The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #422 Loving "I'm Just Ken", Nikki Look-A-Likes, The Enneagram Test & Toxic Shame

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Julie is back, twinning with Nikki in matching sweaters. It was hard not to love Ryan Gosling's Oscar rendition of "I'm Just Ken". Nikki took Brian on the road this weekend as her opener. He got a front-row seat for an exchange she had with a doppelganger. Backstage, they delved into Enneagram numbers and shared what they learned about each other. Nikki reads the test for Besties to take at home, and Julie also finds out her number. Nikki dove into videos on toxic shame from a psychiatrist that made her feel seen. In the Final Thought, they talk about unsolicited opinions and EJ's battle with a stink bug. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, because I was in Australia and we had other stuff going on, but now they're fresh. They're up to date. You know, within a couple days, let's be honest. You won't find them in the discount bin. Why'd you say? You won't find them in the discount bin. Wait, what does that mean? Because in the discount bin is all like the stuff,

because we have someone in the studio. Oh, yeah. This is new. Oh, yeah. The squid. A reference to what Julie Glazer likes to eat. That's Noah's catchphrase, too. She's been saying that a lot.

I'm like, have I missed this reference? But yes, she did say it like Julie Glazer, who is here, says it. I know. She's speaking for me. Not going to find those in the discount bin. And then we don't want them. Yeah. Then we don't want it.

Julie Glazer is here. Hi, Mom. Welcome to the show. Hi, Nikki. Thanks for having me. Yeah, we're tweeting today We're wearing the same sweatshirt She came in wearing

A sweatshirt that I got us Both for Christmas She had to hurry up And put hers on I put mine on And as my mom was Taking hers off Being like

It is hot in here And I go But I'm putting it on To look like you So I'm hot Right now And so now she's hot And Brian Frangie's here

I was with Brian all weekend. We were in Port Chester, New York on Sunday night. And then we were in Ben Salem at Parks Casino on Saturday night. Wow. Good shows, great crowds, lots of besties. You had a good crowd turnout on Sunday night? Honestly, yeah. Great.

Well done to West Chester County, New York? Honestly, yeah. Great. Well done. You were nervous because of that. To Westchester County, New York. The Oscars. During the Oscars. During the Oscars. Literally during. Well, the Oscars started an hour before.

Yeah. You could have maybe watched the opening monologue and then zipped to the theater and seen it. But- Ryan Gosling went to the Oscars and then came to Nicky's show. There. Before Chester. Wow. That would have been-

Oh, I'm so glad he didn't make it to our show because- He came to Nicky's show that would have been oh I'm so glad he didn't make it to our show because I have watched his performance of I'm Just Ken three times oh my god

and I want to watch it four and five and six but I'm trying to like taper it because I want to maximize the joy that it gives me every time

so I'm trying not to overdo it what'd you like about it what is it it was so happy so good okay first of all that it gives me every time. So I'm trying not to overdo it. What'd you like about it? What is it? It was so good. Okay, first of all, this song, the movie itself was great,

but Ken's arc, I haven't even considered. Like there's so many times with a song that I'll just hear it and it's just a song and it's good and it sounds good and I like the way it sounds and it makes me feel a certain way, but I don't really like know why. And i'm listening to i'm watching it you know at the oscars and i've watched it now two or three times and i'm like oh this song's fucking amazing this is a song about a guy who's overshadowed by barbie doesn't feel seen by barbie is in a relationship where he's not

getting his needs met and he doesn't feel like he has value. And so he inherently thinks he doesn't have value in anywhere because the whole world is built, his world that he lives in, Barbie land, is built to make him feel marginalized. So he's this man with low self-esteem that's constantly acting like it's not a problem, right? Like, I'm okay.

Because I watched Barbie again last night or I started watching it and I kind of saw his struggle, which I already already knew about but i wasn't in tuned with it of like this guy is just putting up with constantly being told that his feelings don't matter and that oh he's like barbie you want to hang out tonight and she's like i'm having a sleepover with the girls and we're gonna have it forever every night for eternity and he's just like of course why would i even want to stay okay yeah and then he like kind of slinks off dancing so he has this like sad existence and so the song is a realization of that the song comes out of the moment where he realizes like what am i i'm just ken like she's barbie and i'm

just ken and it's like i'm just ken anywhere else i'd be a 10 what'll it take for her to you know to i'm just ken where she sees love, where I see love, she sees a friend, like she's never, he's never going to get seen. And then the song shifts and it becomes by the end of it, it turns out, it starts out the sad song of I'm just Ken anywhere else I'd be a 10. And then it goes to like, I'm just Ken and so am I. Put that manly hand in mine. And it's like, becomes this thing of like, we are just Ken.

And it's triumphant. So it has this it has this arc. A story arc. A shendo. Where it's like listening to it the first through, you know, probably 12 times I've heard it because I have it on my, on Spotify. I just am like, oh, it's like a song about just being at like mediocre but there's a turn in it where he is really proud of being ken and then uh this whole group of people is are singing and so am i

and then at the oscars to have emma stone say and so am i was just like that we're all ken you know and that and being ken isn't so bad and that you are maybe not as talented or shiny or um as perfect looking or as like get as much attention as barbie and you never will you live in a world i don't know well no i kind of i prefer i prefer bono walking around holding a balloon going where are my keys are my children safe don't get me started this is my house steve jobs that's a better performance i think it was just and he's so he he just does this thing where you know you want him to commit to the character hard which he absolutely does but he's also not trying too hard. There's like these, the way he walks,

he's just like smooth. The way he like, he kind of mails in some of the dance moves that looks like he's not trying. But it's like, that's a part of his character is this guy who's like doing the dance moves but doesn't really care.

So like, there's just, he's just so cool. Ryan Gosling's just so fucking cool. And people are like impressed by how good of a dancer and singer he is. Dude, this guy was in the Mickey Mouse Club. That's MKUltra. That's MKUltra for talent.

MKUltra is why... What is that? Well, you heard about MKUltra in the Kennedy assassination, Rob Reiner podcast. Okay. And that is what the CIA used to mind control people. Oh. And that's, he went through, he was MKUltra'd in Atlanta, I think.

It was a way to develop super soldiers to combat the Russians in the Cold War. And they were, you know, the Bourne series? Yep. The Bourne, that's an mk ultra movie okay born is mk ultra guy yeah yeah well it that mickey mouse club is mk ultraing for just talent like if you want someone to kill the president mk ultra them to assassinate if you want if you want someone to perform well the rest of their lives flawlessly mic Mickey Mouse Club, get them in there.

They will- Good advice. I mean, that's really, I mean, that book, The Talent Code that we read, Brian, like that's always- Oh yeah, I love The Talent Code. What I remember from that, you were the one that recommended that to me, I think like seven years ago at this point.

It was a long time ago. It was, yeah, seven years. Maybe, no, eight. We're in 2024, baby. That was 2016. In the amount of time that I recommended that, you could have developed a talent. Honestly, that is not, I did.

