The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #399 Brian's Personality In Question, .1 Second of Life Ending Fear & The 'B' Word

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

It's a wet hair podcast day! Brian can't tell if he is upset or not when his personality was compared to a shoe or an oatmeal cookie that's been sitting in a car. Is it better to show up early or late? Nikki can't imagine how Brian has to 'writhe' in pain all day. She recently experienced life-ending fear for 0.1 seconds after a prank goes wrong. They talk about guy friendships and if being called a bitch is really all that bad. In the Final Thought, Brian talks about his heart condition, Noa points out seeing the Glaser Exit on FBoy Island, and Nikki shares her new rice cake hack. ****BESTIES IN SEATTLE**** BE A "SEAT FILLER" FOR NIKKIS SPECIAL at the Moore Theater, 7pm or 9pm Show!! SEND: [e-mail] an email with your with your first and last name for 1 free ticket. . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.

It's me, Nikki Glaser. I am alone in my studio in St. Louis, Missouri. have wet hair I just got out of the shower didn't have time to blow dry it if you're watching on YouTube that might be um a topic of interest to you of like why does she look like a slick fuck you look great um it's not grease it's it's water what Brian's here. Noah's here. You get it. Why? We don't talk about how like wet hair to dry hair is such. As a woman, it's a burden to dry your hair. And it's like a whole part of a process that men don't have to do. Again, I am not coming at men.

I'm not saying you guys need to start taking longer between when you go out and when you get out of the shower. You just it's an easier thing that you deal with that you may not think about our experience i feel personally attacked and i'm offended for all mankind but we have talked about this before and i did mention i don't know okay i can't imagine being a woman familiar um but also it does take me a long time to dry my hair too and i've been trying different hair dryers thick lustrous hair but you're always you do have really thick hair we're always under and then i have my and then it's true and then he puts a hat on it and he doesn't even style it well that's the problem

i try to blow dry it with the hat on and it takes forever no i almost believed it yeah um you're uh you're an interesting man right frangie thank you for saying that you are you're, uh, you're an interesting man, right? Thank you for saying that. You are. You're very interesting. You're, you're smart and interesting. So, um, quirky. Uh, this is, I don't want to start any podcast beef, but, um, I, uh, so Tim Dillon was on Annie Letterman's podcast and they, uh, they, they, they, uh, friendly made fun of me. Friendly made fun of me.

Oh, that's nice. You got a shout out. I got a shout out. But Tim said that I have the personality of a shoe. And I confronted him about this already. Oh, this is great. What did he give you? Uh, did he give you 50 grand?

Like usually when he like has come at someone, there's famously an episode where he went over, he had like a class reunion at his house. You should listen to it. Annie and him talk about having this. Like, I think it actually might be pulled down, but they had a reunion. He had a class reunion at his house in the Hamptons.

And he called some girl a fat toothless bitch or something. Like he called her a toothless bitch. And she does it. Cause she was like kind of drunk and acted like a fool at the thing. And then she, it got back to him through his friends that she's really upset and like can't get her life together so Tim paid for her tooth for her

thousands of dollars to like make it right so my question what did you get out of this Brian are you sure he said shoe and not Jew no I'm pretty confident it was a shoe because then he went on to describe the shoe and it didn't sound like a Jew to me okay I was gonna make

some jokes that are just not in good taste right now we can't joke about it he said a pile of shoes outside of oh god Jesus fucking Christ that would be the worst thing to be compared to ever you have the personality

of the discarded shoes of millions of murdered children and women and some men and many men. Now, the question is, I did not take offense to this at all. I I do not think I have the personality of the shoe. I came at him in person and I said, you think I have the personality of a shoe? And so I wondered, should I be taking offense at this? What is a shoe's personality though? Yes. There's no question.

We don't need to debate whether or not, oh, what kind of, well, maybe it's a good thing because shoes are versatile. And flexible and comfortable if they're Brooks. Yeah. But if you ever talk to a shoe, it's not like, I think it's an insult.

But it's, he is exaggerating for the sake of comedy. You are just, what he meant by that, I think, is that you're a literal person. I mean, it's like talking to someone who is not gonna, you're a nice guy. There's no question about it. Everyone who listens to the podcast knows that.

I wouldn't have you in my life. I don't think I could, yeah, anyone. You're a nice guy. There's no question about it. Everyone who listens to the podcast knows that. I wouldn't have you in my life. I don't think I could... I have to be around people who are nice, but you also don't really have a lot of room for small talk, like bullshit. You're just a literal guy. And shoes are literal,

but I think it's an insult for sure. But was it an insult meant with malice? Your tongue is always hanging out maybe um that might be soulless or no you're you have a soul i have a soul uh soulful practical well then he went on to say that i know he's like he's not like a shoe he's like a uh an an oatmeal cookie you left in the car okay we're getting better that has more there's more ingredients in it it's not as just flat like comedically just saying shoe is very it just sounds it sounds i mean it sounds like a slur like we said before but oatmeal cookie left in the car let's examine this

um oatmeal cookie he chose that as the uh the most boring cookie, unfortunately. That's what he was going for there. We're not dummies. We know what this joke construction was. And then in the car, there's some warmth to you. Sure, sure. And you're kind of like, oh, I found this. Yes. He's hardy.

Smells good. I'm sure there's people who agree. No one's doing a more bullshit spin than I am, but mine's bullshit too. Yeah, it's not good. Now it's important to know that it's important to know. It's important to also know the context of where this was coming from. The context was I had to go into this meeting and sit with these people for like 20 minutes and talk to them.

And they thought it was funny that it was me that had to go sit with them because these people wouldn't want to talk to me anyway, because I'm not a real person in the industry. And, um, then also powerful people within the industry, some people that are like making the decisions that probably aren't the creative types have to talk,

not have to are talking to you. Why are they talking to you? I had to come in and not so early. Me and Tim were supposed to go to this meeting together and Tim was late for 20 minutes oh dear god and so I had to sit there and vamp for 20 minutes whoa what did you do

and Tim and Annie thought it was funny that they had to talk to me and first of all it was probably because I'm not like why would anybody want to talk to me in this situation no that's not true when they're expecting Tim when they're expecting Tim when they're expecting Tim and their Tim fans also you're not going to be disappointed in Brian Fandy you're

just you're so interesting and funny and but but if they're just interested in like fame and like someone they were for sure it's going to be very disappointing to meet the the Apple guy they're expecting they don't even know you're that but here's the other thing is they didn't even know I was going to be at the meeting so so I was sitting there for 20 minutes talking to these guys.

Tim is really setting you up for success in this. Can he give them a heads up? No, it was fine. I'm guessing not. It all worked out absolutely fine. And these guys, we didn't have a good time with anyway. But I think that's also why that he said that. What's Tim like in a meeting?

