The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #423 Is Nikki Using a Pet Brush? Is It Possible To Not Gossip? & Recording An Album!

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

No, Nikki did not bring a pet brush for show and tell; it's a new one she found that is gentle on her hair. A reminder that there are two things most people find gross that Nikki loves: warts and plaque scraping. Nikki almost lied and said she felt achy for her age, but she feels fine. She and Brian talk about pain manifesting in the body and how to overcome it. Everyone would be better off if they found community. Make sure you don't run when Brian approaches you with a clipboard. Nikki and Noa are set on positive framing; Nikki is pledging to reduce negative social media activity. One way to break through fear is to hire a music producer to help you get started on an album; Nikki shares a little bit about her new journey. And before they wrap up, a little bit of gushing over Emily Blunt's and other Oscar looks. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network,

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Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast.

I'm happy to be here alone in my apartment in St. Louis. I'm not happy to be alone, but maybe I am. Who knows? Brian Frangie is here in Los Angeles. Hello, yes's in arizona what's up guys yeah i have had um dirty hair since um i think the last time i washed my hair was saturday and it's now wednesday is it wednesday or tuesday it's wednesday it's today's wednesday typical is that what you're supposed to be doing no it's atypical for me that's a really long time for me

I really needed to get one in this morning and then my apartment did not have hot water so I took it as a sign oh god you know you take things as a sign when there's no other choice and you go this is I'm meant to not take a shower today time to get some dreads yeah exactly might as well keep going

I have to brush through it because it is starting to dread do you have dry shampoo it's so naughty take a shower today. Time to get some dreads. Yeah, exactly. Might as well keep going. I'm, I have to brush through it because it is starting to dread. Do you have dry shampoo? It's so naughty. I did. I got some, I didn't spray it today.

I sprayed it like two days ago and that really sopped some stuff up, but it's just a tangled mess. I'm obsessed with these new brushes I found. Someone gave it to me in a bag of something like a gift bag, but it's, I bought others.

It looks like a little egg and it has plastic bristles and I've always looked for a brush that doesn't rip your hair i'm obsessed with not ripping my hair i cannot believe my when i watch my friends brush through their hair after it's wet from the shower they just start at the root and go straight down and push through and i'm like i get it goes through girls but you but you got to start at the ends, at the very ends. Get those good. Then you slowly work up because you are ripping out your hair.

And I've seen my friend Catherine does it so violently. And I'm like, treat your hair like fine papyrus that you would find in an ancient tomb. Yes. Like, that's how gentle you have to be on your hair. It'll thin. What? It'll thin be on your hair. It'll thin. What? It'll thin, even for women. It's breaking. Yes. As you age, it absolutely thins.

And it breaks. Especially if you treat your hair with heat and paraffins and color it. I think that's why I definitely take Nutrafol. And I want to tell everyone that Nutrafol is legit they don't they're not paid um it's just a thing that i i if i miss one supplement of neutrophil i feel it in my head it's like might be psychosomatic but

it's fucking works and it's just i just take the four pills a day don't you don't need to do all the other things i mean i like the serum oh you use the serum? I don't do that because it's going to make it so I have to wash my hair. I have tons of it. It's probably good. Our friend's husband invented it. And so we get friends and family taking care of it.

I want to support. But I feel like I can always ask for a free one. You literally, I just write to her and I say, can I get some Nutrafol? And she sends me an entire shed which is worth. I have so much Nutrafol. I give it to my mom.

I give it to Chris. I give it to Tim. Everyone's on it. I like what Noah's saying. Sometimes I'll opt not to do Prime on Amazon so I can support Jeff Bezos. Exactly. I'll pay for the do Prime on Amazon so I can support Jeff Bezos. Exactly. I'll pay for the shipping out of pocket.

It's not the same. It's also why I buy a new iPhone every three months. It's like I know that Tim Cook needs it. You're just doing the right thing. I'm doing my part. Yeah, small business. To help billionaires get to that 1.1, 1.2. I just want to be a part of something

leave me alone you're being a good friend because our friend's husband does own it and that means that she owns it and you're being a good friend but like it's like when people when my friends pay for tickets to my show and no offense everyone listening is my friend but I can't give away that many tickets but like

I don't have that many friends in my life and when they buy tickets it annoys me because Cause I'm like, I get comps. You get like, it's part of the deal that I can give this stuff away. And that money you're spending is kind of not really going. I'm going to get that anyway. It's kind of the deal.

Right. This is not a good way to sell tickets, but I do need people to buy tickets. But it's just when you're, when your family's like, I already bought one. I'm just like, that's so nice. But if they're billionaires yeah buy all the tickets buy literally all the tickets if you're but if someone is a friend and i know that they don't have all the money in the

world i'm like no no no don't do that and that's why i'd say besties don't spend your money on a meet and greet if you just say you can't afford one i'll fucking give you one you know it um you know what i think that brush is so nice? It's because it looks like a brush for a horse. I was going to say it looks like a pet brush. Yeah, that might be it. It's just so soft bristled and I couldn't find any brushes that really do this kind of thing for me where it doesn't rip my hair but I can kind of just get through it because my hair is so tangled.

For people listening in audio, you're missing Nikki brushing her hair with a pet brush. I think they can't really hear it. Or it looks like a brush that would come with a doll. Yes. And this one's glittery and small, but it's small. It fits in your bag. It looks like a little egg.

I don't know what they're called, but if you just go to the video and see what I'm looking... Type in egg brush or small circular brush. They come in all different colors. I got so many of them because i wanted to hand them out to my friends but i lose them a lot so i just cut them all but um but uh yeah it's my new favorite product uh as a woman and i think i probably won't go back i used to um get little because i want a little brush to keep in my purse that doesn't because all the

little brushes have so many tongs or they're the combs i would i would rather shave my head off than use a comb try to get through my hair with a fucking comb it would be hell when people are trying to fix my hair on set and they use a comb what the hell i'm just like get out of here with that like i it won't pull through my hair whoa so um you know how when you go on instagram and you go to the search and it just like brings up random videos for some reason i don't know why i'm being targeted this but it's these videos this is gonna freak you out of uh it's like backs of heads getting haircuts but it's like like snipping like really short towards the skull cap okay and it's just like cutting hair like i i don't understand it i don't know why people do this it's not selling anything it's just cutting hair in this like don't understand it. I don't know why people do this.

It's not selling anything. It's just cutting hair in this very violent way. And I'm like, why am I getting targeted this? But I don't understand what it's targeting you for. On Amazon? No, no, no. On Instagram. It's just a video. On Instagram.

Oh, oh. You know, in the Discover page. Discover page. For some reason, I was picturing Amazon for some reason. Oh, yeah. They think you want to see that stuff. Social media is fucking terrible. I mean, it's just terrible.

It's such a waste of fucking time. But I have to go searching for wart videos. They don't even know that I want that. And that is what I want. The things that I search and want to see. But they're like, we're not going to show this to you anymore. We're not going to give it to her. They won't give it to me.

I have to search it out. There's got to be more good. If you're just joining the show as a new listener i like seeing videos i'm not a pimple popper girl i don't want to see things explode with gushy like pus coming out disgusting there's something wrong with you if you like that even though most people do i like definitely not me hardened things being like cut into like a wart being severed. I got something for you. And then blood coming out in little dots. I got something for you you're going to love.

