The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #40 Ten Percent Popcorn

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she knows Andrew is a best friend because they can share shoes. Andrew slept alone in the apartment last night as Nikki headed out to LA and sat next to a familiar friend, Joe Buck! You Heard it Here First, Nikki knows about a David Spade DM, Celeb gossip IG Deux Mois, the return of The Celebrity Dating Game and Nikki's mom joins in to hear Andrew's Weekly Sports Moment. They go through Listener Mail and in the Final Thought they talk about stand up vs. story telling. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe,

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is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex and love.

Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Taking a swig of coffee and I'm ready to go. Hi guys. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. Last show of the week, but don't worry. We'll be back Monday. Long weekend ahead of us. It's always, it's too long. I want to do this show every day. I've been getting so many nice DMs. No, I'm sure you read our listener mail and hear all the nice things people say, all the accolades we get as my dad's uh that's my dad's favorite word you don't get enough accolades he didn't give you any accolades man i got some great accolades from about you um but thank you for for all your accolades everyone

and um for saying someone said like i don't know what i would do if i didn't have your show to listen to every night. And my first instinct was to say, well, is there something I can send you on Friday, Saturday and Sunday? Cause I don't want you to be sad. Like I don't want you to find out what you would do without it because you gotta be without us.

But as always, you can go back and you know, if you like me and Andrew and you're new to this, there's tons of clips on YouTube from our show you up they're really fun to watch and just wait till Monday but uh we got a great show for you today I'm gonna get it into it Noah how are you I'm doing great I was just gonna add that that's why I love the listener mail segment on this show because we get to, it's like talking to listeners. We get to dig in to it.

Yeah. And we get to address it. I know. There's part of me that wants to do it every day. We don't have a long enough show. That's the thing. Okay. I'm going to talk really fast because you might need to slow this down because I got a lot to cover.

So yesterday, I finished the podcast, which was so much fun with Emily Morse and got so much good feedback on that. So many people are laughing so much. So many friends that I haven't talked to in so long email me to be like, I listened to the show and I'm like, there's part of me that's horrified because I'm just honest on here in a way that I don't want my friends to hear. And I know that sounds weird, but like, it's just true. Like sometimes I like talk shit on here that like, I don't want my parents or my friends to know. I don't know. I'm so, let me just address that off the top. Like I just posted a story on my Instagram that like about the Hollywood walk of fame. I was just going to get Starbucks. I'm right. I'm staying on the Hollywood walk of fame, which is like Skid Row

right now. Like it's really dangerous. You shouldn't go walking there at night. It is not a tourist. There's just spilled Thai food everywhere. Like it's just, you know, it's homeless encampment and there's like homeless people that are just standing catatonically, like in the middle of the sidewalk. And this is like walking to get Starbucks in a very touristy area. And I have so much sadness for these people because they're just mentally ill. And there's no part of me that's like, get the fuck out of here. I'm just like, this is sad. Anyway, but it's like annoying because I'm trying to get my latte. And there's like a weird, like muttering, mumbling homeless man standing on Julia Louis Dreyfus's star.

My point is I just filmed all the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Like as I was walking towards Starbucks, I go, I don't know hardly any of these people. And they were famous enough at one point to earn a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, which is no small feat. Which is also what I put on my Tinder profile. No small feat. Okay? Because I know what that means.

Actually, I would like a guy with small feet because we can share shoes. That's what me and Andrew do. Andrew's shoes, if you don't know, we measured them once. He fought it so hard years ago. Andrew, I have bigger calves than Andrew. Circumference wise, I've got some meaty calves, which I've accepted genetically. I don't do anything for them. People seem to like them. I always hated my calves. I'm accepting them now. I do have meatier calves than andrew. He has more toned defined calves. I am jealous. We did measure but he also has Slightly bigger feet than me. He is a full-grown man and he has and I do have big feet for a woman I'm a nine and a half

I can squeeze into nines if i'm feeling little but but I'm a nine and a half. Andrew is a solid nine and a half, 10 men or women. And we share shoes. And many times I've gotten shoes that are a little too big and I give them to Andrew and he wears them and he looks good in a pump. So with those calves, I mean, honestly, Andrew's legs are like ideal woman's legs. I'm not joking you. If you think my legs are good, look at Andrews and no joke. Let's post them later. So walking on the Hollywood walking fame, don't recognize any of these faces or any of these stars. I would say one in four is like, I've heard of them. And then one in eight is like, oh yeah, I know that guy. And they're always the star to the side. That is like an add on. So I just filmed myself walking and I'm just right it's going don't know yep don't

know yes love her never heard of them and my point was to display like how easily people are forgotten and I need to remember remind myself of that because sometimes I go through you know daily mail or like got like celebrity gossip because I'm someone who loves to consume that stuff as a consumer not as like looking for myself in it but I love like the why do I care segment is based upon the fact that like I'm trying to bring light to the fact that fame is stupid to remind myself because it's projection because it's a it's a sad pursuit the other night on stage I go um yeah I'm like uh you know like everyone doing comedy like is sad is like didn't get enough love as a child regardless of how much their

parents love them they just like required more and they didn't give enough and or they didn't get enough so they're like pursuing that now and forever and people in the audience were like laughing like like not even I wasn't trying to be funny but they were kind of like what and I go wait did you guys not know that so it's just a nice reminder to me that everyone will be forgotten so anyway I was filming it Noah and last night I was hanging out with some comics backstage. I met so many good comics last night. I'll get into it in a second. New comics, people I'm just like very excited about being friends with.

And some oldie goldies. And there was one comic who I've heard many stories about from people that work closely with this person. And I don't like the stories if anything i should call my good friend gloria all red whose card i got one time because i approached my friend alex edelman approached her at the magic castle when she was having dinner we were there watching magic and i was like oh my god i love gloria all red if you don't know who she is she's the woman that like sits next to every crying woman who accuses someone of rape in Hollywood and you know when

there's a press conference Gloria Allred's next door like with her hand on her shoulder being like you can do this and I just walked I just Alex went up to Gloria and was like my friend's a big fan can you can we just want to say hi I'm a big big fan too. And I was like, Alex, don't. And she was so nice. And she literally did the thing. I did it in, I was in a sketch called 80s Ladies for the Amy Schumer show or the Inside Amy Schumer. And we were dressed as 80s ladies. And one of my lines was like, girl, call my analyst. Because everyone in the 80s was talking about analysts

instead of therapists. And I did the flick with my card where I like put the card in between my two fingers and I go, you need to talk to my analyst. Literally, that's what Gloria Allred did with her own card. I still have it in my wallet. I lost that wallet. I threw it out.

This is a true story. Had it for years in my wallet. I'm like, I have Gloria Allred's card. If any man ever tries any shit with me or woman, it's a two-way street. And I lost it because I threw my wallet in the trash one day because of my ADD. I didn't realize I did it and I was throwing away trash. There goes my wallet.

