The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #401 Nuanced Compliments, Is It A Bad Word? Special vs. Lucky w/ Julie!

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

Nikki is joined by her mom, Julie, who just got done getting off a paint ladder. Nikki is going totally 'off the rails' as they all dissect her dad's compliments about food, decide what's derogatory, and whether a coincidence makes anyone special. Brian and Nikki recall more experiences with Besties in Seattle. Julie has to quietly decide if her daughter or husband is the bigger baby. In the Final Thought, Nikki is proud of her boyfriend for being a ticket angel, but she's totally baffled by an elevator encounter they had together. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Here I am. Hi, it's Nikki. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.

Welcome to the show. I'm joined in studio. As promised on the last episode, I said she'd be here. She is. It's Julie Glazer. Made it. Made it. It was tight.

It was tight. It was tight. Okay, tell me. Well, I didn't even know. What happened? Well, I was on a ladder. Did you say she got off a paint ladder? What was that, Noah?

Did Julie say she got off a paint ladder? Yeah, so I just last minute was like, oh, it'd be really fun to do a podcast with mom here. And I like forgot to ask her to do it. And so, because we had a fun dinner last night and there was lots of laughs. And so then I was like, oh yeah, let's get another hang in. And then I was like, I couldn't have her.

We did one right before this that you heard yesterday. And then I, right at the beginning of that, I was like, hey, if you want to come by in an hour, we're doing a podcast. And so you were on a step ladder? I was. You are not supposed to be on ladders. I don't like this. A paint ladder?

Yeah, a paint. I was painting. I didn't know until- Do you know that paint takes longer than three hours to dry? Oh, wait. Longer than 90 minutes. Is that a common knowledge now? Wait, no, no.

It's something we realize everyone does know on every level. But for some reason, we all forgot that day. But yeah, so you were painting what? I'm painting my bathroom laundry room. Oh, my God. That's a lot. Yeah, it is. But I'm getting it done.

You're such a resilient woman i actually uh just finished and i looked at my phone and it was you saying do you want to do the podcast i was like oh my god i just finished a great timing and i thought i can make it down there by one o'clock you did but i ran upstairs and i'm like aj you gotta help me and i need these brushes cleaned out. And he's like, no, I have a sweater on. I can't. The old I have a sweater on. I've got the sweater. I said, take your sweater off and put an apron on.

Yeah. And he. Is that your excuse to not have sex? Is he throwing it back in your face? Wait. Sorry, I can't have a sweater on. That's been my excuse sometimes where I'm like, I don't want to take this sweater. I'm very comfortable.

It's like a turtleneck. I'm going to stretch it out again. It's going to fuck up my makeup. Like, can we just have sex with the sweater on. That's been my excuse sometimes where I'm like, I don't want to take this sweater it's like a turtleneck, I'm going to stretch it out again, it's going to fuck up my makeup can we just have sex with the sweater on? Not that I've ever had sex, but you know That wouldn't work. No. But anyway, no, he wasn't helpful at all. He had to have his lunch. He was like

well, gotta eat because I gotta sing later on this afternoon. I put my sweater on I'm getting ready for lunch. He's got so many excuses, Brian. And what does that have to do with you? It has nothing to do with me, but he just was more concerned about his lunch and not me getting down. He's like, do you- No, it's wild.

And then he was being really sweet. He's like, do you think you want to have a cup of soup too? I'm like- Oh, that's nice. No, he knew do you think you want to have a cup of soup too I'm like oh that's nice no he knew he knew you had to go then I came upstairs you sure you don't want a cup of soup well he's so proud of himself that he made soup

because classically when my mom makes something it's just like a forethought that my mom's going to make dinner she makes these elaborate meals I grew up with the best dinners that a child could have there was always like something green there was always a starch there was always a fruit there was always a protein like balanced meals i would go over to friends houses and they would just have absolutely always fruit they would for dinner i would go over a friend's house i remember laura i won't say her name but right

went over her house and they just had spaghetti. And I remember coming back home and being like, they didn't have garlic bread? They didn't have a salad. And they didn't have a salad. Like, what are they? They're just eating for dinner? Just spaghetti? That's not nutritious. Can I clarify?

You always have a fruit with dinner? Yeah. Well, we used to. It would be a sweet. Like, you are hitting all of the things. After dinner, you'd have fruit or on the plate? No, on the plate. There would just be a side of...

For example, a dinner would be maybe roast chicken, and then there would be green beans, and then there would be mashed potatoes, and then there would be a fruit salad that she put in a separate little bowl on the dish. That would be like fresh oranges, grapes, blueberries, pineapple sometimes. Yeah.

That's highly unusual for dinner. I feel like that's a brunch thing. Well, yeah, I guess it's not, or applesauce would be. Oh, applesauce is great. It's kind of like just having your dessert with your food a little bit because we weren't like a big dessert family. No.

We would then go snack on like Milk Duds in the next room or Goobers or like whatever in front of the tv and then that's dessert time for sweets it's the right way to do it no but we had such balanced meals so that's so my mom makes these elaborate meals my dad classically it's just my dad is a near perfect man but one of his biggest flaws is like he can't really give compliments about food in a way that it takes a lot to hear like this is good. It's got to be really, really good. Oh, yeah. And other people have to start it first.