Oh, mama. You got to see the hoof doctor. Oh, I like that guy. Oh, yeah, because it's dry. There's nothing wet going on. Yeah. What is the hoof doctor? It's a guy who owns a ranch who takes care of horses' hoovesves and so the video is just him like

i got a hoof here and clearly it's got a problem and then he just starts hold it in the crook of their hand really like like in the crook of their arm and the horse kind of has to just be like and then it yes and then he just like digs into it and kits out all this dirt and stuff and like cleans out their hoof to like i've done I've done it. It's very satisfying. Yeah. That looks amazing. It's like whittling or a coconut or something. Yes.

It comes off so smoothly. Or have you ever scraped plaque off your teeth? Oh, no, I've never been- What, do you buy a device? So I just remember going to the doctor once and she was like, you have a lot of plaque behind your lower teeth. Like you got to get in there with a brush.

And I was like, oh my God god and i always have loved the feeling and sorry trigger warning if you hate dentist stuff taylor's not here but um i always liked i like when they scrape on your teeth and pick that stuff off i can feel it i like what's going on there i can never see it though but then she told me you're because your plaque builds up your gums will recess because it'll keep building. And that was what makes recessed gums. And then you have spots for disease to get into your gums and stuff. So she was like, you got to really keep an eye on that.

And so I was like, oh, I will. And so once a month, I just get in there. I'll take some metal tweezers and I just go scrape it off. And I just like scrape. There's like hooks. You can get that hook thingy I know and I just never have I just use tweezers that I literally just

I know what you're getting for your birthday it's so gross that would be amazing to get a dental kit okay write it down it's mine that's my present oh my god thanks do you brush your tongue did I talk about this yet

I recently learned that people are supposed to brush their tongue. You are supposed to, and I never do. And maybe even the roof of your mouth a little bit, but mostly you brush your tongue, and then you can buy this thing called a tongue scraper. Yeah, I have one. It's like a little you. It looks at me every day. Yeah.

I mean, so I just learned, and I just started scraping my tongue. It makes me gag. It makes me gag a little bit oh my god sometimes you floss your teeth and you get like something comes out and it smells and tastes so fucking bad and you're like how is that in my body yeah it's like you know i you have a joke about it but i've also like thought about whenever i poop i'm just like i can't believe i was carrying that around yeah just walking around that was just in me. Yeah. No, it's remarkable. Inches from the outside world.

It's insane that people survived in ancient times because of all this shit. We have to scrape our tongues. Do you think people in ancient times were doing that? No, but they didn't have food that we have. Oh, you think it's all about the processed food? I think it's that. Oh, that's why we have to scrape our tongues well they also died when they were like 48 that's true they by the time

they were scraping their tongues they were dead yeah and but also it's just absurd how much shit we have to do to maintain our fucking bodies and i know i'm not i'm a man blah blah blah but i'm still i'm still a human i have to do all this stuff yeah you guys have to get more frequent haircuts i've always felt bad for you in that way yeah that's where that's where my shaving sympathy ends no and the shaving yes but we have to shave our legs that's a bigger surface but really this indignity of falling apart as you get older and all these things start getting worse you get like more rashes you know it's like you get uh you're i haven't been getting rashes yet and you know what the other day someone i was i found myself lying when i didn't need to someone who i just like didn't really want to talk to or like you know someone was just making polite conversation who

i didn't really want to get into it with was complaining about getting older they're probably my i think they're around my age 40 ish early 40s and they were complaining about how much their body hurts yeah and like how they're just like oh it's just being old and they just go like it just like oh it sucks and everything hurts or something and i go yeah and i totally don't mean that like i my body does not hurt at all yeah i'm one of the lucky ones i guess guess. Like, I just don't feel, I don't feel age on my body yet in any way. I still, I swear to you, I feel the same,

maybe not the same energy levels, but in terms of aches and pains on my skeletal system, same as in my twenties, hasn't changed yet. And I know that's coming for me, but it hasn't happened yet. But I just gave this person that because I'm like, that's just the story.

We like to tell ourselves about getting old. That's like, that's what you got to say. You just gotta be like like to tell ourselves about getting old that's like that's what you gotta say you just gotta be like oh i'm getting old you just like say that and i was even telling a story yesterday about when i was on dancing with the stars and i was like and i felt so ridiculous i was in in this you know leotard i'm 35 and at the time i'm like wait you were 35 and you felt old like well bitch but i go i didn't even feel old then you know what i just that became part of the story because people just say 35 is old and you felt old like well bitch you but i go i didn't even feel old then you know what i just that became part of the story because people just say 35 is old and you start to hear people on social media talking about oh when i'm in my 30s katherine um blanford uh one of my favorite comedians just did the tonight show last night she was talking about being in her 30s versus

being in her 20s and she's 32 and was like well i'm 32 so i don't do full body shots or whatever like when i'm taking a picture or something like that. And I'm just like, why is this a part of – and she's hilarious. Her set was amazing. And I do this too, but it's like we just adopt this language that like we get old. We just fall into it. And I don't even believe it. And I gave this guy, yeah, getting older.

And then he didn't mean that, right? Like he said something – he was talking about something else and so then i started that everyone was like oh you mean your body is like hurting i'm like yeah and then i'm like wait no wait i'm just lying to agree with you like it was just like this but i go why did i just give that to him because it's just so much easier to say the thing that everyone bitches about which is like oh you get up and you have to make a noise and it perpetuates it. In the morning, I have to stretch because everything's tight.

It just doesn't... I have to embrace this time right now in my life where I don't feel that way. Maybe you'll never feel that way. Maybe there's people... Are there people that don't feel pain? There are old men in Indonesia who are carrying water buckets over their head. And they're like, their backs are all twisted.

And they're like 98 years old. They have no teeth. And they're like, I feel no pain. Or there's that story of that guy who played hockey into his 90s. And he just kept playing hockey, ice skating hit and he's like i don't feel any pain at all and just because it's a partially it's just all mental it's in your head it totally is like you just have to be like you have to treat yourself like a boomer treats emotions when it comes to pain just just push them down if you feel an ache in your elbow don't focus on it just be

like that that's just how it is. And eventually it'll just become part of your norm and it won't bother you. No, you say, listen, I hear you. I hear you, elbow. You're hurting right now because mentally I'm going through something tough and you're trying to get my attention about it because I'm not listening to it in my brain. Like if I get a cold, this is what my cold sore talk. If I feel a cold sore coming on, I've done it once before. I made a cold sore disappear. I've talked about it because i'm not listening to it in my brain like if i get a cold this is what my cold sore talk if i feel a cold sore coming on i've done it once before i made a cold sore disappear i've talked about it before yeah i just say thank you so much cold sore you can go i hear the

message i'm doing too much i'm stressed out i'm not addressing my emotions i got it i will definitely work on this you don't need to show up and it fucking went away and like if you if you just like think of your aches and pains is like not like what is this going to be a tumor is this cancer if you go to that like don't go there if you can force yourself to just be like okay what is my body trying to tell me right now oh i overdid it yesterday at the gym oh i'm back pain is 90 of the time i, back pain is 90% of the time. I would probably go up to 95% of the time. Something you're struggling with in your brain.

