The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #405 Cruisin' For A Bruisin', Nature vs Nurture & What Happened To Guitar Hero?

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

Julie joins Nikki in the studio, and guess what? Brian made it out of Death Valley alive but barely. Nikki wants her pain to be physical. After eating it while skiing, she can't even get a proper bruise. Brian realizes that Nikki never exaggerates. Nikki's new take on adoption leads to a conversation about nature vs. nurture. Brian tells a story of his friend who really rescued a dog. Julie loves the Christmas gift Nikki got her and is shocked when Nikki tells her the real story of how she got it. Nikki and Julie have a competitive edge in common. In the Final Thought, Nikki wonders why Guitar Hero went out of style. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.

Thank you for joining us. I am here in my podcast studio. I was going to say guest room, but it's really just a podcast studio at this point. It literally serves no other purpose. There's no bed in here for a guest room. No, there is no guest bed. Let's just set the scene. There's a guest chair.

There is a guest chair. We're redesigning this, by the way. My mom's here, everyone. Hello, mom. Hi, Nikki. And Brian Frangie's back with us, too, from Death Valley. I survived. You made it back. Yes. He's back. I was horrible.

It was. Well, I had a horrible time. I mean, I had a good time and a bad time, but on New Year's Eve, Allie, who is kind of witchy, we did a witch spell to try to For the death of 2023 And all the negative energy

And we did this spell And then the next day I got food poisoning And I puked all day Which I viewed As like a purging How much weight did you lose? I know you'd be very jealous

Because I Did you look at your stomach afterwards And was it like It was amazing I was like Olivia Rodrigo I came out of there Like you're a vampire No but it was crazy

Because I was like I feel like this is a purging Of negative energy That's coming out of me right now Oh whoa Like the witch spell is working The spell took Wait

What did you eat Or the Chipotle took What was it It was either the spell Or that barbecue Jimmy's restaurant That I had in Yeah

A rear town in Nevada See again This is not special It is Oh come on It's the new year Sorry to ruin But just for fun

I ruined all the magic But just for fun Yeah let all the magic But just for fun Yeah let's just for fun Say you had diarrhea And you were puking For a whole day Because of fun Yeah it was for

It was a new day Because of magic It was magic That makes sense Okay well Have you felt good since then Did you wake up New year's day

Like feeling refreshed And good No no I feel the same after it But I I mean no, I felt worse because you know after you get food poisoning, you feel sick for a couple more days.

But man, I really hope it was the negative energy because it would have been cool. Maybe stop eating meat. I don't think people ever get food poisoning from not eating animals. I've heard, no. I guess lettuce. Romaine lettuce. People get sick

from lettuce. From the lean cuisine. Yeah. A lean cuisine? That's what you got it from? Not me, but a former co-worker of mine. She got so sick

from like a pasta lean cuisine. Oh my God. And that was probably just because it's the lean cuisine and not because it was bad. I've never gotten food poisoning. Oyster. Me.

Yeah. Oh, oyster. Yeah, I knew it as soon as I ate bad. I've never gotten food poisoning. Oyster. Me. Yeah. Oh, oyster. Yeah, I knew it as soon as I ate it. I went, that was a bad oyster. I start getting sick more often. This isn't fair. No, I've only thrown up like five times in my entire life.

What, really? Entire life. Why? I just don't throw up. So you'll just be nauseous and you'll like, you just don't want to throw up. No, I just can't. You can't. No, there just can't. You can't. No, there's no way I can do it.

But does it gross you out or something? And then how have you done it five times? Because it was, I couldn't stop it. Oh, but otherwise, so you can do it. No, I can't do it. But you did it five times. Well, I didn't do it. Something else did it.

I know you've been wildly hung over too. That's when throw up comes up for most people. Yeah, it doesn't. Nothing happens like that. Do you, so you just stop? Do you, does your body feel like it wants to throw up? No, it doesn't. Like, is it frustrating?

Like, is it like being constipated, but the other way? No, I get it the other way. Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah. You get. Throwing up feels so amazing. Ugh.

What? Once you do it. Painful. Before you do it. Before you do it. before you do it, before you do it, you feel so shitty and queasy and then getting it out is such a relief.

It feels so good. That's what I feel about diarrhea. The other day I got diarrhea a little bit and I told Anya, we were texting about it, and she was like, oh, she goes, I'm sorry, babe. And she goes, oh, wait, no, you love diarrhea. And I was like, I really do. Because it feels like a cleansing. You're getting the thing out that's making you feel sick. And I said to her,

I want to be clear to you. I get diarrhea sometimes. I get it for 20 minutes and it's not I'm sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes and can't get up. I have it for two seconds, like less than 10 seconds. I wipe, I go about my day

and I go, oh, still not done. And I go sit back down. I'm not just like, it's not even a problem. It feels good. who have diarrhea that are like it's awful i don't i want something i want to just get a little physically sick and i know this is sounds um i don't know it doesn't sound nice because i'm belittling people's pain by being like i want that but i just everyone in my life gets sick all the time. I never get sick. I never get any sympathy. I fell skiing so hard.

Oh. Really, like, just on a sheet of ice. Like, it looked cool, the fall itself. It didn't look like I didn't know what I was doing. I just felt kind of, like, I was trying to go, you know, and slow down, but I hit a patch of ice. So, it just kept going, and then my body kept going towards the, like, I just fell kind of into the hill oh but i did do it yeah on the side i did do it right below a chairlift so that's the most embarrassing oh it sucks and it's right where they're all boarding so even the people in the line could see me it was it was at the bottom of a chairlift so embarrassing um but

it felt i felt i was like oh i'm gonna have such a good bruise because it was janked up man it was radiating i couldn't even ski after it. It was hurting so bad. Usually you fall and you're like, oh, a little sore. It was like, this is a bone bruise. Nothing. I got no bruise. I was so excited. I told Chris and Curran when I got back. I was like, you

guys are going to be amazed at what this turns into. I waited two hours. I go to the bathroom to check it. Nothing. Waited three hours. Nothing. It's been three days. It's still bruised. Chris, can you hit me? It still hurts. I need a bruise.

It wouldn't even, nothing shows. I want my pain showing. Yeah. Well, no, that's the, well, you know, from a person who has pain that doesn't show at all,

it's good to have it showing. You want, so when you're requesting the pain, you want visible pain so you can have the empathy from other people. Exactly. That's what you want.

Are you still sore? Yeah. I'm touching on it right now and it's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Sore and nothing to show for it. No bruise. You should just start limping.

I thought it was going to be black because it was so- I bet you have a bruise there but you don't see it. It's very, very light. And Curran and Chris were laughing because I was saying, wait till you see this thing.

It's going to be crazy because I don't exaggerate. I bruise all the time on my legs. Right. And I don't even know what causes it. I don't think you've ever exaggerated. I'm trying to think. I don't think I've ever heard you exaggerate one time. Unlike a glazer. I have exaggerated at least a thousand times in the past minute.