Didn't realize it until like days later, you know, because everything's digital now. And then you have to write a check and you're like, what is that? And then you realize you threw your wallet in the trash. I saw Gloria Allred at LAX years later walking by in a terminal and I go, I need her card again. And I, and I said, can I have your card again? And she goes, my sweater. And I go, yes. And your card again. And I said, just like an old card again, under someone's bed, I threw my wallet in the trash. So she gave me her sweater. No, she gave me your card again I go I I I need your card I love having your card my wallet was a staple of my wallet I would bring

it out anytime I opened my wallet and she gave me it again did the finger thing I don't know if she did the finger thing that time but um anyway the person I heard stories about I um saw that maybe they came up on the my little walk while I was filming and I didn't expect them to and I couldn't help myself going and it's someone who's still working and I just put it out there and there's a part of me that's like what if someone finds this and then that that then it becomes a story that Nikki Glaser ucked this person what does she know and then I was like what's the harm in that because I know something terrible about this person but I will tell you I'll probably take it down before this airs and so this is only for

people who have already told my story or seen my story on my Instagram sorry if you missed it because I'm scared of this person's power however I um, I am slowly building a group of, I'm going to try, because the person I talked to that has the most stories, uh, cannot talk about it for many reasons, but she said where there's one, there's hundreds of others because this person was very, the stories, this person, it's so disgusting, Noah. This person, I've always got the heebie-jeebies from. And that's the thing. Usually these men that come out for being really disgusting scumbags to women are just scumbags in general.

And they give you a vibe. And your vibe is probably right. Anyway, I'm going to take this down because I'm scared of that person. Isn't that funny? I'm scared. The other day, I got a write-up for trashing ellen and ellen first of all she lost her show her show's done which she said she walked away from because she was we took covered it on the show she was just like tired or whatever or like she wasn't having fun anymore it has nothing to do with the other stuff and it's like someone made a good point on podcast that was like no um she goes it's not like it's not challenging anymore and it goes actually i think you mean the very opposite it's finally challenging and you don't like it because

people know so whatever it is with ellen i'm still scared of her and i would love to meet her and i'm a huge fan even though you know i probably i would assume all of the things are true. Maybe not all. Some things can be exaggerated when stories get out, but when you go to LA and you live here, I always say, my joke is that when you land in LA, it's kind of like Hawaii where they put a lay around your neck. Here, you land in LA or you drive in to go, I'm going to make it in Hollywood. And they go, welcome to LA. Ellen's terrible.

And you go, what? And they go, yeah, that's your gift to come to LA. That's the thing you get here that you can't find anything else. You'll find out she's not what she seems. And you go, no. And you take that lay and you go, I'm going to bring it back to the Midwest and show my mom. And then you go home for Christmas. You go, mom, guess what?

Your favorite person isn't what you think. And your mom goes, no. And they don't believe you. And they go, that's a fake lay. And you go, no, mom, these are real flowers. But by then it's wilted. And it wasn't what it seems when you got it. And your stories that back it up are kind of like, I don't know if it's true. And then you question it and then you're scared for your career because she could ruin you. Anyway, at the MTV Movie Awards, I did a segment called In Memoriam

where we like said goodbye to all the things that had died in unscripted TV. And it was supposed to be like, I presented it as like our innocence was lost when we found out the Tiger king was banging that meth head and that meth head was gay or pretending to be gay even though he just wanted meth like just i wanted things like concepts to be lost but my writers came up with like brilliant ones you know a different like different objects that were lost table smashed you know glass being champagne

glasses shattered from real housewives really funny stuff and then one slide that i didn't even write and i definitely approved because i saw it but i barely remembered seeing it said ellen's reign of terror and it was like dated like it was like uh you know 2003 to 2021 and it was like a black and white photo of her maybe looking i don't even know what it was the next day so many media outlets picked it up and said nikki glazer skewers ellen degenerous and then they had a photo of ellen like the next day which they always do in the daily mail to like reiterate a headline that got a lot of attention they'll be like ellen steps out for coffee amidst amidst uh nikki glazer's skewering last night so it looks like ellen's still thinking about it even though ellen probably didn't even see it and i didn't skewer i just said cut to a

video montage which i didn't even write i was too busy working on the other parts of the show that i just go i you know you just go my writers are funny fill it with funny stuff and they did and it got a headline so um my point about the stars though everyone dies and most people are not remembered and that was soothing to me to know that um I'm not gonna be remembered someday I'm gonna be a star on the walk of fame because I plan on getting one even though now I I would like it I would like my star next to Starbucks by the way like on my way um Julie Louis-Dreyfus's was on walk, which is she's the greatest of all time. But she will be forgotten too. And so will I.

And so will Obama. I say that to myself sometimes. Someday there will be a generation, if we last that long, I don't think humanity will. But if humanity keeps going, there will be people that will not know who Barack Obama is. Just like, you know, some people will.

But there are presidents that I if you go this was a president I'd go what um Calvin Hobbes no no that's not one but uh Calvin Coolidge I would say most teens unless they're like recently learned about him do not know that that was a president and yet it was he was probably like the Obama of his time I don't think that's true anyway I'll be forgotten you'll be forgotten it doesn't matter. Let's get Andrew in here. And I want to talk about last night because it was awesome. And I didn't even get to it in the segment, which I was going to, but stay tuned. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of

How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. I started to live a double life. Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good morning, Andrew. Good morning, Nick. How are you? How'd you sleep last night?

I slept good. I had the whole place to myself. I ate a quarter of a weed edible. Why? Oh, you had the girl over no ari came over our friend ari who's also a comedian oh yeah ari finling hilarious we watched and we watched nick's game and he had a bunch of gummies and he's like just eat half don't be a pussy and i ate a quarter and then i ate a half and then he left and I was very stoned and I started eating my sushi and I started getting worried that I wasn't swallowing it correctly. And then I played on TikTok for three hours and then fell asleep. Do you know that eating weed and smoking weed are two completely different drugs? I'm not born under a rock.

