The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #418 Is Football Rigged? Movie Theater Etiquette & Why Is Depression Overlooked?

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Is football rigged? Is Travis Kelce on another level? And what's the deal with people hanging out in parking lots in Fort Pierce? Nikki and Brian are diving into these burning questions, armed only with speculation. Nikki's craving more sunlight, can her upcoming Australian vacation serve her some rays? Brian's got a cautionary tale about his near-death experience Down Under. Trauma yoga voice has been Nikki's saving grace amidst her recent bout of depression. Nikki talks about an awkward movie outing with her mom, Julie. It raised some questions about "Poor Things" vs adult entertainment. Seriously, is there proper etiquette for using your phone in a theater? Plus, they talk about the best audiences. And in the 'Final Thought', Nikki gets real about grappling with depression.  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. We are pre-recording these episodes. So we were at the Super Bowl last weekend, and it was great.

Oh, my God. It was amazing. Oh, man, right? What an experience. Remember when the ball went in the stands and you caught it? I caught it with one hand. Does that ever happen? Does it ever go into the stands? I guess if you're sitting in the end zone

and they kick it over the field goal net, or sometimes the dopey guys don't lift the field goal net quick enough, and it's going up and going up and then the ball goes through and over before it goes. Do they get to keep it? You get to keep it. And then on rare occasions, a guy will score a touchdown and he'll throw the ball in the stands. And I think they get fined for that. But sometimes you just got to let your passion take over. I love when I see those clips of LeBron or something giving his shoes to a fan but they always take out the inserts first because those things are like

custom made and expensive. I asked Chris I'm like that's so nice they do that because they don't want them to like smell and he's like no. It's because they're custom inserts. There is this commercial it was a Mahomes commercial every commercial these days is Mahomes

Andy Reid, Travis Kelsey. Those are the three. Which they did win the Super Bowl last year, so that's fair. It's just very convenient that they're in the Super Bowl again because all the commercials they made last year apply. Oh, so you're saying it could be an inside

job. Why wouldn't it be? Why wouldn't the NFL have it in their best interest to get the Chiefs all the way when they have made $360 million off of Taylor Swift being at their shows? Why would not they want the Chiefs to then make it all

the way? I mean, how would you even fix a game though? I didn't realize that this was a Tucker Carlson episode because this is the biggest conspiracy theory everyone's talking about. Well, I don't think it has to do with Biden, although,

but I just think it has to do with the, well, I guess the NFL is probably tied in too. I want to just piggyback on Nikki's question to Brian because from what I heard,

and this is, even like before this whole movement, I have a friend who's skeptical about it and he told me that um wrestling and football are designated as sports entertainment which is why the outcomes can be i don't want to say i didn't hear that about football i know that about wrestling but like w wrestling like yeah yeah yeah not like yeah we all know that

is like kind of predetermined and and a theatrical performance at this point I feel like we know that but yeah that's interesting that football is under that it would be so hard to pull off I'm like yeah that's what I think too like how would it even be fixed like

fixed football but let's just be clear to the besties out there who are listening to this basically in April of 2025. We're talking about the Super Bowl that happened like six weeks ago. No. It was last week, I think, is when this airs. But we have not gone to it yet. We are pre-taping these episodes because I am traveling to Australia right now.

It was a tight game. Also, by the way, the Niners and the Chiefs who played in the Super Bowl last week, did you know that the Niners and the Chiefs played in the Super Bowl three years ago and the Chiefs won? Oh, no, I did not know that. So the fact that this is some kind of setup where they had to

bring the Chiefs and the 49ers together for maximum. Wasn't it 2020? Like, wasn't it like the election year? It was four years ago? Yeah, well, the Super Bowl is in the February after the season. Oh, in the following. Yes, got it, got it, got it. It's the 2020 season, though. Got it. Yeah, so while Trump was

president, the 49ers and the Chiefs were in the Super Bowl on 2020, the election year. So to say that now they brought the Chiefs and the 49ers into the Super Bowl again to get Biden elected makes no sense well I don't even know how those would be connected and I really don't care

to know because it's just a waste of my brain sanity yeah I don't want to hear about it I really I just don't care but I do think it's just well I mean it's it all it could also be you know how I don't think that anything is just like well how it was meant to be it could also be, you know, how I don't think that anything is just like how it was meant to be.

It could also be that Taylor Swift is attracted to the most talented person on the most talented team. And therefore, that's why she's attracted to him because she's the most talented person in her field. So why wouldn't they win? Because she's attracted to someone who's talented. And so, yes, the talented person gets far. It might not be this, you know, like covert plan. Yeah. It might not be this covert plan. Yeah, it's just it all makes sense. Yeah, he's good.

I think Travis Kelsey is probably the best tight end to ever have played the game, but to say that he's the most talented person on that field is he's not top five. Really? On the field? On the field, yeah. On that field? On the field, yeah Between both teams

I think Patrick Mahomes I think Christian McCaffrey I think Nick Bosa I think Fred Warner I think all these guys are I think all these guys are probably equal or better To Travis Kelsey But I think Travis Kelsey is the best in commercials

Although Andy Reid, the chiefs is really funny in that chicken fingers one. But the one commercial where he's talking about, well, Mahomes is with a foot long sub and then a foot long cookie. And he's like, it's the best pairing ever. I could ever imagine.

It's the best duo. And Travis Kelsey, like he looks over and Travis Kelsey's just looking so sad. That is... That face he makes is so funny. It's so good. Man, I would... He does a good job playing that sidekick.

Fire Taylor. I'd be like, babe, you killed that. I would really... I'd be so proud of him. Because it's really nice when your partner does something, a comedian really comedically like next level. So I guess if I wasn't Taylor, if I was me and I was dating him, I'd be like, whoa, you just like did something in my field that is like really impressive to me. Like Chris told me this idea he has for the thing he's working on um right now last night and it was like this really creative funny idea and i it got got me horned up because i was like that's like you're

stepping into my world and i like it his idea was so good yeah it was really good you're horny yeah but he's in la and i'm here so it's easy for me to be like, I'm horny because I don't have to do anything about it. I just get points for if you were here, I would have had sex with you, but I can't. Oh, no. This is 39. So, yeah, I got I'm wearing a bestie shirt. It says I'm in my besties era, in my besties era. Nikki Glaser podcast. It has all these stars on it that have each one is Taylor Swift's

different album, which there are 10 of them. Now we know there's only going to be 11 coming up April 19th. I really appreciate it. These two guys made this shirt for me. I forget their names, but they were in Fort Pierce, I believe. It was really, really nice.

They got me one. They they were both wearing them. And they were so sweet. Or maybe Daytona. It was wherever I was last time. So thank you so much for those. And I'm wearing it. And it's so cute. Fort Pierce, a beautiful town.

Filled with all sorts of beautiful people. They love drinking canned beer out of coolers in parking lots in Fort Pierce. Oh, are people tailgating before your shows? No, they were tailgating. No, they were just kind of like in the streets. Yeah, they just like drink in the streets and play music in the street. I don't really remember what Fort Pierce... Oh, yes, I do. It was kind of like

really run down until you get right into where the theater was we were playing and then it's like really pretty. There were lots of really dark, abandoned parking lots with large men all circling a cooler drinking beers and at night what a life yeah that sounds great to me i really want that for myself i want just to go to the parking lot yeah like every night you have some place to go it reminds me of high school when we would always go to the box at Barnes and Noble every single night and you would just go there and you'd get a chai tea latte and you would

read the books and like flirt with boys and work on your homework and it would just be in this cafe area and it was just a place to go to every night and then you'd go outside and watch Doug Reese smoke by the bike rack and you would just like hang out with him while he smoked even though like you wanted to smoke but you're too scared to but you would just flirt and then you would go home and it was just a thing you did every night to hang out and there's nothing like that anymore unless you drink so i guess wait the drinking is involved with this fort pierce hang i'm guessing but there's yeah if people don't drink there's nowhere to just go and hang but i think there's more to that than just the hang i think think it's about community.

