The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #393 Morpheus 8: Face To Burn, One Man Show vs Comedy Act & Cover Band Update!

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

It's a full house as Nikki is fresh-faced after her Morpheus 8 treatment. Anya is back on the pod to help guide Nikki through her new burn. Brian had a laser hair removal experience that may have been less painful than being forced to sit at a one-man show. If you see a blonde woman zooming down a mountain on skis, it could be Nikki on vacation. She and Anya have an update on their cover band now that Nikki is almost at the point of finding her 'real singing voice.' In the Final Thought, they can't help but gush over Matteo Lane and his multiple talents. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the podcast. This is Nikki Glaser podcast. Just for anyone watching on YouTube, if my skin looks disgusting, it's because I got a Morpheus 8 laser staple gun in my face two days ago. So the past two days, my face, I'm not supposed to wear makeup, but I did put it on for this,

and then I take it off immediately. Because it's just too disturbing. I was thinking, I'll just not wear makeup and say that I had a facial like I don't care, but if someone clipped it people would be whoa my god like and I was like maybe I'll hold a sign the whole time next to my face that says like I had a laser facial. This isn't my real face. So you

just can't you can't get away with things because they get clipped. What does that do for you? It's a great question. I'm not really sure because it seems to have like um it's cut up my face pretty severely like I have actual abrasions on my face from it like it's cut

like Anya is here by the way Taylor's here Noah's here Brian's here um Anya you've had this done before did you have actual cuts on your face cause I have she said I might have scratches and I do have lines and scratches and cuts I didn't have that no but I did look like a she said I might have scratches and I do have lines and scratches and cuts all over my face. No, but I did look like

a fucking piece of work. Like a tractor trailer just drove over my face. So that's cuts. No, I didn't have cuts. Have you ever had fraxel? Where you have wild scabs. Road rash.

But if a tractor trailer drove over your face, you would have cuts. So the analogy has been placed into question. Well, that's what I'm saying. Road rash only. Road rash. R-R-O. I think I had like long, like you're talking like a razor blade cut kind of thing. Yeah, like I have like a chunk missing from my nose.

Like it feels like it really felt like a staple gun. I mean, that's what she compared it to. It was very painful. I had to be numbed for, so they put numbing cream on your face, which I've had, I mean, I've had a million injections in my life and different facial things

and they put the numbing cream on and it's usually on for like 15 to 20 minutes. She was like, this needs to be on an hour because it's so painful. I had no idea. I originally even got this because I heard Anya was like, I did this radio frequency thing. It's pain-free.

It just feels like they're rubbing a dildo on your face. Yes, but then I asked you, what's it called? And you said the Morpheus 8. And so I went in that day and I said, can I have the Morpheus 8? And then- Can I have the Anya? I went in the next time to get it

and they were like, this is the most painful one. I was like, that's not the one my friend had. Okay, good. And then I went back to you and I was like, did you actually have the Morpheus 8? And you were like, I don't know. And then I was like, oh, wait, I think I'm in too deep. But then I couldn't get it that time because I had to be on TV the next day. And they were like, absolutely no makeup.

And so I went back this week because I don't have any TV. I just have this and I'm not supposed to be wearing makeup. But what you endured is the most powerful thing ever. The hope is building collagen. It triggers the underneath layer of the skin. Noah, if you want to look up like what it does, I would love maybe a description because I really don't know.

I just go to these things. That's a good description. It lifts and tightens. So it's like for people that are aging. It doesn't lift anything, by the way. It doesn't lift anything. It takes three months to show up, just so you know. people that are it doesn't lift anything by the way it doesn't lift three months to show up just so you told me it doesn't lift she said don't don't look for lasers to lift they're never gonna lift not a laser that's not gonna happen it's a bunch of needles going on into your dermal don't layer look for these things to lift she said maybe she's wrong but like it's

smoothing so it says yeah i don't know what this means, but it remodels and contours the face and body via subdermal adipose remodeling. Okay. Yeah. I had Nate Berkus in there. Adipose is something that happens after you die. Adipose something. Oh, maybe that's just the fat that comes out after you die. Serial whacked will be performing it.

Okay. So it's supposed to. Taylor knows that. It's supposed to penetrate deep into the skin and fat for a smoother and sleeker appearance. So that makes sense. Okay. Yes. So it's, it's, it really was like a ka-chink, ka-chink, ka-chink, ka-chink, ka-chink.

Like it's all over your face. It hurts so bad, even with the numbing stuff, which is fine because it's like something like $900. It's ridiculous. But shout out to NIAC. If you're in St. Louis, definitely go to NIAC. They know what they're doing. Everyone there is fucking gorgeous. Jen

there, Jen Jones, is my favorite. I love her so much. She consults me in a... But here's the thing i will say that shout out to west niac a city in new york yeah yeah shout out to there shout out to my bank account that is missing nine hundred dollars after many treatments uh it is all it's it's a lot of money but it's um it's all worth it but i this was what i was confused about because I'm like, I go in there and I'm asking about like dents in my face, the things I'm seeing.

And by the way, I did see a YouTube clip the other day of our show and I just clicked on it to like watch a second of it and you can't miss a comment because they just staple a comment to the top. And so I hate comments. And someone did say can we all agree Nikki's face hasn't changed? That's very nice.

Please don't think that some days I have bad days some days I have good I'd rather no one commented on it at all and I know you're like well what you commented on it are we not supposed to comment on it yeah you could just not write a comment under it but do write a comment just not about the appearances because we need the comments for engagement

okay so leave a comment but I guess I would be frustrated if I was a listener I was like well you talk about your face we I was like, well, you talk about your face. We can't weigh in. Can I just talk about my face without you weighing in? Does that give you a right? But I don't know. Maybe it does.

Maybe it does. Listen, that's up to you. Whatever. I'm not going to read it, but I did read one because they're stapled to the fucking top, and I can't watch a clip of myself without – I can't show interest in my own show without having some kind of insight from a stranger. But I just want to say yeah whatever that's i guess that's my point but then after so i i get done with the staple gun

face and then i was like um we were talking about oh she was talking about how some clients have to like lie about their stuff to their husbands because they're so embarrassed about getting it done and she said that this one woman told her husband she was getting a colonoscopy. And I was like, wait, why? How did she not look crazy? On her face? Yeah.

And she was like, no, that she was having something that she got away with saying colonoscopy because she had to take a fentanyl lollipop, which is a real thing. Sounds fun. It's where you literally suck a fentanyl lollipop, which is a real thing. Sounds fun. Mama like. It's where you literally suck on fentanyl. You got to watch Intervention, the best one.

Because it's so painful. And that's how you kill yourself. But you don't have any, no visual signs? No visual signs. And I go, what's that? I want to do that. No, it's on her face. So she goes, that's the Ulthera.

And she points to this machine behind her. And I go, why am I not doing that? And she was like, well, you can do that. And I'm like, this is my problem with these things. It's like, I just, when I was leaving, I go, I want to do that next time. Because it's bigger and better. And you need a fentanyl. Anything that's like requires more.

And you don't have any. How could it hurt that bad that you need fentanyl? And you don't feel, there's no visuals of it. You look like maybe a little red, but like nothing like I got. So I'm like, why am I doing this instead of that? And I think the answer is cost, maybe. Maybe that's like so much more. But I just told her, I go, Jen, I need you to know, I want to do everything.

Everything you can do, I want to do. I got money to burn on this. I got face to burn on this. I got face to burn on this. I don't think you understand everything you have. Every arsenal. Let's just do it. Because I don't want to get a facelift because the guy that I would go to is booked out

until a year. I got to schedule a facelift now if I want one. You're too young to do that. People our age do that? Don't let anybody say I need one. Don't do it. In their I'm not. But here's what I want to say. People our age do that? Oh my God, people. Don't let anybody say I need one, don't do it. Yeah, 40.