And like playing guitar, like I definitely researched or I like referenced the talent code in it. It's like, you're only gonna get, or singing and playing guitar, you're only gonna get what you put into it. And the only reason anyone's ever better at you than anything is a little bit of born talent.

Okay. Like is an aptitude for something. But it's mostly. Born ultimatum. Yeah. That 10,000. It's mostly the hard work and the repetition

and being comfortable with sucking and being okay with sucking and making those little improvements and staying in a zone where you're always working on something that's a little challenging. Not too challenging. Don't try to play, you know,

something expert level when you're a beginner because you will get discouraged and you'll quit. But it should be something that you could do, but it's a little out of reach. And that will always keep you... That'll keep you interested. Yeah, but the thing that I'll always remember from that book is Beyonce did not come out Beyonce.

Beyonce didn't have a childhood. That's why she's Beyonce. We didn't see the hard work. We didn't see all the hours she put in before she came on the scene when she was, what, 16, 17? But that was 16 years. Let's take away four years because she probably started when she was four. That's 12 years of intense jackson five esque really boot camp working really you know that for sure yeah she worked her ass off she

was in she was in like dance she went to like dance schools instead of school and singing like one of the examples they gave in the book was jessica simpson also she was trained from like four years old to become a good singer. And so when she was 12, she was an amazing singer because she had been singing already for eight years. Yeah. Same thing with Beethoven.

Like anybody who is like a phenom, a quote unquote prodigy, something like that. They just, the parents just took a whip and like started, maybe they wanted to do it too. But what kind of four year old, they don't like, wants to put in that work without the parents well they do if

it means that it's going to give their parents to love them and so that's why people i'm an enneagram three and that is um that's what worthy we're achievers now i'm like a low end achieving three like optimal threes are like beyonce's okay and taylor swift's wait they go up to what no it's like it's nine different numbers oh but if you if you're an enneagram three you're it's called you're the achiever and you um in your core you feel like you don't have value unless you are a success and usually that success is determined by what your parents are into so if you and dad were guitar players yeah exactly no but you dad is so that's not a good example but if you were florists and like your big thing was like matt wow like uh you know agro uh what's it called when

they do like um like landscaping landscaping is our family they do like landscaping? Our family's business was landscaping and you were so amazed by like yard architecture. I would have probably gotten into that field as a three. You want to please your parents. It only applies to yard architecture though. Whatever your parents are into,

whatever your peer group and the people who you're trying to earn their love are into. And that's not to say because you said, I'm not going to love you unless you do this. That's just the disposition I was born with as a three. Maybe she did. And possibly I got that signaling, but no intent of theirs. But because I've made this connection before, because Howard Stern talks about how he didn't have his dad. He didn't feel like his dad loved him.

So he was like, oh, but my dad loves the guys on the radio so i'll just become the best at that and he'll have to love me because that's what he loves his dad wind up loving him no his dad's like he's still i can't speak for howard but i would say his dad still doesn't acknowledge how fucking great he is even though his father's dead no his father's still oh i think he. Yeah, his father's dead. The mother's still alive. Yes, but his father just died. Yeah. His dad was around for a while, and I don't think he ever got the validation he wanted.

I've got that, and I don't need it anymore. I could stop doing this. Because you... We accept you now. Yeah, you guys are... We're accepting you. Well, I... But it does make sense,

because I look back at my life, and as a three three I'm like and by the way Enneagram is the fucking shit Taylor's been trying to get me into it forever I'm so on board now and she's like yeah of course like she was like I've been talking about this stuff she bought me a book for my birthday I've just cracked it open it's so interesting because it nails you dude it we Brian this weekend Brian's the challenger. He exploded in the 80s. I wasn't nailed.

There was things that I was like, that's not me. I was kind of joking. There's not all stuff. There's going to be some things that you're like, that doesn't resonate. Wow, I'm afraid of this. Don't be afraid because it really opens up yourself. It makes you feel... I like it because it makes me

feel less uniquely weird so the things that make me weird i'm like oh they're written in this book like everyone who has this number who has who is a three which is 16 of people or something like that 13 of people so they're in the 10, 10 to 13% have this. Okay. And it's not that weird. We all want love in this desperate way and we all inherently don't really like ourselves that much

and we think that if enough people like us, that'll make us liked and that it's not that bad of a trait and that it actually makes sense for you. It's not your fault

that you're like this. I'm totally in to checking this out. Yeah. But I mean, this weekend when Sonia from the Desperate Housewives DM'd me, I screenshotted it to serve to you as like,

Mom, see, look, people you love, love me. Wait, you didn't send that to me. I know, I forgot to send it, but Sonia reached out. Sonia! Yeah, I don't, she said she's on tour and she just wanted to reach out. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Yeah, Sonia. She looks like me.

She looks like Barbra Streisand is who she looks like. Who I think I look like sometimes. Oh, maybe you do. Just a prominent nose. You look like so many people. There was someone at the meet and greet in Ben Salem who looked like you. And they were too nervous to say that that was the case. But then you said it.

You said, you look like me. I say it every time. Oh, when someone looks like you? And then the husband was like the husband was like yes of course see i've been saying this constantly she's like i know i look like you i didn't want to say because people would they're afraid to say it yeah but i know they think it and you don't want to go to a girl like i think i look like you if yeah especially if you think she's like super pretty and you're like i don't want to that's very her if i am not as pretty as her so i'll just give it to them because i know that they i see it too yeah and so i have literally not said it once where they haven't gone i told you john like and they've had the couples had a moment not once they always have thought it must

be very obvious and by the way girls really like girls who look like them like the other night anya was freaking out about jodie foster and or no um sandra holler from the um anatomy of a fall she's like obsessed with her what about her and i go i go why she looks nothing like you because anya's usually obsessed with women who look like her like you will always notice because it's every every girl yeah meg ryan every girl with women who look like her. Right. Like, you will always notice. Right. Okay. Meg Ryan. Every girl. Yeah, Meg Ryan.

Every girl likes people that look like them. Everyone. I mean, it's part of my... Taylor Swift. If Taylor Swift had black hair or a raven hair, I probably wouldn't... You wouldn't relate to her. As much. Yeah. I would guess.

I can't imagine that. I hope that's not true, but I think it's part of it. Yeah. And so when I see girls that look like me, I'm like, it's part of why you like me. Because I kind of look like you. And you like yourself. That's a good sign. Yeah.

You like people that look like you. Yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. No, I love it. Yeah. Who do you think you look like? I don't think I look like anybody. Jodie Foster is who you look like.

Stevie Nicks. I look like Jodie. Dude. Jodie Foster. Is that why you just mentioned hericks. I look like Jodie. Dude, Jodie Foster. Is that why you just mentioned her? No, but Anya does love her too. And I was like, you don't look like her either. But you look so, the other night at the Academy Awards, I was like, there's my mom.

