The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #462 Nikki & Chris Almost Buy A House, ”What’s Wrong With Me?”

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Chris is determined to get back on track with his health and his trusty blueberry smoothie helps him get on his way. Nikki's game plan is to keep away from carbs and the dreaded calorie count. Yoga in Australia is way more chill than in the US. Get this, Nikki is not a perfectionist. Nikki and Chris were super close to buying a house but bailed on the bidding war. Now she’s on the hunt for a new place with a balcony. Brian once lived in a gross frat house and is seriously fed up with home prices. Nikki's therapy session, helped her learn a lesson and gave her a good title for her next special.In the Final Thought, Nikki spills the tea on stuff other girls love that she’s just not into but kinda wishes she was. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser podcast. I'm here in studio in St. Louis with Chris Convey. He's here again today. What's up? How's it going, Glaze?

Good. First time we talked today. Yeah, right. Just kidding. We were just in the kitchen. we were just chatting in the kitchen cleaning blueberries oh my god we should have done a podcast of that oh yeah that's what people want to hear the amount of blueberries that are in that bowl right now was there a sale was there a going out of business no i was i was my smoothie was completely ready to go except i was out of blueberries today so i had to go to the store just for blueberries and i thought myself, I never want this to happen again. Wait.

So I got four big things of blueberries. Which we're going to see in the trash in a week. No, no. Really? Because these go in the freezer. Oh. Okay, there's not. Carrots are my problem.

Carrots are your problem. And you end up cleaning that mess up. Yeah, I do. I will. Doesn't care how old or dirty the carrot is. No, doesn't care if there's a little knot on it, a little cancerous tumor. I will eat right. I'll just scrape it off.

In fact, I will not. Scrape it off. Brian's here. Noah's here. What's up, guys? When you're chopping carrots, eating carrots, do you have to clean off the skin? Because I don't give a fuck. I'm on the skin.

I never chop a carrot. I always get baby carrots in a bag and they're ready to eat. No, they're gross. Baby carrots are gross. They get slimy. Yeah, I just think they taste worse than real carrots. Chris knows. They're still real.

Yeah, Noah? Our friend, Hala, who we mentioned yesterday on the podcast, she's a huge carrot eater. Oh, yeah. She eats like what's up, Doc? Yeah, she does. Big carrot eater oh yeah and she eats like what's up doc yeah she does big carrot here we don't say that anymore we say hippie um dirty hippie she's a dirty hippie who eats a lot of carrots and she told me once that baby carrots are just like the good parts of a bad carrot that makes sense that's all they are um but i've never actually thought of doing what you just described i always buy frozen fruit but i never thought about buying blueberries

fresh washing them and then putting them in the freezer yeah that's the way i do it i like it i like it that way that's interesting i've never done i never thought of that let's walk our way through a chris convey smoothie what's going in it we're doing doing, and Brian's got a smoothie too, so maybe we can compare. Yeah, let's talk about smoothies. But I've actually added an ingredient from Brian's smoothie into mine. That's right. Makes mine taste terrible. Disgusting.

Terrible. It makes your body feel good. I don't know if it does. My body, I don't know. Is it spirulina? That's exactly what it is. Brian, what is it? Whoa.

It's an algae. I just takerian's word for this usually i'll do like five days of research that's the fifth most popular girl name right now right after emma it's one of the dragon's names in house of the dragons is it really no well actually the algae names are kind of like girl names. There's spirulina. There's chlorella, which could also be a girl's name. Gorgeous name. Gorgeous. Chlorella.

And that's the only two I know. Hey, chlorella. Come here, chlorella. Yeah, maybe that's her name. Acidophilus. No, she's not into it. Yeah. Okay, so.

Blueberries. Strawberries. Yeah. Pineapple. Mm-hmm. Tons of spinach. Weird amount of spinach, probably. probably well that's the thing about spinach you got well when you're cooking it certainly you have to use way more way more

yeah when i get a side of spinach at a restaurant and it is like a like a the amount the size of what you would do if you put on like i don't know a dab of sriracha like it's like that small like it's a little i just am like this person who's back there cooking doesn't eat spinach like they don't they don't get it they don't get it they're like an entire bag of spinach like a big uh gallon bag you put that in the frying pan that's like one fork full of spinach yeah yeah the amount of spinach you get caught in your teeth that's a half a bag of spinach yeah it's like a magic trick it's really is insane it's it is like a magic that's what david copper Copperfield uses to make things disappear. It's just composite spinach.

Chris Connolly is back on the health train. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When Nikki and I went to Zurich, I fell off a big time. And Zurich meaning not the last time we had a layover in Zurich. Like Zurich with my parents. Yeah, a month ago-ish, right? I don't know why I'm saying everything, but even Zurich with my parents yeah month ago-ish right I don't know why I'm saying everything but even Zurich with my parents

everything's fitting into the karma okay when we went to Zurich with my parents you fell off hard you were like working all the time eating healthier I was doing great

I was on my way I was well on my way but McDonald's gets because you remember this Glenn Powell and I were working out at the same gym well this is now five years ago in 2019 yes 2019 I were working out at the same gym. Well, this is now five years ago. In 2019.

2019, we were working out at the same gym. We were chasing the same body at the same time. Yeah, he got to it. He got there first. Not only did he get there first, he kept it. Well. He held on to it. It's not like a trophy that gets to switch back and forth.

He got there first. It's like he won it forever. Well, before we were together, I was close. Glenn Powell and I were neck and neck. He noticed. Oh, I'd love to be neck and neck with Glenn Powell. That sounds better. He and I were working at the same gym, this great gym, Ultimate Performance.

If anybody wants to, in LA, I think we've got gyms all over the country, look up Ultimate Performance. They are the real deal. They will get you there. Glenn Powell. If you want to ruin your life and ruin your social life and make your whole existence about counting macros and reps and well you know you want to change things yeah that's true it's just i just don't think it's sustainable but i also i like i like this but it's about a goal it's not sustainable but i didn't know what

a calorie was before i still don't know and especially when i go to europe and they got cake house written on everything yeah the cake sometimes it'll be like there's 2 000 k cows in this and i go what the fuck is that and i know we shouldn't care about calories we should just listen to our bodies and feel like when we're full and just eat intuitively i can't do it y'all i can't do it i do pay attention to calories i can't erase the part of my brain my uh high school um chemistry teacher taught me a song to remember what calories are to the tune of... Actually, I don't know what the original song is, but I can sing it. Calories are how much heat it takes to burn one molecule of that.

Isn't that it? Oh, calorie. Oh, calorie. Raise one gram of water one degree. I guess it's a Christmas tree. That's good. it's really good so one calorie is what it takes to raise one gram of water one degree that's right and thank you mrs mccann and too many degrees of water being raised one degree makes you fat for some reason don't understand that it's energy yeah i mean it's all about energy calorie is a measurement

of energy and you get calories from eating you know foods and nutrients it's energy yeah i mean it's all about energy calorie is a measurement of energy and you get calories from eating you know foods and nutrients i guess it's all about burning it's burning it's all about burning look i'm no scientist i just know that song but when when you go to mcdonald's and they added the calories like in the 90s or whenever i remember being like what is all what are all these numbers and i never learned i never cared i loved my life before i understood nutritional facts. Before I would look at that and I would just go, it was like before I knew what cursive was, I used to look at my mom's handwriting and be like,

this is hieroglyphics to me. And I remember feeling like there was this world that I wasn't a part of and I was so excited that I didn't have to know it yet. Like it wasn't my job to know what that was. And I looked at it and I remember looking at her notes thinking, I'm so glad I am not expected to know what that was. Right. And I looked at it and I remember looking at her notes thinking, I'm so glad I am not expected to know what the fuck any of this means.

But there is a part of your soul that gets broken when you are a woman or a man that suffers with eating disorders. When you learn about nutritional facts and you start paying attention to that stuff, your life derails into, I can't go back to being someone who doesn't know what that stuff means and doesn't care i have not had pasta in 20 years i've not i've not intentionally i've eaten pasta because i've been at a party and been like oh i guess i have to eat this because someone's mom made it but it's been hell for me i didn't enjoy it i just wanted to

eat it and be done with it i cannot get past why because the carb thing carb craze it to me is like embedded in my brain i know carbs do not make you fat like i know that that's i know it's been totally dispelled and like pasta is healthy for you and like if you eat it in moderation it's fine i feel crazy if i eat a piece of pasta what's your stance on bread same way i mean bread is a little bit easier for me because it's fluffier pasta is like condensed bread and it just freaks me out what is pasta but condensed bread and it's a sickening thing to to have this but i was even talking about with my pasta that can get a little bit gross you know and i hear it has a lot of chemicals in it it's so gross i saw some tiktok where it was

like had the most toxins oh really pasta like it was off the charts yeah it's same like bamboo sheets people are like oh bamboo sheets this is all exciting the the amount of chemicals they have to do to break that down and then you got those pandas sneaking in your room at night to snatch out your sheets and you wake up and you hear them munching and you go what's going on and you got to get those fucking pandas out of your room yeah i don't and you hear them munching and you go, what's going on? And you gotta get those fucking pandas out of your room. I don't like it.

You can't kill them. You can't kill them. It's illegal. You have to encourage them to fuck in your bed because to make more. It's very sad. It is really sad.

Well, I have eucalyptus sheets actually. Oh. Yeah, which is also a real thing. Then you got those koalas sneaking in. Yeah, you gotta

double the koalas. There's always an Asian bear that wants what you've got. Isn't a koala actually a marsupial? I think it is. Oh, you're probably right. It's an Australian marsupial, not an Asian bear. Oh, okay, I thought it was an Asian thing. But there's Asians in Australia, so I believe they're allowed to travel there and live there.

Well, yeah, no, Chinese tourism is very high in Australia. Oh. I learned that when i went to australia i learned that too when i went to a yoga class in australia or a pilates class and it was all it was i was the only um non-asian person there how'd you do um i did all right yeah yeah i did all right they were all very lithe and uh tiny but um yeah i did pretty good i will say australian pilates at least the place i was going to easy compared to american and it makes sense because we're pushing ourselves we always have to like be in pain and they were like think about what a gift this is to your body

it was more about like thanking your body for every movement and like trying to feel things and it was just much i really loved it it was soothing and the guy that was teaching the class just made you feel so good that you even showed up like he didn't expect anything of you right whereas the ones in la are like well it's just it's against australian culture to try to rise above yeah to try to win oh my god yeah tall poppy syndrome that's what they call it i tried to quit pilates i actually canceled my pilates class today i was 15 minutes good you should no it was nine minutes it was nine minutes out and it's right like i live very close to it i can get there like 6 a.m though he was at 9 a.m and i just was like i just don't want to do it hey can somebody convince

glazer that this is a mistake to do a pilates class at 6 p.m or 6 p.m on a monday night and then go to a 8 a.m pilates class on tuesday morning that's you're not supposed to do that it got me back on track so you just needed to jump start your system i need and i i will say i gave so little in those classes i let myself give so much i gave 50 in both classes because even yesterday at the gym i was like i'm i'm going, I'm not going to hurt myself. No. Yeah. I'm going to be gentle.

I'm going 60%. Yeah. I was like, really? I'm doing this new thing where you talk compassionately to yourself because I saw a TikTok about it. How does that go? Nikki, you poor thing. You are so hard on yourself. You poor thing.

You work so hard on yourself you poor thing you have you work so hard you you went to this Pilates class thinking that this would be a good idea and it's not and you're too embarrassed to quit now because you chose one of the reformers that's in the middle of the class and not on the side so it's much harder to leave and you also really like this instructor and you don't want her to think it was because of her so you're you poor thing you're gonna have to stick this out and I just talk to myself like that and you say nikki or you say like you talk to yourself and i saw it um it's an andrew huberman clip and this one was just talking about how like instead of when you feel sad instead of like trying to find a way to like focus on the good like just lean into the

sad and be like you poor oh it's you know it really sucks that even if the thing you're feeling bad about is just so trivial and you feel stupid about it just find a way to be like what your best friend would say to you like the best friend that is always compassionate about whatever you're going through try to mimic what she would say in those moments and like kind of and even like do this to yourself so like I'm in a plank position doing like rubbing my arm and she's like, what do you do? And it makes it much harder to hold a plank with one arm while you're self-soothing. And you're saying yourself, you got to push harder, Nikki, as you hold yourself up with one arm. Glaze is hard on herself.

She's real hard. We all know. Yeah, well, that works for you, Nikki, because you're a perfectionist and you need to counteract that with some sort of self-soothing. I am not a perfectionist. I want to combat not a perfectionist. I want to combat that a little bit. No. Because I give up. I totally am okay with being a B+.

I want to be. But that's why. If I am a B+, I am happy with that. A- is like shooting for the stars. A+, I will go for when the time calls for it, but not every time. But you're a perfectionist in the way that if you know that you're not going to get the a plus then you give up you settle for the b and

that's why i'm trying to stick out a pilates class and go you know what everyone is doing this mega donkey push right now what's a mega donkey push is that a thing oh my god is that like ray gun it is no it is it is so hard it's just to do it my body has to contort in a way that gets me out of alignment kirsten if you're listening you know what i'm talking you know what i'm talking about like my spine is supposed to be along the line on the reformer that means you keep your pelvis straight and your hips are straight and you with one leg push back so you're like pushing back against pushing yourself forward against the reformer with your heel.

But to compensate because it's so hard, my body will shift to one side and it's all out of alignment. And I'm doing the exercise wrong to do it right. So instead of just doing it wrong to do it right, to just get the exercise done, I will modify it and lay on my side, which is completely not the exercise.

It's way easier. But I did that because I was like, you poor thing, you were just on a flight, you signed up for this class, you didn't want to accept the penalty to do the class, just do the exercise that's easier, and it's going to be okay. And that's what I did. And I felt fine about it. So but I do struggle with when do you push through? And when do you give up? When it self-soothing or when is it good for you to give up on something and cancel the class and not go and when is it good to go no Nikki complete the class don't give up that is the line that I don't have a firm grasp on

right you remember that Kobe Bryant I'm gonna butcher the quote I should probably look it up but it's like he's like you make a contract with yourself at the beginning of the season that you're going to go to the gym you know 360 days out of the year or you're going to shoot a certain amount of shots i forget exactly what it is and you go and you have to you have to complete the contract with yourself that's his thing and you were like i don't think that's a good idea that you could get hurt we renegotiate all the time on my contract we go back to the table we yes there's always an opening for renegotiating and in in my life but i think that's and that's where because there are sometimes i walk out of a pilates class and i'm like man i just have this incomplete feeling all day long of like why did i do that i should have completed it like

the 25 minutes i did last in the class are are for nothing now because it's just i didn't complete it so it was like i did i just feel awful and then there's some times where it feels like no that was the right decision and i can't really figure out which one is which should Should I play the Kobe audio? Sure. Okay. Starting over. You know, you're out running on a track, working out, and you start talking to yourself, saying, man, my knee is really sore right now.

Maybe I'm doing too much. Maybe I need to back off. Man, my lungs are burning. Maybe I can just slow down here. I'll do like an extra two sets tomorrow. You know, it'll be okay. Yeah. Right. That sort of stuff.

Yes. Like that stuff's dangerous. And that's, you just got to say, you know what? I'm not negotiating with myself. Yeah. The deal was already made. Deal was made. When I set out at the beginning of the summer and said, this is the training plan I'm doing.

I signed that contract with myself. I'm doing it. Throughout that process, you'll start talking to yourself like, man, I think I need to, maybe if we, nope. The monastic chants behind it really add. You need one of those as your background.

The Redeem team. Did you watch that documentary? No. Well, it's about the 2008 2008 uh u.s olympic basketball team who are trying to redeem the country's um horrible loss the previous olympics and kobe ryan plays a big role in that documentary you like sports documentaries i figured let's watch the redeem team yeah it's on netflix it came out in 2022 okay i'll watch that i mean what i heard in that is that he's gonna get it if your knee is hurting you better you just not keep doing

those sprints yeah i mean listen i'm sure it's not perfect for everybody but i i really enjoyed it because i do that same negotiation with myself not about the knee pain but just about like i don't have it today i'm tired and sometimes if you push through a little bit of that not the knee pain stuff yeah but you're like oh man i've gotten on the bike a bunch and been like oh it's not here for me today yeah and then i'm like i'll just i'll just do another you know five ten minutes and then and then you do that you do that five ten minutes and you're like oh i do have it today oh Oh. Yeah. And then you can really go. But some days you just don't have it.

I think it's about what it really helps is when you're having those doubts of like, I can't do this. Just take it down. Like if you're on a run and you're like, fuck, I can't do this. Start. Just slow down. I've talked about this before. Instead of just stopping, just slow down. Because I think we just think of like not

running the whole time is failure but you will be able to run so much faster if you just just jog for a little bit yeah and don't stop just make it less like that pilates class i was dead set on leaving like i was like after this next thing i can't do this and i go why don't you just like modify this to make it easier and opposed to giving up and that really helped me get through the whole thing as opposed to like it has to be all or nothing yeah just slow down a little bit like if you're on a treadmill just start walking and get through a couple songs and go okay and a couple songs if i still don't like this then but just just take it don't you don't have to meet yourself where you were yesterday all the time sometimes like emotionally what do you mean what

do you mean by that like if you were if i was on the treadmill yesterday and i did this workout and it's like oh i should be able to repeat that every day that was a hardcore like i might not have it the next day because my hormones are imbalanced i didn't get enough sleep i'm just like emotionally not there like i can do i don't have to repeat just because i did that yesterday i should be able to do it today like no it's okay today's different i'm different do you have a tendency to because i have a tendency to negotiate with myself in those moments so that's why i think that one hit me like i will be like i'll do two tomorrow or i'll make it oh i do the i'll do two tomorrow all the time literally never ever doubled up the next day on anything yeah that i've ever promised myself

we got to go to break um and i promise i'll give way more on the next break or on the next double yeah i'm gonna double up uh and uh it's gonna be even better because i was kind of slowing down on this first one okay uh we'll be right back john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed

listen on the iheartartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless.

I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him

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Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. And we're back. So we almost bought a house oh we were we've been like looking for a house because we got a dog and i've been talking about it you know we want that yard and that's been the big and we're just kind of like bursting at the seams with crap in every room and we are ready and i am ready and we were looking at a house and it's bricks oh yeah a lot of st louis houses have bricks on the outside yeah it was brick beautiful

beautiful painted brick st louis is kind of known for the brick was it was it brick yes brick i don't you could you don't know ask me about house, and I promise you I don't know. We saw this house for 10 minutes. What was the roof made out of? Well, now I know what the roof was. It's called... Give me the first letter. Spirulina?

It's called... Shake. Shake, yeah. It's a wooden roof. It's a shake wooden roof that has to be replaced every 100 years. Yeah, 60 to 100. 60 to 100 years. How old is the house? 83. So it was going to be needed to be replaced.

81? Yeah, right around in the 80s. So it was going to have to be replaced in the next 10 years or so. Probably. But that wasn't... Yeah. So it could be present or not um and then um we uh yeah we we saw it for like 10 minutes because we only we had to tour it right before we were

going to the airport to go to europe little did we know we didn't need to rush to the airport we could have just i mean little did little did you know what do you mean well i knew we had time no i mean like we had way more time because it took us like three days to get to europe oh yeah yeah yeah sorry um so we we rushed through the house which actually i liked yeah right every time we see a house it should be right before nik Nikki has to get to the airport. I love having an out. Like, we gotta go. We have not time to chat. And I really didn't need any more time.

I didn't feel like this is... I wish I could see it again. Oh my God. Whatever the dog's doing right now is really good. I didn't feel like I needed much more. I was like, okay, this is good. I get a sense of it. I'm someone who can make a decision really quickly.

Oh, yeah. How big is the house? How many bedrooms? It was like 40. Four bedrooms, 3,800 square feet. That's pretty big. Yeah. Yeah, but it felt like, yeah, big, but it felt like a smaller house, but it wasn't.

It's hard because we want to get a really nice house, but we don have a family and like st louis all their houses are like for people with family formal dining room here's where the kids are here's the i am never gonna throw a dinner party ever i'm never gonna use a stuff like chris what about family is gonna learn to cook like you know you have the girls trips and the nieces girls trip we are gonna go to saralina's what are we doing like this is like no this house would have been perfect for girls trips actually yeah but

I don't want to be at my house on a girls trip no offense to my girls I just I want to go for my if this was your birthday party like you know

three or four months ago this house would have been great for that yeah that's true that's true hanging by the pool yeah that's a good point there was a pool

there was a tennis court are you kidding wait at this house yeah at a tennis court are you kidding wait at this house yeah yeah tennis court yes oh my god okay i do not play tennis but i was going to because the only reason i realized the only reason i don't play tennis is because ever since i was a child and my dad would take me up to the tennis court i am so embarrassed about being bad at tennis and when you're bad at tennis it's not just about other people at the tennis court might see you being bad that's one thing but when you're

bad it affects their game because your ball's flying over into their court so like i i can't stand being bad in front of people and then i also can't stand that my badness is going to impact their goodness and so i would never go so this was oh my God, I can maybe learn to be good at tennis enough. This is like with Pilates. I had to go privately to get in shape good enough to go take it in front of people in a class.

So I took privates and now I don't take privates anymore because I know what I'm doing. So this would have been privates for me. Even tennis lessons. Quit saying privates. Well, even tennis lessons, which I did take as a kid you would be practiced you would have

your tennis lesson in in front of private tennis lesson at a court where other people were playing so people still were witnessing it it's too embarrassing i don't like it you can also paint some extra lines on there and make it into a pickleball court so you can play what i'm talking about he definitely thought about that you can't think about that the whole time it was a different kind of material yeah ah the wrong material yeah but the house was great it was perfect and in the end it didn't work out and it was like perfectly like down the price all the things that that ended up happening we were like we would be happy if it happened and happy if it didn't happen you made an offer or no yeah did you get into a war and you got outbid by BlackRock? We got a little bit into a war.

Well, there was something going on. A Russian oligarch bought it? Somebody else. We went up pretty high on it. A really decent amount, like 25% up. Wow. Which is pretty good. And we thought we had a good-

Not cash, though. It's a mortgage. No, whatever it is. But we put together a good offer. And they ended up going some somebody else but it was like i was i was like 41 i was like 51 49 on the whole deal me too and i feel like that's but the house is perfect the house was not perfect it's close you know what i'm excited about though is that we get to do this all over again because you are excited about that yeah i do i think now i i really i

don't i don't want to spend a lot of time looking at houses and i don't i've already talked about the podcast i don't want to talk to realtors i don't want to pretend i like the place i don't want to have to right do the schmoozy shit i hate that and i've been told that it really is exhausting and i and i and i don't i'm not apologizing i do not like it and it's the way it should be we shouldn't have to be fake nice to people that are selling something that's millions of dollars. I shouldn't have to justify why I don't like it. I should be able to just be like, nope, and then turn and leave. And no one should be like, she's a bitch.

Like, it's not it's OK that I don't like something that's three million dollars. But you are coming up with that idea that you have to schmooze with. Because everyone that comes with me does. Like when we view a house. Well, we're just. You well no i mean you're just being a human being i'm not i'm not like like becoming some different person that it's like i'm just being like oh i like this i like that oh this isn't gonna work for us yeah yeah no i i i get that i that's the part that i just i just when i want to leave, I just want to leave

and I don't want anything that's like- I have a hack. I have a hack because I did that this weekend. I was walking my dog and I know there was an open house around the corner from me.

I always go to the open houses to see how much they cost. Yeah, just to like snoop around, see how they- Before I walked into the open house, I called my dad and I was on the phone with my dad when I walked in.

So when the realtor stood up, I was like, hi, I'm on the phone. I just want to look around and see if you have a sheet. And they couldn't say anything to me. They can't. You're on the phone with your dad.

I'm on the phone with my dad. But I wanted to see the place. And I was in and out in like five minutes. That's so good. It worked great. And I also had my dog with me. But $3.4 million this house was. How many square feet?

37? Hold. I will go get... Talk amongst yourselves. I'll go get that sheet. Yeah. Because this is unbelievable. Let me just say,

the talking on the phone thing, I can't do because I'm usually touring it with my realtor and Chris and like one of our moms. So that won't work. Yeah. I mean, you don't enjoy this.

Dog in the car is good. You don't enjoy this process as much as the rest of us do. Like my mom is a house guy. Your mom is a house guy. Totally. A real estate person. Totally a house guy. Yeah.

Me, house guy. We love houses i would go i would go look at new houses every day of the week if i had the time that and and what i like zillow i'm a zillow house girl i like looking at quick pictures i like looking at aerial shots i like sending links and looking at links going and touring the house if we're alone with our us four even if you guys are house people i could stay all day but like being watched by someone who either lives there or someone who's showing the place i feel like i feel nervous who's home i don't know why but you think they've got expectations of you and you that you have to

meet but we're just looking at a house yeah but no what were you just saying who is home i think that's so awkward if anyone is home it's the same as like when you used to babysit and the parents would be home while you babysat it's like oh yeah i'm not gonna do anything weird just trust me it's the real estate agent and that's that's not totally untypical and they're always nice they're always just like i'm gonna leave you guys alone and they kind of just go sit in a room and like scroll on their phones which is like so the way that's fine it's it's all my own shit this is not something that anyone who's listening in the st louis area who's like well i'm gonna show a house to nikki and she's gonna hate that i'm there it's not that this is my own stuff that i'm putting on it that is not your problem i don't think any of

these people they do this hundreds of times a year i don't think they're taking anything personally about a house that isn't theirs that they're trying to sell that's a good point like they're not like they're they're like wait you don't think the breakfast nook is big enough here's my problem is sometimes i walk into a house and i know right away i hate it and i will never want to be in it and then i have to walk through the rest of it and that is the problem well do you want to in those situations would you just want to leave and let me and your mom go through it um yes but no because then you guys will be like i predict you guys will be like she's such a stick in the mud and she's doing this like obstinate teenager thing of like, like why can't she just tough it out?

And so I'll just tough it out. But I will say that I, sometimes I, I just don't like doing anything. I'm like Kim Cattrall. I don't want to do anything for even a second that I don't want to do. Right.

Which is a bratty thing to say. But I think you're also not realizing that it's a learning experience to go through houses to see what you do and don't like about it. So if you go into the first room and say, I'm never going realizing that it's a learning experience to go through houses to see what you do and don't like about it. So if you go into the first room and say, I'm never going to get this house, you're missing out on an opportunity to learn about other things that you might like about it. That's a good point. That's a good point.

I guess I would like to say I hate it. And I want everyone to know that we're just now going through this to learn things. And we're not entertaining getting this. And I'm not going to pretend that i want to entertain getting it it's so unnecessary it's like completely unnecessary like why do you want why do you have the urge to be like just so everybody here knows i'm not getting this house when that doesn't matter to anybody in that moment okay it's the same thing it matters to zero people and then at the end you'd be like i'm not interested and it's like okay cool um it's the same thing as first dates like i wanted i need this

person to know i will never be with them like i i but tough like sticking out that's why i didn't go on dates because i think this person i will know immediately and if i have to stay after i know it's a no it feels and i'm sorry to compare it to this like a little bit of a rape no glaze that's too much that's like no no no micro micro you're doing something against your will no yeah sexual harassment yeah well that's what that's about micro rape as well like i'm saying rape in the sense of like it is you are enduring something that you don't want and that you actively you're just doing it for niceties is what you're saying you're doing it to be nicer because you're scared there are other words that we have for this yes but they're

not as funny and hyperbolic give me a fucking break god you guys are gonna get me canceled by your reactions i obviously don't think that walking through a house i don't want is akin to rape i'm not saying that it's i'm making a joke but i do think that it is a micro uh it's a feeling that is on the spectrum where the rape is like miles and miles thousands of miles on the one side and then walking through a house you don't like and having to endure something you don't want to do and you already know you don't want to do and you're only doing it because you're scared or because you're being nice is on the spectrum final answer yes no there's a lot of things i'm a comedian and sometimes i make comparisons that are bonkers yeah and it doesn't mean i'm a bad person i mean sometimes i feel like you know i'm walking around

my shoes untied i gotta bend over and tie it and i'm like this is like a rape no it's not the same thing you're not tying your shoe because you're scared i mean maybe you are you're scared of tripping you're not tying your shoe because you're trying to appease someone else maybe yeah if you're walking to a restaurant and they're like sir like that's the reason i got mad at a golf course when they're like you can't come in and play because you don't have a collared shirt. I was like, if I went out and bought a collared shirt so I could fit in with these people, that is an indignity I don't want to suffer.

It makes me hate myself that I'm giving into this thing I don't even like because I'm trying to fit in and be nice and not get ostracized. It is funny if there's a character who is dealt a minor inconvenience and then they respond by going you're raping me well okay i will say that in into the woods there is a the witch's rap she goes he

was rooting through my rutabagas raiding my arugula ripping up the rappy and my champion my favorite and in it she goes he was robbing me raping me she says it and so that is why i feel like it is a term that i can just obviously if i had been raped i probably wouldn't make these jokes i haven't been i know that i could be i know that i'm lucky that i haven't i'm not minimizing rape i am if you have been please don't take offense that i'm saying this i am obviously making a joke but yes i think that if you looked up the definition of rape, this would fit in it. Well, actually I just looked up the definition of rape and it's, uh,

the second definition is an outrageous violation. Okay. So it is, I said it's a micro rape. So it is a micro outrageous violation or it's a micro act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force. Okay. I feel force.

I prefer the word indignity. I know. There's constantly we're faced with these just small indignities. Yes. I used that as a joke in my act. Instead of little, you have to say whittle. Whittle rapes every single day

we're dealing with. Now I'm offended. Speaking of rapes, I do have this, the sheet from this house. Yeah, tell us how many square feet, what are we dealing with? So,

0.16 acres for the lot, the entire lot is 0.16, which is small. Very small. I do not know what an acre is. is 0.16, which is small. Very small. I do not know what an acre is. Do you have a song about that? It's like 9,000 square feet or something. Okay, okay.

The approximate square feet of the house is 2,600. It's four bedrooms, five bathrooms, single family, duplex, no pool, hardly a backyard. Does it say no pool? It does. It literally says.'ll show it says pool no i don't want to actually i don't want to show the whole okay yeah yeah it says pool no um 3.4 million dollars this is that is unreal that is unacceptable in america for houses to cost that much oh i mean like that's some good real estate though like isn't culver city like so nice and so

safe and it is but 3.4 million dollars that's like that's a that should be a mansion you can go to you know uh uh ventura and get a mansion for 3.4 million dollars why are we why is this house this duplex single floor one floor duplex that's only slightly bigger than my apartment, $4 million? I don't even understand millions of dollars. It doesn't make sense to me. When we were going up on price for this house, I was like, yeah, let's just go blank, point, blank. And I was just adding points to it. Yes.

Not even... She just loved the point. I won't get, I won't get a t-shirt because it's like 40, I think it's $10 too much. Yet I was just throwing points on to this house that I've seen for 10 minutes. Nikki's concept of money is like completely hilarious. Like she, yeah, she won't buy a t-shirt that feels overpriced, but then we'll have no problem adding points to a million when it comes to the house. No problem.

It doesn't even, it doesn't even bat an eye. Because it doesn't even equal money to me. Like, it just is like, it's so... It's also like a future expense. It's like, it's not really concrete.

And I do know that now it's like, if I know that obviously I could resell this house, like, it's just me put, my bank is now this house. finally understand this concept of yes i'm not actually spending that money it's just like a concept of the money and it's just that if my money was in the stock market which it is it's just as risky if not more than putting it in this house it's all risk it's all risk management that's the entire thing about investing yeah well houses are the safest are the safest investment oh real estate yeah real estate yeah i mean everyone knows that i

just was scared of getting a house because of like maintenance and stuff and like having to call a tree trimmer and commitments and commitments but this one i could i knew i could you could just sell it like you can get out of it and And also, it didn't have a basement. And I feel like most of my friends who have house issues, it emanates in the basement. They're always talking about the basement. It's flooding. It's too dry. There's mold.

There's mice. By the way, can I just say, if you're someone who's dealing with mice or any kind of rodent situation in your house if you get a sticky trap you're the worst person a serial killer you're a horrible do not get i know that glue traps are readily available you're a masochist you're a bad person just get an instant kill thing if you want to kill them i just bought taylor Taylor a bunch of humane mousetraps. Have you seen the ones where they just go into a bucket and they just climb up a ramp to a bucket and then they just go boop. Like a ninja warrior? Yeah.

Yes. Stunt? They're like American ninja warriors. Yeah. I have one that they grab a piece of cheese and then a marble goes down a chute and then spins around a thing and then goes through and then eventually a cage drops on them it's an okay go video yeah um that's just don't get glue traps but yes i think most of the problems well this is just no basement and i liked that because no basement there's no kids coming over being like can we come play in the like a basement it's like, you're a house for kids.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. It kind of, it was like, it would prevent us from having kids. Or getting murdered down there. Yeah. You'd never get murdered. Every horror movie, you know, you die.

Someone's dying in the basement. I mean. Absolutely. There's, there's, they're murky. They're mysterious. When I was in college, I had a house that I lived in with four other guys and there was this vent that, I guess this doesn't really have a lot to do

with basements, but this reminded me of there was this vent in the kitchen, on the kitchen floor, which I guess had something to do with the air system. And whenever we would have house parties, somebody would pee into the vent, inevitably, and they would go down to the basement. This is what you pay your kids to go to college to do.

College houses are disgusting. The stories and things that happen in them. No, I mean, I can't believe I slept in that house when there were like every couple of weekends someone would be pissing in the air vent. And that was just a given. Yeah. And how many people have peed in the air vents

over the decades this house has been there now it was considered the party house because the address it was right across the street from campus and the address was like 69 69 oh it was 321 and everyone called it the 321 house and when we first moved into the house random dudes would show up to our house with beer and be like what's going on and be like what are you talking about? Like party time. Because it was like established this house was the party house. And we had to reestablish the culture of the house and say, only parties when we throw the parties.

