The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #412 Is Nikki Passed Kidnapping Age? & Kelce, Swift, Glaser & Frange at The Super Bowl LVIII

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Isn't it sweet that Julie asked if she could join Nikki on the road? It's a much nicer thought than all the food waste and garbage piling up around the world. Nikki and Julie had the worst time getting out of Atlanta Airport. Nikki was considering going against an alarming airport announcement when a fan named Joshua came to the rescue. Brian and Nikki talk about the Kansas City Chiefs making it to the Super Bowl and drop a bombshell about who else will be there. Nikki loves the tender moment between Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift on the field. In the Final Thought, Nikki talks about helping her friend through a breakup and brings up a wardrobe dilemma. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Are you crying? What's going on with this face? You look like I'm granting you a make-away or something. Yeah, you kind of are. No, this is...

It's so nice. It's not a favor. I would never have you on my podcast to be nice. I want you to know that. I would do so many things for you to be nice, but I would never have you on my podcast to be nice. Well, I feel like it's so nice. I think you are valuable to the show.

I think you make it more fun. You make me better. Well, that's so sweet that's another thing you're doing for me nice nice nice for that sweet thing i said and then brian frangie is here what's up brian hello oh brian not you too everybody's gonna cry listen brian i'm not doing this as a favor i i mean I know you have a sick wife His wife has the Allie is sick With nothing we know

Now if it's not COVID we just go Who gives a shit Who gives a shit Someone's sick and they go Is it COVID then you go no Oh okay whatever then It could have been anything else Is it cancer

It could be worse These flus are so bad right now. Yeah, she might have the flu. Yeah, really sick from them. Well, did you see that? I sent you the, Noah's here, of course. Hey, Noah, she's pregnant. I'm joking.

She's got a sickness of her own. She's got a Stanley Cup. Is that a Stanley Cup? Actually, it's Yukon Outfitters. Oh. I wanted to go against the grain's Yukon Outfitters. Oh. Like the Huskies. I have a little chicken. Yukon, why you carry?

I have a little chicken straw cover, which I think is cute. A straw cover? Is that from Chick-fil-A or something? Where did you get a straw cover? My friend Paloma gave it to me. She knows all the cute stuff. That's so nice. She knew you had a cup that needed a straw cover?

Yeah, well, she had one. She had like a chipmunk or something. And I was like, that's so nice she knew you had a cup that needed a straw cover she she had when she had like a chipmunk or something and i was like that's so cute i've never seen that and she's like i have an extra one she got you one that's so nice that's cool so nice when someone remembers something like that and then they so nice yeah you said kirsten remembered something that i this weekend it was so nice she on the girls trip was wearing this purple shirt from this um artist named wise blood w-e-y-e-s blood and it's the coolest shirt i'm gonna wear it tomorrow on the podcast but so look at the youtube tomorrow for tomorrow's show but um i she was wearing it in girls trip and i was just like i love that so much and then i left girl she was like you should get

it it's like it's her merch and so i went to wise blood i put it in the cart and i don't even know any of wise blood songs i was just like i just like the look of the shirt so i felt like a poser so then it just sat in my cart and i thought you know what if if i keep thinking about it then i'll get it you know like if it still weighs on me a couple wise bloods on me a couple days later i'll get it and I forgot about it but I would I would have gotten it and then Kirsten got it for me for a gift when I was in Kansas City

this weekend I saw it when we got into her car I saw in she was helping load stuff in the back and I was already

in the car or she was just watching I wasn't like not helping her load she was just in the back still talking to you or something and I saw it in her front seat

in the bag and I was like she got me what I wanted I was like, Oh, she got me what I wanted. I was so excited. And then she brought you something else, some, some food item.

She did. Yeah. That's cereal or whatever. That wasn't like, that wasn't a kindness. No, that was just like, she can't eat certain things right now. And so she was like,

this is just in my pantry. You're obsessed with that food item. My mom cannot stop talking about this she's like she gave you that cereal she kirsten brought over the cereal that she can't eat anymore she gave it to she was like do you want this and i was like yeah i'll take that i like those and my mom has been my mom put it in her bag i guess i got left in my mom's room and then my mom was like nick we get in the uber the next day nikki i've got that i've got that cereal i go do you do you just keep it i don't need it she's i don't want it you want this and i go can we just deal with it later like

i don't have anywhere to put it like right now can we deal with it like when our suitcases are not like nearby and then and then again it came up like and now today it's yes you love it that's insane that you think that it just happens happens to be. Is this like a. No, it was. I don't want to make this like generational, but is that like a boomer thing? Because my dad did like such a similar thing this weekend. I was in New York. He bought a gift for my sister-in-law for her birthday, which is yesterday at this point.

And it was an Amazon. He got her chocolate covered pretzels, like a nice box of chocolate pretzels. But he accidentally sent them to San Francisco and they live in Boston now. He got her chocolate-covered pretzels, like a nice box of chocolate-covered pretzels, but he accidentally sent them to San Francisco, and they live in Boston now. He sent them to their old address in San Francisco. So, what would you do in that situation? If you ordered chocolate-covered pretzels, and they were shipped to the wrong address... Buy some

new ones. You would just buy new ones and ship them to Boston? Yeah. Yeah, because I'm not guessing chocolate-covered pretzels are over $12.99. Well, not only that, what are you going to do? You made a mistake. Do you go back to Amazon and go, we're going to find out

because it clearly wasn't that. Let me ask you this. Would you call up Amazon and then ask them, what should I do in this situation? And then they say, wait till it gets delivered and then tell us situation? And then they say, wait till it gets delivered and then tell us again. And then you say, well, no one lives there that I know.

And then they say, do you know anyone? And they say, well, maybe my brother's old landlord. And then try to get in touch with them in order to see if they would ship the package of popcorn pretzels to Boston. Because that's what my dad was willing to go through. Did you follow up with your dad on this and say, Dad, how much did this cost?

I talked with him about it all weekend. How much did the pretzels cost? Probably like $40 or $50. It's like a nice thing. We're talking about... I would still eat the cost and just go, Oh, no, I guess we can't do it. But I think most people...

$40 or $50? I'm talking from my mom's point of view. She's not going to let that go. Yeah, I wouldn't let that go. What would you do, mom? Call Amazon? Well, I would call Amazon and say, what is the procedure here? What do I do? And they'd say, well, you gave us the wrong address.

That's your problem, probably. Yeah. But they're probably like, we'll send a new box over there to Boston. They will do that. Yeah. Because even when you return something to Amazon, they'd throw it in the trash. They'd throw it away, you said. I've heard you say that.

I didn't say it. It's true. God, that's unbelievable. It's not just something I'm making up. I want to be at the end of that. They put air tags. Where? They put air tags, which are little tracking devices, into things that were returned to

Amazon, and they all end up in landfills within days. Oh, wow. Or there's. I think Adam ruins everything. Adam Conover did a piece on this. I sent that to you. I sent it to our whole family. Oh, on returns. Yeah, he did a YouTube video. Yeah, on returns. And they are first, they're put into

like storage, like they're put into lots. Like they're just all thrown into bins and then people come and bid on just getting a bunch of return junk. And then that most of it ends up in a landfill because those people can't resell that stuff but there's maybe a couple items in there that they can resell okay because i thought they did grab that because i've seen yeah but it all ends up in the trash i mean everything does yeah it's just you know this new thing of like this is my new thing this isn't a new thing sorry i'm detangling a necklace i hope you can't hear it on the thing, but I can't stop.

