The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #449 Bag of Fun, Regretful Career Stories, Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce in Europe, Scams

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

Nikki and Brian share their love/hate relationship with improv comedy, plus a game Brian invented. Stories of regretful career moves arise and we all relate to these moments. Nikki talks about her Sphere experience and her big Europe trip to see Taylor Swift in multiple cities. She has tickets to some of the shows, but some are TBD aka fingers are crossed. Nikki must get the Travis Kelce cameo off her chest and how it was magical for Swifties. Final thought: did Brian get scammed by a family?  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to it. It's uh me today in studio with this uh no-name dog uh brian frangie is back from uh gallbladder surgery still back from that feeling good yeah tour gallbladder tour

surgery doing uh my tour of my organs being removed you're promoting it right now right yeah yeah it's gonna we recorded it and it's gonna come out out later this year on Netflix. And yeah. We did Regis and Kelly this morning. Yes. They were rough. I mean. They hated me. I think they.

Wait, isn't Regis dead? Yeah. That's why it was rough. Oh, yeah. No, he was sitting there. He didn't give me anything. His ashes still have a show where people just assume what he might have asked people in the zingers he might have had. was amazing and he is missed i got to meet him one time because we

were doing this thing on the our mtv show me and sarah schaefer where we were just trying to touch as many celebrities as possible that was like our goal and it was pre me too because this would not have flown and i was never inappropriate with my touching in terms of like the only times i got like on the chest with it or something like i felt really bad about doing it and I only did it because it was like almost like that's the gimmick. And I felt kind of pressured into it. And I'm not going to say I did it. Like I'm not going to. It's it's I had my own constitution.

I could have not done it. But I remember one time a guy got annoyed with us touching him. But it was a funny bit because generally I just like his head. Like the whole thing is not good. I didn't like doing any of it, to be honest. While on the show or like. try to be in Sarah see who can touch the celebrity the most times while interviewing them and it's like the premise is disgusting and wouldn't make it past the thought in a writer's head now I would never

even land in a uh in a meeting live well Drew Barrymore gets away with it. That is true. She basically like fingers her guests. I want to have her inside me in an interview, both emotionally and physically. I'm dying to get interviewed by Rue Barrymore because I know how fucking charming she is. I've been interviewed by her on Zoom and even then I felt molested. And that's crazy that she sent someone actually who was in a hazmat suit to touch me

in the ways that she wanted to hold my hand in that moment. No, I did her shows on Zoom and it's not the same. So I want to be in person at some point. Speaking of hazmat suits, that's the first time I was ever on TV was in a hazmat suit on Not Safe. Whoa, that's so full circle. Yeah. And I think I actually when I was grasping for that reference and that when I said it

just now, I like kind of was like, I've heard this recently. Like I was pulling from something I'd heard, which is like what you do. I mean, that's what I learned. Like great standup is just paying attention to detail and having it on call for your brain when you need it. Paying attention to funny things. Like I've recently started doing that where I'm like, okay, this is why people who read a lot do well with um just just being orators they're just you're good at

picking up words you're good at communicating you you um but i think there's a way to bypass it which is i'm just trying to pay more attention to funny words and just references and going like okay when you need a store in a strip mall in a bad neighborhood boost mobile that's a funny reference like you just cement memorize boost mobile right now when you need it yeah just grab it because a lot of times i'll be like okay i have all the parameters of what this perfect reference would be but my mind can't fill in the blank and like for me that's why improv scares me so much because sometimes my mind really will not serve up anything not not just like not something unfunny literally nothing and that's too scary to me zip zap or zop yeah that's we've

done in brian was trying to like get me into improv games when we were uh i don't say like that i wasn't trying to get you into no no sorry i i requested that he get me into it because i was like i am insecure about not being good at improv i I want to be better. Is it a muscle that you can learn? Cause it's so impressive to me. And that's the concede is that it is a muscle you can learn. Otherwise, I don't want to learn it. It is.

It's definitely helpful. We were just doing some improv exercises to get you like warmed up to see if that helped at all, which I don't even think it did. It did. It totally did. I often remember your improv game that I kind of play with myself

sometimes that I invented that you invented, which is so good. You should share with people. This is just a good way to get your brain working. Yes, I invented an improv game called bag and I don't want to play it because it's so embarrassing how bad I am. No, no, no, we don't have to play it, but it's called bag of fun. I invented it in you know, it's a derivative of other right

for it next time. I have to do a couple next time I play. I have to do a couple hours pass on being a Google doc on this improv game. So what's the game? I just want to say I did invent this. I invented this in like 2004. So if you're thinking like, oh, but in 2016, I did this with my college improv. No, no, no, no.

I invented this game. We got it from him. It's called Bag of Fun. And you're just holding a bag and a fake improv bag, obviously. And you come out and someone goes, hey, what you got there? And you go, I have a bag of fun. And they go, what's in the bag of fun? And then you just pull something out of the bag and you say what it is.

And that's the start of it. You go, oh, I got it. It can be literally anything. Literally anything. I've got a carburetor. I've got a toothbrush. And then someone who's running the game, if you keep doing things that are similar, like if you're like, I have a car seat and a car manual and a car, then you go, no car things.

Then you go, oh, I've got a dog and a cow and no animals. No, no animal. Yeah. Just giving you challenges of where your brain can go creatively on the fly when you have literally anything to choose from. Anything to choose from. And then you just start giving parameters, which almost it easier you go things that start with f yes things that you can find in texas things that you would find in a classroom and then you can say

double time then everyone starts clapping in your face and you have to go twice as fast you pull out two things you go i've got a cow and a jockstrap. I've got a pullover necklace and a pullover sweater and a jockstrap. You can't say jockstrap anymore. exercise for me to do because I really I mean people, I do think I'm funny and I do think I'm a great writer but I need a little bit of time

and it's not always the most, like the thing is it comes up fast when it comes up. Like nothing really whatever way you write, whether it's you come up with something hilarious at a Starbucks in front of a computer or you come up with something hilarious on stage, it's still just a thought that shows up in your mind.

So it doesn't really, to me, where you get it, it doesn't really matter. It's not like that's amazing to come up with something on stage and it's not amazing to come up with it at a Starbucks. It's like the same thing to me. Anyway, but I was really scared to play this game and I still am because my brain, Brian, one of the worst things that's ever happened to me

is when my brain, like I had to be doing, like kind of to improv in the moment and a huge audience at the iHeart Music Awards. Yeah. With Usher and and he like handed I took the mic because he was trying to get me to dance

which is humiliating and so I begged him to is this whole story have I told it before no I don't think so oh I should do it after the break but I really I had a moment on stage

in front of so many people that I care about my not looking stupid from it not to mention a gigantic packed where was it it was somewhere um it was some center you know like in front of like thousands of people i mean it's probably a six thousand seater but like do you recall any moments where your brain completely failed you in a situation where you know i had the kevin hart the kevin hart thing

when i couldn't think of what to say like do i say a movie that is his that i know or not like oh god in that moment and like i don't like being in those positions they're so painful to me so i try to avoid them at all costs do you have any ones that stand out to you it was in the los angeles dolby theater may 27th 2021 wow okay yes dolby theater what's the capacity on that um for me google knows to look up capacity of theaters because that's all i want to know when i type in a theater name they'd fill in they go do you mean capacity and then they know movies if i type in a movie name running time 3300 okay yeah that's i was not, I was half, right. That's where the Oscars are.