I'm just the biggest Tim Dillon fan. And I'm so excited that you're why What's Tim like in a meeting? I'm just the biggest Tim Dillon fan and I'm so excited that you're He's the same I'm excited about it, I don't know He's the same person in every single situation He's just brutally honest But he's also, again Extremely kind

Generous There's a Loving part of him that just radiates. And by the way, people told me that you said that Kylie Jenner might have been at his party, but it was 100% Caitlyn Jenner, which is the wildest Jenner to be like. I understand boys being like, I don't know if it was Kendall or Kylie or Kourtney or Chloe. I get that, But not knowing. And you even were like, it might have been the mom, which is even like, okay.

Well, I wasn't there. Whoever. Taylor was like, was it a 70-year age difference? Or like, you know, we made a joke about it at the time. Caitlyn Jenner is so not Kylie in many ways. I didn't see this person. But how did the word Caitlynenner not register to you as the former bruce like like a pivotal name in our general like people who don't know the

kardashians know caitlyn jenner because she's the face of the the trans movement that you know right right you know like how did that not stick for you face and body well what about like even when you found out caitlyn jen was there, why weren't you like, whoa, Caitlyn Jenner, like, was there no discussion of what that was like? Was she like, oh, Tim, I love your spread.

Like, did she, I love the spread you got here, Tim. Did she stay five minutes? Like, why was there no discussion about what happened around it? I did ask a little bit after the fact about this and I was like,

did they hold court? Was everyone around them? And is it he or she? She. She came early, and there wasn't a lot of people there, so it was kind of just like a little small hang, and then she left before most of the people came. Damn it. Yeah.

Oh, wow. And I was one of those people that wasn't there yet, so I didn't see. God damn it. I didn't talk to. You were trying to be cool, man. I know. Who knew that getting to parties right on time, you might see some of the biggest celebs because they know that they're gonna miss most people yeah it's cool

to be on time because in LA people never show up people never show up on time to anything in LA no so if you're super cool and you just want to see the people you want to see you say show up on time and we'll leave in 40 minutes yeah yeah yeah that's uh

have you ever had someone getting there early to a party is such a hilarious thing that I'm sure some people have done be like, I want to help out. My mom, every time it's time for a party and my growing up, like it would be the guest would arrive in my mom would still wet hair. Yeah. It was a wet

hair podcast. Yes. Yeah. It was she was a slick fuck when I used to host like game nights or whatever at my house, I'd have like some people come that I was like not really friends with. I would always keep a couple of bags of chips and food things unopened so that when they came and I didn't want to talk to them, I would say, oh, could you set up those chips? And then they have a task to do. Yeah, that is, see, that's why you have the personality of an oatmeal cookie in a car. That kind of thing.

Like that's in the car part. Yeah. Is that interesting thing about you that you have planned for something in case people get there early and you're not ready. Instead of doing the thing that you could be doing to get ready

and they just sit around, you give them a task. Yes, I give them a task. But that's even more work for you because you're like, I want to put out those chips and salsa, but I got to wait wait until people get here early Per chance

And then someone has to do it eventually Alright well that's an interesting take on that But in context It's funny for me to be extra boring In that context of that meeting Which is why Roasting me for being so boring You have to go to that extreme

Or else it's not funny No No, they're comedians. Yes. That's why I didn't take offense to it per se. No, they have to set up that the story of you being stuck there because Tim is 20 minutes late and they don't even expect you and you also happen to have the personality of a shoe

add so much color to the story. This is, have you ever, I'm trying to think of times where maybe this has happened to me where I've heard something about myself that I didn't like that. If someone said that about me, I'd be very hurt. I mean,

I wasn't hurt at all. But you shouldn't be because I know what he, clearly you don't. They said nice things. They said nice things too. They said he's a wonderful comedy writer He's an amazing comedy writer But he has the personality of the shoe And then Annie said

You wish it was a shoe And then he held up a shoe And it was like a brown And then Annie said He won't start the conversation But he'll punch it up So these are nice things to say. Oh, that's actually that's an interesting.

That's an interesting thing to say. And I wonder if I agree with that of you being someone who won't know because you'll I mean, I worked with you all summer on a boy island and you would come in with like you would be kind of quiet and then you would just kind of like stare. You'd be thinking about something. You go, I have have a question and it would just be like everyone would kind of jump and then we would get you would come up with some very random thing that you have been thinking about on your drive into malibu an hour and a half um that is very specific but you you know you're always going through some um or i lately, you have been going through some... Shit's been piling up for Brian Frangie. I don't think you're a person that just has shit pile up.

I've known you for years. Right now, it's a thing after thing. That's what I try to explain to Tim is that I feel like my personality is 25% diminished because of all my problems. It totally is. You're in pain. I asked Brian about his tooth pain

that he's been having. We've covered it on other episodes, but he's been having for how many months now? Since... Two and a half years. Okay. So that's 12 plus 6. I have a question for the besties because I got my second crown in yesterday. I got my second crown in yesterday.

It's on my top and I feel like it's a little bulky And I want to ask any besties If you've gotten an implant crown So it's like a full crown tooth Did it feel weird at first Which I'm sure it did And then if so

How long did it take you To just get used to it And then it start to feel normal for you Okay I'm sure that there's lots of besties Who have implants You've had a crown? I don't think of best things to have implants you've had a crown i don't think i've had an implant though i've had a root canal and then a crown put on top

and then did it feel weird i assume that's what they do i cannot remember which leads me to believe no yeah so mine feels weird i'm also not a sensitive person i'm so sensitive yeah so it feels like it's like pushing in on my tongue so it's like my tongue's getting in the way so i want to know if that's a, if that's a issue that other people have. A normal thing that'll go away. Yeah. And how long did it take?

And so how, how long should I wait before getting a change? Is it hurt though? I mean, is your, your pain is also there because the pain is the, your pain is from your jaw because the grinding of the teeth, because the teeth being uneven.

So the pain isn't in the tooth. It's in the jaw. Yeah. Just getting the crowns mean nothing for the pain. It just means nothing. I'm the next step. My point initially was you were operating you one day you told me, and you're not a person who exaggerates when some,

you know, you do for comedy sometimes, but I feel like you said your pain was an eight out of 10. Yeah. A lot of days. Yes. And so I know for me, I wouldn't,

I mean, there's no way I would be able to function like that like you're dealing with something that is i've talked about this before in the podcast whenever i go through pain you just you can't help but feel so sorry for people in chronic pain and how they do learn to cope with it because what the fuck else are they gonna do right like what else what are you gonna do you have to keep You can't just lay in bed and be sad. And rise. Yeah. And you just have to like,

or tinnitus. Although it is funny. Anything that's like chronic. It's funny to rise all day. What did you do today? I was writhing. Writhing sucks so much because it's the only thing you do when there's, there's no comfort.

There's nothing else. So you've writhed? When you had your migraines, you must have writhed. I would writhe so much. It's just like an animal that's flipping back and forth because it's on the way out. It's just searching for like, Mom! Like any kind of

comfort. Like a possum in a cage. Yes, yes. Like a starving possum in a cage. Now that would be a more, it was probably not writhing as much because it was just like so tired. It was dying from hunger. Like kind of in a ball, but I don't know. Just because I've felt like a

dying possum before. Oh, I forgot to mention this update that the, I got a letter in the mail from the possum recently saying how it's flourishing in the woods. They wrote me a letter. I don't like... This is shoe. This is shoe?