Oh, yeah. These are just things I've observed. I don't know. Maybe you've had other times where it's like he is just like. He's trying to be better, I think. He should be because it's hard. It's only been 41 years. I have the same thing where like,

sometimes if I send someone once a compliment for something and I feel a little bit guilty that I'm not the one doing this thing and I feel guilty they even have to do it, then I'll like withhold a compliment because then if I say, I think this is subconscious, right? If I say, thank you so much for this meal,

this is amazing. I'm acknowledging that like, this is is hard work and then i am therefore reinforcing that i'm letting this person do hard work when i'm not and so it makes me feel guilty so you almost don't give too many compliments so you can walk away from it being like it wasn't that hard i'm not kind of a dick for always making her do this every single night so instead i'll be a dick by not saying anything about how good it is and being appreciative but i think that's what people do subconsciously because i don't think dad has a villainous bone in his body or like some a cruel bone but it sometimes comes off as cruel because you're just like just give me the fucking compliment and then he'll go well i'm not gonna say i like the soup i like hot hot soup. So the soup's cold. So what? And I always go,

find something you like about it. The color, the texture, the work that went into it. Like it doesn't, just because it has one flaw doesn't mean it's all bad. He's like, I can't find something about it. I'm wearing a sweater.

Yeah. I've got this sweater and I don't want to ruin it. I told Chris one time, I was like, I got mad at him because he didn't, I like put into work into my like outfit and I didn't get a compliment that I

so desperately was wanting. And so I'm like, why didn't you say anything? And he's like, we talked through it. And he was like, I'm sorry. I didn't catch that.

Like I just, it was missed on me. And I'm like, there's no way. Like, look how much effort, like how could you miss not like, I feel like,

and he's like, I swear to God, I didn't notice I had too much on my mind. So, and I believe him. He's not a liar. So it was truly like, he just didn't know. But in my like and he's like I swear to god I didn't notice I had too much on my mind so and I believe him he's not a liar so it was truly like he just didn't know but in my mind he was like he noticed and he was like I'm not gonna say this to her like it it hurt me like you're withholding or something but then um he said but what do you want me to say when I don't like what you're like am I supposed to say I like it if I don't? And I'm like, find something you like about me.

It could be your teeth look great. You have amazing smile tonight. Your eyes look great. Like those things I didn't buy. So if you go, what do you think about my shirt? And he goes, you got great teeth. I don't say what do you think about my shirt. I don't say that.

No, you know what he could say? You are, look at how beautiful you are. Okay. This is being very vague. Oh my God. You look, look at you you just even look at you look at you says nothing look at you could literally mean look at you looking like shit yeah you might take that wrong though you're too smart for this you would yeah dig into those you'd figure it out

within three seconds if you know anything about me please god know that i am not looking for places that people can i'm not looking for criticism so like when i tell someone people always go you're not gonna appreciate that if he if he if you tell him hey i want you to compliment my outfits more and then he does two minutes later i'll be like no i want it now like i told you to do it do it i'll i'm not gonna be like you're only saying that because i told you to say that i'm never a girl that does that that's such a trap and i don't set up people for failure you're not no i want i do do experiments we've talked about this on the girls chat that sometimes women put their husbands and sometimes probably men do this where you're

like i'm gonna test and see if he even if i don't touch something for this long how long will it go without getting addressed let's just see how long he can live like this and like or just or i'm gonna actually set him up is he gonna say anything i'm gonna actually do my hair in a different way and if he doesn't say anything then he doesn't fucking love me and all these things um but i guess my point is you can always find something nice to say always every this is like the reverse of what you were talking about yesterday about coincidences where you were looking for like the thing that doesn't make it like special. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that doesn't make it special.

No, I want to repeat that again. It's not, I just don't, I think that sometimes, I think a lot of the bad things of our world is that we have egos and we think that I am blessed in some sort of way. These people aren't and I am. I have had all this great fortune because God likes me more and God must not like those people very much. So maybe it's okay that I don't care about their wellbeing because why would God make that person homeless and make me super rich? Because God loves

me and he doesn't love them. So I don't need to love them. So I think a lot of this magical thinking of like, it was a sign and I was meant to be with this person. It's people convincing themselves they're better than other people or somehow blessed. So that's why I don't like, like it was destiny. I'm not trying to make you feel like if something,

if you think you found your soulmate, you're wrong. You are lucky, but you're not special. Oh. That's what I was saying yesterday. I just think it's, like finding the positive

in the situation is important. Yes, without making it like I am special. You're ordinary and that's fine. Something lucky happened to you. I did not tell the Iceland story

to take away from that story was not that they're special. No, you were sharing a coincidence. Yeah, a coincidence. Which is notable. But that wasn't to be like they're godlike creatures who are warranted this amazing. Here's a story like that. My parents, my dad is my mom's older brother's best friend.

So she like grew up around my dad. She was like a little girl around my dad. And like, we could all go like, wow, the fates aligned. But it's like, that's why they ended up together. Yeah. Because of the circumstance, like your, your friends might've ended up together because they both went to Iceland at the same time.

So it's not that bizarre that like, and can you believe they ended up married? It's like, yes, because they, they went to Iceland at the same time and, and ran into each other. And they thought it was like like we are meant to be. I think they're ruining this story. You're off the rails, I don't even know them.

