The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #453 The ESPYs, TV Show Tunes, Andrew Got Mugged in Venice, Met Andy Reid!

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Nikki reassembles the crew: Chris Convy, Brian Frange, and Andrew Collin to bring you a hilariously unhinged episode. They recount the ESPYs and sing their hearts out to Lonely Island and Always Sunny in Philadelphia tunes. Remember Space Olympics and Nightman? Because we sure don't remember the lyrics! Andrew shares his story of being mugged recently in Venice, plus Nikki meets NFL coach icon: Andy Reid.  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to it. I am in Los Angeles with, I reassembled a crew of people that was really fun to hang out with last time.

I had like a big night in Los Angeles and the studio has really good lighting and I had hair and makeup today because I did Conan's podcast. So I was like, let's capitalize on it. Let's reassemble the team and let's have another podcast with Chris Convey,

Brian Frangie, Andrew Collin, and Nikki Glaser. Unite! Big night recap! Special episode! That's what we'll call them, as the mic just hit me in the face. So yeah, last night I did the SBs, what's up guys? I don't know, I feel like, it just hit me

that we look like the Jonas Brothers. We all kind of look like the Jonas Brothers. We all kind of look like the Jonas Brothers. We all have hats. Nicky doesn't have a hat. Yeah, real handsome. Which one are you? Which one do you want to be? The fatter one with bigger nipples, probably.

I think there are, aren't there four? Isn't there one that's a bonus Jonas? Yeah, there's a bonus Jonas and he does a show. Yeah. Called like Family Affair or Famous Friends. It was like on mute the other night and we were like half watching it, but I was like kind of wanting to unmute because I was like,

this looks kind of good because it's about people that are related to celebrities but no one knows who the celebrity is they're related to and they all have to guess and we try at home

to figure it out. My buddy's a twin of Jake Owen. Oh, that's... Identical twin and he sells him shirts. He's got to get on the show. It's very tough.

They got to get him on the show but he would be known right away because he's an identical twin. He's got to get on the show. It's like very tough. They got to get him on the show, but he would be known right away because he's an identical twin. That's a good point. Would he? Do they still look the same? Because one of them is like a multi-million dollar recording artist.

That reminds me of... Country recording artist. Remember Gold Case from 30 Rock? I don't know that one. The game show hosted by John McEnroe? No, I don't remember that. Where you had to guess whose... Oh, wait.

You had to guess whose case was filled with gold and it was always like a model that was like struggling. There we go, that one. That's so good. I love 30 Rock. I could revisit it any day, all day. It's just packed with us. Alec Baldwin is so good.

I know I've talked about it before, but I'm like obsessed with Jim Nyglic right now I'm kind of coming out of my obsession I've watched a lot Alec Baldwin's one with him Have you guys seen it? I've talked about it already I read Martin Short's book

I don't know if I talked about that on here I read that book I don't remember any of it Isn't that the thing with books? Yeah I want to name our dog Dixie remember any of it but i do i know his wife died that's all i remember from the yeah yeah and oh my god he goes on the today show what dixie oh my god for uh that's jimmy glicks yeah wife i can't do the voice but i want to do it so bad i want to learn it there's this amazing clip

of him from 30 where uh kirby enthusiasm uh martin martin and runs into larry david on the street and he like teaches him how to do the jimmy Glick impersonation because he's like it's very interesting and then he does an amazing Larry David to him did you see this recently it like was going around I have I have yeah the very end I mean Jiminy that was the best improvised stuff yeah the way he moved like when he would get up you know and just sit like yes oh yeah and with. And with fat shaming, like, became huge. And, like, you couldn't. Like, I felt like he was, like, he had to stop doing it because, like, with, like, fat culture and people. Oh, really?

I don't feel that. You don't think? No, I don't think so. Because it was never, like, he would just eat his feelings very quickly. Damn it. I keep getting domestically abused by this mic. I don't think Jiminy Click was destroyed by fat shaming. No, I don't think that at all.

It just ran its course kind of that time. But it's ready to come back. There was a period of time when a lot of people were dressing up as hidden figures, and they were trying to trick people. And the age of Borat, and it kind of just fizzled out. That's true. Are you talking about the women who worked for NASA? Yeah, just like fizzled out. That's true. Are you talking about the women who work for NASA? Yeah, the women who work for NASA, the hidden figures people.

Are you dressing up like that? Yeah, they would dress up and people kind of fat shamed them out of their space. They were real astronauts. They were real astronauts. I know. I'm not trying to say they weren't real astronauts. They were just too fat. Oh my God.

They were all fat. Can we restart the podcast? Yeah, let's. Welcome. Hi, welcome to the Deacon Clueser podcast. Take one. So, yeah. So, fat people are gross, right?

I didn't think it was, like, because I kind of like it because it is sometimes, like, I didn't really understand it at first, like, why he's eating, like, his feelings. But then there's a really poignant moment with him um with uh john stewart and he's like you know he's asking about you just quit smoking and he's describing like trying to quit smoking and then he goes i don't know if you and then jiminy starts stuffing donuts in his face and he goes i don't know if you know i was filling a hole deep inside me with the cigarettes and i don't know if that's something you can relate to and donuts are pouring out of his mouth as he's chewing and it's just and then then you go, oh my God,

there's some humanity in this character. Like he just, he's amazing. Like I just got done telling Chris that I'm like, want to be friends with Martin Short. Like it is something that I'm going to pursue. Like not in the, like Taylor Swift, I'm like, no, that's not like, that will happen if it's meant to be. But this I'm like, I really want,

I want to affect the way, I want to affect fate and go like, I'm just going to go. You got to get on Only Murders. You think that's the way I'm going to become friends with Martin Shorty

is I'm going to get on the show Only Murders. Get on Only Murders. That's the only way. Get good at acting. Get good at auditioning. Care enough about being on a show too. No, I just want to be friends with him,

but I don't think that's the route I'm going to take. There's several routes. i think you just flat out reach out to him you dm him yeah just flat out just do you think he checked martin shepard checks his dm no i don't i wouldn't say dm i would say like an email letter or yeah yeah through agents or something just be like i love you i want to hang out i want to hang out with you yes i'm like i'm reading his book i'm just like oh this is someone who is fun to hang out with you. Yes. I'm like, I'm reading his book. I'm just like, oh, this is someone who is fun to hang out with because they like to entertain. And they're not, they're like, they don't mind you just being like, do Jiminy.

And like, he would just do it. I felt that way about Dana Carvey when I went to dinner with him. It was like, it was a spectacle. It was a show. Me and Kyle Dunnigan were at dinner with Spade and we did not know that Dana Carvey was going to be there. And then suddenly we're having, because Spade, he's like, I'm inviting a friend. I'm not gonna tell you who. And then you show up and it's Dana Carvey was going to be there and then suddenly we're having because Spade did he's like I'm inviting a friend I'm not gonna tell you who and then you show up and it's Dana Carvey and I was

just like and it was the but Kyle and I left that dinner we were like we can't believe it like he drove me back home and he was like dude you don't understand he's my hero like we like recapped it but we were both freaking out but it was so fun because he was just you don't you don't have to be nervous because you're just watching a show yeah you almost

said that to me today with Conan. I was like, hey, what time are we meeting for lunch? And you were like, Conan wants to have lunch with us. And I was like, what? I started cleaning the hotel room. Oh my God. I was like, I was getting ready for guests. No, he wants in the future.

And you were like, he's just like, what you meant was someday. Yeah, which also means never in Hollywood. No. But I was like, no, I will. I would love to have lunch. So I'm like, I'm going to also seek that out, even though maybe it was something he actually doesn't want to do, but was just offering to be nice.

But when I got there, he was like, I need to know about this guy. Who's the guy? I've never met the guy. And I'm like, you have to meet the guy. The guy loves you. The reason I love the guy is because'm like you have to meet the guy loves you the reason I love the guy is because he loves you

as much as I like that's one of the foundations of our relationship is like and then I didn't get a chance to tell him that like

I contacted one of his writers from back in the day and had him do a special birthday present for Chris and like I wrote a Conan script

and had him do it your wives slash fiancés every like every like six months we end up watching like the same Conan clips

oh yeah the same Jiminy like do you guys ever do you guys have anything that you keep coming back to that we return to again and again

yeah that you're just constantly cause we'll just some nights we'll stay up to like two in the morning and watch clips something really random but I don't know

if you've ever seen it. Is it on YouTube? OnlyFans? Yeah, it's on OnlyFans. It's double P. You can watch for hours. Yeah, we just watch for hours. I'm usually not in the room.