I think we all are searching to revisit our high school experience in that there's like a community of people where everybody knows everybody. Yeah, I was just going to say not all of us. Noah does not want to get back to high school at all. Without that, Noah, you just don't realize you want it so bad. That's why you're having a baby

because you want a community of people you see every day. You just want to see the same people again and again. Yeah, babies do bring community right yes yeah babies do like you meet new people through having a baby school you're going to send them to school and you're going to meet parents through that you'll like make

friends through a baby babies do bring community it also brings isolation let's not forget that well the main desire is just is to like redo my family and just like have it the way i i want it yeah not the way i was forced to have it god if my parents die i will get pregnant like over like at my dad's funeral i think i i don't because i think that's why i don't have kids is because or want kids is because i'm just like i have my parents like they're so good

enough i don't need i love them so much i don't need to i don't feel that desire to do that but i keep thinking if they died i i don't know what i i really i really want advice from people who's lost a parent or parents because i actually don't because i don't want to think about it it's something that's like do you prepare yourself for it so that when it comes, you can handle it better? Or do you just live like it's never going to happen because it's going to happen anyway and you don't want to think about it until it does? Because why dwell on something that you can't help that's going to be inevitable?

Or do you just kill yourself before they die? You know how we go through? Yeah. What'd you say? That's how I feel about going to France. I just don't want to think about it Until it's over It's already happened

Wait Are you going to France Potentially yeah Oh yeah Oh that's right I know your joke about that Yeah I love that

That's the way I feel about Australia Which is where I am now Yeah As this podcast is being taped Whoa look at that kangaroo Out your window That's pretty cool Oh

Tiny kangaroo Down Sport Do you have any plans I'm so nervous What is it For Australia Like any like

Besides the Taylor Swift show Anything You're looking forward to Yeah I'm going to see Taylor Swift In Melbourne And Sydney Got a Hall's Gap Want to go see Matchbox 20

But they're playing 30 miles Outside of Melbourne The night I land Where Which direction I land. Where? Which direction? I land in the morning, and then I don't know which direction.

Probably east. I don't know. Are you going around Australia, or just to like the one part? Just staying in Melbourne, and then we have a wedding in Lorne, L-O-R-N-E, like Lorne Michaels.

Lorne Michaels, yeah. And then we have, and then I'm flying to Sydney to go see Taylor, and then we skedaddle. But I'm just stressed about preparing for Australia because it's nearly two weeks, and I just don't know how people pack for this shit. Jesus Christ Almighty. Two fucking weeks? I don't know. Dude, it's 10 days. I don't even know how people...

Oh, yeah. I don't like to re-wear jeans, and I like things to be tight when I put them on, and I smell. I think I make things stinky fast i can't re-wear things like a shirt more than once shirts once so i need at least 43 shirts because i feel like each day i don't know what if i don't wear one of the tent like i can't figure out each day like i definitely know i need to wear this you You say each day with an Australian accent Even in an American accent Yeah, I don't know what to do I know that I'll just bring

Literally 43 shirts Do laundry one weekend, chop it in half Or get it done Yeah, that's what I'll probably do If you're in Melbourne It's not like I'm going to some aboriginal tribe You know what, you can always Buy stuff too Yes, can always buy stuff too.

Yes, I can buy stuff. But I hate shopping. I only shop online. I do not go to stores. It depresses me so greatly because of the consumerism, the amount of things. Then I have to go

in the dressing room. I see a side of my body that will literally make me want to throw myself off a building. But then I stop and I go, I don't want to throw myself off a building because then an autopsy person will see my naked body and I'm too building, but then I stop and I go, I don't want to throw myself off a building

because then an autopsy person will see my naked body and I'm too ashamed. So then I'm in this weird limbo where I have to keep living in my body that I hate. Because I literally had that thought. I was like, I am so disgusting. I want to die. And then I go, but then they would have to do an autopsy

and they would see my fucking flat, fuck, fat ass. And I just couldn't handle it. This was the last time I went shopping. That was in September. And I haven't gone back since. I do not like shopping in stores. If I try something on, it will be over my clothes in,

in the main area. I'll wear like tight enough clothes that I can put them on over. I will not step foot in a dressing room. I will not have someone assist me like that woman asking about your sister sizes. I would never, ever allow that i would just guess buy a like chris actually did it the other day when we were planning for the

grammy's party he went to the store and came home with four thousand dollars worth of clothes because he didn't feel like trying them on and i was like yes this is my man because i don't i don't want to try them on there it's weird pressures you are suddenly getting advice from this person you just met who you have no idea if they have good style or not. And it's just, you're on your own. The lighting is horrific. you go out there,

you say, how does this look to a person? Or the mirror is skinny and it's lying to you. You can't trust fucking anything out there. And so, um, a fun house of lies. The idea of like,

someone even said that to me before you said it, Noah, like you can just buy something there. And I'm like thinking of shopping in Australia. and i don't know if i just am projecting i don't i don't think projecting this right word but i'm i feel like i've been to australia before and everyone's so put together there everything's like clean fabrics yes like all the women are like like really smooth hair but it's simple you know like there's not a lot of like really smooth hair, but it's simple. You know, like there's not a lot of accessories.

They wear like chunky sweaters and they're always like, they always look like right out of a J.Crew catalog. Everything fits perfectly, but it's a little slouchy and comfy. There's not like,

they just don't look stained like I do all the time. I did not experience this, the same thing you're experiencing. Really? Great. You went to Australia? I went to Australia. I went to Australia.

I went to Melbourne. And I went to Tasmania. And I climbed Cradle Mountain. And I almost died. But I did it. I got to the top. And I was rescued by... Why did you almost die?

Oh, I went by myself. I was with my dad. It was a trip with my dad. We went to Australia. And he didn't want to climb Cradle Mountain. He's 70. And I went up there by myself. Excuse.

It was a little bit too difficult for me. And the reason I wanted to do it so bad was because I know a guy from Tasmania who said I should do it and it was easy. And then I watched a YouTube video and there was an Australian guy reviewing the climb. And in the video... The Miley Cyrus song? Yeah, he was reviewing The climb And in the video

Yeah he was reviewing the climb He said it's easy To listen to I listened to it and I almost died I climbed They said in the video They said this mountain is Is an easy climb

If you're Australian but if you're American You probably shouldn't try it. Whoa. And so I took that personally. And I was like, well, I'm going to go fucking do this mountain. I'm going to take a picture on top. And then I'm going to come back to this YouTube video and comment. Well, I'm American and I did it.

