The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #439 It's All In Your Head, Return to St. Louis, Garbage Man Story, The State of the Rom Com, Orgasms on Screen

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Nikki and Brian return into the groove of podcasting on their respective coasts. They discuss Nikki's weekend in Vegas, returning to St. Louis, and feeling relieved and thankful for all the fans and family. They discuss Nikki's garbage man accident story from high school. You'll be surprised to hear the trial twist! Final thought: female orgasms on screen, let's reel it in and do the sex scene. Page Six, be sure to clip this on your sound bites!  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser. I'm here with Brian Frangie. I mean, not here with him, but he's here on video. I'm here in spirit. Yeah. I mean, and more than that. Video, I see your face moving.

That's true. Actually, you're not here in spirit. That's the only thing you aren't here in for me. How's your going? Mine's going good. I'm doing all right. Well, you know, I'm doing terrible as usual but um i'm you know my head space is decent which is good oh okay i feel like um now this is an

interesting time this is probably this is obviously not more interesting than your last two weeks which have been a whirlwind roller coaster ride of of insanity. Yes. But I feel like this period is the frequently not talked about period, which I would like to call the reflections period, where things start to slow down. Yes. And now you're like, what just happened? Yeah. And how do I feel now?

Yeah. That's a good point. Thank you for dovetailing this into about me after i asked you how you were doing well i don't want a good headspace i don't want to spiral into you know what am i going to talk about uh you know everything that's going wrong let's talk well let me guess you're you can't sleep your teeth hurt my teeth um yeah your dog is restless and your wife is uh happy and her spirits are high which can be annoying at times there's uh coconuts falling down from pine cones are starting to fall yeah no it's getting hot season where the pine

cones are falling and it's dangerous out there yeah i can't even go outside my house without worrying um yeah well we'll get into your anxieties because i think it all tracks together of like all the things you know uh we're all going through things right now. If you're not going through something, get out. Yeah. You know, someone once told me I was like complaining about something. It was like I was confiding in a friend over lunch about a problem. Big, big mistake.

I know that was my first mistake. You can't confide in friends. That's what you go. That's what you go to the grocery store for So I was talking to him And he said this thing And it made me so mad He goes well everyone's dealing with something

And I wanted to jump across the table And cut his head off With a butter knife Why are people so bad at Being friends Or like just saying the right thing like this whole haven't haven't we all seen enough memes of like when people say they're starving kids not memes but just like culturally we make fun of like well they're starving kids in africa stop complaining

or whatever it is um that it don't we all know that it doesn't matter and that yes we have it better than any group of people in the history of human society like human beings existing for thousands of years um we have it better hundreds of thousands of years we have it better than any of them lifestyle wise and yet we're all miserable it doesn't matter because the reason we're miserable is because we feel lack of purpose because we used to always just be hunting and gathering, trying to stay alive, trying to not get eaten, trying to make sure our babies don't die, trying to find drinking water. We were consumed with purpose every waking second.

And you didn't have time to get depressed. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me the cavemen weren't dealing with 17 different types of pillows and not knowing which one is going to be best for your neck? I mean, I wonder at what point they realized that some of them were getting different moss that would resemble a Tempur-Pedic, you know? And were upgrading, and then that moss became like you got... Like, at what point... the caveman moss become an issue? I mean, probably right around the time that Jesus came around.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, Brian, your issues with the pillows, it's bigger than that. It's deeper. There's something else going on. All of the things that I worry about are just masking for some other thing in my life that I'm not ready to address. I mean, my wrist has been hurting recently, like carpal tunnel. And man, I've been doing such a good job of every time it acts up, I just go, it's all in my head. It's all in my head. It's all in my head. This isn't real.

This isn't an injury. This isn't my, I'm picturing like where it's hurting and that it's inflamed and head this isn't real this isn't an injury this isn't my i'm picturing like where it's hurting and that it's inflamed and there's tendinitis even so i just go it's all in my head and it's been going away when i do that oh really yeah it works yeah it does work and then it starts hurting again when i start stressing about this very specific thing in my life a volleyball game i have coming up no uh it starts hurting uh immediately when i start stressing about a specific area of my life that I'm stressed about and and then there's this back injury I have that you know always

flares up when there's some kind of stress going on and I I always go no I I twisted it in Pilates or whatever I tell myself which could be true like I was aggravating things in Pilates one day and then I was I couldn't move my neck for a days, but I also was going through a ton of stress. And I think it's that I would, I'm not like people who want to be injured. I would rather it be in my head. That is, that's why I think I can get over these things so quickly, because as soon as I go, it's in your head, I really accept that. And then it goes away, which is the Sarno method. You have to accept it. The beauty of it is even if you do have an injury, like a muscle pull, not if your bone is broken or something, but if you have a muscle pull or a strain or something like that, and you just make your head say it's fine, it's

okay, then even though it's injured and it's hurting, your brain learns to kind of ignore it and you just kind of proceed. And it's like, yeah, it's kind of annoying and kind of limiting, but it becomes pushed back into the depths of your consciousness so that you're not really focused on it and it doesn't bother you yeah pain can be mitigated uh pain can be lessened like your pain is your nerves feeling something and you can psychologically you can kind of turn off your nerves with meditation and with mindfulness like it actually does work and it doesn't take away from the fact that you are injured. But what it does take away from is the fact that you get to complain,

like you don't have control over it. And that's something people really like to do. And the fact is you can have control over it. You just have to do things that seem kind of woo woo and hard and, and you know, and maybe you don't want to do them and you don't have control over it because you're the type of person that will never believe in that stuff. And you were born that way and you can't help it.

So you deserve to feel your pain. It's all okay. But I will say in talking about the, it's, we're two weeks out of the roast. Yeah. The night my life changed. You just got back from New York.