It's on your account, though. Martin Short would have loved that one. So, no, we watched this thing called Old Greg on YouTube. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know what that is. Old Greg, it's like, I'm Old Greg. I'm Old Greg. That does not help anything.

I don't know who it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know who's talking. It's Old Greg. I guess it's a man. Okay, it's such a weird video where this guy, he's like a man fish. Yeah. Is it a cartoon?

It's an English duo, and they're like jokesters. It's like a man fish yeah it's a bush it's an english uh like a duo okay they're like jokesters it's not a cartoon no it's kind of like um monty python okay and so he catches this guy who's a man fish named old greg like he's dressed up like a fish olivia's holding up yeah he's just holding up old greg okay old old greg kidn him. And then they're stuck in a room. And he's just like, he's in love with Baileys. And, oh, I like Baileys. And it's just like the weirdest thing. Where did you see this?

It was huge on YouTube like 15 years ago. How many minutes is it? I can't believe you haven't seen this on Reddit. Because every once in a while it'll pop up. It looks familiar. It's like one of those cult following things where people, they get onto old Greg and they love old Greg. Like the one I'm super into is the Adult Swim one, Too Many Cooks. Oh, yeah.

Like that kind of thing. Like a comedy phenomenon. Like an online culty. Remember the lizard that was stuck? Whose floor is this? Not my floor, not my problem. Yeah. It was that kind of.

Don't know that either. Wow, I was on a different internet than you guys back then. I never heard of you. Have you ever heard the chronic what calls of Narnia? That I never was like super into. I think the first one that got me was maybe Dick in a Box. Oh, of the Lonely Island ones? Yeah, I don't know that I was gripped until way later.

I'm so into them now, but like at first it took me a second. What was it? Glirk. What's that one? He was an alien and he never had sex. Okay, this is, I don't know if this is good. The Lonely Island, you know when they gripped me? Space Olympics. Space Olympics is so good. It's such a good

song. I love that song and I love Andy Samberg's performance in it. If you haven't seen Space Olympics or what are the other ones we need to go check out? Old Greg and Glurk. And Brace Yourself Cause There's No Gravity. Yeah.

The Space Olympics. It's a motherfucking Space Olympics. Wait, what are some other ones? He's doing like an ad, like not even an ad, like what the opening number? Welcome to the Space Olympics. The year 20, the year 4022. Take part in a grand tradition. I want to say, keep your ass at the minibar.

Yeah, but that's the worst line in the whole thing. It really is. That's the one line that I'm like, God, why is that in there? No, it's fine. It's like the whole thing is so good. Space swords. Yeah. It's totally canceled.

They start running out of oxygen. He was like, suddenly he's doing this adorbitant. He's like, welcome to the Space Olympics. You all get one junior suite. If I had the lyrics in front of me, I would nail it. We don't cover incidentals. Wait, you mean if you had the lyrics? Yeah, no, I'd be able to perform it.

I like, what? I really would. Because I'm split right now between like trying to be performing or trying to remember it and I can't why don't you just do a Charlie song from Always Sunny to make up for it oh god I can do that song oh yeah what song is that okay hold on let me let me channel it I think Andrew had to like witness me like try to memorize this um he the I'm sorry night man yeah night man sneaky and mean spider and sand my dreams i think i love you you make me want to die you make me want to cry oh i love you i love you i love you

i love you i love you night man every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms yeah you pin me down and i try to fight you. You come inside me. You fill me up and I become the night man. It's just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it's just right. It's just two men sharing each other. It's just two men like loving brothers. One on top and one on bottom. One inside and one is out.

One is screaming, he's so happy. And the other is screaming A passionate shout It's the night man The feeling so wrong And right man The feeling so wrong And right man I can't fight you man

When you pin me down With your strong hands And I become the night The passionate Passionate night man Yeah Thank you Wow Well done I've trained for so long That's really Passionate Nightman. Yeah. Thank you. Wow.

Well done. I've tried for so long. That's really good. Now do Friday Night. I'm thinking that we just might. We can't do this to ourselves without the lyrics in front of us. We can't trust ourselves. I am usually good with lyrics.

She knows so good with lyrics. Freakishly is my friend Kirsten. She knows every verse to every like kind of obscure 80s song. If it was on the radio

and played three times, she memorized the verses. Back when like you only memorize songs on the radio from hearing them. And she would commit them to memory.

Like there's no internet to look up lyrics. She's got a photographic memory. Are you guys lyric people? Like when you listen to songs, do you care about the there's no internet to look up lyrics. She's got a photographic memory. Are you guys lyric people? Like when you listen to songs, do you care about the lyrics? Oh, I love the lyrics.

The lyrics are sometimes the most important part. Yeah. Is there ever a time where you like get into a song first and you don't even like listen to the lyrics or like hear what they mean? And then suddenly one day, this song you've known forever and had a relationship forever,

suddenly clicks and you're like, this is what it means? Have you guys had that happen? Yeah, they're like, we hate the Jews. Yeah, this is what it means? Have you guys had that happen? Yeah, they're like, we hate the Jews. This is what I've been seeping in. Or sometimes you hear lyrics and you don't really know what they mean.

Like there's some kind of metaphor going on and then you find out that it's not good. And then someone on a subreddit explains it to you. And you're like, oh. She's actually pro-slavery. Wait, what are you listening to? What is this guy doing? Confederate radio? Hitler sings the hits.

Hitler sings the hits is good. I memorized the lyrics to, one of the earliest songs I memorized the lyrics to was Paul Revere by the Beastie Boys. Oh, yeah. That's a fun one to memorize. I don't remember them now. You probably could if you started

going with it. Because that's the thing. That song, the Charlie song, it took so long to memorize. It was during COVID, and I really committed. I was like, I have nothing else going on. And it's kind of fun to challenge yourself to learn fast. And that is the way he plays it. It's just so erratic and funny.

But it actually is really good. So I don't know. One day I did that with Cardi B lyrics during COVID. I did that an m&m verse that's like impossible oh do it yeah uh no rap god no way no but oh if you could do rap god there's seven different levels of devil worshiping horses human sacrifices cannibalism candles exorcisms animals having sex with them camels mammals and rats but i don't get into that i kick the habit i just beat you to death the weapons i need through your flesh but i never eat unless the fucking meat looks fresh. I got a line in my pocket. I'm lying.

I got a nine in my pocket. And baby, I'm dying to cock. Who's ready for war? I'm ready for war. I got machetes and swords for any setting that's wrong. My Uzi is heavy. Yo, I just had a lot of weapons for. Marshall steps in.

You lay your head on the floor with your body spread on the bed. Spread red on the wall. Red on the ceiling. Red on the floor. You're dead on the floor. Red on the floor. That's really good. You're dead wrong.

The weak are the strong. You got it going on. Now you did a big really good. You did wrong. The weak are the strong. You got it going on. Now you did a biggie part. You did wrong. Hail Mary, full of grace. Smack the bitch in the face. Tick the Gucci bag in the north face. Off her back.

Jab her if she act. Get funny with the money. Is this what this podcast is about? Oh, you got me. You're sick of honey. I love it. I don't want to. All I want to see is a lot of people.

Capisha, Felicia, I want to see is water anymore. I just want the papers. Capisha, Felicia, I'm out like the vapors. Who's the one they call Mr. Macho? The head hosho. White man rapping podcast. I got so much. Styles, I should be down with this. Wake up to break up. Are you doing the same song? He's doing Biggie.

This is post-mortem. Oh, you were doing so fast. That's not how fast he goes. Your mom hit the skins to amnesgie. I'm doing Biggie. This is post-mortem. This is post-mortem. I was embarrassed. Oh, you were going so fast. That's not how fast he goes. Your mom hit the skins to amnesia. I just, I can't, she don't remember. Shit. Just the two hits. Her hitting the floor.