Okay. Yes. But I don't want to get into it, but when have you felt that way in your life? All the time. Where your brain failed you? Really? I mean, all the time, which is why, in a way, I- On a scale similar to that in terms of your life, like a big moment.

So I have to downgrade the scale because there's no moment where I'm inher no no no but it's all relative um when i interviewed for um the uh lower decks that star trek cartoon in front of the rick and morty executive producer and the people who made star trek voyager i fucked up that interview so bad how i just well i think i've talked about it before where i um i didn't know anything about star trek and they asked me but there was also moments in that interview where i just totally like it was also because i was dealing with like psychosomatic brain fog symptoms and i was so that happens to me a lot and i was just sitting there and they were like, what's your favorite cartoon? And I just like got like really small. I got really small on the couch and I was like, well, I don't want to say. I really felt like I sounded like that.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't want to say. And then. Oh no. It sounds like a cartoon character. And the answer really at the time was Rick and Morty. And I felt weird saying Rick and Morty because the guy who executive produced Rick and Morty is the one who's hiring me.

But of course, that's what that guy is dying for you to say. And I go, well, well. And it will be heard if you don't. Here's how embarrassing it was. You can go on that guy. I mean, come on. Here's what happened. I go, I don't want to say.

And then the guy goes, just say it. And that made it even more embarrassing because he knew what I was going to say. He knew I was being sheepish. And I really thought I had a chance to get that job because I had a pre-interview. This was the second round. And my first interview was just with the EP. You already had it in your mind. Yes, I had it in my mind.

And my interview with just the EP of Rick and Morty went so well. We started talking just about like life and death in that interview it got it got beyond way beyond like what's your experience and then when i showed up for the second interview i was sitting in the waiting room and uh they were like we got to call in the next candidate and then the uh ep goes oh brian like he was like joking around with me oh wow and then he was so like loose with me you were in yeah that the the star trek people said oh do you know him already well this is so relatable like feeling just this is like after a good first date and you're like already there your boyfriend

in your head and like you're just you you got it locked down and then you just did you ate shit and i ate shit you have ate shit in every way. You have another story like this too that I want you to tell someday that was so good. The Daily Show? Yeah. Those are the two biggest regretful career moments in my life.

Fucking up those two interviews. It led you to where you are. Is there any part of you that realizes that now and says, oh, I'm grateful I didn't get that job? Because goes that way if i got the daily show in when was that like 2015 it was the first year that trevor noah was the host i my life would be completely different i'd still be in new york probably but you wouldn't have met ally no i wouldn't have i wouldn't have worked on your show yeah i mean like mean, like, your life, yeah, we wouldn't, I would still know you because I knew you at that point,

but yeah, everything would be so different. And who knows? Maybe it would have been better. I don't know. It absolutely could have been. Yeah, I mean, maybe I still would have been Allie. You wouldn't throw in your life to see what that life would have been like right now, would you?

No, no, because, you know, I know people who write for The Daily Show, and now that Jon Stewart's back, it's a lot more fun. But it does become like, how am I going to get out of here? It's like writing for SNL. If you write for it for too long, eventually you're like, how do I get out of this? Yeah. It's such an honor.

I think probably the best part of getting jobs is when you get the call that you've got it before you have to start doing it that's always as it is for me like because then the pressure's on and the pressure don't stop till it's over and if you get a writing job that pressure is never over and i can't mine get released you know the roast happens and i perform and then it's done and i get to like oh and i'm sure that's what writers feel like when they get to go on these breaks eventually and let loose but it's like they know what's looming whereas i don't really know what's looming next in terms of hard work like i see some stuff but i can't i don't know the exact people involved or whatever it is and so that would be really hard yeah but so in a nine to five where you see the same people

every day that's what i keep reminding myself every time I feel like I am so lucky to be married to someone who has a regular job because every day I see someone who has to suffer through these endless Zoom calls with bullshit people talking about bullshit things for fucking all day, Monday through Friday, having to go into an office. I'm so lucky. I feel like I don't need ssdjs soul sucking desk jobs oh yeah double sdj's yeah and people we know you know most listeners have them yeah or they're stuck at home with their kids all day long sure shout out to those people too speaking of but there's an out because your kids eventually grow up they do no one sees retirement really in the future and it's just like this till i die so far off and well nowadays you can't even retire you because your kids eventually grow up. They do. No one sees retirement really in the future. And it's just like this till I die.

And it's so far off. And well, nowadays you can't even retire. You don't make enough money. But speaking of the kids thing. I think only rich people can retire. Yeah, that's true. Or like athletes. You hear that word in athletics

because they're forced because of their bones. Or if you're Daniel Day-Lewis. Did he retire? Yeah, he retired. He did Phantom Thread, which was pretty good and um yeah phantom thread was amazing fan he's it's amazing because he's in it i think oh yeah it was it was the his counterpart was also good the um yeah she was good they were sick it was like a relationship based on taking care of the other person when the other person's really sick yeah the reason why i didn't love it was because i found it until the very very end of phantom thread i found it to be predictable because it's just it's like misery it's a classic

unhealthy two enneagram type i forget the very very end yeah well the very very end is kind of surprising and daniel day lou is at his best. That face. I might have to revisit it then because this end is quite surprising. I don't remember it. The very, very end is quite surprising. Does it involve soup? It involves mushrooms. Ah, yes. Yes.

I think I remember it. They trip. Yes. And they go to fish at the sphere. They go to fish at the sphere. And Daniel Day-Lewis takes a hatchet and a fish at the sphere they go to fish at the sphere and daniel day lewis um takes a hatchet and throws it into the sphere and the sphere splits open and i was like this is such a cool graphic for the u2 show that we saw oh god no that would have been amazing they could

have done anything and it would have been cool i gotta go back to the sphere i i am i'm not swearing the sphere off No no we can't Because it is cool I can't believe I didn't go back last I guess the Grateful Dead were there last time And I was performing both nights I was there But I should have extended it to see what was I gotta check what's at the sphere next time

Because I'm gonna give the sphere a second chance It's not the sphere's fault You know who has amazing screens is Miss Taylor Swift I'm so excited to go see her screens Because it's Some of it's transcendent and the new stuff for the Tortured Poets that's in her live stuff, the new album that she's added to the Eras Tour,

the graphics are so good and she does this really cool thing. I'm going to Swift out for a second. I know you don't care, but I just have to let this out. I'm so excited to see it because I'm about to see her five times in Europe and I can't wait to see. So where are you going?