You're off the rails right now. They're just my friends who went to Iceland at the same time. I'm going rogue, baby. It's all those paint fumes. I want to ruin anything.

I think you ate them. Anything special. I just, like, I also, I realized, like, I always think of things of, like, thank God my parents met and had sex at the exact time and that my little sperm was, like, and, like, got an egg.

Like, these are all, like, that's still, like, my sperm out of all those billions of sperm. That's right. It was special. Let me tell you. Every single person on this planet is special because we won the sperm lottery. Yes. Right. But it doesn't mean we're special. Let me tell you. Every single person on this planet is special because we won the sperm lottery. Yes.

Right. But it doesn't mean we're special. We're lucky. You were touched by the finger of God, Nikki. Yes. Your little sperm. Boop. But you know what?

I don't know. Some people are special. But this is the other thing. So I'm trying to live in a world where it's like no one's special. People are lucky. But we're all kind of the same and then people want to constantly make other things make people go like um but and i feel like everyone wants to feel special but then we all have to accept this thing of like everyone's equal and i'm trying to get to a place of that of like but it we do get these like conflicting

messages of like you're special look in the mirror and just know that you were put on this earth for a purpose. But some people just don't do much or whatever. Does everyone have to be special? And is that okay? Is it okay? Well, can people be lucky? Is that the question?

Is that it? Yes. That is what it is. I think it's just luck. But people misconstrue luck with God loves me and I am therefore a better person. I did something better in a past life. This is karma because I was a good, how easy is it for you to convince yourself you were good in a past life?

What the, you have nothing to fucking do with that. It's true. Fuck yourself. If you think you were some saint in a past life and now you've been granted, who gives a shit? That was another person. It doesn't mean anything to me.

Like it doesn't mean literally anything to me, even if it's true, even if it's true. That'd be awesome. I would love for that to be true. Like everyone. there's no greater existence I mean there would be

no greater outcome than to be reincarnated and live over and over again that would be amazing I hope that's right so you hope that's what it is I hope so oh my god

please let that be true do you believe like humans turn into humans again or is it like could you be like an amoeba which is most things you know

yeah I mean that kind of would suck but if you go the thing is if you turn into an amoeba you're only an amoeba, which is most things, you know? Yeah, I mean, that kind of would suck. But the thing is, if you turn into an amoeba, you're only an amoeba for like, yeah. And then you get, if you're a good amoeba and you didn't kill anybody or whatever. And you're lucky. What if you're a lucky amoeba? That I don't understand.

I think that's a Hinduism. A lucky amoeba that is like on the eyelash of Taylor Swift. Right. Like a little single cell organism that gets to hang out on the eyelash of taylor swift like a little single cell organism that can hang out on her eyelash right how do you progress to the next state of being if you're an amoeba like who judges whether or not you are a moral upstanding amoeba this is why i got into a huge fight with carlisle the other day about jesus and us uh christians and ascending and like chris and i were trying to explain to Carlisle,

I don't know much. I'm kind of ignorant when it comes to religion and stuff. I just know that organized religion, just to me, it's a net negative for the world is what Chris is kind of trying to explain. Yes, these religions all do great things for people, but by and large, it's caused more pain. You could say we built this many homes in Honduras,

but if this many kids had to get molested like is that worth it like how much bad has this done a certain church versus how much good you know it's even if it's 50.00001 bad then it's not good because it's more bad there's no there's no organization responsible for more death than religion right exactly so when Carlisle was saying like I'm a Christian

and I'm sorry she's not here to defend herself and I love you Carlisle so much and I hope you got the last I hope you heard the last episode where I told you how much I loved you at the end

and how this conversation she'll get the last laugh when she's in heaven and you're in hell dude she will she said that when we first met she was like I told her I was godless

because I used to be and she was like, oh no, this is going to be a thing in our relationship. Like she was like, oh no. And I was like,

I would never, that would never be a thing for me in a relationship. I would never not be friends with someone because they, I might go, if you know,

if you vote a certain way or something, I just might go, you can do that but like, I don't think you're very smart and so I don't like hang out with people who aren't smart. Like do that, but I don't think you're very smart, and so I don't hang out with people who aren't smart. I might, but I wouldn't

ever deny someone. She grew up Christian. I'm never going to be like, that's stupid that you grew up Christian. Who cares? That's what you grew up. But to identify as a Christian now, I said, babe. What about it does she like? This is the thing. She said, no, I believe in God. And I go,

do you believe in Christ? And she's like, I believe he was a person. And I go, well, then we both agree in the same thing. I believe Jesus Christ was a person. And I also believe in a higher power. That doesn't make me a Christian. And so when you say you're a Christian, it really comes with, to me, as someone who might be ignorant

and might be too judgmental and might not be well-read, I hear Christian and I know there's great Christians, but I picture someone who thinks they're better than other people and who wants to convert everyone to thinking their way and who has brought

a lot of pain in this world by, you know, pro-life stuff. And like, I just condensate it with a bad thing. But that's the political stuff. Like there is the spiritual aspect, which I think could be helpful

because the stuff that I found in Judaism, which I don't like organized religion either but the spiritual stuff that i like there's a lot of overlapping with cognitive behavioral therapy stuff yeah i think there is nothing to do with god or anything like that but that's why i was trying to find out what was that besides i believe in god because every then you should be then you're buddhist then you're uh then you're i. Then you're, I guess, you guys don't believe.

