The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #458 Producer Mom, Relationship Goals & Do Imposters Read Self Help Books?

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Nikki & Brian welcome back producer Noa, who has a new role: being a parent. Nikki’s taking charge and setting the rules for her dog after a wild adventure in the garage, while Brian is thrilled about his wife’s fantastic new job opportunity. As Nikki and Chris dive into planning their financial future and house-hunting, Nikki admits she's not the biggest fan of the search or small talk—but she always perks up at a surprise note from her friend Myq Kaplan. In the Final Thought, they delve into attachment styles and Nikki shares her insights about a book on imposter syndrome. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. Yes, that's right. That's Noah's voice. Live and in the flesh, Mama Noah is back on the show. Brian is here too. Noah, welcome back to the show. Thank you. Oh my God, you're a full-blown mom now. Yeah.

Definitely blown. It's like... Is it... Okay, so many questions to ask. Does it feel like coming back to work and getting your bearings on going back into the real world? Does it feel like you're coming out of the show alone and you've been in the wilderness show alone and like you've been

in the wilderness kind of for a while and you've acclimated to that life and now you are you know just re-emerging and you're tanner and you're um bedraggled and you've built a bunch of stone um uh shelters and you've been foraging for food like does it feel like kind of like bleary-eyed like coming back to life or is it like first of all i cannot believe that it's been three months three months jesus christ that's like a quarter of a year i've heard and it feels like sort of like my life stopped at like the moment that your life blew up which is so not fair because i was like here for the podcast for all that stuff oh yeah yeah so i just happened to noah i've changed too i know um but i i'm leaving my baby behind a dumpster and coming back to the way i was i casey anthony'd whatever

happened back then it's gone all that hubbub and it's settled back down and i'm back doing what i used to do um but uh yeah it, that's interesting. Our lives kind of mine got kind of crazy and so did yours. I mean, yours has changed so much. Let's just start with the headlights. What's the biggest? I always ask this of new moms and I think I don't think it's like a good interesting question. I'm not patting

myself on the back like everyone should really ask this. But like what's the thing that you did not anticipate the biggest surprise of like people didn't prepare you for oh I guess like I didn't know how many diapers we'd go through especially in the beginning and I didn't know how much babies need to eat especially if you're nursing them there's something called cluster eating Oh God I've only heard the word cluster when it comes to um headaches that make you want to kill yourself yeah cluster fuck oh yeah cluster

cluster like a oh yeah all things that i tend to avoid yeah so cluster feeding is basically if you're nursing which is breastfeeding um it's like you're feeding the baby on demand so there's no schedule or anything like that she just will want to eat and like infants you know because she just starts crying yeah so basically when a baby starts crying she's crying because she's tired or what if she's crying because she's like um something like the zipper on her onesie is poking her back like how do you know you're just like shoving her tit in her face and she's like no i'm just tired mom so basically she would uh brood brooding is when like they turn to the side and open their mouth like they're looking for the nipple she would have little baby birds yeah exactly okay

much fists like she's about to box those are two signs and then um if she's really agitated crying it'll be one of uh three things she's hungry she needs a diaper change or she's got a burp or fart okay and i did not know they canceled her favorite show or discontinued her favorite deodorant or protein bar another big surprise is i didn't know that babies farts are like as loud as adult farts wow oh that makes sense because babies are so loud anyway like i have said this before but the reason babies are like so loud and they don't like you hear baby sometimes and you're like man that baby is going to be hoarse the rest of its life because of how it's screaming like babies are relaxed babies aren't tense and like nervous about stuff so they're so

when they they vibrate like a boombox like they're a little you ever see like i have like a little bows micro boombox and it's so small but it produces so much sound they're like little little little boomboxes because they're relaxed and they're vibrating so much um but they they don't need to um do the same things that we need to do to produce this crazy sound. Well, I was thinking,

I was thinking about what you said, cause you talked about this previously from your voice lesson. Yeah. Is that babies like naturally know how to use their diaphragm to be loud. And she, she does, you know, remember when we went to see Taylor Swift and I was like talking about how you

can't see any strain on her throat. Yes. Like, like in, in, in her neck neck i mean like no veins popping out or anything like that when she sings loud toby is the same wow belch out just like taylor swift can so it's a lot of more feeding than you anticipated um it's just non-stop i'm guessing yeah but it also comes um right and so in the beginning like the babies are not as efficient eaters so i could be feeding her for like an hour and she's just like kind of not it's like she's sucking on a broken straw like she's just not getting right getting a little bit out of time there's nothing more annoying than that by the way that's way more annoying than it should be when the straw has like a little bit of a dent

in it it's like it makes it completely useless and it's and it's frustrating because it happens so often when you put when you hit the straw to get the paper out it will break it'll snap it and then you got a fucking weak straw it sucks and you get a lot of air so you get so gassy the so the baby's feeding more but it is it like is it non-stop though like is it so like uh like i'm watching my parents dogs this weekend and it's non-stop like any chance i have to ever relax i have to go take them for a walk because there's three and at least one has to pee at some point and it's just like you just have to you you maybe have two hours where you can like kind of do what you want,

but then they're just looking at you all the time like, what are you going to do with us? We're so bored. I hate being on call constantly and feeling guilty constantly. Do you ever get to set her down and just chillax? Well, yesterday when you were talking about having to scratch Marion, I was like, oh, okay, Nikki is feeling like a motherhood thing. It felt a little bit like nursing in the middle of the night like i can't sleep i'm so jealous of my boyfriend who's just

conked out not having to do anything right now about this itchy butt yeah and i'm the only one that can offer a solution for this dog yeah but it does come with a lot of cuddles and love and oxytocin overload which i could not be more grateful for but do you have a oh yeah i'm kind of jealous of that if that but that's that means that there's if you get too much then there's a um don't you develop a um addiction not an addiction but like the other thing where it's like you need more to get high what's it called a oh like my baseline has moved your tolerance yeah your tolerance thank you your tolerance goes does that's what my first question to you offline was was like

i know that like whenever we see babies and like you first see your baby you're just like oh my god she's the cutest like her hands her fingers her fingernails her her like every part her little lips and her eye like every part of them is precious after a while do you just go like okay it's just a baby like does that stop being as profound and resonant not no i mean maybe eventually because i don't see moms walking around going like oh dude but you're so like they're they're just kind of like blankly staring at the sidewalk as they push the store. So it must go away at some point.

Do you know what I mean? Like, people are fawning over your baby constantly, and the mom's just kind of like, uh-huh, yeah. You should, like, she's kind of over it. I don't want to compare babies to dogs like everyone flips out about. But every time I look at Jack, I feel the same reaction, which is that same type of fuzzy feeling. Okay, well, I guess I'm relating this to my own dog who I'm obsessed with and I want to bite her paws and I want to eat her face. And I'm like, I love her so much. But there are a lot of times where I realize I am taking her for granted. And I'm just like, oh, she's just a dog right now.