And me hitting the, sucking on your, had the. Wait, you don't curse? And your mom. This is when. I guess I was a combination of House of Pain and Bobby Brown. I was humping around and jumping around. Is this real?

When he's alone in his car, though, this is where it's coming out. He's used to doing morning radio. He doesn't need to be crass if he doesn't want to be. This song was Biggie Was Dead and they found tracks. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Okay, I remember this now. I don't know this song, but I'm glad I got to hear it at different RPMs. And I did the first part.

He did the second and we did them out of order. We quit and guaranteed that. I gotta say that at my birthday party. It was memento. At my birthday party when we did karaoke to Forgot About Dre. It was the most memorable performance of the evening. Yeah, it was good. People really liked it.

And we, like, honestly, the night before, we had done karaoke the first night of my birthday weekend, and then we also did the second night, because we, like, couldn't get the rooms booked. The right room on the right night. You did karaoke back-to-back nights? Two nights in a row. I just want to fucking sing. Again, I'm like Martin Short. He, like, has

Christmas parties so he can just sing. Someone was, like, called. He does these big performances every year yeah yeah and people go you just do these so you can like perform and sing and he's like yeah and then like and so i i really that's what i want to do on on my birthday but um chris after after the first night chris wasn't there he had a wedding to attend um you're married now yeah Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. I really love her. That's how bad you did it. I've never been in love before and it's beautiful.

What does it feel like? You should try it, Glace. Oh my God. Someday. I know I thought I felt it. That's what people always say. You know, I thought I knew love before

but it was so different now. Yeah. And why do they always have to disqualify? The old one. Yes. Yeah. I think it's really because they've got the new one going and they have to disqualify the old one yes yeah yeah i think it's really

because they've they've got the new one going and they have to make sure she's happy and it's different it's a new and you want to believe that it's true and by the way it is a different and new love but it does like there's something about it's like a better one yeah yeah you have to discount the other one but you can't say that about a widow like like you can't like that's what i've learned like you could have upgraded if your wife dies but where did you learn that i don't know i was thinking about it yesterday you can't say like okay we chris and i met someone recently who we were talking about his wife and we learned in talking about his wife his current wife that his he met her and she like knew his ex, his widow or widow. Who died? Who died. How did she die? Like OD.

Fent, Fent. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shit. And so sad. And now he's with this woman. He's so happy. And I'm like, what if this, what if this was an upgrade? And he, but he can't ever say anything disparaging, even though it's just, it's circumstantial

that he happens to also wanting to be out of it and she dies. Because also you probably are trying to get out of a relationship with someone who's actively using fentanyl. Yeah, maybe he encouraged it. Oh yeah, I think you should do more. I think this is working for you. You seem to be in a lot of that relationship more because she was more fun. Maybe. On fentanyl? No one's

fun. I think you're just passed out in the gutter. Actually, no, you're like in your living room thinking you're doing coke. I think that's how it happens. We'll be right back with more shows. Oh, my God. Surrounded by your riches. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to the Nicky Glazer Podcast. Hey, should you tell them about Andy Reid? Oh, yeah.

So I did the ESPYs. ESPYs. I did the ESPYs i did the sbs it was really about andy reed like that will be the memory but i did i presented and daisy ridley lindsey vaughn we're gonna hit them all what it's really fun i like how you're doing a pardon the interruption or whatever that show is where you're like putting the categories and we're gonna get to that like you're setting the stage. We'll be at the red carpet. Yeah. You better remember all these. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toss up. Okay, so I presented at the ESPYs. Best male athlete. Who had more fun saying hi to Nikki Glaser? Andy Reid or Lindsey Vonn? Best male athlete. Yeah. Which I thought I was gonna just,

I thought I was gonna do like best kiss or whatever. Like they were gonna give me some like MTV level. That's one of the best categories. That's mad respect. Best like pat on the ass. That would be a good one. Yeah, I mean you should do that. That would get viewers. That's one of the best categories. That's mad respect. Best, like, pat on the ass. That would be a good one.

That would get viewers. I think I would like more categories in the ESPYs. I don't think I've ever watched it from start to finish. And I didn't realize how strange the event is overall. It's like a humanitarian award. Yes, I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that either. It's like every other segment is a humanitarian award where you're just sobbing

uncontrollably i cried incredibly in the audience and i wasn't even there for the full show we got there late because i did did kimmel before and i cried twice before they even pulled me early to go backstage so i missed a lot of the show and i cried twice just sitting there for yeah we're sitting there for 45 minutes yeah minutes. And I looked at him two times, my makeup about to run. I have to go present and I'm like, this is not the event for me to do my roast jokes. I was concerned.

I was too. I was sitting there like, uh-oh. But I was like, I don't care. ALS, we're following ALS. But I don't care. I don't care about bombing in the room. I literally didn't care because I knew the jokes were funny. So if I bomb in the room, it does not matter because out of context, even if it's like

I'm getting no laughs, I know how to not react to bombing and know that like you guys are wrong. So I knew I kind of had a fail safe of like, if this doesn't go like you saw me, I was never worried about what it would do in the room. No, no, you didn't care at all. I didn't care at all because it doesn't matter. She didn't see her not caring. And these people are there.

I'll just be there like bringing up things like, you know, this might not work in a room. This room is different than other rooms and dah, dah, dah, dah, all these things. Fuck the room. And Nikki's like, don't care about the room. No, more people are watching at home. This is going to be seen more times online.

Like play to the people that are watching on their phones. But play to the room because you want to do well because it'll give you, if you're killing, you do more confidently. From watching it on TV, it seemed like it did great. I killed. It killed in the room. It was amazing.

And it was not the easiest room to be in. No, you were, everyone was literally crying. And then you step up on stage. Oh my God. I missed the package about, what's the guy's name? Steve? Steve Gleason. Gleason.

That was right before you. Oh my God. Steve Gleason. Do you know his story? Yeah, Jackie Gleason's grandson. Oh, no. No? No, you can't make jokes.

Well, you're going to regret that one now. Oh God. I know. He had ALS. I know. I'm just kidding. I'm a big fan. He played for the Saints.

He blocked the punt. He blocked the punt? I love the guy. He's very inspirational. Oh my God. Yeah. Like, if you don't know who's, like, besties, I know a lot of you don't know football because I didn't know football and I would not know who Steven Gleason was.

In fact, that was the name of someone I went to high school with and that's how I knew him and that's still, like, the name that someone I went to high school with and that's how I knew him and that's still like the name that comes to mind or the face that comes to mind. But this guy is amazing and there's a documentary on YouTube about

that I haven't watched the full thing. You watched the full thing but we just watched like a segment. Yeah, an update. Oh my God, about him and his son.

Please go watch that. His son is incredible. Father's Day with Steve Gleason. I mean, I only know him from on stage but last night his son was just amazing to watch. I didn't get to see it. I was backstage.

An incredible beacon of support, a pillar. A pillar. Yeah. And then we watched this video. It's like an update of where things were since the documentary.

And this kid's an athlete. Oh, he seems like it. You see him throw a ball and you're like, this guy. You were like a recruiter, like salvage. Like, this boy's got an arm.

I was like, let's get this guy. All right, let's keep pulling up his highlight reel. Yeah, you were like salvating. Like, oh, man. Because Chris always calls out people in movies or like scripted things where they throw a ball. They have to be an athlete for a second, and they just are clearly not.

Danny McBride, when he throws the pitch in O Valley Down. Do you notice that one? Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Joaquin Phoenix? There's one that's emerged recently where he's like hammering like a board to like keep the aliens out.

And he's like, he's hammering the board and it's just like, it was in signs and he just couldn't. What is that, like a floppy hammer hand? Like he was just like too much wrist? He was just missing, he just missed the nail. And it was like, he was like halfway down the hammer. This dude doesn't know how to hammer.

People are like, man, this watch is good. Oh, really? People called it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. It is the easiest tool. How do you not practice that? Oh, my God.