Do you have a god? Jewish people? I believe in God. Yeah, thanks. You don't have a god? It's Yahweh? Who's the one that doesn't have a god? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There is.

Judaism is the soups, mostly. That brings me the most comfort. Well, that's the thing. She was like, I listen to you and EJ. Judaism has the best soups, I think, out of any religion. I can't believe that's even a question. It's not a Jewish soup. I'm not going to you and eating Judaism has the best soups I think out of any religion I can't believe

That's even a question I'm not gonna like it I'm not gonna say like it If it's not Jewish That's dad At a deli I don't know I'm not gonna

They have the best soup The Jews Yeah Name a religion That has a better soup You can't say Jews Jewish people Oh you can't

It's the new thing Like I just I think I heard Michael Rapaport Make a point no no no no you're learning i think and i'm as a non-jewish person i really did not i think non-jewish people have to be done with the word j-e-w-s it's not ours how do you guys feel what do you think it depends on the context like anything yeah but it just like it gives you

know what it does i understand the context and some people use it the correct way but it just like It gives You know what it does I understand the context And some people use it The correct way But it gives people Who are using it Like in a derogatory way The excuse to use it No We're not gonna give them

The word Louis C.K. has that great joke About Jews Where he says Jews is the only Derogatory term That is the same As the regular term

Exactly All you have to do Is say You could say Oh he's a Jew He's a Jew It's fine Or you could say He's a Jew And all it is is jew with a little stank that is why i think i don't like it

we can't let them win nikki we can't we have to keep the word as a positive thing yeah that's a good point but that's how it keeps it a positive thing is like you're not you're making it so they can't say it so only people that say it positively are saying it but then it's like a negative thing about jews because then we're like you know like censoring people or like telling them how to speak or whatever you know but um black people have a word that only they can say how about you guys get one you know like they took it like i mean off the rails today i'm off the rails? I'm just saying As a straight white man

I do I do feel bad That there's not enough words That I can only say And no other races And religions can So I do I would love that

There needs to be a word I think to just level The playing field There should be a word That only straight white males Can say The R word I don't know what that word is

The R word I know what you can't say is two words. I'm sorry. Those words you are not allowed to say as a straight white male. Ever.

Don't even try. Not that you would, but you're not. I'm just kidding. I'm just saying that straight white men don't apologize. I'm off the rails,

you guys. This is it. Razzle dazzle. This is razzle dazzle, Nikki. Razzle dazzle. You better keep up, bitch. Okay, we have to wrap and go to break.

So we'll be back with more after this. Razzle dazzle. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I just want to say that I was kidding

about the straight white male thing. I was, that was a jest. Of course you were. Some people might take that the wrong way and say Brian's a racist piece of shit.

I mean, I say stuff, I'm already worried about the thing, but I will say thatael rapaport said it's jewish people to people who aren't jewish no more jews from people who aren't jewish people okay and i liked that i was like yes because i feel like it gives people who are saying it the wrong way a license to when it's like well this progressive person said it. This person who I know is not an anti-Semite said it, so I can say it. But it's like, yeah, with you, it's just...

I know you're saying it anyway. If they hate Jews, they're going to say it anyway. They're going to say it directly. But then we'll be able to identify who hates you. Yeah, those are haters. That's maybe what I want. I want us all to agree like, hey, we're not going to do this anymore. So when people do, you're like, haha.

I know your true feelings, even though you mask it. I see. You don't have, you don't hear the actual derogatory for Jew very, very often these days. I know the one for, isn't it just like a female though?

That's the one I know. The K word. Yeah. Is that for, is that for a female? I always pictured that being a female. I don't know. That's just a Jew. I guess that Being a female I don't know That's just a No it's not

I guess We know how I don't even know What word that would be D-Y-K-E Oh that's great I have no idea D-Y-K-E

It rhymes with That derogatory word Yeah K-Y-K-E You've never heard that I don't know No Really

You don't hear it these days Good good That's great I don't know I don't know where I I don't even know what you're talking about Well, I know that there was a Derogatory term that I

Well, I just spelled it for you So say that in your head And that's the word Don't say it A-Y-K-E Just say the word in your head It's pronounced like Like bike

But with the other word Other letter I mean, I don't know how So that is supposed to be Oh, no, I got it Okay, but with the other word. Oh, other letter. I mean, I don't know how I'm supposed to say it. Oh, no, I got it. Okay. You've never heard that word. Okay.

I have heard that word, but I didn't, I never even thought it to be Jewish. Oh, really? What did you think it described? I have no idea. Honest to God, I don't know what, I've heard that word, but I don't know. Oh, interesting. Well, I know there was a word that you taught me that was derogatory that I didn't know what, I've heard that word, but I don't know. Oh, interesting. Well, I know there was a word that you taught me that was derogatory that I didn't know. And you didn't teach me in the way that you think.