No, I don't know that... You don't do that. Well, dad exaggerates 30% in either direction. So it's either... You can just always... If it's a good story and he's saying, and we got there, there were like 60 people in line.

You can guess it was probably 40 people in line. Or whatever. You could always do By 30% either way But yeah I guess No I definitely Catch myself Exaggerating

Is the American way 30% below Is the British way Oh well Oh Really That's right Oh

That's right That's what I said I didn't know that No well it's like The difference between American humor And British humor American humor goes

You walk into a room It smells You go This place stinks like shit And if it's like the difference between American humor and British humor. American humor goes, you walk into a room, it smells. You go, this place stinks like shit. And if you go into a room and it smells in Britain, you go, well, this doesn't smell very good, does it? And that's the same joke. What about Jimmy Carr? Jimmy Carr would go, I went into a room and it smelled. And something about Hitler. It smelled like the Holocaust.

And I thought, oh, pleasant. And then he would change it and be like, I like It smelled like the Holocaust. And I thought, oh, pleasant. And then he would change it and be like, I like the smell of the Holocaust. Yeah, exactly. He writes offensive jokes. Yeah. Right. They're going to get them canceled someday.

I will say that I just, I felt really bad today because I went in to go get my retainer. That, by the way, after I finished Invisalign, they gave me two retainers that I thought would last at least a lifetime.

Yeah. They're retainers. Wait, do they not last? They're not Viviscoff ones. I just learned that. Oh, what are they? That's not the brand. I don't know.

They gave me some off-brand. So I walk in. So both of the retainers have broken. Like, I take them out and they've ripped. That's after wearing them overnight? Yeah, wearing them overnight. Like, you know, for have broken. Like I take them out and they've, they've ripped. That's actually wearing them overnight. Yeah.

Wearing them overnight. Like, you know, for like, I think I wore them like three weeks each and they both have ripped. And yes, I don't take them off from the back like you're supposed to, but the Chris has a retainer that is thick,

like a tabletop, like it's gigantic. And mine's like a thin little thing. So I go, I ordered some new ones. I went to go pick them up. They're $400 per pair. Oh, pair oh and and which is i go so am i gonna have to pay 400 the rest of my life every two months because these things break and they go um i don't know you could do our retainer for life

program and i said what's that she starts digging through a filing cabinet you pay a thousand dollars one time and every time you need a new retainer, it's $70. Oh, for God's sake. And I go, oh, so they know these are crap. And she goes, or I go,

they know these are shit. And I said it kind of like as loud as that. Good. And there were kids in the waiting room and I go, I mean crap, which is, I think crap is even a bad word to kids.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not great. It's not a good word. Poop. Yeah. Oh, today Arlo called good word. Poop. Yeah. Today, Arlo called me saying idiot and he was like, Nikki said idiot.

And I said, I didn't say it about my sister. I said it about football. Can we stop with that? Can we stop teaching kids to be narcs? I mean, about words. Or why don't we just say words around kids because they're going to learn them anyway.

It doesn't like, everyone just takes so much offense that their kid is going to be a foul mouth person. So what if your kid, you can blame it on tv or the internet like it it's not like we're all learning how to cuss from our parents anymore like just who cares just cuss just let them cuss they're gonna learn it eventually nothing a kid who's like i want a fucking lollipop that's hilarious then they'll learn at school not to do it. Yeah, you can't cuss as an adult everywhere. You get in trouble for cussing as an adult.

People think you're crazy. They definitely did today. And so I go, oh, so they know these are shit. And I was just being, I wasn't trying to call out this woman. She has nothing to do with it, the receptionist. But be with me on this. You just pulled a paper out that has a retainer for life program

because that you have to pay $1,000. The retainer should be for at least- Six months. If they're $400 a piece, unless you do retainer for life program. You only got two months out of yours. Yeah, and now I have to pay $1,000, and then I'll have to pay $70 each time. So you wanted the lady to be like yeah you're right they are shit it's a scam yeah this is a scam like but she can't say that she can't do that so then i guess someone heard the

commotion and the orthodontist came out i've never met my orthodontist husband he's a striking man oh he's a gorgeous man comes out from the back and it's like what's the problem here and i'm like who is this model that's coming out to talk to me and then i calm down because i'm like okay not because he was like hot or anything but because he just it just seemed to be like i was causing a commotion and i felt bad that i said shit i did say it loud and it was crowded and i did feel bad i don't want to be that type of person i don't like i'll cuss in front of lauren and matt's kids you just went in there with a rant. I went in there a little hot.

Yeah, you went in hot. I went in hot. I was running late for the podcast. I was annoyed that it was, because I had already paid half the bill, but I didn't remember what half, what the amount was. And then when they gave me the other half and I'm like $212,

so $450 or $425 every, and I go, so I have to pay $425 every two months for the rest of my life. I've already said that. And they go, no, you can do this program. Oh, so why don't they just make them stronger? I said, my boyfriend's retainer is so thick. Why can't I get one like that? I said, I think I'm probably going to go elsewhere.

Yeah, because I can. Because all it's doing is keeping my teeth in the place that they are now. My teeth are different because I've done Invisalign. You can get Invisalign retainers that are thicker and they'll last longer. Wait, why don't you just get one of those retainers for grinding teeth? Once you set those in, your teeth are already set in the right position. Well, I'm not doing this again. But anyway, the striking orthodontist

who was married to my... Did he strike you for being a bitch? I was like, if he did, it wouldn't show up. God, I got nothing to show for it.

But I was just like, suddenly like, sorry. Okay, so what's the other option? And he was very understanding. You could just tell he was the guy

that comes out and talks to crazy ladies. And I didn't like the guy coming out to talk to crazy. And listen, they were so in the right. I know they and talks to crazy ladies. I didn't like the guy coming out to talk to crazy. Listen, they were so in the right. I know they're going to hear this. Someone's going to send this to them. You guys, you were right. We all know that guy is striking.

I'm not saying anything indecent. Even Chris talks about it. Chris went to high school, I think, with this guy. On the way out, he goes, oh, say hi to Chris for me. I was like, huh? He goes, I'm AJ. I'm like oh you're my gene jenna's um husband and jenna's a looker too i mean these two are just gorgeous i've seen her on because i remember when i when jenna i started going to jenna chris was like oh she's

married to aj from school and he goes i bet she's so hot and i go she is he goes because aj is hot hot people find each other. A 10 doesn't end up with not a 10. Unless it's a 10 woman. Oh, I've seen it happen. She can end up with a guy that has 10 zeros behind his yearly salary.

But that's the only 10s that those 10s hang out with. Have you ever seen a mismatched hot couple that is the woman is the uglier one. I'm just trying to think of people I know but of course I have

seen that. When. I don't know when. No you don't know when because it doesn't happen. It doesn't. No.

Women are always the more attractive. What about like Danny DeVito. Rhea Perlman. They're equals. They're both fours. Okay, got that.

What are you saying? And I say this with no judgment, by the way. Tens are always a ten or everyone's always equal. Don't get mad at me for saying Rhea Perlman's a four. Are you saying everyone's always equal with who they are? No, you're either equal. This is what I said in my last, I said it in one special I did. You're either equal or the woman is hotter.