I was American. I did do it. What do they mean by that? Like Australians are just climbing shit all the time? Yes. They learn. They love parkour apparently they are because preschool i was climbing this mountain and australian there

wasn't that many people uh when i was doing it but australians were basically like spider-man lapping me and laughing at me you seem like someone who would really struggle doing like i can't picture you physically going up a mountain even though I know you're pretty adventurous like you seem like someone who I was not like with a it's not like rock climbing like you have a harness. It's like scrambling and then like it's like it was

really steep scrambling scrambling just is it called scrambling because you're just like going side to side scrambling is what I do in my career. It's just kind of like you're climbing without using a harness because you don't need to go like sheer cliff straight up.

Okay. I can show you. I'll pull up a picture during the break. I can show you a picture of what it looked like. Okay. I almost died and there was like people from Australia. Why? Because you almost fell?

I did fall. Or you were just like exhausted like almost died. Yeah, both of those things happened. I fell. One time I fell and like these are my legs and I fell like a cartoon in between a rock. Oh man. It was so

scary because I was standing there trying to climb and then like the bottom leg just kind of slipped off. Fuck. And I went oosh. Why do this? Because someone on the internet Told you like did you get up there And like take in the sights and learn something about yourself He did it for America I did it for America

I planted an American flag on the top of the mountain I pushed over the Australian sign And I planted an American flag And I claimed the mountain Well actually I went up there and there was two guys from China up there And so they got there first And they took my picture and I said, thank you. And then they left. And then I was alone on the top of the mountain contemplating going back down. Yeah. Did you feel a huge sense of accomplishment? Would you do it again?

Like, was it worth it? No, no, no. It's never worth it. Doing anything is not worth it. I think. Are you being serious? Like, it really wasn't worth it? No, not worth it. Then you being serious? It really wasn't worth it? No, not worth it. Then why do you continue to do these things? You still like to do stuff like this, right? There's a certain level of scrambling that I enjoy that's not death-defying that I'm like, that was fun.

I loved that. This was like, I risked my life on my own in Tasmania for no fucking reason other than to just comment on a YouTube video. The view was nice. He was right.

Well, he was. So on the way back down, you just thumbs up. There are these people who I was going back down and going back down is always harder than going back up. You have to remember that.

Going back down is harder. Why? Because you are like loosed up and you don't have the energy? It's easier to climb up because you're just pushing yourself up than to figure out ways to go down. A lot of times when you're going down, you can't even see where you can put your foot. Right.

It's like down below you. You're using your arm strength and your leg strength. When you go down, you're just kind of like balancing everything on your knees and your thighs. You know what this appeals to me is doing it alone because I think that's part of hiking

and like doing outdoor stuff that I can't get behind because I'm fast yeah and I want to get through it to say I was like that's the only reason

I would want to do these things is to like accomplishment accomplish it and then go home and be like okay now I can really like sleep

and lay on the couch a lot because I just did this thing. And I feel like people are slow and I would just want to go fast. I think you would like that. I think you would like some solo hiking. Me too.

Okay. But then what about the raping? There's not a lot of raping. And murder and... No, that happens in like... I'll have like a bear spray. Yeah. If you're going fast, you're much less likely to get raped. I do know like a bear spray. Yeah. If you're going fast,

you're much less likely to get raped. I do know I need more sunlight. Like Andrew Huberman, like every clip I see of him is talking about sunlight exposure and you're supposed to get up in the morning like with the sunrise and like look at it. But then I have no idea how to do this

without aging my face because there's also that. Like every other clip is like you need sunlight exposure and then it's like spf is important don't get wrinkles it's like you're getting mixed messages how are you supposed to get sunlight exposure will bestie please write me about sunlight exposure and i hear that he says sunlight lamps in your house are not the same so i don't know what to do but i think i need you can't wear sunglasses and you can't wear sun well then you're supposed to stare at the sun no we just go outside with

just a natural light and have your eyes absorb it and like but you're split he says you're supposed to like bask in it which means like face it and look at it you could also take vitamin d supplements i do take vitamin d supplements But I hear that's not enough I need to know Do you do this Noah? Do you go sunbathe? Do you like sit out in the sun? I don't do it now because of melasma Because my hormones are crazy

That's Trump's wife I hang out with her all the time Wait, your hormones make melasma worse? Well yeah during pregnancy. So I mean, I don't, I should, let's just say I should go outside more even for 10 minutes in the morning where the sun is not as strong as in the afternoon. Yeah, I need more of it. If any besties have any kind of advice on how to do this properly or a YouTube video, because I've looked into it and it's, it it's everyone's telling you different things. I need some concrete.

Here's what you do, Nikki. This is the simplest way to do it without aging your face. Chris told me that I could just do my back and just have a hideous back and I was laughing so hard because he said I could have a hideous back because that is, thank you for acknowledging that the sun will make whatever you have the sun on hideous. Okay, we've got to go to break. I'll be right back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I need more sunlight exposure, I guess. And I've just been, I've been feeling pretty down recently. And so I've been obsessively watching these YouTube videos of this girl that I've already talked about. Her name is Hannah Urie or something. And she does trauma-informed yoga or trauma. Yeah, something trauma-informed. I don't even know what it is. A bestie or someone wrote to me

recently being like, I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't handle this. All I know that makes me feel better is watching this girl speak gently to me. And you don't even do the yoga she's describing. You just listen to it and it feels so calming and so soothing. I literally listen to like five hours of this girl a week. And she has one that's like for the hips and she talks like this and everything is her teeth like she'll write she'll say like it the like guitar uh lighting like everything that she says is enunciated so

perfectly i'm obsessed with her voice i can't recommend it enough i am so obsessed with it it's it's truly my life recently do you just watch the videos or do you do the yoga along with her? No I just put it next to my head and I put on my sleep mask and I listen I do not do any of it but you could do it and it would be amazing and the comments underneath the ones so it's called trauma informed

yoga hips releasing stored trauma and all the comments are like I cried so much I released so much stress i have released so much like people are like giving her donations because they can't they can't believe how much this released so much stuff for them i don't cry when i listen to these because i'm not doing the exercises but her voice is just so fucking soothing it's hannah h-a-n-U-I-R-I-U-I-R-I-U-I-R-I. Yuri. Trauma-informed yoga teacher.

It's so gentle and soothing. I can't even... It's so nurturing. I don't know what I would do without it right now. I am obsessed with it because I'm just like, man, life has been hard. The more that I hear about stuff like that, if it was 10, 15 years ago, I'd be like, that's such bullshit. The trauma bullshit, yoga bullshit. I would

hate that. But the more I live, the more I realize that stuff like that works and especially if it works for you, it's great. I actually believe that it works. Yeah, because now you know, Brian, because you know all about how stress stores in the body.

The body keeps the score. Body keeps the score and like all of your pain is pretty much just like your brain's anguish redirecting things that it can't handle from your childhood or from whatever. It doesn't have to be that traumatic, but it's just like rerouting it to weak parts of your body. Then it like beats the fuck out of those nerves, but it's like your brain doing it. And it's all, yeah, it's all connected.

When did you realize that? And was it, did it take you a while to like believe it? Well, it's just, you know, all the things that I've gone through in terms of like a chronic pain, the things that actually cured it were generally mental. And it takes you a while to get to that point where you accept that as your fate. And I know people who have not accepted that as their fate and they resist and they just struggle and suffer when the answers are right before them.

Well, I have to say that one of our friends who was experiencing horrible back pain, remember? Oh, I remember. Yeah. Well, he got surgery and now it's fine. No! What? It's fine.

