The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #447 My Dad Was a Con Man & Going to Couples Therapy w/ Gary Vider

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Nikki holds down the studio while Brian recovers from surgery and is joined by special guest stand-up comedian/creator of the new serial podcast #1 Dad, Gary Vider. They both discuss his childhood and what it was like living with a con man father. He also recaps his Internet viral story of impersonating a Sports Illustrated for Kids reporter in the 90s. He met Michael Jordan and more through this scheme. Nikki and Gary talk about their experience of going to couples therapy with their significant others and how to sort out tough stuff.  You can listen to #1 Dad on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network! New episodes out every Monday.  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here I am. It's me, Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. I am here today in my studio apartment, my studio in my apartment, my studio in my three bedroom apartment, which one of the bedrooms is a studio. So my two bed, what it doesn't matter. I'm thinking about getting a house soon. I'm just for now, at least. Brian Frangie is no longer with us.

Not permanently, but he's just I didn't mean to scare you guys like that. He is recovering from gallbladder surgery. So he had that on Monday. I'm recording this on a Wednesday. I've checked in with him. He's doing well. He is. He said it was not as bad as the other surgeries he's had in his life.

What did he say? I think he'd be fine with me reading you this um i had lap lap laparoscopic ball surgery in my 20s and it was much worse and um and he said the pain of the tooth extractions were worse he said sleeping is okay not bad teeth his teeth pretty much are the same he feels much better overall he said it feels like he was being poisoned and his deterioration happened so gradually that it was difficult to see how bad it was after the surgery i feel much better overall that's so great when you uh remove something from your life whether it be a husband or a gallbladder or um i don't know what else i'm

trying to think of something that i've removed from my life. And then suddenly it was just so much more comfortable. Jeans that don't fit. Just getting clothes that fit. And then you're like, oh, my God, I don't realize how fucking in pain I was all the time. I think I really I've always said it on this podcast. I really resonate. I hate when people say they resonate with something. I think something is supposed to resonate with you.

But people always say that resonates with me. And I that I resonate with that. I don't like when people say they resonate with something. I think something is supposed to resonate with you, but people always say that resonates with me. And I, that I resonate with that. I don't like when people say I resonate. Can you resonate? I think you can. I Googled it and I was like, I found out that those people were right,

even though they sound wrong to me, but I'm still not, I'm not going to say it. Anyway, I do resonate with, um, uh, people having chronic pain.

Um, cause I've had like migraines before I don't resonate with them I have so much empathy because I don't know what it's like to have like long term chronic pain but I just whenever someone has a headache I like can't handle it if someone has a headache in my presence

and you work for me I want you to stay home and I'll try to do your job or something or if like I just don't want to be around someone with a headache because I can't stand thinking how badly they're in pain. Um, because I'm just such a good person. Can, can you tell? Um, no, it's just like, that's, that's my thing. It's not even a nice thing. Cause then they're like, don't take on my pain. I'm not asking you to do that, but I just can't help it. Um, I don't like people being uncomfortable. It's one of my i think number

one things in life is trying to make sure people are comfortable although i'm not good at offering people drinks when they get to my apartment or house because i actually have no problem asking when i'm at a guest's house if i can have some water or a drink um in fact i was at my boyfriend's brother's and uh his sister-in-law's house this weekend for Father's Day. And he asked me if I wanted a drink. And I had seen a sliver. I just made eye contact with a Zevia that was in their refrigerator when he opened it

to get something like 20 minutes earlier. And I was like, I think they have Zevia. I just saw a flash of it. But I drink so much Zevia. I'm like, am I just seeing it everywhere? And he was like, I go, what do you got? and i was hoping that he was gonna say zevia so i didn't have to be like i saw one and i want it but he was like we got pellegrino we got lacroix what flavor do you want uh topo chico i mean they have amazing choices it's no wonder they have also

have zevia and i go um do you have zevia and he's like yeah do you want that i'm like of course but he said oh you mean the root beer i'm like, of course. But he said, oh, you mean the root beer? I'm like, I don't call it that, but it is root beer. It's so delicious. Um,

yeah. Happy father's day. Uh, I didn't do an episode yesterday. I'm sorry that, um, we didn't have one for you. Brian was off this week and I just didn't feel like it.

I, um, had a, uh, microneedling and my face was really red. It still is different shades of red. It looks like I just got really burnt. It looks like I was just like drunk on spring break, you know, early or late 90s. I feel like people were still not wearing sunblock in the 90s. I think that's one of the

most embarrassing things is being burnt as a white person, obviously. Um, I think like, uh, that, that didn't need to be said, but I mean, black people can get burnt. I think, I don't know.

I should know. I'm sorry for my ignorance. Please. Someone educate me. Anyway, I think being a burnt white person is a really embarrassing thing. I've been it before. Um,

but like if you're an adult and you're getting burnt, I'm sorry, you are not taking care of yourself you're not thinking it's like the same as not wearing a seatbelt like I just can't handle sunscreen doesn't make you gay guys it's not like a it's not a lotion that smells a certain way

like it doesn't mean you're like treating your body like a woman would and caressing it even though you should you should appreciate your body just a woman would and caressing it. Even though you should. You should appreciate your bodies just as much as we are supposed to appreciate ours, even though we do the opposite of that, actually. Anyway, wearing SPF isn't gay. Or just not wanting to get skin cancer isn't gay. But when I see burnt people, I really am embarrassed for them.

And I think they should be ashamed. And I'm so not in the business of shaming people. But I guess today I am. Who knew? When left to my own devices. Brian, come back. What am I doing? Anyway, so on the podcast today, we are having a guest, Gary Veeder. He is a comedian. You may have seen him on America's Gone Talent. He is hilarious. He's been on The Tonight Show, I think, like a bunch, and Colbert, and all the things. He's just a fucking great stand-up. But he also has a new podcast out where he, you might have seen clips for it,

because my boyfriend had heard of it and didn't know his name out of the gate. But it was the guy who has a podcast now called Number One Dad. It's on iHeart, Big Money Players, which is where our podcast network is. But it's called Number One Dad, and it's about his dad who was like a con man and who got gary to um pose as a uh reporter for the sports kids sports illustrated so he could get back to games

in madison square garden and like pretty much everywhere in new york city and and i think surrounding areas and he met dozens maybe hundreds of athletes and celebrities by pulling the scam. And his dad would pose as a photographer and it's a podcast. And he hasn't talked to his dad since he was 15. There's three episodes out right now. There might be a new one out by the time you hear this.

I don't know when the new one comes out, but I think he's going to meet his dad in this. And it's so crazy because he hasn't talked to him since he was 15. And I think he's my age. Gary also has a kid and I want to talk to him about that because I remember him being pregnant I mean not him being but you get it and um and I don't think I've really talked to him since because it was pre-covid and that's when I would see Gary around was like in New York so I'm excited to reconnect with him today other things I do have

a dog she is officially mine i haven't signed the papers yet i don't know why i'm wavering it just feels like once it's done it's really done even though there's no taking giving this little girly back she got spayed on monday that's always a very bonding moment for um two people is when one has to take care of the other when they're sick and has to make sure that they don't bite their stitches out but she also i just don't want her to have to wear the cone so i'm just like having to watch her all the time so she doesn't get in there and try to get her see if her ovaries are still there because they're not she's six pounds and her ovaries we were like what do they look like my sister and i were thinking they look like little lima beans um but she can't have kids now that makes two of

us um because now i don't need them because i've got this little baby and i am leaning into the fact that she is my baby i don't give a fuck i love her um i also she is a burden i've thought about naming her that just birdie which is short for burden but no one would know that. Except you guys, because I just told you. And that might still be her name, because we haven't really settled on Gilly yet. So we're open to suggestions for a little adorable, big-eyed, glassy-eyed, watery-eyed Chihuahua mix. You can look at her on the YouTube to see her. She's in my lap right now and just totally like zenning out zoning out um she's so cuddly uh but yeah she is a burden and she is like a kid because like it's i mean she's she's a kid who is gonna die young pretty young um because

