The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #46 This Isn't Gonna Be All Make Up

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

Between you and Nikki she wants to get down to the bottom of Andrew's new drink obsession. They talk about projections....the one they had in school. Andrew's headlines spur conversations about canceling people, a wild trip to Alaska and relationships that don't work. Nikki unloads her Reddit Dump and in the Final Thought Andrew explains how men handle their junk. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes,

networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Here's Nikki. Hello, everyone. How's it going out there? Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. I don't know when you're listening to this. I appreciate that you are, though.

Nikki Glaser Podcast, every Monday through Thursday. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. I don't know when you're listening to this. I appreciate that you are, though. Nikki Glaser podcast, every Monday through Thursday. Today is Tuesday's episode. I love a Tuesday. You got the rest of the week ahead of you. You got one in the can, you know. Waking up, feeling good today. Did a little interesting thing.

I've been having a really hard time getting out of bed. Between you and me, Nose. I call you Nose sometimes. And Andrew has a problem with that because your name is noah why does he have a problem with i don't have because you're jewish and to call someone knows that's jewish i think that's it and for me that is not even on my radar and so i just want to make sure that that that is okay with you and now because now when i say it it stands out to me is like is she think i'm i spell it i spell it n-o-e-s that's how i see it in my mind oh i say like n-o-s like no like i call it like no and then like you add an s to it when you love the person even more like some people can

call me nick and then when they call me nicks it's like are we best friends like i love when someone calls me uh i love a nickname don't you love a nickname because it just makes you feel loved like did you ever did you have a nickname growing up ever or like did you were there are there any when I say that does anything come to mind of like oh yeah I love that when someone called me that I don't know if I love it all the time I'll be honest about that but uh growing up my best friend and I we were I called her egg and she called me bone why bone first of all I like bone because I would think it meant like I was skinny so I'm just going back to like oh my god I'm so little really

yeah I was so bone why not bones I would in a nest to it and make it more sweet and you called her egg because she looked like an egg she was smart egghead it was it was just like a mutation from notes that we wrote to each other dude so if you don't even talk to me about mutations from notes i mean i went from calling my best friend in high school her last name's holly laura holly shout out um she like lives off the grid now i don't even know what she's she's uh just she's an incredible person but she was the principal's daughter it was like i was best friends with malia obama um in fifth grade and then i i didn't even know who her family was and then we went to middle school sixth grade her dad's our freaking principal then we go to high school after eighth

grade her dad becomes our principal a 10th grade we only had one year without him then he switches to high school he was our principal the whole time and um it's wild being best friends with the principal's daughter because there's certain perks you know you get to uh maybe go into the school on a saturday and play with those little um you know those little scooters we used to have a little they're like a square and they have four wheels on them and you sometimes break them out in gym class when your teacher's hungover. It's the same thing as the parachute

that you go in a circle. These are all nostalgic 80s kids things, 90s kids things. I was born in 84 if anyone's wondering. We would go and decorate the bulletin boards all because we had the privilege

of having her dad be principal and let us in the school so we could work more at school i mean i really we were dorks uh to be honest with you and um but oh we called so holly is her name last name field hockey comes in high school she has this like like attitude of like, I don't care. Like she didn't wear makeup. She didn't want to do her hair. Her mom is like a very girly girl. And I think she just was rebelling the other way and was like, I don't care about anything like that. So we called her Holla. Then it came into Holla from Holly. So we were like, Holla don't cur. And she was the hockey, she was our field hockey goal. And she was just like, I don't care. She's like hit a ball and be like, I don't cur.'d be like I don't care and we used to draw pictures of her I mean I feel

like we were just uh bully our friends I got bullied too regardless we called my friend holla holly laura holly holla then we got lazy and we just started calling her no hell h-u-l and we put an umlaut over the u just to be weird so we would write notes about each other we'd be like i'm going to his house later and then she turned into because holla didn't care so much that she didn't even care about pronouncing her name and so we were just called call her the only nicknames i've had is there was this they've always been from black people and dare i say i've enjoyed my names from my black friends, my nicknames, better than... It feels cooler to me.

Because, I don't know. It just feels like, oh, good. There's a camaraderie that I've always really sought. I grew up in a white neighborhood. Didn't black friends like growing up until I went to school. And then when they gave me nicknames, I was like, yes, maybe they were cruel. But one guy called me nickel pickle Pearl. I thought that was a great name. That was fifth grade. Then, um, I got a rap name from a guy in college names. He called me, he goes, I'll give you your rap name, which I know this is like stereotypical, like, Oh, a black guy was giving out rap names.

He was doing it. I didn't go, hey, guy over here, will you give me a rap name because you're black? He was giving people rap names. He goes, where are you from? What's your name? I go, Nikki. He goes, where are you from? I said, St. Louis.

He goes, what's your last name? I said, Glazer. And he goes, St. Nica Blaze. And I go, Nica sounds too much like the other thing. So I'm not going to say that, but that is a cool name. Thank you. And then Sherrod Small, who I've said a bunch of times, says I eat like a runaway rabbit, which is one of my favorite ways someone's made fun of my eating disorder. Because there's myriad ways to poke fun at the way I eat. And although I struggle with eating issues now, I don't struggle with eating issues now as much.

They're very, very in the background. You can always DM me to ask me how, if you struggle with them as well, overeating or undereating or overexercising or bulimia. But in the past, when I ate like gigantic meals of like vegetables because I was starving all day, um, Sherrod would see my Sherrod small would come up to me at the cellar and he'd go, Nikki, you eat like a runaway rabbit.

And it made me feel so good. Cause it was like, good. We're calling out how ridiculous all my salads are, which everyone wants to make fun of, but no one has a way of doing it. But it also made me feel like a cute little bunny that like, and I am runaway rabbit that's why I have an eating disorder I feel insecure like I don't have enough love in my life I don't have a home I'm always running from things it was very um it was a very loving like I felt seen by that and a rabbit is so cute even though a bucktooth beaver is what I got called by um another black guy a half black guy, Ray Poole in fifth

grade. He made fun of me and called me a bucktooth beaver. And that one really stung. But that was because I was stealing his pencils and not stealing, but borrowing because I knew he would lend them to me. And then I would just assume he would give them to me. We're off on quite a tangent. Let me finish my nicknames. And then Sherrod Small also calls me nicole and nick and nicks and i love it and i like nicknames and it makes me feel um just loved and uh i never got my dad calls me babe we all know that oh boy and um i don't need that i might want that in a relationship but now it's ruined for a relationship i'm like great i used to love babe that's what i used to call all my boyfriends just dying for them to call it to me back um recently was called baby never liked the idea of being called baby in a relationship got called it not too long ago

loved it literally made me cry the second the person said it to me because it was just so loving and i couldn't handle like that much love being like put on me out of nowhere and I he had never called me that before it was you know it was like the first time I was just like and I just burst into tears and it was really embarrassing but it would just show that like I just want someone to um yeah to like I just want love don't we all just want love um I'm trying to think of other nicknames. I was called Grandma Jennifer in high school by Courtney DeBoard, who was making fun of the fact that I had a limp

because I had shin splints so bad that I limped when I ran. And so I had a limp, so she called me Grandma. And Jennifer, because I straightened my hair with an iron, and I was like Jennifer Aniston. I think I covered that on the pod.

