The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #410 Football Fans & Swifties Are The Same, A Kid Cursing Is Funny & Is Vengeance Worth It?

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Unfortunately, the wide-leg jean and oversized clothes trend is not resonating with Nikki's boyfriend. Nikki and Brian observed something noteworthy about the CLT airport during their weekend travels. Despite feeling depressed, Nikki manifested something positive for Taylor Swift. Brian provides an update on the NFL and speculates on potential Super Bowl contenders. Nikki draws parallels between football fans and Swifties. They all find common ground in criticizing the absurdity of commercials that air during a game. Nikki expresses her love for the new season of "Love on The Spectrum," expresses why she doesn't think it's a big deal that her nephew said a bad word, and talks about the new book she's reading called "Unworthy." In the Final Thought, they debate whether seeking vengeance is worth the energy. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to the show, it's the Nikki Glaser Podcast I'm Nikki Glaser, I'm in St. Louis On my lonesome In my lonesome, by my lonesome Bye It's bye, I got there You're by now? Yeah, I got there there I'm finally there

I have been flirting around with it for a while but I've just embraced it I probably am a little bit I would have no problem in prison it wouldn't be like I guess pull my arm or twist my arm I'm fucking up everything today

pull my clit I'll fucking go down on you Brian's here Noah's here today. Pull my clit. I'll fucking go down on you. Brian's here. Noah's here. Noah, I want to comment on did you get some maternity wear because it looks like that does not look like something I've seen before in your wardrobe that you're trying to make fit your now five and a half

month pregnant belly. This is free people. I guess maternity style is back in. Oh, hell yeah. Really? That's just like basic free people? Yeah, but I probably won't fit in this in a month. It's their pregnancy. It's their maternity style is back in. Oh, hell yeah. Really? That's just like basic free people? Yeah. But I probably won't fit in this in a month. It's their pregnancy, it's their maternity line called Trapped Baby.

Yes. Trapped Baby. Yeah. Free people, Trapped Baby. So, I don't understand how that can possibly fit your, like it's a,

is it an overall situation? It looks like overall. Yeah, it's a jumper. So it's supposed to be a loose jumper, but it's nice and snug on me. Okay, so it is snug, but it looks so maternity. It's so cute. It's so funny because so much maternity stuff,

like even the jacket you were wearing on Girls Trip, which we have to discuss since we haven't potted since then. Right? We haven't. No, it's been a long time. It's been a while. It's been so long. We really backed up on some episodes. Yeah's been a long time. It's been a while. It's been so long. We really backed up

on some episodes. Yeah, it's been stained. It's been a while. You had a jacket on Girls Trip that was maternity and it was so nice and I forgot the name of it.

I wanted to get it because it's like this, what is it even called? Like waffley? Pink Blush Maternity is the website I got it from. But you can wear their stuff

like regular. You don't have to be pregnant to wear maternity stuff. Yeah. They have cute stuff. I didn't know that. That's a life hack. It's like the

sticker on your car that says 26 point. How? What's a marathon? 26.3. Yes. Oh, you can just put that on there without just buy them you could do whatever you want you can just lie i was like do i have to prove to get this sticker

right now and they're like no i'm like i'm getting it did you do it you should be able to i didn't put it on my car but i did get it because i just thought it was funny to buy one and you haven't done anything just because you could um yeah you can the maternity wear in target it used to be kind of just a fluid transition over the maternity wear in target, it used to be kind of just a fluid transition over to the maternity wear. So you would be shopping in your normal clothes and then you'd go, Oh, this rack, right? This is cute. And then you'd walk to the front of the store and it would be called like peapod or something.

You, you, you, you'd be paying for it and then you'd see the tag and it's peapod wear and it's, it's a maternity wear. And then you just go, okay, well, I guess that's where I'm at now. Like I oversized is much more comfortable for women. And it's pretty maternity wear. And then you just go, okay, well, I guess that's where I'm at now. Oversized is much more comfortable for women. And it's pretty in right now. I mean, I feel like I walk around LA and everyone's wearing oversized stuff. Everyone on Instagram, too. Chris isn't a big fan of the JNCO cut jeans.

He doesn't like me. He goes, he said, I'll never, I'm not mad about it and don't in my mouth of like, I don't like it or I think they shouldn't wear it, but I'll never like a woman in a like a pantsuit blazer. Like that's never going to be a sexy look for me. No matter if you just wear, what if I wear like no bra underneath it? He's like, I just, no, it's not doing it for me. So I always have that in the back of my head when I'm like trying to dress up. I'm like, oh, this doesn't look sexy to the one person that I'm allowed to be sexy to. Yes.

I'm not allowed, but you know what I mean? That's the only permission you have. Even though I think it's a sexy look. I feel like there's certain clothes that I have such an association with men wearing them that like if a girl wears them, I'm like, I'm not attracted to that style. I think that's what's going on. I can't speak to that style. I think that's what's going on.

I can't speak for him, but I think that's what's happening in his brain is that it's just like a masculine thing. And it's, it's not like he's a bad person. Cause he's, you're just, you don't like what you don't like.

Um, but is there anything that Avi doesn't like? Um, like that women wear that you're like, you can just tell he's just not as into you when you wear that kind of fashion. How do you tell? Um, he won't, Chris does not lie. So I'll like you look so cute and he'll be like thanks because i said this on the show before he was like because i complained like you never you

don't compliment me when i clearly put an effort and he's like well what do you want me to say when i don't like it yeah and i'm just like and then that's was what i said um come up with something you like about it the color the my confidence in it like say yeah something i really like that you're wearing a shirt you know yeah yeah but i'm not i'd rather you be topless so avi and i we get up at different times i don't see what he puts on he he gets up before me and then we'll meet in the kitchen and we're literally wearing the same thing.

Does that happen to you guys? Oh my God. No. No. I don't know how it would. Like same colors. Same colors. Oh, like the same colors.

That's really cute. That's what like you and Kirsten too. Oh yeah, that happens with me and Kirsten. Yeah, you guys have like synchronicity.

What does that mean? I mean, you're wearing the same colors. It means nothing if you've ever listened to this podcast. It's just a coincidence. And most clothes are either brown or blue or black or white. And so you're eventually going to line up. That's not that many. It's coincidence.

It means nothing. But it also, you end up looking like your dog. You end up looking like, like people end up dressing like each other. When you cohabitate, you like turn into kind of the same person. And then when you die, we all look alike. Eventually we're just bones.

Yeah, we're just like, yeah, smiling skeletons. Just thrilled to be dead. Except that we aren't all, I think our brain, our skulls are different shapes. You can tell a woman's skull versus a man's because of the slope of the forehead. Is that it?

I took an anthropology class. I don't know that one. Oh, it's the brow bone? And also the jaw. Yeah, you guys have a heavier one. Jaw frame. Oh, yeah. And our clip bones. Cl frame. Oh, yeah. And our clit bones.

Clit bones, for sure. We have those, too. Clit is mentioned twice thus far. Speaking of clit. Oh, three times. Oh, yeah. We were on the road this weekend, and we had a plane that was stopping over in Charlotte. Yeah.

