The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #487 Election Speculation, Nikki's A TikTok Trend & an Interrupter

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

This episode was recorded on Election Day. Nikki and Brian decide to playfully speculate about the possible outcomes of the election. They realize that if Trump is elected, the finale of Dinosaurs the sitcom might just be how the world ends. Both of them lost something personal at SoFi Stadium over the weekend, but it doesn’t bother them too much. They also imagine what a Kamala win would look like. Nikki was so anxious on election eve that she crashed at her parents’ house. While there, her mom showed her a missed connection, and Nikki had to confront her dad about accepting both her and her mom’s interrupting ways. Nikki recently had an encounter with someone who doesn’t like her—too bad for them, because Nikki started a TikTok trend, and it involved a cast member of Hamilton. In the Final Thought, Nikki dishes on a Joan Rivers tribute she’s involved with and what she hopes to get out of it. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki! Hello! Here I am! Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Feeling anxious at the start of the show? All of a sudden? And related to everything that's happening in the world, but just a million things that weren't election related just piled in during the theme song. And then on top of election mountain, it was like, I built up a landfill of, of anxiety, but we're going to get rid of it. If you're listening to this right now,

you may know the outcome. Oh yeah. But you are in the future right now. Um, how's it going there? Is, is everything okay? Um,

let's just talk to people in the future. Like given both circumstances, because one of them is going to be true. Cause let's just talk to people in the future like given both circumstances because one of them is gonna be true same thing because let's like give like like a message to the future because okay it's gonna be us too we need it okay so option one jill stein wins everything's gonna be okay um yeah okay so let's start i always when i choose best case scenario worst case scenario or someone says i have bad news i have good news you always want the bad news first right yeah well whenever someone says i have bad news and good news i think that's horseshit because

the bad news is never that bad yeah and no no the bad news oh you're right they're always like i have good if they're if they're going to be playful about the presentation it's not going to be like your uncle has cancer it's going to be something that's really funny you need to write that down that's like a good bit yeah playful about the presentation is a really funny um way to present that because i think that's so that's so true you know they're gonna say you need to sit um you need are you sitting down are you sitting down that's but that's because gen z has ruined that because now they're like seated and like so now it's like are you sitting down like i and someone might say your uncle is dead and someone be like why is he like amazed at something he like was so happy about something he died no he's actually dead and they're like i don't believe you he is so slay um no someone slayed

him in a brutal killing last night. And he's dead. Period. Okay. Worst case scenario. Trump is going to be our president again. Okay. Trump's president and the House. Hold on. I can't breathe.

Hold on. Is Julie okay? Julie is not okay. Right now, Julie. I might fly her to New York tomorrow if the news goes that way because she will need like uh i actually that wouldn't be good because she'd be on a plane by herself she needs to be around loved ones i i gave her goldie for the weekend oh very good oh thanks nick thanks for that is what she'd say uh no my mom is watching goldie for the weekend but i i need a comfort

animal last night i spent the night at my parents house because i just didn't want to be alone on election eve and i literally almost was like can i pull out the gymnastics mat under your bed and sleep on the floor like i used to in eighth grade i know it's still there election eve is very mystical sounding yeah it's a well it feels like i want to be close to loved ones okay so if he wants i don't i can't i honestly don't even want to talk about it because it might manifest it right what about that okay we don't want to manifest um okay so let's just skip it people um sorry that you're on your own kid but like no one from the past has any wisdom for you of how to handle this it's just going to be one foot in front of the other um start meditating immediately zachary levi told me at that party to start meditating and that it was urgent and he was not wrong whether it went one way than the other i mean zachary quick quinto

quinto sorry levi i wish zachary levi was trying to get me to join Scientology. He was trying to get me to do a stress test or whatever he's into. No, I think he's a Christian. A hardcore Christian, which same difference, you know. Yeah, well, we're all part of a cult of one kind or another. Exactly. I'm a Swifty. We're all suckers and cultists.