That isn't shoe, but you're trying to get out of shoe and I don't like it, whatever that was. That was me trying... No, I lie all the time. I do comedy lies. That was a cute lie, but that was... We knew it was a lie from the get-go. You got a letter from the...

I just didn't get the setup. I't invested oh so what i'm sorry that was on me well what did i need to do in order how did you set that up properly that noah yeah i thought that maybe it was like something that ally did to make you feel better oh she was taking it literally literally yeah that would have been though yeah so then what should i well sometimes that works out and i say something that's you know no you're no you gotta take chances i'm just gonna get a I'm gullible though So then what should I Well sometimes that works out And I say something that's No you gotta take chances Because now we have the shoe thing

Now I need to add to my personality It's not fair though because I don't think you feel like you can take shots at me Because you But I want you to be able to take shots at me But also I do think that I'm a little sensitive bitch Like I said I don't think I would have been able to take shoes so it's not fair that I take shots at you if you can't give

them to me so I say that you should be able to but I take shots at you sometimes yeah okay good but they're not okay good I'm glad that you don't hold back too much I don't take shots at people including you that have to do with like your personality or but I'll take shots at you for something you just said if I think i think what you said yes yeah i like that about you i don't feel

like you just like let me get away with stuff and then sometimes if i'm like like we mainly are recently have been talking about jokes and if it's something where you just go okay and sometimes i'll read that as like he's mad at me because i'm used to living around people who are like when they're mad at you they just go okay yeah and then it's like quiet and I go with Brian everyone knows what I'm talking about this kind of person that just goes yeah fine yeah go ahead

if you want to take the car to Malibu go ahead yes I'll go yes I'll go Brian I don't know that joke I know you don't you maybe think I should lose it I just like it because I like the it's like a change in character for me but I'll give my reasonings and he goes all right fine and it's just like I go oh no he's mad but he's

just saying fine yeah no I genuinely well obviously I don't I don't read it as that at all anymore oh good because that is not no I'm that's that's the shoe first the instinct in my little brain is at first like oh no he's mad but now that is like a millisecond, a millisecond. We got to go to break.

Before we go to break, I just want to tell everyone we are not going to be doing shows next week because I'm taping my special in Seattle, which there are tickets still available. The 16th in Seattle. Brian will be there. I'll be there. And Noah will be there, too. I forgot. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Most of the girls from Girls Chat are going to be there. I've never seen Noah in person. So this is going to be a meeting for us. What the fuck? Is that real? Yeah. That's so exciting. Okay.

So we're doing that next week. And so all my energy needs to be focused on that. So there will be no podcast next week, but we will be back on the, I guess, 20th, Wednesday, the 20th to talk about all things my special. So send me good vibes on December 16th, Saturday. I would really appreciate that because I do believe in that kind of energy. So think of me that night and think positive things,

not nervous or negative things. And I love you so much. Okay, we'll be back with more show after this. Hey guys, you've heard me talk about my Seattle upcoming special taping and some tickets just opened up and I want to give them away for free to besties. So if you are a bestie listening to the podcast right now, and you are a single person that,

um, is just one person that wants to go to the show, I'm sorry that they're, uh, they're only single seats because, um, we need, we need seat fillers and that's what you're going to be. If you want to go for free to my show, really good seats all over. Um, just opened up for both shows, seven o'clock and 9.30 for my December 16th Seattle taping. All you have to do is write into Nikki Glazer Besties. Don't forget the S on the besties. NikkiGlazerBesties at gmail.com. Tell us your info and we'll get you that ticket. I hope to see you there. And yeah, so this is the ultimate opportunity to go alone because you can't go with someone else. So this is perfect for people without friends because it looks like that you could have friends, but you could just say, well, I couldn't bring a friend.

And and I won't assume you don't have friends if you go with this one ticket. I'll see you there. I love you. Bye. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back.

Okay, speaking of what we were just saying for a millisecond, I think Brian might be mad at me. A millisecond yesterday, I thought my life was over. I'm about to be raped, mugged. I'm definitely about to be violently attacked. Oh, my God. It was probably two milliseconds or three wow it was it was it was a point i would say i'm just being honest it was point one seconds okay but that is enough you know how people go like oh i my life flashed before my eyes you know all these things like

think bit major things can happen in that split second like time moves so slow slows down when you're feeling threatened fuck i had so many thoughts in that point one second and i'm i think yesterday i might have said it was 0.8 seconds but like it literally was a micro second i was walking home from pilates and i'm with my headphones on much like these like covering my ears which i love in the winter when you have headphones like this and it's cold outside and they're also earmuffs. That is,

that you get two for one. That is a great thing about earphones. Little sidetrack. Also the same as picking up dog poop in the winter warms your hands and you get to pick up poop. Two things in once, you kill two birds.

And then you throw that bag of poop at a bird and you actually kill a bird. Okay. But so I was walking home with the cans on. I'm on my phone kind of like in the world. I, my Pilates place is pretty close to my apartment. So I'm turning into the garage and I'm walking into the,

now the garage area, it's like, it's, there's, it's well lit. It's like, it's, you drive through this garage.

So it's like, it's one end is open and the other end is open. So it's like, it's an open, it's like, it's, you drive through this garage. So it's like, it's one end is open and the other end is open. So it's like, it's an open, it's not like a closed, scary garage. It's like almost open air, but kind of not.

And I'm getting to the place where my door is, where it's the package room. And then right there is the elevators. Like, it's like, it's very populated. So being attacked here, my first instinct when I thought I was being attacked was this is a great,

this is going to hurt whatever's about to happen. But at least people will hear me scream. It's still, it was, I think, four or five o'clock. So it was still kind of light outside security camera, heavy foot traffic around. Like that was, yeah, that's, that was what I was impressed by was like the security camera is just going to like, that doesn't matter to me. Cause I'm like, it'll just capture my death. Like I need help now. A security camera, someone in a room somewhere isn't gonna see that and then run down and with enough time to help me whatever's gonna happen so it was like i need immediate help

there's someone nearby like there's a sidewalk here and it's well lit someone wouldn't attempt to murder me they maybe that was it no if they know that they're gonna be seen they wouldn't murder me or something but so at all those. I was just thinking like last footage of Nikki Glazer. Oh, man. Yeah, it'll be on Reddit. I hope my murder isn't one that I'd want to watch or hear

about. I don't watch these things. Actually, a bestie just wrote to me after having... Did you hear about the guy who got his neck sliced open and bled out on the hockey rink? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I thought that was like an accident. It was.

Okay. Yes, but I described it as just, it wasn't like I was like, did he, he had it intentionally. I said it in a way that sounded that,

but I did not imply that. Right, right. It was an accident. Yes. But the guy was charged for manslaughter because even if it's an accident, it's still manslaughter.

