The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #395 "Getting On Each Other", Manifestation, Travis Kelce & Taylor Swift: Nikki’s Prediction

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

It's never too late to enlighten your mom about the cryptic language of high school, like 'getting on each other' meant. Nikki does exactly that and tells Julie and Brian how she recently got lucky. Julie helps Nikki manifest good things. They dive into a recap of their conversation with the one and only Kathy Griffin. Nikki has a prediction for Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce. Julie talks about her trip to Europe and the old traditional thing she participated in. In the Final Thought, they talk about sex workers and the benefits of having a positive mindset. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show.

I'm in St. Louis, Missouri with my mom. She's in studio. She was here with us yesterday for Kathy Griffin. She's here again today. Yes, I am. And Brian is in New York where he is visiting family for Thanksgiving, right? Yes. Hello. I'm in Long Island. Oh. You say in or on?

I'm on Long Island. Okay. I was really proud of myself when I adopted saying on Long Island instead of in. And then Brian just threw me a curveball there. Yeah, you said in. And I know that you're from there. Yeah, I'm from there. So, you know. Do you stay at the grocery store?

Do you wait online or do you wait in line at the grocery store? Seriously. I wait in line, I think. I'm in line. Yeah, I always wait in line. I'm in line at the grocery store. I'm in line I think I'm in line I'm in line but people say I first Wendy Lee mean had a joke that she was like I met My boyfriend online at the

Grocery store and that was the first time I ever Heard that that turn Of phrase to describe a grocery online That's not even no yeah these people are waiting Online like that means like Like before online Was a thing I think it meant like in line. Oh, never heard that. In St. Louis, we have a saying that no one else, it's only regional to St. Louis.

What is it? In high school, and Chris knows this too because he's St. Louis high school. If you are from St. Louis, in high school when we would hook up, or if there was a hookup that was going on, and hooking up meaning like anything like butt sex not not but sex not butt sex no one was doing that in high school that i knew of we didn't go to a mormon school but um we everything except sex if you were just like hooking up making out to blow jobs i think maybe it was called you got on them i have never did you get on each other this weekend? Oh my God.

Rachel got on Joey this weekend. They got on each other. Never heard. And it sounds so stupid now, but it was just the way we said it. And it sounds so stupid because it literally just sounds like they just sat on each,

like one climbed on top of the other and then they just sat, which is kind of what you think sex is when you're a kid. I don't think you'd ever like say those words in front of me in high school. Yeah, we probably said, the gay, the gone, the geech, the god, the grr.

We probably said it in gibberish. Enough to drive a parent crazy. God, that made me feel crazy just now. You saying that made me feel crazy. It's awesome, though. Gibberish is amazing. Every kid should learn it because it's a secret language your parents don't speak. Or they'll never out lauren tried to teach me and i was like i cannot figure this out

it's very hard no way do you understand it i mean you understand yeah i know yeah we can talk with the geek of the game to the gock to the goo with the geek of the girl of the guy this is again gonna go for the gear for the gas get the game for the game it drives me insane it's like i just said we could talk to each other this fast and we know exactly what we're saying. It's just, I'll teach you how to, you'll learn it quickly because you have a good math kind of logical mind,

but I'll teach you someday. It's pretty easy to learn. For some reason, it upsets me. It does. It's awful. It's frustrating. John Early has a bit in his special where he says whenever you download a new app on your phone it says is it okay if this app would share information with other apps

and then one of the options are allow and then the other option is ask app not to track and he's like ask app not to track and he was like you could have just said not allow do not allow no but it was like ask app not to track and he does like you could have just said not allow do not allow no but it was like ask

and he does this whole thing and uh it's so funny but yeah gibberish is um it sounds upsetting i understand who taught you the the geese but the boys are the gone spit the gang for the cake these boys on spring break oh i was gonna oh yeah we were on spring break is junior year and these guys uh taught it to us and we were like it just opened. It's like, because it sounds as foreign as a foreign language, but it's English and it's easy to learn. You can learn it in one day and then it takes a while to

get fast at it, but you can understand it just as much as you can speak it. It's one of the coolest things ever because it's that's the cool thing about a foreign language is that it just sounds so cool and it sounds like nothing you could ever understand and people could talk about you and you wouldn't even know it

you have that at your fingertips in gibberish you just don't know it you guys had that little club yeah I'm sure it was frustrating

for you guys I just would go I'm so mad why are they doing that but we were never talking about anything too bad oh bull we were talking about like

oh Taylor stole a necklace today it was not like we were like doing drugs like we weren't like the movie you know traffic I thought you were talking about like, oh, Taylor stole a necklace today. It was not like we were like doing drugs. Like we weren't like the movie, you know, traffic. I thought you were talking about me. That's how you fear. That's the fear. Yeah, we didn't care about it.

The scarier part is we weren't thinking about you at all. Parents are just like in the way, you know? That's got to be the fear. I know that Taylor's on the podcast. So you talk about your experience in high school a lot, but it feels like you have so many things from high school that have formulated your entire personality, but nothing. Almost nothing from college. Nothing. Almost zero.

Because college for me was doing stand-up. It was like right away I discovered stand-up, and then I just was doing that. And in college, it was there was nothing and and in college it was like the pressure was on to find a career make money like i i realize now that like my parents money isn't just my money until i die like there's all these things the pressure sets in in high school there's just like this freedom to um and i just got extremely lucky i always emphasize that when people didn't have a good, pleasant high school experience, there's nothing wrong with you.

Like I just got lucky that my parents didn't move halfway through my sophomore year and I had to start over. And I just got lucky that I wasn't in the grade above mine or below mine that I, that I was born in the right month that I got to meet Kirsten and Taylor and Hala and Huffy and these hilarious women. I just, I just hit the jackpot

um and it doesn't happen to a lot of people but i just got really lucky with those friends obviously they're still a huge part of my life um i would say talk about getting lucky can i just tell you something yeah so back in 2013 there was this really like kind of cute shop on 10th Avenue. I lived on 10th Avenue and 22nd Street with Anya Marina. And I would walk to Equinox every day and there was this really cute shop that had all these like really high end clothes that I wouldn't even possibly think of buying. I mean, like we're talking like $300 shirts and $400 sweaters and all this stuff. But I would sometimes go in and just kind of like touch things and like, think about what,

like maybe I just got a good check in the mail from the show. Maybe I can spend on this, but I still wasn't comfortable buying that stuff. And there was this one sweater that I just like was obsessed with. And I would stop in and look at it and go like, I really want that. I just can't though. It's an,

but I memorized the brand name and i tried it on and i've not liked this with clothes like i've never become like attached to a thing in fact a lot of times i will like see something i like and i'll be about to buy it and then i go nope put it back if you keep thinking about it that means you should get it like don't like wait a little bit you know like really convince yourself you want it. Do you know how many carts I have going on right now? It's insane. I got a message the other day that said your Abercrombie cart is thinking about you, Nikki.

Wait, you still shop at Abercrombie? Oh, it's one of the best places to buy stuff. You are kidding me. I'm not kidding you. Anytime I get compliments on my jeans, I go Abercrombie because they do long.

Oh, and so girls with long legs and they also do short. I mean, Abercrombie jeans are, I complimented a girl at a meet and greet one time for her jeans. And she said Abercrombie and I've been on that boat ever since. Jeez. Damn.