Yeah. The best a woman can do is equal to her or the worst of what man will do is equal to him or you're in the closet be different or you're in the closet or something like that yes yes a man can be in the closet or have low self-esteem or have an ugly mother that he wants maybe he wants to recreate his childhood a little bit sometimes nothing worse than an ugly mother but it it's, but, poor people. No, no.

Just kidding. There's no chance, maybe one out of every hundred men with an ugly woman. Being dropped off to school with an ugly mother. Oh God. Oh, people have it all the time. Oh my,

just get away from it. No, having an ugly mother would hurt your feelings to be, because men always say, whether they do it or not, they always say they look at the mother to see what you're going to turn out like. Oh, yeah.

That's what your dad said once, and I was like, that is really cute. Does that happen? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Do you do actually wind up turning into your mother

like you look like them exactly? I think so, or it just shows kind of what your genetics are going to look like long term, and I think that that's important to people. Oh, can I share my new theory that I'm obsessed with? Sure. Okay.

This is so exciting. I think it's groundbreaking. I think it's really important. Okay. I was thinking about adoption and how people don't want to do it quite often because they want their kid to look like them. And you can give me any excuse you want for why you're not doing adoption and why you want to have your own kid. But you're having your own kid because you want something that's you and you want your them. And you can give me any excuse you want for why you're not doing adoption and why you want to have your own kid,

but you're having your own kid because you want something that's you and you want your genetics. And that's okay. That's nothing wrong with that. Don't make other excuses though. That's why you do it. Otherwise you would adopt.

It's the better thing to do. There are people without homes. You're doing it because you're a little bit of a narcissist, but we all are. It doesn't matter. We all have mirrors everywhere we go. We all are. It's no problem.

What I would say is a good thing about adoption because now I'm thinking about my only option is adoption. And that is a rhyme. I think it was Coolio that said that in Gangster's Paradise. I think it was one of the lyrics. Because my only adoption option is adoption. I think I am starting to just try to think about what are the good things about it. And I came up with a great one.

So I think a lot of the problem with people in general is that they grow up and people that have insecurity issues, people that have low self-esteem, people that have I'm not good enoughness, perfectionism, procrastination, all these things. It's the root of it can be caused from their parents putting a lot of pressure on them to be perfect, to be to be better. And that the parent sees them as an extension of them. Therefore, if my child is failing in school, I am a failure somehow. If my child doesn't look a certain way, I'm failing. If my child is fat, if my child is ugly, it's somehow an extension of me there's something wrong with me now if you adopt if your child is dumb and ugly you can just blame it on where the parents that have it therefore you can yeah you can protect yourself now this isn't a conscious thing it's a subconscious thing i think that if

my kid were adopted and he was bad in school or like some kind of thing that made me feel insecure about how i rate my genetics i wouldn't care as much i just accept him for what he is and try to work with what we have as opposed to taking it as some like wound on my family tree and my heritage and my lineage and so it would be i would have a better response because when my friends are dumb and ugly i don't go like and i'm saying this as a joke to be honest with you dumb and ugly as you would never i don't care if somebody friend no no i do have dumb and ugly friends but it doesn't mean that i don't think that i think worse of them or something but yes sometimes i can be dumb and ugly like I thought that there was no God in Judaism I thought they just had no God

I missed some things I thought that Mexico was South America Until last week I did not know that Mexico was North America I just thought everything It's Central It's Central America I think it's a part of North America

Central America You might be right If you're just talking about continents Then there's only North and South America Oh, okay. Central America. Central America. You might be right. If you're just talking about continents, then there's only North and South America. I just want to say I can be dumb too. Right, exactly. Okay.

I got to check that out. And I say exactly like I just didn't find that out from Brian. So when someone says a fact, you can say exactly. And you aren't lying. You sound like you knew it already, but you could just be saying, yeah, exactly. So it's a safe thing to say after someone says something smart and you're not technically lying but people do infer that you might have known it before but i think that you know if someone i don't is i'm not related to is ignorant or acting a fool or embarrassing and crying i don't like take it as me. You know, I don't take, I can help them in a way

that isn't like, I'm taking it personally. And I think that if I had kids that were acting a fool, I wouldn't be as like, I wouldn't be as attached to it. So if you adopt a kid and it's having a temper tantrum

at a grocery store and you won't feel embarrassed, you'll be like, well, don't blame me. Blame it's natural. Crackhead mom. Yes, exactly. I would say this, and I know

that that's not right, maybe, because you should take responsibility, but if you've read any studies about kids growing up, you kind of turn out the way you are because of your genetics. There's really little that nurture can do. It's mostly nature. They've taken twins and raised them accidentally. We're raised in

two different environments. They turned out the same uh barring intense neglect or abuse a child's going to kind of turn out the same no matter if they have amazing parents or kind of mediocre ones and that has been studied and um i would say peer-reviewed like that is the way it is and it's a bummer for people who want to adopt because you think that you can have this great impact on a kid's life. Yes, taking them out of a home with crack addicted parents is probably going to be very beneficial for them, but they're not going to turn out better than if you were a different Well, you can give them an opportunity because they have the same skills and the same whatever, but if they don't have the opportunity to go to school or whatever, then they're not

going to become successful in society. That's right. People don't... You can kind of carve that child a little bit. But not really. I'll send you the research. Yeah, beat them up. That can change them, but not

beating them up all the way up to being the best parent in the world is really negligible. So the only thing you can do is make them worse. Yeah, honestly. It's kind of a disappointment, but it's kind of freeing. If you want to be a parent and love something, but know that you aren't responsible for how

this kid turns out, you might be a little bit, have a better life. Okay, that's my theory. We'll be right back after this. You don't have to think about that. John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back. You've had seconds to think about my theory. You've had seconds to think about my theory. You've had time to mull it over. What do you make of it? I think that you can basically, I'm saying that yes, if you have a damaged genetic child. It's kind of like having a stepkid.

You can just go, not my problem. Yeah, I mean, but you can definitely have an impact on that child. Yes, I mean, teachers have impacts on kids and impact on that child. Yes, I mean, teachers have impacts on kids and stuff. I'm just saying, I will send you the articles. Why do people send their kids to better schools? Because it's socioeconomic status and because it reflects

on them and because people are obsessed with people thinking my kids are smart. That's why people bribe schools to get them into better schools. It's not about their kid actually being smarter. Their dumb kid is lying about being on the rowing team so that she can go to Yale so it can look good. We can put the bumper sticker on her car. Our

friends and family will think we're cool. It's not really about your daughter getting a better education and having a better life. You can help people society level, but not biologically. Yeah, I got to, I'll read the research again and share it on the next episode. That's the thing is the crux of your argument is based read the research again and share it on the next episode or share it on our thing. Yeah, that's the thing. The crux of your argument

is based on the research. Yes, that I don't have. I don't believe the research yet. I believe that there's got to be research that says the opposite of what you're saying as well as what you're saying. And then it's not decided yet, nature versus nurture.