I mean, he's such a character study guy. He's getting high in watching Braveheart and watching the people in the background fight. Oh, God. They're so bad. They're just like Celtic weapon. They're either bad or they're – I read about –

I just was going down. They're tired. Yeah. I just read a subreddit that was talking about Andy Samberg, I guess guess talked about working at snl and how it was like destroyed him and how he had to quit essentially because just for his own mental health because he hadn't slept in seven years he said you know he's but he was like he just was he couldn't do it anymore and people in the subreddit were talking

about the industry and sharing stories and someone said like TV is horrible but film is fucking brutal hours and like people just it's like sleepless and so those guys are probably great stuntmen like the first it was probably the hundredth take at 5 a.m. after doing it since I also feel like there was a period of time where

that type of choreography didn't matter like I even watched Gangs of New York which also had a bunch of fight scenes. And I'm like, these fight sequences fucking suck. Really? So fight sequences have improved vastly? I think dramatically since 2012-ish. I don't know what it is.

I think choreography just, like you wouldn't see something like that in John Wick or in like even like a modern Star Wars movie. I feel like everybody is now interested in seeing good fight sequences. Okay. Who does the best ones? I totally agree.

John Wick's are unbelievable. But a lot of those don't have 2,000 people fighting. You know what I mean? I don't remember any fight sequences. If you watch a James Bond fight sequence from even 20 years ago, you're like, ugh. But like 50 years ago

it's insane when they would throw a shoe and go like Austin Powers or any war movie that's black and white from the 50s or like just watch the Obi-Wan Kenobi versus Darth Vader lightsaber battle like a famous battle

it's like they're not even going fast. They're just like steps to the left. And then you fast forward to today and you've got like a Salat style Iwo Uwas choreographed masterpiece. Everything is just

so, like comedy has also advanced that much. My dad was like adamant on showing me for years like this old timey, I forget his name now. I'm so sorry, dad, that I'm forgetting

if you ever see this clip or this even gets clipped, but it probably won't. This probably would not get clipped. No. Now it has to get clipped. No,

stop clipping. No, this is going to be clippable. 60 seconds if you apologize to your dad. No, because I think it'll be good.

I think it could be intercut with what it is. My dad was like, you got to see this guy. He is, it's one of the funniest things you'll ever witness. And he made me and Emil Joaquin watch this. For the first time, I was like, I finally gave him Jonathan Winters. Not Jonathan Winters. It was like 1920 something.

So it was like almost stop motion. Charlie Chaplin. Yeah, like later than that, maybe 30 something. But anyway, and there's a thing where this guy is just sleeping in a hammock on a porch swing. And the hilarious thing that would leave people rolling in the aisles is that like a coconut falls off a countertop and then kind of rolls through the kitchen and then rolls downstairs. And a guy in a hammock gets startled and woken up and it's not it's just making noise and it keeps going and he's going what's going on and then it hits something else kind of rube goldbergs but he just keeps getting woken up and that is that was the funniest

thing that any of these people had ever seen and my dad remembers like his grandma like hysterically laughing and just it does not and we and amil and i now when something is not blatantly unfunny we call it coconuts because it was just but my dad was like you could tell my dad was like ashamed that he even showed it because it was so not what he expected in his mind from what he remembered do you read like i revisit comedy stuff where i'm like oh this isn't as strong as i thought it was back then because it's it's just the bar has been raised now. Yeah.

I mean, there was occasional – like even if you watch like Lenny Bruce clips or something like that, you're like, this isn't very funny at all. How is he the godfather? But he created the art form. But occasionally there is a clip where I'm like, I think this is just as funny now as it was. I watched – there's this one sketch from – I think it's like Sid Caesar or something where it's these, what do they call the Chuck E. Cheese, the animatronic monkeys. And they're doing some band thing. And one of the monkeys has these two drumsticks.

And he turns very slowly. And he hits the other monkey on the head. And then the other monkey makes a face. And for some reason, this sketch kills me every time. And it's from the 70s. So that still works for time. And it's from like the 70s. So that still works for me. But how many things in the 70s are you watching? Just that one.

Yeah. I was going to say, like, how did you even come across that clip? Because I read all the memoirs of comedians that are. Oh, that's right. And I was reading his memoir. How have you not read Martin Short? I guess I have. When did that come out?

Oh, it's like 2014. Okay. Well, he's like in the book. He's like, I'm on a new sitcom called Mulaney. And I'm very excited about it. It's so cute. I forgot he was on that. Well, I gotta put it on my bookshelf.

There's a big queue right now. Okay, who have you read recently? We all read one year. I gotta go back to it. We all read that one year. Everybody read it the same year. Yeah, that man that must have been a juggernaut in terms of book sales,

a payout, maybe he didn't know he probably just got paid, but they made a lot on it. Yeah, it was a great book. It was. Yeah. But I don't think I bet he didn't have a deal on the back end. So I'm just saying it probably did. We're doing an inside baseball here. I'm just trying to think about how he got screwed.

What did he get on the back end? Yeah, like that was like a crazy popular book. Like everyone read it. Like our dads all read it back end? Yeah, like, that was, like, a crazy popular book. Like, everyone read it. Like, our dads all read it, and we were reading it. Like, it was everywhere. I also feel like anyone that read it tend to have gotten into stand-up. Like, it was definitely, for me,

it was, like, one of the first things I read, and then it pushed me to try and do stand-up. Yeah. Okay, yeah, I know. It was, yeah, because you got started a little bit later. Yeah, in 2011. What about it, like, he got out of stand-up, but it pushed you into it. Yeah, well, I started a little bit later. Yeah, in 2011. What about it? He got out of stand-up, but it pushed you into it.

Yeah, well, I knew there was room. You didn't finish it. There's an open slot now. So I went and bought a broken arrow and a rubber nose. You kind of did. I did. I really did. You hired a guy.

I had a Wookiee play slide guitar while I did one-liners in my grandpa's clothes. Yeah. I was like, I too can be Steve Martin. Yeah, it was something. It was something. You gotta try. You gotta throw it out there. And then it led you to what you do now. Like the first thing I was doing on stage

was like nothing like I am now. I was doing one liners too. Just trying on all these different hats. Oh God. I probably even wore, I wore, there was a time where I was literally wearing a hat, like I would wear a fedora. Yeah. I would wear a fedora. Yeah.

I had a fedora. Some of my faces. But I like would wear, it was like my stage hat. Well, your influence was Sarah Silverman, right? You're trying to be. I don't think she wore hats. No, no. She always looked cool.

But I think wearing the fedora was like you being cool and having a. Oh my God. I wore my fedora. I wore a blazer on stage. There we go. I wore a blazer on stage. There we go. I wore a blazer and a t-shirt. Nikki Blazer. But someday we'll just all laugh about what we're doing now, do you think?

Or were we too try hard back then? It would be too sad to laugh at what I'm doing now. If I'm laughing at what I'm doing now, then that's really sad. To laugh at what I did in my 20s when I was just starting is fine, but- In comedy or just in life? In comedy. In life is fine. You comedy or just in life? In comedy. In life is fine. You can go back and look at your haircut or whatever.

But if like in your career, you're like, and then when I was 20 years in, it was still pathetic. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been pathetic. I was wearing dinosaur hats. That's true. Yeah. Maybe the dinosaur hat's going to be the thing.

Yeah. I guess. I don't know. I can't really trace like what I was trying. I was just doing what I felt was the right thing to do in the moment so it never felt like i was trying like oh i'm gonna do it this way yeah it just kind of morphs into like in a way the process is just so interesting when i did that like up top and wore and had the wookie i didn't sarcastically i'm sorry i had to get that out was that in my brain what was that what were you doing

no but i'm just like you had a guitar yeah yeah he had a guitar okay he had a guitar slide guitar in a yeah right the wookiee had the guitar the wookiee had the guitar wookiee goldberg but he cut out the fingers so he could play yeah he cut out the fingers but i feel like that was there was there was nothing else like telling me what i think is funny or what I should do. Even more back then where I was kind of just going off my own instincts than living in New York and everyone's like, this is the kind of comedy you have to do. Doing the Wookiee guitar to me is less embarrassing than wearing a blazer or even a fedora. No, absolutely. Because at least you're just like, this is what I think is funny. Whereas we're like, what do we think other people want us to do?