We just want to follow a narcissist. Is that so hard? That's all we want. Is it so wrong to have a weak human brain that is susceptible to brainwashing? Is that so bad? Because I was listening to Mark Cuban on Sam Harris's podcast, and he's like, the way the algorithm is, they just target you if they think you're susceptible to falling for this. And maybe I'm susceptible to it, too. That's the problem is like when you're

brainwashed you don't really know you're being brainwashed right like otherwise you would get out of it so i admit i i could be brainwashed about things too but they just if they've proven like we're mice that if you put information in front of people long enough in enough times and they see it in different ways presented in a comedy sketch presented in a a serious ted talk like thing presented like a guy in his car talking you know to the camera presented in a song like the message will get through right the first message always wins too really like you're yeah generally it's much easier to give someone a new opinion than to shake an already existing opinion.

So basically it was like a race to the start. Oh, because it's kind of like whatever your parents are, you are. And I think of that too. Like I just think about some of my family that's maybe voting a different way than I am. And I go,

man, I just got born to the right sibling in that family. Like if I was born to it for me or at least i think that because i'm in it right like i go oh my god i'm so lucky julie glazer was my mom yeah yeah i mean they feel the same way i was sitting next to people at starbucks today this group of old men who i'm sure were voting the other way i'm sure of it i went away from them as soon as i realized my air buds weren't working because i was going to put in my um air pods and just blast white noise so i didn't have to hear them hear their white noise and so i because i was just like i just don't want to be mad at my fellow

man today i want to come from a loving place but then my air my air pods didn't work so i just switched tables and i didn't do it frantically i didn't do it like i don't want to hear about trump and you know like i did it calmly like i don't want them to know which side i'm on but then my computer was on a grotesque picture of trump with like an article about him so i did i did like leave my laptop open like facing them as i moved i was like okay i'm just gonna i'm gonna backlash in this way but um so you don't like trump of course not are you endorsing kamala officially do i have to say that like why are people we know what side everyone's on i think it's so annoying when someone yes of course i'm endorsing kamala and i i'm so embarrassed that

it's after the yeah after the fact but of course i mean like i just never wanted to get so i i don't i i'm honestly scared to say how i feel about trump because of what the future might hold you know like i was just reading about the dictator that took over in bangladesh and if you had any if there was any dissenting um opinion towards her during her campaign or like before like uh or if your dad said something or went to a march you were disappeared you were taken and put in an underground prison for many since 2013 and then when she was taken out when she was released they all they all went or they took over and there was a coup i guess is that's the word for it yeah they all undisappeared these people because they were all still around because they didn't kill them because they tortured them to the point where they almost died and they they

would stay alive it's like the worst imaginable thing would happen to these people that that all they did was go to a march yeah so i'm a little scared i mean it probably won't come down to that because why couldn't it i mean i'm not saying it couldn't i'm saying it probably won't don't you think if that person could have everyone that's ever said anything mean about them put away they would that's always my question to people well i think he would no he's he he's a very forgiving man oh no he's a very manipulated man and a very you could you if you just switch sides and say actually i was wrong i love you that's actually a good news because i will flip so fucking fast to save my head we'll all flip

i will i'm not flipped i'm in the middle anyway i mean i'm not i obviously am not uh you know when i am being led to the gallows and he's there i'll be like you're hot yeah you're fucking hot i want you to know you're one of the hottest men that's ever lived that's there i'll be like you're hot yeah you're fucking hot i want you to know you're one of the hottest men that's ever lived that's what i'll say first okay this is my plan i just want to say you're so fucking hot and but it won't matter if i'm not young enough and it already doesn't i have like three days where he would care what my opinion is of him because you have to stay a hot woman yeah so what should you what should we do as people he doesn't want to fuck when we're headed as people he doesn't want to fuck we say in his favor i mean he's we were wrong he was he's

so everything he said was right he's an he's the best president that ever lived he's better than lincoln he's so smart and such a great businessman and um i support him okay do i like that he's wait because he's not really forgiving like he's not like liking he's not liking you more or like seeing that you have humanity where you erred and now you're learning that like he's not having empathy towards your position he's just that isn't forgiveness right what he's doing i mean it's uh well in the in the true sense of the word truth well i mean in the true sense of the word like deep down inside if if there was the capability between like hearing someone out and going like wow i was really angry at you and like i see where you're coming from and i

understand that you have changed your mind and i want to like right i want to forgive you and i it's like a selfless thing almost. It's outcome-based forgiveness, I think. It's like I want this outcome. And it's almost like I don't care what you... It's almost like the ultimate forgiveness because you don't care what the person did at all as long as they get to the spot where you want them to be.