Okay, those are all my nicknames. I was a cunt this morning Noah to Andrew um sorry to use the c word I was oh no yeah what happened I don't know man I figured out a thing where I like so I've been having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning and not because I'm like depressed it's just like I just want to keep sleeping. And it's not because my dreams, I used to be so depressed that I would say my dreams are better than my life. That's not true. The other day I couldn't get a bed. I set my alarm for eight and I couldn't get up until 10. I kept pressing snooze because I was at a live streaming of a birth. Amy Schumer's assistant was giving birth and they were live streaming it and i needed to stay in case it happened even though it was over 24 hours i so my dreams aren't

even interesting it's like the mitch hedberg joke where he's like dreams suck because you're like you like i forget his joke but he says had a great joke about it that i wish um i wish i didn't even know he had it because it feels like I could find the same joke naturally. And then I could be like, I get to do it because I didn't know about his joke. But the thing is, I do know about his joke. And he's like, dreams suck, because some can be wonderful where it's like, you could do anything. You could be making out with like a supermodel or like your dream person. But instead, he's building a shelf with his landlord. Like it's like those kind of he has like some specific thing where you're like the other day i woke up and i go why was i so dead set on staying in the stream so what i

started doing which i read on reddit we have a reddit dump later on today um i follow adhd women on there um because i have adhd and i'm medicated for it now my my adhd medicines are like save myself from depression and make me want to get out of bed and like they just are uh they saved me and um but when i get out of bed i take one it takes an hour to kick in but then i read a suggestion that you take them you wake up you set your alarm you you put one on your nightstand you pop it when you're still asleep like at eight and then by nine o'clock you like like wake up and you're already medicated. So I woke up today and I was like in a good mood.

I was like, I'm going to be on time for the podcast for literally the first time ever. Just listeners, I want to let you know I am late for the podcast every single day. And that is not something I'm proud of. It's not okay. Noah, however, knows that Noah knows. knows nose knows that what if i called you big nose like i'm like you know how it's like i'm like like an intermediary like oh big like like oh big nicks like but not big but then it's like big no and then it's like you know what maybe you should ease off of that so little nose um every day uh allows me to be late And it's never

Made me feel bad about it But the second she wants me To be on time I will Because I don't like late people But it's your fault Noah You let me That's what I'm saying

I take no accountability But no I'm late every day There's never been a case Where it's been urgent And I know that Once I tell you Hey it's kind of urgent For you to be here pronto

I know that you'll fulfill that Aw that's really nice of you Because I know you Thanks girl Yeah we do know each other We've worked together A really long time And we used to go live on air Every single day at 10 to be here pronto, I know that you'll fulfill that. Aw, that's really nice of you. Because I know you. Thanks, girl. Yeah, we do know each other. We've worked together a really long time and we used to go live on air

every single day at 10 a.m. Eastern and I think I was late twice in two years of doing a show. Yeah. And it was always like 90 seconds late because the elevator was stuck

or I was bothering Nellie in the lobby and embarrassed myself. What I was going to say was I thought I was going to be in a good mood today. I went and got my coffee. I'm like, I'm going to be on time. I'm listening to my ex-boyfriend's radio show. I'm having a good time, like my morning rituals. And then Andrew comes out of his room and he's drinking one of these Celsius drinks, these like, you know, energy drinks that are like now populating our fridge. And I like those drinks.

I get them when I go to Equinox and I want to spend $4 on a tiny can of something when I just want to waste money. I'm like, let me get a Celsius drink. And because they look cool. They're white cans. They have like watermelon flavors. They're sparkling their energy. And I go, what's going on with the Celsius drinks? Because I just know that he was marketed to in some way like some I know that someone drank that that he wants to be. And I know that's mean of me to try to get an answer that I know I want and then keep going for it when I don't get it. Because I know the truth and I think I know people better than they know themselves. But I just go, what's going on with the Celsius drinks?

He goes, oh, I was crashing hard from coffee and tea makes me feel like less of a crash and I was like I actually just read last night that um coffee I read on uh you know decaf reddit subreddit that coffee withdrawals are less severe just anecdotally from one person than tea ones I I think I told Andrew it was a study. So I should probably fess up to the fact that it was an anecdotal story. But I go, yeah, well, actually, tea doesn't even fucking I go. That's not even true, Andrew, because tea that I was being such a bitch as I'm heating up my fucking huge latte that I'm gonna have four more of like, I don't have a problem. Like I wasn't marketed to by Starbucks. So then he goes, and Christian Rinaldo or like no Dustin Poirier, Dustin Poirier, Dustin Poirier is the face of Celsius drinks. And I go, there it is. That's

what I was looking for. The guy you want to be more than anything you think there's a part of you that thinks that you'll be him if you drink it. And back to what I said yesterday, this is all projection. As soon as I said it, I go, I go there, because I go, there it is. That's what I was looking for. But really, I drink smart water because Jennifer Aniston drinks it. I literally, when I go, well, she used to,

but when I used to go to the water cooler at a convenience store and get a bottle of water, more often than not I would reach for the smart water not because of any other reason than I've seen Jennifer Aniston do it and I know that's the reason so I was a brat to Andrew and then we got into a thing where he was the other day he was listening to the Avett brothers really loud in my living room and he was clapping along with it Noah off, like off in such a way. And I see Andrew do it all the time because there's a lot of music being played around here

and he claps along, but it's off rhythm. The same reason I didn't start playing guitar until I was 36 is the reason that I yell at Andrew for being off beat when he claps. It's because my dad cannot handle any kind of musical deficiency that could be alleviated by practicing. So my dad would admonish me harshly for any kind of music faux pas. And then I would be shamed into never clapping again, never playing guitar again. And now I'm doing the same thing to Andrew, but I really don't want him to clap anymore. But I called him on it immediately. And I go, Andrew, I let it go for two minutes because I go, maybe this is a bit. And he goes, it was a bit.

And I go for two minutes alone. I'm doing my makeup in my room. I go alone. You're doing a bit of clapping off. And he goes, I go try to clap on rhythm. And he did. But he still maintains that he was doing a bit alone by clapping off rhythm. And I said, you remind me of the guy from the brother and there's

something about Mary when he wants his baseball that's how you're clapping and I don't I'm not making I I'm not making fun of mentally handicapped people that clap along to things and cannot keep a clap going on the beat because they have uh mental disabilities but perhaps Andrew has that same one and that is not a that's just I but at the same time, Noah, he's really good at guitar in a way that frustrates me. Like he can play songs. The thing is, he's more free to fuck up. And when you're free to fuck up, you can be better at things.

And that is just the biggest lesson I've learned in life is like when you, that's why I can write a song is because I allowed myself to be bad and Andrew allows himself to be bad and I am jealous of that 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities I'm Joel oh and I am Matt and we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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Hey, Andrew. Good morning. I was just telling them, first of all, how'd you sleep? Slept good. I got a nice message last night from a couple fans about flushable wet wipes. You dreamed of those? Yeah. You had sweet dreams of those?