And I just don't understand why Charlotte has made their airport. What are those called? Their little word symbol. They're three letters. Clit. It's CLT for Charlotte. It's clit. And if you look at the Charlotte Hornets basketball team, their jerseys, sometimes they wear CLT

jerseys, but they're in the design. There's like a little line that goes up between the C and the L. So it really looks like clit. And I just don't understand why they chose those letters. They could have,

it used to be CHA, I thought, and somewhere along the line, they changed it to clit. And how are they not embarrassed by this? That's Charleston, baby. I think there, I wouldn't be, I think it's cool to have it be clit. And are they not embarrassed by charleston baby um i think there i wouldn't be

i think it's cool to have it be clit and i think it's funny and so like i always wanted 69 as my jersey because i think that would be funny to it's just funny to have a sexual i think it's funnier to be a city that but it is it does seem to go against our puritanical what but southern what's weird about it is that there's people who have their boarding pass, and they're not aware that CLT says clit, and they're just walking around with clits on their phones. Well, that's the problem. Or not the problem, but that's probably the reason,

is that people don't see that and think clit. And I think clit became kind of the term for that that we talk about all the time. It was popularized probably after it was named because i don't think people were saying clit in the 50s no even clitoris like they hadn't even found it yet they had it wasn't there was there was no research on it did you see the new tiktok thing where i don't who knows if this is true but they just this past July 2023 started testing menstrual products

with actual blood are you kidding me they were just using other liquids before then and so yeah you know women's health science is always kind of they're late to the game so I think clit was not something that we said all the time when this place was named

I think it was Pensacola to clit was not something that we said all the time when this place was named. I think it was. Pensacola to clit is a funny one. Because I think it's PNS. Oh my God. Wow. I think according to my research, it became CLT in 1982. Will you look at when clit became a popularized phrase or a word? I don't even know.

Or slang, I guess. It is slang. When did clit became a popularized phrase or word. I don't even know. How do I find that? It is slang. When did clits become popular? When did clit become popular? Oh, the earliest known use of the noun clit is in the 50s, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

They knew what they were doing. The people in Charlotte are freaks. They're freaks out there. We're going to name our airport Clit. That's one of my favorite airports. Although it was fucking crazy yesterday. So packed. Airports have been really packed recently. Because we all got off the plane in Charlotte.

We were coming from Daytona to Charlotte. And then me, Anya, Matt, and Brian all scattered in different directions to get our connecting flights in Charlotte. Did you... You were able to make your flight because we were late getting into Charlotte. It was like the beginning of hide and seek when someone's counting. We all went in different directions immediately. Yeah, that is exactly it. I thought you were talking about like a horror movie I've never seen.

No, no, no. I made my flight easy. It was like not even I wasn't even close to not making the flight. I stopped at the American Lounge and got a salad and some soup. And then I got a Starbucks. Like, I don't even know what I was worried about. I was worried about my bags making it, but they made it too, man.

It all worked out. They got this thing down to a science, except when the plane door explodes and you get sucked out. The only thing they haven't figured out yet is how to not have that happen. I believe no one was sitting in those seats. No. The luck. I mean, we've already talked about it. Someone wrote to me and said why. I think they usually reserve those seats for people who are doing the bulkhead thing or

something. And so there must have been no one on that flight doing that. I don't even know. But someone wrote to me and explained it. It's crazy. I kind of sometimes want it to happen. I just want something exciting to happen up there sometimes. And I know that's the opposite of how everyone feels,

but I think if a door flew off, I wouldn't think we would crash. I would just be like, whoa, because I'm always buckled in. I'm never in my seat without a buckle. And so I feel like I'd be okay. I don't want anyone to die.

What if your phone got sucked out? Because that happened to a lot of people. Their phones got sucked out, and then they don't have a phone. Oh, that would be so annoying. And you'd have to go. Okay, I would be pissed. Now I don't want it to die. What if your phone got sucked out? Because that happened to a lot of people. Their phones got sucked out and then they don't have a phone. Oh, that would be so annoying. And you'd have to go. Okay, I would be pissed. Now I don't want it to happen

because I don't want my phone to get sucked out of my hand. I paid for you. I was in first class and my phone got sucked out? That's a reason to complain. It was so funny. The other day,

I was in the edit for my special and the editor was ordering us, you know, Uber Eats or whatever. And so he passed around his phone to add to the order. And I had his phone for maybe like a minute longer than I should have. Cause I'm just like building the salad,

building my own, you know, can't decide if I want chickpeas or not. And I saw him just kind of like start to like panic. And I go, I still have your phone. He was like, Oh God,

it's immediate that it takes place. It's a certain movement too it's always like the the hands kind of flailing to to like check your pockets if they're in there yeah it's just like uh there's i don't even know that i saw him i just felt attention in the room like i really predicted it like dogs before an earthquake like i just i because as soon as i looked up he began looking for it so it was was like, I knew cause I, I maybe cause I was holding someone else's phone. So it dawned on me like, where's mine? Like, it's such a, it's so annoying. And I took Instagram off my phone for two days last week because I just felt crazy. And I'm like, I don't want any more of anyone's life. I don't

care about anything right now. So I took it off and it's just, you know, the old story of your, you just are are my fingers are searching for it without my brain being attached to that movement yeah you know like i just see my fingers going where is it and i'm like i don't even know that i'm doing it's just my brain is it's so strange and it feels so good to be able to just focus on things but you're talking about football uh and uh this weekend and saying how it's crazy that people watch so much football. And I watch like, me and Allie will both watch all day Sunday, the game on Monday, the game on Thursday. That's so fun. But if you have a partner to watch

it with, I get it. Alone, weird. Well, so here's what happens. What winds up happening is- Not weird, but excessive when the season ends you actually feel this just relief where you're like oh my god i have so much more free time i have my whole sunday's back and then you get so much more done when you when the football season is not happening and it is kind of like this past weekend there were playoff games on and because we were on the road i didn't really fully watch those games i kind of just like saw the highlights after or i caught like a little bit of a quarter and my brain switched from sports to like thinking about jokes and like comedy stuff and i was like oh this is where my brain needs to be rather than constantly checking to see if you know christian mccaffrey caught a

touchdown pass yeah that it's gotta be i don't even know what it's like to to have my time and my thought well actually i can relate a little bit to like being done with my special like it was an obsessive thing right before it and then it's over and every time i close my eyes i used to be going over jokes or not even wanting to like intrusive thoughts, going over jokes where I'm like, get out of my head. I don't even want to think about you right now. And then there's no place you,

my brain is looking for the app. It's looking for the app and there's no app there because it's already done. And so it feels like there is this like emptiness and you go, what did I used to do for fun? What filled my time? But I was watching, or I guess Chris was watching the Chiefs game. Was it last night? Yes.

Because Taylor Swift was there. Yes. Because Taylor Swift is all over page six this morning. She was having a great time. Yeah. I mean, she pops up on my Instagram instantly when she's, I know when games are starting because I just, I see her arrive and it, my, there is no more breaking news than feet. Like the most breaking news there is, is Swifties saying where Taylor Swift is in.