She's jumping up at me and I'm looking at something on my phone and I'm just like, oh man, I would have been like, I would be melting right now if I just met you, but you're just a dog right now. So I do find that it has, I need to be away a little bit to feel that again. It would just be impossible to fawn constantly when you're with your baby 22 and a half hours a day,

I'm guessing. I've seen people do it. Yeah. Not pretty. The truth is there are times two and a half hours a day i'm guessing i've seen i've seen people do it yeah they're not pretty the truth is there are times that i'm just like okay will you please sleep for more than a half hour because you can't i can't get anything done in a half hour and then there's so many things i've started and then just left unfinished because i just can't get to it sleeping is she just could she just is she either crying or sleeping or is there like

so she'd just like be staring and she's just staring she wants to be held or she wants to be held so you want to be held so i've had to turn my foot into a hand basically because i have to hold her in one hand and then i only have the other hand free so i was thinking that you were holding her with your foot when you said that i was like how does that work but okay is yeah there's constantly you got to be like rocking and stuff and always you just have to be held up she she loves so the i think right now right now she uh avi is wearing her okay got a book bag in like a accessory not book bag yeah as an accessory um so basically infants newborns they just crave going back into the womb so she just wants to be held close to me she's using her us like like olfactory senses and stuff she's she's using her nose a lot when she was born they put her on my stomach, and she, like, wiggled her way up to my nipple.

Isn't that crazy? Wow, she knew. She has this instinct. Yeah. And how is she, like, are their personality traits emerging? Yeah, she's, like, a little silly. She likes to, she always smiles first thing in the morning, which is so cute.

And that's the best part of your day, is waking up in the morning and seeing her smiling when you open the door uh haven't you just seen her an hour before because you woke up to feed her is there ever really morning as a mom okay so i will i will say something that's pretty controversial which i've told you on girls chat we do a controversial thing we co-sleep so I don't really like when I feed her at night it's not really that inconvenient for me to be honest she eats and then she falls back to sleep

co-sleeping means she's in the bed with you guys yeah she's sleeping with us and that's controversial because they're worried you're gonna roll over on her yeah which I mean to each his own sure yeah and I'm sure it does happen But I think on girls chat you were like

It usually has to do with someone who's drunk or on drugs Or extremely overweight Which no shade about any of those things If you are those Or do those If you're drunk and you want to kill your baby That's totally fine I don't think anyone wants to kill their baby

No they don't want to I'm serious I don't have shade for addicts their baby No they don't want to I'm serious I don't have shade for addicts I feel like they don't choose that life People sleep with their dogs right My dog is Always in your bed He's 8 pounds When my dog is watched by someone else

I say don't let him sleep in your bed Because you're scared of that But I trust myself not to do it some for some reason interesting yeah i i yeah i sleep with her in the bed and there are times where i get in bed i'm like oh that would have just squished her head if that would have been her head like and now i'm learning i'm learning man i've had some close calls um like we she's really good off-leash. She just sticks by my feet generally. But there's just no more of that.

I'm not pushing. I'm not because I went to the garage the other day and my car is parked in a different place. So usually when I'm going to the garage, I walk out this one side and I got a new space because I have an electric car now. Hell yeah. Yeah. That's so cool.

You got the that handicap spot for electric vehicles right yeah yeah but it's it's not ideal it's and it's far away the the plug at my place is like the shittiest charger ever it's like your friend's charger that's all for a phone charger that's all frayed and you have to like wrap it around your hand to make it work like you know like it's it's it charges, you know, like it's, it's, it charges like 2% every hour. It's bad. It's bad. The infrastructure is already decaying.

They gave me a good spot at first. And then they were like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Something happened to our system that you can't have that spot anymore. And I go, well, I'm, I'm not in town to move my car for another two weeks. And they go, okay, just move it when you get back. And I go, well, who is that understanding? That's going to let my car sit there for two weeks that you can't just give me that spot and by the way who the fuck is getting that spot instead of me i've been at this building for four fucking

years i don't know anyone who's been in this building for four years i'm not going like i am the i pay more than anyone guaranteed i'm i i've been here longer who has more seniority than me to get that spot i I don't understand. Chris and I are very upset about it. So they gave me this janky spot that has a leak. So to get in my car, I have to step in a puddle. And so my cars are already destroyed in the bottom. It's already just a mess.

It's just a mess. Have you broached this subject to them at all? Yeah. And they go, we'll get back to you. We'll look in our system. And it's been five days. And there's no getting back to me. And usually they're right on it.

But I'm just like, what's going on what's going on here wait so what does this have to do with the dog so i was walking out to go to my new space and cute she's so cute and it was early in the morning too which i don't usually i'm not in the garage this early in the morning and i don't realize how fucking busy it is like there's everyone's leaving because everyone has a normal fucking job and it was like 8 30 gotta go to and she was just there's this thing where if people if people are like people freak out when she's off leash even though when i'm in like safe areas off leash people go like she's off leash she's walking over by that tree and i'm like just stay and then they start chasing her and then she runs from them and i'm i'm just like i know my dog if you just act chill she won't fucking run

just like don't mind what i'm doing with my dog don't chase her don't freak out like you don't put your shit on me just because your dog would run into the street doesn't mean mine would so thank god i get out she walks out and i see i hear this car coming way too fast and i see her right on the edge of like where she would be in the way of a car. And I had a decision to make of like, do I go like, Oh, come here.

Like, don't go further into the road. Or do I just let the car go past? Because if I spook her, she might just dart. Right. But if I just act like nothing's happening, she'll stay.

And I just decided in that moment to act like nothing's happening she'll stay and i just decided in that moment to act like nothing's happening and i saw my life flash before my eyes and also her life and the car if she would have darted would be dead and i just wrote to chris and i said we are never ever walking into the garage without her on a leash or holding her ever again i just learned the biggest lesson and it won't happen and i'm i literally almost lost her she almost just died and um and i'm so grateful that i have that lesson but did it scare me so much yes and um i guess my point is is that you just have to i just like i'm trying to learn lessons and collect the that stuff instead of just being like oh that was lucky now i'm like okay well now you can't ever do that again and thank god god or whoever just

gave you that and um it was a lesson and not a punishment yeah yeah if you were to lose her in the parking lot you wouldn't have a name to put on her headstone oh god that reminds me of this thing on reddit i saw that was so sad that said oh my god i almost put on the girls chat but i just little baby baby dead babies aren't like really what's the vibe in there so it was a headstone of a little girl that like died back in the 1800s and it said unwanted baby girl oh my god i researched it more to be like what the fuck is this so it was a really popular name back then. Wow. Yeah. It was like Emma is now. But no.

