The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #486 Cranking Up the TENS, Latest Confrontations & End of ERAS!

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Full disclosure: We recorded this episode on Monday! Don’t even mention kids with migraines or bring any itchy animals around Nikki—it’s too much to deal with. During a weekend full of emotional chaos, Nikki grabbed Ahri Findling’s TENS machine and cranked it to 11. While waiting in line to vote early, she somehow made both an enemy and a friend. And at Taylor Swift’s final American tour date, she made even more friends—but also gained a few more enemies. In the Final Thought, Nikki reflects on how she feels about the tour wrapping up and where she plans to shift her focus next. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki! Hello, here I am! Welcome to the show, it's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Coming in hot. Not strong, hot. A little too loud. I was listening to a podcast today and I really didn't appreciate when the levels were all over the place. And I had to turn my volume down so much i'm like stop screaming they made a law that says well i don't know if it's like federal or statewide but they made a law that says you can't have commercials be suddenly louder than whatever was broadcasting because it really is jarring and horrible it is and guess what that turns people off of your product that's right we actually have a mixer chris he mixes our podcast thanks chris so that all the levels are

even thank you chris that's so nice because yeah i was just like whoa and to keep turning it down and i think i was just sometimes you're just like too tired to have sounds. Yes. In your ears. I think that's what's going on. Or if you have a headache. Oh my God. I don't even want to think about it. I just heard today, my friend,

his daughter is like so young. Like I'm not even going to, I just don't want to specify, but like under six and gets migraines. And I've never heard of anything sadder and she screams cries like she like the doctor was like because the kids can't describe pain yeah and so the doctor's like what's what like what how does she sound he's like like she's on fire i'm just like oh no i've never heard of anything worse in my life and i've i don't know for some reason because

i've experienced migraines i can relate to that pain i can't really relate to other pains and maybe that makes me a bad person that i can't empathize if i haven't experienced it but i can't i can obviously oh actually that one like hits me so hard because i know i have a quick update from last episode you said that your dad used to play with you he was like a good playful dad that actually I'm reading a book about relationships after a baby

so it talks about if he talks about how you know dads are with kids or whatever and the more playful a dad is with their child the more empathetic the child becomes as they grow up so you are actually the dad yeah it's the dad that affects how uh empathetic we are as adults dad struggles with empathy as well

what if you got what if maybe you also connect the fact that you don't have empathy or didn't at first to your dad? Well, if he was playful, if he played with you and spent time with you, then you are likely to get your empathy. If he had no empathy, but he was playful. He's like a psychopath. All you do is like playing torture animals together. Yeah. That's interesting. That's good to know.

Because I feel like sometimes I have too much of it. and then sometimes i don't feel like i have enough like sometimes like when anya played her music video and everyone was crying and i was just like doesn't it it's not it's not hitting me through i felt like there's a coldness to my soul and then um and then there are other times where i'm a vegan and i don't understand why other people aren't and then i'm like what's wrong with everyone else well you have empathy for animals yeah but why and i've talked about this before because humans can articulate except this little fight this little girl can't articulate her pain so that's what made me go like no but i've heard about babies being sick and kids being sick

obviously i've seen the saint jude commercials and in like unless i hear about the kid being in pain i it doesn't but this like really bothered me and i couldn't stop thinking about it and i just felt so bad the saint jude commercials needs to be like this child has cancer and doesn't even know or it just needs to show the kid in i mean i don't want to see that but like i need it's it's more than just a kid that's like has no hair in a bed like meeting bruno mars i need like more to get you know what i mean like usually when you see kids they're like like i'm like oh that kid's surrounded by love like that sucks what that kid's going through.

There's no question about it. It's so fucking sad, but like, John Cena's there. It's fine. Right. Why? But yes,

and no, I'm being, we're obviously being joking right now, but I'm just saying like it just, for some reason, this just wouldn't, um, I just couldn't imagine like a child having a thing that just usually women are supposed to get when their doctors

are ignoring the fact that they put a iud in their body and they're complaining now about their headache and usually doctors like are ignore women in their 30s not when they're under 10 and i think that's a thing that happens but i'm i'm just i heard that's true from uh about people with autism like they don't know that they're suffering they just think that they're like colicky or whatever and then all of a sudden they learn they have autism and they're highly sensitive and there's all these problems and it's just for years and years you're just like suffering without anybody helping you that's why I can't stand when dogs have itches that they can't get to. I've literally seen people and their dog is like scratching and going crazy.

And the person just like keeps talking about whatever, like, Oh, you know, we got to get, I, whatever. Like I have to go to yoga late.

They'll be like talking to me about whatever's going on in their life. And I'm like, your dog is itching itself. Like, how do you not get its itches? Like I can't be around an itchy dog. I go fucking nuts. Cause like how do you not get its itches like i can't be around an itchy dog i go fucking nuts because i have to itch all their itches yeah for them but sometimes people just let their dogs itch if a dog's itchy 24 7 for 10 years you can't just

constantly be itching it eventually you have to be like well you have sensitive skin you can't go in grass you're going to be itchy no matter what you do my mom has an itch i get rid of it i literally put the dog down i mean i wouldn't that's what like that's pita's argument of like you'd rather have a dog dead than a suffering dog but um i i mean sometimes i would rather be dead than it itched my entire life and i'm not saying do that but i mean it would be miserable there's so many i can't even look at horses or cows when we drive by them on the road because I see the flies buzzing around. I'm like, there is a fly in its eye and it can't do anything with its hoof to get it out. Like, I can't handle it. Have you seen that goat that's like burning off bugs, ticks that are on its chin?

Burning? Yeah, it's holding its chin. This goat. There's a video that I see all the time pop up on Reddit and Reels and stuff chin this goat there's a video that like i've seen all the time pop up on reddit and reels and stuff of a goat that's burning up there's a flame and it's putting its chin over the flame to burn the bugs off but not burning itself and it's so cool and so fucking sad damn yeah but you can do that as a human too if you have a tick on you you can light a lighter and it'll that's how you get it off.

You don't pull a tick off because then it's little fangs will stick into your skin and stay there forever. And you'll get Lyme disease. If you want a tick to come off of you, you got to put a fire. Wait, is that, is that a tick or is that leeches?

A hot needle? No, but Vaseline, if you put Vaseline over, it'll suffocate and he'll have to come up for air. Cause they breathe through their skin. You like give a tick a massage with some Vaseline over, it'll suffocate and he'll have to come up for air. Because they breathe through their skin? You give a tick a massage with some Vaseline? If you give a tick $60, it'll jump off.

I mean, ticks are so disgusting. That's another reason not to go out in nature. I was in a lot of mental pain this weekend. Just the worst I've been in since maybe january but i like was in mental anguish and i was really wanting to feel the pain physically to like get it out of my system and i don't know what i'm saying and i don't i've never i've only done that one time in my life where i've or maybe a couple times where i've like done something to myself to get the pain out um maybe people can relate at home but i can't do that now because um you know i you just can't hurt yourself that's crazy and so instead you just like

suffer with it inside but then ari this weekend ari finling had these like they're called tens pads that like are electrodes that's what i use for labor oh my god they're so good up to i almost broke he was like he started he only goes to a 39 and i was at a 79 going can we get it higher i just like it felt so good because it doesn't leave a mark it like makes you have pain that like i honestly I don't want to recommend it to people who need an alternative to whatever they're pulling out their hair and they're cutting themselves or whatever, but it didn't leave a mark.

