The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #426 Mark Twain Prize for Kevin Hart and a Difficult Red Carpet

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

It's a little bit surprising that Brian has custom hello tones for different people. Nikki has her version of goodbyes called the Glaser Exit. It's perfect for people who want to dodge an emotional interaction. The latest Max series, "Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV," has Nikki's blood boiling. Over the weekend, Nikki had one of the worst moments of her career at a red carpet event for The Mark Twain Prize honoring Kevin Hart. In the Final Thought, Brian is shocked to learn the story of Nikki fainting on stage early in her career. And everyone agrees on natural talent. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. How are you guys feeling? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yo yo i'm starting to say yo again i don't know that's bad what do you think about that you're bringing it back and like against your will it's one of those where you're like why am i saying this so much or like you're cognizant wait what you're doing it on purpose there's a i am cognizant i am not yes yes it's just coming out of my mouth um i don't know why i think it's from like the 90s and i don't think it's coming back yo no i say i say yo when i answer the phone every time oh you do yeah pretty much every time yo if it's a friend always yo i have a different hello for almost everybody my friend yo yo mom and then i say yo yo yo

well you have to pretty much you have a different thing for every person that calls you different people call me and i give them a hello that's requisite to their personality okay what if it's me hello i'm getting nervous i'm really nervous i'll be right there hello uh for you no i don't think it's hello i do not think yeah maybe that's for you that's your that's to everyone. No, for some people I go, I go, sup, dude. Wait, what about Tim Dillon? Oh, I bet this guy's... I'll go, sup, dude.

Really? Yeah. Is this real? This is real. This is real. Wait, I've never heard you even do that voice in my life. I mean, that's just because it's for certain people. For guys.

For certain guys. For for other guys I'll go hey for like Rob Stern my really good friend Rob Stern I'll go like hi or like hey or like what you know something like really short like it's one of those east coast I'm

acting like I don't like you on purpose but that means I really like you that's that classic bit. I have a problem with exiting off the phone. Like I just, I classically have the glazer exit, which is a thing my boyfriend coined 10 years ago, 11 years ago when we started dating,

where if I'm ready to go, I just say it and then I get up and go. I don't need to like, I've talked about this before, I don't need to talk, I don't need to announce it and then say I'm leaving and like we I get up and go. I don't need to like, talked about this before. I don't need to talk. I don't need to announce it and then say I'm leaving. And like, we're going to go pretty soon.

I just, I just know what I wanted. Then I do it. Um, and it's Enneagram three. It's just, I don't waste time. I don't,

that is wasting time to me to be like, I'm going to build in this buffer. So people are more comfortable with me leaving, leaving like that doesn't save anyone time in life. I guess it's courteous but why like why is it so discourteous is that the answer of courteous why is it so um discognizant to say that you're gonna leave like leaving i think people have a hard time with goodbyes because you know the irish exit is something to do because you're people say it's because they're

they're tired and they just don't want to go say goodbye to everyone but really my old therapist my abusive therapist uh dr abusive she used to tell me that um people are scared of goodbyes so she would make people go to three sessions to say goodbye to her if you were like i'm done seeing you she'd be like okay we have to go do three sessions to say goodbye because everyone's scared of goodbyes and you have to lean into them and actually like you know tease them out which really she was maybe wanting to make more money but i think that she had somewhat of a point is that we're scared i don't like that i i even was thinking about i think with goodbyes you start to say even if it's just going saying goodbye the night, like I'll see you tomorrow,

there's some kind of summary and there's some kind of emotion that has to come out of it of like, it meant so much to me that you came. Oh, it's so good to see. There's too much emotion in it and I want to flee from that. I think that's probably why I don't like goodbyes. It's too like,

there's too many feelings involved. And it really could be the last time you see someone. And also it just takes forever to say goodbye to someone as an enneagram nine yes who feels the need to like make sure that everyone's at peace with me leaving the room which nobody gives a flying fuck no it just takes you're cognizant of the fact that no one cares but it doesn't change the fact you so you say goodbye to everyone when you leave a party um well actually after meeting you and learning the glazer exit which is like the best thing ever because you've always taught me that nobody cares no one's gonna remember that you left

especially at the end of the night where everyone's like have socialized if they're drunk or whatever like they're not thinking about you so just go so that has helped me a lot but do you if you're someone that would like to be said goodbye to at a party you're throwing and then like if you found out someone left and they didn't say goodbye if that would offend you then i can see how you might want to say goodbye to people but if if you put yourself in the shoes of someone who's hosting party and has to say not only hello to every person that arrives because they're the host but then you have to say goodbye to like Do your host a solid and don't say goodbye. Yeah, just bounce.

Send a text the next day that they can thumbs up. Less energy. You only have so much energy and I do think there is something to goodbyes and we should lean into them a bit more. You shouldn't ghost people. You should give them, if you've dated them for a long enough time,

you do owe them some kind of explanation. I was thinking about my birthday party coming up like where i'm having girls trip in st louis i'm pretty much just doing uh you know with all all the girls that can make it from girls chat converging in st louis over my birthday weekend we're gonna do karaoke and i told anya this weekend i was like i need to announce it on the girls chat i don't want any speeches about how much you love me and like i don't want any toast to me i don't want any emotion about what i mean to you i can't handle it i already know i really do like i know that my friends love me i know that my family loves me um i don't i don't i really am uncomfortable

and it's just i should probably allow it because it's nice for people to express themselves and it's something that they want to do it's not always about me and what i want it's something that people are like no i want to give you this compliment or whatever do that on their birthday i just want them to write a card i'll read it oh cars are nice a nice or like my niece will leave read it when she's cleaning up my stuff when i die someday you know like someone will read how much you loved me and possibly it will be me but i don't wanna i don't really like toast and i don't think i'm alone and not enjoying um sincere uh moments of like

and everyone in my group of girlfriends is pregnant and so i just don't there's gonna be too many tears that i won't even be able to like accept because i'm like oh it's just their hormones this isn't even about me it's about like a baby inside them and so then i I won't even be able to like accept because I'm like, oh, it's just their hormones. This isn't even about me. It's about like a baby inside them. And so then I won't even be able to take it personally. And then I will have to meet it. If I don't cry, then I'll feel like I don't do it, that I don't care enough or something. So I'm just like, I want to just treat it like a normal girl's weekend.

And it's, we're not talking about my birthday at all. And it's not because I'm scared I'm turning 40. I don't mind. Like we can celebrate the number. We can celebrate. We can have signs and candles and cake and everything. But just know, Nikki, you means. And besties, I love when you write cards too

because that's where I get all that. And I like the meet and greet girls that cry and guys that say how much I mean to them and stuff like that. That's their one chance. Because it's quick. And it has to be quick because there's a line. Not because I want it to be quick, but for some reason that doesn't...

They're strangers to me, just because I've never usually seen them before. So I don't think I'm required as much except to just listen and accept it. And I just can't. You don't have to reciprocate, really. I don't know why I can't handle it. I just have been dreading birthday speeches. But they don't have to reciprocate, really. I don't know why I can't handle it. I just have been dreading birthday speeches.