Okay. But if what you're saying is true, then that sucks. But all that matters is money. Well, I think all I want is that nurture to be better than nature. Sorry. So if we look at ourselves and the work that we do to kind of work out the kinks from our family of origin,

like family history, then it means that we can't do it either. That's a good point. Like therapy, you can't fix the problems everything yeah listen nobody can fix anything nobody could do anything all you can do is make it worse jump off all i know is that this is this this whole thing i'm talking about this research that i did read at another time and i'm gonna find the the sources to back it up at some point i was upset when I read it because adoption is my only thing that I would probably end up doing. I do want to have a huge impact on my kids' life and for them to be able to be funny like me and be critically thinking like

they be and forgiving like me and all the things that I like about myself. I'm a narcissist. I would love for those to be imposed. So when I read this research, I was bummed out. This isn't suiting my vision for what I want for my life. So that is why I'm saying to trust me about this. The article I read was a huge bummer to me because I was like, then what's the point if I'm not going to have any kind of, but I think the point now for me is that I will have a better time being a parent and my child would have a more comfortable experience being whatever they are because what they are is what they are if i didn't take it so personally that they are what they are and i would have a better time doing it i would just be an easier road because i think that you know i think even dad like when the kids act up or do something a

little bit weird he'll be like that's the green side of the family. I don't think he's in his family. He blames it on, yes, he's done it before where he's like, well, our side of the family doesn't act like this. We've never said anything like this. We don't have these issues. And so he'll blame it.

I've heard that before because dad has, you know, he wants Glazer blood to be strong and smart and exaggerate. I think I found the article

you're talking about. Okay, really? It's a Scientific American article and it says... Those hacks. Yeah, the hacks. In the nature nurture war, nature wins. Environmental influences are important too but they're largely unsystematic, unstable

and idiosyncratic. And I think I found the line. Understanding the importance of genetic influence found the the line understanding the importance of genetic influence is just the beginning of the story of how dna makes us who we are studying genetically informative cases like those of twins and adoptees led to some of the biggest findings in psychology because for the first time nature and nurture could be disentangled yes so twins that were accidentally separated at birth, they could study them and say, yeah.

Scientists have conducted long-term studies on special relatives like twins and adoptees to test the effects of nature and nurture. The research has built a mountain of evidence showing that genetics contributes importantly to all psychological differences between us. In fact, inherited DNA differences account for about 50% of the

differences between us and our personality, mental health and illness and cognitive abilities and disabilities. It says 50%. So 50%. That's split, man. Yeah. Keep reading, Brian. Sorry. That's the only time they mentioned twins.

Oh, no. But I just mean like, we'll look at that again. I just remember I have no dog in this fight, except I wanted adoption to be way more. You have no dog, because we have both your dogs. Yeah, you do. And one of them is, I'm thinking about getting a new one. We know.

But now I know adopting doesn't have any impact on their life. Yeah, what if you get stuck with a crack dog? Yeah, I want a little crack dog. I mean, I rehabilitated Luigi pretty well. I mean, he's still scared, but he's not like shaking in a corner like he used to be. He still wants Pizza Hut bad. He's still,

yeah, he was just, my whole theory, I used to have a joke about it, but it never ended up on any special. But when I was like looking for dogs, I would read these like, you know, pet finder ads or whatever for these dogs and they

lie about the dog story so that you want to get the dog more. Right. Oh, he's got a good story. Yeah, he was discovered behind a pizza hut in Van Nuys. He was using a pepperoni as a blanket. That's what Chris always says.

Whenever we have pepperoni he was like and I'd go can we get half blankets half cheese and I'm like wait what

and then he goes remember Luigi and I go yes and then and then yeah the story was that a little there were some kids

throwing firecrackers at Luigi and a little boy said stop stop and he went over to the dog and he he took Luigi home.

But his mom wouldn't let him keep it. I didn't hear this. So she called Mayday Rescue. That was the story. And I believe the story because Natalie's not a liar and she has no reason to lie. But as I was reading Pet Finder stories, I was like, man, these are. Good ones. Whatever you can do to sell, not sell a dog, get a dog a home.

Give a story to it. Give it a cute name i love when photographers come in and volunteer their resources to take beautiful pictures of dogs because i was looking at mayday rescue which is i where i've rescued both my parents dogs formerly my dogs nay my dogs um nay great crossword uh thing Né. What do you, Né. What's Né mean? Like you're Julie Glazer Né Burke. No, Né. It's Né.

In French. Because it has an apostrophe. Oh. So I think maybe Americans say Né, but I've always thought of Né. So, oh, so I was looking at the Mayday Rescue thing and I was looking at, cause I'm looking for a new dog and I've got my eye on a couple that are in circulation

there. And I was looking and like the dogs that have the cuter photo have so many more likes. Like it's all about the photo. Like there's a good photo of this one dog that I'm looking at. I'm not going to say its name. And it has like thousands of likes. And then that same dog has some kind of shitty photos. A little bit later, no, like hardly any likes. You should go for the other one.

No, I always want a black dog because black dogs don't get chosen as much as any other dog. That's what I'm looking for right now. I want the ugliest dog. I almost got a dog with one eye. Well, we have one white dog, one brown dog, and we need a black dog. I know. Well, you're going to get one. Shadow's coming up.

Little shadow. Yeah. It's got to have a good story. It's crazy to me that people care that much about stuff, but yeah, we're an aesthetic-based culture. It's like adopting. You want to hear that story about your kid, too too you want your kid to have been behind a pizza

place eating rocks and being being covered in pepperoni as a blanket yeah you want a good that's why people adopted from africa they want people to know and i don't think that's everyone but it's there is something about like i am a hero a hero. There's a part of me that wants an ugly dog. Not because I want people to think I'm a hero. I really don't. I would admit that about myself if that was part of it. I think that's something I could admit. It's really because I think less

people want this thing, so I want it. It's almost like a rare bag. It doesn't get any attention. I want the thing that is probably going to be put down because I don't want it. I don't want to be someone who's selective about animal looks i think that's so weird my friend um my friend michael is actually a hero and rescued a dog literally um when he was in the peace corps and he was a peace corps in mauritania which is in uh western africa and the dogs there there's strays

all over the streets there. And people just kill them. They'll just throw rocks because the dogs will eat your food and stuff. They're like wild dogs. Oh my god. So there was this little dog. What the fuck? He was just walking the streets and these kids were throwing rocks at this little dog. And he got between them and the kids and he said, stop throwing rocks. And they chased off

the kids. And then the dog was hurt. He started throwing rocks at the kids. He started throwing rocks at the kids. And he killed all four kids. And then he drank their blood and he became, stop throwing rocks. And they chased off the kids. And then the dog was hurt. He started throwing rocks at the kids. He started throwing rocks at the kids and he killed all four kids. And then he drank their blood and he became some kind of demonic superhuman who now flies through the skies. And that guy was Elon Musk. Yeah.