Are you kidding? Identical. I thought she looked really cute the other night. She's so cute. Yeah, you look like her. But I didn't think she looked cute in the movie that she was. Well, I don't think she was trying to look cute. No, I get it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I kind of see it. The Oscars triggered Anya and I. Why? People just look too hot. And yesterday we both had a little bit of a dark day because also Matt sent us all the photos from the weekend that he took of us. And like there's just some hard truths learned about our aging heads.

Jeez. It's just hard to see. I know that you're like, you're so young. What are you talking about? But like when you were my age, you were having the same problems. Oh,

a hundred percent. We watched home video the other night and you were like, ah, look at me. I'm like, you are 32. I have like 15 different hairstyles yeah well you're trying some stuff out i know weird well we have lots to talk about on the show today um there was a photo

shoot last week there was the oscars i want to talk more about that we got triggered we had um shows over the weekend um noah's wedding we're gonna go really in depth on yes before noah's wedding i so i want to have a question about enneagrams because there's nine types of enneagrams Noah's wedding we're going to go really in depth on yes before Noah's wedding I so I want to I have a question about Enneagrams because there's nine types of Enneagrams

there's a thing that I followed called the nine fears which is also a way to break down like character types and I want to know if it's the same thing

just in reverse well there is a thing on Enneagram that's like your number one fear as this Enneagram so it's based around fears like there's that's a way to learn about yourself so on Enneagram that's like your number one fear as this Enneagram. So it's based around fears. Like there's that's a way to learn about yourself.

So each Enneagram does have a base fear. Okay. Because I because this Enneagram like you're it's you're driven by love. Enneagram is a personality test. You want to be loved though. Each one of them is I want to be loved. I think every person wants to be loved. But that's what the Enneagram is breaking it down by.

No, I don't think so. By the degree of love. I don't think so. I don't know enough. Taylor should be here to answer that, but I do not think that that's what, what it's breaking it down.

Okay. It's based on just your disposition, what you were born with and also nurture. So what your childhood was like, and your probably birth order plays into that. Just what you experienced as a childhood, your, your sensitivity just based on how you came out.

So it's constantly in the margins of this book. It's like, this isn't your parents' fault. We're not saying this is all your parents' fault. They keep reminding like, this is just kind of how you are as well. But it is your parents' stuff too. So it's like, it's both of those things. It's really scientific.

It's not astrology. It's Enneagram is the shit. Everyone should take a test. Maybe we'll give the test to you, mom, and then everyone at home can take the test with us because it's really short.

That would be great. I'd do it. Okay. When we get back, we'll do an Enneagram test and get out your pens and paper because you'll just remember two letters.

So I think everyone can do that. We'll be right back. Scared. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

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This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. Here comes the Enneagram test that i sent to my girls chat last week because i wanted everyone to just redo theirs um so and then i i gave brian this test this week he was an eight um let's see what everyone else gets i'll give you the so you just have to let me just say before this um this select one paragraph in each of the following two groups so i'm going to go through two groups of paragraphs there are three

paragraphs per group um and you got to figure out which of the paragraphs best reflects your general attitudes and behaviors as you have been most of your life okay you do not have to agree completely with every word or statement in the paragraph you select. You may agree with only 80 to 90 percent of a particular paragraph. OK, but and you could still select that paragraph over the other two in the group. However, you should agree with the general tone and overall philosophy of the paragraph you select. You will probably disagree with some part of each of the paragraphs. OK, do not reject a paragraph because of a single word or phrase. Again, look at the overall picture. Don't overanalyze your choices. of each of the paragraphs, okay? Okay. Do not reject a paragraph because of a single word or phrase. Okay.

Again, look at the overall picture. Don't overanalyze your choices. Select the paragraph that you have a gut feeling about, okay? Okay, all right. So you get it. All right. So this is the first group of paragraphs,

three paragraphs. Pick which one. A, I have tended to be fairly independent and assertive. I felt that life works best when you meet it head on. I set my own goals, get involved, and want to make things happen. I don't like sitting around. I want to achieve something big and have an impact. I don't necessarily seek confrontations, but I don't let people push me around either.

Most of the time, I know what I want and I go for it. I tend to work hard and to play hard. B. I have tended to be quiet and I'm used to being on my own. I usually don't draw much attention to myself socially, and it's generally unusual for me to assert myself all that forcefully. I don't feel comfortable taking the lead or being as competitive as others. Many would probably say that I'm something of a dreamer. A lot of my excitement goes on in my imagination. I can be quite content without feeling I have to be active all the time. Or C. I have tended to be extremely responsible and dedicated. I feel terrible if I don't keep

my commitments and do what's expected of me. I want people to know that I'm there for them and that I'll do what I believe is best for them. I've often made great personal sacrifices for the sake of others whether they know it or not i often don't take adequate care of myself i do the work that needs to be done and relax and i do what i really want if there's time left c we got a c on our hands we got a live one noah oh i'm definitely the b okay noah's a b and And Brian, you're A, right? Yeah, I was A. I was A as well. Okay. Group two. Pennsylvania, eight. Okay, so this is

either X, Y, or Z. X. I am a person who usually maintains a positive outlook and feels that things will work out for the best. I can usually find something to be enthusiastic about and different ways to occupy myself. I like being around people and helping others to be happy. I enjoy sharing my own well-being with them. I don't always feel great,

but I try not to show it to anyone. However, staying positive has sometimes meant that I've put off dealing with my own problems for too long. Why? I am a person who has strong feelings about things. Most people can tell when I'm unhappy about something. I can be guarded with people, but I'm more sensitive than I let on. I want to know where I stand with others and who and what I can count on. It's pretty clear to most people where they stand with me. When I'm upset about something, I want others to respond and to get as worked up as I am. I know the rules, but I don't want people telling me what to do. I want to decide for myself. Z. I tend to be self-controlled and logical. I am uncomfortable dealing with feelings.

I am efficient, even perfectionistic, and prefer working on my own. When there are problems or personal conflicts, I try not to bring my feelings into the situation. Some say I'm too cool and detached, but I don't want my emotional reactions to distract me from what's really important to me. I usually don't show my reactions when others get

to me. Z. Z. All right, so we've got a CZ. Yeah. She's CZ. Oh, mom's a one. Oh, the reformer.

The reformer. Rational. Oh my God. Principled. Self-controlled. That's what Chris is. A reformer. Uh-ohpled, self-controlled. That's what Chris is. A reformer. Uh-oh. You like things to be right and just. Wow. Is that true?

You're attracted to reformers. Sure, I do. I'm attracted to my mom. And I worked out on a reformer today at Pilates. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I was AZ, if you want to know, if you're playing along. And Noah, you were-

X, BX. BX. You are the peacemaker, receptive, reassuring, complacent. That's not nothing to let me say. The third one is really- I know. A dutiful wife. A pushover.

Good at baking things. Victim. No, the peacemaker is, Obama's a peac peacemaker so it's a good thing oh yeah there's good there's good people in that one and then brian tell that to the people he drove a y the challenger self-confident decisive domineering they're right one of the things that i liked about brian's this weekend when we were reading it is that he, yeah, unexpected. That one of it was that sometimes they shout to get their point across, but it's not because they're angry. That's just they get worked up.

And both Anya's husband, Matt, and Brian are challengers. And Anya was like, oh, my God, that's so helpful to hear. Because when you learn what your partner's thing is, you can learn like, hey, eights sometimes will shout to get their point across, but they don't, it's not because they're mad. And then you can then hear that and go, okay, maybe I'm not going to take offense.

Like I know I shout when I'm mad, but eights don't. So maybe when my husband shouts. Oh my God, I do that all the time. You shout so much. And I do it on stage. Yes, you do. I do it on stage too. Wow.

It's such a thing. Pretty true to do. I do it on stage, too. Wow. It's such a thing. Pretty true to reform. I can't stop myself from shouting. Oh, man. Wait a minute. I want to know what a reformer does again. Like you? Yeah.

Okay. So let's go through Enneagram 1. Let's go through some of the things. So in my world, this is all about the fear, which is that she's afraid of being evil. Oh, that could be very true well you have a core desire your core desire is to be perfect oh you can struggle with you struggle with your inner critic you are very orderly check um you um your fear your biggest fear is imperfection um You want to be cozy. I don't know.

You are organized. Cozy like undercover. And you can be controlled. Yes. Yeah, that's true. Well, she makes homes cozy. Totally. What's that like Norwegian coziness thing called?

Oh, yeah. There's like a word for Norwegians. Yeah. I forgot it. You can be controlling to maintain perfection. Let's see. At your best, you're ethical, reliable, productive, wise, idealistic, conscientious, honest, orderly, and self-disciplined. At your worst, you're a cunt.

No. At your worst, you're a cunt. No, at your judgmental, inflexible, dogmatic, critical of others, uptight, controlling, anxious, jealous, fixated on imperfections. Does that all, do you feel like it resonates? Yeah, it could be kind of close. It starts to hurt your feelings a little bit. Yeah, but I see some of that. Yeah, for sure. But reading about it,

I have the whole book. I can give you a whole chapter on yourself because it shows you how to relieve these types of things. A healthy one can like, what you can do in your life to mitigate some of those things. Because at your best, ones have all of these things

that other numbers don't have that you can bring to others and to the world that you uh might be getting in the way of sharing those like you have special things as you have things as a one that make you like worse off but you have things that you can bring to the table that no one else can that's so important gotcha um and can you vacillate between like being good and being bad or are you just like stuck no i think you can i think it's like when you're in halt hungry angry lonely tired that's when you're gonna go to these negative aspects of yourself i just made that up halt is a you know 12 step uh kind of thing but that's whenever you're like acting out or like never make a decision when you're in halt hungry angry lonely

or tired like always ask yourself okay stop halt and say what am i any of these things right now and then and then hungry angry lonely tired tired got it yeah it that that helps me but not until after the fact and i go oh yeah i was angry oh wait i was i was all i was at i was hot i was hat i was hungry angry and tired so there's certain enneagram types that get along better with other types okay yeah and it's in like friends and relationships yeah like if you go on a youtube dive like it's for our listeners that took the quiz along with us, go like pull up what your number is. Oh, I should go through the, I'm so sorry.

I didn't go through what everyone was. If you got AX, you're a seven, the enthusiast. If you got AY, you're eight, the challenger. If you got AZ, you're the three, your achiever. If you got BX, you're the peacemaker. If you got BY, or sorry, if you got BX, you're nine, the peacemaker. If you got BY, you're four, the individualist. If you're BZ, you're a five, the investigator.

If you got CX, you're two, the helper. If you got CY, you're six, the loyalist. And if you got CZ, like my mom, you're number one, the reformer. So what you go, just go to YouTube, type in Enneagram and then your number. And there's tons of experts. Some people that are like, you know, what's it called? Armchair therapist. Armchair therapist.

Yeah, armchair therapist. Bullshit artists. But a lot of these people like have read enough. They might not have a degree, but they've done their research. I have to turn everyone on to my new favorite therapist on youtube i'm not kidding you this girl has cracked me wide open and it's not enneagram i'm obsessed with her and i know i told you all about hannah yuri yuri oh that's the word for the girl that does uh coziness yuri um hannah yuri what uR-I is the woman who does the restorative yoga for people who've been

through trauma and I just listen to them I don't even do them and I should do them but I listen to them and they soothe me and they're amazing some besties wrote to me to ask for the name again so I want to just give a shout out because she is truly she's a lifesaver to me wow her videos are just wait what's her name hannah uri i'll send

some to you you just put the phone next to your head or headphones in yeah and listen to her tell you what to do yoga style and but the thing is you don't have to do any of it because because the whole thing is because it's for trauma suffers it's for people who've been like sexually assaulted it really is like that's it's trauma-based yoga. And so every time she tells you to do something, she goes, if you want, you don't have to do any of this. And I choose to not do any of it, but she's okay with that

because it's like, it's only if you want. Literally everything. You can now move, you're gonna peel your spine up off the mat if that feels comfortable for you to do. And it's like so nice to hear a class where everything is like, if you don't do this, you fail. Like everything is optional. Thus, you can opt out of the whole thing and she still likes you.

It's really like the most comforting thing for someone who's a three or I think a one to listen to. As someone who's an achiever and a perfectionist it's just so nice but here's the new girl i'm on to that i discovered this weekend this this bitch has my number and she is she knows everything about me she she is just speaking to my soul and making so much sense and the way she talks she repeats herself enough that and says it in different ways and she's talked so clearly but it's off the dome she's not like reading notes she's not boring she talks dynamically she's incredible i cannot wait to tell you about her her name is heidi preby p-r-i-e-b-e heidi preby and she's just amazing. I've listened to so many different talks on YouTube.

How do you find someone like her? Well, Old Glazed Dog was going through it this week. Just like, what's wrong with me? What's going on? Why can't I commit to things? What am I scared of? I got into the Enneagram. I'm like looking into myself. I want to like you know,

I want to just figure out what's going on here what are these blocks and I think I typed in oh you know what I listened to a thing this weekend about shame so there was this really boring guy and I wanted to send you the video Brian because you were talking about the the topic of shame and I said oh my god I have a great video on that and this guy I was feeling shame i just have always known that shame is a part of who i am like i if i get shamed it's devastating if someone like tries to make me feel bad about something i did it's they might as well punch me in the face like it's the worst thing you can do to me you hate the term shame on you yeah i do because it means like what you just did is

your fault that's why i love no free will nothing's my fault right i didn't mean to do that my brain just decided to do that it's not me it's my you know i love it not being at my because at my core i have toxic shame which heidi taught me that i have but before that i watched a video about shame by this guy let me find it because i actually sent it to um anya last night because she was having she was having a dark night of the soul, as she called it. And I said, you should check out this guy's video. Well, now I can't find it, but I'll find it in a second. He had this video about overcoming shame by practicing self-compassion.