Once I start, I cannot stop. And it's so tangled. I'm just trying to take it off. Okay, I'm just going to put it away underneath my shirt. Stop it. Okay, so my new thing is people will eat things. Maybe I brought this up. People will eat things so that they don't go to waste.

Yeah. It's turning into poop. Like, it's gonna be waste. It's gonna be waste. Oh, baby, baby. Yeah. I think it's a different song. Oh, it sounds like the Britney song.

It's gonna be me. It's gonna be me. Is what the song I was doing. Oh, baby, baby. It's the same kind of voice. That's the same song? Yeah, you did a great Britney. Yeah Yeah but how dare you confuse Britney and Justin Oh my god

Well those are the same song in my mind Yeah They have been meshed together for eternity in my brain Oh baby baby It's gonna be me Yeah That was that early 2000s voice But yeah When people are like if i

eat that it's not waste it's like yes it is it's all gonna turn into waste yeah anyway and i guess you're like getting something out of it because your body's converting it to energy but another news flash no one in america needs more food in their body anytime you're going like i should eat that because it's gonna go to waste, your body already has enough fuel. It's going to use that and turn it into fat because it doesn't know what to do with it because it is going to waste. I get that, but

honestly, for that all of somebody to pick those raspberries and whatever, whoever, whatever. So you're saying like the taste of it, like tasting it and chewing it is like giving honor to that work kind of yeah it's like even if you're like i'm so full and this doesn't taste good and i can't even enjoy it and i feel like well i wouldn't do that exactly like that but i would i would you would just know you would put it in a container you would leave it in the

back seat of your car until three days later when you see it because you're putting in some luggage because you're going on the road with me that just happened at the airport there was a bunch of hummus and baba ghanoush no guess what that was that was just containers really yeah but they had a little food leftover in them and so you had to throw it all out and my mom goes what a waste well is there a part of you is it all environmental or is there a part of you that's like I spent money on this and therefore I need to eat it? No, it was at first I looked at it and I was like, was that good food? And then I

saw that it was not. It was leftover containers stacked on top of each other. But that I felt bad about throwing away because it went into... The environment. Yeah. I like to say this. Can't every place have paper stuff? why don't they this heavy plastic that's like tougher where you'd buy at the store it's so

and i order from vegan restaurants all the time and it's always arriving in this plastic and then but the paper hold on the paper that they serve them in, ready for this, is coated in plastic. I know, but at least it weighs less or something. It looks nice in the environment. You can litter it and it kind of blends in. They should just put it in a big leaf and tape it up with twine.

We're really... What are we supposed to do? There's nothing we can do anymore. Something like banana leaves or something. We need to harvest the banana leaves. We need to figure this out. It costs too much money. Wrap it up in a corn husk.

Plastic's cheap. Yeah, good idea. Yeah, corn husks. What is plastic? Corn husks, those go to waste like crazy. We got so much corn. We're subsidizing corn across the nation. There's husks all over the floor of America.

Wait a minute. This is something. I think this is something and i know this high sharks i know what you're talking about because you eat a lot of thai food and i'm putting thai food places on notice they are the worst at this plastic overuse defenders yes oh it's so bad and i what do you do is the the Mediterranean food is in major plastic. Yeah. Well, it just came out that the plastic bottles

are leaching. There's like 100 times more microplastics. Maybe 1,000 times. It was some number that was just insane. More microplastics than they thought per water bottle. In water. When you drink the water. Oh my God. It's either 100 times or 1,000 times more. Regardless, that number is disgusting yes and um i i switched to glass

uh permanently for like three days oh yeah you buy glass bottles yeah yeah yeah i did but most gas stations don't have glass so i was topo chico in yeah. And then you don't have a bottle opener. It's a whole thing. Right. But I really want to get away from plastic water bottles after reading that. And how could people not? I'm not even a germaphobe or like a toxins phobe. I know people that like are so cautious about toxins. My boyfriend like really won't drink tap water.

We get special water brought in oh i've been at his house i've seen the glass not even allowed to have a berkey which is like the best water filter because there might be some kind of like toxins like all of our cleaning products are natural yeah no sense in any of our um like he's insane he still eats emo's pizza but you know that's it we're all doing best but he's he's very scared of toxins wow and even um i thought that and i'm not at all i'm not i'm just like i'm not either but i'm giving up on it to be a little but even this scared me a little bit this is a hundred times the amount of pride because i i because of pregnancy and stuff i've been trying to like cut back on using plastic and we're slowly replacing all the tupperware in our home with glass but like once you you're conscious of it it's really impossible

to weed plastic out because you wear it you ingest it you put it on your head you're holding it all the time it's like it's crazy yeah i would you know in california they have this thing called prop five or something like that 65 it's made of plastic too that would, you know, in California, they have this thing called Prop 5 or something like that. It's made of plastic, too, that prop. Yeah. When I was in high school, I was in the Science Olympiad, and one of the events was identifying different types of plastic. And me and my friend Matt Karp. You would be so good at that.

Yes, we came in fourth place in the state in identifying plastic types. And you tell by the little number On the bottom right That's right like HDPE is Hydroethylene terephthalate Which is number two God that's like when catholic people Remember weird prayers

Like why have you kept Those are drilled That got drilled from his little Why didn't they teach me piano instead? Why did they teach me how to learn all the fucking plastics? Are you kidding me? I could be speaking Spanish and playing piano instead. Now I know what the four stands for in the bottom of a plastic bottle.

Fuck you, Wanta. Fuck you. Seriously. Okay, so can you give us anything you know about, like, what should we know about plastics? Like, what plastics should we use What's prop 5 about Oh right that's what I was talking about Prop 5 So in California they have this thing

Where they put a warning label on Any item you might purchase That has like chemicals in it That might cause cancer or birth defects Which you think would be nice But then you go on Amazon You would think it would be just illegal To use those things

Instead of just like but we warned ya Right But I mean cigarettes Okay go on But then you go on Amazon. I think that would be just illegal to use those things. Yeah. Instead of just like, but we warned you. Right. Right. But I mean, cigarettes. Okay, go on. But then you go on Amazon, you go on Wayfair, and every fucking thing you could buy has a warning on it. Yeah.

And so you just feel like, well, I guess I'm going to buy something that could give you cancer. I'd rather there be no warning. It's not Prop 5, by the way. That's like some kind of like tax thing. I think you're thinking of 65. I think it was like Roe v. Wade or something. Yeah, Prop 65.

That's right. It's Prop 65. And it's like there's so many things. Like I was going to buy this really nice bread maker and I was like so excited about it. And then it was like Prop 65. And I was like, well, I'm not going to have my bread maker have cancer chemicals in it. And then I had this luggage that I got from France and they were like Prop 65. And I was like, I think that's okay if my luggage has cancer chemicals in it and then i had this luggage that i got from france and they were like prop 65 and i was like i think that's okay if my luggage has cancer chemicals in it i'm not sure jesus

well i you know they're we're not like if i think california is trying to pass a thing where they're not allowed to use dye red dye or some kind of dye that has is a cancer causing dye that's in skittles and it's become a big thing because people are like, keep Skittles the way they are. But it's like one of the colors is cancer-causing. And they don't sell it in Europe. You can't buy so many of the things

that you can buy in America in other countries because they actually care about the people that live there. Or maybe not. Maybe there's some reason they're financially incentivized to not carry it but here we're we don't have that protection but i was sitting next to a table of um australians i think um in my hotel the other day and this girl was like savoring her diet coke she's like i'm so excited about this diet coke and i was like oh my god i get her so much like i love diet coke too

like it's it's like having a cigarette it is a treat yeah and she said oh my god everyone she was telling all of her australian friends taste this taste how different this diet coke tastes than our diet coke i'm like even the thing that is cancer tastes more cancery here like is it not diet coke's got to be cancer there too oh well it's terrible for high fructose corn syrup I mean we have corn syrup in all No it's not high fructose There's no one Diet Coke

It's sucrose It's aspartame Oh aspartame Yeah that's cancer causing Yes and that's what's in Diet Coke And they recently had a study come out That the sugar that they sweeten vitamin water with Is also cancer causing

Disgusting. I mean, Diet Coke, I have to say, though, I love them. And I love that there's this new resurgence of people being like, sorry, I'm doing it. Life is short. Diet Coke, baby. That's its slogan. You don't see this. Life is short, Diet Coke.