You're getting nervous, but don't be nervous. It was after high school one day and Taylor used to call me Nick the, and then SP. Oh, no. And it rhymed. And she would just say that because it was just a thing that rhymed with Nick. Nick. Right. Nick the, and we would, she would always say it because it was just a thing that rhymed with nick nick right nick the and

we would she would always say it was my nickname and then one day she said it in front of you and you go what are you saying you do not say that word that is a horrible word like you gotta learn sometimes you just stumble upon yeah a racial slur and it feels real good in your mouth because it's clicky it has like a some glottal sounds that really feel like it's it's i mean that word is kind of like peppy yeah if you don't know what it means i remember when i learned the word like yeah when i learned the word fuck i was at my friend mike vero's house and uh his uncle was there and he was so wasted and. And we were just eating cake at the kitchen table. I don't know why they had cake.

Not important. But the uncle kept going, what the fuck's your problem? And just groaning. What the fuck's your problem? And then- How old were you? Six, seven. And was he saying it to you?

He was, I think we were laughing at him because he was groaning. He was going, eating the cake and going. And then we were laughing at him Because he was groaning He was going Eating the cake And going Oh fuck Poor guy And then we were laughing And he'd go What the fuck's your problem

That scars you And then Mike Burrow's mom Came in And said Larry Stop cursing Larry And he goes I didn't do shit

So I mean God you remember that so well That's Because yeah I mean yeah i learned fuck i knew shit already yeah it's traumatized by uncle what's his name well drunk uncle i heard we were on the way to spokane from la and on their flight there was a family of with young kids and then there were these two men yelling back and forth at each other like yeah let's fucking go we're gonna fucking do it this weekend just fucking fucking

rude and i was like what the hell and i was two seconds i was turning around to confront the guy because i was just i was ready because everyone i'm not afraid of these people it was a small plane and i was gonna say hey buddy these are their kids right literally right here yeah he was with the group that he was. It was his kids. I'm on his side. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I was kind of slightly annoyed by that.

He's on his side. I don't know. I mean, Brian, you were on this plane. How could you ever be on that family side? I was saying that I was annoyed by the whole family where you want. If this plane crashes, it'll be good. Net good for the world. Talk about a net good.

I was like, i would take this oh my god if these people would be eliminated because they're only they're obnoxious they're only then they have a huge family they're only making more obnoxious yes that's what i was feeling the whole time so you wanted i was like this plane i didn't want it to but i go it would make sense to me if god just goes nope we're we're going to lose a couple good ones. Net gain. These people don't believe in me anyway. No, that whole family kind of like owned the plane. It was weird. There was so many of them and they were

standing, walking up and down the aisles the whole time, always going like getting up from their seat to go talk to someone three rows in front of them. The worst people. I didn't get to see it happening. I could just hear it. It was one of those planes where I couldn't listen to a podcast because it was so loud. I just had to blast my airplane noise.

What is wrong with people? Chris was sitting next to one of them. There was two seats in a row and he was next to one of them. He was window. In Seattle, their special was taped at the Moore Theater. Across the street from the Moore Theater, you took a picture in front of it.

There is a cool, well, it's a K-O-H-U-L store. Oh, yeah. K-U-H-L. Kuh. K-U-H-L. Like an outdoor store. But it's not said Kuh.

I think it's like Kuh. It's cool. I think it's cool because it says underneath it, definition, German, cool, meaning cool. Wait, somebody posted that for your benefit? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a store. It's called K-U-H-L.

It's a store called Kuh. Oh my gosh. Right by the Moore Theater. And then around the corner from the Moore Theater is a printing place called Swifty Printing. Swifty Printing. Whoa. Wait a minute. That is not way to Seattle.

Which is not a sign of anything else. It's not coincident. And then Nikki's friend from Iceland showed up. Yeah. Well, I will say in the morning, I was going to go take a picture at the marquee with all my friends the next morning after. We got Starbucks

and then they were leaving for the airport. So I go, let's go get a quick picture. And so we were walking up there and then I saw there was a Seahawks game happening and there was a father and a son and then the son's friend, I'm guessing, was the dynamic there. And they were walking next to us

and the son was like, oh, Nikki Glaser. Oh yeah, she's got a lot of Netflix specials. She's really funny. And I instantly was like, it's me. It's me. And I lifted up my sunglasses because I just thought one of them might be like, I don't like her. Oh, she's kind of-

You're saving them. She's ugly or something. I just was- You're scared of them. Even though they never would have said that, they were so nice. Nobody said that. But I instantly was like, I'm here.

Stop talking. I can't. I wanted to just end on good. And they were so excited. And they were like, well, and we were like, can you take our picture? And they were like, well, can just end on good and they were so excited and they're like well and we're like can we you take our picture and they're like well can you take our picture they were so excited and i'll say this another special thing in spokane i got to see this couple it was a daughter and mother and i met them probably eight years ago seven or eight years ago when i was working in spokane at a comedy club and i found

out that um ten things i hate about you had been shot there okay and there's a really famous high school like scene where the marching band and like heath ledger sings i love you baby and he like walks up and down the bleachers and it's like this big moment in the movie and i knew that the school it's a really cool looking like track and field area I knew that school was there it's very iconic and so I went and ran over to it when I was in Spokane years ago and while I was there there was these other girls that were there that clearly are there to see it too like but we were at this weird place that no it's not like a lot of people go there but I was like are you here for 10 things I hate about you and they were like yes and I was like oh my god and so I was like I'm actually performing this weekend they were like oh my god

yes we'd love to come to a show so they came to a show that weekend and then they've come to two subsequent shows and I got to see them in Spokane the other night and the little daughter was like I loved your suicide stuff and I was like oh thank you and she was like I actually tried to kill myself last year and her mom's like yeah she tried to kill herself and I was like oh my god I go no and she was like I didn't work. And she was like, it didn't work though. And I was like, please don't do it again. Please. I was holding her face like, no, don't you ever do that to me again. And, but they were just, they were just like, so, oh, she goes, it was actually the suicide-aversary was two days ago. It was like our two year su-aversary.