I dreamed about being able to wet my asshole and go to sleep i'm so glad thank you so much to our fans for uh falling up there um i was just talking about how i was mean to you in the kitchen about the celsius drinks and and the the clapping off rhythm and how it's all because my dad used to be mad at me about being bad at music and so i i take i have those same like um you know i i i do the same things to you and try to shame you but the truth is you're actually a pretty talented musician although the clapping off rhythm for two minutes by yourself when you didn't know i was listening it it's hard for me to believe that was a joke you were doing for yourself for two minutes so that started off very kind and then ended with again no i'm still i'm still admitting that it's a

me yelling at you about it was projection and i am sorry and i was in a mood this morning and the celsius drinks you drink those because dustin poirier drinks them and i got to that even though i knew that was it uh but the truth is i drink i drink water because jennifer aniston drinks it so it's all the same shit but why even try to get to something? Like I understand these things without you telling me them. Because I didn't know. Because I could have said it like this and you would have been more pissed off. Instead of me going, what's going on with the Celsius drinks?

Because first of all, my first thought. That's how you did it. That's how I did it. But I could have gone. And you say it again in a tone that's like very judgmental. And if it was the other way around and I go, well, how many of those things are you eating? You would fucking, if I was counting what you do. I didn't count anything that you did.

You go, what happened with the pistachios? There was pistachios too before that. There was a pistachio dump because I just, I didn't understand where they were being. I literally was like, are those from your car? That was not me judging anything about your food. I woke up this morning and I was making my two bowls of of oatmeal i ate the same thing every day i'll talk about anything i eat i've i was just saying how i'm accountable for my food however i'm open the trash and there is like a pound of pistachio shells and they're in the sink too and i was just

like what what happened i haven't even seen a pistachio in our house. So it was just weird to me. That's where I was like, where did they come from? I was not judging you at all about that. I really didn't mean for that to come off that way. I just like, I'm going to do some weird things probably with my diet or like whatever I do, like during the day or how I work out or whatever. And it's like, I just don't want to feel like i'm like being like like i don't know like just like what's why are you doing that well the Celsius drink i was just wondering because i

wondered if you got a deal on them because i know they're like four bucks a pop those things really it's like two bucks so i guess when i was buying them at fucking equinox i just know that i just i thought maybe someone gave you a hookup because they're expensive and I just don't see I just can't imagine you would pick those out of every drink in the cooler and then so and I also um no I also how I could have said it which would have pissed you off even more is like who drinks these that you want to be no I actually like I don't you would have liked that more I don't know if I'd like either one, obviously. How should I ask it?

No, it's just like, just be like, well, the reasoning is that I've been drinking a lot of coffee. Yeah. And before I got on Zoloft, I could not handle coffee because my anxiety would go through the roof when I'd come down from coffee. Yes. Lately, I've been drinking coffee to work out in the morning. I've been very routine about working out in the morning i've been very routine about working out i've been doing very good job i feel like doing that and i've been crashing like crazy after the coffee wears off so i wanted something that was more of a general like uh just a different approach to caffeine yeah a different approach to caffeine but not eliminating caffeine but right

so you know whatever and then my boy dustin poirier who i love who has a great body and i'll tell you all this he looks great when he sweats he beats the shit out of people he's everything i want to be uh drink celsius and that came up on my instagram store it's like oh what's up what's up with these energy drinks okay that's all i just like to explore because and honestly i will always admit that i consume things because instagram ads get me we were talking about it yesterday in fact of like girls on reddit talking about instagram ads that influence them and don't and ones that have they've bought and they regret and i love when i've targeted things that are like that because sometimes targeted ads know me better than a guy who gets me gigantic turquoise earrings for my birthday who

i've known for two years they weren't that big they were so big i actually can we show the funniest thing by the way yes to the besties out there remember yesterday when i had the fanny pack of things for my bathroom that i hated and i couldn't find anything that i hated yeah i had the earrings in that fucking fanny pack and i forgot that they were a joke because I don't hate them someone did write to me and said that they wanted me to send them because I said I would send them I want to revoke that and not because I didn't mean it in the moment but because if Andrew dies or something happens

to Andrew I would be very sad if I gave up those earrings that he gave me and that were like a funny joke in our relationship so my hoarderism that is the same reason I can't throw out a pillowcase I stole from an ex-boyfriend,

the same reason I can't throw out a pillow that a boyfriend's mom gave me, the same reason I can't throw away a lot of weird things that I've kept from relationships is the same reason I can't send you those earrings, even though I did promise that

and I'm sorry and I will buy you another pair of turquoise earrings. Also, real quick, people who wrote me about sending them the book, I said I'd send up to 10 people a month either the healing back pain or one of the Alan Carr books to quit something if you were really ready to do it and you couldn't afford a book yourself that offer still stands I think I got three people who wrote to me one of which lived in Canada and so I had to find a different bookseller. Will you all DM me again?

Because I lost track of your addresses and that's just me being, not me not wanting to send you a book, but this offer goes until July 1st. The first 10 people, I've already had three, that want either Healing Back Pain or one of the Alan Carr books. For someone, either you or someone in your life

who's really ready to quit dealing with pain, I will send it to you. No questions asked. But also don't live out of the country because it's really hard for me to figure out how to get it to you. And I don't know if I will extend this offer, but it's just something I wanted to do for the time being for someone who couldn't afford and wants to quit and get their pain under control. And I'm always interested in different things you guys send me that have helped you in your life because you know a girl loves a book that can change your life. So, Andrew, makeup podcast. This isn't going to be all makeup.

But I'm sorry for going hard on you this morning with the Celsius drinks. Keep on drinking them. Sorry for bringing up the pistachios. I just burped. In the trash. Because that's your thing. And I didn't mean to make you feel bad about that. And we're going gonna have a great show

yeah I'm all good yeah I apologize for you being an idiot I apologize for you no I don't I just I know you very well and so when like I can literally feel when you're like about to

project something like before you even project it i really can't and i know that's why don't we start trying to why don't you start trying to predict it and you just go what's the projector screen it's like it's like a you know like a projector screen like when they used to roll in those things into class oh what the is like and it goes and they would write on them with the pen. Remember the ones where they, they have the clear sheet and they write on them

with the pen? That would give me ASMR all fucking day and the room would be dark. I would fall asleep during all of those quadratic formula explanations. I actually paid attention more

when that big machine came in. It was so big and the light was so bright. To any children listening, you missed out on those and to any, like, boomers listening, you also missed out. This is just a Gen X, Gen... I mean, how great does it feel to even just write with a marker and erase it?

I like chalk. Chalk is my favorite. I love the smell of a marker. Oh, my God. I know. Noah has a little dry erase board where she tells us, like, one minute, or bring Andrew in, or Nikki, shut the fuck up or Nikki, like apologize time.

Yesterday was what? Sad. No, uh, accomplishment and sad. Cause we had to bring it up. So that's what Noah wrote on the board. She wrote like Nikki's accomplishments and why she's sad.