And it's going to be even shorter now. But I think that there's this meme thing going on i know you're not like plugged into what the meme culture is but there are in um basic bitch meme culture diet coke is like taking on a new like people are loving it again back in their lives the coca-cola marketing has worked they've infiltrated the meme culture like it's everyone's bought on it's back in and i just i like having a little naughty thing i do that's kind of like i don't have any like i can even tell like when i buy them chris will buy them for me but he's not happy about it like he can tell it's a vice that i feel bad about yeah and that i secretly want to quit so he's like trying to aid in my quitting but also like a

little bit like sad when i i give in because it i do feel so naughty but man diet coke out of a a bottle no how many do you have oh plastic cancer on cancer baby do you do you have more than one in in the sitting here's what i do um because yes i would be interested if i was a busty and i drank diet coke what is my consumption level i will do um on the road to some one and a half a day like i'll buy one in the morning i'll drink half of it and as soon as it gets room temperature me no one even if it gets kind of warm i don't like it i toss it i'll drink like half as my treat until i get annoyed and then before a show i sip on one. So it's probably a bounce to about one a day, probably four days a week. I do have one in my suitcase that I stole from the venue the other night. I haven't transferred it into the refrigerator, but I'm going to later today because I need

it lifts my mood, y'all. It gets me in a better mood. It has caffeine in it. So that's it. But it's yeah, it's in my well, I didn't want it to go to waste because it was it was it was at the venue. in my well i didn't want it to go to waste because it was it was it was at the venue oh yeah i didn't want to go to waste it actually would have gotten it would have gotten drank by someone there so i didn't want i just didn't want soft drinks are a different they're four dollars at the airport i was like i either buy you know like i was trying

to save 189 i checked it in my now it was four was $4.09 at the airport. Did you know that? For real? I know. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. You buy two waters and they're like $8.49 and you go, are we going to laugh about this before I hand over my credit card? Are we going to share a little knowing giggle that this is bullshit?

It's ridiculous. But yeah, I love Diet Coke. It really does make me feel like I'm doing a drug. It gives me that little hit of dopamine that I'm like, I'm naughty. I'm bad. It's a little like a little can't. It's like a smoking a cigarette. It's probably as bad as smoking a cigarette.

So I hope Donald Trump keeps chugging them. I hope he drinks eight a day. He does. No, he drinks 10 a day, mom. Oh, my God. Isn't that the number, Brian? Well, that's the thing. I mean, you drink 10 a day, he's almost

80. It doesn't seem to matter for some people. It really comes down to just your genetics. That's the thing. It's like cigarettes. You can smoke cigarettes until they die and it just doesn't matter. I'm a drink diet soft drink. They're so good. Life is short. Sometimes you gotta have a little vice, but when I was drinking these Zevias, I gotta

stop. This can't be good. I drink like six a day. There's nothing wrong with them. I don't drink water because I drink them. I can't be good. I drink like six a day. I don't drink water because I drink them. I can't. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop on LaCroix's. There's Zevia. Something's wrong with LaCroix's. Joe Mandy told me LaCroix's gave him kidney stones. He was drinking like 10 a day when he worked on Parks and Rec.

And he was hospitalized for kidney stones. It was horrible. It was all LaCroix. It's bad. I mean, anything in excess is bad. Even water, people get brain it was all LaCroix. Yeah. So it's bad. I mean, anything in excess is bad. Even water, people get brain damage from drinking. Yeah, it's got plastic particles in it. Yeah, that's true.

All right, we're going to go to break and talk about happier things when we get back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly

headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. So this weekend, Mom came on the road. Oh, cool. She wrote me on Thursday day. Maybe it was like late evening. It was afternoon. Afternoon. And she was like. Oh, cool. She wrote me on Thursday day. Maybe it was like late evening.

It was afternoon. Afternoon. And she was like, Nick, Nick. And I didn't even say it like that because I was texting you. But go ahead. It was like, Nick, can I come on the road with you sometime? Oh, that's nice.

I love when my mom comes out with me. No, I was just like pitching her And I thought you know sometime Because I think you like hanging out with me And you aren't ready to admit it to yourself But I think you like me I love hanging out with you I think we had a good time at Funny Girl I think you were feeling that

I think you were like thinking about it Like wow I Nikki's like my friend Yeah I like hanging out with her That's the best That's the best argument for having a child. If you could have a child that grows up and then they're your friend, I mean, that's like

the best case scenario. That's why I would want one. I know. That's what I want to just cut to. I just want to cut to them being like 15 and up. And I know that 15 year old girls are a nightmare, but I am delusional enough to think that I would have one that liked me. You could control that that job because she'd be autistic on love on the spectrum and they seem to be so in love with their parents because their parents are so sweet

because their parents are right there anyway my mom texted me hey nick um is there a time i could come out on the road with you and i said what about tomorrow and she was like I can't no I said I wasn't expecting that answer and then I was like one minute later yeah I think I can do that I was like you already got dad's permission he signed your field trip that was quick I said I have to ask your

father I know how did that go I didn't even ask him I was going to say I didn't think you had time you answered me too quickly I was like am I really going to ask him I'm gonna say I didn't think you had time You answered me too quickly I know I was like Am I really gonna ask him I'm just gonna tell him

That I'm going Thank you Tell And then ask for permission After I don't need permission I mean I just was seeing If it was

Oh yes you do The wives need permission But the baby will always act like He doesn't own me Yes he does You don't own me And you are owned by your wife guy who says she doesn't like you all need permission we all do i mean i was just seeing if it was

he you know i knew he had a gig and i thought well we just did the same gig that last weekend oh so he can't be like well you never come to my gigs because like boom you were there last weekend oh that's good and so and i knew it was going to be the same kind of people there i thought well i'm not going to miss that and then you know is there any guilt trip whatsoever no it wasn't guilt after i and he's been out on the road with me yeah like the last two times alone somebody mentioned they said well you know ej goes on the road with nikki i'm like yeah and we just did that we did that we are family show together alone so you and i are do a trip even though it isn't tit for tat but for some reason in my family it is it is tit for tat like you can't do something

unless someone else also does it like well it's nick well then we're also getting lauren a gift on nikki's birthday or like we get we get birthday gifts for each other on other people's birthdays. Because people can't have, you can't just have something. That's not true. It has to be equal. Yes. Because sometimes the dogs, I'm like, this dog doesn't need a treat. It's fat.

And this dog deserves a treat because it's good. You can't do that. And they go, no, you can't not give one of the dogs treats. And I go, absolutely you can. Well, you can, but it's not fair. Well, dogs don't play by fair. Trust me. They're not.