But they don't have to happen, right, Noah? Everyone can not do one. Of course not. It's your birthday. As long as we can sing happy birthday to you, and by we, I'll be there in spirit, because I won't be able to be there. Oh, yeah, that's right, because you're in third trimester.

Okay, so yeah, you won't be there, and you wouldn't do it anyway because you're not a very like, ting, ting, ting, everyone listen to me kind of person. Right. Not that the other girls

are making it about them or something, but yes, they can sing happy birthday even though that's excruciating as well and we can all agree that that's not.

What about at your funeral? Would you want people to say nice things about you there? Yeah, I'm not there. Yes. Oh, absolutely. That's where, that's when she wants it. Yeah. I'll be there there watching from some if you're a ghost and you're watching

you would be happy that people are saying nice things about you and if i don't like it i can just duck out and go hang out with duck out go hang out van gogh britney murphy van gogh and britney murphy um yeah i just feel yes, funeral is where I want to be appreciated and all those things. But it's so funny because I don't know why I want other people to hear how great I am, but I don't want to hear it. Why is that?

You're unwilling to accept anything positive because that's how you feel about yourself. Exactly. That's a classic. Because I don't really believe it and it feels like I'm just like you're pouring water onto a rock when you give

me compliments. But other people are grass. And they can absorb the things about me much easier and believe that they're true than I can. And so it just feels like yeah, crying on a rock. There was an early date i had with ally

we went to the gene autry museum which is a west museum of the west and in los angeles and they had a exhibit there that was like a little rock garden and one of the things that they let you do was take a little bit of water and brush the rock which i thought was so stupid it was just like come here to the museum and wet the rock oh it's so bad i couldn't stop laughing it was like it was like the only time in my entire life i laughed but that happens at museums all the time or like i went to the aquarium with my niece and nephew last week and there's just so much stupid stuff that you're just like, they just needed to have something for someone to do here. Wet the rock.

There is, this isn't stupid because it's actually kind of cool, but it is annoying. You put your hand, it's like those Japanese foot spas where the fish eat your cuticles. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that's a station at the St. Louis Aquarium. Oh, that's cool. No, it's not. No one needs that. First of of all they starve the fish in order for them to do it oh god the fish are uh not fed properly so they're starving why do you think they attack your fucking like they start gnawing on any extremity that goes in is because they're so hungry they only eat the cuticle same with Japanese food, like the dead skin and the salt

and whatever is like the dirt on your fingers, on your hands. They like love eating it because they're hungry. But guess what? That is not only inhumane to deprive them of actual food to feed them human skin, but human skin is not their food. Like that's not what they eat

in the wild. It's like we're just having these kids put in their hands and it's so gross the way it feels on your hands eat in the wild it's like right we're just having these kids put in their hands and these and it's so gross the way it feels on your hands it makes it worse oh it's so disgusting kids hands are covered in sticky fruit fruit roll up oh yeah it's a fucking buffet they love oh those fish are so lucky to get that but they're not because they actually should be eating actual fish food and not human so it was a weird part to have in this exhibit it just felt like it felt like it was a... PETA should have been up in there.

There is a skill. PETA hates Japanese foot spots. Don't go to those, by the way. There is a skill to being a good curator of a museum. And sometimes museums are really stupid and bad, and sometimes they're good. Like there are parts of the Holocaust Museum that I liked, or the Holocaust exhibit that I liked,

but there are parts that were stupid. The one we went to together over the summer. Holocaust exhibit that I liked. But there were parts that were stupid. Yes, that's right. We went to it together. We did a deep dive. And at the Holocaust Museum, you can't be skipping a part even though you go,

this is lame and this is for babies and it's for people. It's just, you know, there were some cool things. Let me just talk about the uncool things. They have sensory activities

for kids at the Holocaust Museum. Yeah, you can stick your hand in a gas chamber and wash the gas. You can build a pile of shoes. Oh, God. It was brutal. I do recommend going to that one. I don't think it's open anymore, though, right? Yeah, you said it was limited.

That's why we went. Yeah, it was like the last weekend. Big billboards going across the 405 all summer long just said Auschwitz ending May 29th or whatever. And that's when I knew I got to go. It was really moving. Ending for now.

Yeah. Except for the guards. Who knows what happens in November. Yeah. The guards? Yeah. I remember the guards were like, move it along, people, when we were in the train. They turned into Auschwitz guards. They turned into Auschwitz guards. That's a great episode of the Nicky Glazer podcast. You should listen to it.

Go to the archives. Yeah, go back and listen to our trip through the Auschwitz Museum. No, the aquarium also had a lot of touching things, which kids love to touch things. And if I was a kid, I would love to touch jellyfish and stingrays. Oh, yeah.

But I'm so sorry. These animals, they're trapped in this huge aquarium. I can't go to aquariums. It's so depressing. Zoos and aquariums are fucking depressing, dude. I can't even believe people aren't talking about it more. There's only one. So in Arizona, there's one.

It's called Out of Africa. And I just want to say it's more of an animal sanctuary because it's a privately run sanctuary and all the animals there are saved by the owners. So basically they have this like huge playground of animals that they get to save and play with. And then the ticket sales help keep that place running. Yeah.

I don't think these otters were saved. I don't think they're being rehabilitated. I think they were bred in captivity or stolen from the wild, which is how a lot of zoos populate their things, is they're stolen from the wild, dude. I just watched David Tell's special and he goes, I went to SeaWorld, or as I call it,

Aquatic Auschwitz. Speaking of. Yeah, it's really sad. Well, you know what's worse than the aquarium for these fish is the ocean i mean the ocean you're just constantly being attacked and eaten you imagine though these fucking jellyfish are you can't touch them below you're supposed to like touch them with the two finger touch on top just graze them gently which how many kids abide by that half maybe and then the others are just palming these things and there's like a person who's been

working there for eight hours watching over it so they're not catching everyone who's manhandling these yeah but they're they're so tired of being there and the jellyfish flip over all of them are flipped over and i go i wonder why because they don't want to fucking be touched anymore because you can't touch them when they're flipped over so i go interesting that all of these jellyfish are flipping over all of them because they have been being touched they're touched for 16 hours a day however long how 12 hours a day these things are just being poked at by kids yeah it's like the kids that on the set of nickelodeon oh i didn't watch that yet i gotta watch those only got touched when the cameras went off uh that is so disturbing

i cried last night and i rarely cry i i take in a lot of brutal things and i rarely get like emotional and so angry watching something but quiet on set on max is so good and um is all about dan schneider this producer of nickelodeon shows that was like, you know, the Chuck Lorre of Nickelodeon, pretty much. Like, just hit maker for TV shows in the 2000s. And he's a fucking creep, always having women massage him on set constantly.