People don't know that. I bet most people listening are finding out for the first time so just because you like smoking weed does not mean edible weed is going to be it's literally a different compound in your body so yeah i don't i don't eat weed ever anymore i i told him that i was like i don't last time i ate an edible i just watched the tv and it wasn't even on and uh it was a good movie though wait did you was your panic about um swallowing correctly which is a a thing that you struggle with that we know about um that was definitely brought on by the weed were you able to get out of it really quickly or did was tiktok like a soothing mechanism i actually forced myself to swallow to eat the sushi like i was just i don't know when i when

i smoke weed i'm just very aware of the food in my mouth so every chew i can feel it hitting my teeth i could feel the seaweed i could feel the salmon like like i can feel the chewiness of the salmon i'm just very sorry if anyone has misophonia and has to hear about the sounds of that would normally drive you nuts um will you do it again like this is the thing with weed is i find so many people have a bad experience and i'm one of those people too yet you keep doing it thinking there's going to be something else that happens um and that's what i felt with edibles until i went on the joe rogan podcast and he was like you know it's a different chemical compound like it's a different drug and i go okay that's because i kept waiting for edible

weed to have the same effect that smoking weed does and i hate eating weed and then now i'm just like i don't do it will you do it again i don't think so there are benefits to it other than not being a pussy in front of ari who is a giant pussy in so many ways we we can't even get into what a pussy that guy is even though he's hilarious and one of our best friends giant giant um giant puss yeah he uh he was bigger than mine yesterday after a wand damn that's big i know that's a giant squid down there yeah yeah um well you hit it up again on on in la or no no no that was i meant like yesterday after like two nights ago uh yeah i went i went to town i really was like you know what i'm not gonna see any this has time to deflate i'm not showing it to anyone anytime soon and if even if it didn't i still i don't care what about what

about a buffer what about a buffer i use a buffer i put i put the comp i do it outside my comforter so there's a duvet a comforter and a sheet then that's where i start and then i move it into the sheet and then i put it like above like not directly on because it's too much and then I move it into the sheet and then I put it like above, like not directly on because it's too much. And then when I really start going, I'm just like, like full pressure. And I rarely get to that point, but I just go wild with it at the end. And I know things are,

it's like when I did it with my migraine, like there's a part where it feels so good and you can't stop, even though you know it's shaking so hard that it's going to make you swollen. Like there's a part, it starts buzzing your head in a way that I just know inflation's about to happen

when I do it on my head. And I just don't care because it feels so good on my head. That's when I have migraines. Andrew, I want to get to something. Sorry, sorry. No, what were you going to say? A guy who like,

I start rubbing my dick on top of my jeans. Then I take my jeans off and I rub them on top of my boxers. And then when I'm real horny, I'm them on top of my boxers. And then, when I'm real horny, I'm all taken. This is why men need empathy in bed. Men need to understand that women... This is the whole point of my special

bang-in was that foreplay. We need outside the converter. We need a warm-up. Guys just want to go right in. And I think that's what we often... That's why we go hard on blowjobs right away. We take it to a 10 immediately when you should start off. Guys don't even know they want it, and they wouldn't do it to themselves.

But start off with a 3, and then ease in, and then pull away. Do some teasing. So I tease myself. There's something so funny, though. I actually bully myself. Feeling my own hard cock through my jeans and getting turned on. It feels like it's like someone else's dick. I know.

I know. No, but that's what women do. We go like, we try to feel ourselves. That's what Emily's talking about is like be sensual with yourself, even though it feels ridiculous to even talk about. I had the most fun last night. So I got in. First of all all i get on the plane yesterday and i'm like put my guitar up in the thing and i'm just worried it's gonna crack i'm in like a bad mood because of whatever i'm just like kind of hastily putting it up there

and then i i see i i'm in uh i'm in like the first class but it's like a st louis flight so it's not like really first class and i and i i sit in the wrong seat and then I go, oh shit. And I go, oh, I'm actually right there. And I say to the guy that's on the aisle of my seat and I'm in the window and I like step over him and just, I'm just like a mess, you know? And, um, I sit down and I'm there for a second and then I pull up my phone and I get a text from Joe Buck, a famous sports, uh, uh caster just overall like hilarious person i first found out about joe buck when i was listening to the um howard stern show back in like i think 2015 or something just driving around 16 and he did a play-by-play of jd eating on the

howard stern show like just eating a snack and it's it was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard on the show, which says, you know, a lot, uh, because that show is funny all the time. And I just couldn't believe how funny this was. And then I, I stuck around for his interview. I think, uh, a little bit later they had him on and interviewed him. And I was, he was just his candor about having, um, hair transplant and like, just, he was just very vulnerable in a way that I was like, oh, I'm not going to know this sports guy. But he's also from St. Louis. So there was a little interest there. So funny.

Cut to, I became friends with him from living in St. Louis. I did his podcast. I forget how we met initially. Maybe we were on a show together. I don't even know. But I sit down and I get a text from Joe Buck that says, I'm sitting directly to your right. And I look past the guy sitting next to me because I'm thinking, oh, it's like he's in

the across aisle. He's literally right next to me. And I was like, oh my God. I was like, Joe, it's a four hour flight. Joe and I talked the whole time, had the best time. And I'm very aware and my ADD meds were kicking in. So I was just like, and because I was going like get work done because I had to rewrite this I'm doing the iHeartRadio awards tonight and I uh have to um present uh best new artist and there's like a

joke at the top and I wanted to rewrite it and I had a due date and I was supposed to write it on the plane but I was like fuck it I'm gonna talk to write it on the plane, but I was like, fuck it. I'm going to talk to Joe Buck. We had the best talk. We just like, it was just like, it was just so, if someone overheard us, boy, the, the, the juice they could have heard. Cause we were really getting into just like stories. I mean, he's been, he's, he knows so many people. He's been around, he's friends with literally everyone I'm friends with. Um, there's no one he doesn't know. He's such a humble, humble cool guy he's just like talking to a friend and um so we have a new friend in st louis joe buck and uh his wife is really cool too i don't i haven't met her yet but he was just telling me stories about i was just like we i

can't wait to hang out with you guys and like i'm just psyched about it uh having a new friend and you know joe buck obviously i mean from just i know him through my buddy glenn and marshall his brother they're good you know him as like a oh oh oh like yes yeah of course i mean a lot of people know joe buck through that famous arty lang coming at him saying that he would never be like his father you've never seen this there's a no i think you told me about it and i didn't want to see it because arty was just in so much pain and such an addict at the time. Yeah, Joe is nothing but... But it's hard.

He's living up to his... His father literally, I think, has a road named after him here in St. Louis. And there's a lot of pressure there to be a good sportscaster. I mean, you can't hide if you're bad. If you're a sport... You know what I mean? It's like if your dad was Richard Pryor something i know we were talking about that and the thing is joe's now been in the business i think longer than his dad was um he's not i don't know the

stats of what he's accomplished but he is a talent in enough in his own right that is far exceeds but he it's we we were watching that documentary i even asked him about it because i go last night andrew and i were watching that prince harry um oprah new apple documentary about childhood trauma and prince harry talks about his mom dying princess diana and they show footage of him just like greeting morning fans when he was just like catatonic because he just lost his mom and he's a little boy. And he's greeting these fans

that are sobbing and he's like, I was just telling, like looking at these people crying, they didn't know my mom. It was my mom and I can't even cry and these people are just so sad

and I couldn't get there. And just that feeling of people being, feeling like they knew someone that you knew and they didn't even like that was your mom. And they, and I would just be like, you didn't even fucking know her, you know? And so I asked him like, do you ever feel that way with your dad? Cause everyone that meets you goes, your dad was such a legend. It's like, but it was just your dad. And he, he, he related a a lot it was an interesting conversation but he is just a lot to that yeah my my dad like so when i worked for him for like one summer i was like a filer at his doctor's office and he's a cancer doctor so i'd get in the elevator with these cancer patients

that my dad essentially saved their lives and all i've heard about my dad is that he's a cheater and that he's not good and he doesn't care about us. And then I meet these people. That's what they knew about him. He really got close with them. Yeah. Yeah.