That's not just. Are you kidding me? Those dogs? No. If you give one, the other one is waiting right there. And then they'll forget two seconds later. They don't forget about food. Because they'll forget that if they even got one.

Oh, my God. Nikki doesn't get it. You used to say dogs don't get jealous well i know and that's the thing that i cannot escape in my like my family is that i once said dogs can't get jealous and i take it back yeah that is that has rehaunted me my whole life you guys always go remember the time nikki said dogs can't get jealous and i was like it's not that's not what i meant i just meant they don't they aren't like she has this thing and I want it too. They're not like.

Yeah, they do. They're just like, I want my world. They're just simple and stupid. They want what the other one has. That's a good point. Maybe I'm wrong. No, it's, well, it's so obvious how jealous I am. Well, you went on the road with me because you were like, yeah, I'm doing it.

And I really respect you for like, you like doing things and traveling and like, like in your old. Well, what does that 65? And you're like, I don't mind going on planes and checking into hotels and packing like and you're not like someone you don't pack like me. You're not just like, oh, I'll just throw things in a bag five minutes before I leave. You like prepare to pack. Well, I don't want to. I don't want to take a lot of stuff.

If I worked that way, I would feel burdened by travel, but you're down for it. I was so in. You said it's going to be easy. It's going to be Atlanta, Kansas City. I was like, okay, those are short flights. That's the thing I like.

It's like you get up in the air and you get back down. As soon as you reach the top, you're descending. It's like I love that kind of flying. It was great. It was great. We had a great time. We did go to Atlanta and we landed and I was not in a good mood

because that airport just sucks so much. You land and you have to walk so far and then you have to walk to a shuttle and then you have to get in this steamy, humid like it feels like you're getting on the G train. It's dirty. It's not dirty but it's just hot. It's hot

Atlanta, baby. Well, it's not even hot outside, really. Yeah, but it was just hot. It was like a sauna down there. Was it under construction? It took so long. I feel like every airport in America Is under construction now It is

Yeah It's such an excuse for things Just being slow and shitty Yeah You just put up a sign that says It's part in our dust It's like There is no dust

There's just no one working here But there's some cones sitting up And people aren't being paid fairly So they're moving like snails Why is Why All the signs There's all these signs in america and for some reason when it comes to pardon our dust they get this official like british aristocrat sign everything else is like under construction yield stop pardon our dust what is that that's so true why is that come from our dust yeah it was one person came up

with it and it was a cute quirky thing it's cute we're working on this place oh man there was a sign in our elevator when we were in where were we brian one of those like daytona or something there was a sign in our elevator that was terrible i'm trying to see if you remember what it was it was yellow and it made me sick it was a pun yeah i i do remember the pun do you remember oh my god if you remembered this would be like the plastics thing oh i feel like the plastics are preventing me from remembering because they're in my brain no yeah i don't remember the tetrahydrochlorosine yeah um okay so yeah that we get in the the shuttle and then we it every stop you have to wait two minutes.

And if you're a New Yorker and used to ride this train, doors open, doors close. If you miss it, it's your fault. You got to hustle. I like New York because people are moving fast. There's no time to go like, I'm going to get up and sort my bags and make sure the book is tucked in and I'll put my book oh I forgot to put the bookmark put that back in put it back in now I'm going to pick it up like pick it up as you're moving

like people will just pick something up as they're standing and then start to move you operate on the run we can just like let's go diagonal instead of up and then over just diagonal pick up the bag and let's cross the street diagonal why do we have to walk? Let's use a mobile order. Yes. Let's

grab the drink as we're passing by Starbucks. We don't need to go and stand in line like a flea. That's you. Yeah. You are efficient. We move. Keep it snappy. Man, when I'm at that little stop with that shuttle and we're like, you know, you've reached Terminal

3. You got me because you got off at the wrong stop by accident yeah because i was i i goes there's no way there's another stop this has been we were only in terminal three and there's it's three two one t and then baggage claim and so we're at t and i get off and then i'm like what the fuck so we have to get back on and it was just taking so long. And then we finally get to the baggage claim. Our luggage comes right out. Efficient as fuck. Thank you so much.

Atlanta airport. We get the luggage. Then we got to find the Uber. Now, no signs. No signs. No signs. There's never any signs at airports. Trying to find.

It is like they don't want you to take Ubers. Yeah, they must not. It has to be that because there's no other reason for the deficiency of information. How are the two of you in a circumstance like this? Is someone calm and collected? I'm going to look it up. Is someone frantic? How are the two of you?

I'm on one. And in i'm i'm in a i'm on one and i'm allowed to be on one because i'm with my mom and she loves me and she accepts me for who i am so like i kind of you know when you're like in a bad mood and there's certain people you just you got to suck it up for and then there's others that you can just kind of let it out and be yourself mom i can just i can be like i'm a baby and it like because she's my mom i was a baby at some point you were my baby so i'm sucking on her tit and she's the one that goes up to yeah so i was just like i don't god where's there's no sign like i was just kind of being pouty baby and um and then i i gotta be honest with you no Noah my mom isn't capable of

finding information in an airport that I'm not capable of because I just that's the language I speak that's your she can try to help into a personality that's there under duress that person wasn't showing up

to this we were just like I was just kind of giving up and then i was just like looking at people around and then i'm looking for anyone that works there being like where would ubers pick up and then finally i don't even know i oh i just called an uber and then on the uber app it will tell you where to go yeah it's like you need that it's crazy in lax they have la exit and i'm just every time I see that I'm like Can you imagine if you were from a foreign country And you didn't speak English and you had to figure out

How to get an Uber And the signs say LA exit It's not even a word you could look up They're trying to be cute That is the weirdest thing LA exit Yeah that's how you get to the Uber You have to take a shuttle to another,

to like a remote location. Unless you get an Uber black and you pay a hundred dollars more, which I do every time because I do not want to bring two suitcases onto a shuttle bus and then go. And I just, I just go, I'll just eat the cost. Let's talk about when we got to the Uber.

So we get to the Uber stand. Finally, we walk like, and I'm complaining. I'm like, I feel like a refugee right now because we're we're walking through these long uh you know corridors and like these garages with these puddles and it's hot it's gross yeah and and i'm it's already late i'm not gonna get

a nap in before the show i'm just like oh i think that was you that was on your mind the whole time anytime i'm in a bad mood it's because i do not see a nap on the horizon baby need nap and so it really is the only time when i see my time my it's one of our biggest things in therapy couples therapy chris brings up that he's scared to ask me to do things because i take everything that gets brought up as an affront to my time. Like everything could possibly, it's as if my time were raped from me at some point in my life. So anytime he has a little thing that might take my time, I'm like,

I don't have the time. Like it's, it's as if some, at some point in, in my life. And I, I trace it back to you guys bringing me to air shows. And like,

as a kid you your time is right from you because you just have to do what your parents tell you to do yeah it's not and you have to go it's just air shows weren't like a part of our lives but like they were kind of a little bit honestly we would go to every air show i can't even i know i don't even want to talk about it works i mean that was another thing yeah think of the two biggest fears of your life and you have to go do them and everyone's excited about it and it is and driving on the highway let's not forget just being on the highway yeah that's scary it's just everything about it was horrible but i think that and i'm not i'm not calling you out being like why did you do that to me being a kid is having like your your time

is is not yours. You can't be like, I don't feel like doing that. It doesn't matter. It depends what kid you are. Well, when you're a kid growing up in the 90s, you don't have a lot of boundaries with your family. You can't just be like, I'm going to do my own thing, I think. I'm going to hang back.