It let me get some pain exiting my body. It just distracted me from what was going on in my head. Yes, good job. And I don't think I need to get one of those, even though I want it so bad. Cause I would be, I want it so bad. Uh,

Lee, I hate when people say so bad. That's one of my biggest pet peeves about myself is not putting in Lee at the end of bad. Yeah. Well, the electrodes also like, uh, give you endorphin boosts in your,

like they at least somewhat studied. Maybe that's part of it too. You put the electrodes on your ear lobes and you go alternating earlobe one after the other it actually uh simulates what an antidepressant would do for a short time oh it's almost like the um emdr where it's like you're getting you're doing like eye stuff and so it's making your brain do different parts of your brain yeah i have no idea what that is but that sounds right all this stuff sounds simultaneously like absolute horseshit and also right yeah it sounds like that could work sure why not a guy at my show um also desperate oh my god i'm so desperate so many people wrote to me last week about different things to um jump start my um people are jumping in ice every morning just to stop freaking out

about their own and they say it never gets easier like it's always feels and by the way no that's what i do that's why i do pilates it like is it so sucks and it never gets easier and i mean it gets a little like you can get through the class and you don't have to like give up on stuff, but it's still at multiple points during a class. I want to die. And it just makes me have endorphins because I've put myself through pain. But a guy, um, on Friday night, sorry, I forgot your name already, but you were so sweet. And he's written to me before about my depression and about what's worked for

him. And he's done this thing called neurofeedback. And my friend actually bought a machine that was $10,000. And then I also saw on the, the Netflix quarterback show that Kirk cousin, a lot of, uh, athletes use neurofeedback to like memorize plays and like,

just make them, their brains more agile to focus their attention i guess on certain things and on not on other things and this guy said i should try neurofeedback i don't have any time in my schedule to meet with a new doctor and like develop a plan of action that's the problem like i don't your my schedule this week is so fucking and like until the golden globes i don't, my schedule this week is so fucking, like, until the Golden Globes, I don't, I don't even know, I don't know what,

what to do. I don't have any time to, like, if I get on, people are like, you need to get on new meds. I'm like, I don't have time,

I don't have time to wait two weeks to see if new meds work. Right. And then if they don't work, what if they, like, make me gain a bunch of weight and get acne

or, like, have some adverse side effects. Or go crazy. Or go crazy. You could be really agitated all the time and then that's not gonna be good for the globes i can't i can't like mess i just have to be low grade depressed and just get through it and then come up with a plan uh afterwards which is what most people live their lives and by the way how how i've lived my life most of my life like yeah you just got to kind of be low-key depressed 24-7 for the rest of your life.

Yeah. If you can be low-key depressed, I mean, good for you. Who's not depressed? That's succeeding. I was just going to ask, who's not? If you're just low-key, I mean, that's amazing. Yes. But I'm talking about there are people that just don't have depression.

And I know they've got other stuff going on in their lives. I don't understand what could be... Their dads didn't play with them at all well if they're okay if they're not having depression and but they have let's say they have chronic pain that to me would cause depression like i don't know how someone has chronic pain and then not depression from it or let's say they have a shitty okay maybe they don't have depression but nikki their life is bad because they their parents don't love them and yours do. I'm comparing my life to people.

I'm like, I have depression. Why don't you? Anything that they also deal with, I'm like, but that would give me depression. So I don't know how things that trigger me to depression, people don't have that response. But then last week,

I was voting. Thank you very much. And i was in line and i was online if you're uh on the east coast i was waiting online and which is not a word i'd ever heard used until i was in my 20s for describing waiting online like when you're in line at a grocery store you're're waiting online. Never in line. Yeah, waiting online. At the supermarket, which is what Noah calls a grocery store. Also East Coast, I'm guessing. Do you call it a supermarket?

I call it the grocery store, yes. Kirsten did a poll the other day on Girls Chat and was like, what do you guys call a place where you go to get food? And everyone was like, grocery store, the store, grocery store, the store. Everyone said it. And then we were waiting. Why was she asking this? She was like, I store, the store, grocery store, the store. Everyone said it. And then we were waiting. Why was she asking this? She was like, I heard someone say something else.

And then it was revealed that Noah and Kirsten had been chatting on the side. And Noah had said, and then I have to go to the supermarket. And it's the cutest thing I've ever heard. Supermarket's like a toy you get for a kid to learn how to shop at a grocery store. It's like what it says on a toy. Yes. I think it's like an immigrant thing, to be honest. I don't even think it's an East Coast thing.

I think it's what it says on buildings. Yeah. It will say supermarket. There's a few places that are called supermarkets. That's what I'm saying. I think ShopRite is a supermarket. It says supermarket in the logo. Right.

Whereas King Cullen, which is a long island chain says grocery store on the building right yeah and i i can't say the store when i'm in la because it means the comedy comedy club yeah we get it you do comedy you're past the store one time i was like told chris i was going to the store and he thought the store i was like the no the comedy and he was like he almost killed me but i deserved thought the store. I was like, no, the comedy. And he was like, he almost kid me. But I deserved it kind of because I was like, I'm just such a regular. That's why I call it. When I say, you know, I'm going to go do comedy at the store.

It means at the grocery store. It means open mic in the frozen food section. That's right. So I was online voting in Missouri. On Missouri. On Missouri. online voting in missouri and on missouri on missouri and uh i was um and then this this there was someone within i guess 50 feet of the building spouting off some bullshit about amendment three meaning that can i just like quickly just say what bullshit this is because

amendment three is about abortion being you know being able to get an abortion in missouri and voting yes on it means that you're for that yeah it's an amendment um they are saying there's all these signs that say amendment three will cause child trafficking you support child trafficking if you vote three and we've been like everyone that's voting yes on three it's like how would being a legalizing abortion in the state of Missouri cause child trafficking? And do you want to know what these fucking freaks have done to make that argument? To distort and bastardize the logic? They are so conniving.

And it's almost like, it's almost evil genius in which they figure this out. So they think a fetus is a person right so when you cross state lines to get an abortion in missouri if you go to missouri now because we can legalize it and you come from another state to get an abortion you are smuggling a child across state lines aka child trafficking now do you think people reading a sign that says support child trafficking by voting yes are gonna think that is what child trafficking means they're just gonna think oh somewhere in this it we the liberals want to traffic children that means even if you don't have an abortion and you're just a pregnant woman if you travel across state lines

you are smuggling a baby yeah but they're they're not going to get into that detail. But that's the... So this woman was in line. There's so many women out there smuggling babies in their uteruses. I mean, there's a normal looking woman. She was not a crazy person. She wasn't wearing a bunch of American flag bullshit. She just looked normal.

And she was a normal person. She just is trying to protect what she believes or well she did have a russian accent right i she i blacked out because i couldn't keep my mouth shut so she was you know 50 feet from the building which is i guess where they can harass people in line to vote to vote the way they want and she's handing out these flyers that she made herself like rack yes so she was wow cool she was doing that and and i heard her say to the guys in front of me and if you vote if you vote no on amendment three that means you are against child trafficking and you're against sex changes

in schools they're going to give your child sex changes in schools and i go i there's hundreds of people in line i'm not joking you hundreds and i go no they're not no they're and like it's dead silent like no one's talking it's just this woman quietly telling these men because she's like she has to be quiet because she's gonna get in trouble if you know like it's not what she's doing is bullshit so i go no it's not i go no it's not and she goes and she's ignoring me because i'm sure she's dealt with like maybe one other person that's done this to her because no one was saying anything. Yeah.

No, it's not. That's the problem with America. That's the problem with the world is everyone is so fucking loud on the internet. And in real life, everyone's a little baby bitch. Oh, my God. And they don't say shit. Well, I did. And yeah, good for you.