In their 20s, get them. With Ulthera and radiofrequency microneedling, you do have to be careful because you can lose the very precious little fat tissue around your eyes

and some technicians don't know what they're doing. This is what I've been told by the best. And then you can melt away the beautiful fat that you desperately want, actually. And you can have that hollow look of the eyes that you trademarked.

Nikki, what do you call them? I don't know. Jeff Bezos' wife's eyes? Or who was it? You're like, her eyes. It's Dr. Phil's wife. Okay. No, those are her classic eye job eyes.

But I think the hollow, like hollow eyes, like Oppenheimer eyes. Like, you know, like he looks like a skull. Yeah. Killian Murphy. I have those kind of eyes.

The villain from Captain America. Someone sent me a Leslie Gore clip today, which I really was flattered by. This girl, a bestie, I believe was like, you look like Leslie Gore back in the day.

And she was singing. I think she was singing. It's my party or something like that. Yeah. And again, I was like, Oh, every time I get told I look like someone it's because their eyes are this

certain way. I can't describe it. Like Terry Gar. Yeah. Terry Gar's eyes weren't the, that's, that's what I look like, but it's not the eye thing.

Everyone else. It's this like all this weird eye shape that I don't particularly like in other people. And I'm kind of sad that I don't like it in myself. Mine is Shelley Duvall's eyes. Like borderline Graves disease. Borderline Quam Graves. They're like, you look just like Shelley Duvall. For those of you who are new to the show,

quam eyes are based off of someone we went to high school with who kind of talked like this. Crispy. And his last name, we're not going to say what it is, but it was something like, it started with a cr,

criss. It kind of was like quam. And he would always say cr, like his, that's how his name was, was something like that. And so, and he also had eyes that shut

the lower lid and the upper lid came together each on its own like symbiotically they met in the middle like little clams and so he had clam eyes but because he talked like this we called them clam eyes and we called him crispy Because he also looked wispy and singed. Because he had been in a fire. No. Oh my God. I can't say that. He can be listening. He was not-

He always looked sunburned. He was not in a fire. If you're listening- No, he wasn't. We pretended that he- He did look a little bit burnt. He looked like he had just had Ulthera. He really did.

Oh my God. Was he your friend? He was always- He was like windburned. He was always windburned. Yes, he was our friend. He looked like he had just had Ulthera. He really did. Oh my god. Was he your friend? He was like wind burnt. Yes, he was always skiing. And his hair looked dry. Like it had been like it could like if someone put. It could ignite.

It was like straw. We're such bitches. But we loved this guy and he had no idea and it's not like we would say this to his face yeah worst nightmare we just wanted to draw him yeah you're just

walking down the hallway over and over and you see two girls laughing at you and you don't know why no no we were not like that you don't

no way he was like one of our best friends he was our one of our best friends boyfriend for years and so he was like we we were

he is also a person that got your name, the words, your and name tattooed on his ass our senior year. So he could say, I have your name

tattooed on my ass. And then girls would go, what? And then he would bend over and be like, see? And then it's like, that's a good one.

I love a guy who commits to a bit. It's a pretty good bit. I can't believe he still has that on his ass though. And he's like a father. He might have got it

lasered off. Oh, Therodoth. Morpheus 8. Yeah. So, yeah, I got Morpheus 8. I can relate to this. Oh, that's Morpheus 9. I got me and your boy, Tim Convey,

used to live together, and then we would drive all the way from Los Feliz to Santa Monica to get laser hair removal on our backs. Yes! The laser hair removal on our backs in those days was excruciatingly painful. It was, we'd have to like take the day off

after doing the laser hair removal. We'd just go home and pass out in our beds. We wouldn't even eat dinner. And then I got laser hair removal on my back again two years later, and the technology improved and it was like painless. What?

You just gotta wait until it's thick. They use it. Now they, with laser hair removal, they like spray cooling agents so that it numbs the skin

and then it lasers you so you don't feel it. Oh, they didn't numb you. They did. They put like numbing cream on your back but no, it was so painful.

Oh, both of us. This was like. Yeah, 2016. And then by 2018, it was like the technology or we just went to a better place. Trump changed everything for you guys. Once Trump became president, hair removal technology improved dramatically. Say what you will about Trump. Okay.

What about hair placement? Should have been... Well, the 90s hair placement was like, yeah, that was a disaster. And now it's like, you can't even tell. How come Trump doesn't get hair placement? He's got beautiful hair. Instead of his hair being like it is.

I think he does. It's attached? I think it's a comb over. I think it's flopping in the wind. I think he's got plenty plugs. It's attached? I think it's a comb over for sure. I think he's flopping in the wind. I think he's got plenty of hair for his age. Yeah, he kind of does. But I do think it's on. I think it's pushed forward and kind of like, I think it's a comb over.

But why didn't he just get it put in if he's so rich? Because it would take time. Oh, he can't hide. And he is like the kind of guy that doesn't want to endure any discomfort or pain don't you think yeah that's a good point yeah I mean all of this stuff is that's the problem it's like it's painful

and it takes so much time and that's why I kind of give it up for girls who get it done it's like okay well you put it that's it's not that easy to spend all this money and to be beautiful. You ever hear the phrase just be laid up forever. You ever hear the phrase pain is weakness leaving the body.

You hear that? Yeah. What do you think about that? Yeah. Do you agree? I kind of like that because it makes you stronger. Once you get through pain, it makes you stronger. How do you feel after your foot massages?

Do you feel less stressed? Well, that's like trauma leaving the body. Yeah. I just went to Pilates this morning. It was the most painful thing of my life of just like trying to activate muscles that don't want to work. It was just it was one of the hardest sessions.

It was the hardest I've ever worked in a workout class. Like it was just like nonstop and there's no like you're not doing cardio so there's no reason why you should be sweating and your heart rate should be up but you're clenching so much and you're doing so much like abs and like trying to do push it back with that muscle and not with your back like it was insane and then i was doing this one stretch if you guys know pilates it's the um front splits oh it unlocks something so deep in me.

I was trying to make people laugh. I was like, my dad yelling at me at Six Flags in fourth grade. Like, I was just making stuff up to be like, it's unlocking trauma because they weren't really laughing, though. But who was there? There's a bunch of people around. Huh? Is it really a split? There's a bunch of people around? Huh? Is it really a split? It's like, well, you put your front foot on a

bar, and it's kind of like raised above on this reformer, and then your back foot is behind you, and then your back foot slides on this thing, so you slide it back. So no, it's not even close to a front split. Like, if you were doing it right, it would be like front splits, but your legs are split open with one in front of you. Like, you know, it's

not like a middle split. And then you're just, but you're stretching your hip flexors, one in front of you. Like, you know, it's not like a middle split and then you're just, but you're stretching your hip flexors and there's so much. Oh, I watched this YouTube video all the time. I really recommend it because her voice is so soothing and it's so good. And it's called trauma informed yoga, hips, relaxing,

stored trauma. And she just like walks you through all these. She does trauma yoga. This girl, what's her name? It's amazing. Hannah Uiri. Why? Wait, U-I-R-I.

Hannah U-I-R-I. And she does all these like trauma. Like she does like yoga for sexual abuse survivors. Like, and the whole thing. I just listened to it to go to sleep. That's smart. Yeah. It's, I don listen to it to go to sleep. That's smart. Yeah, I don't know because it helps me get to sleep because her voice is so soothing.