Now he has a spaceship. No, but the dog was injured. He took the dog to a vet. The vet took care of the dog. But then he's like, the only way to save this dog is I have to get him out of Mauritania. Otherwise, he's just going to be put back on the street. But it's illegal to take a dog across the dog. But then he's like, the only way to save this dog is I have to get him out of Mauritania. Otherwise, he's just going to be put back on the street.

But it's illegal to take a dog across the border. So he had to... The only vet in Mauritania is ones that repair rock wounds. Every dog that comes in, they're like, I think he's sick, has a heart issue. He's like,

where did the rock hit him? There was no rock. That's so sad. It's a kidney failure. They're like,? There was no rock. That's so sad. It's a kidney failure. They're like, there must be rocks involved. Okay, go on. He had to illegally transport this dog hidden in some train car to get him to some other country like Morocco or something. Oh, my gosh.

Not one with a rock in the name. Morocco. That's kind of what the dog made when it got hit. Morocco? No! But he managed to get the dog from Africa to America. And then it was his dog for the next 10 years. Yeah, America.

And then he took him and he lived out his days in Little Rock, Arkansas. Yeah, America. And then he took him and he lived out his days in Little Rock, Arkansas. Oh my God. Where the dog felt a lot better because the rocks were little. But no, it was a real rescue.

He literally rescued this dog from the streets of Mauritania and took him to America and then it was his dog for about 10 years and he passed away. Today I learned

that Central America is part of North America. It's not a separate continent. And I also learned that there's a place called Mauritania. I never knew that was a country. Did you know that? There's two countries in Africa. No, I thought that was like a holding area or something. I didn't know what that meant.

Okay. Yeah. What two countries in Africa, what? There's one country called Mauritania and there's one country called Mauritius. Lusitania. Oh, yeah. Mauritius. I've heard of that. Mauritius is like islands. I think I went. He was in my fifth grade class.

Desolate. I'm serious. I swear to God. I think there was a Mauritius. Yeah. There are country names that I don't know the names of. I mean, there's like, how many countries? 200, 400 or something? I could name 100 countries that you probably don't know the name of.

I bet you could. You've got that kind of brain. I'm impressed. I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, so go on. I'm just kidding. Please don't turn off the podcast. He's going to start listing. uh yeah so go on let's do i'm just kidding please don't turn off the podcast he's gonna start listening he's good i could list 270 countries off the top of my head is that how many there are are you serious well there's debate about how many there are but 270

is like the standard you could you could do them all all 270 no question even france no actually no not have you heard of that i can't name France. Do you ever forget about states? Like, there was one time that I heard about New Hampshire, and I was like, I have not thought about New Hampshire in 20 years. Like, I forgot New Hampshire was a state. That's one where I forgot about. That's a hot one. I mean, I know it, but I really was like, oh, my God.

You don't ever think about New Hampshire. No, not really. I mean, it's mentioned a lot. Oh, yeah. And then the caucuses? Yeah. No not really Politically it's It's It's the first state That does the Oh yeah And then the caucuses Yeah well yeah It's the first state That does the primary

In something Nobbs Gap Or whatever The city is called Oh They're trying to take it away From them though And give it to some other state

Like South Carolina Because it doesn't matter Oh Because New Hampshire Doesn't matter Nobody remembers South Carolina, clearly. Right.

Everyone forgets it. That's right. Every 20 years, you go, oh, yeah, that's a thing. Mom, what was the best Christmas gift you got or memory or anything? You mean from this year? Yeah. I know. Nikki, you gave me a beautiful coat.

Oh, I wasn't even trying to leave that, but I did give you a good coat. You gave me the beautiful coat oh I wasn't even trying to leave that but I did give you a good coat you gave me the best gift okay definitely god that coat has a story

oh I knew it you knew what do you know I just know you what do you mean because you were like I screwed up with the presents this year

I did screw up with the presents this year and she's like I didn't get you guys anything anything and I was like because I

good made a made well order for my mom and sister that had like nine things in it And then I was like, and she's like, I didn't get you guys anything. And I was like, good. Made a Madewell order for my mom and sister that had like nine things in it. You know, like it was a big ass order. And I was so proud of myself to get all my Christmas shopping done in one day. I ordered from all these different places and I got it done. And it was during my special planning. So I was like writing my special at Starbucks. And then I was like, actually, I'm going to just shop real quick.

I got it all done. deals on stuff great sizing everything the right color and everything I was like yes and then I get back from my trip like the special and I'm going to go go through all the boxes it's a giant wall of boxes to start wrapping things I saw your wall of boxes and I go where's the made well box? What's going on? And I go, oh no. And so I went to Madewell.com, look at my shopping cart. The number nine is right there. That means there are nine things still in my shopping cart. It has not been checked out yet.

Every single thing in the shopping cart is sold out now. The sale prices are gone. It was during a sale that I did this at the right time. So I go, I have nothing for them. This is Christmas Eve. I was okay with this, you guys. And so I went over to my parents' house and I was like, I have nothing for you. But then I remembered

that I overordered gifts two years ago. You gotta be kidding. And I've had that coat in my closet for two years waiting to give you. And I forgot to give it to you for last Christmas. Nice. You could have had that coat for two years. No, you gave me a coat last year. No, it was two years ago.

Really? It was dos was two years ago. The long one? Really? Mm-hmm. It was Dos. Dos years ago. Okay, I feel like last year. No. I thought she's a coat giver now.

Yeah. And also Lauren's coat. Also part of the coats from two years ago that I bought. Oh. And I was so glad that I had them. Yeah. I keep the tag on them. No, I love my coat.

I keep the tag on everything I own because my mom might want it someday. And if I gave her just a thing that I used to wear, she might go like, I like it. But if it still has the tag on it, it could smell totally funky, but you'll still like it because the tag's on it. You got that right. You got that right. I keep all my tags on. I'm trying to think what...

You gave me a purse. No, I love that coat. I sent my mom a bunch of Poshmark. I got you boots. Oh, those boots. I love those. I haven't worn them yet. Do you really like them coat. I sent my mom a bunch of Poshmark. Bootsy. I got you boots. Oh, those boots. I love those. I haven't worn them yet. Do you really like them?

But I just, the new thing is send people what you want. Yeah. Don't. Months in advance and then you forget that you ever even sent it and then you get this thing that you already like. Yeah. I bought that purse. It's so nice.

Months ago. And I was like, I got to get another gift for Nikki. And I went in the closet that I had other stuff in. And I found that box. I was like, oh my God, I got that purse for Nikki. It was good. I do have to be a more gracious gift receiver because I just... Oh, that's tough.

Sometimes gifts to me... It's so rude to not be a good gift receiver. But when it's people that I like... You've always been so good. No, remember I went through a rough patch in my late teens and 20s. I was a bitch. No, but as a child, we have videos of you. Every present you opened, you were going, I love this. You were telling all your friends that came to your little party, you were like, I just love this. It was the cutest thing. I was a people pleaser from the very get-go.