And I had, oh yes, Dr. Chris Germer, G-E-R-M-E-R, shame and self-compassion. And I. Oh yes. Dr. Chris Germer. G-E-R-M-E-R. Shame and self-compassion. It is a hour long. It's called self-compassion and antidote to shame. That's the name of the video. If you struggle with shame. This really helped me.

So he talks about how. What shame is. Is feeling embarrassed. About something you did, right? Feeling like I'm a bad person because I did this. I chose the wrong thing. I'm making bad choices for myself. I'm embarrassed at the thing I did.

But what that really is, if you really break it down, is that you are just sad that what you think you did is going to get you less love you're thinking when you've experienced shame you're mourning the loss of potential love people aren't going to love me as much because i chose to do this thing i'm such a bad person i fail at getting love and when you really break it down it's all about like you're just someone who wants love the fact that you feel shame is just you being someone who desperately wants love. And if you start thinking about everyone in the world besides psychopaths, probably all just desperately want love. And I would even argue that they do as well.

You can feel more connected to other people. And if you, he asked you at the very end, if you're willing to do it, to go into, he's like, okay, now we're, he talks for like 45 minutes about shame and what it is and unlocks it and then he goes okay now i want you to imagine like a thing that you're like 30 like it gets you about 30 anxious even thinking about how embarrassed you were and how shameful it is like for me i was like pictured my bedside table and like how many cans of zevia there are and there there might be a vibrator. And there might be like one earphone that I didn't put back in its little case because I was too lazy. And then I pictured the piece of paper on the floor in my bedroom from my new mattress that has been on the floor for two weeks. Because I just don't have any reason to pick it up.

It's a piece of paper that came with it that's like, here's your new Strava mattress. I hope you like it. And it's just, of paper that came with it that's like here's your new strava mattress i hope you like it and it's just i keep stepping over it it's literally on the way to my bed i have to step over it and i just haven't picked it up so i just pictured that okay that's about 30 shame of like if someone saw this and knew how long this has been here yeah which i'm now like talking about which by the way sharing about your shameful things is a huge antidote to shame aka why i became a comedian um like getting it off your chest telling someone about it yeah admitting the thing you're ashamed about publicly whether that's to a friend or like to your husband to a therapist is a way to to get shame to lift yeah so he like but he makes you go into it yeah shame and embarrassment

like are they the same then are they i don't think so i don't know i think they kind of are i think embarrassment is a type of shame to me embarrassment is more surface level in the moment and shame is like deeply rooted this this struck the core of your being and you don't even it's like you can get embarrassed by like, do it like, oh my God, I spilled a drink on my pants and now it looks like I pissed myself. Now I'm embarrassed,

but you're not going to feel deep shame unless when you were growing up. I think it's light shame. Embarrassment is shame light. Yeah. It's shame. It's diet shame. Yeah. Diet shame.

I think it's a product of shame. Yeah. Like if you spill, because when i'm really feeling confident i can fall over in a chair i can trip i can get food on my face and someone goes you have something on your face and i don't care but if i'm coming from a place of shame those things are like oh my god oh i'm so sorry oh god now i ruined my pants and people think like so it definitely is connected to how you're feeling. But lots of people, including myself, have a thing called toxic shame, which is what this Heidi girl opened me up about.

And that's like at your core, something happened to you early in your life and it could have been an event of abuse. It could have been literally, like I've talked about on the show before, like you were a baby and someone was in a bad mood around you one day when you really needed them to not be.

Like you could have been like watching me one day and just like been in just a bad mood and not met my needs. And I'm like, and you're just kind of like not smiling at me. And that literally can build in a baby, which who could ever- ever believe that yeah who could ever um imagine well not imagine it like how could you avoid being in a bad mood around your baby of course you're like eventually this is why being a parent

is so scary yeah because you do risk and it's not your fault by the way if if you are a parent that does these things because you're allowed to be in a bad fault by the way if you are a parent that does these things because you're allowed to be in a bad mood around your baby but I will say that things like that can lead to

if that happens a couple times and a baby's needs aren't being met or it's happiness is getting met with like you're too happy

and I'm in a bad mood and it's like not met it can lead to that baby feeling like I I am so there's something wrong with me and I have to hide that if it's like not met it can lead to that baby feeling like i i am so there's something wrong with me and i have to hide that sensitive baby happiness i have to hide and then they have to hide it especially if you have like i didn't have a depressed mom growing up but people who

do have depressed moms um some of who have been very close to me before i've had many friends that grew up with moms that were depressed and they have to, and I've been a depressed person. And when people are happy around me, I fucking hate it, dude. And I can only imagine if I had a little kid around me being like, look at this is a tree. And I'm like, no, it's not. Like I would just not, when I'm at my worst depressed wise, I would just be like, I don't, it's a leaf. Why are you excited?

Like I would, I know that it might, if I were, if I were 25 as a mom, I would have no way to hide that shit. So like, I haven't watched all of Heidi's thing, but I sent, I watched the one that you sent the girls. Yeah, what'd you get out of it?

I thought it was very interesting, but I just wanted to touch on, you know, what you were just saying. That kind of puts the blame on one person. But what I got from the video where she was talking about blimerence and toxic shame, the baby has to take responsibility to heal itself.

Yeah, I didn't get to that yet. I'm just saying where it can come from. Yes, so that's what I really liked about it. I liked also what she was talking about, how when you're not really in touch with yourself or working on healing your emotional traumas and issues and all that stuff, your partner or whoever you're in a relationship with, the people you surround yourself by are going to mirror what is the internal struggle that you have. So I really like what you said about

mirroring yeah well you talk more on that because i i felt like i got it but i didn't get it like whatever you oh yeah so if i feel like inherently i am worthless unless i'm like so that's that's what threes threes feel like their their fear is being worthless, is being a nobody. And that truly, like being perfect is not my obsession. I know I'm not perfect. And I used to think I was a perfectionist, but that ain't it. I just, I don't want to be a nobody. I want to be

someone that people go, I remember her. I just want to stand out and be extraordinary, not perfect. You're a three, right? In my core, it's because... I don't feel like I expect things to be perfect, or that I want to not perfect. You're a three, right? But yeah, but in my core, it's because- I don't feel like I expect things to be perfect, or that I want to be perfect. For yourself.

Do you think that? I think you're a little bit of that. Really? Okay. I screwed up this thing. No, it's not good. Like us eating a thing that you're making, and you're like, no. You're right.