And I know you don't want to hear that because your L7 is impacted and your pinched nerve and your bulging disc and all the things you hear about from the doctor and you can see it on the x-ray. Those things are normal abnormalities in the back. They should not hurt as much as they do. Your back chooses to make them feel a lot of pain because you're rerouting your mental anguish into that nerve that is a little bit painful,

but it shouldn't be the pain that you're, the reason you can't walk is because you need to focus on your anger with your dad. It's not about your pinched nerve, unfortunately. And if you want to hear more about it, read Healing Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno. I'm even taking it a step further and saying, like, if you have actual physical problems of just the body degrading over a time even those you can just learn to not bother it can it cannot bother you i've seen people do it

i've seen my dad do it where it's like i've he like had a broken toe for like two full years and he just was not addressing this toe because he wanted to keep playing volleyball. And he was like, yeah, it's broken. It maybe hurts sometimes. I'm fine. And he just kept playing. And then eventually he addressed it.

And he was beating his wife during this whole time. So he did get it out in other places. He beat her. You have to find another outlet, but you can withstand the pain. He would beat her with an egg-shaped brush. That would be actually soothing. this thing is very light um no the um there's a meditation i do in the waking up app called um it's like for pain management you just type in the word pain you can find it but i would do it when i got migraines and he says in that you're just supposed to focus on your pain and you if you meditate enough and have enough mindfulness, you can separate your thoughts,

meaning like, you know, even your thoughts about pain from yourself and you won't feel the pain. And that's why there are monks that can like self-emoliate and just sit there. Like they're on literal fire and they're not thrashing around. They're just smiling. You've seen it.

He says that there is no, like he, he's like, there's really no bound for if you become mindful enough what pain you can't endure as a human yeah there's really it's it's it's it's boundless and he's like i'm not there where i could probably do something like that like you know but it is interesting that through our own minds we can figure out a way to circumnavigate pain, which is good news for people.

Side note. That pain meditation helps so much. If anyone's in chronic pain, I really recommend the Waking Up app. You can get it for free. Search pain and just do the meditation for pain. It made me so I could fall asleep at night when I had migraines, and nothing else helped. Obviously, Tylenol, as soon as they came on, would help, but once it was on, Tylenol would not help, and you know what I'm talking about if you get migraines and uh nothing else helped so um and you know obviously tylenol as soon as they came on would help but once it was on tylenol would not help and you know what i'm talking

about if you get migraines and so that meditation was really good what was that brian well that's a side note about people who set themselves on fire and protest there was a guy who did it recently and haven't we learned by now that that doesn't do anything like it's not it's like throwing soup at the mona lisa yeah it's like somebody set themselves on fire i think to protest um gaza or something recently and it's like that will not you'll just die and it won't move the needle at all i personally think any protest like doesn't actually do anything but like even well you I did with the writers this summer. Well, that's not a protest.

That's a strike. That's withholding labor. Okay. Like I did occupy wall street back in 2011. Remember that? God, whatever happened with that? Exactly.

Or with the women's March or just wanted to camp. That's exactly. I think men in Manhattan just was sick of living in tiny apartments and you wanted to be outdoors. That March. Put up a tent and have your little Coleman stovetop. Well, wound up being like a homeless encampment eventually. But that march, all it did was it just wasted our energy. We could have been using that energy to organize in a more effective way. That's why I like sit-ins.

You're not marching. You're just relaxing. You just get to sit. Like John Lennon, Yoko Ono. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Lay-in. I guess sometimes it raises awareness. But like, yeah, so now we're all aware of the 99% or whatever.

But nothing changed. Yeah. We all would have been better off working at grocery stores. I'd like to read something about that. And putting half our paycheck towards. Anything changed. All right. Well, we'll get into this more.

Probably not when we get back from this. Stay with us. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

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the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Yeah, how do you enact change? You know, there was a person the other day on the sidewalk that had a... How do you enact change? Well, the other day I was walking down the street and I saw a man with a clipboard.

Everyone's very active in St. Louis right now. It's spring has sprung. So there's like people singing on the sidewalk. Like yesterday there was like three girls that were just pressed play on a boom box and were just like, show it a swing my way. Show looks good to me.

And I'm like, you could just do that? What if I just took a fucking little bow speaker out on the street and just sang taylor swift next to a bow speaker yeah i could do that do it put out a little jar but these were little girls no they were like in their 20s oh yeah so you could do it you don't know if you're a little girl you don't know show it is wing my way um i guess i could do it but it was just like wow everyone's just like this is that's what you do now instead of uber eats is you just put a fucking tin can and you start singing along

to a karaoke track of your favorite song but uh but i loved it and but there was a guy with a clipboard that said um uh legalize abortion and he was like do you want to legalize abortion i was walking with two guys and so they were like no i don't care you know and then uh i was like yeah i do and i go what is this you know because here's the thing i would have usually just walked by but i'm reading i just finished reading this book that i recommend everyone read and it's so funny when i put it on my instagram story so many people wrote to me i'm probably like three people probably separately said to me i loved this so much they should it should be required reading in high schools and i was like that's i don't usually get that feedback a lot on books that i mentioned but this one it's called know my name it's by chanel miller

and chanel miller was the rape victim in the brock turner case and she is fucking incredible she's one of the best writers i've ever read she just so happens to be like she was always going to be a writer she was always going to be a name you knew because she is so incredible at writing um but she just so happens to also have been the girl that brock turner um at a frat party uh she was blackout drunk and she was found being uh fingered by him next to a dumpster yeah um on the stanford campus and luckily two bicyclists saw it happening and he gave chase they tackled him and he got caught otherwise she would have woken up and probably had been actually raped by this guy and not known anything because he would have left her there because he was a piece of shit so um but the intimidation she faces from the public when she's just a jane doe the like her whole experience going through this it's just such a great read

about just being a survivor be like going just going through any kind of really hard time in your life when life throws you a curveball it's like it's just a book about not just like about rape and and you know uh toxic masculinity on all those things but it's just so much more it's like i just feel like i uh it opened up a part of me that i did that needed to be opened in terms of like empathy and although obviously i already had empathy for rape victims it's just the next level. Literally everyone needs to read this. It will change the way you think about things. It's not just a book that I'm like, it's important.

It's important. It's just like it will make you a better person, and it is a great read, even though it's not as tough of a read as it sounds like based on what I'm saying. It's actually one that you're, it's kind of a page turner. I gotta say say if you're a parent and you name your kid brock you're just you're asking for it are you i know who is going to try to rape somebody brock turner yeah i mean is he like

the brockman turner overdrive um he no he um that's a name that's his name he was a swimmer it doesn't really matter what he was all i have to say is that like he's famous when that's a name. That's his name. He was a swimmer. It doesn't really matter what he was. All I have to say is that like, he, when you're a rape, when you are accused of rape, everyone goes, oh my gosh, this kid's bright future.

What, what could he have been this one night? He made a mistake. Think of all the things he could have been. And yet for her, I think everyone says that. Not, not everyone.

Obviously I'm hyperbolizing, but like the media, there was a lot of that. Not just from his defense team. He was even talked about in the Washington Post as a swimmer. Like a future Olympic swimmer. Something like that. What year was this? He wasn't even in the Olympics.

But the tragedy that befell him when he tried to rape somebody yes oh it really was his life shook out a different way this girl does not she does not go after him at all in this book honestly she has so much empathy for him uh more than i would ever have and i i'm pretty enriched in empathy and and so this is not just like look at how look at all these people and how they came after me and look what they said about him and look what they said about me. It really, like she gives fucking evidence for it. Like she shares articles, things that were written. This is a thing that happens with like rapists that maybe are just, it's a date rape thing

where it's like they're not a serial rapist. It was one night in his life. He was drunk. He made a drunken mistake. Yet her one night, no one ever mentioned about her made a drunken mistake yet her one night no one no one ever mentioned about her future and how this threw her off track it was all about what was she before this did she binge drink a lot well how many boyfriends does she have why did she get so drunk was she looking to cheat on her boyfriend was she just calling this rape so that she could cover it

up because she had a boyfriend and she didn't want him to know that she got fingered laying in a pile of dead leaves and pine cones and trash next to a dumpster like every girl has ever dreamed of. We all love getting fingered by a dumpster. Why did she do this? It's just this... It fires you up. But anyway,

part of the book was that this judge gave him no time. She got fucked over by your dreams of swimming yeah and he's not gonna be i mean a swimmer a swimmer is he's if he's a rapist he's not gonna be a swimmer ever given a fuck about swimmers until this kid like who even get michael phelps is the only swimmer anyone and mark spitz if you're old enough there Katie Ledecky. Name another swimmer. Summer Sanders. You don't give a fuck about swimming.

Who gives a shit if this guy would have been a good swimmer? You wouldn't have known his name because he's not as good as Michael Phelps. And he never will be. So who cares? Oh, he lost such a great swimmer. Oh, it would have been so fun to follow his career. When have you gone to a swim meet in your life?

Shut up. And this is obviously like 20 men that I'm like 20 men and then if he did have the career and then he went to the Olympics they always do those those little those clips before they enter the race like where their life has been and their tragedies and they would probably be like Brock Turner overcome raping

someone and going to just one bad decision changed the course of his life it's like yeah that's what crime is called i just don't even know why what are we reframing it for it's like this tragedy and um but anyway in the in the thing she gets um people she writes the statement or like she writes a statement to read to the judge during his sentencing the statement gets picked up by buzzfeed goes completely viral hillary clinton quotes it after she loses the election she's like i called i read this her statement again to remind

myself like that i'm you know that i'm not alone because this girl like this girl's state and she was a jane doe at the time this is before she came out with her name and um you know it just goes extremely viral on buzzfeed and um then the the judge gives like a very lenient sentencing and he says all these really inappropriate things during it he's having so much compassion for brock and his poor family and he just he barely lets her get out her statement that reminds me of the of the olympic girls who were assaulted by the doctor talks about them oh my god she found so much strength from them because while she was a jane doe and waiting to see if it was either she was waiting for her trial or she was waiting to see if he was gonna appeal it um she watched that trial and

talks a lot about all those women and how much strength they gave her because they were just standing and looking at him dead in the eye and she's talked about that judge and how that judge was the opposite of her judge her judge was like rushing her through her about that judge and how that judge was the opposite of her judge. Her judge was like rushing her through her statement. That judge let 139 women read their statements to him over the course of many days. 139. Can you believe that? That is he gave that he or she gave those girls space to have every victim heard. It was such an incredible thing to do.

And she said, you know, that's a really good judge. So anyway, the people were so upset about this ruling. She had nothing to do with it. They took it upon themselves to get this Persky guy thrown the fuck out. But what they needed first was signatures. And I don't know. I've always thought about signatures as like,

do they really fucking mean anything? It's just like my dumb signature. And really, am I going to end up on some list? And now I'm going to get messages from Amy Klobuchar every day for the rest of my life and even though i keep saying stop stop stop and then they have to tell you you oh you unsubscribe i'm like when i say stop i don't need reassurance that it's unsubscribed just end it don't tell me you unsubscribe me no more no amy klobuchar rest assured we have stopped sent you have we have received your stop message we're so sad to see you go i know give me a break or what about the survey please tell us why you've decided to stop

receiving our emails and then they give you five options and you have to read all that shit to just find other i hate this product and i never used it and i don't know how i got signed up for it in the first place i never signed up for it in the first place is almost always the answer um yes that is always so anyway when this abortion guy yeah yeah hey do you want to sign i go yeah i'm signing because i learned she just taught me how these 198 000 signatures got this judge to be overthrown um and how it really did matter and how all these people were out with clipboards in the sun and they were just doing something they believed in so i went up to the guy and i go so is this this isn't some like trick thing where it's like i think i'm signing a thing about legalizing abortion yeah it's actually the opposite and he goes no no read the fine print and i go i know how these motherfuckers do what

they do like so i read the fine print it actually was so i signed it and i go oh wait a second is this a list trump is going to look at when he decides to have public hangings is this the list and he and he laughed and he goes oh well there's uh you know 72 000 signatures so far so he'd have to do a lot and i go oh he'd do that many yeah he'd he'd he'd be like that second judge and go through every single one of them. I'm like, is this the list that he's going to refer to? Okay.

You know what? I don't even want to live in that world anywhere. Hang me in public for signing, for saying that I want abortion legalized. I don't care, but yeah, it does get you on a list, but I think I just want to remind people that those people out there with

clipboards, they're not all, uh, you know, it's not, it's not nefarious all the time sometimes it is a really good cause it's important well sometimes they're volunteers but sometimes they get paid so i like that's okay that's okay because they're being paid by non-profit yeah the organization

is just hiring people to do it and right yeah and then and then you just look into the non-profit and you see if you agree with what they're pushing. Yes. I've been a guy. I've been a signature getter guy before. Oh, yeah? Yeah. To try to shut down the oil field in Culver City, which has happened. Wow. I've collected signatures.

What's your approach? Well, it was easy for me because I'm in Culver City. I'm a resident of Culver City. People don't know that. What are you wearing? A fucking Culver Hooters cap or something? Yeah, I'm wearing the Culver Hooters cap. It's actually a Shakey.

Has anyone ever been to a Shakey's? No, but I've seen them all over. Yes. No, because you just go, hey, trying to get the oil field shut down. You kind of like relate to them on the fact like, do you know there's an oil field right there? And they go, what? And they're like wheeling their baby through the park right next to an oil field. It's like, yeah, there's an oil field over there with active

oil wells that are releasing methane gas every day and it's seeping into your water. Do you want to sign this to stop that? And then usually they do. Good for you. Yeah, I just, I don't think I've ever done anything like that. But were you getting Yeah. I just, I don't think I've ever done anything like that. But were you getting paid to do it?

$50,000 an hour. Yeah. Pretty good. I was actually, the oil company was paying me and then I would take the list and we would hang the. Well, this is the thing with those abortion. You know, those clinics that are like, are you pregnant? You hear about on the radio.