I have so much to talk about as always. Uh, Andrew, anything that you want to say before we get started because I didn't really let you talk uh which I know I'm sure it's people understand know that's my MO I could I I have such paranoia that you and Noah both get notes about me all the time being like hey I just want to let you know that like I love you but like Nikki is awful and then like you guys both like harbor these from me and like don't

share them or you'll share them to each other and go like how do we get Nikki to like stop doing this without like this person writing her because I know sometimes people write me really mean things about myself or like a or write or they write me to be like the way you talk to Andrew or whatever was like really mean and that's what's caused me to like look at myself so I'm grateful for people calling me out but I also know at the same time they're writing andrew being like we don't like the way nikki talks to you and then andrew knows that he has support which is good but he also knows i also know that they've written him like we're both aware of the same thing that someone called us out for and now we have to talk to each other about it like sometimes listeners can instigate

things which need to be brought up but at the same time there's like a comment sometime on something And now we have to talk to each other about it. Like sometimes listeners can instigate things, which need to be brought up. But at the same time, there's like a comment sometime on something and we both have seen it, but we both don't, haven't talked about it yet. And we're like, Oh God,

now we got to address that comment of that person. Oh yeah. I mean, someone will project whatever, however they feel like you're talking to me or whatever. They think it's a bigger deal than it is. And then it will, or they could be spot on, but I'm just saying like, I don't, they feel like you're talking to me or whatever they think it's a bigger deal than it is and then it will or they could be spot on but i'm just saying like i don't uh i try not to let that

influence me on how i see you or because they don't see us during the day they don't know how yeah they don't see how bad it gets yeah they don't see they don't see the bruises underneath my that you hit i'm just trying to i want to hit you right on the Jaguar on your arm so that it turns into, so that it covers up your tattoo. Actually, I love the Jaguar tattoo. I love both your tattoos, but the other day when we were meeting our new friends,

you know, the osteo... Osteoporosis. The osteoporosis. The orthopedic surgeon and the nurse. Pat and Marissa, who didn't want to Come over for Bachelor Last night But she had plans already But they're coming over

Next week hopefully She wrote me a comment Behind your back When When you were showing him Your arm And talking about like Some

Like something going on With your arm I was like How does like a doctor Not laugh sometimes At like bad tattoos Because there was a jaguar That said puddles

Underneath it Staring at this man In the face As a 41 year old man Complained of joint mobility and it's just like that's funny to me is that like did he ask you about the jaguar at any point you think like before no he never mentioned the jaguar do you ever feel weird like oh i hate that i have to point out this part of my arm when i'm trying to get real advice i mean now i do jackpot on it now i do i would feel so silly i mean it's

just it is what it is yeah they're kind of silly they're kind of funny they look kind of good no they're and they're just part of me honestly i don't even give a shit i love your tattoos and i love that you're but i get what you're saying there's something about a 41 year old me oh my god my arms are killing me and while i'm trying to look like a 22 year old like fuck boy so it's like oh my god i wouldn't say those look like fuck boy it old like fuck boy so it's like oh my god i wouldn't say those look like fuck boy it says puddles and then it's a jaguar but the jaguar is fuck boy but it looks like the but let's say puddles is like a very feminine thing it's like feminine and masculine but i think that's a feminine a jaguar is like that's a i look at that as like a strong female

i'll take it i got the nipples for it. All right, let's get to the news. The news, apparently. You have the nipples for it in terms of like, because they're like. They're puffy like women's nipples. They're puffy, so they're like, you know dogs when they're like about to give birth, they stick their nipples stick out? Yeah, I look like an old pit bull

that's like white, but also pink. You know what I'm talking about? The ones that have like a chain fucking leash and you don't want to go anywhere near them because their their owners look exactly like them and also have eight nipples somehow oh my god poor puppies yeah but i love them i know that's what you gotta do with pit bulls if anytime you make fun of pit bulls you gotta be like but i but there's some really good pit bulls you don't want the pit bull brigade to get on your case i don't like the way Nikki talks to you.

Also, pit bulls do not kill toddlers. Anytime like a Jack Russell bites someone to go, I thought pit bulls were bad. It's like, it has nothing. It's just about the owner. It's all the owner. Whenever Luigi is being weird, I never get mad at him. I literally, I get mad at him.

Sometimes I get frustrated, but it's with myself because I know that everything you do it's your dog your dog is you it goes to your dog yes if you were chill

your dog would be chill yeah if you chain your dog up and have him fight in cage matches he's probably not gonna be that chill Luigi and I by the way

were really good right now and it didn't it took that night of me writing a song about him to really connect oh really I'm not joking you he wrote me wrote he dm'd yeah he dm'd me fuck he's like uh he said the bridge was he said nothing made him sadder his voice be hello i knew oh yeah because he's a little chihuahua so it's a little bit of a mexican it's mexican but also italian he's like

hello meet me by the steps and And I was like, what steps? He's like, the Italian steps where my Vespa is. Oh, yeah. You always say that Luigi looks like he should be riding a Vespa, which always makes me feel sweet. He should be wearing an open shirt, an open white button down with five buttons down. And he's not that confident. I know.

I'm projecting. I know. That's the thing. I think he is. You got to give it to him. Okay. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

Yeah, you heard it here first. You just startled Luigi with that. He's in my lap, by the way, everyone. Oh, man. I hope you're having all the swells out there, having a great time. I know Tuesdays could be rough, but you know what's worse than a Tuesday? Getting kicked in the dick. Okay.

All right, boy. You're going to like this one. The TikTok bee lady that you were talking about the other day faces backlash from the beekeeping community. Who talks like this when she rescues bees. Yeah. If anyone wants to be very soothed, you just turn on the TikTok bee lady and she talks like this as she handles bees gently and doesn't get stung. She probably gets stung one or two times but usually when bees are trying to find a new habitat they are not in a uh like a stress situation and are very docile and you can

easily use your hand to wave them to the next place you put them if you find the queen that's how she talks i love her oh my god i was i was in a trance dude get on this beast this i feel like we're just talking like Noah when we do that. I know Noah does. Noah's a little bee lady. Noah has great ASMR capabilities if she ever wanted to. Noah, talk about bees real quick. Yeah.

Will you just slowly talk about bees? I can't because I'm laughing. Will you tell us about the bee lady in your most soothing voice? Close your eyes too. It feels great. Bees are natural pollinators and we need to have community gardens that support the bees. Oh my god.

Noah, that's a really good impression. The bee lady, I love her more than ever after I read this story that's in Andrew's headlines. You were so cute this morning. Noah sent us the bee headline and she was like, I love a woman that stands up for herself because this b bitch did not appreciate all these beef fucking heads are so jealous are so jealous because they're saying she's doing this wrong she's doing this wrong

it's like does everyone who does a job do it perfectly you idiot everyone sometimes makes a little mistake maybe her pinky finger kicked a bee off. And like, you know, like there's always something that you can poke fun and say that someone's doing it wrong. But they're all fucking dudes that are just very threatened by this bee woman. What did she say? It's a lady. A lady.

Another lady. There was a woman. Yes. But yes. I bet a man was telling that woman to type. Well, this is the thing. These things. I'm just being high people. They,ive people, they look like fencers.

They're covered with, they're not allowed to show their face. You're right. So it's like if a quarterback played with his helmet off and showed his good hair. It's like, fuck you. You can't also be a beekeeper and show how hot you are. Oh, they're mad that she's hot. Well, she tends to fix the bees when she wears... And she has a very sexual voice to some people.

And she's very popular. But that's not her choice. Yeah, and she's extremely popular. But the thing is, she's just raising awareness that don't call an exterminator when you have a bee situation. Buck up. Also, shout out to the person who DM'd me and said, Thank you so much for calling people who are scared of bees attention seekers. Because I would say a lot of them are.