So you would go in that basement to clean up the piss? We would do nothing. People would just piss in the vent. And we'd be like, there's nothing we can do. In the kitchen? It would go into the vent and then into the basement. What's your policy on peeing in public? You would never do that.

I can't imagine you would do it in a way that anyone would ever see you do it. Because we were at the fish show and in the parking garage at 5 p.m. at night, 6 p.m. at night. It was wild. A guy was pissing. At SLU. at 5 p.m at night 6 p.m at night it was wild a guy was pissing at slew and i saw at slew which is st louis university on campus i saw a grown man pissing and i saw the tip of his penis i saw his penis as he was holding it it was so and i just gave him a disgusted look i think he was already drunk so i guess drunkenness plays a part in in. But it is cool that you guys can do that anywhere and just let it go, like empty your bladders

wherever, but totally disgusting. I couldn't believe I had to see that. Yeah, that was vile, what he was doing. Yeah. But it is nice that you can do it. It's one of the greatest things about being a guy. I would think so. Yeah, it's pretty nice.

I would think so. But we didn't get the house and I am happy. I know you're like, what? No, you're not. I am happy to look at Zillow links and to like, now it opens up a world. Because now I know what my limit is. Yes. Now we went a little bit above what I thought was safe to go, and now it's like, okay, let's look in this range.

Yeah, yeah, it kind of changed the range. I mean, we did learn that to get something that we love is going to take a little bit more than what we wanted to do. Yes. But man, yeah. That's always the case. You always got to pay a little bit more. You know what I'm looking for in a house? Like what my number one requirement is?

I want a balcony. Oh yeah, balconies are amazing. I love just being in my room and being able to step out of the balcony balcony and have like an alone moment or even with you like but like having a little it's like a room of one's own because we're gonna share a bedroom but like a balcony i feel like would be like my like just a place where i can go and just get i don't know i just why do i want a balcony so you can be outside without putting shoes on and just kind of outside for a little bit doesn't have to be a whole thing well that actually leads into totally that leads into something we were just talking about oh yeah being outside

like without the effort of any outdoorsyness at all yes getting some fresh air without having to leave the house essentially or own anything from REI. Yeah. Yes. We will get to that in a second because on girls chat today, there was inspired by my therapist. I was, I really focusing on why we'll, we'll talk about what we get back. I don't need to get into it now.

We'll be right back. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. for. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless. I said yes please.

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Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i started to live a double life when i was a teenager responsible and driven and wild and out of control my head is pounding i'm confused I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it.

Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. Okay, so I was in therapy yesterday and I was talking about a thing that I've talked about in this podcast a ton,

which is like being down on myself because I'm not like other people and I just wish I liked things that I don't like, which has always boggled Chris Convey's mind. It makes no sense to me. Why you want to like things you don't like unique to certain type of person and then maybe just girls chat i don't know if everybody on girls chat no no one nobody no everyone is a little bit like that she yes it's me and sarah lena i mean yeah

i just i don't know girl this i just heard i just heard our friend got cancer and should i get cancer i don't know girl it just sounds maybe i should do like we make jokes that like she just anything anyone does she's like maybe i should do that but nobody else is like that it's me and sarah lena okay it's that those are the ones that really suffer this everyone else in girls chat definitely acknowledges that they don't like things but they don't seem to want they don't care that they don't like so explain what it is basically it's like you are obsessed with one figuring out why you don't like things that other people like it i would i would because anya was saying like what what is it about this

like if you had if you did like the outdoors and you did like fresh linens and organizing closets and um having a your jewelry organized or whatever it is that you want what would that give you and i'm like drainages oh yeah if you liked harvesting hydrangeas which is something anya was doing the other day that i could not have felt more detached from and like how that would ever be something anyone would want to do or feel pride in like i can't connect to it at all and it makes me feel sad and why is that and i think because a girl who harvests hydrangeas is someone who like is like taking their time to smell things and like likes beautiful things thus they are beautiful thus they are desirable yet thus they get attention from people

as being like feminine and desirable and i feel like that is what i want at the bottom of it all is i want to be desirable and all is I want to be desirable. And why do I want to be desirable? Because being desirable gets you status. Why do I want status? Because I want to survive. It's a survival thing. That seems like a stretch.

When you're someone who isn't fun and feminine and everyone doesn't want to like have sex with or like, you know, being feminine is like men want to have sex with you, which is a valuable thing. You will keep a place in the tribe if you are someone who's like i don't like that stuff like you're no fun and people go get out of here old woman and they cast you aside and you have to fend for yourself and we know as a society and you if you are someone who is cast astray you will not survive but that's like that's i think that's being cynical about why people are motivated to do things like anya's not harvesting hydrangeas because she is trying to cultivate a personality of somebody that likes doing i know like she's doing that on her own but well i would say it's the same thing as like i'm jealous of a girl that has a tiny waist and huge tits and a perfectly proportionate hip to waist ratio wait who who are you talking about

exactly right it's it's i'm jealous of that why is it it's not okay but it's more socially understandable to envy a woman's eye color or hair texture than it is to envy her um natural disposition to like a flower ranging totally like that all of that makes perfect sense to me. That's why this is so perplexing is I've never known somebody who wants to, like I want to play piano more, but I don't want to want, like I don't like, it's so strange that you are jealous

of these desires that they have, not that you want to do those oh interesting i yeah i guess there is a distinction well i think that if i know that if i wanted to do them i could do them but the thing that's getting me in the way of doing them is wanting to do them so i want the thing that's going to get me to do it but why do you even want something that you don't want that's the thing that i don't understand because it would make me more desirable and more socially acceptable well i think it's it's also like you feel like what's wrong with me that i don't want that i think that's a bigger well that's a big part of it i wrote it down in

my notebook yesterday what's wrong with me and i was like oh that's the next title of my special of my like life of my next song i'm gonna write is what's wrong with me because that is like an underlying issue in my life of like why what why like honestly my parents used to ask me what's wrong with you all the time like it's there's something it's ingrained in me in the way that eating carbs will make me fat even though i know it's not true like there's something wrong with me that i don't like adventure which is something my family does value very much in fact my sister made a list of did i say this on the podcast yesterday the 70 things about your dad

yeah 70 for 70 did i say this no i think you did no my sister made a list of 70 things that you know for my dad's 70th birthday 70 things that we love about ej glazer and one of them was like you've cultivated a love of um the outdoors in your entire family and then in parentheses it says except well except maybe nikki and i just felt like othered you're weird you're different like it just you just want to fit in i think it all stems from that stuff because Absolutely. 100%. What, like... No one else feels this way about me.