Oh, God. Making two women who worked for him take one man's salary split a salary split a salary christ um because they were women uh just always making them do sexual things just making disgusting jokes just this it was it's just that's horrifying and you watch a couple episodes of that shit going down and then him being kind of inappropriate with um on the shows just do like doing you know cum shots pretty much for jokes where a girl will get you know squirted with goo in her face zooming on their feet zooming on them sucking things there's always

jokes about sausages hitting what shows are these zoe 101 all that um making there's a guy called pickle boy that i remember from all that i wasn't watching all that at the time but pickle boy was this guy that would always show up with a huge thing of pickles and he was like uh ever present on all that throughout the 2000s turns out he was a massive pedophile massive wow and uh his victim he he eventually got caught because his victim was drake bell from drake and josh oh i thought it was drake the could have been him too i mean he was on degrassi he was probably a kid during then but drake uh bell from drake and josh which was a humongously popular show prior to that lake bell stop making jokes we're talking about child molestation he hasn't watched it i haven't i don't know you

can't like i literally can't make jokes about it because i'm so incensed about it this guy just tricked drake bell had an amazing father who would be on set watching closely making sure that nothing was happening um that was inappropriate and then he started seeing this guy just paying way too much. Pickleboy, the guy who played Pickleboy named Brian Peck, not to be confused with Josh Peck, who has played Josh on Drake and Josh or Drake and yeah. Brian Peck, Pickleboy, would just touch him too much, help him with wardrobe where he's like, he doesn't need your help putting that on. And the dad alerted other parents started talking about it like have you noticed

this all the parents were just like no it's fine then he went to i think he went to the heads did you watch it no one he went like i saw the first episode oh god the the third is where it gets so fucking grisly with this with drake bell talking about it for the first time it's so sad this 15 year old kid gets preyed upon by this guy and there's nothing he can do about it he doesn't have a license he can't leave the house that it's happening in this guy by this time is like his best friend a 40 year old man who's inserted himself in his life who's made him turn against his father i mean these pedophiles are so fucking there's also um amanda binds yeah her relationship with dance night it's like oh that was gross. And we don't really get details of what happens

because she's not talking and he certainly isn't. But he is just disgusting, dude. I can't even, anyone, he literally, they have footage of him saying, you know, the cast all comes out and he's talking to the studio audience before taping. And he's like, after the show, you can meet the cast. You can touch them any way you want.

You can ask them questions. You can ask them any inappropriate question you want really get personal make them feel awkward like and he loved doing this thing on all that where he would make the kids do this like it's called like a live dare or something i forget what it's called but all the kids that are cast members come back and talk about it and they're like this that the live the live dares were the worst part of the show. Cause he would make kids do fear factor stuff and they couldn't say no, they're not adults. And any,

any saying no on set, um, would just make it so that you wouldn't get put on sketches. And he also, he also did an interview where he says, I love that these kids, sometimes these kids try to razz me and they get a little attitude and I go, I'm right.

The show, if you want to do that, I'll write you doing something really bad next week he said that it's on it's so insane that this is allowed to happen but because it's allowed to happen because he made hits nickelodeon didn't give a fuck and no one from nickelodeon ever reached out to drake bell after he went to took uh this guy to court and had him arrested and he went late this guy who got arrested and is a child sex offender registered went on to work on other sets with children on the disney channel oh my god hollywood is disgusting keep your kids the fuck out of

there i'm serious like it's either they're getting fucked by the people making the shows or they're not getting roles like some of these kids were like oh you know i was the favorite until amanda came along and then she got all the attention and then it quickly zooms into like amanda becoming probably of slightly a victim of some inappropriate behavior we're not sure of dan siders but it was really like oh i stopped getting and i stopped getting like good parts because he wanted to molest someone else or like whatever it was like that's the vibe like if you're a child actor

who's working and getting a lot of work it's because people some man wants to fuck you it's disgusting keep your kids out of it let them decide to get into it

when they're adults and they can ruin their lives on their own because it will it is a life ruiner it's not a good business Brian would you let your kids be in Hollywood

if they wanted to how would you handle it because I in Hollywood if they wanted to? How would you handle it? Because I kind of think I might. If I had kids? Even though I just said that. Because I think I'd be vigilant. I wouldn't let shit go down.

I think it's different nowadays than it was back in the 90s. I think... Or 2011? I mean, this wasn't that long ago. Even then. I mean, I think things have changed. And hopefully that change sustains.

If my kid came up to me and said i want to be an actor then yeah i would uh allow them to i would i would help them pursue it for sure but i'd have to say i want i don't want to be one of those parents who is like you've got to be a star you've got to go out there you if you're not in sesame street by six and you're nothing to me but the thing is kids don't if you like to act it doesn't mean mean you'll like Hollywood. You know what I'm saying? Like it's a different thing, but I don't know. Let's talk about it more when we get back from break. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever.

We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe,

and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. like on actual sets so you know how it kind of works and i feel like you would probably be vigilant of this stuff but the truth is like if so many of these parents that were like hey my kids let's just not even talk about sexual abuse my kid is working too long of hours my kid shouldn't be in this leotard because you can see his penis through it and he's forced to be in this penis costume all the time with penis these things on his shoulder that are supposed to be noses, but they look like penises because every,

these fucking sick fucks. Remember what was happening with Disney? Remember when like Disney, there would be hidden like penises on the little mermaid castle and in the clouds on the Lion King, it said sex. They love to like these sick fucks. If you're talented at making children's entertainment,

Dan Snyder, who prides himself on like on I know how kids think. Why do you know how kids think? That's gross. Stop saying that. People should maybe study child psychology and have some sort of be like, I'm an adult

who has learned what children like, but don't admit that you know somehow, because that's weird. I don't know. I just don't like it at all. And I think, yeah, if you're a parent that notices those things, even me, I would feel like

if my daughter was on a sketch show on Nickelodeon and because I said, hey, she's working too long of hours, then she doesn't get in the show the next day or the next episode. She gets cut from a lot of stuff because she needs to work less and all the other kids are working way harder.

And she would probably be mad at me. I know I would be mad at my mom. Just shut up, mom. Let me work. I don't know that I'd be strong enough to put my foot down like that if all the other parents who are so desperate for their kids to be famous put up with so many abuses happening and this isn't all the parents a lot of the parents on the show were good that's

the problem is like it's just a tricky business and it's all about power and if you have power in the business and you're making these businesses money they don't care what you do it's just that's the way it is the me too movement is the reason dan snyder ever got fired is because suddenly these women who had watched him getting demanding massages from these wardrobe from the women in the wardrobe department who were outfitting three shows with tons of kids so busy they would get texts from him being like come downstairs and massage me and she's like if she doesn't do it she'll get fired it won't be about that but that will be the result of it so she has to go massage this guy they were putting up with it for years there was not a day or she was like usually it was daily but there was not a week that went by that too he wasn't being massaged by some woman that whose job it was not to massage him and they for years until 2017 18 when me too happened and then they all got the balls to go

actually this isn't cool and what a cool movement i know everyone like jokes about it but that really was like such a turning point people just suddenly had the the guts to stand up and like call stuff out and it's still stuff is still happening all the time i mean the diddy thing is insane diddy's on a jet right now to an island where he can't be arrested like he had a plan to get out of the country as soon as they caught him for trafficking charges i think and someone made the point that by the time your home is raided by the feds they have a lot of evidence on you that's not just like we just going to see what's in there. That's like, we know what's in there. Diddy has been around for decades.

Do you think he just started doing this stuff in the past couple of years? No. It's crazy. It's not just Hollywood. It's all businesses, all corporations, all power, politicians, Epstein Island. It's all a part of any power structure,

it feels like. How though, if you want one power structure?, Epstein Island. It's all a part of any power structure, it feels like. How, though, if you- Or one power structure. Yeah, or one at the top. But it's just such a weird thing. If you're into little kids- How'd they get so powerful? How do you bring that up with someone and see if they are too?

Like, how do you even- I don't even want to- I'm just floating that is like how do these people find each other that is because it is like is the most insane thing and by the way if you want to fuck kids i'm not mad at you because you didn't choose to want to fuck kids but you got to get help for it so that you don't you know like i'm mad at you if you fuck kids and you touch them and you abuse kids but if you want to you can't help that and that is a sickness in your brain that you need to treat and make sure that you don't touch kids so it's not it's not a bad thing to be attracted to

kids because that is a some disorder in your brain that you didn't choose but you got to do something about it and it isn't connecting with other files i think you're like in the right line when you're seeing it's like a power thing i think it's more about that than like kid attraction it's just like a oh yeah just doing like the weirdest thing and like the most fucked about that than like kid attraction it's just like a oh yeah just doing like the weirdest thing and like the most fucked up thing and like we can yeah like oh i have the because he also did it to the grown women in the writer's room i mean you know like all the stories that they tell so i think it's more of a not be a pedophile but the guy he's sick definitely sick i don't i do know that people that watch child porn, a lot of them, based on this podcast I listen to from Sam Harris,

and I've said this a million times, a big percentage of people who watch child pornography and trade it and consume it are not pedophiles. They're not attracted to children. It's just where porn ends. If you follow porn to its conclusion of brutality and extremity, it ends with kids. those are people on like that have a porn addiction that just went too far if that makes sense so it's not always about being

attracted to kids sometimes it's just because you're so fucking sick that's like you you you need the next sick thing and that's where it's fun hollywood yeah what's going on in fun hollywood is there your weekend oh yeah that was a fun hollywood weekend um i went to um the mark twain prize on sunday night after our shows we did shows this weekend in gary indiana on friday saturday we were in cincinnati those were so fun brian was there we'll talk about those but yes sunday night i went to the mark twain prize in dc which my boyfriend's second one produces yes it was my second in a row and it was so star-studded it was so funny it'll air on in may i don't want to say the date because it kind of coincides with another date that's coming up that's a bigger deal for me so watch it eventually but don't watch it premiere night because i think something else premiere night is happening

that is just as good. The same day? Yeah. Oh, get out of here. What a coincidence. Oh, my God. I said, oh, Chris Convy producing two things. The two things you produce in a year

both airing the same night. Jesus. So anyway, watch the other thing that's coming out that date. But I'm not going to say the date yet because I can't announce anything. But anyway, it was Jerry Seinfeld. It was Chris Rock. It was Dave Chappelle.

It was Chelsea Handler. It was Jimmy Fallon. It was Lil Dicky. It was Robin Thicke. It was Nelly. Oh, man. Nick Cannon. And I don't know who else.

It was just so many. And obviously, Kevin Hart. They were honoring Kevin Hart. And it was so star-studded. And it was incredible. And so funny. And Keith Robinson. The Rock was not there.

But you didn't miss him. I gotta be honest. Guys, what's your favorite Kevin Hart movie? I couldn't even tell you. I don't think I've ever seen one. Okay. Well, let's talk about this because that is a question

that got asked to me on the red carpet. And I realized I have never seen a Kevin Hart movie. Yeah, I just know. And people go, why couldn't you just name one? And I go, well, so I should say a movie I've not seen and lie on the red carpet? I just like and people go why couldn't you just name one and I go well so I should say a movie

I've not seen and lie on the red carpet because it's just to be nice and just say whatever movie I can think of I didn't want to do that like I

I didn't I planned for the red carpet here's my things I'm going to say about Kevin Hart here's what I admire about him I did not think that they would ask me for a specific movie

what's your favorite Kevin Hart movie and I literally froze and was like uh and i'm really trying to think of a favorite one you know like okay let me think of the ones i've seen and then let me pick the favorite but it looks like i'm just like should i lie and there was a part of me that was like should i lie and then i was like i don't even know if i could because i can't even come up with the name of a movie because i don't really watch movies that much i don't know if you've noticed i i watched the oscar best pictures this year but that is the most movies i've ever seen in my life in a time period since eighth grade

i just i would definitely have seen a kevin hart movie if he was around in 1998 to 2002 but i don't watch movies anymore um and they and i literally i, ah, and there's literally three microphones in my face for video cameras pointing at me. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is going to be so embarrassing. Like this is going to end up on Reddit. This girl is on the red carpet pretending to be a huge Kevin Hart fan, which I wasn't, by the way. And I am a huge Kevin Hart fan in my own way. But I wasn't pretending to be. I was like, I just go, I'm here because my boyfriend produces this.

OK, I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not. I've never seen a kevin hart movie i think i'm realizing i've never seen a kevin hart movie and they all laughed and i go i i don't like it was almost like a gotcha moment and um and i felt so i started having a panic attack because i was like this is going to be so embarrassing i look like a dumb white girl who like doesn't like i don't know i just felt like it was like i don't know i was just in my head about it and so i don't know if you've ever been on a red carpet no but if you but if you it's already so much pressure i already was feeling not that cute like my hair extensions were too blunt and so it was like my hair was like natural and then there were like these chunky blunt extensions that were just poorly cut and i

looked i looked like i um remember john travolta in that movie where he has like tendrils coming out of his head he's like a action star it almost looks like dreadlocks and battlefield earth yes that's what i look like that's a scientology movie really yeah that movie was like scientology propaganda oh my god but then they go well before that happened i was interviewed by a comedian who i know reese waters and he goes what's your favorite kevin hart bit and i blanked again and i i don't know i've seen kevin hart stand up a lot but I don't remember bits. I just watched Dave, Dave Attell special. And I couldn't tell you, I can tell you maybe one joke and I would butcher the Auschwitz one.

I kind of butchered it. I'm not, I don't know what Kevin Hart bit. And so I go Reese, I go, um, I don't. And then I felt like he thought I'd never seen Kevin Hart stand up or

something or that I was, I don't know. It just felt, I go Reese as a comedian, you-up or something or that I was, I don't know. It just felt, I go, Reese, as a comedian, you know, we see, first of all, we don't like watching stand-up comedy. I don't like watching comedy. And I certainly don't like watching Kevin Hart, who is like, seems so,

he's too good. You know, like he's too natural and good of a storyteller and like, it just comes too naturally to him and it bothers me. I really don't like to watch people who I think are are talented in ways that i'm not i'm not drawn to that um and so i already was stressed out about answering that and saying and not being able to come up with the kevin hart bit that i loved and then i go a couple more interviews later and i'm coming down from that so that's in the back of my head like oh my god you're such an idiot

that's gonna come out you're gonna look like such a fraud all the I just want to say sweating this is hyperventilating extensive questioning on a red carpet that I've seen usually they ask like silly questions like I was furious Noah I there was I had no publicist there because I just didn't and so you were just you are on the red carpet by yourself usually if you watch red carpet footage there's someone like ushering someone through and they go sorry she can't talk there's someone else telling the person for them and i'm usually down to talk to everyone but i was i hadn't eaten enough that day so i was feeling low blood sugar i had rushed to get ready i was coming from hair and makeup that i was uh feel the hair part i was just my extensions were good the rest

was amazing but i was just feeling blotchy with my spray tan my dress was zara and it like didn't fit properly i just felt like not put together in the way i wanted and so i was feeling stressed out i did the pictures and that was stressful enough because i just was like didn't know what poses to do i was just not in a good headspace at this thing i was tired and i was underfed and then the question started and i'm not kidding you i did 15 interviews 15 there was a microphone after microphone after microphone and you talk to each person for three three minutes at least and then so i am the first interview i did i couldn't come up with a bit of his and i feel like an idiot i feel like a fraud i feel like, just my mind goes to,

you're going to get canceled because this seems like you are like lying about liking someone that you're here to support. And this is a night to honor him. And you are just, you, you got caught trying to compare it to like a moment where someone gets caught being fake. But I just felt busted.

Like you're not a real Kevin Hart fan. Cause I don't know it's he was he's i i like him okay you know i think he's i think he deserves this award do i have to be a fan of every fucking thing and so and everyone's talking about him like he's obama you know like he changed the world and every interview is like why does he deserve this why has he been such an influence to you and i'm like he hasn't been no i mean he has he has in terms of his work ethic and so i i was able to summon why i really love kevin hart and you can listen to those interviews because um i figured out a line of logic that worked for me after failing so much but then i get to the one where they go what's your favorite kevin hart movie and

i blanked and there's all these cameras looking at me and i rarely can't don't say anything and i then jump to right to defensiveness because i see looking at me and I rarely don't say anything and I then jump to right to defensiveness because I see that they're all like you don't even know a Kevin Hart movie oh my god what are you doing here and I'm like I'm not gonna lie I've never I don't think I've ever seen one and then I'm like but I don't really watch

movies I forget what I said I was like I don't need to defend this I'm allowed to be here and to have not seen a Kevin Hart movie I didn't say all this but I was right like to be here and to have not seen a Kevin Hart movie. I didn't say all this, but I was. Right? Like, is it a crime to not have seen a Kevin Hart movie? I don't think so. No.

This is... Someone... Chris was telling me all the Kevin Hart movies, and I go, I don't really care about seeing any of those. I don't feel like I... I'm sad that I've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. I'm sad that I've never seen Wedding Crashers. I should see The Godfather. I should see The Godfather

Part 2. I know there are certain movies that I should see. Get Hard? I don't think I need, that's like, I need to see it. Or do you want to? Okay, let's play a game. It's called Is This a Kevin Hart Movie? Or is this a random word generator

title? Okay. I love it. Okay, You ready? I love it. Here's the first one. Still pavement. Well, that's random. Okay. That is random. Yes.

Okay. Here's another one. The ghost writer. Random. That's correct. That is random. All right. Here's another one um uh night school night school is kevin hart okay now i know but this is not going to be

delete me is random the reason i know these now is because i went through a whole night of celebrating kevin hart so i am very familiar with his filmography at this point are you as what about the man from toronto random that is a kevin hart movie what from 2022 that's right it was a kevin hart movie i should have just said any fucking thing and they would have believed it i'd be like it's a obscure thing he did. Try to make one up. It was an indie project he did in 2017. No, I can't do that. You know I'm not going to do that. MeTime?

Was that one? No, that sounds like it was. That is a Kevin Hart movie. I'm having a response again to this. I'm getting like hives and I feel like my throat closing because I seriously couldn't handle how I answered. And then I, you know, like when you trip or fall or something and then you get angry instead of like,

because you're so embarrassed. So I was so embarrassed that I was like so fucking mad that these people tried to, that asked me that question. And it's a normal question. I mean, he's done a lot of movies. They weren't trying to get me. But the question should have been, you know, if Kevin sees this interview, what do you want to tell him?

Or like, what's your favorite thing about Kevin? Would have been nice to keep it broad because I actually had really interesting things to say about Kevin. I was the only one that was talking about his plant based burger chain that I fucking love because he's making fast food for plant based people, which is really fucking cool. What's it called? Heart House. There are four locations now in the Southern California area. More to come. because he's making fast food for plant-based people, which is a really fucking cool. What's it called? HeartHouse. There are four locations now in the Southern California area.

More to come. Wow. He also, I just, I had a lot of stories to tell about him. He was really nice to me when I did his Celeb Game Face show and he was really nice to my mom. And I had a story about that and everything. Like I had moments to talk about, but I kept getting these specific questions. And okay then i am i've never felt i haven't felt this level of panic

and i'm going to faint because i'm so upset and i want to cry and i want to faint uh because i i chugged a coke before i never i only drink diet coke i've literally never had a coke since i was five years you know fifth grade and i chugged a coke right before i went on the red carpet because i was already feeling so out of it and like low blood sugar faint and then that happened and i was about to pass out on the red carpet i'm not kidding you and then i so i get done with the there's a whole row of people with video cameras and microphones all the press there was so much press here it was like the fucking oscars it was insane i've never done this much press for anything and i had no publicist to be like hey she only can do a couple like oh just oh just every single person just next on the line and they're not even going to use it

you know like i'm the least famous person there and so after we get done with all the after i get done with all the interviews with the camera people with cameras there's a line of people that with just you know handheld recorders that are just reporters for publications and that was just there was like a cleave in the line of people right there was like a little space between them and i because before then it had been like one microphone and then you just you turn to maybe go away or go you know skip someone and there's another microphone in your face you can't you have no moment to go hey can i not do this so i'm just like stuck i felt like i was stuck in a uh in a river uh like rapids and i'm just hitting different rocks and then now i'm feeling like i'm gonna pass out puke and faint all at once because i'm so embarrassed and i'm just thinking my career's over because i just got out

it as lying about liking kevin hart when i really don't when i really actually do and i felt like they're gonna make fun of me and i don't, when I really actually do. And I felt like they're going to make fun of me. And I don't know. I was just really going to some dark places. All while trying to look beautiful and suck in and be really eloquent and funny. And then with no help. No one next to me. No one getting me out of this.

No assistance. No one running the red carpet to even look to. And it's a really well run event. But this was a fucking blind spot. And next year, if I do this, I will not. I will have someone with me, even if they're pretending to be my publicist, which is all you really need to do. You just need to have someone. Yes.

Thank you, Noah. Please, please be there for that. So there's a little space. And I go, I said to the next reporter who was holding a recorder, I just go, hey, I can't do anymore. I'm so sorry. I just do not feel well. And they go, oh, okay.

So when the camera's not on, you don't want to partake. Oh, for the newspapers, you don't care. For print journalism, you think, oh, who gives a fuck? And it's like, oh, so now you're making, they didn't all say that, but there was this overall groan. And I understand they're at the end of the line and they probably do get passed over by people who are just like if it's not on camera i don't care yeah because it's you know print journalism is going away and i feel like they they already feel you know disenfranchised so it looked like

i was just saying if my face isn't involved i don't want to be a part of it so they kind of go like oh come on i go no it's not it's not that it's because i i don't feel good and i have anxiety right now and i'm like literally starting to almost start to cry and i go and they go well you could just answer a couple and we'll all record at the same time and i was like okay good so then they did that and i answered some questions about to cry, like on the verge of tears. Like it is literally, you know when your cry is right here? I would have been better at answering that.

That could have been a number, that number, like seven pounds could have been the name of a show he did or a movie he did. So you know when your cry is right here? Yeah. Like, and you- A gobbler.

Like, what is that? Your gullet. I hate not having control over my body. That's why I don't like orgasms. That's why I don't like going on roller coasters. I like... That's why I don't like watching scary movies. I don't like...

I don't like being... Like, any jump scare. I want control, and I was losing control. And also, Curran, Chris's brother, is watching me. He's behind the reporters. So I see him watching me

and I see him see the moment where I go, like searching for a Kevin Hart movie in my head, but actually one that I've seen and I can't come up and I see him kind of look like, oh no.

And he looks scared for me. So I'm just like, it's all of this pressure and he's not in hollywood he doesn't yeah he's just like wow she looks like she's struggling and then so i get done with the interviews with the publications and i just and then i walk away and i'm about ready to burst into tears like i am i'm like i can't great now I can't even enjoy this fucking show because I'm gonna be in my head the whole time being like what did I say why did I say that why am I such a failure why did I why am I even here like I should have never done the red carpet like this is embarrassing like I'm not a huge Kevin Hart fan why am I pretending to be one and I was like freaking out and I'm only sharing this because I think people

can relate and I just want people to know that like it is all a act a lot of times for people to seem entertaining and like confident because even though you probably know that from this podcast that I'm not all of those things but that's ended up what I said to the print journalist people I go you want to know why I love Kevin Hart because he is I admire his confidence and that sounds like a dig because it sounds like you're just saying someone's not talented, they're just confident or something.

I'm like, no, he already has talent, but no one believes in Kevin Hart more than Kevin Hart. And he's a testament to if you love yourself enough, what you can do. If you don't question yourself, if you really love yourself

and you are never going to abandon yourself and you're always going to be there for yourself, no matter how much you fuck up uh kevin hart has his own back you know and um and i said movies actually have your own back yeah his own back he um so they're like nodding along like yes girl yes and i'm like finally sticking the landing for my fucking talking point and i go i am not a confident person i'm not feeling i was like i as someone who really struggles with my confidence and i know that looking at me it seems like i am and but you if you talk to my girlfriends you would all they would all say that i'm probably

the least confident of all of them and i know that's shocking but most comedians are not confident and the ones that are most successful are the ones that figure out a way to fucking like themselves those are the ones that their talent matches their amount that they believe in themselves and i really struggle with that and that's what i admire in him and they go thank you okay and then they put the you know on to the next person and then i stepped off i was about to go cry and then i saw current and he was like what happened because he was a little bit worried but he was like oh it'll be fine and be fine. And I go, I need to go talk to them. So I went back to the print journalist and I said, and they weren't recording me. I go, hey, guys, I just want to let you know, I totally was not trying to pass you over

because I don't admire what you do or like for any other reason than the fact that I was on the verge of a panic attack because of some questions that got asked before that I fucked up. So it had nothing to do with you guys. I just want to you know i love you thank you and good night then i walked off and i felt good about that but then i was like still panicking about my answer to like not knowing his movies and um and then i was talking to i went to go talk to so i haven't seen chris in like two or three weeks right and i'm seeing him for the first time and he is about to produce this live show so he's taking a minute

from his night before it begins to go say hi to me and curran and i'm like i fucking i was like babe i know you're busy i was like i just have to say i'm just uh i i can you just like make me feel calm about what just happened and i was i told him what happened he goes oh they won't use it and i go wait why wouldn't they use that it's so funny that i didn't know any kevin hart movies and i'm at a kevin hart award ceremony and he was like because they only want to make kevin hart look good and i was like oh and then he walked away and i was i just all of a sudden relaxed in my whole body and kern was like kern had been talking me off the ledge for an hour prior to that right before

we got to see chris and kern goes why couldn't i do what chris just gave to you and i was like dude you did you did so well you said everything you possibly could but i forgot that aspect of it that um hollywood is a star maker machine, right? Everything is going towards making celebrities look perfect. And they aren't really the ones that ever try to embarrass celebrities. Like some of that happens, but it's usually when they've already picked a victim where we're like, this person's to be made fun of. And we're always going to find things to make fun of them.

Even TMZ is uplifting celebrities. They're only making fun of the ones we've all decided we should trash them now. So no one's trying to generate new celebrities to trash or make fun of. Certainly not Kevin Hart. Right, or me. No one's trying to have a getcha moment with me and I'm coming from this place of

I'm on Reddit so much and so I see all these gaffes of certain celebrities and I'm picturing myself becoming one of them and I was like, oh, that's right. like everyone press it's like the royal you know like the royal family and the british press are like in bed together even though they seem at odds because the press comes after them they really work together to build up the royal family and they both need each other and without each other neither could exist um that's what celebrities and press are press is never trying to like make

a celebrity look bad unless we all agree everyone's just trying to make everyone look good so when he said that i was like oh my god it's so logical like yeah they would never use that no one's like it might resurface in like 10 years of like look at this embarrassing moment on a red carpet but it's not gonna be now and so i was able to relax and actually have fun, but it was the worst moment of my career, I think. The worst? Honestly, the way it felt in my body, it was worse than fainting on stage. Why did that happen?

Yes, because the scale of this was larger. Yes, fainting on stage was probably the, no, dancing with stars being eliminated first was the worst. Oh, yeah. And being said that I was awkward and that I'm not a good dancer and being laughed at by Len Goodman. Rest in peace, you bastard. Actually, we'll talk more about this when we get back because we have to take a break.

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It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever.

We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody. Every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements. Some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture.

This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete pay bill chatting up with hit maker sam holland sugar steve chatting with the legend nick low and i've had pleasures doing one-on-one conversations with willow sonata matreya kathleen hannah and the rizza these are conversations you won't hear anywhere else so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out all right listen to quest love supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back.

When did you faint on stage? In 2007 when I was performing at Hennessy's in Dana Point. It was like a restaurant and I was on stage and Iy's in Dana Point. It was like a restaurant and I was on stage and I hadn't eaten enough that day and I smoked a little weed and I ran before the show. That was also what was going on. I had not eaten enough.

I had run on a treadmill before. Like I just set myself up to be anxious. And then the second, I was doing well on stage two and i just started blacking out and i had never blacked out before and i go i think i'm gonna faint because i my i wasn't i couldn't remember my jokes like my brain was failing me and then it started getting tunnel vision and i didn't know what was happening but i just go i think i'm gonna faint and then i looked at the woman in the front row and i go is is that awkward? And she said, yes. And I said, it is.

And that's the last thing I said. I know. Well, it was before awkward was like a catchphrase. I have to say this was 2007. Awkward wasn't like, I just was like, is that, I don't know what, my brain wasn't working. I don't know if anyone here has ever fainted, but you aren't cognitively with it. No. You're not cognizant.

And then she said, it is. She goes, yeah. And I go, it it is like i question it like it is and then when i fainted i kept the microphone next to my mouth and i was mumbling things on the way down it was really embarrassing it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and i came to i can't even remember this dude i fainted in front of a room of probably 300 people. Wow. And it went dead silent. The emcee came up and rescued me.

I don't know exactly how it went down because I fainted, but I nearly fell off the stage because it was just a stage that was built up in the middle of this room. Yeah. Like there was no back to it. There was no wall. Oh, okay. So I almost fell off the back of this platform. That would have been bad. But these guys came up and caught me and I just kind of crumpled.

And then I kept talking and mumbling in the microphone. And I had a dream while I was fainted that I fainted on stage. And then I was also in the ocean, like, rolling around in waves. And then I woke up from a dream. Yeah, I woke up from a dream that I had fainted on stage. And I've told this story before. But, you know, when you wake up from a dream that's really bad, like a nightmare, and you go, oh, my God, thank God.

Oh, my God. I'm so glad that didn't happen. That's how I woke up. I go, oh, my God, that would have been the worst embarrassing thing ever. Thank God that was a dream. Oh, my God, it wasn't. And I all of a sudden look around and I'm like, this is real. And because I was so embarrassed, the anger came through like it did on the red

carpet when I snapped at them and go, I'm not supposed to know a Kevin Hart movie or whatever I said. The anger came through and I stood up in the adrenaline and I go, and I ran, I ran out of the room. Right. And then I'm in, uh, and I went right to the bathroom. Final thought. So I fainted. I stood up. I ran. The room is is dead quiet like i woke up because of the quiet right i ran to the bathroom i'm in the bathroom alone in the women's room and no one's coming in to like help me or check in on me but i'm in the stall and i'm really thinking my career is over my career has not even begun this is 2007 i'm going to new faces very soon this was planning to go to montreal new faces. Big opportunity. Rest in peace. Rest in peace

as well. Len Goodman and New Faces. Yes. Everything that embarrassed you is now going to hell. Watch out. Hennessy's fell into the ocean. I think it's still around. I would love to go back to the scene of this crime but it was so... Someone's written to me.

They heard me tell this on another podcast and it was like, oh my God, I know Tennessee's and Dana point. So I am in that stall and I'm just like, oh my God, like this is going to get out. It just felt, it felt the same way I felt in that Kevin Hart moment actually,

because I'm like, you dumb bitch. You didn't eat enough today. This is what I feeling when I fainted. You didn't eat enough. You're kind of anorexic right now and you're not admitting it to yourself. It's a thing you're hiding from people.

You're not telling people you're not eating, but you're trying to lose weight so you can have some sort of control when you're in Montreal because you know you're not funny enough to go. So you have to be thin because then that'll be some kind of achievement. I don't know what was going on in my head,

but I felt like I had been doing sneaky things and I was busted. I fainted. I had been anorexic at that point and I was busted. Like I fainted. I had been anorexic at that point for five years and I had never fainted. And as an anorexic, you're constantly getting up and like losing,

kind of getting stars and like almost passing out. But then you catch yourself and you're like, okay, still got it. And it just felt like a moment of such weakness. What an idiot. You're an adult woman who's fainting on stage.

And I felt like, I don't know, in that moment where you're not thinking rationally you're like my life is over this is gonna get out people are gonna find out i don't i can't even play out how it ever could have gone that way because who gives a fuck right you know even if i was famous and fainted like who everyone just has compassion for someone who's empathy like the person in the front row was totally wrong and that's you it was sent you into this headspace you it's not awkward to faint on stage it's frightening and it's uh you have you you're concerned about the awkward it depends how you fall i guess if you like hit your head on the table yeah it was probably awkward that i was asking well she just felt like put on the spot she didn't or maybe she thought it was a part of your act a lot of people did they were like was that a bit

i'm like why would that ever i guess if i was like kaufman-esque but like i would never do that and not that anyone knew my style then i was literally unknown um but i was in that stall just thinking like my life is over this is gonna get back up to la they're gonna kick me out of the festival i'm a liability i think that's where a lot of it comes from a lot of shame comes from like you're a liability and even on that red carpet i'm like oh you dumb bitch like you could have on the way over in the car instead of talking to current about whatever fun thing you wanted to talk about you could have said hey what's just some things i could talk about with the kevin hart thing can we go over some kevin hart movies

like i could have been you know practicing and getting ready but instead i was like hey what's been going on in your life and blah blah blah and just wanting to have fun and it's like it i started beating up on myself for not doing enough hard work and for like not eating enough and why did i go on the treadmill for an extra 10 minutes that probably depleted me in a way that i couldn't come up with a kevin hart movie to lie about uh why would i even lie why haven't i seen a kevin hart movie i'm a bad person kevin hart is a a national treasure what's wrong with me why do i why am i in entertainment if i've never seen a kevin hart movie why do i expect to be in movies if i haven't like all of these things oh boy so i'm in that stall in 2007 though and i'm like it's over for me.

And then I was so embarrassed that I got angry, and I just ran out of the bathroom into a room of people that is waiting for me to emerge from the bathroom, trying to collect themselves, figure out what's going on, what's going on with the show. No one's in the bathroom because there's no women on the show that are running the show to come check in on me. They're all men. So they're like, there's no one coming in, right? So I'm probably in there for a minute i burst out of the the doors burst out onto this room of 300 people it's literally the bathroom's right next to the stage so they're all facing me

and i go is anyone gonna fucking help me and then i look at them all just like rabid right and then i beeline it right right into the kitchen right off to the right i see the kitchen doors and i bang through the double doors and i was like give me a piece of bread like i just needed some kind of you know obviously my blood sugar had failed so i was like i need some food and they give me food and i'm then i'm embarrassed that i yelled because that was so not cool and it's no one's fault except my own and then i'm in the kitchen hiding trying not to ever have to go back out there and I'm crying and I'm asking for my friend Taylor Williamson who was there.

I was like, I need Taylor. Where's Taylor? And then he comes in. He's so shooken up. It was so embarrassing to see how scared he was. I felt so bad and then I eventually had to walk out into the room

to like leave and like everyone started applauding and that was made me sick i just maybe that's why you don't want birthday speeches because it brings up that trauma it's just too much attention and it's too sincere and it's like sweet and they were all happy i was alive but so what was your kind of was the same vibe no it's a good connection what was your exit strategy after that which is a kevin hart movie it is right that's yes so i i just ate dinner because i had planned on i was broke at the time right this is 2007 so when you would get these gigs

you would get to eat one meal at the place and you get whatever you wanted so i got this badass salad that was filled with stuff and i was so excited to eat it but when i got there they were like can you go up first and i was like i, I really need to eat. I knew that I was suffering because I hadn't eaten all day. It was my one meal a day because I was really dieting. And they go, you can just eat. Your food will be ready as soon as you get off stage. And I go, yeah, okay, fine. Big mistake. So I ate my food and then everyone was like, she can't drive back on her own. I'm like, I swear to God I can. I am fine.

And so it was a big fight with everyone to let me drive back on my own. And they eventually did. And then nothing happened. I just went to Montreal and bombed my face off. And that brings us to my conclusion on Kevin Hart, which is I bombed at Montreal. Bombed for me. It wasn't bombing, but like at Montreal, you want to stand out. And I just didn't.

I was below mediocre right and um and i was too thin and it was like i i didn't even look good i looked sick i had bags under my eyes i was i had a crush on this guy and i kind of got too drunk and threw myself at him and got rejected and felt really embarrassed by that i was also on the same dance floor where i threw myself at that guy while we were slow dancing. Later on, we were fast dancing, and I slipped and fell and sprained my wrist. So I had to have my wrist bandaged. So I was drunk and dry and hungry and not funny this entire time.

And I just felt like such a fraud. Like, what are you doing here and I was drinking too much I was my life was just in shambles right and and my bones were so brittle that's probably why it broke because I wasn't feeding myself and but then I went to go see this comic that was the talk of the fest and he was having like he was doing his first like big

theater shows and he was the show to go see there's always like for every year at just for laughs there's like one guy who's like this guy is taking over the world he's the next big thing kevin hart i'd never heard of him went to go see him in 2007 which was confirmed later on by people at the party i go i saw kevin hart for the first time in 2007 they were like that's the year he broke that was the year that like that was that summer and it was montreal they were like that was the festival that was the the moment and i went to go see him and i had to leave because i was so depressed at how good he was and how young he was because he's not that much older than me he's like what i think he's like 45 he's like six years older than me that's crazy

five years older than me and he was just crushing in years older than me? And he was just crushing it away. I could never even. Is he really? He's 44. Get the fuck out. He's 44? Yeah. He's been around for so long.

He's so fucking good. And so that was my whole story. It was like, Kevin Hart, the reason I can't watch him is because he's too good. And I spun it, right? But that is actually,

if we're getting at the root of why I haven't seen Kevin Hart movies, yes, they don't always appeal to me because they're like you know uh they're just like broad comedies that i'm not even watching specific comedies i don't really and comedians don't really always like comedy but he also is just too naturally talented and it bugs me yeah and um and that was kind of the vibe of the night was everyone was just like you're just so naturally talented and you believe in yourself too much and we all don't we don't we don't know why well i love him in commercials he's also great in commercials yeah i mean draft kings is like kind of the only thing that i see him in what commercial would i've seen him in i don't watch

commercials yeah draft kings is the one i'm thinking of right now i haven't seen i just see it on like the reddit one where it's a still image of him and he looks good in that and he's hilarious in like subway and state state farm sometimes he's just in various he just pops up in various places what what was the best part about it for me which i haven't seen someone else do at the mark twain prize is like heckle the people who are insulting him in a way that was so fucking on point so someone would make a joke about kevin hart and he'd go like come on chelsea come on like he would he would like come at her back at her in a way that was really fun and like the banter at it was so fun

and there is a moment that happens at the mark twain prize keith robinson did something impromptu um keith robinson who has had two strokes and had to walk out on stage with his cane and talk slower and is very hard to understand now, even though, you know, he's his mind is still sharp as fuck, but he's just talking slower and he's a little slurred and he has a cane and he's just slow. But there is a moment with him that is one of the funniest things I will ever witness in my life. And you must watch it at some point when the mark twain prize comes out on netflix it was not planned and it was so hilarious and then also there was another moment that kevin hart had later in the evening that just solidified how extraordinary he was because it was another unplanned moment that was just top notch but there was it was it was savage it was so good and was so good. And like, God, Chappelle.

Chappelle goes out and does this amazing monologue that has a point. It's poignant. It's funny. It has a beginning, middle, and end. It callbacks to things. And the guy doesn't even have notes in the prompter for it. Wow. He's probably riffing.

What the fuck, dude? Yeah, he's a genius. I was very curious to hear what they each had in the prompter. And some had the whole script and some had just bullet points. This is based on, you know, my connections with the production team.

I had to suck some dick to get these answers, you guys. For 10 years. I was like, did Chris Rock have notes? He's like, get down on your knees. I'll tell you after. Yeah, for 10 years, I was like did chris rock have notes he's like get down on your knees i'll tell

you after um uh yeah for 10 years i've been doing this all to get the answers chris rock has anything in the prompter when he gives a speech about kevin art um but chapelle had nothing and that really uh you know what that means brian i mean i think a lot of people do think comedians just riff but that is extraordinary. Extraordinary. He probably thought about it for a little while, but then I bet you he went up there and that's what he does. That's what he does on stage. That's what we were debating. Do you think he was backstage? Do you think he had a moment of like piecing

it together in his head and kind of going over it? And I think without question he did. He could do it off the dome without any problem, but I definitely don't think he's someone who doesn't prepare. He prepares in in his own way he just doesn't need to rely on notes there was no moment everyone else which i would need this so much so there's no judgment every brill the brilliance that was on that night like i'm not speaking uh ill of their talent but they would say something sincere and turn to kevin hart and then they'd have to go back to the

prompter to like finish what they were like to get back on track and have to like look down the barrel. Chappelle was just all about Kevin. The whole thing was to Kevin. He wasn't worried about anyone else even though he's giving a performance that was to the whole room. We all felt included. It just felt so sincere and down the barrel and then Chappelle goes off and he's you

know, he goes to sit next to Seinfeld and rock and there's like a song playing because it's during commercial break or whatever. They're doing a change up. And the camera's on him and it's like, you know, we're all just like kind of waiting for the next thing to happen. And he's just like dancing and like,

not even dancing for like to be entertaining, but just like having a good time and not so self-aware. And I just, I just fucking love him so much. And I know this is going to sound... I'm not even going to say what I was going to say. Because I'm going to say it to you off-air and then I'll say it on our next episode of the Diamond Players Club.

That is behind a paywall. Because I don't want to get canceled for what I'm going to say. But he reminds me of someone so much. And I don't want it to come off the wrong way when I say it. So I'll say it to you off air. Kevin Hart's in Chase Freedom commercials. Those are the ones he's in that I couldn't think of.

Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that you said that you had also never seen a Kevin Hart movie. I don't even know. No, have you? Jumanji. I would have just said Jumanji instinctually, because I know that he was in Jumanji. See, I forgot that he was in that, because I didn't even know. No, have you? Jumanji. I would have just said Jumanji instinctually because I know that

he was in Jumanji. See, I forgot that he was in that because I didn't even pay attention. But did you see Top 5? That was Chris Rock's movie that Kevin Hart was in.

Yes, that was a great movie. I did see Top 5. Yeah. Okay, so I know I have seen Kevin Hart movies because you can't miss them but I just don't remember. It's really a Chris Rock movie

but Kevin Hart's in it. Yeah, that was a good movie. I actually really, really liked it. I should see that again. All right, well, we talked about something that I thought I was never that was a good movie. I actually really, really liked it. I should see that again. All right. Well, we talked about something that I thought I was never going to talk about again.

I literally thought it was the end of my career and now I'm here. I am talking about it on my podcast. Thank you guys for listening. We will talk about our weekend of shows tomorrow

on the show because we were in Cincinnati. We were in Gary, Indiana. That was so much fun. Besties came out. I did a little ride-along. What was that? I did a ride-along.

You did a ride-along? That's another Kevin Hart movie. Oh, that's another Kevin Hart movie. Ride-along. What was that? I did a ride-along. You did a ride-along? That's another Kevin Hart movie. Oh, that's another Kevin Hart movie. Ride-along two, actually. All right. We will talk about that tomorrow. Thank you for listening. Don't be cut.

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