I wonder what I can say to him. That would be true, that I wouldn't have to lie. I could say you're funny. That would be true. That I wouldn't have to lie. I could say you're funny. He's very funny. He's the funniest president that's ever lived. You did it. You did it.

The other thing about him is he's only angry when he loses and doesn't get his way. When he wins and he's on top and he's not being... It sounds like Forrest, my nephew.'s it literally is that you give him what he wants and he likes you and if you don't he'll cry and scream right

away yes yes but you can easily get him back by giving him back the candy that's right he will stop crying on a dime that's right so that's why i don't think he's gonna send you to the gulags if he wins and he's in charge and he gets to do whatever he wants he's gonna be golfing he's gonna be building new trump towers he's gonna be making deals with international oh you don't think he will have vengeance okay that's interesting i think i'm feeling a little bit better he'll have vengeance against a few people maybe maybe he'll have vengeance against um just a couple of high profile people who betrayed him specifically, but I don't think he's going to throw people in the gulags.

The thing is, my life won't change that much, I don't think. Not in Missouri. No matter what happens to me. What do you mean? Well, it's already a red state. You already have conservative... Well, I'm not needing an abortion. I mean, me personally.

Yeah, okay, you personally. Me personally, i don't like i don't like going hiking so i don't really care that nature keeps going i'm literally only worried about other people and animals and the planet and the future like i'll be okay well that's a big problem because what you personally i guess this doesn't they most conservatives on the extreme don't believe in climate change and if you listen to uh trump's joe rogan interview um where he did come across as a very likable man if you actually listen to what he was saying a lot of what he was saying is that he wants to remove the epa so that corporations can build buildings without any regulations.

Right. That's what he was saying. Does that surprise anyone? And people go, he won't do that. About deportation, everything he says, because it's so wild, they go, he won't do it. He said he was going to hand RFK Jr. health. He gave a list of

things. It was a ton of stuff he's going to hand over to him. Vaccines. Yeah. To RFK and everything. But I, I'm going to be in charge of that liquid gold. That's what he said. And everyone cheers.

It's like, but don't you worry. I'll stay in charge of the liquid gold. Like, okay, so you just want oil? Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. like what are you talking about yeah um anyway i i just think that i really wish more people weren't just looking out for themselves because if i was i i would wouldn't even care you know and i think that like it doesn't matter to me either way like i'm not going to get benefits from me like i my i feel personally but i'm looking out for other women and other animals like for an

animals and just overall people you're gonna you would benefit in fact as a quote-unquote rich person as a rich person you're gonna get a tax break i and everyone should be voting for trump a little bit knows i don't give a fuck about that i like paying taxes i don't care like i'm blessed to be even rich and like yes they should no capital gains tax nick you're gonna be oh my god you're gonna have so much money no that's only for people with 100 million and more i heard i heard today get ready she doesn't really have any investments like a house or anything for capital gains but you have income and your income tax is going to go down because you are in that bracket.

And then you're also, by the way, a corporation. You're also a corporation. You are incorporated, are you not? You're not a person. You're a company. And therefore, you're going to pay even less taxes because of that.

That's bullshit. I should be paying more than anyone. It really is true. If you're rich. Then vote for Kamala if you want to pay. We started this with trying to feel better. I feel like we're making Nikki feel worse. No, no, no.

I feel, no, I feel, I feel, well, now I'm excited. If Trump wins. Okay, now I'm going to. All she has to do is call him hot and then she makes a million dollars. This is it. I'm going to, like, if he wins, I'm just going to. Is it, is it too much to just turn turn no no like it for my if i'm really if we're all looking out for number one why wouldn't i just turn and have a cozy life but i can't because i i can't i'm just not there yet i'm not brain I'm not brainwashed that way yet. You got to make enough money so that you can start your own corporation that's environmentally responsible.

