The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #437 More Tom Brady Roast Stories, Nicest Compliments, How To Construct A Good Joke

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Nikki and Brian return to the studio to talk more about the Tom Brady Roast and what jokes stood out. Both discuss their process and how much time and effort go into preparation. They both acknowledge the tremendous help that goes on behind the scenes like changing jokes on the fly or having to deliver a joke that someone has already said (looking at you Kevin Hart!) Nikki has been the talk of the town post roast and discusses how she handles compliments and major bookings. Whether it's Howard Stern or Conan, she knows it will be a good time. For final thought, Nikki may be too old for Bill Belichick. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser. My voice is scratchy. I've been talking a lot. This is a busy week, but I got some sleep

last night. Thank you, melatonin. Shout out to 20 milligrams of melatonin getting me through, calming me down at night, easing the thoughts in my head. I really recommend it. People always say, melatonin doesn't work for me. I fall asleep and then I get up later, or it makes me have weird dreams. First of all, who doesn't want weird dreams and second of all stop telling yourself that story i don't mean to dr phillip but like if you keep telling yourself the story of the time eight years ago where you took melatonin and it woke you up and then you couldn't get back to sleep if you tell yourself that's what's going to happen that's what's going to happen because i know that when i have to wake up for something in the morning and i set my alarm for 709 i literally so often will wake up at 708 your body will like do what you tell it to do before

you go to bed brian do you relate um i can relate well i can partially relate i know that i tried magnesium before bed which is something that a lot of people also try to relax your muscles. And that thing made me fucking crazy. That didn't do shit for me. Yeah. It's like an electrolyte. And I think if your electrolytes are balanced, then taking an electrolyte supplement just throws your electrolyte balance off. Like I felt jittery and I was like, why do i feel so jittery after taking magnesium and then i looked up online you know the internet and it said that a side effect of having electrolyte imbalance

is feeling jittery that's so so great when your like symptoms are confirmed yeah oh my god it feels so good like i ran someone through a psychopath test the other day i'm not gonna say who but they passed with flying colors and I was with other people that I was reading it to and it was like, lack of remorse, doesn't share, doesn't, it was like, let me just say. Was it Josh Brolin? Yeah.

I didn't get to meet him. I did Kimmel yesterday and he just was interviewed before me and then we passed in the hallway and he was just like, good luck out there. And I was like, thank you. He said the same thing Tom Brady said to to me good luck what's that all about good luck isn't like when tom said it to me it felt like you know i said thank you so much tom i just ran you know into in the hallway and yeah i said on the podcast before it just felt like a take

care like that's the end of this relationship have a nice life it's that's really what it is it's like i will never see you again. I hope you well in everything you do until the day your heart stops beating. But like, we will never cross paths again. And that's okay. I don't think there, you know, there was a part of me in my mind that was like, Tom Brady's going to like love what I do so much that it's going to like, I'm going to get pulled into his world and he's going to want to do, i don't even want to do tick tocks with him like i don't even like there was no goal in hand but i think right

as the rose started when i saw his like first reaction to jeff set i was like this isn't a guy who's going to be like whoa you were so good at like tearing me down that i want to pull you in yeah to to me and kiss your neck no i really i had i was you got a better shot with edelman yeah i'm doing edelman's podcast he reached his oh great there you go his people reached out to me and they're like oh no my publicist reached out and was like there is a podcast hosted by julian edelman he's a football player i'm like yeah i know and they're like they're interested in having you on i go okay yeah we do we know the connection to this no i think they just had to send that way because that's the way they send things but i was like oh yeah i know and they're like they're interested in having you on i go okay yeah we do we know the connection to this no i think they just had to send that way because that's the way they send

things but i was like oh yeah i'm aware so i'm so excited to do that squinty i'd fuck boys podcast i think that's what they're renaming it to oh my god spade yesterday we were like i did uh david spade and dana carvey's podcast fly on the wall which is so fun i love them both so much and um they're just so sweet i just i love them and uh they were spade was texting me afterwards kind of going over what we were just talking about and he's like yeah those rose jokes like they really stay with you like he was like i bet you anything he was like someone called julian edmund squinty ad and i can't i bet you anything he's like wait am iian edmund squinty eyed and i can't i bet you anything he's like wait am i like he had a like no one else was saying that whereas when we were working on

jokes for this brian you and i and and others we thought squinty eyed would be like i thought there's there's so many i thought it would be a fabric of the roast like i thought would be one of many people calling him squinty eyed saying like like one of the jokes was why why do your eyes look like that are you trying to understand why andrew schultz is funny like there were stuff like that are you trying to find out why i'm here tonight like whatever it was like i think there was a gilbert godfrey joke of like something one year that greg giraldo said are you why why are your eyes like that are you trying to see jeff ross jeff ross's dick or something like you know like squinting to look at something so yeah it was like in that vein so when i called him a squinty like that are you trying to see jeff ross jeff ross's dick or something like you know like

squinting to look at something so yeah it was like in that vein so when i called him a squinty i'd fuck boy i thought it would be like in the air but it was the only there were so many jokes like that do you relate to that that we we wrote so many jokes that were like i thought would be treading on things that were so tread on already and then there are a lot that we didn't tell that i'm like oh my god that could have been said and wasn't like i have so many more jokes about things that like and i think we did the perfect thing we we are all in agreement me and my team that we did a great job made was was the correct decision it's almost remarkable that we didn't make an incorrect decision it's i've been saying it like i've ran that set so much and there

was never once that time that i did it that it was as perfect as the time that i did like it's like one of those olympic stories where it's like she never landed the triple sow cow and she did it once in practice but she stumbled a little bit but she's going for it tonight and it's like why would she go for it if she's never landed it? And the fact of the matter is I, you can't really land these sets. I can't land the triple sow cow at the laugh factory on 11 o'clock at night when that, when drew blood. So is not there to,

you know, there's no precedent for who that is. So my jokes about him will not ever work. Yeah. Like what was great about the Kia forum is not only were they there, but the audience knew who you were talking about, where we would do shows at like the store or the belly room or the store. And it's like, the kia forum is not only were they there but the audience knew who you were talking about where yeah we we would do shows at like the store or the belly room at the store and it's like oh you

guys don't know even who gronk is like what the fuck and so it's hard to tell like are these jokes gonna work are they not gonna work you kind of have to just like take a cold like a cumulative effect of all of the sets to see like what's like the percentage of how many times it's hit and not hit. Yeah. It was really, it was so rewarding, but I just was so surprised at so many areas that I had written to, or we had written to that were like,

I just thought would be, Oh, this is going to be so well tread that we shouldn't even say this because it's just like, we're going to be like, even the Bridget Moynihan joke that I did, which I was the, I think think was the only one that referenced him leaving his pregnant girlfriend for giselle uh-huh i may be wrong but i think i was the only

one and i thought that was gonna be like one of the top 10 overdone you know i thought they would have mentioned her name by like the time i went up there but um um did i talk about how kevin hart did the same joke as me yet well you talked about it on stern i think i know but i didn't talk about it here so not everyone has struck when that when he said that i was like what the fuck are we i turned to chris and i was like what are we gonna do what are we gonna there's nothing anyone can do literally nothing so i wrote a joke that i masturbated so hard to Tom Brady. He was on my fantasy team. My clit has CTE now.