They called it, they had some like name for it because they were like, we have to make fun of it. It was so great. Cause I was like, yeah, you got to laugh about it. That's why they liked my stuff about it because they were like, we have to make fun of it. It was so great because I was like, yeah, you gotta laugh about it. That's why they liked my stuff about it because they were like, it's so sad otherwise. You gotta joke about it. And so I just loved

the lightness in which she was like, yeah, I tried to kill myself. It was nice in a way. And the mother was in tune with it too. The mother was like team suicide. They were like, rah, rah, sis, boom, bah, she's alive. Isn't it crazy? She tried to do it. Yeah, they were like, rah, rah, sis, boom, bah, she's alive. Like, isn't it crazy? She tried to do it.

Yeah, they were, like, totally cool about it and best friends and had such a good time on my show. It was so sweet. So shout out to them. I forget your names, but I love you and I promise you tickets to my shows forever and ever. We'll be back with more show after this. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Final thought. Mom, thanks for stopping by. Last night, we went to dinner.

It was so fun. Yeah, it really was. Yeah. Even though we had to wait for dinner. I know that was... It's the Glazer way. Yeah. Did we get to eat? It ended up being good. Yeah, it really was. Yeah. Even though we had to wait for dinner. I know that was. It's the Glazer way. Yeah. Did we eat dinner?

It ended up being good. Yeah, dad liked the dinner. I mean, there were a couple comments made. It was so good. Barcelona and St. Louis. Yeah. We did not get a deal, so I'm not being paid.

Yeah, you really did not. We thought you were going to get something out of that. Yeah, because. You got a Diet Coke. We know the chef there. No, we know the owner. The owner. And he came to our table and sat down.

I've known him for 15 years. And they're like, well, you're going to get a discount. And I was like, I don't need one. But like, okay. And they're like, don't worry. He's going to take care of you. And there was no taking care of. But I don't care because I didn't tend for that.

And I like paying full price for things. But it was one of the best meals I've had in so long. Awesome. Right? Yeah, I loved it. I was hoping you loved it as much. Even though dad was like, these clams, why would you serve these clams? Without bread.

Without bread. What can we do? This is my dad asking for bread. Okay. The guy comes over. Give him a break. Can we get some bread? Oh, yeah. I'll have some bread

I mean this dish like you wouldn't serve bread with this dish oh yeah I don't like it does usually so this

I mean I did order bread I think I ordered it like 20 minutes ago you need your dad to do a food show on the food network because he's like a curmudgeon they don't have that angle

he's kind of that's a really good point my mom should do a hotel show where it's Look at this And we should go to the restaurant And then my dad Can just go like

I don't know I'm just I'm not gonna Be excited about it When it's burnt Why should I? Yeah Two sprigs of lettuce

On this thing I just I don't know God You think they could Give any more lettuce? Or whatever Or whatever dude I whatever, dude.

I feel bad talking about him. We love you, EJ. No, there's a paywall behind this episode. He'll never hear it. Just kidding. There's not. He's going to hear it.

We do love you. He'll definitely listen because he was kind of in a bad mood today. But I'm totally the same as my dad. I find myself turning into him

when I go like, well, that's what I wanted initially. Like muttering things under my breath a little bit like I'm being a brat. Being a widow baby. Well, I don't see it happening. Oh, I can be such a widow. I see you correct your dad when he's being a baby

though. You catch him. I don't let you two get away with much. It must be exhausting to be around me because I don't let either of get away with much. It must be exhausting to be around me because I don't let either of you get away with your behaviors. Do you ever try to give marriage counseling to your parents, Brian? Oh, well, my parents are divorced. Okay.

So I guess you tried, but you failed. You didn't do a good job, obviously. No, but I do point out my dad's behaviors to him all the time which I'm sure but his current partner Vicky also does it

so I think it's pretty much relentless for him yeah it's it sucks to be told the truth but I will I constantly quote this moment

because I've been talking in therapy about how I can be a bitch and like a know-it-all and things like that and in couples therapy because listen I can be I hey and like a know-it-all and things like that and in couples therapy because listen I can't be I hey I went off the rails today on this podcast not really I got a little bit of a Kia a know-it-all that's what I call myself when I'm being like that I'm a

Kia right now but um I was thinking about how well that's nice of you but um one time we were all hanging by the pool and I think we were talking about we were arguing about free will actually with lauren and you and me and you were like i'm out of this conversation i'm done and my sister was like i just it's not real and i'm like she's like i don't believe it i do have control over my thoughts and i was like but you don't it's an illusion so i'm but i don't know how to argue it properly i are yeah it's a hard one to it's it's almost impossible but i just get it and I get so mad when other people don't or whatever. And I think I'm superior because I get this thing that people don't and I start getting an ego about it. But Lauren just goes, you are such a bitch.