To have a deficiency, to feel deficient because you don't like decorating houses like one of your friends. Every time one of your friends does something that feels interesting or even, like, feminine to you, you're like, why am I not like that? Yeah, yeah, I go right to that it's never like oh cool saralina's into like you know old records or like right you know french music from the 1970s no i am like why can't i be into that right because it it seems like the thing that is most desirable about a woman is someone who's like like you even asked a question the other day of like um i forget what it was it was about like who of your friends would you recommend for this thing and we all kirsten matt

me and you all unequivocally were like oh kirsten because she's the most fun and i was just like god like why i would like to be the answer to that but i'm not because i'm not fun like why can't i be fun and like then i force myself to be fun and i go you know what i will go get on that roller coaster you know like when we the other night we were at this theme music this amazing thing called prater in vienna which is an open air theme park like six flags that you don't even buy a ticket you don't buy a ticket to get in you just buy a ticket for an individual ride and it feels it felt so austrian there was hardly any tourists there it was like mostly local austrians just going out having a great time

and you go to this like cool old school carnival kind of with all these like updated cool rides and chris and matt were going on the bungee thing and like insane insane rides man like they were great i can't even describe what they were one was like it pulls you down like a slingshot and then it slings you into the air probably 200 feet 150 feet i don't really know something like that and then another one was like it's a long pole and on each end there's like a twirling thing with eight i saw the videos you posted on instagram of these rides they looked i would no i wouldn't even look at those rides they would make me vomit if i saw them in real life.

Thank you. But are you disgusted with yourself because you don't want to be a part of those rides, Brian? No. No. I'm just generally disgusted overall by the concept. I don't understand. I guess I can... I don't understand why anyone would want to put themselves through that.

I don't understand why anyone want to put themselves through that i don't understand you don't feel disconnected to people who do and like feel like man i wish i was more adventurous like it seems like a cool thing to want to go on those rides like that would be a cool person that does that as opposed to someone who doesn't do it but i think you're putting all you're like labeling everything is like good or bad you do a lot of this like it's either good or bad it's cool or uncool or this or that like somebody's just like oh i just like going fast or i like going upside down and you not going upside down doesn't make you uncool it just makes you different not like any people we all agree the

x games are cool like that's cool tony hawk is cool someone who's like i'm scared to go fast is is literally a dork that is like a dork that wasn't it's not scared you don't want to look at you're not interested in it yeah honestly no it's scared i think like if you're putting up tony hawk or whatever that's more his personality but people to me who go on these crazy rides and skydiving and all that like i don't think very highly of them that's so interesting i i felt so alone because we were at this restaurant and we were overlooking this theme park and chris and matt are talking about which ones they wanted to go on and i was just like what's wrong with me that i don't want to go on these like i wish i was a cool girl that wanted to do it no one was making me feel that way i was choosing on my own and then i decided to go on instagram and post a poll of

like who would go on this ride and who wouldn't and who wouldn't say maybe to this and i made it very clear like i that's why i put a maybe because i thought some people might be on the fence and i don't want them to say yes if they really wouldn't. And like, you know, smart. And I got back that not only am I in the majority, I am in the vast majority. I thought it would be the other way around. I thought I was going to be in the 15% of people who wouldn't do this. I was in the 74 to 76% of people who would never do it. Not exactly an accurate poll because the focus group was your fans. I don't know. I feel like

I have a wide berth of fans that like different... I feel like actually my fans are like a wide array. I'm like... I don't know. If you did the same poll to the followers of, I don't know, like The Rock... I was just starting to feel good about myself.

Well, I'm trying to put you back down, Nikki. I don't want to be down. I don't want to go up and down. I want to stay on the sidewalk and look up. What about spinning in a circle? What about spinning in a big circle? You know, we were debating at dinner whether to go to this theme park or whether to go. I was maybe thinking of going back to the Taylor Swift sing-along and actually dressing in my Taylor Swift outfit for it and making some videos.

And Chris later on was like oh i'm sorry we went to the theme park we should have gone back and done your taylor swift thing and i was like i will say i wanted to i i like watching people go on these things and doing them and i want to hear about it it's like the same way that i bought matt a muffin the other day that i really wanted but i just couldn't bring myself to eat it and i was like can i just watch it was a pasta muffin in fact even pasta like i just want to watch people eat it and i was like can i just watch it was a pasta muffin in fact even pasta like i just want to watch people eat things that i wish i know it's fun to watch it's fun to like i really did i never ride any rides if i go to disney world i don't ride any rides all i do is i get that

turkey leg and i and i eat the turkey leg and that's my experience at disney world and everybody else likes to go like Allie loves rides she loves all that shit and I don't like any of it but I don't know I mean it's yeah Avi likes rides I don't maybe that's how it is and every time I try to do something

like that I get sick yeah I mean okay well I don't get sick but I did so I tried to be cool and i was like you know not even trying to be cool i was like you know what you actually are in such a bad mood maybe a little bit of g-forces would lift you out of this and just like kind of shake you up g-force should be the name of your next special oh that's a good idea wow and so we got on this roller coaster that was honestly one that i could handle like i it was loop-de-loop i felt like so fine about it i wish i would have done it because afterwards i i did get in it i

sat down and then i go nope because i saw the carny running it and smoking a cigarette and just seemed too like lackadaisical and i just go nope i'm gonna lose my entire family and all my loved ones on this ride that i think is gonna kill them but i'm not gonna die on this so i got off the thing later on chris and lauren and matt all said that was horrifying like that was really tough and now i wish i would have done it so i could have been because i do think i could have handled it i don't know lauren was shook yeah i was shook after why why regretted having done it what's the is it really that much fun that it's worth risking your life i don't on a rickety it's not risking your life i mean i know what the chances are of dying on a roller

coaster and it's slim to fucking none it's risking your life walking up to the roller coaster and maybe twisting your ankle in a way that would land you in the hospital and then you get sepsis because you're in the hospital that's more of a risk final thought so i i made a list of all the things that i because anya was like i really want to know like what you wish you liked and i just want to read my list and then taylor and kirsten also made lists of things that they don't like theirs are different because they don't care that they're like this they just don't like them and it made me feel less alone i thought maybe some of the listeners who felt the way i feel might feel less alone if they find out that other people also don't like these things because i will say one of the only people

that makes me feel so good about myself is larry david because he's made a career on not liking people or things or activities and it's like one of the most lovable amazing things about him but the thing that makes him lovable is he's like completely accepted and owning it the problem is you feel great shame yes about all of it and i blame great shame my dad but i love my dad and it's one of the 70 reasons i do love him is because he is i love him too he loves what he loves and if you don't love it he's completely perplexed by it and will make you feel a little bit bad about it he likes don williams so do i no he's amazing my dad's like the fucking best i love him so much he's going to the emmys with us um and he's texting me about it right now okay so things i wish i liked harvesting

hydrangeas folding clothes and good soft linens organizing things cooking hiking seeing sites long showers decadent body treatments smells scents decor baking tracking my cycles knowing when foods disagree with me getting excited by cute dogs talking to strangers having good aesthetic taste having a simple skincare grooming routine being scared and aware of toxins and things knowing when things are too rich or too sweet can i just say any girl that's like i can't eat that's too rich or like too sweet like fuck you girl like how do you know your body so well how are you so in tune being someone who eats? And then says i'm full. I can't eat anymore oohing and awing about wallpaper or a baby keeping a refrigerator clean flowers gardening doing things