So Kevin Hart, you know, three people before me goes up and he does a joke that Tom is fucking so much after his divorce that his dick has CTE. And when he said it, I wish if you can find footage, you can just see, I would love to see what my face did in that moment.

Cause I just don't, I didn't know what to do. I really, yeah, I had Gronk face. I just started just so confused looking around, like considering all the options. Cause I cannot talk to a producer because the show is live.

There's no one to call up to help me. There's no one to talk to. Jeff comes back after his set because it's Kevin opened. Then Jeff comes out. Jeff, after his set sits down, I go, they did. Kevin did a joke. I have in the prompter saying it like this, like Jeff did. Kevin did a joke I have. And he goes, which one? And I go, I clit has CTE. He said his dick had CTE and he goes, just do it. And I go, I, yeah, I'm, but then I'm like, yeah, I and he goes just do it and i go i yeah i'm but then i'm like yeah i'm just gonna do it like i did the math already that it was enough time in between me and um or

kevin and me him telling that joke in me was enough time for the audience to forget the specifics of the joke it was never gonna kill as hard because they subconsciously know that they've heard it before but they don't consciously know it but it was enough to build that sub that's only the subconscious would really understand that they'd heard it before it was enough time that maybe like probably a tenth of the room was like wait that joke has been done i would say nine tenths of the room would be like that's i guess it's not that funny and it's kind of funny it's not as funny as it would have crushed so hard i mean it was that was one of my best lines and it became it went from a 10 to a five and a half because it had been said before in a different way but then i had the tag of i would show you the reason why

it was saved because it had three joke three parts of the joke what if i didn't have that tag that that was you know my clit has cte now and the nfl is making me i would show you but the nfl is making me cover it up if i didn't have that tag i would with because it used to not have that tag and it was working well enough just like my clit has cte now like it was a big enough line that it would have stood on its own i would have i couldn't have skipped it in the prompter there was no like communicate like i couldn't have at any point gone prompter guy like can we go through and and i didn't really I couldn't remember what was after that joke exactly because we had changed the order so much. So Kim Congdon, who worked with us as well,

a brilliant comedic writer, roaster, she's on Kill Tony all the time. She fucking destroys. But she was in the front row, thank God. And I just looked at her face and she is as shell-shocked as I am. She knows exactly what's going through my head. And I what do i do i don't even have to say like did you hear i just go what do i do and she goes and she's looking at the ground and her foot's shaking

like i can see she's in this beautiful dress but she's just like we're both writing like i'm trying to figure out another line that i can say you're on my fantasy team last night like what else and she just looks up and she goes, just do it. She said that? Or she eyed it to you? She just mouthed it. Just do it. I could see her mouth.

She was so close. She was 20 feet away. Thank God. Kim's a badass. I really, I never met her before. Yeah, I think I love her. I think I do too. She said she's moving to Austin.

I'm very sad. She's awesome. Kim Congdon. C-O-G-D... Wait. C-O-N-G-D-E-N. C-O-N-G-D-E-N. I think it's D-O-N.

D-O-N. Sorry. D-O-N. I don't know why I was saying it like a bear den. But she is so funny. And she has a podcast with... Why am I not... I'm so sorry.

I'm so... Sarah Weinshank. Yes. Duh. Because... Is that Sarah sarah i love sarah so much too i'm so sorry i blanked on your name that is not because i don't uh like you and know you so much i really can't remember my own middle name today um yeah they have a podcast it's so funny i watch any clips that they have up there's only so many podcasts that i like anytime a clip comes up i watch it and theirs is one of them they're so cool but she was amazing and um hormoz was amazing rashidi um we had so many good people bob castrone sean o'connor shout out to my team dan saint germain mike lawrence ari findling these are all the people that if i was to win an award brian frangie um over and over again um

chris convey um andrew collin duh andrew collin it was so fun we like you know last week monday through friday no monday through saturday we met every single day as like a group with at least three or four of us and would hang out for two hours and just talk about it's funny if it's funnier to say retard or retarded if we should call him a date rapist or say he looks like a date rapist like these were the really intellectual discussions we were getting out about like is it funnier to say gronk puts puts the tard and retarded or is it funnier to say gronk puts the tard and retard and i think i went with retarded um that was the correct answer yes another you know correct answer yeah i mean

we we just had to you just don't know but these are like the these are the discussions comedians get into really seriously and like these really we're not at all aware of how ridiculous it is until after until someone walks in and goes all right is this really what i'm walking into is this like yeah heated discussion about the word retard or retarded but that's what comedy is it's very um i was learning like in the aftermath of this i really always hate when people talk about comedy it's like it's an art like mean, I know that it is, but I just, I'm always like,

get off your high horse. But it felt like putting this performance together felt like an, uh, Olympic ice skating routine or a gymnastics beam routine. Yeah. I mean, well, because it was live,

especially it felt like a sporting event. It felt like, and also roasts are inherently competitive. Even if you're not battling everyone in the audience is comparing your sets which is everyone's ranking everyone it's unlike a showcase show even where you just have maybe people talk about who is your favorite but in a roast it's like who's number one two and three who was the worst and that's what the internet did and nikki was overwhelmingly number one yes it's been's been nice. My life has changed.

I haven't been out enough to really sense it, but it's just like, you know, even being at the comedy store last night, Netflix's joke festival is happening in town and there's so many comedians in town. And it's just like, it's been so sweet. Everyone is just so, I've never done something where when someone sees me,

they just start going and they like come on bring it in for a hug and they just start and they go amazing amazing like we don't even know we're not even they don't even have to say what it is it's literally every single person and and they're even going i don't have to tell you you've heard it a million times i've gotten more text messages than i've ever had anything in my life. I mean, I mean, this is unprecedented. I, I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I really,

I, I think I'm the luckiest person in the world this week because everyone, um, is an agreement that I did great. No, there's no criticism there, which is usually whenever there's like, even Taylor Swift released her album, she's on top of the world, but there's like even taylor swift released her album she's on

top of the world but there's like so many critics like no one's weighing in negatively on this yet there is just it's only praise now look at that one point is it two one point two oh i just got to one point two yeah after 200 000 new followers in two days. It'll happen. Two Mandela's is coming. Holy shit. And we've just begun to scratch the surface of whatever's going to come out of this. I mean, who knows? You might get an HBO special after this.