So she, unwanted baby girl, I looked into it. This girl was a product of rape or incest. And her mom had her and then abandoned her because she didn't want her because she was raped. And so it was a little girl had this baby. And so she got rid of her. And to make women feel bad about abandoning their kids, made a decision as a town to make this headstone say, unwanted baby girl, so that this person was shamed. Wow. And it's just so sad.

So the baby is dead. They didn't just make a faux headstone to shame her? No, it was real. But they made it seem... Well, how did the baby die? They killed the baby after it was born? I don't know. I really don't know the details of it.

But I just know that the townspeople, it was men who conspired to shame women about abandoning your child, even though that baby was unwanted to begin with for a good reason, because it was a product of rape. Yeah, the very man who probably caused this baby's responsibility.

Oh, yeah, he was probably the mayor. Probably in the mob, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Things were really cool back then. I loved it. I mean, it was a great time. I can't wait to get back to that way. Muskets. I mean. Yeah. the mayor probably in the mob yeah yeah exactly it's things were really cool back then i loved it i mean it was great time i can't wait to get back to that muskets i mean yeah who doesn't love a good musket clusters and muskets it was worth it for the musket um yeah so i i learned that lesson but yeah i i often i've gotten into bed and i like now i'm because of the other night i

kind of plopped in a way that was like okay that could have injured something and so I learned that lessons now I gingerly get back into bed did you ever watch the Sopranos I didn't because I'm scared of violence but um I can pretty much get any reference you give me from it so the guy there's one of the characters from the Sopranos who I forgot his name but at one point he's doing drugs and then he plops down on the couch and he sits on his dog and kills it no yeah it's one of the i remember i don't remember a lot of specific scenes from the sopranos because i watched it when i was like i don't know how old i was it was like 25 years ago and that one scene just stuck out in my head because i always clock when a dog gets killed in the show it's and it was horrible and it wasn't even his dog it

was his girlfriend's dog oh god they broke up because of it obviously and then did she would get murdered at some point i don't remember that's all i remember is that dog scene by the way is it sopranos or sopranos because someone was saying sopranos the other day and i was just like i think it's sopranos and they were like have you seen sopranos and i was like no but i think it's sopranos i've heard people talk about it and I can know you're thinking of the singer yes I cannot imagine a single person from New Jersey saying Sopranos okay and that's where the show takes place thank you yeah forget who this was but it was someone who really seemed it was so they were so sure it, and they seemed to be so offended by me thinking it was Sopranos that I acquiesced.

And I never do when I know I'm right. And I knew I was right. I've lived in a world where the Sopranos has existed for over 20 years now, right? Like, it's been 25, 30 years. It's Sopranos. Just think about a New York accent, you know? It's like, they're going to say, hey, I was walking down the street and I got a piece of pizza, and then I watched the Sopranos. It think about a New York accent. They're going to say, Hey, I was walking down the street and I got a piece of pizza and then I watched The Sopranos.

It doesn't even make sense. Sopranos. Doesn't make sense. And I'm not, I am one to correct people quite often when I think they're saying something in a weird way because I kind of wanted to educate myself. I got to remember who that person was

because I think I can just, because of the way I I think I can just, um, because of the way I acquiesce so quick, I know that I have some kind of fear of this person. So if you're listening, will you remember, will you tell me who you were? Because I definitely fear you. Um,

because I knew you were wrong and I just gave in and I, or I want something from you or you hold some sort of power over me because there's no way I would let you get away with that otherwise. And I don't know get away with that otherwise. And I don't know why I did that day. But we'll, we probably won't figure it out. But we'll be right back after this with more with Noah and Brian. Noah's back, everyone.

Noah's back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, And we're back.

Is motherhood all that you wanted it to be, all that you expected it to be? Do you feel like a different person than you expected it to be do you feel um like a different person than you were before like are you profoundly changed forever well i guess i'm profoundly changed in the way that i've lost my short-term memory it feels like really oh wow i have a hard time remembering stuff and um that's it's pretty common It's like the mommy fog. What do they attribute that to? All the oxytocin. Really? The oxytocin makes you lose your short-term memory?

The bonding chemicals? Yeah, like all the bonding stuff. Wow. Oh, so I wonder what the purpose of that would be. So you don't remember anything that's good. Yeah, you don't remember what your life was like before. You don't have anything. Because it's over.

Yeah. No, it seems to be there would be a reason for that. I think it's just so that you channel all your energy into focusing on the baby. That makes sense. That makes sense. And when's it supposed to come back? I guess when the baby gets more independent. Yeah, I think also probably just as I start like venturing out into the world,

like coming back to work, which feels like the first day of school, it's like seeing everyone and you know, um, you have a new binder. Yeah. Like I got, I got my trapper keeper,

five star binder. What's everyone wearing? Oh my God. I would always get a new binder and like new tabs for each subject and there were seven fresh tabs and i would put right in the subject and i would slide it into that little colored tab and i would be so organized and i would have like my pencil case that fit into the three ring binder as well it would be oh my god all shit by the end of the week i would be writing everything in the first section um i will have

lost all of the pens all of the pencils everything would look dirty um the edges of the binder would start to peel away um i just couldn't keep it nice it would become what my car has become in just two weeks it's it's it would be but, that every year there was this delusion that I would keep it fresh and that it would be some kind of different person than I've ever been. How do we recapture that feeling? I mean, aside from having a kid and then re literally reliving it, but that feeling of you're going to go to school next week and you can get

all your stuff together and you're excited. Like, how do you recapture that? Do you remember that feeling when you're like, Oh, I have all my stuff that I'm going to put in my backpack and i'm gonna take it to this exciting i think it's starting new jobs it's all it's all new jobs i think that but but no one's like excited to start a new job i mean i guess some people are my wife has a new job oh really she just got a new job today i didn't know know that. Oh my God. Today she got the job. She signed the paperwork today.

She got the job or she's starting the job? She signed the paperwork today. Is she already gone from her other job? No, no. She's still there. She's going to quit today. Oh my God. That's so exciting.

It's all happening. She's so happy. Hopefully no one listens to the pod from her old job. Right. Well, she really appreciates her old job. There's a lot of coworkers she loved there. However, she's excited to go. It's time to leave. She's going to work

for our lord and savior's Amazon. The Monocorp. The old corporation, quite frankly. What's she going to be doing for them? She's, same thing, ad sales. Good for her. She's an account executive, a senior account executive.