And I am flooded with like adrenaline. adrenaline to the point that i'm shaking yeah and like i feel sick like i'm gonna throw up because i've just like had a public confrontation and i go no they're not i go they're not going to give you think i go you think that they are going to have a surgery in public schools what are you talking about what are you talking about and i kind of said in that tone like i was just like i love this right away i'll pay to watch this video read it read it read what read what the amendment says and i go i will i will and i grabbed it and i couldn't read it because i was shaking so much because i was so worked up and so embarrassed i would have been somebody you're like i can't read because i went to public

schools they couldn't even teach me to read you think they're gonna give me surgery to affirm whatever gender i think i am bullshit they're not gonna do anything and so i was like i will and then i'm just like shaking and i'm like i have to leave because i've just there's a line behind me there's a line in front of me and i have to wait there's an hour wait so i have to wait in front of all these people who are voting not the way i am i it's very clear no one's on my side which is yes and so i am like shaking i'm alone i'm like i look i look like i'm not dressed cute like i don't look like someone you'd be like i want to vote like that woman you know like i'm dressed like a scrub and missouri don't want no scrubs.

And so they, so I'm sitting and then there's, thank God there's a woman behind me who just goes, they're not going to give surgeries in schools. She like kind of just said it in my ear. And she was like, she goes, they don't even let your kid have aspirin or Tylenol for a headache.

You think they're going to get surgery? And I go, exactly. And I was like, Oh, thank God. She was, let me see that paper.

I need to read that paper. And then she grabbed the paper and she is with her husband who's almost you could tell like maybe a little bit embarrassed that she's talking to the crazy girl you know but um she didn't know who i am she was just a woman on my side of things who was being supportive just to me privately and like didn't want to make a scene because you could tell she's like a just a person that just wants to get through their day. Use your head. Yeah.

Use logic. She's not like someone who's scared to speak up. Do people fall for this bullshit? She just was a smart person but wasn't going to cause a scene but she wanted to let me know

like hey I'm on your side and thank God if there was one person in between us if it would have been her husband and then her like she wouldn't

have gotten to me but she was next to me and then we talked for the whole hour she's a therapist of course she's a really intelligent woman and uh we were talking about all different types of therapy but she recommended this type of therapy that is so um not to me but she was like talking about that she does this type because i was like what time of therapy do you do she was like talking about that she does this type of, because I was like, what type of therapy do you do? And I was talking about the kind I do and like, and she did not know who I was at all.

And she does this kind of therapy. She didn't recommend it, but we were just talking about different types and it's called ACT, A-C-T. So that's what I'm going to look into next because it seemed like it takes a lot of emotionally focused and then also cbt cognitive

behavioral therapy and not to be confused with cbd not to be oh my god is this true that is such a good question to ask yourself i always go yeah it is i am ugly i am untalented i am like and then people go what what proof do you have and i go um uh okay like check out this look at that this is a talent like i have all the proof i will like line up why i'm ugly i can like noah's been on girls chat i do like diagrams like i am like persuasive meme of uh always sunny when you're persuasive you can convince people of your pathology and that's the biggest problem well i can convince myself. It's not, there's just, that doesn't help me that like list of,

okay, if it were true, well, then what would be true? If it wasn't true, what would be true? Like that doesn't help me because it's so true. But what does help me, what she was talking about is divorcing yourself from your thoughts, which is very meditation.

Like your thoughts, even if they are true, like you can ignore them or whatever. I don't know if that's exactly it, but I looked into it a little bit and was listening to some YouTubes about it. And it's very, I didn't understand it, which makes me very intrigued. I like when there's like a type of therapy that's so complex in just describing what

it is before you even get into it that I'm like, okay, I'm kind of interested. So I got to try it in different modalities. Okay, we're going to take a break and come back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Brian, did you vote yet? Yeah, I'm surprised you had to wait for an hour to vote because in California you just drop it off at a ballot box

and it's over. You just fill it out at home and then you drop it off in a box whenever you want for like two and a half weeks before election day. I think I did get that sent to my parents' house because that's where I'm registered is my parents' house, but I just never they didn't give it to me or something so i just went but it was it was i went on um thursday wait what day is it i don't know anymore but um i went

thursday was halloween oh yeah i went on halloween oh thursday did you get dressed on halloween um i was dressed like a liberal snowflake um reporting to everyone in line probably but there was a guy in front of me like i was i was voting in a very rich part of st louis like suburbs everyone drives a white lexus or range rover everyone just is wearing boat shoes in the fall and this guy was wearing a shirt i put it on girls chat because i filmed it because it was just i was just like oh god they're boat shoes with american flags on them like this is not a person that's like in backwoods like anyone that was like wearing american flags what are you doing it's unless it's fourth of j. What are you doing? We get it. But he had a shirt on that said the shrimp pimp.

And you can tell he was like a rich father. I don't know. He was not awesome. Shrimp pimp. He was definitely voting no on Amendment 3 because that guy hasn't paid for an abortion before behind his wife's back. He sounds like he trafficked shrimp across straight state lines though. Yeah.

I'm like, you're wearing a shirt that says pimp on it and you're like and you're rolling your eyes at me saying no they're not they're not gonna perform surgery on your child who's believing this pimp on his shirt yes you don't know what you're talking about lady you're out of your fucking mind i'm trying to think of what i was wearing you had fucking one of my shrimp i wasn't dressed like i was dressed like a little bit scrubby but i wasn't dressed like i wasn't wearing a shirt that said something foul on it like that. But anyway, yeah, I waited in line for like an hour. And then I almost bored a hole in my ballot with how hard I wrote in that box. I like wanted there to be no mistake.

Because you hit it so hard, you're like going to be invalid. I really think so. There's going to be a dangling chat on that one for sure and then you look up all the amendments and um and you try to figure out like what like and then judges i'm like i don't wait i wasn't prepared to that for this but it's what you're supposed to vote what's it called like down the box or like down the ballot single uh down the single party or long party lines yeah like down the line or something down the line and so i was like googling like if you're a democrat in missouri tell me what to do and there was like there's something going on with google because that

should be the first thing that comes up is like i literally wrote how to vote democrat in missouri like yeah and there's in in the past there's been like here's how to do it yeah and it was not fucking clear at all i had to dig so much in a way that i'm like my mom would never be able to figure this out because now google it just gives you like an ai answer it's deteriorated over time with ads and then infiltrated by ai and it's become a useless service. That's why people have to use Reddit to find information now. It's useless. It's actually good for society because people might start talking to each other, which is nice. And you might be relying on your local Democratic club instead of Googling it, which can be influenced by advertising money and Russian

oligarchs. Right. Okay. Do you know that we only see like point zero zero zero zero one percent of websites when we do a search yeah oh my god now i love google because when you search for any type of apple apple rankings.com is number one every single time that's the best news so when you're when you're voting um at your local i'll put my democratic uh uh endorsements on apple rankings.com that would be helpful. Yes. State by state to figure out which judges to keep in your district. Because I really didn't know.

Yeah, the judges are tough. Yeah, that's what's tough. And then you skip some stuff and then you go, wait, is my thing going to be invalid? Like a Scantron? It's like a Scantron. It's like taking the SATs. The room is like dead quiet. It feels like you're being timed.

