The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #434 Carlisle Forrester Is Back, Baby Shoe & Hotel Horror Stories!

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Nikki and Brian are back in the LA studio with friend of the pod, Carlisle Forrester. Brian shares his weekend story and the newest hit single "Baby Shoe". He shares his food poisoning on the road and Carlisle shares her horror story of Coachella. Nikki has fallen head over heels for Taylor Swift's new album "The Tortured Poets Department", even recording a bonus episode on it (out now!). Final thought covers how audience members react to punchlines. Are they offensive or not?  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome. I'm Nikki Glaser. I am in Los Angeles, California in studio at the iHeart Studio Podcast studio. You look like you were about to say something, Brian. No, no, I never say anything. Brian Brandy's here and he's going to remain quiet. Also returning to the show,

who's been at the same exact studio last time, friend of the show, friend of literally every podcast I've ever done and friend in life, Carlisle Forrester, everyone. What's up, y'all? Carlisle. Happy to be here. So happy to have you here. How are you today? I'm good. What's up, y'all? like evidence in a trial will be our girls chat so that you're making and are the only ones that uh typically will delete some messages sometimes if you know what i mean we go like that was just too much i was going through something but that's a good thing about our girls chat we want to work

in entertainment do we need a recording of the breakdown no i that's not my problem is that like it'll come back to haunt me it's like my problem is is that no one needs to hear this shit and it's like getting old it's like this is just the same it's the same thing over and over every couple weeks i have the same spiel and i can't imagine like i almost wish that my phone phones could record people's reactions as they're reading it like there was some kind of thing you could put on a text message that will capture the just like that would cure you again no that would make it worse just kirsten going like cory she's doing it again like them all commenting to their husband it's like oh can i read this to you

nikki's spiraling the babies inside of their wombs are rolling their eyes and rolling that's so funny because we're pregnant girls in this chat man and we're just the rumping wait four yeah three three three sorry i'm pregnant with life depression yeah what and going down you're gonna have less and less pregnant girls in that show oh yeah that's true and in a good way in a good way like they're giving birth noah is like in labor right now she's almost not pregnant yeah it's noah's birthday today and it would be awesome if it was actually her birthday wow that'd be cool and um we're recording happy birthday noah what's the date the 22nd so noah's birthday is. And it would be awesome if it was actually her birthday. Wow. That'd be cool. And we're recording this on the- Happy birthday, Noah. What's the date?

The 22nd. So Noah's birthday is the 22nd. Wish her a belated happy birthday. She's due on the 29th. Uh-huh. Coming up. So it could be any time right now. So yeah, I feel bad like sometimes on girls chat.

Like, why? I just love first birthdays. I'm a first. Me too. You're a first. It's the best. My brother's a first. My dog, I always say, is a first, even though we don't know.

Yeah, you don't know. He's made it up. You'll never know. But yeah, what's yours first my brother's a first my dog i always say is a first even though we don't know yeah you don't know he's made it you'll never know yeah but yeah what's yours first march march for for some reason first i was just saying my birthday is like the best because of that first first is the best yeah it feels really good what are you uh i'm november 21st okay okay this is 20 away from the best one one two one yeah i kind of like that number situation. Oh yeah, one, one, two, one. I know someone, you know someone, Tim Convey gave birth to his son last year on February 20, wait, wait. Oh no, two years ago.

February 22nd, 2022. How cool is that? So cool. That kid's set for life. Angel numbers. That's angel numbers? Anytime there's like all numbers in a row. Like if you look at the clock and it's like 333, 444.

That's for times only. But then 666 is the devil. 999. Well, yeah. I guess you don't want 666. Oh, yeah. That would be 706. Do you make a wish at 11? What does that mean? Like, well, 666, if the clock were 6 o'clock and 66 minutes, it would be 706.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I ever make a wish at 1111? Do you make a wish at 1111? I do. I do. It's 1111, make a wish. That's Parasub. I still do it.

Yeah, I do too. And I really, I love it because it's like you could be in the last three seconds of 1111. And if it clicks over, no, it doesn't. Like for me, I do a device where it's like, if it moves over, then the wish, not only does it not come true, it definitely won't come true.

So I have to like make my wish fast. I don't have time to like, like I just saw a video of Kate Hudson making a birthday wish. They were like posted online. She looks adorable. She looks ageless. She's giving Goldie Hawn,

but like ageless Goldie Hawn.'s 45 she blows out her candles and before she blows them out she makes a wish and it takes way too long uh-huh way too like everyone's just sitting around it was probably like 45 seconds of her going oh my god one second per year of life that's the rule you said she was 45 so 45 yeah that's a good way I didn't know that that's so true

one year olds one they go yeah and someone was slowed out spanking her at the same time 45 times

yeah so yeah my mental health was bad this morning and was just like I just piled on pretty hard and then I slept obviously

and then it feels better yeah that's sometimes what it takes. Or the Larry David method, which is take a shower. That really does help. If you're feeling shitty, take a shower. The world is a dark place whenever you're underslept.

Oh yeah, no. You're underslept like crazy, aren't you? Because you work all the time. I work early as a waitress for my day job and then I'm also a comic. So I'm up late and people are like, how do you do it? I'm like, I don't sleep.

I don't do it. Underslept and slept on. Yeah. Bags under my eyes. No, you really don't. You have like that perfect little like, like it's not a bag. It's like a fold, but it's like a cute thing. Yeah.

The French thing. Yes. I don't know. But the baguette under your eyes. It's a baguette know but the baguette under your eyes it's a bag that was really good oh thanks um uh what did you guys do this weekend you were in indianapolis i went back to indianapolis returned to uh benedict polizzi's homeland how do we say his last name i said polizzi polizzi benedict polizzi's homeland i think he's saying it wrong he's saying it wrong yeah he doesn't even know when he said

it's polizzi i just go okay yeah if he went back to italy they'd smack him around for saying it and he would come from very turned on by that he loves he loves he's a raised by i think a strict mom not a strict mom but he he likes punishment like an aunt lydia type yes yeah i don't know who that is but continue. So I asked about Benedict when I was there. I said, so what do you guys think of Benedict? And across the board,

he's the best. Sweetest guy, nicest guy. You expect him to be a piece of shit because he's so hot and then he proves you're wrong again and again. because he's not naturally hot.

Yeah. He's achieved this. Yeah. So he's a good person ultimately, but he's, and he does not come across as someone who thinks he's hot at all. No.

But yeah, if you saw just his profile pictures, I'm sure he has a good bumble or whatever that's charming. But yeah, he does appear. He has every right to be mean, being mad hot. I love when people are just nice. I just got, because I love it in myself, that when I hear stories about myself from the past, and I was nice to people,

like a girl just wrote to me and was like, hey, I just want to reach out to you um i am a comic in new york city and i bark for shows which if you don't know it's like when people stand on the corner and hand out tickets to go comedy shows comedy show you like comedy you want free free comedy ticket umbrella umbrella yeah comedy taping tonight dave chapelle might be there he won't yeah Dave Chappelle Chris Rock Dane Cook these are comedians that I know and they will not be at the show tonight yep and um so she said that I was with a bunch of other guys who also barked for years in New York and we were talking about and this is all just like hi Nikki I just wanted to write you and let you know that I used to bark in New York for for tickets for shows and I was recently at um hanging out with some other guys who did the same thing and we were talking

about comedians who were really mean to us yeah when we walked by we accidentally barked them and they were like i'm a comedian and i'm just like holding my breath like who know i don't know yeah i'm not that i feel like i'm self-aware But then she was like and one time I Accidentally barked you and said like Do you want to come to the show I should look it up because I want to get it right But she Which by the way I've heard stories about like comedians

Going into shows That they're on like your face is on The poster oh yeah and then the person's like Excuse me ma'am do you have a ticket for the show Oh god and they go they fucking they freak out freak out but i don't expect anyone to know who i am either literally ever yeah i'm on the show and they go okay sorry like it's usually the deal but one time i was like really traumatized trying to get into the improv because uh the door guy was literally was like who the fuck are you and i was like i'm on the show at

the lab and he's and he's like you can't just walk in here and i was like i didn't i i'm talking to you right now and then he's like you can't just walk and i was like and then i tried to make a joke to lighten the situation and i was like i don't know i'm just pretending like i'm a uh like i'm a guy like i'm a big guy or whatever and he's like well you aren't anybody so you can't walk in here and i was like, well, I'm not trying. And then he tried to play it off. Like he was joking around and he started laughing like, Hey,

you're in here, you know? And I was just like, this is so awkward and uncomfortable. I never want to come back here again. I got into an almost altercation similar to that this weekend on the road. We were flying out of the Buffalo airport. Shout out to Niagara falls in Buffalo area for coming to the show at

Seneca casino on Saturday night. It was fucking dope. So it was Waukegan amazing show. And then last night at the Paramount in Huntington, New York, amazing, amazing shows this weekend, but leaving Buffalo at the airport.

