The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #397 Fargo is Scary, Our Music Stats & Brian Goes To Jail
Episode Date: December 1, 2023Nikki is two weeks shy of recording her newest special in Seattle, WA at the Moore Theater and she's got feelings about it! She tells Brian and Noa why a "slow hammer" from a scene in Fargo always sca...res her. Nikki's Spotify Wrapped will not be a surprise to Besties, but there sure is a lot to learn about Brian's. Could social media cause the end of the world? Nikki is on her way to Toronto, and she is not looking forward to going through hell, aka Customs. Brian shares a time he got arrested at the border. Nikki has been playing "You're Losing Me" by Taylor Swift and "Greedy" by Tate McRae on repeat with no regrets! Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Here's Nikki.
Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.
Before we get started, I want to remind everyone I'm taping a special in Seattle
On December 16th
That's coming up in almost two weeks now
In Seattle
Oh shit
Noah and
Wow I was like what is that sound?
It sounded like a broken dog toy
I turned into a dog toy
Halloween decoration
Yeah yeah it did
Like a windy witch.
Yes.
You sound like a windy witch.
Yeah.
There's two shows on December 16th on Saturday.
And I want Besties to go.
Really want to populate the crowd with them.
I'm taping the special for a reputable...
Yeah, I really want... I'm going to start my own cult.
Triplet Flames.
Yeah, and
so there are tickets still available, I think, mainly to...
There's single tickets. A lot of single tickets,
I think, not a lot, but enough
to the first show if you want to go alone
and then to the second show
for sure. there's many and
then um i have lots of shows coming up this weekend toronto um toronto wait toronto last
time i was there i kept saying toronto and everyone was like it's toronto and i'm like
well then tell your city spelling because there's an extra t in there and i like to hit it yeah
toronto right but i'm going to say that in Toronto
this weekend. Louisville.
Louis, yeah.
Louisville, yeah. But that's
like South. Like Toronto,
you'd think Canadians would be
meticulous about hitting every syllable.
Yeah. Yes, exactly. I thought
New York City.
And then Toronto
and then Munhall, Pennsylvania,
which is really very close to Pittsburgh.
I don't know why all of my things say Munhall,
because it's not helpful to literally anyone.
It's not, like, I don't know the little cities outside St. Louis.
So if someone was like, I'm coming to Munhall, Missouri,
if that was nearby, I wouldn't know.
And then I would just miss it.
So that's Pittsburgh, if you're in the area.
And then Saturday in Detroit.
And tonight at the Funny Bone.
Detroit.
Detroit.
Detroit.
And then, yeah, tonight in St. Louis.
So I have four nights in a row, I think.
How are you feeling?
How are you feeling two weeks ahead of your special?
Exhausted.
I am chronically tired.
And it's not because of the special, I don't think.
I'm just like, it's never enough.
I always want to get back in there whenever I wake up,
even if it's a nightmare.
I want to get back in my nightmare.
I want to get back.
I had a nightmare about Marilyn Manson had snuck me on a spaceship
with a really hot blonde girl, and he snuck me on a spaceship oh yeah really hot
blonde girl and he was making us make out and i really didn't want to and i couldn't find my shoes
and i wanted to go work out it's a whole thing um wow wow i feel like who's marilyn manson is that
chris me no marilyn manson i think is, I watched Fargo last night, the new season.
Do you watch that?
I wish I did, but I just can't.
I've never...
What do you mean you can't?
There's no reason why I haven't watched it.
I heard it's amazing.
It's right up my alley.
Have you never watched it, like, ever in the history of...
It's season five, I think.
I've never watched any season.
I have only seen the movie Fargo, which is nothing like the show.
Right.
But I'm watching the new season and it's terrifying keely from ted lasso's in it but she doesn't talk
like this oh shit she talks like you know oh yeah we gotta go get the groceries and oh my god it's
snowing outside and everyone has this like really i guess it's the minnesota accent sounds fake
especially when
you expect the person saying it to sound very british yeah she's british right i think she's
british as fuck man like but who knows maybe she's putting on that accent for ted lesser no i think
she's very british but she is nailing that accent and she's great in this and um but it's so scary
there's this one scene in the first episode spoiler alert but it's not
like it's early in the episode so i don't know if that counts as a spoiler i'm bad at spoilers
i'm sorry everyone i know i ruin everything for you but like maybe this is the way you're supposed
to hear it the first time and maybe you can have the same kind of shock that you would in this
moment but it happens like within the first i I would say, 15 minutes of the episode, probably earlier.
It happens within the first 15 episodes.
Yeah.
We watched three episodes last night.
It was a lot.
But it's so scary.
It's so, I would never be able to watch this alone.
Never.
What is scary?
Is it like monster scary or like murder scary?
It's murder scary.
It's like psychopath, mean people scary.
Jon Hamm plays a really bad
person and man does he play it well he does a better job of playing mean people than nice people
which hmm wonder why um so read kathy griffin's book so um i uh read read his chapter it's also
makes him three-dimensional because he presents himself like a nice guy
And so when he's mean
It really adds to the realism
He's scary as fuck man
You don't want to get on his bad side
That Don Draper
That stern Don Draper
That's why I think he's more like
I think he is like Don Draper
There's two sides to that guy
But he is evil in this
So scary.
He has his nipples pierced,
which is weird.
I don't even know how they fake that.
You can't be good
when you have nipples pierced.
Yeah, that barreled chest
with those nipples pierced.
And then at one point,
he gets out of a tub
and you know he notoriously
has his pack in
because we've,
which is none of our business.
But we've, but I. Like packing his gun or balls?
Come on.
Ham.
Jon Hamm's ham.
Do you not remember all the pictures?
He's got that ham bone.
You don't remember this?
I don't seek out Jon Hamm's...
Neither did I, but they were everywhere.
It was everywhere.
Yeah, really.
Noah, do you remember?
Yes.
They're everywhere, but somehow...
It's coming through your window right now.
I see it.
Why is it on your screen?
Yeah, it's zooming in.
Yeah, so he gets out of a hot tub.
Oh, hell yeah.
He had to have had that thing tacked up because the way his legs are spread,
you would be able to see it through the back.
We only see a backside shot.
Oh.
Oh, yeah. spread, you would be able to see it through the back. We only see a backside shot. Oh. So the whole time I'm waiting for it to drop because
like a wrap up.
But then it never
does. Well, hot tub though,
that's shrinkage. No, that's hot.