I could get, if I am, you know, five miles away from Taylor, I could still get there to see her walk from her car to the building. By the time a Swiftie is posted, I could then get in a car and get there and see her open the door and walk in because it's so fast and it's in real time. But last night I saw that there was a game going on. I was doing karaoke for my mom's birthday with my family. And Chris was, I was texting him about that. And he said, you know, the Chiefs are playing and this is the game that decides, you know,

if they have a chance to going to the Super Bowl. And for some reason, I was like, I'm so wanting Taylor Swift to be at the Super Bowl, and I want Travis Kelsey there because I care about their relationship because I'm locked in because of that. I was like, I really cared that they won last night. I didn't want to watch it, but I really cared. And I just said to Chris, it's already done. They've won. They're going all the way. There's just no doubt about it in my mind. They're winning. And of course they won, and I'm not saying that. They've won. They're going all the way. There's just no doubt about it in my mind They're winning and of course they won and i'm not saying that's why they won but

I took the time to manifest for taylor like things for her life to make her life better And I literally cannot do manifestation for my own life right now I know i've been talking about doing it a lot recently And I want to be able to do it But i've been so depressed recently that my brain like will not allow it because even the things I want to manifest, I don't want to do. Cause when you're depressed, you don't want to do anything. So even me being like, I hope I win an Emmy. I'm like, I don't want to go try on dresses to wear

to the Emmys next year. I don't want to have to like write a speech. I don't want to have to be on the, like, that's how depression works. it just makes you hate everything that you even love so i've been in a unable to manifest anything for myself recently but last night i took the time to really send out the just the absolute certainty into the universe that they have already got they're not gonna they might not win the super bowl i'm saying they're going all the way and i was certain of it. And then when I checked my phone later and saw they won, I was so excited. So the chief felt like I had something to do with it and I absolutely aren't going to the Super Bowl. No,

they're going to the championship game against the Ravens and it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough to be who they play in. The Ravens are like this buzzsaw with like this amazing quarterback and a really good defense a better defense than the Bills had probably. It's going to be tough. And who are the other

two teams? Oh, the Lions who've never won the Super Bowl before and everyone in Detroit is lifting up the Lions. They're so excited. Even if you've never paid attention to football, the city of Detroit is a buzz because this is... That's fun. Okay, so they're the ones we want to get

in, really. Pretty much, really pretty much. Yeah, the NFC the the Ravens the other one the Ravens and the Chiefs are like kind of boring because the Ravens have won the Super Bowl twice in the last like 15 years and obviously the Chiefs have gone to this championship game the last six years

in a row. What insane? Yeah, they've been to six championship games in a row. That's the game before the Super Bowl. Okay. So it's pretty wild. But the Lions are playing the 49ers, who may be the best team of all. So it's going to be tough. Oh, wow.

This is an exciting showdown. Yeah, it's exciting. If the Lions win it, people are going to go nuts. Everyone was excited for the Bills too, because the Bills have also never won it. And the Bills lost last night. They lost the Chiefs. And famously in the 90s, the Bills went to the Super Bowl four years in a row

and lost the Super Bowl four times. What? That's so sad. And they've never been back since then either. And my friend Sean O'Brien is probably the biggest football team fan I know. And it's the bills.

And I'm sorry for him. Yesterday was a rough day for him. Yeah. So it would have been really cool if it wound up being the bills versus the lions. Cause that's two teams that have never won before. And that would have been awesome. It's been full joy.

Superbowl wouldn't have been there. Taylor wouldn't have been there. No, she, but I think that I want the chiefs to go to the Super Bowl for the sake of Travis Kelsey. And then I think that he should retire after that because you can't go on a more exciting journey than getting to the Super Bowl with Taylor Swift as your girlfriend. It's never going to get better than that. Yeah, I want that story for them.

He should end it after that. That's a love story. Baby, just say yes. Yeah, that's a good one. And then they get engaged. His brother, Jason Kelsey, I believe, who was at the game last night. That was hilarious. Shirtless. Drunk.

He was jumping around with fans. He had to have been drunk. It was awesome. He retired. It's a good time for Travis to retire too. The brothers retire. How much older is Jason? I think they're pretty close in age. We'll have an answer when we get back from break. Brian's going to research that.

We are going to wait on bated breath for that answer. We'll be right back with more show after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts

all right we're back how much older is jason than travis jason kelsey is 36 years old and Travis Kelsey is 34 years old. Sorry, Jason looks 48. Jason's had a hard career. He's gotten knocked around a bit. He plays a more intense position, correct? Than tight end. Yeah, I mean, tight end is also technically a lineman, so they're similar. But Jason Kelsey is a center.

He gets the shit kicked out of him every game, no matter what happens. Good for him to be done. And Travis, I got retiring at 34, though. It just seems so young. Well, you retire from one career. Well, it's not. He could do another one. Oh, yeah. And then you go into another podcasting.

Can you imagine? Just imagine. So fun to look at. I would watch him do anything Put him on TV I want to In fact I want to see him do anything Except football To be honest with you

Because I can't see his face Did you see him do a little heart To her last night After he scored the touchdown He did a Taylor Swift heart hand And then pointed to her box And then did a heart It was so cute

I love how cheesy he is. What a cutie. Oh, so in love. Can you imagine having to bend down? Like you're bent down. Like you're in, you can't. Yeah. So that's crazy.

Already I'm out. Okay. So you have to bend down. Is this what Jason has to deal with? Yeah. You go into a squat and you bend down and your whole job is to hold a football and throw it behind you to your quarterback. As soon as you throw that football, a 300-pound man is trying to destroy you. So it's not like the other linemen are just waiting for that 300-pound man.

But you're also a 300-pound man. That's true. So I think I'd feel okay if, like, okay, so if a 140-pound woman was coming at me, I would feel less scared than a three. You can't present this like it's like... So imagine you have to bend over with a football. Okay. And then a lion, an elephant comes to attack you. Exactly.

Would you want that? That's why you're making it so... Imagine if you bent over... No, I don't understand why anyone wants any of this. I don't understand this game. And then someone shot you with a bazooka. I, yeah,

I don't, I don't understand the game still. I still, I'm very excited for the season to be over. I'm just, I'm tired of, it's, it is so nice

that people have this in their lives to care about. I will just say that. And it is, I can relate because I'm a Swifty and I get obsessed with things, but people making fun of Swifties,

football fans making fun of Swifties is so fucking funny to me because you are exactly the same as us. I mean, this point has been made. I'm not making a new joke here. You dress up, you go to arenas, you devote so much of your time 10 hours on new year's day you could have watched football and i would say even more with pre and post game

analysis of course and doing fantasy 10 hours yeah um yeah i i think that if swifties are like looking up when taylor goes to lunch or when when she dresses in a certain pair of pants and then NFL fans are like, Oh my God, Lamar Jackson wasn't at practice today. Lamar Jackson tweaked his ankle playing basketball. It's like the same exact thing. We're analyzing lyrics. You're analyzing stats.

Um, and, but I would love a show of smart people to... I would want a part of The Interruption for Taylor Swift. A really fun show with people. Because there are podcasts about Taylor Swift. And I do see the clips and I like them. And you know what?

Actually, I don't want that because I don't... The podcast, I can't get into for whatever reason. I do watch... I like the takes that chicks in the office have on Taylor Swift. I always love them. They're so positive. I love a celebrity gossip thing that's just like positive and sometimes they're they whenever they get judgmental they're always

like right. It's like it's I need to be more like them because sometimes I think I have the wrong take too loudly and it's mean and then I regret it later on and I need to be more like them because sometimes I think I have the wrong take too loudly and it's mean and then I regret it later on. And I need to be very sure of my bad or like my mean takes. Sometimes I just get really mad. Yeah, but it's good to throw out takes.