He told every cancer, but they're like, look, I'd rather have cancer than hear about yours. Your dad, he cheated on them with other cancer patients. That is true. Like your doctor is seeing other people and we don't go, you're other people monogamy's dumb okay go on no but these patients would literally like almost break down in the elevator to me about how my father was like a god-like figure and that how he saved their life like literally a god and i was just like you know i was because as a kid you just don't take it in don't take, I didn't take in how hard my father worked or how many lives he saved. Well, you hadn't eaten an edible and you couldn't feel it.

Yeah, that's true. And now you chew on that a little bit. Then I smoked some indica, sativa, sativa indica. And then I was just like, dude, my daddy rules, man. Yeah. My daddy saves lives. I feel that way with when people are like your parents are so cool like even yesterday joe joe um does a podcast called i think daddy issues maybe yeah i think that's

what it's called i'm not really does oh yeah with oliver hudson whose um father is kurt hudson no not kurt russell but uh k Kurt Russell, but Kate Hudson's brother, Oliver Hudson. Goldie Hawn's his mom. Kate Hudson's his sister. And his dad is someone Hudson. I thought it's Kurt Russell. Rock Hudson? No, it's Kurt.

Maybe it is Kurt Russell. Yeah. Why is his last name Hudson then? Because what's his mom? Bill Hudson. Bill Hudson's his mom. Yeah, they have different. I think he is.

Kurt Russell is not his dad. Anyway, but it is because, you know, he's been around forever now. But they have a show about dads and they had me on to talk about my dad. And I just like was like, you know, espousing all my feelings about my dad, knowing that my dad would hear it and like being really vulnerable about how much I love my dad. And, you know, Joe has a lot of I love my dad and um and you know Joe has a lot of admiration for my dad because he sees him on my Instagram he's like he just seems like the nicest guy the warmest guy the funniest guy the coolest guy everyone feels that way about my

dad on Instagram and I am like well Joe can I share a little story with you from last yesterday and I was like I really got one and so I I told him everything that I told you and my sister uh last night or two nights ago after I returned from a jam session with my dad in which uh I have to I have to have a little talk with my dad about um the next time we have a jam session because it ain't gonna happen with the way that one went even though he has no clue um how much it hurt me and, I cried a lot after that. And it felt very therapeutic. But I talked to Joe about it.

And he came to the same conclusion of like, you just need to talk to your dad. And it seems like, you know, he might be going through something and that's okay. And it was a good talk. It was just like, so you get so intimate with someone on a plane because how often when you meet up with someone,

do you sit inches from each other's face and sit shoulder to shoulder that creates an intimacy like a dancing with the stars intimacy that like you know you just become so much closer with someone and get so much more in depth in conversation which we're both joe and i are both already know each other and are both very vulnerable open people and like truth tellers, uh, and, and say things that, you know, maybe make other people uncomfortable, but we share stuff that's maybe painful. I've seen him do it a lot. Literally his hand hair transplant. I learned a lot about that too. Oh my God. He has such a good story. You got to read his book. He's, if you're looking into hair transplant,

he had one and, um, it ruined his voice and i'm just that's what i'm gonna say it's a crazy story but um yeah so it was but read his book he's he's great um but anyway it was it was a great time and then i had a great time last night and i'll get into it in a second but we gotta get to the news and i think one of these headlines is one that i put in because of uh last night and something i learned last night. But let's get into it. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, boy. It's the last day of the week. You know what day that is. It's a Friday, but it actually comes out Thursday night. But who knows what's happening out there? Hope you're having fun, that's for sure, and all the swells. Wait, why do you sound so muffled to me? When? Just then? for sure and all the swells all right why do you sound so muffled to me when just then yeah you sounded a little but maybe it was just because of the music playing oh how about i liked it how

about now yeah you sound clear as a bell okay well should i say what i said oh have a have a great time out there and all the swells. Okay. First story, man. Oh, it's a doozy. And this came straight from Nikki's old fingers or young fingers. Wait, did you get a haircut? No. Oh, it looks shorter on the sides. Okay, go on.

Probably because I combed it. I combed my hair in years. I don't even know. Combed. Combed. Like you would own a comb. Oh, you know how I dip it in water. I don't even know. Combed. Combed. Like you would own a comb. Oh, you know how I dip it in water. Honeycomb.

Mmm. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I taste yum, yum. Misophonia. Should we have someone go crazy by chewing? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's really mean. I don't want someone to strike their child because you can't help yourself making mouth sounds. Go. Alright, David Spade slides into Australian reporter Belinda Russell's DMs as Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod apparently sent her. Okay. Can I tell the story? Actually, I want you to try. No, I don't want to do it anymore. Well, I'm just saying because I know all the beats and I don't know if you read the whole thing. I read all the beats and eight beats last night after I was the whole thing. I read all the beats and ate beets last night

after I was stoned. Wait, tell us the story. Tell us what went down. You sent it to us. I know the story. I did my research. Okay, so Belinda Russell is a TV host in Australia who's on this like, you know, some morning

Today show in Australia and live on the air she just shares the anecdote that A-Rod slid into her DMs. This is a few days ago, maybe a week. I don't know when it happened. Um, and she goes, Oh, he said that I had, uh, I like your content, great content or something like that. And which is just a dumb thing to say. And this woman is clearly married with kids. And I just go, Oh man, that's not like that. Maybe it was him sliding.

I think that he is spiraling because of JLo. And now he has to promote men's makeup after JLo convinced him to like, baby, like she's probably blowing him and was just like, you know, it would be so fucking hot. What's that? If you start a makeup line with,

no, no, no, I'm not doing this. No, come on. It'll be fun. Come on.

Okay. What's that? Uh, a a makeup line with... No, no, no. I'm not doing this with you. No, come on. It'll be fun. Come on. Okay. What's that? A-Rod. Yeah? You know what would be so fucking hot? First of all, the top of your head looks so good right now. Thank you, but I'm looking up at you at this point, and I'm just doing the over the covers. There's a duvet on your dick.