It's not good. Yeah, but it's not bad that you're that way. That's just the way you are. It's just personality and it's like and it also like i said before it makes you so great in so many ways but um but you will if you're not working on yourself you choose people that will mirror back to you what you inherently think about yourself which is yeah i'm not that good or it's just like what you put out there. I think what I liked about that is because I'm trying to do like the hypnotherapy thing now. And I'm talking about like the mind body connection. And I think that what she was saying kind of goes hand in hand in it, which is like when your mind has these negative thoughts about you, your mind has no way of implementing. Right. So what it does is it makes your body implement. So like the negative thoughts turn out fit, like physical with your

body and whatever, you know, like you think of yourself, I'm, I'm not enough. I'm worthless. I'm unloved. I'm always rejected. You're like making your body project that to the world. And then therefore it attracts people who will do that to you. Yes. Yes. She talks a lot about like the way you physically look. And she's like, I want to be clear. I'm not fat shaming. I don't think you should look a certain way. I think you should not subscribe to like perfectionist stereotypes that you see on TikTok. But she goes, if you don't feed your body good foods and exercise your body and dress your body in things that make it look good and feel good, you're not respecting yourself. And if you're not respecting yourself, no one's going to respect you.

So when you go out and you when you are feeding your body trash, when you are drinking Diet Cokes, even though they you know, like Diet Cokes actually make me feel amazing. No shame. But like if I'm smoking weed to the point where my throat is burning, that's – would I do that to a baby? Would I do that to something that I loved? You have to respect yourself and feed yourself good foods and things that will like make you feel good. It's self-respect. And I used to always say, oh, wearing makeup is so sad.

And like getting lip filler and all these things. Like, God, I'm such. I'm just trying to like get people to like me that way. But I have a new perception on it, which is I'm just trying to look the way I feel. I'm trying to like like, I feel pretty when I have lip filler or whatever it is. That's not, that's a bad example because I don't feel pretty with lip filler.

But with a lip flip, I do feel pretty. If you put a little Botox above my lip and it flips up, I feel prettier. And that's not that bit of me to get. That's me trying to put on the outside what I do feel on the inside. Like I feel, I feel like I'm someone who deserves to look pretty. So I'm going to, and I think that that's not always the case.

There's times where people try to fix outward things to feel something on the inside. But I do think that dressing a nice way or like, you know, women who always wear heels or they always wear makeup. I'm like, God, that's so sad. But maybe it's because they respect themselves and they want to look nice.

Well, that's the thing also is like making sure that your mind is talking in positive. So it's like- Yeah, oh God. It's like the hardest thing in the world. It's not easy, but you can say, I choose to take care of my skin. So I'm getting the lip flip.

For me, it's self-care as opposed to you know something negative like no one judges you if you clean your car or your house or you get your kitchen remodeled you get new you know tires put on your car but you get lip filler and people think it's you're like one of the saddest people that could ever live or you know what i mean like no one judges me if i do pilates three times a week that's such a good thing well it's transforming my body what if i did a had a surgeon just do it quickly it's this how is it different i once was judged for trying to upgrade my car uh because i guess in the man world uh your car is like your body is extension of your body and it's i one time tried to put an expensive stereo system

into a really shitty car because I worked at this deli and I had all this extra money and I didn't have anything to spend it on. I was in high school. And that's what we used to do in the early 2000s. Yes.

Is put nice stereo systems in shitty cars. Yeah. The one that would click on. Yeah, exactly. And you had that thing, the plate that could fold down and you could put a CD in it.

Wait, it would go like, like it would tilt down? Yes, it would tilt down. You could put a CD in it. Those were the coolest. And it had the audio waveform thing popping so it looked like your car was like a disco.

Oh, you had like, it was like a little screen that would show the waves of the audio. Show the waves while I'm driving. There's nothing cooler. How do you know about this, Nikki? Because I was in high school in the early 2000s and this is what people were getting put in their cars. And it was, you know,

Huffy had one, I got one put in the bastard. I remember you did get a new stereo. Yeah, we were all going to audio specialists and dropping our cars off and having them flip our cars. It was a thing I read about recently. Like, why did we all

decide to do this? Because they came with shitty audio. And suddenly the audio was making bigger advancements than the car companies could put in the cars. Okay, so Brian,

you did this. I had a 1990 Volvo 740 Turbo, which remember those Volvos that were like a box they were like boxy cars yeah and they had the backward seats in the back no they were regular he's talking about a sedan yeah it was a sedan but it just it was like a square you know how cars these days are smooth and like there's like a yeah they're very smooth and they're circular. There's no sharp angles. They're thick now. A Volvo from the 90s was like a couple of rectangles on top of each other.

They totally were. They were like a child's drawing of a car. Yes, like his hands not formed enough to do smooth arcs yet. Yes, yes. Or like an Etch-A-Sketch. Yes, yes. arcs yet yes yes um or like an etch-a-sketch and so yes that car was like on its last legs and i put this thing in at circuit city and now defunct circuit city yeah the people there were like were like you want us to put this in that and i was like yeah because it was like a three thousand dollar system putting it in a car i was gonna say was that three thousand dollars yeah it was like

three thousand dollars and i could and i was putting it in a car that was at $3,000 $3,000 and I could and I was putting it in a car that I could probably sell for $700 and they were like you want us to put this in then I was like yeah and then I could see them in the back you almost saved Circuit City I did yeah I was trying to single-handedly save it from

bankruptcy they were all laughing at me in the back behind when they were like he wants to put it in there and then the other guy would go oh my god they'd start laughing and then they'd see that i was looking at them through the screen and then they go oh he's looking at us and they'd go laugh in private and then you screamed at them but they you go don't take offense it's i'm an eight it's i'm just that's right i just started saying but this is what i want i worked hard at the deli and it's totally the way you talk yeah i worked very hard at the deli. That is totally the way you talk. Yeah. I worked very hard at the deli.

Brian, a thing you do on stage that I love is if the audience doesn't like a joke or isn't on board, he'll be like, so you don't think that that's weird that that happened? He'll check with them and go, I just want to make sure you don't think that's comical

that I just said that. And he'll repeat it. And then they have to, they're like, well, actually, you're right when you say it like that. comical that I just said that and he'll repeat it and then they have to like they're like well actually you're right when you say it like that but he will check with them I'm always like okay I guess that wasn't funny

but he's like wait a second so you don't think that that is interesting that I just that I pressed the emergency stop button on an escalator you're all just okay with that? yes

sometimes you say there's two things that happen one is sometimes you say something that almost that 95% of audiences later. You're all just okay with that? Yes. There's two things that happen. One is sometimes you say something that almost that 95% of audiences thought was interesting. And for whatever reason, this one audience decides it's not, they deserve to be yelled at. Absolutely. I know what you're feeling. Oh my gosh.

I totally know that feeling. Okay. We'll be right back after this. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

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Very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.

You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery a story told in 12 steps listen to crumbs as part of the michael lura podcast network available on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts um final thought so noah's wedding, I guess. Wait, I don't know what's going on with Noah's wedding. Well, she got married. What? Yes.