But she's just the whole time, this is what yoga is for sexual abuse survivors. Now, we're going to get into our front lotus position. Now, only do this if you want to. You don't have to do anything I want you to do.

You can opt out at any point. Every time she tells you, now put your hand on your heart. Again, you don't have to do this. No one is making you do it. It's just reminding them constantly that they don't have to do it, which is very soothing and what I need to hear all the time in workout classes.

This is what my new chiropractor does. I told you guys on the chat. is what my new chiropractor does. I told you guys on the chat, I have this new chiropractor. I went to him because I've had pain everywhere lately, just mysteriously out of nowhere. And he was like, so much less creepy than my old chiropractor, who was like in a seventies jazz band and just would randomly put his hand into your sacrum. Yeah. But this guy's like... Or Kaanya's. He's one of our dads.

Just so you know, if you're ever uncomfortable at any moment, tell me. I cannot read your mind. I will be touching you. Tell me if you're uncomfortable at any moment. Do not leave a comment on my Yelp. Just tell me and I will not be offended. Oh, so this guy's had some trauma.

And I was like, why is he talking so much? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I got it. He's like whispering in your ear. Like right now, I feel really weird. And then he started talking about boundaries like an hour into the set. Or I said something like, yeah, boundaries are cool. We're just like shooting the shit.

And he goes, well, tell that to Angela, my receptionist. I'm like, what's going on with Angela? And he's like, I go, is that your partner? And he's like,

yes. I mean, I would call her my partner. I don't think her husband would appreciate that. Oh, boy. This guy has some boundaries. Oh, my God.

Someone's got a crush on Angela. I can't stop seeing him, guys. I've seen him five times in two weeks. Oh, my God. It sounds like he's hilarious. No, he is great. He's great. I like him.

He is not creepy. How did you find him? His two blocks away. You're like, get some intimacy. I just looked him up and his reviews were like five star like so many great reviews I'm like I'll check it out

is he cracking you is he crack-a-lacking he's cracking me and he's doing weird woo-woo energy shit and I'm so cynical and skeptical that I'm like

yeah I'm anti-woo-woo anything I hate woo-woo what are you doing now what are you doing now and he's like what do you mean I don't like woo-woo the word either

I hate that word I hate it we've all said it we I don't like woo-woo the word either. Sorry, I said it. I hate that word. We've all said it. We've all said it. Woo-woo instead. We have. We can get a super cut of all of us saying it on the podcast. We've all said it.

Oh, it's definitely been said by all of us. No question. I go, oh, I hate that word. I say hocus pocus. I don't say woo-woo. Hocus pocus is better. That's fine. Solid movie.

Poke poke. I call Luigi little woo-woo sometimes. That's okay. That's okay. Little wee. Poke, poke. I call Luigi little woo woo sometimes. That's okay. Little wee wee. You call him little wee wee? Uh-huh. Yeah. Mare, mare, and wee wee.

Where are they? Did they leave? Yeah. Oh, are they still in this room? Yeah, I call the dogs. It's just, it's insane what I can, what the words that come out of my mouth. Oh, yeah. But I was reading an article that it's very normal to talk to your dogs

even though they'll never ever respond or understand what you're saying. And I do think I've made... Chris and I used to joke that Marion's so ugly and we used to just be like, you're disgusting. And like say it to her. But we can't do that anymore

because words have meaning even if you say them cheerily. So whenever he's like, she's the grossest thing that's ever lived, I always am like, no, you're so beautiful. My boyfriend goes, what happened to your face? Why is it like that? Yeah, she's funky looking, man.

She needs Oppenheimer 8. That's what it should be called. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be back right after this hey guys it's nikki and i'm in tempe arizona in a loud restaurant um but i have some urgent news to tell you that i am preg not pregnant i'm uh actually taping a special it's the opposite of that um my womb is probably inhospitable because i'm on the road so much but i am taping a special. It's the opposite of that. My womb is probably inhospitable because I'm on the road so much. But I am taping a special coming up this December 16th in Seattle at the Moore Theatre. I would really love you to be there.

I really want the crowd stacked with my fans and my best fans, which are my besties. So if you want to plan a trip around it, a little pre-holiday trip, December 16th. It's a Saturday in Seattle. There are two shows at the Moore Theater. You can get tickets at NikkiGlazer.com. I am so excited about this new material. I'm putting it on a special. It's retiring after that night.

And I want you there. Please be there. Noah will be there. All my girls from the girls' chat will be there. Everyone you know and love, Brian, will be there. And girls from the girls chat will be there everyone you know and love Brian will be there and I want you there too I would love to see you there in the crowd and you might make it on TV you'll hear your laughter you'll hear your clapping

you'll maybe even see yourself so I love you guys December 16th Seattle Moore Theater get tickets now NikkiGlazer.com Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily Show which means he's also back in our ears on the Get tickets now at NikkiGlazer.com. sports and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself?

There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. I'll be in Tempe this weekend, you guys. Tonight, Thursday night, if you are listening to this, there's a late show that still has tickets available if you want to come see me at the Tempe Improv.

And then I will be in Portland tomorrow and Saturday. And next week I will be in... No, you'll be in Portland on Saturday. You're in Tempe Thursday, Friday. Oh, sorry. Yes, Thursday, Friday. Yes, right. Thursday, Friday, Tem Tempe Then Portland Saturday Then next week

Somewhere else This girl is On the Go This girl is On fire Literally I am

I was in Tempe A couple of months ago And I did I noticed It was hotter But I noticed that like People didn't wear like Any clothes in Tempe

It was like the least Clothed city I've ever been to. No, it was very close. Are you not clothed a lot? In the summertime, I just wear like running shorts and a tank top because you can't wear much more than that. I went to Trader Joe's and there were people in like bikinis in the Trader Joe's. That's great. Like Palm Beach.

Yeah. I'm excited to. Like Palm Beach. Yeah. I'm excited to go perform at a club again. And Pete Lee is opening up for me. Yeah. And he's always a fun hang. And yeah, I have not had a day off in I don't even know when. 10 years. I don't even understand.

How are you? I'm actually pretty good. I'm actually pretty good. I'm actually pretty good. I get tired around eight o'clock and then I go to sleep and I yeah but I just have to not not stop working right now. There's always something to do and

that's just the way it is. You're going to feel good around Christmas time. You're going to be done with the special and you're going to be like what a weight lifted off and then you got this Christmas time. You're going to be done with the special and you're going to be like, what a weight lifted off. And then you got this family time. Yeah, I think so. But then I have to get back on the road almost immediately.

And then we're going skiing. I don't look forward to vacations, you guys. I don't want to go skiing. Even though it was my idea and I love skiing when I get out there, it is so much fucking work. It's so much. To get all of that equipment and buy all of that new stuff that you need to look cool on the mountain. Yeah.

And make sure you're going to be warm enough and have all the little things. It's just like, it's a lot. It shouldn't be about the skiing for you. It should be about the Alprey ski. When you're done skiing, sitting by that fire, eating whatever you want with your friends after everyone's a little tired and hungry. You get your cocoa. Yeah.

That's the best part. Yeah, that's true. I think the best part is truly going down the mountain full speed as fast as I can. And like, there's no one around me. I'm not worrying or waiting for someone. If you ski with me, we're not skiing together. Okay? I'm going

down the mountain full speed as fast as i want this is my time i don't want to wait for you i don't want to go like stop and look at trees dad i don't want to go like oh check out this view let's take a picture i'm going i get to the top and i go right down because that's so fun and i don't want to wait for anyone and so i i, I, I, that is my, and when I've been going down that mountain and just feeling so in control and solution swashing back and forth, I just think to myself, I've, I remember thinking this when I was,

I think like in, in college at some point, I remember taking a snapshot and being like a screenshot with my mind and saying, Nikki, your goal in life is to do this as much as possible. This is the best feeling in the world. Chase it. And I've only been skiing once, I think, in the 20 years since then. I've only been one sick in my life, but it's the best. So I guess I am excited about doing that.