You know what would be so fucking hot? With the biggest thread count because JLo, you know, always has the best linens. It would be so fucking hot if you invested with me in a makeup company for men. We could make so much fucking money. I would, I would,

you know, keep blowing me. You're talking. No, not yet until you agree to this makeup deal. I, you're not allowed to come until you agree to this makeup deal i you're not allowed to come until you agree to so wait can you just explain so am i putting the makeup on in like a picture in like

a kind of a girly way and that everyone's gonna make fun of me part of the ad camping but the baby no one's gonna make fun of you because you're the straightest man alive there's nothing feminine about that you're with fucking j-lo i'm okay i'm losing my heart on can we just can we talk about this after you're unless you agree to it okay okay i'll fucking do the makeup thing just fucking suck my dick please okay and then you come all over okay so that's how she got him and then two days later she breaks up with him after he signs the contracts and now he still has to go through with this makeup campaign it is so fucking embarrassing the poor guy is struggling he's posted really erratic things all over social media and just you know he's going through a breakup so i think that in his mind one night he got a little horny watching this woman's tiktok he might have i'm thinking maybe he

remembered some flirty interaction he had in australia with a host of a show and he couldn't really remember who it was and he probably guessed it was her and went to her thing so he's trying to drum up anything and i think he just slid in thinking maybe she'll i don't know what the fuck he was thinking but he wrote great content and then she shared that on air thinking it was nothing because she couldn't keep it inside because she wanted to brag her husband's probably pissing her off and she just wants to feel cool and everyone on the show was like, wait, what? He slid into your DMs? Her husband probably has visible zits. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Her husband has back knee. Yeah. Can I interject for one second? Yeah. Do you know that it came out that A-Rod blamed his daughters for writing the TikTok? Do you know this?

I heard that he said that his daughters... No, he said that his daughters enjoy her content sorry i'm chewing because i thought she wrote but the daughters wrote him through his account he blamed it on the daughter right god that's such a lame thing to say why would any girl write i love your content they're huge fans it was just great con it wasn't even i love your con it was great content. Okay, that's not something a teenager says. I don't know how old his kids are.

They don't write that. Wouldn't it be funny if his kids looked 50 and his girlfriend looked like it's like J-Lo looks like a teen, but his kids, because everything has to stay in balance, his kids look like a 50-year-old woman. And they just write great content, madam. Yeah, I mean 50 year old woman's comment so then last night i'm at the um supernova which is a really fun show in la i'm backstage i went to go hang out with uh spade because david spade because he had said that he was going to be there and i was down the street at my hotel and bored and my dinner plans canceled so i I was like, I'll step in. So I go hang out with him and we're just talking about paparazzi and like headlines and stuff like that.

And he's like, I, I, uh, I did this thing. He was like, I'm, it's embarrassing to even tell you guys cause it's like a brag, but like I did this thing that I think is kind of funny. And it was so good because David wrote, David then wrote this woman uh on dm'd her from david spade's account and wrote um hey it's a rod new phone and she like read it on air when she got it and it was just like this perfect ending to this kind of like awkward thing that happened to this woman that now she can like button it up and she you know button up with this joke and kind of deflect any attention that might be negative of like and it was just and it was just like really

i don't know i i just love when a comic like does something like that that might not have a payoff but that has like this beautiful payoff of like she read it on air she was like oh my god david spade just wrote me that it's a rod new phone and then it just makes a joke of it and then it takes the pressure off and now there's probably less like stigma around it and there was no you you don't think spade hit her up in a way of like being funny to then no he was trying to that was his goal i think when i do stuff like that your goal or write a comment under someone celebrity thing on instagram it's it's to get some attention and to like just be weird you know tonight i'm saying john mayer's name on um the iheart radio awards so stop biting why are you biting i'm not i'm pulling

it may be making you nervous right now okay but that's me there's something going on i have skin i have skin in between my teeth really that i bit off that's what i got it how do you get a piece of skin you're always biting how do you have fresh skin to bite off i don't know it rekindles like a like a lizard's tail is that why you're scared of lizards i'm jealous generate so faster than you you You're jealous of them. Next story. It is wild. Their little tails just come right back.

It's amazing. God, lizards. Next story. Instagram-based celebrity gossip site Deux. Deux. Deux.

Deux. Deux. Deux. Deux. Deux. I hate that word. That's the one that everyone's on.

It's French. It's Deux. Deux. D-E-U-X, which is two, and then moi, M-O-I, Deux Moi. All I see is Deux Moi. Well, this is an Instagram account

where they post anonymous, people just write anyone, any person can write into this place. And if people, if the guys behind me and Joe Buck yesterday on the flight were listening, they could have written into Deux Moi. This happens all the time. I was overhearing a conversation between comedian Nikki Glaser and sportscaster Joe Buck yesterday on the flight were listening. They could have written into Deux Moi. This happens all the time. I was overhearing a conversation

between comedian Nikki Glaser and sportscaster Joe Buck, and they were talking about so-and-so, da-da-da-da-da. And these people write in. So if you ever witness a celebrity doing anything, and these people, they are selling out everyone. And it's all anonymous, and it's all not substantiated, but a lot of it comes out later. And it's always on their Instagram stories. De but a lot of it is like comes out later. And it's always on their Instagram stories.

Deux, M-O-I. I really hate them because I was on it a couple weeks ago and I didn't like what they said about me. But listen, I still look on their site because I love celebrity gossip, even if it's not true. Maybe it was Madam Hood that wrote it. Anyhow. Clitoral Hood. Go on. Kickstand.

Received tips that Kanye West and supermodel Irina Shock are possibly dating. Wait, you just go Deux Moi and then I said this whole thing and then you go receive tips. Like you have to start the sentence over, I think, as a newscaster. For sure. For sure. Because you can't just say receive. People don't know. Okay. So Deux Moi received tips that Irina Shake and Kanye West are dating.

I did read that. Yeah. Bradleyley cooper's baby mama irena shake uh yeah i'm into it yeah kim and kanye are not divorced how long do you have to wait they're separated i know but they're not it's not official should that affect should that affect divorces take so long no they're separated they're dating other people for sure that's that's fine. Okay. I'm just saying, I think, I don't know if that, I don't know in law terms if you start dating someone before. When you've announced we're getting a divorce to the press and put out a statement, it'd be weird if you were still being monogamous

just because the papers hadn't come in. And that goes for anyone who is waiting to divorce. Once you're separated and living in separate places, even if you're sleeping in separate bedrooms, I think it's generally okay to start dating. For your dad, he started dating

before they announced their divorce. And she wasn't even a model with three kids. Okay. Yeah, I know. Ugh. It was a...

Next story. Yeah. So, I mean... Was there more to that? Yeah. No. Okay. So, the next story is abc's reboot after seeing that clip on reddit of kanye west talking about that kid the make-a-wish i would i thought to myself i would be a great girlfriend to kanye i like crazy people i like people with

mental illness i would definitely laugh at the story he told. I think he's a genius. And I love men who are like broken inside and not because I can fix them, but because I just want to make them feel safe and loved. And I have a lot of love to give. And I was like, I could date Kanye West. Like it'll never happen, but I would.

And I could, because now he's single, even though he hasn't divorced. Well, Kanye, if you're listening and you're not, I'll sit in the back of a car with you and laugh about your anecdotes about visiting

Make-A-Wish Kids. I'm sure he'd be so chill. He seems like a chill guy. I don't know. The times... I know. No one's just what they seem all the time, but yeah, I can't... I think he'd be... Of course he'd be terrible.