Noah's married. When? Two weeks ago? About a month ago. Oh, congratulations. I heard the wedding noise, but I didn't know. Didn't you listen to the episode where we went in-depth into her wedding? No.

Well, we didn't. It's a joke. We keep forgetting to talk about it. So I wanted into her wedding? No. Well, we didn't. It's a joke. We keep forgetting to talk about it. So I wanted to talk about some things. Let's talk about it. First of all, leading up to the wedding, I've had three friends get married in the past year. God.

And something that upsets so many brides, and I wish we would all stop doing it, is like people giving advice when it's not when they're asking for it and getting in the bride's minds and this is for upcoming mothers as well yeah like stay in your lane i don't care how many kids you have their experience is going to be different you're bringing so much to the table that that they aren't or vice versa like good advice share your share positive things yeah stop projecting all your negative bullshit just because you don't like your husband and you had a bad time um having a baby like phrase it from a positive place like noah what did you go through a lot of that yeah i think

like if i took away anything and i knew going into it that i going to get a lot of like opinions or statements or questions. And I think like for anyone who's getting married, the thing that you need is a backbone. And that could mean anything that could mean being aggressive in return or just like letting shit roll off your back and just being like, okay, fine. This is probably coming from a loving place,

but I don't need to absorb any of this. But it's just very interesting that all these things come out, all of people's issues. I wouldn't even say it was all opinions about what we chose to do or anything like that, but just a lot of comments and things that you hear that are definitely deeply rooted issues that people have not addressed. we chose to do or anything like that but just a lot of comments and things that you hear that

are definitely like deeply rooted issues that people have not addressed and for some reason a big event like a wedding or some kind of like big celebration brings that shit out and i thought it was like very interesting from like a psychological perspective can we get an example yeah just that okay i mean without going too much but maybe like some uh family infighting that has nothing to do with the people getting married and right not like expecting a bride and groom to uh play chess with certain people when it could just be like adults handling it and staying away from each other I get that I don't know that's the thing that bugs me is like I

see that happen all the time of like brides or brides mostly brides talking about how they have to deal with well these people can't be sat with these people and we're worried that his mom is gonna feel I have to make sure that his sister's brought into this thing it's like yeah what's being your day?

Yeah. You know, like, why do we have to manage all these other people's feelings right now? But I got a lot, and my sister-in-law helped me through a lot of stuff like, you know, that or maybe people having certain, like, dietary restrictions. Oh, give me a break.

I'm not going to add like chicken fingers to my wedding menu because this and that. She's like, you know, people are adults. Right, so people are adults. They can bring things. They can bring their sweater. They can bring their food. They can handle it.

They can keep themselves busy. You don't have to figure out what they're doing for dinner on a night that they're there that there's nothing going on. Just like all these, as a vegan's like yeah bring a backup yeah bring a bring a pocket of protein bars because you might not have something a lot of the time even if you tell the catering company like make sure there's vegan options a lot of the times they're just not good at the vegan options and then even if it is a vegan option it's not very

good amazing for me yeah i had i didn't it was but yeah that's that's an interesting thing that comes up is the just unsolicited advice and um and just people wanting to like get involved in um and when you're pregnant bring up drama when you're pregnant, just want to bring up drama. When you're pregnant and everyone tells you, oh, aren't you tired? You should be sitting down. And I'm just like, I've been on this planet for 40 years. I know my legs and my body better than you. I can tell when I need to sit down.

That's another thing. Let's just stop doing that in general. You must be so this. Yeah. Can we all just... Yeah, assumptions. Do you know why we do that? Is because if you are someone that does that,

it's because you don't speak up for yourself when your legs are tired. Uh-huh. Oh, that's interesting. Other people do. Assume other people do. Assume you don't like to have your needs met and you're scared to get them met.

So that is nice of you to consider other people's because I do that a lot too. I know that I do that because I'm always scared to speak up. So I'm constantly monitoring what other people might need to try to get ahead of it because i know they won't speak up but they will because they're or or you should leave them to have to say something don't try to um and yeah that's so insulting when someone's like you should sit down like well it didn't even come from family or anything. Like a quick story is one of the hotel staff people, the cleaning lady, I passed her in

the hallway and she's like, oh, how many weeks are you? This and that. So I told her and she's like, my daughter just had a baby. Okay, great. Awesome. Then the next day I'm downstairs in the lobby waiting and she passes by me and she looks at me and she goes, how many weeks are you? And I'm like, oh, I'm 27 weeks.

And she's like, 27 weeks. You should be sitting down, not standing. I'm like, that's okay. I'm fine. So see, that's like putting, making you feel bad about like, what are you doing to that baby? I'm like, standing is good. It's good what are you doing to that baby? Oh, yeah. Standing is good. It's good.

It's I'm building muscle. It's good. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's like almost seven months. Yeah, almost. Oh, wow. This baby's coming.

She's just acting like she's being nice to you and like thinking about your, you know. I didn't think too much of it, to be honest. And I have to say that like for the most part, I had a wonderful time, even though my wedding got redone. Did Avi cry? Avi? So on our, like, our first dance or whatever, it was after everyone gave speeches, and he started to cry, and he was so cute.

Aww. Like, during the speech? Not during the speech. It was just, like, I think, like, it all kind of, like, hit him. Aww. A moment. Does he cry a lot like emotionally yeah yeah i mean he's he's cried he's cried i mean like he cries you've seen it yeah i've seen it but um did you tell him to sit down he should sit down yeah did you tell him how i was just like i was like let's do another dance move because we were just like like waiting like waiting back and forth.

It's so awkward to dance in front of everyone. Was it awkward? You know how I am with being center of attention. I don't like it. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. Tell me. I didn't care.

I was like, you know what? F this. Yeah, they can watch if they want. They don't have to if they don't want to. Also, my contact got stained from my hairspray or makeup or something so i was only like with one contact the whole time only vision so i was just like i don't give a shit i only get this once i'm just gonna i'm gonna enjoy it and um i liked our first dance and then we had um a typo negative song that was really fun to dance to called i don't want to be me and we just like

thrashed around with our friends and her like a heavy metal song i got some family was like what's going on oh no a pregnant woman in a mosh pit but it was not like that it was just fun and um i really understood what the wedded bliss feeling was like oh yeah i really felt it it was really nice that's cool are you still do you still have it uh what does life feel different now being married is there a change um well you know like we did everything backwards so yeah like i guess being pregnant with his child and living in a house you guys got divorced first yes yeah we kind of did and yeah but it feels nice

I definitely feel have you said husband yet? yes and that that feels good I like it because I feel like a

a sense of security and you know like like the seal of commitment that we both need to each other and the baby didn't give that to you. Like the fact that you're going to have a baby together.

You know what? I'm lying. It was not the baby that sealed the deal. It was the wedding. Well, congratulations. Thank you. That's so fun. The picture, she looked so beautiful.