Sometimes you act like you just fucking know everything. You're so much better than anyone else because you're smart and you have it all figured out. And you're really condescending. And you just sometimes have, and she said sometimes, which is a crucial thing. It doesn't mean I'm all the time. I think when people start going like, you always,

I remember not being offended at all. I actually was like, I respect you so much more that you see through my bullshit, that you see I don't have it all figured out, that you know that I'm just like insecure and being like a little like, that I am being,

like I liked it a lot. And it really opened my eyes to like I trust her judgment of people so much, even though she, you know, we hated each other as kids and said awful things to each other. And I really didn't take any of that to heart. But in that moment, I was like, my sister's a more intelligent person right now than me. And she's kind of like telling me like it is. And I also learned Lauren is much more intelligent than me when we did a trivia game on Thanksgiving. You were worried about that.

I was disturbed because we got done with it and it was a trivia game I had played with Audion. She's a teacher, first of all. I know, but she's a teacher of Spanish stuff. I know, but she's still academic. She's academic. But she's a teacher of Spanish stuff. I know, but she's still... It's not like she should know.

She's academic. Yeah, she's an academic. I would like to be an academic, too. I want to be things that I'm not, and I realize I'm not an academic, and I'm scared to go on Celebrity Jeopardy. I don't know if that's going to be a good thing for me. It's going to be fine.

It might be extremely embarrassing. Is that coming up? I was supposed to do it this season, but I was busy with FBoy and then the special, and I just couldn't imagine preparing for it. Everyone prepares for Jeopardy. There are lists of questions. That's the scary thing. What if I don't prepare in the right way?

No, you just prepare and you get the answer in your head. How many gods does Judaism have? And I go, zero. I really remember that some religion didn't have a god. Like, it's not a god. It's like an idea. Is there any religion like that? No.

No. What don't you guys have that everyone else has? There's something that the Judaism religion is lacking. That's it. That's us thinking because that's my god. That's your idol. Yeah. The foreskin is my Lord and Savior.

Can you tell the story about when you were at the store and Chris or somebody, or you're at the hotel and Chris or someone heard people over? Oh. This is a great story. You know what I'm talking about? Wait, the one from the elevator? Where you heard people, well, there's that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You heard people talking about trying to get into the store?

Yes. where you heard people, well, there's that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You heard people talking about trying to get into the store. Yes, okay. So Chris was downstairs trying to get a package for me or something. He's at the front desk and I'm upstairs feverishly writing on my laptop trying to figure out what to do for my set set. I had six sets. And so I'm just like final hours figuring it out.

And then he comes up and he's like, the funniest thing just happened. He was like, and he's kind of like on his phone like, so, and I'm like, this is something I have to do. Like, there's something I'm going to have. I'm involved in this in some way. It's not just a good story.

Like, I know he's kind of pitching to me. Like, I know this is annoying, but it's kind of cool. He's like, I'm down at the front desk and I overheard these, the woman talking to these kids and she goes, well, who are you wanting to see? And they were like, Nikki Glaser, Andrew Santino. Like, that's the show. And she's in my hotel is next to the, the,

the event, the comedy store and so it was like, that was part of maybe a package they bought with them or they're like, they're just trying to get tickets

through the hotel and my boyfriend goes, who do you want to see? And they're like, Andrew Santino, Nikki Glaser and he goes, I think I can make this happen for you.

How many of there are you? Let me get your number and they're like, who are you? And he's just like, let me just see what i could do he's like not telling them and so he comes upstairs and he's like i told these boys i got their one of their numbers is there any way they can get into this this show at this time and i was like yeah and so i wrote emily from the store and she was like immediately was like yes they're in got their names and he was like okay i'm gonna tell them and i was like let me just send them a video and i'm like hey boys it's nikki you're coming to the show tonight i heard

you ran into someone in the lobby like you know i was just like and um and they thought it was a deep fake oh my god and i was like i would pick a much prettier picture of my face to do a deep fake on than me the way i looked when i shot that thing and um they wrote back and they were like all these young but they were like 19 years old. They were in 20, 22, maybe college age. They drove down from Stanford and were their favorite comedians. They did say, you're my favorite comedian. Female. And I was like, I'll take it.

That's cool. Yeah, I won the best act. It's like winning the Oscars for best actress. Stanford boys. I saw them at the show and that was a good set, unlike the one that I had in front of Amanda Knox I mean