He's just bipolar, and he doesn't take his meds. It would be very hard. But I'm up for the challenge. ABC's reboot of the Celebrity Dating Game gives famous singles an opportunity to find Mr. Right. You were dying to be on this show. Fuck this show. Fuck this show.

I'm so pissed about this show. You didn't make it. You didn't make it. ABC's Celebrity... Can I read to you what I sent to my agent? So I saw a post about it on Instagram. Celebrity dating game where celebrities come on and do the dating game. B-less, B-minus, C-less celebrities come on to get matched with other people.

And Zooey Deschanel and some other guy is hosting it. I forget who. It's what's his name? Michael Bolton. Michael Bolton. Oh, yeah. michael bolton this is a tale of captain jaspero he's so funny in that okay so so then i i sent him a screenshot my agent and this i was like stoned when i did this but i was fucking mad because i'm an abc talent i'm going to tell the truth all the time i kill it more than anyone on that show not more than anyone on the show but i'm one of the people that goes on and like really works hard and like

does a good job that's why they've had me back for like 18 seasons of it that I also uh was a guest host for Jimmy Kimmel ABC I was on Dancing with the Stars they didn't care for me there but that was long ago after I've established a better relationship and I go I said to my agent why was I go I sent the screenshot of zoe dash nels poster for it i said honestly the people that cast this i go i am a single woman who's funny talks about sex all the time all i do is talk about being single i'm an abc talent i know how to be squeaky clean on abc i'm perfect for this it's such bad casting to not put me in it and that's not me being like i'm the best. I'm terrible at certain things. This is

couldn't be more the thing they should put me in. Your mom's here. Hi, Mom. Hi, honey. You look beautiful. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, Andrew, will you just hold the mic so it's you and her? You're the one controlling it because my mom doesn't

understand mics. Or you can give her the other mic. Oh, yeah. You can give her the other mic if you want okay put the cast okay don't sit on this thing okay all right so andrew yeah let's do our sports moment now that my mom's here mom once a week we do a sports moment we let andrew have a sports news segment um so let's get to that noah bring us in here's and Andrew's weekly sports moment. Oh, man. Sounds more exciting every week. Okay.

So, Injured Wizards star, Russell Westbrook, has been restrained after Sixer fan dumps popcorn on him. So, Russell Westbrook, who's a very amazing point guard who, like, averages triple doubles. He's top 10 in the league. He was leaving. He was hurt. He got hurt during the game. He was leaving. He was hurt. He got hurt during the game and while leaving, someone

threw fucking popcorn all over him and he lost his mind. Just plain stupidity. Whoa. Somebody poured some popcorn and any athlete being Westbrook or whomever. Like shoving the people holding him back. Oh, calm

down. I mean, it's annoying. This is not about the popcorn. This is about whatever just happened to him on the court, right? No, it's about disrespect. It's about treating these people not like humans. You think that they're

just these sports stars that you can just beat the shit out or whatever, throw shit on, because you're mad at them. They're human beings, and there's a lot of butter on that popcorn it's annoying it's on your shoulders tough of course i think it's so disrespectful and fans are animals and yes but that guy's being paid so many millions of dollars to throw a ball around on a court for fans that are paying if you get some popcorn spilled on you by a drunk fan who doesn't like your team i mean isn't that just like part of the like shouldn't you take that anger and not take it

out on the security guards holding you back and like maybe just go oh that guy's an ass like i get it i mean i i've never had popcorn thrown at me so i don't i don't pretend to understand but it didn't run our test do this to a like wasn't that the moment that everyone talks about yeah a beer thrown on him so it was really wet popcorn but he got he got drilled with a beer in the face uh at a pistons game when he was playing for the pacers and he ran up about 20 i remember the video was a huge cultural moment yeah i mean what it was a full-on brawl i mean so wait why was he leaving the court westbrook because he was hurt so imagine you're hurt that's what he's mad about yes for sure no that's but

that's he's frustrated already and then the popcorn is the the light that ignited the gasoline that was all over him already and then he needed to go kill that guy which makes sense the guy's an asshole that guy's not He's ridiculous to throw popcorn on a hood player. Also, he's on video. The guy's on video. I mean, the guy's gonna get caught. But if he was just leaving the court without that, he wouldn't

have lashed out that way. It's when you have road rage because someone cut you off. Yes, they're an asshole for cutting you off, but your rage at them is not coming from that. It's coming from the fact that the rest of your day and people just need to acknowledge that that it wasn't about the popcorn i think i'm serious i think it was probably 60 40 popcorn to just yeah you think if he was just walking off yes there was no injury there was no embarrassment of i just don't believe that.

And I think my listeners are emotionally intelligent enough to also believe that it was not 60-40. It was probably 10% popcorn, 90% what's going on at home and the injury. What? What? No, it's in the moment. He's reacting in the moment he's fucking i know we all react in the moment but we don't realize that all the the the uh powder keg inside of us is built up from our parents the trauma we had as children the the what just happened on the court being injured knowing that you're gonna lose money it's all of that if you're someone who meditates and has done work on yourself and and won't let

the actions of others affect you i'm not not there. I'm saying we're all, that was like where I would like to be when I spill something or something happens to me. I don't go, mother fuck, my coffee. Because even though I want to, because that would release anger that I have about not getting put on celebrity dating game.

I don't do that because I know that that is an irrational response to popcorn being thrown at me. And by the way, it was not thrown all over him. There was a couple pieces. And maybe the guy did mean to throw it and missed and is a worse athlete than Russell Westbrook. But it was a couple pieces. I did not see a big thing of popcorn hit him in the face.

I'm sorry. The reaction was not equal to the – I don't think it was justified. You sound like a defense attorney for the popcorn guy you sound like the popcorn guy should be almost you're almost blaming russell westbrook for getting angry and not the pop everyone else is going after the popcorn guy yeah because every you are you are to blame for your reaction no one and you're not because there's no free will but the way you react to things when people go he made me upset by throwing popcorn you got upset about the popcorn the popcorn had nothing to do. You could choose to not be

upset by the popcorn. What if it was nacho cheese? I under, of course. With beer in it. But I, there are some people that could have a shoe thrown at their head and dodge it like George W. Bush and make a funny joke and not go, you know, like there is a way to temper that and not

lash out. This is anger 101, anger management 101. And that's how Russell Westbrook gets known. When you fly off the handle, Noah, when you have a moment where you're embarrassed that your anger, you lose control, is it about the thing, or do you think maybe it's about other stuff,

and the thing is just the, it is about the thing, but's is it really if it was just that thing and you had a great day would you react that way that intensely if i had a great day i would not it's it's just like a bubbling up of all these things and that's the thing that you finally have a release valve that you can excuse your rage on now finally i get to punch someone even though i've been wanting to punch everyone today, even myself, because I'm having a low self-esteem day. Now I can punch this guy because I'm justified because he threw popcorn on me. It's an excuse.

I'm not blaming Russell. I'm not blaming the popcorn guy. I think they're both, and the popcorn guy threw the popcorn and was angry at Russell Wilson or Westbrook because he's going through stuff at home. He probably got into a fight with his wife. He's angry. He got drunk. He's mad at this guy now because he's injured and now the team is going to suffer whatever it was or maybe he hates him because he's supporting the other team and he

threw the popcorn not because of him because of other stuff in his life everything is stemming from past trauma listener mail here we go i want to hear you do anyone who doesn't want to i want to hear you do uh like um like anyone that doesn't admit themselves is lying yeah and i always say he's clearly having a rough day with his girlfriend at home yeah yeah yeah yeah you're like he throws a touchdown did a man to number 48 oh he must be having a good day at home with his wife. There's Tom Brady's parents watching glowingly from the VIP box. You can tell that maybe they put a little bit too much pressure on him. It definitely resulted in having an amazing athlete of a son, but is it worth it?

I wonder if Tom is maybe feeling the pressure today and maybe, I don't even know how to talk about football, missed that throw. Man, Joe Buck would be impressed. Oh yeah. Fumbled that catch because he's mad at his dad who's sitting up there eating nachos. Nikki can finally talk about sports now.

That's why I tried to bring this. If I were in emotions and parental resentment. Hi mom, welcome to the show. Let's get into listener mail. Let's go to Lindsay. Has a comment on the take my wife joke. Hi, Nikki and Andrew and Noah. This is

Lindsay from the D.C. area. I am driving to work as a teacher. Yes. On the beltway. I have to pull my car over On the side of the five lane beltway After that take my wife please But oh my gosh you guys are funny

Thanks for all the swells and laughs I really enjoy your podcast Have a great day So essentially we almost caused 40 people dying on the highway Because Noah thought, take my wife, please. What did Noah think? You both thought the same thing of like,

it's funny because he's telling people to take his wife. When I got it, I got it wrong. I thought it was like the old fashioned way of saying sex in movies where it's like, I'm going to take my wife. Oh, but then why would that be funny? No, it's not. Well, I don't know and honestly, I still don't understand. That's my confession.

Oh my God. No, we can't get into it. We can't get into it. I heard this one. This I did here and because dad called it and you guys had to listen to it. Well, was your dad on that yeah yeah we called him to get confirmation that take my wife please that's the joke that is a classic joke yeah so dad had to listen to himself okay let's get to the next listener mail

hi besties i bought a ticket for nikki's show in orlando on sept 10th, but I don't currently have a friend to go with me. I'm comfortable doing things on myself, but I've never been to a comedy show solo. Do you have any advice for going alone? Will it be awkward sitting by myself or will it be okay with the seating set up? Thanks for any advice. Really excited to go.

Thank you. Cute. Christine, thank you so much for buying a ticket to my tour, One Night with Nikki Glaser. Dates are all available to check out and buy tickets to at NikkiGlaser.com slash tour. I implore you to go alone. I think it's so cool for people to go alone.

My first standup show was Dave Chappelle. I bought a ticket to it in, uh, when I was going to school in Boulder, I had never seen standup before. I took a many, many buses to downtown Denver in 2003 because I knew him from you've got mail. I'd never even heard of him before,

but I was like Googled standup because I was starting to think about being a standup because people told me I should, I'd signed up for a standup showcase. I hadn't started writing. It was like, I need to go see a standup show, Denver stand-up what's happening Dave Chappelle oh that's the guy from you've got mail that I love so I took buses down went by myself and um and it was a great experience because other people were there as his fans and like adopted me into

their circles I was literally the only white person there by the way and there were people dancing on the stage grinding on each it was it was like a whole it was a concert it was insane i i really don't remember most of it because it was just like i was just so young and whatever but i going to concerts alone is cool going to concerts going to comedy shows alone is cool i'm not gonna ever call you out and make fun of you um and i think that just sitting there confidently knowing that you're going alone and this is what you want to do and it it's, and before the show, there might be people around you with friends and you're like, oh my God, I feel dumb. I go to Wilco shows alone because I just, none of my friends love Wilco as much as me. And I just want to, I don't want anyone burdened by me acting like an idiot of

how much I love this because it's kind of embarrassing. So I go alone to things and you end up meeting other fans that are just as passionate as you. And I think it's kind of embarrassing so I go alone to things and you end up meeting other fans that are just as passionate as you and I think it's cooler to go alone than not alone I think it's just really like bold and I think you really own it and you go and there you anytime you feel insecurity like go look at your phone or whatever that's what phones are for to make you feel like oh I'm texting someone who's about to meet me but don't even pretend just be there alone and be confident that I want you there alone and you're allowed to be there alone. And it's actually cooler to go alone because it shows that you are secure with yourself because people who don't go alone and need someone to go with, they're at home wishing they had gone and watching my special that they've already seen. Yes. Right. Good advice. Yeah. And bring

a laptop and pretend you're writing a screenplay and you're not even that interested. You're very busy. Like, I'm just here. Whatever. You know, I have to go. Oh, OK. I don't mean to be rude, but I really do. I'm, you know, a goodwill Rex coming out soon.

I think a goodwill Rex. I get it. OK. I love you. Bye. Love you, too. Next listener. OK.

This is from Instagram. This is a DM we got from XOX from Blake. Period blood in all caps. Hey, bestie. Spray Windex and rub table salt. Let's soak and then wash normally. You're welcome. Oh, so on your vagina, spray Windex and rub table salt.

And then you, oh, wait oh wait no they're talking about what was this in reference to clothing a stain oh also blake is a woman if if you think blake's a man this comes off like a murderer oh right i mean so blake told me to windex that's interesting and table salt okay we got to get both those things i thought this was maybe the father from my big fat greek wedding giving, uh, you know, a yeast infection, um,

cure. Well, the one girl said for your vagina smells boric acid, which acid in your vagina sounds scary, but my vagina doesn't smell, but, um, not yours.

I'm saying if your vagina, sometimes it does, but, oh, okay. Boric acid supplements. Okay. And then this is from Cecily.

