan hopefully not get shot did i tell you last night that i got a spray tan i legit was in the cross fires of a um an active shooter because everyone has the citizen app now and i got there and the woman was like yeah there's an active shooter nearby um so i hope this time that doesn't happen i also

hope that uh she's got it she's got to go darker i was i was really uh not happy with the tone of my spray tan and i just had to go over it last time because it just wasn't dark enough um is it ever dark enough like i you know looking at my i the second i my body all of it shluffs off and my skin color goes back to the normal tone it is i look down my leg sometimes and i have to like do i'm much more body positive now and i just accept myself but when the thoughts come in of you're not good enough your legs are gross you're old, it's always when I'm pale. So like, just got to keep that tan going. And I wish I didn't have to. But feeling like crap today, because well, not emotionally, pretty good emotionally, but like, just finally, my period

started. You know what, it's just like, it's just outside the door. And you know, it's just like it's just outside the door and you know it's gonna come and it's like taunting you and just making your life just making you feel sick like i have a headache on one side of my face today which i'm trying to get to go away with some coffee um and uh yeah it was just a fucking mess this morning like it all just decided to come at once after i had showered i mean this is no one needs to hear this but what do you what do you do when you get what what do you do you throw do you is it cold water is it baking soda is it you do you toss everything in the like it's just it looked it was it was unfortunate like i i have a friend josh arnold

who used to have a joke that when you take a shower and then you fart when you get out of the shower he has to like go back in and clean up again because he's just like i'm dirty i never really related to that because it's just like i don't think farts don't make me feel dirty but this sure did i felt like i had to get back in but i didn't have time um so i'm just gonna be kind of gross the problem is on my period my boobs are like great like they're just like do you feel that noah do you feel like they're like i feel like they're oh yeah and they're taught and they're heavy i think i literally think they weigh like if i got a scale, I would weigh 10 pounds more and it would all be heavy tit. Do you feel that way?

Like mine are like they're with girls with like really big boobs. Shout out to y'all out there because the mine aren't huge, but they get weighed down so much that they're just like, oh, and they hurt. And it just your boob changes completely. I like the look of it the problem is no one's seeing me naked right now because i'm you know i can't have sex like this i mean i could i wouldn't have a problem putting down a towel but sex with someone new on your period i'd try it i really honestly don't care we're talking a lot about sex today because we're having on uh dr emily morris from uh sex with emily later on in the show and she's going to talk to us about masturbation, about orgasms, and all that stuff.

But we were talking about the idea of sex toys being introduced early on in a relationship. Like if Andrew texted this morning to both of us, if we hooked up with a guy for the first time and he had a bunch of sex toys that were like clean, we be gross creeped out i was like absolutely not i would love it that's the kind of guy that will have period sex with you on the first time too like let's just like not pretend that sex is something other than what we want it to be and let's pull out our bag of tricks right away i'm if we're gonna be in a relationship i will be on my period at some point i will need you to have sex with me on my period that is not i won't be in a relationship, I will be on my period at some point. I will need you to have sex with me on my period. That is not I won't be in a relationship where guys like you just close your eyes, turn off the lights and pretend I'm super wet. I don't know what you need to do, but I mean, I guess it is can be very gross.

I don't know if I'd be down with it if I were a guy. I wonder how guys feel about it. Do like it because it's no i'm just kidding we'll ask andrew what do you mean like no like i wonder if it feels like warmer and like slimier and they like it is like the same consistency almost of like there come kind of ours too you know like if if you really were blind you would just think a woman was super duper wet do you know i mean yeah unless there was some like i don't want to get really gross but sometimes today's the day gets a little what today's the day that's what we're talking about today but like i just don't want people to hear about period chunks but sometimes

things get a little achy i mean it is the lining of your uterus shedding in case men do not know that dude I gotta tell for everyone who's still listening thank you so much and um I do want to point everyone to something while we're on the topic of just like kind of gross not gross things but like just women's issues and men's too if you or anyone you know is uh pregnant about to have a baby has a baby had babies there is this my friend jamie lee comedian jamie lee she told me about this podcast that's like old oprah shows that are just like you know growing up i've listened to it yesterday it plays the whole like intro and it's like oh my god i oprah to me was coming home from school and eating four bowls of

uh honey bunches of oats with almond um after after school and then eating dinner like it was just like plowing cereal watching oprah but it brought me back but they're they're playing old episodes there's one with brooke shields and it is about postpartum depression which is not just baby blues and she i can't believe like it's not the number one thing you think about her i'm glad it isn't because she's so much more than that but she goes on oprah and she was saying like i hated my baby i didn't want anything to do with her i wanted her like and she she did in vitro she did everything she could to have this baby and the baby was born and she was just like ugh and just like i don't like i we should get rid of her not like kill her but like she and and the lovely thing is that oprah was like did you you know brook shields wanted to kill herself a lot during this time she was so depressed and

this was right when she had a baby noah so everyone's like must, it's supposed to be this time of bonding and you're supposed to love it. And she was just like, I don't have any feelings towards this thing. It's not, I don't want to not like care for it, but I don't, she's crying and I like don't care. I have to feed her because like, that's what you do, but I'm not like looking forward to it. She just, she really, and she really goes into detail.

It's almost uncomfortable how much she hated her baby this all turns around because she got on medication but i just thought how many women are out there feeling these feelings and have no have no brooke shields to relate to them brooke shields fucking hated her baby so if you have little resentments for your your kids or if you're having um postpartum definitely listen to listen or if you know someone that does please give this to them because it'll make them feel so much less alone because she gets just gets so real about it and oprah says did you ever have any intention to harm your baby and she goes thank god i didn't she goes thank god because i heard postpartum depression and i thought there's no way i have that because that's women who drive their cars into lakes and throw their babies uh off balconies or whatever and that wasn't me and it's like

no that's the that's the end of the spectrum of postpartum depression that's postpartum psychosis which all of this can lead to if it's untreated from what i understand um but the way that she said think because oprah goes did you ever think of harming your baby? And instead of brooke being like, oh my god. No, no, she just goes no, but thank god. I didn't meaning Listen, any woman that harms her baby doesn't do you think that woman signed up to be someone who harms her baby? She couldn't she couldn't help it I mean, I really believe that her brain tricked her And no one wants that when they when they are growing up no one wants to go someday i would like to be suzanne smith and drive my volvo into a lake i remember that

woman who drove a car into a lake or something she had like five kids in it this is in the 90s it really stood out to me because i thought my mom has a volvo and we're really annoying sometimes i better be on the lookout for this you You know, I really remember being like this. That's how could you do that? And then going like, I'm more scared because I could see how you could do this because me and my sister are pretty obnoxious. I have to bring in Andrew. Andrew!

Andrew's coming with the news in just a second. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.

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That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. mini driver and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast mini questions over the years we've had some incredible guests people like Courtney Cox star of the infinitely beloved sitcom friends EGOT winner Viola Davis and former prime minister of the UK Tony Blair and now mini questions is returning for another season we've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

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Hey, Andrew. Good morning. Good morning. How'd you sleep last night, bud? I slept good there, bud. What did we watch last night? The end of Notting Hill. Yeah, I love Notting Hill. Okay, Noah. The end of Notting Hill. Yeah, I love Notting Hill.

Okay, Noah, Andrew has seen Notting Hill, he said probably like 12 times in his life, which he knew everything that was happening. I've seen this movie like probably three times and I haven't seen it since 1999 probably. We both knew the one line that was, how long have you been, how long? It's the very end.

Can you ask me a question again yeah they're at the press conference and he's like excuse me mom uh and she's like um yes and they're both like having this like i fuck moment he's pretending to be a guy from horse and hound uh magazine and she first of all she gets asked how long she's staying in the country to shoot a movie and she goes i leave tonight and then someone else asks what about the gentleman you were seeing spotted with which by the way if they photographed her in her underwear at a man's house and then the man came to the door in his underwear too the british tabloids would have known who the man was he would be famous in notting hill it would have been a whole thing but instead they're like what about

the one guy we saw you with the one time when there were hordes of it didn't make any fucking sense and then she goes actually we're just friends and this is before she knows he's in the room and then they're like and then host then Hugh Grant says well is there any chance that you will be more than friends and who would ever say this to a reporter like okay so she's under the guy everyone in the room thinks she's talking to a reporter even though she knows she's she's under the guy. Everyone in the room thinks she's talking to a reporter, even though she knows she's talking to Hugh Grant, the guy that he's asking about. And she's like, think of a celebrity doing this.