she's only gonna live for about 15 years tops i think she's two and i think the maybe she'll get to 18 my friend's dog who's very very small like her just got to 18 years so um yeah she'll be able to vote and then she'll die god damn it gilly i'm not laughing about your death it's not funny how old will i will I be? 15 years. 55. Okay. I'm okay. My first thought was like, I'll look hot when I put you down still. What an idiot. I'll be like, look, I'll be sad. My mascara will be running. I'll wipe my tears, but I'll make sure to wipe them up so my skin doesn't get pulled down any more than it already is. Oh God. You know, I am just a product of my Instagram algorithm. I got to get off this thing. I got to stop scrolling. I'm tired of being fucked with in my brain about the clothes I should buy, about the face massages I should do, about the plastic

surgery this girl had. I mean, everything I'm getting sent. Not everything, because I get really fun memes sometimes. Oh, hey, Gary's here. We'll welcome you in now. What's up, Gary? Hi. I was just talking about Instagram and how I'm addicted to it. Are you addicted to Instagram as well? Yeah, it's a problem. And especially now, because I got things going on, so I'm addicted to it. Are you addicted to Instagram as well? Yeah, it's a problem. And especially now, cause I got like things going on. So I'm like constantly on that. And so you're checking like how the things are doing, your numbers are going up. People are DMing you like you got to constantly be in there. Oh, it makes me sick to my stomach.

How often I'm checking it. Are you also doing Tik TOK? Are you doing you like what, what are the, what are your apps that you float between? Cause mine's just I'll close Instagram and just pick up Instagram again. So yeah, I close it. I don't like text anymore. I don't like emails because it's too much stuff that feels like it's if that stuff feels like work, whereas Instagram, like something fun might be brewing. Totally something fun. And you see like the likes.

It looks cool when it like pops up. It's just like very special. But I'll check the other stuff only because I feel like I'm not giving them some time and then i go right back to instagram instagram is still my thing and do you get into the reels like are you using it like a tiktok user would use yeah i use it like that and then i use the reels on instagram i use them on facebook and then you're just like whoa yeah so it's the whole yeah the whole I mean like are you consuming oh consuming oh yeah I'm like checking them out and then I'm like I don't even realize that I've been watching them for like 30 minutes yeah that's where I'm like I'm sick of

I do like I gotta check my I don't like watching myself so I don't look at my content I actually have someone post for me and I just write the captions now and she sends me clips to get we just i just got a girl to like a new company to start making clips for me and they send them and they go approve these and i just never watch them because i never want to watch myself and then they go we'd like we'd like to start like having uh you know you post more like we talked about in our meetings leading up to this partnership and i go actually can i just trust you that they're good and you just post them because i don't even want to look at a second of myself and um but i will say the thing that i'm constantly feeling just disgusted by on instagram is just the reels that

come up that are targeting my insecurities and that are targeting me to buy cardigans that they know i want that are 542 fucking dollars and they shouldn't be. Yeah. They know that's my spending that they know that I will do that. Yeah. They know everything that you want and then they just put it right in your face. So yeah. I mean, everything is like, I mean, I'll have, uh, my wife's not happy about this, but I have like, you know, like there'll be puppies. There'll be like, Oh, how to make, you know, where to get the best burger, how to make the best, like, you know you know homemade pizza and then also it's like hot women and it's like i mean i can't hide from that it's just like it knows what they're watching that you slow down they fed you one to

test you they saw that you slowed down they saw that you pinched to zoom in on her ass or whatever you did which is a normal i blinked twice and then it just it just knew it just knows everything about it hearted it when you blink twice it's the new tapping it's um you're so right like they they know and um i and they they but i don't like the insecurity thing and i was as i was just talking to you i'm like i don't i think they know my spending habits and instead of showing me things for a reasonable price i think they're jacking up the price like i think they're like this person we know will spend this so we're gonna make this sweater that we would maybe sell to another girl for 120 we're gonna make it 320 right and see it and and put it under a different company name but like is that the drop shipping shit where it's

just like they just make fake companies and market the same products whatever tim dylan's been ranting about recently i'm like I think it's all a scam and I'm tired of being a part of it. But I also do love when they kind of nail it sometimes and I go, oh my God, I did want to know this facial massage that would lift. Yeah, I would look cool in those pants. I'm like, I'm fine with that.

But yeah, and I buy them and then I look, you know, it looks terrible. And then now I have these pants that apparently you can't even return. I know. Because they come in a beat up box from China. Yeah, exactly. You have no idea where you're like, oh, this is a cool brand I'd never heard of.

And then it's constantly in your face until you do buy it. And then it winds up being like an impossible thing to get rid of. They'll show you the pant. They'll see that you slowed down on it. Right. And then they go, actually, what else does he like oh he likes basketball we'll like put a bass like a basketball in the shot like we'll put this guy walking on a court or something and then they go oh that didn't get him we're gonna call this the jordan pant because we know he likes michael jordan so that

that's what they've been doing to me with taylor swift they'll change the name of things to get into my swifty i like just dedicated, I'll do anything she says kind of brain. It's such manipulation. And I think it's happening in ways that we don't even understand. And it's all a con, which is like kind of a thing that obviously you are very either interested in or adverse to based on, I already filled in our listeners on your podcast. I listened to the first three episodes. How many episodes are there I'm like are you gonna meet your fucking dad oh thank you so much for listening but

so there's 10 episodes they're all recorded already and yeah it's been it was like a crazy you know crazy thing to go through and everything oh my god well you really put yourself out there for this because you can tell like you you got this podcast sold it's gonna be big i heart

radio's behind it you have producers you have people who give like they're like making the story and you gotta fucking deliver and by when you have to deliver you might have to have some you're gonna all these ideas you came up with on a pitch of like i'll meet my dad you have to go fucking do them right you you completely oh thank god yes you completely get it so basically yeah when i sold the idea to i heart was like oh like i have my father he's a con man and you know we haven't spoken in 24 years and they're like all right well how do you turn that into like you know x amount of episodes so i was like oh i'll do this i'll do that and then it's like but then you have to be as vulnerable as possible and do it and actually go through with it you do because that's the

content man like we you got to do it for people have invested in you now and when you pitch these things you were like they're kind of pie in the sky and it's even if it was actually kind of really happening you felt like this is a good thing that i do want to happen you're like there's just something about pitching a episode where you're like i'll find my dad and talk sit down talk with him that you're like i don't really have to do it even though you will if you do this i've done that like i i had a show called not safe on comedy central and it was about sex and dating we were fucking running out of ideas i don't even think we were running out it was just first season we really needed to prove ourselves right and in the writer's room it was pitched i had done this one thing that was really

funny where i interviewed my best guy friends and asked them if they want to have sex with me. And then a lie detector would determine like if we really were just, you know, it was really funny and it came out great. And they go, what else can we do with a lie detector? And my writers go, why don't we have your parents in and you ask them about their sex life? And I'm like, on paper, that is hilarious. That's so funny. That's a home run. And it was, but it was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. I hated it so much.

And I honestly regret doing it because it's like just made some tension between me and my parents. So I kind of sacrificed something in doing that. I mean, you reconnect with your sister. I don't want to give too many. But like there's so much. There's only three episodes out now. When do they come out? So every Monday, a new episode comes out.

And from now till August 5th is when all the new episodes come out. When do they come out? So every Monday, a new episode comes out. And it's from now till August 5th is when all the new episodes come out. Number one dad. Number one dad. This is such a summer podcast to binge on a road trip. If you have a fun family vacation coming up and you're like, what is a podcast that we as a family can consume together?