Call us. Are you pregnant and scared? Call us. We'll give you counseling. If I was a pregnant teen, I'd be like, oh my God. I don't. Great. I don't and scared? Call us. We'll give you counseling at you. If I was a pregnant teen, I'd be like, Oh my God,

I don't great. I don't have to tell my parents. I want to get an abortion. This bitch will like help me figure out a way to do that. You know, like I don't want to have this kid. I'm scared. You know, they're preying on my,

like, are you scared? Why would you be scared about a baby if you wanted it? So they're literally reaching out to girls who want to terminate pregnancies kind of is what their, their messaging is. And then you go there and they're literally reaching out to girls who want to terminate pregnancies, kind of is what their messaging is. And then you go there, and it's a fucking Christian organization that then talks you into having the baby and scares you and makes you feel guilty for even considering wanting to keep it. They make you listen to its heartbeat. They make you name it.

They make you start picking out colors for its nursery. They don't – those places are fucking bad yeah they make you name it brock but i think john oliver did a whole piece on those places but they're everywhere they're everywhere and they owe it but you see the signs for it and it's so deceitful because if i were just if i were a girl whose parents didn't and didn't have a family that would support my decision to terminate a pregnancy i would have 100 called one of those numbers because it looks like they are reaching out a helping hand to help you figure out how to keep the life that you want.

And they're not. They're just going to shame you. That reminds me of like in Times Square, people barking people to go to a comedy show. Oh, and promising that George Carlin will be there even though he died eight years ago. Yes. And then you go there and they're just like,

and it's just like a bunch of people who um probably should have been aborted yeah it's uh that would happen all the time and sometimes um they would say my like someone would message me and said you were supposed to be at the show and i'm like i don't know why they're using my name but or they'd say a live comedy taping i'm like there is not a live comedy taping tonight. And that really does reel people in. They want to be on TV. Yeah. But there's scams all over. Now there's a scam I heard about where they'll call you from your bank and it will be the number of your bank's customer service number. So if you Google it while you're on the phone being like, is this a scam?

The number will come up as, you know, that's Bank of America's number. So just if your bank calls you, hang up and call them back and check on whatever they were just checking on. I think that's just a good rule. No matter who, just if there's a fraud alert, be like, yeah, I'm going to call you back and check this.

Like you start it because it's just too shady, man. Yeah, these scammers are good. It's all just your phone anyway for like an 800 number. I can't even imagine doing that i can't imagine it um i i don't think the one time i did it uh they were asking me to do the tonight show the one time i had the impulse to go it's a private number maybe i should answer it it was um it was the tonight show calling to be like we had a fallout and that was in 2009 i wasn't answering my 2000 yeah january 2009 i was not answering my phone um back then even because i was getting solicitors

but now i would i would never do it yeah i mean it's it really is weird when someone calls you it's it totally means something really terrible aside now i actually do pick up when my friends call me because it 100 means something's really wrong right well i i used to think that and now i i would tell that to people and now i get more phone calls from people who are just like just calling the chat and now i'm like no longer feeling that anxiety when i get a phone call i love a voice memo i just say voice memo me if you really want to communicate this in a shorter way than typing it because then my phone's going to type it up for me because the new update they just transcribe it so i don't even have to listen to your voice memo.

Well, it's not really to say something short. It's to have a long conversation about whatever. That's nice too. I talked on the phone last night for a while to my friend and that was really like, we probably went an hour and 27 minutes. I was like, man, this could have been a podcast. What a waste.

That's all I think about in my life in terms of podcasting time. No, it feels so good to talk on the phone it's something we probably should do more of and not isolate ourselves but we're also fucking lonely yeah people are like so lonely out there

I was talking about it the other day I was doing this shoot and me and my makeup artist were talking about how lonely people are and this guy was in the room kind of just like filming b-roll footage and he we weren't even talking to him because he was just filming and not supposed to be a part of the conversation and he was like i was i have a family and during covid i was lonely wow we were just like oh man he's like i have a full family that i was living with and in the middle of the, I couldn't wake up my wife to talk.

And I just had no one to call. And I'm like, fuck, dude. People need community. People need places to go. People need friends. People need girls chats. You have boys chat. I have boys chat.

Yeah. I mean, no, I always say this. People are seeking out community now uh more than ever you can go on like reddit i guess and then get feel worse but um no there's some good areas in reddit there's some good areas in reddit if you're having a real problem if you're having like a real problem going on reddit has been helpful for me if you're having are you serious like you shared about a problem on reddit yeah like an emotional problem like for example like now i'm on like the tmj reddit and i'm posting like my experiences with and like the people on

there like are like supportive and want to help and yes give advice and it's it's really nice to talk to some people who have gone through the same thing that you're going through if you have a planner's word go to the um warts subreddit yeah and half of us will just ask you to stick a rusty nail in it and shave it off with um just cuticle clippers that you haven't cleaned but some people there will offer you actual advice but there are sickos in there that just want you to be we want you to like document your pain it's like half people that are like oh rip that thing out just pull it out people always go rusty pliers rusty pliers and then other people are like you can use apple cider vinegar every night shave it down debride it then you can use the swift treatment like there's actual treatments

but then there's sickos but yeah there's there's even i follow um the subreddit depression there are constantly people on there that are like i'm killing myself tomorrow and then i constantly see them get talked out of it because all these people come to the rescue and are like, call me right now. You think no one cares about you? I care about you. I'll literally talk to you right now. And it's just so beautiful. Yeah, there's something. It's like these little beautiful corner of the internet that's

the opposite. People are really nice. I know. That's why fuck, man, the internet is such a fucked up place because there's so much hate and there's so many people just ripping people down. But then there's this little 3%, the internet is such a fucked up place because there's so much hate and there's so many people just ripping people down. But then there's this like little 3% of the internet where there are these like little nice communities where actually people help each other. But most of it is just pure like vitriol, racism and hatred. I know, but is that, so it's like, what's natural is it that there's more people who are compassionate and empathetic but we just can't find them because the algorithm pushes the other stuff up so it could pollute our

minds with all this negative shit i think that there's we're we're all both and the side of us that is like mean and cruel and vindictive is winning out because we're so isolated and because we're all addicted to our phones and we don't have community. So we all have it in us to be both, I think. Well, the number one thing I think is that- And society is driving us towards the bad. You have the ability to be anonymous also. And when you can be anonymous, you can be a huge piece of shit to anybody.

It's been talked about ad nauseum about the difference between being anonymous and not. David Spade used to tell me that the only way celebrities would ever get taken down back in the 90s was literally when he would do that weekend update segment called showbiz showdown that was the only time celebrities heard actual joking mean sometimes mean feedback about what they were doing you know when he said like i went and saw the bodyguard this weekend and i i want my money back like that that kind of thing he got in so much trouble with they're still celebrities to this day that don't talk to david spade because of his 90s segment because there was no can you imagine nowhere else sometimes maybe it was joan

rivers on like a red carpet show that was maybe in the early 2000s. It started to get mean about celebrities. And then it was Us Weekly. And it would be that back page that would make fun of their outfits and comedians would make fun. But there was not constant comments from anyone talking about anything they want all the time. And now with YouTube comments, they're on a scroll. So if you don't even want to read comments, you have to read them. And they keep serving up new ones. And I'm like don't want anyone's fuck i hate it i don't want

i want to go search comments if i want to stop giving me unsolicited comments from people that i don't need that are just uh that's true manipulating how i perceive this thing i used to like it and now i don't because this fucking asshole who I don't even know who he is and then I met I talked to someone recently who got so much criticism about someone I wish I remembered what it was it could have been something I was watching and then someone goes um how many people have said this to your face and it's like this was like a mega star I forget who I think it was something I watched it on and they go so how many people have said this to your face and they're really struggling with how much backlash there was about this performance or whatever they did. And they go, no one.