You don't go back and forth at all? No, I do. I mean, I go back and forth, but I go fast. I'm not recklessly fast. I just, I don't like to be leisure about anything. No, no, no, no. Cause I'm terrified of dying and I wear a helmet and I'm not, and I do not like, I don't try to like be cool around people and like almost hit them. Like I hate that so much. I am very controlled and I don't do that until I get my bearings straight. Like you go through trees? No, I don't want to die.

I'm not an idiot. I don't want a sunny Bono. And so I just keep, I just straight down. Going through trees is fun though. If you go the right, it can't be, if you see a little, little dip in there and you can go in.

That's my most fun part about skiing is the tree. Yeah. Not fast though. It's not fast. I didn't, I didn't use to wear a helmet. You got to wear a helmet. You're an idiot. You have to. If you don't wear a helmet. fast. I didn't used to wear a helmet. You gotta wear a helmet. You're an idiot

if you don't wear a helmet. It's crazy. We didn't wear a helmet all my childhood. No helmets. Who was that actress that died just because she fell on?

Natasha Henderson. Natasha. She was married to Liam Neeson. I don't know. No. Natasha. She played the mother

in The Parent Trap. She just fell. She wasn't even skiing. She wasn't. Yes. Natasha just fell she wasn't even skiing she wasn't yes Natasha Richardson she wasn't even skiing she just fell over

when they were like getting off a lift standing and hit her head and she was like I think I'm fine they got to the bottom of the mountain

and she was like I am not fine passed out died just from hitting your head on the ice she hit her head

during a skiing lesson it says. Yeah, but I feel like when I read about it, she wasn't like going, you know? Like it was just like she kind of just toppled over and fell. Falling is terrifying. Bob Saget died from a fall, we think. I mean, like that's what happened, but we don't know where.

Yeah, like, well, some kind of falling back into the headboard whatever it is i always just think like if he would have just gotten a different hotel room you know like the layout would have been so the layout would have been slightly different if he hadn't have had a dream that woke him up to made him go pee in the middle of the night like if he wouldn't have like there's all these like what ifs i watched sliding doors last night so maybe i'm thinking about that right now too have. Do you guys remember that movie? Yes, I just mentioned it because I was watching a

cut of the Bittersweet Symphony video that Matt did of Nicki starring in it, and it's so cool. Yeah, Matt did a cover of it. Let's be clear. Yeah. Matt Monpied and Alexa Rose do this cover. It's beautiful. My favorite song. It's so good.

And I never realized it was about like depression. And it's the lyrics are so cool. Like, have you ever been down? Have you ever been down? And then he goes, I'm a million different people from one day to the next. I can change. And Nikki's in it. My boat.

And they have all these different cuts of Nikki. So and I was like, this is like sliding doors. It's like, what if your life was this or this or this? It's just like. But it was really because I couldn't memorize the lyrics to do it in one shot. So that's why it's cutting around. But it ends up, this is a happy mistake. It ends up looking cool because we do have to cut around it.

Because I've been singing that song. I thought it was ma mo, mo, mo, mo. I didn't know it was my mold. I also didn't know that it was mold i also didn't know um that it was like uh uh what's the the song about veins there's like thing there's something song about about in my veins i thought it was in my things um there was also a lyric yesterday that chris talked about on his radio show that i cannot believe what it is because i have been saying it wrong so much okay what is it um oh just like okay just like the what is that the stevie nix just like white wing dove i thought it was white ranger

white ranger just like the white ranger sings i, I didn't think about it. I wasn't like, wow, a white ranger singing. But how is that not white ranger? Because it's a white winged dove, right? Is that right? But she's not saying that. White ranger. White ranger. She's not saying it.

She's saying white ranger. But I've never, like, I don't think about lyrics. I'm just like, okay, yeah, white ranger. I'm not like. Whatever. I think about them later when they start to mean something to me. But like at first, yeah, I just don't think about it. But'm just like, okay, yeah, White Ranger. I'm not like... I think about them later when they start to mean something to me, but at first, yeah, I just don't think about it. But what we're... Oh, okay, so the

Bittersweet Symphony thing. Oh, Sliding Doors. Yeah, I watched it last night because Chris had a call, and so sometimes when I'm like... I don't watch anything alone ever, and so we were going to watch Hell's Kitchen because that's our new favorite show. Or no, Kitchen Nightmares.

That's where Gordon Ramsay goes and he like figures out what these places should do to be better. They're so, it's so good. But he went to go get on a call and I was like, he's like, just watch whatever you want. And I'm like, I don't know what to watch without you. And so then I saw Sliding Doors was on Hulu. And I was like, oh, that like, well, that's nostalgic for me. 1996 movie, Gwyneth Paltrow some Scottish guy that is

really not done anything that I that I've known since but he was such a cutie back then but I remember he was a weird choice for a love interest because he kind of has like droopy eyes and he's just I don't know his name is like John Hanna or something I looked him up but I couldn't he

he's still a cutie but uh it's a movie about you know she gets fired from her job and she's coming home to she she goes into work she leaves her boyfriend in bed he's like a writer and he writes all day she goes into work she gets fired she leaves work and in one in then it just has this mystical moment where this little girl is like playing with a doll and she has to like walk around her. And then in the other moment, the woman's like, the mother of the girl like grabs her daughter and is like, get out of this woman's way. And so she doesn't have to go around the girl. And just that split second of the mother moving the daughter, then Gwyneth Paltrow's life splits into two and you see how both of those lives end up.

And on one, she catches the train. She goes home. She catches her boyfriend in bed with another woman and she starts a whole life anew. The other one, she doesn't get home in time because she misses the train. She bumps her head. She gets home late and he,

and then she keeps living with him, not knowing that he's cheating on her. And then one, she's like, get some makeover. They do a whole makeover scene where she cuts her hair real short and it's like, you know, blonde Kate Gosselin haircut. But I love that. I just remember one time, like I've told this before, but I was in New Orleans with Chris.

And I was like, I'm just going to go put $500. We were like near a casino. I was like, I'm going to put $500 on black. I just like want to do it. Let's just see what will happen. That's what I like. I've never once. I don't gamble. It's the only time I think I can remember I've gambled.

But it's like one in... You've got a 50-50 chance. Right. The excitement of saying I'm going to put a $500 to me, it was worth $500 to have that excitement. You have a 50-50 chance. Yeah, of making $1,000.

If it doesn't hit do it again oh oh sorry okay yeah you have a 50 chance of winning so that means if it you do it twice it's probably like a 49 chance yes because of that green oh my god so what happened did you win so um i think i chickened out because he got in my head because we were on the way there and i went i stopped to tie because he got in my head because we were on the way there and i went i stopped to tie my shoe and he was like because you're tying your shoe right now it's gonna be a different result than what it would have been if you did it and i was like oh my god dude slid your door yeah he slid it open and don't slide my door man like all of

these decisions we make in just like a moment i mean i know that people think about this stuff mostly when people die of like, if she would have just missed that flight, if she would have just not taken that route instead of that route, she wouldn't have been in that car. So like we think of a million things like that. Like Bob Saget and his headboard. Yeah. Like that's why I think like, oh, if he would have just not eaten that thing that gave him indigestion that made him go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he wouldn't like, I mean. He hit his head in the middle of the night, not at the club somewhere, and then went... No, dude. It was not, there was, like...

