The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #450 Glaser European Vacation, Shoplifting Stories, Human Centipede, Birdcage, Small Dog Problems

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Nikki is joined by her mother Julie and Brian is tuning in from a conference room in Culver City. Julie shares her story about her first shoplifting experience and how it brought shame to her family. Plus, "Human Centipede" is brought up. Don't worry, everyone is doing fine! The Glaser summer vacation is almost in full swing and we are so happy that it involves the Taylor Swift Eras tour. Final thought: is it foxes or foxin? Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Hi, it's me, Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Brian is going to be here shortly. He's running a little late and we had to do this podcast now because I've got shit to do. But I'm not here alone. My mom is in studio. What's up, Julie Glaser? Nikki Glaser. Thanks for having me.

Yeah. I love this. I know you have a lot to promote. You know it. Yeah. You're so welcome. So tell everyone about the things you've been thinking about buying on Craigslist. That's what you're here to promote, right?

The things I'm buying on Craigslist? I just want to know what you're thinking that you've been eyeing. Like, should I get this? Or on eBay, anything like that? I don't know. I'm just thinking of something you could be promoting. No, there's nothing. Any big things coming up?

No, not really. Okay. Well, you have a Europe trip. Oh, that's right. Yeah, we could promote that. We're going to see Taylor Swift five times in Europe. I don't even know how it happened. I know.

I know. It's excessive. I can't stop. It would be seven, but I have a gig. Anyway, we're going to Dublin first. Right. I can't believe it, first of all. I told them about it last week, but yeah, we're so excited.

We're so excited. Are you excited to go to five? Are you secretly telling dad, like, it's a little much? No, it's a lot for me, but I'm so excited. But if you don't want to do, because Amsterdam's three days in a row. It's Dublin, and then we have some days off, and then it's Amsterdam, three days, three shows in a row, and then days off, and then Zurich. Right.

If you wanted to take off the middle Amsterdam day, I would just give it to some person that I found out on the stadium that looked like they tried really hard and dressed up and just surprised someone. Someone that it looks like I would want to sit with, like sing with them the whole show. Well, I mean, as far as it stands now. Because I'm fine going alone.

And I just find a friend. No, of course. So yeah, you have the ability to opt out if you want. That's so sweet that you say that. I don't know

that I'll need it, but... They're long shows. I know. I know. And I am old. And you've had a long life. Yeah, I've had a long life. There's not many more

Taylor Swift eras toward shows left in... That's how you measure time. How many all-too- too wells uh 10 minute version do you have left to live um it's a good question i um have outfits though like because i was like oh shoot i have to plan five different taylor swift outfits i'm getting a little lazy on them like i just you are which kind of makes it fun because you just are like i'll just wear whatever like let's see just how this works so i just went on i was like, I'll do a 1989 look because I want to do her new looks

that she's doing for the Aries tour. So she has like a new 1989 look that I did like two of the different color schemes from. So I have like this. I got on Amazon. It's like this pink bra top. So cute. And then with blue skirt that's like metallic-y.

Oh my God. That's like, I forget the name of that skirt, but it's like a cheerleader skirt kind of, but without the pleats. And then the same top in, it was supposed to be black, but it looks like it's midnight blue to me. And then a pink skirt,

same style. Oh, that's cute. So that's two nights out of the bag. And then I got this dress on like Lulu's. This is all fast fashion. This is all bad for the world. It's all bad for the environment. Yes, but I. But you gotta get something. Can't help myself. And yeah, on like lulus this is all fast fashion this is all bad it's all bad for the environment yes but i

but you gotta you gotta get some myself and yeah and i just i want it just you don't have time like i do forgive me everyone please um you i know you do it too in your own ways but yeah this it doesn't make me feel good no this from pretty little thing which is basically the same shit really cheap dress but uh flowy really cute long that's gonna be a fun one yeah that's like ever more and then there's another oh so then orange is this new color she's been wearing a lot in torture or in this batch of shows okay so we think there's like a secret album coming that was one that she might have released back when but something happened so she didn't release it and we think it's called karma and we think the theme is going to be orange colors, because

she's been wearing a lot of orange and teasing it. Oh, my God. I love that. And Karma is an album that she spray-painted on the wall when she was in the Man video. And she spray-painted all of her album titles. And then there's one that said Karma, and we're like, what's that one? And you were like, what is that? So this is like an orange kind of folklore.

That's so cute. I love that. It's like a tortured poet's department outfit, too. Where's the one for me? It's in, Chris is sleeping. It's in my other closet. But I wore, I already wore it to an heiress, but it's like a really flowy thing. It will fit.

Don't worry. Yeah, that's the problem. That's such the problem that we're dealing with right now. That's it. That you are not fitting in my clothes. Yeah. I mean. So how is this joke tripping going to work?

That really is the problem. How am I going to wear your old as a woman in your 60s should be expected to have the body of a 40 year old woman who works out all the time you really should i know hold yourself to those standards i mean i should no you shouldn't yeah i probably should it would be when can you just let yourself be yourself i'm like letting my spray tan go and i'm just like i think you're not letting my spray tan go. And I'm just like, I think. You're not spraying tan? I'm still going to do it. But I'm just like, even before this trip, I'm like, I don't think I'm going to spray tan before the trip.

And I'm like, why would I spray tan in Ireland? This is where. This is where they don't tan. They accept this. They're very pale. In fact, I will look spray tanned in Ireland with my regular. Yeah, with just your regular. Because I'm Irish German.

So the German side brings maybe a... That's a little darker than the Irish. I guess, but no, I'm pretty pasty. And I felt like over there, they don't give a fuck. I mean, maybe over there they tan a lot because I do know the Brits spray tan a ton. So maybe they could be into it. There's Brian.

He's in some place that sounds noisy and there's like a fire alarm going off wherever he is. This is ideal for a recording space. So Brian didn't have internet today at his apartment. There's like blackouts. Gotcha. Okay. And so we had to find him a conference room.

You're kidding me. And he went to it and he's there reporting live from this conference room. I hope Culver City, I hope it was close for you to get to. How are you Brian? Tell us what's going on there. It's a little echoey in here. It's not really like a studio. It's kind of like a conference room, but hopefully it's not too bad.