I was in New York. I just got back from, I did a week of press right after the roast. I did a week of press in la for my special my special came out that next um saturday and then i did i flew from la to new york and did a week uh three days of press in new york two days really but i was there three days um for my special and you know obviously the roast stuff and then i flew back uh thursday to st louis was there for or wednesday night was there thursday and then went to go see my dad play music thursday night fun little st louis night and then friday

was in vegas uh for two shows with david spade friday and saturday those were sold out they haven't been before something's happening something changed i mean they were close like something may be changed yeah grown-upsown Ups 3 is in the mix. It's being floated. No, I don't know. So that was really fun, and those shows were just so fun, and I got to hang with friends and relax by the pool

during the day. It was just a great time. And then came home to St. Louis on Sunday, and today is Tuesday, and I'm feeling... It's a little weird being back and feeling like but I'm not I'm not having the crash because I knew there would be of like if I let this attention in too much and I'm too like oh my god my life is so good right now everyone loves me everyone wants a piece of me my numbers are going up I just knew it would go away because it will.

And so I didn't let it in too much. I let it in enough. I'm proud of myself, which I don't think pride is a good quality. So I'm grateful for how my life landed up here. I'm grateful for everything that led me to doing well at that roast. The hard work, the people who helped me, the parents who believed in me to even have this career um being a woman born in a country that can even say dirty things like all the things that led me to believe to to be the man that the garbage man you know without them you wouldn't even have you'd have garbage piling up in the streets yes that i had you couldn't get

to the i hit a garbage man airport did i tell you that yeah i know when i was um in high school i hit a garbage man with my car and i went to uh he sued me and uh yeah it was a whole thing no i actually won they divvied up the blame they said i was 30 to blame and was 70%. And so we only had to pay him 30% of what he was asking, which was ideal because if he would have gotten zero, he would have just appealed it. So it was honestly, our lawyers were like 30% is exactly what you want. Cause any lower,

he would have done it again. Right. Thank God. You know, these garbage men have been getting off too easy for too long. And I'll just tell you never speed, not, and I wasn't speeding,

but never always cautiously go past a garbage truck because they will jump out they might not hear your car it might be like one of those like i have i've avoided so many different pedestrian incidents because i've just been i'm obsessed with not hitting someone again yeah well they're you know they're constantly jumping off it's like universal studio it's like it's like they're constantly jumping off. It's like Universal Studios. They're just jumping off and jumping out from behind the truck and scaring you. Yeah. Because they're not thinking. They wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to pick up trash,

and they have to jump off the... Do you have the guys... It used to be the guys that hang off the back of the truck, and they have to physically get off and dump. And now, at least in Culver City, it's like the arms that go out, the mechanical arms that grab. I think we have both.

Yeah. But yeah, those guys were jumping off. But they are very savvy about when to jump and when not. Like, usually they are. I was in an area when I hit a garbage man. It was at night. It was like dusk. Garbage man at, oh, it was in the morning? No, sorry, not dusk.

Garbage man at night. Like, dusk is like when the sun's going down, right? Like, it was probably like. Dusk is down. Yeah, so it was around six o'clock, which in my neighborhood, we only have garbage men in the morning. Yeah, why would a garbage man be out at night?

It's so weird. So I thought it was parked. Like, I didn't even think, so I just went past it at a normal speed, and he jumped out and then when i was on trial they were making me out to be some like kind of white privileged yeah bitch because he was he was not a white man and i think it was about like she just is driving recklessly and doesn't care about black people and she was and it was just like and i said that's interesting i i do think it was part of the i do think it was part of their uh prosecution uh was to make me out and and you know so if it was a white garbage man you would have swerved around i i if it was not even

that it was just like maybe it wasn't about him being black it was about me being white and entitled and not and i was in an area of my town that had garbage men pick up at night so i guess that made that a poorer part of town or something and i'm from the elitist part of town where because i said i i never knew garbage men worked past the morning or like you know midday i'd never seen a garbage truck out and they're like oh so the neighborhoods you go in garbage men only work in the morning. Is that white privilege? Well, it's just, I don't know. Is morning garbage pickup white privilege? I didn't even know that.

I just thought that was when they pick it up. I just didn't know. So they go to the white neighborhoods first and then if they have time, they'll go to the black neighborhoods and pick up the garbage? I don't think it was, it was more,

because I was not in a, it was just in an area that was probably not as well off as mine right and so they also made me the woman made me out to be like you were just driving la la la like i'm not even joking you this was the first stand-up thing i've ever did because i was on the stand and she was this woman defending this guy and she goes so you were with your friend blaring music just driving la la la just la, la, la, la, just driving down the road. And I go, well, I didn't look like that.

And it fucking killed, dude. The whole jury laughed because I just go, I didn't look like that. And it, I mean, it was, I'm not even joking. It was the first time publicly I had gotten laughter. I think I started stand-up the next year. Or maybe I was still doing... There was something about it that I was like, ooh, that killed. And then I had them on my side because she was such a twat.