Literally no one. Can you imagine that celebrity in the 90s would have had none of the negative feedback that they got? None. Maybe a review in the New York Times if you were lucky. That fan mail. But you would have to write. Like it was so hard to get a letter written. And people were happy in the 90s. Someone just trying to write, you're a fucking loser so hard to get a letter written yeah can you imagine happy in the 90s

someone just trying to write you're a fucking loser and write that on a letter and they would those people would kill you it would be the easiest way to find the people that were going to kill you yeah you know amongst all of the comments that you get because somewhere in there someone would kill you and it's hard to find which but um that was that's such a funny thing if people if people have to write their comments in letters. I just don't find women funny. And then they put that in a letter. They go to the post office and get a stamp.

Did it? Ugh. Then I would take it. If they went through that much trouble. Did they make the effort? Camel toe, T-O-W. You're like, you couldn't even. Okay, thanks. um yeah it's it's it's just we should not have all these opinions and not only me as like a celebrity or whatever

shouldn't have these opinions you and me as a consumer should not have everyone's opinions about everything we fucking consume except i'm just Ken is the best thing I've ever watched. Just don't have to comment on everything. My new thing is like, I do not. I am trying my damnedest. I'll tell you after the break. Wait.

Oh, Brian has to go. Okay, Brian, where you're going to miss what I'm going to tell you, but it doesn't matter. You'll hear it later. Brian has to go.

Where are you going? Oh, a meeting or something. I got a meeting. Yeah. Oh, cool. All right. Tell us what happens with that, a meeting or something. I got a meeting, yeah. Ooh, cool. All right. Tell us what happens with that oil rig.

All right. All right. Thanks, Brian. Later. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,

entertainment, sports, and more. edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.

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I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, dad, all I was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower.

What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast. All right, we're back. OK, this new thing I'm doing is I am trying to be zero negativity online anymore.

OK, I'm trying to be zero negativity in general. OK, let's share. Let's share what we've been doing. Like what's something, what's something that you found yourself going? Like I would have done it. And then I just stopped myself. Have you done anything like that recently?

So for me, it's more about like negative self-talk and just like reframing how I would say something about myself or that I want or like I look forward to, or something like that. Instead of I have to go do this. Instead of I need, there's no need. I would enjoy having that, or something like that. I would enjoy food, shelter, and water, and air. Yeah, so mine is more like,

it's actually what you were talking about earlier, about those monks who don't feel pain. I'm trying to do gentle birthing, yeah so so mine is more like it's actually what you were talking about earlier about um like those monks who don't feel pain i'm trying to do gentle birthing which is like a form of natural birth just gonna try i don't know if it'll work but i'm not i'm putting any expectations i asked my mom yesterday she had us both naturally oh okay great i'll text her and ask her you really should i don't know how she did it well it's incredible from what i'm reading this it's like it's like labor and childbirth and all that like the whole thing about it being painful and like a terrible experience and you're just kind of like wrung out at the end that's all that was often like the 1300s shuttled in by uh priests to punish women where before that

women were celebrated it involved community it was you know like you just kind of squat down pull the baby out and that's it like it's not your body is doesn't it could be painless which is crazy well i think you're so right like we just go along with whatever society is kind of telling us what that experience is oh you're turning 40 okay well back pain starts it's just like these this meme culture of like what what we are what how we should experience life we just fall in line with in so many ways well that's what i'm saying like good us taking that in and then speaking it out loud is perpetuating it we can yeah like i really believe that we can change that

i do too i i had to i like flew in my music producer this week to write a song because i just want to work on writing an album and we wrote a song before together so easily so i didn't but i didn't write a song prior to this like last time i brought in a song and then he helped me shape it but this time i just didn't get around to writing the song but the night i gave myself on monday night i was like i have to write the song was starting yesterday morning tuesday and monday night i was just like couldn't bring myself to do it so i just started being like i can't believe we wrote like the greatest song like i kept doing that thing of like i can't believe i'm writing the greatest song i've will ever write this week like i can't

believe this song just flow out of me so naturally and help me deal with like what i was actually experiencing life like i just started talking about what the song would bring me like and um and it's yesterday he got here and we kind of worked on something he had like brought an idea and so we were like writing to track, I guess is what it's called. Like he came in with a track and then we were writing to that. And, um,

I started with like concept, um, but I was really struggling with it because like, I am going through feelings that I'm not ready to like share publicly yet. I guess is my point. Like I would, I would kind of compare it. It's not the same thing but um i

think taylor swift um get ready for swift corner um she released midnights in october of 2022 and then she and joe broke up in the spring of 2023 but when she released midnights um there's like lots of love songs on there. And I've talked about this before, but Midnight's has always, even when it came out, it was a breakup album to me. I was like, this is about, ultimately, this is about a relationship that is not doing well. But she couldn't say that explicitly. It's all like when you now look at it through the lens of, oh, my God, their relationship was falling apart during this. You see it so clearly. But she wasn't free to do that because she was still in the relationship.

So here's the things I want to talk about. I can't because I'm, it's, I'm still struggling with them. Like the career decisions that I'm wanting to write about, but by the time it comes out, because it takes a little bit of time to produce an album and to master the tracks and all of that.

Just think about you in the future and how you'll feel probably a little better. I have to write metaphorically and you have to go, Oh, like even if they, the people that I don't want to hear this, hear this, they won't think it's about them.

Yeah. Well, I mean, doesn't that kind of relate to writing comedy and performing stuff on stage? Yeah. With com it, it totally does comedy though um it's not as

emotional and it can be um and comedy i feel safe i can say whatever i want because at live shows none of the people that i'm talking about are ever there and no one's recording because you can't record stuff there so it's not going to live anywhere until i decide it's ready to live somewhere and by the time i take my next special this issue will be resolved that I'm working on stage. So my live shows really are a place where I feel the most free to express myself. And I don't struggle with this thing. And it's kind of weird because when you're struggling, if I could ask Taylor Swift anything today, I would ask her, how weird is it when you have written a very vulnerable song that is so emotional and you have to present it to like your guy friends and it's like

filled with girl feelings, you know? And like you, like, is that, how does that feel? I don't, I guess I could ask any female musician that like,

or any musician really just like, what does it feel like to write a, let's say a breakup song. If you're going through like really woe is me like really sappy feelings and then you're like you play for this like cool guy i mean if they're if they're music i mean anya would be a great person to ask but they probably enjoy letting that out and having just kidding yeah you're right i could just ask her she literally is uh a phone call away but would she pick up um yes she would yeah you're right it's it's probably they probably like it and and and the thing is i've just that was something that was really scary for me to do in starting

to write music was like okay i'm going to share this with like actual musicians who've been doing this for 20 years like are they going to be like yeah that's a good idea like the way sometimes when people tell me to here's a joke idea and i'm like oh boy like but these guys i'm paying them to like actually treat this like a real thing like if someone brought me a joke some of the joke ideas i've been brought that are so bad i couldn't you couldn't pay me to lie to them and say it's good so i'm like are these guys going are they being paid to lie to me now you're making it negative because you're saying oh they only want to work with me because I'm paying them. This is only.

Well, I've said that several times to them and he's like, no, I said, oh, they could turn you down and say, actually, I can't. Like, I only take Madonna. Well, you know, my friend Dan Monahan, who's from the band The Dog and Everything, and he writes with the plain white tees. He's my guy. And we have become such good friends that I flew him in this week. And yesterday I was like, can we stop?

As soon as Tim, our like Tim Convey, my boyfriend's brother, is like kind of the taskmaster of the group and was like really wants to move things along. And like, you know, he's just a musician, producer vibe. Yeah, he's a musician as well. But he also has a baby and a family and a house far away. So flew dan in from chicago to come right with me and he's staying at the hotel next to my apartment so him and i like didn't have a talk about what this week was even i was just like hey i want to write another song come down this was a few weeks ago so he's here and we meet up yesterday and i sent him a few songs of like things i wanted to it to sound like

and um we sit down yesterday and go i just want to songs of like things I wanted it to sound like. And we sit down yesterday and go, I just want to tell you, I did not write a song because last time I wrote a song and I had something for us to work on. I was like, I got nothing. I got a couple ideas in my phone, a couple lines. And he's like, it's fine, dude. It's fine. It starts. So that, yeah, I didn't.

I don't know this. So I was just like felt guilty. But then I was like, oh, wait, even if I do nothing, I I'm gonna pay this person and I'll feel okay about it because they I won't have wasted his time my fear is that I'm wasting his time he could be off writing and producing with someone else that would actually you know they produce something and not and I might not this week like I thought I'd be in the mood to write a song this week you could also not you could also see it as like this is this guy's profession and um he probably gets a lot of joy and um you know he does self-worth or you know like just like he's amazing purposeful helping people get from oh i came here with nothing to a fully produced totally and that is so true about him he does love it and he told me

um i go this is like a passion project for me. I really don't have a deadline. I'm not like super like we got to get this done. So it's it's it might be like a gradual process. And I was like, so if you ever just so you know, that's kind of how I'm approaching it. And I'll always pay you for your time. Like if we don't write anything, don't think that that's like a failure unless you want to. And then you don't have to show up like it's totally up to you. And he was like, this is a passion project for me to like I. And he was like, I just like hanging out. So yesterday, as soon as Tim left to go, like it's totally up to you and he was like this is a passion project for me too like i and he was like i just like hanging out so yesterday as soon as tim left to go like

take care of his family he was like okay so you guys are gonna work on this we're gonna get the bridge we're gonna do this final thought tim convey's like you're gonna get this you're gonna work on the bridge you're gonna finish up that thought i think maybe we should take the lyrics in this direction he like gives us all these prompts and then he leaves and then dan i was like can i play you a couple songs that i'd like liked listening to i'm like now i'm like trying to get him into taylor swift and then i was like wait can we wait can you teach me how to play this on the guitar so now we are like nikki glazer has gotten the thing off track as i do like he's like he said something yesterday about like yeah if i really want to work on a song i'll work with this

person who like will keep me on track and i'm like and if you want want to work on a song i'll work with this person who like will keep me on track and i'm like and if you want to eat skinny pop all day and hang out on my balcony and talk about life you'll work with nikki glazer because i will i love not doing work i love finding other things to like waste our time so we watched seinfeld we jammed out to taylor swift we sang karaoke uh we we just did and by the end of the day, I was like, Tim wrote back and was like, so how's it going? I'm like, we literally haven't done anything for the song since you left. And he was like, OK, but I think we have a hit on our hands. And I'm like, you're right.

We do. We have not taken even a single step in that direction. But we just had a good bonding day. And we are closer than ever. And that's what this day was about. So it ended up being such a great day. He left at like 10 o'clock and was like, I think this was one of the best days of my life. And I was like, dude, this is the life.

Like beautiful spring day in St. Louis. Walking around, getting Starbucks, getting takeout, talking about life, sharing as friends. It was just so fun. And just playing and singing music. So today we got to buckle down and write. And I am looking forward to it because I think i have an actual promise for the for the song um but oh so what i've been doing though on instagram like i've been wanting usually if i see something on instagram i want to make fun of the way someone's dressed the way someone looks something they've

done to their face that i want to go what does she do to her face or like i just shoot it off to anya and we make fun of it in our dms like it is that's just what i do it's what i've always done if i want to make fun of someone if i want to go it just i love making fun of people behind their backs on instagram it's one of my favorite things to do with my personal friends my close friends who who I trust, who would never get out. I always double check that I'm not sending the post of the person to the person. But then yesterday, I was about to send one off, and I was like,

why? Why? Would you say this to their face, Nikki? No. You never would. And if this actually accidentally you did send it to them instead of her, how would that affect your life? fucking negatively and also do you want people doing this about you 100 no so i just didn't send it and you know what i don't even remember what it was it was not important i

didn't need to send off that negative judgmental bullshit that i usually send off and will it ruin my relationships with certain people sure because like drinking when you stop drinking yep you fall away from the people you used to drink with and people go i don't want to lose those friends you won't want them because you'll realize all that was keeping you together was drinking so if i have if anya and i have so much more of a friendship than talking shit about celebrities so that that i know can slip away without me losing anything that we have and and also i was talking shit about celebrities so that that i know can slip away without me losing anything that we have and and also i was talking shit about to dan my producer i was telling some story no no this was the other night i was talking to a friend about a comedian who just had a like a

scandal last week and oh i was asking brian i go do you hear about blah blah blah and he goes no and i was like oh so and i go actually if you haven't heard about it let's pretend it didn't happen like actually i don't even think the thing was true because the person is like suing for defamation so like i'm gonna support this person and not spread it more even though it sounded so juicy the way i was like oh my god did you hear about and he was like wait what i go i'm sad i'm even put that out there i am not i'm not i don't want to talk shit anymore i really my friend rick glassman i talked to him recently and i hung out with him for an extended amount of time and he's just like doesn't talk shit about people gossiping is really toxic and you know something annoying at first but it's he's right it's kind of like what you

said about sobriety, because when I was consciously trying to stop gossiping at a work environment, because I realized at the end of gossip session, this gossip circle, everyone feels frustrated, everyone feels demoralized, and nothing is changing.

Sometimes I feel alive. I know. And I feel connected with people. It's fake intimacy. It's fake intimacy. But you'll see that when you start to pull away from that, you really will lose people. Like they'll get annoyed with you because misery loves company. Oh, I've been around people who won't talk shit. Glassman. I mean, I tried to talk shit around him about someone, I think. And he just didn't pick it up and i knew i know he's able to pick this did it irritate you no it really was like it it made me i think there was a little

bit of shame that i felt at first because i felt like he was then judging me for being that way so i maybe internalized some shame there that he wasn't even meaning to bestow onto me. But then at one point we got to talking, I think hours later after we were hanging out and he's just said something about like, I don't really gossip. And I was like, well, you know, I,

I don't like to talk bad about people that I wouldn't say to their face. And I said something like that, like that. And he goes, but you're not saying it to their face. Even if you say, but I would say this to their face. Well then call them up first and say it to their face and then say it to your friend if you really would like the truth is when i say i and i'd say this to her face i don't mean that

99 of the time and he was right and so it's like i do find really excited a lot of excitement and secrets but here's the thing is like I share all of my secrets so if we just became more honest with ourselves we wouldn't have to be talking shit because talking shit comes from a place of like can you believe she did this and it comes from like wanting to shame other people but

if everyone was just what was that or self-hatred yeah I mean pretty much every time that I'm judging anyone for anything it's always about my own insecurity. I don't care. If something doesn't have anything to do with me and it looks bad, I'm like, I don't care. But if something looks bad that I'm like, oh, I might do that to my face. I'm like, what did she do?

It's like, it's just it. There's I love I love when I catch myself about to be negative i might i like i stop down voting things on reddit or up voting negative comments if someone like used to talk shit about someone that i didn't like i would never write a negative comment about a comedian i didn't like but if someone said a comment that i was like yeah this person fucking gets that they're a charlatan i would like upvote it i don't even do that anymore i won't even support negative comments anymore i'm really this is like me in the past month I've weaned it out of my system talking about it feels good because it'll make me do it even even more so you're not you're not sending

posts to your friend to be like oh my god look at that you're not down voting or up things and voting negative comments anything else um i saw a guy at the airport writing a comment on an instagram post have you ever witnessed someone writing a comment oh my god it's such a weird thing to see because you don't even attach a person to these things and so to see him writing a comment i saw him look at a picture then i saw him go to the bubble and start writing a comment on Instagram, a big paragraph. And man, did I want to see what he was writing? Because I was just I was dying to go find the comment and go.

I just watched him write this. This is like a disgusting guy sitting at start like causing more hate. I wouldn't have done that, but I would have been like, I saw you write this. I caught you gate 37 C. Like it would have just been so funny to be like, I just saw you do this and be this. And actually, I wouldn't have been anonymous because I would have just been so funny to be like i just saw you do this and be this and and and actually i wouldn't have been anonymous because i would have written it from mine but it just seeing someone write a comment is so vulnerable you're just like ew why are you wasting your time typing a sentence to strangers no one cares what you think keep this inside unless it's positive

unless it's like slay girl you look amazing oh my god i can't wait to see this whatever just don't do it just challenge yourself today to not text or write or um vote anything negative see what happens because you won't you won't have this longing for it i always do this with like things i'm buying if i'm like if i'm going on a shopping spree online and i'm feeling a little bit manic i'll add a bunch of stuff to my cart and I go, you can check this card out tomorrow if you're still thinking about these things. And I never am. Ever. The next day, I can't even remember one, maybe once or twice I've been like, no, I do really want that bag or that suitcase or whatever. And sometimes I'll go through my Poshmark likes and I'm like, oh, she offered me, you know, 10% off. Let me, you know what? I actually do want this. I forgot like, but just add things to cart before you press go.

My voice teacher has a thing written on his wall in his room and I wish I could remember the exact phrasing, but it's like engage brain before opening mouth. And that's for singing. Like think about what you're about to sing before you just sing it. Think about what you're about to speak before you speak it. When I did not have a voice for those three weeks when I was having vocal cord surgery, the biggest lesson I learned was that in order for me to communicate, I had to think the thought, then I had to go to my phone and type it in. Right. And then I had to hold it up. up there were i would say half of the time i would just start typing and go this isn't worth like whatever it is but i would not have even had that moment

because it would have just flown out of my mouth there would be no thought so so much of what we say including this most of this podcast is just there's no plan for it it just flies out of your mouth and like i just want to take more of a beat in life and go like is this really what i want to say good for you is this really what i want to do and it's like you feel very in control when you're able to catch those moments before they happen and you're like am i fucking gandhi because i didn't just send this picture of this girl and i where i'm questioning if she's pregnant or not or whatever it is, I'm ready to talk shit or speculate on. That's none of my fucking business.

Yeah, it feels really good. It feels really good to just only be sending pictures of Emily Blunt at the Oscars and saying this is the most gorgeous human being I've ever seen in my life. And I don't understand it. I am. Her look at the Oscars is my favorite look I think of all time of anyone's. The glow, the hair, the glow the hair the dress that has the elevated did you see these straps they're like elevated this new thing is like the strap comes off the shoulder oh yeah plastic bag that's been like picked up you know yes it's so

cool i love it god i loved her look so much um we didn't even talk about oscar margot robbie i loved her look for the oscars because it was like a dark uh purple brown blackish dress which is her first time not wearing barbie core in like a year and a half like she's always dressed in barbie core something barbie um i loved ariana grande's i loved um florence pew she also had the elevated strap look um and i think that was all my like real favorites but that fucking emily blunt look i can't stop thinking about it i want that dewy skin i'm gonna figure like that's the plastic surgeon i want whoever she has like that's the name i have to get and i don't know how to get it but i shan't have any work done until i find that person because i mean i'm sure a part of it was the makeup that she was wearing

absolutely oh my god makeup makes such a difference when these people fucking know what they're doing because i think i know what i'm doing and when i do my makeup it's disgusting like actually i'm trying my best it's really good when i do my makeup but it's fantastic i'm trying to stay positive It's really good when I do my makeup, but it's fantastic. I'm trying to stay positive. It's fantastic when actual artists do it. Professional, yeah. It's like someone, you know, it's like me drawing a picture of a, like, mountain range versus Bob Ross doing it or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I think I can, oh, these are mountains.

And you can go, oh, yeah, they are. But, like, I'm not makeup we don't think of it like that is like such an art that has such a learning curve um but yeah so um covered a lot today Brian's on here but um we have shows this weekend oh god do we have shows Grand Rapids and Columbus and then next week um we have Cincinnati and Gary, Indiana. And then I just announced a bunch of tour dates over the summer that just went on presale. And you can get them now on presale using code good. They go on actual sale on Friday, but they're on presale right now.

You use code good and just go find it at my website. I'm going to Boulder. I'm going to Cleveland. I'm going to God. I'm going to Cleveland. I'm going to, God, what are the other cities? They're all like Charlotte. And you also have Vegas with David Spade. When is that? You have one in May, May 17th.

Oh, my God. May 17th with David Spade in Vegas. Right around the corner. Please go to that. That'll be, oh, my God, at the Venetian. There's such amazing shows. If you want to plan like a girl's trip or a boy's trip to Vegas or just a trip alone, it's worth it to go to that. That'll be oh my God, at the Venetian. There's such amazing shows. If you want to plan like a girl's trip or boy's trip to Vegas or just a trip alone,

it's worth it to go see that show. But yes, Boulder, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Indianapolis and Charlotte all on sale. These are June and July dates. The summer have your first summer plan. Start it now by getting tickets and you can get special ticket prices right now on

the pre-sale. But tomorrow and Friday, they do go on sale for everyone and you'll get regular prices. But right now you can get Special ticket prices Right now On the pre-sale But tomorrow and Friday They do go on sale For everyone And you'll get Regular prices But right now You can use code good And get on pre-sale prices

For these summer days Well today's Thursday Technically Right that's what I'm saying So you have today You have today Until tomorrow That they go on sale

At 10am And they switch to The regular price But right now Get it now Get it now Use code good Okay thank you guys.

I will see you at those shows. See you this weekend, besties. Thank you for listening to the show this week. Thank you, Noah. Thank you, Brian. Don't be cut. And bye. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

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