And this person goes, you're so right. And I felt so validated because I thought I was going to get a lot of hate from people being like, I'm scared of bees. It's not because my mom didn't love me enough. And I'm like, I think it was.

Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, look, I think that they, so there's different kinds of bees. So they're like scared that other people are going to go and be like,

oh, I could just handle a beehive and the next you know a nine-year-old like yes i agree i'm not i'm not saying that it's right i'm just saying no i know you're right yeah yeah like just i have yeah i just wanted to say that like i love her conviction in and her belief in what she does because she didn't apologize to all these bee critics she stood up for herself and she's like, I know what I'm doing. And if you guys are upset that a man is not doing it, I just loved her response to all the criticism.

I was like, yes, I love a woman who stands up for herself. I do too. They say that she wears the beehive outfit and that she doctors the videos to make it look like. No, she doesn't wear it. No, I'm saying this is what they said this is what they said though we're just being defensive of you being the news i'm just like but i'm i don't even get done with the sentence and everyone's like

fuck you man yeah it's like no i'm really giddy about this i'm sorry i'm like very hyper like this is rarely happens where someone tries to get someone tries to get someone is almost canceled you know and this isn't about her going to a plantation themed party back in college or something people are saying that she's doing harmful things to the bees and to the bee community and all this stuff and it's just totally off basis from people who are jealous of how much she's getting attention for it i the no, what you're saying of like not backing down and standing up the own, when people get canceled for shit of like racist stuff they did in the past or, you know,

who was, uh, Ellie Kemper, St. Louis headline, Ellie Kemper, uh, unbreakable commissionment.

Also, um, uh, what's her Aaron on, uh, the office. She was almost canceled the other day because she won this VP. It's kind of like a debutante ball in St. Louis that a bunch of white, rich, private school. St. Louis is very segregated.

Like I was saying before, I grew up not knowing any black people because I, but I went to public school. So I got to know black kids from that because they were literally, we had a program where they bust kids from the city into our school thank god because I would have grown up with knowing no black kids not because I didn't want to but because I St. Louis is fucking segregated as shit and no one wants to talk about it so they said this VP fair which is veiled profit they said the VP fair which is the fair now fair st louis the biggest fair in st louis was started by like these fucking confederate like veiled prophet like kkk it has like all it's all based on like white men and like uh white uh supremacy like but this girl that was in this pageant didn't fucking know that the girls that are in the pageant maybe some of them know that but at this point vp has been changed over years ago they changed it to fair st louis because they wanted to disassociate from

the racist uh start of it like how it got started was based on all like racism and segregation and you know the south will rise bullshit and so now they've gotten away from it they rebranded but there are still people like ellie kemper who is my age when she was in high school won the vp debutant ball which means you're the most popular accomplished private school girl there is didn't mean that she was racist and and and she's trying they're trying to cancel her for it and i think she made a statement about like not knowing what it was and and let's be honest that doesn't mean you shouldn't now educate yourself and say i don't want anything to do with that kind of stuff and like and and and and change and and do good to erase the fact that something that you being a part of that might have hurt uh people of

color or people who love people of color now take accountability but for her to go, I need to be, for us to cancel her for that seems insane to me, but that's just the way I am thinking about it. Please enlighten me if you think differently, but Trader Joe's did the best example of this and Sam Harris kind of enlightened me to this and he has very controversial thoughts based upon all the cancel culture and I don't really know exactly where I stand

because I'm terrified of being canceled but i will say that i remember hearing that trader joe's got a lot of shit because they had a um they have like a mexican food brand of theirs called like trader jose's and like because it's like mexican food so it's called trader jose's and then there's another one that's maybe like um it was like an asian take on the name joe i don't even know what it was and people go let's cancel trader joe's you know these uh because that is racist and trader joe's goes no we're gonna still make them because we know that we're not being racist when we're doing this and um so no and we're not gonna give you we're not gonna change just because you want us to um because that would be just doing it

because we got bullied into it we know we're not evil because of what we're because of this and uh we've done our research and it really doesn't offend it's offending the white people who are who are you know trying to cancel yeah and so like no one does that though so when I'm prepared for when they come after me and they can't try to cancel me for something I said in the past which I'm sure I said something fucking stupid in the past or on this very same podcast where I said I liked when black people give me nicknames because it feels good because I grew up not being around black people and I wanted to be accepted by them and be friends with them and I felt like I somehow wasn't accepted and so when black people give me

nicknames it means more to me than white people give me nicknames if you want to cancel me for that i will i will hear you out but um i just like being like to not giving in well the people that go like the beekeeper for example the negative people the ones that are like she's dangerous like this emotion and then we give them a platform well everyone has a platform now but then you give them a platform and you give it oxygen to breathe and make it real as opposed to being like no fuck you let's not well you know i mean it's clickbait i mean we're talking about it right now we're talking about these people but the problem is like the the beekeeper like it's just like i don't know i just feel like you can't give weight

to when people are being negative, especially big, like, fucking publications and big, like, social media sites. It's so hard to ignore, though, because the second you put out a statement going, I want, if I put out a statement that goes, I want to address a stand-up set I did in 2009 that recently resurfaced.

Because what I'm doing now is taking the stand-up set that only three people have seen that maybe it will, and I'm talking about something, I don't even know, this isn't even a thing that exists. It's like my deepest fear that something comes out

that I'm like, that I'm horrified by because I said things back in the day. I said something this morning to Andrew that I'm horrified by. You think I didn't say things I'm horrified by 10 years ago on stage? Of course I did.

So my thing is like, when you you address it it alerts everyone to it and you think you're getting ahead of it by being like I'm accountable but instead it just lets everyone know that you did it and instead it's just like it's a case-by-case basis because some things do need to be apologized for and accounted for but I know that when I see criticism of me that can teeter on cancel stuff, which has happened before, when I've ignored it, it goes away. If I were to retweet it and go, I just want to explain this.

It would only let everyone know. It's just like when I pretended when I made a fake post that I was in a Superbowl ad, right? I'm not in a Superbowl ad. I was making a joke off of everyone bragging about being Super Bowl ads. And I posted a story on my Instagram story that said, I can't wait for my Super Bowl ad. It was a picture that I thought clearly no one would think this is really a Super Bowl ad. Cut to the next day, my dad goes, you're in a Super Bowl ad?

Everyone, and then people, people believed it. I guarantee you there's a thousand people out there who saw my story that think I was in a Super Bowl ad. They never saw the Super Bowl ad, but that doesn't mean that they don't think it's still out there. They just think they went to go get a drink when it aired. And so when you give attention to things,

fake or real, it gives them life. Well, look, I love that the beekeeper, she goes against the grain. She doesn't wear the mask. She does what the fuck she wants to do. What would be terrible is if to her next video, she's like in a full beekeeper she goes against the grain she doesn't wear the mask she does what the fuck she wants to do what would be terrible is if to her next video she's like in a full beekeeper outfit and she's like here you go masses i'm gonna be as her pussy out yeah everything else is covered because that'd be so funny just just tits and puss but everything else is covered wait next story real quick if you just so you know if you see a bee that's dying on

the sidewalk we all know that bee hives are collapsing right and that's like the sign of the end of the times especially native bees apparently that's like different than honeybees that was well i would like them to change that name because native bees trader joe bees yes i would prefer that um if you see a bee on the sidewalk that's struggling and about to die, what do you do? Very quick. Do you guys know either way? Like how to,

if a bee is like on exhaust, like exhausted and like lands and you were like, oh my God, this bee's about to die. Do you know how to save it? Mouth to mouth? Yes.