Um, but so I loved this lavish, this sweater. And I thought about it for years and I was searching all over for it all the time. Like I would search on eBay and I would search on Poshmark and just do like, and this was 10, 11 years ago

and then the other night it just occurred to me like oh I'm just gonna run my search again and I fucking found it and it's the sweater I'm wearing right now it has stars on it it is like everyone makes this kind of sweater now that has like stars on it but it's never as finely

made as this it's cost me $100 as opposed to like I think $350 was the original price it's in mint condition it's never as finely made as this. It cost me $100 as opposed to like, I think 350 was the original price. It's in mint condition. It's a size large, which I thought was going to be too big. But if it was any smaller, I would hate it.

It's perfect. I just opened it. I'm fucking psyched, man. Nice. This is my white whale. But I don't know. Have you guys ever had a thing that you've been looking for your whole life?

They talk a lot about that in the thrift store subreddit. I like i found my white whale i've never heard that what is it 100 white whale back in 2009 or something like that whole foods would sell these green reusable shopping bags that were the perfect size and you could fit like you could fit like almost two shopping carts full of groceries in this one bag. And then they would expand. And then the one like thing that people don't like about it is that the opening is like a little smaller than the bag itself. So sometimes it's hard to get things in there. But once it's in there,

they're locked in. It's not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. You can set it down and it's not going to spill out. I would put all this shit. So it's like a volcano shape. It's volcano shaped almost. A little less extreme than that. Right. It's like a volcano that had recently would put all this shit. So it's like a volcano shape. It's volcano shaped almost. A little less extreme than that.

Right, right. It's like a volcano that had recently exploded. Okay, okay. And I would put that bag on my bike and like ride home from the grocery store with it.

Nothing would go wrong. And I still have the bag. Nothing would go wrong. I've been using it and reusing it. I've had this bag for 15 years. Oh my gosh. And it has a little hole in it. And it still works. You can put it in the washing machine. But I tried. I was like, I love this bag for 15 years and it has a little hole in it and it still works you can put it in the

washing machine but i tried i was like i love this bag so much i want to go buy another one so i went online i went on ebay i went everywhere i called whole foods they don't make the bags anymore there's you can't find them anywhere these green shopping bags i called whole foods i called mr foods and he said you don't make them anymore. You had like the SKU number and they like typed it in and they're like, sorry, sir.

People know what I'm talking about on the internet too. So there's other people too that are like, I'm obsessed with this bag. Yes. Because those, you know, like the typical reusable bags

that are made of like a plastic bottle that are crinkly and loud and aren't that good. Those are not great. They don't hold a lot of stuff. You can't fold them up. You can't scrunch them up

into a ball and put them in your pocket. And the ones you can scrunch up into a ball and put in your pocket have a big opening and things fall out. Try putting a normal Trader Joe's bag that's not plasticky on the floor and everything will just flop out of it. Yeah, that's a good point. Especially on a bicycle. Yes. That's not going to work. So if anyone has a lead on a green whole foods bag oh my god

i'm looking now yeah mom's on it i love to have something to uh look for at the thrift but you just told me mom that sometimes you will like go to a thrift store and like feel like i i need a uh a certain blouse or something for this thing coming up Like a sparkly blouse And then it'll fucking appear I mean I used to be really lucky in that department If I needed something I would go I'm gonna find it I'm gonna go in there and find it

Well that's the law of attraction baby I'm getting into it I know I've gotten into many things on this podcast Where it's like this is my new thing But I really do believe Manifestation and like if you believe that you have it if you believe in your soul that you've already achieved it that it's just going to happen and you relax and you act as if it fucking happens i'm gonna and i was listening chris and i

were watching ellen degeneres's special um relatable is the name of it. It's 2018 Netflix. The other night, which is hilarious, by the way. It's so good. I just love her stand-up. But she says in it that she was pretty down and out. She had no talents. She had no aspirations. She was an oyster shucker.

She worked in a grocery store. She got all these jobs. But she just didn't know what she was doing with her life. She was in in a grocery store. She got all these jobs. But she just didn't know what she was doing with her life. She was in her early 20s. New Orleans, right? I don't know where she was exactly. Yeah, maybe.

An oyster shucker. Yeah, that's what they do down there. And she said that she... I didn't know this, but her partner, her girlfriend at the time was in a horrible car accident, died.

Ellen drove past it not knowing it was her oh my god and she had to move out of their house together their apartment together and she moved into this basement apartment and she was that was just infested with fleas so she was sleeping on the ground and there were fleas all over and she was just like what am I doing with my life

and she was like she'd never done anything creative really like she's just was had never even thought of comedy didn't know didn't act didn't sing just was like what am i even doing and she was like i'm just gonna write a poem she had no intention for it to be funny she was like because she was thinking about like why do fleas get to exist but then my my girlfriend this beautiful woman who had her whole life ahead of her why is that why is she dead and she was like i'm i really wish i could ask god about

this and so she wrote a poem in which she was asking god about fleas and like why are they around and then she was like thinking oh if the poem i would call i would call god like it would probably she wasn't even trying to be funny she was like the phone would probably ring a lot because it's a big place and then she'd be put on hold and the hold music would be and then there was it was this religious song chris laughed because he's catholic i didn't know the song she was like but it would it would be that music playing but it'd be live because it would be you know and um and she and then she decided she just had this moment as she was writing the poem and this is just you know what she says so maybe it wasn't exactly what happened but i believe her she said in that moment she was

like you know what i'm gonna tell this on the johnny carson show someday she had never thought about doing stand-up she had never thought about Carson show someday she had never thought about doing stand-up she had never thought about being a comedian she had never thought about being an actress or anything she was just like I'm a hundred percent gonna say this on the Johnny Carson show someday six years later she does that exact joke on the Johnny Carson show and she goes and I'm gonna in this moment while she's on her mattress writing this poem she's like and I'm gonna be the first woman ever that's asked over to his couch after doing it god and it happens right she finishes her mom do we believe her that's the thing i paused the show and i was like chris this is what i'm talking about this manifestation if

you just believe it's so hard like it doesn't matter it will happen and he was like well this is also like information bias i guess or what what confirmation bias where it's like we only hear the good stories of when this happens we only hear the good stories of when this happens we never hear the people like saying i was going to be on jenny carson but i never made it you know we only hear the stuff that goes well and she could have changed the story to fit to make it better i i i buy it because i the more i've been looking into this it's just you know i've talked about before but it's like it's there's science behind it it's like there's if the quantum physics is about like there's different realms happening there's

infinite realms happening where your life is going on in a different direction all the time and if you visualize that version of your life it will show up in your own like it's if you give attention to what you want that thing will show up and it has to be done in a certain way. Like I'm reading all these Instagram, um, or sorry, subreddits about, uh, law of attraction and, um, these different men who have like, uh, you know, championed these different methods and I'm listening to YouTube videos. Um, I just don't know what's a manifest because I kind of have a great life. I keep going like, I think right now I'm manifesting having,

I like, well, I'm just going to say it like I have an award winning special coming out. That's, um, Emmy award winning. And it's, um,

and Taylor Swift wrote me about it and said that she really enjoyed it. She wrote me a personal note and I don't want to share the details of it because it was personal and I feel like it's going to kick off our friendship. But, um, she wrote me a personal note about how much she enjoyed it she liked the shout out um and uh yeah and and and I'm up for an Emmy and I I just want it that's so weird and so after winning that Emmy I just feel like my life is just kind of going in the direction I always wanted it to go and I have this this, I'm just like, my career is just like where I want it to be. I, I'm really, my body has changed because of Pilates.

I enjoy Pilates so much. It's just become a practice that I don't even need to like work at. Is this all manifestation? Yes, this is. I, yeah, I, yeah. And I'm, I'm my niece's favorite aunt. Oh, you always. Poppy has declared that I'm her favorite.

That's not even. I heard she's been asking about me. Oh, is Nikki around? Where's Nikki? Really? Yeah. You hear it too? Is Nikki?

Why aren't you telling me about this? Oh. That's all I want to achieve in life is Poppy wanting me. I don't even care about for some reason just having the girl relative. Wait till you see her in her little brace. I know she broke her clavicle. What?

I know. She fell off her brother's shoulders and she broke her clavicle and she's so cute in her little cast. I haven't seen her yet. Her little sling. We went to the playground, which probably wasn't a good idea, but she's just like she knows how to work it, like

to go down the slide on one side. Yeah, she's making do. She's pretty good at it. Back to her asking about me. What she did ask about you. I mean, she's like, is Nikki gonna be there? Or... This is cool. This is good. Oh, she adores you

this is always what I've wanted Halloween I found there was a turning point she just started looking at me like when I wasn't looking at her almost like she has like the way

when you know a guy has a crush on you where you just like checking you out a little more you can just feel their stare where they're just kind of like studying your face like I think I love her

where you're just like it hasn't happened to me in a while right but like there was just a vibe with Poppy where I'm like, Oh, she's like very interested in what's going on with me now. And it's like,

I even took dad aside. I was like, I think something's turned with Poppy. Like she's very into what I've like, I think, I think she's, she's, she's,

she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's,

she's, she's, she'll be your, she'll be your girl. That's all I want. Okay. She'll be your girl. Well,

my mom, um, well, well, I was going to say about this law of attraction thing so that's what i'm manifesting and if you the thing is if you have trouble figuring out what to manifest which is a hard thing for people you're supposed to say wouldn't it be nice if oh yeah fill in the blank good thing to do and it's also if you take the nice not like the loki

multiverse marvel version of the why it works but also if you just start thinking about that thing and believing it's true it instills you with the confidence and starts planting the seed that will give you the plan and the confidence and the thoughts to go actually do it yes yeah that's true i saw an instagram with reese witherspoon the other day where she was talking about like i just am confident all the time. I walk into auditions that I knew that I wasn't maybe right for, but I would just walk in and act like,

oh, I already have the part. I mean, we've all heard this kind of thing before of just like acts as if, but you can tell that's like... She's very confident. She is so confident. I mean, have you heard her get arrested? What is the fine line of manifesting versus lying

to yourself or luckiness i mean it's not lying to yourself because if you believe it like it's just there's just no it's it it i guess it it's not i can't say it's lying to yourself because then that negates the whole thing it's not it's just knowing it's gonna happen there's no lying to yourself and if you have that question in your Head of like this is me lying to myself It ain't gonna work like you gotta be Go ahead and lie to yourself Like who gives a shit if you're lying yourself like

Totally if you if it makes you Feel better that you believe in Jesus and you're really religious and that just Gives you low anxiety and makes you feel Good then even though maybe it's A lie like go ahead and do that It's like anything and makes you feel good then even though maybe it's a lie like go ahead and do that it's like anything that makes you feel better people lie to themselves all the time about stuff to get through life unless you're like hitting your you know your wife and you're

lying yourself that you don't hit your wife but if it's not maybe not that one don't do that one but if it's not affecting anybody then like go ahead and lie to yourself nothing wrong with lying i think it's my i actually um today i'm gonna have a call with my friend because i saw on the on the um law of attraction subreddit it said start involving other people in your manifestations so find a friend who also wants to manifest something and then you have a call congratulating each other about the thing oh yeah act like it's already happened so oh my friend and Kirsten and I are going to have a call later tonight at 6 PM where we both talk about the thing that we already both got.

And I said, here's what you're supposed to congratulate me on. Here's what I'll congratulate you on. And we're going to have a full conversation as if it happened. And there's no question. There's no like, Oh, this is weird.

We're doing this. It's just is what it is. I cannot wait. Yeah. So that's what, that's the plan. I'm going to manifest that we're going to have one of the best episodes ever coming back after this. All right.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm her girl I think Basically She did I'm like kidding She was into you She was like flirting with you Julie She was kind of flirting with me

She totally was How many times did she say Now Julie I know I love I love her Yeah She's really good Yeah

She's good She's good She's good That was a great episode She had a lot to say She I mean it was really interesting To hear her perspective

On what's happened to her I didn't know any of that stuff That happened to her Outside of the photo And so I didn't even know She had lung cancer So to share her perspective on what's happened to her. I didn't know any of that stuff that happened to her outside of the photo. And so I didn't even know she had lung cancer. So to share her story like that, and I have a prediction,

I don't want to manifest on her behalf, but my prediction is that she goes out on tour, she starts working this new hour, and then the comeback is on. She's going to do an hour special that's going to be on some channel or streamer, and people are going to be like, I didn't know any of this about her story and then boom she's back yep it that's you're so right that's what that's what i meant by saying like people just need to media needs to get on board

like people need to be confronted with her story again yeah and then they'll forgive they'll forget about it and everyone loves a comeback no what? It takes six years though sometimes. That's the shitty part. And during those six years, can you imagine having that many people hate you? It wouldn't take a Vicodin addiction to kill myself. It would take that much online hate to want to kill myself. I don't think I would survive that.

No, she's so brave and so strong. I mean, we didn't even hear, I know more about her life than just what she told us. She's been through a lot. Yes. She has been through, and she comes back. She lost both of her brother and sister to cancer. She has one brother who was estranged, who was fucked with her when she was little. Right.

She had obviously, she lost both her parents within the past, lost her dad I think in 90 or maybe early 2009 or something. Her mom in 2020. And her mom lived with her for a while. Yeah, she's been through. She's divorced. She had a guy steal a bunch of fucking money

from her. Yeah, she's someone like, let's be honest, Brian, you know like as a comedian people don't like people are quick to say i don't oh can't like roll their eyes about her like they dismiss her well you know people love to hate a woman i think that's what it comes down to if you have that many excuses to hate a woman then they'll take them oh for sure i'm glad you say that it's like it's hard for me to say that because as a woman, it's easy for me to say, yeah, I think it has something to do with that.

And just such an outspoken one. Well, I've been so proud of her. And when she did that photo, who gives a shit? Well, she was making fun. If you know, she was making fun of the fact that he said he was talking about Megyn Kelly. And when she was moderating the debate, she had blood coming out of everywhere, her eyes and her,

like he was talking about Megyn Kelly possibly being on her period. Right. And so he was making, he had a quote about she had blood coming out of her mouth, out of her eyes, out of her everywhere. That wasn't Megyn Kelly. That was the girl from Joe,

Morning Joe. Oh, okay. Whoever that was. girl from Joe, Morning Joe. Oh, okay. Whoever that was. Minka. Minka. So he was making fun of that woman. Sorry. And then, oh yeah, he'd never say that about Megyn Kelly.