Yeah. Which I forgot about because everyone's like, why was he charged? Which I, it was a total accident, but he did die and he's responsible for someone's death I guess I don't know

a hockey game where you're don't you take certain risks by playing hockey and one of those risks unfortunately is getting your neck sliced open by a hockey yeah but if you drive don't you take certain risks by driving but if I drive and do something that isn't if you were doing if you were reckless

so was this guy who sliced his neck like doing something reckless? Possibly, I guess. I guess that's the rub. He must have fallen and then flailed his legs. Well, someone watched it for me. A girl wrote me and was like,

oh my God, did you hear about this? And I go, yes. Oh my God, I'm obsessed. I read everything. I read every account, but I couldn't find like... I wanted to hear a description of it without seeing the video

because I don't want to see it. And she watched it and described it to me. And so anyway, it was the guy like the guys who skate. From what I understand, I could be remembering this wrong. The guy jumped up and sliced the guy's neck. And then you just see him grab his neck and just blood fucking spurting everywhere. And he keeps skating for a second. He's like standing.

Oh, God, those are the worst. He was. So it's almost like Mortal Kombat where they slice him and they keep standing and then they just crumble. How did the ice skate blade get to the neck if he was standing?

He was doing a triple axel. I literally don't know. So he sliced him three times like 360s? Oh, my God. It's so sad. It's so sad. Yeah.

And like such a freak accident. I mean, there's nothing worse than being involved in a freak accident. Oh, no. It's so sad. It's so sad. Yeah. And like such a freak accident. I mean, there's nothing worse than being involved in a freak accident. Oh, no. It's a horrible word to have associated with your death. This would have not been a freak. I was walking and then all of a sudden I see in my periphery and I am deeply in my phone, which is not a mistake in this area that I'm talking about. Like you would just never be attacked here.

All right. That was my first instinct of like. Like you would just never be attacked here. All right. That was my first instinct of like, no one's going to attack me here. Then all of a sudden from the door that I would be walking into, I see a man running towards me. All I can sense is a man is running towards me and I have my headphones playing music pretty loud.

So I can't, I can't, I don't know if they're saying something or what i can't hear anything yeah the soundtrack to my death would have been you're losing me stop you're losing me you would have been taylor swift which is actually approved by the american heart association or something for doing the compressions like you're losing me stop you're losing me and that song is like um my heart won't beat anymore. Oh my God. That's like what you're supposed to be

pushing their chest with. So anyway, I just go, because I'm just like, it's a man. I know it's a man. He is hurling towards me at a crazy speed. And it was Chris running at me full sprint

just to go like, like to scare me. And he saw the expression on my face and he was, he immediately was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I was like, I just got my life back.

Like I was like recovering. Like I just, I just got my life back. Like I'm just not going to be violently attacked. I was so happy that I wasn't going to be violently attacked. Cause I was really like, this is going to hurt so bad. I don't I should have probably gone to jujitsu.

I should have done what Noah said to do. Why have I been doing Pilates instead of self-defense? Like all of these regrets flooded through my nervous system. And he was he was like, I thought you would see me so much sooner. You know, like I saw him when he was right here. So it was just like, yeah, I it was 100% happening and I don't know that must

be the I know that's the feeling you feel before you're violently attacked. I felt it. It was like Doctor Strange when he knocks your soul out of you and then you're like and then he pulls it back in or it gets pulled back. I don't know. I'm going to start doing that all the time now. It's so shitty.

I don't know Dr. Strange. But everyone loves Dr. Strange. So yesterday on a meeting with us. Yeah, but you were in a car. I could barely hear you. This is my defense on this one. Ari said that I'm a nerd. Yeah, he really did.

Am I a nerd making Dr. Strange references references or am i a shoe like get it straight this is ari ari fendling who i love so much who has a great podcast called um never not tired that's about parenthood it's hilarious he's so funny but he was on this writer's meeting with us yesterday and he ari has this like harshness about him sometimes where he's like you fucking idiot like he'll just like call you a fucking idiot about like, you'll be like, do you want a tissue? Like he'll be like sniffling.

And he's like, yeah, I do. You fucking idiot. Like he's a little embarrassed that he got caught sniffling or something. So he comes at you with this like really harsh thing, but it's all love.

But then I, I catch him a lot of times getting called out on it. And then he pulls back like, Oh yeah, you fucking dumb fucking nerd like he digs in or he'll like but it's it's a cute attempt at him being close to you oh i see i see well yeah it's a failed attempt but you are close i wouldn't say we're close but we were buds back in the day when we were in new york ari i told him this other night i go i for i didn't realize

that you were the guy That when Brian Frangie Got his windows Knocked in And stuff stolen from him It was another one Of those weeks That you've been having recently Of just a pile on

Like once every 10 years And you had your stuff Yeah you had a bunch of stuff Taken out of your car What else was going on for you? Your arm was broken or something? Well I broke my wrist I didn't even know it was broken

Yes I remember And then when I was driving To the doctor To get x-rays on my wrist, someone rear-ended me. Yes. But then you messaged me. That was the week before I went to California.

That's right. Yeah. I've told that story before. Oh, and I'm the hero of the story. You're the hero. Never mind. Ari did, though. He worked at Models at the time.

Yes, sporting goods store in New York. Yes, and he got you a bunch of replaced stuff. I didn't ask for this. He just, out of the kindness of his heart, heard about my story and gave me all this stuff, like a new gym bag. He's so great. So I don't care. Yeah, if Ari can call me a nerd all he wants,

I know that he's a great guy. He's a love. This is what the theme of the episode already is. People that might be like say horrible things are like these sweet softies like tim annie me you uh ari and ari um also like my dad my dad me ari and andrew went on a road trip to do outdoor shows during covet together my dad and i would sing like a song and then andrew and ari would open and we were all in a car for like you know a, a total of doing like, I think we did three

or four cities together. It was like 30 hours in a car, like really long time in the car. And my dad would laugh so hard because Ari, whenever he would get, Andrew and him would get mad at each other and they're old friends. He would just be like, I swear to God, Andrew, I'm going to suck your dick so fucking hard. And my dad would be like, why is that? Why are you, why is that the threat?

Why you're mad at him? And he'd be like, I swear to God, I'm going to suck your fucking dick off, Andrew. I swear. It's just such a funny, it's such a funny thing to get mad at someone and threaten to suck their dick.

Instead of being like, I'm going to beat the shit out of you with that same fervor, say the gayest thing is my, but my dad couldn't believe it and um really like my dad my dad like uh kind of i don't know if this is the same kind of thing but he is always surprised at guys doing like kind of gay things in jest or like boy bros like kind of but the thing is my dad has done gay things in jest. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Is it homophobia?

Because that's why it's funny because it's so bad? A little bit. Well, in the way of like, my dad grew up in a time where that wasn't, people couldn't be open about that.

It's just a taboo or something. Yeah, it's taboo. And he's just like, and he thinks, by the way, he's crying laughing because it's such a fun,

it's funny. It is funny. Yes. And it, and it, but it is a way for men to be closer to each other and actually touch each other. I think it's a little bit of an excuse. I bet most of them would say, I would say 99% is a joke, but

it's 1%. I just want to put my, you know, I just want to mind blowing my friend right now. I just want to feel close. I just want to grab someone's hips right now. Do you watch Welcome to Wrexham on FX with Ryan Reynolds and McElhaney? Well, there's so Ryan Reynolds and McElhaney have a bromance and that they even do an episode where they go see a couples therapist or something or an expert on like male friendships.