You were in the witness stand when you said that? Yeah, I was in the witness stand. And then you pulled the microphone out of the witness stand and started walking around. You dropped it. I took it out and then I dropped it. Yeah, it was great. They said you're going to have to pay for that. We'll put that towards that 30 uo um they know it was it was an interesting trial the craziest part of the trial was i really i really i've said this on podcasts before so i'm

sorry if long-term besties have heard this a million times they were i think it was gonna go like 50 50 maybe maybe they were even gonna give me more of the blame and i swear to god this happened i'm on the stand and oh no i'm not on the stand i'm in i'm like seated at seated i'm seated at the you know where uh oj sat or whatever you know like where you sit on the trail I'm just like thinking of like yeah on his wife's corpse yeah and and my his

he's on the stand the guy that I hit which by the way when I hit him I hit him and he was taken away in the ambulance and I tried to get information about what happened to him and I never heard anything until four years later right before the statute ran out we get a call from his lawyer suing me so then I had to go do a deposition taylor had to go do a deposition uh taylor mcgraw with you she was in the car with me and so i'm on the stand some great sound effects during

her deposition oh we sound effect she's she is well she always makes noises yeah she's good at noises and she's good at like and then she was like i'm not gonna do that and we were like oh no yeah i can see her doing that no we were listening to z107 probably loudly but that's like allowed it's not like i would have not hit a garbage man if i wasn't remember the song um since it was such a no but i'm sure it was something like jaw rules like everybody gonna living it up what do i do everybody's gonna living it up. What do I do? Everybody's gonna live it up. Wow, so Ja Rule, maybe that would have helped you. She's like, you're listening to some, you know,

Fiona Apple bullshit. And you're like, actually, it was Ja. You hit a black man, but at least you're supporting black excellence in pop music. No, I went over to his body because he was laying in the grass. He had jumped up and I hit his leg. So if he hadn't jumped, he would have gone under and it would have been horrible.

Wait, he was laying in the grass? Dude, I hit a man severely. I'm not getting you trauma from this. I almost killed a man. So he jumped off from behind the truck. So I was driving. Our cars got parallel. my car is going that we're facing different directions he's on the side of the street i think he's parked because

it's a garbage truck past hours and it's i don't see lights i don't see moving it's and it's at dusk and i i doubt he had lights on because i don't think we did and my car my mom's land cruiser little white bitch driving her mom's big old land cruiser gets parallel with the back of his truck and he jumps out to get a garbage can across the street and I see him run out. We lock eyes. It is slow motion and he jumps and then my car just hits his legs and he goes into the street and then into the grassy knoll.

Yes. He's laying in a grassy knoll and um and i pull forward like i stop and then i look at taylor and i'm like oh my god and then we i start laughing because that is a response a trauma response i found out i felt really embarrassed about laughing before because there's nothing funny about it but i just couldn't i thought it was a dream kind of and so i just had to laugh because it was just, I, my, like a lot of times. It's just so ridiculous and absurd. They will see people like,

even rape victims will like laugh before it, when it's happening or like when people are getting, you know, it's a common response to being terrified. And so I remember laughing and then I remember feeling really bad about laughing.

And so I stopped and then there was a part of me that was like, just run, just go, just drive. Like I, I do understand the psychology behind a hit and run because there is this thing in you that's like fight or flight and you're about to either go to

prison. And also I hate seeing bloody injuries. And so I was like, I'm the first on the scene. I'm, I know all of this has sounded horrible. And if you've never lived something like it, you can totally point at me and be like, you're compassionate you didn't get up i just i i don't

like gore and i was too scared to see it and i and you're a teenager if remember that you're yeah can everyone remember i was 16 and my brain had not developed properly so i didn't run obviously but i will say i i don't even need to share the fact that i thought that i'm only sharing it because i do i did feel it and i didn't and then my mom had a car phone like one of the first car phones you know the ones that would like latch on and have the big buttons on the outside so i called 9-1-1 and i didn't want to get out of the car because i was so scared that's where white privilege helped help the situation there we go we were one of the first ones with car phone and um i think we had one in 1995 and so then um and this is two this is yeah 2000 so then um he uh so then i got out and all of his garbage truck friends uh colleagues are surrounding him and then one of them comes up to me and is

like he's always jumping out i told him this was going to happen he's never looking out can we get that really helped well that guy changed his story by the time he got to the stand but i swear to god but i only remember it not because i was like trying to find evidence it wasn't my fault i remember it because he said it so many times to me and was trying to calm me down and was like this is not your fault over and over and over and so i i remembered it because i needed that and so by the time we were sued four years later that guy was mum on that kind of um language and i was only my hearsay but on the on during the trial we got to go to break he is on the stand and his um attorney and i know i've told this before so so I really, I'm sorry, we'll talk about other things after this. His attorney is cross-examining him and asks

him, have you ever been charged with a felony? He said yes. We're like, hmm? What was the charge? Child molestation. Oh, God. Well, it's over. It was over over i don't feel like it's fair that it was over but my side of things we didn't even know about that my side and i promise you this really happened he said that i waited about 20 seconds so it wouldn't be connected but i turned around my mom was in the very back of the courtroom and i just looked at her and raised my eyebrows like this is done because the whole jury had already laughed at my joke they were kind of like making fun of

the circus that was his attorneys that were being so buffoonish in interrogating me and then they find out he's a child molester and it's just like you're not going to give that guy money and it's not fair because it shouldn't be connected and he should not have to be judged for that. But it did come up and his attorney brought it up. No one even asked. We didn't even know. That attorney sucks. That's what happens when you don't have money to afford it.

It's probably like a cheap billboard attorney or something. But you're a hero. Nikki Glaser riding around town running down child molesters. You're a hero. In the end, yes. But, you know, that's my advice. If you do hit someone with your car, which we are all very prone to hitting someone with our car because pedestrian hits are up so much in this country because of distracted driving. Just hit someone who has been charged with molesting a child before.

Now, it's hard to get charged those people, but you can just tell, you know, in the way. I don't know how you are supposed to tell someone to tell a molester, but chances are they are, but have they gotten caught with it? I don't know. Okay, we have to go to break. Not everyone's a child molester. I was just joking. Okay, I'll be back after this.

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we are back. Let's do a quick, before we get into anything else, Noah update. Oh. Because people are dying to know what's going on. So she has been a mom since.

Let's see. What did she tell us? Oh, wait. No, that's not the right thread. Okay, here we go. She has been a mom since Saturday, April 27th, 2024. Wow. Congratulations, Noah.