So like, you know, you're about to walk through the metal detector and there was like, there's TSA machines on both sides. So like people are just kind of filing into one line and me and this guy came in at the same time and I, I didn't see him at first. And so I just kind of accidentally butted in front of him.

And so I, um, I just like went through quickly, like kind of danced like, Oh, sorry. Like I didn't see you, you know,

like kind of went through the machine, like, like, like that. And the guy, the TSA agent on the other side of the machine goes, I see what you're doing there. Don't try to

Trick the machine And I go what? So if you think I'm trying to trick the machine You should have me arrested You should literally go back in the bowels of this airport And anally probe me If you think that I was just doing A little dance

That tricks the system And I go do you think I know that? And I got such an attitude with him and i go yeah i was just he goes you're trying to trick the system i go no i'm not i was trying to be friendly to the guy i butted in front of me and he was like well that that uh messes with the machine and you can uh you're trying to bypass you're trying to bypass the security and i go no i wasn't i literally got that big i go no i wasn't yeah and he goes well you can't do it that way and he goes go back through and I go I will and I go I was I got there were and there were fans

I could tell that people recognize me in line I don't know why this is never happens to me but there was a Couple TMZ there and And I saw them see me get an attitude with it I didn't even give a fuck I was just like I hate this guy so Much I really wanted him to have Me pulled away like this woman's A problem I was having that

Tom Segura moment of like, I'm so sick of being talked to like I'm doing something wrong when I was literally trying to do something right by being like, I am friendly coming through. I don't, so if you want to bypass the security machines, go through teeter-tottering. Like a Pinocchio dance. Yeah, just like,

oh, I'm sorry. Is that what Al-Qaeda needs to do That's all they gotta do Stop doing the monkey bars Well no That's why they run Through the tires In that obstacle course That's the same motion

I did was My god And um But just But if he does think I'm trying to do that Then you should pull me aside So you really didn't think

I was doing it Because So you're just a liar This guy was such an asshole It's like that Louis C.K. joke I think it's Louis C.K. Who said they he had like a bottle of something oh yeah he likes to do clay he's talking about how he likes to do clay and then he tried to bring the clay on the plane clay looks like bombs and then they they were like you can't bring this on the plane and

then he was like okay and then they threw out the clay and then they let him on the plane and he's like look it's either a bomb or it's not like if i tried to bring a bomb onto the plane yes you should just throw out the clay and then let me go on the plane yes that is that's so because you don't think i have a backup yeah it's like if that was my bomb or at least i'm a guy who's trying to bring a bomb on the plane you just threw a bomb in a trash can don't you think it could possibly detonate inside there it's that is so funny and so nuts yeah so anyway this girl wrote to me i found it she said hey i was talking to a comedian barking for stage time in the village and he was telling me about comedians who were mean when they barked at them by mistake and then

there was two line breaks oh shit oh no i was just and there's no it's hey exclamation mark so that does connote i'm nice uh-huh it reminded me years ago i was barking on barking on McDougal and I barked you by mistake. You were literally the banner of my Netflix at the time. I was so embarrassed, but you said something along the lines of, don't worry about it. You're doing great. And it meant so much to me.

Really kept me going through that stage of comedy when it feels like people don't even see you. So thank you very much. Hope you are well. Dude, I know I share these things sometimes, but sometimes I question if I'm a good person and then something like that comes back and you're like, okay, good.

I was nice. Even though I know that I would be I've every time someone would bark me I would and they go oh sorry they'd recognize me I'd go why would you ever of course you're just mindlessly out here saying it to everyone it's not like you're looking for comedians to not like to insult yeah but I've heard some horror stories of comedians being so mean to people because they didn't recognize them oh yeah I could be as famous as taylor swift and i would still be like like she does hey i'm taylor she introduces herself as taylor it's like like a human like a human you have to speaking of taylor swift i'll just briefly say that the tortured poets department is out it has been out since um i guess friday night uh 12 a.m. Eastern and I have so much to say

about it I will be recording a solo episode possibly with someone else that's a Swifty in Canada nor Hadidi I'm going to record it tonight just audio you don't have to be involved I don't want you I don't no one can be involved it's just I was going to bring talk about it today and do some points but I'm like they both don't know

what I'm talking about I need to get really in depth it's just going to be a very Swifty episode it's not going to be it's just going to be in-depth uh discussion of torture poets department if you're looking for any criticism of it you're not going to find it no not even a single word because I have nothing bad to say because why would I what you don't want to be another soundbite in a Taylor Swift movie. Well, that also. But I also, like, there's no reason for negativity. You love it. If you think there are too many songs on this album,

why are you complaining there's too many? Just don't listen to the song. Is it a double album? Yeah. Oh. And how many songs? And I say that with so much love. Saying bitch, like, she's my friend.

She, 31 songs. Wow. She Baskin-Robbins-ed this shit. She, 31 songs. Wow. She Baskin-Robbins'd this shit. She released 16 first at midnight. And then at 2 a.m., 2 a.m., because she kept doing twos, she kept doing peace signs throughout the tour, at the fucking Grammys, always giving these peace signs. And everyone was like, what is this peace sign?

And everyone kept saying, no, she's going to release The Reputation with Church of Poets. And I was like, this is this peace sign and everyone kept saying no it's she's gonna release the reputation with church poets and i was like this is a double album everyone like she would not be doing these post malone's doing the two he did it at the super bowl when he did like she had everyone doing this and so it was the double album because she did it for midnight's too she is locked in to giving us clues double albums the rest of her life that's 31 songs taylor swift fans went from having like we have so many things in our head already and 31 more songs and they are dense lyrically so it's like it's it's i i heard um an abc news report this morning on my instagram that was david muir who i love and he's like reporting on it. Like he's reporting on the Gaza Strip. Muir Woods. Yeah.

Yeah. Like your shirt. And he's just like, if it was the morning after the release, he's like, if Swifties are tired at work, if you are you working with a fellow Swifty and they're tired at work, please forgive them. And I felt so seen. Like it really is daunting. But in the best way, I am having the best week because of it

that's all I'm gonna say I will get into it in depth but it is like soothing to my soul that was this morning when I was on the girls chat I said I can't even listen to Taylor Swift right now

I'm so sad I don't even want her to be associated with this feeling I'm feeling it's like someone gave you a big giant cake and said you have to

finish the whole cake and so you're gonna like each piece of the cake but it's gonna take you some time totally it's so I don't

have anything that i love that much i know i'm jealous you have so many i was listening to chris's radio show today and they were talking about how like they've never been excited about the release of something ever in this way i have what is it it was when the avalanches came out with their second album after their first album which was in it was 2001 was their first album then took them 16 years whoa to come out with their second album oh my god and the second album was it didn't it didn't match the first album but it didn't disappoint and that's really after 16 years that's incredible i've never even heard of them i've never heard the avalanches what about husky night husky rescue yeah husky

rescue is i mean they don't make me that was stuck in carisle's car. She had a car that the CD would not come out. So you only could listen to this album by this band called Husky Rescue. Country Falls. It's a great album. It was really good. It was soothing. And Sarah McLachlan was also in that. You had like a turntable in there.

It was a dischanged situation. So you had a choice. There was like four albums. Four Husky albums in there. Sarah McLachlan was one. But yeah, if they came out with the new music i'd be very excited yeah the only person that to me is like my taylor swift is mariah but not but mariah carey yeah but they're like whole mariah carey songs i've never even heard right right so

i'm not near as much as a fan well it is it there were there are taylor swift songs i've never heard that really like you know not never i've heard never. I've heard everything, but if she were to play it as a secret song, I kind of go, I don't know. I can't sing along with this one. Really? That shocks me. And it's embarrassing. Did that happen on the tour? Yeah, a lot.