Yes. And oh my God, that's so weird you say that because I did Conan's podcast today. And as I was leaving and waiting for my Uber, I was running into all of the people that work in the building. They had this cool office, like all these young people that are just like, you know, working in the social media department.

And I ran into them on the street. And, but the girl, and I was like talking to all of them. One of them, one guy has been to Taylor Swift three times, or yeah, three times. And he went to the debut. So I got to like the first run of Eris, so I got to like,

what was it like being there when no one knew what was gonna happen? Like I had all these questions, it was so fun, but then this girl, the girl that was like my point person there, she told me on the way out, she was like,

I do stand up, and I've been doing it for two years, but you're like such an inspiration, and I was like, do you want some advice? Like I know you didn't ask for it, but like can I, like I'm trying to,

no, I was like, I was putting on my shirt, and I was like, I'm trying to think of what I wish someone would have told me when I was like two years in, and I was like, do you want some advice? Like, I know you didn't ask for it, but like, can I, like, I'm trying to know, like I was putting on my shirt and I was like, I'm trying to think of what I wish someone would have told me when I was like two years in. And I was like, I said, don't try to do what you think people want. Yeah. Do what makes you, makes you laugh. And I still have to follow that advice. I think so often I'm trying to give people what they want.

And like, it's hard not to, I think we're just like trained to, but. But the more you can not do that, I think the more successful you can be. Well, whenever you're trying to give people what they want, not only are you being inauthentic, which is anathema to stand up, but you're also backwards looking. And the key to being funny is to be forwards looking and be new and different. I haven't heard this. This is brand new. Brand new. I like this.

Brand new original. Somebody write this down. Yeah. When you're trying to do something that you expect, that means you saw something that worked and you're copying it. Okay. Which is why AI is going to fail. Oh, right. Yeah, that's looking backwards.

That brings us back around. Yeah. But I wanted to say, this is also a frangy theory. I think that Steve Martin style comedy is making a comeback right now. Okay. In the same way that it did in the 70s when people went crazy for Steve Martin because he was a counterculture

to the more serious comedy that was happening and he's just the guy who's doing balloon animals and being wacky. Yeah. And I think now, no offense, but comedians are getting a little too cool. We're all too cool now. Okay. Yeah, I think comedians are too cool.

They're becoming stars. They're becoming superstars in arenas. We're getting bought out. Yeah, and we're hanging out with MMA fighters and all sorts of cool people. Yeah, they're dorks. And if you look at Gen Z humor, if you look at stuff that Gen Z kids

are laughing at on YouTube and stuff, it is complete random nonsense. The more random, the better. And- Oh, you have to be random. You have to be random. That was so funny. That was so good.

Holy. And what's making- Like a jack in the box? What's making a huge- Oh my God. Oh my God. There we go. This is-

Slippin' clippable. That's a dinosaur. What's gonna- No, there, I know what you're talking about. Some like, you know who is doing innovative stuff is those guys from like

almost Friday finally Friday oh yeah they're very good Beer with the Fridays Friday beers oh Friday beers yeah is that it

did I land on it yes is that it yes I've heard of Friday beers Friday beers no uh what is it it's literally

almost Friday TV but Friday beers is also the show yeah it's like a whoa okay well their branding got in my brain but um Nuh-uh. What is it? It's literally Almost Friday TV. But Friday Beers is also the show? Yeah. It's like a- Whoa. Okay. Well, their branding got in my brain. But I should know their names.

They're so funny. These two guys that will just pitch each other scenarios and then play them out and improv. It's so- Have you seen their sketches? I mean, everything they show me is probably what's funny. They may be bomb, but I've never seen one that is not hilarious. Their sketches? Oh, yeah. I've seen- Everything they do is funny. I wish be bomb, but I've never seen one that is not hilarious. Their sketches? Oh yeah, I've seen everything they do is funny.

What's their names? Will you look it up, Olivia? And Angus. Yeah, and Angus. Angus, maybe? And they have a cast of other guys. Their names sound fake. Liam and Angus. Yeah, all their shit is so funny. And then Chris is right now into watching this mini-golf competition.

Oh yeah, it's called Twin... Let's see your beautiful face. I just want to mini golf competition. Oh, yeah. It's called Twin. Let's see your beautiful face. I just want to pull it down. Talk into it. Twin Tour Golf. No. It's on YouTube?

Yeah, I guess they're like in their 20s, something early 20s, and they're just recording themselves playing mini golf, and they're sort of like doing commentary like it's a real tournament, and I can't stop watching how long is each video each video is 60 seconds I would expect it to be longer like 30 minutes

but that's each hole usually so you know and then they post it like fairly quickly but sometimes they'll post like holes 1 through 6 and I'm like I need the rest. Like, give me the rest.

How does this end? Is Bella going to win? There's no way. Wolf is coming back. He stinks. But, uh, no,

Wolf is actually pretty good. Is there any stuff online, the content that you guys are like hooked to and crave? Like Liam Culla. C-U-L-L-A-G-H. And Will Angus. Those, you need to follow them.

But, um, I actually subscribe. I paint it in an incense. I subscribe to an ASMR girl who eats massive amounts of food. And it really soothes me when I'm wanting. Sometimes I'm wanting to. I'm tired and I'm so hungry and I want to binge eat kind of. And sometimes if I put it on, like they do it for me. Yeah.

And I can fall asleep. Like to like, oh my God, that would taste so good. And I'm not like starving. Like I want to be clear. Like a lot of people in the comments are like, who else is fasting right now?

And it's like, it's not that I'm like want to eat my feelings. And so I put on someone doing it. Yeah. And it's like when I want to get a massage, like I watch massage videos when my like bunions really hurt. And I'm like,

I'm feeling it. And so like I follow this. So I don't, I'm feeling it and so like, I follow this, so I don't, I go through phases of like wanting to watch it. It's like video ozempic. It really is. Like it honestly helps if,

like I would recommend it to someone who like, because it's soothing too because they like talk to you, but if you're a misophonic, you're fucked because it's like, you're listening to someone chew

and if you have misophonia, like chewing makes you murderous. What is this? If you have misophonia, it's like a're listening to someone chew. And if you have misophonia, like chewing makes you murderous. What is this? If you have misophonia, it's like a thing where that someone eating makes you so angry, you get violent. And famously, I think,

I know someone who like had it and a well-known person had it and in a writer's room, like attacked someone physically. And this person is not prone to violence, but someone was chewing and this person attacked someone else. I mean, how many situations were you being where you're going to hear someone chewing? You got to be able to at least do something. Just sitting next to them and they probably were not wanting to say it to be rude.

And then it just built up so much that they can't. Well, they're the boss also. So it was like kind of. Oh, okay. And then they like, it was probably like – it wasn't about the chewing. No. Oh. It was the boss yelled at someone for chewing.

Oh, God. Okay. Yes. Wow. Yes. And like attacked them. I think like got physical. Wow.

But that's – but I've heard that like that's what happens with people with misophonia. Like they can't help it. It turns them into the Hulk. Jesus. I mean, God. You know, I feel like you got to be able to help it. There's got to be things you can do to control yourself. What do they do?

Yeah, sure. I'm sure there's like breathing exercises that they can probably. Because I think they suffer with it. They just attack people for chewing. Well, yeah. But people have like road rage and stuff. What about their own mouth? Control it.

They hate their own mouth? Will they have to have soup or smoothies? No, no, no. Or a feeding tube? Oh, that's what they have to do, like white noise when they're eating. That's what I'm thinking. Wow. Oh, there's some time.

That's a nightmare. Jason Mraz? Was it Mraz? Yeah. I can almost guarantee every time the word white noise comes up, you will come up with some, like say another one. Creed? Yeah, yeah. Nickelback? Smashbox 20?

Smashbox 20, yes. That is, Rob Thomas would like that smash mouth i've been watching on youtube i just met this guy randomly and he's like yeah i work for this whatever this company it was called donut media and it was a car it's a car youtube and they just break down engines and take them apart they have like nine million subscribers and then he started his own channel. Do you do this when you want to break down an engine but you just don't want to work your feelings out on that? I'm not a man. So he does it for you?