Well, who knows? I might be having an HBO special come out this Saturday. They might move on that fast. That's how successful it is. Yeah, well, dude, even Kimmel last night was like, did you plan this? And I'm like, no, it is coincidental. saturday which is like that fast that's how successful yeah well dude i everyone even the kimmel last night was like did you plan this and i'm like no it is coincidental yeah like i remember hbo not being that thrilled that i was going to be doing the roast this week when they

found out and vice versa netflix is like really you have an hbo special like both were kind of like yeah i said on a podcast it was like this week was like i'm fucking two different guys and it's fine because it's like all legal that I'm doing it. Like we're not exclusive with each other, but they went to the same party. And now I have to like dance with both of them and show them both affection. It's somehow each one of their dicks has made them like, I can't think of a good analogy. Like they're coming more because you fucked them both. Yes.

Somehow. HBO's going to come more and Netflix and I think HBO is coming more off of HBO is coming more HBO is your husband and Netflix was the fuck boy that you plowed on the week that made me feel like a woman again and like made me really feel like confident and hot leading into it and like back to your

husband and you fucked him. Oh so hard so hard. Yeah so all eyes are going to be on the hbo special uh this saturday i hope yours are on it as well you guys um someday you'll die and then my title track someday you'll die will be on spotify i think tomorrow maybe today because this episode comes out thursday so check on spotify itunes um someday you'll die my uh first single ever which is so exciting and fun and um and

you guys i talked to you about the process of writing it so you you're all squared in on that but um it really is i can't i feel like i'm living a dream i am taylor swift for a couple days my face is literally everywhere people are this sounds like i'm bragging but it's just the truth i'm not i promise i'm not i'm i really am not letting it get to my head at all in fact and i feel really proud of myself for not being like i'm just i i like it it's gonna go away at some point i know that so i'm not letting in too much but you couldn't open your phone without my face popping up i felt like taylor swift like that's what taylor swift's life is like she's not safe anywhere without someone with an earshot talking about her like i'm passing

by people in the street they're talking about the roast i'm every i'm getting so many texts about i was at the hairdresser today they were talking about it i heard a guy on his phone talking about it they're talking about on the radio show my therapist i was with i had a session with yesterday and she was like i don't usually say say this, but I couldn't avoid it. I was in the car with my husband. He was listening to the Dan Patrick show or whatever, some kind of, Oh,

pardon the eruption, not pardon the eruption. One of those shows. And she was like, and they were talking, they said your name and he has no idea. I even am your therapist. And I had to just like,

keep my mouth shut. And I'm like, no, tell him. Like, that's, that's my girl. I deal with that crazy

all the time today huh what your old therapist would do i wonder what she would do oh it's not that big of a deal yeah it's not no nikki's it's just oh it'll come and go it's like this isn't she's no different than anyone else she's not better than anyone else she's not you're not you're not worse than anyone else you're the same as the homeless man on the street like she would just like diminish it as like it'll go away like she would be like the person you know my inner critic that is always not need that you do not need to amplify that voice you have enough of that in your own head i really do absolutely maybe she put it there i don't know but um but yeah it was like it's just i'm just going to um the store last night there

is a vibe i will say of people that were never nice to me being nice to me now or people that kind of like would nod at me and now they're like favorite girl rubbing my arm gently um do i know you can't say who they are you can't say who they are no i wouldn't say who they are but it's but it's not a ton of that like i will say it's just what i'm really touched by more than anything is the female empowerment that i'm feeling like i feel like women are not jealous like there is a vibe when you you kill it and women are you know just they're like good job like there's like this like like yeah girl you said what we want to fucking like you there was like a women empowerment thing to it that i didn't plan on and that has felt really special that women are just like psyched for me.

Like there's not a jealousy about it, but I don't know that if I could, I think I would be very jealous of me this week if I was, if it was a roast, of course, because I mean, if it's something else, maybe,

but if it was a roast and that's true, I don't know. I just was, I just feel, um, I feel so like special and like, like, and you know what? A lot of people have just acknowledged the hard work that went into it which is really what i am proud of as well like i just

did the i made the right decisions i had the right delivery i did the right timing i've hired the right people to help me like it was just uh if i'm taking um i'm taking credit for that. I am. And I also want you to take credit for your performance because the same person, a different person with the same exact jokes would not have crushed as hard as you did. You delivered those jokes professionally, expertly. It wasn't just even if like Tony Hinchcliffe, who had an amazing set. Amazing. It wasn't just even if like Tony Hinchcliffe, who had an amazing set, if he had the same jokes as you, it wouldn't have gotten the same pop because you added this like emotional response to each of your jokes. Like you would smile like when Kevin stood up and gave you a standing ovation after you said he got five pounds of cum in him. You paused and you said, oh, thank you for laughing at that. And you smiled and laughed at him. And there were a few times where you would have these, like, after you would tell your joke,

you would have just a line of like, oh my God, I can't believe I said that. Or it's true. I really felt that. Thank you. These are just Nikki Glaser-isms. And that's why you were so successful is because of that delivery they really connected with the audience on like more than just you were a true star performing this piece and it connected with us on an emotional level whereas tony's stuff was i think just as good writing wise but he's like a deadpan delivery and so you don't connect on an emotional level totally so it's just a different style but yeah i ran into him last night he's also we're both like i we both said to each other like we are the only two people that understand what this is

what we're going through right now because he's having a big pop too this week like it's his name is on the fucking map after what he did and so he was already on the map but now even more yeah yeah like even like you know he was on a map in a way and now it's a it's a more it's a bigger rap but bigger map i just saw the word rap and speaking of rap let's go to let's wrap this up and go to commercial and we'll be back right up with this with just more of everything john stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

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I woke up this morning to andrew collins sent me um a clip from new heights you know the travis kelsey jason kelsey podcast yeah and they said um travis kelsey said nikki glazer's fucking hilarious if i ever do a roast nikki's gotta be there yeah like i couldn't have if i would have written a script for him to read it couldn't have been better like there was like some mention about him doing the roast like we were just kind of all riffing some people involved with the roast were riffing like oh my god if he would be next

that would be amazing and I go please please god I have to do that one and everyone's just like yeah of course like I'm like really you will let me I would be so sad to not but no there cannot be a roast without Nikki Glaser in it. I hope so.

You are the GOAT. It's so fun. It was so fun. It's gotta have Jess. This time it did not kill me. No. You said you were having a good time. Yeah. I had the best time preparing for it.