The man I was spotted with was just a friend. Okay, excuse me, ma'am. Is there a chance you could be more than friends? Well, I wanted to be, but he didn't want that. Like, that's what she says to Hugh Grant. It's like, no actress that is guarded would ever be like, I wanted to be more than friends, but he didn't want that like which that's what she says to you grant it's like no actress that is guarded would ever be like i wanted to be more than friends but he didn't want that you know the only person that says that admits that as a woman me i'm the only one i know women admit being

rejected i've been rejected live on air from men otherwise and i'm not saying i'm some like brave person it's not a good look. What, to be rejected? To admit being rejected. And that's what Julia Roberts did in that scene to Hugh Grant, who she knew was like coming around to love her because his eyes did that slopey, like the thing where he's like,

his eyes make a bridge that's being, you know when like boats pass under a bridge and the bridge lifts up, like it splits in the middle and it lifts. That's what Hugh Grant's eyebrows do when he wants to look like will you still love me he looks like a persian cat got excited or like yes he has a very exotic cat face expressive yes and his eyes are very drippy he's so adorable you You're a Hugh Grant fan. That's why you.

I go, why have you seen Notting Hill 12 times? And he goes, I'm a Hugh Grant fan. What? And Andrew. I'm not alone. I go, this is boggling my mind that Andrew Collin has seen Notting Hill. And I go, do you. And by the way, you are alone.

Because I go, who did you watch this with? Did you watch this alone? And you go, yeah. Well, yeah, I did watch a lot of those. I've watched. I was very into romantic comedies i thought my life was going to be a romantic comedy i thought i'd meet a girl in a bookstore where i was reading you know uh uh you know eating uh cheese sandwiches for dummies and

she'd find me an aisle for praying and i'd be like hey you like this book too and they're like oh my god eating cheese sandwiches my uncle wrote this book too? And they're like, oh my God. Eating two sandwiches for cronies. My uncle wrote this book. And whoa, really? Wow, that's crazy. You thought it was going to be some kind of like great story instead of just a girl sliding into your DMs because she is a fan of your podcast.

They're both romantic. You love a story though. I do, I do. And I thought that's my life was going to be a story. And then Hugh Grant had that and About a Boy. I loved About a Boy. Because it was Grant had that. And about a boy, I was about a boy because it was about this, like, you know,

this guy that took in a girl, the father was not there enough. And he took in this little boy. It was kind of pedophily. The movie, when you look at it differently, it's a good Nick Hornby, I think is the author. I like that guy's work.

I loved Hugh Grant. I love actually, because finally Hugh Grant was like, he was the prime minister he's like so hot and he's the most powerful man in he has a way of being gb very soft while being manly which i i it's an interesting way to like i don't know it's like i feel like david spade has a way of doing it where he's like self-deprecating while still like getting respect from everyone there's an interesting like where like i don't know vulnerable yeah vulnerable while

being strong say with me again vulnerable strong vulnerable strong vulnerable um yes i agree last night i was watching nodding hill noah and i was like i i go oh my god hugh grant is feminine energy julie roberts to a t is masculine energy the whole the whole time she makes the first move she's the one that shows up to him she's the one that asks him out he tells her i can't tonight i have my sister's birthday she's like i'll go with you she makes all the money she makes all the money it's like whoever wrote that film knew exactly what these roles were and then he's the money it's like whoever wrote that film knew exactly what these roles were and then he's the one that's when she comes back and then she goes i can't do that he goes she's like i want to be with you i'm just a girl standing in front of boy asking him to

love her and he's like i can't i can't sign up for the emotional pain that that this is going to put me through and she's just like what and it's like whoa the roles are flipped and at no point does i mean he comes after her in the end but she's the one sitting up there in the lights with the cameras on her going well he told me he didn't want me and so you know i couldn't uh do anything about that he's like well maybe the readers of horse and hound would like you to be together. But I think there is something to it where he's going, look, I can't get in this situation because I've been hurt before. You're mean to me.

You also kind of left me for your apparently ex-boyfriend at one point. And I think sometimes we just want to go. Female energy. Female energy. Female energy. The whole time. I get that. I'm not calling him a woman.

No, but i'm saying though we don't take his feelings and like we don't really take his field because he is the man and it's like oh get over it stop being a little bitch like get over her no and that's what i'm saying most men are not that type i mean every man feels sadness when he loses a woman but the way that hugh grant expresses it in this of being like, I'm not doing that again. And like, so sad. It is a female, um, energy thing because there are men who bond through sex and can,

that like a woman normally does, but it's usually the woman that, um, cause they banged. And then he was like Gaga. And then she was the one he was like, gaga. And then she was the one that was like, I'm out. He also read lines with her, which, I mean, if you're a man and you read lines with a woman,

it's such a bonding experience. He acted with her. Can you read lines with me on the roof, remember? And it was such a good argument they got into. So he goes to set to see see her after she's like rejects him and he puts on headphones because he's sitting by like the crew tent and he hears her having a discussion with another person on the set and like the guy on the set is like so what's with that guy that came to visit you talking about hugh grant and julie roberts is like oh he's just a friend It's just a guy that I was seeing. I don't even know why he's here. I don't even know why he's here.

And Hugh Grant is like so sad. The bridge comes up on his forehead. The boat passes through his eyes. His eyes get sad. He leaves. Right. And then later she comes into the store the next day, his little bookshop. And she's like, she brings him a Chagall, which is probably a million dollar painting that they just abandoned when they go to track her down by the way we noticed so he comes back to the store or she comes into the

store and he's like well what about she's like I want you and then he's like well what about on set I overheard you and she's like oh I I lied to that guy who's fucking talks to everyone and it's just an asshole it was such a moment that would happen with a guy where you're like you hear a guy kind of like talk badly about you to someone or just like kind of dismiss his feelings for you to like a guy friend and you're like well you didn't tell Bradley that like how much you love me and it's like why would I tell Bradley he's not to be trusted and then you're like oh it was just funny for her to be like I'm not gonna tell that actor how I really feel and have Hugh Grant be like oh i'm i caught i misunderstood i related to that so hard of just being like i know exactly what you're doing and it's like no i was protecting you in that yeah also it's such a long

conversation oh so i met this guy at the bookstore like she's gonna go through the whole fucking story it's gonna take an hour and a half hugh grant was like why didn't she tell our love story that's what i'm saying it would have took forever i know but it's just so funny that Hugh Grant was like why didn't she tell our love story that's what I'm saying it would have took forever I know but how often do women feel that way all the time

of like but why didn't he just do and it's like because it would have just been more difficult it's just such a simple answer that would have

cleared up everything and they could have just gone from there but is that a white lie no because she goes it's she can say I don't know why he's here I bet she didn't know but the last thing when he I don't goes it's she can say i don't know why he's here i

bet she didn't know but the last thing when he i don't even know what she said i don't know it seemed yeah i don't think she lied but if she did yeah that would kind of bug me too because there's a way of saying it without lying let's get to the news the news. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, boy. It's Wednesday. It's hump day. I hope everyone's humping, humping around. Hump around.

Remember that song? Hello. The Humpty Dance? The Humpty Dance. Yeah, I interviewed that guy on my podcast. He died. I know, just recently. All the swells. All the swells.

What are the headlines? New study on sex toys break common misconceptions uh-huh 90 of the surveyed women i'm listening in a relationship said that they were open with partners about sex toy use how many what percent 90 new studies break the misconceptions that sex toys are only bought for solo use and the stereotype that it's for women who have difficulties having orgasms. In 2004. Wait, who thinks sex toys are for women who have difficulty having orgasms? This is 1940s?

Yes. I mean, that's why I buy them. But like, I don't think that that's. Well, I mean, essentially, this is this story is about like that that women are using sex toy every time you're thinking oh it must be single women that are alone and so sad and they need to fill up their pussy with you know a dildo but no you can add it to the relationship and i can make things hotter it can renew it can rekindle things yeah if you're like in your 40s and you want to try new positions anyhow but yeah so i mean when do

you but when do you break it out like how how long into a relationship before you bring out first time of having sex i i mean if i want to like not the first time i'm having well i mean yeah honestly like if i want to come i need a sex toy because i am especially the first time with a guy i just don't i don't really it to have it feel the best it can possibly feel for me yeah sex toy is gonna really speed up the process and like i've said before it's not gonna be as good as me alone with a sex toy to have also a guy there too but both together is like it's just a combination i just i'm so excited about it's like having all your best just, I'm so excited about it. It's like having all your best friend from college and your best friend from high school visiting at the same time.

And you're like, we all get along. This is so much more fun with all of us than it would be if I just visited you individually. So true. Well, okay. How about this?

A guy, you hook up with a guy. Cause this happened to me recently. You hook up with a guy. He has an orgasm, right? But I mean, you have sex for a little while guy he has an orgasm right but i mean you have sex for a little while

he has an orgasm you try to use the toy while he fingers you right but there's like maybe a little bit too much pressure because he's not quite as into it anymore because he's already come but he's trying to be into it but maybe watching tv as he's no he's like looking at her and kissing her neck but like i don't don't put yourself in the scenario. I'm just kind of grossed out. And he's licking your ears. Ew, ew, ew, ew. And sucking on your nose. No.

Okay. Now it's getting less sexual and I enjoy it. Okay. So anyhow, he goes, hey, you know what? Look, I think I'm putting too much pressure on you because I'm in here. I already came. Why don't I go outside for 10 minutes? You do whatever you got to do.

Plug up all the holes. Have a great time. No pressure. Take your time and have an orgasm and we come out and we'll go get dinner how do you feel about that i would be annoyed that i didn't come up before because it feels better when i i tend to come when like the guy is invested in it that's like makes it better but um i'd probably just forgo the orgasm because I'd be like you know what I I don't really need if I really wanted to I would get it done myself but the thing is I

was masturbating last night and I realized that if I get in a relationship and I'm living with someone I can't have them like almost like outside the door walk like they could walk in the bedroom I need to lock myself away to do what I do to myself to get off like it is not a pretty sight it is not sexy it's not something i could just do when the guy goes to the shower and is like just you know take care of yourself it's so involved and so one man band in a town square with like so many different things going that it's it's a really personal experience and i almost was like having this moment last night where i was like enjoy the fact that you have no one in your life that can enter your room like andrew is across the way he is not like i live with someone but

he's not gonna be walking in my room anytime i truly have privacy which when i'm in a relationship or married at some point i will only get when i'm like away at a hotel or something so i guess the long answer is no you you want it i wouldn't want to do it unless the guy took a walk for an hour yeah and like really gave me and had enough toys there to satisfy my needs if i'm at his place and all he has is a little vibrator that you know his roommate got sent to him her and a box of toys. And she just handed one to him. That's the thing.

Women get these toys and they just get whatever novelty toy their friend gives them as a gift. You need to go find what works for you. I have found a system through so much practicing that works for me. And I couldn't just like someone just couldn't give me a little lipstick vibrator and go oh i have fun i that would be worthless to me unless a guy had his fingers in me as well it was funny i was like were you thinking of me at least while i was not in the room or were you thinking of like john stamos and she goes i was only thinking of you and it was really like nice even though she lied probably uh john stamos i think she probably just didn't know who that was because she's 25. Yeah.

Her vision of John. It's just like an old guy with a game. I mean, that would be like you and someone asking you if you masturbated to like aunt B from like Andy Griffith show. So next story, uh, brain scans of people with,

Oh, do you know what mesophonia is yeah okay that's when people get enraged rage rage rage not just like i don't like the sound of people chewing fucking want to rip your head off and have blood boiling at the sound of people eating or chewing our mouth sounds yeah in other words they're people that can't be friends with either of us thank god i learned it from my father i feel like that should be a commercial i learned it from you dad my dad is the loudest i can't i want you to eat with him if but people could i bet they're misophonics that have heard your dad

eating at a ruby tuesdays at the next table and have wanted to kill him i think misophonics have probably murdered before and they can't it's probably been like because his chewing was loud and people don't understand but i've heard it described shout out to those people out there with misophonia it sounds like hell like to be literally enraged by the sound of a mouth sound that you can't like control that rage and it's like scientifically proven that it so it's like it it's a uh so is what he's suggesting is that misophonia the trigger sound activates the motor area, even though the person is only listening to the sound. So it actually like affects the part of your brain. It's like stab, stab, stab.

Yeah. And so I mean, so they really can't. They're not being annoying by being like, hey, can you know because it someone tells you that they're, you're chewing is annoying you. If you don't know about misophonia, misophonia, get into it because, but how would you feel though? If someone goes,

Hey, can you not chew as loud? Like I would say, Oh my God, I am so sorry. I really am. I'm not paying attention. I'm in my own world.

I am very, that's the thing we get in our own world while we're eating. Yeah. I mean, I scrub Andrew gets annoyed at the sound of the bowl scraping because I eat a lot of oatmeal. And if you want the oatmeal recipe, here you go. Oh, yeah. People are dying for this.

Okay. Here we go. Everyone get your pens out. And if you don't want to get your pens out, you maybe get out your notes on your phone. And someone take this down. And then we will repost it on our story if you post it on your story. So here we go. Ready?

Let's go. It is one packet of either low sugar oatmeal, whatever your flavor. There's many multi-flavor boxes of low sugar. Or regular oatmeal. Now, that can be whatever kind you want, right? One packet of regular or low sugar. Then, if you like stevia, whatever you like to sweeten, some people don't like stevia.

Sometimes this might be enough. If you're not a big sugar head, you won't even need to put in stevia. I put in three stevia, but that it can, I would say would start with one. Then I would put in one scoop of orgain chocolate fudge powder.

That is a vegan protein powder. It has the green top. It's a big tub they're like 40 bucks and then it will last you like if you eat as much oatmeal as i i do it'll last you about four days no it's uh it should last you months and months one scoop of that then add water add a bunch of water i would add a cup and a fourth of water i like mine to be very soupy this depends on your consistency put it in the microwave two minutes put it in a big of water. I like mine to be very soupy. This depends on your consistency. Put it in the microwave, two minutes. Put it in a big bowl because that shit is gonna rise. Two minutes, take it out.

Depending on, I like mine piping hot. Pour some oat milk or almond milk into it, just a splash or a splash or two just to cool it down. Taste it. If it's too cool, throw it in for another 30, stir it up, put some more cold oat milk in to settle it and to temper the temperature. And then you got your oatmeal.

Okay, next story. I do feel like that's a long time. I feel like it would be too hot. Why do I care? I don't know. Well, you like things very, I like things very, very hot. So Andrew, I think, puts it in for one minute because he doesn't care. I eat it cold.

I just shoot the protein and I snort the protein. I will say that mush stuff is great. Mush oatmeal. Yeah. That stuff is cold and it's so good. Go on. I love a lazy snack. Why do I care?

Why do I care? Matt James. Okay. Back in the news. The news. Oh, he's always putting his hand on Rachel Kirkconnell. I've seen so many photos of them walking the streets and he always putting his hand on rachel kirkconnell i've seen so many photos of them walking the streets and he always has his hand like this on her and it is so cute he's

always protective of her he's adorable they've been spotted a bunch uh there's nothing you can tell me about them no but i don't know yeah i don't know what kirkconnell uh gave him actually an ultimatum she like flipped it on him an ultimatum okay you said an ultimatum. She like flipped it on him. An ultimatum. Okay. You said an ultimatum, but we will let it. It's a new car made by Toyota. It takes seven hours to get a lease. Okay. An ultimatum. An ultimatum.

Ultraman. Concert. Okay. So no, ultimatum to do a fully committed relationship. So she kind of flipped it on him. She was like, look, if you're going to make this work, let's do it. But if you're not going to make it on him she was like look if you're going to make this work let's do it but if you're not going to make it work i'm going to let you do your own thing love it so eventually she's like someone read the book wait a minute andrew you're

missing a very vital part wait she wants consistency okay no he said that's really all i needed it was an ultimatum that i needed he continued it's great. It was honestly a commitment that we made to each other that we were going to work on the relationship. Love it. Ultimatums, they work. Ladies out there, men out there, if you're dealing with someone who is a masculine energy person, decide what you are. But if you are the one that's in the submissive role, which does not mean you're a pussy But the other person's calling the shots If you're not getting what you want in a relationship What you say to them

I want to be clear you go and this might not get What you want but it's the only way to get what you want You say listen because I even told this to Andrew I would go Like if someone wants something and you're not Saying it girls I'm talking to you out there You're in a relationship. You're fucking a guy.

He's not your boyfriend. You have to say to him, here's what I want. Tell him your feelings truthfully. Be like, I'm in love with you if that's the truth. I like you a lot. I could see being in love with you. I could see you as a husband. Tell them exactly how you feel.

It's okay. They'll be able to handle it if they're the right guy. And this isn't to say like, you don't want him if he's not gonna be able to handle it. This actually will turn him on more than you think it will tell him your feelings only speak from i feel then say this is what i want and if you don't want that bye-bye and literally you have to say goodbye and cut them off in every way and there's no gray area of like let's see how it goes it's if you want this or not because i know what i want know what I want. I'm as sure as hell that I want this.

And I don't know if it's going to last forever, but it might. And I want to give it a whirl. And then you need to actually go through with the ultimatum. You can't just say, I'm leaving you unless you do this. And then never leave and just let them kind of go, oh, I'm going to look into getting therapy. No, unless you get help, I'm leaving. And here's the date I'm leaving. And if they don't, you got to leave.

And guess what? It's the only way to get there. Have you ever seen intervention? People need to give ultimatums to get people to get help. It's the same system as getting a guy to commit. Guys do not want to commit. It is not in their nature. Addicts do not want to give up the drug.

It's not in their nature. You need to make it so that they lose things that they love and make them realize how much they love you in order to make the change and i also think reading the article i think she was doing the work for the racism stuff yeah meanwhile he was fucking other girls yeah and she's he was doing the work she's like yeah he was doing a lot of work and she was like look i'm doing this work i'm like doing everything i need to do to get yeah i'm reading and you're fucking other women and yet you're

holding it over me that you're not with me because I'm racist. I think she was just tired of that. Yeah. And I'm sure she was in the doghouse with what she did. And she was just like, you know what? I'm actually trying to get out of this and I'm ready for a commitment. Let's talk about that. Let's not talk about the racism thing, you know, which is an important topic.

But like it's been addressed. What about the commitment? What about you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, stop using my racism to go down on 40 other women. Yes. All right, let's get to our guest.

Today, we're doing a Deep Dive Wednesday, which is a new thing I came up with just recently, where we just go really hard into a topic that we kind of talk about a lot on the show and we never really have time to get into. Today, it's going to Be masturbation self Pleasure sex toys and Who better to have with me today on the show

Talking about this then obviously Andrew is here but Emily more dr. Emily Morse who is a let me Just get your credits right because you are You're a doctor and I always forget about that because You're just so cool and I've not the doctors Aren't cool right she's a doctor of human sexuality and obviously you can listen to her longest running sex and relationship podcast sex with emily

Which i've talked a lot about on this show. It has taught me so much sex with emily sex with emily There are two episodes every week tuesday and friday and you can follow her on instagram for so much great sex info infographics, just great positive reinforcements, statements like you should have an orgasm today. Do it. And I'm like, okay.

It's like David Goggins told me to have an orgasm. Yeah. It's, it's a motivational speaking for, for sex. And you can follow her at sex with Emily on Instagram and everywhere else. Love having you on the show show we've worked together before Welcome to the show Emily Morris hi

Hi so good to see you So good to see you all of you the whole team The whole team on the podcast You guys thank you congratulations on being our First guest because we wanted to have in someone Who was an expert who is going to enlighten Us on something that we talk a lot About but we don't really have all of the facts.

Are you we're talking about masturbation today, which we've already talked about on the show and sex toys. You, I just want to say, are someone that got me into using lube by myself. Because why not? You also got me into audio porn, which I haven't gone back to. But the first time I did it was almost too intimate Because it was just like felt like a man was whispering in my ear And it was just made me sad Because it's what I wanted so badly

But you've introduced me to so many new concepts In terms of self-pleasure as a single woman Are you a single woman right now? And what's your sex life like when you are? Okay well I am I'm dating So I'm dating a few people right now which is kind of my jam at this moment it's been quarantine i am single i got a dog she's sitting right there

super happy about that but thanks babe but i'm yeah i'm dating someone i'm dating like two or three people okay and they all know about each other but during quarantine i was mostly single i would say for the majority of the time okay so I do masturbate a lot, if that's your question. How often? I would say, okay, so first off, it's masturbation month. Oh, it is? Yeah. So this is perfect.

So happy masturbation month. Thank you. It's been 15 years for me. Right? Exactly. Masturbation generation. It's great. I'm alone. But here's the thing about masturbation generation decades it's great i'm alone but here's the thing about masturbation whether you're single or you're in a relationship you should always be masturbating because sex begets sex so people wonder like oh i've been single and i'm not having sex and then

they go to have sex and they're like i wasn't in the mood or i didn't know what to do you got to keep that engine running think of it like working out If you worked out twice a year, you wouldn't be in great shape. So the more you keep going and self-love and self-pleasure. First for me, masturbation was how I learned everything about my body. I learned how to have better orgasms. I learned how to connect with a partner and say, this is exactly where I need you to touch me. Because they don't fucking know. On the button of my vibrator yeah exactly right here here's here's how you figure out that's my quit is the

blue button with a plus sign on it turn it up um I think you're so right and that is something else that you taught me in listening to your podcast I'm serious you guys have to listen to sex with Emily it's not one of these sex podcasts That you kind of roll your eyes about where it's just like Girls just talking about how Much they love anal which is like my favorite kind of Podcast as well but this I really I'm someone who thinks I know everything when

It comes to this shit and and I just Don't and it's you even talk to me about Like just the self-love aspect And like feeling your vagina like Feeling trying to put your brain down there and feel what it feels like to have the blood rush down there i when you told me that one you told me that like on your podcast but it was like a friend was telling me i went and masturbate and i was like masturbated and i thought of that i was like trying to think with my vagina

it was a totally different experience because i realized i don't even i don't even pay attention to what i feel down there most of the time right it's all up here guys well here's the thing we are cut off so so many and I hear this from women more than men but when you think about it it's actually for all genders for well let's start with women we are cut off we don't want to look at our this is just many we don't want to look at our vaginas we have shame around it my labia is long someone shaved me someone shaved me. Someone shaved me. Someone shamed me about my vagina. I can't have orgasms.

But then we expect, but when sex happens, I should be totally ready and open. So the thing about breathing during sex, not only does it, or during masturbation, not only does it help facilitate orgasm, like your orgasms, it's all energy, right? So it's like breath, When you picture yourself breathing deep into your pelvic floor, like a breathe. And I'm not all wooey on my show. I'm just saying this is reality. When you are like cock, like, oh, blocking yourself, like orgasm blocking, you just kind of picture it and you can feel it moving through your body. So breath is important. Taking a look, like take a mirror and actually like what is going on down there? Because this

is what I've learned. I was like, and I was in grad school for this, right? And they were like, you got to go home and look in a mirror. I'm like, I don't want to do that. You know, I'm like, I got to look. But when you look and then you touch yourself and you masturbate, you realize that like, you know, all those Georgio Keefe paintings were like flower blooms. Oh, my clitoris actually, when I touch myself, it blossoms because the blood starts to flow like it's like it becomes more swollen so the cool thing is since i love my vibrators and i use them i mean i'm one of these women only 20 of women can orgasm from a penis alone so really most women as for guys just so you're worried about your penis size andrew i've heard you make some comments about this yeah

it's all jokes jokes totally but we don't, sure, some care just like you might want a woman with large breasts, small breasts. It's really about the clitoris. It's all external, even though there's internal nerve endings. The point is, I use a vibrator. I was like, oh, when I use that, it swells. So when I'm with a guy, and I can come from oral sex, I can come other ways. But I was like, look at this cool toy. I'm like, do you see when you put it there? I'm like, watch how it swells. And then they get into it. And they're like, I'm like, this is how you use it. And then there's no threat and there's no weirdness. They're part of the orgasm. But I had to learn that through masturbation and I do it. So sometimes I forget I wear a vibrator on my neck. Nikki, I have to

send you one of these. Well, it's like Cruel Intentions. It's waterproof and rechargeable. It's literally the best vibrator. It looks like a really long pen. It looks like a pen, like a vape pen. Yeah, exactly. I wear it every day. Okay.

It's called a Vesper by Crave. Thank you. Are you in LA still? No, I'm in St. Louis. Yeah. Oh my god. I love it. It says it's from, I do it with this company called Crave and it says you can get three phrases. I come first, turn me on, or

meditate, masturbate, manifest. But anyway, it works. I always have it. Then I like, what was I saying? Vibrates. Oh. What if you're like someone says I like your necklace? If you're at the bank and the teller's like, oh, I like your necklace. If you're at the bank and the teller's like, oh, I like your necklace. What do you, do you just say? Okay. It depends where I'm at. Like if someone's like, oh, that's cool. I can kind of read the room. Right. Right. Sometimes if it's a

woman and I'll be like, you know what? It's actually a vibrator. Oh my God. Yes. I also vibrate in the shower. So sometimes I forget to masturbate and I'll like have waterproof in the vibrators in the shower. Cause I'm like, I and i'll like have waterproof in the vibrators in the shower yes i'm like i'm just gonna knock one out because the thing about masturbation is it enhances our mood it it improves our ability to connect with ourselves it boosts your immune system and we all know you have an orgasm you fucking feel better can i ask a question though do you ever do you ever masturbate and then you know your guy you have a date that night or a date the next day and you don't for me i feel like i'm not as horny if i

masturbate the day before or the day of to want to pleasure the woman or like his stock because i'm also on zoloft so it's hard for me to actually have an orgasm like i really only can have them with a woman if like once every three or four days i don don't know. It's something going on in my head. It's different for men. It's different for men. So the genders are pretty similar when it comes to a lot of things with sex. But the one area is that for men, it's better to kind of for you. It sounds like for you, you understand your body.

It's better to wait. You're like, I'm going to build it up and then I'm going to be ready to go. But for women, it's like pre-gaming. Like we can have like 236 orgasms a day. If you look at like tantric, like if you go back to like tantric massage or tantric beliefs, it's like we can keep coming and coming and coming. And in fact, the more we come, the more chi we have, the more energy. But for men, it's better to save it.

So you're doing the right thing. I totally agree. I feel like before a date, I sometimes would masturbate before a date that I'm nervous about or like, am I even going to feel sexual? Because I have a lot of hangups with intimacy with men and I shut down a little bit when I feel like we might get intimate for the first time.

I just am scared of that first time. But if I'm already been masturbating a lot, like you said, it gets me in the mindset of like, I'm a sexual person. I went through a drought of two years masturbating a lot like you said it gets me in the mindset of like i'm a sexual person like i i went through a drought of two years of not having any sex or like you know making out with guy one time in two years like just really nothing but i masturbated so much that i feel like i came out of it like i had been fucking the whole time like i'd been in a relationship exactly and came out of it

so much more so much better in bed that by the time I did get in bed again, I was like a dynamo. I was really impressive. I remember the guy being like, you're like a porn star. And I was like, this is pretty basic to me. And I just know what I like. And I'm just know, hey, let's do this position. Let's do this. And it wasn't anything that crazy, but I was just more comfortable with myself. myself but right i feel though um i when we talk about sex toys and like what works for us it's it's not just like one vibe fits all and i feel like a lot of women just get whatever vibrator they get from a bachelorette party or they go to the store once and they hastily pick it out because they're embarrassed or they get what their friend got i found my clit is like lower than

every rabbit toy thinks it is. Like the rabbit toys always hitting my belly button. And I'm like, I need that. So for me, let me just show you the tool. And I, I talked about this on your podcast.

You've got to check out the podcast I did with Emily. I did a recent episode of her show and getting so much great feedback about it where we had more time to really get into the stuff. But I did clean this off. So any kind of thing on it is just water. I promise you. So this one is my favorite. It is the rabbit.

It's also a necklace. Yeah. This is an anklet, actually. Whenever she's getting money from the bank, she's like, no, it's a... Flavor, flavor. I think it's a weapon of whatever the bank. They're like, we'll give you whatever you want

So it's a giant pink thing It's probably like You know a good Five and a half inches from insertion And then there's the little rabbit Thing on it this thing is doing My clit's like all the way down at the Base here and so when I put this thing in

Me this thing's doing nothing all it does Is this whole part gets in my way And so when I put this thing In me this thing's doing nothing all it Does is this whole part gets in my Way and so when I want to put something on my Clit this thing's just blocking it right But this the best part about this thing Is that it it has A thrust to it so when you plug It in yourself and I plug it with my

Heel so that I don't have to use My hands and feel like I'm doing it to myself and I can imagine It someone else and when I plug it that's the thing i like best about it is that It has that thrust to it that makes It feel like it's a penis but this part i want To i think i might just literally get a razor Slice that off nikki nikki i'm sending

You so many because here's the One i love but i broke this The one i love so much this is the Thruster it has no attachment so it doesn't Block my clit but it Is that this yeah I have that. Fun Factory? I think it's Dr. Zoo.

Cal Exotics. Wait, Nikki. Yeah, tell me. Okay, first off, I'm going to change all of your lives. Oh, my God, yes. I get 25 pounds of sex toys delivered to my office a day. And it used to just be me trying them. I love that there's pounds.

I should show you. Pounds. And so it used to be just me. I mean I love that there's pounds. I should show you. Pounds. And so it used to be just me. I mean, I've been doing this for 16 years. It used to be like, what does my vagina think about this toy? It turns out no one, like it's just mine.

So my whole team tests out toys. So I know, but there's other companies I'm going to send you. So what you need is you need like a thruster toy. I didn't bring them all out, but there's ones that just thrust

without the little rabbit part of it. And then there's also one by WeVibe called the, it's the Nova, and they have figured out that little external part for the clitoris, the little rabbit ears, but it curls like this. So it doesn't just do this and it will touch your clitoris, but I just think you need a thruster that's not broken and the Nova. I'm going to have them send it to you. You guys can all, Noah and Andrew, I'll send you guys toys.

Here's one more thing I just want to share before we get to Andrew's toy and I want to hear what you use as well. I also have a question though about and I think as guys out there and guys not feeling comfortable with girls with sex toys and stuff, like what you just showed me, that robot arm that goes like this and it twirls.

No, it just goes like this. Literally just goes like this. Let's not make it into something else. Because it's the common other. This was going like this. But you also had a rabbit that was sucking your clit at the same time. No, it's not sucking my clit. We don't like that.

It's in the way. I'm saying though, but that is made to touch your can i show it to you i want to go get you the my point is i'm just asking i don't want to leave i'm just asking that if i'm competing if any guy with a penis competes against these things like i'm just saying there's ego involved and they do you as a woman is the penis still feel as good when you use toys like this? Because you use a penis and then you use a vibrator on top of your clit. And the fact that a warm penis is always going to feel better than this. Always, Andrew. Always.

Because I heard, I was listening to a recent podcast that you guys did. And Andrew, you were saying, when girls moan, are they only moaning because the penis is big? I know. And I'm telling you, no. We moan because it feels good. It has nothing to do with size. There are women who are size queens. Like I said, for sure.

They're like, I only want size. But it just feels good to be with a warm, working human penis. And so what Nikki's showing you is she's figured out her body, the come hither. This one doesn't come hither. But it's like you could do that with your fingers. Yeah. And the clitoris. Like Bridgerton, come hither.

Come hither, my my friend i have that one too the mimi or it's like wait is that a suction no no but do you have the suction i have a couple suction ones this one makes so much noise i can't use it it's let me see this is the lowest volume i feel like i'm looking at two girls play with dolls. It is so loud. Oh my God. And that's the lowest. It's just too loud. And when I put it on my clit, it goes,

it's like an old man choking. It's just too much. Like a French bulldog. Yeah. Okay, wait. It's too much suction, this one. Okay, there's one called the Melt by WeVibe that is the suction,

but it's much less. It doesn't make any noise. Okay, okay. And then there's this. I use this for my clitoris. This is the Mimi by Jeju, and it's really quiet, like rumbly sensations. Can you hear it? Do you put something inside?

If you're masturbating, do you ever use multiple toys? Yeah, totally. I do, but mostly I use clitoris. Oh, here's my new favorite thing too okay this is a g-spot vibrator but it's so little but it's great because first i'm not intimidating right andrew this doesn't scare you yeah that's but it has the come hither it doesn't make the motion but it like really fucking works i was like that's not gonna do anything but when you think about it most of the magic is happening about an inch and a half to two inches inside i mean you probably don't

need that thing all the way the pink one yeah it's not going like touching your belly button no no it's like it's like the come i mean i have to show you i have this all the i mean i just want a guy to finger me honestly like like i like two fingers i don't even need a dick this is it i want something that can really like two fingers right yeah that's great need a dick. This is it. I want something that can really like. That's two fingers, right? Yeah, that's great. That's all I need. So let me show you this. This is like, think of this as your, this is your.

Oh yeah, your puppet. Yeah, you have like a puppet of a vulva. A vulva. Oh yeah, I'm holding a vulva puppet. So here is, wait, this is upside down. So here's the clitoris, right? At the top. Here's the opening at the top of it.

Can we talk about the clitoral hood? Because I think guys don't understand to lift the hood. Right.'s the clitoris, right? Here's the opening at the top of it. Can we talk about the clitoral hood? Because I think guys don't understand to lift the hood of the car. There's a baggy part on top of the clit that looks like the chewed piece of gum that everyone talks about. You gotta lift that part to get to the clit. Guys, think that's the clit.

I wish there was a kickstand for it. I wish there was, too! Can we just put a hat on? Maybe throw a toothpick in there. A clothespin to keep it up. Some of the kinky board I watch has many. Okay, so the clit's up there. So when you touch the clitoris at the top,

the clitoral hood is right here. But look, there's a little bud underneath it. But when you start to touch it, sometimes it retracts on its own because you're getting turned on and it'll move back on its own, right? And reveal the clitoris. Not every woman has a clitoral hood. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. That's why we need this. Like literally we're all different, but if you do have a clitoral hood, it retracts. So you get turned on. And here's the other thing I want to tell you, and we might've talked about this, Nikki, is that the clitoris is this little bud, but there's also internal clitoral nerve endings. So let me show you this. This is what the clitoris looks like

on the inside. So here's the outside of the clitoris. I'm going to show you this. It looks like a wishbone. So this shows the labia, right? So you have the external little bulb. Everyone thinks that's the thing that has 8,000 nerve endings, but it's the legs that run. It goes throughout the lips. Out the labia. So people don't know that either. But here's the point. You take this little toy and you put it inside.

This is about two and a half inches. It's called the G-Spot Vibe from Jeju. And you put like, which means I play in French. And all we need is men think, so let's talk about size. Men think that we want this, your penis to go all the way back. What we really want, why Nikki likes the come hither

is we really want it to go up and hit inside right here. Like you're hitting this. You're trying to like hook you. Like a mound. Yeah. So put a girl up on a pillow or two the guy in i did last summer that would hook the victims oh yeah yeah yeah captain hook you do the captain hook yeah it's a hook that's going up towards i'm getting very technical

here this morning it's our pubic mound which is like your pelvic floor yeah it's like you know what's interesting like as as a guy i think like we have so we have you were talking about you want to look at your own vagina when you masturbate i feel like so many guys have had sex with their girlfriend or for years and have never actually seen their girl's vagina because the girl doesn't look at it and doesn't want to show it and i don't when you see has shame yeah i do too i mean i want a guy i want that to be in the dark like i don't want you getting it. Yeah. I don't, when you see a shame. Yeah, I do too. I mean, I want a guy, I want that to be in the dark. Like,

I don't want you getting up close and personal with it until like, I love you and you love me and I, you can really accept me. And then there's nothing hotter though than a guy like being like, can I just like look at your pussy and like, yeah, up close. But that's what I'm saying.

So turned on when a guy's like, wait a second, can I just like stay down there and like investigate? I remember the first time I had sex with like a woman and it was like was like you know during the day or the lights were kind of more more on than usual and i was like oh this is a pussy like let me take this in i feel like so many guys aren't connected like a woman isn't connected with their own pussy a lot of guys aren't connected with the pussy because they don't ever see it because they always have sex yeah in the dark while listening to dave matthews it's like turn to turn the Dave Matthews off, put up the lights, and let's examine it.

Yeah, let's take a look at it. And you know what the hottest thing a guy can say to a woman is like when he goes down on her? Because we also, we don't want it because we have shame. We think you don't really want to do it. We don't really know what feels good. But once we get comfortable with our bodies, and then if a guy says, wait, let me just take a look.

You just lay back. We have all night. I'm not going anywhere. And then you're like, I just want to be between your legs. Yes. We can relax. He,

I'm like, all right, I'm in, you know? Yeah. I'm like, do a pap smear while you're down there. Like,

if you can't, like, let's just like, I like feeling like I'm on an exam table. Like, there's something like hot about a guy just being curious. And I don't know. The first time it happened to me, I just remember being like, I'm so turned on by the fact that he's Nazi.

And I'm the same way with dicks. When I get to really know someone, I'm just like, I've never seen a dick up close. Can I just play with it and be face to face with it in not a sexual way and be like, can it stretch this way? Learn about it and I and the thing is it all stems from the fact that like you said I don't like to look at myself when I'm masturbating especially after I use this thing I use a

wand to get me started and I do this like outside the covers because it's just too intense it's also good for burglars to keep them away from the house yeah I mean this is a truly a weapon but this thing I what was what truly a weapon. But this thing, I... What was my point? Oh, this thing really makes me get...

My vagina today is swollen and looks like I was in a boxing ring last night because of what I did with this last night. It has to de-puff. It looks like I have a jellyfish down there today. So there's a little bit of insecurity about that but then i found that when i i because after a guy has used this with me it did that and it really got like swollen and i was like oh my god this is so embarrassing like my clit looks almost like a like a tiny you know what i mean like because if your clit like gets in swells yeah and i was insecure and then it was like there was one

time that i was like wait can you just look at what we did and it was just so funny it was hot it was hot and it was funny and it was just like it's fine it's not like i just i'm i'm a did anything wrong because my vagina looks weird right now and it it it's hot but it's hard for me to to get used to like looking at it and being like into it. It's it's it is a struggle. But but it's just about this. It's about it's about practicing to practice. Think about doing like stand up.

If you go back, maybe watch some of your old stuff or you're like, oh, God, but you keep doing it comfortable. Sex is exactly the same thing. The more you do it, the more open you are. Then it becomes something shared with a partner like my guy, like the guy. He comes over I'm like look what we're trying I got this for your cock

Like this is gonna be a butt plug We're trying This is a cock Like he gets excited with me I'm like this We gotta put on 20 minutes before sex This arousal gel Oh yeah

Like it's fucking fun Did you try this? I have before That's the weed That's the It has THC in it This one doesn't but you can't Get the thc this is cbd

But it works like if you have Pain or you just want to relax it's good For the penis as well like there's so much Fun to have a sex but we make it So weird well let's talk about lube Like and people's and men's Apprehension about that i would say that's also A thing that stems from women because

I am insecure why can't i get wet on my own why am i not wet enough it's like such a point of pride to be i'm so wet and then to go i need to bring in some wetness it feels like oh am i menopausal am i old is he gonna think my dry pussy is just like okay you have i had all these fears about it now i'm like let's bring it in it makes makes things so much better. So much better. I mean, well, here's what I always say that everything we've learned about sex is untrue. It's just that just know that. And one of the things is that women should when you're wet, that your wetness level is an indicator of being aroused. And let me tell you, that is not true.

You can be wet and not turned on. You could be really turned on and not wet. What wetness has to do with is for women, your hormone cycles. Where are you in your cycle? It could be when you're ovulating. It could be after your period, before your period. You might be taking a medication, an antidepressant, a blood thinner, the birth control pill can all impact your wetness. However, men are told that, oh, she's wet, she's turned on. And it's because something that I did, probably she saw my penis and got so wet. So there's all this shame around using lube. We're like, oh, we better get the lube from under the table. My dream is a lube on every nightstand. So everybody just says like, I do not have sex

with myself or others without getting the lube because, and it's not just me saying this, it's like the Kinsey Institute, which is the premier sex research center in the world, did a study. And when you add just a few drops of lube to any sex situation for a woman, like on her clitoris, just a few drops, she's 80% more likely to orgasm. And it's like, so no shame in the lube game. And I can tell you all my favorites. Yeah, what's the best lube out there? Well, okay.

So I love Foria because it just has coconut oil and a little bit of CBD. And coconut oil, you can turn this into massage and you can play with it. It's not great with condoms or toys. So I love a water-based lube too. I love Pure. It's spelled P-J-U-R. I have a huge frigging bottle of it here. But let me tell you what else I love a water-based lube too. I love Pure. It's spelled P-J-U-R.

I have a huge frigging bottle of it here. But let me tell you what else I love. Flavored lube. Yeah, you got me into flavor. For oral sex, who thought, if you were getting a blowjob and a girl busted out lube, what would your thought be, Andrew, just before we had this conversation?

Let's just dispel some of the- I mean, you know, I mean, I would... Initially, I would say, oh, am I not turning you on enough? To have her mouth be wet enough? No, to have her... No, oral sex. We're talking about oral sex.

Oh, for oral sex for lube. Yeah, what would your thought be? Because it's different. But what would your thought be? I just want to know initially. Let's do some lube so I can... I mean, you know, a small percentage would be like,

okay, does your vagina smell bad or taste bad? Have you been told that before? Oral sex. Do you need that? That's what I'm saying. No, to blow you. Oh, to blow me. Yes.

See, this is why it's so crazy to men. They can't even understand. So what would you do? You'd put lube on my penis? I wouldn't, but yes, a girl would put lube on your penis before she blew you. Okay. Well, I don't but yes a girl would put lube on your penis before she blew you okay well I I don't know I mean I would I would think that maybe my dick would taste bad and and I would maybe be a little

insecure about it be like why are you breaking out blueberry isn't my oh because your dick tastes bad okay Emily let's let's okay let me dispel this myth well first off I mean it doesn't have to even be flavored lube because if you use a silicone lube or the coconut, it all tastes fine. Like if you use a good lube, I don't go to the drugstore and buy lube. But this is this amazing thing. It's called it's by System Joe. This is Muse. They're like sister brand that they don't have anymore.

And they just started calling it System Joe again. Whatever. That doesn't matter. This is mint chocolate. This is creme brulee. And they have salted caramel. And it comes in a pump bottle. And I am telling you

i i tried it in a trade show for years ago they put it on ice cream it's fucking like i will eat this delicious what i'm scared is after she leaves oh my god she's you guys she is like pouring it on her fingers like the goo that you know marathon runner it's so fucking good so then my guy and i will have it on my nightstand he's like go, go get the mint chocolate. And he'll go down to me. I go down. It's like, first off, why lube is great is because my mouth is never going to be as wet as like a little bit of lube can be. Like you want it to be wet.

That's the key to a great blow job. It's wet. You're using enough pressure. You're using your hands and your mouth, all the things. But if you're not like, sometimes I'm just not and I keep taking water. I'm like, just fucking use lube. I know. And this stuff tastes, it's so like, like i don't it's really good ingredients too because i think there used to

be like cherry lubes and blueberry those those suck but this for some fucking reason like i'm making my own brand i'm like this is great i'm doing it oh my god i love it so i love it okay tell us the brand of that again it's called muse well yeah well it was called okay they don't make this anymore but system joe is the same brand okay we gotta try my website thank you i'm sending you guys a bunch of oh my gosh i can't wait to have the pounds you send i i learned so much like uh first of all i didn't know that most women didn't have clitoral hoods because my mine is uh my my clit looks like billy eilish when she's depressed after a show like wearing a hood over her head like mine is like a depressed teenager my clit's a depressed teenager with like like i gotta really like like hold it up and then my clit is like so it's the

only thing that i'm like it's so small i wish it weren't because it's so hard to find and it's a lot of times i just like give up on it but um i didn't know that some women like don't have them and then some women don't have is it the labia minora are the ones that stick out more that women can be insecure about and majora is the the major the the outer but it's the menorah where women the women are insecure about the menorah the majora they're insecure about all of it and so it's the menorah where women the women are insecure about the menorah the majora they're insecure about all of it and so it's because for some women because what we see in porn is like a tucked in like literally they tuck it in for porn there's some different angles but every single woman looks different so they are insecure about it but it just to me it's like great you have more

nerve endings you have more access to it I just think there should be no shame. There's no one right way for a vulva to look. So going back to your clitoral hood, I think, yeah, so women have insecurities about that. And I'm just like, let it, like, just, unless there is stories about women, like, it's so long and they have to, like, tuck it into their underwear. It's dry and it gets painful. They get surgeries because it's a pain thing. It's a pain thing yeah it's a pain thing but that's for most women it's like totally fine and it swells and it feels great

but as far as the clitoral hood i'm just trying to think of what like it usually why you probably like the the the wand is because it quickly arouses like it gets you turned on so then it does retract on its own yes but it's not even about the clitoris. The thing is, it's also going back to... It's down the sides. But it's also in here, the pubic mound. So do you ever find that you put the vibrator right here? Yeah, I can't even put it on the clit sometimes because it gets too sensitive.

So you go around to the edge, which is where the branches are of the clit. Right. We're talking about all the nerve endings. So it doesn't even matter if it's small, the clitoris or or the actual bulb it's like it's all this area that you got to get into so what i'm even having sex with like partner like they know like because they've seen me masturbate another great thing is mutual masturbation yeah because if you watch your partner masturbate and then you're masturbating like it's hot and then you can see how what they

do you're like oh i didn't know he uses to a hand, like over the tip. I'll do that next time I blow him or give him a hand job. And then you can see, he sees that I like press on my pubic mound or I put my fingers in a certain way. So then when he's pleasing me, he does that. So that's why I love mutual masturbation, but it makes sense that you would just be all these areas feel good. So I think Your clitoris

It's all What about anal Stimulation during masturbation Is that even something like because I do like anal sex I like the feeling of that But sometimes I'm like I just can't do Another like I can't put three things Up here that's why I bought this thing

Which is like you ride This and then this part's supposed to Hit your clit and then this is supposed to do something Back there I guess it didn't really do it for Me because again my clit is like down Here and it's totally missing this thing This is just again rubbing my You know sternum

At this point and But like do you ever what would You recommend for anal or yeah What would you would you recommend like a butt plug like for baby? Yeah Throw it before you start Yeah, totally. I think that but I think it's great to experiment with anal play on your own if you've never done it before So yeah get a plug

Like a little like you can get that's a big butt plug. You just showed me Yeah, I mean this is well this is to go inside your vagina And then this is the tapper of the Oh I was like wait yeah this would be insane I mean this is what I could probably do At this point because I really like anal but like Yes I definitely would start with something Smaller

So take a little butt I know like what okay So take a little butt plug and put it inside with some Lube and yeah try it out with your It is a third toy for you but that's why I want to send you this rabbit But yeah, anyway, try it out for men too. And what about porn? Um, I feel that my porn use is heading in a direction That I can't I can't get out. I'm in a I just like bdsm. I like really like kinky stuff I like girls being tied up I like forced

orgasms is my like favorite porn because for me I push orgasms away when I feel them bubbling up because they are gonna feel so good and I'm like I don't want it to be over I want to like keep this anticipation of this great thing happening and so then when I finally come I don't feel depressed afterwards or sad but it just feels like the day after Christmas a little bit of like a whole nother day until I can feel that again. And so I push it and push and push it. And that's why I am drawn to women being tied up and being like, said like, you have to have an orgasm.

It's not your choice. And now I'm kind of scared that that's the only kind of thing I can, like I've told partners before, like tell me I can't come tell, like tell me I can't come and then try to make me come. And then partners before like tell me i can't come tell like tell me i can't come and then try to make me come and then you have to tell me i can is that something that i should just embrace is like that's what i'm into or is it something that i should when do you look at the porn you're watching and go i should talk to a therapist yeah this i should need to pull

back because it didn't start this way for me this was like a slow progression into just only kinky like really like not not necessarily rough a lot of the porn i watch is rough because it tends to be women tied up men tend to be mean to those women that doesn't need to be but that's all i can find i would love a guy to tie up a woman and be nice to her but it's just harder to find that one of the therapists was like i think it was back when your dad wouldn't let you play until you ate all your peas Like that's why I mean honestly it could be that

Like delaying pleasure Does this Am I broken? No not at all You're so not at all broken It's like if you're interested in exploring There's some great porn that's made for women By women

I love Valesa Do you work with them? Yeah porn that's made for women by women valessa well i love valessa yeah work with them yeah yeah i they've because that's made by women it doesn't it makes me feel like oh these women are being treated well but they don't they don't get they don't get weird enough for me they don't have enough because once i watch a video i can't watch it again until i forget about it i need to like eternal sunshine it so that it's new to me. It's almost like kind of how, you know, I just need, I can't go back to the old hits. Um, right. And so you're not broken. I think it's great that you'd know what turned you on. And then there's also, if you just want to sometimes here's the thing, a lot of us worry that what we fantasize about and what we masturbate to and what we do and how we sound during sex is wrong and not normal.

But like the fact that you have an active fantasy that you can go to and that turned you on and makes you feel good is incredible. There's like literally nothing wrong with you. In fact, some people are trying to get fantasies and they don't have them. But if you want to expand, I mean, you could say I'm going to actually try to like get into watching something, maybe BDSM adjacent. Right. Maybe there's like right. And maybe there's something else that there's nothing. I mean, I love that, you know, that unless it feels like a problem. I just feel like it's a slippery slope.

And I don't mean to bring it to this area, but I recently read a statistic that five percent of the U.S. consumes uh child sex abuse images and that is not because five percent of people are pedophiles it's because a lot of those five percent are people that got into extreme porn and the most extreme porn is porn with that's illegal with children in it and they just want the next thing that's more extreme and i'm i'm not scared i'm gonna get to that point but i'm a little scared i might get to something that actually might be exploiting someone because when you go down that hole of like, no pun intended, of like, I need it to be more,

I need a girl in a warehouse tied up. I now need two toys in her. Now I need double penetration. Like I used to be turned off by double penetration. Like how could you even want that? Now it's all I watch. A girl doesn't have two dicks inside her. It's like, what are you, Mormon?

So for me, I just go, where does this end? And is it going to end in a place where no one can satisfy me except, you know, a football team, you know, in a locker room? Like, where does it end? Well, I think that you've been doing, well, you haven't been in a relationship, right? You haven't been dating the relationship right you haven't been dating last year you said so i feel like you've been doing actually what i've been telling a lot of people to do when they're single they're alone especially quarantine take the time to figure out what you're into but i promise you nikki when you are in a relationship with someone which it sounds like that's what you want yeah then you're gonna create a whole new scenario which that's

connection and that's about this is just my relationship with myself that might be coming to an end soon but there's like these days i'll miss the women in the dungeons when i'm in a relationship i might need to go check in on those ladies here and there and refill their water bowls but like i uh maybe the guy will like the women in the dungeons too i know but then i'll be like well this dungeon it's just not doing anymore let's go to a darker dungeon and then it just is like, the stuff I see on porn, I just have to say, is alarming. Some of the stuff that they go,

hey, you liked this? Why don't you try this? And I go, that has blood in it. Why would you think I want that? And they go, we'll see you next week. And I'm like, God, you know me, porn. So it just scares me where it could go. Final thought here, though. I did last night do exactly what you said, Emily, which is try different things, maybe pull back a little bit uh i we were watching yeah we were or just like yeah just

trying a different avenue being like uh because i wanted to get back to what what really turns me on that isn't a woman tied up in a cellar and initially the the one thing that i was very turned on by was a scene in the departed the movie the departed with leo and his therapist where he goes to visit her after they've stopped seeing each other and it's very hot it's just the hottest scene and last night i saw it on netflix and i was like andrew can we watch this and we watched all the scenes leading up to it to see their sexual tension so i tried to get back to basics of you know uh enjoying of romance and like the build-up and you know i i don't know that it did the same thing for me but it was an innocent uh you know

visit back to my like the the initial things that used to turn me on as like a high schooler but it's it i just struggle with yes i just struggle with try a porn that's more romantic and just see where that goes like something that's like he's like petting her hair and giving her a cupcake and you know like telling her how pretty she is do you watch porn emily i i do watch porn but not a ton just because i don't have a lot of time okay my time is spent talking you're dating three guys yeah i know are they not jealous of each other no no they're mature i mean honestly like would i say dating like there's one that i like the primary partner that i see i mean i'm not it's not like open like he's my guy forever but he's

a guy that i see more often and there's like guys that come into town that I've seen. I'm just very open with everyone because that's just where I'm at right now. No, it's awesome. I wish I could be that honest. We don't have to be that. You can. The thing is, I think that people appreciate it. Listen, if you meet someone on a dating app, for example, you're swiping, you go on a date with them, assume they're sleeping with other people or assume like, just why wouldn't they

be? And also like, I feel like the, the flip side of that is you go out with someone a few times, you have sex with them and then you're with them for the next six months or a year. And you're like, I don't even barely know,

like, do I actually want to be with this person? And I think there's a great time in your life when you are single that you get to date a few people and figure out like, who do I like? Like, what do I actually want? What am I into?

And when you're sleeping with a few people, you can be like, Oh, you like learn from from the hall if the primary guy though goes hey i don't want you sleeping with the other people that come into town what would you do this primary guy i'm trying to think i know it wouldn't happen the deal that we're in right now but i i think if it would be have to be mutual like i think it would have to be i I'd be like, really? Well, tell me more about that. Are we going to change the structure of our relationship? Do you think we should be spending, maybe we could spend more time together? Or what does that look like?

Are you cool with him sleeping with other people? Yeah. All right, cool, cool. I think Andrew's projecting himself all over this. I am, I am. I'm wondering for you, Andrew. I'm just wondering. I don't really know the answer.

Because you put yourself in the situation of her primary guy with your girl that you're dating. That's your primary girl that isn't your girlfriend. Yeah. You would rather just not know what she's doing. You're saying that the fact that Emily has disclosed this. It was funny. We were about to have sex the other night. And I was on top of her, about to go down on her.

And she got a phone call from a boy's number. And I got a little jealous. And it affected how good i was sexually i think because i kept thinking of this guy's name you know like whatever brendan official with someone though you should assume that they're sleeping with other people right with other people does that hurt you to hear no it doesn't hurt me to hear i i know i just want to know how you can be like open with communication and not he just wants to know how the girl will be only fucking him and he can fuck other girls that's not true that's what we all want i don't we all

want that i don't want that well then why not just make it official huh i don't know how long have you how long have you been with her like three months well like oh that's like i was gone for two months but yeah yeah okay i don't know this is about the time maybe you have the conversation you could just be like define the relationship yeah or not maybe not yet what'd she say about the guy what did she say it was oh that he has a huge cock and no but did you ask about it or was it just all like you did you follow up with it or was it just i asked she goes you seem a little off and i and i i was honest about it. Yeah. And she goes that's my childhood friend that I've told you about 30 times. Okay.

Just don't listen to me. Okay. Well, we gotta go Emily. Thank you so much for just hanging out with us and teaching us so much. We are like I feel like this we're better off for this conversation, which I always am after listening to you. Make sure you subscribe

to Emily's podcast, Sex with Emily, wherever you can get podcasts. It's out on, sorry, Tuesdays and Fridays. Tuesdays and Fridays. Sometimes there's a third one, but she has great interviews with people. She just has great conversations. You fell in love

with her today on this show, so make sure you subscribe. Thank you so much, Emily Morse. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I can't wait for those toys to arrive in that lube uh and the necklace i'm very excited um all right well we'll see you tomorrow we've got one more show this week you guys thanks for joining us yeah awesome make me new cat joel the holidays are a blast but the uh hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon,

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