I didn't like all those gifts. Yeah, you probably didn't. I saw footage of me opening something that I hated and I remember hating it, but I go, oh my God, a Macaulay Culkin doll. Grandma, Macaulay Culkin, and it speaks grandma. It's the greatest gift. And I'm just like, it's like easy. Jesus love, actually. No no I was so proud of you

the way you accepted gifts yeah I was a real little good little girl two years ago you left every gift I gave you at our house I mean I think I gave you like six gifts and they were still there and I was like I was like you can just keep these here you want this yeah that's what I always

say I go do you want this I just try to give it back because generally I'm getting gifts that my I think people give gifts that they like themselves they're like

I would want this I think that's an easy way to like it's not the right way it is a mistake it's always a mistake you gotta think about what the other person

I mean this is so obvious to me I don't understand why it needs to be said but you gotta think about what the other person would want and get that for them. Well, we live in a society that lacks empathy. We don't really understand what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. We think about walking in someone else's shoes with our feet. What it really means is walking in someone else's skin. The shoes thing needs to be changed because

everyone just goes, well, if I had her shoes on and I know they don't think that literally, but they just go, I wouldn't be, I would just do things. You go, no, you have to be born in my skin, raised by my parents. But those shoes wouldn't even fit me. Like I wouldn't be able to walk out. I would never wear those shoes. That's not what we mean. Yeah, exactly.

I would be over pronated in those. Well, that's what I was worried about your boots. Crocs. Yeah, you would never walk in those shoes. I could not walk in those shoes. I can do it high heel, heel at least when I'm on stage the adrenaline makes it not hurt but um I dad gave me dad always goes out to West County Mall and Christmas Eve and gets he gets us journals so this year when he went out I go dad don't you buy me a journal I have too many journals ironically enough I do need a journal and I just ordered one. And so I should have told him to get me

one. I was such a little bitch. But I was like, don't get us calendars. And mom goes, I want a calendar. I got one. So he goes to the calendar store. He goes to Barnes & Noble. He likes getting little fun gifts the night before. Great thing. But he's paying full price. Mom knows that.

Don't like that. Just kidding. No, he wanted to go to Barnes. He wanted to go to Barnes and Noble. He loves going to Barnes and Noble. That's his big thing. I know. Christmas Eve.

That's the gift to him. He got me and my sister. I let him go. So I got a gift from him on Christmas Eve. He goes, let's just give her it on Christmas Eve. This is a fun one. So you hand it over

and I open it up and immediately I see the word Trump and I'm just like, ugh, I don't even want to read this word. I hate this person so much. And it's a bobblehead? No, it's just a little figure. It's just like a toy figurine of Donald Trump

in a jail suit, like in an orange jumpsuit, like imprisoned. And it's his exact, a 3d printer perfectly printed his face from the mugshot which i hate that photo too yeah i just i i know it's a joke and it's like trump in prison let's try to like let's celebrate this i don't want a trump finger figurine in my house in my eyeline i don't want i don't like him it's like giving me a hitler thing like i don't want to look at do people have hitler toys for jokes i don't think so like i don't want I don't like him it's like giving me a Hitler thing like I don't want to look at

do people have Hitler toys for jokes I don't think so like I don't like this I hate him more than anyone and so I just was instantly like I don't want this and I was really a bitch about it but I wasn't a bitch I was just like can you and dad goes we'll keep it I go great or we'll give it to yeah somebody else. handed it off and I go that's a really sweet thought but I don't want this in my possession and then the next day Christmas day Christmas day my dad gave the same present to my sister and Matt not the same one he gave me he wasn't regifting he bought two of them but three and then I saw Lauren open it up and she was like oh this is great she loved it this is funny I could tell she felt the same way about it as I did but Oh, really? But she had a better response that she can just throw it away now.

Like, I was too honest. Right. I think I lost that little part of me that is cordial and kind to my loved ones. And shouldn't that be the ones we're the kindest to? Yeah, but you're the most comfortable. No, you're honest. Your honesty is showing

them, you know. But that's, then people are scared to give me gifts now. No, I'm not. Your honesty is showing them. But then people are scared to give me gifts now. Just tell me what you want. Well, mom brought me something yesterday. She was at Goodwill and we'll tell you what it is after the break. I like how you go, okay. You don't know.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. So yesterday you were at Goodwill or St. Vincent. I mean, one of the- I was at Goodwill. And by the way, Taylor yesterday on the podcast was like, I got to get your mom to the bins because she says she never runs into you at the bins. Therefore, you're probably not there.

I don't go to the bins. Why don't you go to the bins? Because it's like a madhouse. The bins? What are the bins? It's the outlet, the Goodwill outlet. And they come out with this huge bin. They dump this stuff on this big tables and hundreds of people fight over it.

It's like insane. It's like inexpensive goods? No, and it's all, everything's weighed by the pound. So you could get a pair of boots for 59 cents. Wow. It's like 59 cents. Wow. It's something you would love, but you don't like the chaos of all the people. Oh, I don't like the competition and the chaos.

No. I don't like competition either. I don't like it. People, you know why? Why? Because we're actually very competitive. Oh. And so we, this is what I learned.

I used to think- Well, I do know. That because I don't like, you know, I don't like going to, I have to go to a Pilates class today because my instructor isn't available. So it's like a fourth of the price to go to a class versus individual. But I pay four

times the price because I don't like feeling competitive with other people that are clearly going to be better than me. It really bothers me. So I don't go to those classes. And I used to think it was because I just don't like competition. I don't want to be competitive. I don't want to those classes and I used to think it was because I just don't like competition. I don't want to be competitive. I don't want to compete against others. It's the opposite. I love competition

and I desperately want to be the best. And if I can't be the best, I want no... I'm a little baby bitch and I don't want any part of it. It's really not a good way to be. That's why I'm forcing myself to do more classes this year. I want to get rid of this sense of competition I have with people that don't even know how to compete. Why don't you want to beat them, defeat them in class?

Because I can't. I know that I can't because Pilates is not something I'm good at. And I'm even going out of my comfort zone to do a thing I'm not good at in the first place. And so to then be against people. I used to have a joke that when I am on a treadmill and there's a girl next to me, it happened yesterday, actually, at the gym. Chris and I went down to our gym and there was a girl already down there on the treadmill and I was like, I can't get off this treadmill until she gets off

hers because I started after her. There's no way that I can quit before her. I looked over at her screen. This bitch is on 48 minutes. And I'm on 12 minutes. And I go, who goes more than 30 minutes on a treadmill? You have an eating disorder if you do that. No offense. You're either training for something or you have an eating disorder.

No offense. Let's just go with the training. Okay. I'll say that to be nice. Yeah. But you don't need to be on a treadmill running for an hour unless you are running from a demon in your brain. Of endorphins, calories.