A broken family. A broken family. Well, some of it- No, any family. Any family. How great your family is because of how broken yours is. Do you, here's my,

I mean, we have so much to get into and, but right out of the gate, I'm just like, it's as if I'm running into you at the cellar and I just listened to this

and I'm like, I just have to get all my questions out of the way right now because you have to go down and do a set or something. But I'm feeling this urgency. Do you, like,

with, oh God, now I forgot my question. Are you, like, with, oh, God, now I forgot my question. Are you, like, do you hate cons? Like, do you hate when you trick people? Do you hate feeling like you're being conned? Like, is this made because your dad did this and it was the reason for the severing of your relationship? Like, is that something that is, like,

you, like, panic about when it happens to you in real life now? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty aware of is like, you like panic about when it happens to you in real life now? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty aware of like, like situation. So I feel like I'm like, I'm always thinking that somebody's not telling the truth. So if anything, it's kind of put it like a bad taste in my mouth in a sense of like, not trusting people. But, but as far as like, oh, if I see somebody doing something dishonest, um, you know, I'm definitely like, just like, all right, this is not my kind of person or like, this person's bullshitting. And I'm like, all'm, you know, I'm definitely like, just like, all right, this is not my kind of person or like this person's bullshitting. And I'm like, all right, you know, I mean, we see it all the time with, you know, in comedy where someone's like giving somebody a hug and it's like, meanwhile, you talk shit about that person, you know, five minutes ago. So it's like,

all right, that's not real. So it's like, I already like, don't like that person. And I won't clock those people. Yeah, exactly. I clock them. I never say it to their face, but I'm like, whatever. You're're not you're not my kind of person I do the same thing and I am one to talk shit and then be nice to someone oh I do it all the time it's not because I and I don't feel good about doing it because I really am trying to be someone who doesn't talk shit yes um have you even heard of this in the comedy community like this was first brought up to me by a comic that was like I don't i don't really gossip because i was like trying to talk shit about someone that would be fun to just right right off on and he

goes i don't really i don't like to talk about people uh that i wouldn't like say these things to their face and i was like what is what are you yeah like it was but i then i explored it more and i'm like no this in my research this is the pathway to being the most happy person yeah i mean you give off so much this energy when like you're talking about somebody and it's like that energy could just be used in such a different way and so much more positive to your own self it's it stinks but i was like that's how i grew up like i grew up with like we're always talking we're always talking shit your friends are always talking shit so it's like then when you get to like comedy and it's like you

know there's a competitive thing going on you're always talking shit always and it's only about someone who's doing better than you it's like rare it's it's it it's rare that you're like almost punching down in comedy i feel like it's generally when someone is like having a moment that's when everyone gets real chatty about them it's just it's so transparent to me that's why i like to shit on people when they're down yeah to really make it seem like i i really didn't like them all the time well it's like I mean you're not reading you're not reading your comments but like some people would just like you know comment on like a special and be like that's not funny where it's like hey like you could you're definitely entitled to your opinion one you also don't have to write it but it's like you see people laughing at you know

our specials like clearly it is funny you know Yes. You know, you might not find it, but a majority does see it as funny. Yeah. I mean, I hate to say that anyone who comments something negative is jealous, but they are. And they might be right in what they're saying. They might genuinely think you're not funny. But essentially, they're jealous that you took a chance to do something that kind of maybe didn't work out. And they'll never have the balls to do that. And that's what they they hate about it so they have to shit on it to then justify why they don't do it because then people would shit on me like people like me so that's why they do it um

okay well we have to take a break but i'm going to come back and i have so many more questions about your podcast and uh and we'll just talk in general i haven't caught up with you in so long you're a father now since i last like ran into you and so much to talk about with Gary Veeder, the star and host and producer of Number One Dad, which is a new podcast out. You should download it

right now. We'll be right back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show

Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Gary, you're a father now? Yes. I mean, how old is your kid? Because I feel like the last time I saw you, you guys were pregnant. It was pre-pandemic, right? Yeah, it was just at the start of the pandemic. So June 20th, June 30th, 2020 is when she had the baby. Oh, okay.

And then so we actually had another one since as well. Oh my God, really? Yeah, yeah. So we have two boys. Oh, wow. And your oldest son is Sully? Sully, wow. And your son, your oldest son is Sully? Sully, yeah. Do you think about the pilot often when you think of that name?

Like, did it come up for you? My wife, Allie, her grandfather's middle name was Sullivan. And then we were like, oh, that's like a cool name. And then you're like, oh, then the pilot. And then you're like, all right. And then the Monster's Inc. And you're like, all right, that's cool. So she's like part Irish. And I was like oh let's just do it let's throw it in there

maybe we'll help with college and guess what sully is was a cool guy that guy if she's yeah he did save those people so it was like if he crashed we probably still would have named him sully but yeah and he's just like a cool cultural icon and and the rest of his life your son's life when he gets people being like were you named after the pilot like that it's only going to be a select amount of people like people that were born gen z doesn't know who sully sullenberger is i don't think you know like it was just a so it'll be a i like when something is someone's name and only a few people know and they get it throughout their life but it's not constant yeah i like it like his name is cool especially like right now he's like the only kid in one of his any of his class he's only

in one class but like his class that has that name and we haven't like really met anybody with that name so i like that that's really good what's your other kid's name his name's tyson he's black yeah we went outside the box for that and this actually that come from? So we had My wife and I We used to have a dog walking business together Back in like Yeah like pre-pandemic And our favorite dog was named Tyson So we were like

Oh let's like And we just like Liked that name so much I love that So we were like Alright whatever Let's go with that And we wanted another name

That like a lot of kids don't have Oh my god So yeah we went with Tyson That's really cool I love that your kid was named after a dog you know like because it's funny first of all that's a hilarious reason yeah and uh it's it's sweet because it uh it it means that animals mean so much to us like it was i just love everything about that and the fact that you and your wife obviously knew tons of dogs and that

dog was super special what was so special about that dog well he was a puggle and we wound up getting puggles after that too we like this dog so much so it's just like did you ever find a puggle as good as tyson all right well we like our we love ours but like but at the same time like he was so cool and he was chill and we would always like watch him and he'd like stay over our house so he was awesome and then uh and then i mean we also like the name because like mike tyson you know like it's cool so it gives you like a toughness and so cool and he's like he kind of lives up to like you know it's funny it's like you do take on your name a little bit like like gary is the worst name i hate it so much but it's like i've adapted to it now yeah now it's coming back i don't think it

was cool all your whole life until like last year i think it's like now it's like because it was kind of not a cool name, it is cool. Yeah, it's weird, right? I kind of feel like there are like times that are changing with it a little bit. But like I'll definitely never get too cool. I know that. Yeah, it keeps you humble. You can't ever get that. That's so true.