But you would like to. I would love to learn something. I'm 44. I don't know anything. Do you watch it intensely? Are you focused? What's he doing? Or are you relaxed to it? This guy can throw a football. I'll tell you that. You've learned how to do that. Oh yeah. Talk about noticing someone's arm.

Chris like. This guy went 34 for 36. On passing? It was the most unbelievable display of quarterback as I've ever seen. So every year

the Convey family does plays the Stephen family in football. The Stephen family. Everyone knows. The classic Stephen family. Yeah, you know the Stephen family. Yeah, I've set this up.

We've been talking about them for episodes. We've led to this big moment. So the Stephens are your cousins. You still haven't even finished the Andy Reid story. You're giving me trouble about the Stephen family. Pardon my interruption. Would I never get to anything? Oh, my God.

That is exactly what we're doing today. That's a good sketch. Pardon the interruption is the best show on the planet. No, but you like the other one with the two guys. Is that it? With the two guys? That you love? Yeah, that's Tony Kornheiser

and Michael Wilbaum. Oh, really? The other one's Around the Horn with the guy who looks like the guy from Veep. What did you think? I thought those were two different shows. I never knew. Either PTI and Part of the Interruption were two shows? No, I knew PTI was Part of the Interruption, but I didn't know the show with the black guy and the white guy.

The old, old guy. The old, old man. That's how I described it too. Yeah, that is PTI. They're young at heart. I knew they were two things, but I had never connected them. I don't know why.

Is the thing always on the screen? Not two, but the shows. I know there are two shows. One with those guys and then one called Pardon the Eruption, but I didn't know they were the same show. Yeah, that's one thing. Yes, that's one show. Well, now it's all making sense to me, but it's actually not because I truly thought-

What would you call it? I don't know. Locker Talk or something. That's actually not bad. That's Donald Trump and Billy Bush. That's a good point. It's the best show on television, period. Yeah, you love it so much.

Yeah, it's the best show. You must love it, right? What do you love about it? I do love it, but I don't watch it religiously. It's one of those shows that are so HD. And if you don't watch it for years, you see them age. And it kind of actually questions my own age. Oh, yeah.

It's too confronting. Yeah. Oh, my God. Interesting. Yeah, I like it because I love it when two people from different races get along. Man. That's why I loved Obama and Biden. Yeah. Oh, my God. Interesting. Yeah. I like it because I love it when two people from different races get along. Man. That's why I loved Obama and Biden. Yeah.

It was beautiful harmony. Oh, last night on Kimmel, hosted by Kumail, I said my song is called Someday You'll Die. It's about Joe Biden. And it didn't do what I wanted it to do, but it did all right. No, it got a laugh. I thought it got a good laugh. Thank God. We'll be right back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair

at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. The Daily Show Podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Okay, so the Estes were last night. I am presenting, and I get pulled backstage before my, like, actually very early, because I was like, I want to go through the prompter. And prior to this, I had figured out, like like a great set with the help of all of you. It was awesome to kind of collaborate again and come up with like kind of a

roasty type set really last minute too. Because I got the, I got the script sent to me of what I was going to do. And then I could kind of work from that. Cause I didn't know the concept of what the show was going to be at all. And, but I got it. And then I,

I was overseas and i thought it was like it was the script embedded in like a like a thanks for this information nikki and i just you know when you see an email that's just saying thanks you're just like i don't need to read this yeah just thanking me for what i just said like there's no new information and the script was on that and i when was that i had 21 extra hours with the script that i wasted because i didn't know it existed and then i i'm just on the flight I'm like why is you know but I'm flying back from Zurich so I need to sleep anyway so who knows what I would have done with it but it was under the gun

to like make a funny moment and to try to feel out like what is this thing what is Chris was you were asking a lot of good questions like what do you want to achieve with this and that did bring me to like I don't care about the room I just wanted to be funny online and like I'm like I think I want to look sharp and likable I don't know about the room. I just want it to be funny online. And like, I'm like, I think I want to look sharp and likable.

I don't know. Like, that's an interesting question. I like when you do that, when you're like, what do you, let's cut to the chase of like, we're trying to figure out today for Conan.

What I say when I say like, I'm Nikki Glaser and I'm blank about, you know, about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Like what would be the funniest thing to say? And we like, we're working on that this morning. And it was fun.

It was a fun process, but it's like really like uh there's a lot of pressure on it yeah have you guys listened to conan's podcast that beginning thing it's like there was a lot of pressure because you don't know if you want to be sincere like i've gone i've done it twice before i'd be sincere or like you want to do a little like joke so i tried to be sincere and a joke and i think i did pull it off but then you can't go from that it's not like a couch interview with conan where i'm like i'm prepared with material and i know where he's gonna laugh and i know where he was gonna play it's like i can't predict where it's gonna exactly go but it's it all right but i i like that process of like putting something together and figuring it out and i felt really confident going to the

espies with what we had put together all the writers when, when we submitted it, were like, this is amazing. Everyone was excited to see it that had seen the script. So I was like, oh, this is going to kill. I'm sure of it. Didn't you feel it was foolproof? Yeah. No, I don't know about foolproof. When I started watching the event, I was nervous.

Oh, really? Okay. Which made it more exciting for me because I'm like, now I have something to live for. If it was just going to be easy all the way. But then I'm watching the event and I'm like, I've seen the opening monologues every time and they're generally roast heavy. And so I was like, great. That's what this event is all about. Then I realized shortly after, I've never seen the full ESPYs.

I didn't realize it was humanitarian award one after the other. Or at least this one prince harry is going to come up and deliver a yeah a riling speech about war veterans yeah i mean it was thank god serena came up and did a comedy bit did a comedy bit before genius on the thank you producers producers yes yeah because i was backstage when that als steve gleason package was going on i didn't know what i didn't watch it. I'm just sitting there sobbing and in fear. Oh yeah, I'm so glad I didn't see it because I would have, I couldn't have,

I would have been in a different state of mind because I researched it later that night and was like sobbing. Like I was like weeping wildly in bed later, but I'm backstage and I can see it's happening. Like I see this guy in a wheelchair. I don't know who it is at this time. And I'm just like, oh my God.

Well, that is how he looked. Like, I don't know how else to do it, but he's locked in and he's so cute and I love him so much. Clip it. No, don't clip it. No, I'm not saying

anything offensive. He knows what he looks like. I don't mind it offensive. I thought it was a great act out. I'm not saying it's bad what he looks like and I wasn't trying to be funny at all.

I didn't laugh. It wasn't funny. I'm just saying it was good. I really wasn't. So anyway, I see it when I'm in the makeup chair and I'm like,

and the makeup lady right before I have a ride is watching it so she is crying. Yeah. And she's touching me up and I'm like, and she's like,

it's just so tragic and so sad. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And I'm just kind of like thinking about my set. I literally don't even know what's going on but I do see what's going on. Like I see it but I can like yeah yeah and I'm just kind of like thinking about my set I'm literally don't even know what's going on but I do see what's going on like I see it but I can't hear it I'm not it's like the sound is a backstage or whatever and um and then the producer comes

over and she's just like it's just so sad I go I have to follow this I'm like I'm so cold and then I catch myself because she's like oh and I was oh, I haven't seen this yet. Like, I'm not invested in it yet. Like, I had to be like, I'm not being callous. Like, I, this is death for me. This is, that's my. Oh, my God, Nikki. Death in terms of comedy. Shut up. What?

It's funny. No, no. It's death for everybody. Listen. No, I was saying. No, it's like you had ALS. When you do bad in comedy, you die. That's what I was insin No, I was saying this. No, it's like you had ALS. When you do bad in comedy, you die. That's what I was insinuating.