Yeah, but a hot tub
is hot, right? I know.
Cold is shrinkage. I feel like it'll
shrink either way.
Well, that's your experience.
We just learned something about you.
No, a hot tub makes it loose.
Mine gets really big and cold.
Wait.
Whoa.
Yes, I was saying.
Wait, I was thinking the other day that like,
because I'm talking about, in my set,
I'm talking about like how your vagina vagina changes shape as you get older.
And gravity just takes hold of everything.
And men must be excited about gravity for their dicks.
When it gets older, it gets saggier.
They must like the sagginess for their penis.
I know not for your balls.
That's probably annoying.
The problem is the balls, which are outside our body, which is, I think, a design flaw.
But I have heard tales that as you get older... Why would that be outside? which are outside our body, which is a, you know, I think a design flaw, but they do.
I have heard tales as you get older. Why would that be outside?
Just to keep it cooler.
It needs to be two degrees cooler so that the sperm stays alive.
No way.
Is that true?
That's true.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
But you know,
it's like,
can't you just,
you know,
make the pelvic area love like grilling and like refrigeration stats like it's
such a man thing to be like we got to keep it outside because like you guys love like taking
food and putting it in different places to make it the best or like i don't know what i'm trying
to say but okay no we're all about refrigeration plumbing but, I've heard tale that when you get older, your balls can sag
so low they hit the toilet water when you sit
down. Oh, gross.
Yeah, so luckily I'm not there yet.
My poor toilet water.
I know.
Touching that sack.
Yeah, I feel bad for the toilet water. I have a GoFundMe
that's trying to change this. But mostly,
it just sucks because you'd have no control
over it. You can't do Kegels for it or anything it's just sagging and i don't think isn't that nice though
that you can't do anything it's just the way it is it's freeing that yeah your balls are gonna
i like that you're gonna get older and your nose is gonna get bigger your ears are gonna get bigger
your ball sack's gonna get bigger and i think your dick stays the same Which makes it a disproportionate Dadaist painting
Oh yeah well it's gotta
Dadaist painting
It's gotta droop a little bit
Based on just gravity like when it's
Soft it's gotta like sag more
Yeah I mean I've seen some
Which is a school I'm trying to get my kid
Into
Yeah
I think I've seen You know it's hard to say because i've seen old man
dicks before like in the gym locker room or something and i always think they're big whenever
i see one i think it's gigantic so maybe yeah that's the sag effect i've never like looked
over at someone at a urinal and be like oh boy tiny dick that's tough for you i've always looked
over every time i go and i peek over just to see what I'm working against.
Against?
Yeah, it's a competition.
I've never seen one that I was like, oh good.
This is a really small dick you have.
It's always been like, whoa, how the fuck were you from Europe?
I always think they're from Eastern Europe or something.
That's why their dicks are so big.
I don't know why I think that.
I wonder what that is about. Yeah. I don't know why I think that. I wonder what that is about.
I don't know.
Oh yeah, Jon Hamm. So Jon Hamm
is in the show. He's evil.
And then Kaylee is in it.
And I love Kaylee's teeth.
If anyone knows what I'm talking about,
Kaylee from Ted Lasso.
She's got like these,
she's got like a lip that goes
over her teeth. and her teeth are
like kind of look like they're like like they're you're doing this with your hands like when you
do like cat hands and you're like like her teeth all go together but they're they're not like
crooked they i love her mouth i'm obsessed with it and even no her name is um it kind of looks like a temple it looks like kirsten's mouth
yeah well sort of chris kept saying she looks like kirsten and i didn't see it so maybe that's
true like there's just like yeah maybe it does have a little bit of there's like it's like a
cat mouth she kind of has a cat mouth where it's like there's like the lips that go over like she
looks like she's in the movie Cats you know like how
everyone in that movie had like a
but I love it I'm like obsessed with
how when she like smiles
and it just like comes up it's not like
most people smile when it's like gets big
she just like lifts oh
it's so good looking at a picture of her
she looks like Jamie Lee
she's so cute
doesn't she look like Jamie Lee?
Yeah, she does.
Who wrote for Ted Lasso.
Right, for Ted Lasso.
Yeah, so she's in it.
And she, in one scene, is sitting in her TV room knitting.
And it's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.
She's watching TV. And she's watching scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. She's like watching TV and she's like watching this like Minnesota morning show.
And she's kind of just like, oh, just like watching it and like kind of laughing along.
And like you can tell she's a real simple lady.
And then all of a sudden this guy with like a burlap sack mask over his face, real tall guy, walks up.
So this is during the daytime, which makes it even creepier for some reason
walks up up to her window like you know it's like a full length almost door type window thing
like right next to the tv and he's carrying a hammer and he's just very calmly looking at her
and just walks up and it's just very slowly i don't like that. I want it to be fast.
If you're going to attack to it fast.
Yes.
And so she is just like,
she's sitting there and she's just like,
and he walked.
Then he slowly starts pacing around to another window and he's standing
there.
And that's when I close my eyes and I go,
Chris,
I cannot handle this.
You're going to have to pretend like I'm blind.
You're going to have to describe it to me.
Chris dated a girl who was
blind in the past.
Who was going blind and she
was going to be fully blind and I think he
kind of liked it because it's like he loves
to help. Yeah, he's a helper.
I was like
I don't think it bothered him at all.
I think he loved it.
Like,
I don't think he,
if I told him,
you know,
those girls give those scenarios.
Like,
what if I had no arms or legs?
Would you still love me?
There's a part of me that thinks Chris would like me more.
Like it would be,
he would be more there for me.
He,
he loves to help.
Right.
So relationship goals. goals someday fingers crossed i get attacked by hammer
so i am burying my face into the couch but not too much because i my couch is white and i always
have broncher on my face so i like put a blanket then my face my fucking couch i can't even sit on
my with my pure body because i always have tan
that's gonna come off on it so i've never been able to like sit upon my couch so i'm hiding my
eyes and i'm like chris you gotta describe the scene to me you got and he's not very good like
he'd be a great blind boyfriend and like boyfriend to the blind and in terms of like helping getting
my cane like getting things for me making sure sure. But he's got to step it up
if I'm going to go blind with show description
because he's like, because then
I will see the scene change because I'll see
a flicker of light and I'm like, okay, now what?
And he's like, oh, now the guy with the hammer is inside
the house. I'm like, how did he get in?