And her dress was so good, but then she asked Sarah Lena For advice on the dress Like how do I make this better And Sarah Lena told her To put a slit in it And oh my god She killed it

She didn't say Just put a slit She was like Put a slit And put it all the way up to here And she pointed to like Her hair The femur

Yes Meets the pelvis It was such a good call It was so hot Really Yes But she's also pregnant So so she can't look like. Otherwise, I would have looked like a balloon.

She can't look indecent. When you're pregnant, you never look pornographic, right? Right. So, like, you could do the sexiest thing, and you still look, like, wholesome. And you felt comfortable with the slip. It was so hot. Yes. Awesome.

And my boobs grew three cups. I was like, you know what? Let's pump these babies up. Well, Chris and I went to a pregnant wedding in Australia. She was seven and a half months, maybe eight months pregnant. And I was like, that's the hottest bride I've ever seen in my fucking life.

Wow. There is something about a pregnant woman that is so hot. And I went up to her afterwards and I go, listen, I know everyone's telling you, you look hot tonight. And I was like, and that's just what they would say no matter what, but we all mean it. This is really, this is next level.

I was like, I want to get pregnant because this looks, you make it look like a hot accessory. Wow, first time you've said anything. No, because I just want to look hot. But I really was like, you make me want to be pregnant because it makes you look so beautiful. Well cannot wait to see your picture yeah i'll share them with you they're really cute and then um they did this like what's the jewish ritual where you like he walks around you a bunch oh that's the jewish tradition him i i have to walk around him seven times i don't give him a

ring during the ceremony i thought they were gonna stop playing the music and it was gonna be like musical chairs and you're gonna have to like both violently sit somewhere because you're just like but you walk around to symbolize the ring? So, yeah. So that's like my ring to him. That's me symbolizing to him that I'm accepting him and all that stuff. Oh, so he just gets you to walk around him? He doesn't have to wear anything? Actually, yeah.

He has a ring to it, right? So there's like... Okay. So basically after the ceremony in Jewish tradition, you go down to a private space for 12 minutes and you're supposed to have sex for the first time. Oh my God. I've never heard this.

That's right. And that's where you give him a present. It's called the Yichud Room. And you go there and you give him a ring or like a gift or anything. He presents you with a gift or anything like that and you have sex. For the first time for 12 minutes.

At least 12 minutes. And then you come back and everyone knows you've just banged. Yes. And then I go, that was only six minutes. What's going on, Avi? Well, no. The rabbi stays outside the room and makes sure you don't come out before 12 minutes. Wow.

Oh, my God. Wait, did you actually go to a room? We didn't. I mean, we've already had sex because I was pregnant. Right. So it wasn't like that. But that's where we signed our marriage license and our friends came down. And that's where I gave Avi his ring.

We had an orgy with the rabbi. It was wonderful. What about the chair part and the stomping on the glass um did you do this stomped on the glass but the the chair stuff where you where they like lift you in the yeah party and and yeah shake you up and down they just do it to the guy right no no they lift you both oh i only got raised halfway because, you know, of the case. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Well, in Australia, after you get married and you say I do, they step to the side, they sit down at a table and then they call up witnesses and then they sign the legal papers there and it takes like 10 minutes and everyone just kind of stands there and waits. And Chris, I guess I just go, what's going on right now and everyone's like the signing and i'm like oh i don't even know what they called it but i go what is this and they're like you guys don't do this and we're like no well interesting we just want a party we want some attention we don't really want the documents get that party started even sign the documents afterwards i have friends who have gotten divorced and they they go to get a divorce

and they realize they never even went and filed the paperwork. So they're not even married. I have a friend that that happened to. No kidding. Because it's just, you could just say that you are. No one's going to question it. But in Australia,

they make you sign the papers right there. They want proof. Where's the proof? They want proof. Yep. At my wedding, I opted not to do the chair thing for the most Jewish reason possible, which is I thought I'd get nauseous.

Your stomach would hurt. I thought I'd get nauseous. And so it's like, what's more Jewish than that? Straight of heights or what? It should be the tradition that you decline the chair thing because you're going to get nauseous. That should be the Jewish tradition. Not for me. I don't want to put myself in that position

and then you they go okay we're going to stomp the glasses but it's going to make a mess is that a Jewish thing someone's going to get their foot cut that's more Jewish but what if I cut my foot that's something the rabbi warned us about

now be careful you might cut your foot pick out thin glasses it reminds me of the other night when dad caught a stink bug That's something the rabbi warned us about. Now be careful. If you have a flimsy glass. Oh, yeah. Pick out thin glasses. It reminds me of another night when dad caught a stink bug in the TV room. And he's like, I hate these damn things. And I'm just like, God, just let it out. And he goes, no, you got to kill it.

And so he goes out in his socks and he puts the stink bug in a paper towel. And then he stomps on the paper towel. Oh, my God. And he really stomps it it's like this very dramatic thing and i go what did that feel good really oh you you let him have and he goes no you gotta kill him you i was trying to make sure he was dead i was like that was a little much and then he came back in he goes god you could smell that damn stink bug it was all over his express before i killed him and then he goes, he smelled his foot. And it's soaked.

Who stomps on a bug in their socks? That hard. Yes, and a stink bug. Deliberate. That you know oozes out the worst smell. Yeah. Dad hates stink bugs. No one likes them. I like them.

They're kind of, they are harmless. He built a trap for them. He's obsessed. He built a special trap out of liter bottles. Nikki Glaser pod memes, will you please do a meme about my dad and stink bugs? He is out to get them.

He wants them to suffer, actually. He hates them that much. I'm like, I hate this thing because they fall into this trap and they die. Dad's a type 2. We're going to do a test. Stink bugs. I'm going to do a test on him.

No. Oh yeah, we should. Yeah. I'll send you that. You got to give it. You got to tell me which one he is. I'm going to guess

and I bet I'll know. Okay. All right. Don't tell me yet. I don't know what that guess is yet. Okay. We got to go. Thank you guys so much

for listening to the podcast. We will be here tomorrow. Don't even think we won't. This weekend I'm going to be in Grand Rapids in Columbus. So excited about those shows. We are back on tour. It is so fun.

Besties have been coming out to shows. It's like the best time meeting you guys afterwards. As always, you can go to the merch booth after the show. Tell Anya that you're a Bestie. She'll give you a free meet and greet. You know how it works. So buy tickets to those shows, Grand Rapids and Columbus, this weekend. Yes, this weekend.

And then the following weekend, we're somewhere else. Brian, where are we? Cincinnati. Gary Indiana. Yeah. Gary Indiana. Yeah. Birthplace of Michael Jackson. And then Cincinnati, birthplace of moi. We're going to have a bunch of people coming. A bunch of people. And also, besties, you got to fill that up too,

because I don't want to all be my family. All right. Love you guys so much. Thank you for listening. Don't be good. Bye. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to... the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.