She makes bank without her i would not be able to uh follow my dreams yeah that's great it's a good partner yeah that's awesome that's um that's that's been the conversation with chris and i for a bit now is um that same thing of like um how how do we work this like it's just it makes so much sense when the man makes the money and the woman just stays at home and like keeps the house and takes care of the kids and like there's no question of like the woman spends the guy's money and no one like worries about it and there's no like there's no big con i mean there should be big conversations about it but it doesn't seem to be this thing that i've like had to talk to my friends about when they're going through it just

like happens that you just share the wealth but when it starts to make sense flip side oh yeah it's a conversation what's the point is the woman when earning all the money and the man might be the one that just like is is uh supporting her because it's interesting because i just want chris i want everyone in my life to just be happy and not feel like so like lose sleep because they are worried about their money like the people in my close family and friends and so i will gladly give them money to make them feel that way if they're like you know they're like, you know, they're looking for a job or whatever it is, like I'm happy to help and I don't expect to be paid back. And it's like,

cause that's what my job affords me is that luxury of doing that. But, um, they don't want to ever, I also don't want them to feel like they work for me and that they like have to like, it's, it's this weird thing of like,

Chris is like, well, what if I want to buy a really nice car, like a a dream car that i don't really need but i just want and i'm like oh that's tough because i don't really want to buy that for like i could and then i go oh i'd get it for you as a gift like that would be interesting to me but you just like using my money to go buy it and it not being like a thing that you thank me for is not interesting to me but then why do i need to thank you right if you're sharing money if we're really sharing so i have to look inside myself and go what what is there some kind of power i wield in this and like do i enjoy that power and it's so i was like maybe i just give you a certain like a salary a

year so because i don't want you to have to take a bunch of jobs that you don't want so that you can afford a lifestyle that is that keeps up with mine because then you're not around to like help me process stuff because i require a lot of like i i like having a partner in the stuff that i do and he's obviously a tv producer and is very well versed in comedy and so he he helps me so much for you huh that's an advantage for you to have it's someone you know who you love working with you but it definitely will create an interesting dynamic if he doesn't have anything of his own i think yeah but i also think that he he i don't think that's true for him though like he doesn't have an ego about like i need to earn money he really doesn't he just feels bad taking mine like he doesn't care sure that's

that's his thing he's not like he doesn't need to it's it's interesting but that that was a good question that he asked because i was just like i'll just give you this much money a year on allowance like i'll just give you that money and that that means that you can do whatever you want with you could buy that car with it and you can like you can save up your allowance and you can buy a car yeah every week you take the trash out and do your chores and rub my feet you can get the um and i like palimony except you're not broken up yeah and then he was like well what if i it's it's just very it's very complicated but it doesn't have to be because but then he was like but what if i want to go on a trip and you like want me for some like thing that you're doing and

i'm like well i think you don't want you want to be there for my big things there's never been one time in our relationship where he's been like but i got this concert i want to go to i can't go to the show that means a lot that you have me there and i am not someone who needs him at everything like when i need him it's because it actually is important it's going to add to it and no one likes being needed more than chris convey so he's he enjoys doing that so and i want him to be able to go on trips and um and i do have this thing of when it is when it is when i've given someone money it's no longer my money and i don't care what you do with it and i am not um i don't like even taxes i'm just like it's never my it was never my money it always has to go i just

look at money as it's when i see a check i just always take 30 and i go that's what mine is of that after i pay on everyone that's that's what i get i don't look at see a check i just always take 30 and i go that's what mine is of that after i pay on everyone that's that's what i get i don't look at the first number i just take the decimal over and then i times it by three and that's what i get yeah of that um so i don't know it's complicated with chris helping you so much i mean you you and chris have known each other for over a decade nobody knows you better than chris and i think having him kind of like be sort of like um a manager of your life is gonna be so relieving for you yes and um you're actually paying him a salary because he's gonna do a great job so

his point is i would do this if i like i love you i would do this if I, like, I love you. I would do this if you, for nothing. Because that's what a partner does. And that's where it gets tricky. Yeah. Yeah. But also he wants that car. Yeah, he wants that car. That F1.

So what's he going to do? Racing car. I also would love to buy him a crazy gift like that. That would be fun. So it's, and then we're looking at houses and it's just, it's just, that's an interesting thing too too because he's like, I would never be looking at houses that cost this much if it weren't for you. And is this okay? And I'm like, I think so. And I also know that he would never want me to spend money I didn't have and he's smart about money.

So I kind of trust him. But looking at houses, can I just say, boo. I love my realtor more than anything her name is uh lauren risley and she is was the host of a show called it's only on hgtv i think it was called like rainbow it was it has a sassy name it's like if you want it you can get it it's like don't rehab or re rethink oh call the closer yeah call the close closer so she knows how to like rehab houses she knows she knows she's amazing and she's so funny like she makes me laugh so hard we're at these showings but here's my thing about going to i actually really enjoy the process of working with her and going to houses when when we when me lauren and chris and and maybe chris's mom or my mom

get to go into a house and we just get to open it ourselves and walk around in this empty house that maybe has cameras running but i don't really give a shit if people like hear what i have to say about their house later on i it's just like when there's someone there it's very annoying yeah when there's a realtor there or god forbid the owner of the house oh i don't want to i'm not pretending to like a house i don't like this is a three million dollar house i don't have to act like i like it this is i can walk into the foyer oh yeah and go boy nay i don't like this place and I can turn on a dime and not feel bad at all. That should be able, I cannot believe

that some people, not I, and not even Chris, I mean, Chris is pretty good about it too, but I think there is this air of like, at least pretend that you might like it. Or just be complimentary or go like, you know, it was great, but like, I just think that the bathroom isn't big enough and we really wanted a tub and um there's no place for the sauna in the yard just isn't like i don't have to tell these people why i don't like it i can just say i don't

like it and leave like this isn't um a meal that was cooked for me for free and i just i can't stomach it and so i have to make up some fake excuse about allergies or i ate before and so i'm like i don't have to like placate your feelings your real estate agent who's just showing this house you are acting like you like it by the way you don't even like this place you have to act like you like it it's when you're dealing with something that is this expensive i don't want to have to be nice if they like the house they wouldn't be selling it i don't want to have to be nice if they like the house they wouldn't be selling it i don't want to have to be fake and act like oh it would be nice you know what i do like this room what are we doing i don't like it i want i don't like the neighborhood i don't like the driveway

i knew as soon as i saw it i didn't want it i don't want to have to do this dance i'm the one paying out the ass for this i don't want to have to be fake yeah and maybe that's me just being like a date or huh maybe it's kind of like a date she's getting to know your like your preferences by forcing you to walk through 30 000 square feet of home yeah that's true that's what chris's point is is like let's see the whole place because we might get ideas of what we do like and so that is why i do look through the whole place but i don't want to have a conversation with the realtor not my realtor i can shoot the shit with the homeowner her realtor the realtor of the house that is we're being showed i don't want to have to tell that person what what i do like about it would be great if it just had this i don't have to do that bye i don't have to take

your door for a negotiation too if you go Well if it just had this Then they might start Because then they go Well I will say That as though It looks like There's not a lot of space