There was maybe like... Maybe a 20-minute altogether chunk of me feeling like, oh my God, is this gonna be okay? But I didn't really like have a breakdown like i've had in the past where i was really like i just remember being spray tanned and dripping like sweat and spray tan naked being like i need to go to this event but i'm not ready for the roast like i remember just like having meltdowns all the time leading up to the roast feeling it wasn't gonna be good enough it's not tight enough and this time i was just like it's gonna it's

gonna work it's gonna be okay and it was to be okay. And it was, and really just not letting, oh, there was, oh, there was a thing that happened. What had happened? Oh, okay. So I did this weird OCD superstitious thing that I'm so glad didn't happen, but I was trying to remember the lyrics to this new Taylor Swift song, guilty as sin. And I said, if you can't remember this one lyric that's just like on the tip of your tongue, if you can't remember it before you're going to play the song,

if you can't remember the lyric before she gets the lyric, then you will not do great at the time where he froze. It just entered my head. And once it enters my head, I lock into that agreement with God. Like, I can't go, no, that's a dumb one. And you can't live up to that and you're like it just was what that was written in stone and so i'm in the shower it's playing and it was like uh and i got to um uh top lip kiss slipping them like i kept thinking

like the sloppy the top lip kiss i couldn't think of the dun dun dun dun dun i couldn't remember it and but it's like how i long for our trysts and i couldn't figure it out so i'm in the shower and i'm like oh no it's done i had to learn the lyric from taylor that means that is set in stone i'm not going to do as well as i want to do in this roast and then i just said to myself this is so dumb and this is not true it's just not true that was like a dumb little thing that i did a little that was only me that has no power in the world like i was able to overcome this like ocd set in stone now because you didn't do the thing that you said you were gonna do the world things are gonna fall apart and you failed yourself and that i so often follow

um and it worked out fine and it wasn't true so if you are someone that has ocd that thinks if i don't touch this doorknob if i don't um knock on this thing if i like it's very possible that that isn't has nothing to do with how your life's gonna go at all because i proved it to myself because this was one of those a hundred percent if you don't come up with this lyric in time, things aren't going to go well and they couldn't have gone better. So I'm, I'm proof positive that OCD is in, it's not real.

Yes. And not that that helps anyone, but like, no, just try to get through the pain of thinking maybe this is a set in stone, but also maybe that is just so make believe and not a real thing. I think people can relate to that of like making these little, I think it's OCD challenges for yourself. It's a, you know, it's an aspect of it probably, but I think people can relate to that of like making these little, I think it's OCD challenges for yourself.

It's a, you know, it's an aspect of it probably, but I think it's, I've been doing it since I was a kid of like, if you can't get to the porch, run to the porch from the mailbox and point in three seconds, then your mom will die.

Yeah. Kind of things. And then I just start walking. Yeah. You don't even go home. Yeah, I turn around and go the other way. I just wanted to show people for the YouTube viewers who can see that I have the cookies from the roast. Right.

From the after party. And I thought it'd be good to show them. You know, we were talking about the cookies yesterday. Yeah, there's one with his head on it, too. Yeah, that's cool. Imagine, they had to make these by hand this was not a uh machine oh yeah this can you imagine how many having to do that hundreds do you think one person did it or someone was like i got the time i'm the white

the white frosting i'm the red frosting and you pass it down oh yeah those that one's pretty intricate favorite one the goat with the 12 on it oh it's oh it's a goat i thought it was a jersey because mine were all crumbled and i don't pay attention to detail yeah and then this one's pretty intricate. This is my favorite one. The goat with the 12 on it. Oh, it's a goat. I thought it was a jersey because mine were all crumbled and I don't pay attention to detail. Yeah, and then this one's just a little odd. Oh, yeah, his face. No eyes, no nose. What the hell?

Yeah, I think the eye frosting person took off that day. Called in sick. Yeah, that was a little, like the fact that they didn't have eyes. I bet they tried with eyes and they were like, it's too creepy. Or they're like, it looks more human than he does and so we can't have

it yeah he's unreal looking dude yeah um but uh yeah it's um i didn't want to say about the julian edelman uh the joke we had a funny discussion about we were just we wanted to call we wanted to point out his squinty eyes and at first it kind of went in waves where at first we were like we he doesn't even have squinty eyes and then we look at pictures of him and he'd have squinty eyes like when he was outside and we're like maybe he's just squinting because he's in the sun but whenever he's inside but no at the roast his eyes are fuck i saw him in person his eyes are squinty he's a beautiful man he's a beautiful man and so randy moss is a beautiful man there were so many beautiful men yes i thought i

thought zach efron was supposed to be there and dropped out at the last second and then and i love zach efron and it's been like a funny joke between me and chris that i have this like crush on zach efron and you know so when i found out he was going to be on the roast i held up the sign chris was at my rehearsal and i held up this i turned i saw it on the chair and i go chris look who's gonna be here and we were laughing about it but then he dropped out i'm like and chris was like oh is someone not gonna meet and i was like damn it and then we're backstage and i saw who i saw danny amandola yeah danny amandola i didn't know like i didn't i don't know who that is i know that name very well um and i remember being like oh he's a hot guy like i remember clocking that um but i didn't i thought he was

zach i go zach efron is here i said to chris i was like he's right over there and chris is like i don't see him i'm like he's the guy over there he's kind of like kind of your i was like he's like your height babe um but he looked he looked like him and then um and then chris i don't know chris and danny amandola dated the same person and then afterward after the show they both had a moment where they talked about it and i think danny amandola told chris that they were eskimo brothers oh yeah that's and i was like do you want to be eskimo brothers again hey he's great do you want to be Eskimo twins what add another brother um yeah he is he great he's the same uh position as Julian Edelman it's just a funny

coincidence there's not a lot of white wide receivers that are successful in the NFL and Tom Brady has thrown to three of the most successful white wide receivers in nfl history probably at least in the modern era that's a good area for us to go to for this roast i'm like oh i didn't really understand that like i that was touched on a lot that there's no like the randy muscles the only black guy there on the days or like the black uh football player um but yeah i'm just uh doing a so many i had already booked so many podcasts and press things this week because of the special but now they're like piling up even more because of the roast and like things are coming in again it's good for the special but i'm talking that it's so funny they're like let's talk about the roast okay

now let's get to your special when we have one second left um which is fine because it will all be okay i'll feed into each other it does i do want to point out two things that you were mentioned on that were really like really made me happy um one of them was the pat mcafee show they talked about you we saw pat mcafee when we were at the Super Bowl radio row, and I tried to get a picture with him in the background. They across the board all agreed that you were the best one. And Pat McAfee, punter of the Colts, he's probably the most famous sports broadcaster right now.