You got to throw out the takes and you can take it back later. That's what takes are for. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to take back something. Actually, this brings up a good point. I do think people need to get to the airport earlier than two hours if you don't have tsa pre and i really forgot to say that point when i went on the tirade about like you don't need to be there before two hours please know that that is if you if you have

tsa pre you're gonna be okay but i know you don't because if you're worried about going to airport you definitely don't have it so i i'm sorry that i assumed you had that. Go two and a half hours early. That's what you'll need. But also get TSA pre. Do it for yourself. I know it seems daunting. It's not a big deal. It goes by really quick. And then clear, you can get clear,

really speeds things up to a lot in certain circumstances. But pre is really the one that you want. Too many people have pre now. The lines sometimes on pre are longer than the non-pre lines. Yeah, and now too many people have clear. Even clear? How much is clear? Clear is backed up so much. Clear, I don't remember.

I wish I did. You can look that up, but yes, it's that's now backing up, and now I'm like, what's the next exclusive thing to get you through clear faster? I mean, do we just keep adding on things, or do we make it cost prohibitive? It's a caste system.

Yeah. I mean, you're going to, it is a caste system. It's bullshit. Everyone should be equal. It should be Southwest, even though on Southwest you can buy a list preferred and get on earlier.

So it's like, there's always a way to find how to get, um, to get more like, I like how pretty much anything that you point to as being noble ends up not being it's like they're not no one's doing anything really out of the kindness of their heart if they're a company i've realized capital the other day no there isn't no i saw i saw an ad the other day from ikea it was during the football game which ads during football games they're made for mentally um slow adults it's everything is bright colors and

chicken cracking open they're just like there's no even like there's no information it's just visuals and sounds loud sounds like that dumb commercial you talked about i really feel like i'm special needs when i watch football commercials they i'm sorry they know who their audience is kind of like the most expensive time slots for commercial yeah and they're they're bright and beautiful and i do like the commercials because i'm like oh colors like it makes me feel like a kid but it is um a little bit like coco melon talking to you kind of stupidly like door the explorer like wow tacos like everything is for it's for children it's really wow it's really interesting you want tacos now maybe what about tacos oh my

god taco bells ads have you seen those ads you definitely have the taco bell ads well the ones that play like 90s music the gen z ones where they show up at a party and everyone's wearing like, I don't even know how to describe them. It's like a 2000s. I, as a millennial, feel like it's a dated look. Like I'm like,

they're trying to be cool, but I think they might be living Moss. Like they might have figured out how to live Moss and they might have nailed it. Like it might be what the younger generation wants,

but it looks like a 2007 party to me. But maybe that's in now. Well well it's wild because they're they're clearly going for gen z and they're trying to do a gen z party but the music they choose is always from like the 90s or early 2000s they pick some they do like green day they play like green day yes that is like yeah this is fucking awesome i'm like wow these gen z kids are cool. I want to see their focus groups. I want to understand it. Anyway, so the ad I saw was for Ikea. And they were like, when times get tough, we lower our prices. We know that you're pulling your purse strings together. So we've considered you and we're lowering our prices.

I just want to make sure everyone understands. No, that is not why they did that. Because at first, I really was like, oh my God, Ikea? It might be like patagonia you know like they are just a company that exists but to like raise awareness about think problems and they just want to help everything which we know from adam ruins everything's youtube clip that that is not the truth about patagonia either and then i took a second with ikea and i go god that's so. They lower their prices when times get tough. And then I laughed at myself.

I was sitting next to Chris. I laughed at my own thought. And then I go, Chris, I just thought Ikea was actually decent. And that is, I just took the extra step. I could have stayed in that pond of stupidity I was just waiting in. I'm just like, they like us and they're worried about us being able to put dinner on the table. No, they're not. They will sell more

if they lower their prices because they know that people will instantly not go get a new bedside table. That will not be a thing that they spend their money on if times are tough. But it will be something they spend their money on if they make it $20 less. And by making it $20 less, they sell that table whereas if they kept it $20 less. And by making it $20 less, they sell that table

whereas if they kept it $20 more, they'd never sell it. So it's better to sell a $40 table than a $60 table. They're not doing it because they care about you having a new bedside table and they want you to be able to still get the things you enjoy in life even though times are tough. They want your money. And then when times are good, we're

going to charge you double because you're going to pay it. Yes, exactly. It's all bullshit but i almost fell for it it was really good ad i don't know why we're giving them a texas accent the ikea is like uh sweden isn't it it was it was just this earnest man talking to me yeah i doubt that they would the swedish accent does not sound more intellectual than us no offense offense. Like French, a French broken English sounds still elite. Sounds like you're smarter than me. You might not have grasped our language yet,

but I know you're better than me for some reason. Swedish does not convey that for whatever reason. You know what I hate in commercials? What? Is when they do something that makes you feel sad or emotional. They influence your emotions in some way. There's this one commercial. I fucking hate this commercial.

There's a commercial where there's a woman who's got Alzheimer's and her husband is so sad during the holidays or something because she can't remember anything. She can't remember. She doesn't even recognize her daughter. She doesn't recognize her husband. Damn. And then the granddaughter Sorry, get me. Right. And then the granddaughter

is like, what am I supposed to buy? Because I'm in. Tell me what this is. They're being manipulated like this because by the end they're like crying and then they're like Toyota. And it's like, what the fuck? Like you made me feel bad for an Alzheimer's woman? But what's so annoying about this commercial is that there's this, like, Gen Z granddaughter.

And she's like, I have an idea. As if nobody thought of having to do this before. They took the Alzheimer's woman and she took her in the car and she drove her around to all of her like old like her old school and an old place where she had a kiss and the grandma then was like wait it's all coming back to me no because that's how alzheimer's no it doesn't work that way and also like the gen z person was the first person to think maybe we should take her back to her old school and see if it jogs her memory at all and then she came back and the grandma was like, and the husband was like, oh my god, where'd

you go? And she's like, you can't cook Thanksgiving dinner alone. And the husband's like, what? She knows it's Thanksgiving? I'm gonna cook now. No way. She cured her. Toyota, the cure for Alzheimer's. That's right. And we're all crying because it's like, oh my god, I can't believe. But I'm just

so pissed at this, you know, like this Gen Z kid coming in there being like, I know what to do. Well, I get where they were going with this ad, right? Gen Z is more tuned into feelings and empathy and caring about other people. And they are the future. They have to have the ideas to take care of us in the future. But you are right about this. Let's do this thing that's like, no one has ever taken grandma out of the house at all up until this girl has this novel idea

to load her in the CRV. I guess that's Honda. They get me every time. Those commercials get me every time. The emotional manipulation. And then it just makes me angry. I don't want to buy your product now. I'm mad.

You're mad that you got... They took advantage of me. They got inside. They made me cry. And now I'm going to buy your fucking Toyota? People who go into a boardroom and figure out how to do that. That's the part that irritates me. Yeah.

Yes. It's kind of interesting though i like i love when someone can figure i mean i think that people cry too easily because i just don't cry that much and so when there's some people i just think that those kind of like there's the one where like everyone talks about like coming home from war and like oh yeah or the dog i don't know why those don't get me what am i heartless well you what about when a when a guy is reunited with their dog does that get you i don't really care i mean it's not that i don't care but it's like i've seen a dog doesn't know he was in afghanistan you know like the dog would have been happy if he like went there's a little extra but dogs don't really really have a sense of time passing.