In the basement For a workout room But it's a lot bigger Than you think Like they start Shut the fuck up Right I just think

When it's like A big purchase item There's no You don't have You have the luxury At that point Because you're about to spend So much fucking money That you have the luxury of not having to be fake pleasant and by the way i am a pleasant person i'm a very nice person i always want people to feel

okay and good it's not like i'm like this place is ugly bye i just don't i just want to go this is what i want to say i want to walk in and go oh you know what this isn't i just know it's not it i'm sorry um but thank you so much i i'm sorry that you had to take time out of your day i just i don't want to waste your time i just know it's not it you know and um but uh and oh why isn't it okay um it's ugly and there's pictures of jesus in every room and it's giving me a weird vibe well we can take those out um there are it just feels like he's meant to be here and i know that he won't come with the place but there's jesus in literally every room and i'm haunted by it and i don't like it and i don't and and so i just want to be able to um and i guess some realtors would say to me well nikki

you should tell them what you don't like about the place and what you do like because then that person might have other listings that they could show you. Guess what, bitch? I'm on Zillow. I know what's out. Well, the realtors have an inside track on things. Okay. Okay.

Fair enough. Fair enough. I'll believe the inside track thing. But we're all looking at the same sites. We know what's out there. Okay. But do you feel like you and Chris are closer to it? Or are you still

having like kind of apprehension about buying no we definitely want to be in a house and the only reason is because we're running out of space in the apartment and because our garage destroyed my car and because there's a puddle i have to step over to and i'm not getting the primo spot and because there are a lot more homeless people around this area that seem to be like they might have a knife on them and they might be thinking about stabbing me like do you ever walk by a homeless person and um who's having some psychiatric break and they're doing weird stretches they have one shoe on and you go it would take just a breeze of wind to make them get out their knife and stab me to death like it would just just anything could happen.

I could move in a way that reminds them of an ex that hurt them. And then they get, yeah. And we just have to walk by and pretend that that's fine. I saw a guy literally had a knife and he was stabbing a telephone pole. Just stabbing the telephone pole.

And we'd be like, well, you know, he's doing his thing. You know, it's like... I'm so sorry for what they're going through. But I just can't. I'm feeling a little bit scared in my area lately. It seems to be creeping in. You don't have the infrastructure to support these people. You know what the house thing is like? It's kind of funny to talk about.

I'm trying to buy a house to get away from homeless people. But you know what? It's interesting. You're so right. The irony. The irony. Performing for the realtor, it kind of reminds me of when you walk into a store that's owned, like a mom and pop store that's owned, and the person's behind the counter.

And you walk in, you're immediately like, oh no, I don't want any of this shit. I hate this place. You still have to be like, oh. I hate the music that's playing. I hate the smell. I hate the cat that's like meowing and I don't know any of this shit. I hate this place. You still have to be like, I hate the music that's playing. I hate the smell. I hate the cat that's like meowing and I don't know where it is, but it's going to come out. I'm going to have to act like I like it

and I'm going to have to like pet it or ask its name just to be pleasant. I will not walk into an empty store just for this because I don't want to have to deal with this. And I'll have to buy a card at least, some kind of postcard or like a some just

some a bookmark yeah just to give them something to do it's yeah it's this i i feel that same way i guess i'm just not into and what a privileged thing to be able to say i'm not into small talk and i don't really have any tolerance for it anymore and um is that is that our world becoming like a shitty place am i a product of us all disappearing into our phones and not having any kind of um there's just no social interactions 100 that's what's happening i mean there's partially like you're just like getting older and figuring out like what you really want to spend your time doing but when it comes to just like having a conversation i had i had a conversation with an uber driver um this past weekend that was like it reminded me of why having little small talk conversations can be rewarding yeah okay and generally i don't have

them because of purely i don't feel good but if i I felt good all the time, I probably would have way more small talk conversations. That's a good point. Okay. But I definitely think since COVID, people have been shutting down. People hate each other. Scientifically, people are talking about how since COVID, people are not going out socially as much anymore.

They're not spending time with friends and family. They're not experiencing interactions, which I think is so important. We cannot let society descend into a world of isolation which is where it's going i just if i'm if if i don't want to make friends and i don't have anything helpful to share that is going to change that person's day or life i'm i'm very pleasant to the people in my elevator when they talk to me and like i i'm grateful to the people cleaning up around the apartment building and i'm always

gracious to the maintenance men and the janitors and whatever and and love love small talk with them because i want them to feel appreciated and um and and i want to be a familiar face for them so that they feel like oh i this is i i'm yeah but i don't um i just don't want to be a familiar face for them so that they feel like, oh, I, this is, I'm yeah. But I don't, um, I just don't want to be nice just to, I don't want to, I don't want to be nice. So I'm just like making,

I don't, I'm not responsible for how people feel. And I don't, I don't want to be responsible for making someone feel good all the time. I like giving that little gift when it's there to give like today, my friend mike caplan um myq myq he changed it i think in college oh so funny so smart he is one of the he probably texts me 20 times a year just to be like hey nikki i love you and i'm just writing my friends

to tell them i love them and you're just one them, and I love you because of this and this and this, and he's specific, and it's so meaningful, and I can ignore it probably 40% of the time, and he doesn't mind. I'll get a big thing of text, and then I forget to write back because I want to give what he just gave, and I don't, but he never makes me feel bad about it. He's just shooting it out there. He's so nice, but he heard me on Fresh fresh air on on npr terry gross interviewed me and he wrote me this message being like you were he gave me like a detailed you know synopsis of of his thoughts on it and i was like man thank you so much that is that's so nice this literally made my week and he said to me um he said to me nikki the first first I go, oh, my God, this made my week.

And that's no exaggeration. I had a hangover after that interview and felt kind of bad about myself. Thanks for saying these nice things. He said, Nikki, the first time Judy Gold saw me do stand up, she said I was funny. And I said, thank you. That's nice of you to say. And she said, what's nice? It's true.