Really? A lot. Yeah, and now I know those songs because I would hear them kind of for the first time. Not really the first time, but actually hear them for the first time. Yeah. And then I would get really into it. One of those if you're swifty listening is begin again i saw that one like front row and was like kind of sad that she picked a song that i didn't really know and then i was like oh wait um and then uh but yeah i i there's a lot that i don't know because there's

so much i think she has at this point probably 400 songs out there around 300 400 that um and um the beatles have a lot of songs and i thought i knew every beatles song and then i have this piano book that's called the beatles complete which has every single you have the beatles my parents do yeah and i you know i just sometimes flip through it i'm like i'll play these and then there's like dozens and dozens of songs that i'm like i've never heard of this ever yes yes most of them are from their early days like it's not gonna be like there's a song from the white album or something that's but like man i think maybe like a hundred songs in there that i'm like i've never even heard this song i don't know if i could find it

there's so many songs yeah it's i wrote one song and i feel so accomplished and i can't even imagine and she definitely she wrote 31 songs for this album but she definitely wrote more than that i mean like it takes a lot to get i think people think that she just put every song she wrote i guarantee you she wrote 31 other songs there's some that she's still writing that are going to appear on an album one day i can't wait yeah she's she writes a song every day i'm guessing that's how she processes her life and her thoughts like she definitely is writing constantly and um it's just you make a joke every day not really not really i mean i guess a conversation yeah you don't even realize yeah that's true i just did a louis ck bit that if i would have just

followed it through i could have gotten to the same place he did isn't that so interesting like when you not that i would if i did that a joke someone would go hey nikki someone has that joke but um that there are opportunities for jokes literally everywhere and i just drop that one pisses me off yeah it's like man why couldn't i think of that one yes it's not a comedic genius like he is well you are though like you just haven't tapped into the same thing that he's tapped into something like he's just he's found i don't know what what that is the flow like he's tried masturbating in front of people i did and uh it made me less funny i saw the clip the other day

of him saying like you know addressing that it was on my instagram and he's like if you want to masturbate in front of someone ask them and then if they say yes ask them again and then just don't do it yeah and don't don't trust that they really and he's right like just don't because you don't know why they're saying yes it could be because they just feel uncomfortable or whatever yeah and um but then he does also says that he has he's like uh everyone knows my thing we all have a thing and he's like oh yeah obama knows my thing it was the funniest line because it's just that taking that to the next level everyone's already laughing at everyone knows his thing even like a little kid on a plane is like mama that's the guy that jerks off in front of women or whatever but then him saying obama and you're like he obama does know yeah what the

fuck i wrote a song yeah yeah it's um it's whenever i see a like a baby shoe on like line like it's a missing oh yeah it's such a sad sight i have a song i always sing when i see the shoe what is it i'm kind of embarrassed to sing it but you started you brought it up yeah i know because i think people will start singing the song i think it's great no okay it's baby shoe yawn baby shoe lying on the street how did, yawn baby shoe, fall off the baby feet? That's beautiful. That sounds like an old nursery rhyme during the plague. That's right.

That's how I invented that. I wrote that. Yawn baby shoe. Is it yawn baby shoe? Yeah, yawn. Yawn means what? Your? I don't know.

Wait. I think it's an old timey word. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Did it just come out one day? Yeah, I just saw it and I was walking down the street because I do talk to myself a lot when I'm walking around.

I mean, I'd have that thing where I try to be in someone else's conversation later. Or if I'm walking down the streets of New York City, I try to say something to myself that someone will turn. And then later on, they'll be like, I heard some guy on the street yelling at someone on the phone about there's too much corn in his soup or whatever the fuck yeah that's great yeah um i just heard that humming to yourself is a really good thing to do really that you can't think and hum at this you can't ruminate and hum at the same time which i don't think is true man i need to do something like that you're supposed to hum to yourself when you're really because it actually stimulates your vagus nerve and it actually feels the way

your mom's voice felt when you were in utero and it's very comforting. So you feel like it's kind of like this buzzy vibration. Yeah. That's like within you. And then it stops you from hyper focusing on things. Yes. I need that so bad. So just hum to yourself.

I do that anyway throughout my day. It's probably a soothing technique that you've learned. It's weird. Allie does it too. She's humming all the time. Really? Sometimes I do it like around other people if there's like a quiet moment that they know that like I'm not in a bad mood.

Is that weird? No, that's so codependent, but yes. It's not even like an awkward silence that I'm trying to feel. I just don't want them to think that I'm like mad at them. It usually happens at work. If you have to work around somebody. Which Enneagram are you? Nine.

The Peacemaker. I had a makeup artist that would do that. I could just tell she didn't like the awkward silences. She would just go every time she's doing any of my makeup and it's too silent. I think she the type of person she is every time she's doing any of my makeup and it's like too silent because she just needs to,

I think she, the type of person she is, I think is this similar where it's like she has to make sure people know she's not mad at them or like not in a bad mood. It's kind of like that guy on Love on the Spectrum. Remember when he's like, yeah, I'm very excited.

And he's like, talks like this and he always does high fives and he's like, yeah, and I bring joy to the world and that's what I do. And the girl is kind of talking to him and going like, oh, talks like this. And he always does high fives. And he's like, yeah. And I bring joy to the world. And that's what I do. And the girl is kind of talking to him and going like, hey, do you? He's like, I'm just worried if it gets quiet that that I'm not going to know what to say. What do I say if it gets quiet on my date?

She goes, you know, you can just like not talk. And he's like, but but I bring joy to the world. And he's like, and his realization when she was just like, you don't always have to say something all the time to and because he's he grew up with a mom that thought you know because he had autism he was just they were so worried about him all the time so he had to always project that he was okay and he's happy and he's in a good mood and um yeah that sucks when you have to pretend like you're in a like that you have to your your mood is so volatile to people or that you sense that it is that you have to like calm other people down around it. Yes.

That's interesting. And it bleeds into my personality in a way that like just because I've worked in hospitality for so long and just like your whole day is just like smiling. And yeah, I'm like, you know, it just you just become a people pleaser like you just kind of have to be god my face hurts at the end of the day yeah good smiling muscles oh my god to work out and i hate that i'm causing wrinkles like not for a joyous reason but just because i'm like placating your gluten-free order or whatever the fuck you know what i mean like just smiling extra hard maybe it's helping you though a little bit to smile it's maybe subconsciously it's telling your brain

that you're happy even though you're not smile and then your brain will think that you are something like that yeah i'm trying to smile way more i am too yeah well i'm trying to actually get those crow's feet activated because i've noticed in all my pictures because of botox i have like dead eyes when my rest of my face will be excited and it's like I like having a little bit of like a crinkle here it's good it shows that you're like that you have like warmth in you

I think there's a warmth in a crinkle in an eye and that is a Taylor Swift lyric there's a crinkle lyric and I know if you're Swiftie you're thinking about it right now and so am I we will talk more about all of this and less about Taylor Swift because I'm going to do an episode fully dedicated to it later this week after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from john and the team of correspondents and contributors the podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. So what happened in Indianapolis?

So my Indy calamity. So Indianapolis, I love the Colts. Okay. But when it comes to Indiana, I think I'm more of a Bloomington, Indiana guy an indianapolis guy okay indianapolis is not the best city in indiana i don't think um okay yeah but um wait what's the best bloomington is bloomington i mean if you want to call it a city it's a college town yeah um and it's in the most beautiful county in indiana i believe have you been to all of indiana though like these statements of like it's the best you know i've been to a lot of indiana okay okay we went to gary we did go to

gary i've been to the indiana dunes i've been to indianapolis i've been to monroe county i can't think of another city in any indiana besides gary and indianapolis well there's tara hote that yep i do know that one the uh's where National Death Row is. Whoa. Yeah. So if you want to go visit that, you can. Evansville. You can get a Viato.

Evansville, that's a good one. Fast food capital of the world. Evansville, they have a college too. It's where they test every fast food. Purdue's just a college. Okay, well, what's the city? I forgot where it is. West Lafayette.

Okay. Okay. Okay, so Indianapolis, not a fan. I'm a fan, but not a fan. Their food is not usually good. There's some good places, but we went to this place that was recommended to us by the audience. Not a good sign.

I feel like you can't trust an audience recommending you any dinner options. Really? Why? Well, because it doesn't usually work out. We went to this place, and it was just packed, and it was like a bar after sports place. But anyway, I ate it. And my real calamity was my hotel was pretty expensive and it was not a great hotel.

My bathroom wasn't like updated and my toilet wouldn't flush. So the whole weekend I'm just like using that toilet and it's just like filling up with stuff. And like you can flush it a little bit after things like break down for a while but i'm just like i'm paying like whatever like three hundred dollars a night i should have a toilet yeah i should crazy did you call the front desk no because i was like this is no this is a behavior that you've repeated over and over that one night you couldn't sleep because there was techno music at the hotel that we were staying at and you didn't sleep the whole night and i, why didn't you call the front desk? And you were like, I just thought it would stop eventually.

That's what I thought. I'd stop shitting. Okay, you need to hum and you need to hum louder. What I was really thinking was, I'm not going to be here for that long. I can have a non-functioning toilet for three days. I mean, I've been there. I'm projecting. I get what you're doing here.

And then we went to this place, the Slippery Noodle, and I got food poisoning. Oh, God. That sounds disgusting. The Slippery Noodle? Exactly, yeah. I got food poisoning,

and so I had to... What did you eat? It was like French onion soup, a baked potato. I don't know. I think it was the soup. Really? Wow.

Okay. And so I had to puke, and i had to puke in the tub because my toilet was filled with shit oh my god brian i am so disturbed by this i was just kneeling down on a pillow puking in the tub all night next to a pile of my own shit are you pregnant this sounds like the problems on the girls chat just Just everyone, like this is ridiculous. I know. And so the chunks of puke you had to like push. And then I turned on the shower to wash away the puke.

And the steam from the shower made the fire alarm go off. Oh my God. And I'm in so much pain. I'm writhing in pain. I'm trying to get the fire alarm to turn off, puking in the tub. And what's ironic about it Alanis is that there was a fire convention a fire department convention in Indy that weekend in the hotel this hotel was filled with the hotel can we name check it um isn't it no sounds like it

no I love you could get it I know those are nice but those are like 300 yeah this is your moment that's what but this is your fault that you did not say, hey, can I get a plunger or something? Yeah. Like that's at the very least, like when I poop up a toilet, I don't let them do it. I just say, bring me a plunger. You know what I need. Over time, because it was like almost fine. Because over time, if you just let it sit there overnight.

It would finally like start to sink down. Yes. And then you could flush it. Yes. So it's like almost fine. Because over time, if you just let it sit there overnight. It would finally start to sink down. Yes, and then you could flush it. So it's like, you know what? It's not like it's overflowing. Yeah. Something I've changed about my life. And I was just saying on the Girl Chef today that I don't think I've changed in the past five years at all. I look at pictures.

In terms of looks, I've changed. But I eat the same things. I wear the same things. I sit the same way. I talk the same way. That's called having a style and a personality. I don't think it is. Like it's all the stuff I'm ashamed of though.

Like I was looking at a picture of my green room from three years ago and it's the same like dinner I'm eating. It's just the same bullshit. Like it's just, I look immature. Like I'm just stunted. It's good to be a creature of habit. It's comforting. I get that and I very It's good to be a creature of habit. It's comforting. It's good for your body.

I very much am, but I want to just evolve and I just think my personality has not changed at all. I don't think I've become more tolerant, more nice, less depressed. I'm just kind of in the same rut of that stuff, but that's beside the point. You've got to start smoking cigarettes. Something that I do think I've changed

recently is that I don't totally trash my hotel room like it's not I if I'm you know I buy a bunch of new makeup and I take it all of it out of its wrappers and I'm doing all my makeup before show usually I would come back home and it would just be a nightmare in there and then I'd clean it up I wouldn't even clean it up I'd eventually you know leave it for the maid and then put down a 20 to be like oh she's gonna clean up after me now I put everything in a trash can as soon as I unwrap it like my hotel room looks kind of presentable and i think it's because i'm scared i'm gonna die and i don't want people to see saying that that's that's more of it like i just

think someone's gonna have to like come get me in my hotel room and i don't want them to be like disgusted by it so i think that's probably keeping me doing there's always this death pictures like britney murphy's death or like the Whitney Houston. Her bathroom, everyone was like, it's a mess. And I was like, it looks so organized to me.

Why are there so many products just scattered about? That is the common denominator. There's so many products just littered. And because they don't have minimalist style and because they're crazy

because this business makes people crazy. Yes. And you become a hoarder and you get tons of products sent to you all the time new things and you feel bad saying no because this is a 500 value just two years ago i would have done anything for that i couldn't afford that and so now i'm getting it for free so i'll say yes to it and then you get it and then you're like i have to post about it

and then they follow up and they go hey have you gotten the product yet yes i have i haven't had a chance to use it i'm on the road and then you just keep ignoring their dms because you feel bad you haven't used it and even if you do you don't really like it and you don't even know how to talk about it because you don't even think your skin's that good to even promote it because people are gonna be like why would i even want nikki glazer skin so you feel like ashamed that you even are someone who should promote something skincare wise um but yeah i think that's it but yeah i've just started and i used to always if i pee i'd never flush if i'm staying in my own apartment or uh hotel until it gets like environmental

reason blaze lazy like i just don't care about like having to turn around touch a toilet first of all i just don't i don't like washing my hands either in my own apartment so i'm just like i don't need to add germs to this because if i flush toilet i have to wash my hands and if i don't flush the toilet i feel like i didn't flush it with your shoe that's a little much for like the little tiny silver handle on the side and sometimes it's like a dot on the top you know a button on the top i hate the button on the top yeah and i don't want to stick my finger every new toilet into a toilet that's such a good point i know it's disgusting it's too hard to push and you wind up. And they're split sometimes because one is like

just for pee and one's for poop. And you're like, you don't have nails. You know how gross it is with nails whenever you go down? And then your nail scrapes

the hole in the way down. I get a manicure and they get the dirt out from under my nails. It's one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. And I always forget

to like do it pre before going in. It's like getting the toilet paper out of your vagina before you go to the gynecologist. and I always forget to like do it pre before going in yeah it's like getting the toilet paper out of your vagina before you go to the gynecologist and I always I do that I always think about that

that's like cleaning your hotel room before you die yes so I start flushing right away but I'll tell you what and then I'll go to the toilet and I'm like oh my god it's like doesn't have piss

and toilet paper in it and it like makes me feel better about myself yeah I clean up like wrappers and stuff but in hotel rooms I used to just trash them because it was like who cares i think like you know you gotta do you gotta not

in a way that's like dirty where the maid is like ew oh and for instance it's all new stuff that you leave it's the other day i uh was in new orleans and i was leaving my hotel room i gotta show you this picture and i um spilled i set a water bottle on my bed and I spilled it. And I was like, oh, fuck, you know? And I was like, oh, no, the maid is going to think this is piss. Because also a spray tan had been on that area, too. It's like right where I was sleeping. So it looked like orangey. And then it was like so much water.

So it looked like just a huge bladder full of piss. So I wrote something I'm just realizing is so racist. I assumed they speak Spanish. And that's really ignorant. Hola. But I think I had encountered them already. I think I encountered the maid already. And she was.

Oh, yeah. Actually, I had because I asked for where the gym was. And the woman that was doing the rooms, no habla. Angles. Lo siento. Donde esta el gimnasio? So I looked up, it's water, not pee. I'm sorry.

Okay. And I wrote it with a tip. Oh my God. Because I just didn't want her to go like, ew. You know, like I'm sure they're used to it, but like that gives her a little peace of mind. She wasn't thinking that. A hundred percent she would.

It was right where I was like would be laying and it had like a tint to it. You spilled water on the bed. That had a tint to it because it was on the spray tan that I'd already deposited. 100% she would have thought it was bed. I bet you she wouldn't have even clocked it. They just strip the bed and throw it in there but now there's a note making them acknowledge

that there is a stain on this thing. And I can't believe I didn't even put it in English too. I'm such a piece of shit. But I really, I do think I knew she really was like, I would not have done that had I not known. But I think I was also thinking about my joke of killing myself in a hotel room and writing in Spanish,

like a note on the door that says someone's dead in here. Like, and I would write, because I wouldn't want them to like find me because that's disturbing. So I'd want them to call like a coroner. Just put the do not disturb thing on. Yeah, that's a good, that's a good point. Yeah.

And I didn't do a background, like a, the exclamation point upside down, which I always think that's such a fun thing about the Spanish language. And I didn't even do it on there. Wasted opportunity. Bad call. You should have done it in a different, they should have done it in like Russian or something. And they'd be really confused. I don't even know that I knew this woman spoke Spanish.

I just figured she did. Have you ever seen the documentary on Netflix called Working that Obama did? And they follow workers like in a hotel and it starts with like the maid and then it goes to like the chefs, the maitre d', and then it goes all the way to the top

and the hotel owner. But anyway, the the maids what stuck out to me they said that rarely people say hello to them or even look at them like as they're working as you're passing a maid like in a hall so you should always say like good morning because like they're people i look at i i contact every time because there's a part of me that doesn't want to look at them because I'm embarrassed of what they have to clean up of mine of other people's and I'm like I feel sorry for them and that's like such a like who am I to be like your life is so sad so I always make a point to look at them because I'm like they're and I want to be like and I want to wink at them a little bit like you're about to get a little treat in that room some piss and a tip.

Because I did put money on that too, by the way. There's some money in that picture as well. Which is so nice because nobody ever does that. Everyone needs to tip. This morning I couldn't because I didn't have any cash. And I want to call the hotel and just be like, is there a Venmo for the... That would be nice. Nobody has money anymore.

They need to start having a a venmo for you yeah everyone needs a venmo but the thing is if you don't um if you don't have you know change or whatever just go down the front desk and tell them to you know get change at the front desk before you check out and then they'll put it in an envelope and write it on but there should be a little venmo qr code in your room absolutely that lets you tip the you know what i don't need in my hotel room anymore you guys telling me that um i'm i can hang up my towel and reuse my towel yeah to save the environment and there's like a little picture of a seal with it like we're doing our best no you don't want to

hire enough people yeah and you want to save money on cleaning on water and i yes exactly you're pawning it off on being environmentally conscious it's such bull and there's literally a picture of a seal like this guy is gonna live we're not gonna club him to death because we're so angry that we have to pick up your towels but i do reuse towels like crazy yeah they could say that about anything too they could be like we only put one uh pillow in your room because we want to save the geese and thank you for thank you for joining us in this fight they They always make you like, well, you volunteered somehow. Yes.

Yeah, that's bullshit. It's like, what if I'm a Republican? Right. I don't give a shit about the geese. You know what? Not only Republicans, everyone doesn't anymore. No.

Because it all seems to not be going very well. But that's beside the point. There's a new Taylor Swift album. Things are looking up. What was that? I was going to say say we're talking about hotels yeah uh last weekend i had an experience where i was promised this is a place to stay and uh you were working coachella yeah and i would have given anything for a hotel i would have taken a b Brian Frangie hotel with shit in the toilet. Yeah. He would have slept in that puke tub. Mm-hmm.

It was hilarious because I got this gig. So I do service industry stuff. All right. The jig is up. I'm telling you. Whenever I'm not a comic. Wow.

The jig is up. The jig is up. Oh, so you've been trying to pretend like you don't. No, I keep like, we keep talking about like kind of what I do for work, but then like not,

but anyway, I'm a server. Yeah. So I like, we keep talking about like kind of what I do for work, but then like not. But anyway, I'm a server. Yeah. So I got hired to do this gig at Coachella and they told me to leave early enough to be there to work the day, like, you know, as a bottle service waitress, bartender, whatever. So to beat the traffic, we had to leave at 3 a.m. in the morning. Damn. I'm driving. To India?

I get to the desert. Yeah. To beat the traffic and then so they were like well there's this Airbnb where all the girls

can crash to like sleep before we work this party and we're supposed to be bottle service too so we're supposed to be like hot

and cute with like a cute outfit hair done makeup you were working for Celsius right? yeah it was like the Celsius event

and they gave you like Celsius clothes to wear yeah and it was like these leather booty shorts and like condom boots. What did you do with that outfit? Did you have to give it back?

I still have it. Do you want it? I just saw the outfit and I was like, that's kind of cute. It was cute. What do you do with it? It was so fun. The experience was so good, but I just thought this was so funny because we literally show up to this Airbnb at 5 a.m. It's still dark outside and all the

lights are off. Everybody's clearly sleeping at this house. And our information is just that this is where we're staying. So we start like knocking on the door and this disheveled man answers. It's like one of the bartenders because there were bartenders that went up the day before to like set up for this event. Yeah. And he's just like, oh, hey. Yeah. Oh, we thought you guys were going to be here later.

There's no beds. And I'm with four girls. And we have like all our like blankets and bags and stuff. Thank God I thought to bring like blankets and a pillow. And they were like, he was like, yeah, there's like some pool chairs. She had to sleep on a goddamn pool chair. And she didn't sleep because you had to work.

At what time did you have to be up to start setting up? I mean, we had to be at the thing at 1130 and be all cute. So you were there at five? Yeah, so we got there at five. So we were just sitting on that. How does that even work? How could this be worth it?

I know. We got paid. You did? Yeah, and I got a free T-Pain concert. Don't be jealous. Yeah. Okay, when I go to these like swanky events sometimes like celebrity events where there's like it's a big deal and everyone's having the time of their life i do feel bad for like i've the the the caterers

sometimes i'm like this is so cool they get to be here but i feel like i would i would feel no if i were that i'd feel so resentful of like, who do these people think they are? I'm just as good as you and you have no idea because I'm wearing a Celsius shirt or whatever. Like you don't feel like they treat you bad or like they ignore you? No, they were nice. I mean, like it was just like getting paid to go to a concert really. Like the day part of it was fun. But like, and I also feel like I time traveled because I haven't like done bottle service in a long time.

I haven't been asked. Aged out. feel like i time traveled because i haven't like done bottle service in a long time haven't been asked um and so just be like just be like a hot girl and like the outfit again just like dancing and vibing a t-pain which that was the music from the era yeah whenever i did bottle service yes so like that song that's like i like the bartender you know yeah yeah oh yeah yeah all those like that was me again just like slinging bottles they do baby shoe but uh every song was a banger you almost made me think that was a hit for a second i'm like he did do baby that is cool when you go to a show and you go i'm not gonna know any of that and you go oh my god they have so many hits literally everyone was a hit yeah but to get to that we had to sleep in the pool chairs, which was hilarious, which was like this scene of just like a nice ass pool, like waterfalls going, hot tub, everything.

And there was like beer cans all spread around. Like you could tell they had like partied the night before. Somebody enjoyed the Airbnb. Yeah. But I didn't sleep because I was just like, I have to start rolling my hair and like somehow look hot. God. To work in the desert.

Isn't life like. And drink so much Celsius. Do you feel like. Oh, yeah. Did that get you through? Mainlining Celsius. Oh, yeah. I had one last week and I was like, holy shit.

Like it went right through me. Yeah. Right through me. It's a great. It's a clean, you know. It's a clean high. It's not like a red bull. It's not like a monster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot what, oh, like, I feel like I'm stressed out about even hearing that story because I would have had so much dread of like this day where I'm not going to be, I'm on no sleep, I'm already tired, and then I went to this thing, I got no sleep, and then I have to look hot, and then I have to like. So much dread sleep and then I have to look hot and then I have to like so much dread just how long

is there an end in sight do you know when it's over because that's I think that's like my biggest thing in life is I need to know when things are over and if I do

then I'll be okay like when I do meet and greets I don't mind doing meet and greets but I want to know how many people are left not because I'm like I can't wait till it's over it just gives

because sometimes the meet and greet line like snakes around and I will be like how many people are left. Not because I'm like, I can't wait till it's over. It just gives, because sometimes the meet and greet line like snakes around. You got to see that in. And I will be like looking at Matt like, how many more? Not because I'm like, I hate this. I really just want to see an end.

Yeah. Yeah. CNN. CNN.com. Yeah. I just want to go home and watch Wolf. It's never a hard out with anything of service. It's like,

well, we got to see when everybody clears out of here. And then we got anything of service it's like well we got to see when everybody clears out of here and then we got it well you know we got to pack up all these tables and then once we get the bottles loaded back into the truck like you just never really know i guess yeah anyone who works in the service industry shout out to you for like not there's cool unknowns about the service industry industry i think like not for your job right now because you guys like just pull all your tips together. And so at the end of the night, I guess it's always different,

but it's not based on your performance, what you get. Not that it ever is, because they've done studies, and waitresses who are really nice and do the best job ever make the same tips, or maybe sometimes less tips

than people who are straight up rude or just have no personality. There's no really science to it. It it's random but i did like that part about waitressing that every time there was a little dopamine hit of like seeing what they left like and the the you know it's like a roll of the dice of like what's it gonna land on and there's never you can never expect it or but it's random enough that i think scientists would probably deem it a good thing as for dopamine hit because you can't count on it. It doesn't give you it every time, and that is a fun part about it.

Whereas a salary job is just like, I just know what it's going to be. Well, you get a bonus. Yeah, I don't see how you're motivated at all because you're just phoning it in every day. But that would be nice, too,, I do envy people who have jobs that they don't have to take home and I know that's a rarer thing than we all think it is because most people's work

does follow them home even if you're a waitress. Yes, you can't shake it. Like what follows you home as a waitress? I mean literally, sorry to say waitress, server.

It really is true. Female server. I'm not offended by anything except for if you call me ma'am that's the only thing that gets me offended. But like really I will remember something once I'm home like oh i forgot to bring them honey yes oh my god like something like that will pop up and it i hate that it lives in my brain but it doesn't

it gets so fast like what we do especially this restaurant where i work where like everybody comes all at once to power lunch and then they're gone. So it's like all 12 o'clock and one. Brian, you came and ate lunch there. You saw. I actually want to hear about your experience of what you saw. But like there's times whenever people ask you something and you're walking to the computer to ring it in and then somebody else comes up and tells you something. Hey, your table needs whatever.

And then you're like, fuck, I forgot that thing. It's like when you're in a document and you cut it and then someone asks you something and then instead of pasting it somewhere you don't never paste it and it's just lost in the world yes that is why that is literally that is literally why i've forgotten to do roast jokes minutes before i was completing my set to turn in for the prompter i mean like an hour before the show cut a joke that was one of my favorite jokes i've ever written yes and i'm on the dais and jeff ross does a joke about That was one of my favorite jokes I've ever written. Yes. And I'm on the dais. And Jeff Ross does a joke about a similar topic that just reminds me of the joke. And I've already done my. And I go, oh, my God, where's where's that joke?

And it's just like there was there's gambling involved where I'm just like, well, or negotiating in my mind of like, well, maybe like because this edits together later, I can just like can I just ask them if I can go back up and do it because it's so essential. It's like that that happens all the time with cutting and pasting. There's supposed to be a thing called a clipboard, which is an invisible thing on your computer that has all the stuff that you cut. And I feel like that's impossible to access. It's gone and only keeps one thing.

The last thing that you cut, there needs to be a feature where you can retrieve all the things that you've cut that have been lost into the space of your processor. Well, last night, talk about wasting time on online. I tried to make a I did make a reel with all these pictures of me from that Matt takes on tour. They're amazing. And I rarely post them all because I'm usually like when I see pictures from the past weekend, I'm always just like, oh, God, you look like that. But I need time. Yeah. So I was the past weekend, I'm always just like, oh, God, you look like that. But I need time. Yeah. So I was like, oh, I have all these pictures.

And there's like this new Taylor Swift song that is about performing when you're depressed. And shout out to all the Swifties who are like, Nikki, you are going to love. I can do it with a broken heart because it is about, you know, part of the song is like, I'm so depressed. I act like it's my birthday every day. And she's just like she's talking about how I can do it with a broken heart. She's like hitting her marks. I can.

I'm a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said, baby, you can make it till you fake it. So I did. Lights, camera, bitch, smile. Even when you want to die. He said he loved me for all time. Then the lights were good.

It's all just about like she's going through heartbreak, but she's on ERA's tour, which is, I mean, I'm going to get into it later on the other podcast, but it's incredible because anyone who's seen her on ERA's tour, me 12 times,

going to be 15 after the summer. She was performing depressed. I did predict it. I did say there was a sadness I could sense at some points because why wouldn't there be? And I'm a performer. I know what it's like

to perform when you're depressed. It doesn't mean that you're having a bad show and that the whole time you're like, I wish I wouldn't be be? And I'm a performer. I know what it's like to perform when you're depressed. It doesn't mean that you're having a bad show and that the whole time you're like, I wish I wouldn't be on stage. It takes you out of it. But if you're a pro, you can do it with a broken heart, which she says that.

And even at the end of the song, she's like, come for my job. I'm the best at this. I can do this no matter what. I'll always be able to perform no matter what's going on in my life. And it's so good. But anyway, I took that song and I was like, people are going on in my life and it's so good. But anyway, I took that song and I was like, people are using it in reels a lot

so I was like, I need to get on this fast because this is, I don't want just people who are like, oh, this song's fun that don't even like Taylor to beat me to it

and then I'm just jumping on this trend. So I made a, I spent two hours yesterday making a reel. It's so hard to time things and to edit on the Instagram app, but I don't have editing software, so I can't do it elsewhere.

You get CapCut. CapCut? Everybody says CapCut. CapCut's really easy. Okay, well, that's all I needed, but I ended up being like, I was like, I'm going to send it to someone to make for me, but then I would have to say this this picture, then I want it on lights, camera, bitch, smile, and then on

smile. And I can't trust other people's sense of rhythm, which even if you watch it, it's slightly off and it bugs me so much that it's slightly off. And if you zoom in on a picture on Reels to be like, and you crop it, it does like a weird glitchy thing when it switches to it. So you have to edit all

the photos beforehand to be the right size because you can't crop within it why can't they just fix it and make it better i don't know post i mean cap cut okay i'll do it in cap cut but um it took me i mean it was like four hours of my life doing this dumb thing that's gotten a thousand likes which seems like a lot but it's not when i posted a lot like you know uh i think i posted three hours ago and i have a million followers it's like that's not worth it no story of i have so much to do that was such a shame i mean it's just that's the industry though also now it's like we're stupid our whole job is to create content for mark zuckerberg yeah that's all we have that's all we can do now constantly and it's never ending it's we talked about it with benedict it's not it's once you post something it's like what's next and that's

the same thing with the business of like if i do a show if i have if uh you know i did three shows this weekend that were like amazing the crowd screaming like so much adoration like so much pomp and circumstance and then it's just like all right what's that's done now those people will it's it's over we live in this age and it's good and bad too because like you know whenever we were growing up we would have killed to be on tv and have our own tv show it's like well guess what now you have your own tv show there you go instagram you have your own channel go now what are you gonna do youtube go YouTube. Go. You've got a show. That's not what the dream was.

Well, you really can make anything you want. You can make anything you want. Not at the level you want to make it at, but if you want to make a movie, you can shoot a movie with your iPhone. If YouTube would have been around whenever I was a child, I would be so famous right now. Really? All I did was make content and movies and like with like a home

but you don't have time now would you would you want to do it now if you had time no i feel so silly being my age and like trying on wigs and being different characters like but is that what you want to do you like characters and it like no like i've i've you know i struggle with this like what to put out because it just feels silly but like what takes off is that is the wigs and the characters people love those wigs yes people love you know what's so funny when a guy puts a towel on his head and pretends to be his mother and and listen some of those things hit like you you follow somebody like it sometimes they hit and you're like this one's really funny but totally look at the other ones and you're like and then it's so there's a girl who just sits in her car and just goes like hey um she'll just do the most mundane observations but i'm addicted to it i forget her name but she

just does what did she do a thing about the other day it was um it's just like um there's a new term called yapping like it's it's pretty much like what we know yapping is is like girls just talking too much and it's like how is that a new term well it's it's like catchy now pretty much like what we know yapping is, is like girls just talking too much. And it's like, well, it's, it's like catchy now to be like, oh, she's a yapper. I'm a yapper. We're all yappers. And like, there's a picture of Taylor Swift talking, like her mouth is open. And while she's out to Nobu with Travis Kelsey and someone was like, oh, we've got a like grade A yapper on our hands.

It's like every, every like every jock guy needs a yapper girlfriend. And so it's just like we're yappers. And it's kind of like an endearing term. It's not like, oh, she's just a fucking. Stop chirping in my ear.

Yeah. It's actually like, it's cool to be a yapper, but this girl is just like, she just, she just does, I don't even, but it's in her car,

which is now the new thing. And the still for it is a very sexy picture of her in the mirror. A sexy selfie. And then it's not anywhere in the mirror. Well, that's a trick. And then it's not anywhere in the content. No, that's a... That's a new trick.

I don't like that one. I want to see the sexy content. I like it because you know why? You can't get back to it. And if you really want to see it, you're going to have to screenshot it like a loser. So you can post a hot picture without it being like, look at me.

So it's just like the subtle hot thing. That's just a blink. And I think I like that. Well, I can I like that. Well, I can't, I can't utilize that trick in my social media. So you can just take a hot picture of girls.

Yeah. Yeah. That's true. You can't use that, but you, you know, you have other things going. Yeah. I don't know what,

but you got that. But yeah, you're a man. Like we all have our things and we go, why do they get to do that? And we don't get to, like, you don't have to look hot. No, I don't have to look at like anything i don't even go on camera yeah that's a good point but yeah you do my whole point i guess for the apples i do

yeah and we're on camera literally right now fuck and your hat matches your shirt oh hell yeah you like coordinated this hat is awesome uh shout out to Ink and Stitch, a local L.A. embroidery shop. That's the best. I mean, this is what local businesses. Everyone loves local businesses. But going to a place like Ink and Stitch, I realize how awesome local businesses can be when there's a passionate business owner who actually cares about what they're doing as opposed to like going to lids and having some 19 year old who goes to west la community college be like yeah i'll make your stupid fucking hat people that like like their jobs and are in what we were just talking about like we feel sorry for like people like i wouldn't want to work here but then people you walk in

these places and they're like happy that they're working there yeah like we worked at a venue last night the paramount theater in um huntingtonton and we go to these theaters all the time casinos and like people are just like they hate their jobs You know, it sucks like working a union gig sometimes at these theaters and these guys are Disgruntled and like kind of like don't tell me what to do and little gruff, but these people are so nice So excited to have us Yeah everyone who works there is not that you can tell they just Whoever's the boss of that place who's whoever is at the top is probably a good

person because it's trickled down and everyone's happy and we were like it's so weird we had to even note that these people were just like basically decent like we were like you guys are so nice and they're like yeah we just like we all hang out outside of work like we just all we like who we are

and we like what we're doing we're not yearning for more this is enough and we make enough money and like or at least they seem to be and they were so freaking nice well that's what happens when you pay your employees a living wage and give them if you know it was funny because they don't well no they do but we were like it's so great here like it was two guys in like the doorway and one of them's probably like more of the know, more in charge of like more of a boss situation. What senior position? And then the other one was like not as much.

And the other guy was like a little like just had a little personality quirkiness that was a little different. But like nothing bad or anything, but just like just a different vibe. He took a picture with me and was like, I'm such a fan. I love you so much, but we got to talk about your feet. Like what's going on with your feet? Like I think he was trying to connect with me and like give, I'm such a fan. I love you so much, but we got to talk about your feet. Like what's going on with your feet? Like, and I think he was trying to connect with me and like give me, but it was just a weird moment.

But I do, I really do like that guy. What's going on with your feet? I think he just wanted, I think he just wanted to prove that he was like a next level fan. Right. Not the best way to do it, but I,

and I was like, actually, I love my feet and I'm never getting them operated on because I like the pain of them being massaged. And that shut him up real quick. He was like, okay, let's get feet and I'm never getting them operated on because I like the pain of them being massaged. And that shut him up real quick. He was like, OK, let's get a picture. I'm done with this conversation. So then what these guys were and we were like, we love this vibe so much here.

You guys just seem great. And he's like, yeah. The senior guy was like, yeah, we all hang out. Like, we're all going bowling tomorrow. And the guy behind him goes, you are? He goes, yeah. He goes, yeah, we talked about it on the slack and he goes there's a slack oh my god it was so funny because then when they left me and ari were just like oh boy like that was such

a funny moment where we're like it's so cool that you all like work together and love each other this one guy's clearly been left out of all of this stuff wow it was just a funny moment but i'm sure he's on the slack now. Ari Findling, who also went to Indiana University. God, so crazy. Really? I always forget that about him, even though he literally told me that 12 hours ago. I love Ari so much. Okay, we're going to take a break and come back with more after

this. We'll be right back. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, it was a massive weekend of Waukegan, Illinois on Friday. Did you see the falls? Yes, we drove past them on Saturday in Seneca. Pretty cool, right? of Waukegan, Illinois on Friday. Did you see the falls? Yes. You did? We drove past them on Saturday in Seneca. Pretty cool, right?

Yeah. I didn't see like the big part of it. I thought we thought we were going because the guy picked us up at the airport and was like, do you guys want to see the falls? It'll just take five minutes. And we were like,

we love a five minute tourist destination. That's all it takes. And then we just kind of drove through and then we never ended up parking. And then we were at the casino. We were like, did we see it? Like I saw just kind of like rap and then we never ended up parking and then we were at the casino we were like did we see like i saw just kind of like rapids but how close was the casino to the falls five minutes yeah yeah you see that's one of the things the niagara falls is a situation that actually helped establish more national parks and federal park lands in

america because people didn't like how Niagara Falls was capitalized on by different businesses. Like if you go to Niagara Falls, it doesn't feel like a park. It feels like there's like the Vegas Strip right next to the falls. Oh, ruining the nature and the pristine, you know, sites that you can see, but, you know, adding a lot of money to the region. And so other places are like, you can't do this here. You're not going to do this at the Grand Canyon. Imagine you go to the Grand Canyon and like surrounding the ridges yeah there's like a casino on the ridge that would be terrible people be jumping into the canyon because they lost all their money yeah right no that's what people do at niagara falls yeah they because

there's so many casinos around they have suicides from people losing all their money and then if you because so it empties out into canada i. And if you try to commit suicide and you, sometimes people survive the falls, you owe Canada money because they had to like fish you out. Like you end up owing. People survive? There's, there's one way where it's like, it's almost like 50, 50, where it's like, there's a way you can go off the falls where you probably will survive. That's what the driver was telling us.

Whoa. But, and Ani was like, so do they always do it in a barrel? Somebody wanted to kill themselves and would have to go get a barrel. Can you imagine? All we had to do is shut down that barrel store and people stopped killing themselves. Saved so many lives

and closed that barrel store. But it's true. It's because Houdini did it in a barrel, right? Is that what you're saying? No, it's just like... It was is because he did it in a barrel right i mean i don't know it's just like but it's like a big thing in the 1930s he's gonna go over the edge of the falls in a barrel so where do they so the barrel how does that work its way it like she thought i was so cute and then um she told me um a story when she was there that before I went on stage, she was like,

cause I go, I don't have anything to say about this region. And I want to say something to like about a joke about their area. People love that. I couldn't think of anything. And she was like, well, last time I remember being on tour here and driving through and there was a

blizzard and people in Buffalo were like, you got to watch out for the black guys. You got to watch out for them. And she was like, what? And then it ended up it was black ice, right? The black guys are slippery. They'll kill you. Yes.

And I made the joke of like, oh, I was like, you should tell them. That's really funny. Like, this is just a funny quip. And she was like, oh no, I'm not. No way. That's like so racist. And I'm like, no, it's,

I don't think she said it was so racist, but she was like, I could never, meaning like it would offend people. It's like, who does that offend? It sounds like black guys and it's black ice. Like, is that offensive? Like, I'm having trouble discerning. Let me just like take a brief moment and say that I saw I watched a roast clip of mine the other day. Like, it just came up and I was like, you know what? You owe you. You've never watched this ever since you did it. Like, you never literally watched the roast. You've never watched a clip of it. Like you don't review. Let's just see what you did because someone quoted a joke to me the other day and I didn't remember saying it.

What is it? It's so funny. It's one of my favorite jokes. I believe I wrote it. I think it's one of mine because I do get help on the roast. But this one I believe was one of mine.

It was like Pete Davidson's here. I go Pete Davidson live from New York. It's not your dad. I think that's so funny. But anyway, that's crazy to say to someone, first of all. That's insane. I don't know what's wrong with me. I said to Alec Baldwin, which I love this joke too,

but the clip that I watched was like, it's such an honor to be here roasting like Haley Bieber's fattest, dumbest uncle or something. It was way better than that, but it was like, how dare you? It was for the first time ever that I was like, who the fuck do you think you are? Because people keep going like, you're an assassin. You say things that no one else will say. And I'm like, do I really? I think people say pretty offensive things on these roasts. I don't think I people keep going like, you're an assassin. You say things that no one else will say. And I'm like, do I really? Like, I think people say pretty offensive things on these roasts.

I don't think I'm like going the next level. I think it's just because I look like I wouldn't because I have blonde hair and a nice smile or something. But I think there is something sociopathic about me because I don't, when I watched it, I was like. You're supposed, you're expected to do this. I know, but I go heavier. And I even pull back more than there's some jokes i write that i'm like that just can't be done and um but i just i i was having this so then we're back to the black guys thing okay right so i said it would be funny to say like

you know in a blizzard people don't have to tell you to watch out for black guys because they stand out a lot and they go like matt and ania were like i was like is that funny and they and they go like matt and on you were like i was like is that funny and they and they were like yes but you can't say that and i go why why like why is that racist they have a darker skin tone which would stand out more in a blizzard like that is just i'm not being racist that just is what it is uh-huh they have but the thing is is that it's white people that will find it racist a black person would probably laugh at that. You know what I mean? But there's nothing judgment.

I think racism is saying that people are worse. Not that they're different, but it's saying that someone's inherently worse. Saying that someone stands out in a blizzard because their skin tone is more different than the color of snow than a white person's skin tone is just a fact. And I said to Ari, I go, it's physics. And he goes, I don't know if it's physics and i go is it light refraction and sound waves and color waves isn't that physics it literally is a fact that a darker skin tone would stand up so is that offensive um i mean it can be offensive to some and if not offensive to others i would argue it is not offensive and if you are offended by it, you are actually wrong.

It's not, you don't get to say what's offensive to you. Things are actually black and white, offensive or not offensive. And you can say, final thought, you can say exactly, you can say that you're offended,

but there are things that are actually offensive because they're meaning to be mean, but just saying something like, um, for instance, there for instance there's there's some jokes i've been wanting to write recently that reference someone's that they've literally charged with a crime like that they've already served time for that is a crime that they were charged for and i wanted to make a joke about it and people go i don't think you can go there

and i go it could go there If it was alleged That would be offensive If it were alleged And I was And they haven't been Convicted of it But this has been A convicted By the

They are a blank It's It happened Jeffrey Dahmer Is a murderer Yes And a cannibal So for me to say

Or when I make a joke About Anthony Bourdain On stage Where I'm like Oh you know My hotel room was depressing. It had bubble. And I say all these things that are like, oh, it makes me want to kill myself.

They had the magnifying mirror and scale and all these things. I'm like, did I get the Bourdain bungalow? And people go, people always groan. And I go, oh, did you, did you just find out he, like, I'm just stating a fact. Like, I guess I'm making a, it's a joke because I'm referencing it. But all I'm referencing is that he killed himself and he did. I'm not telling him to kill himself. I'm not saying it's good joke because I'm referencing it but all I'm referencing is that he killed himself and he did I'm not telling him to kill himself I'm not saying it's good that he did I'm making

no opinion about you're laying the blame of his suicide on the feet of some kind of hotel room no I guess I'm not even doing that I'm just referencing that he killed himself in a hotel room and I'm saying that they named I'm saying did you name this hotel room after the guy who killed himself in a hotel room and i'm saying that they named i'm saying did you name this hotel room after the guy who killed himself in a hotel room right and and the audience is like of course they

wouldn't do something like that are you no they're merely offended that you brought up his tragic death yes and that is not offensive it is a fact that he killed himself i will not apologize for that i just want if i say my joke about kevin pollack where i said um you do a great robin he killed himself. I will not apologize for that. If I say my joke about Kevin Pollack where I said you do a great Robin Williams impression I wish you would finish it. That is offensive. I'm wishing he would kill himself. That is literally offensive. And you got

flogged for that. I don't know that I did but maybe you saw some. I don't remember. I remember at the time you were like this is why I do this is that it calls awareness to suicide. Jokes like that. Yeah I guess that's kind of a I do this, is that it calls awareness to suicide. I don't. Jokes like that. Yeah, I guess that's kind of a cop out.

I just did it because it was funny. Yeah, it's a funny joke. To wish someone would kill themselves is just an insane thing to say. And it's obviously a joke. Was that in a roast? Yeah. So hyperbolic. Yeah. It's a great joke.

It's a great joke. But that is offensive. If someone's to be offended by that, of course, because I'm wishing I'm saying I wish he would kill himself. But if I'm just referencing that someone killed themselves, you don't get to you can grow. But you're wrong to grow because it's nothing offensive. I'm just bringing up something that maybe brings up hard memories for you. But it's not offensive. It's not up to it's up.