What the fuck? Names do really define you. Tyson is such a great one and so is Sully. Good job with those. I mean, this whole podcast is exploring your relationship with your father now you're a father and you're like reflecting and comparing uh the experiences and you're having your wife which who i love your wife on the podcast she's so she kills it she's so cool and comfortable isn't it so infuriating when the people your wife doesn't do comedy for no living or is she an actress or anything nothing of course not and she's like so natural and you're like what the fuck I try so

hard at this I know I think it's like the not trying and it's just like yeah not caring and I like I feel like like she and like other people like when I when I talk to my sisters like they don't really know what like a podcast is like yeah yeah you're being recorded as you talk but they don't think about it and they just like go and they wound up all being good voices and my wife especially like yes just the way that she sounds yeah they all are great because i you're i think you're right because we obviously know from doing stand-up for so long that the way to be truly great is when you break through and you're kind of able to be yourself on stage or at least relaxed right and not be like i'm performing and they they have that naturally because they don't give a fuck because there's the stakes aren't high for them because of the nature of it being an audio

thing i mean i'm sure if your wife was on camera it would be a little bit you know totally that could but you can kind of forget the recorders there and so she's just so natural whereas you you're also amazing on it there's no question about it but like i i'm just uh you know uh projecting that i when i know i'm being on a podcast even if it's like a conversation in the car i'm kind of on in a way yeah well we were like you know some of our conversations they do go on in the car they're going like we're kind of on like the move while i'm doing the podcast so you know i'm hitting record like we're on my way to my mom's house to talk about my father we haven't spoken about in 24 years and ali's in the car and then so i'm getting like the real time like interaction and i'm like i i want her to say certain things but i also want it to i need to say

like listen so you're like but it is we're going there to talk to him and you kind of just wanted to play out. That was a wild scene okay so Gary had not talked to his mom about his dad who he's who he was estranged from since he was 15 hasn't spoken to his dad and since then but hasn't spoken about his dad to his mom since then either correct? Yeah nothing yeah so we have not even mentioned his name. Not even mentioned his names no like never like looked at a picture and been like oh this is a picture of you and your dad it's like if you're watching a tv show and there's like a dad on it do you get do you turn off like a sex scene like with your mom or you're like i'm not watching tv with my mom ever okay but if we yes if we if we were it would just be like not even awkward yeah it would be awkward and not even talked about like

yeah if you see a father playing catch with his son it's like the first thing you're thinking about is that is yeah so you're like look over there a bird yeah like anything that's not because that is that's so wild to me that you but that's i mean that's like family dynamics when there's a lot of shit going on is do we get into what went went on uh out like i know your dad was a con man uh and lied for a living literally and could not not lie and just seems to have had that kind of personality disorder yeah that he was not struggling with because he's probably also a narcissist so they don't struggle with it but it's also something that's made him estranged from his family and kind of is a fucked up thing to have even though he'll probably never understand that um is was there there's other things at play though that led to you never talking to him again correct oh yeah so we do get

into those and it's like you know in the beginning it was very much like a an attack it seemed like on my mom and never like physical but like verbal that they would get into and and things were like so bad it's like it's a house you're growing up you know up in and you're you're just witnessing like these two people go at it. And it's like, you know, parents fight, but the way that they would argue was like, they would, it became a thing where the kids are getting involved. And then eventually like we're involved in a sense where my father started doing stuff to manipulate the situation with my mom and the divorce.

So like he could get an upper hand and he would take things out on us in like certain ways, which I'll like get into yeah it is it's like you know it's not good stuff where you're like if you're a dad who like loves his kids you know part of being a dad is being selfless it's like you know you put your kids and you know before yourself and he didn't seem like that was you know what he had like those were never his intentions and And he really, you know, pushed us away. And eventually not only me, but my sisters and of course my mom, you know, just cut him off. God, that's so fucking rough. Cause it does sound like he, I mean, have you diagnosed him within this? You know, so it's, it's hard. Cause like,

there's a lot of stuff, like I couldn't like get into just because of like legal stuff. So it's like, you know, you know, so you could say like, yeah, you know, I could be like, oh yeah, he's a sociopath or, you know, he's, you know, narcissist and things like that. And like, he is, I mean, like that's, you know, it really goes without like, you don't need like, you know, some like somebody with like a degree to like tell you that, like I could, you know, you just see it. It's like everything he did, he loved lying. He loved to scam. And that's kind of just how he lived his life. And, you know, his goal was, it seemed like maybe it was to like benefit the family with his lies.

But if we got hurt in the process, like, you know, it didn't mean anything to him. It just came with the territory. Yeah, well, yeah, the things he did to benefit the family could look like it was benefiting the family but ultimately just him because benefiting the family was probably benefiting him like these people just operate just like me me me and nothing else matters and there's we're around that a lot yeah we're around that a lot obviously in comedy like you i'm part of being a comedian you have to be uh very selfish i mean like you are going to be putting your your family to this uh to the side because like hey to do this you have to to be putting your your family to this uh to the side

because like hey to do this you have to you have to figure out ways to where you could do it and you're going to miss out on different events and things like that and i think like with my dad being a con man it was kind of like the same thing but when you have a family you do have to make that take like you know priority god that is that's the reason i just don't want kids is because i just think i'll resent them from for making me do things for them that i want to do for myself or i just feel bad because i'll be selfish and i won't do the thing that they uh would be better for them because i just want it my way and it's it's just like a a thing i know about myself that i i just don't i don't i won't enjoy naps as much if i

know there's like a little kid that would want to be playing with me and so i'll take the nap and neglect the kid but i won't even enjoy the nap so yeah these are the things i'm thinking about like and that's totally good that's good that you think about that because there are people that then go through with it and then then they have this like bad feeling so you know it really depends what you want and maybe that changes but like but yeah it's totally understandable it's like you don't you don't you don't want to put somebody in a position where it's like oh now maybe they don't like you because you're not spending time but it's like you're but yes when you become a parent you have a responsibility and it's like that's got to be what you know takes the forefront it's crazy and you you even say i love how you um say that your dad always

said to you you'll understand when you get older and you're like i'm older and i don't get it because now you're a father and the idea of doing the things that your dad did for sure to you and the the fact that i forget where i saw this clip maybe it was on uh we might be drunk or something where and you'll probably cover it in the show but your dad wouldn't even uh introduce he wasn't even your dad he would be a photographer and you would be a sports illustrated reporter that were just together why would you guys be like so yeah so i mean the like the biggest con that we did yeah exactly this kid would need a chaperone anyway for sure his agent yeah oh exactly it made no sense my dad he just loved the lie so yeah the biggest con we had was going to madison square garden as a sports illustrator for kids reporter

me and then he would go as my photographer but he wouldn't say that he was my dad he was your okay yeah and then but so he would do this and it's like what he would he would present himself as a photographer of a different last name to me, who was just this random kid, this, I guess, like genius reporter that's like nine, 10 years old that could just go up. And you know what though? You don't even have to be good when you're like being touted as this like kid reporter.

Like I was kind of thinking like, what if Gary wasn't good at it? And it's like, it doesn't matter. The kids are always not good. Like everyone just gives them the benefit of the doubt. Would you get nervous about interviewing these people? Was this something you wanted or was your dad kind of like, no're gonna do this and i wanted it i wanted

it because i wanted to go to the games i wanted to see the i wanted to see for myself it was it was never a thing where we were uh like getting caught because i was with my dad he just kind of seemed invincible so i was along for the ride but i would get nervous but it's like one of those things where it kind of taught me early on to like be around people that are like higher up where you're like oh I felt I felt what it was like to be nervous in front of them and I was like all right well in the future when I am around people who are like famous or you know high up I don't have to be nervous so it kind of like gave me that edge in a way but so that's like I guess props to my dad in that sense but like putting me in these situations you got used to it or because you saw like like they're not that impressive

or like they're kind of just humans you got yeah you got well you got used to it so you feel you know it's like bombing on stage it's like all right that's what that feels like so it's like oh this is what it feels like to be nervous in front of Michael Jordan that's like the biggest person you could meet ever yeah and you asked him what his favorite food was. Yeah. Because I was so nervous. Which is a good question. I think that's a cute question.

Like no one was asking him that. Listen to the podcast to find out what Michael Jordan said. But yeah, I think that's a good point. I think I'm so cool most of the time and have a lot of control over my nervous system for the most part. Until I get to meet someone that i'm real like is so famous and i kind of i start shaking sometimes have you met taylor swift no yes but

before i was like a huge fan but i met um her boyfriend travis kelsey and i found that my teeth were chattering like literally like i it was so embarrassing and it and i was filming a thing with him and on camera i was fine and then having like him just being like where oh where are you from in ohio i couldn't remember the city i was from and my teeth were chattering because of just his you know he's a big deal for sure but his proximity to her rendered me um almost like i was having a stroke like i was felt trapped in my body and like abandoned by my body and in a way that I was like I don't want to do this anymore like this isn't this isn't a good look I don't like to feel out of control um so have you met famous people now and you like what's what's your

tip for I guess just doing you just said just do it a bunch yeah I know yeah do it do it a bunch but yeah I guess just like try and act normal and and I mean, here's the thing. When you're a kid, it's like there's so much more warm to you. So it's like, you know, as an adult, unless, you know, they know what you do. And then it's like, oh, hey, what's going on? So it's just try and just be as normal as possible. You did America's Got Talent. Yeah. Who were the judges?

And you went pretty far, right? Yeah, finals. Went to the finals. And then, yeah, Howard Stern, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum, and Mel B. And then Nick Cannon was like the maitre d' or whatever. Yeah. Was he cool to you? He was cool.

He was really cool. Yeah, he's really cool. I like him a lot. I just did the thing on The Masked Singer, and I was just impressed at how nice he was. Yeah, and very professional. Yeah. Crazy. There's no wonder not an easy job

like you know when he when he was on uh america's got talent like i was just like watching like all the stuff that they made him you know go through and like just like uh you know reading the teleprompters not the easiest thing and like you know he's nailing it like yeah and i'm just that's the stuff that we're like oh that's super impressive when you did that show did they was it just uh they call like your you heard from your agents that there was auditions and they're like, send a tape or did someone come to a show? I guess some, like, producer got, like, my Conan set and they were like, oh, you could come down and, like, do an audition. And they put me right in front of, like, the actual judges on, like, the first thing. So, yeah.

So I got lucky. I got, like, bypassed of, like, any, like, actual, like, sent in first thing. So yeah. So I got lucky. I got like bypassed of like any like actual like sent in tape. And then from there, um, then I was just able to like advance, but like, I had no idea, like the situation and they really put, I mean, you did, I mean, last comic and I don't know if it was the same thing where they had us waiting in like this room for like hours. And then finally you would go and do your audition and like you're like drained yeah I was hanging out with comics at mine you were hanging out with like fire fighters

yeah yeah yeah exactly and I'm like oh this parrot you know he'll go on before me and then

a marching band and a yeah ventriloquist yeah it's what a wild thing so you would be there for hours and then by the time

you go up you're exhausted yeah and I remember that audition that I did was like, the crowd was like 2 p.m. at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark. And you're like, oh, this is a great comedy audience. But luckily it's like, I think you only had to do like 60 seconds the first time.

So I'm like, so hopefully this is like, you know, good. And then it did go great. And so, yeah, I was able to advance. Yeah, was that a big career moment for you like did you feel like things picked up yeah things got where it's like got an agent out of it and then a manager and then yeah so you still get recognized from it uh sometimes where it's like i you know now they've had so many seasons where it all blends in i mean but it wasn't that long when were were you on? I would say 2015.

No, yeah, 15. Okay, 15, yeah. Okay. But I guess that is long enough that people could forget. But people can watch you. I had a pop after the Tom Brady roast because my face was everywhere for two days. It was really insane. And so I was getting recognized all the time. And it was like, oh, this is just a new part of my life.

It fucking falls off so fast. It does. Oh, completely. the time and it was like oh this is just a new part of my life it fucking falls off so it does because if people aren't seeing your face regularly when they look at you at starbucks they're just if they don't put it together it might have a flicker of a thing but it's i was you know both like a little bit disheartened and also so happy to go back to the way it was almost instantly but also to realize like okay i could i can't even have a bigger pop than that like this might be as big as it gets and like that's good and it's nice to know what it feels like to have that other thing but it's it kind of just reminded me of just there's

just too much stuff and our attention spans aren't long enough and it's just a different world we're operating in and i don't even know sometimes like what the point of it all is I question that of like do you feel a new sense of like artistic accomplishment though and doing this kind of like docu-series podcast I mean yeah outside of what we do I so yeah so I think like in that sense because it's different than like you know we're in this comedy world where it's like all right we're going to do stand-up and here's a special and then that's cool. But like, this is just some shows like another creative side. So I was like, cool to like, to me, that's cool to like, just show that. And I was like, oh, this is fun to do. And I really, I'm happy with like, how so far, like with how it's going.

And I hope like people are excited, like as each episode moves on. I'm pumped for the rest. I zipped through them today, the first three this morning, and I thought there was just three because it didn't say three of 10. So I was like, oh, okay, I guess we're only finishing this in three 24-minute episodes.

Okay, well, good. And then I'm like, he hasn't met his dad yet. What the fuck? So I was so excited to hear there were more, and I'm so excited to listen to the rest of it. Again, it's called Number One Dad. It's on wherever you get your podcasts, iHeartRadio and Big Money Players. Back with more after this with Gary Veeder.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Gary, are you on the road right now, too? Yeah, so I have a bunch of dates coming, well, definitely coming up, but right now I'm doing so much promo, but in July and August I have some um in july and august i have like some dates and like albany and connecticut orlando so many podcasts right now oh yeah it's uh what number is this for you today um actually today this is my

first one so this is good do you have any more after this um i have to do one like a like a it's like a dad's podcast i forget what it's exactly called okay yeah yeah no no i'm sorry to put you on the spot i don't know the name of any podcast i ever appear on and then i or like the host names and i'm starting i'm trying to look on zoom and be like oh i shouldn't i should have researched this before when you're going through press it's like one after the other and uh it's it's pretty insane but um it's this podcast is going to i mean my boyfriend even i told him you were going to be on the show and he didn't know your name from the show. But then I described your story. He's like, oh, yeah, I saw that ad, too.

So it's getting good. It's everyone's algorithm. Oh, it's amazing. Along with the pants. I mean, this is so I mean, like you asked me about like as far as like from a creative standpoint, I'm like I like I'm like happy with it. Like it's doing I'm surprised that people like it for different reasons. They like it, you know, if you come from a good family, you might like it just because you're seeing what a band family is,

like we talked about. Or if some people are like, oh, I haven't talked to my sister in 10 years, and now hearing you go through that, it really wants me to reach out to her. You haven't talked to's like, how long? It was six years for me. Yeah. Whoa.

So she hadn't seen the birth of your son and you had kind of missed out on her kids lives as well. And she said that she, it was really sweet. She, you call her, you tell her you're doing the podcast. Was there a part of you that was going to be like, oh, so now you're reaching out because you have a podcast. Like that's the only reason that was in my head. I was nervous.

She seemed to be like, sure. Yeah. So yeah, she was on board with it. So I gave have a podcast. Like that's the only reason. I was nervous. That was in my head. Yeah, I was nervous. But she seemed to be like, sure. Yeah. So yeah, she was on board with it. So I gave her a heads up like that. It was a podcast. And like, you know, through text, we were like kind of like settling stuff. And then I was able to like get her to like to record. But yeah, you know, it's part of like having a dad that, you know, was this person.

You're just going through with it. Hopefully, you know, I mean, there's going through with it hopefully you know there's I mean there's gonna be some damage but hopefully that these people that you know that you cut off in your life that they they you know want to talk about it and want to be a part of it yeah I mean this idea of cutting someone off and like did you think with your sister you'd never speak to her again when you decided to do that or was this like oh i'll just take a i just need to make a stance here it was that really like something until this podcast kind of brought it up for you did you think it was probably like never again um i didn't know if it was gonna be never again but it was kind of like you said like like just a stance where am i

yeah i as far you know she talked to my dad again that's the whole reason why we cut uh why i cut her off is because she talked to my dad again I think it was probably I guess it was like 2017 and when I found out when I found out about it I was like oh like I mean we didn't like say we're never talking to him again like as a as like siblings but it was kind of assumed and then he felt betrayed and it was I didn't want to let him into my life and i felt that if my sister was in my life um and i was telling her things then he was going to have access to that and yeah i didn't want that he would just like show up at your guys's in your guys's lives like would because at first i'm thinking this is an absentee

father he's just like lying in business showing up using the kids when he needs them but not really meddling in their lives much else right but this was a guy that would show like he your sister's on a date and he like just showed up there and like so yeah he was kind of florida she i mean he yeah you know yeah so you know she was in a completely different state and then you know he he taps her on the shoulder and it's a so it's kind of like this thing where it's like you always felt like you were being watched even though you know even though i cut him off 24 you know for 24 years i was like is he in the audience of one of my shows because this guy could you know impersonate anybody because he he you have a recording of him talking in greek yes he speaks french i guess like he just

is a shapeshifter and so and, and that video that you played of him that was from like 2017, that was like in Manhattan. You could have just run into him. Was that a thing that you thought about throughout your life of like, completely be there? And why wouldn't he have known that you,

he knows you're a comedian. How could he have, has he tried to get in touch with you and get in on some of this fame, especially when you've had your pops over the years yeah so i blocked him um from like every like type of social media to like know that like where like so he wouldn't be able to kind of track me down but i i assume that you know it's pretty easy if you just google and be like oh here you know here's my show schedule and then you could just like show up there but uh but yeah i was

just always in the back of my mind always always hoping that he wouldn't do that. I could see him just like getting a private table at the stand, them really hooking him up. They come in. He's like, I haven't talked to my son forever. They're like, come on in. And they have like at a front table, like he just seems like the kind of guy that would do that. But I guess he just really knew you did not want to speak to him and that was very very clear and uh I mean I wouldn't I mean who knows as far as I know he like didn't show up and like but you know I could also see him just showing up and then not saying anything well what about okay so you said you blocked him on Facebook but was there a time that you were friends on Facebook because if you stopped talking to him when you were 15 that was pre-Facebook so

no like block before like you like oh he even has a chance yeah before he even has a chance yeah wow gary this is so crazy what the fuck so you have to i'm guessing you're i'm not gonna ask you but i'm guessing you eventually speak to him or at least you get pretty fucking close to doing it were you was it one of the scariest things you've ever done in your life and barking on this was this like one of the hardest things yeah were there moments where you go what why am i doing this yeah i mean let's say straight up the goal is to talk to him like that is everything so you know i put that on paper when i like said that i was doing this and i'm like and you know as you go through the whole process you're like all right this is uh most likely going

to happen i'm like i'm like am i going to ready for it? But part of what I'm going through, like, you know, talking to my sisters and like really trying to re-remember the things that happened, you know, going to speak to my mom and like going and talking to a therapist and all this stuff and talking to friends too.

It like kind of, I'm just trying to build up like the courage to eventually talk to him. Well, because when you're on the way over to your mom's house, so on the way over to your mom's house so you have never talked to your mom about your dad since you were estranged from him when you're 15 so you're going over there your wife's in the car with you and we were saying how great she is and she's like so what are you gonna say and you're like you have it reminded me so much

of like how we prepare to do a set or something for me at least i'm just like i don't know i'll figure out when i get there like when i'm nervous about something i don't prepare because i don't want to think about what i'm about to do it has to happen anyway so me thinking about it's just gonna elongate the the pain so you really had kind of no plan how to bring up your dad for the first time not just you know this is like the first time he's ever talked about his dad with his mom in that long it's like the elephant in the room all the time and you tell her i got a podcast i'm sure she was very pleased to hear that and then you tell her that it's about your dad and the that is the funniest sound effect i mean she yeah she has like i mean and she's very dramatic too so it's just like going so going going through it you're like uh and she so you

see her face like light up that like I tell her that I stole the pocket. It's like, my son, he's doing something. Maybe he won't be broke. And then it's like, but the catch is this terrible thing that happened in our lives. And you guys have to listen because there's just a sound effect that happens when she finds out it's about the dad. And it's just so funny. And if you were writing this this you would have put something similar it's just it's there's it's there's like a record scratch moment it's so good but um i'm

i just really in that you really didn't know how the fuck you were gonna bring it up because how can you prepare you don't know i had no idea and i waited like you know i i walk into my mom's house and i i mean the goal is to tell her that i'm going to be doing this thing and it's always been very hard for me to ever talk to my mom like just in general I'm like it's hard for me to be vulnerable I can see why yeah exactly

it's just whatever I was taught and like this emotion that I lack it's just like it's just grown on me and it's like it makes me it makes it very hard to have conversations with her and this is such a serious thing to bring up and I'm like I'm seeing my wife in like the corner of the room, like an hour and a half into this,

like stay at my mom's where she is like, look at me like art. When are you going to say something? Whoa. It's an hour and a half in. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an hour and a half in.

It's like, we, we just like sat down to like eat and like, we're waiting to like, like, I think like, you know, we pass bagels or whatever.

And then I'm like, all right, I guess now's the time. Yeah. And you just, you just rip off the bandaidaid yeah that sounds like how it went now i mean you're someone who i mean you talk in your stand about your personal life but you're just like a guy who kind of keeps like you're just you i don't think of you as you're you're obviously are you comfortable talking about your feelings i mean you go to therapy i remember we were talking about couples therapy i I think one of the last conversations before COVID happened

where I was talking to you about you were going to couples therapy and that's the woman who shows up on your podcast as your therapist too. She's great. And what got you into therapy? And this seems to be the product of a lot of therapy, the idea that you could even do this podcast.

Yeah. So I mean, couples, you know, I did go to one-on-one. I saw Alan alan which was like the oh yeah the comics therapist and that was yeah so i did that so this guy alan in new york saw every male stand-up comedian some females but usually just for one session until they learned it was uh no i think that i i think pretty much i would say say like, how many comics do you think this guy sees? Or has seen?

I mean, I would say, oh, I mean, yeah, I mean, I would honestly put it at like over a hundred. It was every one. It was such a referral base where it's like, oh, like, you know, every comic, like we all have something and, you know, everybody has something to talk about. Yeah. So you're like, oh, I, here's my friend who does comedy. I respect him. And he's seeing this person.

I'm like, it seems like he's doing better, I guess. So let me go. And you start talking to this guy, Alan. And you're like, oh, he's good. Now, hey, for me, it didn't work because it was like. It's not one size fits all. Yeah. And here's the thing.

My issues were like, yes, it was so much childhood stuff. And you're trying to overcome i mean i guess everybody's it always goes back to your childhood and so you're always trying to overcome that and um what really helped was when my wife and i started going to couples counseling like we were having problems we almost got divorced right i remember this and i'm glad you're willing to talk about it what what was your biggest issue and then how did you get past it well she would say it's me and i would say it was her. But no, no, but it was like, no, I would say like the biggest issue was like we, so there are a few things.

One, like all my stuff that like all the stuff that I dealt with, like as a kid, I would bring that, that baggage into the relationship. And then my wife had her own stuff. Like she, um, she was a big alcoholic. Uh, you know, I guess you don't have to say big alcohol. She was an alcoholic. She was bigger than most alcoholics, but she did add something to it yeah yeah right yeah like i mean like she's huge yeah she's out of control yeah um and so yeah okay if she's coming

from that which uh most of us a lot of us are uh yeah that just obviously she has her shit too yeah so we both had it and we were just trying to like live together without this resentment she got sober and i was sort of like still dealing with like my stuff of like just i don't know i mean were you do you drink um i like really slow down so i'll drink like very rarely you don't have a problem you're not a big yeah no problem maybe a little one um okay so yeah but that's the thing is like you don't have a thing to quit like she okay she gets into recovery and she's working on her shit and then for people who don't have like an addiction to a substance that is really definable as like this is the this is where we start at least and then get into stuff you like

don't have anything to quit like i think so often there are people that don't that aren't drug addicts that are struggling in life and depressed and having all these problems in their relationships. And they're like, man, if I only had a 12 step program for this thing that I'm going through. Right, for sure. And the thing is there, there are those and it's, you know, it's usually like children of alcoholics or like children of, there's always some kind of group that you can find. But what did you, was that, does that resonate with you that you kind of felt like, what is my thing? Totally. Or like, you just don't, you know, I was looking at her as like, as the one who's the only one who had issues in our relationship. So you're like seeing it because that was the big, like red flag right there was like this person that was drinking uncontrollably.

But then my wife got sober and you know, she's been sober for like nine years already. And you're like, so yeah. And you're like, oh, like then you start looking at like yourself. Cause like I started having, you know, like we would get in arguments still and like, or I would have resentment for like past stuff. Like you have to move on. And that's where like couples counseling like really helped where you're like, you have to put all the things that happened in the past.

There was never any like infidelity or anything. Like you can move past things. Like how do how do you how you communicate with one another and and like you know my wife's on the podcast like like you said like she does like she the way that she presents things she's always very like articulate and like really like could like express her feelings and um and she's much better at that than me and she's really like opened me up and i think like um couples counseling has really taught me like how to like have conversations and really not never to go to bed angry not that sometimes we don't but like you know we get over our problems pretty quickly yeah isn't that what I go to with my boyfriend

and we've been together off and on for 10 years and it's very similar like we have had many times where we go like this could go either way like we could gladly walk away from this and like literally essentially divorce and never talk again or we could just try to fix it and there's been so many times where i didn't try to fix it but i think it is about um it's it's always about communication it's about like saying you're upset as soon as you're upset yes is that like what it boils down to completely and i witnessed like so my wife and i were having these problems and just all it made me think of is my parents marriage like i watch i watch them have this troubled marriage i'm like oh my god this is the last thing i wanted i never wanted to have a marriage that were like you're fighting and arguing and we don't have anything

up yeah so i was just like a fight yeah completely i would just shut down so and it just made it very hard where i'm like i and then so finally but couples counseling was the thing that my father you don't want to fight yeah completely i would just shut down so and it just made it very hard where i'm like i and then so finally but couples counseling was the thing that my father i remember never wanted to ever go to and i was like i'm gonna go to this and see if it works and wound up finding like a really great therapist and uh and we were able to talk through things i feel like it is such a good thing to have. Completely. My boyfriend and I, he wasn't someone that had gone to individual therapy. He dabbled in it,

but was not super into it. And after our first session, he was like, I think I'm good at this. And I'm like, you are because I'm with you for a reason. You're so intelligent. You're curious about yourself. And this is all it is.

It's like kind of peeling back the layers and being just curious and being insightful. And it's like, it's a cool thing to do and i have never left a session even bad ones and i'm not going to promise this for everyone but i would say 90 of the time i leave our therapy sessions where i think maybe we're going in there to break up and i feel closer to him afterwards and we haven't even resolved things when the time is up. Like we leave kind of tense. But I feel more connected to him after we like kind of, because you can't not get honest in there. Or at least I can't not get, like she gets it out of us.

Yeah. And yeah, you have to have like a certain sense of awareness about yourself and then like really just bring it out. And usually, I mean, a great therapist will do that. They'll bring out like these things that whatever happened like in the last like week or something that's been bothering you or troubling you. And then now you both have this awareness about your certain behaviors. Yeah.

I like, I brought up something ages ago that I thought, you know, it's like something he wouldn't even remember. Cause it was just something that I was like, this is just an example of the things that I can't be with someone who talks like this or says that kind of thing. And then there was like, that was maybe a year and a half ago and something came up,

like the same thing happened recently and I got the response that I wanted. And I thought, you know, maybe he's doing it because he remembers being scolded for it in there by me or maybe he's doing it because he realized that's something I need and he's just doing it because I want it.

I don't give a shit. You know, I don't care what the impetus is. I got what I wanted in that moment. And whether it came from a real place where he was like, I should do this out of the kindness of my heart or like, this is what I've been trained to do. I don't care why my dog sits. I'll give him a treat. Like it's that, not that my boyfriend's my dog or whatever, but it's like, I, I, I will still, I don't mind someone being told or just feeling like doing, you know, that whole thing in the Jennifer Aniston movie,

the breakup where she's like, I want you to want to do the dishes. I don't need him to want to hug me a little bit longer in that moment. I just need longer hugs. That's something I'm requesting and do it. And he does it. And it, and I'm so proud of myself

for not uh being like well you're just doing it because you i told you to like it actually works on me no it becomes like a learned behavior that you know he now he yeah so when next thing that happens he knows how to respond it's and it's not easy but i also think like as a couple the greatest thing that you have are the things that you've been through and like if you guys could like you know if you overcome certain things like that's like that's a badge of honor for for you as a couple yeah like we almost broke up recently and it was like i thought it was it was maybe one word away from being broken up like at one man this step risk is really good hey you say keeps you guys together yeah it's well no this was we were at dinner this is another thing i recommend if you

guys are scared out there to go to couples therapy and you need to get you guys both need to get some stuff out and you need to talk about real shit yeah go and you're reasonable people go to a restaurant that's closing in an hour and a half before you bring up this fight it'll give you you have to behave yourselves you can't raise your voice if you're you know you're not don't drink and you kind of go to the olive garden and just wait and then by close it's kind of like the timer for the therapist and you have to leave but it lets you get things out and say things and you're in public so it can't get crazy and i really recommend that so we were at dinner and it was like getting pretty bad and at one point we're both like can't eat actually i'm eating just fine but i'm pretending like i can't

get so upset even though i'm like still hungry but he's like lost his appetite because we're both like can't eat actually i'm eating just fine but i'm pretending like i can't right right so upset even though i'm like still hungry but he's like lost his appetite because we're about to break up and i'm still like chewing as i'm crying and um but the waitress comes or no he just goes i guess the waitress kind of walked by and he goes are you finished and i'm like with the relationship and he's like and it was at that point where it was like weird and i go i i don't know about i don't know about either and and it was it was but it was it was at that point where it was like weird. And I go, I don't know about either. And it was that close. Like if I would have said yes, it would have been done and it would have been over. But instead, we kind of got kicked out because the restaurant was closing. And we had to go to this concert right afterwards and meet his friends and family.

And we're walking in there like raw as fuck, just know just peeled ourselves apart just got almost or on the precipice of breaking up but for some reason because we had just gotten super honest and i had said some things that i had been harboring and he said some things that he had been harboring and we both said things that were really hyperbolic and kind of crazy which i liked because he's usually so measured and he said a couple things that i was like oh that's a fucking crazy thing and i like that you're playing my game i I just felt closer to him. I don't know why. I felt like we didn't even need to,

we resolved it later, but there was something about getting so stripped down and being so honest, which is something we always close out these things and we go, hey, we just need to be more honest when things come up. Leave it out there. But isn't that so hard, Gary?