And he goes, and that has become an anthem in our household for fun so i say to you what's nice it's true and i said it can be both i said i think a lot of i think a lot of true things that i don't say because i'm not feeling nice or generous so it is nice to go the extra mile and go okay i do like that girl's jacket i'm just not gonna think oh that's really cute jacket i'm gonna say it and then that's the nice part and sometimes like you said brian i'm not in a good mood and i just don't feel like yeah spread and joy that's yeah i mean sometimes i see someone's jacket and i think it looks like shit and i go nice jacket yeah well that's the other thing you can do that's the mean girls thing that that was such a great part of mean girls where she was like oh my god i love your bracelet

where did you get it and the girl's like oh my god it was my mom's and she's like oh my god it's so cute and then the popular girl like kind of christened this you know not popular girl because she liked her thing and that happened to me so many times in high school and then that girl katie becomes friends with the popular girl and then the popular girl does the same thing to an a girl that has like an ugly backpack and she's like oh my god i love your bag it's so cute where did you get it and she was like oh my god it was my mom's whatever and then the girl walks away like feeling so good about herself and then she turns to katie and goes that's the ugliest fucking bag i've ever seen in my life and katie suddenly has this flashback of when she said it to her and she was

like oh my god this bitch just says she likes things when she actually hates them. And that is something I think I used to do because I was trying to fight what I actually felt. I wouldn't do it to be a bitch. I would feel so bad that I hated this girl's shirt and I would think that she could maybe sense I hated it. So I would do the opposite. Right. So is that bad though? I mean, I know that's a mean girls, but it's a lie. It's a mean girls but it's a lie but if if the person walks away from the

interaction being feeling good about themselves and they never find out that you actually hated the bag and we're making fun of them ultimately isn't that a net gain for the world oh that's a good point i think no i think it's always best to be sincere because then that that girl i don't know i don't know. I don't know. That's hard. What if she was honest. And she said. Hey by the way.

I hate your backpack. Oh it was your mother's. Well she's dumb. Well that's unnecessary. You don't need to say mean things. You can just keep those to yourself. What if she says. Calls the mom dumb.

That's mean. That's mean. Oh mean girls. Yeah. But I. That is a good question though. If something is not true. And you're just saying it to be nice, and the girl never finds out that you were lying, is it harmful?

I don't know. But I don't like to do that because I think that I'm usually overcompensating for feeling guilty that I don't like something, which is my prerogative. We'll be right back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show

Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes

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Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So what are your evenings like, Noah? Like, what have you been doing for fun now that you are a mother of an infant and when do they stop being infants also additional question of that like what time is your like time off if there is any yeah good question okay so we have we actually started going out with her maybe at like week number four or five or or six and it takes a long time to like take her to a restaurant and stuff like that it's it's hard but we're doing

it so that we can go out with her and and she like is able to sit in her stroller or we just know how to manage it um yeah so that's that's what we've been doing i'm trying to think of like what am i doing for fun what do you mean if i'm if i'm bored or no are you bored i do get bored during the day like okay so the days all have kind of blended into one and i think that's the boredom where every day kind of looks the same like covid yeah a little bit because i'm pretty much in the house um have you know going anywhere with her it's just like you know we it it just takes a lot because we have to take the bag and then when so basically infant is up to three months so now she's a baby because she's three months got it so when she was an infant she would

want to eat all the time so we'd have to go i'd have to be in the car feeding her then we have like maybe 30 minutes have you whipped your tit out in public yet yes a lot like does your nipple show to the outside world are you doing it under a blanket so actually um instagram targeted ads gave me a good one i got this shawl it's from uh we are ama a mma and it's a it's really good because um it's it i don't get too hot in it and toby can kind of like see through it and it covers me perfectly and i just kind of put her in there underneath and it's very discreet and people can't really tell what we're doing okay just looks like like a sleeping baby. So you're not whipping the whole tit out, but you probably would. Well,

it got to a point where I was just like, I don't give a fuck. Do you care if Avi's dad sees your nipple? Does it get to that point? Because I've seen my sister's taking her nipple out around my dad and I'm like, I don't think I would ever do that. I really don't think I would. I didn't think I would either, but you just kind of are like you know what um what's

what's it worth to you you know like are you gonna get up and go somewhere else or do you just want to sit here and most likely you'll just want to sit there i would just say dad look that way yeah i mean my dad is hard of hearing so if i'm just like could you could you please go away like don't look at me. He doesn't hear it. He just kind of comes in closer. What did you say? I'm like, okay.

But I just stopped caring. It was a little bit uncomfortable at first, or I thought I would have a hard time with taking my tits out. But I've just gotten to a point where I don't care. I think a lot of women, there's a point where they're just kind of like, I don't care. And speaking of boobs, how's been the body recovery? How's been, I don't know, I have mom brain. My biggest fear in getting pregnant is that my stomach will get stretched out and it won't

go back to the way it is and I'll have to get some kind of surgery and i just can't i just like am freaked out about that even when i eat too much i feel like my stomach like when i do like a joke picture i send the girls chat where i'm like i'm five months pregnant like sometimes even that i'm like oh no i've like done some irreversible damage um it did it go back way more than you thought it would uh yeah i mean i i guess the whole of physiological part of pregnancy and uh birth was very surprising to me i didn't i didn't realize things like that either but um it took my stomach about five weeks to kind of go back and because basically what's happening is like all your organs are starting to shrink and it's not what it was before pregnancy i still have to do some exercise and stuff which i'll get to but um it it didn't like destroy my body like i thought it would and a lot of that i think had to do with the fact that

i was working out you know uh before i got pregnant and then during pregnancy just keeping it up until like like what kind of workouts were you doing? Well, I was doing jujitsu and I was weightlifting and then I continued doing that into pregnancy. Yeah. And, but I stopped.

That someone would punch your stomach or something. There's no punching in jujitsu though. So why would I be afraid? Oh, or like me it accidentally when they're like wrestling you to the ground. Yeah. Once I started showing um everyone was very very uh aware that i was pregnant and didn't want to do any of that so we just worked very gently and um yeah so i just kind of did drills more than uh the actual rolling as they say okay all right any uh so what's the biggest surprise though

besides just that she eats like that is the love you feel more than the love you thought you would feel is that kind of the thing as your perception of the world changed in your life yeah you know what i would say yes um personally i had a really i've and i'm still having a very positive experience with it i had i was very very worried that i'd have bad postpartum and that um i would like be like turn into my mother who i do not have a good relationship with but um that didn't happen and um i'm not even like fighting urges to do things that, you know, that she's done.