It's up to the individual. Offensive is subjective. And it just, you know, it sucks that some people get offended at things and they don't seem like on the surface that they should be. Like blackface is offensive because white people used to say black people can't have jobs in Hollywood. We're going to paint our faces black and thus you don't get to work because and we're going to make fun of you and make it look like an insane version of what. But to acknowledge that a black person's skin tone is darker than a white person's skin tone is not offensive. It also changes. It literally is a fact.

It changes. There's going to be plenty of things we're saying now that in 10, 20 years, people are going to be like, that's really offensive. The fact that you sat, like it used to be offensive. It used to be offensive that you wearing a short a short sleeve shirt is a was offensive at some point yeah it all changes and you know no but it doesn't change facts are not offensive i have i think that's where i draw the line if you are restating a fact if i say someone is a murderer and they've served time for murder even though they served their time and they got out of prison i still get to say that because that's not offensive,

bringing that up and reminding them. Like even when Caitlyn Jenner I brought up, I was gonna do the joke of like, Caitlyn Jenner, what a beautiful woman you killed with your car. Oh yeah, that one. That I didn't end up doing because she said that she would walk off the dais

if anyone brought up that thing. And I was like, oh, okay, great. I won't do it. That's fine because and because that that is a little bit of that's it's not offensive to the family of the woman because i'm bringing up something that did happen yeah it might be hard to hear it's not offensive because i'm not saying she's deserved it i'm not saying she's oh i'm not saying something mean about i'm saying she's a beautiful woman first of all um hey that makes up for it i don't think it's offensive but i do understand that it's um hard to hear things and

and remember things but i would argue that we should bring up things that are hard to hear because otherwise they're forgotten yeah people get forgotten if you're just like well let's not talk about their death let's not like in my family we do not talk about when i was anorexic we don't ever mention it it was a really hard time in my family's life i almost died so we don't talk we act like it literally didn't happen is that good i don't find it to be buried in a pile of shame yeah it's good because it makes you feel like i did something wrong or like it was such a hard time that we don't we act like it didn't happen and so i you know we can't really joke about it there's just it's it literally is erased.

Every family has this where you erase something, whereas dad hit mom or the dog choked in front of all of us and died. Like something horrible and we all act like it didn't happen. I would argue it's not doing much good to not talk about hard things. It depends on where you lie because it's also not good to dwell on things. No, but I think giving them a little something. Yeah. Every year you have like a little celebration. Yes.

Every year I don't eat for a day just to remember. Well, that's what Jews do. Oh, that's true. Yeah. And Ramadan. Yeah, that's a month. Yeah. It's insane.

Not insane. I'm just saying it's very difficult. That's so offensive. I'm saying it's very difficult. I got so offensive. I'm saying it's very difficult. I got invited into a Ramadan feast that my neighbors were having. Oh. These like 15 like young boys that were dressed in all the stuff, like white, like robes and everything. And I was just like coming home.

And they were like, come, come. It's Ramadan. It's feast. It's feast. Come in, come's feast come in come in come on and you're like i've eaten today already so and i like went into their apartment and they all had like they had a sheet spread out on the floor and all this food like these weird biscuits and like like pastries and stuff weird carla that's offensive they were filming me it's different it's not weird it was yeah it was by the They were filming me. It's different. It's not weird.

By the way, people say weird when they mean different. And people say insane when they mean difficult. Yes. Totally. I mean, all these words, but that's so cute that they did that. And I was just like, okay, I have to go. I need to take my dog out. And people say offended when they mean I want attention.

Yes. Some people got offended at my show last week and wrote a comment on someone someone posted a picture of my show and then i like went to go to comment like thanks for coming and i saw a comment of like uh did the show get better after she um defended pedophiles because that's what we left and i go i just wrote k which they they're not even podcast listeners. I just wrote K with the original spelling of cool, K, underneath it. And I'm just like, yeah, it did get better. And then the person explained it to them underneath

of like, that's not what she was saying. And that's another thing that I'm like, you can't get offended. Literally pedophiles don't choose to want to fuck kids. And they don't choose to want to. Let me be clear about that. They choose to, I don't believe anyone chooses anything, don't choose to want to let me be clear about that they choose to i don't believe anyone chooses anything but we're not going to get into no free will you can take a class and learn how to want i think uh it's a master class yeah you can take a

master class from uh david is he a famous pedophile well like the nickelodeon thing oh right he's not really a pedo on that but i he definitely put a system together that helped people get You know, that's interesting. There's a lot of really famous serial killers and mass murderers, but I can't recall. Famous pedos? Yeah. Michael Jackson. Oh, okay.

Is the most famous. Yes, that's correct. I would say. Allegedly. Yes. Offensive. That's offensive. Yeah.

Because he was probably molested. Paris would be offended. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, oh my god i don't even want to get into that should we say i don't i want to keep getting invited to her things okay i think yeah she does she i think michael jackson is paris hilton's godfather godfather wow and she so she yeah she's a staunch believer that those are fake stories a lot of people are a lot i mean there are people that believe and i'm open to it that scott peterson didn't kill lacey peterson which is one of those things

that you're just like what the fuck but oj simpson i mean with his death last week did you guys see the thing that the you know the espn documentary was amazing back in the day but i don't remember all the details from it but a clip came up from the other day where he sees so after his trial where he's already you know he's let go and he's not guilty they're doing an interview with him and they find all they needed was they had the bruno molly shoe right they had the footprint of blood of this bruno molly shoe and all they had to do was connect him to this bruno molly shoe but they couldn't right during the trial but then later on they found a picture of him in the fucking shoe and there's only 299 shoes sorry 199 shoes maybe

it was 299 let's be generous 299 shoes of this size sold in the united states and he was wearing one of them on this red carpet and there's a video of him being presented with a picture of him in the shoe but this is not like i think this was maybe at his um this is why he was later convicted you know that he was later actually convicted of the murder and found guilty. But his eyes get so big. He literally goes. You couldn't do it if you tried to make your eyes as big as his are when there's like a frozen picture of him seeing the shoe for the first time. And it reminded me of The Jinx, which is back.

It is? seeing the shoe for the first time and it reminded me of the jinx which is back oh it is the jinx there's there's an updated uh the the jinx um hbo documentary where the the guy has the microphone on and goes in the bathroom at the end of the documentary spoiler alert turn off your podcast right now if you haven't seen the original jinx because you're gonna want to it's the best thing ever he goes in the bathroom after they he so he the same thing he was tried he got off for it then they do a documentary because this guy's a narcissist and can't keep his mouth shut and they find like the handwriting for whatever they link him to it and they have the proof right in front of him and they show him they're like this is your handwriting and then this is the handwriting of the killer like

and it's just like and he and he's worked with this documentary crew they seem to have been on his side the whole time kind of helping him vindicate himself but they're like we have the proof right here and you just see him see it in this moment and he starts kind of like like he starts doing this weird like his body can't help but respond to like the fact that he's guilty and he's like well that's you know peculiar what he says some bullshit I forget exactly what happened. And then he goes in the bathroom and he's still mic'd. And he forgets to not mic himself and he goes in the bathroom and he's just by himself. And you just hear him go something to the fact of like, well, they know.

I killed them all. Oh, my God. I killed them all. And then he starts going in the burping the burping like he starts reflecting on like what they just caught and then he comes out and i think they tell him you're miked and then there's another response of that like where he's just like realizing it so then he got he we went to prison because of that wow and then he died in prison of covid but there's a new documentary out that has even more like crazy stuff and people are so excited because

at the time he died in prison of COVID? Yeah. Yeah. Robert Durst. Whoa. Yeah. It's nuts. So that's out right now. So is Lovers and Liars.

Don't even forget it. The first two episodes are now available on the CW app for free. The third episode is coming out on the CW this Thursday on the CW. And Benedict Polizzi was on the show from it last week. People are loving it. It's still so early so you can get involved. I will have a Taylor Swift recap of the album and all my thoughts on it.

All positive thoughts. No criticism. We're not talking about. We might get into a little bit of theory of like who, what song is about. But I don't want to be a Sarah or Hannah. And you guys know what I'm talking about when I say that. So we might not even get that. If you just want a positive review of the Torture Poets

Department and all the things we love about it Listen to that later this week And thank you Carlisle for coming in You can follow her on Carlisle Forrester Spelled exactly the way you would think it would be With two R's On the Forrester On Instagram she's hilarious

Support her And yeah we'll see you next time See you in St. Louis This weekend you guys At the Fox Theater And then Omaha Omaha on Sunday night After the Fox Theater

In St. Louis On Saturday So St. Louis and Omaha Coming up And then Vegas With David Spade At the Venetian Dates coming up

I think May 17th Or 18th Or something like that With David Spade That's going to be exciting And check NikkiLaser.com For a bunch of new tour dates coming out.

Thanks for supporting the show, and we'll see you when we see you. Don't be scared. Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app,

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