No, can't do that. Yes. And I don't know what else happened to me, but yeah, like whenever my time seems to be, whenever there's not going to be time for me to be alone. And like, and I think now I'm starting to need time to cry.

And if I don't see a time where I'm going to be able to cry at any point before I do something or have like even the opportunity, not that I cry a lot, but like, I just, I start to panic. So anyway, we're going to the uber x and or to the uber black I called a black car because I want to be impressive to my mom so I get a black suv and you know an escalade is coming to get us and they were waiting there 10 minutes passes we're hanging out my phone's about to die so I'm

not really looking at it and then he goes to he's in a totally different part of the airport then he calls me not speaking english i can't really i can't understand what he's doing i'm saying that i'm in this section i'm at le outside no you know he can't hear me i can't hear him i hang up i say i gotta cancel it i'm so sorry so i cancel it i call another one that one's eight minutes away my phone is on one percent now i'm freaking out so i set it down and i don't look at it then it gets to one. That one's eight minutes away. My phone is on 1% now. I'm freaking out. So I set it down and I don't look at it. Then I pick it up at seven minutes later. The car is at another location. This is a different

location now. And I go, what is going on? Why is my dot here and his is here? So I cancel it before my phone dies because I don't even have time to communicate with this guy to come to the right place because my phone's about to die. So then I go, Mom, I gotta use your phone. She doesn't even have Uber downloaded. She's gotta download Uber downloaded which takes forever because we're out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of this parking garage but beneath the ground and then and while we're doing this

there's all of these drivers coming up to us you know just guys waiting by who are trying who are going like you need a ride you need a ride you You need a ride? You know, you've seen these guys. I'm a car service. You need a ride? And there's constantly voice. Why not take one? Yeah, well, he seems kind of legit. Exactly. Except that every four seconds, there's a woman that comes over the speaker going like, please do not accept rides from those you do not

know. I did not. It is illegal to expect a ride. There's constantly that. They won't tell you where to pick up an Uber, but they'll tell you not to get in a car. car right they should have a better signage for the ubers they don't want you to get into an illegal man's car exactly it's like they don't have a solution to what these guys are there for so these guys what's their racket what do they do it and the guys the guys they just want to make some money off people who are stranded by uber or who like can't their uber didn't show up or whatever so but they all lie they go my car didn't show up i their uber didn't show up or whatever so but they all lie

they go my car didn't show up i my my passengers didn't show up i'm just waiting here i got a free car and i go and i go you can't say that to me i've been here 20 minutes your your car you've said this to three people in the time that i've been here yeah and i was absolutely saying do not take a ride you were getting mad oh yeah i'm taking it i'm gonna take no no we're not there yet so then i'm like i'm just gonna get a ride from this guy from one of these guys because i have cash on me right and i don't have to give away a credit card because my mom's like when we did this in france we got charged 18 1800 which is true they got scammed yeah we're still working that out yes well that's a silly thing that you get i only pay venmo or cash to these guys that

are just offering rides so then i go up to this guy i'm about to go over to the the guy guy and then i go up to this other guy who works there he has a luggage cart he's collecting luggage carts he maybe helped an old woman out there and i said where am i supposed to go to get an uber black i don't get this and he's like oh you're in the wrong section uber Blacks pick up in this other area, which I would never know because they didn't even tell me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So then I'm like, I've already been waiting here 25 minutes.

Our flight was an hour late getting in. I'm not going to get my nap. I'm not going to get my nap. I barely am going to get a chance to even work out or even look at a treadmill. And I'm just like annoyed. Do you perform the same night? Yeah. Yeah.

So we land at like 2 and by this time it was 3.30 because our flight was supposed to land at 2 but it landed later so it was 3.30 our hotel's 35 minutes away and then I gotta be at the show at 7

so the show was later than I thought so it started at 8 so I had to be there at 7 so it doesn't leave a lot of time to get and then you need an hour to get ready, put on those eyelashes and spray tan and all the stuff. So, I go, I'm going to get a ride from one of these guys. I said to the guy

that was telling me where to get an Uber. I go, I'm just going to get a ride from one of these guys. He goes, don't. And I go, why? I go, I have cash. And he's like, no, no, no. You might get kidnapped. And I go, what? This is Atlanta. Look at me. I go, why? I go, I have cash. And he's like, no, no, no. You might get kidnapped. Yeah. I go, what? This is Atlanta.

Look at me. I go, no, I'm not. And he goes, and I go, I'm 39. I was like, I'm not going to get kidnapped. And this was my point was like, I've talked about this on the podcast the other day. I'm not worried about being kidnapped. I'm too old. No one's going to sell me for sex.

Well, now you're thinking about it it You kind of want to get kidnapped Well part of me is sad That I'm out of the Oh Trafficking age Oh You know there's a part of you That goes like

Is that really what these guys Are doing though Could I still be trafficked They're hanging out At the airport Just so they can Kidnap somebody Well they're gonna scam you

And I got my mom with me Are they though Are they really gonna scam you Or are they just going to scam you. And I got my mom with me. Are they really going to scam you? Or are they just trying to usurp the Uber fees? They're trying to make more money. There's not that many people kidnapping. Under the table.

Uber's not going to take anything. It's going to be all... No, no, no. But they'll just make up a number. That is sky high. Yeah, but then you negotiate with them before you get in the car. I know what the number was on the Uber thing, so I can give them around that like i was gonna negotiate i've taken them before i'm not crazy like this is when you're in desperation these guys are legit mom my mom thinks you think seven men were all there to kidnap women do you think that's a thing that's happening every day at the atlanta airport but this guy is uh he's got a point If he ever found out who you are

Maybe No I think that would even protect me more If they knew who I was I mean me Who are you I'm the daughter of Nikki Glaser The mother I mean the mother

I have a quick stat about kidnapping Okay While the fear of being kidnapped may persist for one's entire life in 2022 the number of missing persons under the age of 21 uh was much higher than those of uh than those over 21 no duh with 206371 females under 21 reported missing and 64 uh 64,956 females over the age of 21 reported missing and if we're going over 35 that number is getting even it's even lower and that's in america in the u.s and let's be honest kidnapping is happening mostly to people like parents steal their kids from yeah those numbers it's it's not that's like parents steal at the airport no it's not people dealing 40 year olds with three luggage three things of luggage there's no way and i go i go where what

are they gonna sell us into i was just telling my mom like sex is not On the table For either of us Slavery Ransom Yeah just Ransom Yeah that's big Who is gonna pay Ransom for me The only one in my family That can pay ransom is me

Well you would You would pay it They would take you to I would pay them Take you right to the bank Yes They could do that I have really good

Money protection I'd be fine with that I'd be like yeah Take me to the bank This does happen I wouldn't have to do my show And I'd be fine with that. I'd be like, yeah, take me to the bank. This does happen. I wouldn't have to do my show and I would get press. In third world countries. This does happen. I've heard

stories. I've had it happen to a couple friends where you're in Mexico, Central America, places in Africa, Eastern Europe. You get into a taxi. They just take you out to the desert and they say, we're not going to take you back unless you give us $200. Yeah.