So that's been, I guess that's been like a big surprise. Like, wow, I can have my own identity as a mother and I don't have to continue like the, the negative aspect of it. You break the cycle yeah exactly so that feels really good and um yeah i i don't know i i just really like it i think everything is kind of a

big surprise because i didn't really know much about it i don't know anything about parenting or motherhood but there are instincts that kick in and it's really cool. I love that. How does it differ from having a dog? Because I know you loved your dog like the way that the most that people could ever love dogs. Oh my gosh, you're right. I do I think having a dog and taking care of Bruno um as my own dog um really showed me that I can nurture another being yeah and now I'm kind of um being able to have patience and I'm translating that into like my parenting style so I I guess having a dog really did prepare me for parenthood

even though it's it's a little bit different. Like you can leave a dog at home. You can leave the dog in the crate and create its little comfort zone, but you can't do that with a baby. So if you want to leave the house, you have to take the baby with you. I'm sure there's some people that do leave the baby. Final thought. I remember when you were like sleep training or something and there was like a whole theory of people that say that just let the baby like final thought i remember when you were like sleep training or something and and there was like a whole theory of people that say that just let the baby cry and you're like i can't

like what what yeah can you just let them cry like i don't know if i'd be able to do that either but i think i would probably do it like eventually i would just give up because i just know my threshold for things oh well i'm tired i would just like do what I just know my threshold for things. Oh, I'm tired. I would just like do what I wouldn't think I would do. So, um, yes, there,

I did have a moment. Um, and again, like postpartum, uh, usually involves a lot of like hormonal changes in the body that you just don't know when they happen or whatever. And there was one time where Toby was crying and like, I had just changed her. I just fed her. I burped her. And I'm just like, I don't know when they happen or whatever. And there was one time where Toby was crying and I had just changed her, I had just fed her,

I burped her, and I'm just like, I don't understand what you need. So I'm like, okay, I have to leave you here in your bassinet and I need to walk out of the room. And I walked out, I think it was like seven minutes and she was crying and I came back and it was just so sad because she was just like, I don't know, she was all red and just kind like limp you know she had just kind of like given up and I felt terrible

but I knew that I had to walk away from that and I think a lot of new moms have that experience too and it's just the right thing to do but when I'm sleep training to I don't you know I think it's just like old school because my dad's like oh just let her cry and I and I'm like training to, I don't, you know, I think it's just like old school because my dad's like, oh, just let her cry. And I'm like, no, that's, I don't want to do that. She's an infant. You can't spoil an infant is what they say. And you are like setting the stage for her attachment style right now. Like how she conducts herself in her romantic relationships when she is in her 20s is 100 connected to whatever is

going on right now which is so fucked up so right but it's so delicate but like yeah if she is just like pursuing a guy who doesn't want her or if she is um running from a guy who does like her it's all based on whether you let her cry or not a couple times in the bassinet yes so wild avi pointed that out uh because we uh took her to meet some family over the weekend and we just we you know at first it was hard for me to let other people hold her and stuff but now i'm just like okay take her away and we see how she interacts with other people and she's fine so avi was like oh you know that could set her up for secure attachment because she's okay if we're not there uh we went on like a mini date and everything you know like while his

his cousin watched her so um yes we are very aware of that it's so good to uh like all this relationship stuff that i've studied and books that i've read definitely are are helping me at least be conscious of that yeah that's that's good to do i'd be being secure a lot of well i've learned through the attachment stuff like if you're insecure you can be with someone who's secure and that can make you secure but someone who's with a secure if you're anxious attached and with an avoidant you'll never become secure it's not like that those will even out to a secure person but secure you can pick up from someone else and i think i'm starting to pick it up from chris like i think he's really secure attached and i am starting to feel that way too that's great yeah it's taken a while but you just have to like let go and stop

um thinking about the future and trying to like control it and once you just stop i swear to god my life was changed when i saw that fucking reel of that girl in her car saying like that person you're mad at that person that you are annoyed by today the person in front of you in traffic that person your boss who's not returning your email that person who's emailing you too much because you're not returning their email let them off the hook just try to let them off the hook i swear to god i think about that multiple times a day where i just am letting people and myself and things off the hook constantly i am reading a book right now if any besties want to read with me it's like a dollar 99 on ibooks so if you want to digitally download it now's the time it's called theoster cure. And it's for people with imposter syndrome because I am suffering immensely from mine.

I have like stage four imposter syndrome right now. It's like literally could kill me. Um, and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. Huh? What's like one of the things that stick out that you've learned from the book so far? Well, the person who is by Dr. Jessamay hibbard i don't know if it's a girl or a guy but um they said if you're reading this you aren't an imp you you are good at what you do no one who has the imposter syndrome who would pick up a book about the imposter syndrome

there's just no way that you are fooling anyone like you are actually talented or you are actually good but then there's one thing that i read that made me go i don't know this and i'm in the very early part of the book they just like made me sign a contract in the book that says you're gonna finish it and do all the things in it like you have to stick by it no matter no matter how hard it is or no matter how dumb it seems and i didn't sign it because it's on my fucking phone so i'm supposed to sign it but um so i don't have to stick through to this thing but one of the things they said was that if you're reading this book um i know they're like i know you think um you're a fraud and that you're tricking everyone into thinking you're actually good at your job and you work so hard to convince

people that to keep up with people's expectations of you because you feel like if you give in at all they're gonna find out and i don't relate to that in fact i am at the part of the imposter syndrome which i think is like a final stage of like literally when it's like it's stage five or whatever it's like metastasize i don't know that word but you get what i'm saying um where you you feel so you are so exhausted by it that you just want to give up like i don't even care if people find out anymore like that's that's what made me pick up the book is like i can't i can't keep doing i can't i don't want to work hard anymore to keep this up because i'd rather just the truth come out everyone know i'm a fraud and then i can just pick a new career and so that's the part I'm at.

This is a pattern. In my life. You self-sabotage. Yeah. You got tall poppy. You were talking about this yesterday. Where it's like you're achieving the recognition you deserve. And your impulse is to destroy it.

But I don't think i deserve it i think that there's been some sort of like you know things have aligned that make what i do right now extremely popular based on my gender based on my age based on the way i look and that i am fitting into something that the culture needs but there is it's not truly because there's anything i could argue like i want to i want to actually meet with this person and go, I actually think I am an imposter. I'm the only person who's read this book that actually is. Because I am so. I know what I'm good at.

And I'm just finding myself failing in ways that I thought that I should be. It doesn't matter. But I know that this is like do or die now. Like, you know, this is when you like get help for things is when you realize like you can't keep it up anymore. And I'm just like exhausted. That's interesting.

When they said that in the book, yeah. The only thing that you think you're not an imposter at is being an imposter. And so why don't you just accept that you're the best imposter in the world and that's why you're here oh that's interesting um because here's the other thing being an imposter is exhausting and i can't do it anymore i can't i can't i can't um keep like like i keep i would

keep telling chris about this like door i shouldn't even be talking about this this is the other fear of an imposter syndrome is that you can't publicly talk about it because then people will start to see it and then they will believe it too. And then you'll be found out because you are, you're letting them in on the, the truth. And like,

I'm revealing my tricks or something, but I was telling Chris about this room in my brain that has all of my self criticism that I know is true and I have recently like locked that door and I don't get to look in it because to be good you can't have self-doubt you can't ever think negative things about yourself like what you think does come true manifestation works like if you think good things if you say good things those things come true I'm gonna win an Emmy like it's already happened that is happening because i manifested it i don't think it's based on talent to be honest with you it's like i'm already i'm already robbing

myself of the thing that i know i'm going to win because i manifested it i didn't actually earn it like manifestation kind of blows in that way is that you can't actually take credit for it because you just did some joe dispensa shit on it. And that's why you got it. So I told him about this room in my brain. That is locked up. And if I look in the room. I'm going to start crying. I can look in that room occasionally.