He was a punter? He was a punter. The coolest position, I think, nowadays. Oh, cool. I didn't know he played'm this is how out of it punter for the colts pat mcgree i just know him as a broadcaster yeah yeah and um yeah they were it was just cool to hear them talk about you it was just like oh my it's like it would be like if you know peyton and eli on the monday night football broadcast mentioned you just like so cool for me to hear. And then I really love that clip that you shared on the Rich Eisen show with Todd Bowles, the coach of the Bucs.

Now, why this was so cool was because Todd Bowles, who's the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, hadn't yet watched the roast. Hadn't seen it. I was just like, I'm a Nikki Glaser fan. Unbelievable. roast hadn't seen it i was just like i'm a nikki glazer fan unbelievable and rich eisen had the pleasure of saying well you're in for a treat because she yeah stole the show i just like i feel like my life is a simulation because everything that could happen is happening everything good everything good that someone could say kevin hart coming up afterwards and

telling everyone i got a standing ovation like um people just like travis kelsey saying exactly the words that i would want him to say that are it's not too effusive or over the top it's just like a perfect like just mention um that that rich eisen thing of like well you're in for a treat because she had the like these just things keep happening where i've just never done anything where it's just everyone is just saying the nicest things over and over. It's just wild and I'm so sad it will never. I'm like having this thing of like this won't ever happen again. It can't.

This isn't a repeatable thing. It just isn't. Even if you do the next roast and you crush just as hard people will just be like, yep, that's Nikki. Of course, that's what she does. She's the best. It will not be the same ever again. I've said it already unless I get slapped at the Oscars. It's the best. It will not be the same ever again. I've said it already, unless I get slapped at the Oscars.

It's the only way a comedian will ever get talked about on this scale. Ever. I'm not joking you. Slide in my DMs and tell me another way and don't be jokey about it unless I die tragically, in which case I'll never be around to read it,

or unless I get assaulted at the Oscars on stage a la Chris Rock. That's the only other time a comedian has talked about this much even chris rock's live special wasn't talked about this much the next day um snl if i host snl and have the most amazing monologue that's ever been had on snl it will not get the can you think of a most amazing monologue that's been talked about the next day i mean there have been monologues that are you know incredible that aren't being discussed on this level there isn't there isn't this much attention on comedy

literally ever. You'd probably have to murder a few people. Bob Saget was talked about this much the day he died. If you die tragically young, you will get talked about. Your face will be everywhere in this way or if you get something horrible happens to you. The good news is

someday you'll die. Oh my god god it all comes back around and i'm doing a boom thing with my hand if you're not watching um that's so true so i do want to talk about you're on kimmel and i watched that and you're on stern yeah and i thought it was um i love that your tradition is to go on stern after a roast and then reveal the jokes that you did not tell yeah i wish i would have told more i my document was so jumbled that i didn't put the best ones at top and so i was kind of just i thought i would have time to scroll but i just didn't so i'm i'm to be honest with you i'm very upset with myself and not really letting myself

off the hook for like all the jokes that i didn't tell him that I should have. It was still good. It was still good to see you on there. And, and I, and what I appreciated about the Stern stuff was online with all the clips that were posted, the comments, you know, his,

his audience is probably like a 50 year old men, right? Yeah. And women. Yeah. And women, the comments were all like, so happy to see,

you know, Nikki Glaser is a Stern product or whatever. They take ownership over you and they all love. They should. Yes. And they all love that Nikki is just watching you crush

just another fan base. That's so cute. Yes. God. And because I, you know, Stern is my favorite thing that I do up there with Conan.

Kimmel is up there now too because he's just iconic and so nice and awesome. But there are certain things you do in your career that you're like, I always want to do that. And Stern, I think,

is like, you know, always been my favorite person. I moved to New York to even be, to do my serious show in New York so I could be in the same building as Stern. I didn't have to do it there. I was supposed to do it in LA.

And I was like, guys, can I move to New York? Would I still be able to do it there? And they were like, okay. But it was really all to just get close to stern and to get in that world and i was able to get in that world not by like being manipulative or like doing any i just was like i became friends with people from his show and i never you guys know me i never want someone to have me who doesn't actually want me so like i wasn't like you need to have me on can i be on just like, it naturally led to that

over the course of a really long time. And then, and I still like will do anything for them. Like, yes, they've had me on for these kinds of serious interviews twice, but I also judge penis competitions. I will like simulate a blow job with one of their whack packers. They call me up sometimes and they're like,

can you just do this voiceover where you're like giving fellatio to Mark the bagger? i'm like sure you know i'm doing i'm doing conan's podcast in a second but let me just step off into this alley and be like oh mark like i will give them anything like i'm a whore for howard stern much like i was a right asibian i would do anything so um that was really nice too that's nice i don't read any comments so that's nice to hear that they were saying that yeah and then um on kimmel i really like that you got to say the artificial intelligence joke which we cut mere seconds before you went out there yes it was like that was the last one out and our decision to cut that was that tom brady wasn't being set up as like an idiot

yeah like we weren't proving that thesis. Like a lot of these jokes, like I think a lot of people who don't get it and I've worked with some like, you know, writers who are just not, who just write amazing jokes, but they don't understand the structure of a set will be like, well, this is the best joke.

And I go, well, that is the best joke, but you don't understand. We haven't set up that he is dumb. And so it isn't the best joke we need if in order for a joke about his you know him being like ai but without the intelligence for that to work um we need to give some kind of and i know you think that that you don't need that but it would work so much better if you just lay the foundation there's there is an art to it like of setting the stage subconsciously so people are

ready for that joke to hit in a different way and you can't just like shoot just because the joke is just great nikki just do a joke about like i think some people approach rose set where they're just like let me just stack the best jokes just grab all the best jokes and just stack them that does not work that will not even if you have jokes that are all better than mine let's say all of my jokes are nines and you get a bunch of tens in there and you just stack them on top of each other and by each individually they are better than each other then all the my jokes literally better anyone would rate them better it will not be a better set than one that i've used with less good jokes that i have structured in order for those jokes to actually sing as it will never be as good it's and you

wouldn't you wouldn't think that way and i didn't think that way if you look back at earlier roast sets of mine there was the glimmer of me trying to pull a narrative into it and find a perspective but i was more about stacking jokes earlier on and now it's like what do i want to say how do i actually feel about this person how do i get the audience to understand how i feel about this person okay yeah i want to say that tom was on my fantasy team and i might clit has cte now and that how do I actually feel about this person? How do I get the audience to understand how I feel about this person? Okay. Yeah.

I want to say that Tom was on my fantasy team and I, my clit has CTE now and that I would shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face to, you know, have him. I need to set up though, that he's so hot that it's not a, doesn't make sense.