And I do see that sometimes between them where they'll do something like sexually uncomfortable to each other because they're so close. Yeah. You should watch that. That's kind of hot to me. because they're so close. Yeah. You should watch that, though. That's kind of hot to me. Those two are pretty hot. I wouldn't mind seeing those two get sexually close.

Yeah. I don't know. That's never really turned me on when two guys I'm attracted to. But picturing those two, I'm just like, oh, they're something like... Their friendship is so enviable.

That's really the documentary to me. And they both look alike. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah. Well, my dad, this is crazy. My dad, one time, he goes on these camping trips and river excursions with his guy friends. I think around October, they go out for like four days and they camp out and stuff and canoe all day. And one night, his buddy dave miller was like

just sitting you know meditating or something and my dad came up to like join him and there's just sitting in these chairs on the the bank of this riverbed and uh my dad realizes that he's like hey we should let's just be gay for a second see what everyone else says back at the campfire like if we just get a little gay like because we're kind of off by ourselves it looks like they might think that we like are alone and like they might think that we're like you know so my dad like put his arm around the chair and just start like rubbing his shoulders a little bit and then or maybe my dad saw someone taking a picture or something it was like i'm just gonna do this and they're gonna feel like they caught a moment between us so someone taking a picture or something and was like, I'm just going to do this. And they're going to feel like they caught a moment between us.

So someone took a picture. I think it was my uncle TV took a picture of my dad and Dave Miller in this like they're backlit by like the sunset, you know, and there are these two guys in a chair. And it was picked this picture somehow got picked up by like my because my brother is in river culture stuff it now is like a gay picture that like people use like sincerely to be like gay men oh my god like enjoying each other's company so it's been on like instagram posts and kind of been like spread around as like hey these like rugged river men are gay like it was a little bit of of a broke back picture that people have taken seriously because it was a joke. But it made me laugh so hard. My dad's like, I'm going to get canceled for that.

I'm like, you're not going to like it. What it was was it was a moment of friendship and love between two men in a different way. And now it's being used and for whatever. However, people want to interpret it is fine. You weren't like being overtly homophobic when you made the joke. So I don't think it's a bad thing, but he's probably gonna be like, don't tell that story. But I think it was so

funny. Too late. It's told. Did you guys? It's also a thing in the East Coast, just going back to like people saying things like mean things to you, but you know. Yeah, I'm gonna suck your dick. It's just like, to me, growing up, I mean, that was the love language of the east coast Was just to say something mean

Like here's a common thing that would happen in New York You'd go You go to someone at a party And they mention a mutual person that you know So someone would come up to me Noah would come up to me at a party and goes Oh do you know Nikki In New York my response would be

Oh that asshole Yeah she's a real piece of work And that's like the highest form of praise Oh you mean that shoe Yeah exactly I get what you're saying Like saying a piece of work It's almost like that Tim Robinson sketch

I started laughing about it already The one Do you know the one where he's The skateboard He's introducing a new skateboard team? Oh, yeah. You've been sharing that. I've been watching it every time you share it. I'm obsessed with it.

Okay. So he introduces Concrete Halloween and it's a new skateboarder. And then he just talks about assembling this crew and he just, I just always wanted to assemble a crew of like really bad people. Like these people are really bad and then he goes i just want to be cool i guess i've always just wanted to be kind of cool and wanted people to think i'm really a cool like tough guy and then he goes i just always wanted i always wanted people to think i was fucked up i always wanted to leave a room and have people go you with that guy's fucked up i listened to it this weekend with a meal.

I listen to it all the time. If you haven't heard it, Skateboard Sketch, Tim Robinson, it's the funniest thing you'll watch all year, and the year is coming to a close, but it will win your Spotify wrapped of videos. It's so funny. Also, another one to watch that is literally

a gem of a comedy video. Everyone will enjoy it. Triumph the Insult Dog on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast. He went on? He just went on. Well, Robert Smigel's on the interview, but the first part where it's like,

hello, my name is Triumph the Insult Dog and I feel blah, blah, blah to be Conan O'Brien's friend. You know where they do that? The intro for every celebrity on his show. You say, I'm Nikki Glazer and I feel honored to be Conan O'Brien's friend. You know where they do that, the intro for every celebrity on his show? Yes. You say, I'm Nikki Glaser and I feel honored to be Conan O'Brien's friend.

So he got on and some of the jokes were like, it's great to be, I was there at the beginning with you, Conan, when it was so tough and now I am clearly, I am here at what is clearly the end. He was like, serious satellite radio. Oh, the wave of the past.

Baby laughs so hard. Oh, he goes, why? Oh, serious satellite radio. He goes, why buy the pig for free when you can pay $21.99 a month to rent this piece of shit? It was so funny. when you can pay $21.99 a month to rent this piece of shit. Like, it was just, it was so funny. There are so many great one-liners, like, all in a row, and it's like, it reminds, it's a roast

set. I'm like, oh, Triumph is a roast comic. Like, that's the character. I didn't even, like, think about it. But it's so funny, but I was saying, oh, the Concrete Halloween, everyone's, I wanted to be a piece of shit. Oh, I i wanted something you said made me think of something and maybe i don't have time to finish it in this segment but we'll uh continue it on the next one i was in um couples therapy

yesterday chris might be home so i don't want him to think i'm like talking shit because i'm not but i don't want him to be like oh what is she talking about because um he wouldn't care if i said this but because it's all about me which because it, it's because that's why we were there, though, by the way, because it's all about me. I had double therapy yesterday, so it was a little bit like individual and couple. But couples, I found out something interesting about myself. I, if we're talking about being insulted, I don't mean, I don't mind being called a bitch.

Doesn't hurt me. It's not like it just goes like whatever. Literally out of all the insults you could call me as a woman, cunt, bitch, anything that's kind of has to do with your mean doesn't insult me. Now this, I had to make this clear because Chris is tiptoeing around those words in there, by the way, because I have been one and I am one when I get threatened.

When my, when we've realized it's around, like if my free time gets threatened, if anything with my schedule gets threatened, I will like kind of lash out. And I have to be honest. I don't think that I think I, as I am very sensitive to him being sometimes moody

or whatever that version of him, a man is, I'm very sensitive to it and he's like, I'm just, you know, I'm just answering your question. I'm sorry I'm not like smiling when I say it.

I'm not mad at you. This is just, I think he can be also sensitive to me being a B. But that's my perspective, not his. His experience is, I'm a B. But he doesn't want to say it. When a woman does it to me being a B. But that's my perspective, not his. His experience is I'm a B. But he doesn't want to say it.

When a woman does it, she's a bitch. And when a man does it, he's a CEO. Yeah, exactly. Someone's been listening to The Man by Taylor Swift. So it is interesting to me. Okay, wait, hold on. Why am I going with this? So growing up, you would think bitch would be

a really bad word for me to hear because i got called a bitch all the time by my mom oh my mom and everyone is shocked by that but that's like the way that the east coast talks like you're a real piece of shit like calling your daughter bitch not good. I don't think my mom would ever be okay with the fact that she did that. If she, she knows that she did because it continues to this day. You're a big bitch right now. Is it like that? Yeah.

It's, it would be like, I would be playing with my blocks and she, no, I'm just kidding. I would be like, Nikki, you're stacking those blocks like a bitch right now.

Yeah. Well, I got to go to break. Let me think about how she would say it. And I'll come back with my mom impression of her calling me a bitch. And we can parse through this. All right. We'll be back after this.

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okay so my mom did call me a bitch a lot as a kid and I know this because my sister also got called a bitch a lot and we joke about it all the time but my mom calls people bitches you know like she's a little bit like but that's different that's a festive bitch we would be called bitches when we would reach the age of bitch,

which is around puberty. When you start to be like, I don't want to. I hate this. And you're just saying mean things and you're being a bitch. You're throwing things. You're going like, it's ugly and I hate it. And it's like Christmas morning and you're like, what is, like I was a fucking grade a bitch

when I was going through puberty and you know, hormonally I become a bitch and but I don't, I don't, I didn't care when she would call me that because, but the thing is that I,

the thing about my mom, she can call us a bitch. You shan't call her a bitch. My mom, that's why I'm so surprised that it doesn't trigger me. My mom's the worst thing you can call her as a bitch. So that's why I said B before,

because I'm so used to, if I talk about, I can say you're being a B that's like that lightens it. But if you want to maybe get slapped, which my mom slapped me one time in my life, it was definitely because I called her a bitch. There's no question in my mind. I don't remember exactly the conversation,

but it had to be because it is just this triggering word for my mom. So my question is, Noah is the word bitch and brian to your wife if she seems like she could never be one but um how do you feel about being called it noah and how do you feel about saying it brian i haven't been called a bitch by anyone who is but you have been a bitch before i have been right i have been a bitch before. I have been a bitch. Do you agree? Is that crazy? I've heard you recount things where you're like, wow, I didn't act cool right then and I said this

like really... And I'm talking about early Noah too. Let's talk about Noah before she went to therapy. You had to have been a bitch a lot. I think being called crazy was the one that triggered me. But being called a bitch is like, okay, great. I'm mean. Those two words go hand in hand sometimes.

Yeah. Oh, crazy bitch. That's interesting. Yeah. That'd be bad. Crazy, crazy I kind of like also because, let me just say, if Chris were to call me crazy,

I'd be like, I go to therapy, I see a psychiatrist, I might be crazy, at least I'm treating it. You might, like you're not doing anything. And At least I'm treating it. You might like, you're not doing anything in my, in like right now.

Like my, my thing would be like, call me crazy. All you want that. I do have a crazy, but I'm doing everything. I literally do everything I can in my, within my means.

I reading the books I'm reading. I'm subscribed to the Instagram accounts. I'm doing, I'm journaling. I call me crazy. All you want you. That's like calling, telling someone they have cancer. You have cancer. It's like, I'm journaling. I, call me crazy. Oh, you want you, that's like calling, telling someone they have cancer.

You have cancer. It's like, yeah, I know. Like, but I'm fine with it because I'm treating it. If you tell me I have cancer and I'm not doing anything for it, I might be insulted. But yeah,

I don't, crazy to me is a condition that I'm proud to be because it also, like being a shoe, it makes you what's special about you. Like the personality of a shoe, maybe that's's not it but like your quirkiness whatever it is that he called you that that's what makes you so fucking good honestly i think um it makes me good at at writing and then being quiet

very practical gets you to work type of person no you're extremely creative and hilarious yeah that's why i didn't really take offense to it either because like i know i'm funny and i plenty of people have called me the opposite of a shoe so i'm like well i think maybe you're just misinterpreting something okay bitch can be fixed. That's another thing. Bitch fix. That's going to be a new app that I come up with. Bitch fix is what would be bitch fix?

Bitch fix would be like in a meditation app to get you out of like your moodiness. It would be nice if it could cut through to someone and actually change like make them recognize

their behavior as being bitch. I think I could. I think I could. If people were open to the idea that they could be a bitch, I could maybe make an app that would serve me and other bitches out there to calm down, not think about it from like me. Like, because I think bitch comes out when you're like, I'm a victim. I had no hand in this whatsoever.

Everyone hates me. And when you are completely insecure, lashing out, like you're just, and you're weak, you're tired, you're hungry. What is it called?

Halt. You're hungry. You're anxious, lonely, or tired or hungry, angry, lonely, tired.

Yeah. So like establishing those things and figuring out, but anyway, I told, so I'm sitting there with the therapist and chris is like being like i don't want to say this word i hate this word and he's being so sad i go bitch i was like he thinks i'm a bitch and i go can i be honest with you and i'm like looking at melissa my lady and i go i kind of like being called a bitch i'm said

i acknowledge that i don't like that it makes you feel bad and i don't like that i don't want to make anyone feel bad with being bitch and that that's part of bitch. And I realized that. But when I hear bitch, I hear someone who might have some boundaries. And I like that about myself because I feel like so much of the time I was just always had to be nice. And I respect bitches a little bit or people that I would maybe call a bitch because they don't seem to need my approval. And I like that quality. And I think that bitch has some of that for me but she's got to tone it down like keep all the things that's like I don't care what you think bitch with assertive you want to be an assertive woman like bad bitch yes assertive but that's the problem I think

assertive comes off as bitch sometimes to different people. Tend to take on you. Let me give you an example. Noah asked me about something that, let's go through all the ways in which I could respond to this ask from Noah in person if you called me, which you rarely call me with an ask,

but call me with something annoying. Okay, Nikki, I need you to read these three ads and they're due in like another 30 minutes and I sent them to you last week. Okay. Um and you oh if you send them to me last week I'm gonna feel bad. I'm gonna get it done no matter what. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. I know that that's not really like us. There's no way that I would go fuck you Noah. I can't like let's say um Nikki you messed up this. Okay, if it was you mispronounced this girl's name and I need it really quick to turn this ad in. Nikki, you... In 30 minutes.

And I'm just telling you now for some reason, even though that's not your show. We're Nikki and Noah in a different dimension. Nikki, you misread this name in the ad copy and I need it. What's the name? It's Sigourney Weaver. Oh, I said

Sigourney Weaver. Yes. Right. I got Sigourney right. For some reason I got the easiest part wrong. Okay. I don't know why I said Weaver. Okay. Honestly, okay. This is me being walked all over. For some reason, I got the easiest part wrong. Okay. I don't know why I said Weber. Okay. Honestly. Okay.

This is me being walked all over. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. No, that's normally me. Okay. I don't know what I'm trying to do here, but here's me being assertive. This could be sorry. Noah, I'm really sorry.

I don't have time to do that, And I'm not going to do it. You got to just tell them, take it as it is. Because that name is really confusing. That could be bitch. Because I'm not like saying it like this, maybe in this tone. But just being like, because this is what happens with Chris and I. He'll ask me to do something. And I won't have that tone of like, actually, I can't right now.

