The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #466 Nikki Glaser To Host The 82nd Annual Golden Globe Awards on CBS!

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Hot off the presses: Nikki is set to host the 82nd Annual Golden Globe Awards on CBS! She’s finally ready to spill the tea on the biggest secret she’s been keeping. As she preps for this huge moment, she’s trying to stay calm and not have a freak out two weeks in advance. Could being obsessed with the book The Color of Everything and paleontology help with her mindset? Or maybe sleeping in 58 degrees? Nikki’s also been totally obsessed with the Las Culturistas podcasters. She’s spilling how Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang made her dreams come true. Plus, Nikki and Brian dive into the brilliance of Dane Cook’s comedy and share a throwback moment with him. In the Final Thought, Brian brags about his moment of fame—he’s been featured in Bon Appétit! . Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now,

Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... The hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.

Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E,

on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am.

Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. Is this our second one of the week? Yeah. It is. We might have something special. Didn't anyone understand what i'm saying that was my favorite thing that i did on f boy island yeah that i don't even know if it aired and i've talked

about it here before i think but it was like tonight you will face elimination and we want to know who is going to like i would just turn in i would would morph into that voice of like, and we're another cinema. And people would be like, what is she even saying? It was so fun. And I love doing that voice because it gets you out of actually having to write a joke because you just say gibberish. Well, it is a joke in and of itself. It's a satire of the art form of reality TV hosts.

Another is saying about that. What it's saying is, nothing that i say matters yes yeah and i mean that's sometimes with comedy though like you can just make a funny noise or a funny face and and the joke doesn't have to be funny literally at all but if you say it like and i like people are like oh my god like sometimes i'll do that with a joke to just give it some crutches to get across the street before it is ready to run on its own because it's not funny yet. That works for a time. And then if you don't back it up with actual material, you wind up getting backlash.

You can only do it once, too. You can't get that voice multiple times and people catch on and then they start making fun of you. Imagine your whole set was like that. What were gonna say about that voice sorry well like i just remember that dane cook got flack for that in 2004 or whatever because he would just it wasn't really voices he would say just words strangely just came up with a yeah they they decided that oh here is dane cook's trick now we're going to reveal it and so you're not going to be amazed by David Copperfield anymore. Here's how this guy is making you laugh. And guess what? Everyone has a fucking trick for every joke. And it was hilarious the way he said things.

And yeah, sometimes the tool gets old and people grow accustomed to it and you've got to get a new one. But when it was working, that was D dane cook's way of um like what's an example of it brian i'm i'll definitely butcher it um i can't think of a specific one but he has this kool-aid joke where the guy where the kool-aid man bursts through that's hilarious because not because of that's a great joke because he's just saying the kool-aid man comes in and like destroys a person's house yeah and then he leaves and then he leaves this giant how am i gonna explain to my mom that there's a hole they're gonna believe

that a giant fruit punch man burst through the wall and i think family guy did a thing like where they did the cartoon of it where the he burst in i just have a memory of him like kind of easing back out of the hole oh sorry i I kind of freaked out. I'm embarrassed. That's the thing about Family Guy and curse Seth MacFarlane for doing this. But Family Guy has done every joke that The Simpsons hasn't done. And The Simpsons have done everything. Yeah, if you combine those two shows,

there's no jokes left. Great. You know what? Great. I don't care. You know what? It's I don't care. You know what? It's like I was reading an article because I'm trying to be smarter. Last night, I just really wanted to read about J-Lo and Ben or whatever.

But instead, I was like, there was something that piqued my interest about a paleontologist, like how paleontologists are guys that dig up dinosaur bones and women are generally like kind of sociopaths. Wait a minute. Hold on. They dig up women or dinosaur bones and women are generally like kind of sociopaths. Wait a minute. They dig up women or dinosaur bones, women's dinosaur, women, dinosaur bones only.

Yes. They can talk. They have smaller brains. They were all women. Yes. High heels. And they have bunions from high heels. Yeah.

So they're notoriously like kind of crazy people. And they're really contentious are crazy yeah well i mean i know it's but it doesn't sound like to me i would just be like oh that's a really measured scientist who's very meticulous and takes a lot of time with their work i'm also reading about uh rock climbers i'm reading this book that a bestie recommended called the color of everything and it's about a guy who is a um photojournalist that covered the world of climbing. I forget his name. I'm such a piece of shit.

No, when you look it up, this guy, it's called The Color of Everything. It's a really popular book and I'm loving it. So to the bestie who wrote to Anya about me reading this book. Corey Richards. Yeah.

He's like this hot dude that was like a rock climber and then also was in like rehab when he was like a runaway kid. He has a fascinating life. They are nuts. So are paleontologists. So I got halfway through this New Yorker article,

which I really recommend. It's from a long time ago, but I was on a subreddit about this paleontologist feud that's happening. There's a New York Magazine article about this guy and another girl who are excavating this site that might be a snapshot of when the asteroid hit the earth and destroyed all the dinosaurs like whenever you know it hit

in the yucatan peninsula but it's up in um montana i think i believe and he found this site and he was like an amateur paleontologist like he worked for the university of kansas as like an he was like in grad school there and he didn't he wasn't even like he was just on this dig he found this um this property that this guy had and he sees all these fish are like in this one sediment of lay sediment um of the earth you know like a thin layer that was around where that thing would have hit and he goes in and he looks at these crystals that are like the fish just look like they're in regular gravel or silt or whatever is deposited there generally during that time that all the paleontologists are like yawn we're used to this but then he looks at under the microscope and he's like these are crystals that are the result of an asteroid falling and then shooting like a volcanic

spewing lava into the air and then it's falling back to earth it crystallizes and it shed this crystal all over the place like but this article that was linked in the subreddit so anyway the newer new york magazine article came out yesterday i was reading the comments of that on the instagram people were talking about the article itself and someone said actually the best article about this same guy who's in this feud with this woman over this land, it's an interesting, I haven't read the New York Magazine one, but in the comments,

this woman said, this guy was also featured in a New Yorker Magazine article called The Year the World Died. And so I go to my New Yorker app, and I'm like, I want to read that. That just sounds interesting, The Year the World Died, all about this, when the asteroid hit, which they only found in 1991 they found the spot where the asteroid that destroyed dinosaurs on earth and brought about the ice age

they found it in the yucatan peninsula um only in 1991 so um and if you're christian disregard all of this just go ahead because these are so god planted all these mysteries for us to solve and to question to test our faith so um in 1991 they discovered this asteroid that tested our faith in in jesus and um but anyway so this guy you you read this new yorker it's it's it says it gives you the option for it to like be read to you i don't know if you guys have those on your oh yeah i love that i want more i never do that but i always know how long it's going to take me now because it said 63 minutes i go to read a whoa i go how how long is it so i scroll and i go i think i can probably do this in about 35 like i'm a pretty fast reader i have to say but everything yeah i am really is and i am a fast reader because I've like showed Chris things and we both looked

at the same paragraph and he is very well read like extremely smart and he's a more measured person but I get through it and I gotta say half the time

and it's not because he's like it's not that hard to read fast it's hard to absorb what you read fast. Yeah, the recall. How's your recall?

It's not bad. I actually got a app on my phone called Elevate that I did a seven day free trial for and it was i was having a lot of fun with it and i was like oh my god i'm learning new vocabulary it was marketed to me as learning new vocabulary are you sick of sounding stupid like

it's one of my biggest pet peeves about myself is i can't find interesting words when i want to god yeah and i listen to sam harris or even matt rogers Rogers and Bowen Yang on their podcast. They are constantly using really just great vocabulary that isn't pretentious, but it definitely elevates the conversation and makes what they're saying more interesting. Because they're just putting... That's what's good about using different words is it will give more meaning to the word you're trying to say. It peppers it. It seasons it with other feelings that you have so instead of saying sad you could say another word

that i can't think of like so this was the app it was just like sad and then it was like type of type of synonym and you have to you're like why can't i think of a oh my god they would have loved morose they would have given you like a triple score for that because they would have all the synonyms listed and they go oh easy one easy one. And they give you one star, you know, a two star, whatever. But then it started giving me repeat ones within two games,

like the same words. And I'm like, I can cheat now. Like, I know you want me to say morose or insidious or whatever. They just don't have enough of a database. Yeah. And they need more of one.

So I canceled it. Cause I was gonna, I was gonna let it fly and spend 40 a year for this because i was like this is gonna be my brain training thing because i felt it working it felt like my the kind of improv game you were talking about brian that like gets your mind just like bag of fun it was like bag of fun but for specific words that you need to express yourself oh my god i kind of want to try this because that's one of my yeah i mean it's the bane of my existence is not being able to recall words and it

it strikes me with fear every time i can't do it because i think my brain is starting to decay wait you think it's getting worse decay is a really good word by the way do you think getting worse or do you have you always felt this way because i will say that i think mine is also getting worse but i also think that because i'm consuming people that i really admire who i know are within my same intelligence not not sam harris and possibly not matt rogers and bowen yang they're so intelligent but i feel like they are at least like i can reach what i want to do what they are doing and i know i could reach it i just know and um i aspire to that so i'm kind of like down on myself a lot about it is it something you found that you have always wanted to do or is it slipping away now?

Well, no, I feel like it's related to stress. Like the more stressed I am, the worse my recall is. Oh, yeah. I mean, the more stressed you are, the more everything sucks.

No, everything sucks. Yeah. Does anything get better from stress? Your cortisol level is like, fuck yeah, we're killing it. Well, if you want to die sooner. Sure.

Yeah. Okay, suicide. If you need to get something done really quickly by a deadline, stress can be helpful. A small amount of stress is helpful. Right, to evade an enemy. If it accumulates over time and becomes chronic, then it becomes a huge detriment to every part of your life. Dude, I was thinking about it, and I know this is so simple and been said a million times but like and maybe i said it on the podcast before because i've told a couple people this but just having the realization of like why when things are totally smooth do i freak out it's because we were never supposed to just be calm it when we were on like animals there was no there's not a single you're

not ever supposed to really feel safe unless you're like you know hibernating or especially us we was always if there was ever like a time where you felt like i have everything i want there was never that time because there was always food to be searched for there was always hunger just around the corner there was always something you should be doing. Honestly, it felt like working at a Latin cafe in college. He was always like, you should never have a break. You could always be doing something. And I'm like, that was that. And I was like,

but I don't want to wash the menus or whatever. But there's always stuff to be doing when you're an animal. And now when we have time to just relax, that isn't built into our DNA yet. I don't think but we want to filling that stuff with uh useless like scrolling on our phones and things like that well your brain wants to do something it's panicking that you are if you're lazy you are gonna fucking die

because the l the winter's coming i mean it's it's no wonder and then that takes up all your time and then you don't have any like you don't have any free time well yeah have a kid, and then that takes up all your time, and then you don't have any free time. Well, yeah, having a kid is also that biological urge that comes in. Noah, what were you going to say? I was going to say it's also a way to appreciate the privileges that we have that people hundreds of thousands of years ago didn't have. Oh, my God. And at the same time, I was going to say we have a lot of cottontail rabbits around here. And whenever I look at them out the window, you just see this rabbit just constantly going like,

Is there anyone here? It never gets a break. And you could actually see its heart just pumping. Even when he's sitting still in the ground. They're on edge. Thank goodness we're not like that. Well, yeah. Some of us are, though. We know people like that.

Right. But Chrisris sometimes when the dog sleeps in our bed he will have a bad night's sleep because the dog will be on him and he doesn't want to move because he doesn't want that so chris will have like a bed sore because he doesn't want to disturb this dog and he had a bad night's sleep the other night and i said to chris i go you you can't do this to yourself he's like i know and i go listen to me listen to me these dogs have you seen our dog she can be deep in sleep yourself. He's like, I know. And I go, listen to me. Listen to me. These dogs. Have you seen our dog?

She can be deep in sleep. She's running in her sleep, having a dream. Deep in REM. Her eyes are going wild. And then a slight set the door. She'll hear something out in the door and then she'll get up and run to the door and then go back over and get right back into that sleep. That's the thing.

Animals don't suffer when they can get rest. They get it quickly. They don't to like listen to a meditation app like dogs can so they are so as much as they are like skittish i think that when there is rest to be had they can absolutely grab it in that moment they don't need to like medicate or you know find melatonin in nature or whatever. You can over coddle yourself with these corrective tools to go to sleep or to make yourself feel more comfortable. And you wind up just becoming soft and weak. I don't know about that. You become soft and weak. Oh, no, you're right.

You require too many things. You're just like all of a sudden you need all of these things just to feel normal. No, I need a cold room. It has been so hot in St. Louis that my cold room that I don't even want to leave this apartment building because of how cold I can get the fucking room. I mean, my ideal temperature, if I could pick one to sleep with at night,

and I'm not joking, we had this conversation over the weekend, 58 degrees would be my ideal. Now, it does not get down to that in my room, obviously. But 62 is what I set the thing for, and it will get down to 62. And yes, a big blanket to get under. I love that.

But it's been 70 degrees. Yeah, no, you're right. Camping does appeal to me for that, but I don't want it cold in our tent then. And I also don't want to get eaten or attacked by a bear in the middle of the night. That's also something that prevents me from getting out of bed. But that'll solve your other problem of

you're supposed to be constantly on edge. That's a good point. Camping sounds amazing for you. Well, I'm open to it. I literally am open to it after I went to Kellen's backyard and saw Michigan and was like, I kind of like outdoor, like this is,

this is a vibe I kind of want to get and just go in that lake and float. But I will say that I, I now need a sleep mask. I need 62 degrees. I need like a comforter. That's I need a top sheet. I will not just sleep with a comforter.

Like I need a special pillow that is satin and cradles my face. Like it's my pillow. And if I don't have it, I really don't like I'm such a pussy. I need a big t-shirt and underwear. I don't have it i really don't like i'm such a pussy i need a big t-shirt and underwear i don't i do not want pajamas i do not want i cannot sleep in long sleeves i cannot sleep in a thong uh and i will not sleep with no underwear and i my sister when we were in vienna did not have any underwear because we were our bags were stuck or whatever

and she had to sleep with no underwear one night and she got a horrible night's sleep and we decided later on we were talking she was like yeah i had to sleep with no underwear she goes i think that's why i couldn't sleep and i go that is why it's hell to sleep with no underwear as for me noah's shocked noah likes it you're exposed i don't want my vagina slipping around and for some reason i don't have underwear and i'm sleeping my vagina gets sweaty I think or it gets sweaty you know when you think it's like you forget deodorant and your pit starts sweating like that's what my vagina does

when it doesn't have protection I cannot have a nude vagina I don't like it there's not stuff hanging out I don't have to keep it all in that's not what I'm saying it's even when it's tucked up I don't like it sweats one layer of fabric is enough to protect you from whatever's going to attack your vagina. It's not even what's going to attack my vagina.

I just feel gross. Yeah. You don't want that bare fluids and ass on your sheets that you're going to go back. You're not cleaning your sheets every day. No, I definitely am not. No. So that's a good point but i will i do recommend reading this article just to get back to it because it just talks you through what

happened physically to our planet when it got slammed into by like a 20 mile long asteroid and it's just like i just want to see i'm sure there's youtube videos of it but i just want to it's so nuts to hear what happened it's like 99.99999 percent of biological life died on the planet almost instantly it's like bulk like but before that dinosaurs were kind of they they predict dinosaurs were kind of on their way out they were almost extinct when the asteroid hit isn't that kind of crazy yes i mean they could have been going no harms i mean and then oh they were turning into birds oh well they had to start over i know that yeah everything had to start over there's a big reset well there were some that survived there were like very specific creatures that survived most

of them underwater and then yeah they became birds there is one i believe there's one i'm kind of into this there's one type of sea creature that survived i mean sharks have been around for a long time but there's one type of sea creature that has survived since that time really evolved yeah i don't remember what it is the whole thing but i am like i gotta read sapiens i think i think that's where all of this is answered that's a real slog yeah i know i started a summary of sapiens It felt like spark notes for every single social studies book you had. Yeah. Spark notes are even too long sometimes.

Okay, we got to go to break. I'll come back right back after this, and we're going to talk about the big, big announcement, which I'm sure you all saw, the Golden Globes, right after this. catch John Stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please.

Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe.

There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. All right, we're back. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Alright, we're back. It's announced this morning.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I can't believe. I'm hosting the 82nd Golden Globes. Annual. Annual. Golden Globes. National. I think I know what Noah's going to say. I was going to say, I cannot believe. Okay, here's a little humble brag.

I feel like I know a lot ofki's secret things that are coming up i had no idea no one knew not a my assistant my like closest person who's in my calendar in my like she's in everything she didn't know emily my social media girl she didn't know she's the one that had to like post like help me post about her whatever and she's like what like no one knew the only people you know i was just i didn't want to lose it and i'm tired of being a little um yapper is what we're getting called uh chris did know because he was in the car when i got the call and i answered the call them knowing he was in the they were fine with him knowing because they figure you're gonna tell your it was just my agent and manager and then um and they were the first ones it was like i'm probably not even supposed to reveal how it goes down but um i'm if this don't that's it the

deal is sealed i mean can we talk like a little bit about what it felt like to get the announcement stuff like that um yeah it felt that well i've known about it for a little bit, but I didn't know it was like 100% happening until a couple days ago. But I knew it might be happening and was maybe like 99% sure happening for a little bit, but didn't know 100% until like, you know, yesterday. And then I honestly, the show is January 5th. I didn't think they would tell people till December. So I just thought I had to keep this secret from everyone in my life.

And I literally, listen, in the past, i've got booked on things and i've sorry dancing with the stars my best friends knew before it was announced on abc good morning america you want to sue me uh now i don't know that statute is probably up at this point i think it's seven years oh shit i'm still in it um but yeah you you tell people you're they're close knit but this is like so big that i was like i can't if i stupidly tell the wrong person and and it would be my fault i wouldn't even be mad at them you know like i just can't risk this it's all up to me to keep this in so um i didn't tell anyone chris knew and my parents knew but i only told my parents yesterday and i really put the fear of god in them like they weren't even talking to each other

about it and they both knew and then um i whispered it to my sister um during a pilates class but i that was when it was she was the first person i told i'm sorry to everyone who told me not to tell anyone you know you got to tell your personal family you tell your family too um in my family they're in st louis they're not connected to to the biz. And they also seriously depend on me making millions of dollars. So they're not going to tell fucking anyone. They know it would jeopardize it. Because, yeah, their kids want to go to college. So anyway, yeah, last night, all of a sudden, they were like,

the announcement's coming tomorrow. And I was like, I literally didn't think it would be until November or December. So it was really, that's exciting. Because as I've said before, the announcement's always like the most exciting part of anything because you don't, it's no work, you know? You just get that announcement. Chris and I wrote a statement that I had to, because there's a press release and they want a quote from you. So we worked for like an hour on a quote, which was a little long.

Like it got to the point where Chris was like, well, let's reconsider's reconsider this and i go i don't think i want to work on this anymore i think it's just gonna have to be good as it is and that's like an interesting place to hit where you're like too deep we haven't nailed it it's not like perfect it's not like what i would want on my tombstone is in terms of a quote but you have to determine if you're going to be a perfectionist about everything. Yeah. You just go, okay, this is a quote that most people won't even get to because press releases aren't really read in full by most people. And yes, I want it to be kind of funny, but I don't need to devote more than an hour to this. An hour already seems way too much.

And if you overthink something too much, it can get worse. So I just said that. Good job letting go. So true. Yeah. And he looked at, it was an interesting moment because, you know, we're like creative collaborators and his MO is to really make something as best as it could be. And I was like, he goes, so I think maybe we send it to this person. And I go, I actually think I'm done working on it.

And he's like, but it's, and I was, and we just kind of looked at each other like, and he's like, okay. Like he just, he knew I was at my limit and uh we decided to move on but yeah so that that's just the start of it though and then um and then the the announcement went out and then this morning the quote on my inst you have to like put a quote on your instagram and they have to like people approve it i don't know if they approve it or someone was approving it maybe my team and my quote was i like did it this morning i woke up if they approve it or someone was approving it. Maybe my team. And my quote was, I like,

did it this morning. I woke up and they're like, okay, we're good to go with this. And I was like, I hate that kind of, and I like kind of freaked out. And I wrote some friends being like,

what, what's a bet. And then I had to tell that person, Hey, I'm hosting the golden globes. It's being announced in one minute. Can you help me think of a caption? And so we spit balled.

And then we just came up with a joke about my tits being golden. And I was just like okay why not you know what it's an Instagram caption and it did make me laugh even though it seemed like the obvious joke so that's and then and then within minutes text message of like it being

posted who's DMing you like the first person to text me I just want to give a shout out to the first person who is must get alerts from Variety Magazine on their phone actually she to text me, I just want to give a shout out to the first person who is must get alerts from Variety Magazine on their phone. Actually, she did text me three times asking for money in the 30 seconds after it got posted. Wow. We've asked six times now. They're starting to count the number of times they've asked.

Yeah. They're getting kind of mean at me. But it was Kevin Clancy from KFCc radio who is always such an avid supporter of mine one of my favorite people to podcast with and uh just one of honestly one of my favorite people so funny so nice always been really supportive i think he's so hilarious so that meant a lot um and then it was like you know um who was my agents all on a text together and then it's like mike caplin uh producers i've worked with in the past uh chris's brother rick glassman greg warren ari finling jackie cation uh my two makeup artists that i've worked with uh uh travis kelsey's agent

micah fox matt rogers shout out to matt rogers who got my number. I'm such, I've become such an insane fan of Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang since Last Calls to Recess. I've always loved them, but it's like, I'm getting a little bit obsessive almost. Like when he texted me, I was like, what? Did you hear Matt Rogers? Oh yeah. I watched his whole Christmas special. He's amazing. He's so talented.

I'm obsessed. But he texted me being like it's matt rogers and i'm like oh my god and then i asked i straight up was like the only thing i want from this golden globes is a chance to maybe present at the culture awards next year and they said you're booked and i don't know if i can announce that but i think they probably will on their podcast but i am doing the culture awards i will be presenting there um but uh which is an award show that their podcast puts on it's so fucking funny um renee cotier andrew collins stacy uh wardrobe from f boy island tyler florence um emil joaquin uh ryan my social media guy a producer that i used to work with at

conan i mean my uh the the guy the head of comedy at netflix um so many people brian uh and and noah you said a nice thing thanks for posting on your stories everyone's just so nice and excited and um and yeah a lot it's incredible yeah i mean it's an incredible cap to the year mike biglia yeah he he's always a really you know there's some people that you always hear from when there's good stuff going on and he's one of them it was very, there's some people that you always hear from when there's good stuff going on. And he's one of them. Now let's name the people who didn't reach out. Oh, yeah.

Let me get to that list because I'm already compiling it. Mom. No, she definitely wrote out, wrote to me. What did your parents say? I know they probably weren't allowed to say it out loud, but. My God. They go, mom goes, that woman just heard you. Because we were like at a restaurant

and i whispered i'm like no she didn't she's watching the dnc on her phone she goes no they heard you guys should have seen these two people there's no way they heard there's no way they would care or even know what that was they were like actively talking and watching the dnc on their phones at a restaurant loudly like they weren't listening they didn't know what they weren't aware anyone was near them let alone conversations were happening that they could but my mom goes they heard and then i started getting paranoid i'm like no i shouldn't be they did not um but she was just like they're so proud they're just like we can't believe it and then my dad like writes

me later on being like i'm still processing it um so cute so proud surreal i mean it's one of those things that your parents like, you probably don't have to deal with this anymore, but when you're first starting out comedy, you get all these huge successes that are impossible to achieve and your parents just don't understand what that even means or how hard it was. See, mine always did.

Oh, they just always did? Yeah, I'm kind of lucky in that way. I know that that does, that, listen, they didn't always get it. Like, they didn't always get it. Like they, they didn't understand how I was going to make money. My mom's still worried that I'm spending too much money and that I'm going to, that I need a backup plan. Like,

but I will say that they always were like, wow, you're opening for screech this weekend. That's huge. You're driving to the middle of Illinois to get paid for $50 to perform at a sports bar where everyone is mad at you because you just turned off the hockey game. Amazing. They were so supportive all along.

Well, okay. So just generically, the Golden Globes, though. Hosting the Golden Globes is something that everybody understands as a big deal. Yes. Whether you're a... I mean, there's one group of people that I don't know would understand and that is Gen Alpha

because they don't even watch TV. Right. But other than that, everybody from the ages of 18 Everyone. to 98. Once you turn 99, you're stopped from remembering.

Well, I wrote the quote that I, like I was kind of like writing from the heart initially to figure out what I was going to say about this announcement and Chris is like, because I'm trying to, first I was trying to the heart initially to figure out what I was going to say about this announcement.

First I was trying to write funny, and then Chris was like, how do you actually feel? And I'm like, honestly, the Golden Globes is the pinnacle of what I, at least for my career, aspire to, of what I'm good at. It is the pinnacle because it is the only night as a host that you really get to lean into being funny. And you really get to lean into telling the truth and saying the things about show business,

what you, which you revere and you're honoring because it's a legit award show. It's a serious award show that doesn't take itself too seriously. Now, listen, there is a line and you do have to be careful. It is a fine needle to thread, but I a hundred 100 know that i'm

going to thread it perfectly because i do like hollywood i do want these people to like me i don't want to burn bridges but i also you want to burn jeff love call i love calling out hypocrisy in a fun way that is palatable because that's the only way you can really call it out these days by the way like i'm not some pussy who's like oh i just i love hollywood so much and i don't want to get canceled i i want to say things that could get me canceled but i'm gonna figure out a way to say them where no one can be mad because it's just true and that's that's what you have to do it's fine it's the gervais. I mean, that's who you study. I mean, he thread that line or towed the line perfectly every time. Perfectly. Now, who

knows if that kind of monologue would work in this day and age? It's been a while since he had those big moments, and I think that the culture has changed a little bit. So, especially after last year's Golden Globes, where there seemed to be moments that were truly offensive to some celebrities.

So, it's just going to be... It's seemed to be moments that were truly offensive to some celebrities and uh it's like so it's just gonna be it's it's going to be hard to do but it's not impossible and it's you know i talked to the people that uh chose me for this and like we're really um instrumental in making it happen especially uh this guy jay penske who's's the head of the entire thing. They're just so supportive of what I do. It feels similar to when I used to talk about getting hired for FBoy Island. I remember being like,

thank you so much. Oh my God, I can't believe I get to do this thing. I get to host a reality show for HBO. This is the greatest thing I could ever imagine doing. And it really was and then I remember HBO saying we're lucky to get you like we want we're excited for what you're gonna do like just do what you want because we trust you and we know that like you're gonna kill this and I was like wait you trust me like hold on I'm supposed to be thanking you and like just catering

to you but they're also like no we're lucky we have you and I feel that same kind of like it's it's almost like sometimes when you're dating and you finally meet a person that you're like you like me as much as i like you it's never it really doesn't happen until it happens right like most of the time it's imbalanced one person likes is like wow i really lucked out and the other person is like i you know i'm kind of desperate right now and this he's really nice or whatever it is but it's rare when both people are like just as psyched for each other i don't know that it's that common even in relationships i think they're still in balance and certainly not in professional relationships but it feels that way and i'm just excited to like hopefully get to talk to ricky

gervais hopefully get to talk to uh tina amy seth fallon kimmel i mean i'm gonna talk to as many as i can conan about hosting these uh things and and and what they wish they would have done with chris rock which they wish they would have done which they wish they they didn't want to do like they would have done um and i just want it to be uh the best it can possibly be. And I really feel like I have such a good runway leading up to it. So much time to make it that there's no way it won't be good. I just have never felt so certain about something. I'm sure two weeks out, I'll be like, why don't I have more time?

Like, this isn't working. Like, that always happens. I talked about it in therapy with Chris yesterday about like, I've got some big projects coming up. I didn't even tell my therapist. And I was like, I just don't want to have that two weeks out meltdown of like, why am I doing this? Like I just,

it might happen because that is a part of me as I'm learning in my individual therapy. Like the part of you that has self doubt, the part of you that doesn't think you deserve things. Don't be mean to that part of you that has self-doubt, the part of you that doesn't think you deserve things, don't be mean to that part of you. Just tell that part of you to go hang out in another room and scribble angrily

in a journal. They can slip you notes under the door about how you're a piece of shit, but you don't have to pick those notes up. You can still feed that thing and let it live in your house, but you don't have to hang out with it. That thing, that girl that that that thing that girl that's mean and she can write all of her notes to you and be mean but that like but be nice to her

don't kill her and and punish her but like just set her up in a way that you like a mother-in-law who's staying with you that you're like okay i gotta put up with this for now but like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna pick up what you're giving me and i'm gonna i'm gonna make your stay lovely that's how you have to treat parts of yourself like this whole family systems i think it's called family development systems it's a book that two of my friends bought for me in a year called no bad parts i think i got it twice for my birthday and it's i've only read like 20 pages of it because i was it was starting to make me do you know journal entries and stuff that i didn't have time to actually commit to but the theory of it is is that there

are parts of you that are wounded at certain ages and you get frozen in time and that 17 year old version of you comes out in this circumstance in this and now the 31 year old version of you or whatever you like and there's all these parts of you and you have to like call the parts up and talk to them and like you just have to be nice to every part of yourself instead of being like i hate when i'm disorganized i hate when i am raging it's like you just have to be like oh hey person who rages like can you come out and talk to me and then you have to like talk to it like it's kind of feels weird. It feels kind of stupid to do. And a word that I was going to say, but I'm not

going to say, feels a little that. But I was joking. But it supposedly works. It's not Ted Lasso. Okay. You're guessing again.

Yeah. So, Noah, do it. Thank you. Call back. Yeah. So, Noah, do you know anything about these parts? Have you heard this stuff? I'm really bad with the whole like talking to yourself and embracing that part of you and writing a note in the mirror and looking at it every day. I just, it doesn't work for me. No, it doesn't. And there's, but there's other ways to do it.

Like there really are. I think this book, and I forget, I was talking recently about this. You don't have to look at yourself in the mirror and go, I love you. You just have to be like, good job.

Or just be like, yeah. Just talk to yourself like a bro. You don't even need to be like, I love you and you're beautiful. Imagine if you were a bro and your inner voice was a bro and you just had that confidence yeah oh my god i do it in pilates all the time i'll just go and i've said it before i go nikki you could do this nikki you got this i like turn into the crossfit instructor who's like right next to my face going nikki you got this

don't give up now like i hate that person when i'm imitating her in my mind i'm like this bitch needs to like know her lane and not, and just focus on teaching the class. You know, you get those teachers that sometimes just get up near you too much and like encourage you when you're like, no, I came here to half-ass it.

I don't know if anyone knows those teachers. I like them. They walk around the room and like yesterday, my teacher kind of focused on me too much. And I was like, I hate these straps. Like I lashed out at her. I was like, I didn't like not in her, but but i was just like i don't want to use them like i kept dropping them and she would

like pick them up for me because she thought i was dropping them and i go i literally hate these and so i just dropped and then i was like oh my god does she think i was being like but my adrenaline was so up from holding this fucking lunge that i like kind of snapped but um fuck the straps are you talking about like the nylon straps that can make you stretch more? Oh, I hate those things. They hurt your hands. I don't like the ones you put around your knees and stuff. I hate any

kind of work with a ball because I'm too sweaty and the ball will fly out from between my thighs if I press it too hard. Or any kind of like band you have to wrap around because the band always rolls on itself. Or it just like is in the wrong, or it rubs off my spray tan or it leaves behind my Or any kind of band you have to wrap around because the band always rolls on itself. Yeah.

Or it rubs off my spray tan or it leaves behind my spray tan on this band that other people have to use at the studio. The bands I don't mind. It's the straps. What's the strap are you talking about? The TRX ones. I'll get it. I'll put it on camera.

The TRX straps. Here's a new thing that I've learned and I'm calling you out every instructor that something it got around to just say during classes and it does work i will say i know it works but a lot of instructors are going um you are so strong you are so strong and i just i love it because it's true like when we're all in class holding that move we are so strong but

you don't know me and I could be new to this class okay what is it they're just like straps it looks like a TRX yeah it's a TRX strap a T-Rex strap you can wrap it around your leg and you can help stretch out your hamstrings and it's just like there's no good way to do it without hurting your hands

by the way it is in the paleontology community there is a divide of people this is interesting to me some think the t-rex was a carnivore and like attacked and hunted for prey and the others think it's scavenged and there was one fossil found that had a t-rex bone or tooth in this animal's bone and everyone was like and they go this proves that it hunted and then the others are like no it was probably just accidentally scavenging and like hit a bone or something like it's like but it literally is like what they fight about and like it is um it's like uh it's like the dane cook of paleontology of like no dane cook's funny no he's like you know where we're all divided

although i think everyone is wrong if they think dane cook's not funny and i'm sure he'll clip this is funny dane cook's album and into retaliation and not vicious retaliation and the one before it were some of the best comedy albums of all time and they literally shaped me and all of my friends comedic sensibilities in the same way that adam Sandler did with Happy Gilmore and stuff like that. Would not be what it is today without Dane Cook. He is a major, major mark on comedy. It just sucks so bad when people just totally discount the guy's first two incredible albums that changed the game. Because they're mad at him for Vicious Circle, which was less good.

You know what he was great on, which I was in the audience for? It's my first TV appearance of my entire career, was the Insomniac tour with Dave Attell and Greg Giraldo, Dane Cook, and Sean. He's dead now.

I should remember his name. Fuck, he was so funny. Oh, man. It was on Comedy Central. Dave Attell, Greg Giraldo, Dane Cook, and Sean. I really forget. I should remember his name. Fuck. He was so funny. Oh man. It was on comedy central. David tell, uh, Greg Geraldo, Dane cook and Sean. I really forget.

He had, um, he had some kind of condition that, uh, but he was so funny. Fuck. Someone look it up. I'm so sorry.

Sean ruse. Rouse. Rouse. Sean Rouse. I think, Oh my God. This is how old I am. I used to like know this guy.

This is so embarrassing. Thank God he's dead and can't get offended personally, but his kin next of kin can i guess but he was man he's so funny but dane cook on that special was fantastic i mean that was that way and that was peak dane i bet you anything dane was signed on to do that before he blew up because all of a sudden he's like one of four guys on this comedy central special and he is the biggest thing in the world at that point. I went as a fan. I bought a ticket and flew to Las Vegas to go to that show as a fan. I had just started comedy

and then we got chosen to fill in seats. Me and Catherine got chosen to fill in seats and got moved up. They're like, you're going to be on camera. The camera's in my face the entire time. I'm like, and then we got chosen to go to the vip party afterwards and meet all of them and i talked to greg giraldo for hours and i don't

remember any of it because i was so fucking wasted one of the biggest no i was too wasted right i blacked out but i i i know from blacking out that i was a really like i could have good conversations when i was blacked out all the time. I could pretty much be normal and lucid and seemingly lucid. And and thank you. Seemingly lucid because I was not because I did not remember any of it and I was wasted. But people would think that I was totally sober. So Greg Geraldo and I like formed a friendship that night.

Like I literally talked to him for hours. And I was 21 and i just started comedy he gave me so much advice early in the evening i got advice from dane cook because my friend went up to him and was like my friend does comedy and she really she would love some advice and i'm like don't i was so mad at her but he quickly gave me some and it was really good he said do not move to new york or la right out of college how long you've been doing it two years stay in the city you're doing it move to a city like austin or boston or uh chicago denver get really good at comedy there be the best in town and then move to new york or la which is great advice and i did not follow it and but i essentially i kind of did because i moved to la

moved back to st louis got really good then moved back out but it took me a while um but yeah i spent all night talking to greg geraldo in this booth and it was not creepy i remember being like oh this guy doesn't there's doesn't seem like this guy wants to fuck me like this is honestly like an older comedian just like we're having a good time and like talking about real shit he was sober at the time so he remembered all of it and i forgot every single thing we talked about didn't remember a single fucking thing i have pictures from it though and my friend witnessed it and then he came to kansas city and worked a club uh like six months later and i was just doing nothing all weekend in lawrence kansas i wasn't working didn't go up to stanford and sons the club in kansas city

but he was at a different club in kansas city and i go to stanford's on tuesday night for open mic and they go oh i was over at uh whatever club in Kansas City. And I go to Stanford's on Tuesday night for open mic and they go, oh, I was over at whatever club, Morty's and Greg Geraldo was asking where you were like asking about you all weekend being like, when's Nikki Glaser going to drop by? And I'm like, why didn't anyone fucking call? I was such an idiot. I didn't know he was there.

I would have gone up and did guest sets or something like it just sucks. I could have maybe been friends with Greg Geraldo and I was for one night. But that's why I eventually quit drinking because that would happen all the time. Well, there you go. There you go.

I mean, you, uh, who, who knows where your career would have been if you had done those guest sets with Greg Geraldo, maybe you would have been hosting the golden globes. Two years ago.

No, that's the thing. Nothing would change. It's not like i wanted that friendship to be like what could my life be it's just like someone's dead and he's one of the best to ever do it and i have gone on to do the thing that he does and it would have been nice to have him along the way as a mentor not that it's like my vote my gross could have been better it was great but i it would have been cool to like have his input along the

way honestly I don't even know that I would have been able to have that spot on the roast because I he would have had it so uh I'm I'm full of mixed feelings right now I wish I could think of another word to describe it but we'll be right back after this Jon Stewart is

back at the Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find

anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model.

Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.

It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.

The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps.

Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party. Your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood

country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeartWomen sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartWomen Sports. Final thoughts. I had a success. What? I was in Bon Appetit

yesterday. What? For apples? Yeah, for apples. They did a whole profile on me. What? A whole profile? Yeah, yeah. Wait, Brian, can you hold it up? Is there a picture in it? Do you have the print version? There's no picture and I don't even think... No, it's not on

print. It's just on the internet. Nothing's in print. That's what I'm realizing now. Bon Appetit, Brian Frangie. Okay, I'm looking it up now. Yeah, they did a whole profile and this was, I think, the best profile that I've gotten so far on the Apple thing. You guys, it's called Culture.

How one man has dedicated himself to the art of Apple trolling. This comedian created an Apple ranking system so no one ever has to quote, eat a trash apple ever again by margaret ebby she was amazing an amazing writer and um she really got it she really understood it only uh if to have this read to you it's uh 42 hours no uh fruit is a gamble even when you select your produce with care, what's inside is ultimately a mystery. This is particularly true

with apples, whose shiny, bruisless exteriors in the supermarket rarely reveal their contents. I'm going to read the whole thing. Pleasingly tart,

overwhelmingly sour, or cloyingly sweet. Will your first bite be snappy or reveal the dread milliness lurking within? Luckily, a hero helping

sort through the endless varietals of Apple apples and their potential pitfalls exists Apple rankings calm which Brian if you don't know is the author and creator of yeah at Apple rankings you can browse through extremely opinionated often hilarious descriptions of apples all rated on a scale from zero worst to a hundred the best possible Apple on the market. Each of the 69 apples on the site is ranked on characteristics like taste, crispiness,

crispness, beauty, and cost slash availability. There's also a meter for sweetness, tartness, and intensity, as well as categories for baking apples, cider apples, and sour apples. Apple Ranking is an extended comedy bit, but it's also one man's devoted pursuit of excellence in fruit.

The website is the brainchild of comedian and cartoonist Brian Frangie, who admits that until 2015 or so, he wasn't even really a fan of apples. If you had asked me then what my favorite fruit was, I would have said mango or grape, Frangie tells Bon Appetit. I would pick up a Red Delicious and it would be a mealy disgrace.

It was like I was in Pleasantville and my whole world was black and white. One day at Whole Foods in New York City, he picked up a sweet tango apple. The world went into color, Frangie said. It made no sense that this could be the same fruit as the trash I had been eating. Feeling betrayed by the forces that kept him from the joys of great apples,

Frangie decided to start a site objectively ranking them. I don't want anyone to eat a trash apple ever again, he says. Frangie, who also goes by the Appleist list devoted his own ranking scale which he calls the fru fr sorry f100 f100 and it calls and it calls quote my legacy i have nothing else i have no children when i die the only thing that will survive me is the system the worst rated apples on the site are newton pippins ranked 19 out of 100 described as long island sand filled condom and quote a tasteless hunk of malformed donkey shit that

should have been abolished during the reign of george george the third king george the third sorry anything below 55 points is filed under category pure shit apples the worst apples from 0 to 19 points are labeled apple hell these are further demarcated as not worth eating horse food despicable vomitous filth and finally criminal malfeasance oh my god these are all great heavy metal band names horse food despicable vomitous filth criminal malfeasance that's a great word On the other side Of the spectrum Are the top apples Sweet tangos And honey crisps

Are the top rated specimens Described as the holy grail And quote Injecting its genes Into some of the best Apples mankind Has to offer Respectively

Despite the humor Of Frangie's review His commitment is serious He has a system First he buys Five apples Tastes one And stores the rest

In the refrigerator For a few days When he tastes them again. What? I didn't know this. Yeah, no, it's very systematic. Then two weeks later, he repeats the process, trying to ensure that the sample he got didn't represent a particularly good or particularly

bad batch of fruit. You are a scientist, my friend. That's right. He scours farmers markets for new varieties and keeps up the latest apple news. Keeps up on the latest Apple news. He sometimes orders apples directly from orchards if there's ones that pique his interest. At several points in our conversation, Frangie veered into the science of apple grafting and storage and on the, quote, apple scam in which unscrupulous grocers give the pink lady labels to lesser fruit. Crisp's pink, though crisp pink and pink ladies are the same variety of apple.

To earn the name pink lady, apples have to pass a certain quality standard um okay it goes on and on so brian goes on to say um sometimes people write me nasty emails and call me a fraud but usually people are in on the bit he pays attention to the comments i was like uh after clamoring from the comments uh wait for one apple the sugar beef rangy upset reviewers by putting an initial score of the 70s. Good, but not great. After clamoring from the comments, Frangie tried the sugar bees again, this time fresh from the orchard. I was like, you know what?

I was a little biased by the horrific bee mascot. I gave it a lower score than I should have. I raised the score. This goes on and on. This is amazing, dude. Yeah, so speaking of comments, I've been getting a lot of comments on my website since this article came out. And I shared a couple of them on my Instagram. And I just want to read a couple of comments that I got.

Yeah. One of them is, how about you kill yourself, fucking weeb? Too many stupid retards like you making this world a bigger shithole than it is i think they got the wrong profile i think they meant to honestly like don't you think that that person is just copy and pasting that for everyone because there's i don't know well here's another one okay you're a fucking moron and proved it by claiming fuji is closer to honey crisp than red delicious it's consistent mushy texture and absolutely no flavor one of its major you're a fucking moron and proved it by claiming Fuji is closer to Honeycrisp than Red Delicious it's consistent mushy texture and absolutely no flavor

one of its major flaws you maybe should shut the fuck up and never give your opinion on anything as you're an absolute retard that should be castrated as to never pass on your shitty genes so they definitely read the article because they quoted genes

and they like stole what you were just talking about yeah no I mean it's kind of like there are some people who make comments like that on my website which I approve I go through and I prove them by hand they make comments like that because they think they're being funny they think they're in on the bit because I'm so severe

about my apple rankings they think in response now there's some people who are like that and they're just not as good at being funny right so they just say you're a retard who should kill yourself and they think that's the bit no you're right i think that people do that a lot like you know i talk about sex a lot openly on stage and people will come up and say really disgusting things about things they want to do to me which is there's some truth in it which these people are probably actually mad at you too but they yes do deliver it in your way and you're like no that's you're missing the mark that's not how we're i'm i'm that's right they're just trying to now every once in a while there are

people who will write comments that are vicious but they're also well written and funny and those are like now you're right on the mark they're like that's oh god i love when people are funny they'll write some paragraph a tome of just like absolute eviscerating me yeah but in a great way like yeah like they nail it yeah no that's really satisfying when you listen it hurts a lot when you get a comment that's mean but it's like precise and well written and um there's just people can be so funny that aren't comedians and i think obviously we've learned that from the internet more so like just people's comments like different memes that are made just people on twitter that are like you know that i don't go on twitter but i just see tweets you know like on reddit and stuff and you just go man some people are writing the funniest jokes ever written and

they're just like a guy in a car at target who just thought something you know like on reddit and stuff and you just go man some people are writing the funniest jokes ever written and they're just like a guy in a car at target who just thought something you know before he starts up his car like you see the key is those people are randomly being funny at points and the difficulty of being a professional comedian is doing it consistently over a long period of time yeah it's it's it's exhausting and it becomes not fun when the pressure's on so it's like you you have to find ways to make it fun for yourself and and try to not put so much pressure on it because um it's nothing worse than like trying to be funny but um i will say i i just have you know my girl emily reads all of my comments now and does all of my... It sucks because I want

to get back in there. It saves me so much time though to not read comments. And I still read my DMs and I sometimes late at night will see nice things people said. And she sometimes is like, hey, this person commented this. What should I say? But for the most part, I don't read any comments.

But it's worth it. I just don't want to read mean things and yesterday there was something mean said about um of all people kellen uh the little boy that uh come on people i didn't even like i honestly that does a little boy in a dress does literally nothing for my limbic system in terms of like this is different like i don't i'm so happy that it signals nothing in me to care or even think that anyone would care i like that i'm that you know used to it because who the fuck gives a fuck um but people still do and i forget that it's so naive that i don't um and i'm just so grateful as i said like yesterday emily told me people were saying nasty stuff so um she's like i'm just gonna delete and and block them or whatever and i was like yeah but can you write back to one of

them that i just am so glad kellen got his parents and not you as parents and that i hope your child is everything you expected it to be otherwise they're going to have a horrible time and it's true like thank god and I said this before like just thank god I feel to all the little boys or girls out there that want to dress in a different way than you are expected to dress and your parents won't let you I'm so sorry that you could like to the centuries of young boys who wanted to wear dresses and couldn't kellen is living his best life because of the what you had to endure and it's like so great to see that it's just not an issue and it shouldn't be because who is it harming literally who and i just always think about my fragile male ego i just don't get it i just like

i can't it's an affront to my masculinity and i want to destroy it and he's choosing it too you know because it's what's in his heart and angry it's it's crazy but i like no you're my i was just saying to chris yesterday because we were about it and we were like, you know, it does take a really amazing father to embrace that entirely. And Kellen does have an amazing father. And I don't know his mother, but I'm sure

it's like a support on all sides because he just seems to just know himself and love himself so much. Lady of the Lake. Yeah, he's the Lady of the Lake and he doesn't seem to have any. There's nothing that makes him seem like I'm doing something different or weird. Like he's not like I'm special because of this. He's just is very, you know, and then he just is.

It's over to it's like he's towing around this or something. The generations. I think if you go zoomer and below like everyone's wearing whatever they want there. Everyone's got nail polish wearing whatever they want there everyone's got nail polish on if they want it and i just think it's gonna this is really just gonna be a non-factor in 100 years i'm i'm so glad because it was a factor even in my lifetime like i remember first seeing little like uh not that he's trying whatever it is like kids dressing in a different gender than they were assigned at birth and being like whoa that's different and kind of being jarred by it

so i've even been in the generation of whoa not that that's wrong or something but whoa that's different i'm gonna like that's all gets my cockles raised and now i don't feel it at all it like it's just so nice that i didn't even think like, can I buy a dress for a boy? Like, is this weird? Like when I was just shopping for him, it was like, I was shopping for Poppy.

It wasn't even like, and I love that that's the way it is because all I can say is if you have any kind of like a little bit of hesitation about how little boys or little girls want to act or dress and like what parents should do, just imagine the way you felt as a little boy or girl and the things you like to play with and hope to god that you um express the same gender that you were assigned at birth but let's say like because i was talking to chris i was like i can't imagine being eight years old and someone making me wear boy clothes like because that of how i felt when

i was an eight-year-old girl and wanting to play with dolls and stuff. And that's all you have to do is just imagine what that would be like if the way you felt about things when you were eight, if you had to do the opposite. Right, so if I was a little boy, if I was eight, my parents made me wear a dress. Yes, how that would feel.

Because that's what, this is a document that you came, just run that through your head. That's all you have this is a document that you came like just run that through your head that's all you have to do and then you know exactly how it feels this isn't a huge stretch of the imagination that's it so no one should struggle with this at all and no one's being forced to do anything it's just what he wants to do and man if the world be a great place if kids could just be who they want to be and we didn't project things onto them. But it's hard not to

and it's hard to adjust to these things. I'm not mad if people are having struggles doing it. I just want you to maybe use some of the devices I learned to wrap your head around it a little bit more. But that's all I'll say on that for now. We have another podcast for you this week. Don't think we don't. We usually do too, but we have a bonus.

That's right, bonus. It'll come out tomorrow. Is that right, Noah? Yep, that's right. Three this week. Don't think we don't. We usually do two, but we have a bonus. That's right. Bonus. It'll come out tomorrow. Is that right, Noah? Yep, that's right. Three this week, you guys. Lucky you. Lucky us. We love doing it. We will see you then. Congratulations, Brian. Congratulations, Nikki. Thank you. But that Bon Appetit thing is so cool.

I wish you... Did you post it yesterday? Did it come out? Yeah, it came out yesterday. Fuck. Okay, I'm going to repost it today. I love it so much. I can't wait to finish reading it. Thanks to everyone. I love Paleontologists. It'll be cool.

Bye. The Nikki Glaser Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcast. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser. Co-hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton.

And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser Pod and subscribe to our channel. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape

your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.