Congratulations, Noah. It's a palindrome birthday if you shorten the year. So 42724. four cool that's cool um her baby's name is toby t-o-b-y leah kulawe k-u-l-a-w-y toby leah kuali kulawe yeah yeah. The last name's Kualawi? Yeah, yeah. Kualawi. That is her husband's last name. Toby is her name. She's so cute.

Wow. So Toby, kind of like a guy's name as for a girl, usually. It's like a unisex name, which I like. Yeah, it kind of is. But Toby's are such a like, it's for a girl that's just such a girl who's like precocious, knows who is i really do feel like names dictate how someone is going to be and toby is not going to be like soft-spoken and scared and insecure a toby just like knows who she is right out of the gate you literally can't be a toby who's um i don't think i've ever met it i'm not sure but yeah i think i'm trying to think if i've met

a toby is there um besides toby keith i don't know any other tobys and i haven't met him no i don't really know but i think toby is like a great name i'm really uh i think it's a cool name with that uh decision she's just so cute she sent a lot of pictures to me into the girls chat toby is a beautiful little girl she has noah's i told her noah that she has her eyes and noah was like i don't see it i keep seeing avi what did noah say um yeah she said that she sees avi no hold on i scroll up because we had a huge conversation um oh my god oh yeah toby oh my god she's so cute um yeah she is happy and i'm gonna post this conversation that we had because i go how's tobes and she goes she sucks and i said and then i wrote ha ha ha and she goes on my boobs all the

time hey lol i was like i like that noah yeah um so mom noah she's got some good timing yeah right um she's like she says it's nice that she's filling in and not so much like gelatin so it's easier to handle her um god yeah those first days i can imagine yeah she's really happy and she just like we haven't talked a ton and heard from her on the girls chat in a ton. But I have let no one know that she has been missed and that not only the fans miss her, but we miss her. And I miss her on girls chat. But she's just like in mom's zone right now, which I'm interested to find out from her how like if it's boring, if she wishes she were doing other stuff. Or is it just so fascinating all the time that you birth this thing that you're kind of not bored?

Or are you on your phone a lot? Like, do you still care about the stuff you used to care about now that you've brought a baby into this world? Interesting questions. Yeah. And I don't know the answers, but I do know what my brother went through. And I can tell you that they all say that they're just exhausted constantly. They can't think about, like, stuff they're interested in because they're just tired. No, thank you.

Yeah. That's what, but I don't know. That's not my experience. I never had a child. Some people can have, some people can have it all and still be, but also you almost don't want to be interested in the same things you were interested in because your life, that's why you had a kid was to bring meaning to your life and you didn't want your meaning to be like watching tiktoks all day like you wanted more and so it it always makes me laugh i love lisa trager's joke about how she's like

uh my friend who had kids she's like it's changed me and she's like no i just think now you're like you still you're still an anorexic with but now you just have a kid like you think that people won't care about stuff they used to but i think noah is noah is still like i'm looking at our chat and i'm like oh i want to find toby stuff and it's like all stuff she's like asking about my life and so she's still like a really good friend really present is it making everything about being a mom when she really could like i want to just say to all of my friends with babies, literally, I was like, send me a daily Toby picture. I want, I would, there's no part of me

that would not want to look at a picture of my best friend's baby. Like it's just other babies, not so much, but like, especially like men who have babies, like I don't really care. Cause I just, I mean, I'll look at them, but I don't care as much as when a mom, someone, a mom I know has a baby. I'm so at them, but I don't care as much as when a mom, someone, a mom,

I know has a baby. I'm so much more like, show me everything about it. I've noticed that when men are like, this is my baby. I'm just like, and where's your wife? Show me a picture of her. Like, let's celebrate her for a second. That happens. I mean, you know, the, you just kind of like lose track of your spouse when you have a kid. Not, that would be really hard for me as someone who likes attention that i would be very pregnant i would get so much attention which i think is you know i i've said and i'm working on a bit about if you want as much attention as being a celebrity of my stature gives you you should get engaged and and talk about it a lot just mention you're engaged and people will have so many questions for you and be very interested in your life. And also being pregnant is a ton of attention.

And then you have a baby. You don't look as, you don't, you look a little bit pregnant, but if anyone does think you're still pregnant, it's really insulting to you. It's not like a fun feeling to be thought of as pregnant when you're not anymore. And then people, you're at home a lot because you're not bringing the baby out, so all of a sudden you went from being out and about with your stomach and looking so cute, and everyone's going, oh, when are you due all this attention to, you have the baby,

then you get a flood of texts, you're sending a bunch of stuff to family members, and then the baby's just, it has to drop off. It has to be a similar thing to what I'm going through of so much attention, now everyone's seen it like everyone that's seen the roast is gonna see the roast it was number one on netflix for two weeks over two weeks and now it's not it's trickling down the top 10 and i feel it going like oh no but everyone who's gonna see it has seen it and it's millions and millions and millions

of people but there is less attention less you don't even have a baby to distract you from the lack of attention that's that's true i don't well what i will say is i'm having more responsibility because of the roast things are things are being brought my way and there's a lot of like okay you did this thing and now people are um want more from you now you have to so there's something that needs the industry needs to suckle at those teats i mean the fact that uta made a carousel post about you is insane it's so for those who don't know like my agency is uta and which is one of the top four agencies and there's only four agencies that are really big and they represent like every single star in the known universe yeah like brad pitt's at my agency yeah you know like it's it's and i only know that because i and i don't i don't even want to i can't even say how i feel about it i like i'm grateful for my agents i really love all

of them but sometimes i forget where i'm at like i literally i've been at so many agencies i'm like i think i'm at ut like it's changed so much and people change, but I do love the individual people, but the agency itself, like the brand, I'm like, it's interchangeable to me. No offense. No offense. To what they built.