Or, and then they just, if you don't pay, they just let you out in the middle of nowhere and you don't know how to get home. I was listening to some Sam Harris podcast and a guy was talking about how, um, he was talking about hostage situations and he said that they're much more

common, obviously in South America because, uh, kidnapping is like a littering charge in terms of what the what the punishment is oh wow it's not you don't you can get out of jail that night if you kidnap someone wow and in america kidnapping it is that's life sentence yes it's potential for a life sentence so you are much more likely to be murdered when you are kidnapped in america because they're they're already fuck they've

already they're already doing life going yeah so why wouldn't they just take your life too so it's really interesting like the um yikes what the people legalize kidnapping we need to legalize it possibly we're gonna have to legalize i mean you take someone for a joy ride for a few hours it should be fine but i will say that josh who was the guy that helped us and gave us advice and looked at me like this may be the last time i ever see you if you get in that car like he gave me that kind of look and i go and he was such a nice guy and he was i go okay fine josh will you walk us to the uber black place because i don't know where to go and so he was walking us and he was so nice and i was and i was trying to like get

my mood back up because this guy was just so nice and i didn't want to be like a little pouty brat and um and he was like do you know do you know who you sound like and i was like who and he was like do you know the comedian nikki glazer and i was like i do know her i know her very well because i am her josh and he was like what and i was like yeah he was like you sound just like her he was like i thought i heard your voice and i was like thank you and i said you want to come to a show tonight he was like i do and he goes what time and i go when do you get off work and he's like 11 p.m and i go i'll see you next time because that's i don't i'm not a stripper i don't know and what what thing i show I could be doing tonight and what you could attend.

Yeah, I'll come. Shout out to Josh at the Atlanta airport. He like went above and beyond. Joshua. He went above and beyond. I love him so much. Yeah. And I will say the other day I was coming back from Kansas City.

There was this guy on our plane that was just kept looking at me. And I just know when people like recognize me. I'm sure. It's just like a little. And sometimes they smile and they just like just kept looking at me and i just know when people like recognize me i'm sure it's just like a little and sometimes they smile and they just like you keep looking at them and they're looking at you right and as a girl that does not get men looking at her all the time i know i just don't otherwise i wouldn't notice these times i don't have men like hey i just don't do it so when it happens it always is that and so i was getting off the plane and this guy that had looked at me a couple times before in the boarding area he comes up to me and he's like does anyone ever told you that you and i go i am her i didn't even i just because that's the way

people say it they they like and then he goes you're katie couric that's where he was going but you didn't give him a chance it was really nice though he was very cute i was very flattered that a cute boy uh recognized me and i was like yeah it was it was nice but it always starts with does anyone ever told you that you and you know it's coming me with mobile order nikki i don't have the patience for it and i just go yes it's me i i don't like wait it out because and i should wait it out because at some point they are going to say someone different. Has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't wear your hair like that? All right. I am going to take a break.

We'll come back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So yeah, this weekend we were in Kansas City, Saturday night, the night before the big Chiefs game. Right. The AFC, is that what it was? The AFC Championship game. Is that like saying ATM machine? Iss game. The AFC. Is that what it was? The AFC championship game. Is that like saying ATM machine? Is championship a part of AFC? No. AFC is the American Football Conference.

Oh, okay. Just making sure. They weren't playing in Kansas City either. They were the Ravens. Yeah, they were in Baltimore. Wow, Nikki, you even picked up on that. What?

Where they were. Where they were playing and then where they were. Yeah, I was aware of who was involved in the final four, is what I called it. I think that's basketball. And I also asked Chris yesterday, I said, are there assists in football? And he said, you wish. And I go, I don't wish. I just want to know, why aren't there?

If you throw the ball to someone and then they score a touchdown, shouldn't that be an assist? Just like you're throwing a pass. Why not? What is it called? It's called touchdown pass. Because an assist is you're helping somebody score. And in basketball, they have to shoot the ball after

they receive the pass in order to score. So they're doing most of the work, which is why it's just an assist. Whereas if you throw the ball and football to somebody. So they're like doing most of the work, which is why it's just an assist. Whereas if you throw the ball and football to somebody and they catch it in the end zone, the guy who threw the ball is doing more than half the work. That's a good point. But what if the guy catches it and then runs a lot? Yeah, maybe that should be an assist.

Maybe the quarterback should get less credit for that. Because sometimes they do a dump off. It's like five yards and the guy just does like a magic trick and spins around everybody. But that guy guy gets yards he racks up the yard but no he does if he catches it anyway so yeah well let's talk about your point is valid your point is valid there should be thank you because some all passes are not equal all passes are not equal okay yeah all right yeah what did you think of that game it was um i just i just went to bed halfway through and i did what i did the other day where i manifested and i said i went to bed

i went to go take a nap during the first quarter and they were up i think four points and i said to chris i'll be back they're gonna be they're gonna win this game but just trust me it's like it's done deal they're gonna win they're they win. I said it. They're going all the way. I was right. I didn't mean that they're going to win the Super Bowl. I just meant they're getting there. I was right. I came back out during the fourth quarter. They had it.

They had it, man. It was a pretty frustrating game because the Chiefs are now entering dynasty mode and they won the Super Bowl last year. They've won the Super Bowl multiple times. Mahomes and Kelsey have multiple rings, so they're always the favorite even if they're not

the favorite in Vegas odds and they're playing away. The underdog were the Ravens, even though the Ravens have won a lot of Super Bowls too. But they were the favorites, right? They were the slight favorites. And the Chiefs aren't even favorite to win the Super Bowl. According to Vegas, the 49ers are one and a half point favorites.

The Chiefs are one and a half point dogs. And I just think that it's hard to root for a team that just like wins the Super Bowl every year. It's like rooting for the Patriots in the early 2000s. And so part of me was like, I really want the Ravens to win. But also, I want the Chiefs to win so that Nikki's prediction comes true. And also, for the sake of the NFL, I mean, they just want to ride out this Swift Kelsey thing for as much as they can, and for better or worse. Dude, did you see how much money that she's made, the NFL? That was like...

$361 million, they've determined, has been the revenue that she's brought in. How did they figure that out? I mean, it's obviously a... An estimate. An estimate, but I would not be surprised if it was up there. It's a huge deal. I mean, she's gotten people to watch football.

You've never watched football. I didn't know who Travis Kelsey was. Yeah, who did? he was apparently well known and this was a meme where girls were asking their boyfriend like or telling their boyfriends travis uh taylor swift put travis kelsey on the map and then they would just see these guys you just see these guys go like what yeah yeah no she did it and they're like i think she did babe and it's like we just watched these guys like heads explode but um i really didn't know who he was and then i will say that like i'm a big travis kelsey fan right now and it's i think he is so cute oh the tides have turned yeah chris

keeps like kind of going like oh your crush is gonna be like he's kind of like noticing like i have like an affection for this guy i really really like him i think he's so hot and oh my god on the field i saw a video that i've been like avoiding watching too much of it because i just feel like it's so invasive the cameras are like right in their faces when they when taylor was on the field hugging him and i just didn't want like, I don't want to do the lip reading and like figure out what she said to him and what he said to her. But if enough of those videos come up,

you finally just give in and go, fine, I'll watch. Are we really going to hear what she whispered in his ear? And we did. It was fucking adorable, y'all. Okay, so she goes up to him and he goes, Oh my God, we get to know this? He goes, hey, sweetie.