And grab something quickly out of it. If I need it. But I can't go in there. And recently I've had to go in there. Because this is too much to get into. I'm going to save it for tomorrow's podcast because it is seriously a mountain of hell in my brain recently.

But I'm going to cure it with this book. I really have a lot of faith in this book. You guys know how I feel about books. They changed my life. And this book is like, there's just something about books that come into my life and fly into my field of vision when i really need them and i am at like death's door with imposter syndrome right now and really usually i can kind

of claw my way out of it and go no you can point to this and this i'm really out of tools to get out of it yeah and um i was looking through my books that i've downloaded in the past to find a new actually fiction book i wanted to read like i, I'm just like, what have you, let's look at what you've like downloaded. And this book was in there. I'm like, when did I get this? And so it just kind of flew into my field of vision.

I'm going to read it and it's going to swoop in and save the day. And then I'm going to be fucking great again. And I'm going to believe it about myself. And I'm going to be fooling no one, including myself. And we'll all know the truth that I'm just truly great and talented and a special person and truly better than others. And I deserve all the money and fame and success that I get because I am a superior person that was born. Like, see, this is the danger. When

you start actually thinking you're good, you sound like a fucking asshole. I was meaning to sound like an asshole just then, by the way. I don't believe those things. And they even talk about in this book, like, people who have imposter syndrome convince themselves that it's keeping them from being assholes it's like keeping them in check and i do believe that's true and i do believe it's important you don't want to seem like an asshole that's for sure yeah i think more people need imposter syndrome but you also you know you did a lot of hard work and you need to be able to yes this is i just don't buy this because it feels easy doesn't mean it's hard work in my plank class i want to know but wasn't it hard and when you were 19 no no it was never hard it literally was not because i didn't have another option it was i

liked doing comedy i was so grateful i found it i loved the people i did it with i liked driving in the middle of the night to these awful gigs. I liked feeling scared and getting up and doing a gig. I liked writing jokes. I liked everything. I liked making $50 for a set. I liked it. You don't have to suffer in order to be happy. In order for it to be construed as hard work, you would say?

Yeah, you can be happy. That's really what it comes down to. Things could have been easy and you could be happy and it's fine think about like a rich person who lives in uh new england who was born into wealth and they're just like uh they get to like go to the beach and go sailing and they never have to worry about a single thing should they be going through their lives like being like i guess i didn't earn any of this money and i'm a piece of shit. Yes. But a hundred percent. Yes.

They're, they're just like, I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to enjoy this. I'm going to go sailing and have a good time. It's a waste. It's a waste of all the gifts you've been given to,

to feel shitty point. Yeah. I mean, I'm talking to myself and you are right. It's like Goodwill hunting, which I brought up yesterday too. Yeah. And Goodwill hunting.

There's a pivotal scene where Matton is at the construction site with ben affleck and matt damon goes i don't think i'm going to take any of those jobs i don't think i'm going to do anything i just view myself as being a guy who's going to live here and this and southie with you we're going to raise some kids i'm going to play little league and. Ben Affleck is like, if you lived with me 20 years ago, I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you. Why? Are you going to say I owe it to myself? No, you don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to

me. You owe it to me because you were given this gift. You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket and you're saying, I'm not going to cash it in. Any one of these other guys would die in order to get what you have and for you to not take advantage of it is an insult to ben affleck that's a good reminder to have gratitude for the things that you have instead of feeling like guilty about it or um disparaging it in some way and will hunting did absolutely nothing to get his skills but i'm sorry this is this is the thing I always come up against.

People are like, Nikki, just be glad. You have a talent. And we'll be mad at you if you don't capitalize on this. But then there are Nepo babies that are talented. And they do it. And people just trash them constantly because they seem to have had this golden ticket. And isn't my life a golden ticket too? In many ways.

And why do i not get to trash myself the way that we completely take down nepo babies all the time because of their privilege why is it sometimes okay to do and then other times it's like you're bad to yourself and i do want to say like it is so annoying to listen to someone constantly complain about how they don't like themselves but i i don't want to be phony i'm in the foyer of a house i don't like and i don't like it and i'm telling like it, and I'm telling you it. And that's why I'm reading a book to really enjoy this house and to make the most of it.

No, it's good not to be phony. Take down the pictures of Jesus and put up the ones of Taylor Swift. No one's asking you to pretend like you're happy when you're not, but we're discussing the... We like the honesty of how you're feeling, but you're trying to get out of this problem and you're trying to figure out the basis for being able to feel less bad about being an imposter.

Yes, and I'm not being really open to that right now, and I need to be more. And I think that's what this book does first, is it makes you open to the idea that maybe, maybe you're not an imposter. Maybe you do have this thing, and maybe you're not fooling anyone just give it a chance like could it possibly be that and i really like that because that really

helped me when i was recovering from an eating disorder because i remember there was this one point where it was just like you when you have an eating disorder you constantly think of people with eating disorders is like different than you and you're different like you're like i have to eat less to look the way i want to look like these other women like everyone else gets to can go back to eating normal and have a normal body but i'm special and i'm different and i'm broken and i have to eat less i don't get to be normal and it's like this magical thinking that is honestly you thinking you're better than other people or somehow different in a way when really you're not and i'm not different and i i have the same thing that it says 70 of humans um at some point in their lives deal with imposter syndrome i would like to meet this 30 who just are like themselves all the time their moms probably never left them

in a room crying is what i'm determining. That homeless guy stabbing the pipe with his knife doesn't have imposter syndrome. He knows exactly who he is. No, I think that's the final stage of it. I think I'm real close to that. All right. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast today. Noah, welcome back to the show. We will have another show with Noah tomorrow.

Thank you, besties, for listening. Shows this weekend. I've got one sold out show on Friday So you don't even need to know about that That's in Oregon Which I'm saying differently now Because I'm going there I usually say Oregon

And then Saturday night I'm in San Mateo I think And then on Sunday night Lots of tickets available And I want you there Because it's a Sunday show And it's going to be a huge room And it's an important show for me

And that is going to be in Paso Robles, California, which is wine country. So if you live in wine country, please, please, please come to that show. I'll tell you why in the future, why that show in particular means a lot to me. But it really does. And I need you there and I need you laughing hard. And I would love to see you there. Thank you so much, besties. I love you.

I'm not an imposter. I'm really talented. And I'm grateful for you listening and you have great taste in talent uh all right everyone have a good um wednesday and i'll see you tomorrow don't be good bye john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast join late night legend john stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all

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