Moving on. No, no, no. You, you get a spoonful of water and sugar and just like half sugar, half water and then you just feed it to it. Just get that bee some sugar as quick as possible.

And you can save a whole, you can really create a lot of change. If you see a struggling bee. All bees are like diabetic a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And they're just having like a, you know, a crash. Maybe they need to switch to Celsius. Next story.

Dustin Poirier. Poirier. Perrier. Perrier. I can't wait till you start drinking Perrier because you're like, it sounds like his name. The U.S. Coast Guard rescued three adults and two dogs on a giant inflatable pink flamingo who was swept away on a river in Alaska.

Whoa. Oh my God. Look at that. It does look, there's a picture of it. It looks like there is, so it's out to like a sea almost. It's on like a lake.

I guess it's on the sea. So there's two dogs and two guys on this giant pink flamingo. That is hilarious. I mean, if you're gonna die, this is the way to go out, I feel like. Oh my God, I was just reading about the story. So they were rescued, right, Noah?

They saved the flamingo and then they let the people drown. Yeah, that's what happened. I actually know, a helicopter. They did a full on like- The US Coast Guard had actually know a helicopter like they did a full-on like the u.s coast guard had to bring a helicopter and rescue i don't know why they didn't just use a boat i feel like these coast guards they get bored you know what i mean they're like yeah we gotta save the flamingo rock and roll gotta get them and it's like they're fine they're just on the

flamingo and they want you to take an mri and a cat scan because they're like we gotta pay for this equipment so let's just give this person with a you know a hangnail an mri um that's that's insane it reminds me i was reading about um on reddit the people that inspired the movie open water which is like i have never even seen that movie because it's my biggest fear two people were scuba diving a couple they were in bali and then they stopped over in new zealand they went on a scuba expedition and or and uh they were left behind and it changed in 1998 uh this couple and they it changed every at all like the procedure yeah yeah so they it's it's so crazy so the movie open water is a is a one of those movies where it's just as almost a single camera on this couple the whole time as they face that

they've been stranded in the middle of the ocean and are going to die and what do they do and in their last moments i've never watched it because it's too horrific but it was based on a true story with these this couple that um that that happened to and the real sad part is is like they didn't realize the couple was missing for two days because they went back and cleaned the boat and they found their like bags and they were like found their passports and they were like uh what and this couple imagine that conversation like uh hey like to the boss be like all right so i kind of fucked up i saw the guy oh my god the guy that that was doing the head counts that took them out was charged with manslaughter um and he got off and the

families he got off yeah he like because it was unintentional he didn't mean to and the regulations just weren't there the the procedures weren't there to make sure this doesn't happen they are there now so you don't have to be scared of this happening as much i mean it's always a chance but they found a board a diving board much like the one you're using noah to say wrap it up bitch uh that they wrote on it and they said um the date and it was the day that they went missing and it said uh please send help where we don't want to die like it's so sad and they found it washed up on the shore and they found the woman's sweatsuit or a wetsuit sweatsuit wetsuit and um they determined that the the uh the guy was probably oh i guess in the movie the guy is eaten by sharks as she's watching because they're just like giving up and they're being swarmed by sharks and then in the end the girl

is the last scene i've never seen the movie spoiler alert the last scene is the girl realizing her fiance uh is or you know young brought a young husband uh is being eaten by sharks he dies and then she doesn't want to die by sharks so she has that decision to make of like what do i do do i wait for the sharks to get me or do i drown myself and you just see her go down and like drown herself which is like always i know this is really grim but it always makes me think of september 11th and the people that jumped and how um when you're faced with two decisions like that and like how awful burning must be to choose the other thing and um moving on to the next story wait hold on a second wait wait wait wait we were on a text thread talking about al. So when I was looking at this story,

I remembered Andrew saying something about getting stuck on a glacier. And if I don't hear that story, I don't know what's gonna happen. Wait, you got stuck on a glacier? No, so I did a helicopter ride with my dad and my older brother. We went to Alaska.

We did a cruise in Alaska. We left from Vancouver and we went to Juneau. We went to Anchorage and we went, we flew literally a helicopter and landed went we flew a heli literally a helicopter and landed on a glacier and it's 70 degrees out and you're standing on this giant piece of ice it's completely quiet but the sun's out like it's just it's a really weird it's like having a bad arm with a shitty you know young tattoo and and so I'm out there and I'm on the helicopter and we get on on the glacier and I didn't know this

but there's holes in glaciers that go like a thousand feet like if you stepped into them there's no reason why a kid should even it still gives me goosebumps to this day

because me and my brother we were from Florida we never found snow or never played with snow there was a little bit of snow on the glacier so we're throwing snow

at each other and running around and running around and running around with these holes in the why did so no one tell you about the holes well now there's a procedure in place no no yeah i mean there should be is there there should no yes there should be caution tape and with like um like a fence around these things it's wild that they so you just narrowly escaped falling in one of them just by happening no so i fucking was throwing the snow and i stepped back and my leg went through

the glacier because i went and i stepped on a place that was too the ice was too thin but if both my legs went in i would have been i don't think i obviously i didn't fall in the hole because i would be dead but i stepped on a thin piece of ice that if i was paying attention i wouldn't have done so i step in and i catch you know how unflexible i am but i caught myself like a cat and i pulled myself up but i was in the water like past my ice water past my hip oh my god yeah it was fucking wild and then my dad i remember my dad being like like kind of like angry at me and uh and my jeans i was freezing obviously but like i sometimes think about moments like that like i could have easily fell through the hole i could have like how did i i caught myself yeah near death kind of

experiences that like have you ever had like a what was the most i said it the other day in the podcast i think um no i talked about it yesterday in a podcast but i said it the other day on the podcast, I think. No, I talked about it yesterday on a podcast, but I, or the other day, I got hit by a car. By the way, Alaska's incredible. I recommend going there. Like the husk, there's, we met the Idinarod huskies, you know, the ones that run the race. And the biggest husky ever, I met a 185 pound husky.

It was fucking awesome. It's like you're talking like a kid who met the Globetrotters. You go, you know, there's not just one pack of huskies, right? You're like, I met the pack. It'sies, right? No, it's one pack. I met the pack. They're dead now. I know there's like a lot.

Okay, why do I care? What's our celebrity news today? Jason Sudeikis. Why do I care? Oh, yeah. Oh, I care about Jason Sudeikis. I heard he's heartbroken. Is this what I'm about to hear?

No. Oh. Yes, of course. Damn it, I know. he's heartbroken massively upset over ex-fiancee being with olivia i love that i never know what the why do i care story is going to be yet i always have already read it because i don't i read this shit all the time and i saw this headline that jason zekas is so heartbroken over um harry styles and olivia who were got together apparently a month before they were officially separated.