It sounds good. It sounded horrible when you started, but it sounds good now. That's funny that you say that because that was actually you guys. You heard yourself. Oh, yourself oh i was like god that is my voice should she they should not choose that woman too and that's why it's to like actually they should choose it and they want to get you would want to exit the building during a fire if you heard my voice good point uh like an alarm like someone's saying an alarm like you must exit the building it really did uh god i hate don't you hate when there's a delay and you can

hear your own voice yeah it makes me like it's like when people describe you right back yeah i can't take i can't take it one second yeah because you feel like you're almost getting like trolled by yourself because it's like and then like it's repeating right after you yeah and it's almost like it's mocking you and you're just like like there's some people andrew was really good at that chris is pretty good at it too like saying what you're saying right after you say it oh do you know that it's the most annoying thing to ever have happen i used to do that in high school i bet you'd be great at it when i was in high school and we remember we had to like read aloud with in front of the entire class like they were like dude let's read chapter six so i was always wanting for ray pool it

i would count how many till ray pool because he was the had the best most soothing asmr voice you knew that back then i would like nod out like a heroin addict when he was talking and then i'd then i'd be like oh when am i up and then the anxiety would start so yes brian rape pool is a great place for an asmr guy too a pool of relaxing i was always like do you know your name is rape ool like your name and he was like i don't appreciate that he was so cool though i loved him and he had connected earlobes his earlobes were like very connected to his head which mine are too and i i liked that and he was the one that called me a bucktooth beaver in fifth grade but it was funny when he said it. Cause I asked to borrow a pencil from him.

And I did that every single day. Cause I always forgot school supplies and was never prepared. Not because of you mom, but because of my ADHD. And so I would every day ask him for a paper and pen and one pencil. And one day he was like, and then when, you know,

like when you ask someone every day in and out, like they always say yes. So you're like, I guess I can just take it now because I don't want to bug them they're doing something and i know they're gonna say yes so i just like took it because it was just a piece of paper out of like you know one of those thick things or a pencil whatever and i knew i was gonna give it back if i remembered and he caught me and he was like what are you doing he was like you dumb bucktooth beaver why don't you go in the why don't you go in the woods and gnaw down a tree and make your own pencil?

Wow. Here you get that kind of. And everyone heard and it was devastating. And it was like, oh no, I have buck teeth. He had it dumb to it too? I think I did through the years. It gets worse every time you tell it. It probably does.

It just does. I would love to see the original recording of what he said to me. But it was devastating. He would love to hear. I love him so much said to me but it was devastating he would love to hear I love him so much he's so funny he had the best handwriting he was so cool

he was so funny and we became friends later on I mean this was in 5th grade are you still friends with him? no I don't like I've talked to people who have talked to him

and I'm always like tell Ray I said hi because he's in the St. Louis area he has like kids now he would love to hear from you I would love to run into him

because I loved him and he was such a good actor i remember him yeah so if you know ray pool will you guys like shout will you like tell him to hear this podcast and tell him i'm talking about him and then i love him i only know i only know rape i don't know ray though yeah rape wool yeah i wonder if i that was my comeback in fifth grade well your name has rape in it and And everyone's just like, what's rape? Did you ever think that though when you- Yeah.

Rape? Yeah. No, I remember in high school people being like, that's so weird you noticed that. I'm like, how did you not? Your name has rape in it. Anyway, what you were saying about- Yeah, whenever someone would read aloud in class,

I would always look at the last word of the sentence or the last word of the paragraph and then say it before they got to it. So they'd be like, and then the man went to the store to go look at his products at the store. And what the fuck? Did he just say that?

Wait, so you'd say it like out loud and the whole class would hear? Just my little section. So they'd all be laughing at, because I would go like, Jonathan, store. Did it, like, little section so they'd all be laughing at because i would go like jonathan did it like so right before he would say the word it would be like five to seven words before he'd get to that word brian that's so crazy that's such a funny thing to figure out to do this weekend our ari fendling was out with us opening and he revealed something that he does

that we were all just like gobsmacked by so he gets off on on like squeeze it like when he's in the grocery aisle uh about checkout touching the chocolates through the wrapper and like puncturing them like a little bit so that the person that gets it will still eat it. Like not damaging to the point where it's inedible, but the person will be a little bit bummed out and he does it every time. And his, his daughter started to do it and his wife literally when they're in line has to be like, don't do it.

And he's like, I can't. And he's like, I don't. And we're like, that is on the Dahmer scale of psychopathy. Yeah. Why is he spreading disappointment

amongst the world? I know. I go, why do you want to do that? And then later on, I swear to God, he was eating edamame later that night

and someone had put like shells that didn't have the edamame in them, like old shells back in and he sucked on one of them and was like, what the hell? And I go,

you got thinned. I was like, that's what they feel. Like, it's like you still, like that's, that's the level. And I was like, doesn't that suck? Why It's like you still, that's the level. And I was like, doesn't that suck?

Why would you want to spread that around, you psycho? I want to speak on behalf of all Jews. Ari, stop doing that. Yeah. Come on, Ari. You're representing us. Well, we got on the subject matter because we were talking about shoplifting and how that was addicting

even though you didn't want anything that you got. Oh, interesting. Even like it would just be the adrenaline of like stealing something. Like when I got caught stealing, like it was.

But that's stuff you wanted. No, it wasn't. It was just stuff that didn't have tags. I was just like, yeah, like it was almost like

it's like it's a store of free stuff. If the stuff that doesn't have tags, like security tags are free. Oh, I see. And it'd be like,

if I'd be like, mom, do you like this shirt? It's's free but like it's a men's large you'd be like i'll take it maybe i'll find someone who will take it like that's how i thought of steving as i see it and i would probably wouldn't even give it away like what do you call it see i just said thieving oh thieving um it was so dumb and compulsive but i as soon as i got uh caught i i never did it again yeah i never did it I never got caught again. It's too embarrassing. No it's too embarrassing. The risk is too high. It's humiliating. I got caught stealing. You did?

How old? Young. I was I think I was 13, 14. Okay that's young enough. That's still a kid though. Yeah I mean I was in a store at a mall with my friend Connie and she's like you gotta steal that shirt and I'm like I was in a store at a mall with my friend Connie, and she's like, you gotta steal that shirt. And I'm like...

I blame Connie already. Yeah, it was her fault. I mean, this is ridiculous. But then she was making so much noise. By the time I had it hidden, the guy outside was like, you girls are stealing. We can hear you. I'm like... This is precious.

Oh, my God. I didn't even watch this. Wait, you hadn't even stolen it yet and you were like debating it in the dressing room? No, she was. We preemptively know where this is going

based on that. They could tell just by the conversation because I was like, I don't want to steal. And she's like, just put it in me. It was so obvious.

And then my dad had to come up and get me. Oh my God. Oh no. Yeah, no, I was held back.

Connie was not because she didn't have anything on her. But I had this stupid shirt down my pants or something. Wow. And my dad was like, they're like, well, Mr. Burke, we can either send her to juvenile or you can take her home. And he sat there and just looked at me. Oh, my God. Like, it was like what am i gonna do

waited and just and then finally he's like were you crying oh crying's not a word then i got home and then my sister peggy was really mad she's like how you put shame on our family oh my god shame on your family that's a little Yeah, it was shame on the family. And it was really bad. Oh, no. It was embarrassing. I was like, oh, God. Yeah, that scares you straight.

And my father was so upset with me. Of course he was. You know, I was like, oh, God. But we were poor. It was a different time. And you were poor. We were super poor. You deserve to steal that day.