Which I probably would with a regular producer because Chris is producing my special. If it was a guy that I just met in this project, I'd probably be like, I actually don't have time to do that today. I'm just overwhelmed right now, and I think we're actually in really good shape, and we don't need to talk about that thing until Tuesday.

And we can do it then. But instead, I'll go like, no, I don't want to do that. We don't need to do that until tuesday i'm not i have a busy day that's the difference right you got it but that's how i talk to my boyfriend you know like and i'm not and my point is i'm not annoyed at him i'm annoyed at who like i'm just like let's say bill lawrence you, you would talk, you would say the first way. No, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, I would say the first way. Uh,

Bill Lawrence, he's a kind of a closer friend of mine. So I'd probably be like, Bill, what the fuck? I don't want to do that. No, we don't.

Do you think we really need to do that? I don't think we need to do that. Like, let's wait till. So yes, also being because I'm not fucking Bill Lawrence. So I don't need, I don't have the same,

you know what I mean? But being a woman, that happened. That's why I made that hilarious joke about, that everybody loved, about if when you're a woman, you're a bitch, and when you're a man, you're a CEO. Because men are perceived like that same attitude would be perceived as like, oh, he's in charge

and he would be positive. But for women, it's viewed as a negative often. Behind the joke with Brian Frangie. It is behind the... This is interesting because I'm not... A lot of the stuff that's like, men get this and women get this and it's harder for

women. I'm not mad about it. It's just you like to point it out. You know, like, it's just... I benefit from a world in which men and everyone do expect women to be softer and maybe more cordial. There is there are ways in which I operate in that framework that makes it so maybe people don't think I'm a bitch when I'm assertive because of that same system. There are benefits to being woman and I can't come up with a fucking single one right now. But no, no. I will say people don't expect me

to carry shit. If they need help carrying stuff. If they need help moving some chairs. There's like, and there's a man and it's me. A man has to do it and I get to just hang out. You're on the plane and there's someone trying to get their bag down and they can't get it down

no one's gonna ask a woman to help them I always help and I love doing it before men I fucking love it so much because men just go like oh shit that was supposed to be my job and I'm like yeah you were listen Pilates bodies got it I can now I've got I've

locked in my shoulders I know the stance I square them yeah I like I like helping this woman the other day was like oh she it. I can now I've got I've locked in my shoulders. I know the stance. I square them. Yeah, I like I like helping this woman the other day was like, oh, she was very old and she was at the carousel and we were waiting for our bags and she was like, I saw her go for one. I'm like no way, ma'am. She's like

totally bent over so broken and I was like, I told her that I go, you're so broken and bent. No, I helped her with the bag and I got it. And then she was like, oh, this isn't my bag. And so I lugged it back on. It was very heavy. Oh, and when I did it, when I first did it,

she goes, you are, you are so sweet, which it's just like, I love hearing. And she was like, you don't have to do a nice thing the rest of the day. You're done for the day. And I go, great. So then when we put her bag back up and she goes, now that's my bag. And I go, nope, I already did. You said I didn't have to do anything nice for the rest of the day. You're done for the day. And I go, great. So then when we put her bag back up and she goes, now that's my bag. And I go, nope, I already did. You said I didn't have to do anything nice for the

rest of the day. You're on your own. And I walked away and then I came back and helped her. But it was funny. Yeah, I don't have to do that stuff. I do the opposite. I'm a bitch on the plane because if someone asked me to take their bag down, I literally have to say, well, my cardiologist told me that I can't lift over 30 pounds in each arm, so I can't take down your bag. Wait, is that true? That's true. But that's what I think. And then I do it anyway, and it hurts me.

Wait. Oh, my goodness. Your cardiologist told you you can't lift things? Well, I have a heart condition. What? When? It's not a big deal, at least for now. Oh, wait.

This is the one that's not a big deal yet. Yeah, it's fine. I remember that. deal. At least for now. This is the one that's not a big deal yet. It's fine. But they said that don't lift over 30 pounds with each arm because it'll exacerbate your heart condition. So I have not been doing that since then. When someone asks me to take their bag down, I know

that their bag is probably over 30 pounds. You have to explain that I have a heart condition. I explain it in my head and then they just do it. No! Be assertive! Be a bitch! I should be a bitch, And then I just do it Because I'm not gonna be like No Be assertive Be a bitch Yeah so it's like I should be a bitch

But instead I just take it down And I go now I'm gonna die A week earlier Because of this Oh my god Thanks a lot That is the ultimate sacrifice Yeah so

And I don't get credit for that Yeah that's really nice of you They don't know about my heart I don't send them a PDF Well how can you be assertive In that situation like what can you change about what you said sorry can't do it for you my heart sucks you know what am i gonna say i have any kind of if you say heart condition we instantly everyone just stops

listening goes okay never mind like but even then i don't want there to be a scene and the whole plane is like looking at me like uh like it's for another 17 seconds. I'm sorry. I have a heart condition and then everyone's like, oh God, that was a little extreme. Yeah, it's awkward. It's a little extreme there. I have a friend. I have a friend who is extreme. How dare you ask me a person with a heart condition? Thanks for asking, by the way, if I have

a heart, how I'm doing, you know? Yeah. There really is no way to announce you have a heart condition when you're all standing up in that like tiny cabin area. And everyone's just kind of, it's all quiet. And there's no even music playing. The loading music isn't playing. It's just like the sounds of the plane kind of going like.

And everyone's just like, everyone wants me to take the bag down so that it goes faster. Yeah. And so now you are like reading your WebMD at this moment. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You're taking out your WebMD at this woman. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You're taking out your heart medication pills to prove it. Yeah. Yeah, to prove it.

I have to be on beta blockers since I was 35. And how dare you? Honestly, what's even in that thing? You're still talking as she's like, someone else has already gotten it down for her. And you're still explaining it. I really would have Fucking nerd

Heart condition yeah and no one really believes you But also like yeah it's not a good look No one believes you no nobody believes you God I have a lot of things that no one Believes me that I have but I have Yeah that's true you do Like a personality

Yeah well no still up for debate um dsw so um uh my friend sean has a um sean o'brien yeah sean o'brien he has flight anxiety which was interesting to me but only after it lands he gets very anxious when everyone is eager to get out that's an anxious moment so he pops vanities usually or some whatever he has to calm himself as soon as the plane lands which i'm like once you're landed i think that's the but he doesn't have a fear of flying he has a fear of everyone being anxious, which is so child of an alcoholic. No offense, Sean. It's so like,

I need to control this. Like, I can't stand that everyone is so eager to get out. What, what is that you think? And, and I was trying to like help him. Do you think he's worried for like the stampede?

No, maybe like in a, in a dark caveman way, like he's worried about some kind of thing. But I think what it was, was cause I told him a thing that I do. Cause I, I sense it a little bit. Like I don't,

I'm just like everyone, ew, calm down. When people tend to get nervous around me, I just go the opposite. And I'm like, you all are disgusting. Like be cool.