Yeah. Let's just wait six months. Yeah. I know it'll come back. Because again, surgery is the mental because it's the placebo. Hopefully he's not listening to this. He's not. Great. So you get the surgery and then the placebo happens and you feel like, like surgery is the mental because he's not listening to this but he's not great so you get the surgery and then the right the placebo

happens and you feel like oh my god that did fix it and then eight months later another stressful later you start working on f-boy island three and you get stressed out again because I told him I said under no circumstances should you get surgery

why would he listen to you? I don't know. Cause I was so adamant. I know. It was constriction. He was out of options. No, I know he wasn't.

I sent him the book healing back pain, but he wouldn't read it because people just don't want to believe it's in their head. They want to believe. Everything's in your head. Don't you see? Everything's in your head. Because I mean, I can't believe my whole family, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother-in-law,

none of them have ever been to therapy. Ever. It is so fucking wild. I like, I don't know me the other night. I was like, you guys have never gone? Like, how, how do you think you are just fine? Like how, how, why do you go to the doctor then? Why do you work out? Why do you do it? Why do you read books to learn more? Like, do you think that you have all the information about yourself figured out and that you alone

can solve it all for yourself? Like, I just don't. And people go, I don't have the money. I have offered to pay for them to go. There's just no interest. Why? Because they're scared that it might mean they're there. What, what is the fear? I truly cannot understand it.

They just don't believe in it. What's there to not believe? I don't understand. There's one person that goes to therapy and she's very well adjusted and wonderful. But everybody else, they just don't understand it. What, am I going to talk to somebody for 40 minutes and pay them $200?

I think that's part of it. To hear their opinions. They think a therapist just gives opinions. That's the kind of therapist I like. Or some people believe that if you go to a therapist, then you're crazy. It's for crazy people. And that, yes. I'm not crazy. I'm fine. When are all the people that believe that if you go to a therapist Then you're crazy It's for crazy people I'm not crazy

When are all the people that believe that gonna die I know that's like a leftover thing Wait you just said you don't want them to die You said you don't know what you're gonna do No okay that's true I want all of them to die except my parents Not my parents Sorry not yours either

Anyone that we know or that anyone that we know knows Or besties anyone that you guys love but if you don't love them i hope they die oh that would be so good now i'm on board that'd be so great if everyone else died i hope someone dies because it doesn't and people go that's so mean it's like well it's gonna happen no one's avoided it eventually yeah it's always gonna happen i had man i know i talked about this in my special that's not released yet but i truly forget i'm gonna die sometimes i'm sorry i'm not i don't mean to trigger you brian i know you don't like to talk about this let's change the subject it's my least favorite thing i know but we all have to do it and like it i'm not gonna do it i remembered this morning i have to die and i I really was like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, oh, that feeling. Like, just that feeling of like, oh, my God. Like, I'm not going to – I don't get to opt out of this. Like, I feel like most decisions in getting married or having kids, like these big life moments, you get a choice of whether you can do them or not as a woman in the modern world. Like, those used to be as imminent as death like you're gonna have a baby because if you don't want to we'll just rape you and make you keep it like there's there was no choices i just saw poor things last night so i'm filled with like what women were supposed to be and what we what we're made to be and and how

suppressed we used to be but um and, and I can't stop seeing images of Emma Stone's Bush, which I saw upwards of 32 times in that film. Just time out for a second. Poor things. Yeah. Emma Stone was amazing. No question about it.

Amazing performances. Mark Ruffalo, so, so funny. Love Ruff love rami um was so good in his like break for me i've seen you know obviously he had the show um his show rami but his oh that was rami he uh he was so good in it as well all the performance is great did i care for it my mom and i almost walked out a couple times and and I got to the point where I was like, is it going to be, I go, mom,

we should walk out. Cause this is funnier if we walk out than if we finish it. Like I don't, I literally don't care about how this ends. I'm not invested in this. I got a little invested about 10, there was 10 minutes left. It's an,

it's two hours and 21 minutes long. Too long. Too long. Why do they do that? 90 minutes. I get it when it's a killers of the flower moon. Only 30 views of the bush? Dude.

I want 50 bush views. There is no... Tell me the difference between... 25 per hour minimum. Poor things. Please, someone who's seen poor things. I want you... Exactly.

Tell me the difference between what we saw Emma Stone do and what porn porn pornographer pornographic actresses do. Tell me the difference. I'll tell you the difference. How much they're getting paid. Exactly. Okay. And one is scripted and the other is

also acting. Yeah, they're both acting. The porn's not WGA though. And you though so and and you could say yeah you could say the the they don't have the stuff that emma stone is doing is art but why and because no one's gonna jerk off to it i i beg to differ yes they will yes they will there's so many sex scenes in this there's so many dicks there There's so many. You see her bush. You see her tits. You see her ass. You see everything. You see her getting railed in every different way.

People are jerking off to Emma Stone movies when she's not naked. This is no shade because as you know, I love porn actresses and I feel like they should be able to float seamlessly between Hollywood and Bollywood and pornography. I want them to do

it all. Yeah. But I don't understand why this is different. Yeah. Because why? It's art. I've been watching Euphoria, which is an incredible show. I can't believe I'm so late to the game. Wait, really?

Are you on the first season? I just finished the first season of Euphoria. I had watched a few episodes. I've never seen it. Oh my God, the writing on Euphoria is so good. I didn't like it. But there's a lot of naked,

they're playing teenagers. They're not teenagers in real life, but they're playing teenagers and there's a lot of nudity and euphoria. I think it's a thing these days. You gotta,

if you know, people don't, the actresses of today don't seem to care of of today don't seem to care as much about just being full nude in a show or movie that's just what i'm viewing from euphoria and from what you're describing important things because i remember like in the 90s in the 90s if an actress ripped her tits out it was like on the entertainment tonight and and it would be it would kind of like define her career for so long.

Like that's all people would kind of talk about. Yes. I mean, Sharon Stone in whatever that one is where she uncrosses her legs. Do you even see pussy or is it just implied? Like I don't. You go in the pussy in that one. No.

You travel up the urethra. Do you see lips? Because I don't think you do. Yet everyone assumes that that she just showed full puss. No, it's just the implication of puss that got the country all horned up. But I'm feeling bad for saying blowjob on stage in front of kids. And I'm being treated like, I can't believe you did that. Yet Emma Stone is having sex in every different position, completely nude, which no, no judgment from me.

Like it's fine. I just don't understand the different, why we shame. Same kids have to write papers about poor things. And then probably, yeah. Whereas like I, people act like I can't be around their kids because of the content of

which I speak on stage in a safe space where only adults are there. But Emma stone gets to be like, have, you know, cover girl commercials. Like she is, she gets to be on any commercial she wants. She can be on any network. She can do, she can, I can't, they won't let me on CBS anymore. ABC, these are family networks.

And it's not like they won't let me on, but it's harder for me to get on those places because of the content of what I do. Yet she gets to do this film and still work. I just don't, not that I don't want her to work. I just want, I, you know,

the porn star that I, Carter Cruz, who I worked with on the Burt Kreiser tour, she wasn't allowed to do their Daytona or their Dayton, Ohio date because the venue owner found out that she was a porn star and she was, she wasn't doing porn in the show. She was just being a DJ.