It's a very intense process. And then you feel so good after you've done it. Like it feels so good to vote. I'm sure it feels good on both sides. Like you're just like, because, you know, you just feel like, oh, I did something. And because it takes so fucking long and it really messes with your day which someone mike lawrence made a great point last week um when we were on the nfl thing i asked him to repeat it because i had read it on i was almost going to quote him to himself because we were talking about voting and he said that um you know when trump went to mcdonald's or whatever and he's asking all these employees like are you going to

vote for me and they're like yes mike's like no they're not how are they going to get off work for two hours on a tuesday or on any day even on their day off they probably have to like take it like there's no chores i just don't know how people are getting and then talking about voting tomorrow we're recording this on a monday on the actual day i don't know how long those lines are going to be it's it's going to be brutal i'm glad i got it in before because i can't wait why are people waiting until tuesday anyway like if you're going to vote. I was going to wait.

Why? Because I was just like, that's the day you vote. Like I've never even heard of this early vote. Early voting is like a new thing, I think. They did it in the last election for COVID. That's when it really blew up. Oh. But it already existed in like 33 states prior to COVID.

Right. It's like the easiest thing in the world you get like two or three weeks to look at your ballot fill it out and bring it to the library or wherever the i thought it was like for elderly people yeah i thought it was like absentee sick people like absentee is different than early voting absentee is is like yeah no this was called absentee when i when i went to go vote there were signs that said it's called absentee and you don't have to prove why you're going to be absent on tuesday that's the thing it's called absentee. When I went to go vote, there were signs that said it's called absentee. And you don't have to prove why you're going to be absent on Tuesday. That's the thing. It's called absentee, but you don't.

You used to, like, if you did an absentee ballot, you'd have to not. They're slowly getting away from absentee and having actually an early voting period. Missouri must not be as advanced as us in the liberal coastal elite states. So anyway, it felt really good to vote. It feels good to do stuff like that. It's like going to the DMV. It's like how you're going to feel once you get your real ID.

Oh man, I can't wait to do that. You want that feeling. I can wait to do that. That's all I can do is wait to do that. You're going to wait until the day. I went to Aera's tour last night in Indianapolis and I just want to give a shout out to one of our most tried and true besties, Renee.

And I think her friend, maybe her her boyfriend I don't know what but um they found me miraculously because she did not know where I was sitting she did not I feel like we've talked on Instagram I Renee when we met I I asked you had we met but I meant like did you have we like talked on dm and you said no because i re-watched the video that you posted of us meeting and um so i i was meaning like are you the renee that's in my dms because sometimes i don't remember besties will dm me and i will have like years-long conversations with besties in my dms like actual like acquaintanceships and she is one of those but i didn't realize you were renee from instagram even though it's like crazy that you wouldn't be because you were so obviously like plugged in i'm like there's no

way this girl has not dm'd me before she is so um if you are gonna meet somebody uh if you're gonna meet nikki and you've been talking to her on instagram you need to carry a picture of your profile picture on instagram with you just and it needs to be very tiny and blurry and that's the only way i'll because i've never actually gone to the real thing to look because why would you it's just it's like a little bit more clear but your account's usually private yeah and but yeah you need to identify yourself by the name your full name you go by on instagram and then i will know yeah and even then it's kind of blurry because like i don't know i don't like like it's your your yeah you need to print up how your instagram name looks plus the little circle anyway renee was so sweet she has listened to i'm guessing every

single show um and she made friendship bracelets for me and my mom and girls chat. And one that said, don't be, one that said, just kidding for my mom. One that said, like she made, I think Poppy one, maybe that was someone else. But she had these bracelets made and the off chance that she runs into me and she, I hear, just heard, my mom had gone to go get drinks in between Gracie Abrams and Taylor. There was like some downtime. And my mom went off to get some water and I was just alone and I was kind of struggling because I had had a confrontation again. I realized that like I'm not I should not have public confrontations.

Keep doing it. I love it. It makes me crazy and it makes me really embarrassed. It makes me like feel like I need to flee. Like I would have left to have that woman not been in line with me at voting because i felt so embarrassed that i kind of like and i'm sure people with anger issues have this noah i think in the past when you've had anger when you would have an explosion you have this immense embarrassment afterwards and mine i

still stand by what i did but it bothers me that i didn't have all the facts to refute this yes on seven or yes. On three. Like I was just like, I just know they're not giving kids surgery and I'm trying to like, remember a Kimmel clip. I saw, you know what I mean? Like,

did you say that she's dumb and crazy? No, I definitely, I did not attack her character at all. Oh, you know what I did say? I said, I'm sick of the lies.

And she said, I'm sick of the lies on both sides. You guys agree. Oh, great. I'm sure. Any politician could win any election if they just go, I'm sick of the lies over and over again. Because everyone agrees on that.

I'm sick of the lies. Everyone's crazy. That's all true for everybody. Yeah, that was that. That was that. We did agree on that. And I liked that she defused. She must have gone to like a like diffuse liberal anger workshop because she she goes how do they know it's happening

on both sides and i'm like oh all right well at least you're admitting a little fault here i can't argue that so anyway had the same reaction at eras because i really and we'll get back to renee because don't you even think i forgot about you renee and and your adorable either boyfriend or best friend um so or no it wasn't giving brother it was giving it was giving like best friend energy and my mom and i couldn't place it because my mom said boyfriend i go i don't know if it was her boyfriend um he was just dressed too well to be okay okay to a girl but if he was i if he was your boyfriend and is a straight man well fucking get it girl like well-dressed man and i there's that's not me being like wow what a guy that's like secretly gay or something like he was just giving that energy to me

but i um i've been attracted to many men and uh been in relationships with many men that have been giving gay before. So that is not an indictment and that is not a judgment at all. But that's just my guess. Renee, you can let me know in the DMs. But anyway, he was so fucking cute. I would. I would.

Okay. So I'm at the concert before I meet Renee for Gracie Abrams. I'm losing my mind because she's so fucking amazing. And I'm singing and i'm tired i'm my mom and i were walking to eras from the um hotel so just a real quick recap of my weekend uh friday night i'm in oklahoma city um i have a meet and greet i think all last week i was doing something too just non-stop right friday oklahoma city saturday um tulsa both great shows but like oklahoma city a little rowdy but like that's fine got a little like some hecklers some like drunkenness but like great show overall tulsa made up for any kind of weirdness i felt in oklahoma city amazing shows thank you so much to everyone who came.

Tulsa was like the one city that I didn't sell out. And it didn't matter. It was fucking great. I don't need to sell out. I don't give a shit. How many seats? I mean, it was probably like a, it wasn't that big. It's Tulsa, you know?

So it was probably like 1,500, maybe 17. But I probably sold 75% of the room. I'm happy with that i don't really don't even care about like that i but i will just say there was a vibe of like oh it's not as good as your other like not selling as well so maybe it won't be as good it didn't matter tulsa came the fuck out and they brought so much energy it felt like i it was like standing room only it was so based on watching oklahoma city thunder games i have to say it feels like people in Oklahoma are good crowds. I'm obsessed with Oklahoma City and Tulsa.

They are the nicest people. The Tulsa is called the big friendly, which me and Sean O'Connor determined sounds like a nickname you'd give the guy in high school who has a developmental disorder and gives lots of hugs. It's like not the greatest nickname but everyone what it is though because it was everyone was so nice there the town is so cool i made the joke of like you know your town is so cool i can't wait for people

to hear about it like in the it looked when you drive around oklahoma city it feels like it's covid like it's like march 2020 like that's the streets have no name like amazing. It's like March 2020. That's the streets. Have no name. Sounds amazing. It's a bustling city. It should be hustling and bustling, but there's a lack of bustle. But there is hustle. You can tell. Anyway, I just love the city. I love the look of it. I love the layout.