I was not trying. It was not a pun intended. If you sensed a pun in there. We know it wasn't, and that's why it's funny. We know that that was not intended. That was intended when I said walk into it, okay? You didn't catch it. This guy is so cool. He is so cool he would he would like

and I know that uh first of all I did any joke that has been made I literally did not mean to make until I said that I walked into it joke like literally I that's the thing it's like I want to be able to talk about I have a joke about a guy in a wheelchair that I point at to my and my friend goes I go he's the guy in the wheelchair and my friend goes you can't say that and i'm like but he knows like and that is how i honestly feel like i uh it's not like if people go oh my god you're doing an act out of how he looks donald trump doing an act out he did that to be mean if i'm just giving an example of what i was seeing on the screen that is is his reality. That is not offensive. Agreed.

Okay. I wasn't disagreeing. Let's go to break. We don't need to. That kind of thing happened to me. I'm not trying to make it about me. Please. No, I got mugged recently at gunpoint.

Oh, yeah. Tell us about that. Well, we're in Venice. It really is relating to what you're saying. I don't even know what you're blocking from. Oh, I don't even know what – Yeah, you're ahead. You're a couple steps ahead, but I can't wait to get there.

So whatever. We're in Venice. Me and my fiance are walking. And we're a block away from Abbot Kenney, which is the main road. Man. You're right by the beach. You think – you're like listening to Jimmy main road. You're right by the beach. You're like listening to Jimmy Buffett. You don't think you're going to get a gun

in your face. Everything's like chill, relaxed. Nah, not Venice Beach. Car rolls up, reverses. It was kind of funny though because I was telling Brenna how I have to piss and she's like tapping my penis and I was like, I'm going to piss in your hand. I'll piss in your hand right here.

That was going to be my last word to her. I'm going to piss in your hand. Your last moment your hand right here yeah yeah that was gonna be my last word i'm gonna piss in your hand your last moment my last moment beautiful it is kind of because it's like a sweet moment between a couple that's very intimate and weird that is true you couldn't write that yeah i couldn't write that no that is true so so so this car rolls back and brenna who never notices anything goes that's weird and then didn't even look at it. And then it caught my eye. And next thing I know, guy jumps out, ski mask on, gun. Sideways gun?

Sideways gun. Start rapping. He just went into Eminem. And he's like, OK, he's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, he's just asking me for directions. No, oh, my god.

OK, so. It was an N95 mask. And he's like, so, he's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, he's just asking me for directions. No. Oh, my God. Okay. So. It was an N95 mask and he was just like. He's like, so is Abbott getting it? Where's J.Crew? That is terrifying. Like. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you. Did you. Do you piss yourself? I stopped, dropped, and rolled. You pissed yourself. No, no. You had to pee already.

She was tapping your penis. That's a good point. Did you pee? I never. Because that happens to people when they get. Yeah, it makes sense. So he just wanted to walk so i had my watch on i had a silver watch on my grandpa's watch it wasn't even like that

worth maybe like 800 bucks it's like vintage but it's not like one of one you better watch it now that you admitted that on this podcast wait did they take it no no so you're still walking around so i grab you're gonna get fucking i'm not wearing one. They're going to come for you. I know. Yeah, well. Are you really not wearing it? Because now you're like, oh, it'll attract someone to mug me? Especially. Fuck.

Fucking LA. So I grab Brenna's hand and I go, run, run, run. And we were like 30. He was still like 30 feet away. I'm just like, run. Go, go. We got to go. And she thinks. She goes, oh, are you fucking with me?

Oh, the boy who cried wolf. Because I'm a comedian and I'm like fucking dude but it's a guy in a ski mask she thinks not run isn't she scared too she didn't see him

she never saw him she never turned either but she said that was weird I know and then didn't look but then didn't look she's like

I'll let him look and figure it out and then now you're she's in disbelief and because I'm a comedian she thinks so you ride away you ride away that's pretty impressive.

You gotta be proud of yourself. You were like, you grabbed her hand and said, run. Yeah, I had fast twitch muscles for sure. Yeah, I would have made Allstate if I fucking. Is that a sports thing? Yeah, he's got it. Yeah, he did. I would believe it.

Take out your notebook and write that down. Take it back with you. It's a Bama. So we start, so she's like, you're kidding. You're messing with me. I was like, no, just run. Like, it was like literally like out of a fucking movie. Was there anyone else around?

Huh? Was there anyone else? No. It was like the end of a cul-de-sac. So it was like a quiet street. But it was million dollar homes. Yeah. Well, that's why they're there.

Yeah. Good point. So we're running. And finally, she starts running. She finally're running and finally she starts running she finally believes me and she starts running and she goes to go around this bush and pull like uh whatever and i keep holding her hand because i want her to run with me oh no and she runs dude into this pole oh my god i'm like getting emotional like think about it that's so weird sorry no usually i tell it like laughing but now she's not beautiful anymore because she ran out she's even more

she has a high cheekbone on one side of her face no so she drills this pole like like and like like falls on the ground and i'm like oh now we're shot like now we're dead like i literally in my head i was was like, this is. This is how it ends. This is how I die by, you know, her being a klutz. Oh, my God. So then I go, get up. You got to get up.

She's like, I can't get up. How far behind are they right now when this is happening? When you're like, you got to get up. How far behind? I would have thought. And they're running at you? Probably like 30 feet. So I don't know.

I don't turn. You don't know. You don't turn to see if there's a gun behind you. You know what I mean? So I was just running, just hoping we'd get to a street. 30 feet so i don't know i don't turn you don't turn to see if there's a gun behind you you know what i mean so i was just running just hoping we'd get to a street so you ran 30 feet before you dropped probably 30 feet she dropped on the ground so she dropped and so when you kept running what like what did you say to her i was like i went back i i mean that would be oh yeah yeah i was like yo you'll be fine george just stands in it, just pushed her out of the way. Hang out with them for a while.

Yeah. They're cool, dude. They just want my watch. Yeah, so she's dating the guy. Creative diversion. Yeah, yeah. They're starting a rap group. So then I go, you got to get up.

She's like, I can't get up. I was like, you got to. You got to. I grab her fucking sandals and her purse, and we start running. And then I turn, and when I got her up I saw they were gone. But she didn't see that they were gone. So we're running in the street. She's like bleeding from her

knee and she's like hobbling at this point. Oh my God. And she's going help us. Like right out of like a movie. Screaming top of her lungs. Embarrassing a little bit. That's how insecure I am. I was like okay we don't have to. There's some young boys around like young college guys yeah there's some there's like 3 000 people that follow me on tiktok so anyway so i i was like just i was like i i didn't die

and then there was a forerunner and two of the bro is this guy jerry and asher like the bro is bros you've ever seen like like just left a frat house. What's up, man? Jerry seems like an old man's name. You would think. He was a 23-year-old dude, probably 24. Okay. And we just jumped.

What was his body like? Jacked. A jacked Asian guy. It doesn't matter. I just keep asking. Yeah, no, he's like jacked. What do you think he looks like shirtless? Shirtless?

Really good, actually. We need that just to color the story. Does he have a lot of hair or is he hairless? There were a good amount of vascular veins. Okay, so Jerry and Asher pull up. Like you flag them down. She flags them down? They stopped.

And we just jumped into their car. We didn't even ask them. Oh, my God. This is so crazy. And we jumped into their car. Like I compare it to like, you know when a sea lion jumps from a shark into a boat? Oh, that's such a good. And it's like, help me, dude.

That's great. That's what we were like. And we get in, and they're like, what happened? And we're like, we got mugged, whatever. And they're like, we'll call the cops. They call 911. Cops never come. No, of course not.

And then the firefighters come and they take care of Brenna's knee. The firefighters? Like a whole fire truck shows up? Yeah. A whole fire truck? Five of them. Oh yeah. So the first guy had green eyes and like he was probably like 6'3", 6'4".

Like strong hands. You could tell he's worked his way around the pussy. And he loves his mother. What's his sign his sign is whatever you want it to be by the way you guys

getting in their car is a good way to mug them to pretend that you've just been mugged well I also was like you guys aren't oh that is a good mugging

I was like you guys aren't the same guys without a ski mask in a different car yeah yeah I was trying to bring some like

but Brennan was like, huh? You literally made a joke. You're safe, huh? You literally made a joke. Oh, yeah, I made that joke. Immediately? Yeah, right away.