So why are some people forbidden from having sex on screen? she was a porn star and she was she wasn't doing porn in the show she was just being a dj so why are some people forbidden from having sex on screen and it makes them a uh you know they have to wear scarlet letter and a pariah but then others are like upheld for it i just don't i just don't get it i was watching this and my mom and i were just like enough we get it she's a prostitute we get she has to have sex with a bunch of different guys it just it doesn't feel like we needed to see it it felt gratuitous but because it's like this film that's shot with a fish eye lens and has all these wacky colors and william william defoe is in it it's suddenly art like i just don't get it what's the difference

defoe's in it it's art Spider-Man Green Goblin But then porn If you watch porn You're like a horrible person And you have to hide it From everyone that you saw But like If you saw poor things

You're like a You're a I was driving through Texas Philistine I don't know what that word means But yes And It was

One of the worst roads I've ever driven down It was in Southwestern Texas It was close to the border I drove I've ever driven down. It was in southwestern Texas. It was close to the border. I drove through a town that looked like it was designed to look like a shitty town. And in this town, there was a drive-in movie theater. You know, like...

Yeah. Everyone knows what that is. A drive-in movie theater that showed porn. What? Oh, wow theater That showed porn What? It showed porn And the screen was The back of the screen Was facing the road So you couldn't like

See the screen But it was showing porn That's how crazy No way Yes It was showing porn It was How do you know?

Because it said What movies are showing And it showed ads And it said XXX Drive-in movie theater We took pictures of it I don't mind that

But It's There's theaters you could go to and jerk off in Why not have an outdoor one Right They need sunlight exposure And you're in your own car Can I talk about this for a second?

Speaking of disturbing people around you, so during the movie, I am texting Anya about how I don't really, I'm not really sold on it, and I think it's trying too hard to be kind of cuh and artsy, but also I may be missing the points, much like I did with May, December.

I was totally off about that one. Everything I hated about it was intentional. So poor things... It's not bad, but is it... It's... Would I recommend someone see it? Sure. Yeah. Because I just want to talk to someone about it. I think there

were good things about it. I give it a B+. But I'm not... It wasn't anywhere close to being something of my favorite movie, but the performances were amazing. And Willem Dafoe in that movie, once you once you see it besties that's how i look in the mirror to myself i said it to my mom he appeared on screen i go that's what i think i look like and she laughed so hard because it's like it's just he's like frankenstein together and i really do and i feel like i do have like a structured face but I feel like that grotesque

most days when I wake up, and it was just a very clear indication of exactly how I feel I look, but, um, okay, so I'm texting Anya. I'll just read to you what I texted, because I want you to get the full idea of what happened here, and I want to get your opinion on it. Okay, so, okay. Oh, we got into it about, God, we got, okay. So, I said, have you seen Poor Things? She said, not yet, but want to. I said, I hate it. Okay, this is, what time was this?

8.06. So, this was only 20 minutes in, okay? That wasn't fair to say I hate it. 20 minutes. This was 20 minutes. This is maybe 15 minutes in. Two hours left. Because it started,'s no actually sorry this was an hour in this was an hour and five minutes in okay i mistake this movie started

at 6 45 that was at 806 and you know you gotta count for previews she said haha really maria said it's trying to be too weird i said it's just trying to be so cool she said should i skip it is emma any good i said i want to hear what you think. She's really good, but it's just annoying. My mom hates it too. We want to walk out. And she goes, LOL, you're in a theater? Nikki! Exclamation mark.

Ha ha ha ha ha. And I said, and I know what that's about. Because Anya does not like when people have their phones out in theaters. Which, who does? That's a very obnoxious thing to do. But can I just say, I said, yeah, my phone is nearly dark. Okay, I turned down the brightness all the way down. I said, it's literally disturbing no one. The man coughing behind me is way worse.

There's this man going, every two minutes, he would like clear his throat with this really guttural cough that you could tell he was struggling and holding it in most of the time. He wanted to do it way more often than he was. So when it did happen, it would just sound like Mount Vesuvius.

It was horrible. I said, I'm in a row by myself, just with my mom. No one can see me. My mom doesn't care at all. My mom was literally sleeping. She fell asleep during it. And I said, that's a dumb rule.

And then she just thumbs down the man coughing behind me is way worse. Do you think it is out of line for me to turn down my phone all the way? There's no one in my row. I'm keeping it very low. So literally, and there's no one in front of me either. There's only people behind me,

but they cannot see my phone because it is so low. And I'm holding it down by my waist, looking into it. No one can, I don't think anyone, there's no way anyone could see. If you know me, I'm not it down by my waist, looking into it. No one can, I don't think anyone, there's no way anyone could see. I, if you know me, I'm not someone who does anything to be obnoxious around other people. I,

aside from talking openly about blowjobs on stage in front of kids, which I was horrified by when I realized I was doing it. I really don't like to be like, look at me talking loudly, brightness on my phone. Like I'm so aware of how other people are around me. Do you think it's out of line? And why do we have to treat the movies so delicately?

It's the movies. You can't like, why is it? Why is it okay to open your phone on a plane that is totally dark in the middle of the night? Why is that not like shunned upon but the movies this is the cinema people have this you know like why is it so protected at the movies and what do you think well because you go there for an experience you i think one of the reasons why you go to a movie is to be completely enwrapped in the movie you have a giant screen you have surround sound it's dark and you're also experiencing it with other people and you unlike when you're at home

you generally can't just get up and walk around and then come back to watch the movie oh i was dying to do that i wanted to press stop on it to see how much longer it had in it so many times so many times i think if you want to do that if you want to text or talk or cough like mount vesuvius During a film you should just watch it at home Because these days you can pretty much And going to the movies should be a special experience Where you're like you wouldn't do that

Say at a live performance of something I think it's a similar experience Yes I would If no one was going to see me and I'm only disturbing myself Literally no one I wouldn't do it if I was in a full row Yes I did know There might be people behind you who are like that. I wouldn't do it if I was in a full row. Yes, I did know because I...

There might be people behind you who were like, I can see that light and it's bothering me, but they're not going to tell you. because I was holding it down by my waist. I know what physics are

and I know like the angle at which people can see things. There's no way they could have seen. You did the calculations? No, but like I can kind of surmise there was no one in my row. If there was someone next to me,

I absolutely wouldn't have done it or I would have put it inside my purse and like created a little referee. I think we should do a mythbusters. There should be a mythbusters episode about this where we get Nikki in a theater with a phone. My phone, even at full brightness where you could see it is not as annoying as people opening their bags of skinny pop popcorn because this pop, this place does not pop their own popcorn.

They just sell you bags of skinny pop and people opening those. That's like your dream. And I know, and shoving it in their mouths and chewing loudly. And like, that's annoying too. Yeah, no,

it's all annoying. So I just, I was watching a movie one time. I was really offended that she thought I was like someone who would like purposely or just like, I don't care about other people's experience. It was literally bothering no one. There's no way. Everyone's existence is bothersome and there's all sorts of things.

It doesn't have to be noise or light. It could be smell. Like sometimes someone whips out a disgusting hot dog and it's like, I know that they sell those there, but it stinks like pig shit now in this whole theater. Yes. I don't want to smell your stench. But I just don't know why these have to be such sacred spaces. I'm not, I would never

really truly do something disgusting and annoying. If I had a chronic cough, I would not be going to the cinema. You know, like I'm not someone who would, whoever wants anyone to be like that girl over there. So like, I just, I keep I just I keep it I keep it tight you know there was one time I

went to a movie that was that they did not treat it like a sacred space and it was one of the best movie experiences I've ever had I went to go see the raid redemption which is one of the best like kung fu salat movies from Indonesia of all time

and I went to go see it at a theater that was in a predominantly black neighborhood. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. And I mean, there was five standing ovations during this movie. That was my best experience too at King's Plaza. Everyone was just yelling at the screen.