Kloots wait no no not Amanda Knox Amanda Kloots she's from the talk I thought her name was Kloots

but it was because I was confusing the Knox and the Kloots but yeah then the other story was okay we were in the elevator at the hotel

and on our way out we were flying to Spokane early morning. And the night before I had done Greg Fitzsimmons, I'm already laughing. I had done Greg Fitzsimmons' charity show. It was this charity called Best Buds, Best Buddies. And it's like to get people with mental handicaps work in the community and give them support. So anyway, I was holding this tote that said Best Buddies, and Chris is just making morning talk, and he's like,

what was that charity again? We're in the elevator bank waiting for the elevator on our floor. He's like, what's that charity again? I was like, oh, I literally have no idea. It's Greg Fitzsimmons' friends. I don't know. They put together the baskets that they gave us because the money from the show. Whatever. And I'm just kind of delirious. And then this guy walks up to get an elevator too and he goes wait what charity is that and i go oh

it's just my friend's charity i have no time for this guy i don't i already don't have time for chris's question because i had no information for him about this charity i've since looked into it to have an answer and this guy goes what charity and i go i literally don't know it's just a friend's charity and that's just a tote bag from it and he goes oh okay because that's crazy i just donated to a charity this morning that's crazy i couldn't process what was happening it was as if this man had never had just found out about charities oh my god i just maybe it was yesterday he said i just oh my god that's so crazy i just donated to a charity yesterday and it was like the way just, maybe it was yesterday. He said, I just, oh my God, that's so crazy. I just donated to a charity yesterday. And it was like the way a guy would pick up

like a middle school girl. That's like, you give to charities? Like, we might not know what that, that might sound like you're rich or something. Is that a person? He didn't say how much. He wasn't like, I donated, like there was nothing. It wasn't like, oh, a similar charity.

It was just charities. Oh, what a coincidence. What a huge coincidence. He just wanted to brag about going to donate. And it wasn't like he was trying to pick me up and be like, even that would be so embarrassing. Because Chris was right there too, so he was just bragging to a couple about how he had donated.

He's a giver. Oh my God, that's crazy. I just donated to a charity. I'm just like, it was as if saying, I just breathed in air too. That's so crazy. I carry things in bags all the time. Oh my God, wait a second. I'm just like, it was as if saying like, I just breathed in air too. That's so crazy. I carry things in bags all the time. Oh my God. Wait a second. You're going to this elevator bank too?

That's, it was even worse than that. It was just the dumbest thing to be like, wait, what'd you go? Oh my God. What's that? Oh my God.

Now he's a good person. Yeah. He's a good person. There was a theory at dinner that he wanted you to ask him about the charity because it might have been some huge... If that's the case, no one involved with something huge would be that stupid. You know what I mean? That's my problem. Whatever this guy is involved in, he is the biggest idiot I've ever... I would have given anything to follow him throughout his day.

I would probably pay an obscene amount of money that would change people's lives to just know what that guy was up to the rest like a little camera on him and the things he would say because then we got into the car and chris and i just can't stop talking about him like what is that who says this why didn't we follow up why didn't we ask more questions like we were both just stunned we both looked at each other in the elevator like i never i'm very if you know anything about me it's that if i see something weird if there's like a little person or someone like disfigured or something and like people you normally would be like oh my god did you see that i will not i will wait until we're miles from the person to say anything because i don't want to ever make anyone feel bad or like but man we got in this elevator and i immediately looked like chris like

what the fuck was like we have to have a moment about this immediately because this man just said, oh my God, I just don't. Like, speaking of charities, what are you talking about? Here would be the funniest thing. If you would have said, you are so amazing. I would love to just follow you around with a camera. I mean, this is what this guy wants. This is unbelievable.

Honestly, this guy would be amazing. Amazing reality show. And so then we get in the car. I mean, this is what this guy wants. I mean, this is unbelievable. Honestly, this guy would be amazing. Amazing reality show. And so then we get in the car and I go, all I know is that his initials were AZ because that's what his loafers said.

Okay. His like velvet loafers had this A on one and Z on the other. And Chris goes, oh, you sweet thing. Those were the,

that's the hotel we're staying at. Those like the initials. And it's not exactly the hotels of the initial. It's like the first and last letter of one word. So it's not exactly the hotels of the initial it's like the first and last letter of one word so it's not and he stole the slippers and i did think maybe that's just the hotel slippers but i go there's no one that would ever wear those out and about through their day except this man oh my god who are you sir if you're listening if anyone knows what this a man

that is recently bragging about donating to charities and is wearing loafers that say AZ, and he's probably in his like 40s, I'm guessing early 40s with curly hair. I don't, if I could tell a sketch artist, it would end up, he would look like an old member of 98 Degrees, but thinner. Oh. Like he looks like he's in a boy band. But you know he's got a fascinating life going on just the things he says to people all day i just can't even imagine what that would

be like to overhear i want to be next to him on a plane so bad but i don't want to be in the conversation i just want to eaves yeah no that's why i did not continue it in the elevator because i wanted to be away from it but i want to just observe. Speaking of Eves. Speaking of Eves, oh great. Transitione. I am going to be New Year's Eve in Denver at the Paramount Theater. And I will also be there New Year's Eve Eve. So if you have New Year's Eve plans already, that's not an excuse

enough not to come see me. It's not a drunken night. It's not a night that's going to make you too tired for the next night. It's just one show each night. We'll get you out of there before your bedtime. We'll have a great time. We'll laugh. It'll be so much fun.

It's the end of the year. Let go. Maybe give it as a nice gift. What a great gift idea if you're struggling to come up with something for your friend. Maybe plan a trip around it.

I don't know. It's coming up December 30th and 31st at the Paramount Theater in Denver. That's the show, Mom. Thank you for being here. Thanks for having me.

This was so fun. So fun. Don't be cut and just go off the rails sometimes. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.