He calls her sweetie. Oh. And then, and then they they kiss and the way she like looks up at him you'll have to watch but she like she's like nuzzled in his like neck and then she like looks up at him and she just is like trying to find his mouth with her lips it's so cute and then they kiss and then he says i'm gonna go hang with the boys or something like that and she goes i love you oh and then he says i'm gonna go hang with the boys or something like that and she goes i love you oh and then he says it's very very subtle she goes i love you and he goes i love you so much it isn't even funny so cute then she goes i'm then she cups her hand to whisper in his ear and she

goes i'm so proud of you or she goes i'm so proud i've never been more proud of anyone in my entire life wow and then they smile and they leave it is such a sweet exchange and here's the thing i read somewhere on reddit that people um in this subreddit that i do sub to but it's only to monitor what people are saying about my girl it's called swifty neutral and it's called Swifty Neutral and it's like Swifties that aren't like sycophantic and they kind of make fun of and are approaching Taylor from like a cynical point of view where they're just like

is she really that great? Why do you even go there? Because I want to know what these people are saying so that I can defend her. Not on there but I just honestly I'm'm gonna unsubscribe i decided that yesterday because i'm so annoyed at these people and how much they like try to pick her apart and they are fans that's that's the irony of it so they said there was one post

the other day that was like is there something wrong with swifties why do they keep posting like oh my god taylor and travis oh my God. OMG. They're so in love. I can't stop watching this. This is, this is my, this lives rent free in my head. I've watched this five times today. You know, all these things. They're like, have, have Swifties ever been in a relationship before? Because this is what a relationship is.

Guess what? No, we haven't. We haven't. And we haven't been in one like this. This is you. To this woman who wrote this or whatever person wrote this, I guarantee you, you mean twat. No one has ever loved you the way that Travis Kelsey loves Taylor Swift. And I bet you've never loved someone back because you're writing on the Internet about people and being so mean.

And the truth is, most of us haven't experienced this kind of love it is they're in um what we call limerence for sure which is this like it's the honeymoon phase where our brains are like yeah yeah we're in where the dopamine and serotonin is like firing at all times it's a drug of like love they're in it but i don't know they're they seem to they're both on top of the world they're supporting each other's um like achieving the greatest things humans can achieve most of us don't have that relationship let us like bask in the glow yeah and don't be like have you guys ever no sorry my boyfriend doesn't call me sweetie he calls me glaze you know like I don't have

we don't say I love yeah glaze dog we never said we don't say I love you I don't have that kind of relationship and it's not saying that you guys do say babe we do have sweet things like that but like no he says babe ironically he would never call me babe he thinks it's cheesy

but I call him babe you call him yeah but i'm sorry no i don't i don't have a relationship like that where it's just like like like constantly it's just jealousy of of course isn't part of this and it's not that i even want that i'm just saying it's nice isn't part of the fandom Being like Or like living Her relationships Vicariously Yes Sure Yes

And Taylor should be Proud of Travis Kelsey He had an amazing game I mean That was like Vintage Travis Kelsey He was 11 for 11 That's what I heard

Some guy say Yeah I don't even know What that means He caught an incredible Touchdown He caught 11 passes Incredible touchdown

Every time they threw a ball to him, he caught it 11 times. That is impressive. Patrick Mahomes had 11 assists to Travis Kelsey in that game. But is that incredible out of 11 passes thrown at you to catch 11 of them? That sounds pretty incredible to me.

That sounds record-breaking to me. It's remarkable that Patrick Mahomes, even if a quarterback just throws 11 of 11, that was actually a record. Patrick Mahomes started the game, I think 11 for 11, and that was the most consecutive passes thrown by a quarterback

in a conference championship game. And so Travis Kelsey helped him out with that because he caught some pretty wicked passes. So it goes all together. But yeah, amazing game. It was cool um that night we were watching or chris went over to his brother's house to watch the lions versus the 49ers that tragedy and yeah that was so sad so i was watching the end of the game i was rooting for the lions obviously because they're underdogs they're underlines never been in the super bowl yeah never been in the lions, obviously, because they're underdogs. They're underlines. Never been in the Superbowl.

Yeah. Never been in the Superbowl. Their, their jerseys are so understated. It's that like white, the light blue. It's like a baby's bedroom. You know,

like it's just like soft. It's cool. It looks like vintage boys. Yeah. A little boy's bedroom. And, um, and I was,

but I was on the phone with my friend who's going through a breakup. So he was like talking to me on the phone and it had been like an hour of talking to him. Which by the way, yeah, like I'm helping a friend through a breakup, which I. You are so kind, Nikki. I feel like I've been there through it. First of all, men need more support. Men don't have the same kind of friendships that women have. Right.

And especially when they're getting out of a friendship where they weren't really not a it's not like they were usually like friendship with women is hard to have when you have a girlfriend so when you get out of that breakup you don't have anyone except your male friends who don't give a fuck okay probably or don't know how to emotionally support you so i i come through for my male friends when they're going through so good i've been witnessing it you've been whitneying it and so um so we final thought i'm watching the game i have him on speakerphone and i did post something about the game while while he was on the phone with me and then he later saw the

story posted and was like he goes i know that you posted this when i was like oh my god that's so funny i was you know not crying but like you know just and um and he goes i'm not mad at all this is so hilarious to me that you wrote this entire thing out because i was writing something about like both of them both teams are gonna have the same color jersey i don't even understand this game already how am i gonna explain this so i like wrote a whole paragraph and took a picture while he was on the phone 100 there's no way that i took this at another time it was definitely during the call um but also i was watching the game and i felt so cool because i've never been i've always wanted to be someone who like when something happens in sports you go like oh like i've never once had that reaction it always is like a

millisecond after everyone else has the reaction like it's never because the ball did anything that i understood right i just go off of what other like you could never you would always think that i'm cheering with you but it is a millisecond you're like a dog in the room you're just like reacting to what the humans are doing yes i'm chewing a bone and all of a sudden i'm like and um so but i was i was into that game because i really did want the lions to pull through in the end so some some kind of fumble happened or incomplete pass and i was i was on the phone with him and i go and he heard it and i was like oh my god i'm such a man right now who's like not listening to his girlfriend i felt so i told you this later chris i was on the phone and

i was listening to him talk about this thing and then there was an incomplete pass and i went oh and he like heard me and i was like isn't that cool he was like i don't even know what you're trying to communicate i was like i like i think i understand sports you uh you you had a reaction to something i think starting on how i felt at that in that game i was like i deserve to go to the super bowl i because i we we are going to b Brian and I are going to the Super Bowl. Wait, is that breaking news? Have we ever said that? Breaking news. That's how you're breaking it?

At the end of, we're 56 minutes in. I don't know how else to tell anyone. Okay, so we're going to the Super Bowl. You're not just going to the Super Bowl. We are broadcasting. This is baffling. From the Super Bowl. Yeah. broadcasting from the Super Bowl. For some reason,

iHeartRadio thinks it would be a good idea to send the Nikki Glaser podcast to the Super Bowl. Which, I don't know why. I don't know what they're thinking. I'm so glad you will be there because you obviously know about football. I know literally nothing.

You know something more than most people. You just demonstrated. I am a Swifty and I feel like because the Chiefs are there now, I actually do belong. There's two things going on. There's Super Bowl and Taylor Swift. It's football and Taylor Swift

and you need experts in both. There we go. The only thing I'm as good at knowing about as people are at football is Taylor Swift so i feel like i belong am i researching what to wear yes am i trying to figure it out am i now then someone got in my head because they were like you notice that taylor on away games she never wears chief logos she just wears the colors and i'm like oh respectful oh yeah so i can i not wear? No, this is the Super Bowl. Anybody can wear whatever they want. Do we know if they're going to be in white or red?

I don't know. When do we find that out? I don't know. I don't know if I've ever had the interest in looking that up. I don't know why that is. I don't know if they're going to be in a white jersey. It'll still be white, red, and yellow.