Yeah. All that. I used to do it. That's because you're... But... Okay. So what were you doing? I would just run for,

as I would watch football while, while running. And so I would just be able to watch, when you're watching something that's fully engrossing you, you could pretty much run forever. She was engrossed

in a reunion episode of some reality show. She didn't seem like she had an eating disorder. It didn't seem unhealthy. She wasn't going at a crazy pace or anything. I'm projecting,

but I think that's, I don't think anyone needs to do cardio Longer than 30 minutes of intense cardio Oh it is? I think it's bad for your bones I think it's bad for you Eventually it starts to hurt you That's why you're not supposed to increase your heart rate

Past a certain point for more than like 10 to 15 minutes or something like that I forgot what the reasoning But it'll kill you I just know that people who are working out to burn calories, that's the wrong reason

to work out. I get it if you're trying to lose a bunch of extra weight and you're like, but if you're already a thinnish person and you're trying to burn 600 calories

because you ate 700 or something, that's not a healthy, that's not what i want to be anymore and so i don't do workouts for calories i don't look at the calorie anymore which is a huge change in my life but anyway i used to have a joke that if i go and i'm working on treadmill next to someone i move the treadmill up a couple inches so i'm just constantly beating them it wasn't a good joke but it was just that's that's how i feel in my in my brain competitive wise so you don't like going to the bins because of that because them. It wasn't a good joke, but it was just, that's how I feel in my brain competitive-wise.

So you don't like going to the bins because of that? Because it's a madhouse. No, thank you. It's really gross. It's like Black Friday. It's like Black Friday. Yeah, it's really everyone is grabbing everything. People will fight you for stuff.

They will hurt you. I mean, these people, and there's a group of older men that are scary. I mean, it used to be women. Yeah. But it's men, women. They were like in the Salvation Army. Yeah, I think they live next door. And yeah, they live in the Salvation Army.

But honestly, it's kind of scary. I get it. And it's really not in a great part of town. Yeah, Taylor is into that kind of stuff. Taylor's not scared of schizophrenics. She's young. She can handle herself. But if somebody pushes me over, I'd probably be like,

but she'd probably knock them out or something. No, she's pretty soft as well. Like soft as a person. Yeah, she's a gentle person. But I can see her being able to handle it. But she likes schizophrenics. She likes crazy people. She likes the homeless.

Her dream, when we used to talk about your dream job, she's studying the homeless, working with the homeless, which is so admirable. She just likes people who are crazy. She's fascinated by it. She likes all these murder stuff. She likes things that are abnormal. That is interesting. You've got to listen this jfk podcast oh yeah i'm telling you i know dad's talking about it non-stop yeah he keeps trying to give me spoilers i'm like stop telling

me he's so mad i haven't listened to it i know well final thought my best gift that i got was guitar hero from chris have you played guitar hero b Well, it was at that hotel in LA in the lobby. That's what got us. Yeah. Yeah, I was staying at a hotel and in the lobby they had Guitar Hero, which is a game that has not existed or been made new since 2010. Don't we have that at our house? Yes, I bought it for Dad for Christmas in 2007 because

it was a gift I wanted. I did the thing. I think it has to, Brian, because we played it. We are so... We played it in that lobby of that hotel and you were there too. And then since then, Chris got it for me for Christmas. We play every day. It is so addictive.

It is so fun. And I am fascinated by the fact that it disappeared. It was, I was reading up on it and all of these rhythm games were so big from 2007 to 2011 at the latest. And like Rock Band, Dance Dance Revolution, Guitar Hero, and then Vanished. Yeah. Like you can't buy a new game for Guitar Hero.

Rock Band's gone too. They're all at Goodwill. And they are so, if you ever see a Guitar Hero game for PlayStation 3, will you get it? Wait, the game or I see the guitars all the time. We'll take a guitar too, but the games or a microphone or Rock band or anything i will i will pay for that i have a theory you got probably wrong but that coincides just on a timeline standpoint with when online gaming became most popular so people were now playing smartphone shooters mine, all online working together. And Guitar Hero and other pattern games don't really lend themselves to

group activity play. But they do because Chris and I, rock band, you play with a whole band. You could play with a band. Someone on drums, someone singing. But online, it's hard doing it all together, syncopated. Oh, you have to actually have friends.

That's the difference. And that's probably why it failed. Yes. Because actually, this was with the proliferation of smartphones, which isolated us from friends. Starting around 2012. Where we hang out with people. This was what the Mayans predicted. Starting around 2012, people stopped having real friends and they had online friends. Dude, we are obsessed with it.

And I have to say,ris and i are both competitive i am so better no he's he's very very good we started on the same level we both haven't played in 10 years you can kind of tell he's probably better than me back in the day he's just better at hand-eye coordination things he's a natural born athlete in nba is what i call him but he he just is good that that stuff. He's already doing songs on hard very well. 70 to 80 percent. You actually play

guitar. I remember when I played that game, I didn't like it because not because I sucked or whatever, but even when I was trying to practice, I was like, this is nothing like playing guitar. It's more like playing a percussion instrument. It is. It's more like playing a percussion instrument. It is. It's like playing

bass a lot of times because it's not on the guitar rhythm, even when you push guitar because you can choose bass, but guitar is mostly... It's not even... A lot of the songs suck. Some songs are right on and you get to go like, Lord, I was born a rambling man.

But then sometimes it'll be like But it'll be like And so you'll go And then you'll fuck up and you're like Why am I playing the weird bass lick to this? Whatever There are some songs that are great and so fun Hotel California

We play five times a day We're getting very good at it We've advanced from easy to hard In a very short amount of time But I am like I'm looking at that score the entire time And then now I started to realize we're getting very good at it we've advanced from easy to hard in a very short amount of time but i am like i'm looking at that score the entire time and then i always started to realize i think he looks at the score too because we both know exactly what we've done at the end and there's a lot of things about guitar that i don't like like um if chris oftentimes i will get a better

percentage of all the notes hit i will have a better streak run, but he will beat me because he does the wah-wah thing of like, wah-wah-wah-wah. Or he'll get the right streak, so then he'll start getting double points sooner, and it bugs me. I think it should be a meritocracy of who does better, and that should be what we celebrate. But sometimes he wins and gets more points because of all these little tricks he's doing.

You gotta learn the tricks. You need to learn those, yeah. But they confuse me, and man, it is very different than guitar but i started crying uh probably a week ago because we you can calibrate the so you're pressing the guitar part where like this would bring bring bring and sometimes people like it's it's lagged behind because it has to it's a guitar that's connecting with the thing so there's a lag on it so you can calibrate your guitar and we were trying to like

and it gives you a beat kind of like a metronome and you have to go with the beat and it sees if you're off or not and I have bad rhythm Chris had perfect Chris had perfect Dad just tells you you have bad rhythm because Dad's jealous because you have good rhythm

but yes you do you do see you've been infiltrated Dad just tells you you have bad rhythm. No, he tells me that all the time. Because dad's jealous because you have good rhythm. I do not. Yes, you do. You do. See, you've been infiltrated. Dad has made you believe something about yourself that isn't true because dad- No, I really don't have good rhythm. Well, you can try it on a guitar hero and find out if you have bad rhythm or not. I started crying.