You did not bring shame. I think it's a natural thing to go through. And then you eventually stopped doing it. But you needed to. That's not shameful. I stopped immediately. I was like, I would never get caught doing this again. It's so embarrassing.

No, you brought shame to the family because you didn't get away with it. Yeah, that's a good point. Because I was going to say, your dad definitely did some thieving in his day to get by. Oh, God, he had to be something like that. Oh, he would, yeah. First of all, stealing is a form of lying, and everyone does it. But, yeah, you just got busted, and it was just great shame. Not having 10 kids that you can't take care of.

There's nothing shameful of that, Grandpa. Just keep getting your wife pregnant when you know that you have addictions that are going to make the family run out of money quicker than enough to afford two kids. But keep getting her pregnant. No, I mean, that sounds like addictive behavior. But there's no shame in that. He was addicted to getting people pregnant. But listen, I would even say he's not a bad guy.

It's not his fault. He was probably fucked up from the war. And no one talks about their feelings. No one in your generation got raised by any good, like people. Like your mom was sweet, but like she fucked up too.

Like it was just so backwards. No, I think my dad was raised by. Oh, he was fucked. I mean, anyone, your dad and grandma's generations of him, you know, he was.

You know, when you hear about a good parent in like the early 1900s and you're like, what? My dad read to us every day and you go, what? A dad read in the 1920s? It was fucking rare to find a good dad in the 1920s.

I would go as far as the 70s. Atticus Finch or something. Yeah, because his wife was dead. That's like my joke. That's the only time they fucking step up. That's where we go, oh, he's like a mom. But like before then there's not, but Atticus was a good example of a good dad.

But all dads could be like, well, I don't have to do that because I have a wife to do that. And that's a fictional character too. Yeah, but he was, everyone, all women were horny for him. Tell me they weren't. Are you kidding me? I was so horny for that guy. And I was in seventh grade, I didn't even have.

Gregory Peck. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, well, seventh grade was when I did the play. But like, yeah, Gregory Peck oh yeah oh god yeah well seventh grade was when I did the play but like yeah Gregory Peck in that role holy shit

oh he was so handsome yeah yeah well Louis C.K. had a great joke about the parents born in the 1920s

their parents how do you expect them to be good when their parents were like killing Native Americans openly like that's just what they did it's so true

if you were alive in the 1890s you'd be like there's a Native there's a Native savage on my lawn they just shoot them and that was just what you're expected to do it wasn't that long ago and like even this weekend ari made some joke about like oh and i'm sure they were talking about like some people who aren't smart they're like yeah i'm sure they think the holocaust was in the 60s and i go it kind of almost was and he looked at me like what and i was like 15 years off and it would have been the 60s it's not that far off 15 years ago was 2009 yeah that's not that if you say references to 2009 that's not

long time so it basically was the 60s like throw it all together yeah time is um it wasn't that long ago that's all we know no nothing we haven't been around that long no do you know like if you look at like that whole continuum of like the how long life has been or the planet versus how much humans have been oh right drop in the sand of a speck of sand right on it like a mile long thing it's crazy we're nothing david spade has a really good joke about trying like talking about the he talks about the submarine he goes let's talk about that submarine that went down the titanic i missed that crazy little sub i i can't stop thinking about it and he's like because he does this bit about where he's like let's talk about things in

the news and it's all just like stuff from a year and a half ago you know and uh but he's talking about the submarine he's like you know when that happened they had the graph of like how far down they were and they're like oh it's that's the statue of liberty now that's three statue of liberties that's where sharks get headaches like it's so funny to me he does it much better but it's so funny but him just saying i miss that crazy little sub i wrote that in my phone because i was like, I don't know if he'll ever put it in a special and I want to remember the way he says that forever. That's so funny. I miss that crazy little sub.

That blew up. Oh my God. Bill Dixon, our friend, Brian Bill Dixon, one time we had a discussion about what that was like when those people died. And we all wish it was just so fast, but he has this theory that it wasn't. Oh, they say it was really fast. Oh.

But he's got a different theory. That it wasn't. Okay. And it's so horrifying. And sometimes he'll just text me out of the blue like, hey, just remember that it was likely, and I don't even want to describe it because i don't want to put this in people's heads that any humans experience it because it's so dark but just imagine what would happen if it suddenly just lost power and just started

nose diving to the to the bottom of the ocean very slowly and though slowly damn slowly and uh you know there's only one bathroom on the thing and the bathroom's at the top that's all spilling like they're just all in the bottom of this thing that's kind of like a torpedo shape right right and it's just going down slowly and they all know they're like i don't want to think about this well i just put it out there so anyway sometimes he'll just like text me this like almost like he's writing a script of what the movie would look like. And I'm just like, stop. It's really... Oh, my God. It's fun for him.

He sounds funny. Yeah. But I... We're talking about crazy... Oh, yeah. We're going to go to break. And I'm so sorry to leave that thought in your heads. Listen to some commercials.

Listen, I have other thoughts in my head. Cheer you up. Okay, we'll get to those when we get back. No, I wouldn't even repeat it. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more

from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Wait, what's one thought that circles through your mind that's so bad well no i your dad and i were watching um the boys last night do you watch that brian no i i think it

probably got a little bit better after the first few episodes and i i checked out too soon he gave up it's really good to me but there's some really graphic scenes in some of these. And it's like this one scene, I will never be able to get out of my head. No, really? Yeah. It's,

I think it's permeated my brain. What does it involve? Can you give us some, it involves this one, uh, super here. They call them superheroes, but this one guy who can divide himself,

divide, divide, divide. And then, I don't know if you're going to repeat it, but they are all giving each other sex, you know, lined up. And they're all exactly the same person, but they're all in love with this one woman superhero. So they all are getting off on this one woman. I can't even imagine what you're talking about.

Is it like a human centipede of the same person? They're all lined up behind each other. Yeah, they're all the exact same, but they can divide themselves. So they're all banging each other? They're not banging each other. They're doing something else. Blowing?

No, eating. Oh, eating ass? Yes. Oh, so it's human centipede. Yeah. Oh, is that something? Oh, my God man talk about things you don't want to think about when human centipede came out i was like oh i was reading the wikipedia

like this i remember where i was i was in bed in astoria i'm sorry i'm anybody listening and i'm like what describe no everyone knows human centipede and that's what i've heard of this and do you can i just describe what human centipede and that's what it is. I've never heard of this. Can I just describe what human centipede is? Human centipede is worse than what she just described. It's so much worse. What she's describing is consensual ass eating, which I think. Yeah, by someone who, like to themselves. Yeah, and like sort of a train. Yeah, I guess that's what it is.

Okay, human centipede. This is wild. It's a horror movie, okay? Okay. And these, somehow these three people end up at this crazy guy's i don't know how they end up there but this crazy guy sedates them and they wake up and oh i don't want to know their faces are stitched to the asshole of the person in front of them. Stitched? Yes. So it's a human centipede. So their open mouths are

right on the anus. So that when that person they, it's going there. And then someone is on the back of them stitched. So it goes all through them. Yes. How are you not blacking out? The first time I heard this, I couldn't even.