The other team, just don't wear gold because that's a 49ers color. But gold and yellow are very similar. Well, they have, it's like a darker. Where's yellow come in? Chiefs are yellow, red, and white. It's literally the same. The teams have the same color. And the 49ers are red,

darker gold, and white. I bought a Taylor Swift shirt that's like a funny Chiefs Taylor Swift shirt. But I kind of shirt that's like a funny chief's taylor swift shirt and i but i kind of want to wear like a chief's dress like there's all these like crappy dress like i'm i'm thinking about like planning a fun outfit for it but i do i was gonna give my ticket to chris to go because i really don't care i'd like to see the halftime show but i don't really care but he was like no you have to experience the Super Bowl. You have to. And so I'm going with Brian. And yeah, it'll be so fun to be with you, Brian, because you will be able to explain

everything to me and you'll be so excited. I'm going to be so excited. I'm going to be wearing my Peyton Manning rookie jersey, who's on the Colts jersey. So you can wear whatever. There's going to be tons of just different teams jerseys at the Super Bowl. People are not there. I love how you know about this like heiress tour. I never heard that. You're preparing me, okay? Yes, people are not there. Like most of the people there aren't actually fans of the 49ers or the Chiefs. There'll be a lot of those,

but a lot of people are just there because A, they have a lot of money and they're there for the event. Spectacle. Or B, they're just fans of football. It's the Super Bowl. I was going to buy Allie, Brian's wife, and Chris tickets so they could also go. They are so expensive. They're starting at $9,000. A ticket.

What is this? You have to keep in mind it's the Super Bowl. There's only one of them. It's just one time, once a year. You're also getting tickets to an Usher concert, so that's got to be added in. Yeah, it's subtracted. $8,000 for

the Super Bowl and then, yeah, minus $50 for the Usher. No, I'm really excited to see Usher. And I want to be clear to the besties, though. On the Friday of Super Bowl weekend, there's a thing called Media Day. And that's where, in a conference center or whatever, there's all of these different broadcasts happening simultaneously. All different podcasts being recorded, all different events happening.

And that's where the Nikki Glaser podcast is going to be. At a sports desk. We're going to be the only podcast screaming about Ubers. We're going to be sitting at a sports desk. We're going to be sitting at a sports desk. And meditation. Screaming about. Oh my God. It's going to be hosted by the sports desk And meditation Screaming about It's going to be hilarious Are you kidding

Was I high when I said yes to this What was I thinking If you were you made the right answer Brian can you share what you told me About this experience What did I tell you You said that this was like You are so oh such disbelief

oh yeah well i'm in i'm in disbelief well i put this on my 50 under 50 is that what you're talking about god we're getting your this was it's not even under 40 under 40 i i i said i want to do this i could have put it on my 40 under 40 but i felt like that was such a wild fantasy that i put it under my 50 under 40, but I felt like that was such a wild fantasy that I put it under my 50 under 50 because then I thought it was realistic that I would go to the Super Bowl in that time. That's so cool. So, yeah, like 14 years ahead of schedule.

It's kind of like the make-a-wish thing. Like we started with the beginning of the show. And I got us tickets for Saturday night to go see Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura at the MGM Grand. Oh, I didn't know that yeah i just got that last night i got it weirdly enough i think i i'm on some email list of people who are going to be in vegas so i got an email from their people wow bert's bert's people and uh and so we'll hopefully get to hang out with them too i looked up how uh the sphere because that's the other

big event and there's what's happening there who's there you too there's nothing over super bowl weekend oh why wouldn't they do something there's too much nothing that did yeah i don't know february well there's the day after there's something but yeah and it's all sold out anyway yeah that's true i bet i bet it is yeah um it's gonna be wild it's gonna be wild. It's going to be fun. Gambling, too. There's going to be gambling happening. Oh, yeah. You're going to gamble, right? Yeah. I mean, I was just out of state, so I was gambling on DraftKings over the last five days,

and I had a good windfall. Because you can't on DraftKings in California? No, it's illegal. Oh, no. For some stupid reason, because we voted for it, and we all 80% voted no. These fucking props. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

There's going to be some cool prop beddings well actually that oh i thought you're talking about prop bets that type of prop prop type of bet you should bet on some prop bets nikki they're just fun what color is the gatorade gonna be that's gonna be poured on the head coach no way yeah like stuff like that how many songs is usher going to sing what song will usher start with? How long is the national anthem going to be? Stuff like that. I could totally cheat on those bets. No offense.

Because I am friends with the director who directed my special. What's stopping me from going like, how many songs is Usher singing? I don't know. I don't know. I would never do that because I don't want to go to prison. But what's stopping anyone from doing that that has an inside track? I don't know. I would never do that because I don't want to go to prison, but what's stopping anyone from doing that that has an inside trap? I don't know. Maybe he signed an NDA. Yeah, maybe he can't

say. There's got to be something. Well, I would never do that anyway because I don't like to. No, I didn't. But whoever I would ask would probably sign an NDA. Of course. And so they'd be like, I can't tell you because I signed an NDA, but it's eight. It's red. I can't wait to find out

the special guests that are going to be on the Usher thing and the Usher show itself is just going to be so good. I can't wait to find out who the special guests are going to be on the podcast that we're doing on Friday. We're doing two podcasts on Friday at Media Day and Noah supplied us with a list of potential guests

that some of them really pop off the page okay i will tell you that i didn't recognize a single man oh but that's good i need to go into things like this because if i was intimidated i would be freaked out it's like when i did selling sunset i don't watch that show so i could be cool on it right but if i would have known how big the show is i would have been like and frozen up yeah potentially well i gotta keep the super bowl is not a big deal then there's only been 58 of them so and taylor swift will be there yes that's why it's easily can make it that's's why this all makes sense. iHeartRadio, sorry I questioned your decision before, but now that I somehow you knew that Taylor Swift was going to be at the Super Bowl

and therefore this was a brilliant decision. I mean, it's just like you got the biggest Thank you to Nathan for marketing. I mean, Nathan for marketing. You fucking nailed it. And I'm so thankful that I get to go to the Super Bowl and Nikki gets to be once again in a football Stadium with Taylor Swift

Yes Whoa I do once again This is unbelievable really I cannot wait Do we know what our seats are yet No not yet Do you know that info To top it all off I'm going to see Taylor Swift twice in Australia

In February 18th in Melbourne in February February 18th in Melbourne and February 23rd in Sydney and then Chris texted me today he just sent me which is hilarious

because he doesn't really even want to go I know for a fact Matchbox 20 gonna be in Melbourne when I'm there so I'm gonna go see them too Melbourne

wow yeah your life it's 3 a.m. I must be lucky. You know, I'm blessed. A little matchbox. A little matchbox.

Matchbox. You see Matchbook 22. Wait, you saw them this summer. I saw them with you. Weren't they amazing? Amazing. Amazing. It was up there with Era's tour for me.

Okay. Guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We'll be here tomorrow. I'm going to be wearing my new shirt. Tune into that. Mom, you're not going to be here. Taylor will be here. Nice.

Thanks for being here today. Thank you for having me. Love you so much. I love you too. Oh, did I say I love you? Yeah. Oh, I did? I do love you.

Did you say that? I just didn't know I said it. I think you did. I thought you said that. It was kind of... Okay, guys. I felt it. I forgot I said it before.

Oh, well, I love you. I love you said that. It was kind of... Okay, guys. I felt it. I, like, forgot I said it before. Oh, well, I love you. I love you. All right, don't be good. And... Watch Super Bowl. Well, yeah, but we'll be back before then. Oh, God. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

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