And then Tulsa, I didn't get a chance to discover as much, but there were some old buildings and cool stuff downtown that I really liked. Anyway, Indy is also a great city. Flew there. Indianapolis? Yeah. Love it. Colts. LOL. Lucas Oil Stadium. That's where Taylor was playing. I thought of you,

Brian. Yeah. Hey. I love Indy. You don't like Indy? Indianapolis. I love Indiana. I lived in Indiana. I love Bloomington, Indiana. I went to college indianapolis is not even top 30 cities i thought that i thought it was a really cool downtown like the the roundabout area with the that it is cool statue in the middle and then like cool

buildings and like there was a lot of live music going on and indie did a really cool thing called swift city where they like renamed city streets swift songs like they i gotta say they tried more than any other city and like when you flew into indianapolis there was a giant giant like sign with her in it like in the atrium area like like the size of a you know a five-story building giant i will agree with you there. They like really tried. It was cute. Indianapolis is great at putting on an event.

That's why they always host like the combine. They're very good at the final four. When, when there isn't an event there, it is nap town because everything closes at nine, except for this one little section where it's just too much. It's just a bunch of drunk, like bikers and stuff that are near like the Pacers field house section where it's just too much it's just a bunch of drunk like bikers and stuff that are near like the paster's field house and it's just like that was where i

was i was staying at a really cute hotel that was very excited to have me as a guest and they thought it would be you yeah and uh and this morning what did the girl say to me oh my god it was the cutest thing i was going to walk the dog for like literally three minutes and she was like have the best day at the front desk and i was like i am where i will be back if you think of going out into society for the day dressed like this at seven in the morning to let my dog shit and have diarrhea all over the sidewalk because she's stressed out by all the travel too um you're mistaken but then on the way out, what did she say? She was like, she had some nickname for me. They were the nicest hotel at Indy. Hotel Indy.

Shout out to them. Great hotel. There's great people in Indy. I don't want to besmirch the people. Oh, my God. The valets were nice. Everyone was so nice. Lucas Oil, you need to work on your...

On your what? On your stadium. Okay. We need to work on getting people oh my god best part of indianapolis well i mean it was wrong the the acoustics were amazing the the event space itself was amazing i'm talking about like getting in we had floor seats and we had to walk around i would say i went in the wrong gate and your ticket goes and they're it almost seems like you have a bad ticket and they're like actually the floor entrance is around the other side.

We had to walk like another, I would guess three quarters of a mile. Then we get in and we have to do the zigzag thing where there's no line. Like, you know, you have a zigzag thing usually when there's a big line and they're trying to like- Right, like TSA.

Yes, but there's- I hate that. We walked a zigzag. I'm not kidding you, Noah, for like a half a mile zigzag when we could have walked a block and it's just right there so we need a shortcut for that when there's no ordinance to help people with their fitness oh it oh it's it seemed like it you feel like cattle but i love the people of indianapolis who were going to that show tonight because

my mom and i were the only ones bitching about it we were like what is this every turn we i mean these eventually a girl goes do you want a keychain like she wanted to give us another swifty in line was like so tired of hearing my mom and i go why is this even happening no one's there like my mom and i are just like complainers and so anyway so my mom and i are walking to so i flew from tulsa had a flight at seven in the morning got woken up at four in the morning by tornado uh warning on phone, which I thought was my alarm. So I just thought I picked a bad alarm sound. I was like, Jesus Christ, this one is jarring. So I get up and I'm like, I got to walk the dog before we catch our Uber at 530.

I don't realize it's 4, right? And I set my alarm for 5. So it's 4. I'm up and I'm like playing with the dog a little bit. We got to go outside, you know and then um And then we try to go outside and then I go to my get my phone and it's like take shelter now So then I take sean and ari

Who have obviously gotten this alarm too and I go should we shelter and they were like I guess Ari was actually still asleep. He slept through all of it And sean was like I guess and I go I don't think we have to we'll be fine And so we just like I hung out in my room for a half hour in your hotel room yeah in the hotel room hotels are some of the safest places to be during a natural disaster they're they're built for like when reporters go to like a place where a hurricane is about to hit they stay at the hotels because they're built to withstand those types of the buildings it felt it felt safe and it felt like i'm ready

to die in tulsa like i don't even want to catch these flights today i don't care like i don't even know what to do like i want my dog to live so i'll like shield her with my body but i don't i i just was so tired that i was just like i can't serve i don't want to survive this i don't care but you've ever been so tired you like don't take safety precautions i think that's how people die a lot is because they're too tired to buckle the seat belt or just simple safety things because it's just like lack of sleep makes you kind of dumb also it's just like at a certain point you're like again i gotta buckle my seat belt when is this gonna stop yeah and it's never ever well it'll stop when you stop yeah when. When you go flying out the windshield. It's what a dumb way to die. Please buckle your seatbelt.

Buckle your seatbelt. And wear helmets. Oh my God. And wear a helmet while you're driving. Here, these are the most embarrassing ways to die. Flying out of your car because you're not wearing a seatbelt because everyone will go, she wasn't wearing a seatbelt and you're like, what? Yeah. You know, another way is like if you aren't wearing a helmet on a bike,

I think that's another embarrassing way to die but at least but at least you looked cool when you're flying off into the you know pavement and then another way is leaving in a tampon and getting toxic shock i think that would probably be the most embarrassing one that's pretty embarrassing right well what about a vending machine falling on you because you try to reach in that happens a few times a year what really or what about falling off a cliff times a year. What? Really? Or what about falling off a cliff at a national park because you're trying to take a selfie? Oh, God.

That one's the worst. Like, selfie. Oh, my God. I heard last week. I'm so sorry. RIP to the woman who was a photographer taking pictures of people getting off a plane, and she was just focused on what she was looking at and filming, and she backed into a propeller. Oh. RIP.

Awful way to go. Not embarrassing. That's how her head came off, R.I.P. Just so sad because we've all done it. Haven't we all looked at our phone and kind of not been paying attention and you're filming something and you almost get caught in the video.

You're like, I'm watching this. I'm not living this. And then you just step somewhere you shouldn't and you almost get hit by a car. We gotta get rid of these phones. Honestly. Okay, so real quick. Renee. We, no. i take off in the morning like i go out to walk the dog she it's it's there's just been

almost a tornado right it's passed by but it's like pouring rain pouring rain has been a constant in my life for like three days now we take off we we get out of town we get out at seven in the morning then i have a layover in charlotte for three hours three and a half hours and i can't i love it i love the rocking chairs but i can't have the dog not pee for that long i mean she's been from 7 a.m until we land at 3 30 and like which is really gonna be 2 30 or time i can't have a pet relief area they do but she wants nothing to do with it because she panics and freezes because it smells like big dogs that have been in there so she's just like scary she gets in there starts like shaking so then i'm

like okay i'll take her outside at the charlotte airport because i have enough time to go back through security well then i don't have a board they won't give me another boarding pass so it's a whole thing that i have to go back through ticketing and it's like takes so long it's been like the longest day i finally landed indianapolis at 2 30 we got to be at the concert we have to leave for the concert at six um i walk around town a little bit and but i'm like i'm feeling okay i like put enough coffee in my system and i'm like i'm good and then we're walking to the show and i'm like, I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. Like a Taylor Swift show is like you're on your feet from 8 until 11 without question. And then also adding on Gracie, who is a new addition for me to like see the opener now, is adding an extra hour and a half to the show. And my mom and I are seeing these people with like so many people with signs that are offering insane

amounts of money for tickets. One sign says $3,000 for two tickets and I have two tickets and my mom and I are both like we could just do that and I'm like I don't really need that money. I don't want to do it for the money but I kind of like I just am too tired. Are you guys trying to buy tickets?