Not Megyn. Even when I said that, I go, why would he say that about her? Yeah. So she was doing a nod to that. She was like, okay, we'll make blood coming out of all of his stuff. And then, you can't buy a whole body of him. so the mask made it look like a decapitated thing why did she stand up for herself she did but her advice initially was to apologize because that's everyone's our all pr agents always say apologize and it's the worst thing you can do is apologize because everyone

joke no you can't you know i'll apologize for hurting people's feelings but i won't i'll just be like i thought it was funny i fucked up but like it's um yeah it's not good to apologize the shark circle the wolf circle and i go oh she knows that she's at fault here so now we're going to destroy her why is that what because that's what you know what that encourages people to not apologize which is a great thing when people apologize and it could make yeah it's weakness well what about i mean i was more shocked when we were talking about celebrities and the story that she said about the jay leno show yeah and a certain pop star yeah i was terrified if i had to encounter someone that i had talked shit about.

I think there was one. Shocked. There was someone recently that I can't, like I was going to be on the same thing as that. I was like, I wonder if they saw me say that thing on a special about them or like, it's yeah. I'm,

I like that. She's just like went up to JLo and was like, I want to pick, like, let's get a picture where you're mad at me. Like, cause you know, I've said things about you.

She's just brazen and brave. She is so brazen and great. I love that about her. The way she used to make fun of the Kardashians. It was great. I was like, somebody's got to say this. I miss that. I miss comedians

ripping people apart and making social commentary.an rivers did it too yes no one was again no but people didn't like joan rivers either until she died i'm sorry it's like it's the people that with taste did but right joan rivers is only lauded as like a legend after her death after that documentary like it had to take people to be like here's an artful documentary to prove how hard she's worked. But before that, it was kind of like,

I think the consensus was like, her voice is annoying. Get her off. He, she's always, she's, she got canceled a couple of times. Cause she said just,

she was making just jokes and it just went the wrong way. Like there's so many times I've said jokes and people just go, you know, when I did the view and Kelly Rowland got upset. Cause she was just like, ew, like, did you just say something that is just an innocuous

joke and people just go like why would you say that? They'll take her side too because she said ew yeah and then everyone's like suddenly like well she's more famous than that girl so we're going to be on her side except Rosie O'Donnell did it. Rosie O'Donnell took my side and was like I'm sorry that was fucking funny

and then she cussed and she said it was the first time she's ever cussed on The View. That's so funny. And out of doing daytime TV for 20 years, she said it was the first time she ever cussed. I know I told that before, but it's just one of my proudest moments. But yeah, it's just like this. I'm just struggling with the special. I would say the reaction, ew, to any joke is repulsive to me. It is. It is. Yes. Like, it's a joke. Can I just say the reaction to any joke is repulsive to me.

It is. It is. Yes. Like it's a joke. Like you're, you're getting disgusted at it is your problem. Yeah. Yeah. And my joke was that I'll tell it again.

It was, it was so stupid. It was, we were just backstage getting briefed on what we were going to talk about on the show. Rosie O'Donnell was showing pictures of her kids in the bath the night before because they had put all these like, they had these like,

I don't know, bath bombs that would make the color like the water a purple or pink or whatever. And I said, oh, I had that as a kid, but it was always just yellow. And I did it myself.

And she just goes, ew. And I was like, it's just a fucking joke about me peeing in the bath. Like it doesn't, and it just, just sucking all the life out of it. Yeah. Brian, you're right about that.

It's not a great joke. It's just like, it doesn't deserve an ooh though. And like, let's all alienate this girl on this show where I, I've been a regular before. I know my way around, but this girl's new. So let's say like, you're just not, you're no fun. Yeah. And it's an insult to go. Ooh, it's like, you know,

I'm sorry. Yeah. It's a judge. You know what? On the next, um, money players, like special, uh,

big diamond club, diamond club. I'm going to tell a story, another story about that person that I, I guess I, that is, that is the exact story. I actually crossed paths with that person again recently.

And I've been vocal about my, like, that I think she's not a nice person before. And so I was nervous to cross paths with her. And so I have a story that I'm going to tell in the Diamond Players thing because I don't want it to get back to her. It's going to be behind a paywall. So stay tuned for that. That's exactly how I feel about Kim Jong-un. If I'm ever on a tonight show with him it's gonna be awkward

it is I always it could be dangerous for you too yeah honestly it's um yeah I just that's why I'm scared to like ever see Taylor Swift even though you know she did love my special that just is coming out she did

it's crazy that she did that Oh yeah she did Yeah Oh yeah She commented on your Instagram post That was crazy Yeah Yeah that was wild I mean it's

It's I would have been I wouldn't have predicted it But I did manifest it It did happen But um Yeah I Even with her

I'm scared I've said so much And obviously something I've said before Has come back to haunt me with her She doesn't care She loves you Yeah she's forgiven me She gets that It all comes from a place of With her, I'm scared. I've said so much. And obviously, something I've said before has come back to haunt me with her. She doesn't care. She loves you. Yeah, she's forgiven me.

She gets that it all comes from a place of love. Right. And just loving my girl. I love... And that's why I really do believe... Obviously, we're best friends. I'm manifesting this. Taylor and I, I'm in the zone. You are going to be in with the girl.

I love her so much. We're so happy for our girl, finding Travis. Yeah. But Gigi Hadid is one of Taylor's best friends, and she is just as big of a Swifty as I am. Like, just as obsessed, knows all the words, is just as. So I think that, you know, me and Gigi really get along in that sense. Right.

When we all hang out. Well, you guys have discussed how. That we are, like, almost, like, too fanatical to be her friend, but we're like, it's cool she lets us be her friend it's nice I love this new life do you know Joe Pera the comedian yes so he's got a tour out right

now and he's calling the tour the Pera's tour and it's a lowercase p and then capital E R A S that's so smart that's really good and then also in Taylor Swift news, sort of. So last night in Monday Night Football was the Eagles versus the Chiefs. That was Travis Kelsey versus Jason Kelsey.

They were calling it like the brother. Oh, the brothers. Blitz or something. The brothers. Are they both football players? Yeah. They're both. Travis isn't.

Jason Kelsey is a lineman on the Philadelphia Eagles Pro Bowl lineman. And Travis Kelsey is a tight end on the Philadelphia Eagles Pro Bowl lineman, and Travis Kelsey is a tight end on the Chiefs Pro Bowl tight end. And they played against each other in the Super Bowl last year. Chiefs won. Last night was a rematch of the Super Bowl. Eagles versus Chiefs. Eagles won. Eagles won. But, interestingly,

in the news is that in that game, Travis Kelsey had a very important fumble in the red zone and it basically was the reason why the Chiefs lost the game. Devastating. Taylor wasn't there. He has not lost when Taylor was there. When Taylor is there.

Yes. We're now starting to build the association. She's going to be expected at the games. But also, Travis, in an interview or maybe on his podcast, started talking about how he's in a lot of pain all the time from all of his injuries he's had 10 surgeries and he's thinking that maybe this may be his last season now whether that's gonna he's gonna follow through on that or not but he's saying he might retire soon which is interesting because he was not saying that last year leading to my prediction what's your i don't know if I've said it yet, but I have a prediction for

how it's all going to play out. Oh, can you say? Taylor will be pregnant. Taylor will announce her pregnancy. This is my prediction. Taylor will be, and believe me, I don't want this to happen because the second she gets pregnant, our roads diverge.

You're not manifesting this. i met a bestie last night um at my show at the funny bone and she said to me oh my god when you were freezing your eggs i was just like no because i'm not gonna relate to you anymore if you do that and i was like oh my god that's the way i feel about taylor so shout out to sarah uh who i met last night um she and i feel the same way about taylor like because she's a swifty too i signed her taylor swift shirt actually and she was like i go our girl's gonna get pregnant you know it though like we're gonna lose her and it's okay how old is i want her to have everything she wants in life um she's 33 so she will and she will announce the pregnancy i believe i'm predicting boy early 2025 spring are you predicting or manifesting?

No, this is prediction. This is prediction because I'm saying I will. Otherwise, I'd say it's happened. Wait, I don't know. I haven't studied it enough. If people have studied laws of attraction, please let me know of any more secrets. You're saying in 2025? Yeah, she is going to finish her heirs tour in

november 2024 that time gives her time her body to relax there will be let me just change it actually yeah she needs a little time to relax to recoup that's right there will be an engagement in the spring of 2025 there will be an announcement of a birth in the summer of 2025 there will be a wedding when she is pregnant it's the new thing she's going she's going the other way i don't think there'll be a wedding first i think there'll be a baby first i think taylor does her own thing i don't know why i just i i think that that's the way it's gonna happen they'll get married she'll be fully pregnant this is gonna happen sometime in the late summer um fall she will give birth in the in the winter are we in 26 yet thinking december because i think she

probably wants a baby around the same time as her so this is december 2025 she will give birth to her first baby um and then she will have another baby with him um by 2020, late 2026. She will announce again, 2027, 2028. There'll be two or three kids. There will be a divorce at some point. Now, this is not something I wish on her. It's not something I'm manifesting. This is just, she will have a successful 10,

she will have a successful six to 10 year relationship with Travis Kelsey. That's okay. That's a successful relationship. That's no judgment. Just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean it's not good. I think that is a great long haul.

But I want her out there again. I want her to find other love. I want her to do it all over again. She will date Harry Styles again. It'll come back around. They will date again in their 40s. They will get married. They will, and I do believe she will end up with Harry Styles. They will date again in their 40s. They will get married. They will, and I do believe she will end up with Harry Styles.

They will divorce. She will keep this going. This is what I wish for myself in a lot of ways. I like this. You just keep going. Everything doesn't have to last till you die. We live way too long for that. You got to keep, she might get back with Travis.

There'll be a second marriage after Harry. These are my predictions. Just based on the song Suburban Legends, which I believe is about Harry, as are the Volt tracks in 1989. Most of them are about Harry, Suburban Legends. I believe that she's talking about her high school reunion, that she has a fantasy of walking hand in hand with him together

at their high school reunion after they've already been together and broken up. She's meaning the Grammys. That's her high school reunion. She sees it someday. They're going to walk back in together. Do I want her and Travis to last forever? Yes.

I'm not saying anything bad. And by the way, none of this means anything. It's I wish my best friends divorce. I think it's a great thing that relationships ebb and flow and you get out. I don't think divorce is a failure. So when I say that, I'm not speaking from a place if i want her to be in pain i want her i just want her to be in love again and write about it so that's just my and i think it's very hard to stay in a relationship when you're a celebrity forever um i have unless you're goldie and russell yeah brand what crow whatever they're not even married and they're not even married Unless you're Goldie Hawn and Russell Brand

Crow whatever They're not even married She might not even get married But I look forward to going to all the weddings Oh my god By then you guys will be best friends Not after she heard that I hope Taylor if you heard that

You would not offend it I'm totally actually joking about all of this. I honestly hope. I think Travis is your endgame. Oh, wow. And I mean that by the song. Because when she did sing Endgame as one of her secret songs at a recent concert, there was a glimmer in her eye that we haven't seen before. And the way she ran to him, we didn't talk about it last week.

And besties were dying for me to address it. But that run to him. Where was this? This was him, we didn't talk about it last week. And besties were dying for me to address it. But that run to him. Where was this? This was in, it wasn't Rio. It was whatever city she was in before Rio in her South American tour. She guts off stage and he's waiting outside this like curtained area. And she runs off stage and like as soon as she sees him, she starts running and then runs into his arms. He twirls her around.

They kiss and then they put their arms around each other and they went into a tent thank you for giving us that moment because you know what they could have done it behind a curtain they could have just waited till they got in there but they gave everyone that moment because we everyone wants that days for girls and gay men was that day that we all got to share in them hugging and kissing. It was like the end of a rom-com scene. It was a beautiful, they swirled around. She gave us that moment and people go, it's a PR relationship.

You know, it can be, it's not PR necessarily to just give your fans what they want and they want to see you happy and loved. We all love to see that kind of affection. I thought it was a beautiful moment. And I'm really glad. Thank you, Taylor.

Thank you, Travis, for not keeping that behind closed doors. Yeah, that's great. I really thought it was like we we fucking collectively as Swifties freaked out when she did that. And it was the same show when she said, you know, she goes, Karma is my boyfriend. You know that song? And she goes, usually she was used to be talking about Joe in the song, her ex my boyfriend you know that song and she goes usually she was used to be talking about joe in the song her ex-boyfriend in that song and she was like karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me and it used to be joe is the guy on the screen he's in the

movies but at that show she goes karma is the guy on the chiefs coming straight home to and he didn't know and he was like so excited i heard that that. Yeah. And I just love that. They're like, he's on his podcast talking about her. Like she's just a normal gal. She's getting talked about on podcasts. Like I really love it. I'm happy for him. Really?

I've never been happier for anyone in my life. I don't think no one deserves it more than that girl. She works so hard. She yesterday, she broke her heel in Rio. She's going through a tough time with the Rio show. A girl died at her show. What? Horribly. A girl died. They had 140 degree

temperatures inside this damn stadium because they shut... Heat exhaustion. This girl passed out and died from complications from it during Cruel Summer. Oh, God. Second show of the thing she passed out dies and um and so um they canceled the the second night show people were dying for

water it's 140 degrees why was it like that because they shut the vents because they didn't want people outside of the arena watching or hearing oh Oh, God. So they shut the vents and they were charging $18 for a water bottle. Oh, my God. And they wouldn't let people bring in outside water. So it was- I heard there's a new rule now. A thousand people fainted. A thousand.

Oh, my God. That's one in 70 people. Well, do you remember their water bottle issue? We would go to their- Oh, it was so annoying. You have to buy a water and then they hand you a cup and you have to pour your water bottle.

You can't throw, because water bottles are good to throw. Like, with a cap on it, it kind of zips through the air, and you could throw it at her. We all know that, don't we? And a big- What are you doing, Julie? A big plastic cup is harder to hurl, because it would get caught in the air. Fill it with urine. Yeah.

Oh, God. And Taylor did, in a previous show, I think the night before the girl died, say like, hey, will you guys not throw things on stage? It really scares me. And so she like had to tell them. So I think they were, it was, but you know, it's just been rough. And Taylor, I get like emotional thinking about it. But then, so she canceled the Saturday show because it was still horrible temperatures.

The girl died on the Friday show. On Sunday night, she did the next set of, you know, the next Rio show to make up for the Saturday. And during her secret song, she played this song, Bigger Than the Whole Sky. And it's like, she definitely, she also put out a statement prior to this after Ana's death where she said,

I am so heartbroken about this death. I can't talk about it on stage because I get too emotional. Just please know that I'm thinking about it. It was just this, Anya told me this weekend she was like i read that statement and i was jealous of her empathy like she just seems she was like i just never cared about like anything that much and taylor's just you can just tell taylor's just like this she's a really sweet bleeding heart like girl if and so she sang this song bigger than the whole sky and

like and the lyrics are like, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. You were bigger than the whole sky. You were more than just a short time. I've got a lot to pine about. I've got a lot to figure out. I'm never gonna meet what could have been, would have been, what should have been you. Gives me chills thinking about it.

But like the whole audience like knew it was for her. And it's like this really, really sad song about, you know, we like knew it was for her and it's like this really really sad song about you know we initially thought it was maybe about a miscarriage but it's really about like it's just about death and it's just like about someone dying too young probably because i'm never gonna meet what could have been should have been what would have been you and um and so she that was her like tribute and she got emotional during it and um and then last night at the show she broke her heel right and this is this is what i love is watching this clip of her breaking her heel and it's right away like she broke it i think during her performance of the man so she's in the same outfit for the opening

which is miss americana which is a you know a verse and a chorus and then she goes right into cruel summer which is the whole song and then she goes into the man which is the whole song. And then she goes into The Man, which is the whole song. And then, you need to calm down. She's in these amazing boots, Louboutin boots, and the heel fucking snapped off right in the middle of The Man, because at some point in The Man, you could see that it's off. And then she goes on to do Lover, which she's just standing for with her guitar at the

microphone. And like, I guess I, if you would have told me this happened, I would have been like, oh, she'll say something about it and be like, well, my heel broke and the show is still going on. This bitch, she did not even address it. She just points that toe, acts like it's still there. Because you know what Taylor has in mind? A lesser performer, i.e. me, thinking about what I would do in that scenario, I would call it out because I go, everyone's going to see this.

Taylor knows most of the crowd does not see that her heel is split. And this is like a thing that people constantly think, you know, when you go out and you like, oh, I have a stye in my eye. I know like you like get to it before other people can get to it. And people go, I would never even notice

unless you told me. Taylor's smart enough to know, I don't need to ruin this moment and make this about my broken heel it's not a thing just act like it's there manifest that heel so it's really cool to watch her play lover because she's just pointing that toe and it's as if it's there you're just like but it is not there that's hard wait did the heel actually just pop off the whole heel and it's like a four inch heel oh i know her toe as if she has a four inch heel on it and you can't tell it all and she's walking around and she's just walking on a pointed toe like uh like barbie you know it's just that little um detail i go wow that is that's that's how pro she is she doesn't

anyone else would have been fine and she could have done a funny... I think her on a different tour would have called it out because that's... But she is just now... I don't think she stops for anything. She's a queen. She's just the best performer going. I'm just obviously such

a fan. So that's my whole Taylor tirade. We got to go to break, want when we get back i want to hear about this is my first time seeing you in a really long time i know mother have you missed you it's too long we're gonna talk about your paris vacation your european vacation oh that you're back from all right after this john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. My mom, Brian, Noah, are all here. Mom, you just got back from Paris and Amsterdam.

Is that the two places? Yes. Did you go anywhere else? Excuse me? Did you go anywhere else? No, I didn't go anywhere else. No, actually, we did go. We went to Paris for a couple days, and then we went to the countryside.

That's what I thought. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This little town, I can't even tell you the name of it. That's pretty bad. That's okay. Anyway. Yeah, Oh. This little town. I can't even tell you the name of it. That's pretty bad. It's okay. Anyway. Yeah, but we-

Alsace. No. Okay. No. It's this town you won't even have ever heard. No one knows. Okay. But anyway, it's all like countryside, and there's a lot of forest, and we went there

because we were invited because of a woman we were with. So you went over for, went to visit my sister. She rented an apartment over there for three months. She's still there. And she invited us for a week. To stay at the apartment? To stay at the apartment. Was it so nice?

Yeah, it was a pretty nice place. Did you know what she was paying? No, I forget what she did tell me. I wasn't like shocked. Oh, okay. All right. You know, it might be like- In Paris or in the countryside?

Yeah, in Paris. It was a beautiful apartment building. So gorgeous. And they have, there's a name, I forget the architect that they're all copied from, but they all have a facial front and then they have a courtyard on the inside. So all the apartments circle

this courtyard. So they all have lighting on all inside of their apartments. And it's just a really interesting thing. Okay. Anyway. I'm not grasping what you're saying. I don't even know.

But you can see into other apartments. You feel like you're an anomaly. You basically can. It's like a rear window. Yeah Okay. Anyway. I'm not grasping what you're saying. I don't even know. But you can see into other apartments. You feel like you're an anomaly. You basically can. It's like a rear window. Yeah. You just can't leave your windows open because people can see right in. Yeah. But anyway.

And this building is from 1800s. Right. So it's old. But anyway, we stayed there for a couple nights. And then we went to the countryside. But the biggest thing we did was go on this follow to hunt, which turned out to be really crazy. That they actually let these hound dogs chase down a deer

for miles and miles and hours and hours until it wears itself down. And then they kill the deer. The hounds do? The hounds do. Did you watch that? Yeah. Kind of saw some. Why do you want to do this? How do you view something like that? Is it like in the arena

or something? This is a historical thing that they've been doing for thousands of years. It's a castle. So is rape. Yeah. It was basically like you can't watch those yeah yeah you can't watch that just this whole thing of like it's historical i know it's weird but when you guys told me that about this i just assumed you wouldn't like i assumed you'd go to the countryside but didn't assume you'd go on the hunt how do you stomach that

well i didn't honestly i didn't know how it was going to end. I just thought, what? You just thought you were going to chase the deer and then the dogs were going to play with it? I thought they called it, they corner the deer. And what normally happens is they, uh, the head hunter slits the throat of the deer.

that's better. Better than being slowly attacked by hound dogs and two dogs. Yeah, I guess Well was there a chance that the deer would get away Or is there just no chance No he was actually It took like three hours to corner this deer

Three hours Yeah it was running back and forth They're so smart they know They go get another deer and get these hounds on another deer And so then they chase this other deer for a while Who's smart the deer The deer They The deer. They figure this out.

Wow, it's almost like they're an intelligent creature that shouldn't be killed for fucking no reason. So we were like, shook up. We were like, oh my god. How did this, how does this happen? It's a big ceremony too. They have a mass before.

Are you eating while all this is happened? I mean, three hours is a long time. Yeah, like, what are you doing for three hours? Are you in the back of a chariot? I'm in the back of the Jeep. Oh, a Jeep. I'm in the back of a Jeep. Just following this deer get changed. Following these country people on horseback with

they're dressed in regalia like with coats and hats and I mean there's what a fucking bunch of dorks I mean it's looks like something out of I mean anyone I was filming the whole time going wow this is

crazy and somebody came up and they go you are not posting that correct and I'm like why because they know it's inhumane what they're doing yeah it's gotta be I mean and then I started looking it up going, oh my God, I can't believe that probably they were very nervous about me posting this

because it would, you know, display exactly what goes on. Because what they're doing is like, I mean, eyes wide shut, like some weird, like kind of cult sex stuff.

Yeah. It's a weird thing, but it's like, they've been doing it for thousands of years. But anyway, I was reading all about it and in the countryside, there's all these castles and manor castles and they all have these hunts.

Everybody has a hunt and it's a thing they do there. It's very, you know, you have to be invited to these things. So no one's really, it's not for the They didn't expect you to come on a podcast You have to be invited to these things. So no one's really... It's not for the... They didn't expect you to come on a podcast

and start gabbing about it. No. You're going to... They don't start chasing you. Should we build the... They don't know it's for this one. It's not going to take three hours to catch you, by the way. No, you guys can't wear on it.

Tire you out. That's... Anyway, that was crazy. And then we... Did you eat it? No. Really? No. Really? No.

What did they do with it? They let the. They skin it and they give. They said they bag it up and they give all the, you know, the feeding parts to the peasants. Ah, the peasants. They're still peasants? That's what they say. Does that just mean poor people?

What's going on? I don't hate that. That poor part. But they call them peasants. But why don't're still peasants? That's what they say. Does that just mean poor people? What's going on? I don't hate that. That poor part. But why don't we have to chase it for three hours? Isn't there better things to do with your time? No, it's really a crazy thing to watch. Why don't they just watch Succession instead? Yeah.

Even the morning show, I would recommend. No, this is 2,000 years of them doing this on the countryside. Lots of things are protected by... It's tradition, though. It's tradition. It's the way it's always been done. So is slavery.

Right. But it's tradition. You have to respect it. You have to tiptoe around all their bullshit. Listen, I tiptoe around all their bullshit. Listen, I wasn't endorsing this. I was just like going, wow. At the end. And then there's a big, huge party at the castle and at dinner and dancing and celebratory shit.

Wow. But then we went to Amsterdam. Final thought. Yeah. Wait, you walked through the red light district isn't that wild oh my I thought of you

did you walk in those alleys where the girls are just like tapping the glass yeah trying to get your attention it's so nuts we didn't walk it down an alley it was a main drag

I mean like but then you would cut off I know that's the main drag but then you would cut down a little corridor and there's like they're right there and they're like

it's like you're at the zoo it's like you're at a museum and they're just in behind this glass yeah i was like looking at these girls i and then i was like going kind of proud of them like let's talk about that honestly like that they have the right to do whatever they want with their body that if if they want no listen this is a tricky subject because i mean well they don't have to be behind this. Maybe they do. Maybe they're pimped out. I don't know how it works over there.

But it's a legal thing over there. Yes. So maybe they are collecting all the cash themselves. But there is oftentimes when it's presented like this woman is just owning her own stuff. And there's usually a man behind it collecting things. Well, it didn't feel like that. It doesn't feel that way. No. It felt like she was on there on her own stuff and she's there's usually a man behind it collecting well it didn't feel like that it felt like it doesn't feel that way no it felt like she was on there on her own she wanted to be there and and there's some old ones there's some unfortunate looking ones there's like some

you know these girls all look pretty unfortunate pretty good yeah just like oh that yeah because you can't say ugly but like they there were some girls. I feel bad that that's what they do to make money for them. Some of them enjoy it, for sure. And some of them look at it like, you know, I look at things people do and I go, I would never fucking want to do that all day. I'm trying to think of it like being a trainer. Like I go to a trainer and I'm like, oh my God, I'm just another one of her clients. All day she just has to be like, hi! With nine different people.

Hey! They love that. Yes, I know. But I would hate that. I'm saying there are things. Sex can be something that it's just obviously, it can be joyless, but you just get through it. It's like any kind of job.

Right. But I mean, it felt like they were there on their own accord. Yes. But yes, maybe I'm wrong. No, I don't.

No, I don't think you are. I think, and that's just always the sensitive thing I have. I'm talking about porn a lot in my standup special. That's, um, I'm winning that Emmy for,

or I won that Emmy for, and, um, I'm talking about my, um, yeah, like, well, I've said that I like would like like to there's a part of me that was like oh i could see myself doing porn and you were like you take that out of the reality show i don't want people knowing you said that that out because it's performative that's what i like about it it's like you're performing this thing and you're

doing something that people go like i could never do that there's something that's really interesting about that to me but it's usually i don't like that it's met with like that's just you're disgusting and i wouldn't do that because you're i'm disgusting it's like but you do do this with with your husband but for some reason that's not discussed like it's doing it with with some gross guy it's not well maybe the guy's not gross to them and maybe it's you know i wouldn't want to touch bodies gross to them and maybe it's you know i wouldn't want to touch bodies all day but some people massage people you know like there's there's some people that but then there are people who work in hospices who have to deal with you know dying perfect exam bodies people's butts yeah fucking those people yeah what i'm just

taking this in the wrong direction but it's it have that dilemma because I know there are lots of Porn stars that are like I love it and I chose This and this is exactly what I want to do But then you know I feel like most of The stuff I watch is not that It's women that are This wasn't their first choice I don't understand why they would

Why would they have sex with some guy When they could just go on like OnlyFans and start an OnlyFans and never have to touch anybody that's an interesting get their online following going or is there something maybe it's so much more lucrative and maybe you can make so much

in one night and maybe it's yeah it's probably financially just there's more money to be made in the red light district from just like horny dudes on bachelor parties. But it is weird to be in this crowd that's shuffling so slowly. It's like a museum and you look in each window and you see this girl just adjusting her thong, licking her lips, making eye contact with you. We went to a live sex show. Oh, I knew.

You guys should have gone to that. It's so funny. No, your dad wanted to. He said, we should maybe. I'm like, you should have gone. I do know. It's funny. It's not like even sexy.

In Ted Lasso, they said it's just tired people having sex. And that really is what it is. Well, that's what I was thinking. I thought, I'll be bored. You would. Just kidding. You would see a lot of yourself in it. You know me too well.

But it was just, but wasn't Amsterdam awesome? Isn't it just the cutest? Yeah, it's such a cool, everybody's so laid back and everyone's so nice. I mean, I was looking for someone not nice. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I'm talking about- In Paris, were they not nice?

No, they're nice in Paris, too. Did you find... Like, my fear of going to Paris is obviously like they're going to be like, oh, stupid American. I never felt like that. Everyone, everywhere we went, I was like, people talk about that and it's not true. It's kind of like the New York

thing where they're like, New Yorkers are mean. That's just not... Maybe they're just thinking it, though. I mean, I have a friend who lives in Paris and she was like, they... She's now lived there for a couple of years and she're like, New Yorkers are mean. That's just not a stereotype. I have a friend who lives in Paris and she's now lived there for a couple of years and she's like, they hate everybody. They hate you if you're not Parisian enough. Imagine if you're an American.

They're just judgy. I didn't feel that way. I hear that everyone's stylish. Yeah, people look pretty. Is everyone smoking? Is everyone wearing like, a lot of smokers.

Really? Like no one's dressed like in labels or like wearing a bunch of patterns. It didn't look like it. No sweatpants. No, it's real. There's no like Ugg boots. There's no like,

no one's carrying a coffee cup walking down the street. Like everyone is like. They might be carrying coffee, but those are Americans. But no Uggs. You did not see Uggs and sweatpants. No one's dressed like Grubby.

People dress nice to go just down the street. It's like the 1800s. Yeah. Tradition. It's another tradition. People are dressed nice to go watch the deer get tortured and killed. Got it and killed. That, gutted and killed. That's such a weird thing you witnessed.

It was really. I do not want to hear dad talk about it. I know he's going to make it extra visceral just to get at my vegan heart. He does that sometimes where he'll just like. It was actually really cool the way the deer. He loves to talk about it. The fear in the deer's eye. It was almost poetic.

