The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #427 Nikki's Surprising Talent, DON'T Bring Your Family To Work & Deadly Sins

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Nikki had a loaded day of therapy that ended in a bawling session. The last time Brian cried was when he watched America's Got Talent. Nikki surprises everyone by unveiling a unique talent that ties her closely to airplanes. Do you have "Lovers and Liars" on CW marked on your calendar for April 11th? Nikki goes through a Reddit post from a 72-year-old who offers life hacks. Over the weekend, Nikki learned a life lesson about performing in front of family and friends. They discuss the deadly sins, and in the Final Thought, they explore how kids can be mean and why ideas need to be nurtured. . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships,

and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that'll resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is gonna be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom

of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Oh, I didn't hear the sound on my end, but here I am. Hi, I'm Nikki. It's the show.

Welcome to it. Oh, I know why. Is there a reason? Because I didn't put it in live mode. Oh. I bet you hear it now. Oh, there it is, kicking in. Hey guys, I'm Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the show.

It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. What are you smirking about you had a smirk on i know um mischievous smirk i just got a dm from chris that's like a private thing but it was just like this was us and it was i just i just saw the what the video is i already know what the what the video is it's a clip from it's a very intense clip from seventh heaven and we had a therapy session today or uh yesterday a couple's therapy session where things got tense and um he just sent this we haven't really talked about it like you get off these couples if you don't live together which we do but he's in la right now when you get done with couple therapy you just like say bye and you log off and then you like you what do you do like usually you walk out together and you like hug in the parking lot and you go that was really good are you talking

the elevator and like then you go home and you kind of like but when you're in separate places you're just kind of like do i can we just leave that there i don't really want to talk about what came up in there and then um and so we did it and he's busy working on um editing the mark twain prize and so um we didn't really talk about all the stuff that came up in there um and but he just sent me this thing that made me like feel like okay good it's not as dire as i thought it was you know like whatever came up like i don't know if it never is like it could be down the line what came up Titanic bad as it seems guys yeah these

sayings where people go like what like you know it's right when it's hard it's like well that's a lot of times or like stuff like that it's like well no because sometimes you hurt yourself because you go too hard it's like I don't like yeah there's it's not always true.

And that's what really bothers me. Even though they rhyme, even if it rhymes, it's not true necessarily. I had double therapy yesterday. I had couples and then went right from couples, logged off and went right into my single therapy. And at the end of it, I was so drained. And I know people are like, yeah, duh, Nikki,

that's draining. Not for me. And then i had done the podcast the hour before so it was an hour podcast oh our couples our wow it was a lot of talking a lot of three hours myself and the podcast yesterday felt it was for me and my ecosystem of my body very tense because i was reliving that uh red carpet moment that was like fraught for me and um and so it was just like i got done with that last one and i didn't cry through it i cried a little bit on the couple's one but then i really i bawled which i'm by the way i'm a little annoyed at the word bawling because they will

throw bawling like i watch netflix with the subtitles on all the time, the captions. Oh, my armpit is really white and my arm is really tan. I can't lift up my arm. And they will say, they will go to balling very often when it is just someone going like, like, okay, what do you think balling is? Because when I think of someone balling,

I think of it like, I can't do this. Like that's ballling to me. Really ugly things. Yes. Not falling out of your nose. You can't even control it. Yes.

That's bawling. Bawling. B-A-W-L. Once in their lives, women bawl probably three times a month. I bawl seven or eight times during every episode of america's got talent what really yeah no it just gets to me that's like the only thing that makes me wait just hold on wait a minute we have to explore this why with it sounds like i'm being judgmental i hear my own tone and i'm not not being judgmental i'm actually curious what is it because i like to

explore what gets us what makes us cry like what Have you explored why is it that that touches you so much? What is it saying to your inner child? My inner child? That's probably what's going on. Someone being recognized after doing a lot of hard work, I think. Wait a second. But some of these people are just naturally talented and they didn't work at all. They're just born with good voices.

Or is it really the hard work? That's what the package is for. They show you the package of this person who clawed their way out of a volcano in order to dance. And they finally get to dance. Oh, America's Got Talent. I'm thinking of just singing. No, America's Got Talent is actually a lot of people that worked very hard learning

how to juggle women on their feet. That's right. Some of them do juggle women. Yeah. And fire. There was like a i forgot what country it was now i feel like semi-racist but i think it was iranian an iranian dance team that was they they i think they won or came in second place last year and their story was so incredibly touching and they overcame so much adversity and then they were amazing dancers and i was that made me cry.

It's like every single time there's a video, there's like a show me a sizzle reel of someone's adversity and then show them go on stage and do something amazing. And then have Simon Cowell, that curmudgeonly bastard go, that was the best thing I've ever seen. And then they cry.

There's nothing that gets to me quicker and faster than that. Do watch the voice do you watch American Idol like is this just why America's Got Talent are you just a Nick Cannon guy a Howie Mandel guy why America's Got Talent because for me I don't like to see swords and I don't like to see little kids being

comedians I don't like to see there's so many things I don't like Nick Cannon offstage commenting about what's happening I don't like that like live interactive commentary i don't like nick cannon offstage commenting about what's happening i don't like that like live interactive commentary i don't like um and i don't like uh like shadow puppetry where i'm like okay what are we gonna we're gonna give this person a vegas contract which actually that would probably work very well in vegas but there's just a lot of stuff that seems set up to be ridiculous and i know that the gag reel is is part of these

shows why america's got talent and not a singing competition well it's not nick cannon anymore it's now terry cruz and oh it makes a huge difference that when it's terry cruz because terry cruz whether he's doing it true yes he really wants these people to succeed he like we had him in studio one time and it was incredible yeah the sweetest he really wants these people to succeed. We had him in studio one time, and it was incredible. He's the sweetest. He really wants... He takes people under his wing. He mentors certain youths if he sees something in them, and he feels like he can uplift them.

And he's really on the sidelines. Sometimes they're doing their act, and everyone's like, oh, no. Like if it's Susan Boyle, like, oh, no, is this ugly person going to be able to sing? And then everyone's like, oh my God, is it going to happen? And then Terry Crews is on the sideline. And then when it happens, they show that side view and Terry Crews looks at the camera and goes, yes, yes. Okay, that actually is really fun.

And you can tell he actually wants them to succeed. Whereas Nick Cannon was like, Nick Cannon's reaction in the same situation would be like, oh shit, they're bringing it. You know know it'd be something like that yes which is fine cruz seems like a father on this yes like so proud yes oh it's a wonderful show i don't love no is this happening now they did agt all stars I don't love, so I just didn't watch that. Why? Why don't you love?

Because I want to see the sizzle reels. I want to see them overcome adversity. Yes. The All Stars, we already know their story. We already know they succeeded. That's why I wanted so badly to pitch Dancing with the Stars, Losers. Everyone who's been first voted off comes back.

It's been on for 30 plus seasons. You can make a season out of 10 losers, me included, that can come back and actually work hard. It will all be about hard work, even though that show is already about hard work, even if the people are good. Yeah, I agree with you. I'm trying to think of what makes you cry on a dime. I think I might be wrong, actually. I think it might be on right now. um yeah i i agree with you i'm trying to think of what makes no what makes you cry wrong actually i think it might be on right now well you're not America's Got Talent Fantasy League is on right now i guess okay so it is on i gotta watch it okay yeah you should you should tune into that

do you like Heidi's commentary i'll watch it if you're watching it Heidi's great Heidi i like Heidi she's i like her because she kind of brings a cool factor when she really likes something i i'm like okay that's cool then she says something like that was incredible and i like hearing that what about comedians on america's got talent because we had a friend um who was gonna got asked to audition and um and i've had many friends on that show gary veder did really well in that show. Gary Veeder did really well on that show. Taylor Williamson did really well on that show. I think Joe Mackey did great on that show.

Doogie Horner? Sure. Or Tom Cotter, who had a great, one of my favorite jokes. Talk about, I can't remember bits. I'll never forget Tom Cotter. He was on Last Comic Standing, I think the season one. Wow.

He had a joke about, my wife can count all the people she's slept with before on one hand with a calculator. I loved it. So anyway, yeah, with comedians. America's Got Talent comedians is that they're looking for a very specific type of comedian. One with a puppet? Yeah, you need a puppet. Don't a lot of puppeteers win this show?

Or won? A disproportionate amount of ventriloquists do very well on the show. Yeah, it's crazy. I don't care for it. But you have to go out there and you have to be... You have to do short jokes. You have three minutes and you have to be you have to do short jokes you have three minutes and they have to be like family-friendly baseline all those comics i mentioned are one-liner guys

yeah gary veder is the exception because i know that gary veder's definitely not like a like a mainstream family comic family guy no but he is at the his heart he's such a sweetheart yeah i think that came through and he's a great joke writer so yeah it was interesting but yeah taylor williamson is also like a kind of a one-liner type guy um yeah i i just uh i i guess i just don't care what i did you like watching it when howard stern was uh oh of course or a judge. Howard Stern was maybe the best judge. I mean, besides Simon Cowell, you can't beat a curmudgeon that softens. Yeah.

Especially one with all that power. There is something, like, man, do you want to win him over? Man, would I want Simon Cowell to like me and to see something in me even though I don't really care for him. God, yeah. What is that? Now, Howard Stern was amazing to have on there, too, though. I mean, he was great. I don't know care for god yeah what is that now howard stern was amazing to have on there too though i mean he was great i don't know if it's my daddy issues because my

dad's never um not loved me but there's something about an asshole who um or just someone who's just uh yeah who doesn't seem to like things is highly discerning even if there was some quote i read the other day that was like oh i know what it was can we go through these i want to just talk about these um i put it on my instagram story yesterday but it's uh it was from reddit and it was on the um subreddit life hacks and they posted on um instagram but it's like i turned 72 today here's 32 things i've learned that i hope help you in your journey. You want to go through some? They're really helpful. Number one, it's usually better to be nice than right.

I think that's true. Yeah. Kind. Not nice. Kind is the most important word. Nice is fake to me. Nice sometimes implicates you're kind of like a pushover where people walk all over you. That's my

interpretation. I really like being right. I'd rather have a mean pilot than a wrong pilot. That's a good point. Or a surgeon. I don't know. I don't know if it's always right. I said good landing to a pilot the other day because it was really bumpy on the way in and I

had a dream that our plane crashed and it just skidded. Do you guys have lots of people have this? I remember Andrew Collin when we used to travel together. He also when you're on a plane and you sleep, you have a dream that you're flying in a plane through a city and you're going weaving through buildings and you can see it's like you're in a car. You can see ahead of you. You can see behind you and you're kind of okay with it. You're a little bit scared. And sometimes you have to land on a highway. It happens to me a lot.

And I know it happens to other people when they sleep on planes. But I had that dream. And then the wind gusts were kind of like making us go like as we were landing. And then we landed so smoothly that I have a talent. I could go on a mare's cut. I've got a talent. See if you like this talent. Anytime.

Well, I'd have to be on a plane. I can predict within one second when the wheels will hit the ground. I'll go now. I'll go now. And it'll be. Yes, exactly. I will know. No, I gave you an X like on the show.

Oh. Because that talent is not going to work on the big stage of Vegas. But that's pretty impressive, though. I am so in tune with it. I've flown so much. I can't have a whole Vegas residency opposite Celine Dion predicting when simulating being in a plane and being able to call when it lands. I don't even tell this to anyone. It's just in my head.

I don't even know. I can't even celebrate it with someone in a seat next to me. Chris wouldn't give a shit. But I can always feel it. I just in my head. I don't even know. I can't even celebrate it with someone in a seat next to me. Chris wouldn't give a shit. But I can always feel it. I just know based on... And I don't know if that is quite a talent. But yeah, I would rather... Well, that's pretty cool.

Next time I'm on a plane with you, let me know what your prediction is. That if planes have a rough landing where it's like boom, that means they were... You can usually tell a pilot if a pilot was in the navy or the air force how the fuck do you know this i swear to god no no the army or the air force have different landing styles so usually pilots have been in um the military at some point and so if they land harshly they were in the Air Force, I think. Or it might be the other way around. But it generally is like there's two categories.

And a hard landing is not a bad landing. It's just a style of landing that they learn. Wow. Okay. I brought it up to someone that knows shit and they said, yes, that's true. And I read it on Reddit one time. My guess is that the hard landing is from the Navy because they have to land on aircraft carriers

which have a lot shorter runway, so they got to slam down and stop, whereas Air Force, they have an actual runway they can glide onto. That's just my guess. Okay. Let's see. Let's see if anything comes up.

Yeah. No, it's not coming up, but that is a difference. You can Google it yourselves if you guys are interested. Okay. Number two, nothing worthwhile comes easy. What about love? What about unconditional love?

No, love is not supposed to be easy. What about from your parent? I mean, is that always easy though? It should be. Your parents should love you just the way you are human they're gonna make mistakes they're gonna be emotional but also but you shouldn't have to have effort in getting your parents love no one's ever said to a child um you just didn't try hard enough to get your mom to like you you know i mean it should come easy it doesn't mean that it does for the child maybe

it should it should of course what about life nothing worthwhile comes easy um yeah life does come easy it's hard for your mom because she's got to push you out sorry noah but like for the child i guess it is kind of traumatizing for the child to get squeezed through also so maybe it's not well the child has to rotate in there and like make you know make their way down because they they go all the way from their head being up where your boobs are to where your pelvis is. So they do have a role in it. But they don't even know what they're doing.

It's just instinct, right? They're not like, I'm going to persevere. Yeah, but they're not just hanging out there, taking it easy. I'm trying to think of something that's come easy. Nothing worthwhile. Sorry, friendships for me have been easy. You're the one who says that through adversity or difficulty or stepping outside your comfort zone, that's where people can grow. So isn't that the challenge?

If things come too easy, people don't appreciate it. But I'm not saying nothing worthwhile comes easy. There are some things that are worthwhile that do come easy and i would say some people struggle to make friendships it has not been something that has been a struggle for me in my life just because i've gotten lucky there have been other things i'll say what some stuff in pilates comes very easy to some people and i know it's all hard work but i cried today in pilates again i like welled up with tears once again because my body won't do what i'm supposed to do and my teacher showed me a little bit of compassion which is the number one thing to get me to cry as if someone just goes like i know and then i just go another day that it happened i i i was not bawling but it was like i could have been bawling

i just didn't want to do it because it's a small room but my teacher the other day was like i was like she could sense that i was getting so frustrated and i was like why can't my body do this when it's so like most people's can and i'm not lying like it's it's not me being hyperbolic like it really most people can do this thing and she was just it's it's not me being hyperbolic like it really most people can do this thing and she was just like i don't know she's like i don't know and she goes sometimes i cry because my body won't do what it's supposed to and her saying that it literally the second she said cry i was like no and i just it started flying out of my face because it just gave me permission that that was an okay response to how frustrating this fucking feeling is um i

literally i don't feel safe in pilates anymore because i i i've cried the past two sessions i don't know what's happening to me do you think i'm just so frustrated weren't you like achieving i thought i was crushing it and i'm not i like the thing is i did this is what i got in high school i was never the best but i was always the most hard working that's what i am in pilates i will give it to myself i'm probably the most hard working person who's bad at it that there is but i am not achieving things i am so high because i've been going to these other classes you're gonna get to a point where it just clicks it becomes a part of your muscle memory dude it's inevitable of three to four times a week and it is still i I've been going to other classes where there's girls that I know just do these classes three times a week.

They're not doing like- For 10 years. No, they're young. They're all college students. And they have the strength. I just don't even understand. It's just so upsetting when you think you're doing-

They're rugby players. No, they're like these tiny girls that look like they're kind of just like not really trying that hard like they're just like oh i just do one class a week on saturdays like i can tell it's that kind of girl but they're in their 20s so their body is able to pull that off too it's not about that it really and i know there's i'm not trying i'm just saying i'm just different and then today my teacher was just like people just have different anatomies you just weren't born with a body that can do that.

And that's just where I want to just quit life. I just get so frustrated. Well, nothing worthwhile comes easy. So you got to do it. I know. But I am going to keep trying. It's just sad when you drive really hard and you're not seeing the results that you want.

Oh, story of my life. Really? With your teeth and your mattress? No, apply it to anything. It's with playing piano. I'm like, I can't get good enough with doing standup. I can't get good enough with just like trying to succeed. Yeah.

I feel like, yeah. No, I don't. What about standup? I don't agree with you. I just feel like, yeah, you're as good as you do it as many times as you do it. If you do it a lot, you're amazing. And if you're not doing it a lot, you're not. That just seems to be the way it works for everyone and I think for you as well. And piano, are you reaching a roadblock? It's just, I just wish I was better every time I play. I'm like, God, why can't I play this faster? Why can't I play in tempo? Why can't, why do I keep messing this up? It's just like, it just, I'm sure it's the same way with anyone who's playing an instrument as an adult. It's just like, why? I just want to be better at this. And that's the reason I quit as a kid was because I didn't, I wouldn't put up with that as a kid because I didn't realize like it's you need to be bad like it's okay to be bad I'm more comfortable being bad but it's just

as like I think you fuck up as much as a kid but as a kid I couldn't handle being bad at anything and so I would quit and now I just keep going and just I'm like I guess I just suck and this is gonna sound weird all right we have to go to break we'll get to more of these numbers when we get back 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment

to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, like LPGA superstar Angel Yin. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022

and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism,

fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Okay, three. Number three on things that he learned when he was 72. I feel like 72 is kind of young, though, because I don't know about your parents, but my parents

are like 72, and they don't seem like old This person is definitely in 12-step program and has done a lot of work on themselves. Based on everything, the whole list, I wouldn't take this list from my parents. No offense to them. Yeah. But this person seems, based on what we get into later, you'll see. Okay, number three. Work on a passion project, even just 30 minutes a day.

It compounds. Yeah, that's piano for you, right? Brian, don't you play like an hour a day it compounds um yeah that's piano for you right brian don't you play like an hour a day i play well piano is also kind of like meditative like i'll play for as long as possible and it just makes it calms me down but what about when you start to suck and you feel frustrated does that calm you down or do you just play things that you feel comfortable doing uh no no I push myself for sure. I think it calms me when I'm playing it, even if I suck and I get frustrated, like thinking about it later or when I get really frustrated is when there's a situation where there's

a piano and there's in public or something and like I can't play it. Because it's your goal. You want to be able to play in public. Yeah. Just one song for 30 minutes. Okay, sorry. A 30 minute song. Three play in public. Yeah. For 30 minutes. Just one song. For 30 minutes. Okay, sorry. A 30-minute song. Three Taylor Swift songs.

Yeah, I just need to do three Taylor Swift songs or one Mozart concerto and sit down and do it. I can play songs. It's not like I'm just playing the C scale. I want to see you play. Do you ever bring it on the road with you, like a little keyboard? No. I thought about it.

You can buy a foldable keyboard yeah um i was thinking about it um for when we were uh doing f boy because i was like it would be nice to have a piano especially if there was like yeah for like that long of just like constantly being there in that place um we could play i could play guitar with you we could have jammed so that i can do i think i can accompany oh that's cool all right well that let's do f boy again let's see how it goes lovers and liars april 11th by the way people keep going people keep writing to me like congrats on your new show and i keep writing back what show like i don't even know what they're talking about right um because first of all we taped it so long ago that it doesn't make sense that it's even

like coming out now. I mean, it wasn't, it was less than a year ago, but it was September, you know? And so Lovers and Liars, which is practically F Girl Island. That's what we shot it as. Yeah. The name is changed. It's not, it's literally. It is F Girl Island.

Yes. That's what it is. is f girl island yes that's what three guys looking for love they were they were f boys and seasons prior but now they actually want love and it's real and then there are a bunch of girls and um half of them are f girls and half of them are nice girls and they guys have to decide who and the girls are it's fucking nuts dude it's an amazing show it's just we couldn't predict who was who we all like played along wow it was so are it's fucking nuts dude it's an amazing show it's just we couldn't predict who was who we all like played along wow it was so fun it's gonna be good lovers and liars that's what it's called april 11th on the cw okay um yeah we're gonna do you work on a passion project noah

that baby yeah i guess it's that but yeah i mean now, now you're pregnant, so you can just take off. Yeah. I kind of hate this one. I don't like this kind of expectation because it's like, I don't know what my passion project is. I'm not passionate about anything. What? I've never heard you say anything like that.

What about jujitsu? BJJ? Yes. I love jujitsu. I guess maybe because I can't do it now, I feel so pulled out of the world. But besides that, I've gone through my guitar phase. I was obsessed with it now I feel so like pulled out of the world yeah but besides that I don't I mean like I've gone through my guitar phase I was obsessed with it Brian I can totally relate to what you're saying I've done that like I played guitar for like 20 years and now I just like it's

just like right there in the corner I don't I got my custom guitar now I don't care about it so it's like I've lost passion sitting in you But I don't care. I don't care about it. It doesn't inspire you at all. Yeah. So I don't know what my passion is. I'm trying to figure it out. You know, you have the baby for 20 years. And then after 20 years, you can put it in the corner.

Yeah, that's true. Just spend 30 minutes on that thing a day. That's all you need to do. Yeah, someone the other day was like, what brings you joy and i was like and they're like guitar and i'm like only if i'm in the mood for it that's not something i reach for and go wow i feel better now like i don't relate to brian being like it calms you if i'm in a good mood already and i'm feeling a high level of self-esteem and competency in my own self then i can play guitar because guitar makes me feel inadequate. And so if I'm already

strong, I can pick up a guitar and go like, okay, it's okay. I'm still a good person. But if I'm looking to feel good outside of myself, I would never pick up a guitar. It's only going to make me feel worse. Yeah. So, so what do you do? Like if, if you're just kind of like, you know what, I want to feel joy right now. I'm going to go do this because I really like it. I can't think of anything. My thing has been walking on a treadmill. I am obsessed with it. I can't every day because I'm going to get injured because I can't help but like want to work up like a sweat. And I hate when people brag about like, I love exercising.

So I really am sorry that I'm saying this. This is just a phase I'm going through where I don't, I just don't, because I don't have anything to do and I cannot be still and I have so much work on my plate that I should be doing at any given moment. When I'm on a treadmill, I feel like I can't do other things, that I can only listen to music and disappear into it, that it's like an excuse to not do anything. But it brings you joy.

I'm not talking about avoiding stuff, but like, does it actually bring you, like, does it make you happy? There are two things that bring Nikki joy. It does. One, being on a plane where there's no Wi-Fi, or two, being under anesthesia. Yes.

That was awesome. Sleeping, napping. Even though I've been having really bad dreams, I think my body's like, we're not letting you get away with this anymore because I've been having horrifying dreams when I sleep because that's been my escape recently going through a little bit of a down uh downward uh not spiral but like but just been feeling down recently and really like can't figure out what to do with my time like i eat and then i'm like okay

then i'll nap okay now i'll go on a treadmill now I'll go do a Pilates class and then I'll feel accomplished after that. And I won't feel the need to do anything else. There's, I will have had a full day. Then I'll do therapy. And then after that, I'll feel accomplished. But when I hang up the Zoom call with the therapist, or when I walk out of the Pilates class and I'm drenched in sweat, there is just another feeling of what's next what are you going to do next i don't know what to do in that time i'm not if unless there's a pedophile documentary i don't feel like watching anything um i really and i heard there is going to be an extra quiet on set episode that they're adding about drake bell uh in addition so i'm very excited about that but i don't i don't know what to do with my time i guess um coloring books might be

something to turn to books in general i want to get involved in another book um this morning i woke up and i uh read a bunch of articles in magazines that i wanted to read um i i just don't know what to do to fill up my time maybe you need structure i mean that's how i feel whenever i don't have a job it's like the store i feel a lot happier yeah you need to. I mean, that's how I feel whenever I don't have a job. The store? I feel a lot happier. Yeah, you need to go to that store and buy some fuzzy sweaters. That's been gone since they started to express men's. Okay. Whenever I don't have a job and I have to be at an office or at least be in meetings from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m. or longer with a full project,

or be on FBoy or something like that, I get depressed. I get depressed three months after the job ends because I like the break, but then after too much of a break where there's nothing to do, where there's no structure, I start to get depressed. And then you have to find your own structure, which is really difficult to do on a consistent basis. You need discipline for that. Yeah. Yes. And I have discipline. If it's on my calendar, I'm going to do on a consistent basis. You need discipline for that. Yeah. Yes.

And I have discipline. Like if it's on my calendar, I'm going to do it. Like I have a voice lesson today. I just went to Pilates. I have this podcast. Those are my three hour chunks that I have. I'm going to dinner with my parents. But in those other hours that I'm awake,

I'm really, I'll probably walk an hour on a treadmill, just casually, but then I'll probably go too hard and then my knee will start hurting and I'll go, I have to stop. And then I'm like, what do I do? And then I'll try to do like a meditation and then I'll get bored. And like, I think I'm just running from voices in my head. I just cannot believe, I just don't know what I, I just need more friends or something. I need more phone calls. But at the same time, I talk too much. And I got to stop talking all the time. I talk for a living. And so when I'm not working, I need to be more quiet.

So if anyone has some good ideas of stuff to do that really occupies your time, maybe collaging, maybe making a... Do you have to be at home? Would you rather be at home? No, I'd go out. But you can always get a dog to walk or something. making a uh do you have to be at home like would you rather be no i'd go out but uh yeah i think you get a dog to walk or something you can volunteer at the bird sanctuary in st louis it's just another thing i'll be expected to do though and then if i decide like here's the thing

about lessons and like pilates and things that you take on that are extracurriculars, when you, when your work does get busy again and you can't devote as much time to those things, those people take offense. And I know that it's not my problem that they do, but there's like a managing of their, because they go, you could be so good at this if you just devoted the time. And I'm like, but I am not a professional Pilates person. No one's ever said that about Pilates. Volunteering, I think, is a different mindset because they just appreciate even if you give a half hour and that's it.

They'll take anything. And then you could just play with birds and stuff. That'd be cool to clean bird cages and feel like that would actually make me feel like I did something. It's meaningful. That's a good idea. Yeah. Barack Obama is so in demand and busy that every single minute of his day is pretty much scheduled out. And he has just like people around him that are making sure he stays on schedule.

And he has just a binder that he gets handed every week and then weekend that he has to like here are the things you have to look through and here's when you have to look through them and so he even has to schedule in like and now two hours to be with my family into the schedule because every minute of his life is worth like you know twenty thousand dollars or whatever so every little minute is scheduled out. Everybody wants a piece. That's a lot though. I don't think you'd want your life to get that big. Well, maybe Nicky wants that. I'd like that.

I'd honestly like that. I'd like it because I love my calendar when I'm like, I know I have this and this. Like today it got a little messed up because I messed up on times and I really don't like that. I always leave a 10 minute window to like walk to the next place

or like send an email in between or pick up a coffee and then get there right on time everything's really regimented i don't like having like at the end of this podcast i have a voice lesson at two but we're kind of probably going to end at like 120 and then that means i have 20 minutes before i have to get in the car and i don't that 20 minutes i'll probably just eat and i'm not even hungry, but I don't know what else I'll do. Let's think of something I can do in that 20 minutes. You can do vocal warm-ups.

Oh, God. You can write a schedule. I could write a schedule. Write a schedule for the rest of the day. See how it goes. Okay, but you can talk to me. I could talk to you. Yeah, we could talk about podcast stuff.

Okay. Oh, yeah. God, see, that does not sound good to me. That's just like, that does not, I have to be honest. I'm setting up a meeting. That sounds stressful to me because it's stuff that I, God, I avoid everything. This is the biggest problem in my relationship is that I don't ever want to talk about the future.

I don't want to schedule things because I don't, I like doing things. talking about what i have to do instantly what'd you say this is the conundrum like you need a schedule but you don't love to schedule things no so you can't schedule things that's why working on a show is perfect because you need someone else to make the schedule and you don't know what it is and then someone says you have to be here in five minutes and you're like what i need that binder to show up on my doorstep every day. You're not even thinking about the schedule. It's just I just finished my 45-minute speech to the unhoused committee or whatever. And now someone's like, all right, you got to go to Tacoma. And it's like, what the fuck?

And then you're on a plane to Tacoma before you even know it. Yes. I love that. Yeah. What do you do with these spaces when you guys have like 20 minutes to kill? If you had 20 minutes before you needed to go somewhere like what would you do uh you literally have nothing to do uh gamble on a sport usually okay what basketball game is happening right now can i place a bet on it oh my gosh if i have to yeah i'll probably like play with my cat or something. Play with your cat. I'll play with Noah's cat sometimes too.

Hey. Virtually. Sounds dirty. So I guess I have to get a gambling addiction or a pet. Yeah. I guess I could just tidy around my house. My house is chaotic. You need an addiction.

Oh, yeah. That's something I would do too. Oh, I don't need another one of those. I got plenty. I'm addicted to gambling an addiction. Oh, yeah. That's something I would do, too. Oh, I don't need another one of those. I got plenty. I'm addicted to gambling, Nikki. Yeah. Okay. Let's continue on this list.

Okay. Four, become a lifelong learner. Okay. Oh, okay. Thank you. I like that. I think that goes well with what sport coaches teach or just coaches in general teach, like be teachable.

Yeah. Always be able to learn teacher always tells a story about some like amazing cellist or something he's like the best cellist in the world or something and he was 90 something and he was still practicing every day and they go why are you practicing like you got it and he's like and his his response was i think i'm on to something and i liked that like he was like i've still got things, there's always stuff to learn. And that's what they say about Pilates too,

is that you're constantly, it never gets easy. You're just always raising the bar a little bit more, which isn't that life. It's never, you're never, nothing ever stays the same. You always have to change.

There's always going to be a struggle. There's always going to be a change. is really annoying yeah um because you think when you find a partner and you find love and you both love each other and you get along so well it'll just stay that way why wouldn't it but it doesn't you have to continually work and then sometimes you divorce and then sometimes you don't like work work through it. It's just people change. Okay. Number five. Working from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. isn't productivity.

It's guilt. Oh, shit. Who works from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.? People do that. My dad used to. Oh, my God. From like 5 a.m. to like 11 p.m. What?

If you include the commute, too. I don't think it's guilt. I think it's you're running from something or you are poor and this is the only way to survive now in a broken society. But I don't think it's, but yeah, I guess sometimes it's guilt.

It's guilt if you are not, if your work is not your passion. But if I was working from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., that certainly isn't guilt and i'd feel great about it and i'd be like i'm just doing what i love and trying every day and trying to progress my career yeah every single day but if you're working at an office for some other company and it's not what you care about you know companies don't care about you i've said this on the podcast before but just as much as hr likes to make you feel good or whatever and

they throw and they give you a free beer on friday or whatever they don't give a shit about you and they'll fire you in an instant if it makes their bottom line better and so if you're working from 7 a.m to 7 p.m for some company then yeah then you're feeling like guilty or inadequate for some reason or you're just scared you'll lose your job and you won't find another but you won't you won't lose your job no that's the thing about these jobs is that you don't have to work half as hard as you think just look at your co-workers that look at your co-workers they're all they're all idiots like think about your co-workers think about how dumb they are and how much they fuck up

and realize that you could be doing that too and you still have a job it's so hard to fire somebody these days and it's well it's hard to and expensive and you know timely to read to like hire to fill a position so yeah they'd rather fix what's there than to find someone new desperate to feel important and to feel needed. And so they work hard and they take on other people's work and they feel and they don't take vacation days and they don't take sick days. It gives them the sense of purpose that they might not have otherwise in their lives. And I think that that's what some people hold on to is like this place would fall apart without me. Yeah. Not true, sadly. Yeah.

Makes these like corporate like assholes take advantage of people like that unfortunately yeah that feeling is what they is how the capitalist pigs leverage you okay to be really successful become useful i like that yeah you gotta be useful that's true um i like like applying it to comedy i'm like okay if my comedy is just doing something else that someone has done or uh like it's just copying like who did i watch i was watching some some art documentary or some documentary or a person online talking about being an artist creativity and it's like if you are just doing what other people are doing, no one needs that.

That's not useful. We already have it. You have to bring something new. You have to have a, my comedy, my stylings have to be something that isn't derivative of anything else. And I have to be irreplaceable and useful.

But I don't know. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, I like that one. So what was it again? To be reallyplaceable and useful but i absolutely so yeah i like that one um so what was it again to be really successful become useful so instead of talking about to become i'm gonna be great at this i'm gonna be the best at it i just want to be yeah that's my whole career is i've just become i've made myself useful for people yes you were very useful as like a writer you are extraordinary extraordinarily useful and encouraging as a comedic writer i would say that good job on number six seven like houses in need of repair problems

usually don't fix themselves oh shit, shit. Oh, yeah. Dan really threw houses under the bus. Well, that's why I don't want to own a house because of this exact quote. And thank God there was a woman this weekend. She is an executive at Netflix that I met at Mark Twain. And I've known her forever. And she's one of the people that decides what goes on next books and i've she's been in the business for a really long time and we were talking about she

owns a place in new york and la and i was like i'm really ashamed that i don't own anything and i don't want to own anything and i don't know what's wrong with me and she was like it's a scam she was like the reason everyone wants a home is because it's part of the american dream that everyone's been sold and it's not you don't need to own a home and it is a pain in the ass nikki it sucks it always needs something and i go yeah but i can get other people to do that for me and she goes but you got to manage those people and i'm like damn straight i do bitch she nailed it i was like she understood what i was saying like people are like but you don't have to you won don't have to, you won't have to do that.

You won't have to do this. You, or even, even Chris is like, I'll do that. I'll manage those people. And I'm like, but then I get less of you.

Let's just live in an apartment where you don't have to do any of that stuff. And we both have free time. Like it's not just about, um, yeah, you, you, and you have to decide what you want.

You know, I want those, I want my kitchen redone. But that's really the answer. What? If you have 20 minutes before an appointment, what is it that you need to do? That is always 100% of the time filled with me doing something around the house. Unloading the dishwasher, taking out the garbage, watering the plants. If you have a house, there's unlimited

things to do. That might actually solve all your problems if you own a house and you're just like, oh shit. There's tons to do in my apartment though. I could clean all the time. I don't. That's what you should be doing when you have 23 minutes. You can also buy an apartment. Buy an apartment.

Buy an apartment building. That's what your cousin said to me. What my cousin said to me? Well, you have like a cousin of a cousin or something who was in Cincinnati and I had a conversation

with him and he owns two apartment buildings. Oh. And he says, people think that they should save up their money and buy an apartment.

I say that's wrong. You got to buy an apartment building and then streamers fell from the sky. I don't remember his name. Yeah, it was Chucky. It was Bobby Chucky,

I think, something like that. I will say that I did have family in Cincinnati this weekend at our shows. So many family. Oh, yeah.

Like, my mom has seven or ten. It's like a reunion. Ten brothers and sisters. Nine brothers and sisters. My mom is the tenth or the seventh, but there's 10 total.

And Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tom, or Peggy, Chucky, Bobby, Sally, mom and dad. I think I missed one in there. But anyway, a lot of them were there. A lot of the cousins were there. But I do have an uncle who is in his 60s at least, maybe 70s, maybe wrote this list. But he's old and he's a man. Right. And he brought like a young guy with him.

Like I think it was his like daughter's friends. Anyway, there was a 25 ish year old man with my uncle, like in the group, my uncle brought, my uncle brought some friends. And one of this was like a strapping young lad who was like a cutie right like someone that you'd be like wow if you know if that kid thinks i'm cool i've got riz or whatever the fuck and this kid who's like this tall handsome 25 year

old probably maybe 23 24 like i don't know early 20s says to me backstage in front of Chucky who is my uncle in his 70s and in front of whatever young girl he was with and then another guy and then another girl we're all in like a circle and he was like you look so much like Chucky when you walked out on stage tonight I just thought oh my god they have the same nose and I look over at Chucky's nose and it is a old man's nose a prominent oh no offense chucky if you're watching this you gotta honker and it's only gotten it's bigger because you're an older man and that's what happens to noses when they get bigger and he said you look identical to chucky i'm sorry in what world, what woman wants to be compared

to any 60-something-year-old man ever in looks? I don't care who the man is. This is not an indictment on Chucky's looks. I don't want to look like an older man. And this guy said this, this kid said this, and said, and it wasn't just like you, I see his resemblance.

It was like, the second you walked on stage, you looked so much like him. I was telling him all talked about it and then i looked over at chucky and i i saw it i know what he's talking about what kind of look like i have a prominent nose and i have like kind of like almond eyes could it be just like the way because i had not i had not said anything i hadn't talked yet he said as soon as you walked on stage, I said, that's Chucky. Wow. Thanks. Thanks.

And I just was like, uh-huh. I don't know. That's not a compliment. He didn't. Until maybe five minutes later, he interrupted another conversation I was having with someone and said, by the way, I just want to say you're really pretty. And I go, did your girlfriend tell you to say that? Because she's right.

I am. As soon as you walked on stage, I i was like you look like this old couch i have in my apartment that would have been better no offense chucky like honestly it's just this is i wish i had a picture of uncle chucky you just don't a girl doesn't want to look like uncle chucky uncle chucky as i was a guy i would want and i was a six-year-old man. Great. Sign me up. I'll look like Uncle Chucky. There isn't an uncle in the world that a girl wants to look like. And then let's just add another backhanded compliment to the fucking list. At the meet and greet, there was a friend of my parents who's now...

My parents were friends with this guy, and he divorced her. No, he's dead. So no, I know he's dead. So I guess, you know, she's a widower. She divorced. Yeah, but she's she's with someone else. I don't know. Yeah, I think you could do that. So she was at the meet and greet and she came through and she walks up and I'm just like, no, instantly what's happening.

I've known this woman since I was a little girl. And she was like, what happened to you? You used to be such a darling, quiet, sweet little girl, and now you're crazy. You're crazy. You're this crazy woman. Now I know my act is giving crazy woman oh my and so now i know my act is giving crazy woman um crazy which i guess is any woman who has an opinion you're a comedian you're on stage in an emphatic way yeah i'm

killing on stage in front of a crowd of i don't know 1700 2000 people in my hometown and this woman has the audacity to call me crazy and and look very disturbed at like what happened to you like honestly searching my face for answers and i go do you see chucky because maybe that's what's happening to me is that i'm starting to look like chucky and i'm losing my fucking mind over it because i'm looking like my skin is falling off my skull and i'm angry about it and i'm like I am going crazy this was in Cincinnati also? yes someone called you crazy backstage because she was just the meet and greet

she didn't go backstage so you crushed by the way you had one of the best sets I've seen you have and then after the show people were like you look like a crazy uncle yeah it was like there was a lot of nice things too I will say that my uncle tv who is the funniest person i i knew in my childhood he was just remarkably funny still is

just naturally uh he tried to do comedy i think a couple times he did stand up a couple times in the 80s 90s um and it just never took he could have been great at it he's just so funny and i was so aware that he was there the whole time. His name is Bob, but he's my dad's best friend. He's how my dad and mom got together. Well, not really. Well, kind of. He's my dad's best friend all through childhood.

And my mom was my uncle TV's sister. But because he had such a great personality, it was so funny. My dad nicknamed him TV, like you should be on TV. So now his name is TV. And that was a childhood nickname. But anyway, I knew TV was in the audience the whole time and I was very aware of it and I always

get nervous when he's there because I just know that if I were him I'd be like man I should be up there because I'm funnier than her because he kind of is that's always the case though he didn't think that though he was like really proud and he had like he was like I could just tell he was really proud.

And like, so he was so sweet and just said all the right things. And there was, I almost didn't want to see him. Cause I didn't want to see any look of disappointment on his face of like, you're too dirty. Or like, that wasn't for me.

Like the kind of shit that people say, not knowing that they're hurting your feelings, but it ended up being, he was very nice. So there were really nice compliments coming from all directions. My mom said it was the best set she's ever seen me had and it was a perfect mixture of dirty and clean not clean but like not too dirty even though i opened with talking about gang bangs and i just didn't even plan on doing that um it was oftentimes i'm in the middle of a bit and i'm just like

oh what are you doing get me out of this that's a normal feeling for a comedian to have it's like where you venture into a bit and you're like i don't even care about this right now i don't know why i'm doing this it's probably like what it feels like when smash mouth sings like all-star or something even though the guy's dead probably what killed him uh okay we gotta go to. We'll go through more of these when we get back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.

Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you

to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,

entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities,

remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Alright, we're back. Oh, I love this one because it has to do with envy, which is my number one problem in my life. Okay. Envy is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.

Yeah. Classic phrase. That's a classic one. I know, but it doesn't ever stay with me. The thing that stays with me about envy is the only sin of the... How many sins are there? Seven? Seven deadly.

I'm sure there are. But of the seven deadly sins, envy is the only one that's no fun. There's no upside. All the other ones have some fun involved. There's always a downside, obviously. What are the sins? I can't even...

I don't... Gluttony. I'm just thinking of seven. Gluttony is fun. Yeah, without that movie, I don't think anyone would know the sins. Adultery? Fun.

Yeah, that's really fun um coveting someone's adultery isn't well coveting is coveting lust lust yeah yeah i mean it's mostly fun i wouldn't even consider that a sin. Which sin is the most fun? Sloth. Okay, lust. Sloth. Whoa, that's good. Yeah. That's a fun one. Okay, sloth, lust, what other? Do you want me to say them or are you trying to guess?

Yeah. No, no, no, I'm out of guesses. Okay, pride. Fun. Greed. Mm-hmm. Lust. Envy.

Envy. Gluttony. Gluttony, yes. Okay. And then the one that everyone always forgets, which I'm not even 100% sure what this means. Wrath. That's just anger. That's just anger?

It's a sin to be angry? Yeah, that's not a good thing. I do like that they say that pride is a sin because everyone always is like, that's the thing that I read about in that book, Letting Go, that I was obsessed with, is that they were like, let go of pride. Don't be proud of things. Don't be proud of yourself. Don't be proud of people. Don't be, that's a bad thing to be. And it was the first time I'd ever heard that,

but it isn't because pride is a sin. And I've obviously heard that before, but we don't ever act like pride is a sin. All we talk about is that you should be proud of yourselves. Oh my God, I got done. I was so proud of myself. I'm proud of this. I'm proud of you. I want to make my parents proud i want to make you like everything's about pride but pride is not

good to have because it sets you up for failure oh yeah unless it's unless it's pride like gay pride then that's good be humble that's what kendrick says you know what here's a definition for wrath wrath can be defined as uncontrolled feelings of anger rage and even hatred wrath often reveals itself in the wish to seek vengeance so i guess i can see that that's what it is it's the vengeance it's like the vengeful uncontrolled and yeah like someone just truly unleashing that's but being just regular angry that can't be sin. That's just an emotion that you feel. Yeah. Yeah. But I think the idea with sinning is that we all are born doing it, and we can't help it, and we will do it, and you have to just repent. No, but it's not anger.

It's wrath. The definition of wrath is the vengeful anger. But it's not saying that you've taken it. It just says that you want to have. Isn't there a difference between like daydreaming about hurting someone and actually doing it often reveals itself in the wish to seek vengeance it's not saying you do it it's not saying you do it it's just the wish that's why they say like if you just think about if you just have homoerotic thoughts that's a sin you have to right that's

what the mormons say well original sin that i learned about at youth camp which they like they i went to this um young life camp and i wasn't i was not raised with any religion so i didn't know about original sin but original sin's so fucked up it's like they they did this thing at youth camp at a young life camp and uh where they the whole week they were like we are gonna talk to you about sin and about um god's love and jesus is forgiving you and at the very end we're gonna reveal something that's gonna blow your mind and we were like okay what's the secret gonna be i was not buying in because my parents steeled me against any kind of messaging that i would get there because my parents are atheists and so they you know were really like do not fall for any of the talks.