I'm going to Dublin, then I'm to Amsterdam, and then I'm going to do Amsterdam three times, and I'm going to go to Zurich and end it on Zurich. But I would be going two times in Dublin and two times in Zurich, except I have a gig that got booked before I

got these tickets, so I couldn't get out of it, which I'm excited to do, because I don't need to see her six times. I only need to see her five. A gig in Europe or a gig in America? America. I'm going straight from Arizona to Dublin to meet my parents, and then we're going to see Taylor the night that we're there. So your parents are going with you to Europe?

Yes. I'm taking my mom to every show, all five, and then my dad is going to go to at least one and i think he'll probably be like i'm not going to two and so i think chris is flying into zurich to go to the other one and i know he is where switzerland switzerland which i just kind of found out not wasn't really clear on that but that's the only one i have an actual ticket to the other four kind of in in i think i'm like 99 sure they're good to go but i'm a little bit worried because they're not in my hand yet so i'm going over there a little bit like

okay this might just be a trip to ireland where everyone's dressed in swift stuff and i'm not going to the show but i will sell some my body to get in that night there's no way i won't go um i'll find some way it might be the first time i've ever turned tricks yeah but no you can't buy one online there's none available for the dublin shows to buy second so how are you doing a good thing going to get one i will i have a i have an in with i get uh i buy special tickets that are um for like it's a it's a thing a connection i got that gets lets me buy regular price seats um in certain sections. And so, but it's through like every new city has a different third party kind of managing

that ticket situation. So I got a call from an Irish man the other day and he's like, so I've got you down for, you know, three tickets on the 29th and then two on the 30th. And I was like, it's actually going to be no tickets on the 29th. And I was like, and I'll take two on the 30th if that's all you have. But I would love to have three for the 30th if possible. And he was like, oh's actually gonna be no tickets on the 29th and I was like, and I'll take two on the 30th if that's all you have but I would love to have three for the 30th if possible and he was like, oh, we can make that happen.

I'll call you right back and I'm like, really? Oh my God, great. Okay, well, I'll be on my phone and he's like, we'll call you right back

from this number and then they haven't called me back and that was a week and a day ago and so I'm just like, and if you call them back, it's just not a, it's an operating thing so I'm just like,

he sounded very nice. He sounded in control and I'm going to trust that her, what she has going on there, they don't fuck around. They hire the best people and it's going to get done. So I'm not worried, but I will. But man, to be that jolly to blow you off. Yeah. But anyway, so there's just this great moment that she has with her screen where it's like,

because the lyric is like, and i leap from from the why can't i think of the and i levitate down your street crash the party like she's talking about and i leap from the i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street and crash the party like a circus freak as i shriek who's afraid of little old me but okay so the graphic has this girl like levitating out of a window and then going down the street and then taylor in that moment like leans on this pole that she's able to like lean forward michael jackson style you know which her her legs are back and it looks like she's literally levitating in the same way the uh art on the screen does and

it looks so fucking cool and i'm so excited. And when we get back, we are going to talk about Travis showing up on stage with Taylor because I don't have time to do a special Taylor Swift episode, Gush Sesh, so I'm going to fit some in here, which I already have

and I appreciate Brian for you listening. So we'll be right back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. So, Taylor Swift on stage this weekend. Travis shows up.

This already happened. What did you find out about? Did you know that this happened? No, no. Have you been on Instagram the past three days? Yeah, but I'm on the same Instagram as you. Isn't that so interesting? Because it is literally as if the president just got shot

in terms of how many videos I have and footage and people talking about it. I'm not kidding you. It is like, it's a global phenomenon to me.

And so I obviously didn't think you were getting all that I'm getting. I'm not that naive. I got nothing. But I thought you would at least have heard one or two things about it.

That's insane. All I'm getting served right now is the Hawk Tua girl. Yes, she's getting served to me but not as much. I was slightly late to that.

What about the Stanley Cup? I'm not seeing anything on my feet about that, but that seemed like a big deal last night. And I was like, interesting that I'm not getting any news. No, yeah, I don't get any hockey news. I don't get news. I get the most esoteric football news, which is weird that I'm not getting the Travis Kelsey thing. Justin Timberlake's

DUI was September 11th to my phone. It really was. I got an Amber Alert sound to it. No, his arrest was... Did you see my post on my story? It was like seven posts in a row of his face on my story

or on my feed, on my main feed. It's like they know what I want. Wow, they interrupted your programming. Okay, so it's like they know what i want they interrupted your programming but okay so taylor it's a big deal to us swifties brian because taylor swift just for the first time tagged travis in a post um which is like obviously they've been together but that's like the official like he's my man kind of thing it was like happened the other night when the royal family came to see her in wembley and so she tagged him on a post and i guess that was a big deal i didn't notice it but in hindsight people were like

this was a big weekend for them so then the next night she's on stage and she does this whole song The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived which The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived Bridge which I've been complaining about on the Gush Fest is the thing I wanted to sing with any bestie who ever had a meet and greet

and wanted to sing The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived with me, Bridge I would do it. I didn't realize how long it is so i did have a girl take me up on this this weekend and it was so fun and it's on my tiktok but um well i tiktok yeah i'm posting a lot of things are happening on tiktok i don't even know what's happening over there because my friend emily is running it she works for my social media company and she's amazing and i trust her and so she just films me and makes videos and I don't even watch them. I'm just like, I'm kind of watching some of them cause they're actually really funny and

random, but she just shoots like slice of life stuff and then puts it together. So do you have people following you filming you on the road now? I did this weekend for the first time. Yeah. How was that? Okay. Well,

let's put a pin in that and talk about this taylor swift thing first yeah so yeah anyway so i filmed a reaction video to watching it actually that i think is up on tiktok as well but i so i waited to watch it because i'm getting all the news alerts and i'm like oh this would be good to film a reaction shot because my passion right now is watching people react to taylor swift it's like i know as a swifty it's kind of there's a group of us who like to watch this shit. So I was like, oh,

I'll make some reaction stuff. So I watched it. But with sitting with it for a while, it's okay. So she sings the smallest man who ever lived. And she, at the end of it, she,

she's pretty much marching to battle to be like, with waving a white flag, being like, I want to save this relationship. I still love you. Even though you're like, and what, why did you end it? I don't even want you back. I just want to know're like and what why did you end it I don't even

want you back I just want to know like she's kind of like I guess she's surrendering I know I'm never gonna get you back but give me some fucking answers it must be a white flag is surrender yeah she's so she's but I'm wondering what she's surrendering to like she's surrendering to the fact that it's she's never gonna get him back or so I don't know what it is and that she doesn't even want him back

but she still wants to know if you know was wrecking my was wrecking my i'm mixing up the lyrics girls because for some reason i can't think of them when i'm it's not playing but was um was wrecking my sparkling summer was that the goal and i don't even want you back i just want to know uh i just now i'm fucking up all the lyrics and swifties are so disappointed me but anyway so the bridge is she's finally she's marching to battle and then she gets shot and then she's like oh and she it's so dramatic it's so amazing I can't wait

to see it I literally I'm going to it's going to be the most excited my body has ever felt in my life seeing this bridge for the first time live and then five times in a row I don't I think it's going to be orgasmic to watch because I'm so obsessed with it so she gets shot once and then she's like and then she's you know then she falls to her knees

and she's like begging him like what's going on and it doesn't but it also doesn't matter and she's like um and and i'll forget why or you know i forget anyway it's it lands on her sorry i'm all over the place because now i'm so embarrassed i can't remember the fucking lyrics you're getting flustered just thinking of it though i really am but then she falls down and she goes um uh i i'll i'll forget but i'll never forgive the smallest man who ever lived and she then she dies and so then after that her these guys like in circus costumes come and pick her up and she's like literally like roof like she looks like she's roofied like she's limp and it's so cool because that's yeah and then they pick her up and they carry her back to this like platform and then the music kind of shifts and she starts they

start getting her dressed because she has another performance and they kind of like they're like doing funny things with her hands and they're like keep like picking her up like you've got to get dressed and they're dressing her for this next thing it's not a sexual thing it's really just like she's just like no i don't want to and then she kind of wakes up and she's like i don't want to go and they're like you got to go come on snap snap and they kind of do a dance to show her like put on your smile and she's like i don't want to and then they push her out and then she's like fighting it and then she just turns on a dime and it's like i can read your mind and then she sings a song i can do it with a broken heart about performing

when you're depressed and when you're broken up with and sad and then she hits her mark and she's killing it but that part travis kelsey comes out and he's the one that carries her back and he's the one that's telling her like you gotta dance like this and you can do it come on do it and then he powders her face at the end which was all swifties figured out is a reference to the line about how the color drained from her face, from all these guys. There's a lot of lyrics about the color in her face with this one relationship and how it changed.

And then she's talking about her next love and how they put the color back into her face. And so he puts blush on her face. So we're like, Oh my God, this fucking poet. She even made her boyfriend do like a comedy thing that involved a reference to the lyric.

She's so good. And then he's the one that like pushes her out there. And it's so cute. And all the videos videos there's like a moment where you know he's playing a character of like a guy getting hit this doll ready to perform but at one point he goes to like put the blush on her and he like goes he with his other hand he almost touches her waist but then he realizes like he's that's not the character but he's so used to like touching her waist that it's so cute and like i'm just like i i love that they did this i wonder what led what was the discussion that led to like what if you came on stage with me

like who pitched it i mean i know it was mastermind i know miss swift came up with it but like i want to know that conversation of like would you do it and he's like yeah i'd be down and she's like yeah we could do it so then you'd oh and then you'd maybe do my makeup hmm wait maybe you could put blush on me because the color back into my face oh my god this is so good and i could see her like churning up ideas and he's like i'm down and then he fucked by the way he fucking nailed it like he gave such a great performance would love to see this guy on broadway like he can act he was comedic he was prince charming it was just such a good look for him he shined like a star and then he let her go shine like a star and then there was footage of him watching her

later and just being so in awe of her and it was just a great weekend to be a swifty yeah it says she ever had a boyfriend on stage before with other musicians and stuff no i mean she's performed live with john mayer and people speculate maybe they were like talking at that point, but that doesn't count. Like there's never been this like playful, we're together energy performing together. I mean, that's insane. It's serious.

And I'm so excited about it. It's so wild. It's so cute. And that's exactly the kind of thing like I liked. I know what she's feeling like. Like it's so fun to perform with your boyfriend who you're in love with and like be like i've done that before with chris and i get to do it so frequently and it makes it so much more fun and it makes it so much better when your boyfriend is there at the show like you just are more dazzling i know i always am sure well

you're performing the dublin show you like being watched yeah i do i like i like when someone is going wow she's amazing like not even laughing i just want people to be like wow yeah i think that's the is that my goal god did i just yeah ah i want ah yeah you want people that you know. Aw, look at her thinking she can sing. Aw, this is really sad. Oh, God, that's the worst. Oh, God. No, there's worse than awe. There's worse than awe. Aw.

There's lots of awes you can get of like, aw, fuck, can't believe she said that. Aw. Like, when they feel sorry for you. I've definitely gotten the aw. But it's worse than that. It's worse. It's worse.

The worst thing you can get. I can't even think of what it is. The worst thing you can get is silence. Where they don't even really know what to say. After the show's over and you're like, you want them to say, that was a rough one. Or you want them to say like, that was amazing and they say nothing. Oh, you mean silence after? Not during the joke. Yeah, like the after usually it's after but just like the i don't

even really know what to say because we're both thinking the same thing i get the fuck out of there i've never had a set where i can't look people in the eye afterwards and if i do i just go that was horrible and i tell everyone so they don't have to and and i yeah i break it because no no or they say and they go oh i'm sorry no they go that crowd sucked yeah it was you know this room the laughs get caught in the carpet i'm like no they didn't they got caught inside the carpet's full of bodies right now because i didn't get them out yeah um yes it's there's always something to blame todd glass used to say like when you you'd go into a club every club weekend like there's always an excuse why the

numbers aren't good they're like oh the fair's in town this weekend you're like you're competing with the fair there's always a fair in town the strawberry festival you know that's why don't don't take it personally which is a nice thing for them to say i mean some clubs could just make you feel it rained this morning whatever yeah no there's always an excuse why it's not you sometimes it is you you know sometimes it's you sometimes that's okay you're just fizzling out and you're not good for that for that for that uh region i heard this girl aurora she's like a musician that i heard on stern once and i really haven't looked into her since but she's very like ethereal and like maybe she just like seems of this space, like from another planet.

Greta Thunberg-y, but like pop star. And she's Norwegian, too. So maybe that's it, too. She's got a weird accent. That accent. And she's out of her mind. But she sings beautifully, and she has this really good David Bowie cover of Ground Control. So maybe that's why I think of space when I think of her. The only song I know of hers was about that now i can now it's making sense she literally sings about being

in space but then i heard her talking i haven't heard of her for years but i just saw a clip that was like she was like they were like but who are you and she's like i don't care who i am it doesn't matter it's not up to me who i am i am not i can be anyone any day i can change any time i can be impressive one day I can be disappointing the next I can be someone who does something very bad and then someone who does goes I don't want to do that anymore every day I'm someone new I it's none of my business who I am it was something like that and I was kind of like that's an interesting concept that um enough psychedelics might get me to and deprivation tanks or where how do i get there and do i want to be you're

gonna take a bunch of shrooms and dmt and release yourself from your ego and i think people like that are are quite frankly insufferable yeah i liked i i would like to be around this girl but i also like someone who has a lot of humility and a little bit of shame about themselves because it makes them a little more interesting to me and you know you want to be around yeah but she's like saying like i don't even she she doesn't have an identity she's you're when you talk to her you're not talking to a person she gets it because it is true we're all like just machines we all have like computer brains yes well you and her will get along i would be like can you just stop i i would think it's an act because it makes her feel superior to everyone else to be like, I'm beyond ego.

And it's like, well, aren't you fucking special? Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know. I don't really encounter that many people like that. And I guess there's a reason for that because they probably are insufferable. But I was thinking about. Yeah. So like just that I get the clips I'm being sent on Instagram,

I really, now I'm going to pay attention to this because I don't like the fact that you did not even see that Travis Taylor thing because I, it's all I saw. And that's not fair that that's all they're giving me. What did you, like, what am I missing out on? And do I, I just bought the Washington Post because I'm like, stop, Nikki, stop not paying $50 a year because there's a paywall. Support journalism. Read news.

Yeah. I'm like, I'm done not paying for. I'm going to buy every fucking magazine now. Anytime there's a paywall, I'm buying it if it's a good institution of journalism. I have to. I get that. That's been happening to me a lot, too. And it's like you used to get it for free on the internet.

And I think that's why the pushback is there because you're like, wait, now you're gonna make me pay $3. And it's like, it's $3. Whereas if it was always $3, you would be like, whatever, who cares? Yeah, and it should be. People need to make a fucking living writing.

Yeah, it makes sense. I don't know if it's worth what they're charging, like if it's a sustainable uh business but we need it it's requirement for democracy is the press the free press yeah why isn't it tax support why isn't it like tax supported like public well there's npr there's um i guess pbs um no the bbc which is yeah the BBC, which is publicly supported in the UK, is the most trusted news source out of any news source. How is it regulated if the government does pay for it? They just have honor.

They just don't. BBC is perceived as the latest Polish show. But how do they let them have honor if they're controlling the pocketbook? Because they're not in there. They're not for profit. Their goal is not to shock you or to, or to appease you. I'm just saying if the government is paying for something,

yeah, the government seems to be like, I want it done the way I want to do it. So I, how does that not get corrupt? I'm sure it's a little bit corrupt, but yeah, like the BBC, I'm going it's a little bit corrupt. But the BBC... The government's not going to just be like,

we're going to let the road guys build the roads where they want to build them. No, of course not. We're going to tell them that this is the highway we want and the direction we want it to go in. I mean, you got to imagine that everyone's corrupt and the whole world's corrupt and the BBC is no different.

But they do at least perceive themselves as just delivering the facts and not delivering all of this extra analysis that kind of pushes you towards just words that can make you completely feel differently about the thing yes yeah and no comments i love when a news organization doesn't have a comment section like mostly because they don't have enough subscribers to like generate discourse but i like not like looking for comments and i'll go no oh you don't get any nikki has to make your own opinion up about this one yeah that's what are you gonna do nikki you try to find that crutch of the comments like i'm not sure what to feel yet and then you try to find them

and there's on reddit i gotta do it myself yeah i go to reddit and i go which which uh place do i trust to discuss this like who's talking about this right now yeah it's like which is good you seek what other people like what's the cultural thought about this but it is interesting like uh we were talking about actually the will smith slap the other night and how like we each uh on our own we're like we were all like alone when that happened it was kind of late at night most people were when they saw it live and like what your initial thought was. And then you start to see who you called first. And like, how did you process that insane, insane thing?

Yeah. I mean, Bad Boys 2 is out now. So I think Will Smith's been forgiven. Oh, yeah. It's over. It just takes a little bit of time. Yeah. But everyone can come back.

JT, he's going to be better than he ever was. I fucking hope so because I am really anti-driving under the influence. I think if you do that one time, you should have your head cut off. Well, I also empathize with addicts that don't have the abilities to make good decisions because they have a disease. And unfortunately, that disease can land them behind a wheel. And we would have compassion for other people's diseases that made them do crazy things.

But alcoholism seems to be like, you're in control of it. And a lot of people aren't. So I do have empathy if that's the way this is going. Also think it's the worst thing ever. And if you're rich enough, you should have a plan in place that if I ever drink, I don't drive.

But he could be just pulling back a little bit and trying to make cuts budget cuts here and there we don't know what his life is like yeah you know he's got a 57 dollar uber black um but yeah uh what were we saying about jt or what was i think it was saying something before him yeah that just getting your ideas from the comment section and going on reddit and finding out where I gotta just get new things up in there I don't want to see any more facial

surgery suggestions yeah your algorithm is now getting boring so all you have to do is going boring it's getting it's ruining my life yeah you're targeting me in a way that I'm like it's not getting boring. It's ruining my life. It's targeting me in a way that I'm like, it's bullying me. You're in an echo chamber,

just like everybody else. The way you get out of the echo chamber is easy. Oh, no, no. Will Smith's slap. I want to know where you were. That's what I was talking about. Oh, where I was. I was with my wife, I think.

I was sitting at home. And did you think it was a bit at first? Oh, wait, no, I wasn't with my wife because she was texting me about it. Can you believe that that just happened? I don't know where I was when the slap happened. Weird. But I do remember thinking I'm on Chris Rock's side no matter what happens.

Did you think it was a bit at first is my question. Right. I definitely felt like it must be a bit at first. But then the slap. How many seconds? Five seconds because Chris Rock's reaction. Before the slap or after the slap after the slap when he's walking up there i'm like this is a bit obviously there's no way that this is there was not one

second i thought it was a bit and i don't know why i'm proud of that but i just knew you knew huh not one second i can't believe people even did because for me maybe let's say it was one second instantly i go this is bomb this is not good yeah and neither of these people would ever allow something not this not good to happen i was just like this this can't happen yeah well the audience certainly was tricked because the audience was still laughing and clapping while even after the slap which is really that's crazy that you can see like an assault happen and be like ha ha ha no because I think a lot of people thought it was a bit even post slap for a while. But you see a real slap.

I mean, that was a vicious slap. Yeah. Even if it was a bit, it's like, well, like chill. It was just a bit. It was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Or it was a good like I'm sure they could fake a slap that good.

I mean, they, I mean, don't they? Or is that all just like done in post? I guess they could potentially fake a slap that, but it really, that seemed like vicious. And even if it was fake and it was that vicious, I'd still gasp instead of laugh and clap.

Yeah. Yeah. I, it was, it was just a moment that I was like, Oh my God. I like, I remember It was just a moment that I was like, oh my God, like I remember, I compared it to something else that was crazy and Ari got really mad at me this weekend. Was like, you think that's just crazy?

And I go, no, it's just as probable as 9-11. I compared it to something. And I'm just like, I'm not saying one is, no, it wasn't 9-11, but it was something kind of like catastrophic where people died. And Ari was like, that is not the same. And I'm like, I don't think it's the same stakes.

I'm just saying it's the same craziness where people are just like, wait, is this real? And I just love when things happen like that. Especially at the Oscars where you thought the craziest thing that could ever happen is that the Best Picture nominee would be the wrong one read. I remember just thinking that's the craziest thing I'll ever see on TV. Wow. And they really taught. Was that the next year?

No, that was probably six years later. I remember watching that too. And that I was like, wow, this was so fucked up. It's crazy just how the Oscars is kind of fading into obscurity and people don't care about it anymore. And it really requires a moment like that even to like make the news right that is because watching the stanley cup finals last night it was like such a big deal in florida wherever it was yeah i told i andrew collin has a tattoo of a panther on his arm because he like wanted to represent florida on his arm this couple weeks of his life where he was like getting tattoos because it was just that

face of his late thirties. And he got this really cool, I mean, it's really well done this Panther. And we were all like, what is that for? He did it alone. And he's like,

it's for Florida. Cause like Panthers like are, you know, Florida, Florida Panthers, which is the hockey team. That's the hockey team. But like he,

he also thought Panthers were in Florida, like that they were like native to florida and then he checked and they haven't been there since like the jurassic period they haven't been there since in millennia it's so funny but i wrote him last night saying like your your tattoo is like paying off today like that's it's putting panthers on thethers on there in a way that's beyond, but that was, um, did you even watch the sale? Like I watched that.

And then I go on my Instagram. I'm like, wow, I didn't see a single thing from it. They know that generally I would not give a fuck, but they, um, they're going to start understanding.

Like, I wonder when sports stuff is going to start making its way in my feed because I'm trying to be more aware. I mean, football's definitely going to make its way into your feed. Eventually. I hope so. I need to work on aware of it. I mean, football's definitely going to make its way into your feed eventually. I hope so. I need to work

on understanding it better. I'm really looking forward to doing football-related stuff this fall like on a TV way because it's really fun and I love working with everyone involved

in that world. I feel like they're very similar to comics. Do you agree? Yeah, football players are awesome. And just like the people that like sports,

the like, I don't know, I just feel like I can kind of sports the like the i don't know i just feel like i can kind of talk even though i don't literally talk the language of sports i feel like i can hang with people who do the locker room way you're joking around all the time i'm always at i'm talking like i'm at a buffalo wild wings all day long in the lock like locker room like i'll talk like that in church. So I. The marriage of sports and comedy is so obvious now to me in retrospect. I'm shocked that it hasn't happened in a more significant way prior to basically the roast.

I think it's because comedians are so like boned up for sports that they can't relax around. Yeah. In a way like that. I'm just kidding. But I'm kind of not. Like, there might be that vibe where, because I know that I couldn't really be comfortable around Taylor Swift. Like, I could, but it would be harder.

But because I don't know the magnitude of these people, it makes it easier for me a little bit. You have a superpower. You're immune to their celebrity. I need to remember to stop to stop to not care but i do care about these people i love pat mcafee actually um i followed him since i did the show and i love him and he um did a post about uh how travis kelsey like not he was like he had to throw all her ex-boyfriends under the bus but he's like none of those other schlubs that she's dated would ever be this funny and put themselves out there like that. And he's right.

He's right. I don't think, I do think Joe would have probably performed had she asked, but no, he kind of kept her secret. So I think Pat's right. I just like the way they talk. Very frank and harsh.

Yeah, and they're having a good time. They're doing what they love. I mean good time most but most doing what they love are i mean yeah they they're doing what they love and they like having a good time and it's it's true of i think a lot of athletes are over cross sports it's not just football but football is the biggest sport and these guys are like celebrities because they dedicated their like formative years to so many hours practicing that they kind of have a little bit of a stunted growth which i feel i have as well what do you what's your level of maturity you feel like what age do you and i know that's not like across the board you're like this age but what do you think you feel like you

i've been you retain a lot of i've been in my 50s i've been in my 50s since i was eight years old i mean that's hilarious. You have been something that you haven't been yet. The maturity level emotionally Do you think your 50s are going to be amazing? I think my best decade is going to be my 40s.

I hope it is. I'm not there yet. I'm trying to set myself up for my 40s. That's my whole goal. 40s is good so far. I said it. Someone asked me my age and I just got to say 40 for the first time. Yeah. I think yesterday and it felt really good. 40.

That's that's peak career. I mean, 40s is when you're supposed to be like you're past that point where you're figuring things out. You're just a real fucking person on your peak. You know, like you you are the smartest. You're the you've retained the most information of life while retaining the most brain to use that information with. Now, then it starts to tilt the other way. You lose the brain.

You keep gaining experience. I think in the 60s. I think you get 50s are okay, too. Yeah, 50s are good. No, I'm not saying, but I think at 40s, it starts where you get this respect of like, this person's been around, but they're still youthful enough to like use what they've got. Absolutely. And 30s, you're still trying to figure it out but you kind of look almost 40 so people

you look like you should have it together i don't know i'm just this is what people do when they get older is they reason why their decade's the best because they have no choice but to be oh yeah and people in their 70s are like the 70s is the best decade all i'm doing is sipping coladas on the beach yep i've heard that, and I can't wait. I'm glad to hear that because I do want to look forward to something. We have to go to break, and so look forward to that after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, this kid came to my door yesterday

and he was he had a mask on and he seemed like he was maybe a teenager and he told me that he was selling coupons for his high school for some reason. And I don't know if that's something that high school kids do or if it was just a scam, but I felt like I was getting scammed while I was doing it. I knew this kid wasn't selling. It's like when kids are selling candy for their basketball team on the New York

City subway system. Or the Girl Scouts. Or the Girl Scouts. Yeah. They're selling cookies for what? Yeah. Funding Al Qaeda. I think that this kid was scamming me. For sure. I knew he was scamming me while he was doing it, but he was so good at scamming me that

I decided I'm going to give him the money. You got scammed is what happened. I got scammed. $25. You were aware you were getting scammed, what happened. I got scammed. I ate $25. You were getting scammed, but you asked me for $25. He knocked on my door. What did you get? I got a slate of coupons that I work at restaurants.

I would never go to even get chocolate. I didn't, I got, I got coupons to Arby's and Applebee's like places I'll never go to. But I, I really, what was happening was I was very impressed by every technique he was using to make me empathize with him.

He did this thing during the middle of the pitch where he goes. How old is he? I think he's probably 18 or 19, but he could have been tricking me. He's wearing a COVID mask. Got it. Maybe he was 28. I don't know. Yeah.

He said, but he was so energetic and positive and happy. And then he said, would it be okay? I'm really nervous right now. Would it be okay if I take a deep breath? And I was like, go ahead. He asked me for permission to take a deep breath, which is such an underhanded. I will give him $2,500 right now. That is so sweet.

Exactly. So I was like, go ahead. Take a deep breath. He takes a deep breath. the pitch he's like in the midst of the pitch he threw in little tricks like that every single one of them you think that was a trick i think it was i can't imagine unless he was just so naturally empathetic what what percentage of you thinks that it was a trick like truly what the i want to know because you're 90 percent 90 percent wow this guy is an expert scam artist and not some beautiful high school student who you feel for yeah you gave 25 bucks for the performance you got a performance yeah well and also here's

where scam artists work especially for you 25 for the $25 just to leave you alone. Yeah, go away. I'd pay you $25 just to leave because I'm not going to... You can't shut the door? Yeah, I'm not going to slam the door in your face. I'm not going to say no thank you, goodbye. I'll give you the money just so you can leave. And basically that's what I did.

I gave him $25 cash for coupons to Arby's and I don't even know if they'll work. I kind of want to go to an Arby's to try to use the coupon. And they're going to be like, what the fuck is this sticker? This is not going to do this. We can't honor this.

And then you take a deep breath. You go, can I take a deep breath real quick? This is the only way I can eat tonight. And he said, I'm wearing a mask. I'm so sorry. I'm wearing my mask. My mom is making me wear the mask because she's afraid that I'll get sick.

Bullshit. Yeah. Sick mom at home. He has a sick mom at home. That's what that says. All these little tricks were thrown at me. I saw, you know what?

Great. Gary Veter and I last week talked about, like I found this Reddit thread of like all these manipulate, like things you could do with psychology to manipulate people or like the cool psychology tricks. And a lot of them feel, I mean, they're,

they're so fascinating that they work. The things that subconsciously you can do. It's got to be the right person. I was the type of person who was unwilling to say, get the fuck out of here. No. Most people are not willing to do that. Even though you're thinking it.

I'm thinking it. I'm just like, I don't want to. Can you just leave? I'm sorry, honey. I don't wish, but it would be nice if I had the foresight to look through my peephole and say, this guy is a scam and i don't want to even open the door if i didn't open the door i would have been safe but i looked through the people and i

thought for a second is this ups guy i mean is he delivering a package and that's why i opened the door i can't believe yeah okay so that's that's it he got you in that way he probably is wearing like kind of the colors of something like if he's giving it a lot of thought they'd kind of dress like someone who might have a package deliver yeah well it's a harmless scam yeah 25 i don't know what that kid's gonna use the money for maybe he will go to his restaurant that he said he wanted to open chris was like there's like a place where homeless people always can't like stay and wait for the you know at a light and they come to your car sometimes i give money and sometimes i just don't because i don't have any whatever whatever, or throw them some food at them.

No, but Chris was saying the other day that he saw one just smoking crack right there, just not even trying to hide it. Wasn't sharing? No, but there was something about, he was like, the thing that you think you hope they're not going to do with the money

that you give them, he was just doing it there. And I'm like, oh no, actually, when I give them money i go go get some crack honey like i hope that gets you some good crack tonight because you know what fuck it like yeah i want them to eat but i also want them to enjoy this fucking life they have been given and i know crack has led them there but it's like the the only reason it makes it at AU able. The reason people smoke crack is because how could you sleep

on a street otherwise, bitch? Yeah. Like it's the only way to make it feel comfortable and to not be terrified and all the things. So I got to imagine they were smoking crack first

and that's what got them to the street and the crack helps. It's not like they got to the street and they were like, you know what makes us more comfortable is some crack.

No, no, no. But I mean, they start smoking crack because they were uncomfortable in their brains in some way sure well maybe they have trauma from that i can relate to a station so they smoke the crack initially because it feels good because they are in fucking mental pain and then they're then they get hooked and then they then they feel like throwing up all day long and they feel the worst like gallbladder pain unless they smoke it well yeah they don't want to go through that and then they're on the street and

then at that point what's the point of feeling sick like that on the street like you just keep doing it and then you got to ask yourself like what would it take in your life for you to sit at a traffic light begging people for money and then you kind of realize like you know what i've never loved something the way they love crap i haven't that's kind of the point i was trying to make in my special about people who do hair, like heroin's the best thing ever. And everyone that says, you know,

you should have a kid for the feeling to be a mom and to love a child is the best feeling. It's like, no heroin definitely is because I don't see you on the sidewalk sprawled out sleeping because you love your kids so much. You know, like your life is still, you still get to sleep in a bed. You still get to like go to work or whatever, have life um be loved have shelter um so yeah heroin's gotta feel

fucking amazing you felt it with the morphine oh god i i was i could see myself getting addicted to morphine yeah um i have another thing final thought is this a scam i was driving in my car and there were um there was a family there was a guy in the street a guy on the sidewalk and children yep and they were holding up signs yep that said this is a scam they were holding up signs that said we're raising money to pay for funeral expenses great yes dead whatever shit yes it's a scam it's a lie but you know what that family can't find jobs and even if they're looking so you think they're lying about that someone in their family died they needed an angle but what they're doing in the kids work yeah begging is

work so when people go like he's just holding a sign all day would you bitch would you like i don't think it's good i think it's so sad when they use their kids as a prop to get more empathy. But life is tough for these people. They don't have the same life as you. You wouldn't do that because you're not them. And it's not nothing to make a sign and to sit there and hold it and beg people. And have people walk by you and act like they don't see you. To literally be a human being who other people ignore and don't even treat like a human being and to degrade yourself in that way um because we all

whether you want to or not there's a thing in our society where we look down upon people who are homeless like that that is not an easy choice to make to do that so i give them money just by because i'm like i wouldn't do that and i don't think it should be a job per se but in this country it is a job and someone's got to do it someone's got to hold those signs and I'm you know if you can't afford to give to the homeless I know it's like don't feed the ducks

or whatever but is it like I think it is our job to give a couple bucks their way and it sucks that our government isn't taking care of them but until they do I think it's like the nice thing to help them. And now, by no means am I saying I give enough to justify this rant I'm going on,

but I should and I would if someone, like I know Sam Harris does this thing called, it's called something altruism. I forget what it's called, but it's- Performative altruism? No, it's not. It's not performative because you don't tell people, you only tell people about it because you. It's, but it's performative altruism. No, it's not. It's not performative because you don't tell people,

you only tell people about it because you want other people to do it, but you donate 10% of your income to, um, to, to make that money go the, like for, if your money, the best use of money,

I think to save lives is to buy mosquito, mosquito nets, I think is what they've determined. So it's like, okay, find a company that will make the best use of that money and donate always donate 10 of your income the rest of your life and like that is i would like to do that someday i don't know i know effective altruism

thank you ea um and i would like to do that someday because i i preach a big um game yeah yeah but i but it is scary because other people don't and then you think about all that money all of the like i could buy all of zara like season this whole season and have the whole shop in my and i'll never do that i won't even buy myself one zara shirt but instead i'm just gonna keep that money because then it'll make more money that i'll keep keeping and then that money that i keep will make more money that i will then keep and then i'll die and it'll go to my niece who will do the same shit with it for generations or you'll wind up spending it on something stupid no i'll die with so much money i know i will because i it's the american way yeah i'll donate it to something in the event of my death but um yeah i don't i don't

spend money on that stupid of things um so it seems like a good thing to do so I'll probably this is this conversation has helped me maybe do it sooner than I would have but who knows 10% it's a lot it's a fuck ton yeah it's a fuck ton but it's also like if you think about it if I think I could get to a place where I could do it because I could just think of it is like that money was never mine that's just the what That's just the price of being a good human and giving back in a way that you would hope people would give back to you

if you were on the receiving end of that 10%. Yeah. Now, I think after you hit a certain threshold, like if you're a multimillionaire or a billionaire, you should give more than 10%

because there's just... Once you reach billions... Because of the tax incentives. Because of the tax incentive, yeah, you just gotta... You gotta skirt the system somehow. Someone just told me buying a Range Rover because it's over two tons, that it counts as like a commercial vehicle and you can write off the entire cost. And that's why everyone buys one.

And I'm like, for the first time in my life, I'm like, ooh, that's a lot like what? And I hated that thought of like, oh, i can do a sneaky tax thing but that's legal rich person brain yeah i don't want a big honking car but that what but i've been in a range rover and they are very nice and that is that is a huge two tons though do you really need a car that heavy no that's the thing i don't want a car that heavy that's so dangerous yeah um so i'm gonna kill the guy from star trek really i don't remember a car he had but he got smashed by his own car because the brake oh work in his driveway fuck i remember that no i don't think it was um i wouldn't want a two-ton vehicle um to drive up a mountain or that's what

they're for i just feel like it's so heavy it's like it's almost like dangerous like it's so heavy. It's almost dangerous. It's going to smash the road or something. It literally is. It just feels too much. Too much. I mean, now, to be fair, though, if you get into a car accident, you'll just decimate the other person. Yeah, you're going to be okay. I don't know.

I haven't checked the safety on those. But yeah, they're fucked. But that's the thing. I don't want to drive something that can cause mass destruction yeah like a party bus of teens yeah that aren't wearing their seat belts because you know they they ran a red light it's not gonna be my fault we know that um but uh well i do want to say i'm 50 50 on the funeral thing i i was really considering giving them like 50 bucks because Cause I was like, I believe them. I would put that at a 90%. I would go with a 98%.

98? I think they're down and out. I think they, yes. And I think grandma did die at some point. Yeah, but it's been years. That's where they got the story from.

That's where like, remember when we needed money for that? That would have been a good thing. Remember we got money for that? That really seemed to make people give us money. Yeah. They went through it already. New. It was like a real live GoFundMe scam. that really seemed to make people give us money yeah they went through it already and knew it was

like a real live go fund me scam they were just doing it in person yeah in front of the the target um yeah it happens a lot here too it's really sad when they the kids are involved but you know what i always think about like oh i can't wait to read that little girl's book someday like i really just i project onto her that she's going to be a star and make something of this and get out of this and this will be just a really great story that enriches the person that she is and what she overcame but it's it's uh you know that's not yeah those are just the ones you hear about now most of the time they just kind of drift into obscurity and wind up working at a subway and it's just kind of like okay boost mobile. Okay, we made it full circle, everyone. Thank you for listening to the show.

I'm going to be on tour this weekend, tomorrow or tonight in Chandler, Arizona, if you're near the Phoenix area at the Rivers Otter Casino. No, the River's Edge. What was it? The Gila Monster. The Gila Monster. Yes, the Gila Monster.

Casino, I think it's called. Otherwise known as the Komodo Dragon. River Gila. Yes The Gila Monster. Yes, the Gila Monster. Casino, I think it's called. Otherwise known as the Komodo Dragon. River Gila. Yes, Gila River Casino. I'm sure it's an enchanting place. I can't wait to go. I'll see you there. And then, besties, there's just tons of tour dates

that you got to hop in on. Note, the meet and greets are not happening on new tour dates. So if it's a new added tour date, there's no meet and greet. I just don't want you to get excited. But on the old tour dates where there's single seats i think a lot of still available um those do still have meet and greet so um this is the announcement of that i am uh i am what's the word weaning yourself away from meet and greets what are you uh tapering um

titrating meet and greets getting too much huh it's getting too much i love meeting people so much but it is draining of my energy that um i need and i feel like it's just it's it's it's worth it when i meet you when i meet you like when i run into you and if there's a circumstance in which we can meet at some point i'm always down for that like i love you so much but i just nicky in front of the correct Starbucks the right time. Honestly, a good thing to do is like go to Starbucks within a, like a mile radius of where I'm performing that night. And I probably will be at one cause I'm usually staying pretty close by a

venue. It's like, you know, by the venue that I'm performing at and then just hang out at the Starbucks and you might see me. It's like the best bet you can get. But you go to pretty random Starbucks. Or you can murder me too in that way.

So I just gave, I just kind of gave a, what did you say, Brian? You go to random Starbucks. It's a tough gamble because on the road, you go to some random Starbucks that are just like,

this one's five miles away from where we're going to be in 30 minutes. If it doesn't have a mobile order, I'm not going to be at that one. So check if it does mobile order because that'll weed some of those out so you can kind of focus in. But anyway, I do have,

I think meet and greets will be happening on dates that are into the fall, but it's new tour dates that have been added. Those are second shows and you can kind of tell when the show was added. Check when it was announced. If it was announced post roast, that means no meet and greet

and I'm sorry and I love you so much. And to those who I do get to meet, I'm so fucking excited and i will continue meeting all of you because i'm out and about and um also you guys i'm still right to you in my dms i'll still heart things um but it's just a little bit too much for now and i love you and you know i love you and i'm still i keep doing the podcast uh so thanks for listening and don't be cut and I'll see you later. Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show,

ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.