That's bad for the meat anyway. Oh, how do you know that? It's true. It's bad for the meat anyway. Oh, how do you know that? That's true. It's bad for the meat. That's why they can't see it coming. That's why they give it to the peasants. Or else the cortisol is coursing through their veins and that spoils the meat. That's what I hear.

Okay, speaking of veins, real quick. Obviously, I'm doing Pilates all the time now. So proud of you. Thanks, me too. It's a way of life and um it's so it's so hard it's not getting easier so many besties sent me this video of this um pilates instructor that was being spoofed of like she's going like and now your rib cage is a sweater you're knitting it together. Knit it. Knit it again. And four, three, knit. Now your belly, you scoop it like some scallion cream cheese. You scoop

and you're going to scoop. Three, yes! And it's like, they just, they talk in a different way. They have all these weird things that they say to get you to visualize stuff. It's really, I'm starting to love it. I'm starting to feel the thing that I always hated when people said, which was, I've heard, the first time I ever heard about Pilates, girl was like my body has seriously transformed since doing pilates i

have a different body and i was just like but it's kind of true it's like you just start i've said it before you feel i feel like i'm learning to walk again i feel as frustrated as you see like veterans who have lost their legs and they like you know when they're struggling and they're like i don't want to do this anymore and they're like i feel that way during you see like veterans who have lost their legs. And they like, you know, when they're struggling and they're like, I don't want to do this anymore. And they're like, I feel that way during this of like trying to engage certain muscles. And oftentimes they do say, pretend you're Lieutenant Dan and you have no muscles. Everything is from your core. So when you're doing leg stuff, they're like, don't work your leg muscles. It's like, I'll be doing a leg exercise.

And she's like, pretend how you would do this if you were Lieutenant Dan and i'm like but he doesn't have legs i'm using my what does that even mean but it's all because it's all core muscles but i feel like him because i'm like fuck this this is frustrating i fucking hate that i ever went to war and i scream and i don't do that but i um i worked so hard but i was gonna say i was looking into my my hamstrings are like my tightest area and my hips. Like I just want to be able to bend forward and not have this like low hunch. And then I've been looking into YouTube videos about stretching. And do you know that the reason you can't stretch and that you're limited in your stretching is very little to do with your muscles actually being tight that you could do pretty much all stretches

it's in your fucking head it's your nerves getting scared and then telling your body no no no no you're gonna you're gonna you can't go any further so it's really once i learned that i'm like oh shit so that's why a lot of stretches you're supposed to like start slow and like teach your nerves like hey nerves it's okay like i'm not gonna hurt this person because the second you go for a stretch your body locks up immediately because your nerves send a signal to your brain going like ow ow ow you can't do this this is impossible your body is it can't if you stretch anymore it'll rip something but that's not true you're able to move it's your fucking head holding you back isn't that interesting brian do you know anything about this um i i know that just just disclaimer like you shouldn't try to force yourself to overstretch something because something might

snap but you can get like if you think you're just quote unquote not flexible right you can become flexible over time but there's a lot of mind to it as opposed to just like there's a lot of mind to everything yeah i just didn't know that that i mean i'm not saying it's all that i do believe that there are tight muscles and that yeah you can like pull something i mean we all know that that's what i'm thinking split you like i really do think you can i think it's like it's it's a matter of your brain getting in the way, going like, you can't do that. And I think that we,

but it's so cemented in us to believe that your brain, your thoughts and your nerves, because it does hurt and your nerves are hurting. So it's sending a signal that it's something and you think it's your muscles, but it's not. It's your nerves and your nerves can move. You got to ease into it. You got to ease into it. You got to ease into it.

If you ease. I used to do that. There's a similar concept with starting strength, which is this workout thing where you would constantly make the weights heavier and heavier. And they would say, you think you can't do five reps of that ridiculous weight? You can. And it's amazing how if you just get over the mental hurdle, you actually can squat that much weight five times. As long as you're building up to it, though. You can't just

go out there and squat as much as The Rock. Then you'll really hurt yourself. Yeah, there's limitations. But Chris told me this anecdote yesterday of like, there's some study where they put rats in a bucket and they exhausted them to the point where the rat drowns, right? Or like is about to drown. And I'm sure they didn't rescue them because science is cruel. But the rats drowned, let's say it, this is just a made up number, but they drowned at 18 minutes, right? So they took another batch of rats

and at 17 minutes, knowing that they're all going to give up at 18, they take them out at 17 minutes and they let them catch their breath for a couple minutes. They put them back in and how long do you think those rats lasted? 17 minutes. hours because the rat now thinks someone's gonna come and get me when the rat has no hope it's gonna give up so much sooner so if you think that there's an end in sight you can hold on for that much longer yes that's learned helplessness that's a that's a major study on optimism where they would take uh there was one with dogs, there's

one with rats, where they would press a button and a pellet of food would come out. And so they learned if they press this button, a pellet of food will come out. And then they brought the rats back in, they pressed the button and no food comes out. And then every once in a while they press the button and they get an electric shock. And then they press the button and then food comes out. And then every once in a while, they press the button and they get an electric shock. Right. And then they press the button and then food comes out and they get confused. And so now they keep pressing the button,

they get shocked, there's nothing. And then eventually, they just stop pressing the button and then they turn the food back on. If they were to press the button one more time, food would come out, but they have learned helplessness.

And so they just sit there and they never press the button again. So what do we learn from that? We learned that it's possible to break someone's spirit in a way that would cause them to. So what we learned from it is we should be optimistic. One of your main goals for longevity is to always try to be in an optimistic mindset. Otherwise, if you learn helplessness that's what you'll fall into a depression and you'll stop doing the things that could potentially keep you alive there's optimism will keep you alive longer optimism will elongate your life yeah i mean i think that's why old people are always like i just laugh all the time like those

like you know 103 year old woman yeah like i just i about anything. Yeah, like I just, I have like a, yeah, I'm pretty, they're not usually like very stressful people. But another study, just real quick, there was one where they chased a deer for three hours.

And they, what they learned from it at the very end after it was mauled by a bunch of dogs is nothing. They learned nothing. It was pointless.

And they're like, didn't we learn? For another thousand years? We learned this lesson in 1493. I guess we need to keep repeating it. See if we get different results. All right, guys. Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast today. We will

see you next week on the show. Make sure to get tickets to my show in Seattle. I am taping my comedy special seven o'clock 930 shows dying for besties to be there. No, I am taping my comedy special, 7 o'clock, 9.30 shows. Dying for Besties to be there. No, I cannot do a meet and greet that night. It's just not going to work out.

I might come up with some way to meet up with Besties maybe the next day or the day before or something. But I can't do it that night. I'm so sorry. But that doesn't mean I don't want you there and that I won't feel your love there. So get those tickets for Seattle, December 16th. Make a trip of it if you want. Fly out. I'd love to see love there. So get those tickets for Seattle, December 16th, make a trip of it. If you want fly out. Um, I'd love to see you there.

Can't wait for it. And, I'll be in Brea next week with, um, with Brian Frangie. Oh no, not next week. I'll be in Detroit next week.

Um, I'll also be in Munhall, Pennsylvania next week. And then the following week I'll be in Brea, California at the Brea improv with Brian Frangie. So come out and see that. And then, uh,

week after that, Seattle is my special taping. And then the Emmys. I got to get ready for those. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Don't be cut.

And did the does manifest that shit. John Stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast. Join late night legend, John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.