I've heard that speculation on the gossip blogs. And, you know, it's all anecdotal. And it's none of it is, you know, I don't think confirmed. But listen, when a relationship is failing, whether it be a marriage or not, this is why I care about the story um it's nice to see a man um being sad I like hearing that someone's devastated and can be in their feelings if it is true um and I think that I want to be gentle about this I don't think infidelity is good. I think it leads to a lot of pain um However, I once had a therapist Who uh told me that sometimes to get out of a relationship you need

The prospect of another and if you're listening right now and you're like nikki, that's bullshit How could you say that it's never okay to cheat or flirt then you've never been in a situation where you feel like if i leave this guy or if i leave this woman i'll never find someone else because they've convinced me i'll never find someone else because i'm in an abusive relationship and so the prospect of something can actually help you remove yourself from a situation. But what if it's not abusive? That's another case where you need to look at why you can't be honest with the person that you're dating and tell them that your feelings have changed and that you have a crush on someone.

My favorite story of this is my friend who was married isn't any longer because her husband cheated on her and wasn't honest about it. But years prior to that she was working with a guy who she developed a crush on she couldn't help it you know it happens what happened with harry styles and olivia they're together 25 hours a day for six months if i ever dated a director actor anyone that's gone for a long time on location bye-bye harry styles you can not buy forever just if you develop a crush let me know i wouldn't let her go to the concert i wouldn't let my

girlfriend even i wouldn't let her sit in those bleeds with hot harry now you're gonna let them be in a trailer together for six months i know and and she's the director so she looks badass and he's like a guy who oh no one's talking about that no one power dynamic well yeah no one is talking about that but they they need not i'm just saying that harry is someone that wears dresses and is very comfortable not being like is very comfortable with women being in power and not intimidated by that so yeah it seemed to me like a like a thing that was could have happened and could have maybe we foresee it. However, I just want to say, I really shout out to anyone who has been cheated on and it's not okay. I really wish everyone could be honest.

But my friend, before I get to Reddit, Dom, this is what happened. This is what I think. We can't deny that our feelings, you can't help your feelings. If you develop a crush on someone that you work with or that you encounter on a day-to-day basis and you're in a committed relationship, hopefully you can be honest with the person you're dating. Like my friend did, this is years before her husband cheated on her. She

went to her husband and she goes, babe, I have to talk to you. I have a crush on Antonio or whoever it was. And he goes, yeah, right. Because the guy was just kind of ridiculous. And he goes, and he goes yeah right because the guy was just kind of ridiculous and he goes and he and she goes i'm serious i don't know what it is like i feel an attraction i don't i'm i'm i'm mad at myself for doing it but it's happening and i just want you to know and i want to get ahead of it and i want to talk to you about it he laughed it off like this is a joke and she goes i'm not kidding you it's it's it's a real thing that's happening i'm going to keep seeing him and I need to address it. So she said, what I need is for us all to go to dinner together and meet together so that we can like join together and it can be you and me against him. And knowing that like you and I now, he doesn't know I have a crush on him.

I didn't let him know. And it's him and I against you. It's me letting you know I have a crush on this guy. And now let's go to dinner with him. And now let's make fun of the fact that I am liking this guy because i don't want to like this guy let's work together to get me in a place where this is like we laugh about this but at least i get to be honest with my husband and tell him how i'm feeling even if he laughs at me about this and guess what as soon as she went to dinner with her husband and they both were like you like this

guy like it suddenly broke apart and she never felt it again, even though she worked with him because she got to be honest. Because when you keep feelings inside and you, I've had guys have crushes on me who have girlfriends or who have wives. I've seen it. I know it. And I would, I, I have, and I've, I've had situations where they lie to their girlfriends or wives about their flirtations

with me. It has never felt good. I have never encouraged that. I've always wanted them to go be honest with that person because I don't want to be with someone. If I like this person, I don't want to be with someone who's going to lie to me when it happens. And I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

I think it's a case-by-case scenario. But hopefully you can be with someone who you can be honest with a crush about. What do you think? All I know is if my girlfriend brought me to dinner with Harry Styles, your boy would be blowing Harry Styles. I would be blowing him. What would you think, though?

No, I would be, like, all jokes aside. No, what would you think? All jokes aside, it would be very hard for me to hear that and to be like, look, thank you. Can I do a role play? I know, but I'm telling you how i feel let me just see okay but would you want to break up with her that she admitted that she has feelings for someone else or would you maybe take that as a sign that your her needs aren't getting

met in a way that i think that guy probably tried to deal with it with humor because the the honesty is too much for him and that's how he had to laugh it off. But I don't think I would you rather not know? Because I'm telling you when you don't tell that's when it starts to brew into something more than a crush. I know it'd be hard. I don't know. It'd be hard. I think I'm just saying ideally, that's the relationship I would want.

And it would be hard to hear that my boyfriend or husband had a crush on a girl at work that maybe is younger and cuter than me or like my biggest fear or Harry Styles styles you know but i would want to know let's role play okay all right i'm your girlfriend yeah okay andrew um i want to talk to you about something really uh difficult we have no time for reddit dump but i'm gonna get breeze through it because i want to do this role play but reddit dump is coming up okay andrew i want to talk to you about something i know we just started seeing each other and just recently became like quote-unquote official or you know but i have been taking this spinning class and my spin instructor i i've just i have a crush i have

to admit i have a crush like the same way i felt about you early on i feel about this guy and then nothing has happened he has no idea i don't even know that if he likes me I'm guessing he does because I'm a smoke show as you know but I just want to let you know like I have a crush on him and I don't know what to do about and I don't want to so I just want to do about him that you like more than me it's not about more than you yeah it because obviously I would be with him if I liked him more than you because I'm a girl that goes after what she wants. I'm just telling you that I need to get it out or it might turn into something more. But the reason he makes me feel, I just, he, there's just a certain, you know, sometimes he looks at me and my vagina vibrates.

Well, that could be the bike. But do you like being told what to do by this guy? Like what is, like do you think outside of the spin class, if you really got to know him, that you would care about him? I just think I'm attracted to him. You know the way that I assume you're attracted to other women?

I'm attracted to him, and he gives me attention, and it feels good, and I have been having sex dreams about him, and I don't know what to do about it, and I don't want to be with this guy. I mean, he's a spin instructor, and I think he's married,

but I don't know what to do and i don't want to turn to anything more do you think i should stop going to the class i mean are you gonna break up with me now i don't love it i'm not gonna i'm not gonna lie to you also um you know these classes are very expensive i feel like you're paying 40 to cheat on me in a way in your mind which hurts um i wish i could give to you what this guy is apparently giving to you i guess i'm not fulfilling something for you and maybe we could dress up maybe i could get a peloton and we you could get in bed and i could get on the bike and tell you what to do will you just come to the class with me and then we can just like mock

this guy together and then i'll never be able to see him sexually because you'll just destroy him no the problem is I think he's probably a better bike rider than me and you're going to see me struggling. They do have Celsius for sale in the lobby for $4 for four cans. Okay, I'll be there tomorrow. Alright, let's get to Reddit Dump.