Did they have proof that it... His head, his skull had a fracture. They know it was from the bed. Well, he walked into it, he took a picture with the valet, he was, he, I think, went home to the hotel with another comics, and then he, there was footage of him walking through the, the hallways.

So there was no incident. So it had to happen in the room, but there was no indication of like, there was no dent on the headboard. There was no, um, like, like,

isn't it possible he hit his head somewhere in the night and didn't really think anything of it. That's the thing. He, he probably Natasha Richardson did and was like, I'll just keep going down this hill or like, I feel a little like, Oh, I got my belt was like I'll just keep going down this hill or like I feel a little like oh I got my bell rung

so many men die of heart attacks because they feel uncomfortable and they just go I'll just tough it out and sleep through it yeah maybe I don't want a toughie then yeah it's if you hit your head you need to monitor yourself and if you feel like you got your bell

rung you need to go to the hospital. That's the lesson learned. What do they do, though, in the hospital? They check your eyes and they do all the tests. But then what do they do? Give you blood thinners if you have a hemorrhage in your brain. Do an MRI. Keep you awake, I guess.

I was with my friend when he had a heart attack. Both DJs on the radio in San Diego, my friend friend when he had a heart attack we were both djs on the radio in san diego my friend halloran had a heart attack we were i remember i was like you're eating a lot of hamburgers lately and we got takeout like shitty food and then he drove i drove home at midnight he drove home at two in the morning and then i got a call the next morning from his wife and she was like halloran's in the hospital he drove was driving home felt weird in his arm was like oh fuck drove right into ucsd medical center walked in he was like i remember parking my car and thinking i might pass out he walks into the er and they sat him down and they

go mr halloran you are having a heart attack and they saved his life they put a stint in his arm and his leg what's the the acronym i remember ros Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack and she spread this. I sent it to my mom. Now I've forgotten it, but there's an acronym for women to have a heart attack because we really don't know what it is. It's like, it's cunts.

There's see you. There's some like, cause we have different signs. It's like women just show different symptoms for everything, but we all go off of what we look up the acronym noah for heart attacks for women it's like the things to look out for yeah it's um but it just made me realize like oh my god everything could be a heart attack i'm a little bit annoyed when things are like diagnosed as hard it's like he like yeah like you could draw like if someone drowns you and hold your head under water you died of drowning

but you died of murder first, right? So why, when people die of a heart attack, don't we say they died of a poor diet? They died of food addiction. When someone, you know, I get really angry about Amy Winehouse. It's not PC to say that. When everyone says she died of heroin or a heart attack or whatever, she died of bulimia. She died of throwing up too much and having like that. That's the real reason she

died. Or Patrice O'Neill, if you listen to his special, he didn't die of diabetes. He died of a food addiction that gave him diabetes. But like we got to talk about what causes these things. The causality. If you know, but like in the hospital, they're not going to assume that you ate bad, I guess.

Yes, they must. I can't believe how you know but like in the hospital they're not gonna assume that you ate bad i guess yes they they they must and i can't believe how disgusting food is and how people eat fried food all the time and just i mean it's like smoking cigarettes they don't know just packaged they just know what's gonna happen i mean i do things that are unhealthy all the time i know but it's like and it's addictive we're not talking about what it really is. It's an addiction. My dad's best friend was an alcoholic. He lost, let's see, he had a heart attack. He lost a bunch of teeth. They told him, you have diabetes.

If you continue drinking, you will lose limbs. He switched to non-alcoholic drinks for a year and got so much better. Then had a little depression, had a divorce, started drinking again, lost his foot. Then I believe six months later, lost his other foot and was like in a wheelchair.

And then they said he died of diabetes. I'm like, he died of alcoholism. Just say it. Yeah, that's great. No, he sounds like he died of divorce of being left um that's

he just wouldn't quit drinking i and i am laughing with you no everyone every that's what they should say in the variety article he died at first i thought that this was a bad take but now i'm kind of on on your side here that if you get the cause in there that actually might help more people yeah yes because it's like, but I forget what comedian I was listening to this weekend. It's like, oh yeah, it was Patrice O'Neill because he was talking about food addiction

and how sugar is an addiction and how food is an addiction and people laugh about it. But he was like, and he was talking about smokers are like fucking insane. Like they know that it's killing them. It's like fire in your head.

It goes back in like the 60s, 70s. People were like, I don't know, you know, maybe. And now it's killing them. It's like fire in your head. It goes back in like the 60s, 70s. People were like, I don't know, you know, maybe. And now it's like, this will kill you.

Yeah, you're still doing it. And I was, I was a smoker when that was knowledgeable. Like when that was, you just think you're going to be, I don't reckon they'll harm your health. That's his line.

I do things though. I mean, I guess I, Oh, melatonin. Someone just told me, wrote me a bestie, wrote me and said it causes dementia. And I was like, you know what else causes dementia?

Not being able to fucking sleep. Yeah, that's the trade-off. I don't know, man. I'm waiting myself off of it though. I'm just, I don't take it. I don't take it right away. I used to just take it no matter what. And now I go to bed and I try to get to sleep naturally.

And if that doesn't work, I take it. But that has helped me because I get to bed naturally on my own, like the past, since I've known about this a week. I think three of the nights

I didn't need it. So thank you to that bestie for alerting me. You saved Nikki's life. You saved my fucking life. You saved her brain. I talked about Sebastian Malscalco yesterday, Anya,

but I just wanted to get your take on it about going to the show on Saturday night together. So fun! So fun to just play a show and then be ferried away five minutes down the street with your best friend and Sean O'Brien and just giggle. Giggle so fucking hard.

We were all, I think, I'll speak for myself. I was cry laughing almost the whole hour. Just so fun. The way it was arranged. I was Pez dispensering a lot. It's going back a lot. But I was not, I don't cry laugh ever. I don't think.

I was laughing so hard. And then it went, the seats are really close together in the Borgata. And so everyone's like crammed together and we came in a tiny bit late during the opener's act so we were like trying to like be hunched all together and like quiet and not cause attention to ourselves and then at one point like sebastian came out and we're laughing so hard like i was pez dispensering and then i just glanced over at nicky who was like very close to me and i have to say Nick I was so struck by your poise you were just such a poised beautiful gazelle like woman sometimes it's weird like I'm like look at her

your teeth are like white and gleaming your hair is like perfectly back in a thing you just have like perfect these clips have changed my life these These clips. They make me look poised. I swear to God. But it's your neck, your posture. When you clip your hair with like, thank you.

That's very 90s. Thanks. I watched Matt's video and I was like, oh, someone has the body of a toddler. Like someone has the torso

of a toddler. There's no definition. I was like, I thought I was like looking good and then I saw that video and I go, I can't watch this.

I'll just let it exist as a time in my life where I wasn't happy with my body and that's allowed to exist. But it's just a thing. It's just a... A toddler with perfect tits.

Like, you know like toddlers are just like, they're just, there's no definite, there's no like in, there's no like waistline. They're just like

a fucking tree trunk. They're just a belly. Tree trunk, toddler titties. Yeah. no like waistline. They're just like a fucking tree trunk. They're just a belly. Tree trunk, toddler titties. Yeah. Well, thank you. What clips? Like these hair clips. Your hair and a hair clip. They clip your body.

It just tricks you into making you look like you have that you're ballerina. I thought you were wearing those clips or whatever it is that you can put like on your back that like forces you to have good posture. Oh, that would be cool. What's that clip? You can also use the banana clip for that.

Like try it. It's amazing. Also, sitting in those chairs, like I had to sit up straight because I was like, it just makes my back feel so round. I always feel like really bad now when I have bad posture. I feel like if I catch it, I'm just like, this feels so good, but you gotta stop doing it. Like right now, I'm having it right now. Kiss method.

I need to sit up more straight. There was one person on F Girl Island who we kept looking at that she had perfect posture every single time she sat down. It was like a show. It was like perfect. Really? On F Boy or F Girl? F Girl. I'm trying to think who that was. time she sat down it was like a it was like a show it was like perfect really on f boy or f girl f girl i'm trying to think who that was yeah well we would talk about it see this we would yeah i

always oh i remember her she had the perfect little slope of a lower back into her butt and i even told her which i think could have been sexual harassment but i was like i love the way your back goes into your butt like what is that and it's genetics dude it's genetic wait what do you mean like when you sit when you sit your back is like this and then your butt goes whoop like that like it's not like there's like a little like a dip a dip there's a dip between your butt mine just goes mine almost gouges out like my sacrum has like bulge, and then it's just flat. Sebastian said that his ass is like a shelf. It's like a seven. It's just a little rump at the top,

and it goes straight down into his hamstrings. It's like a seven. So good. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about different bits he was talking about. I went and I rewatched his Netflix special from 2022, and it was solid. I mean, it's a really good special. He's hilarious. I don't, you know,

there are some people who get to be that famous and that successful and you want your instinct to be like, fuck them. They're not that funny. They're a hack. And perhaps Sebastian Mascalco is mainstream or whatever,

but I agree with his level of success. I think it's good. That's what I felt. I was just like, you can't, this guy has done no tricks, like, which you would look at him and think,

oh, it's all tricks. Like, but it's, it's all earned. Like he is, he's so original. He's,

he's just, he's worked, he's worked hard enough and he is talented enough. It's the perfect mixture where you're like, I can't deny that guy success. Whereas I can't wait to uh yeah i i'm i'm always eager to call someone out on their fucking tricks as everyone here knows it's like this guy's just doing this thing come on wake up but sebastian's not doing any he's what are some tricks after the break can you tell me what some

tricks are that you're like stop doing that that? We've talked about these tricks, but the number one one is like, no, I'm not. I can't. I can't say this. Oh, like stuff like that. No, because then the audience goes, no, say it. Oh, this is too much. And then they'll like it no matter what

because they've invested their money and clapped her into it. And clapped her. Anything like they've okay and clapped her anything hassan menagee no no actually offense like i i think the whole thing with him is like that's what bothers me i didn't watch his whole apology video but i was it's whatever i i just anyone who's on stage and trying to be like make a point and like get pull at people's heart strings it's like that's not that's heartstrings. It's like,

that's not, that's fine. It's whatever it is, but it's not standup. And it's kind of feels fake that you like do it every night too. Oh yeah. Every night you get emotional like that. Yeah. I don't care if they do it.

That's right. It's a one man show or one woman show or whatever. It's, it's not standup comedy. Like people have the industry, entire industry has forgotten that there's a thing called one-man shows for a reason. Because the purpose of a stand-up comedy show, the number one purpose is to be funny and get people to laugh. And now all the stand-up specials, at least half of them, are not stand-up specials.

They're one-person shows. Which is fine. And I don't care if it's all put under stand, I'll put under stand up comedy on the Netflix thing. Like it's whatever. No, it's just I don't I don't like it. And I think it's insincere. This is what I think. It's insincere.

I do think maybe you felt that way at one point. But like to have everyone on the edge of their seat, like trying to get them to cry is just manipulative. And it just doesn't feel, it doesn't feel. And I do know that there's some instances where people have a story to tell that is emotional and you're allowed to tell that every night and to pull on people's heartstrings and to like kind of recreate that moment.

And maybe not every time you can get there. So you kind of have to fake it, but then you're an actor. You're not a comedian. Don't call it comedy. Yeah. I guess that's it. Why are people falling for it?

I would know immediately. But like he did this last night immediately. Because Americans are stupid. Because people are dumb. But also, it bleeds over. It's not just comedy. It's not just stand-up. It's also in television

where now, there's no such thing as comedy anymore. Everything's a dramedy. It's got to have some character arc where someone's going through some deep emotional thing

and it's killed off comedy shows when's like this is what the problem is with the morning show it couldn't find its tone oh my god that show it's like is it a comedy or are they solving all the world's problems yeah i think i don't i don't know what the solution is because i believe that everyone should like those kinds of shows should exist. I love the bear. The bear is one of my favorite shows. It is in the Emmys as a comedy, which is mind bogglingly stupid. There's no way you can look at the bear and say that's a comedy.

There's funny parts in it. It's definitely funny. But the subject matter, everything they tackle in that it's stressful. It should be nominated for the most stressful show with the really stressful because they're like we gotta get these fries out stat like what's what's stressful the whole premise of the show is that their brother killed himself and that they have to take over this restaurant is The mom is insane and

everything's like, it's a deadline and the sewer's line is broken. Like the nominees for comedy in 2023 Outstanding Comedy Series. Half

of them are not comedies. What's the beef? Do you think Barry's a comedy? I don't know. I haven't watched it, but I would think maybe kind of because it's Bell Hader and he's funny. But he's not funny in it, especially this last season. But he's funny on SNL, Brian!

So he must be a comedy! He just talks funny, Brian. Yeah, I mean that's the mistake. You cast a comedic actor Should that be a drama though? Absolutely Especially the last season, it was so serious Why is it a comedy then?

Because Because they've killed comedies Because they don't make as many Comedies are not respected enough To get awards Every piece of art needs to be saying some profound thing about the state of humanity and

politics mostly and it's like the days of like in the 80s when we had movies like Airplane and Police Academy and stuff like those are totally dead we're never gonna see those for the next until Gen Z comes back dude where's my car and stuff I mean I guess that's kind of old but they're still like see those for the next... Why? Until Gen Z comes back. What about Dude, Where's My Car?

and stuff. I mean, I guess that's kind of old. But they're still like Will Ferrell stuff. Things that are just comedy. They're just funny. Gen Z is going to come of age and they will want that goofy shit again. Yes, they already do.

Because they love Rick and Morty, which I don't even know what that is. But a student ordered a paper on it. It sounded funny. Yeah, I hear that's funny. Okay. All right. I'll come back. So question again for you guys between one man shows or one person shows and stand up comedy.

Are you saying you don't like all one man shows? We'll answer that when we get back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

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The Happiness Lab's How-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Are we saying that we don't like one-man shows? Kind of. I don't know the difference. I just don't like things to be insincere. It's just my personal taste.

Back in 2008 or 2010 or just five years ago and earlier, we would ridicule one-person shows. They were a joke in an SNL sketch because it was usually just some theater major who was going up there and telling their truth and it was like not entertaining for anybody at all. It's like Sally Weaver.

I don't know who that is. From Seinfeld. Oh, yes. Exactly. It was a character that they all made fun of. Kathy Griffith. Kathy Griffith, who's going to be on the Nick Glazer podcast. Griffith. Yeah, she's going to be on the show next week. Yes, it was mocked and made fun of. Mocked.

Because we didn't like sincerity like that, which I still, like, it just, it just, I don't like, I think comedians are smart. And they know what they're doing. And they see an in to, like, get more famous. And they're not doing it because they actually want to do it. They're doing it because it's, like, a way to make money and to get more famous, and they're not doing it because they actually want to do it. They're doing it because it's a way to make money and to be more famous. And that's where I think it bothers me, is to just be heartfelt.

I don't know how to feel about it. I don't like people being so too self-important. I see. There's a place for the one-person show. You go to Edinburgh, you go off-off-Broadway in New York City, and you do occasional stuff in black box theaters, but it's not supposed to be called

a Netflix stand-up special. It's not supposed to be called an HBO stand-up special. Well, people got so mad at Nanette. Nanette is still being talked about in comedy circles as the example of it ruined ruined everything but i liked nanette i because it it for me it didn't seem like she was being anyone but herself or they were i don't know what she identifies as or they i it didn't seem like they were being anything but but like that they this is what they do it didn't seem like put on to be like oh and now i'm just gonna departure a little bit from the you know the the comedy and i just i just call bullshit on these

guys being emotional and i just i don't know i just don't like it i think it's i think it's have you ever watched a show let's say a stand-up comedy show or a comedian doing something like this and they and you do get swept up in that moment and it is an emotional moment and it is watched a show, let's say a standup comedy show or a comedian doing something like this. And they, and you do get swept up in that moment and it is an emotional moment and it is profound. I hate it. I hate it. What about any performer?

It's not standup comedy. That's all. It's fine. It's weird. I'm going to pay $300 to see Sebastian Maniscalco. And I sit down and he starts talking about when he got molested as a child and all of a sudden it's serious for 25 minutes. It's therapy.

I want my money back. It's their own therapy with my ear. I hear that. With not out consent. But if you go see Taylor Swift, say, and Nick, you've talked about this. She has one moment in the show. Where she does have an emotional moment

night after night. And so it's a little bit rehearsed, right? It's not, I would say I thought that before, but I would say that if I had a crowd of 70,000 people screaming and cheering, I could probably get to a place where it causes me to tear up and it's not a performative thing.

But that part of the show kind of, she didn't have that built in. It just started happening with crowds where they're like, we're going to try to see if we can get her to cry. And she does it on every show, but it's not.

And by the way, Taylor Swift is an emotional person. You're not going there to laugh. You're going there to feel things and to be emotional. She's sincere. She's nothing but sincere. You know, it's like i just

um music is generally just sincere it's sincere in general your lyrics are supposed to be a connection to like your emotions or or whatever i don't know i'm not a musician but and it's it's the opposite of comedy performers night after night after night will have the same spiel music performers and it's you know they'll try to get an emotional response out of the audience. Well, that's just the nature of performance is you have to repeat it. It's the, it's going into it.

It's going into it. It's like, if I want to see someone do their one-person show, I want to be paying for a one-person show. And I don't want there to be awards to give into the one-person show people for stand-up comedy when it's not stand-up comedy

i agree that sometimes i'm on stage and i don't want to do a certain joke and i don't want to have enthusiasm for it and i have to like summon it and kind of fake it if you will because i'm in a bad mood right and i just got some news that i don't like or i'm i'm not feeling that well i'm under the weather whatever it is And I have to like get into the joke the way I was telling it the first time. And I hate that feeling. I don't, I would never seek

out that feeling. I would never put something in my act that would make me have to conjure that. It's a circumstantial thing that happens sometimes because I just am in a rut. But some people design their whole sets to be like, here's where I'm going to get fake. It's K.

Jerk stamp of K just went on it. Stamp. Yeah, it's staple guns. I think some people can do it well, but not everyone. It is an art form. I've definitely been swept up in a one-man show before.

I've been like, fuck, I'm sobbing my face off. And I know this person doesn't. Yeah, but Brian's right. That's when you knew it was going to be that. I'm sobbing my face off. This is the best comedy show I've ever seen. You went to a comedy show because you were having a bad night. And you're like, I just want to laugh.

And instead, you're crying about someone else's pain. That's not fair. I guess, yeah. You just can't make rules, but there are rules. There's categories, literally. They're called categories. Yeah, it's

a game. And it fucks up your algorithm, too. It's like, oh, I'm a fan of comedy. If you're a fan of comedy, you might like Schindler's List. Right. I mean, fan of comedy. If you're a fan of comedy, you might like Schindler's List. Right. I mean, that was hilarious. All right.

Final thought. Well, Anya, you're just joining us for this episode. Is there anything else you wanted to cover that you've missed out in the past couple weeks from the road, from,

you know, we went to the Taylor Swift day. We had this weekend on the road in Atlantic City. You weren't there in Rehoboth. Rehoboth. I really missed out on Rehoboth. I've always wanted to go.

I know. I'm trying to think. We've had so much fun lately. I'm still just flying high off Sebastian and you. Our band? Yeah, your cover band. Were you guys? We're doing great.

We had a great Instagram live the other day we've really we're our catalog is growing we know it is we know at least five songs perfectly if not seven yeah we're gonna get to one

this past week I've been working on it with my voice teacher and it's I went in yesterday and it was such a struggle for me in that fucking lesson. And I'm going again right after this to my second lesson for the week. It's so hard to sing

and we got to the root of my issue which is like I'm always trying to sound like someone else because I don't know how my real singing voice sounds and my real singing voice is fucking disturbing to me because he goes there there it is that was it that's the real one because you have to like loosen everything

and you gotta like really talk like this because your real singing voice is when you go like your real voice is like kind of the sound you made or like cavemen made before there was speech where it was just like like this and so yesterday he literally had me singing a tyler taylor swift song i mean he was having me exaggerate it so i could get to it and it actually so we got to the root

of my issue which is i'm always trying to sound like someone else because I'm trying to mimic something because that's how I operate in the world. My sense of humor, my personality is just a big mix of all things that are other people. Whenever something comes out of me, I always get really... When someone's like, you're the only

one I know who does this thing, I'm always like, ugh. I don't like things being just me. I hate it. Oh, opposite. I want everything to be only me. Nobody could ever. I don't like it because then people are always like laughing about whatever that is.

Like you slam cabinets. You fall down too fast. You plop around. You stretch out things. You take off your pants too fast. You walk too fast. You say this thing weird and i don't like it at all but um so the root of my issue is that i don't know my own i have to get to my own singing voice

and then i can start adapting it to what i want it to sound like but i i i don't even have anything to work off of because i've never said my real singing voice because your real singing voice sounds good it sounds because it sounds almost so, because I'm trying to always mimic someone else. So I don't sound like, like someone's like, Oh, someone thinks they can sing.

Oh, you can sing, can't you? Yeah. Because your real singing voice sounds really good and like different. And it will always, it will kind of sound like you're trying to be, it just sounds like if I did my real singing voice,

you wouldn't recognize it because it doesn't sound like me. just sounds like if I did my real singing voice, you wouldn't recognize it because it doesn't sound like me. It sounds like some, it sounds like someone else because I've never sounded like that before because it's this like deep, it's like, it's like who I really am. And I'm never, you know, like I was saying before yesterday, like I am on stage, like who I am. And I'm just like, Oh, I'll say whatever. But like, it's, it's, it's orgasmic. It's like literally a sound that your body makes that you're ashamed of because it's so real. And so you're trying to always control it. Anya, do you relate to any of this?

Because Anya, whenever you tell me the story of you founding your singing voice, it was always like you were in the car listening to Liz Phair and you were like, I'm just going to start singing like this. And suddenly that was me. And it just sounded like this like moment where you're just like, ah, I just like like found it and it's so frustrating because i keep having glimpses of my real voice and then i can't get it again have you ever had a moment where you're like oh that's it that's it that's me yes but then it's gone she's gone she goes she leaves town she buys a one-way ticket and she's gone you give us a sample or no no because I couldn't be able to find it. I can only find it

when my teacher is like, it's like Pilates, dude. It's like, oh, you have it right now and I'm like, this feels so weird. It feels like I'm twisting like crazy to be straight, you know? Like, it's not my... Maybe you can record it. I do. I have recordings of it, but I dare not listen to it. It's so embarrassing.