I was trying my quickest to make the set, you know, for future shows. Yeah, you start. So, anyways, so then they call, fire truck comes,

they clean her knee up. We get taken home in the fire truck. I felt like a nine-year-old boy. Oh, my God. Or like a Dalmatian. Did they let you honk the horn? Did you put on an oversized fire coat?

They gave me a little. Was it cool to ride in the fire truck? One of the firefighters carried her up the stairs and put her in bed. You can walk up the ladder if you want, boy. Wait, what was it like in the fire truck? Where do you sit in the fire truck? It's the coolest thing ever. Was it really cool?

They have like old computers. You would want to go in a fire truck. You know it, Chris. Yeah, Chris would get you mugged to be in a fire truck for sure. There's like a picture of me with, they let me hold the Jaws of Life. Oh, that's cool. It came to a radio event that I was doing. Oh, nice.

And yeah, they're the coolest. The best, dude. Jaws of Life? They're the coolest. Yeah, dude. They're like baseball players you can cut through anything yeah

dude my dad's a firefighter really what volunteer volunteer cool he's been one for like 30 years wow

final thought is there involuntary firefighters he's stolen so many guys girlfriends who got mugs dude this guy's a cleaner and he was like don't even fucking

don't even don't okay maybe do it a little bit. Yeah, maybe. Oh, that looks deep. Yeah, maybe. So the cops never come. Then we checked that Citizen app.

And two hours later, someone on the same street got it. The same thing? Same exact thing. And they stole a silver watch. Wow. Swear to God. It was like that was their gang initiation. Get a silver watch.

They patrolled the area. Yeah, it was on their scavenger hunt that day from their gang. Oh, silver watch. Every morning you get up. The funniest part, I think, though, the next day we see Jerry and Asher. Whoa. On Abbot Kinney walking his people. Wait, why are you in Venice?

Oh, I was house sitting. Okay. Yeah. And it's a whole other long story where apparently this guy tried to break into the house sitter's house three times. Yep. And got over the fence. And then this person asked us to house sit. Oh, I'm sorry.

The owner's house. Okay. The person asked us to house sit and never told us that her house is like. Venice Beach has fallen apart ever since COVID. It's my friend, my Allie's friend had an apartment there. And in the span of four months, she got her house was broken into three times. Dude, that's insane.

And then there was, it used to be a, quite a lot of homeless encampments in the area. And then like in the year 2021, they went in and they cleared out all the homeless encampments. And so instead of like solving any problems, the homeless people just kind of like started roaming around. And a lot of them started breaking into houses. I yeah i mean that was homeless on drugs desperate sure sure like

you can't blame them i know it's just like what like you're like oh how could you do like this is such a scourge like but it's like if i was in that situation yeah that's what like i can't even be mad at them i mean aladdin is your. Yeah, one jump ahead of the bread line. I can show you the bread. But the crime in Venice Beach area has gotten out of control. I see Jerry and Asher, and we go up, and I go, hey, man, thanks for helping us out. And he's like, who are you?

Oh, shit, yeah, yeah, yeah. They forgot? What the fuck they like how often does that happen well they probably didn't think we'd be walking down abby kenny like yeah but then uh the funniest part was he goes dude we thought you were kidnapping her oh my god i'm sure that happened and then i just jumped jumped into their car with the girl I'm kidnapping. Like, yo, you're bros. That's probably more likely.

That I would just. No, no, no. Because that happens so much now that people are just like, I was just reading about some girl. I was also dragging her. The Haktua girl says, I read her Rolling Stone article about her. And she's like talking about how her biggest fear is being kidnapped because she's really tiny, and she's a hot chick who's really super tiny.

She was like, I can get scooped up in seconds and taken and sold and never see my family again, and I'm paranoid about it constantly. And I'm like, this was not something that when I was young and hot, which I never really was at the same time, I never figured those out to like intersect. That could be a bet.

But I really never did. And so I never like feared getting kidnapped. But I don't think that was a thing when we were young. But like now it's a thing where I'm like, I see it on,

I want to, yeah, I'm working on a bit about it. But like that, I met another young girl who's like, oh my God, I'm just,

you know, because I can't go there because you know, and I'm like, because of what? And she's like, kidnapping. I'm like, just, you know, because I can't go there because, you know, and I'm like, because of what? She's like, kidnapping. I'm like, what? I didn't think about that.

I thought about that when I was a kid, but not when I was like an adult woman. But it does add up when you think about like, if you paint the scene, she's yelling, help me. I'm dragging her. She's bleeding. Yes. And I'm just, we're still unsure if that is not what's going on. This whole relationship.

She DM'd me first. Oh, this is fun. We have to go. Thanks for doing this, you guys. And thanks for all your help with the SBs. And yeah, I met Andy Reid. Oh, and the Stephen family. And he loves her.

And Andrew has, okay, here's the things you missed. Andrew has a great arm, which Chris saw at a Thanksgiving Day football game where Andrew participated because they needed extra players. Andrew blew Chris's mind. It was like really of note how good Andrew's arm was. And hand, it's a part of the arm. And then Andy Reid I met last night. I was backstage, and I didn't know he was there

because he ended up getting the award for Patrick Holmes on his behalf. But I saw him backstage, and I knew someone was accepting on someone's behalf, but I just thought they had Andy Reid later on the show. I didn't know Patrick would be winning, even though I knew he was a nominee. So I met him backstage before I presented because some agent, this girl that I love love pulled me and was like you have to meet andy reid like you're a cheese fan right i was like yeah of course i am she's like well you gotta meet andy come here and i was like does he want to meet me like to say i don't want to bother

this man like he seems to be someone who doesn't want to suffer fools and i don't fun guy yeah and i i actually had something to say to him because yeah all i knew what to say to him which was like obviously congratulations on being such a great comedic actor in these in these ads because i really was like you are i was like i love you i was like you are so funny you're hilarious i was like you are a great comedic actor and he was like he said keep up what you're doing i really like what you're doing and we had like a moment and he took a selfie and was so nice i was like can i get a selfie i'm sorry i like never asked for selfies but it's andy reed he looked great too

he was just like so nice and easy to talk to and we had like a little moment and then i go present the award and that's who comes out they like didn't tell me who's gonna come out they're like wow because i don't know who's gonna win i find out when i open the envelope too and then andy reed i was like oh yay i just met you and then he was glad. The first thing he said, he's like, I'm glad Nikki didn't eviscerate. No, no, no, no. The word he chose was so perfect. What was it? Dismantle me.

Dismantle. It was so good. God, that's why we love Andy Reid. That kind of word that like, I mean, us writing, like trying to figure out one word today to put in that Conan thing. Like one word can change everything.

Dismantle is such a perfect word. You'll have to see when the episode comes out. one you know what else she was wearing a red dress for the chiefs i thought the same thing dude you're so right yeah do you remember andy reed i'm such a chiefs fan andy reed said after he uh won his first super bowl with the chiefs they go what do you what do you want to do after this nikki glazer no he goes i think i'm gonna go get a cheeseburger Yeah he had I think he I don't know if it's a rumor

But he had like Twenty Like something like Twenty five burgers Good for him No I'm not Yeah He's like that's

That's a way to celebrate Hey I'm just telling the story I'm not making fun of him That's back to back Karaoke nights No no Oh yeah no That's just the truth

I'm just saying It's the truth There's nothing wrong with that You can eat in the burgers Yeah Alright we gotta go Thank you so much for listening Come see me on the road NikkiGlazer.com So many new dates added You're saying there's nothing wrong with that. All right. We got to go. Thank you so much for listening. Come see me on the road.

NikkiGlazer.com. So many new dates added. So many shows. Tickets are selling fast. I've never really had to say that to you guys and be like, you might not get them, but truly shows are selling out and it's awesome that you guys are coming out. But get your tickets now. NikkiGlazer.com.

You can check it. I don't really know where I'm going to be because there's so many coming up, but like I need to, I need to memorize the next couple. i don't know when this is coming out but i'm gonna be in vegas this weekend with david spade but then i am seriously on the road for the rest of my life so come see me i would love to see you and uh don't be sure and bye john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews

and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.