So he could have gone to the gas station and would have gotten the same response coming home. The dog's also feeding. I mean, of course, I'm being so snarky. And I do know that a dog will be like, it is adorable when they freak out. I've seen videos where dogs go missing for months or something and then they're reunited. And that really tears at my heartstrings. But I don't know why those don't get me the only thing that gets me to really cry is um when someone dead is talking from beyond or like if someone is talking about a dead person and

saying like we miss you like you're still around like like the tyler henry night was getting me so much because they were like dead people were talking like they're still here something about that it triggers me and like if and then last night I cried when I was watching and by cry like it's just a little bit of tears

there's not a drop it doesn't like fall down cascade down my face yeah I yes the sniffles. I got teary-eyed watching Love on the Spectrum season two. Oh, that is almost wall-to-wall crying. Oh my God, because it's just so nice. Yes.

It's just so nice. Everything, like the parents and the daughters, like the daughter saying about her brother who's like very autistic saying like, he's the best person I know. He's my favorite person. I was just like, oh my God. Like, I'll just always remember when on the first episode of

the Australian version, the first version of Love on the Spectrum, the mother says about Michael, you know, the autistic guy in australia she goes every family needs a michael and i was like i want a michael in my family like this just person that's just so pure and only saying exactly how they feel and doesn't have any sense of irony or sarcasm um it's really it's just so lovely it's it's interesting actually because i'm watching a show where there's no comedy there's no comedy on purpose hardly at all like they never autistic people don't really make

jokes now down for love lots of jokes being made i think people with down syndrome love to just goof around and laugh freely with abandon and this i'm not saying this saying this for, this is just something I've noticed. I think autistic people don't have as much of like I'm going to trick you with a joke kind of thing. Or like I want to tickle you or something. Like last night they were debating this guy who's autistic lives with two Down Syndrome guys

and that's not what we call them, but you get what I'm saying. And they're like, they live together in this apartment. They're talking about him getting a girlfriend and they're like, you have, you're going to have so many giggles with her. There's going to be so many giggles. It's just so cute. And they're like, there's going to be chuckles and giggles. And then one of them says, you can tickle her.

And then they go, oh my God, we're going to, he'll tickle her. And she will laugh so much. And they're all like rejoicing in this. And then one of them goes, I don't know. Wait, do, I don't think one has a moment. One of the Down syndrome guys has a moment of like, maybe we're calling like we don't tickle everyone. Some people don't like it.

He goes, maybe you don't tickle your girlfriend. I think that maybe your girlfriend, you don't want to tickle her. She might not like it. And then they all go, oh, yes, that is not a good thing to do your girlfriend. You may not tickle your girl. It was so cute that they all like wanted to tickle her and then they didn't want to and they all agreed that was the best solution and they were all thrilled about it and they all are just so sweet and they want love and they want friendship and this one girl was talking i think the part that got me crying was she was talking about her brother who's

really autistic and so sweet his name is connor and he's like hot too. Like he's so cute, I think. And he has his friends or his family, like, and his mom said, you know, he doesn't have any friends, but you know, so he's sometimes alone if I go out on a date with my husband and then the kids go out with their friends, he'll stay alone with the dogs. And she goes, but you know, we're his friends and I think we're pretty great. And you can tell they're a really great family. And was like but I do want it and that got me crying that um they're his friends like it was so sweet but um what was I gonna say about him oh my god he goes to a speed dating thing and while he's speed dating he will write down in front of them yes or no like he doesn't he doesn't wait for them to get up it's so cute and then then the producer, bless his heart, could have just like kept letting that play out.

But as soon as he noticed it, he was like, hey, Connor, are you writing down yes or no when she's still sitting there? And he goes, why? Should I not be doing that? And they're like, well, she might see it. And he goes, oh no. And he like, it dawns on him.

And it's so sweet. And I think it's sweet that the producer stepped in and did that because I've worked in reality TV. And when someone is making a mistake that is going to hurt other people's feelings we tend to let it go yeah we tend to let it happen and we hope it gets worse but then you just see that on this show the opposite yeah they're they're really trying to help them out um and i just love it so much i want to the audience doesn't want to help them out. Because the audience doesn't want to see that either. The audience doesn't want to see them fuck up and get embarrassed. That's not...

This one, it's full... This season has a lot more awkward moments than other seasons because I've heard some people say they don't like the show because they can't stand

the awkwardness of it and the secondhand embarrassment. I would say to you, get over that because this is not... When they say it about I think you should leave, Taylor, actually, who's on the podcast all the time, she says they say it about I think you should leave Taylor actually who's on the podcast all the time she says she can't

watch I think you should leave because it's so embarrassing for her and I'm like but just remember it's a sketch yeah it's a sketch but I also I can't watch horror films and someone could say remember that's fake blood and I would be like well it doesn't feel fake to me so I can't exactly say that sometimes love on the spectrum

it's awkward, but it just, it's over. It already happened somewhere and you can get through it. You're missing out on so much good just for those little moments and just fast forward. You're not going to miss plot

if you can just fast forward past awkward. Yeah. So much good. Sometimes I felt that way about certain episodes of Curb where I was like, ah,

it's just so awkward. I can't get through it. I don't want Larry to mess up this much. Well, Curb would bother me because it would always be someone acting so insanely to him. And it would bother me

because I go, no one would be this mean. And I know it has to be heightened for the sake of comedy, but it would kind of lose me with every woman's just like, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why would you say that to her?

Don't say that to her. She's a child. And it's just like, it always like builds crazily too fast. Yeah. But I do love it so much. And yeah, there's been times where I can't watch things because they're awkward.

I'm trying to think of things like, oh, Joe Coy. I had to get up and pace the room during that. I could not watch it. I could listen. It was like Fargo. I had to close my eyes.

I don't like watching people bomb at all. I really don't. Some people love watching people bomb. I hate it. I hate it. Maybe it's just because I felt it. I don't love watching people get pranked either, especially if it's something really mean.

No, I hate prank shows I can't I don't like I never got into jackass even though I know it's brilliant Some of the stuff I've heard of I'm just like It's almost like the Saw movies I want to read about what they do but I don't want to It's funny because they do it to each other But if it's an unsuspecting person

And especially if it's like a mean prank That I don't like I can't stand pranks there's one that i saw on tiktok yesterday or or reels that was um guys were walking down the street and then there would be like a hot girl with huge tits walking towards them and then behind her so these guys they're walking towards each other behind her would be another group of guys holding some object right so they'd go so the guy facing her would say wow you have the most amazing rack and she would be like offended and then all of a sudden there's a guy with a rack

right behind her like a clothing rack and he's like he walks right past her goes this is the best rack i've ever seen it's huge yeah can i touch your rack and then it's one with melons and there's one with um coconuts classic it's funny it really is funny because the girls are like shocked and they're like and i'm sure those girls are real yeah i'm sure yeah it's probably all fake but okay go on i don't like those because and i'm gonna get called a little snowflake woke bitch but the girl thinks for a second she's being sexually harassed. Yeah. And it's an uncomfortable moment. And if you're a girl that hasn't been sexually harassed before, you don't understand the fear that goes with that.