That's great. Okay, so I went with my brother's ex-girlfriend and she was like just like unapologetically loud and obnoxious as is. And we went to King's Plaza and it was like a predominantly black audience

and we saw, I think it was The Conjuring. It was a movie about like haunting. And every time something would happen with a ghost, the whole theater would scream. And then there was one part where um it was like a very suspenseful scene and my brother's ex blew her nose and it sounded like a giant fart and the whole theater just like erupted it was so fun that's so fun yeah my dad and i still talk about when we went to see Me myself and Irene I mean what year was that

2003 And it was in a predominantly black neighborhood And Is that weird Is that like white tourism I think it's very commonly known That black people talk in movie theaters But we're like we ventured into the black neighborhood

To see the movie amongst I didn't say I ventured It's not like I was like You implied ventured Yeah and I almost died much like you on that mountain No it was just like I lived there Yeah I think yeah we just

We were on a mission trip It was just like where it was playing Yes I don't want to sound racist But I do believe that Black audiences in comedy Are far superior to white audiences And if I would love I wouldn't know there's like two black people per show

For me Oh my god I mean I've been on Well you just gotta watch Like I was watching Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker I was re-watching that That was 1999 That was at the Apollo. And he even says at the beginning

of the show, white people up top tonight, which is hilarious. And that audience is just like having so much fucking fun. Yes. I mean, that special is maybe top five of all time. I mean, he just... Which one was it?

Bigger and Blacker. Chris it? Bigger and Blacker. Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker, where he does gun control. We need bullet control. That one. Yes. Yes. And I'm just like, man, what... I mean, how nice must it be

to be able to perform at the Apollo... to do your special at the Apollo in front of an audience that's that reactive to everything you're doing? Whereas I don't think a wide audience... Maybe, I don't know, is Burt Kershaw's show like that? Are they as wild and

partying? Burt Kershaw. Burt Kershaw? What's the equivalent white crowd having that good of a time? We have to get wasted. Yeah. Unfortunately. Otherwise we're on our phone. What'd you say? I said, otherwise

we're on our phone, distracted. Or just like judging and kind of just like, what? Coughing. There's a lot of coughing in white audiences. And just holding in your pee because you don't want to be called out. So it's just like people just anxiously thinking about how they have to pee so badly. Politely laughing if you look at them. Yeah, we're so uptight.tight yeah i think that's what i get

from it but also the laughs that like my mom and i were laughing that let me just say the right places in this show in this movie because some stuff was really funny but like it just made me realize how easy it is to make people laugh like i think i talked about this before when i went to go see a certain comedy movie and i was just disgusted with my fellow man at how they laughed at every dumb thing. And I was like, oh, this is why sitcoms are as cheesy as they are, because it's so easy to make people go, whoa. She just said, oh, like the classic, like, he's right behind me, isn't he? Like, whoa, we've never seen that before. Like, just these jokes you've seen a million times, and the classic, like, he's right behind me, isn't he? Like, we've never seen that before.

Like, just these jokes you've seen a million times and people are, it was nice to see people laughing that freely. Like, oh, they're not as cynical because I guess I am. But there was really funny stuff in it. But no one was laughing at the parts my mom and I were laughing at. And I'm not trying to say we're smarter, but I think we were. And all the other parts, was just like man i gotta i gotta like change the way i do comedy it's it's easier than i think yeah you know we gotta go to break okay

john stewart is back in the host chair at Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts okay we're back final thought i'm going to australia I think it's a 14 hour flight Oh yeah

Are you going to Hawaii first? Or is this a full straight flight? No, that would be nice, drop me off there No, I'm going I think it's just straight there Damn, from St. Louis? I bought it with miles Yeah, I probably can

I really might do that Chris will just be watching movies the entire time he should get up and walk around at least once during a flight that long yeah i will well because i have to pee you know you could open the window and get direct sunlight like the sun will be right there apparently the sun rays up there really intense and you're not supposed to do that at all because it's like cancer causing for sure because there's no like protection of the something i don't know they were just saying that like in the air you should keep that window down but you're right i should get a little sun that would be good um yeah i don't know what i'm i mean i love a long flight the longer the better it i i i know on these long

flights like when we went over to europe i would be like sad because it was only seven hours. And I was like, I just want one more hour where no one can get me. And there's nothing expected. I am a little nervous about like not being plugged into the, like not working and not feeling like I'm doing something every day that I'm accomplishing things. For the whole two weeks you're saying,

not just for the whole two weeks. For like 10 days. Yeah. The whole two weeks, like being over there and not Having doing I guess I could Do some sets or something but then But then that turns into like everyone's

Gotta come see you like all of our friends And I just don't want that I would just want to perform for Strangers you know you're gonna come back from Australia And like Taylor Tomlinson's gonna Have another special out and She will actually Another show on netflix and it's just gonna be what the fuck was i doing i don't even want those things you know yeah

i literally like made a boomerang of me just i should do a boomerang with me with a boomerang oh yeah you know like have the video i wonder if that's been done um never i don't think it's ever been done no i guess i'm not worried about other people accomplishing things because that keeps happening and I'm not getting anything. I like, I've been in a constant state of depression for, I think like three years now, like three months now where it's just like,

I can't get out of it. And so I just, I can't get things done at all. I, I like, I was supposed to pick a tour name and pictures of myself from my tour I had a photo shoot on December 20th and I was supposed to go through those photos by the new year

and send all the new photos to the promotion team have them make new posters let's rebrand my tour because I've had it called the good girl tour for almost two years now and I'm going back to the same markets and they're going to be like, this is the same tour. And I'm like, no, it's not. So I just decided today I'm naming it Nikki Glazer live. I don't want to name for the tour because I looked up tour names and I realized that everyone has like a good name for a tour, which is fine. If you like really feel like that's

what your tour is about. I'm always switching up my act. And so I don't feel like there's what your tour is about. I'm always switching up my act and so I don't feel like there's any one thing I can call it. And then I saw Bill Burr called his tour Bill Burr Live. And I'm just like, thank you. I don't need it to be anything else. That just tells you what it is. You see a poster, you're like, that's her live here. So I'm just doing Nikki Glaser Live because I

was struggling the past three days trying to come up with a name. And I'm just feeling so disconnected from all of them. I went through even the depression Zara tour, even though that fits. So what my life is right now, I don't think that's a really good selling point. And I think she could get litigious and like sue me for it. And I think the heiress tour is going to change. Like I think making something based off of the heiress tour. Um, oh, sorry. I maybe didn't even mention that I was going to do it, call it the depression heiress tour um oh sorry i maybe didn't even mention that i was

going to do it call it the depression heiress tour and like have all the same imaging but just obviously with me um and i thought it was a really good idea bestie suggested i think on an instagram live once and i decided against that because if you don't know the heiress tour which is probably like 20 of america 30 you like, what is this? 5%. Yeah. Especially if they're potentially going to go to one of your shows. Yeah. But I just also like, you are like, do you want to hear a girl talk about depression?

Like, it just seems like it's just not good marketing. Right. Yeah. I mean, all the, all of it would be funny. The posters and stuff would be really funny,

but if it's just on a marquee and you're like, what the fuck is that? Or you just see it listed on something, it just doesn't say what it is. So I'm just, Nikki Glaser Live. I reviewed all these photos that I took in December yesterday. I don't think any of those would have fit like a depression tour.

Oh yeah, you saw them too. Because I made Noah go through them first. Oh boy. I could have helped you, by the way. I mean, I picked the ones that I wanted for the podcast, but I could have picked more for you. I love looking at them. And everyone was like, yeah, have people look at them.

I had my assistant Jen look at them. I had you look at them. But even if Jen sent me her faves, you sent me your faves, even if I saw those, I'd be like, there could have been better ones in there that they missed. I can't just relinquish trust when it comes to like my face and my material to anyone else like if someone were to be like nikki let this person edit your special for you i still would be like there might be

things that i really like about like i've i've never once had someone like people always like pictures of me that i'm like i've never seen a more disgusting photo of myself. You know, like I think we all can relate to that where someone's like, this is so you. And you go like, no, I look disgusting.

And you just can't even believe anyone would think you look good in that. And you go, that's what I look like now. So there was really just no way for me to have anyone do it, but myself. And so I had to look through all of them. And it is so hard to model. Can I just say that? Models do have a very... It just comes naturally to them. But you have to have everything from your shoulders to your fingertips doing a thing that looks smooth and

delicate. And it is truly impossible. I really want every woman in my life who is not in entertainment to have to do this so that they can relate to my struggle because it's so not what I am cut out to do, yet I still have to do it. And it is so hard. I would say one out of every 100 photos was even usable because sometimes my face would be okay,

but then my hand would be doing some weird claw thing or my shoulder would be bent forward. Or like, it just, there was... Like Willem Dafoe in the movie. It was a nightmare to look at them. And gratefully, I have enough space because it was December 20th. So now it's a month and a half later and I'm like, oh, I've totally changed

since then. And, but it was, I just so disappointed in myself. kids are just growing up having to pose

constantly for photos and I feel like they're just like learning the poses when it's like when they're seven and it's going to be ingrained into their skill set forever.

I think I want to take a class. If there was a good class about how to pose in pictures and be a model, I would take it. Um, because it's, it's something I have to do frequently enough. And although I have like my main poses, like the picture I picked,

it's the same picture that I took for the good girl tour. It's the same one. It's the same pose. It's the same kind of look. There's, I don't have a multitude of looks to choose from. It's, I wish I was like,

um, an artist who doesn't show their face, like not Sia. I'm not talented enough to be Sia, but like, I just wish that I didn't have to like show my face all the time, but that's part of it, you know,

like that you have to do these things and it's just so hard to do and it's um it's not getting better you know like i'm only gonna age more uh anya was talking last night about seeing some show that hugh grant and nicole kidman is in and she said literally that hugh grant's face is just two giant uh crow's feet all the way down and it's somehow very sexy and distinguished. And Nicole Kidman is so tight.

There's no movement on her face. And everyone can say, well, we didn't ask her to do that. I don't think she would have this role if she didn't do those things.

If she looked like Hugh. They could use her face to collect rainwater after a storm. What do you mean? That's how tight it is. Why would it? Like a stretch.

That's how you... Okay. That's how you collect rainwater. That's a survivalist technique. Obviously, they stretch out a piece of paper or tarp or something and then the rainwater collects and then goes down into a little bucket. Yes. But Anya and I were like, I want to find out how it got

this way. Why is it this way that men get to be this way and women get to be this way? It's both men and women contributing to this. There's only three of us and myself not included that are like, I'm not going to wear makeup anymore. I'm not going to dress like this.

I'm going to wear what I want. But the rest of us are still, no one's strong enough to stop it. We can't get out of it. She's like, maybe the next generation. I go, no, we're fucked. No, the next generation is even worse. Yeah, they're worse. Because the next generation,

every picture, every time they're seen in the public light is usually on the internet where there's filters. And then they go out into the real world. They have to look like not even themselves on camera. They look like a much worse version of what people are seeing on the internet because there's filters. Yes.

A good point. The filters are killing me. Yeah. And there were some shots that I was like, oh, I want to take out my eye bags. But I'm really against like doing any of that stuff because not because I want to set an example for little girls and be like, this is what a real woman looks like. I just don't like to lie to myself. And I don't want, cause then people will be like,

Nick, you're so beautiful. And I won't believe them because I know what I did to that picture. So it won't, it won't matter. And it doesn't matter when people say I look beautiful. I like, I looked,

everyone's like, you look so amazing at the Grammys. And I'm just like, as I always say, I don't, it's not real. Like, of course I do. There was five hours. I had to pay literally $6,000 to look that good for hair, makeup, and styling. Spray tan, it was approximately probably $5,200. Um, there that's anyone should look good with that. And

people go, no, it's not everyone. It's like, yes, they could because it's all, there was hair extensions, there was eyelash extensions, there was makeup, there was spray tan. Like it's, um, it's, it just all, it's so exhausting to do it all, but you, you, I don't know what to do. And it's always going to get, it's only going to get worse. That's my fear, is that it just doesn't... I want to just do a massive dose of mushrooms or something to make my brain not care. Yeah, I mean, at a certain point, you've got to transition. That is the only way at this point is to get a lobotomy.

I just can't, because my face, my outside is never going to start getting younger and hotter. It's just not going to happen. What do I do? Because I watched this documentary about this guy named Boogie889 or something. He was like a YouTuber that did a bunch of like, do you know about this guy, Brian?

No, never heard of him. He's like a gamer YouTuber. He was one of the first YouTubers. I know Boogie732, but not 889. He was making a bunch of money through YouTube, his channel

where he would do live streaming and whatever. I don't know. Maybe twitching or whatever. And then he just started getting depressed, gaining a lot of weight, spending too much money than he had.

What was that? That's it. I think it's just managing your depression and working through that. That's the only way that you'll be able to continue working in the industry and not care so much about... Yeah, well, I guess not to care...

You will care about your appearance because you present yourself well. And even at your shows, you've talked about dressing up on stage so that people come and they come for a show and it's... Yeah, that stuck with me too. That's why I wear my coat.

So I think just like it's the depression that is getting in your way because it's not the way you look in photos. It's tough for Nikki. Because I have a completely different opinion. It's tough because Nikki's career has so far up to this point, a lot of it has been based on looks. Like you're a good looking comedian. You always dress up. this is a big part of

your presentation yes and so in order to get off of that you'd have to like make a legitimate like pivot like now i'm and i won't horrendous back woman you know yeah yeah sunburnt back lady i i won't get off it i mean i i have to eventually because we all age to a point of being pretty grotesque but I I think that I just need to do massive like it does start with my brain like I know that it's like it's I have a disease in my brain which gets no respect like in terms of like people with cancer people with with any kind of terminal physical illness, so much respect, so much pity,

so much, oh my God, are you okay? How could, there's nothing we can do, but you know, even though we can't do anything, like we're here to help you here.

Like everyone fucking gets it with cancer, but with depression, it seems like it's just your choice. You're choosing not to find someone to, you're choosing not to find the right treatment or whatever. It's just like, but it's you can't find the right treatment because

the thing, like, you're trying to fix a broken leg and they're telling you to go run somewhere to get the treatment. So, like, if you have depression, it's hard to make doctor's appointments. It's hard. I just got my fucking meds filled today. I'm supposed to be on 60 milligrams of something.

Guess what? It's 10 milligrams. I started crying. Cause I'm just like, I, it took me so much fucking effort to get this med and now it's worthless because he gave me 10 instead of 60. So I wrote an email to him being like, I don't know how I could have been clearer. I'm trying to be heard and understood by you. We knew it.

We needed 60. I said, I wanted 60. How did you, how did you give me 10? How are you making this more complicated for me when you're supposed to help me? What is the fucking point?

It was so frustrating. Did you say that? Yeah. I didn't say fucking, but I just said, I wrote an email. So they haven't gotten back to me, but I'm just like this. It's really hard for me to trust you from now on. When I repeated four times, I think the 60 is best for me because I have a hard time filling it.

Let's be honest. I take probably 20 to 30 a day of this medicine when I need it. But I, I empty out the sixties and I put them in water to be soft. It doesn't even matter. So I, I need the sixties to get me through because I can't fill these medications every fucking month because the Walgreens I go to,

because it's a controlled substance. It's a controlled substance. Yeah. Yeah. And it, I can't get like, I don't, I don't abuse it.

I barely even take it like 30 days of 60 will get me through like literally six months. But now I have to like now go to this 10. It's just was so frustrating. Is this, what is this fentanyl? Don't worry about it. I don't like to say because then people start commenting about like, you should be on this and I want to be on that.

They just like, they start having opinions and I just don't need it. So, but it's just, it's just so, I just, it makes you just want to give up. You're on the right path though.

Because you try to get help and you weren't even listening. Yeah. You just can't have big expectations about managing depression. You just do one thing at a time and you just try try try yeah i know that you like watching the crime documentaries and the end of the world stuff

but if you slowly eliminate things like that that create fear and anxiety in your head and just replace them feels good to me but i understand like it's just negativity yes yes but I mean honestly people go going shopping would make me more depressed than watching a horror or a documentary about like a rape murder crime like that I avoid stuff all the time that causes me

depression in terms of like not looking in mirrors not looking at a photo shoot until a month and a half later. I have things in place where I know I'm instantly going to get depressed being around certain friends that are too perfect. I sometimes avoid certain friends because they trigger me to hate myself. I try to...

And that's not a good thing that I do, but I have to do it because I know what will make me fall off the deep end. And it's still... It's just, I just, I don't know. I'm frustrated that depression just always seems like it's your fault and you're not doing enough. And then when I try to do something, it's just so hard to do anything about it. I know that people can relate who are listening. And we're so lucky because earlier in the show we talked about our families not getting therapy and stuff and it's like

if you think about growing up in your parents' time, they didn't even know what depression was. At least we know about it. I told it like in Killers of the Flower Moon this one guy has melancholy and I was like oh my god, someone, representation. I was like, I have the melancholy and he's like,

he's been sad his whole life. And I'm like, me too. Like, it's so nice to hear, um, about other people who suffer with it. So I think that's why I'm so open about it because obviously I get people

writing to me that also suffer with it. And then I get, you know, it's, and it helps me to hear that other people have it, but I also know that it helps to hear that someone has it, but it's just like, I don't really have anyone in my close life that suffers with depression. Like I do, except, uh, Ian Fidance.

I called him the other day. Cause he always gets it. I can say the darkest shit. And he's like, me too, man. Like, it's like, remember when I told Carlisle one time I wanted to, I was like, I think I'm just going to have to kill myself someday. And instead of being like supportive, she just goes,

me too. It was, it was, that was hilarious. But, but Ian, uh, was really great the other day.

Cause he caught me at a, and then he just started like bombarding me with calls. And I was like, not picking up. Cause I'm like, I'm on a plane and I can't talk. And he's like, well then I just pick up and just listen. And he he just was being so wacky and so funny and really really

dark and it like it helped me because he has gone there before and and thought those things so it was nice but um otherwise it just seems like people are just like just make your bed go for a walk oh yeah um do stretches and it's like stretches. That is all true. Breathing exercises. It is all true. Those things do help. Noah's suggestions of watching more positive things is honestly a good suggestion, and I will be more mindful of that stuff.

I just don't... I wish more people understood how bad it is. And I think that's why I try to... That's why sometimes on girls' chat like even on here i can say like really dark fucked up things that make make people go kind of go like whoa but it's like how else are you supposed to show what you what is happening like i i need to like kind of go like this is how i actually feel like that i honestly think it's why a lot of times people

kill themselves i think it's because people lot of times people kill themselves. I think it's because people don't believe that they're in pain. And if you kill yourself, what does everyone say? She must've been in so much pain. I can't, the pain she must be feeling must've been unimaginable. Why does no one have that said about them until after they kill themselves? No one says, you know, she's on medication. She's going to a doctor. She must be in so much pain. She can't get out of bed today. Well, she must be in so much pain.

It's usually just like, oh, she's in one of her things. Like people only get that kind of sympathy and understanding from the general public after they throw themselves from a hotel roof. Like it's only after that people go, wow, we had no idea. People are in quiet pain all over. And it's just like, people go, wow, we had no idea. People are in quiet pain all over. And it's just like, well, maybe if we made it better, more okay to talk about that and we, we could empathize more. But I do think that's the root of why, like I always say, yeah.

After they kill themselves, then that's an opportunity. They can make that about them. Whereas when you're, when you're, if someone's depressed,. They can make that about them. What do you mean? If someone's depressed, they can't make that about them. But when someone kills themselves, then all of a sudden they're like, oh my god, I had no idea they were in so much pain and I knew that person and then it becomes like a little

trophy for them to hold up. Whereas when someone's depressed, there's no ego that you can apply to that because i'm not going to kill myself but i talk about it a lot because i i wish it was a thing that i could do more easily or like that i could do it and then come back again you know like there's a million reasons why i would never do it and i'm not going to do it but sometimes i say i'm going to do it because i just want people to understand i just and i don't

want them to get worried and call the cops or whatever, but I just want them. I get why people do it. I completely understand. Not only do you want the pain to stop, you want people to fucking get it, how miserable you are. Yeah, to be understood. And I think that's what a lot of depression is, is that people aren't understood. They don't feel understood. And I think that's what draws me to comedy,

honestly, is like, because I get to talk into a microphone and be like, these are my feelings and you can't refute them by talking back or you'll get kicked out of here. So, um, I wish it was helping more, but it's, yeah,

it's just been a rough patch recently, but, um, but it's not always this way. It's, there's, there's more, there's definitely,

if you spend time with friends is good. If you talk about it a lot, if you listen to like when you're depressed, music sounds really good. Um, reaching out to other friends who are depressed has been very helpful for me. Like not just talking to friends who are doing well, because it's just like, it's just hard when I don't want to call people when they're doing well. Like I have a couple of people in my life right now who are really going through a sad time and it's just like, it's just hard when I don't want to call people when they're doing well. Like I have a couple people in my life right now who are really going through a sad time and it's been better for us to talk to each other. Um, and yeah, so that, that stuff has been helping. And, and, and honestly that Hannah's videos, if you're depressed out there, listen to that woman. She is like so nurturing mother spirit, like so understanding of, of you being a little sad bitch. Um, and I mean that with love. So, um, I guess that's the end of the show.

Yeah, we'll be back next week. All right. So I'm in Australia. I won't have stories from next week because we are still going to be doing pre-taped episodes, but we will be up to date pretty soon. But, um, these are all new episodes. These aren't repeats. We just banked them beforehand. We worked really hard to do so. So I hope you enjoy them. I love you, besties. Dumbika, and see you next week. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

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