They all look so sad. They look homeless. They're trying to look as sad as, yeah. And they all look so sad. It's like they look homeless. They're trying to look as sad as possible. Well, that's also a tactic that sometimes people who are selling tickets will use scalpers because they're legally not allowed to say, I want to buy tickets. So they'll say, is anyone selling tickets? And then you go up to them knowing that you're there to buy a ticket. Now, I'm not saying that's what is happening there, but it would be confusing to me.

I don't understand. But okay, we got to go to break. Now, I'm not saying that's what is happening there, but it would be confusing to me. I don't understand. But okay, we got to go to break. I'll finish this when we get back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports,

and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So my mom and I are walking in and we're like, should we do it? And I go, Mom, I did not take two flights and leave at 530 in the morning and waste an entire day of my life that, you know, when I bought these tickets, I didn't know I was going to be hosting the Golden Globes. I didn't know that I was going to be adding shows. I didn't know i was going to be hosting the golden globes i didn't know that i was going to be adding shows i didn't know i was going to be doing a photo shoot on wednesday i didn't know i was going to be a joan rivers special taping

on thursday i didn't know like my schedule is filled the fuck up and so these shows are like actual work for me and taking a day off where i don't have a day off so it was my one day off and i was like i didn't give up a day off to fly to indy so i could eat sushi with you and watch you watch cnn and go god damn it he's such a fucking bastard he's disgusting what is wrong with these people she hates wolf blitzer that much that's all my mom says i'm like how many times can you say what is wrong with these fucking idiots how like is that gonna fix fix anything? Saying that over and over. And I know that I'm a little bit my mom. I got over that in 2018.

But she can't stop saying, that's why I'm telling you. And I told my mom, I said, I go, mom, I said on the podcast, if Trump wins, I think it's going to kill you. And you need to start figuring out a plan

to survive it if it happens. Because you need a go bag. It's too much. So anyway, we're both looking at each other like should we do this thank god we didn't because like i am not allowed to sell the tickets i got i got like a special deal uh not a deal but like when you get the ticket things that i got you agree to never sell them which i would never in my wildest dreams uh uh uh think of selling it's

a taylor swift song i would never think of selling a Taylor Swift ticket but it was just in the moment that I was like I'm so tired I can't be there for her and this dad and this daughter

who are offering $3,000 look like they would have the best time ever and so I told my mom if I were to have done it I would not have done it for money I would have given it

to someone who just had a sign that didn't have money and just been like this is the greatest thing you don't need to know who I am we don't need to TikTok about it I just want to give this to someone who just had a sign that didn't have money and just been like this is the greatest thing i don't i don't you don't need to know who i am we don't need to tick talk about it i just want to give this to you and like and just disappear and i didn't do that but that's what i would have done it so we get to our seats and they they're on the floor seats you have you have your

seat right but there are these sneaky bitches that have worse floor seats that sneak up and shove you in more. This has happened before. And it happened at our show when we went. Yes, that's right. Thank you. In Minneapolis. And I do not tolerate it. And let me just say it happened last week in New Orleans. And these two little 13-year-old girls, shout out to my best friends, 13 and 14.

I forget your names, but I'm obsessed with you. And almost Kaki and curran who i went to the show with were almost annoyed with me because i was talking to these girls so much and like not talking to them i could tell that there was they weren't like mad but they were like what is going on like i was becoming best friends with these little girls i was learning so much about like what it is to be 13 14 they were so sweet they just remind well they were they were just like talking about how well one of them was like i really like i go what songs are you excited to see and she said champagne

problems because i can play it on piano or or uh my tears ricochet because i can play it on piano and i go honey if you can play my tears ricochet on piano you can play champagne problem you can play you could literally play every song i go is there a capo for a piano because you can play every song if you know those chords and she go or i said to her and she goes i go do you play guitar and she was like i tried but it really hurts to do a b minor and i go you please i was like promise me i was almost like billy madison like shaking him like you gotta i was like you gotta start playing guitar now you gotta piano yes but she wants to do guitar too she was like my dad wants me to and it's hard but it hurts my fingers and i really would want to and i go i go you can play any taylor swift song you want and by the way taylor swift i've never seen her do a b minor i know she can

but literally i've never seen her do one i was thinking about it taylor taylor's one of the best guitarists going and without question but she's simple She uses a capo and she gets it done and she could do it she could fucking bar up and down the fucking fret but she doesn't. B minor sucks anyway.

I go girls you can play any song you want if you just learn you know you're on your own kid and all the chords in that I was like you learn that you can play that song

and you'll be able to play it in a couple months after practicing and then you can play every Taylor Swift song and you can love them all. D minor. G dominant. C c major oh i don't need dominant g dominant is that a g7 g7 oh yeah just a g oh g a g is a g dominant see i don't g7 is a dominant

and so i was just trying to get through these girls and then i was also like teaching them about what the songs were about. Cause I could tell that like, they didn't know the details about the songs. And I was like, isn't this so cool that she wrote this song about being brokenhearted while on era's tour. And now she's performing this song about era's tour on era's tour.

And they were like, yeah, they were, it was just like so cute. And then I was realizing like, they haven't even gone through the things that are going to make them understand these songs in like such a deeper way it was so cute they were so adorable anyway that with them there were um there was some riffraff going they were getting pushed out into the aisle but they

their mom and them like recognized me so that i could tell that they didn't want to be like hey will you guys scoot over more but they didn't tell that they didn't want to be like, Hey, will you guys scoot over more? But they didn't realize that we didn't know that they were in the aisle. And as soon as I saw it, I was like, why are you guys in the aisle? And they were like, um, well,

because you guys, I think are supposed to be. And I go, why are we over too much? And I was like, Oh, there's, there's secret people sneaking in there.

I fucking know they, they, these, I was so proud of myself because this family of cute girls these and these two moms watched me go over to the guys on our left and go can i can i ask you what your ticket number is what seat you are okay so you need to be on these seats and they were like thank you they were so cute they were like yes and then last night the same thing happened my mom was like being shoved over towards me and i go why is this happening i was like we're five and six so there should only be four people to your left because

we're number five and six and i counted and i go there's five and i go what's going on here and um and this girl goes oh well or no there was four of them but they're really spread out and this was a during gracie's set and she goes well i just figured like since until this whole row fills in because no one was on our right side she was like we could just spread out and I go okay touche and so my body like lit up in fire because I confronted her and she was like I just figured until it's you know they're here we could spread out and I'm like

okay and so then I like I was like she was right that's a good idea but then people started getting there and then this group of people showed up where this woman was and this wasn't even her fucking seat and the girl lied what a rat she lied and she can't trust anybody anymore bad my mom goes she has horrible bo nikki i don't know if i can get through this yeah and i go it might be me honestly because i was reeking last night so then i was i clocked this woman and then she then the people

to the left of me that filled in where that woman was that woman stayed but they she kind of like made friends with the people that were there. Or maybe she knew them. She's a charming bitch, but they were five people. And then, and then it was awkward because that woman went away to go buy merch or something.

Right. And then four people filled in that were really nice. And one of them was like, I love you. I'm such a fan. Just want to, I don't want to bother you. Love you so much.

You're so like, it was so nice. I had an amazing snake earrings, such a cutie. Love this girl. I think her name was Katie Just want to, don't want to bother you. Love you so much. You're so like, this was so nice. Had an amazing snake earrings, such a cutie. Love this girl. I think her name was Katie. Shout out Katie. And then the girl,

the annoying woman came back and squeezed in and was kind of squeezing my mom and I out. And then the people to my right had filled in and we were getting boxed in. And I was like, Oh no, I have to like confront the girl that likes me about her friend. And this is going to like make her hate me now. And I was like, but I got to do it. I got to confront the girl that likes me about her friend. And this is going to make her hate me now. And I was like, but I gotta do it. I gotta do it.

So I just sucked it up. And I tapped Katie and I go, hey, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but she's gotta go. She's gotta go. Because this girl clearly didn't belong there. And you could tell that they were kind of like- And she stinks like shit.

And she, so then she moved ahead of us to some empty seats they were kind of like stinks like shit and we she so then she moved ahead of us to some empty seats that were ahead of us and my mom and I are so distracted by this woman because

and now this woman knows I've pushed her out and she starts filming me because I think she clocks that I'm somewhat her friends recognize me

or something so she my mom goes she filmed you and I go I'll film her back so I've got footage of you too bitch don't even try to get me and i i know you didn't belong in that section i know you

didn't so don't try to wrap me out like i was being some kind of like you know uh karen of the 12th row i i was just people taking advantage because they know that people won't confront them which is what we were talking about at the beginning it's true because everyone is in a really good mood at these Taylor Swift concerts. And I didn't do it in a rude way. I just said to this Katie girl, I go, your friend's got to go. I go, I'm sorry. I'm not trying.

I go, because I would have gone up to a guy in one of the shirts that works there and said, hey, will you check the girl in the blue shirt's ticket? Because I know she doesn't belong here. And I wanted to do it for a couple people. But you know what? I didn't do it for the guy who I saw do it later and fill in a row because he knew every word to every song and i go he's a true swifty and he deserves to be here this woman was just like filming obnoxiously not really singing the words and was just annoying and she just reminded me of everyone who takes advantage of the system and is always trying to get a deal on everything and scam the system she reminds me of my mom's friend who always used to

make us lie about our age to sneak into a water park so we could go in under like the kids under 12 you know so i was like 13 having to pretend i was like 10 and it was just it made me feel so bad and i'm like why can't you just do the right thing and not go to the water park if you can't afford it like i know it sucks but like just don't don't make me do something illegal what i don't want to so anyway i was feeling um lit up but i i fucking confronted her and i felt so good about it and then the woman next to me on the right she was whipping her hair around and she was she had amazing hair i would have been whipping it too and it was whipping me in the face do you think i gave a shit no because she belonged there and that was her seat and good for you older woman for having such lush thick

hair was i annoyed yes would i have maybe said something or like been kind of a bitch and been her seat and good for you older woman for having such lush thick hair. Was I annoyed? Yes. Would I have maybe said something or like been kind of a bitch and been like, because I was in such a bad mood and I was tired. I was starting to go that way. And then I let the concert like sink or the mushrooms sink into my bones. And then I was filled.

No, I microdosed, but it didn't really make me feel anything. I, I, I will say that, but it didn't really make me feel anything. I, I, I will say that final thought being at a Taylor Swift show, like you just have to recalibrate and kind of reset. Cause I was so hot after I had that confrontation because I felt awkward and

I felt like I was being like the rude person, but I wasn't, I really didn't do it in a rude way, but I just felt like my mom was too scared to say something. So I had to be the one that stepped up and I was like, and Oh, and shout out to the girls. And so had to be the one that stepped up and I was like, and Oh, and shout out to the girls. And so I got recognized by like everyone around my section because one

person doesn't. And the other people are like, Oh, who is that? And then, and it looks like I like, like this, I promise to God,

I do not go to a Taylor Swift show thinking I will be recognized. If I did, I would have tried to look way cuter. I swear to God, I was like embarrassed when I met Renee. She was like, I just want to say you talk about your look sometimes and you're so beautiful. She said that made me so happy, Renee, when you said that, like, I know that's like a dumb thing to get so excited about, but

like, I felt like I looked like trash last night because I did, I was tired and I like barely did my makeup and I was trying with my hair and then I just had to put it up in a clip because it was just so, my hair is so thin and like frizzy and like like it's giving post-menopausal woman lately my hair is just like kind of giving up on me and becoming like what older women's hair becomes eventually no no shade like that's just what it is yeah um when you get older your hair gets drier and thinner and that's like what my hair is doing and i was so sad about it but renee like made me feel so good when she said that she was like you're so beautiful but i so i was getting like a lot of people being like can I get a picture can I get

a picture it was really very nice and it it honestly I don't usually depend on being recognized to lift my spirits but it really helped last night because I was really depressed and I had just watched Gracie Abrams who's one of the most beautiful people in the world and most talented people in the world and I actually that lifted my world. And actually, that lifted my spirit. She's just so sweet and so good. But I was kind of coming out of it, but I was in this kind of malaise right before Taylor began because I was like, I have a marathon to run right now, and I am not. And I'm not going to appreciate it the way that I know some people would in the 12th row but man everyone being so excited to meet me and then us like all talking about taylor and about how exciting it was really like got me back on board to be like oh my god i'm at a fucking taylor swiss show i'm at the last one that's ever happening in the united states of

america because she's going to canada next this is like so fun and i had the best time and and then i will say that every there was a guy next to us that had an earpiece in. He was kind of down the row. And he had like a... You know like musicians wear? Yeah. With a little twin ear monitor. Yeah. Yeah.

And they had like the little... You know how home phones used to have the curly Q? That cord. Yeah. Yeah, the curly cord. Sure. It had the curly cord coming out, going down to some path. That's security.

And no, dude, he was just wearing a regular shirt and looked like a regular guy and so the girls behind me shout out to the chicago girls all of them have first graders and they all met through their first grade children and they're all moms that ditched their first graders who desperately wanted to go see taylor and we're like no we're going because we're adults and they were so cute i forget all your names but you were so fun one of you was like so funny because we were talking about talking shit about like celebrities or like having opinions about stuff and i go that's the one thing about being a celebrity that kind of sucks is that you can't shit on celebrities anymore like you can't have a strong opinions about things sucking because and she goes oh yeah that's why i'm not a celebrity is because i'm choosing i'm choosing like i want to just keep my right to like talk shit and that's why

otherwise i'd be famous she was really funny i think you would be you you're really funny anyway they were like what's the deal with the guy with the earpiece and i was like i don't know and we were kind of like what could he be speculating secure like we we also did like the security is he like out here like monitoring things for taylor or whatever and then i was like i don't know i would love to know and then the girls in front of me were like wait nikki well who do you think that guy is like what the the thing is here and i was like oh my god no one he i go i don't know like should i ask him they were like you're the only one who could and i was like you guys are right it gave me so much confidence as the girl who's already confronted two people within five days that's right i was like i can do this three and so i i go sir i go what's going on we're dying to

know what's going on with the earpiece yeah three people and he goes i i'm with the local news affiliate and i have a live hit at 11 and i was like ah and then i got the answer and then i brought it back to all the girls and they were so happy and it made me feel so good that i was like the the because everyone made him feel good you got the intel you were the spy yeah and he was like are you nikki glazer and so that was another it was another nice thing it was so sweet also rory scoville was at the show and i think he just wrote me as a joke being like am i gonna see you tonight and i go yep i'm headed in right now he's like no way and then uh i didn't get to see him see him but he was there and that was cool and uh it was it was just a great show we we thought post malone was gonna come out for fortnight um and he didn't

uh but it's so funny last show of the u.s in the u.s and then went U.S. And then Vancouver, Montreal. Toronto, Montreal, and then Vancouver. Toronto, Ottawa. And after that, no more? And then it's done. And then December 8th is the last show I'm going to in Vancouver. It's the last show of the tour. Yeah. Vancouver is wonderful.

How are you feeling about that? This was my 21st show. And Vancouver will be my 22nd. It would have been my 24th had Vienna shows happened. It's, I am, it's time. It's,

you know what? It's, it's time for it to be over for me. I think that I'm like starting to have a little bit of like, I'm going to, I'm having withdrawal, like a little bit of a malaise because I'm sad that it's going to go away. Like I have a joke in my act right now about like killing myself and how the if if you look at the crime scene you would guess that i killed myself because of some reason i'm not gonna give it away but it's funny and everyone's

i go everyone's gonna think i did it because of that but it's not i didn't kill myself that i killed myself because the heiress tour ended and it's a joke but it's kind of not because i realized heiress tour when you really boil it down for me it has been it's an intense dopamine hit and i am addicted to dopamine it's whatever because i have adhd shout out to paris hilton and her song adhd anyone who has adhd should give it a listen it's so fucking good it's so i love it so much but i crave dopamine whether it's through pot whether it's through masturbation whether it's through caffeine i get i love dopamine yelling at people on the on lines i mean that doesn't i don't know that doesn't give me dopamine it's like it it's good it gives me cortisol yeah it gives me like

a sense of purpose at first and then i instantly regret it because i just i don't i every single time i start shaking and then i cower like i don't i every single time i start shaking and then i cower like i don't i can't go on for more than three seconds of a confrontation at all like i'm horrible at it i shouldn't be doing it but i realized that taylor swift is like three and a half hours of intense dopamine because i was talking about it before and and this is all true that i get to escape myself and i get to like have a party and dress up and and be and and dance and all these things and those are all absolutely true but it also is like the build-up of anticipation the excitement it

feels like a crush you know it feels like the way I used to feel when I would get crushes on people and like oh my god I'm gonna see this person tonight I get to get dressed up like it's all it's all dopamine it's chemicals surging in my fucking brain and then it's a huge dump and that's why people i mean i've talked to so many swifties who have gone to one or two shows and they are catatonic afterwards i have not been because i always have a next one coming and i think i'm starting to to feel like a little bit like what am i going to replace this with and the answer is gracie abrams shows like that is i'm i'm in it i'm i'm sold she's like she's it she's it for me um and she's just like i can put my energy into that if i want to next as long as she tours um

and keeps touring but it's yeah i'm feeling i'm feeling like it's it's time for taylor to have a break and it's time for me to have a break because I have done, there'll be 22 shows in I think a year and a half or maybe over a year and a half, maybe a year and eight months. And it's felt like a huge part of my life. A year and eight months is how much of my life? I'm 40. 70%. Thank you for that math and i just i've always trusted you with math brian and i love that i can always just count on you to just do it so quickly and i don't have to

even have to think about it because i just know you are okay so i just checked he's right on my it's a big part of my life i think it would be around uh four percent of my life right and so i um well it's like you were on the road with her along with going on your own tour yes and unwell yes i have i have literally traveled so much to go see her it's not just like oh she happens to be down the street or she's in my town i have made concerted efforts so it's it's been exhausting it's not been easy um from actually recently i have now seen taylor swift three sundays in a row i and i have and those are cities that i wasn't already in really at all i had to travel to each of them so um it's been it's like i'm i'm ready to stop because as long as it's going on i will keep

making the effort so i'm a little you know it's like when anything ends that you put a lot of effort into that you enjoy there's a sadness but there's also like i need a break and um so i'm excited to see what happens next but it's i don't regret any of it i'm so excited that i got to witness one of the best you know performances that has ever been seen like people who you know professionally review this kind of stuff and have gone to shows their whole lives ringo star is saying like he hasn't witnessed anything like this since beetlemania so it's really cool that i was able to see so many of these uh groundbreaking like uh seminal performances. And I think she has done by the end of it, like 180 or 70

or something like that. And so I have seen a huge chunk of it, and it's just been so much fun. I don't know what will come next for me to replace it with, but I think I'll just go to more shows, more football games, just more things where I can be around crowds and stick up for proper seating techniques

and enforce the laws of ticket master. That's your calling. You should be a security guard usher. I love it. I love just being like, hey, what is, sorry, what's your ticket say? And then being like, that's right. That's what I thought. So that's back there.

And people have done it to me when I've gotten the wrong seat. It happens all the time on planes where they're like, what seat are you? They're really friendly about it. you're like oh i'm uh you know 13d and they're like well this is 14d and you go uh and you like oh it just takes the wind out of your sails so much when you're so confident and i already have my sleep mask on and my pillow out my dog is tucked under the seat and i have to like get it that's what you gotta double down you gotta be like well i'm gonna stay here because this is what i wanted. What do you think about when you get on a plane and someone's sitting on your seat and they are go,

can you just take the aisle? And you go, no, not if you like switching your position, like going from aisle to the window or something like that. Yeah. Like I don't want an aisle. I want a window.

They can't switch you there, but if they're switching you from these people seemed very annoyed. And thank you to the flight attendant who looked at me like um they go can you just and and he looked at me like no because you bought the seat you wanted and i go oh thank you and like well i did it by the seat i wanted the first class seat but i bought a seat that uh was available um and they seemed very bothered by me and then they were even more bothered when i was like can i go to the bathroom and had to like climb over them they're like see we told you to take the aisle but i don't want the aisle because i can't lean on the goddamn window um that's it for the show

today we'll be back tomorrow um tomorrow we'll know something i mean we won't know anything because we'll be recording it on tuesday But when you listen to it, something will be known. Yeah, nothing will be known by the time we record this tomorrow, which is election day. Unknowable things will be known. I think we'll know things that give us more uncertainty. Well, here's one thing that I think we're going to know pretty soon. Well, I will know pretty early because I hear that they're really good at counting votes. Some states are better than others. California being maybe hear that they're really good at counting votes. Some states are better than others.

California being maybe the slowest in the nation at counting votes. But we will probably know who's going to control the Senate by the middle of the week, by Tuesday or Wednesday. Okay. Yeah. Hold your breath, everyone. Say a prayer. My mom was like praying to God that Trump wouldn't win. And I go, Mom, if prayer is what makes whoever win, I think they're going to win.

I think their side has a lot more people pray and do a God. And let me remind you of the Ricky Gervais joke that I heard the other day. That was the arrogance it takes to pray to a God who didn't stop the Holocaust so he can help you find your keys. And I just want to remind people of that because that really that just says it all yeah it says it all and then when he also told colbert he was like you don't believe in every god that exists you believe in one god right he said yes well there's about 3 000 gods so you don't believe in 2 999 gods as an atheist i just believe don't believe in one more god than you don't and i really like that too shout out to ricky gervais i can't get enough of his clips he is amazing and i agree with almost everything he says i love i love a mean vegan or like i love a not a mean

vegan but i love a guy that is like known for being like really brash and saying like cunning yeah cunning and cutting things and then he also like loves animals. And maybe I like that because that's myself. I have so much empathy bleeding with it. Um, but don't cut me in line and don't talk about kids getting surgery in schools because I will have about a sentence to say to you. And then my body will start collapsing on itself and I will crumble into a

puddle and prove nothing to anyone in line, except that liberals are crazy thank you for listening don't be cut we'll see you next week but or tomorrow bye the Nikki Glaser podcast is a production by Will

Farrell's big money players and I heart podcast created and hosted by me Nikki Glaser co-hosted by Brian Frangie executive produced by Will Farrell Han Sonny and

Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser Pod and subscribe to our channel.

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