So you've like scared someone and made them feel like they're being like preyed upon even for a split second. And I know that's what pranking is. You make someone think they're going to fall off something or you think, make someone think that you just kicked that baby or whatever it is. It's always like elicit some trauma response but that's why i don't like pranks for a second you think it's real and it changes your brain chemistry i would think the phrase but it's just a prank is bullshit like it doesn't make up for anything i remember

and like the 2010 to 15 area like pranks kind of hit like a peak on youtube where it's like everyone was trying to do pranks because of social media and I remember it got to the point where the prank started to become just like oh you're just like being an asshole to somebody for five minutes and then saying but it's just a prank so there was one

kid who was doing that and there was this on the subway on some subway he was just like sitting on people's laps he would just go into the subway and on some subway, he was just like sitting on people's laps. He would just go into the subway and sit on someone's lap and then be like, what the fuck? And they'd be like, oh, pranked you. And it's like, that's not a prank. You just sat on someone's lap

like an asshole and then said that. And then there's this video, it happened like a few weeks after that, where he sat on someone's lap and the guy beat the shit out of him. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. I would like that video. That's normal. Of course that would happen.

And he's like, no, no, it's just a prank. It's just a prank. And he's just punching him. I watched this YouTube video about this guy named Trevor Wisecup. And he takes street photography, which is like my favorite thing. One of my favorite things in the world is just like pictures of random people when they don't know they're being taken a picture of or when they just find out like they look in the camera.

I love that because it is you and I used to do it in New York City and I used to almost get caught a lot of times. It's like it kind of feels like you're shoplifting someone's soul because you steal these little intimate moments where they don't think they're being filmed and you get like a slice of humanity. Like you'll just see a girl's face and you just can like see she's depressed just from the way she's like look staring at the ground and you're like wow that's such a vulnerable thing that you caught of that person so it feels a little bad but this guy trevor wisecup watches interview on youtube because he just walks around a certain part of town he becomes obsessed with it

and he just snaps people pictures in people's faces and then deals with the consequences and sometimes he almost gets like beat up and people are confused but most of the time people don't care but i think that is i never did that i would always sneak it yeah and i would use my um you could so you would have on headphones and they used to have the wires obviously and a sneaky way to take a picture was to press the up button you know how the volume up yeah the shutter looks like you're doing volume so i would look like i'm doing volume on the wire of my so you wouldn't and i would just hold it and a lot of times i would do one where i look like i would because sometimes you want to get an angle that's like litter up by your face you can't hold the phone up that looks like you're taking a picture so if you make it look like you're

looking in the facetime mirror and doing your lipstick, you can take a picture of someone and they think you're using your phone as a mirror. Wow. Sneaky. Sneaky, sneaky. But I did get caught once and I was just like, oh, erase it. I forget what happened, but it felt awful. We'll go to break and come back with more after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show

Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, we're back. Last night my sister told me that Arlo... It's so funny. Okay. my sister told me that Arlo, it's so funny. Okay.

Matt told me actually that Arlo, we were all, it was my mom's birthday last night. We were all at this karaoke lounge. Before the karaoke began, we were all eating dinner. And Matt, we were talking about kids,

you know, saying weird stuff. And Matt said that Arlo the other day, who's six, said, is face fucker a bad word? Face fucker. which is just so funny to take it to the next level like he has no clue what that means but he just is wondering if that's a bad word and i like a little lyric detective brilliantly know exactly where he got it from it's olivia rodrigo's song vampire she goes um uh the vampire song she goes fame fucker

bleeding me dry like a goddamn vampire she's a fame fucker but kids are hearing that and thinking it says face fucker and also face fuck they probably heard it somewhere else because that is a thing like on dora i go did i go did he get it from Olivia Rodrigo? And Matt goes, how did you know that? I'm like, yes, because that's the only time a child would hear this. And my dad goes, why aren't you listening to the clean version? And Matt's like, I don't know, because I didn't think that word would be in that song. Like, it's a beautiful song. And so Arlo said his face fucker a bad word.

And then my dad goes, you got to listen to the clean version. And Lauren may have just said echoed that yeah like we gotta get the clean versions and I go do you do you because what's the harm like I think as a kid I didn't say ever I knew that words were for adults

like I wouldn't purposely say a bad word to like get in it was helpful the only time I said a bad word was when I didn't know it was a bad word if I knew something was a bad word i wouldn't say it because i was a good girl i guess so the only times i got in trouble was when i thought it was a word that everyone could say right and i think that's most people have a story of just saying something you hear your mom and dad say and then they get mad at you and you're like but you i didn't even know it was bad so but also if a kid is cussing have you ever heard a kid cuss and not thought it was funny

has there ever been a context where a kid says face fucker and it wouldn't be hilarious i don't care if my kid is saying that at a church or at like dinner at um my friends like in front of his friends parents i still think it's funny it would not bother me at all if my kids said face fucker but maybe that's because i don't have kids and i don't know what that would feel like but i uh i just my sister was like we don't want him saying that i'm like but why like if the school called and said your kid's saying face fucker i would be like this is a funny story for them someday this isn't going to really affect their bottom line right now. It's not that big of a deal.

Yeah, they just have to learn that there's consequences. My kid will learn from right and wrong. Yes. There's consequences in certain situations to cursing and they'll learn that.

And I'm not going to laugh all the time. I'm going to say, you don't say that around people, but I'm not going to be upset. Like, we need to shield the children from the words. Like, that's crazy.

I understand not letting kids see porn because it's like a traumatic image. Like, I don't think everything adults have and violence. I don't even think violent porn should be barred from adults, too. It's all bad for your brain. But I think curse words, words should not be kept from kids. No. End statement.

Like, final answer. Just I think no words should be kept from anyone I think it's very strange I understand why we don't The n-word yes but they should know It's a thing that exists If you're a white kid You can say the n-word until you turn 8

No the n-word of course That's never going to be funny for a kid to say Or anyone to say Although I'm sure If they didn't know what they were saying It would be funny for a kid to say or anyone to say. Although, I mean, I'm sure it would. But if he was. If they didn't know what they were saying, it would be funny. If a six-year-old white kid was saying the N-word, would you not laugh a little?

It would be funny if it was not to someone. No, no, no, not to someone. Like, if they were just saying it because they didn't know what it meant. Kids can't tell when to say it and when not to say it. But the problem, then that's okay because we should all understand that kids don't have the reasoning. So they shouldn't be, you know, we shouldn't try them as adults. So if they say the N word, we shouldn't all go, you're the worst kid that's ever lived. You're bad.

You're a bad person. Like that stuff matters. So I think that, i don't know and and i really am on to something i got to say with this adoption thing and how you don't you don't care as much about your kid being an extension of you and you're a little bit easier with them i've gotten some feedback on it and i've uh some people sent me some things about parents being so obsessed with their kids and how it's an extension of them i think i'm on to something that adopted kids have it easier when it comes to pressure from parents, which is a detrimental thing in a child's life if you're adopted because your parents aren't as obsessed with how you come out because they don't take it personally. I believe that's true of second children too.

I think the first child gets too much pressure put on them and the second child, it works both ways. You have to figure things out on your own because the parent isn't quite as focused on you. And then you also have to compete with someone older than you all the time. Yes. Wait, being a second... I am so glad I wasn't a second kid, although all of the

things I hear about being the oldest daughter are terrible. And it's a harder... It's a hard life you would have thought like all the stuff i get sent about being an old eldest daughter or all the memes and stuff it just assumes we were just horribly abused like throughout our lives and that we've had the hardest lives it's like it's really not that bad of a life but um it does make you feel better when someone tells you like you have a reason to be crazy because that I think is my problem is like I get I struggle with so much depression.