Adventures going to the beach sitting by a pool swimming in a pool talking to people on planes the olympics tennis golf yoga Playing with kids sipping a small coffee when i see someone sipping a small coffee when you when you could afford to get a bigger one i don't understand you i don't get you and whenever i whenever the off chance comes that i do get a small coffee because i'm around people who are also getting small coffees and i don't want to seem like a crazy binge eater with my big trough of venti latte i will get like a small coffee i feel like kate middleton when i get one i am like i am a princess i feel so elevated like i don't know why i don't do it more because it makes me feel amazing but it's also i feel depressed because i want more um good taste and fine jewelry i

literally can't tell the difference between a forever 21 necklace or a cartier one matching socks camping washing my feet pedicures and manicures. Okay, and then this is Taylor's. Taylor is so funny and such a good writer. And you will see it in just a second. Okay, she was like, things I hate. Long, relaxing showers. Unwinding in a hot tub. Dainty doilies. Perfect bamboo cutlery.

Cooling sweet linens. Creating a joyful bouquet. Well-deserved splurging on a simply perfect pair of heels. Baking a fill-the-room-and-fill-your-heart crusty warm pie, snuggling up with your ride-or-die, and chatting on the couch with some tea. Gay tea. When the gay baristas do a little swirly

on the top of your gay coffee. Jesus Christ. People who gently wish you affirm their gender even though you don't even know them. People who talk to you ever. Small talk on the strass. By the way, Taylor dated someone non-binary and is so respectful of their pronouns and more than anyone I've ever met in my life. So don't come at her.

People who talk to you ever. Small talk on pampering. Put a pamper on it, shitty ass. I don't know what that means. A beautiful embossed diary full of life's little treasured secrets. Whispered secrets. A child's laughter. A child's anything.

Handmade soap and delicious smells. Perfume or anything that smells like anything. Being feminine. Cozy fall walks. This is just exercise. You can't trick me. A vigorous and blood pumping hike through some hellscape. No, thanks.

Savoring a pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice. Fuck. And then Kirsten made a list of her things. Well, Taylor's got a theme there. She kind of hates like mommy bloggers. She, women influencers. Those are like titles of blogs from the like autumn harvest cooking yes whatever and there's a distinction

between hating stuff and why am i not like other people who like it yeah she does not want to be those things i want to be almost all of those this is the first 10 minutes of one of george carlin's specials people i could do without could do without. Oh, that's good. For like 20 minutes. And then I liked Kirsten's list. Because Kirsten is, I think, the most balanced, fun, adventurous person I know. And she has a list of things she doesn't even like. Things I hate

that people like. Card games. Bowling. Axe throwing or escape rooms. Brewery tours. Tie-dye shirts. Sewing. Growing and harvesting vegetables races or 5k most museums vision boards most crafts antique shopping thrift shopping these lists made me feel so good well good things that people want to be too many you just want to be too many things what i just need is just more exposure to things that other people i just want to be too many things. What I just need is just more exposure to things that other people,

I just want to feel like other people, I'm not alone. That poll I did made me feel so good. I needed to know I'm not alone. I can't imagine living in a world where anything was available to me to love and wanting to want to do all of those things. I know. It's too much you've got to join us nikki you've got to join us in enjoying okay hating things okay why aren't you why join

the team on that one i will say my imposter syndrome book is really hitting at the root of all of this which is like you feel alone like if i feel alone that's what i feel shame is like because i was the only one in my family who didn't like these things. I wasn't exposed to other people who didn't like these things. And now that I'm getting more exposure to like, oh, I, Larry David is very popular and he's a curmudgeon about all this stuff. It makes me feel like maybe it's okay for me to be that. Like you need to know that you're not alone. And this book that I'm reading about imposter syndrome, they're like, the first thing we want to let you know is everyone has this you are not special everyone 70 of people suffer with imposter syndrome and then it's so funny because i posted about the book on my instagram and my

one of my pilates private teachers who got me to the place where i can go to private classes now she wrote to me and said currently reading this and i'm like you you who i look at as like the queen of pilates knows everything about body mechanics perfect looking per like perfect style like you have to read this book okay maybe it's okay maybe i have acceptance around maybe accepting the fact that i have this thing that other people suffer with is going to make me release it a little bit more. And I think that's really the key is like, I just need to know I'm not alone.

And I think that's when I start to feel like girls chat is like everyone wants a baby and I don't. I go, what's wrong with me? Like, I just, I need to have a more eclectic group of people. I need to expose myself to more. I actually need to talk to more strangers. Yeah, that's exactly what you need. Your first instinct is always,

what's wrong with me if I'm not like that? Which is the title of my new song. And special. And special. And book. And book. I literally wrote it down yesterday. Podcast coming to Patreon.

Yeah. Did you see the clip of Kamala? Maybe you can name the dog that too. What's wrong with me do you see the page the uh post of kamala where she realizes what her um yes what her what's the the catchphrase is gonna be they're weird or whatever no she goes no we will not go back i mean it's wonderful and then all of a sudden she like they they the crowd like really lights up and she kind of looks around and then she's like we will not go back i mean it's wonderful and then all of a sudden she like they they the crowd like really lights up and she kind of looks around and then she's like we will not go back and she kind of like says it again and then they start chanting it and it's like it's not even like a cringe moment

it's like a beautiful moment where she's like she finds it's like a scene from veep it's amazing it's like like you're like a lightning bolt struck her like from a cartoon yeah people were actually comparing it to that you're so smart yeah like people like found a clip and beep that is like identical i wish you were smart too why can't you be smart but that's what i did in therapy yesterday where she was like where i go honestly my whole thing is like what's wrong with me and she was like this this constant question of what's wrong with me and i was like i wrote it down i'm like that's a really good special that's a good that's a good direction to go in yeah for the next spesh so dive in get excited i will not go back i will not go back to that pilates class teacher because it was hard all right guys thank you for listening to the

show this week um i am on tour this weekend springfield cape girardeau that's missouri for you folks come out to those shows They are going to be so much fun I'm driving to them in my new car That doesn't keep a charge But it's going to pretty soon Chris Convy, thank you for being here for shows this week Brian, Noah, I love you

And it sounds like I'm like This is it? Yeah, like what is going on? Is this the edge? No When are the Emmys? I'm like, goodbye. Yeah, like what is going on? Is this the edge? No. When are the Emmys? The Emmys are next, next week. Okay, two weeks from now.

Yeah, we'll talk about those. They're coming up, Creative Arts Emmys, where I'm nominated and I am presenting. Spoiler alert. It'll be so fun. And we'll talk to you next week about all of that. So much more to come. Thank you for listening.

Don't be cut. Bye. The Nikki Glaser podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcast. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser. Co-hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf.

Video production, Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser Pod and subscribe to our channel. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show. And in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment. To the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world.

Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.

He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people

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