But it's not real. No, but I mean like that someone thought of that and then made a movie where you see it. Yeah, it's that visual if you see it. I saw this. Yeah. And now I'm kind of like, oh God. I think even thinking it.

Yeah, it's really good. Did you watch the movie, Brian? Did you see it? Of course I did it. You did? Oh, did it? What movie is this that I don't ever want to watch? It's literally called Human Centipede.

The first person is being force-fed also so that they have to shit. Oh, no! I didn't know that part, Brian! Oh, my God. Nobody's going to listen to this part. The big debate in middle school was where would you rather be in the Human Centipede?

I was just going to ask that. Oh, you knew about this in high school? Middle school. I want to be force-fed. I mean, I was just going to ask that. Oh, you knew about this in high school? Middle school. I want to be force fed. I mean, I don't want to do that to my friends. Oh my gosh. But I mean, of course you want to be the first one. Of course you want to be the first one.

Yeah, you don't want to. Yeah, that's it. I mean, the worst is the middle. I've never heard of anything like this. Well, is the middle any worse than the last one? I mean, is it really that bad that you're shitting into someone else's mouth? It would just hurt. The stitches would hurt on your butt.

The stitches would hurt on your butt. You have one less pair of stitches. Yeah, that's true. But the farther back you go, the farther back you go, you're also getting just like reprocessed and eaten and digested shit. Okay.

Well, let's talk about the trip. We're going to Dublin. We're going to Amsterdam. We're going to Amsterdam. We're going to Zurich. Isn't that where Human Centipede took place? That's where it started. Honestly, it's not far off from where I think this is all set. This is why I don't like horror films.

Why would anyone subject themselves to this? I hate horror films. There's a new one with Nicolas Cage where it's like, people were puking in the aisles. I don't like any. Four women miscarried during the trailer. It's like they keep trying to up themselves. This is the sickest thing

you'll ever see. I don't get it. I have probably seen five horror movies in my life. And I refuse to watch any. Scary, but we were just talking about Scream the other day and how perfect that movie is. I would never watch that. It's so good.

I don't care. Because I, you don't understand. You watch, my mom's, this is so ironic because my mom's favorite TV shows are first 48,

like hardcore ones. The ones that are like gruesome and get into details. Those are real though. get into details. Those are real, though. Yeah, okay. Ari. I'm calling Ari psychopathic for denting a Kit Kat. No, this...

You want them real. No, I get when they get solved. But you like watching Law & Order and stuff. That's not real. No, I don't watch it anymore. I don't either, too. No, I don't. And I don't watch anything Nicholas Cage is in't either, too. No. Yeah. No, I don't. And I don't watch anything.

I'll tell you this new Jake. Nicolas Cage isn't. This new Jake Gyllenhaal thing. What's going on? Presumed Innocent. Good show. Good show on Apple. Check that out.

It's really a waste of time to smash a Kit Kat because they're impossible to eat. They always melt too quickly and stick to the wrappers. Yeah. You need a Big Kat, as we all know. The big cat is a superior kid cat. Kid cats are useless. I kind of liked Big cat. Big cat is just a giant kid cat. Kid cats melt too quickly

and then you open the wrapper and it's just a mush of human centipede shit. No, no. They don't melt too quickly if you just keep them in a room temperature and you don't travel all over with them. And also, if you just eat them as soon as you get them feverishly and very fast before they have time to melt.

If I opened mine and mine had a finger indentation in it, I'd still eat it, but I'd be pissed. I would march it back. Yeah, probably. It just makes people's lives more difficult. It's just a little angst-ridden. And when you're buying something to snack like this.

Oh no, we told, believe me. I'm not kidding. He got shamed out of that again. He was shamed. He's never gonna rob a store again. He hit the family shamed. Family shamed. He brought shame upon his family that day.

I did get to watch something yesterday that I think was interesting. Yeah. Speaking of going back to 2009, I went back to 2016 and i watched dave chappelle's snl monologue do you remember that um it was like the day after trump got elected or two days after trump got a lot really dave chappelle um was the host of snl and he did like a state of the nation type monologue on snl oh my god yes it was so interesting and then four years later in 2020 after biden got elected he was hosting snl again

oh my god yeah and so i watched those two back to back and it was like um it was fascinating well it if you if you're considering if you're trying to figure out who you want to vote for let's just put it that way in 2024 go back and watch the monologue from 2016 because you might forget what your state of mind was like during that time. And watching that monologue from 2016 will put you right back into where you were. And it'll make you- When he was our president. Good advice.

When he was just elected. And it'll make you remember like, oh um this might not be what i want to go scary yeah i got what did what were some points that he made or said well what was interesting was in the 2016 monologue he was like i'm gonna give trump a chance like he deserves a chance yeah that's right everyone was kind of like our mindset was like this is this is crazy that he won we didn't really like hillary she was a bad candidate and then you know we all thought trump was crazy and obviously had like the grab the pussy stuff and things like that we're all like this probably is not a good decision but i think even me back in 2016 was like i'm gonna give him

a shot like he could wind up being okay or it's not gonna be i didn't think initially it was gonna be an epic disaster so i was on i wasappelle. But then in 2020, Chappelle comes back and now Biden's elected. And I think watching that also just puts you back in that headspace, what it was like the day after Biden was elected. And I think overall the takeaway is like, I just don't want to talk about politics anymore.

No, I don't either. I don't want the chaos. And so the relief of just like a normal guy was prevalent during that monologue. Was what we all were seeking in that moment. Oh, I remember that so much. The day Trump was elected, I had to go on Chelsea Handler's Netflix show.

She had a talk show on Netflix. And Hillary was supposed to win, right? So it's supposed to be like this amazing day. Barbara Boxer that was on the California's Senator? Yeah. And then Chelsea's best friend who played

Marsha, no, I forget her name. Shit. It's her best friend, but she's an actress. Sorry I forgot her name. For some reason I'm thinking of Marsha Brady, but that's like actress okay sorry i forgot her name for some reason i'm thinking of marcia brady but that's like not that wouldn't be it yeah but she like reminds me of either christine taylor or the girl who plays marcia brady anyway she was on too we show up and everyone's and i'm like oh i should find like a funeral funereal type like lace like

thing to wear in front of my like like jackie o right like just like because they were all we they we did creative call and they're like chelsea is like really bummed and this show is gonna be tough and yeah so i decided to lean into that to just be funny because they were like we're gonna need you to bring the comedy because chelsea can't right now and i walked out and chelsea didn't say anything about my outfit. And so I was like, she was just too like stricken to be funny or like even I'd be like,

oh, Nikki's wearing a joke. Like it just wasn't the time. So I felt like I bombed so much on that show that day. And then Too bad she didn't acknowledge it. Or Barbara Boxer didn't acknowledge it. I ended up Or Barbara Boxer didn't acknowledge it. I ended up saying something about it

because I was like, I'm not going to just sit here and act like I chose to wear this. I think I made the joke that I was going to wear this either way. I just think this is a cool style or something. I don't remember. But yeah, I rarely go back and revisit things.

But I will say, and I said it on last week's episode, I am so so like comedy wise i think things don't hold up as much as you want them to even in a short amount of time jiminy glick holds up so fucking well and i think it might be the funniest thing that's ever been you know how i feel about him yeah you got me into him i used to have that comedy show where you would interview people and that now that he is coming back with i have all the dvds yeah we had them all we we loved it yeah it was so good are you brian were you into jimmy glick before

sure i love you know of him yes of course i know jimmy glick um i think it's one of the funniest things it's one of the i haven't laughed that hard for a while yeah and just watching i will watch anything that anybody that does in that character. And Martin Short really in anything. The bloopers, there's a like a, not a bloopers, but him roasting Conan throughout the years. That is an amazing compilation

that people should go watch. You know he's hosting this week. For Kimmel. Yeah, yeah. Cool. He's doing a pretty good job. Jiminy Glick had his own show for a while. Yeah.

On Comedy Central. Yeah. That's pretty fascinating. It was so funny. I just love when he stuffs his face with donuts. I love when he shifts

in his chair and then the chair will topple over. I'm obsessed. I've been watching a lot of Norm compilations as well. Oh, man.

And those have been really fun. And it's so funny because my friend Sean O'Connor who I'm like bring on the road with me

is like my helping me write some stuff. He is I will fall asleep to like a norm compilation that's like 10 hours long no joke or like no those are the joan rivers one is 10 hours long i'm getting through i'm like slowly working my way through 10 hours of her and howard stern wow because i'm like i just want to absorb everything and that's where people are most free in themselves and like she's just amazing on that and he loved her so much so and i love him but anyway the norm ones i'm listening and sean my friend who i've known since we met on myspace 2006 i've known him uh he's on all of these norm interviews because norm

would bring him on the road to open for him and then would bring him to all these tv interviews these like local tv interviews so sean's just like in all these clips did you not know that no i like he's never told you that no but i mean i knew he toured with norm but i wouldn't be watching like wake up toronto like i would have never seen that clip ever unless someone had pulled it and put it into a compilation so it's like kind of fun to see your friend like end up in these things and man norm is so fucking funny seemed like such a nice guy. Yeah.

So I've been watching that. And then Chris and I are watching this Dallas Cowboys documentary, which is really good. Really well done. And I recommend it to everyone. I think men and women are like- Now they turn to football. Yeah, it doesn't even talk about football.

It's like really, I wish they talked more about football actually, but they're not allowed to fraternize with football players. These girls can't catch a break. They don't get paid a lot. They work their asses off. They all have like two jobs.

cheerleaders. And they cheerleaders. It's about the cheerleaders? Yeah. Oh. It's so hard. And top it all off, you don't even have a chance

to marry one of these fucking football players. Really? Yeah, because they're not allowed to fraternize with them which I guess means haze them,

make them carry an egg between their ass cheeks I'm thinking of frat fraternize do keg stands with them paddle smack their asses with a big wooden paddle what's so what's that to me is kind of a just a dated bullshit thing

of like a rule of like these women are gonna throw these men off their game and distract them. They're going to start fighting each other for the woman's love. Yeah, like why can't they try to fuck the football players?

I want that for them. It's not like those football players are all virgins. Like a bunch of virgin nerds that see tits and they're like going insane. It'll be distracting if they're like the guys on the sidelines and see his lady like pom-pomming out there. Like that could be a distraction.

Yeah, but they also have their wives and girlfriends are out there. Exactly. I don't get it. Both of them. I don't get it. I think it's actually a way to like, you women will don't ever want this. You don't deserve it.

Don't want this job for anything except the love of dance. Yeah, but dance. Because there's nothing else in it for you. There's to wear boots you get to wear an outfit we'll make that outfit fit your body perfectly but and we will you know give you a locker and we'll give you you know 70 a game or whatever the fuck they have a question did you did you learn did these girls get to promote themselves as dallas cowboys cheerleaders like on social media or do i drew like a can they go to a car wash or something like that and

make money because they're a cheerleader? I don't know about that. I don't know about appearances. I would think that all is run through the Dallas Cowboys organization and that they take the money from that. I would almost be, I'm certain of it. Do you think this is across the board for all football teams? This is just all I

only know. A lot of the teams don't even have cheerleaders anymore. They eliminated the cheerleading squad. Because they can't afford it because these guys, you can't afford a little bit more when you, like,

they have so much money that they don't, that they hold out on these girls. And this whole documentary is about, we take this so, we take this seriously, you should take them seriously. And it's like,

well, then why aren't they paid? Well, at all. Do they talk about what they're paying? I'm supposed to take this seriously you should take them seriously and it's like well then why aren't they paid well at all what do they talk about what they're paying i'm supposed to take them seriously as athletes i'm supposed to take them seriously as women who do good for the community and empower young women and and and and take them so seriously like this this this netflix documentary is shot like it's like the olympic like it really is the olympics of dancing to make this as far as you can make in this kind of special kind of dance it's hyper competitive yet we're not going to pay them so i call bullshit yeah i think these women need to get paid more i think this whole documentary is like kind of making us love the dallas cowboys and have so that's such a brand

brand brand dallas cowboys i mean i even want to to go to a Dallas Cowboys game so I can see these girls. That's a great stadium. Pay the fucking cheerleaders now because now you're going to get fans of these girls from the Netflix show. Pay them. Whatever they're making right now,

you could more than, you could, you could, times a hundred, you could afford to do that. Just cut back on one of the markups of your popcorn.

One player. Make your popcorn one player make your popcorn one dollar more and play all literally make your large popcorn one dollar more and pay all of the girls triple what you pay them because that literally would cover that but by far the one dollar would make it make that the special yeah that's what i'm saying it would triple it would pay for it so there you go then it'll pay for it they probably can't even hold another job but they like it because it's servitude they they like i'm sorry i love this show and i would dream of being a dallas cowboys cheerleader but they are using these women and they make them do things that ruin and wreck their bodies and then they spit them out and these women don't really have another plan and they can't

really yes these women are incredible and a lot of them out and these women don't really have another plan and they can't really yes these women are incredible and a lot of them are working two jobs while doing this and they find it to be an honor

and they never fucking complain none of them ever complain even once I'm the only one complaining about this I guarantee you but they

then they have to have those other jobs because they have nothing after this and they're spit out and yes they get to come back as veterans and march in

and like welcome the new girls and give a little speech about how much it means and they get to come back as veterans and march in and like welcome the new girls and give a little speech about how much it means and you get to kind of like come to some of the bridal showers and things and stay connected like through the veteran program but you got fucked they should have paid you more you worked your asses off you are now a commodity for them big time after this netflix show girls get together team up and ask for more you want to unionize yes yes i mean they could for the dallas cowboys cheerleaders they're such an institution other teams realize that if they got rid of the cheerleaders nobody would care and so they just got rid of them yeah but not the dallas cowboys these dcc's people need you you have you have power famous and especially after

the show like there's we we want to go see the girls that we saw on the show. So girls, get paid. Get paid. And you know who else I hope got paid? Who? I'm sorry to say it. You know that Netflix doc, Tell Them You Love Me?

It's really controversial, but it's about this woman who was helping a disabled man who is nonverbal and had never spoken in his life and she does this kind of therapy assisted therapy where they hold their hand and the person like spells out something okay and communicate well they kind of then they she falls in love with this guy who's nonverbal wow it's inconclusive even though it was found by law that she did take

advantage of him she was sentenced to eight years in prison okay um because they thought they determined that he doesn't know how to communicate at all and she was moving his hand but she in her mind i do believe thinks that he was in love with her she didn't know that she was controlling his hand it's insane what did she take advantage of though because he's disabled i know but what eight years in prison for what for raping a disabled person she raped raped him? They had sex. Rape, ooh. But even kissing, I mean, is not okay. Even doing anything with a disabled person

that isn't something that they either is a necessity. And then you just move their hand and then you say yes. I wonder if you could do that to a Helen Keller type.

I heard something about that. That's why I look back on Helen Keller and I'm like, I'm suspicious now if that was even. Was she saying water? Honestly, because they kind of if that was even. Was she saying water? Honestly,

because they kind of discovered that a lot of this assisted therapies where these people are learning to talk for the first time because these therapists hold their hand and they kind of direct the thing that a lot of these therapists don't even know that they are actually assisting them because they'll show the therapist a picture, they'll show

the patient a picture and the therapist will do the hat, but they'll show a picture of grapes to the thing and and the and they'll go okay what did you see and she writes hat and the woman did not you could easily not see hat she's like she's like help me help me and the assistants like she's saying water she she just thinks water yeah help me my assistant is fucking anything you. You know? But didn't she write books, Helen Keller? Or am I mixing that up? Yeah, but I'm saying that could have been Annie, her helper, writing those books.

Wow, she wrote the books. Is what I'm saying. No, I'm not saying that. But now that you kind of piece this apart, you go like, oh, they're the only ones that can understand the language they've invented to speak to this person. They could just tell us anything they want.

What about that gorilla? I mean, was that gorilla for real? Yeah, just Coco or whatever. Didn't he love Robin Williams? Yeah, he did. It looked like he did. He loved Jack and Hook. I know.

Robin Williams. Robin Williams, I will say, anytime his name comes up, he did not commit suicide. His brain had a brain disease that caused him to commit suicide. Well, he had dementia. He had Lewy body dementia. I mean, one of the worst types that you can have in a very rare type. Lewy body dementia. Yes. And it is horrible. And when he was finally

autopsied, they said his dementia was worse than any they'd seen in a living person. The guy who did it was like, I've never seen this advance of a disease. That's how good his brain was that he was operating to that point. But it usually ends in something like this. But I will say that if you commit suicide, no matter what, there's something wrong with your brain. So it doesn't

take away from suicide was the means by which he died, but it's his brain's fault, not his. He didn't want... When people are like, depression knows no bounds, and he's always in one of those pictures of a smiling celebrity. You don't know who has depression. I agree with that statement, he doesn't fit it he wasn't a depressed person i i

mean i think he probably was because he was an addict so uh like he was probably depressed because he was out of control in his brain it could have been that but it could have been like the disease makes you do that who knows it makes you hallucinate and he was hallucinating and yeah you lose your ability to make cognitive thought and like that's like a curse beyond comprehension for someone like robin williams when you're just yeah not as crisp as you're celebrated for being the fastest mind in the comedy world true brian he lost the one thing that he's like it's one of my worst fears even though i'm losing his arm hair as anybody but yeah it's one of my worst fears to lose that aspect like there are certain dementias or like parkinson's disease and stuff like that you you lose your bodily ability but

your mental ability stays the same i think oh no that to me is better than losing your mental ability no but the other one you don't even know what's happening hopefully let's go to break and talk about lighter things when we get back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious, satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content

you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaking of Robin Williams, I re-watched The Birdcage.

Oh, yeah. Nathan Lane. That holds up big time. I remember really enjoying that at an age where I was like, I don't even think I'm supposed to like that this much. I was like seventh grade or something. I love this. I don't even know what this is, but I like it.

Nathan Lane's so fucking good. Yeah. Robin Williams is like this as a gay man. Nathan Lane is his boyfriend or was not? They're like partners. Yeah, they're partners. And they raised a child together who was birthed by this woman that had a one night stand with Robin Williams when they were younger. Oh.

Yeah. And the woman comes back and plays a role also. Got it. Who plays the woman? Are you still around? Probably not. She the woman comes back and plays a role also. Got it. Who plays the woman? Is she still around? Probably not. She's definitely still around. I forgot her name.

Oh, all right. Yeah, I remember seeing that back in the day. Yeah, I remember. It was kind of one of the first like openly gay older kind of guys.

Where you're like, this is like mainstream gay. Yeah, like this is normal. Yeah, well, it was around the Will and Grace time of like gay. Calista Flockhart was in it

and she was like really young. Yes. She was like the 18-year-old wife. She was the potential wife of the son of the gay couple. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The mother was played by Christine Baranski. Oh, yeah. Love Christine Baranski. She's yeah. Love Christine Baranski. Still around. Very much around. She's one of the few actresses that maintained it. Yeah.

Was she in like Ab Fab? No, but she feels like that girl. She kind of reminds me of that. Did she play a character like that? That's like, honey, like what was her first character that was kind of like that? I don't know.

But Will and Grace I loved that show so fucking much and it holds up so much and that was I mean that was that was groundbreaking Ellen came out

then Will and Grace I think but people were not out in my high school gay was not like it was still not a thing that people were like out about but it wasn't too far after you left that it was no literally i talked to someone who graduated a year later than me and they're like we had one gay person our senior year i'm like oh literally

it literally began after i graduated i mean the principal was like open to it i graduated in 2002 by the way for anyone asking yeah the well yeah, he was like, we're having a club. Yeah. Well, that was my year. That was Gay Straight Alliance. And you were mad I was in it because you were scared people would think I was gay. Because it was a different time. And I remember you saying, I don't care if you're gay.

I just don't want you to have a harder life. Oh. Yeah. And you go, I go, Mom, I'm straight. But it's the Gay Straight Alliance. You can be in it. Because it was this big uproar. There were all these Republican moms and Christian moms being like,

we need to get this out of the schools. And it was being brought up at PTO meetings. So my mom was just hearing these women's rhetoric. And she was like, I just don't want people to think you're gay. And I was like, I'm straight. It says it in the name. And she goes, oh, really? Are you walking around all day going,'m the essence the gps i'm

the gs gsa i'm the s and we were like yeah mom we walk around like this and me and taylor would do this and go like we're the street and uh i wanted i was i wanted to be gay so fucking bad oh in high school because i just wanted i wanted because i i would not and, and I'm not minimizing how hard it would have been to be gay, but there was something, I wanted to be something that I knew you would still like have to love me,

but you'd be like kind of mad at me even though it's not my fault. Like, if that makes any sense. Like, I like when- You kind of got that

a little bit when you decided to be a comedian. Yeah, it's not my fault. No, I could have chosen something else.

Oh, yeah, well- No, you, this was all meant to be. I wasn't born this way that's true i was i i but i guess you're kind of right like i couldn't have been when we went to go visit i'll never forget we went to visit um miami of ohio for the like college tour and i really didn't know what i wanted to do but i knew i wanted to be something

big like i wanted it to be a big thing and they were touring this campus and i was just like not here i'm not going to school in ohio even though i ended up in kansas um and it's a beautiful school they were like now we have a paper program that after you graduate with a undergrad in um this paper making engineering program uh you are guaranteed a hundred thousand dollar salary and my mom goes Nikki do it have I ever shown any interest in making paper why would you want that for me I remember being so mad it's not too late because I was just like why I felt so unseen I'm like you would want your daughter to make paper for the rest of her life. You can make $100,000

right off the bat. But your point was you just wanted me to be financially secure. Sure. I just wanted you to make some money. That sounded great to me.

I am. I'm looking at houses. Chris and I are looking at houses to buy. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. In St. Louis? In St. Louis.

Yeah, because even if I end up moving to LA or New York, I like, we'll just have a house. Like, everyone says a house is just like a bank. Sure. Just like putting your money in a building.

It's an investment. I agree with that. Yeah, and we saw one today that would, and Chris was like, well, we could build that thing. I'm like, it doesn't have a place where you can really like cozily watch TV, like a really nice cozy office. Like people can't see it from the street area, whatever.

And he's like, well, we could build that out. And I looked at the realtor who's also a contractor and I was like, how long would that take? Because I don't want to, if I want to buy a house, I want it right away. And she was like, that's a nine month build. And I was like, nah. I want a la carte off the menu.

I want, a la carte is not what I'm trying to say. I want what's it called? Bespoke. Curbside. No, not bespoke uh what's it called when you just take what you like turnkey turnkey yes yes we got it we got it all of us together yeah no that's what I would go for something you don't have to work yeah I just want it to be nice. So we're even looking near you. Oh, shit. I know. That would be so fun.

What about Tim Convey's neighborhood? That's a nice neighborhood. Oh, that's probably what he's talking about. No, no, no. We're looking in your neck of the woods,

honestly. Those are some nice houses and with a ton of space and St. Louis is fairly cheap and I'm like, this would be- Compared to California? With a dog,

you know what it's like, Brian, like when Jack has to go outside to go pee, it's not just open the door. See you in a second. I'll let just, that's all the work you have to do, which is nice when you have a dog like that.

It's every time they have to go pee, you have to go walk down a hallway, which mine is a 10th of a mile to walk down this hallway. Then it's, you walk, take the elevator. I'm on the tallest. It's a minute.

Like, it's like a lot of time. Four times a day. This dog it's like a lot of time. Not complaining. Four times a day. This dog is making me want at least, I probably do it six or eight. I always wondered how far it was from there. I think it's a tenth of a mile.

Oh my God. Yeah, to the elevator. It's a while. It's so far. So then it's two tenths. When I was growing up, my dog had a doggy door. So you didn't even have to open the door.

He would just have, she would just have free reign to run in and out whenever she want. But you can't do that in California because there's coyotes, especially if you have a small dog. Oh, yeah. I know, I would get her a coyote vest. Remember when I had that for Luigi?

Yeah, but you can't keep it on the dog at all times. No, I'd make her wear it all the time. No, I was thinking I could just get a big spike on her collar. One big spike. So if the coyote tries to- That. One big spike. That's not going to deter. Because she doesn't really eat it. They just go at the back end. But it might just like they might see the spike and be

like, no, not going for that. It'd have to be covered. That's a good point, Brian. I think even owls in St. Louis, like I've done an owl excursion. A bird of prey could pick up your dog. If you got eaten by an owl, I don't know what I'd do.

I'm afraid to let Mary an owl by herself. Well, now she's so fat, the owl would have to be. No, I'm not talking about an owl. I'm talking about a big hawk. A raccoon. Even a raccoon. Sure, a raccoon could do it too

yeah no she's fine but we have fox in our neighborhood fox final thought I like

isn't it foxes or are you pluralizing it's foxen and I think pluralizing no it's foxes foxes

I think it's foxes but you said it was like we have fox it's just it's wrong well you do have fox on TV

you get the station, Fox News. Yeah, Fox. Oh, please. A quick quiz. I knew it. I was breaking her up. Okay, quick quiz, yes.

What culture slash country invented paper? I'm going to say Egyptians. Egyptians, that's a really good guess because of papyrus,

that's a really good guess. Yeah, that's a really good guess. Sumerians because they invented the language or the first early recorded language and because i also couldn't come up with a early civilization other than those two okay any other guesses uh inkens uh the china chinese chinese chinese is correct that's good yeah the chinese invented paper that's it that's all i have to say about it came to me after i thought about it we did an episode um adam ruins everything had a cartoon

spinoff called i don't know what it was called but we would do like little things in history and one of the episodes i wrote was about the invention of paper so now i know that cool so you just knew that offhand i thought you looked that up I was like oh good for you do you know Adam yeah he mom he writes he wrote on Adam oh my god he writes with Adam regularly

he does anything Adam touches oh my god that's so cool isn't it so cool yes I love him I know we do and it's because

what he says yes and his verbiage because you wrote it. Brian's an amazing comedy writer. Brian, I knew that. You didn't know how. Oh my God.

You just thought FBoy Island. I thought, oh my God. Elimination ceremony intros. We did do some fun ones. We did some fun stuff on Lovers and Liars. Which is available on the CW app. They didn't nominate me for an Emmy. We did do some fun ones. We did some fun stuff on Lovers and Liars, which is available on the CW app.

Last night. They didn't nominate me for an Emmy. What the fuck? It's too expensive, I guess, to nominate. You gotta pay? Yeah. Why didn't you pay? I would have if I knew that that was holding it back.

Because I can't imagine it was more than like $1,200 or something. Oh my God. Well then on top of that, you gotta kind of pay to campaign. You have to do FYCs to campaign you have to do fyc i wouldn't have campaigned i would have just been like oh my name i i just would have at least i just want to be even have a chance but that's what it takes that's what it takes it's all political i understand that but i just i wouldn't have done it but i think if people you know the way i was voting on some of those i'm like oh i know this person and I just click it.

I could have had a chance at least. This way I have no chance. It's not like a write-in. I mean, that's really bad that they didn't even. Listen, it didn't do well for them, and I understand. Well, I got to tell you. You love it. I love that show.

I know. I love Casey. Yes. I love, what's the other guy's name? CJ? CJ? No. Benedict? Benedict. Benny's the boy.'s name? CJ? CJ? No. Benedict?

Benedict. Benny's the boy. We love Benedict. We love him. I just love those guys. He's a comedian, Benedict. Yeah. He's from Indianapolis.

You gotta follow him on Instagram. He's great. Oh, I should follow him. And Casey's adorable and so great. Really, I mean, those guys are really good guys. And CJ was a sweeter. I mean, I really, I was so happy going into that season of the show because we taped that show right after F Boy.

So we went right into F Girl. And I was so excited because I just knew the three guys already. You knew those guys were good. Because I just worked with CJ on the prior one. And so we were so excited that those were the guys. The other CJ, there's a woman CJ too, who's also a comedian. CJ Franco. She's on the latest The Goat,

which is also a Bill Dixon, Elon Gale production. Yeah, I wrote Bill and I go, why is Daniel Tosh nominated? Was he? And he goes to a different network. Oh, man. Not nominated, but he's up for the, what's it called to be nominated?

I don't even know. Your candidate? Yeah. He's like, yeah, a candidate to be nominated. Anyway, I don't like all of,

I was voting for the Emmys to like figure out who's going to get an Emmy. You know, I don't even know if you vote again after this or if they just take the votes from this.

Wait, are you on some panel to vote? I'm in the Academy. Oh, the Academy. Okay. I get the... Well, the Academy is the Oscars. What's the Emmys called?

I don't know. I don't even know. The Emmy Committee? You're in that, though. Yeah, I'm in the... I was going to say... Child Sex Ring. I'm just kidding.

You're on the flight logs? I'm thinking of the different sex of Hollywood. Yeah. No, I... So is this... Are you always on that? How long have you different sex of Hollywood. No, I don't know. Are you always been on that? How long have you been on it for? No, it was just this year. And what got you on it?

I have no idea. All of a sudden, it just showed up in my email to be like, you can vote for one of the Emmys today. And I was like, yeah, I will. So then you go through and I just realized I haven't seen everything because you can't see everything. And I feel bad voting when I don't know you don't have i don't like when people go like this is the best pie in the city and i'm like how much pie have you

had like this is you can say this is the best pie i've tried so i just voted as like this is the best one that i know of and i have to be okay in my heart that i didn't consider all these people because i i don't like not knowing which one That's why you have to campaign because there's a lot of people who don't watch any of it. But if they got an FYC of a... We got an FYC. For your consideration is what that stands for. Yeah. We ordered John and Vinny's or at least my wife ordered John and Vinny's.

You got an FYC in there? It was in the John and Vinny's bag. And I'm just learning to call them that by the way. It was like a color... You know when you go to a restaurant and you're a kid and you get like a little coloring sheet that's very clever what was it for i want to vote for them uh voting's closed but yeah i forgot what it was for that's very clever good for them i um i got like you also presented you presented for the creative arts i mean i wonder if that got me in yeah oh maybe if you present you're in in like

flint yeah and i'm gonna be going this year there's no question about it i've already manifested that shit fuck all right i'll see you there is um someday you'll die on the docket for this year it wasn't on the doc no it's not on the docket but it's like in some separate thing it's definitely on this one's somewhere but it's not being voted on by in this batch because ch Chris and I couldn't find it. My special certainly was there and you can vote for that. Yeah. So that was exciting. Well, you can vote for it if you're

in that. If you're an Emmy. Won't the roast win something? Oh yeah, that was nominated as well. That was up for nomination, so I got to vote for that as well. That's definitely gonna be something. I think it's still like being consumed. It's wild how long that thing has lasted. Yeah.

It's great. Everyone's seen it. Everyone. All my tennis girls yesterday. 20 women. Oh. All saw it. I mean, it was.

I'm like, they watched. Tom Brady. It was up on people's phones. And yeah, it made. Yeah. And everyone saw it. It was top 10 on Netflix for weeks yeah wild

it was really exciting this dog still doesn't have a name and I mean I just don't know what to do my name what was your name quinky no right out of the gate no because I don't know what you said and I don't want to this is the big thing about this name I don't want it to spur

conversation I just want it to be the name and I don't want people to go like the big thing about this name, I don't want it to spur conversation. I just want it to be the name and I don't want people to go like, what's that mean? Wait, what did you say?

Quirky? What did you call it? Quinky. Quinky? That'll be my name. I could see myself being like, are you a little quinky? But I couldn't call her that

to, I just don't want people to go like, I was a neighbor of mine. You can't make it too simple and be avoiding the name either because like in, in like Walking Dead, Daryl Dixon's dog is named Dog. And that spurred more conversation.

No, I can't do it. You don't want conversation. And then if it's Birdie, they're like, Bernie or Birdie. That was a lot of conversation already. You've got to pick a basic dog name. Lucky feels good to me. Lucky is good. That's so basic, though.

I can't. That's how you don't. That's how people avoid conversations when it's that basic. Dude, I know. I know. What do you do if someone's like, oh, how old is he? And I'm like, do I say it's a she? Like, do I just let them think it's a he?

I mean. Yeah. Or do you correct? I don't correct. Because what if it's someone that you might see the next night? Oh, if you see them over and over again, then you can tell them the first time. But if it's some random person. I don't think it.

I just want my dog to be a they. They them. Yes. I think that's what I thought. Take his card, them. And I said I didn't want conversation. Yeah. That'll spark some.

All right, guys. Make it the most controversial. Yeah. Well, I just want to say that my dog's name spark some. All right, guys. Make it the most controversial. Yeah. Well, I just want to say that my dog's name is Basic. It's Jack. No, it's not Basic. That's so cute. That's a lot of dogs are named Jack.

I didn't name him. No. And it doesn't spur any conversation at all when I say his name's Jack. That's a cute one. All right. Well, we got to go. Jack is a cute name. Well, I might steal a name from one of my friends, their dog's name.

But there's dogs a lot. Oh, I don't like when people steal you. I know, but you stole our dead bird's name and gave it to your new dog. That sucked. Yeah. Django, you just threw Django under a bus and stole his name.

I miss Django so much. Yeah, of course you did. The bird who flew the coop on Christmas when we were bringing the Christmas tree and it flew out and never came back. And they're like, oh, that name's free now. Let's get a dog and name it.

All right. I love you. Thank you for being on the show. I'm're like, oh, that name's free now. Let's get a dog and name it. All right. I love you. Thank you for being on the show. I'm on the road. NikkiGlaser.com. See you out there, besties. Thanks for listening to the show. Jumpy cut.

Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind.

Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.