Chris was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I try to be good. I'm bad at everything. Everyone is naturally better at everything than me. I started going down a whole spiral because of Guitar Hero. Oh my God. I don't think this is healthy. And then he explained to me, he goes, you might have great rhythm,

but you're actually doing it on the right time, but there's a lag because it has to communicate with the PS3, then the TV. You could be right on. I think I purposely lag because I'm used to video games I played them so much as a kid I know that the is it perfect so he tried he talked me off the ledge not even so to speak literally he talked me off the ledge I was like you're not flawed you're okay this but

I started just going down like it made me question everything because I have bad rhythm because if you have bad rhythm you should just give up being a performer okay i will you don't have that so then i started watching youtube videos where it was like this african man teaching kids how to do rhythm to see if because i guess rhythm is something you can learn rhythm is the dancer that's a song oh rhythm is a dancer uh-huh why is is that a name of a dancer in the song is that taylor swift's song no certainly not like an old 2000s song or something yeah mom have you been listening to taylor swift yeah as much as i can as much as dad lets you kind of dad doesn't love taylor swift but he can't say it he does he he doesn't he actually has to act like, but he can't say it. He doesn't love her. He actually has to act like...

I think he can't say it not because he doesn't want to offend us, but because he knows he's wrong. And he knows that he doesn't like her because he's just jealous she's as good as the Beatles. And I think that's why he can't say something.

I don't know. Dad, if you're listening, that's my theory. It's not that you actually don't like her. It's because you sense that if you don't like her, you know you're wrong. But you don't like her for other reasons

subconsciously. If he starts liking her, it'll make him look like he was given up on the Beatles. Yes. Like, okay. But why is there a competition? And if it was a man, I think people would have no problem giving this to her.

There's so many articles that came out at the end of the year that said, this is the year of oversaturation of Taylor Swift. This is the year Taylor Swift became so annoying. Well, I've heard opposite too. Is she the Times person

of the year though? Yes. And people don't, I have to, I know it's a woman thing and that's okay because women benefit in many ways

from being women but I also believe that this is a thing that people can't stand a woman getting this much attention it happens to men too like look at dane cook yes that's true it took yes yeah that is a good point i thought dane cook was on did you watch the chappelle special yet no there's a special what a new one yeah what is the closer or no not the closer sorry it's called the dreamer oh no i haven't i gotta watch it yeah let's called The Dreamer. Oh, no, I haven't.

I gotta watch it. Yeah. Netflix? Let's talk about it next week. Yeah, Netflix. Okay. We'll get into that and your trip. We gotta go, because I gotta go get Botox in my, um, I'm getting a lip flip, and I'm getting it in my jawline, and I'm getting it in my neck for my singing. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm excited.

Do not do that. What? Where do they do that? They do it in your neck. It's for aesthetic purposes because your neck is so muscly and strained that this can cause a lot of lineage. But I'm doing it because I want more. I keep so much tension in my neck.

So I'm wondering where it'll go if I don't put it in my neck. It might go to my abs or something. Did you read about this or did? No, I got consulted by, Curran's girlfriend is a um a doctor esthetician and she's a literal MD and she was like oh you should just you're a great candidate

for the lip flip and I used to get it all the time but I just want a fuller lip again so everyone look forward to that I'll see you next week it might not even work by then I think Botox takes two weeks so but just look for it it'll be there look go to our YouTube channel if that incentivizes you go sign up for that compare and contrast this week to then like look at my lips

right now yeah and now look at them next week um and also if you get these marionette lines and around your jaw it's this is always pulling on your lower lip constantly so women just men women and men just tend to get a scowl because this muscle from your masseter, your jawline, is pulling down on your lips. And when that becomes Botox, your lips, it raises your eyes.

So my eyes might see a lift because I'm getting Botox on my jawline. She explained it. I don't really understand it, but I'm very excited because I am desperate for an eye lift. I wonder if they know that at your place. I'm going to talk to them about it.

Nyack knows everything. Nyack is, I love them and I trust them with my face. If you're in St. Louis, Nyack is 100% the place to go. Can I just do a quick correction before we end? Me saying I love them. What? So the place in New Hampshire is called Dixville Notch and it's the first city in America

that releases its American presidential voting results every year. It has nothing to do with the primary vote. And the population currently is four. So four people vote at midnight. No way. Are you kidding me? Yeah.

Is this a joke? No, this is their claim to fame. Why would anyone trust that? It's the one thing New Hampshire has. And then CNN goes down to Dixville Notch. Yeah, don't take this from them. Don't believe that. And they go, how did four people vote?

Where's Old Hampshire? I guess that's in England. Is it? It probably is. New York, Old Hampshire. Old Hampshire. We've got all the news. New Mexico. That was good. You looked that up. That's great. Thank you so much.

We'll follow up on some more things. Go see me on tour. I'm coming to Florida, Fort Pierce, and Daytona Beach next week. Next weekend, Friday and Saturday. I think it's the 18th and 19th. Also, go back and watch an old episode of I Can See Your Voice that's on Fox that's airing tonight.

But this won't come out until the day after. I apologize for that. It was last night. I Can See Your Voice. And then you should also watch another Fox reality show called We Are Family that I hear is really, really good. That's coming up. Oh, we have to watch it.

You've seen ads for it during... I don't know what week you should watch it, but I think you should just watch every week because I think there's going to be tons of celebrities. Apparently, it's a show where a celebrity relative performs, and then you have to guess who the celebrity, who that person's relative. The relative sings, and then there's a celebrity behind a curtain kind of thing. Is there money involved? I think there's money involved for a studio audience of people who guess.

So it's the studio audience guessing. It's not people at home. Oh, wow. Sounds fun. I would watch that. It's like Masked Singer, but instead of a mask, a big thing,

it's someone's dad. Oh. Potentially. Wow. Or a brother or a cousin. All right. But I hear so many celebrities are on it

and maybe even ones that you or I know. Wow. I can't wait to watch it. It's called We Are Family. Yeah. And it's on what? What channel? I think it's on Fox. Fox. I'm't wait to watch it. It's called We Are Family. Yeah. And it's on what? What channel?

I think it's on Fox. Fox. I'm almost. Yes, it is on Fox. Fox does reality shows almost the best. I love The Masked Singer. I love Kiki Palmer. Wait, what?

It's just saying a celebrity that we know. Kiki Palmer. It could be Kiki Palmer. Yes. Oh, Kiki. Who cares? It could be her cousin. Who's Kiki Palmer

I don't know Okay I don't Is she married to someone famous too No she's got a podcast That's a guy She's got a podcast Oh yeah

She's got a podcast We were Yeah we were mentioned Alongside Kiki Palmer's podcast On the Today Show Today Show Today Show did a list Of the 21 funniest podcasts And we're on the list You are kidding We? Today Show did a list of the 21 funniest podcasts, and we're on the list.

You are kidding. We are not kidding. I'll send you the link. Oh, I am not. Just kidding. I am not. But you're going to be late. Bye, guys. Thank you for listening. Don't be cut in. Just watch. I can see your voice and all in the family. New Fox shows

that I'm not paid to promote, but I think you should watch them. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.