I felt like that was pretty real. No, that was really good. That was really good and I felt too vulnerable almost all right let's go to reddit dump this is what we do every tuesday where i take you through my saved reddits we're gonna breeze through those really quick um i mentioned a couple things earlier this week that we might not get to but i promise that i will update you girls about the things that people have recommended that they get advertised on instagram and the things that you shouldn't buy one of those is the poor sucking thing and um and I will uh if I get to it on my reddit dump I'll

share with you all right so this one is um this was just a tweet that I uh that I loved from this is from white people twitter this is the subreddit white people twitter and this is from uh a bitchy fucks in fucking bitch 34 i'm sorry so but this is a uh that's the reddit user the tweet is white people twitter is just funny tweets from white people it doesn't have anything to do with being white um this is at cub mouth um is the tweet says how i become a homeowner in my 20s all right uh cut back on sushi i only eat it six days a week uh and then the second one is my father the inventor of blood wired me seven million dollars and i just love that because you know millennials get shit about like stop buying avocado toast so um that was really funny to me uh then um this this was another tweet from white people twitter from 416 bando this is the tweet

picture this you're 31 you just married your soulmate and are on your way to your beautiful honeymoon the plane lands in bora bora as it touches the ground your wife begins clapping she's an airplane clapper you get on a plane right back to america and you never speak again i love that because people who clap on planes when they land, don't do that. Unless you really want to. Okay, here's another one. I loved this. This is a, also white people Twitter.

I'm sorry I'm doing all these, but this is from, this is a quote from David Attenborough from Rogan underscore Brendan. And that's because this guy's name is Brendan Rogan, not because he's a Rogan fan. Brendan Rogan says, a truly fantastic analogy from David Attenborough and and as always so very true emojis of hearts and you know uh fist pound and this is the quote if you collect 100 black ants

and 100 fire ants and put them in a glass jar nothing will happen but if you take the jar shake it violently and leave it on the, the ants will start killing each other. Red believes that black is the enemy, while black believes that red is the enemy, when the real enemy is the person who shook the jar. The same is true in society. Men versus women, black versus white, faith versus science, young versus old, etc. Before we fight each other, we must ask ourselves, who shook the jar? Love that. this is from science subreddit science this is just a report spanking has effects on early childhood behavior

similar to those of adverse childhood experiences aces as they're called adverse childhood experiences which are commonly known as physical or emotional abuse or neglect parental mental illness parental substance abuse and others so if you have a parent that was a meth head it's almost as bad traumatically for a child as if you were spanked by a parent who didn't do meth so spanking is not the answer were you ever spanked the last time i was spanked i told my mom was that supposed to hurt and she stopped i was like 13 so i was spanked a little bit but nothing like horrible nothing like was that supposed to hurt what a smart ass thing to say that's what got

my my sister used to do that didn't hurt when my parents would spank her and they would then you would try to make it hurt oh really didn't hurt yeah she didn't want it I didn't really get spanked I could always tell my parents like didn't want to do it when they did it so it was almost like I didn't respect them almost more because of it let's move into our final thought from the subreddit ask men correct

baseball 9464 asks how is it that the penis and balls don't get crushed slash squished when walking sitting down and having someone else sit in between their legs i've always wondered this as well this is a woman asking men. This is why I love Reddit. So can you answer it, Andrew? Yeah, your dick isn't, your balls, they're like putty. They're not like hard all the time. It's like, it's soft with it.

It doesn't hurt because also your ass is soft. If it was a blunt force and it was just your bony ass, like just a bone in your ass, that would hurt. Okay, the answer is, for one, the dick isn't directly between your legs, was a blunt force and it was just your bony ass like just a bone in your ass that would hurt okay the answer is for one the dick isn't directly between your legs said loaned per on uh on which is a good point it's in the front so it's not like directly between your legs getting squished

all the time by your on thigh gap yeah right uh and also you're right when the penis is flashed not only does it take less space it also molds comfortably yeah we could fold anything and then um this was a great one from sex uh the subreddit sex i finally found the guts to use a vibrator during sex dot dot dot and oh my god dot dot dot then you open it the body of it says so i finally found what was missing during sex i found the guts to ask my boyfriend if it were okay for me to use a vibrator he was during sex for he was all for it we chose to have sex and doggies since it was the only position that came to mind in which i could hold the vibrator to my clit not true you could lay down on the bed and he could be on the side of the bed standing and you could easily hold it um he said that even he even liked it because he was

able to feel the vibrator touch his dick. Overall, I came in probably two minutes. I have never orgasmed that quickly during sex. I want, I was want to explore more with using the vibrator during sex. Does anyone have any suggestions on which positions? Okay. So I just gave you one. This I picked because you also said that like vibrators make girls come so much faster during sex.

Like why aren't we using them? Are you threatened by that at all? Not at all. Please bring in more robots. I don't give a fuck. I really don't. Loved it. I don't care at all.

And doggy is a great way to do it. And you can feel the vibration on your penis. It does help. Yes. And then there's one more for Ask Women. And I'm closing up here. On Ask Women, a woman asks other ladies, Okay, ladies, how do you prevent razor burn

on your bikini line? I just want to say that a lot of times razor burn does look like herpes. They can become infected and it's an issue that a lot of women don't want guys going down on them

because they don't want them to see it. I have had it before where I've been like, that's not herpes, which is never a hot thing to say before a guy goes down on you, even if it's not. For me,

10 skin has really worked but i use harry's razors i think using a men's razor is the best way to do it make sure uh you can also use out girls have said that they use um deodorant this is the one that someone got from no i want to share this with you because you might find this interesting she says i know this yeah this is from put a bird on it a user i know this sounds insane but deodorant i clean the area with alcohol after shaving and yes it hurts like hell for a second but it passes quickly you can also use a thing called tend skin tend t-e-n-d skin you can get it on amazon it works just as well um she goes i got this she goes then i rub a deodorant then i rub a deodorant stick over the shaved area no

more irritation or bumps at all. I got this advice from a stripper. She made an edit to this. Since this gained a bit of traction, I wanted to share my process. First, I exfoliate the area with an exfoliating cloth using my regular body wash. She uses Dove because she has sensitive skin. Next, she uses lather from the body wash and a fresh blade, which I recommend Harry's. I'm not sponsored by them when i get out of the shower i pat that dry area and splash alcohol 70 alcohol on the

shaved area 70 is more effective than 91 at killing pathogens which is what we are going for i brought a i bought a spray bottle in the travel product aisle and filled it with alcohol and spray the shaved area it's easier in my opinion after the area is nice and dry i take my deodorant stick and i do a swipe or two over the shaved area swiping with the grain i use dove deodorant against again because it works best for my sensitive skin it is the combo of deodorant and antiperspirant i don't use the same one that i use on my underarms i have a dedicated one that is used only for my bikini line and it's been disinfected with alcohol good luck everybody i hope your bikini areas have a bump a bump and irritation-free future.

If you are a girl that struggles with irritation down there, I'm not anymore. I don't know what I do to not have it, but I used to have it all the time. Please use that tip and I hope it helps you. And we got to go. Or just have sex in the dark. Yeah, or just keep, or just blind your partner.

Yeah, or fuck a blind guy. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast today. We will be back tomorrow, as you know. Get your friends into it. Just thank you so much for listening the podcast today we will be back tomorrow as you know get your friends into it just uh talk about us on reddit in the podcast if you're a subscriber and uh to reddit's uh uh sub uh subreddit podcast because again people were asking for funny daily podcasts and i searched and no one said ours and i'm just like can we get some come on on, Rogan Bryan.

Yeah. Thank you so much for listening, everyone. And keep sending in voice memos. Keep sending in, you know, comments, concerns, questions. We love you so much. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

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your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions,

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That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability and authenticity, we share our personal journeys, navigating our 30to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen.