The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #433 Benedict Polizzi of CW’s Lovers & Liars, Reality TV Dating & Spray Tan Life!!

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

The first episode of CW's Lover's and Liars has dropped. What better time to have Benedict Polizzi on for a mini reunion? Nikki, Brian, and Benedict chat about past seasons, what it's like to get rejected on TV, how to handle a first kiss when everyone is watching, and how to appeal to a narcissist. Nikki realizes that she will die in a hotel, and it better be a Four Seasons. She and Benedict bond over the necessity of spray tans and teeth whitening. In the Final Thought, Noa has an announcement; they agree that parenthood is complicated, and Nikki explains why Conan O'Brien's appearance on The Hot Ones is one of the best things on the internet.  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

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Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki Hello, here I am, welcome to the show It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast, live From Hollywood, California In person, with my co-host Brian Frangie, what's up Brian?

Well it's live for us Yeah, live to tape Is it live live? Everything that we're doing is live It is, live is a lie Yes, it's live to tape But people say that a lot in Hollywood They're like

It's live to tape It's because Hollywood is full of bullshit artists Who don't know what the fuck they're doing anymore Yes I'm doing something live coming up Oh my god That's live live And it's a rare thing

That things are live anymore Yeah My show on MTV was live Really? Yeah Nikki and Sarah Live I didn't know that It was literally live

I guess it was called Nikki and Sarah Live It was crazy The first TV show I ever did We were just like Three Two One And it's like on air No edit Wow Well Did you slip up or anything? I didn't know that I guess it was called Nikki and Sarah Live It was crazy The first TV show I ever did We were just like 3, 2, 1 And it's like on air No edit

Wow Well Did you slip up or anything? Yeah I stumbled a little bit There was like a teleprompter That's Benedict Polizzi everyone He's from Lovers and Liars

F. Boy Island Season 2 and 3 So nice to be here Thanks for having me Comedian Hilarious Follow him on Instagram I had no idea

How many fucking followers You got so many i think they're all let me they're all fake you know the number you know that you know the number but can i i think it was every day seven yeah is that on instagram but i've memorized that but i've lost so many recently from lovers and liars yeah that's bullshit why i'm like what do you guys want me to do i like that they're already following you they watch you on lovers and liars and they go unfollow like That really happened? Oh, yeah. Both seasons.

Is this Instagram or TikTok? This is Instagram. So, Instagram you had like five. Because you're advertising it? That's why. It's not like they watch the show and go, I'm going to go unfollow this guy. They see the ads you're doing. Now you're on a reality show and they're like, fuck this guy. He's sold out. One guy goes, less self

promo, please. That's all this is, man I was like, dude, that's all I got. It's okay. We'll get it. We'll get them back. We'll get it. How many followers do you feel like you lost because of he said 6,000 for F boy three. For F boy three, it was like 10,000 and 6,000. The first episode.

Wow. More people unfollowed you because of your ads for the show than watched the actual F-Walentine. I'm on the show too, though. I'm not just promoting a show out of nowhere. I'm on that. You guys should watch the regime. That's crazy. That just shows you, like, and

if you were to get a girlfriend, they would fall off too. Like, if you were to post anything that made it feel like these people didn't own you in some way yeah i have to be totally yeah because when you make content where you're just doing like who's buying this or you're doing your um cat calling or something yeah the polite cat call is that what it's called polite cat calling uh so he does these like uh videos where he's in the street with a megaphone and he will um heckle and like roast people but it's all

polite roast i did it in west hollywood and they ate it up really they loved it right by the abbey and what is like what are some of the things you shot at people uh i was like this guy had like glasses on he was walking across the crosswalk and i was like damn dog and like everybody's like and i was like you look like you know how to use microsoft excel and he like just died and his girlfriend was like he's so good at it that's great yes that's so fun so he does those and then um also who's buying this really makes me laugh yeah where he just finds like an insane product like like uh what's there's like pickle jelly banana favored mustard there's insane there's like uh ranch cream like there's just people send me just like insane stuff and i'm like all right let's do it

find it in the store it's kind of tough to find it but for a while you were just going like yeah who's buying this and then they're like try them yeah and now you got to do that shit it's the symptom of a downfall of a society is to have frivolous products like that. Yeah. It's the beginning of the end. Yeah. Yes. The fact that our society is capable of producing ranch, ranch cream, face cream or whatever

the fuck is a bad sign for us. It's not good. We have too much leisure. We should be at war. Well, I was listening to Tim Dillon podcast the other day and he, and I already knew this, but just bears repeating. Most countries don't allow the things we put in our food in their food supply. It's illegal to sell the stuff that we have that you can buy at 7-Eleven.

It's illegal because they know the harm it does. Yeah, it's just there. Right. That 7-Eleven coffee reminds me of being broke. The taste of it. Well, still there. The taste of it it because it is affordable and it is good but the smell and taste of it reminds me of really hard times being hung over in la but it was but it was the one treat of my day it was like the most delicious thing i would put those french vanilla creamers in what do you put in yours black right straight up of course you are i don't know why i'm just like i'm doing this i'm not doing it for the taste

yeah just it's the drug you're doing it for the taste. Yeah, just it's the drug. You're doing it for the look. I'm doing it for the look. Are you on Celsius? Do you do those? Uh-uh. I tried one of those this weekend and I think it just- It ruined my brain.

It didn't even stop. It just went right through me and it- Yeah. An Arctic blasted out of my head. Like it was, it caused immense diarrhea right away. It was crazy. An Arctic blast. It was crazy.

Great Trevor Wallace video. About Celsius? Yeah. You shared it with me. Actually, I don't know if we shared it. immense diarrhea right away it's crazy it was crazy great trevor wallace video about celsius yeah you're you shared it with me actually i don't know oh yeah maybe that was a really good one but um it's that stuff that reminds me of monster energy which i used to be addicted to as well but yeah coffee i'm it's the first thing i think about in the morning i'm so excited and it sucks that the second one isn't as good as the first that's when you know it's like a real addiction first hit it's so good yeah it's like a real addiction. The first hit. It's so good. It's so, so good.

And then you got me a Diet Coke at 7-Eleven, which was so freaking nice of you. Wow. Diet Coke's are wearing. I got one for you too. I got a, he doesn't, I don't think he does. You have to give it to Nikki. It's getting to the point where I'm drinking so many that they're not special anymore. They used to feel like a cigarette, like when you're being bad. And now I'm doing them all the time.

And I'm like, oh, I'm just smoking a pack a day you need to connect the coke with a an event as a reward like whenever you're doing that with weed i only smoke weed after after i'm done with things or right before if i'm like right before if i go on if i'm like really feeling like right before i go on stage i am feeling like really just bored and like no Just no energy and just feeling like kind of sad and like what am I doing? Imposter syndrome if I just like the tiniest puff from a vape like the littlest one I just it just gives me energy. It's that's what we does for me I mean it ultimately makes you kind of stupid if you do it too much But for me weed right away makes me like oh fuck like everything. Like everything's okay. It's like 10 coffees.

It's like, it's not, it's energy and like mental energy as opposed to like physical, I guess coffee gives me like physical energy, but my brain will still be slow on coffee sometimes. Me, that does not, weed does not make me smart or energized. No, it doesn't make you smart. Sometimes it does make my brain work a little bit smarter and faster and more creative, but ultimately I think it makes you hungry, really stupid and hungry. No, it curbs my hunger.

It does like the opposite for me that it's supposed to do smart and not hungry, not smart. It definitely makes my brain forget things more like when I because I've I've been everything from like a just a little toke before a show a little bit afterwards to like smoking as soon as i wake and bake all day long and that kind of lifestyle if you're smoking weed throughout the day um yeah it just makes you really dumb and it makes you forget things in the middle of the sentence i've talked about this before but i was smoking so much weed at some points i was going on stage and i would be in the middle of a joke i'm in the middle of a setup and not remember what I was even talking about. I would forget what I was talking about in the middle of a set, like a word.

That's me. Not just like, oh, I got distracted. What was I just talking about? I'm talking about it and I'm forgetting what I'm talking about. And that's when I had to like go to a Marijuana's Anonymous meeting and be like, I think I have a problem. Yeah, there is that. And I went to one and I got outed in it. marijuana's anonymous meeting and be like i think i have a problem ma yeah there is that and i went to one and i got outed in it he was like this one guy was sharing and what you're not supposed to do

in a meeting i probably shouldn't even say i went to one because it does work for people if you're addicted to marijuana i truly believe that i just didn't stay in it and um so i still smoke but um this one my first meeting which you're like scared to go because you're like is this really a problem i have should i even be talking about this and like and you're it's supposed to be anonymous for even a person that isn't have any level of fame so i go to this and i i think i shared because it was like first timers or like anyone here here for the first time and i wanted to say if you ever go to a 12-step meeting and they go who's here for the first time you do not have to say me you can just sit there silently no one's going to be like we've never seen you why aren't you raising your hand

like there's no rules in 12-step meetings which is the greatest thing ever so even if they're like if this is your first time tell us about your name you literally no one will be like you haven't been here share like you can sit there silently so don't ever let that be a reason you don't go is because you are scared to share because you won't have to share ever you don't have to do anything you don't want to do in a 12-step meeting it's the only place in the world where there's no expectations of you but there is one to fucking not say anyone else's name but even if you fuck that up no one yells at you there's no yelling like this guy so i i shared because i felt like it and i was like i'm here i don't know if i really belong here here's my

relationship with weed blah blah this is years and years ago when i was like struggling with it and um uh and then the guy this you know we get to the like main shares and this guy is like i really didn't know if i was supposed to come today but then i saw nikki glazer is here one of my favorite roasters this is like i've been to so many 12-step meetings for different things before yeah and now she actually literally roasts too um she roasts roasts and blazes and i just was like and i really don't really care if people recognize me in other meetings for stuff but that one for some reason because it was my first time and i'm like this is kind of embarrassing this is something i'm shamed about i really was not in the mood for it and so i just got off the meeting and used that

as an excuse to never go back because i was like my enemy was broken so i'll never return so because i just wanted to keep smoking weed so that was my excuse but it did happen and it was unbelievable to be and you can tell that maybe someone probably messaged him like hey that's not cool to do but that guy didn't suffer anything so if you go into an aa meeting or a 12 step meeting and you fuck up the rules because there's tons no one's gonna yell at you about it everyone understands that everyone does it and people break anonymity all the freaking time that guy's name if you know anyone who's ever been to a 12-step meeting they're breaking a rule me just saying i went to a 12-step meeting is breaking a rule do you know why

this is very interesting reveal yourself can't no you shouldn't reveal yourself because if you reveal i never understood that because i go if it works for you why wouldn't you tell people about it like i want to scream from the rooftops about one 12-step program i was in because it helped me so much but i can't because i have too much respect for it and i don't want to let you don't want to put your name with anything because people might do it because i do it right and then that's good but what if i start using again and then people will go well it failed we know it didn't work for her so what if people it's not good to attach your name to anything. If you're a celebrity and you think like, I'm helping by saying this, it's not helping. You're kind of, you're breaking the rule.

It's true of all things. Television shows. What do you mean? Don't attach your name to it in case it fails. Yeah, you'll lose followers. Yeah. That is true. What happened?

So are you full of regrets now? Yeah, I'm just, every time I'm ever on TV, I'm just not, no, I don't. No, right? You do, because your life is the algorithm. Your life is the followers. yeah i'm just every every time i'm ever on tv i'm just not no i don't no right you do because your life is the algorithm your life is the followers that's the world of hollywood influencer yeah what is it like being like really locked into it brian uh you i try you know like you don't know on this level where you're like every do you put up content every single day no no no i could because i do cartoons right that would that would be impossible yeah but benedict you're every day you got i try to every day yeah i try to post something is there it's like is it hard yeah because you run out of ideas and right now like

i just moved here like i'm trying to situate everything and it's a little more tough and like when you're on the road and stuff like that you don't have all the time but is it like working out where it's like if you get it done early in the day you're like the rest of the day you kind of feel like okay i can just like relax until tomorrow or if you wait like the second you get it done do you go what's next kind of never stops because you're like what other app do i have to post that on that i forgot about like oh facebook i didn't post on facebook it's a curse absolutely yeah it's it's not good and so what are you gonna do today have you thought about it um i've got to edit a clip that i already filmed it feels good to film something get that out of the way but like it never stops then you have to look at yourself then are you used to that at this

point you don't care i hate it has it gotten easier to edit it's gotten a little easier but like after you like listen to a set that you did and watch like a whole thing that you filmed i'm like i'm gonna kill myself every Every single, it's the worst. Then I do a yoga class and the mirror's right in front of me. I'm like, oh my God, cancel this guy. But that's when you know you've won. When you finally do it. I like seeing it in the moment.

Yeah, that's true. But you can never stop posting. Even if you die? No, that your estate means to keep your image alive way more money now than he never did oh my god yeah they need to keep going we have to feed the machine because that's how that's what our economy runs on this morning i haven't seen my boyfriend in a while and he like felt my stomach he was like oh you got some lats going and i go really like i was like oh wow really because i don't feel that. And I was like, thanks.

And he was like, and I go, the shitty thing is it's like, he goes, how are you feeling? Like you look good. I'm like, cause we haven't seen each other while.

And I do Pilates a lot. And he was like, you look good. How are you feeling? And I was like, it's just, I can never stop. Like, and he goes,

I go, if I want to keep these abs, like I have to keep going every day. And he goes, no, they, they like, he said something, he said something he was he was

gonna say something else and i go wait they they stick he goes no they'll stick around because he was saying like you'll keep this up and i thought he was saying no they stick around and i almost believed him that they would be that they once you get them they'll just stay yeah i had this dreamy hope that is so based on nothing for For literally 0.2 seconds, I had this thing of like, once you get them, they don't go away, which I know is not true. But imagine a world in which you get something and then it just stays. Like an Emmy. Nothing.

Like an Emmy? Yeah. They can't take that away from you unless you get canceled. But then the next Emmy show up and no one gives a fuck. That's the thing about even the award shows. I'm like, this is so important right now and no one will care in a year. it'll be the next cycle and everyone will be caring about that cycle yeah and you'll be old news and then when you're in your 60s and you have like a few emmys in your house and people are like what what is this you have emmys yes for what what'd you do yeah like like in your in your

in like your cabinet where your plate should be you have emmys yeah and it's for like the milton burl hour yeah and which was the biggest show of its time or emmys yeah and it's for like the milton burrell hour yeah and which was the biggest show of its time or something like that you know it's like the most more people watch it than the super bowl now in the 70s and no one you couldn't pull 100 people on the street that would have ever heard of this show yeah i haven't i've just made it up but like you know what i mean like there's all these like programs that happened in the 70s and 80s. Well, in the 50s, especially like, you know, everyone in the world would like watch Sid Caesar or something like that. Everybody, not in the world, in the country.

In the radio, even everybody would, everyone, everyone listened to Sid Caesar on Sundays in the 50s. Yeah. And that was it. Everyone just knew what it was. Everyone knew what he said. All the jokes everyone got. And that was it.