Individual agents can be good, but agents in general are a bunch of rats. I have a sports, literally, I have a sports agent now, Brian. I have a fucking Jerry Maguire. I'm not even joking you. I have a sports agent now brian i have a fucking jerry mcguire i'm not even joking you i have a sports agent that his name is yes his name is ryan i'm so sorry ryan i'm not remembering your last name um but he is such a sports agent he was you know i was on a zoom with all of them to kind

of like come together and be like what's going on and because i've been like um a little bit of a a darling in the you know in the sports world because of the roast and and because I was able to say I don't know much about football in my roast set so no one can expect me to know much about football I'm like squarely aligned with what I can bring to the NFL which is jokes about an outsider's perspective that doesn't have to do with knowing exactly how the game works like i've i really feel comfortable working with the nfl because they know who i am and they don't want anything from me that isn't what i gave at that roast and i can give it that roast so i'm desperate i like can't wait to work with the nfl so um uh and i am getting into football in a real way like

i the other night i woke chris up in the middle of the night to be like okay if they go for the conversion do they like how many yards do they move back because i couldn't i was watching a tutorial on youtube and they kind of just skipped over it and i'm like no we don't understand what it means to and and chris said it can depend he said anywhere from like three yards to seven if they go for a two point conversion? Yeah. Like after a touchdown? Well, wait, is there a one point conversion?

That's just called the extra point when you kick it through the. Yeah, that's just a kick. But if, okay, so if they're going for the two point conversion, I'm sorry. I thought the conversion was just the play. Okay. If they're going for the two point conversion, how many yards back? I don't know. I think it's like five.

Why wouldn't you guys know that? That seems like an important thing to know. Like as soon as they changed it and yeah, he said they changed it. Yeah. I think it's five. I'm not sure to be honest. Well,

it's something you all should know. Yeah. It wasn't a question because it just was like talked about. Um, anyway, I, and then, um,

so anyway, I have, yeah, I have a sports agent now and he is, he was like a little bit more ball bustery than all the other ones on the call. He was like, and I love Jerry Maguire and I,

that's my probably top five favorite movie. And it, it was giving that. And I really, I just like sports people because they remind me of comics. Cause they talk shit and they're really honest. And there's just like a, I't know i think the sports world in the comic world is really uh there's a the venn diagram is of the kind of like personality is

this pretty is almost a circle yeah this makes so much sense and it's not something i ever would have like predicted for you or would have even like been like you know what you should like try to go into this field but now that it's here and it's happening, it just makes so much sense that Nikki Glaser would be a sports NFL comedian. You have the right personality. You have the right types of jokes. I think it makes perfect sense in my mind, but I would have never predicted it. No, ever. And that's great. I love when things happen in my career that I'm not like aiming for because then it always feels like i manipulated somehow to get it and this is just a natural thing it's like i like you and you like me oh my god okay let's start dating like yeah i didn't even consider

dating you um it just feels like kind of just a meet cute of sorts and so but yeah uta made a post about me and my friend dan levy not the one from Schitt's Creek but Dan Levy uh he's a comedian he uh written a bunch of stuff he's hilarious he's one of my favorite people comedian Dan Levy spelled the same way as the other one but he he dm'd me first and was like oh you know you've made it when UTA posts about you and I was like oh my god and so I joked in my story and I was like thank you my agency and i i hope people didn't think i was actually being like thank you my agency it was just i was calling out that like an entity is celebrating me and then an entity that literally is like let's just be honest like

they are into me because i'm hot right now and like yes they believed in me in certain ways but they got on board once i was right you know they'll get rid of me when i'm not hot and i won't take any offense because that's just the way this business works and i expect it that's more eight but that happens more frequently with age i feel like managers will hold on to a little bit longer yeah they will agents are like brutal yeah i i and and that's the way it should be like they're fuck boys you know like they're really they're gonna make you have a great fucking time but don't trust them for the long haul and that is what i realized show business is you cannot get into showbiz thinking that you are it's not a marriage that's gonna last forever no you will be divorced

you will separate you might you might stay married but sleep in separate bedrooms the rest of your life and always resent each other but at some point point, unless you are maybe William Shatner or Betty White, and I've talked about this before, it is a relationship I am entering into knowing it will not be forever. And it's just the way it is. And there's the illusion that it's going to be forever because you're hot right now. And how could this go away? But every piece of evidence,

aside from a couple people, leads me to believe it will not be forever and if it is it will never be at the level that you think it will be it will ebb and flow and so i um i'm excited for this time in my life right now and i'm just working on um figuring out what i want to do next because that's the i've always been able to just kind of go i don't know i'll see what i want to do next because that's the i've always been able to just kind of go i don't know i'll see what i want to do when it comes up like i'm not i don't have any real goals and now it's like well you can kind of do anything you want like what do you want to make who do you want to make it with and like people are excited like i it's just it's it's awesome and i but i also have to think um do i want to spend my life on a movie set do i want

to send my life working on a movie script with someone who might be great at writing movies but isn't that good of a hang and the truth is no i don't care that much because it is all fleeting so if i win an academy award for a comedy which which has never been done, but could be, even that will be forgotten someday. It's all it's about doing working with fun people and working with people you admire. So I'm I'm just consuming a lot right now to be like, what what kind of stuff? Where is there a deficit in in movies and TV that I want to fill that I would want to watch? And would I want to make something that is that thing and right now I'm thinking

rom-com movie rom-com is something I'm like starting to imagine what that would look like for me because I watched a couple rom-coms last week namely

the idea of you which is anna hathaway going to a coachella and meeting a boy band guy who is almost half her age and that was a movie that i saw and that's so true now i have to feel now i feel a little bit um cagey about talking shit but here's the thing i don't feel bad talking shit about movies because i know that the people that made these movies probably set out to make a great movie and the script was probably great and the studios fucked it up so i can always shit on things knowing and not really offend to me i'm not attacking the writer or the performers or the director even necessarily, who I think has a big hand in whether something looks good.