Oh yeah. This is hell. Yes. Like I really will. Like if people around me are like, so even on like working on my special, if everyone's like, we got to figure this out, I will just lay back

in my chair and be like, oh, damn it. I reject that anxiety. I hate it. I hate it so much. When I'm on a plane and everyone's getting nervous, I don't even notice I do this until I was talking to Sean and examining it, but I will

keep my sleep mask on after the plane has landed. The lights are on. Everyone's bags are packing up. I will stay curled in a ball with like a scarf over my face, not on buckle my seatbelt because I know I can do everything

in such a quick amount of time that it won't affect, it won't slow anything down. I know that for me to take off my pillow, pillow from my head, put it in my bag, put it around my scarf. I'm fast.

It'll take me one minute. But I like that everyone around me is like, this girl, she doesn't even, she's not going to be ready to go. I like, I like that they're like, I like that I'm adding to their window seat.

So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You can sit there and people could pass you by. Who cares? If they really do all the time. It's because sometimes I'm like, I got to wait for my guitar to come up from the gates checked. And so I'm like, I'm not getting off this plane. I'm not getting up out of my seat to wait in that cold hallway anytime sooner. So people are like, or some people tap me like, are you okay? It's just like, I know what I'm

doing. Not that's very sweet of people because they don't want me to be, I've been woken up on planes before when I've slept through and the cleaning crew is on and like, lamb, you gotta go. But yeah. And I believe it too. If people know Nikki Glaser, it's that she can do things very fast. That's the thing about me. I'm fast.

On FBoy Island, I noticed that when you're making your exit after you come in to see the guys or girls, you kind of do a glazer exit. You're fast. It's the most awkward part of my fucking job is exiting

out of the boys and girls chats on FBoy and now subsequently FGirlIsland, which will be out soon. I can't, I don't know how anyone would do that seamlessly. You just kind of go, okay guys, well, have a good party. I don't know how anyone would do that seamlessly you just kind of go okay guys well have a good party i don't know how else this okay how else would you do it you gotta just get up and go they don't need me anymore i'm hindering them from meeting the girls who they all want to have

sex with like they just have to talk to aunt nikki for a bit i feel like i gotta get out of here i'm a burden to them so i fucking run but how else are you supposed to say when you're in a conversation with people and you have to go i i mean i'm sure i'm a producer's dream in terms of like get her out of here but i'm wondering what else people would do than say all right guys have a good night see you later that's it yeah no you you do it i just you just do a fast and i like it no one notices it but i'm wondering how slower i could like what would you do to do like what's something that like a slower hugging everyone instead of just getting up and pivoting yeah see but we wouldn't you we would just not use that so i guess i'm just trying to be time efficient you come in with your bag and you put it down and you take out a bottle of

water so that when it's time to leave. Props would slow me down. Whenever I have props, like at therapy, I'm always looking at the clock. I hate going to over their time. I hate being a burden to anyone too much. I will start like, I'll just put my drink in my lap and then I start putting my fanny pack in my lap.

Props do help me signify I'm getting ready to abandon you. And so gear up. Don't be shocked because I think over the years, my glazer exits have really, I have been jarring because they're so abrupt. I know they are. Chris coined glazer exit because him and his brothers,

him and his brother, when they were living together and my friend, Sarah Lena and Vaughn, they were like, you like leave so fast after you say you're leaving, you leave. And then you leave. Yes.

There's no like, Hey guys, I'm thinking about going because it's a waste of fucking time. It's a pleasantry that we don't need. Yes. If you leave, you leave. And it might be a bit,

it might be a little bit of a bitch. Like I'm leaving. Like it's too abrupt. So just, just as a reminder, uh, before you do a glazer exit on the podcast recording, I have two questions I need to ask you before you leave.

Yeah. Get up, get them out. So I'll ask them after we're done recording, but I know you're going to do your glazer exit and be like, all right, bye. Thanks.

Good job. And then, and you're gone. Oh, I glazer exit after this. Okay. After the recording, you have two questions.

Okay. That's good to know. So let's like finish this up. Cause I'm dying to hear those questions. No one else gets to know them. You don't, they're exit after this. Okay, after the recording, you have two questions. I have two questions. Okay, that's good to know. So let's like finish this up because I'm dying to hear those questions. No one else gets to know them. They're not fun questions. No, no. Oh, they're not? No, no.

Okay, well, Gemini with a Libra rising. And rice cakes. I don't know, actually. That's true. I'm an Enneagram three. Uh-huh. And what other things do people want to know about me? Rice cakes. Rice cakes? Yeah.

I've been doing a thing with rice cakes that I'm obsessed with. What? That I've been doing for a while but I'm ready to reveal it because it is kind of a weird food thing but I think it is so delicious and consistency wise it's a dream. You get your favorite type of milk you put some vanilla stevia

in it like one drop or like you know a whole dropper of it to sweeten it and then you dip plain rice cakes into the milk to soak it up because they soak up it's like cookies and milk but you know what cookie is like a hard unless it's adobe cookies but you know how they're like generally hard and they don't soak up milk like to the center and you might want to like you would have to leave a cookie soaked a really long time to get it really saturated. If you're someone who likes really saturated things, rice cakes absorb instantly. It's a sweet treat because there's sweetness in the milk. And it like tastes like a sweet treat and has that consistency of like really soggy.

But you can do it for just a second if you don't like really soggy. And it's so delicious. And it's like cereal on your own terms. And you're biting it and you're dipping it in a bowl second if you don't like really soggy and it's so delicious and it's like cereal on your own terms and you're biting it and you're dipping it in a bowl. So that's my sweet treat. But not salty? Isn't it a little salty? Yeah, salt is always going to be good. I get the ones that are unsalted, but if they're lightly salted

it's also delicious because salty and sweet is always good. Sure. Like a sea salt on a dark chocolate bar. Yeah, exactly. But this is more of an anorexic take on that. You can put some chocolate powder in it to actually add some sweetness. But it's not anorexic. It's just like

it is inspired by those same kind of eating habits of like, how do I eat as much as I can without my calories? But it is a sweet treat that is not hugely... You can have like five rice cakes and almond milk with stevia and the whole thing ends up being like 150 calories and it feels like a big production and it's fun and it's sweet. It's a treat.

Okay, so that's my tip. Not a diet tip, just a fun snack tip. And another tip is that the podcast will not be on next week. So eat those rice cakes. Enjoy them. Think of me on the 16th. Come to see me on the 16th in Seattle. Come to see us in Brea this weekend. Me, Brian Frangie and R.A. Findling's brother, Noah Findling, um, are going to be in Brea at the improv this weekend,

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then I will be in Hollywood doing some, uh, random sets next week. And then I will be in Spokane on Thursday night next week. Um, and then it's so come see me there at a theater in Spokane. And then that will be the special that will be the show that will be the dress rehearsal

performance of my special performance which will be on the 16th in Seattle two shows to choose from come out and see me any of those shows love you guys so much

New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve in Paramount Theater in Denver so excited for those shows going skiing before that oh boy as a treat to Chris

I hope I don't I'm not on crutches on those shows. I won't be because I'm a great skier and great things happen to me. All right. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Don't be cuh. And just be a fucking bitch. Bye.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.