And nowadays it's all segmented and everyone has to be their own corporation where you're knew what it was everyone knew what he said all the jokes everyone got and that was it and nowadays it's all segmented and everyone has to be their own corporation where you're it's so you're you're your own marketing you're your own content creator you're your own manager you're your own everything and that's why only a few people get to make money and everyone else has to uh just post to instagram every day i just want what the onlyans girl said she had on last episode, which is like a bunch of people, and this is what I feel like with this podcast, the podcast fans,

they only want good for me. Like they only want to see me do well. They're only seeing, they love me. Like they really love me in a way that's like, we like you no matter if you're not that good that day, or like it's unconditional love from a fanship, which is so rare to have like Swifties obviously

are like that with her but she is perfect so it kind of doesn't she doesn't really ever fail us but my fans will accept me for whatever I am and that is I think that's what I would really like to if you could just have that where a safe space because

like yeah thanks Trump like I want to do this Swifty channel that is has a paywall because i want to talk about taylor swift and i want to geek out about it but i don't want people to make fun of me that don't get it you know so i want to be comfortable and that's what i feel about the podcast when people listen to the podcast who i know don't who are going to meet a little bit judgmental of me like if we have on a guest and they're like i listened to a couple episodes i'm like like, no, no, no, no, no. Like you don't get it. Like you're, you're not who this is for. Yeah. Like watch my roast.

That's like a polished thing that I'm like, here it is. And this is just like very like low stakes. This is for like my, my, this is like unconditional love for the people who get it. Where you can be without makeup in front of them and they still love you. Whereas the other things I do in my life and that's just more metaphorically. I still wear makeup on the show but like

you know this is a stripped down version where you're like oh they just like me for me there's no makeup on your personality yeah but I can't make the money I make

without having the like I can't be on the level I'm at without I would like this to be bigger yeah

but it's harder to find people that love you unconditionally like that like do you feel like your fans you can trust them and do not like be mean to you can you read your comments and stuff sometimes i mean them being mean to me is like part of the game because you're a little bit roasty as well yeah like i i got it coming like look at me like you're gonna get into look at you because you were such an interesting person watching your you opened for me two

weekends ago in um pachanga casino and your act was so self-deprecating in such a really enjoyable way because you are an attractive hot guy that is on a show where you are you are recast because you're a hot guy but it's like come on i'm a scam but you're also funny and that's why you're cast too so it's not all all just hot guy, but you stepped up the hotness. And I think I relate to that a lot where it's like you get in the door being funny, and then you're like, but no, I'm actually hot too, right? And then you try as hard as you can. And you do elevate to that level, but you always feel like a fraud.

Oh, for sure. So we're going to talk about that when we get back after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can

retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps.

Listen to CRIMS as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back with Benedict Polizzi from Lovers and Liars, which you can watch right now. Second episode coming out tonight, if you're listening to this on Thursday, on the CW, on the CW app, on Hulu. Or Hulu. Yeah. And Benedict is looking for love this season. He's been on the FBoy app, on Hulu. Or Hulu. Yeah. And Benedict is looking for love this season. He's been on the FBoy Island season two and three.

A couple times. He was on FBoy Island season two as a? Nice guy. Nice guy. You were there for love. You ended up being the runner up for Louise, who ended up picking Mercedes, the F-est of F-boys that's ever existed. Just the final boss of F-boys that's ever existed. Just the final boss of F-boys.

Absolutely. He played a good game. He's incredible. In real life. Great guy. He's the GOAT. Mercedes, follow him on Instagram.

I just want to give a shout out because he's a narcissist so I'm constantly trying to feed his ego whenever I bring him up because I think he's going to find a way to watch this because I talked about him.

No, he's searching it on Google right now. 100%. There's some way he's live streaming this, even though this isn't live streaming because he heard his name. He's going to tap into it. He's in here. The thing about Mercedes is that you can,

as long as you're talking about him, he's fine. He doesn't even care about being made fun of because he likes being talked about and the attention. And he's so confident. He's unrattleable. Isn't that crazy but he's the problem is i think i think mercedes no offense and actually you don't take any offense to this because i told this to your face one time when we were doing one of our therapy sessions you are a

clinical narcissist like not the kind that we just say our boyfriends are yeah and everyone has narcissistic tendencies and traits or they can and that's usually what people are saying my boyfriend has uh is a is a narcissist you're saying he has narcissistic traits the narcissist personality disorder is and and mercedes would not call it a disorder it is a a thing that you can be diagnosed as that like you know is a it's a big diagnosis and mercedes and it's incurable which is very interesting to me because narcissists don't think anything's wrong with them so you can't cure nope because to be able to cure something you have to be willing to participate in the cure and they're not and if you don't believe it's a problem it's it's so cool you don't actually it blows my mind that it's incurable it's like rabies narcissism and

rabies are the only two things that are incurable yeah that once you get it like you locked in with it and if your dog gets it you have to put it down narcissist um but i told him i was like you're a narcissist like i think you this is the first time i'm almost excited that i'm like talking with a real life i don't know that it's like a creature it's like a zoo yeah it's like when you talk to when pierce morgan talks to like a sociopath have you watched those psychopaths or whatever, that's as rare and interesting as a person as he is. They are very different than a normal human's brain. And when I get around a narcissist, man, do I give them what they want. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the mastery.

It's amazing. I want Mercedes to like me so much. Yes. I am desperate for his approval, even though i don't trust him even though i know that his personality disorder comes from a place of feeling less than which i don't judge mercedes because i also feel less than but you will never admit that you do and you're just going not like this to the camera or to your phone right now as you watch it but um uh so i relate to that i'm not that's not an indictment on you at all but um I want you to like me so much. And I'm not scared of you.

I'm actually charmed by it. Oh, yeah. I look up to them. I love narcissists. I look up to all narcissists. I'm like, wow, good for you. So Benedict's the opposite of a narcissist. No, he's got some traits, as we both probably do.

There's a part of you that, like, to do stand-up comedy to think that anyone yeah has to shut their mouth so they can listen to you spout off about whether you have to think you're better than people or you think you're not you're you're so desperate for approval yeah a little bit of both but that's even clint let's even like you know diagnosable narcissist it comes from a deep yeah but they can't you can't ever but everyone has that that's what everyone's uh weird personality has come from the fact that they didn't get something as a child and believe that they're not worthy for some reason it's all a matter of how they their personality manifests from how they chose to deal with that yes it's all that yeah god fuck Yeah. God, fuck. We're a wreck. Well, I want to get to Benedict.

Like you talk about on stage. You came in here today and I made a joke about spray tans. And then you said, yeah, I feel that. I live that life. You told me you get two spray tans. Two a week. What is that? You can't, dude.

You can't spray it on a spray tan. I know. But for me and probably you too, we work out a lot. When you sweat, it washes off. Do you scrub it all off before you go in for the second one? Nah. So you'll spray on top of one. Don't you just end up looking kind of dirty?

I just scraped my skin off yesterday to get this off to get a new one yesterday. That's why I get two, because it kind of fills in for the other one. Do you go in the booth, or do you get someone to do it yeah i'm all about the booth yeah it's well it's much more i've done the person one before i've been doing the person one pretty frequently because the booth has burned me but do you ever follow the booth oh yeah okay like so because a lot of mist is wasted like i turn around and get low yes i yeah i do too. Okay, so when you're doing the booth. We can do this. Okay, so it starts like this.

And it tells you to start like this. Mine's like this. Nikki's standing with her hands over her head as if she was in the TSA. Then I'm here? Oh, yeah. Maybe I start like this and then I go down like this. Benedict's doing like the Egyptian dance. I get it on my forearms first because it starts up here above your head because it thinks you're tall.

So I get that miss and then I quickly go to this. And then she puts her arms down. I'll start like this. I'm doing the back. Ben's over like she's going to do a deadlift. And then I go like this and then I get to the position. And then W. There is so much miss being wasted if you're not following it with your arms and getting it all.

I know, you really got to take up a lot of area. Yes, it took me years to figure that out. I didn't think it got my face enough one time so i did one of these oh my god between the legs yes i got a little spray and i was like i felt that dude worth my money yes i have done and i've gone like this where i try to like collect it in the air because it's all swirling around yeah i just want my insides to be fucking contoured as well is there no worry that this is maybe bad for you? Yeah, of course there is. I think it's better than

actual bulbs though. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Or do you think it's better than sun? The sun itself is worse than getting a spray tan? Do you think the spray tan's probably worse? I think spray tan will end up being like there's no way this stuff isn't toxic. There's some places that do it organically, but

certainly not the Versus Spa Pro. Double black diamond i do the versus versus spa pro double legs do you ever go i've done that yeah yeah double hydration yeah oh yeah and then yes it's like and then the voice talks to you i'm always like yeah bitch i know to put my foot on number two and four like can we just can you just do it we could do this so much faster if you didn't have to talk to me here twice a week baby girl yeah i know the moves it's crazy so it's like the same moves as the tsa where you have to like stand and it scans you but people don't know about spray tan life but it's just like tsa that's hilarious feel so much better about yourself when you have a spray tan yeah right when i walk out i'm like oh different person don't you feel like people tell

you you look better and you get more positive feedback when you have a spray tan? The same day, it's crazy. Yes. Why do you? You're glowing right now. I'm like, huh, it's crazy. You look 10 pounds thinner, at least. Wow.

It really changes everything. It's no joke. Actually, this weekend, a girl came up to me and said, me and my dad listen to your podcast, and he's really against anything toxic and all this stuff, but he said you can get a spray tan because nikki glazer gets one that was really cool i've heard and i salute to that guy yeah because it does change your life in such a profound way like the amount of attention you get and the people just you know girls and guys i'm not just talking about guys

everyone just like thinks you look better and you do you look better it's crazy yeah i wish i wasn't addicted to it but two a week sounds insane to me i really go three after this podcast but you have to leave it on you smell tan total tan are your sheets like oh it's horrible it's everywhere my boyfriend i haven't seen him in forever and i've been living in a spray tan sheet and i haven't changed him in a while because i'm living in this like hotel that doesn't change your sheets except once a week. So I've just been sleeping on the orange spot. Who cares? Just get some peach colored sheets.

And he was supposed to get it today and so I was like, oh, can we have my bed sheets chained over this morning? But he got in late last night and I was like, oh shit. And he sees it's a white bed. It's like, it's insane what I've been sleeping in. It looks like I have diarrhea there. Four nights in a row. It's crazy how bad it looks,

but his side was good, so he didn't mind. But yeah, last night it was like, I had a fresh spray tan and I was like, I'm sorry, you're getting in. You can't touch me. We can't do anything.

I can't even touch my own skin. Those first eight hours off limits. It's really dumb that we have to do, and we don't have to do it, but I thought that was interesting. You also were talking about on stage that one of your eyes is smaller than the other and so you will you said driving down the pachanga you were doing this the whole way down before this podcast you could probably really tell so when it stretches out it does help it yeah it does because one of his he doesn't have a lazy eye we would determine because a lazy eye

is about your eyeball yeah his is a lazy eye, we would determine. Because a lazy eye is about your eyeball. Yeah. His is a lazy eyelid. Yeah, like both my eyes are different sizes. Okay. I think it's cool looking. I don't think it's distracting. I really don't. I don't think it's a bad look. Come on, that's a good thing.

I think it's character. Yeah. I think it's hot. It's not like, I'm not trying. That guy with the one small eye? Oof. It's not small. It's not small.

It's cool. It gives you a mischievous charm. Yeah, it's definitely good. It's not small It's cool It gives you a mischievous charm It's definitely good But in the morning it is Obvious Do your parents have it? Did you get it from one of them? Just one of my friends was talking to me one time

And was like so what's up bro He made one eye real small I didn't know that people knew that my eye was small So you had noticed it already? Yeah I was like do people do people know you got some damage you've never done a muscular nerve i don't know it's not keeping that up i don't know which is why stretching maybe works because the muscles are you can get an eye you'll probably get an eye lift at some point you're not opposed to plastic surgery what are you going to be like in your 40s i'm going to take the joke over the plastic surgery what do you mean like i want to keep the joke going about the eye oh that's a good point yeah that's a good but once

that joke gets on a special then you'll do it yeah um yeah you're not you um uh you're on the show lovers and liars which is all like what was it like for you it's my dream to be on in on a dating show in the sense that you are where where you're looking for love on an island. It's not a dream. Tell us. It's scary. So I'm used to being in this pigsty of men trying to go after these girls, and now roles are reversed. I'm dating just eight women throughout a reality show.

You were more comfortable in the other, when you were one of the guys going after the girls. It kind of felt like it. When I was a guy going after one of the girls and I was an F-boy, it was kind of just like, whatever, bro. Who cares? I could say anything. I didn't have to be nice all the time. Because you came back to the show as an F-boy after you got scorned by Louise, who chose

Mercedes over you. You came back in F-boy Island season three as an F-boy and no one knew. Everyone assumed, oh, he's back as a nice guy. He was a nice guy before. So that was the turn. And then by the end of F boy three you made it to the final two again and you were the runner up to Katie Thurston who chose Vince over you.

And the answer is come back for Lovers and Liars which is also F girl Island and you be the lead now. Because now he really felt like he was ready to find love with Katie and he came back as an F boy but he changed back to a nice guy. So that's your little character arc. And I thought I knew all the moves.

Like I thought I knew all the lines, like the F boys, F girls say the same things. The nice girls, nice guys says, Oh yeah. You completely lived like, but you're not really an F boy.

Like, was it hard for you to be that guy? Because there was some truth to it of like, you were there for the money and you kind of were like, I't really want a girlfriend out of this so there's an f-boy quality to that but you're not a douchebag like some of these guys i can't but that's not what an f-boy on our show it's just like if you're there for the money you can still be a nice guy like treat women well but if you're not really there for a relationship and you're lying about that that equals f-boy so you qualified yeah but you weren't you're not like but then there are some guys that are like yeah he's an f boy in real life did you feel so bad

lying like or like that katie might think you were a nice guy and that you weren't i i kind of thought she'd know like that i was scared to reveal yeah because i was like what if she has no idea what if she really thinks i'm a nice guy and she really thought i was a nice guy like so so i was like wow in her mind it's just like i played her like hard yes and i was kind of like you know i don't really like that you knew like wink wink like yeah so okay but and once you reveal she's already eliminated you so oh no no no at that point you had to reveal before that's right okay i forgot the rules to my own game. I had to climb out of that hole. You didn't have a chance anyway. That was, that relationship was solidified from day one.

I thought they were going to last. And they didn't last? I was so naive. It's over now. Me too. I thought they were so in love. And you. They were a good couple too.

Yeah. They, I really, I was like, oh my God, I think we're going to get a proposal out of this stupid show. They look good together. I thought he was going to do it on the show. And stupid meaning like we don't think. Yeah, I thought, I never thought we would get a proposal out of this they look good together i thought he was gonna do it on the show we don't think yeah i thought i never thought we would get a proposal out of f boy island but i really was like i think these two are so in love um but it didn't last but um you still uh so but

you're on the quest for love this season yeah and you already know if you found it or not we know if you found it or not yeah so it was more pressure going into this as a lead because you are breaking hearts. Is that part of it? And it's just weird when you have like two girls in front of you and you have to eliminate one because like you didn't like the dress she was wearing. I'm like, I don't really like blue. Because you don't know them well enough at some points, like early on. The first episode, I'm like. Yeah, yeah episode one there's a lot of that i talked to you for 30 seconds and

but you kind of know you winked at me weird yeah well you winked at her weird too first with that small lazy eyelid um but yeah you but you kind of do know like when you were looking at all the girls standing there like you zeroed in on some. And then how did you guys all decide not to go after the same ones? The girls just kind of gravitate towards you. They really get to pick. Right. Because you're just sitting there and they're coming up and talking to you.

And I'm like, I've never had this kind of attention in my life. Kissing on TV. Weird. Kissing in real life, weird. Weird. Yeah. Yeah. First kisses in my life kissing on tv weird kissing in real life weird weird yeah yeah first kisses in real life can to do that to kiss on tv it's kind of my dream like i kind of do want to do it i think that just anyone being invested in me being happy in that way and being authentic and not having to be funny like interests me but i feel like i i don't know but also i'd be actually no I think I'd be good at it because I studied can't hardly wait in the way they kiss on the end scene and I think that's the best way to

kiss on tv but what was your plans for it I was just like I guess I'll just do what I've seen people do in movies like exactly that's the only way guys know how I'm like whatever they did in spider-man when he was like upside down that one scene i'll do it here you flip her over yeah i was like do you mind if i hang from a rope but would you be aware with you know they always say like you forget the cameras are there would you uh no well god one time it was like such a long kiss and i didn't want to open my eyes because i have a fear of opening my eyes because this one girl told me one time that i'm a bad kisser because i my eyes are open was this on tv that she told you no no it was in real life so now like when i'm when i'm doing that on tv i'm like i don't want to open my eyes i don't want to and i just kissed this girl for like three and a half minutes because i was

like are we ending i didn't want to like look at the cameraman be like are we good oh no that can so scar you just one little tip like that. She was into it. And I was like, Oh God. So how would this bitch know that your eyes were open? Unless her eyes were open. I think it was like when I go in for the kiss,

it should be okay. It was too. You need to have your eyes open for a little bit. Yeah. I was like, I want to land this head butter. Yeah. Yeah.

But like keeping them open during kissing is so weird. That is weird. Are you ever like, you ever opened a ever open to check like You know what's going on Yes and then you both check at the same time Oh no Alright I gotta get out of here

Oh god You check at the same time That's brutal But then you Then you have You know So you have all of these girls That you're juggling

And you have to And then they make you go on dates With like both of them At the same time Sometimes And there's like group dates and is it even fun i mean are you are you able to have fun in those times or is it i'm talking late in the game when girls emotions are they're wrapped up they're super real but i tried to like navigate around it and pick just like the coolest girls that i could hang out with that like because i knew it was coming like i know i'm gonna have to date three of these girls at the same time on the

same date so like hopefully three of them are like three that can get along and then aren't like this bitch yes even though they were funny to me that anyone on these shows ever gets upset at the guy for not choosing them or for you know because that's what this is yeah you know unless you win this is what it is yeah don't act surprised that these guys are two-timing you because it's that's the the rule i remember one time really upset on this season yeah well i remember one time um jared from i guess3, like, we really, they, you know, I was kind of getting notes to, like, go hard on this guy.

He's an asshole, because he really kind of, when he revealed to be an FBoy, he went hard on all the girls and was kind of rude. And I just played it up a little, just a tiny bit of, like, how dare you?

You know, I was, like, in a mood that night or whatever. And so I'm just like, you're, you know, I didn't say scum, but, like, some kind of, like, disgust of how he behaved. And he goes goes but this is what the show is like this is what i'm supposed to do right like he looked at me kind of like why are you mad at me for like this

is the and i was like kind of like you're right yeah that we need you i can't be mad at what you've brought to the show i remember that we this is exactly i really liked that moment it was like a very innocent sweet moment of this guy that just was kind of acting like such an asshole. And I was like, oh, you're right, Jared. He's like, I'm just kind of doing what- Play the game. I'm supposed to be doing, right? And I was like, oh, yeah.

Forget what show I'm on. I can't get mad at you. But that is funny to me on The Bachelorette when they're like, you broke my heart. It's like, bitch, the only way this would happen is if you won. So the only world you live in is where you win all the time? That doesn't make sense. You can't live like for it yes yes um although it does suck if you

get eliminated on the first episode then it's then it feels like what the fuck was all this for why did i audition for this why did i fly out here why did i people someone has to go first as someone who's voted first off like dancing with the stars it doesn't occur to you that it will be you it never does you just when you enter into a reality show and a competition show there's just no way you're the worst you know it happens to some people but it won't be you even if you know you're the worst yeah and then sometimes it does and it's just it's so humiliating it's just because every you the humiliating part of it is that you bought all these outfits you like planned your life to be there for a while and you invested so much into it and everyone knows how much you put into it too

because all the producers are so nice to you leading up to that point because they think they're possibly dealing with the lead of the show so everyone's treating you like a fucking queen and the second you're eliminated it's kind of like well you just realize how fake it all was and it's really devastating it's really embarrassing that everyone you just realize oh my god this was never special i was never special i'm a commodity i'm worthless and they just send they just claw machine you out of this world that they built around you and they throw you away and they don't call you again it's really really embarrassing first off that's when you that's when you take one hit the same thing happens even if you go far like you went far on the mass singer thousand more after that um yeah yeah mass singer yes when you were you went really far you were third place right and so then when you got

eliminated from that didn't bother me didn't bother me at all but it's the same thing where you're a commodity and it's like goodbye absolutely um but they call a little bit more because i was a part of the show longer so now they go hey the new season's coming up snow snowstorm you want to do a shout out you got to come back and do another thing like they're they still talk to me i still matter to them dancing with the stars it was like just they fucked me and they were like oh shit my grandpa's coming over you got to sneak out the window. Like they made up some line. Uber's here.

Yes. See you never. They didn't even call me an Uber. They just go, Uber usually picks up around the block if you want to call. They give you some kind of.

Wow. I've got to wake up early in the morning because my grandpa's coming here. Do you leave an earring there? You're never seeing it again. They block your number.

That was a different vibe. You knock on the door block your number it's that that was a different vibe and i think it's on the door someone opens it it's like a hispanic lady family what the fuck there hasn't been a f boy who's lived here 35 years i swear it was here last night yeah that's how it felt um and it's so embarrassing what's been your most embarrassing moment in your careers you guys um jesus uh losing twice in a row on national tv well yeah you well you got runner up i mean that's not embarrassing that's pretty embarrassing place no it is though it's almost worse than third and doing it two times because you're out there so vulnerable did you really think you were gonna win either of those was there a part of you that's like i Because you're out there so vulnerable. Did you really think you were going to win either of those?

Was there a part of you that was like, I could. I thought you were going to win Katie Thurston. I don't know. I was like, maybe she liked me. Yeah, but. My solutions were so locked in though. That was like so obvious to everybody that they were. But you never know what's going to happen. I'm like, maybe if she really likes him, like she'll pick me and that'll be the twist.

No, that's the true thing about our show. That's true. Big 50-50 every time. You really can't ever bank on something being so obvious. And then, I guess with Louise, that one was actually 50-50. She just... It's Mercedes, man.

You can't go against Mercedes. You got beat by LeBron. What are you going to do? I was like, maybe my finale speech will save it. You're just honored to be on the same court, to be playing the game. That's the part that I think I would really struggle with, even though I speak and monologize for a living, is that speech that you give to save yourself. And you guys always sound so eloquent.

And a lot of times, even for the real dumb guys. Oh, is it rehearsed all day? We have a day to do nothing and write it. Okay, so you guys work on on this that makes more sense now because yeah there's some guys that i'm like are you reading a teleprompter in the sky because there's they look up they'll like kind of go and then they look back up and they get the rest of it and then they finish it and it's like really i've always been very impressed i know they're always really good and you know you it's from someone you don't expect i'm like he's gonna butcher this

and then he kills it i'm like i'm next yeah yeah it's wild it's wild um this season is gonna be really good and um has the feedback been good on i mean it just debuted everybody loves it like insane like people that don't even normally watch it like my dad's like it's pretty good yes that's what this show is it's actually what happened to the followers you lost they went to go follow the f girl island instagram probably i would too you have to choose um it's uh yeah it's this this season's really really good and it just started so people should really get on board i know it's been rebranded to lovers and liars we all know that it's f girl island but it truly is like a superior show to f boy island yeah it's

so it's it's so much different to have whatever it is 23 girls instead of 23 guys they act they feel so much more vicious they feel so much more into the game and the guys you guys seem like you're really in danger because we're terrified and you you guys are funny. And you, three guys have been around the block before on these shows. So there's like a comfort level there that just makes it easier to watch,

I think. You're just so funny. And yeah, it's a great show. It's a great show. Lovers and Liars right now. You've got to check it out. Just support.

If you love me unconditionally, why aren't you watching? Are you a lover or a liar? Right? On the Cw app okay we'll be back with more with benedict after this 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm joel oh and i am matt and we're the hosts of how to money we want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year

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voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

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Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Benedict Polizzi. Is that how you say it? Polizzi. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Oh my God, you let me say it 12 times. Oh man, you've been saying Polizzi. that how you say it polizzi polizzi oh my god i'm so sorry oh my god let me say it oh man you've been saying people roll with it let's see the same thing with glass

glasser my dad gets so mad but i don't even hear it when people fuck it up anymore i'm just like sure that's fine see that's what i do i'm like i don't care it's too much yeah me too people say fringe frangie but at one time in uh in middle school, the gym teacher called me Frangey, and I got a lot of grief from that. Oh, God, I bet. Yeah. But other than that, it's never been a problem. I know, I don't really care.

Yeah. But you're from? Indiana. Yeah, and you're a comedian, stand-up comedian. Yep. From Indianapolis. From Indianapolis. Crackers. Yeah. Crackers.

Yeah. Crackers. Crackers Comedy Club. Helium's there now, right? Broad Ripple and downtown location. Is Broad Ripple closed? Yeah, just downtown now. Okay, just downtown. I'm going to Indiana this weekend. Really? For what? With Conover. Oh, nice. Out of Conover. Helium. Yeah. That's a good club there. Great club. Yeah. That's good? Yeah.

I've been to so many fucking places you said you really like clubs i do like clubs i miss clubs because i just miss staying in one place all weekend so good it's so fun yeah and just being backstage and getting like to find restaurants that you like and you get the same thing every night i love doing comedy for the food truly and you get free food from the club and they give you so much. I'm always like, are you sure it's free? Like every single time. Every time.

And there's like someone waiting on you and the green room's really nice. The improv. They've got a great menu. Improves do so well. And it's the same menu everywhere. Except for one improv I went to where it wasn't the same for some reason. Heliums, punchlines, improvs. Those are the really really those are the nice

franchise salad with grilled chicken at helium fuck double okay feeling all right i'll try that it's not very fun but club you ever been to the comedy attic in bloomington i have but i it was like my first year so i was just kind of like yeah that's where nicky and i met yeah that was the first club that ever headlined me shout out to jared thompson who runs that place yeah yeah i hosted that show yeah that's how we met that's how i met a lot of people is through that club tom takar uh yeah used to be tom brady um amil joaquin yes um and then guys are hilarious that's so crazy yeah yeah it's a it was it's a great scene still is um but uh yeah so you're you moved to la though how long ago been here for like four months i was back and forth going to indy get my stuff and coming back yeah that's always what you

do jesus did you make the right move are you glad that you did here over new york because that's always the thing i don't know It was a big toss up But I was like I'll probably end up trying both No you gotta do LA You're an LA guy for sure He's very LA Why do people

People say that to me Because you get spray danced Twice a week I would do that in New York You wouldn't do it I would No You have a lot to offer

That is valued in LA Versus not valued in New York I feel like What is LA doing anymore though like auditions on zoom like industry is falling apart but I feel like I feel like you your personality what you're you're you can be a television personality you can be a host you can be a comedian you can be an influencer those are LA things if you're like I want to you know write for the daily show I want to write for the daily show or just like i only want to be at the comedy cellar and that's it but is that the goal what

stand up like do you want to be like the best do you want to just stand up i want to do stand up i'm sure of that but like i'm if it leads somewhere else like i'm open to that too i was really happy i saw bill burklip the other day or maybe it was last night that said the same thing that I always say which is like I don't care if people do stand up to get into other things I think do it it's the only thing that you get on stage every night and you get to like try out so hard and act yeah and if you want to be an actor and you want to try stand

up and you're taking stage time from others well then you're probably better than the others that you're taking stage time from like why are you probably killing so you figured something out so like you know it doesn't bother me when people want to get into other things because stand-up is it's not that sustainable forever for everyone it's so exhausting you have to constantly come up with new material you you can't rely on your hits it's you have to keep like uh giving of yourself uh in a way for at least for me, of personal stories and mining

your own life and having to lead an interesting life. And then you have to travel all the time. I realize I'm probably going to die in a hotel. I realized the other day I spend a third of my life in hotels. It's a really good chance I'm going to die in a hotel. It's not a bad place. Not bad at all. Nice shower. It got me thinking.

I was just like, oh, that's interesting. Your life's going pretty well if a maid discovers your body. Yeah. At a Marriott. I'll take it. Marriott, nah. That's where I'm at.

Yeah, well, that's where I'm at too. I want to take it up to the next level of like, I remember Bob Saget, I think, was at a Four Seasons

and that's where his body was found. I'd like to be that level that's the level you want to be yeah yes you don't want the seasons of my life when I see no more yes how do you think you're gonna die oh no don't ask him that that's that's gonna whatever happens I'm gonna be frozen in a cryogenic tube and I'm gonna he's gonna live resuscitated don't worry in the future how white are your teeth now what are you doing to whiten? Because let's talk about this Because I have to go get a whitening pretty soon For a big thing

It's the coffee straw Oh Is that why you're strawing it? It's the avoidance of dark Everybody always asks Why do you drink coffee through a straw? It doesn't hit any of my teeth Oh my god

I mean I use white strips every once in a while I thought you were going to say every day Every once in a while Twice a week But you don't do any like Massive whitening things? Just brush Dude I brush dude i did i did a zoom whitening that was like five hundred dollars for my special the couple days before oh that caused you great grief it was so off i mean you know about tooth pain so when i was bitching about it you were probably like yeah welcome to

my world but it you can't eat anything except things that are white yeah for three days just cool whip and it's so painful yes cool whip and marshmallows great yogurt and milk i want to get the tooth thing it's horrible it's my favorite food it hurt so much and i swore to myself i would never do it again i promise at the time i was like don't ever do this it makes your life miserable and you only are doing it to prepare for this thing that you need to be of a sound mind for why would you throw your mind in chaos three days before like put yourself in so much tooth pain right before you're doing this thing but i got another big thing coming up and i'm like yeah maybe just do it a little bit further out i swear white strips are fine they're fine they're fine i'm just gonna do that i'm just gonna buy a kid on amazon i don't

need to go back to this place again. It was torture. It was so painful. Final thought. Noah, our producer, is going to go into labor any second now. Yeah. Oh, she's in it right now. She is very, very pregnant. And I want to talk about that she will be-

When she does, her teeth are so white. Do you drink thristratum? No, they're not white. And you've always told me noah don't waste your money on teeth whitening use the whitening strips i have said that but you're not on tv oh okay that i'd never done it either but i was like i want so i want jessica simpson white teeth for this question like i just want to be so undeniably like celebrity white like that girl is a celebrity in which i don't really relate

celebrity white sounds like the name of a celebrity sounds like the name of a tooth whitening sure celebrity company new crest right right right that's better yeah celebrity white but um noah's gonna be giving birth soon yeah what what are you at right now when's the due date how many so i'm week way 38 that means that the baby's like fully developed he's in there crazy he's listening she's listening to this yeah i know she's laughing she's enjoying him like rattling her around oh my god and so are you ready are you so uncomfortable that you're like come on let's do this no i'm i'm not at that point except um for when I lay down. When I lay down to sleep, I have to literally hold my stomach and turn over. Wow.

And you're ready to meet her? Yeah. Well, I need one more week. One more week. Because we're not ready. What are you doing in the house? You've got to get your teeth whitened. You've got to get your lats worked on.

Two spray tans. I've got to do this. Stretch out your small what's something right now that if the baby showed up you'd be like fuck i didn't have time to do this one thing like what's the thing that you're like oh i gotta do that oh i gotta pack my hospital bag oh god you gotta go bag uh and what's supposed to go in that uh just a bunch of stuff for my underneath oh my god they don't give you that stuff they don't give you diapers dude Just a bunch of stuff for my underneath. Oh my, what? They don't give you that stuff?

They don't give you diapers, dude? Do you guys provide? They do give it, but I just want something that's like a little bit better. Higher end. Yes. Okay. You don't want the state sponsored. Yeah. Yeah.

And I also. Not the Marriott version. No, you want that four seasons. I don't even know what you're talking about. Like, it's just, I don't really either. And we don't have to know. We can just live in ignorance because we're men um at what age will you start teaching your child how to kick field goals because that's my plan every child should be taught to kick field goals it's the

short most short fire way to have a career in the nfl what eight hundred thousand dollars minimum minimum salary eight hundred,000 to kick field goals and no one's good at it so funny that's a really good plan yeah field goals field goals that's right did you see uh fahim anwar had a clip yesterday that i saw that was like talking about how you know the most talented people in the world like michael jackson and venus and serena williams and um there was someone else some other black entertainer who's just extremely talented there was like they all had overbearing fathers yeah and he was like if i ever have a baby i'm just gonna give it to an overbearing black father just say go just do it and he's gonna be like so what do you want it to

be talented and he was like it's not up to me you you decide you you just completely surrender it was such a funny bet I really loved it but yeah so what what is when will you start the field goal kicking when do you think it should start two years old they should start as soon as they can walk they need to be able to kick okay

yeah and they need to be able to accurately head yes stretches all the muscular squats I would be very worried about my baby's And they need to be able to accurately Foot above head Yes stretches All day Muscular squats I would be very worried about my baby's Posterior pelvic tilt at this point If I saw my baby walking around Whatever that tilts best for the kicking Is what you need to make it

I would ruin a child just being Not wanting it to do the things that I do Isn't that what we do? And that's why I think adopting That was my whole point i forgot to do that bit i have a bit about it about how adopting is great well i've done it on the show before but adopting is great because everything your child fucks up at you don't take offense to because it's not you yeah you're like that's his parents it's not that's not me that's just my dumb

fucking kid and so because that's where that's where so many kids have so much pressure on them is because the parents put themselves like they're all you're an extension of their parents and so because that's where that's where so many kids have so much pressure on them is because the parents put themselves like they're all you're an extension of their parents and so when you fuck up your parents are like no this says too much about me it's me and so if your parents were able to be like well that's their fucking birth mom showing up and be a little bit lax about it the kid won't feel this like shame about who they are as much because they'll be you don't need to say that but in your mind they still feel the shame from the original they are as much because they'll be you don't need to say that but in your mind they still feel the shame from the original parents they don't know they don't because they can fuck up they can be like i'm not a really i'm not really good at you know i'm dyslexic or

whatever it is that's not a fucked up thing but like if you could if i could see how a parent would be like i'm really smart my child's dyslexic and the child can be really smart but just have this learning disability and the parent would be so frustrated because to me that makes you look like you're dumb and i'm smart and it's important but if you if your kid was dyslexic and you were really hyper intelligent person but they were adopted and you secretly thought your kid was dumb because they were dyslexic which is wrong to think but you in your mind could just go that yeah they are dumb but it's their parents you wouldn't say that you would just be easy about it yeah the kid would read it as like,

my parent accepts me for who I am, even though they're really just putting the fault on. It would heal them. It would be healing if they didn't reveal this is your mom's fault. They just kept it to themselves. I think it could be better for the child. Well, let's find out.

Noah's going to be the most amazing mom. She's so, you're so ready to be a very caring and empathetic person and just like just so you're just such mom vibes your baby's so fucking lucky that's what i always say but um when some certain people get pregnant i'm just like man i have a great mom but sometimes you just are like that baby's so lucky because you like work on yourself yeah your baby's really lucky thanks but you know what i don't even i i still have to like ease into the role of mom i can't really it still makes me cringe a little

bit but i feel like i'll have time for that because right now i just have to like keep a baby alive it's like taking care of like an animal or something where you can't like communicate and you just have to make sure you're feeding it you're oh it's gonna be mayhem for the next don't feed it water at least do you know babies can't have water until like six months what no one knows this wow people like they get it from the breast that's kind of water no you don't give pedialyte to under six months up to six months literally all they consume is breast milk or formula and nothing else you cannot give a baby water i had no idea what if they're in the bath and some water splashes in their mouth that's just like a lawn suck it out they can have diet coke up to um yeah 20 40 full ounce i just learned that

i was on a trivia show and they asked what a cup how many ounces were in a cup and i didn't know no i forget it all the time what is it i have no clue oh no it's eight yeah it just makes sense I was on a trivia show and they asked how many ounces were in a cup and I didn't know. No way. I forget it all the time. What is it? I have no clue. It's eight. It just makes sense. When you hear eight, but then I was trying to remember what are these?

They're 20 ounce, but I was thinking they're 12 ounce. And so I was like, there's no way a cup, this is at least four cups. Yeah. How many ounces are in a gallon? But it's not. I hate this game. How many ounces are in a gallon? Yeah. If this is 20, a gallon but it's not it's one i hate this game how many ounces are in a gallon yeah if this is 20 a gallon i would say is 40 80 ounce 64 64 yeah god damn it so dumb i was on this

trivia trivia show and it's really fun like to get things right when other people don't and when you when you know something and the only reason you know it like people people are going nikki you're smart i'm like no it's just because i just got lucky this is all luck yes i i absorb things and i have information in my brain but the things that i knew were all just like because my dad's obsessed with that thing yeah or was it like the topics the topics were just lucky for you to get those topics yeah it was like something about the wright brothers and i'm those topics yeah it was like something about the right brothers and i'm like but my dad has like talked about the right brothers a lot and like it's just there's been some things that i've absorbed from that yeah there was like an episode of um dexter's

lab there's a cartoon on cartoon network i think you know the episode yeah where the where he dexter is this genius boy who can do whatever he wants because he's got his lab and he's a scientist and he's got a french test coming up and he's not very good at french so he designs this implementation that he puts on his head and it forces him to speak french but then it malfunctions and the only thing he can say in french is omelette du fromage which is a cheese omelette and so he keeps saying the whole episode omelette du fromage and he's freaking out because he's gonna fail his french test because the only thing he can episode, omelette du fromage. And he's freaking out because he's going to fail his French test because the only thing he can say is omelette du fromage. And then he gets to the French test

and it's one question. And it's, how do you say cheese omelette? And he's like, omelette du fromage. What's the movie about the slumdog millionaire? It's the same thing. Every question is just a specific thing that he happened. He wasn't like, you know, studying like Ken Jennings. Monkey Man, which came out this weekend, is Dev Patel's John Wick movie.

Oh. Yeah. We got to talk about that another time. Really? I don't even know if I could talk about it on the podcast because I have such extreme opinions about it because I'm a huge martial arts movies fan. Okay. But Dev Patel from Slumdog came out with a movie called Monkey Man with Jordan Peele as an EP and some other people.

Wow. And it's supposed to be like the Indian John Wick. Okay. It's supposed to be. Wait, before we go, first of all, Noah will be gone. This will probably be her last episode before she goes. She takes a leave of absence to go become a mom, study being a mom and raise her baby. So we want to wish her the best and she will, there'll be

someone taking her place as our producer Olivia is her name she's not here now but she will be when Noah is gone and so we'll invite her into the show, we're very excited for that so don't think, Noah will be back, she's just she's going to be a working mom at some point but she's

that bonding time and she doesn't need to be editing podcasts during that. But she will be still watching the show. It's state-sanctioned also. Just a little BRB. Yeah. Noah's a fan of the show as a producer, and she's constantly in girls' chat.

So we'll talk about her. We'll reference her. She's still a part of the show so much. So yeah, send your love to Noah. She is becoming a mom right now. But before we go, the thing that everyone needs to watch that I'm sure everyone has i sent it to you this weekend and was like you need to watch this you already knew about it hot ones with i watched it yeah oh i've seen that

i've seen like the clip come up on my tiktok i haven't watched it is so insanely good it is like it changed the way i like think about comedy i think oh really just like he had he eats so much of this hot sauce that you're supposed to only have like a little dab of right like and he's like pouring it in his mouth and smearing on his face and he's like ingesting so much for the bit that he's he he gets like high like and he's someone who's like a sober person he doesn't drink he doesn't drugs. And so he's always very much in control. And because he's obsessed with having control over a bit and like I'm always chasing the joke and like I'll do anything for the joke because I want to have control over being funny. He kind of loses control.

Yeah. But he also maintains it. So like he's realizing that what he's doing is making him lose control in a way that he never really has comedically. But then he goes into like hyper vigilance of like, OK, I'm going to take over so much. So you see him like battling with himself because he is drink. I mean, people are gasping. These people who've worked on the hot one set forever are like because he's going like this with the second hottest one. And then the world, the hottest one, the one that's pure it's pepper he's dumping

it in his face smearing it on his face he got it stuck under his ring his wedding ring after he washed his fingers after the thing and it singed his skin like it's like an acidic and um he starts losing his mind but it is so fucking funny it shows just what a fucking pro he is. And it shows how when you, I guess what I learned from it is that just follow the joke always and don't give up and commit harder than you think you should. And that, and be willing to make,

to just take huge swings. And as long as you stay in the pocket and you commit to it, you'll be okay. Because he took huge swings that were so scary, but he never, ever ventured off course and never regretted it. And he was prepared. And he was so prepared.

He came in with three running bits. He came in with bits to the show. He's got the doctor. No, Conan O'Brien Can't Stop. That's the name of his show. You should watch Conan O'Brien Can't Stop. It's an HBO documentary about how he's not okay and needs to do this. And I'm going actually to his premiere party tonight for the new show i got invited yeah i'm so excited i hear it's amazing

yeah uh conan o'brien uh it's like go home conan or something it's on it's on max but um but what were you gonna say about um him just now and i interrupted you well that he came in with three brits he was prepared but was also oh my god what, he came in with three bits. He was prepared, but was also... Oh, my God. What also he came with was inspirational in a way because he had a motivation for his character, which is like, you only live once, basically, was his motivation. He was like, I'm going to do this

because I'm going to experience life to the fullest here. I agreed to be on this show. I agreed to try the hot sauce. Why would I have to miss it? Why? Let's do this. We're doing this, right? And that's what transcends

it beyond just the bits because now he's got that motivation. It's almost like he had a theme to his character on Hot Ones. And there is a character that he brings in

of his doctor checking in on him. And it's so funny. This doctor, who is one of his writers, Jose Arroyo, is the writer. And he played it so well he was so funny if you

watch a lot of conan stuff you recognize this guy from late night days and uh he what he's this doctor that conan just keeps saying like he's not the best but he's affordable so this guy he just keeps coming in and taking his pulse and just doing it the wrong way like taking his pulse like stick out your tongue and putting a stethoscope on it he goes where did you where did you go to college where'd you go to medical school and he goes um um out of state and then he just walks off and he goes how long was how long was your program like you're together it was supposed to be four years it was supposed to be four years which is the funniest thing to say because four years is already not enough does that mean you

went longer or the program fell apart before you graduated he did great he was so funny that was a that was so brilliant to bring him in and then conan's putting the wings in his pockets it's something that i know everyone has seen clips of because it's taking over the internet it is absolutely worth the watch because you see the mental breakdown of someone like he don't you agree brian and no you watched it that he is i mean he's in a world of pain that we maybe only you understand because of your tooth pain but like he's in a world of severe searing pain yeah no it it's it's remarkable and it definitely was worse than he thought it was gonna be like you see him realize oh realize it. Oh yeah, it got real. It's crazy. And he was talking about like being Irish

and how they didn't have a spice. He didn't have a spice on his food until he was 52. Like it was just bland. He's so funny. He's the funniest man alive. I've always said it. And I think he literally is the funniest person

that's ever lived. I put him up there. I know I say that all the time about people, but I think he's Mount Rushmore. Without question, he's Mount Rushmore without Question he's Mount Rushmore but yeah He's the best so watch hot ones Conan watch lovers and liars On the CW app for free

Watch it on Hulu with ads And you can watch it on CW live On Thursday nights at eight nine Nine eight central how do you say it one of those One of those times check your local Lovers and liars CW app Right now download the app and it's free Noah it was easy to use right oh so easy and it's the best i can watch it anywhere okay yeah even on your phone you know even on your phone you can watch a tv

show on your phone now yes yeah yes what is this 2008 i put a pillow right here and i watch it i will argue that watching on your phone is people go no watch that on the big screen and I go actually the big I put the big if you move the phone perspective wise you are watching on an IMAX if you get it close enough to your face yeah you know what I'm saying glasses yeah we're good so if you watch a big screen if you're sitting in your living room and you look at your fucking big TV that you're so proud of and see how big it is now hold up your phone to the same scale of wire that is and you will see that you have a big screen all the time it's just a matter of perspective and bringing it closer to you so i don't think it's lost to watch things on your phone i don't think that makes it for a poorer experience that's how most people do it

anyway especially for reality show oh yeah absolutely uh put those captions on have your other phone out 1.5 speed so you can be on tiktok actually just flip it up in the corner so it's an even smaller box while you're on tiktok and then you have the muted tiktok voice playing over benedict's voice and somebody facetimes you and you're like yeah to your tv and watch that's true you can air play it yes okay there's so many options look into all of them lovers and liars thank you for being here benedict you're so fun for sure thanks for having me it's been so fun to hang out with you not only in my show we did um ktla last week too that's great we're so in and out i know it was the shortest interview ever they loved it though they loved it we actually want

to watch this usually when reality tv people come on here we're like but like we want to watch that was really nice they were like they after they, after the segment, they were like, honestly, can you guys believe they were talking to the co-host? Like that was the only time I've ever had anyone from reality show actually make me want to watch it. Yeah. Yes, we did it. And it is true.

And it's worth it. Like, like it's, it's worth promoting it in that way because when people do watch it, they, I haven't heard, I had anyone go, it's not really for me. Literally no one. loves and people are really they say that shit to me about stuff where it's like it just was it's not my kind of thing like your true friends will be like yeah it's actually really it's okay if people don't like things but this i've never heard someone going like i gave it a shot and it just wasn't for me so uh definitely look into it and you need a new reality show you know you do Love is Blind isn't out anymore Bachelor just wrapped up

Golden Bachelor They just divorced Love on the Spectrum Love on the Spectrum There's no new episodes coming out Lovers and Liars Lovers and Liars So we will be back with more shows

Next week Thank you so much for listening Noah good luck to you We love you so much And yeah Wait there's balloons coming up. I think it's because I just did this. What? Yeah.

On our thing. I don't know what the hell that is. Did you do that? That's happening on Zoom now where you give a thumbs up and all of a sudden the thumbs up will like float into the camera. No one asked for that. Wait, let me do this one. The hearts one? The heart works. I didn't even talk about Taylor Swift on this episode too much. We'll get to that next time.

All right, guys. Thank you for listening. Bye. Don't be good. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors. It's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now.

Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.