I can always rely on the fact that probably the studio got in there and fucked this up and made it unwatchable and made it insulting to people who are watching it and are trying to actually be challenged with how they think and where they see things going. There's no challenge. Coming from the writer's side of it, I can say that there's probably a 50% chance that the writer sucks and they wrote a shitty script and they're just not funny.

Well, I want to just err on the side of the studios fucking it up because it's easier to come after a conglomerate, is that the word? Than it is an individual who's typing away in Silver Lake. I'm just, same with agents. It's like there can be good like, there can be good agents, there can be good writers, but there's so many of them that are not good.

Yeah. There's so many of them that are bad. It's, it's, it's mind boggling. Well, yeah, I,

I don't know how it happened. And same with comedians. There's so many bad comedians that are successful because I think the problem is, and I don't want to sound elitist because I was there. I just think that some people are there needs to be entertainment for dumb people. Yeah, it is. There are a lot of dumb people in the world, and I'm saying dumb with with no judgment that that dumb is just judging their intelligence. No, I'm not even judging it.

It's just a fact. They have lower intelligence than other people it doesn't mean that they should die it doesn't mean i think they deserve worse lives it just is true that there are people with less intelligence that also deserve to have a good time at the cinema and they are procreating more than people who aren't like you know that one movie that no one like wasn't as popular as it should be because people are dumb yeah idiocracy it's it's idiocracy so those people when i get frustrated a comedian who i think is just not challenging anyone doing the most hack stuff i'm like but and they're selling out places

i go well these people are enjoying it they're not like lying to themselves they actually are and they deserve to have fun too and just because they weren't as intelligent doesn't mean that they deserve less or i need to like hate them um i can be frustrated with them because i want them to um because i think with less intelligence comes less compassion and less kindness and all and less introspection that leads to a better world so i get frustrated with the unintelligent people, but I'm not mad that they like dumb things. I'm over that thing. I'm like, okay,

this is for, this isn't for me. And not because, and by the way, Oppenheimer is not for me because I'm too stupid. So there's always something that's for someone else. Like I don't even have to be, no,

here's the beauty of it. If you're smart, you can enjoy the dumb stuff too. You can go like, oh, I'm going to put myself in that headspace and just have a good time. No, I don't think I can. You know what? Yes, I can because I can watch it ironically

and I can pause it and make fun of how dumb they think we are and why that makes any fucking sense that that guy would like, okay, we're going to go to break and I'm going to come back and talk about the idea of you, which is the Anne Hathaway movie where she meets a guy to Coachella. And I'm also going to talk about the Sydney Sweeney movie anywhere, but here.

And then I watched another one, but you, it, whatever it is, literally these titles are terrible to terrible. What's the one with Jennifer Lawrence? Another bad title that I cannot, no strings attached or no feelings hurt. I don't know.

The one where she fucks the kid. Not kid, but like, yeah, it's all, it's no hard feelings. She fucks the kid and then becomes a garbage man and gets hit by a teenager in a car. I think there is a garbage man involved in that movie. But anyway, I want to talk about women's, i want to talk about sex scenes after this in rom coms and if you've seen these movies which i know you girls have busties i know some of you have seen them if not you need to watch them because they are entertaining to make fun of and there's a little bit of fun in them too when you let yourself go and you go baby that could be me

meeting that guy um after this catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so we put on the idea of you the other night because I'm like, okay, what's the state of the rom-com right now? And I've been wanting to see the idea of you the other night because I'm like, okay, well, what's the state of the rom-com right now? And I've been wanting to see the idea of you. I heard it really, um, kind of indulges women in this desire to meet a celebrity and fall in love, which is something we all kind of fantasize about. You run into the wrong, you go, you're trying to find the bathroom

at Coachella, which who even knows how she got back to those trailers. That wasn't really addressed, but she walks into a trailer and she, imagine this, imagine some, you're at Coachella which who even knows how she got back to those trailers that wasn't really addressed but she walks into a trailer and she imagine this imagine some you're at coachella in a tent and it's hard to imagine and you have to go to the bathroom and you ask where's the bathroom and they go this way so you go you walk that way and that way just takes you out into a field with a bunch of trailers now wouldn't you figure those trailers are for people that are performing at the event you're at and that maybe they're not your bathroom? Wouldn't you maybe find someone else and go, are there porta potties? Not this girl.

She just walks into a trailer. The trailer is seemingly empty when she walks in. And then she walks to the bathroom of the trailer and she tries to open it and there's someone in there. Now, what would you or anyone else do? That's hot girl dumb. She's been going through her life. But she's been going through her life without repercussions. She owns an art gallery in Silver Lake.

She is an art curator that is well respected. It's hot girl privilege. She has bangs and a daughter. And she wears flowy dresses. But she's a hot girl. It's hot girl privilege because she's been doing stuff like that her entire life. But she's Anne Hathaway hot, which is super hot, but also approachable and can kind of register as quirky.

Well, it's a movie. In the movie, I think they're trying to say, everyone's agreeing in the movie that she's a hot person. But this is not hot girl privilege. They're not trying to be like, she just walks. This is just, they're trying to paint a picture in which this could happen to you. So you walk into a trailer and you knock on the door. You try to open the bathroom of the trailer and there's someone in there.

What would you and literally everyone in the world do? I would, if there's someone in the trailer, I knocked on it. I would probably say, oh my God. You're inside the trailer and you knock on the bathroom of the trailer. Oh my i well first of all i wouldn't even be in that situation right i wouldn't have the gall to walk into a trailer and try to find the bathroom literally no one would that person would probably call the police i would i would say oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't realize that this was a trailer perfect answer yeah i Yeah. I shouldn't even be here. I'm sorry that I'm knocking on your bathroom trailer door.