How do we communicate that? Well, there's not really a joke to do that. Why don't you just say he's hot? Why don't you just literally have a real moment of you're so hot. I shouldn't even be talking to you. Like that really will convey that it doesn't take a lot of time it's okay that it's not a punchline that will set the stage for all this boom boom boom boom boom without that it's out of the fucking blue that you want to fuck him and yes it's still funny but it

doesn't have precedent like you need it needs foreplay and i think people don't understand that sometimes foreplay for a joke is is it's subconscious stuff like I talked about it before with the CTE joke like subconsciously you lay a foundation and then you build upon that and that's why stuff can be so much funnier than you would think it ever would be um there is a art to it and I just um I just know though I don't know if I'm so sorry if I'm repeating myself on this I know that I am because I've done so many different podcasts and you guys know that I love you the most but

that I was thinking about how you know did I talk about that it took a month of it took two weeks of extreme hard laser focus work to perfect this and then let's add on a month before that of still collecting jokes yeah but that's how long it took to get six minutes work to perfect this and then let's add on a month before that i'm still a little bit more

than a month of just yeah yeah but that's how long it took to get six minutes right yeah so if i want to do an hour special that has this much precision i have to work 10 that's times six times 10 i'd work 10 i have to work probably a year and a month 13 months yeah i would add some just because a year and a half of like every chunk being that and it's i don't know if i'd have that in me because i am so tired at the end of this like it really is it's it you can't compare the six-minute set to a special. Because it's just, it would almost be, I'm going to attempt it at some point to do a special that is that tight. But also, it's not the nature of a special.

A special is more conversational. It has more ebbs and flows. There's more time for it to breathe. You're telling a, you're weaving a narrative that is longer. But I've been perfecting this style i realized from the get-go like i my first tonight show out of the gate was like i've always been good at late night sets i've always been good at putting together tiny tight sets i've always been good at doing um panel and panels a little differently panel is when you sit on a couch on a talk show

like with jimmy kimmel like i had so many jokes prepared but then the conversation can steer away it's not like i have control over I'm gonna do this joke and then this joke and this show this conversation goes different places so you know obviously I was spiraling out last night being like oh my god I didn't do this or this I had so many plans like I printed up a bunch of jokes that were written about me that I paid people to write for me uh because I thought it'd be funny to go like okay you know you know, I went hard on Tom and everyone, but it didn't really, I didn't get the brunt of many jokes.

So actually, why don't we take a break right now? And then when we come back, I'll read to you, Brian, some of the jokes that were written about me and we'll talk about how they make me feel inside. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, it looks like I just got asked to do some panel. I just said that I was good at panel, and another panel opportunity came up. I don't want to say who it is,

but it's on the East Coast, and that'll be very fun. Okay, so these are some of the jokes that came in. Oh, I know who it is. I just guessed. Oh, you got it? Yeah, I think so. I wrote to the head writer, Mike Gibbons, yesterday.

I was doing Kimmel, and I was like, oh, that's a funny idea. Instead of reading roast jokes that I didn't do,'ll read jokes that weren't that weren't done about me and I kind of regret asking for them because it was just so it was a little some of them hurt my feelings and I really am not going to read the ones that are really really mean because I don't even want people to think these things about me because some of them were like oh i see in my this in myself um uh okay so this is this is like jokes that kevin hart could have done hey nikki i'm not gonna mess with you girl because you've worked hard and you deserve to be here plus how many she's a beaky blonde who wrote a parade of dicks to get to the middle jokes are

there i like beaky blonde that must have been fun for whoever wrote that yeah shout out to the writers roast writers room there were so many great comics on it um i can't even begin to list you all benji aflalo nickel buchanan um ben hoffman sorry he had a he used to have a show in comedy central he's so funny um mike lawrence um kevin sheeny sarah tiana and there's so many more i'm sorry i'm forgetting all of you i really apologize if you hear this and you're like why didn't she say me i'm fucking sorry and these are the these are the writers for the roast so they were writing the stuff for all the football players they were making sure for the for the comedians as well like they they they gave me a they were definitely handing me jokes when i would ask for them i'd be like oh i need let's let's look

at this angle and then they would send a sheet of stuff so they were yes so every roast hires a team of writers for the show so they're writing kevin's mcs they're writing everyone's stuff so if you go you can literally show up empty-handed and they will have great jokes for you. But you know, that's not how the comedians approach it. The comedians all also write their own jokes and, um, have their own kind of groups of people. If, if you're doing it right, in my opinion. Um, Kevin is still sore from riding Nikki here tonight. That's like me looking like a horse.

Uh huh. Okay. Nikki, I'm not saying you look like a horse, but clearly you are broken. I like that because you break in horses. I didn't't i kind of didn't get that for a second um nikki is jewish that's just the joke no um they did think i was jewish though which is always a compliment i am not though yeah uh nikki's jewish which means palestinians can hate her as much as hollywood does i couldn't decide whether Hollywood likes me and everyone's mad about it because Tony Hinchcliffe had a joke where like

Nikki, yeah, Hollywood's shoving Nikki down our throats like she does her hand after every meal. And so I couldn't... I was flattered by that. I was like, oh, Tony thinks that I'm in a lot of stuff. That's nice. My favorite Tony Hinchcliffe joke, which there were many um was jeff ross is such a big jew

that he watches football just for the coin toss incredible i love that one incredible yeah um yeah he had so many great ones yep um what i'm trying to think of one on my, wait, what did she, what was one he said that I fucking loved so much? I don't have it listed here, but, um, some more were, um, Nikki, thank you for taking time off, making the baristas at Starbucks miserable to be here tonight. You know, a Karen joke. Yeah, I'll take it. Sure.

Guilty. And I actually am very nice to baristas. Of an enigma here these days, because when you were in your 20s or whatever, whenever you did your first roast, it was easy to say, slut, whore, whatever. And now you're a little bit more nebulous than that. It's kind of like a lot of the stuff that was said

was not correct. And the stuff that wasn't correct, that doesn't ring true, doesn't get as big of a laugh and so it's like what do you make fun of nikki for you look like britney mahomerecker i thought maybe britney homely would be uh better um showtime is paying nikki to do an special on hbo that's pretty funny um as a tribute to taylor swift here is a blonde to

take attention away from football that was good i really liked that one ever ever being compared to taylor swift i'll take it sure nobody could have sex as much as nikki claims especially not with her oh man that makes me sad nikki looks like a trophy wife in the xfl uh-huh um pretty good let's see nikki looks like nicole brown simpson simpson thank you very much with an unlimited sephora budget okay all right i think that means like i'm not as pretty as her so i've stepped it up with makeup which i'll listen i agree with you um uh sam j and nikki glazer are here it's so nice to see two totally different eating disorders come together i like that i got a lot of eating disorder jokes which was really

um i was flattered by thank you so much but then i did i talk about how i questioned whether or not it was like does it mean that i fluctuate too much and people have noticed like i go up and down so i even took it as a fat joke even though i think it was because they were saying i was so skinny but i was like maybe it's a fat joke of saying i'm too fat sometimes what you've talked about having an eating disorder you know all the time 20 years everywhere yeah the problem is is like i know that i'm going people are going to start making fun of me for like we get it you had an eating disorder but when people ask me how i got into stand-up i can't not it's like it would be like saying it's just part of the story it's i don't even want to talk about it but it is the only reason i did stand-up it is part of my origin story so i just i don't

know how to stop i'm just trying to say more flippantly like oh i was dying of anorexia so i did like i'm not trying to be like this is my story i think i'm so cool because i have this tragic story it just is the story. So it's, I know that I'm going to get roasted for, you know, in certain circles for like, we get it,

Nikki. That should be a Marvel superhero. You're right. Thank you. Like Batman had syphilis and therefore. Nikki, I didn't like all those jokes about you being a slut. I heard enough of them in your first four specials.

That is so good. That's a good one. Don't get excited. I didn't actually watch your special specials but i got the gist from the comment section oof that one hurt because i know what the comment section is on literally until this roast i have my any any clip with my face in it is going to have the meanest comments and you will see how people feel about me please never read it busties if you like me um i doubt nikki would have lasted long with me as her coach oh this is for belichick she'd be smiling on the outside but just like every time a man doesn't like her she would cut herself wow i'm glad he didn't do that i don't

think that would have gone well but it's not wrong and whoever wrote that joke definitely like did their research on me because i definitely feel that way when boys don't like me it was a good thing because bill bill belichick shouldn't have said a joke about really any comedian he should have just focused on the football players that's why he was there final thought bill belichick the joke was made by gronk that bill belichick should be dating someone his age nikki glazer that's pretty good it's so fucked up man I was like that really got me because first of all I'm 40 Bill Belichick is how old is he like 79 or something yeah and but the truth is like that is probably the age range like if he was dating me people wouldn't mind I think the

girl that he was hooking up with was much younger than me yeah um and so i am age appropriate for him yeah 72 and nearly 40 three weeks away from being 40 is a normal age gap in hollywood for a man to woman it is fucking insane yep i i really remember turning 35 i wanted to work on a bit about it turning 35 and suddenly i went to go see a matchmaker that like had written to me this was when i was living in new york it was 2018 19 a matchmaker wrote to me and said that we have like a celebrity client or like not a celebrity client like like one of our millionaire billionaire clients that like wants to meet you and i was like this would be good to story for the radio i was doing the radio show every day and i'm not like opposed to a matchmaker situation okay let's go so we go

i just talked to the girl he's not there she's just like telling me about him won't show me a picture and i'm like okay this guy seems nice enough probably not gonna be anything but i'll go on the date and at the very end i was like how old is he and she was like um 57 and i was 34 at the time and i go no yeah and she goes what and i go no and like that's too old and she was shocked like it was as if i was saying 36 was too old like that's how she was reacting i'm like what and i go i'm 34 maybe 35 and she goes well how old was your ex-boyfriend and i go i think he's 39 and she goes young and i'm like he's still older than me bitch and you're acting like i'm robbing the cradle yeah she's like when you reach a certain age as a woman as

a there are people my joke was that people when you're 34 people are like you should meet my you know brother's roommate he's great and you go okay great and he's like of your age and then you turn 35 and people are like i have someone for you and you go awesome and they're like it's my great uncle lucas and you're like what why is this and they're like but you're 35 so you should lower your standards and suddenly this is okay for you to date very old men and i will say that i would be open to it if i was a single girl like i don't really care about an age gap because but i was even we were making a joke about how um bill belichick isn't old enough for me because if i'm gonna go old i want them closer to death so i can have like a second life after them oh yeah

with all of their money i want it i want it to be like i want to be hospice side as at our wedding like i want our wedding to happen in a hospital room i want when they say to you you can now kiss the bride i want them to have to take out his ventilator like that's how old i want him to be if i really go go old if you go that old though then you're gonna have to deal with his original children who are going to contest your claim i don't need his money i really would not be in it for the money i would be in it for like um just to see someone like just to say i had married this really old guy it'd just be funny maybe i don't know i think i would do things for the jokes yeah um let's see a couple more jokes um the most impressive stat here tonight is nikki's monostat it's working very hard

um let's see uh people call nikki ugly but she oh this fucking hurt dude are you ready for this one this hurt and this is such a good joke thank you so much to the writers who um gave me these jokes or like to read these jokes about myself that make me want to cut myself even though that was part of the joke but this joke fucking hurt and is so funny, but it wouldn't work. And we'll talk about why it wouldn't work on a dance. People call Nikki ugly, but she has some really great features. Unfortunately, she can't follow them on stage.

So features meaning my feature act, which is the middle act, which is the person I bring on the before me. So that joke wouldn't work on this kind of platform. It would work in like a roast battle at a comedy club because everyone talks in that language but no one knows what like outside of the comedy world if you know what a feature act is you are a savvy person if you're not a comedian you're very comedy savvy and then also great joke follow her like people don't know that either really right there was another great joke we had with a similar reasoning why we cut it even though it felt so great oh yeah okay it was um burt and tom the only comedy duo without a straight man yeah great joke

but we worried it was it was in my act it was in the like ready to send in the script because it was a last minute edition i forget who wrote it someone um i think it was douglas fager i think wrote it i i'm sorry if i got maybe nathan orton um but the last minute line and i was like that's perfect because we were looking for just something that brought tom in a little bit address them both i ended up going with like burt and tom you know you guys are presenting together later like two peas in each other's mouths but um i did think the straight man one was a better joke but couldn't be used because my makeup artist right before i'm like with my laptop in hand backstage at the kia forum and i said to my makeup artist i go do you know that there's a thing called a straight man in a comedy duo and she goes no i'm sorry i don't know that and i go well then it's like

you're a person that I want to appeal to. That is like, you're not dumb. I know you're paying attention. If you don't know that it's, it's not looking good for other people. And she goes, I'm really sorry. I don't know what I go. Don't be sorry. That's not like, I'm not like, how do you not know that?

It's like, that was just me testing how many people kind of know that idea. And I think most people that listen to this podcast would probably know that thing. But if you don't know it, you're the reason i didn't tell it and you need to fucking do your research okay like there's a straight man and then there is a what's the other person and i'm kidding when i say this person there's not a name for it like the straight man though well no crazy it really is it's crazy yeah well at least an improv and sketch it is okay okay i didn't know that okay so there's a crazy person there's a straight person but the straight person is always the one that's confused by the crazy person you know like who's on first that classic bit like the guy that's saying well

who's on first and the other person's like no who i'm saying who is on first that's you know that sounds like it might be the straight person but that's the straight man you know it's a straight man because the last thing they always say is something in the realm of, I can't believe this guy. Yeah. Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld's the straight man for most of the,

sometimes he is the crazy person when he's, when there's a straighter man than he is, but he's mostly the straight person that's like observing the chaos around him. That's his whole standup persona is to be the straight man in life and observe things. Is Larry David the straight man in life and observe things. Is Larry David the straight man on Curb? No, no, no, no.