He's not telling me. So then I
went over to him and I'm like, you've got to tell me
I'm your blind ex-girlfriend. Pretend I'm her.
I know her name. And so now I'm like, pretend I'm her. And
he's like, your tits need to be bigger. And so then I started inflating my tits and he was like,
bigger, bigger. And then I got almost offended. I was like, wait, did your blind girlfriend have
huge boobs? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, then I was like, I'm going over to the other side
of the couch because I have small boobs I'm not even blind
and I got like hurt
meanwhile in the background Jon Hamm is
hammering this woman to death
yes
but she
yeah she's a big part of the show
so I knew she wasn't going to get hammered
to death he didn't hammer
but
he but it's
so scary. Do you agree?
So scary to see someone slow
when they are ready to murder.
Also, worst death
imaginable? Hammer.
Oh, God. Did you see the
new Batman movie with Robert Pattinson?
It's like a noir. Oh, of course not.
Okay. Well, there's a little bit of that
hammer, slow hammer action in that movie not okay well there's a little bit of that hammer slow hammer action in
that movie hammer slow hammer i mean this is really truly creepy uh slow hammer action the
villain is played by the guy the the uh guy who played the young priest in there will be blood
did you see there will be blood with, because it's also Slow Hammer action.
Wait, no, no, no.
That's the other one.
There was There Will Be Blood,
and then there's the one with the cattle gun.
Oh, yeah.
God, what the hell was that movie called?
It came out at the same time.
Oh, No Country.
Oh, No Country for Old Men.
Those two movies came out at the same time,
and it's like, what is going on in the world?
Yeah, that movie's all Slow Hammer. This year is crazy uh well yeah that both both had very there will be blood it's okay they
do okay yeah well the you know no country for old man has one of like the most horrifying deaths of
all time which is when he's impersonating the police officer he pulls over the person and he
has the thing that shoots air into cattle's heads to kill them and he just says
it's almost like the guy is going
under a sobriety test and he says stand still
and the worst part is he's just
complicit and docile
and he stands there and he's like yes sir and
just like that gone
he drops down
takes the car drives off there's a lot
of deaths like that yes
calm psychopath that's where that's
when we started calling this guy a psychopath like we don't even know his name but i just keep going
as this because that if he were like frantic we would just be calling him like the killer but
instead we're calling him psychopath because and i it was interesting to me because i'm like why
is chris all of a sudden saying okay now the psychopath isn't i like, he made up that term because this guy is too calm. Yeah.
Also, I watched an interview with a psychopath the other day that was really interesting.
Like a real one?
Yeah, it was Piers Morgan being interviewed.
Nice.
Piers Morgan, who I don't particularly like, but he was interviewing this child psychopath
who killed his sister when he was 12.
And she was like six.
And they were like, they had all this footage of them being like sweet brother and sister.
And then he murdered his sister.
It's Americans.
He murdered his sister because he hated his mom.
And he was going to murder his mom.
But he decided the thing that would hurt his mom more is to
murder his sister because it would not only take away his sister but it would also take away him
for prison for life and he wanted to hurt his mom as deeply as possible and so that was his
reasoning because he was planning on murdering his mom but there's all this footage of them as
kids and him being so sweet to his sister looking after her. Like you would think they were like the best.
He was the best little brother in the world.
So it's truly.
And then Piers Morgan interviews him.
And this guy's face just looks so like you've seen memes of this guy's face.
It's fucking scary as fuck.
But I was so scared.
I think that's why I had the Marilyn Manson dream last night.
It's because of the hammer Time of just like scary looking calm
murderers and
yeah and so Fargo was terrifying
Chris described it all to me
it sounded terrifying
at least oh my god
but it's really good I'm actually looking forward
to watching more of it because we watched three episodes
and I was like kind of had to twist
my arm to walk it at first
I really wanted to watch another doc
that I, apparently there's this doc
called like, The Truth
of Love, or Love is the Way,
or Love is the, I forget
what it is, but all of my friends on Girls
Chat are freaking out about it, saying it's
the most fucked up doc yet. So if you know what
I'm talking, Robin Williams is involved
somehow, I don't even know. What? I know.
Why are you pulling him into this? But like, I guess they are making him some sort of profit involved somehow. I don't even know. I know. Why are you pulling him into this?
But, like, I guess they are making him
some sort of profit or something.
I don't even understand.
But we're going to go to break
and come back with more after this.
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This morning,
I woke up to my
favorite, it's my favorite time of year.
It might be my favorite day of the year.
I think.
Besides maybe like the day
before Christmas. I really like the day before Christmas because it's like, you know,
gooning for Christmas.
But this day is pretty good.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess they call it that.
Yeah.
You have a gooning day.
Yeah.
Gooning day.
Yeah.
Let it goon.
Let it goon.
Let it goon.
Okay.
So today is Spotify wrapped. Oh, it is? Yeah. Did we let it goon okay so today is spotify wrapped oh yes do we get it do you have
yours yeah i got it did you get yours do you listen to spotify of course i do okay
and anya barely does it and i think she rolls her eyes at it because i think she
is just like you know she's she's she's upset with spotify because she gets those checks for like spotify is makes people
who have pandora feel so bad it's like having an apple phone versus having uh a droid yeah it's
like i'm sorry totally this is better so if i switched art, I was an audio baby back in the day.
That's like,
yeah,
it's gone now,
but I used to use a different service until spot.
Then Spotify wrapped came out maybe the first or second time.
And I was like,
I can't miss this again.
This is exciting.
I like finding out things about myself.
This is like taking an Enneagram and like you're,
and if you're someone who likes music,
it's just so fun to see your data yeah and i know it's like they sell it all and they use it all against
you but it's so i love spotify rep and i hate everyone being snarky about it i like people
spotify reps i'm gonna go spotify people are so snarky about spotify they hate it because everyone
is bragging about how
cool their music tastes are or whatever.
And everyone who has lame music tastes
or doesn't use Spotify wrapped are so
or like uses Apple music are so
jealous and they don't like it.
But it's fun. It's fun and you
are just open your mind to it.
Be interested in other people.
Find it. It tells
you so much about someone
So wait let's hear your Spotify rap
This is exciting because you're looking at it for the first time
This is me I'm opening Spotify for the first time
It has to take you through that whole fucking story
I don't like how long the stories take
This year you visited
Seven countries with your music
And then it's
And then the countries come up slowly
And you're like I don't give a fuck where my music was yeah
look at this bullshit hello you wow you hey brian you i can't read what that says brian you gotta
tell us uh it's rap time 2023 was a feast for your ears you listened to 57 genres what i only
listened to seven 57 i don't know now it's showing me a sandwich
oh it's putting it together i know the sandwich graphic goes on for a bit the most you listened
to was okay now look now it's showing you okay rap was number one i was just surprised
i guess i didn't really listen to a lot of rap at the end of the year because i was whenever i
work out i listen to like hardcore rap to really pump me up.
Yeah.
Stuff from the Creed soundtrack or something.
Okay.
People there...
Creed.
Oh, it's not...
You don't listen to Creed.
You listen to the Creed soundtrack.
The Creed soundtrack with Michael B. Jordan.
You play 2,000 songs, one really connected.
It was the main theme from the dark night rises
oh because i listen to that when i'm writing what it's like it's like it's like uh classical
intense music i just listen to it what i do is i listen to it over and over again on repeat
yeah okay so the main theme from the dark Knight Rises Is my number one song And then number two is
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing
Stop
Wait, what's that one?
You make me feel like dancing
I want to dance the night away
That's the second most listened to
That's not a good song
When do you listen to that?
What are you doing?
I think I used to listen to that every morning
When I'd get up
To make myself feel better about my life That's so cute what are you doing i think i used to listen to that every morning uh and when i'd get up to make
myself feel better about my life that's so cute um and then get out of my way uh which is a rap
song um that is really good for working out too and then a game of thrones soundtrack because i
would listen to that when i was writing and then another a song from creed these are weird i mean
this is like a weird mine tells me so i thought
it was going to tell me where i lit like what's where my music is from because it's like you'll
listen all over the world it's where you what what city in the world you listened most like
oh wow i feel pretty cool mine's cambridge massachusetts oh wow very smart baby wow i Cool. Mine's Cambridge, Massachusetts. Oh, wow. Very smart. Harvard, baby. Wow. I was just in Cambridge.
Oh, yeah.
Very smart. Mine is
St. Louis, Obispo,
which is where Apple is.
Really?
I think that's where she's from.
No, no, no. St. Louis, Obispo. That's Cupertino.
St. Louis, Obispo is where Cal Poly is.
Oh, yeah. So I'm a big Cal Poly guy.
Okay. That's what I thought
People there are far more likely to be fans of
Duckworth, A$AP, Ferg and Dreamville
Oh my god
Is this me really?
My number one song
Was released
July 7th so I've only had
Since July 7th to listen to it
And I listened to it
Did it tell you how many times you listened to that one song?
Not yet.
I have more things to go through.
What I really want to know for you...
No, it should be the fourth slide.
Oh, the fourth slide?
Yeah, it'll tell you how many.
Okay.
You had room in your heart
for more than one favorite, it says.
Oh.
It doesn't tell me that I listened to one song.
He's no Polly.
Sorry, then that's the slide before that.
You played 2479 songs in 2023 and there was really only one that connected Hans Zimmer.
It's okay.
This is your most played song.
The theme for the Dark Knight Rises.
Wow.
Okay.
How many times?
You played it 117 times this year. So not that many times. That. How many times? You played it 117
times this year, so not that many
times. That's pretty many.
Mine was you played
1,486 songs, which is way less
than you. Yeah. I have a lot
more genres. And there's one that really
connected, and it was Taylor
Swift's I Can
See You from
the Vault, from Speak Now Vault.
And I played it 112 times, which seems low to me since July 7th.
But that was my favorite song to listen to on a treadmill.
And also in the shower for pretty much all of August and September.
I was listening to that song when i showered
it was i couldn't even i shower so fast i would barely get through the song but i just i would
pretend that because it's a song about like when you like you're you are like having a crush on
someone you can't be together and they in like everyone knows but like no one knows. No one can know. It's like my favorite kind of fantasy is when two people like each other, and they can't tell anyone, and it's super hot.
Do you read romance novels?
No.
I feel like you'd get real horned up for a romance novel.
Yeah, maybe instead of watching all those crime docs.
I know.
People get hit with hammers while
your boyfriend tells you your tits need to be bigger.
You should be reading romance
novels. Romance novels?
No, by the way, Chris did confirm
that I have the best tits that he could
imagine. And so that was nice.
Exactly.
Big does not equal good
all the time. But yeah um but yeah i think romance novels
for me are too saccharine and too like they're they they don't cause i've i've never been horny
from i've read books where there's been like love interests like will they won't they and it doesn't
do for me what certain scenes in movies.
I'm a pretty visual person.
Did you watch like the first season of Bridgerton?
Yeah, that was kind of hot,
but it wasn't super hot.
Like I made Chris watch this movie the other day,
my favorite movie ever,
the worst person in the world.
It's a Norwegian film.
And there is a scene,
this girl like cheats on her boyfriend.
It's not the best movie to watch with your boyfriend and be i love this movie and the girl's like just cheating on him wildly
but um wildly yeah like she just makes a decision and then goes for it and but it um it is so hot
to me when two people really want to but they can't and they won't and they they'll do everything except it like
oh I love it so much
like if I were to role play with Chris
it would be like us we're in
relationships with other people and we're
like cheating with each other like
that's and which is unfortunate
because it's like it the
thing that turns me on is like doing
a like betraying someone
I love it's like inherently
in the the fantasy yeah but i i just like it and i can see you mental aspect yeah i gotta have all
about the visual or about what's happening it's got to be the the mental aspect that leads up to
it well it's got to be that we can't ever be together because i'm scared of intimacy so i
don't really want us to ever be together so my my dream is to never have a chance to actually be with you i don't
know why i don't have more crushes on people in prison yeah because that's the ultimate i can't
be with them well have you ever read there's a really horned up book called uh romeo and juliet
that one can't be together at all i think that all. I think that's what fucking did it to me.
Oh, yeah? Is that movie in eighth grade.
It's got everything you love.
It's got unrequited.
It's got love you can't have.
It's got suicide.
It's got teen suicide.
It's got a fish tank.
It's got kissing in a pool.
It's got-
Murder.
Suicide.
Yeah.
I love it.
I loved everything about that movie.
It's that.
I think that really did affect my brain to today.
To what it is today.
I was talking about the play.
Yeah.
I have never heard of it,
but there's this movie that I really liked.
Baz Luhrmann wrote this movie.
Did you watch the Ben Affleck,
Anna de Armas movie,
Deepwater that came out last year?
Yeah.
Yes,
I did.
Did that horn you up?
That was,
no,
because she like, he knew she was cheating
on him and so it's not fun like he knew he was being cucked and that's no fun like i need them
to be like getting away with it yeah yeah well i've never cheated on anyone by the way so this
isn't i've been a part of being i've i've been with men who are cheating on their girlfriend
and that sorry has turned me on in the past i hate to say it but i've never've been with men who are cheating on their girlfriend and that sorry has turned me
on in the past i hate to say it but i've never i don't i don't know what i don't like the idea of
i guess i yeah i just like when two people like they wish they could be together and like if
circumstances were different we would but we can't like that is so hot to me like if this dumb woman didn't exist like it would be us because
that is so many times like think of how many shows you root for a person who's cheating on
his girlfriend to be with the girl but then in real life we go how dare she that's the he's such
a fucking scum but in friends i've made this point before but it's so funny how we pick and
choose like a man who cheats is a fucking dog and then we go like god ross leave julie go for rachel
every single plot to every every um you know oh ross Rachel. Yeah, Pam, go for Jim.
Pam, go for Jim.
Meg Ryan, leave Greg Kinnear.
Meg Ryan, leave Bill Pullman.
Go for Tom Hanks.
Like, every single time we're rooting for people to cheat.
Well, we just want Meg Ryan to break up with people.
That's really the...
Maybe that is what we really like.
It's just great to see her breaking up with someone.
Yeah.
Okay, I had room in my heart
For one more favorite
You romantic you, oh god, I hate when
An EdBot talks to you
Like it's your friend
No thank you, Spotify, just tell me what I need to know
My top songs were
I Can See You
By Taylor Swift
Number two, which I predicted
On my Instagram story,
I thought this was going to win
my Spotify rap
because I was so obsessed with it.
Not Strong Enough
by Boy Genius.
One of the best songs ever.
Number three,
You're On Your Own Kid,
which came out last year.
I don't know that
if it made Spotify rap last year
because it came out
in late October last year,
so it probably didn't make it.
Lavender Haze,
Taylor Swift.
And then number five uh the
national new order t-shirt which is one of my favorite songs of all time too and i really got
into that probably two months ago i was like listening to it on repeat for like two songs
and then three others three swift two others well what i'm really interested in this is probably
your point of pride is what percentage of Swifties you're in.
Did it do that this year?
Oh, yeah, it did.
Okay.
Well, that's the headliner of this little segment.
What percentage are you in?
I'm happy to tell you that I am in the 1%.
Oh, my.
Seriously?
Yes.
I made it to the 1%.
My peak listening month for Taylor was October.
Yes, I'm very excited to tell everyone I did make it in the top 1%.
And then Taylor Swift also made a special message for all the people who listened the most.
On Spotify?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
She's backstage in her lover outfit from tour.
And she did a special note. But yeah, I got 1%. Amazing.. Oh my God. She's like backstage in her lover outfit from tour. And she did a special note,
but yeah, I got 1%.
Um,
which I'm very happy about.
Thank you.
Although I do,
there are people that are going to get,
I mean,
I've been in the Taylor Swift subreddit and it's like girls are in the
0.1%,
0.02%.
I mean,
it will give you like all the way up to that.
So it's not,
it's pretty good because Taylor Swift is the most popular artist on the planet
next to Bad Bunny, which I don't, I couldn't name one song, but honestly, Bad Bunny.
I mean, I know it's not in our language, so that's probably, but I couldn't even recognize
the sound of Bad Bunny and that's on me.
Is it rap?
I should have watched his SNL.
That is a great question and I don't know.
I don't know the answer to it.
Wow.
But yeah, it feels good to be in the 1%.
It's an exciting day.
I really thought I wasn't going to win because she's gotten so popular over the past year.
I thought, there's no way I'm going to make it in the 1%.
I don't listen all the time.
There are Swifties that leave their phones on constantly because of this moment.
They want Spotify wrapped 0.01
and so they're gonna get it i wasn't trying and i got in the one percent so i'm pretty proud of that
i wonder if i'm in the one percent of hans zimmer listeners
probably the only percent
you're 100 of hans zimmer listeners you are the only one that listened to Hans Zimmer.
Speaking of listening to something when you're working,
when I'm writing, I feel like the best music is something you don't know the words to fully.
Or there can't be any words.
Yeah, instrumental, I would imagine.
Yeah, that's true.
I, for some reason have liked
stuff that i don't really know the full words to but i'm like wanting to learn the words too but
i'm not focused on it too much and so the other day i got obsessed with this song that i've only
heard on tiktoks really okay up until like i guess it was two weeks ago I was in
where was I? I was in Portland
which I called Seattle
from stage by the way. It was so embarrassing.
I was in Portland
and on stage I called them Seattle.
But then I go
what's the fucking difference?
And they laughed.
It's raining outside. It's cold.
It feels amphibious outside.
You guys are all wearing
marmot jackets.
Come on.
And I go, I said Seattle
because I'm taping a special there. I'm sorry. I felt
so bad because I would be so pissed if someone
came to St. Louis and was like, Kansas City,
what's the difference? And I made a joke of what's the difference.
Obviously, I was trying to be funny, but
I felt I couldn't get it out of my head.
The rest of my set, I was just
so embarrassed, so sad,
wanting to make it up to them.
I felt like I owed them
refunds for their tickets. It was like this weird
shame spiral I went into.
I was in Portland and I was writing all day
working on my special before my show
at a Starbucks. In my headphones,
I was playing um
this new this song I'd only heard on TikToks or like on reels or repost because I don't go on
TikTok and I I always have to just say that because people are gonna be like she's lying
she is on TikTok but I really and I'm not I am kind of proud of myself for it because it's like
try it's like trying not to vape when you have a vape on your phone um and i think it's i think tiktok is true like it's the it's the number one app that
everyone spends the most time on i think now it's yeah tiktok is i think the one that's the biggest
time suck i saw some graph recently and i think it's the number one that everyone's losing their
life killing teenagers right i just i think it does have the most views.
It definitely has the...
It's the most views, but it's not the most
substantial viewership.
It doesn't really mean as much
what people do on TikTok
as it does on Instagram. That's what I'm saying.
It's hell what they're doing.
They're not even getting anything out of it.
I mean, maybe some people are, but...
Brain damage. But there's
this one song.
Wait, are you on TikTok now? Do you ever go on? No.
No. Really? I want to
abstain from it. I wish I didn't go on
any social media like Instagram.
Yeah. That's it.
Instagram, you do do.
I do do.
And then how often do you do that?
Probably like through the day especially when
i'm bored or like waiting for audio to render i just scroll through okay and you don't you don't
do it youtube ever uh not unless i'm looking for like a podcast or like a particular thing
i used to not be a youtuber either like i'm like why do people just go on youtube and just like
let videos roll into each other like you just what do you do like i only like why do people just go on youtube and just like let videos roll into
each other like you just what do you do like i only go to youtube to like look up a certain video
but now that i'm subscribed to certain things and it knows what i like like i can go on the
the home thing and it's it's serving me up stuff i like youtube has the best algorithm it knows
what you want to watch before you even realize you want to watch it truly and what's great about youtube is that it's longer form content so like if you're on instagram
or tiktok you have to constantly be interacting with your phone whereas like if you're cooking
or something and you just want some quote-unquote content to be playing you can just hit play
on a 20-minute youtube video and it's just someone talking or whatever sometimes it's
the nikki glazer podcast on youtube but other times it's just video and it's just someone talking or whatever. Sometimes it's the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube,
but other times it's just like,
whatever.
It's just can be anything.
And it's just background noise.
Most of the time that you don't have to keep interacting with,
which is why TikTok is flawed because you have to like constantly touch
TikTok in order for it to keep serving you content.
Or also I'll just show you the same 30 seconds on repeat over and over
again.
Can I ask a question? And I want i want i someone's got to help you guys don't do tiktok so i don't think you'll know the answer to this i do tiktok you do okay why on tiktoks when a girl is like
telling a story or whatever do they constantly like have to touch it like after they go like
okay i'm telling a story they're like and then he went? Like after they go like, okay, I'm telling a story and they're like,
and then he went there and then they touch again. And then it like goes to the next,
like why,
why can't they just tell the whole story and then edit it later?
Why do they keep touching it?
I mean,
it might be the in-app editing software that they're using,
that they're touching it to,
to stop and start.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Like,
I hope someone listening knows what I'm talking about.
She'll be like, so I went to the store today.
And you know, I usually take Gracie to the market
around 11 a.m.
Click. So, then we go
and it's like, just tell the story
and stop. And then why do we have to watch
your arm go in for the click every time?
Cut around that. That's why I'm annoyed.
If it's an editing thing, cut around your arm
clicking on it. Does it jump cut? Is it like an intentional jump cut it's it's a it's a jump cut to the next thing
but they don't take out their arm touching the thing like that's a part of it so we got to watch
your arm go in to press on the phone each time it's so annoying i don't get it we sound like
such boomers right and we're like we don't know who Bad Bunny is
And why is it on TikTok
They touch it all the time
I will say Bad Bunny is probably
A prolific and amazing musician
He's like the Pele of music
And I just have never heard
I don't know
He's messy
He's bigger than anyone I could ever imagine
But I'm somehow out of it
I am a loser for that But this TikTok thing I am not an old person He's bigger than anyone I could ever imagine, but I'm somehow out of it.
I am a loser for that.
But this TikTok thing, I am not an old person.
It's just a waste of everyone's time to see your arm stretch forward to touch the thing.
I don't get it.
That's why they get passed by.
Lionel Messi, by the way, number one amount of followers on Instagram.
He has the most out of anybody.
It doesn't surprise me anymore. It used to because I was just like,
who is this and why?
Soccer.
But now I get it.
Soccer is everything.
Did you know who Lionel Messi was?
Noah, you look confused.
I thought he was like a tennis player,
but soccer makes sense.
He does sound like a tennis player.
Can I return to the spotify rap real quick
yeah what do you got so uh so my top artists are uh the guy who made the game of thrones
soundtrack and then han zimmer and then billy joel and then louis prima and then lindsey sterling
is number five i don't know who that is i do who is that she's a violinist i was on a show
with her once on the han zimmer song or something
that i wasn't you have someone you don't even know i don't even know and then it says um hold
up there's someone on the other line and it's like oh who's it gonna be and then it's a video
from lindsey sterling and she's thanking you for listening to her i don't even know who this is
you don't even know but she is You don't even know why
But she's got a cute chihuahua, that's something
It kind of looks like your dad, Jack
It does look a lot like Jack
That's so funny that you don't even know
I guess I like Lindsey Stirling, but I don't even know who that is
She likes you
My Spotify rap is not
Not only sent to like four people
You're one of them
I mean, I'm surprised they were able to get
lindsey sterling to do a video can i just say about the youtube algorithm i get sent like i
will see myself pop up on there all the time i don't watch anything of myself but they're
the other day the something it's so embarrassing because my own podcast has like 4 000 views at
most but then i will there will be a clip that's like theo vaughn
talks to these women it's like the other day it was a clip that just said theo vaughn talking to
women and my face was on like the cover of it and it had like 600 000 views it was posted an hour
ago it was like what the fuck like yeah it is just so out of control how much i i don't understand
what's going on over there yeah i mean that the the numbers on youtube are shocking it doesn't
make any sense and then it hurts my feelings yeah it doesn't make sense that it's that low because
we know for a fact that there's more than uh three thousand people there's substantially more than three thousand people that listen to this podcast and yes on youtube
the numbers are so incredibly backwards it doesn't make any sense like there are there are shows i
want to give it a view but i don't want to see a comment so i can't give it a view because it'll
the youtube comments are the only ones i actually read. The YouTube comments are actually pretty
cordial and friendly.
Oh, that's good. Let's keep it that way, please.
Maybe that's why we don't want our numbers going up.
That's when they start getting mean. But it is
shocking that, well, so for
Theo Vaughn, it's the subscriber
base. He already has
however many millions of YouTube
subscribers and we
just don't have that subscriber base yet.
And I don't know why Nikki Glaser besties
don't use YouTube as much as they will listen to a podcast,
but it's just a fact.
Yeah.
Throw us a sub on YouTube.
It would mean a lot.
Even if you don't use your YouTube account a lot,
just go give us a sub.
Why the fuck not? It would mean a lot. Even if you don't use your YouTube account a lot, like just go give us a sub. Like why the fuck not?
It would be awesome.
And then like thumbs up our videos
when you do go on there and see it.
Like just throw us a thumbs up.
It hurts you not at all
to subscribe to someone on YouTube,
especially if you don't use it
because it's not like Instagram.
It could hurt them.
What if their phone's cracked
and their thumb hits the crack
and it slices it as they're subscribing yeah okay so
you don't have to do if your phone's cracked you don't have to do this okay yeah yeah if you have
a good phone uh yeah it hurts you not at all because when you subscribe to something on youtube
it's not like instagram where it shows how many people you're following and it's like oh it's so
embarrassing i have i'm i don't have as many followers as I am following. You can subscribe to a million
YouTube channels and no one will
know. Oh, that's a good point.
And not that anyone would want to hide that
they're subscribing to us. What a shameful
thing. Yeah, that'd be amazing if you go do
that right now. And then we'll see you back
here after the break.
Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and
he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears
with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.
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Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.
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Okay, we're back.
Going to Canada tomorrow?
Yeah, going to Canada tomorrow. Yeah.
Going to Canada tomorrow.
I always get nervous to go to Canada because you have to go through
customs and they get mad at me,
but I feel okay about it this time.
I don't know.
And I got to remember my passport,
even though I've never forgotten it,
but it's just like,
it's that's weighing on me.
And just,
I don't know.
I just,
I got a lot of anxieties about going up there and what they're gonna,
how they're gonna, just going
through. I just don't like customs. I really
think that I would, if it were up to me, I'd never
leave America again because I'm
so scared of customs and it gives me so much.
It's like Taylor with the sucker
thing at the dentist. It doesn't
make sense, but customs
take too much time. The line
is always too long.'s too windy then you
have to go in you have to get your bags then you have to show like a little piece of paper to the
guy as you leave with your bags and that guy you always feel like is going to detain you they're
always mean there's too many chances for detainment yes and they're always mean and i don't like it
but i am excited to go to toronto especially when you're returning
well when i was back from Australia,
when I was leaving Australia,
they interviewed me and they're like,
do you have any fruit?
I can't do an Australian accent,
but they ask you all these questions like,
do you have any fruit?
Did you bring a boomerang?
And you said,
all I have is a boomerang.
I bought a boomerang from an indigenous man.
And they're like,
well, that's going to be fine.
Oh, I thought you were going to be,
that's going to be fine.
Yeah. But I did get detained at the border when i went to montreal i i was uh because i have a criminal record for uh when i was in college and i i got caught underage drinking and so god
yeah they i was did they like bust up a party and like write you all tickets yeah well um it's it's embarrassing because i had my
brother's uh expired learner's permit that uh and i i gave it to a cop and he said well now you're
going to jail because you tried this bullshit and so he took me i actually have a bit about it uh
that i tell but he took me to jail i was dressed dressed like the Fonz from Happy Days because I was at a Halloween party.
God damn it.
Yeah, but years later, I'm going to Canada
and they detained me at the border.
I almost said border like a Canadian.
Wait, you took a picture like a mugshot as the Fonz?
No, no mugshot.
I went into the drunk tank,
so they didn't take a mugshot.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
Damn.
Drug tank overnight
dressed up as Fonz. Overnight? Fuck.
But I was detained at the border, and
the Canadians were like, they kept me there for
like an hour in the border
crossing, and they looked up my
criminal record, and they said, what were
you arrested for? And I was like, underage drinking.
And then they were like, how old were you?
And I was like, I was 20 when they arrested me and they drink at 18 and they're like oh it's 18 here
so who cares get on in yeah then they let me in have a little bot blue yeah but i was afraid at
the i was sitting there for an hour oh yeah they were like investigating me and i was like really
yeah i got i got things expunged from my record. And every time I go through, I go, was it expunged?
Well, so mine was supposed to be expunged.
I went to all the classes.
That's why they don't expunge everything.
It's not really expunged.
If you're a different government, then you can find out.
Like, oh, the American government expunged it.
But it's not like other foreign governments aren't going to be able to do their research.
They don't have anything to do with us.
Right.
Like, if Russia wanted to
find out if I got a ticket, they're going to find out.
I don't think you could go to
Canada if you have a DUI.
If you've had a DUI in America.
How do they even have access to that?
I'm just kidding. I love Canada.
I don't know.
The database, man.
It's all in the cloud. Because it's on your Instagram
maybe. Don't post your mugshots on Instagram. No, I. It's all in the cloud. Because it's on your Instagram, maybe. Don't post your mugshots on Instagram.
Oh, yeah. People. But no, I think
that's all they have access to that
stuff. So it's like a global database?
I guess. They're all sharing information
and they have their ways.
Yeah, it's... But I'm excited
to go there because the girl that is
opening for me, Noor Hadidi, she is like
she's a Swifty and so we're gonna
Swift the fuck out.
Oh,
cool.
Go pretty crazy.
Cause we get,
we get into some pretty intense stuff and I'm very excited.
Cause Taylor finally put on Spotify,
this new song that was only on this like special target edition of her album.
It's called you're losing me.
And she wrote it about her boyfriend who like they clear it's a midnight're losing me and she wrote it about yeah her boyfriend who like
they clear it's a midnights it's an extra midnight song and midnights is a breakup album even though
there's lots of songs about joe being like oh i love him so much but like we all know now as a
breakup album because now they're broken up and like obviously when she was writing that album
it was the beginning of the end because no one breaks up immediately when they're ready to break
up it's like takes a while especially when you're in a seven-year relationship so the song you're
losing me is so good and it's all about like he's not he she's like how do you how do you not even
under how did you not see the signs coming how is this surprising to you you like kind of you were
um like wait let me look at the lyrics because they're
so good um but i'm so glad it's finally released because i was only able to listen to it on like
weird tiktoks before yeah like a target specific album like when starbucks has an album
kind of no well there's like special releases she only does through target that have like certain
vault tracks.
So the lyrics are, you say, I don't understand.
And I say, I know you don't, which is like, that's like such a, I love that line because it's like how many breakups when someone's like, I don't understand.
And the person's just like, can you imagine the person saying back to you?
I know you don't.
Like, there's no like, sorry.
There's no me being like, well, it's because of this.
It's just like saying, I know you don't.
I'm done with you.
You don't need to.
We're done.
She said, we thought a cure would come through in time.
Now I fear it won't.
Remember looking at this room?
We loved it because of the light.
Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time.
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes,
mending all her gashes.
You might just have dealt the final blow.
And then she says, stop, you're
losing me. Because she's kind of like, you can tell she's
in an argument. She's like, stop,
you're losing me. And I also like, you're
losing me because it's something you say to someone over the phone
where you're like, you're losing me. I can't hear
you. But it's like, she's like,
and then she says, I can't find a pulse.
My heart won't start
anymore for you because you're losing me every morning i glared at you with storms in my eyes
and this is the line i like how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying
she's like i've been this relationship i've been dying in and you don't even notice how can you
say you love someone that you can't tell is dying i I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick.
I don't know what the quick means, but I'm guessing like the blood.
Like I bit my nails.
Like I sent you signals.
I've like constantly being nervous.
I seem very upset.
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.
And the air is thick with loss and indecision.
I know my pain is such an imposition.
Now you're running.
Now you're running down the hallway and you know what they all say.
You don't know what you got until it's gone.
And then, yeah.
Wow, it's like so Shakespearean speaking of.
Yeah.
The bridge is, how long could we be a sad song till we're too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy. And all I did was bleed as I
tried to be the bravest soldier fighting and only your army front lines. Don't you ignore me? I'm
the best thing at this party. So he's obviously they're at a party and she's like, I'm right here.
You're talking to everyone else. I'm the best thing at this party. You're losing me. And then
this is the best. And I wouldn't marry me either. A pathological
people pleaser who only wanted you to see her. And I'm fading thinking, do something, babe,
say something. And this is the part where she's like, he had a chance. She's like, do something,
babe, say something, lose something, babe, risk something, like lose,, take a fucking risk.
Don't look cool.
Try to fight for me.
Choose something, babe.
I've got nothing to believe unless you're choosing me.
So he never chose her.
And so she's like, peace out.
What up, Trav?
And now she's Travis Kelsey.
And the song rules.
So yeah, check out You're Losing Me. It's the new song for Taylor Swift's – it's on Spotify now.
Too late to get it unwrapped though.
And then the other song I'm obsessed with real quick is that I was going to say is the
only one I've been hearing on TikTok is – you probably heard it.
I would want myself.
Baby, please believe me.
I'll pull you through hell.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
No.
It's in so many TikToks.
You would know it if I was playing it,
but it's called Greedy by Tate McRae,
and she was on SNL last week.
And it's so weird because I listen to the song every single,
like I listen to it probably,
it's going to be my Spotify rap next year.
I listened to it like a hundred times one day
and it's only two minutes long.
So it's really short.
And then all of a sudden that night when I was in Portland,
she was on SNL that night.
I was like, this is so weird.
It's all lining up.
She's an amazing dancer.
She's so hot.
Coincidence.
What do you mean?
One of the main thing,
one of the main purposes of TikTok
is to get musicians exposure.
If a TikTok sound goes viral
and it's in all sorts of people's TikToks.
I know, but I was hearing it on TikTok
for months before I go,
I got to put this in
and see what the fuck this song is.
Yeah.
It was months.
It was weird that it all lined up perfectly.
You were programmed.
You were programmed. I feel cool. I feel part of the
zeitgeist. You're part of the zeitgeist, but it's
all corporate meddling.
Still don't know who Bad Bunny is. They probably
made that song, specifically
had a hook in it that would be good for
TikTok. But you gotta watch
Tate McRae's video for Greedy.
It's so fucking hot.
It has been so long.
I played Chris a video, and we were like, we both agreed it's been so long since we had a hot pop star, like a Britney Spears.
I was going to say J-Lo.
Tate McRae.
M-C-C.
No, M-C-R-A-E.
McRae.
And it's called Greedy.
She's Canadian. It's all at a
hockey rink. And the way she moves
her body, she's an amazing dancer. I think
she started out as a dancer. She's been dancing her whole life.
She's only, I think, 20 years old. Maybe
19. But she is so confident.
She is so cool.
I love her dance moves. She is so sexy.
It would have been inappropriate
for me to say that she's so sexy three years ago, which is weird.
But now you can say it.
And just the way her body bends and the way she dances and her face, she just is cool.
It doesn't look like she's trying too hard, even though there's so many scenes where her body is contorted in all these ways that you're like, whoa.
Chris even goes, she's shaking in that contortion right there.
She's obviously trying hard.
I'm like,
no,
she's so cool.
She's obsessed.
I mean,
it looks like she's a former ballet dancer.
She's legit dog.
She's like,
and this song greedy is so good.
And I guess she has some other ones that are even bigger,
but it's,
it's my new favorite song.
Okay.
We got to go.
Thank you for listening to the show.
I'll see you this week in Toronto,
in Pittsburgh, Detroit. I'll see you this week in Toronto, in Pittsburgh, Detroit.
I'll see you next week in Brea, California.
I'll be there with Brian at the Brea Improv.
And then in Spokane, Washington on the 14th.
And then for my special taping, December 16th in Seattle.
And then if you're in the Denver area,
I'm going to be New Year's Eve Eve and New Year's Eve
at the Paramount in Denver.
Get your tickets now at NikkiGlazer.com.
Also, just released tickets for
tomorrow
they go on sale. They're on pre-sale now.
Use code GOOD. But for St. Louis,
Kansas City, and Atlanta for
2024 dates, you can check those at NikkiGlazer.com.
Use code GOOD right now.
Tomorrow they go on sale for everyone.
But pre-sale, yeah, tomorrow, Friday.
But today they are on a pre-sale.
Use code good for Atlanta, St. Louis and Kansas City, which I'm so excited about.
All right.
The sun has stopped shining in through the window.
So maybe we can start over.
Yeah.
Go look at our YouTube video of this one.
This lighting is perfect right now.
Brian looks like an angel.
It just got perfect
It was like hellish before
You were going to be burned later on
You're going to look like you have eczema
With all the different spots
Not that that's a bad thing to look like
Try Resulti
Ask your doctor about Exulti
Is it just me or are there tons of eczema commercials
There's a lot
Eradicate it with medication I've never once seen eczema commercials? Oh, there's a lot. They're trying to eradicate it with medication that could kill you.
I've never once seen eczema and gone, ew, that person's disgusting.
If you have eczema, it's okay.
But, you know, try the meds.
But, like, if you do have it, I also don't care.
And I love you.
All right.
I love everyone.
Thank you so much.
Don't be cucked.
And just get to get to see me in town.
Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,
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