Cecily said a DM. I listened to the Sex with Emily episode last night before bed and had a great sex dream and woke up having to masturbate to finish myself off. Yes. Love the pod so much. Thank you for creating something so fun, honest, and vulnerable. Love you besties. All this well. Cecily, that's so exciting to wake up

horny and just like go at it. Yes. I love that we're like getting in people's like minds and it yes I love that we're like getting in people's like minds and it's affecting their dream state people have dreams about me a lot someone said that they were listening they were reading a book and they listened to the podcast so much that the voice they heard when they were

reading the book was my voice narrating it and I was like you need to send me a check then bitch you're like I had to pull over my car I had to pull over my Yaris and masturbate on the side of I-95. And she was reading, you know. Yeah, she was listening to a self-help book of don't. She was reading Night by Ailey Weasel,

which is not an appropriate book to masturbate to. Okay, let's get to Lakin. Lakin left us a voice message. Love that name, Lakin. First of all, I'd just like to say how awkward leaving a voice message is. So I'm definitely not going to re-listen to this, but I've been listening since the beginning, and I had a busy couple of weeks, so I'm just going back to play a little catch-up, and I was listening to Pooka's in the back episode and Andrew had mentioned the Toyota

way and this is so random but I just finished a like final project for one of my classes that was about Toyota and GM partnering and stuff in toyota way so i just think it's you know it's connected in the universe somehow everybody's i don't know just gives me all love that lake and what the toyota way meaning like when you worked at that factory i mean the toyota way is like a yeah yeah yeah when i worked at the factory and implementing like they do it at toyota yeah you gotta bring the toyota way like everyone can contribute the toyota way you gotta bring the toyota way like everyone can contribute the toyota way it was that the toyota way that you're talking yeah yeah yeah so toyota has a whole system of like eliminating inventory and making it run smoother and so you could apply

what they do in their factory to like what does noah call it factory huh what does noah call this oh boy toyota toyota toyota but you said toyota one time wait what did you say no i call it toyota Huh? What does Noah call this? Oh, boy. Toyota. Toyota. Toyota. Toyota. But you said Toyota one time. Wait, what did you say? No, I call it Toyota. No, that's the right way. No, you were saying it.

Toyota. Toyota is the right way. And you were saying what? Toyota. Yeah, Toyota. Oh, I thought you were saying Toyota. All right. Well.

Toyota. The Toyota. Oh, yeah. oh i thought you were saying teyota um all right well teyota the teyota oh yeah i it sounds like a drug you'd trip in arizona in the fucking badlands sounds like taylor swift fuck yoda teyota oh my god i'm gonna wake up from a dream and start coming um that sounds like a dream that i would have i was thinking about this someone talked about this before that if you come when you're sleeping right you have a a wet dream could it be a ghost gave you a blow job or head in your sleep could be just think about it just think about it yeah maybe a ghost a ghosty hand. Final thought. Last night I went to Supernova. It was so much fun.

Ben Glebe was there, good friend of mine. He ran for president. I did a set even though I wasn't on the bill. I met two new comics, two new female comics who I love. Nikki Bon, B-O-Nn spelled the same way as nikki my name and then uh another girl named monterey m-o-n-e-r-a-y what is her last name monterey elaine something that's i don't she was awesome and we just had we had like the best hang in the um monterey elaine martinez we had the best time hanging in the green room back there

and it just it just reminded me of like i just stayed out all night like socialize it was just so fun we told so many stories ben glebe was telling us about all these different times that he's almost banged like really famous like or like had a chance with really famous hollywood women which he's shared on our show you up before, but he was regaling us backstage. And so then when I went on stage to do my set, I was like, Ben, I got on stage and I go,

do you guys like Ben? Cause Ben brought me up and I was like, I actually like Ben, do you remember when I cast you in a sketch? Because I just wanted to make out with you. And I was like, I like Harvey Weinstein. Do you?

I was like, I literally was like 26 and five six and i was like i want to make out with a boy and my friend had asked me to like write a script because he was like i got some access to some great equipment he was a director and was like i want to shoot a sketch i don't have a script and i was like i'll write one and i was like i kind of want to make out with a boy so i just wrote a script where a girl just makes out with a guy in a car for like the whole time i feel like that's how all movies started initially. Like,

Hey, I'm not that attractive. I have money. How can I make like the hottest girl on earth? Fuck me. Like, I know. It's kind of creepy to admit that I did that, but I didn't think there was anything.

He's actually a good actor too. And I was just like, Hey Ben, you want to be in this? And then he came over to my place and it was really funny. I ended up not doing any material last night, like literally any, because i told that story and it was really fun the story was great um and then i was like ben and ben's just watching in the wings and i go come back up here and tell us about how you almost got natalie portman and then it was an intimate ish crowd and the crowd

just got to hear this like great story and i had just heard it backstage so i was able to like pepper in so how did he do it how did he almost get natalie portman well i guess every guy's gonna have to go back in time and um it he had a he was at a fundraiser and he uh said something really charming and she was captivated and then she was like we have to come see your comedy and then he had a chance and he kept blowing it it was it's just so good the story like he performed at the fundraiser no no he was just a guy went up to her wow yeah yeah um no he was in a conversation with a bunch of people and then he shared something about himself that was vulnerable and she was like oh my god that's amazing but at one point during his rendition i was playing natalie portman so that the audience could see like where she was standing how close i go how close were you guys and he goes he goes

but she's he goes but she's but she's like really tiny and i go oh yeah can everyone suspend their disbelief that you know picture nicky but like tiny and it was just like a really it was really funny and uh it was just so fun and that's and every i got off stage and everyone's like oh my god and ben's like that was so much fun i'm like i think like i know that people want to see stand-up comedy and like see just a comic monologizing but i think two comics telling a story that they don't normally tell and being able to spice it up is like uh so much more interesting and fun sometimes and it made it more fun for me i didn't i was looking at my notes i was like i don't want to talk about molestation

right now i want to finish ben glebe story so it's just like a really really fun moment and um yeah i mean i think ate a lot of thai food i guess like just being able to apply that to when you write in the future or like whatever you want to talk about. I mean, what, you know what I mean? Like what, instead of talking about, you know, just tell a fun story, like, and that would be enough. You know what I mean? Like sometimes I feel like with standup, you got to be like, what is my take on this or what's going to be my interesting. And it's like, oh no, people just want to laugh and enjoy a fun story.

You know what I mean? Without that, it doesn't. Yeah. I don't know. Anyhow. The thing I won't do, why I don't like bringing people up on stage to tell stories, because the one time that I did it at a gig that people were paying to see me, I was in a really bad place mentally and I didn't want to do material.

So I brought Pete Lee on stage to just like talk about our life and share stories and have this impromptu like thing. And I got messages after the show, even though it was so fun and I felt like the crowd loved it. I know how to read people and audiences. And I got one message afterwards that was like, that's not what I paid for. I paid to hear you, not this other guy. And you talk the whole time and be funny. And I was like, okay, well, I guess in last night I felt justified if someone didn't like it.

My name wasn't on the bill, so I wasn't expected to do anything. What do you think about that? I think, yeah, again, we're just paying attention to the one negative thing. And literally, you, 900 people had a good time. And we got to stop fucking reading those messages and comments. And even if we get them, we don't respond because it's just popcorn being poured on our head. And let the popcorn come in, motherfucker, because you're not going to ruin my day. Let the popcorn fall.

All right, guys. Great show today. Great week of shows. Thank you so much for listening. We will see you on Monday and have the Uncurse weekend. Uncurse. But curse too. Curse.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial

goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeart

Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour,

tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B,

as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.