I think sometimes he is when he's dealing with Leon. Sometimes, but he's... Or Suzy Essman. No, he's a crazy person. That's a show that has... Oh, yeah, you're right. They're all the straight people. You're right. There's so many crazy people on that show at times, but Larry David is almost always the crazy person and in

tom and bert tom is the straight man tom seems like yeah yeah because that's the one taking off his shirt wild yeah occasionally larry david interacts with someone who's so brutally mean for no reason that larry becomes the straight man but that happens only every once in a while and the joke there is almost like, can you believe someone's acting even crazier than Larry David? And I wouldn't just, the joke I really liked about Tom and Bert is that if you know Tom and Bert, which I,

it was like, you have to really explain their dynamic for this to work. But I felt like, I feel like when I watched Tom and Bert, sometimes Tom seems so exhausted by Bert and almost like what's he pulling me into because that's their that's their dynamic he's the straight man and Bert's the crazy one and he's like Bert what are you doing what are you saying where are we going like why is Bert taking off his shirt and running up on stage I guess I have to go

and I said that so sometimes Tom looks like like the conjoined twins that just got married the one that didn't get married who's just hanging off as they're slow dancing. And that's Tom in most of their scenarios of like, why am I here right now? This is so uncomfortable. And I thought that was a funny visual. But again, there's so many factors you have to consider when writing these things.

Should we even address burton and burt and tom they haven't been up yet like if you notice the first joke about sam jay did not work because she had not been introduced yep i can forget what the first line someone said about her i didn't say anything about her i had jokes about her but i decided to cut them because i knew that i would have to set up who she was so much at that point that the first time someone referenced her no one really understood it even for me like before i got brought to stage and had my moment the jokes about me were not doing well because people were like who is that like we don't know what to feel about her and you were still on 2016 comedy central that's the the token whore you know yes and that's not the case anymore but

it was funny that i got up there and i said i'd shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face to have a lottery ticket to suck tom brady's dick so i kind of was the token whore i mean i don't mind that but i do you want to talk about like nitpicking your set you know how after your set you watched it and you're like that's a mistake that's a mistake that's yeah that was the one moment where I felt like this little tiny change would have made it 5% funnier. No. Don't do this. What are you doing?

It was great. What did I do? What could I have done? It's just so small that it probably would. But it's just like this. You can't help but think. It was, I would, whatever. I would pay this amount of money to suck this guy's dick I

think it would have been slightly funnier to say this man's dick um I'm so glad I disagree with you because that would be devastating if I agreed with you like I couldn't handle the regret this guy I think calling him a guy is so you know we might have actually

discussed this before anyway no I don't think we did but i don't think you're wrong and that is truly like and you don't even listeners might go like who cares about that it's like what's the difference between those a five percent on that joke would have like i would have done anything to get five percent harder on that joke you know like i would have literally done anything i could to get even too like i would have you know when i was the next day when i was freaking out about my makeup chris was like would you have done like would you have sacrificed your beauty that night to make your set funnier and i was like 100 he was like then

that's what happened here okay so like if you would have been focused on having your eye look as perfect as you wanted it to your eye makeup your jokes would have suffered so just consider that like you they didn't look as good because it was going into the comedy and like it was no other way it could be yeah so that is but that's i'm so glad i disagree with you and don't you ever do that to me again don't you ever do that to me again can i just say though that that joke particularly um high bar for delivery the delivery on that joke was perfect i practiced it so much and we only wrote that joke the day before yeah right like jimmy carr was the one that wrote that joke and convinced me that i should say it he said it at the netflix brunch and i was like i'm not gonna

say i can't say that i just was laughing at it as like that would be the funniest thing to say but like it's horrifying first of all it's throwing chris under the bus in a way that i'm just not comfortable with even though it's totally a joke but chris was just like do it's horrifying. First of all, it's throwing Chris under the bus in a way that I'm just not comfortable with, even though it's totally a joke. But Chris was just like, do it. And I was like, really? And then it was like starting to be like, okay, if I did do it, what would it look like? And I wrote you, I was like, I think we have a new closer. So it didn't quite be the, it didn't end up being the closer, but I was, I saw Jimmy

Carr last night and gave him like the deepest hug of my life because of that lot. Like there was so many people that just like came in last minute with um amazing ideas and um it just i loved i loved the collab of it like i really want to do something that i can just hire all of my friends and we just work on something and then i go out and i do my little routine and everyone feels like they they were a part of it like it feels really good to perform and have everyone feel like, Oh, she did that joke that I wrote or like she nailed. She like, I,

I, cause I know what it feels like when someone tells your joke or something like I, I didn't, there's usually so much pride on my part of like, I have to write all the jokes, but I liked nailing jokes that other people wrote in ways that like made them feel so good.

Cause I also know what it's like to write a joke and have someone deliver it and they fucking blow this joke. So that could have been well you have to have faith in the person you know we have faith in nikki to deliver the joke and like every it felt like it felt like at points i i felt just as good as if i was up there doing this and that's i felt much better i felt much better than if i was up there because i knew if i was up there i wouldn't have done as well because i can't relate to that because i want to be me i the only person i want to be in this process is me and i have been other people before coming up but like i'm so glad that people really did feel as if they were like me like people were so our team those people i listed

before were so happy for me we were all in a group chat like it felt it was the best feeling in the world like the pride that i felt from you guys in my performance that was like i'm not trying to be like humble like it was about making you guys happy but it was it feels what is what's the point of doing any of this if you aren't like like for me it gave me a solution to like when my parents die i feel very scared about like what will keep me going what's going to give me motivation to impress people and now i just have the answer it's like you assemble a team that are all very invested in this they're not just like writing on a show for a paycheck they are like

they they are mostly here because they just want they they feel like it is them too and that is what it felt like that night and I'm like okay now i have something in place for when my parents do pass away and that will still motivate me to really perform and do a good job um for that like satisfaction so that was a good feeling so now my parents can die and um someday you'll die out on this saturday watch it when it comes out if you could watch it live that would be the best but um definitely stream it within the first 24 hours would be amazing for ratings and for me and i appreciate your support besties so much i'll never forget you i'll never get too big for you i love you so much you're my ogs you're my number ones um and you know that so um let's just uh all have a great weekend don't be kit and i will see you we'll see you next week bye guys

john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back See you next week. Bye, guys. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.