I struggle with all these like self-doubt and self-loathing and all these things. And I got nothing to point at for why I feel this way. It's just it's so aggravating that I didn't get molested or beat. And I'm saying that obviously comedically, but it would be nice to have had a divorce or something. But I think the lack of divorce could have led to it. But it is very frustrating. It's like your whole childhood,

everyone else around you was having these amazing excuses to be fucked up and you had nothing. You were sitting there, there parents together never molested no accidents and it's just like that's your tragedy well this is the crazy part is that in my like unpacking this stuff with my new my not new therapist i've been seeing her a while um no this wasn't even from her i'm so sorry we talked about this because i'm reading this book what is the book i'm reading oh okay it's i'm i'm reluctant to share the title because i'm sorry but it is helping me and i've sent it to my cousin and i've sent it to uh and i've told another

friend to get it it's called unworthy and it's i think the sub heading is something like how to stop hating yourself or something like that. Anyway, I just put it. I put in self-loathing books like I just type that in. And this was the first one that came up. And so I got it. And it's really good. And it's teaching me about like, why do I hate my like, why do we hate ourselves? The science says that, you know, you can hate yourself because you have abusive parents that never believed in you and were, you know, codependent on you and narcissistic and emotionally abusive and alcoholic and all these things. sensitive little kid and your mom maybe was a, when you were a baby before the age of three, you could have been around your mom a handful of times when she was just not in a good mood

and didn't smile at you in the right way. And was it returning your smiles? I mean, that's how sensitive some babies are. that can actually lead to attachment disorder where it's like if your mom is just in a fucking bad mood there's been times where i don't want to smile at a baby oh i never smile at a baby so through no fault of a mother's just being stuck with a baby and being tired overwhelmed and uh and just busy done with it yeah and busy or distracted whatever it is and i i can only imagine what phones add to this but like if a baby isn't given the response that it needs if it has a wet diaper and it's not that its needs aren't getting met it's hungry and the oh this was one example would that can fuck up your baby and make them insecure and feel

like they have self-loathing the rest of their lives is that you could feed a baby and the baby is expecting what it usually gets which is like warm a warm yummy food and the bottle could be cold and it would alarm the baby's brain and neural

pathways in such a way that it now can't trust that can happen two times. This isn't science, but I think it's like, it doesn't have to happen that many times. I don't know this for a fact, but this was a reference that was like, came from research in this woman's book.

That can happen just a handful of times that a baby gets cold when it's expecting warm and it will lose trust in the things that love it the most. And if you lose trust in something that that love it the most and if you lose trust in something that loves you the most you must not be that lovable if the thing that's supposed to love you doesn't and gives you cold and so you you decide okay well i gotta do this on my own and like it's shit like that final answer we're fucked i final thought we we're how that is so delicate so that's that's what i'm it's helping me reading

these books because i'm learning that just because i don't have some like crazy pivotal abusive situation to point to in my past it could have been just something like that like my mom was just watching a soap opera and kind of distracted and i was like and like she was just like had just maybe read something like you don't need to calm them right away. And then that could have led to me later on. You know, makes me want like, isn't there a flaw in just that? And like everybody's fucked up and the littlest thing could fuck you up as a baby. Yes.

And I feel like our parents generation or even the one before that had the right idea where it's just like, stop exploring those things. Just suck it up and just live your life. And then, you know, beat your wife and die of a heart attack at 48. But at least...

Well, you're going the other way. Just give up, you're saying. Well, yeah. Like we, I think because we're trying to always constantly figure out why we're wrong and improving our condition in life

that we have this aversion to being uncomfortable. We have this aversion to being... Yes. And it's like, you're becoming, we're wrong and improving our condition in life, that we have this aversion to being uncomfortable. We have this aversion to being... Yes. And it's like, you're becoming... We're all becoming more and more sensitive because we're expecting everything to be good. And it's just not. And you should just accept that and suck it up.

I agree with you. That is... I completely agree with you. There is... That life, everything you love will go away someday. You will either die and it will all go away or it will die before you die. And so human existence is losing everything you have. It does end up horrible.

No matter what, you can even like, we lose everything we love, which is by definition, not a good system. So by definition, being a not a good system so by definition being a human is pain and exist it's being it's it's pain yes um and you do have to accept that the problem is is that i do accept that and i still um you should be able to enjoy the good stuff though and that's where i run into issues is that i can i embrace the pain i know i'm gonna die someday i think it's crazy all the animals suffering around that we're just like whatever we're like I see it all around I accept it I do still want to enjoy shit though and that's where I think my depression gets the

best of me is that I can't you can't enjoy the things you once loved I mean I've heard it in the left commercial time and time again. That is like, that's what I'm trying to, and I'm just tired of like not liking myself. We've all heard the thing of, um, like if you talk to the way you talk to yourself, to your friend,

like they, you would never let someone talk to your friend the way you talk to yourself. And it's so true. I can't even imagine anyone. If someone spoke to my friend, the way I talk to myself, I would probably be in prison for murder like I would be I really would do some crazy shit to come after whoever talked to anyone I love this way like I've anyone that's hurt my friends before I immediately I'm like can I is there a way I can cyber bully them so they'll jump off a bridge like I mean I that's my first thought like I hate

anyone that is mean to my friends and I would never cyber bully someone by the way have I been tempted to of course does it seem like a good idea when you really want to make someone feel bad and you don't want them to know it's you yeah do I get why people do it uh-huh but should you do it never

it's so cruel and awful but yes I've thought about it before of like man i wish i was a worse person could just some people have the fan bases that uh are capable of sicken the dogs on someone like a swifty yeah or like yeah swifty i mean there's been plenty of examples of it where you just even accidentally sick the dogs on somebody and i don't think the besties are capable have you ever been tempted to do that do you think the besties though are capable of uh no i don't think are these i don't think the besties are capable. Have you ever been tempted to do that? Do you think the besties though are capable of, uh, no, I don't think our,

I don't think they're capable of it, but I do think they'll admit that it would be very satisfying to, and I, and I don't, I don't mean cyber bully someone to get someone to jump off a bridge. I was being comedic and being that, uh, hyperbolic,

but like just cyber bully someone to make them feel bad about who they are. I've been tempted to do it. I really have someone that's like hurt a friend of mine and gone out of their way like i remember carlisle telling me what a story about someone um making fun of her being a waitress as she's waitressing and being like failed at what she could have done in front of his whole table of all these really accomplished people that are all her age and i fucking went psycho dude i wanted to i to, I found out, I found him on Instagram. I stared at pictures of him. This person who tried to humiliate my friend in public,

I would have, I wanted to, I wanted to take the next step and make a fake account and just start harassing him. Yeah. Honestly, I really did, you know, but I didn't. I'm hearing this stuff and it's kind of, I can't figure out how to put it into words, but it's the same way

that I would feel about pranking someone who is an innocent bystander. It's the same kind of feeling. To me, the ultimate reward would be like, okay,

let's give Carlisle a glow up so that this person's jealous of her even more. I would focus it more on my friend coming up. That's the healthy way yes absolutely is that your first instinct

don't you have a little bit of I don't like this person I'll never be friends with this person now I can see them for who they are but you don't want to ruin their life I just want them to feel bad about who they are and know that I see what they did it puts too much focus on them.

You know when I went off about that... Oh, but it's so satisfying. Oh, boy. Fargo season five. You're so right, Noah. It's Fargo season five. Yeah, you want to... I think it is.