Why did they send you to that camp? Because I wanted to go because all my friends were going. It's a social thing. And you sing songs and you make crafts. And it's in a camp place in Wisconsin. It's just like with a bunch of high school students that you like. Oh, that sounds great.

Floridie boy times. And like girl hangs. It's great. But then you had to do the God talks. at the very end they were like um here's here's the thing we talked about sin and we talked about how jesus will forgive you um you're born with sin so even if you think you've never sinned before you you're born sinning you have original sin just being born you'll have these thoughts you're gonna have you you're going toning. You have original sin, just being born. You'll have these thoughts. You're going to have, you're going to hell no matter what.

But there's a silver lining. You don't have to go to hell. Even though you are, you're on your way there right now. But you don't have to if you let Jesus into your heart and you ask him for forgiveness. And you take Jesus' hand. He's stepping, Jesus is on the water and you're in a boat and you have to step off the boat and are you going to step off the boat and they pass

the mic around and they make everyone say i'm going to step off the boat and everyone's crying um becoming a christian and taylor mcgraw and i were drawing in a notebook making fun of people and um and we know we didn't get off the boat but i thought it was really fucking tricky of them to all week talk about like these are what sinners are and you guys aren't oh wait a second you are you were as a baby you were born with sin yeah i always say that about babies too i've never seen a baby that wasn't a filthy fucking sinner do you know that you know because babies go um that's why they're baptized. That means they'll go to heaven because they can't talk yet, so they can't repent, right?

So if they die before they can talk, they still will go to heaven because they were baptized or whatever. Women that wanted to kill themselves back in the early ages i don't know when exactly they they also had it in their minds that they kill themselves they'll go to hell right because that's a sin to kill yourself so they didn't want to go to hell but they were deeply depressed and wanted to die right so what would they do they would take a baby that was newly baptized and throw it in a river. There you go. Throw it in a river. The baby would die.

They would be tried for murder, and they would be put to death. And that's how they would commit suicide. That is a real thing that would happen quite often. But don't you go to hell anyway for murdering a baby? No, because they would ask for forgiveness. They would repent. And Jesus forgives all. Anything?

So, yeah. Oh, my God. I think that's the rule. Jesus forgives everything. Jesus loves you. And so they would murder a baby because the baby was going to go to heaven. They knew that. So they didn't really care that they murdered the baby.

Literally, this life is just a waiting room to the afterlife. That's right. So they did the baby a service in their minds. They tossed a baby into a river, and then they would be tried for murder, and then they would be put to death and burned at the stake or whatever the fuck would have hung, and then it wouldn't be their fault that they died. Isn't that fucked up? And that's

why you should send your kids to Young Life Camp. Okay. Final thought. Let's do a couple more. Think about all the sins a baby commits. Wrath, 100%. A baby is constantly screaming. They're not vengeful, though. Oh, you've never met these babies.

Oh, actually, toddlers are vengeful. Yes. Wrath. They'll pull your hair. Greed. They'll call you ugly. The other day, Poppy goes, that's you. And she pointed out a woman, that was not me, if you know what I'm saying.

The only thing we had in common was blonde hair. And I said, why is that me? And she goes, that looks like you. And I go, I don't know that I look like that. Why do I look like that? And they go, because you're fat. The woman was a fat woman. And I said, oh, I am?

And I go, that's actually awesome i i want to be fat i think being fat is cool and that's a totally okay thing to be i was like trying to obviously like make this not because i know that they they were just trying to be rude but it bothered me that they thought calling me fat was funny or something um 19 uh no uh she's four so she's already knows she already knows that fat people are to be made fun of i guess and skinny people are better because that's what we've that's it's america baby they taught her that camp oh it's so frustrating but i was just like good i want to be fat and i would love to look like that woman and i i i think i sold it i think she believed it um okay but yeah they they're they're mean kids are mean um don't

hold on to your great idea until it's too late wait what i don't understand don't hold on to your great idea until it's too late tell someone that great idea and then let them make it yeah like if you have a great idea do it don't let it find some other avenue because i don't relate at all really well i just every time i have an idea i try to execute it and it doesn't always succeed and that's just the way it goes i'm not one of these people who's like you do relate to it you think that's a good idea okay well actually this did happen to me because i had a great idea and i sat on it and then fucking kevin costner came in and he stole it from me. Yellowstone? Yeah, it was Yellowstone. I had the idea for Yellowstone. Having a contentious divorce?

No. What did you do? My idea was to create a location-based storytelling app where if you're driving, if you're on a road trip or something and you drive past a location or a point of interest, then it will tell you a story based on that location while you're in that location. Great idea. And it can be, yeah. And Kevin Costner did it.

Like a year after I started talking to my lawyer about it, Kevin Costner. Oh my God. Yeah. Kevin Costner came out with the same app. Does your lawyer represent Kevin Costner? My lawyer is Kevin Costner, but that's not, I don't see the connection. I did have a good idea for an app one time. And now I can't remember it.

I think that's for the best. Yeah. You know, that's the thing. You don't want to be an app developer. Like, I don't know what Kevin Costner's. Who doesn't have a good idea for a fucking app? Right, exactly. My joking one that was a good idea was one called last seen in and it was a way

to girls for girls to post their outfits of the day but it was a way that if they posted it and they went missing we would have a documentation of what they were last wearing but it was a way to also so it was a way to find missing girls it was a it was a nod to the fact that we're all future victims of crimes and possible kidnappings and being put into a slave situation, but also it was a way to be like, this is my outfit of the day. It's called Last Seen In.

You do it before you go for a run. You do it before you go on a date. I think that's hilarious. It's kind of funny. They tried to make be real a thing. I don't know if that's working or not. seems like some people still have be reals yeah i like those i like that some apps are just some people are on them and others are not yeah i like that okay um i like this one a lot and i need to think about it all the time and this would have helped me at the kevin hart thing when i had a panic attack because really that was

all about me being extremely self-centered and thinking that i am so important that anyone cares what i have to say but it's hard not to feel that way when there are cameras on you and you're on a red carpet and there's microphones in your face i will say that there is an illusion that people do give a fuck about what you have to say when that's all happening but number 10 people aren't thinking about you as much as you think. Oh, yeah. 100%. You taught me that. It's so upsetting. No one gives a shit about anything you do.

It's upsetting when you realize how little people care about you. I guess people care about what we say on this podcast. The only person that this does not apply to, and I'm 100% sure of this, is Taylor Swift. People are thinking about her way just as much like as she thinks yeah we are i am um but yeah no how did i teach you so i guess i'm just interpreting it in like a much different way and it's this it's what we talked about yesterday with like the glazer exit and um i just remember one time someone invited me to like a wedding um like a pre a bachelorette party or something like that and you were just like and i i i just couldn't go it

was impossible for me to go and i felt so terrible and you said do you think that she's going to be thinking about you being there or not on her bachelorette party you think that's going to make her break the fun of the party and yeah i guess like no that she's not going to think that until she finds joy in guilting people then she might yeah and then she's a you shouldn't go anyway but yeah that's a really good point like it sometimes to make my mom feel better because she'll be like wearing an outfit where she's like i don't know this too much skin showing and i go no one cares no one's looking at you nobody no offense like no one and she goes that is so rude she always gets really mad when i say that and i'm trying to free her and i don't realize what i'm telling her is that she doesn't matter and that's not at all what i'm trying to say i'm trying to like be like people aren't obsessed people aren't trying to look for negatives about

you yeah they see you but they're not gonna like hone in on what you're pointing at right now unless it's directly affecting them like if you stink or something and you're sitting on a plane next to them or yeah and they're thinking about you a lot or if you're being rude or something man i i wasn't even close to doing it but boy did i fantasize the other day when I was sitting on a plane with Matt and Anya. They smelled it, too. It was just the whole section of our plane just saying, hey, someone in this area needs to look into changing up your deodorant, showering more often, and cleaning your clothes. You smell really, really bad, and it's not a crime. We all smell bad, but you. And it's not a crime. We all smell bad,

but you just need to update your hygiene. Um, you know, schedule. I just wanted to say that very kindly, like just into the, cause we didn't know who it was. It was so permeating every,

there was no, there was no way that there was no nucleus of it. It was everywhere. Um, but who's going to tell that person? Nobody. Not you. That,

that was kind of too, too, I don't know, on the nose. This is why bullying is a good thing sometimes. And like, because you do learn stuff about yourself in elementary school and middle school. When those kids are being mean, sometimes they're telling you something you need to hear. Oh, yeah. Poppy will be like, your breath is bad. And I'm like, why didn't anyone else tell me? Yeah.

That goes back to what the list was saying about like it not be life not being too easy or things not being too easy and stuff like that. That's a hard lesson. Which seems like, oh, my God, I never want my children to be bullied. I never want to be bullied. But like it kind of gives you a little bit. Yeah. David Beckham.

I was watching a clip of him yesterday with James Corden, and they were talking about how his dad never said good job ever until he won his, like, 10th cup. I don't even know what that means. Literally his 10th cup, and his dad goes, you did it. He had never once heard good game from his dad. You played well today, ever. And his dad was like his, he was there for everything. And he said, because, and he was like, he was there for everything and he said because and he was like

he has to spin it now to be grateful even though i think that is was so crazy if you watch the beckham documentary his dad was just way too harsh um did it make him incredible yes seems like it make him able to so when when when the whole nation uh hated him when he uh when people were spitting on him in the street and his teammates hated him and all these things he said it didn't i could just put my head down and work because i i already the one person who was not giving me what i needed my whole entire childhood i just had to make do with not get not caring what people thought because if i cared even a little bit the fact that my dad he didn't say this but the the fact that his dad didn't give him the love that he needed was so devastating that he just it made him strong and it absolutely made him who he is

but would i ever wish that on another kid no no so it's kind of hard to determine what to do okay um and finally we'll just go to the very end okay um wait let me find a good one um oh this is oh yeah right okay number 28 never criticize blame or complain oh my god never never i mean i understand anyone who doesn't who doesn't do any of those can you or even just or complain? Oh my God. Never? Never. I mean, I understand. Can you think of anyone who doesn't do any of those? That's insane.

Or even just a person that doesn't do one of those? I mean, you would be an insane person. Criticize, blame, or complain. Never.

Never criticize others? Criticize I'm getting better at. I really am. Right, like I want to strive to be that kind of person. Me too. But I know that I'm imperfect

and I will never achieve that. Well, like criticizing your to strive to be that kind of person. Me too. But I know that I'm imperfect and I will never achieve that. Like criticizing your own work and things like that is the key to achieving greatness. So like you do need to criticize. You say you can criticize others. Criticize means though you're like disappointed and you're mad. Like you can be critical, but to criticize and like put yourself down is not, I don't think, helpful. Blame. Blame or complain.

I am getting better about the criticize thing. I was about to make fun of, I think I've stopped myself within the past week, seven different times from sending DMs to either Anya, you guys, or Chris, making fun of something that I am feeling slightly jealous of or slightly like they tried to do something that I would want to do but they failed doing it let's make fun of them

so that I don't ever have to do that because I know that people will make fun of me in this way so I've stopped myself from doing that so many times I really invite other people to try when you want to make fun of someone if you really want to you'll want to tomorrow just put it off till tomorrow just stop yourself in the moment and if you really want to do it the next day and then you will have deserved it because you will have sat on it and been like no i deserve to complain about this thing or bitch about this thing but just stop yourself in the moment of making fun of or criticizing things for one hour it's so tough i don't think i can do it but i really I think that's an important one to leave on because that's the one I want to work on the most.

It's satisfying. It's addictive to sit there and make fun of things, to criticize things. It feels good. My new thing is not criticizing myself. Like, I just am not allowed to do it even though I want to do it. And secretly, I know that I do it kind of sneakily. Like, i think about it but i don't like go into it too hard i mean i do but like when i'm weakened but most of the

time when i'm like strong enough i don't allow myself to do it but i'm still like kind of thinking about it but i just won't i can't indulge in it as much as i want to the heidi prebe my new favorite girl on youtube i've talked about her. She has this thing where she was like, you just have to have your own back. And so my new thing is looking at myself in the mirror and just being like, I got you. Like no one else has you. You can't count on anyone else in your life. And that's not me being like, you can't count on anyone. You only have yourself, but you truly only have yourself. You literally are going to lose everyone you love in life. They're going to lose you. You only have yourself till the very end. So you can't, you can, you can be disappointed in yourself. You can criticize yourself. You can feel all these things about yourself, but you can't

give up on yourself. You always have to be like, yes, I don't like what you just did. Yes. I don't like how you look today. Yes. I'm disappointed in how you've behaved this week or how you behave just now, but I'm not gonna, I'm still gonna stay with you. I'm now but i'm not gonna i'm still gonna stay with you i'm still i'm not gonna check out i'm not gonna give up on you and i feel like it's like being in a shitty marriage where you're like i can't i'm not i'm not gonna give up on this even though it's like i'm really upset and i want to get out and i want to abandon you and i don't know quite what that means yet to me but it's something that's kind of stuck with me that isn't like, love yourself. I hate the thing that's like, well, if you can't love yourself, accept yourself. I don't know the difference between those two. They aren't

clicking for me. It doesn't help to hear that. What does help for me for some reason is you don't get to abandon yourself. You don't get to just check out and let yourself like a toddler just wander off into traffic. You still got to hold that toddler's hand even if you're disappointed. You don't know why you have this toddler. You're sick of it it's draining all your time you don't even like the way it looks you don't even like the way it acts is you're so disappointed in what you have you have to hold that toddler's hand as it crosses the street even if you're mad about it and i kind of liked that imagery um yeah so i'm gonna leave on that everyone have a great weekend we We are going to be on tour again. I'm into Roanert City.

I think Roanert Park. Sorry. California. It's a casino. And then I am in Temecula. That's not this weekend. That's next weekend. Yeah, it's next weekend.

This weekend I'm off, but then the next weekend it'll be Roanert, California, and then Temecula. Temecula. And then a bunch of different cities coming up. I'm going to be in L.A. doing spots all around town. So check my schedule or just check my Instagram stories for that.

But we will see you next week on the podcast. Don't even think we won't. Have a great weekend. Don't be cut. And bye. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel.

And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity,

we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.