Final thought. Isn't it so hard in a relationship though to bring up the thing when it bugs you in the moment completely like what do you do to do it I mean some I mean first I initially I'm like I'm not gonna say this and then I wind up saying the thing that bugs me and then it could cause a fight I'm trying to think of like a good example of what that is but you know it could be anything it could you know it could be the fact that like, you know, I'll make a little noise while I'm sleeping. My wife just hits me and wakes me up. And I'm just like, why do you fucking do that? You know, but, um, but you know, it could just be something and then it just spirals. But

like, usually it's always like something more that, uh, that you're like, you're trying to dive deep into like whatever that issue is and then you know yeah you got to just talk it out yeah it's it's just that that initial when something is like oh i'll just let it slide and then they just pile up and you eventually um explode but that is interesting that you went the other way you know like i feel like i've dealt with that in relationships before where um and my parents were fighters too, like screamers and yellers. And I would say, stop fighting. And my parents would always say, we're not fighting.

We're having a discussion. My first joke was like, well, when we have a book discussion in my fourth grade class, Mrs. Reed doesn't throw a chair. I remember making that kind of joke because they would always say, we're having a discussion.

So anyway, I also, before we go, I wanted to read some of these things to you that I found on Reddit last night. It kind of fits exactly with just the idea of being a con person. I'm obsessed with like the, there's this book called The Influence of Psychology or something like that,

where it just teaches you how to manipulate people very casually by doing and saying things. And I don't really utilize the things in it. It's kind of Dale Carnegie. It's just about mental manipulation, which is something we as comedians do with our act. Like we have the ability now to like cue a laughter if we want to like, you know,

if we laugh at our own jokes, we know it makes the audience laugh harder. If we sprinkle it with fuck, we might not even do these things consciously, but subconsciously we all are tricking people. It's rare that you're just getting by on the comedy, which is always our goal. But anyway, this said on AskReddit, what's the best psychology trick you know? And I thought that some of these were pretty interesting.

I want to ask your opinion about it. Okay, so this is from a parent. Asking your kid if he wants three big broccoli or six little ones, same portion size. Do you do stuff like that with your kids? No, but I heard that's the best thing to do is like you give options and then, you know, and then you, you're getting, you're getting what you want out of that. Yes. That's, that is what a lot of people said. Oh, uh, someone said, well, this is one that you can use for yourself. Just promise to do three minutes of that thing that you were putting off. Usually once you start, keep going is easy um are you someone who procrastinates wildly are you uh yeah well you know i i do procrastinate

and then one of the things i try and do and it comes from a seinfeld where where uh jerry goes you know i i'm thinking about like future jerry so like you do the thing now so if i do the thing now then i i'm i'm taking in future future Gary's like you know like basically person as a person yeah I gotta think about him divorce from yourself and make yourself someone I I that is such a genius thing because I was just thinking about I was literally just writing this to my friends talking about how I've been depressed lately and I go the only reason I ever do anything is because someone is expecting it of me like Like I rarely do something because I want it for myself. It's because someone else wants it for me. I said, if there was a way to make myself

someone else, I would be able to get so much more done. And it sounds like psychologically, that's what you've done with the future Gary. And that's really interesting. Future Gary, yeah. I like that. Yeah. And it's tough because like you always have, like, I'll make a to-do list and there's things that I can't get to or I'll just be like, I could do this tomorrow now. But you have to

because you'll be driving yourself insane. There's always something to do. There's always something to do and yeah, sometimes you really just gotta do nothing and there's so much discomfort in doing nothing for me because when I get depressed, it's usually because I'm not working hard enough.

And people go, well, when you're depressed, Nikki, you've got to relax and you're sick and you've got to take a break. And I'm like, then that's just feeds it more. Because if I take a break, because I'm well, I'm usually working too much. Burnout leads to depression. Yeah. But my depression is also rooted in feeling like I'm not accomplishing things. And then so I can't rest because then it'll come on even more.

And so it's just like this snake eating itself. Oh, yeah. Fear of missing out. Oh, God. Yeah. So you're doing your podcast, but then maybe you're so exhausted. I want to get on stage tonight, but I am so tired. Oh, that's why I moved to St. Louis because there's no stage time here.

Because otherwise I would be out doing it. You could be. Gary, if you're not out there, someone's doing that spot that you would be doing and they're getting better because we both know that the only way you get better at standup is doing it. There's no like performing, writing for and performing for your family or whatever, reciting it in the mirror. Okay.

There's a, it says if someone is angry with me or yelling or whatever, I will calmly say, I think I understand, but could you rephrase the problem differently to help me understand better? That's a good tip in a fight. Yeah. Nine out of 10 times, they stop dead in their tracks, regroup and rephrase calmly.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I mean, with a sane person. Yes. Yeah, that's true. I mean, this is what customer service, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah. It's like your wife in the kitchen.

There is the one um oh this is this is one i thought was pretty good for just us in general and and everyone it's this guy said my dad used this phrase a lot while i was growing up make it easy for them to give you what you want when asked and this is dale carnegie too like incentivize people to give you things that you want don't just be like hey can i come on your podcast you got to be like hey i have a podcast that is uh incredible right now and it's blowing up and here's the premise and i think we could have a really interesting discussion around like show like show value when you pitch yourself to things like i'm just thinking about when i used to have to like write people for stage time when i first moved to new york and i'm like i think i would bring something very fresh and funny i would always always have to, I would Dale Carnegie it and go like, what can I offer you? And like, and I will be

there on time. Make it easy for them. I'll be there on time. I'll promote it. I'll do like, give them, I like this advice of just make things easy for people to give you what you want. For sure. I think that's a good one. It's probably one that your dad used as well. Oh yeah. Well, you know, one of my things, one of my things, yeah. I mean, yeah, my dad was great at it, but yeah, there's always a benefit to the person that was involved in one of his scams. Like, you know, they think that they're going to be getting, you know, a deal of something, a high commission, you know, I mean, that's how a lot of scams work. You know, a lot of the Ponzi schemes, you think that you're going to be getting, you know, yeah, 20% return on your money where you're like oh okay this sounds good but then yeah but

then you're gonna get screwed and your dad would collect people your dad always remembered a name and not maybe he didn't remember it but you said he always got people's cards was always exchanging got cards got their information yeah take pictures of people so it became a very familiar face with wherever whatever he was doing very loud like you know like oh this man a funny jovial guy and like you know charming as fuck yeah exactly and then yeah didn't seem like nobody could see like you know that there was something wrong you know because it's it seems like he's just a straight shooter yeah i mean and he would bring his kid along too so it's like and you're cute as hell and just and why would a kid why would he involve a kid in a scam like a kid is a kid

just it's a genius actually your dad is obviously smart you're obviously smart you're so hilarious go see gary on the road i'm guessing gary veder.com yep v-i-d-e-r.com follow him on socials um and definitely you have to check out this podcast i'm so into it right now it's so refreshing to have a new serial type podcast to follow because I've been wanting one in my life and I'm so glad you came on the show because I was going to listen to it anyway,

but it was just so good to ask you questions and I'll probably be asking you more as the season goes on, but it's still early enough. Everyone get on board now because the episodes are a half hour, so you can get through three really quickly

and then stay tuned for four, which is coming up on Monday, where we find out more. But I just can't wait to uncover this whole story. Thank you for being so vulnerable and doing it and all the hard work that went into it. It's such a cool thing that you've done. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. I'm so proud of you, and I just think it's awesome. Thank you so much, Gary.

Thank you. Thanks, Nikki. All right, guys. That's the show. Proud of you, and I just think it's awesome. Thank you so much, Gary. Thank you. Thanks, Nikki. All right, guys. That's the show. We will see you next week. Brian will be back from his gallbladder surgery. I'm going to be in D.C. this weekend and also at Foxwoods Casino. It's sold out on Friday night or on Saturday night at Foxwoods,

but if you're in the Connecticut area, which is a lot of places, Foxwoods on Sunday night, not sold out yet. Still tickets available. Come on out to that show. I would love the besties to be there. And how great was Gary? That was so much fun. We'll be back next week. Don't be cursed. See you guys. Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair

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