Yeah. Are you talking from Jon Hamm's perspective? No, from the... Like, you should just let it go and he keeps going? The matriarch, she's so vindictive and she doesn't just let the person fail.

She figures out a way to destroy everything they have. Yeah, I don't want to do that. I really I want to backtrack. I don't want them to hate themselves to the point. I just want them to have a bad day and I want them to know I know. But if they're that kind of person, I know that they are having a bad day every day because they're miserable on the inside. If they need to bully other people. And you're absolutely right.

You are ready to be a mother. I swear to God, that is like, you are. You're there, girl. Because I, if someone, yeah. It's just energy better spent. I can only imagine as a parent. Oh, I remember. Okay, you were on Joe Rogan's podcast years and years ago, but he said something to you that really, really stuck with me up until today. He said, when you wake up in the morning, your tank has 100%, and you get to choose what you do with that energy and how you spend it. And I think about that a lot, and it's true.

When I wake up in the morning My tank has like 38% Yeah that's Well as you get older It gets less and less That's for sure I spend 30% Thinking about How to destroy my enemies

No I You know what I think It harkens back to I Get a surge of dopamine When I get upset

And I think As someone with ADHD I'm constantly looking for highs Sure And I've talked about it before When I get angry I And I think as someone with ADHD, I'm constantly looking for highs. Sure. And I've talked about it before. When I get angry, I feel like very clear-headed and like the best version of myself.

It's almost like it feels good. So I think that I'm searching for that dopamine high when I do have an opportunity to really get someone. And I don't really care about the status I have. Like obviously status is something that's important to me.

It's something that's important to all humans. It's something that keeps you alive. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Is status on there? Not quite status. It's above shelter. Self-fulfillment and stuff is linked to status. Sam Harris did a whole podcast about status

and someone who wrote a book about status, how we're all seeking it, especially in a capitalist society. But my status buys me one thing um other than all the things that buys me with literal money that i get from having status but one thing it gets me that is not it is i guess it's money dependent because the power comes from the money i have the power to uh like it well i can't i guess with this guy like this certain guy that said this to Carlisle like I had the power

because he's in the industry I work in where I have a little bit of status I have the power to keep him from getting things if I mean which I would absolutely do if I ever I don't even remember his name or anything so it wouldn't happen but if I found out he was up for a job on a show I would absolutely do if I ever, I don't even remember his name or anything, so it wouldn't happen. But if I found out he was up for a job on a show, I would 100% say, no, you don't get it.

Because that's a reason to not give someone a job. You're a shitty person. So I like that. And I like the fact that if he finds out, I don't think he's cool. He might, because he's such a petty piece of shit that like cares about vapid stuff like fame

it might make him feel less cool to know that Nikki Glaser hates him like I would like it would really hurt my feelings to find out if Taylor Swift hated me and not that I'm Taylor Swift or anything but like having the ability to maybe he'd be like oh I'm such a fan I'm like well I hate you would be very satisfying

to me wow but it didn't get to that i didn't write to him i didn't say anything carlisle said not to not that i would have but man i i think but there's got to be besties out there that dream of um i don't dream of murder and i don't even think it's bad if you do because some people are just think about murdering someone and really get off on that thought of it and i don't think that means you're gonna do it there's lots of things I think about that I don't want to happen, but yeah, I got to embrace those really sick parts of me that just imagine like,

what if, what could I do if I, if I was a little bit more unhinged? Yeah. So we figured it out, I think. Yeah. Any final thoughts,

Brian? I mean, I'm, I cannot wait for the day that I get a phone call asking me for a recommendation or asking me to give a recommendation to somebody that was shit.

I mean, someone told me that story once. It was at a panel or something. And she's like, you got to be cool when you're at a job. You have to be a cool person that everyone likes being around that's nice and kind and a hard worker, but most of all, just nice and kind and normal. Because when the day comes that someone calls you, it'll come. It'll come eventually.

Somebody in your orbit, if you're a piece of shit and you're a piece of shit at work or if you're spoiled or whatever, somebody in your orbit will one day have to say, answer the question, do you recommend this person for a job? And man, just I hope that happens to me one day where I get to say, oh, that person? Actually, I might have already done this for somebody. Yeah, really?

Under no circumstances should you hire this. I think I said this about somebody, actually. And let me just say the flip side of it. Yeah. I don't remember who it was. I have said the opposite,

obviously, when someone calls and they go, finally, I get to say, this is the greatest, this person deserves it more than anything.

If my word means anything, please just give this person the job on the spot. And that, I will speak to Noah's feeling, feels so good. So much better than the other one. I don't know if better. It's better feels so good. So much better than the other one.

I don't know if better. I haven't been able to do the other one yet, but I can't wait to. But being able to give someone an opportunity feels so good. When you know that they're such a good person and you're like, oh my God, everyone on this job is going to love them.

I got to feel that this weekend for somebody. I recommended somebody for a job yeah to I don't know if I Chris yeah to Chris yeah I recommended someone for a job to Chris and I got to speak so highly of this person and it brought me great joy to

you know try to give somebody something that I thought was amazing and I've done the other thing where I go around town speaking ill of this particular thing or person or group of people. And I tell everybody I see, under no circumstances

should you work with this company. I'm sorry, not this company. With this whatever. No one's going to connect it, Brian. And I say it all the time. Because there's lots of companies you've worked with. BP, the oil company. And I say it all the time. Because there's lots of companies you've worked with. BP, the oil company. And I say that all the time.

And it doesn't feel great, but it does feel like I have to, I feel like a duty to report this to people. Whereas the other side of it, A big old duty. I feel like a big old

brown duty. The other side of it, though, when you're saying something good about somebody, that actually does make you feel good inside. It does. Yeah.

It does. It's better to do good. You're right. All right. We figured it out. I was going to say something. Oh, you know what I wanted? In speaking of these recommendations, one of the best YouTube clips imaginable that I've seen in the past couple of years, I don't think I've ever talked about it on the show, but it is worth looking up right now if you want to continue your entertainment besties um youtube hamish and andy the the best australian award or like the greatest guy in the world

because they do this thing where they call they call a random number and they say to him hey um i i just gotta have a job interview i picked a random number and i put your number down as a reference will you just pretend if they call you that I worked at your company and that I was a great employee? And the guy, and the guy goes, sure. And they call him back five minutes later as the company. And the guy gives them the best reference ever. And it's just a stranger.

And it's called, and this guy ends up getting like to go on the Hamish and Andy show and is celebrated as like the greatest man alive. And it's just, I didn't spoil it. It's such a fun, like rollercoaster of things that happen. So go check that out. Hamish and Andy, it's like the called the greatest man alive. And it's just, I didn't spoil it. It's such a fun like rollercoaster of things that happen. So go check that out. Hamish and Andy. It's like called the greatest Australian ever or something like that. All right.

That's the show. We will see you tomorrow on the show. And we'll talk about girls trip. We'll talk about my mom's birthday last night. My LA trip on the road. So much to go over. And we, this weekend, I'm going to be in Atlanta and Kansas City with Anya Marina and

a special guest on Kansas City Show, Tim Convey. So come out to those shows, Atlanta and Kansas City. We had so much fun this past weekend in Florida. We'll talk about it as well. Alright, thank you, besties. See you tomorrow. Don't be cute and just give a recommendation. Jon Stewart is back

at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show, Ears Give a recommendation. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.