Instead, she sits and waits for the bathroom to be open. Wow. And so then this hot guy comes out. He looks exactly like Matt Rice. How lucky. And this guy is so hot and young. And he's supposed to be 24, but he's really 29. And she's supposed to be 24, but he's really 29. And she's supposed to be 40, but she's really 42.

And her daughter is supposed to be 16 and is literally 23. It is so dumb. Her daughter, but being her daughter, her daughter who looks 23 goes to summer camp with like a pillow under her arm, like a sleepover summer camp at one point while her mom is off banging this rock star pop star who's in a band called us it's called like august moon that's the name of it oh god it's like a ipa yeah yeah totally and so my problem is sex scenes and the sex scenes now are not like actual sex what they do in these shows now is the woman will the guy will start will

approach her from behind and start kissing her neck and they'll kind of kiss while she's in front of him and then there will be a arm that like you see his hand like go down and then you know he's fingering her because clothes aren't coming off and then she will have a full-bl blown orgasm on camera where she is acting a fool. Yo, like it's, it happened with the Natalie Portman thing where she's like simulating sex in that pet, uh,

in that fish tank area in that movie that she did with Julianne Moore that everyone loved. And I didn't, um, I'm tired of watching these amazing actresses. No, no, no.

It was the one where she did. She, um, I, I like panned it because I, no. It was the one where she did. She, um, I, I like panned it because I didn't understand it was supposed to be ironic. No, no, no.

Natalie Portman was in a movie that was last Oscar season. She was like nominated for. Hmm. Okay. I think I was with Julianne Moore and Julianne Moore fucked a kid in high school. That, yeah,

that one, the garbage man one. Got it. Yeah. So, so she, but, but I'm so tired of watching women watching women orgasm on camera is very vulnerable i would honestly rather see them just get like full penetrate i would rather see tits shaking and like getting slammed than this girl going

and then going like and like biting her lip and it's like there is something going on in hollywood right now where people like to see women orgasming and by the way we never have to see the guy orgasm not that anyone wants to see that but we never ever see him he's just stoically fingering and kind of just like looking hot and cool while she's writhing around like she's having an exorcism and it's so embarrassing and i really think actresses need to stand the fuck up and maybe they wanted to do this and say i'm not gonna do porn for you yeah because why like people it feels like they want to like like did emma stone want to in that and poor

things she was like basically it was like a porn for her for a lot of it did she say i want to do this because it's like a representation of my sexuality i'm sure she did because she seems like someone that i listen no matter how much you think you want to do things the fact that it's even written in is part is because a man because they know women having sex sells you don't need to show sex all the time and I'm someone who loves pornography I obviously love to talk about sex very openly I don't feel like I need a sex scene in

every fucking movie I think that making out is enough even that grosses me out sometimes we know what sex looks like hopefully we've all seen it and so you can just have a couple laying down kissing and then waking up in the morning nicky that's all you need your mormon phase your puritan phase final thought i just think it's

taking advantage of women to have to writhe around and have orgasms on a otherwise pg-13 movie and it gets away with being pg-13 because it's not explicit. But it really is. What if you saw the guy orgasm too? Would that make it fair and even? Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Yes.

But it wouldn't be because for some reason that's disgusting. And ours isn't. A man orgasming is one of the funniest things on planet Earth. I think the whole discussion of women having sex is beautiful and men not is not beautiful is a way for them to convince women that it's art when we have to come on camera and to make us do it more so it's artistic and men it's gross and it's like no it's all if you're trying to portray what really happens in the world you need to show the man coming too and in fact you should show the woman coming a lot less. And you should show her not coming fucking 10 seconds after he starts touching her.

Yeah. It's insane. And I just don't want to see Anna Hathaway orgasming. And I don't want to see, who else, Sidney Sweeney orgasming in a shower. And we didn't need to see her nipples in that scene. I hope she got paid so fucking much for that shower scene where you see her nipple for a half a second. Sidney Sweeney? Yeah.

You see her nipple. Well, you see her nipple for a half a second sydney sweetie yeah you see her nipple well you see her nipple in euphoria a lot too so she's she's known for showing her nipples good for her which i if i if i my tits look like that too i would show them off but i just find it like i just i just think there's some coercion involved and i don't want to take anything from these women who have full autonomy over themselves. I just think that if it's written in the script for you to be topless, yeah, you can negotiate how topless, but why do we need to be topless? Can't Sidney Sweeney's talent speak for itself?

I don't know, but it's like seeing a movie where Sidney Sweeney's not topless is like watching a Michael Jordan not dunk. It's like, why would you not do it? Well, then maybe we don't put Sidney Sweeney in things. If her talent can't stand alone without seeing her nipple, we don't put her in things. I don't think that's what you should do.

I like Sidney Sweeney's acting, but I think that if it's not good enough and you have to show her tits, maybe... But it's like she's got this great trick that she could perform, and it's like you don't do it? She doesn't have to do it every time, but it gives her a leg up.

I just picture a male director behind the camera. Well, that's how it is. And I don't mean to take anything from these women. This is going to get to... Wait for this to show up on our fucking page six. Nikki Glaser slams Sidney Sweeney for not standing up for herself in a shower scene. I defend Sidney Sweeney.

I think she should be allowed to show her tits in anything she wants. It's perfectly fine. I'm on her side on this one. I am also on her side. And I just posed nude for PETA. You can see my full tit minus my nipple. You can see everything.

It's coming out. I think it'll be out tomorrow, which is the day this comes out. So go check out my PETA ad. I am fully nude i and i did it because i i like the campaign because it's for pita and i support pita and any kind of attention pita gets will be great and if my nude body gets more eyes on the fact that you shouldn't wear fur or uh you know leather then great or wool but also i wanted to get naked um i am in a place in my life where i'm can and and yes

sydney sweeney might be in a place in her life too where she can get naked and feel really good about it and she should be because she looks amazing but i just feel there's just an inkling in me that we are being served this because we don't feel like it's good enough on its own. And I think... Your inklings are correct. I mean, definitely there's been men saying that this is what you need to do in order to succeed. But I do feel like this new generation of people, these new generations are more comfortable

with nudity for some reason. As they should be. And you know what? I'm kind of changing my mind. Page six, stop writing your little headline about me shaming anne hathaway and sydney sweeney i hope you listen to this far because i keep getting clipped by page six for these fucking things i say on podcasts that are so out of context it is a nightmare and i like i i truly i said about ben affleck i said on um we might be drunk the podcast i said um they were talking about ben affleck's performance at the roast and i was like oh i i think i know what

happened like he didn't take it seriously he thought it was probably beneath him this was just a speculation he thought it was beneath him and he didn't prepare as much as he should and i said which i have done a million times in my career where you don't know how big something's gonna be and you do kind of think it's beneath you and you kind of phone it in i literally empathized with him i didn't say it was a bad choice on his part i didn't slam him it was it but no one's going to listen to the podcast they're just going to see that i slammed ben affleck especially ben affleck if he ever saw that i'd be embarrassed to meet him now shit he doesn't i know i know he's he's getting slammed so much in the media that he's not going to pay attention that's what i told told my dad. Because my dad was like,

you need to find Ben Affleck and tell him you didn't mean that. I'm like, he doesn't care, dad. He knows it's all bullshit. But at page six, if you are listening, I want you to write into the article that straight white male comedian Brian Frangie defended Sidney Sweeney's right

to go topless in any movie that she wants. I want her to go topless too, in all things, because they're amazing and they're fun to look at and she is so sexy and it does i guess add to her character but i and i will also say they gave us a lot of glenn powell nude and i do appreciate that i want to say from the bottom of my heart that they definitely there was a there was a dick in that movie it wasn't glenn powell's um i wouldn't mind seeing his in a movie coming up if he feels like that he's at a point in his career where his acting needs that help um not saying that's what sydney even thinks but i do i did appreciate um a very

naked glenn powell throughout it and as a woman i felt uh seen and and i was glad for that so i guess it was it was even, but I don't want to see any more orgasming on for our sex scenes. Give me, if you're going to have a sex scene, make it nude, make it messy. Let's get in there.

Let's actually have a sex scene. Let's make this an R rated thing. Don't keep it PG and have people orgasming because it is. That's interesting. Now I get what you're saying. Absolutely indecent for little kids to go to a PG 13 thing and see a woman thriving around and having convulsions now i'm on board i get what you're saying like it's like if you're gonna do a sex scene then do a sex scene don't just throw in don't throw a towel over

a woman and see her right and be like that's not sex it's like that joke that that louis ck joke about the n-word where if like you said the n-word now I know I'm now I'm saying it in my head. Now you're making me say it, you piece of shit. Yeah. The same thing with the sex scene. It's like, we know what they're doing.

The kids are subconsciously knowing what they're doing. It's like, we're imagining it now. Well, I wouldn't, you know what, as a kid watching that, I'd go like,

what is he doing to her? And what is, what's happening to her? Is she being electrocuted? Like it with more information and more of a context, I think that it would be less confusion and less like kind of scarring. Because please go watch the scene

where she's getting fingered by the guy. It's probably three quarters, it's probably half the way through the movie. Half of the way. Half the way through the movie. Half the way through the movie. No more sex things in rom-coms it should be a kiss on the cheek and then we just assume you cut away i watched mr and mrs smith last night because i was craving some actual like chemistry between two leads which i will say cindy sweeney and glenn powell

had amazing chemistry yeah loved it um and then um but mr and mrs smith holy shit i what i lost interest immediately because i don't like the action so i'd stopped any scene where there was like shooting going on i wasn't i was on my phone but um the jennifer aniston didn't stand a chance having her husband come back from that film oh yeah no like similarly ben affleck. Did you watch Deep Water? Oh, yeah. I know you're a big fan of that. That was fucking steamy as shit, dude. Yeah, that's steamy. That's the best one.

And they were together. I love watching movies where they cut together. That's why I went back and watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith because I go, I know they were fooling around during this. I can't imagine how hot it is. And it was pretty good. All right. We have to go.

Thank you so much for joining us. We'll be back tomorrow on the podcast. Besties are the best best you know we love you um you're my number one fans you're my ogs we have a lot of new listeners welcome to the show it is this every time and we do have some taylor swift gush fest episode coming up on friday that i want to warn people about that is if you're a new bestie and you're not a taylor swift head you might go what the fuck is this that episode's not for you it's just bonus content for like swifty bestie and you're not a Taylor Swift head, you might go, what the fuck is this? That episode's not for you. It's just bonus content for like Swifty besties. And it really, you will not understand it

and you will be almost mad at me for the way I talk on it. So I wouldn't recommend listening to that unless you're a Swifty, but we will have two episodes this week normally. So bye Brian, bye and wish Noah all the love for Toby, who's born on April 27th. And I know she misses you guys and misses hearing from you. So shoot her a note if you feel inclined to congratulate her and to keep her company. That's all for the show. Brian is gone. He went to a doctor's appointment.

My producer who's filling in, Olivia, is I think in the other room. And so I'm all alone just talking to no one. You guys are the best. Don't be care. And come see me on tour. So many new dates coming out. NikkiGlazer.com. New ones added for June. So I'm coming to Chandler, Arizona.

That one was just freshly announced. But there's so many because, you know, I'm having a moment. So dates are filling up and new dates. So if you haven't checked my dates in a while, go do that. NikkiGlazer.com. And I can't wait to see you at a live show. Love you guys. And there we go.

Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.