Only he has heard it. I'm totally comfortable sounding like it in front of him because we've had like a year of hanging out and me making these weird noises but it's not something

that I can yeah but it's too hard to get on. Well just imagine where you'll be The whole section could have been

talking about God instead of your only he has heard it. We trust him. Him is the one that has heard my true voice. His teachings are working

on me. You capitalize the H always. I think repetition gets you there and slowly the shame will fall away. Did you have shame of your voice when it first came out? Yes! Are you kidding? My entire life was shame about my voice from the

moment I started speaking. But what did it sound like when you first were trying to be a singer and didn't find your voice? What did your singing voice sound like? Can you give us an example? I i mean all through high school i was in choir and just like singing along with a choir just like no control no idea then when i wanted to sing like liz fair or somebody i was like i hate her voice she's since become my favorite singer or one of my favorite songwriters and i was in the car with a little recorder and i was like i want to practice singing and i did and i did my chest voice first and i was like trying

to mimic her so i'd be like i wanna be you know i was like oh that sounds awful it sounds like orphan annie and then i'd be like i'm like that sounds awful and shaky and then i was just like why can't i just like sing like how i speak i like singers who's i don't like belters i don't like no offense to celine dion the celine dions and adele's of the world amazing voices just i don't want to sound like that i want to sound like me you know um and so and a lot of people do not like voices like mine. I like like Feist. Feist has a voice that to me sounds,

I don't know, like, or Fiona Apple. Like, Fiona Apple sounds a lot like her voice when she speaks. Did you hear Matteo Lane

sing the other day on his, he's incredible. The opera? Oh my God. Yeah. It was so good. Not to mention the woman

he sang next to, who was like one of the best sopranos in the world. It was, I just Not to mention the woman he's standing next to, who is like one of the best sopranos in the world. It was, I just can't even believe these sounds can come out of people's fucking heads. Mateo Lane is upsettingly talented. He's talented in far too many things. Why did he get so many things? He's like Donald Glover.

You're talented at too many things. You got to chill out. Give it up. And he's really nice too. And he's like humble and doesn't like and he has like total so much self doubt. I really fucking love him. But his that clip of him

singing I knew he was a good singer. I didn't know that. Oh yeah. He what he his low like he's he's all over the map. He can hit the high notes. He can hit the low notes like notes that you go like that's coming out of him. It was really incredible. Check out Matteo Lane. He's fucking ripped. He's one of the

hottest comedians in the world. He speaks three languages. He's ripped. He looks like a fucking Italian statue. He can do a whistle tone. He goes to Italy, speaks Italian to people, and sings Italian arias, and then does stand-up in

America? Are you fucking kidding me? He does amazing stand-up. He sings, he sang at Carnegie Hall the other night. And then he also is like a really good chef. He's a really good cook. He speaks three languages. And he can draw.

And have you seen his one-person show? What are you guys doing? If he was just a drawer, like if you just only knew it, he could have a huge successful career just from his drawings because they are so insane. It's not right.

He's like a Disney animator level of illustrator. Yeah, he's really that good. I've never met someone who is this talented. It's really insane. And yeah, it doesn't make any sense. He had good parents, it sounds like. I think he did.

I mean, he obviously had secure, he's secure, so he had secure parenting. No, he's not. He's kind of insecure. No offense, Mateo, if you ever hear this.

Well, he's displaying all these things. You have to be secure enough to be showing it all off. Yeah, that's true. You have to be really secure to be able to

sing, I think, in your natural voice because it's so i don't if anyone can relate to what i'm talking about it just doesn't i i get in the like if you're a singer the only way you're a bad singer is if you get in the way of your good voice like you have a voice inside you and the only thing that's holding you back is you getting in your own way it's so fucking frustrating And Pilates is the same way. It's like we're born like perfectly aligned,

you know, unless you're born with some kind of fucking bone disease. But, you know, like your babies have like perfect alignment. And then somewhere along the line, we all get in our own way. That's the same thing with everything, with your whole life. You just have to surrender your

emotional everything that's supposed to be my um word that i take with me like in my life is surrender i probably could and then it will then i'm supposed to be more successful and uh more complete well i think that's healthy because that's like it goes hand in hand with acceptance like sort of based on what i was saying earlier i don't think i uphold certain voices as like that like great voices which probably 90 of the planet would but like jeff tweedy amazing voice to me one of my favorite male voices ever it's very natural it is not a super duper trained voice i'm sure he's taken lessons to control his breathing he He's incredible because to me,

it's a very unique sound. Yeah, I was gonna wear it too. It's like so identifiable. That is Jeff Tweedy. It sounds like how he speaks. It's not too far off from that. It's not fake. So I've heard you sing like you.

I've like, you've sent me a song before and I'm like, dude, this is you. I hear Nikki. This is the most incredible voice because it's the essence of you. And I don't think it's that embarrassing or orgasmic sounding. It's not K.

It does sound K. I gotta hear it. I'll be the K judge. Just sing in general as K because you're trying to get people to sing. It's K. Sing as K the judge. Just say it in general as K because you're like trying to get people. It's like, it's K. Singing's K, sorry. Then like you could say

all hobbies are K then because you want attention. No, sometimes hobbies are not about other people like trying to control people's emotions. I guess. Singing is K.

Horse riding? But I don't think authentic singing is K. No, I agree. I mean, I wouldn't be doing it if it were K. I think K means try hard. Yes. So by nature, your personal can't be agree. I mean, I wouldn't be doing it if it were kuh. I think kuh means try hard. So by nature, your personal can't be kuh.

I'm trying so fucking hard. But when you're singing like Nikki, that's when it breaks through that you're trying hard. That's when the un-kuh comes through. Maybe if I just like think of myself as kuh if I'm not doing it, it'll like help me not do it. Anti-kuh. All I want to be is not Kuh. Reverse Kuh-ism. Wait, I got confused.

Maybe if I think of myself as not Kuh. Yeah, like maybe if I think of anything other than my real voice as Kuh, then I will be less likely to do anything Kuh. Like I need to shame myself. But that's not supposed to, you're not supposed to shame yourself. Reverse psychology for your mistakes. It depends on if you need this for this one thing. You could use it for a little bit. So frustrating.

So yeah, the band is stalled out until I find my true voice because I can't fucking. What if your true voice is like Mateo Lane's voice? I fucking wish. I wish I had his body. I would. I would take his body over mine. There's not enough hours in the day to be Mateo Lane mine I don't know there's not enough hours in the day to be potato laying I don't know

how it happened a girl mustache too while you're at it learning curve yeah oh I hate the learning curve all right we gotta go thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast I'll see you this week in Tempe I'll see you next week and wherever I am does anyone

do you remember where we are next week I don't. Oh, Detroit and Munhall, PA. Oh, great. Oh, yay, Detroit and Munhall, which is like pretty much Pittsburgh. We have Thanksgiving and then we do Munhall and Detroit. Oh, okay. Well, then St. Louis, look for me around

the Funny Bone. I'll be doing some secret shows for charity around the Thanksgiving period. So come out to those and I will see you this weekend on the road. We'll see you next week on the show. Thank you for listening

and just don't be cussed. Joke around. Oh yeah, don't be cussed and just don't be cussed. Joke around, not one man show. What? Oh yeah. Jokes, not one man shows.

Yeah, don't be sincere. Don't try to pull out our heart strings. Yeah. And yeah. And yeah. And yeah. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

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