There you go. And hope that the country wants to pay in a capitalist way for environmentally responsible products. And you know they won't because I just heard Mark Cuban say that a lot of issues would be solved if Americans would pay a premium on USA-made things, but they don't. And they never will. And that is the problem. Everyone acts like USA-made,

that means something. If it meant something, he said, if people cared that things were made in the USA, if Americans cared about that, I would have so many companies here making stuff he was like I'm interested in making money but they won't pay more

and to be honest I'm going to be totally honest shirts made in Bangladesh fit me better I don't know if I have just like a Bangladeshi body but when I'm at H&M I'm like why I like my clothes to have a little struggle on them a little like resentment and yeah i just uh

it makes the um well you know what the truth is though everything is made so shitty now yeah it's just everything it's just the the quality of clothing is down and there's no doubt about it speaking of, I am getting ready for this trip that I have and I'm styling myself for this Joan Rivers thing that Chris is producing that I'm performing at the Apollo on Thursday

and I'm like, I'm just gonna style myself because I got a cute dress that I really actually like and I'm like, I'm just gonna do this and then I fucking, I lost the dress like i bought it three weeks ago or brenna brought bought it for me actually when she went on a shopping spree to get me a bunch of clothes when we how did you lose it i don't know in your travels yeah in my travels somewhere so i'm frantically calling all the hotels i was staying at just to get it

back eventually i have to get a new i mean i have to just go buy a new dress for thursday but that was a bummer um and i was just but it's also like in the scheme of things who gives a shit it's fine like it's nice to hear that you left something behind that's so important because i left my um laptop charger at sofi stadium and i felt so stupid i've never left my laptop charger anywhere that's why okay well then you know what you shouldn't feel stupid because you were due and I felt so stupid. I've never left my laptop charger anywhere. That's why, okay, well then, you know what? You shouldn't feel stupid because you were due. And that's a normal thing to happen.

And it actually happens to people a lot more than once. And like, you've never had it. So like, okay, it's like COVID. You lasted a really long time. You're one of those people that never got it, but it's gonna get you eventually. Yeah. You know? Did you get your COVID vaccine this year?

No. Are you not gonna do it it i didn't even think to and i know i should but i'm too busy to get vaccinated what about flu shot um no when's the last time you were you had covid um december 2022 oh wow okay Um, December 2022. Oh, wow. Okay. So it's been a while. I mean, I don't know. I got mine. I got mine left and right.

I was knocked out for a day. I hope. I mean, I just. For the vaccine? I'm now getting it just every year with my flu shot. Is that wrong? No. No, I don't think it's wrong at all. No, I think that's the right thing to do.

I think I should do that, but I just haven't because i just am i'm gonna say busy but i like you traveling the world you should be getting covid like every year i thought i was getting sick yesterday in a class or where was i somewhere where my throat i was just like uh-oh it's catching up to me and i just fucking meditated that shit away, dude. I said, nope. Nikki has a strong immune system. I just talked to it. I was like, you just hold on, girl. You can come through.

My sickness can come through on next Monday for a day. You'll get 12 hours and then you can be sick. But I can't be sick right now. It can't happen. It won't happen. And so I just talked to my throat feeling and I was like, we're going to take care of you. We're going to drink lots of water.

We're going to get some good sleep tonight. And then you need to like cool out and cool your jets and be okay. And then it's going to go. And it's a, hasn't bothered me today. Well, this might not be true, but isn't it true that most symptoms you have are just there it's not like

the disease gives you the symptoms it's your body's immune system fighting the disease that creates the symptoms so like a sore throat is not like is that true or not i don't know no i like that is it the virus that's giving you a sore throat or is it your body is creating this sore throat to fight off the virus like when you get a fever, that's actually your immune system making the fever, not the virus. The thing that's so awful, sneezing and coughing and congestion and mucus is all caught. Those are responses to

because mucus is built as like a defense. Yeah. So if you could just tell your body like, don't bother fighting this virus, then you won't get the mucus. You'll die, but you won't get the mucus. You won't get the coughing. why bother with all of these symptoms i'm telling you it fucking has worked for me and i don't mind over matter with it it just i just trust that it works because it has before and so now it just does um we gotta take a break but we'll be back after this

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the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I like that Brian says the mucus instead of mucus. I like that too. Yeah, I always say the mucus instead of mucus. I like that too. Yeah, I always say the mucus. It's like the Ohio State University.

Ever since Mucinex commercials where you really saw it personified. Those guys. I mean, that Mucinex guy. I love that guy. He should have his own show. I tried to like make a show kind of with a guy like that

as the star. He's a great guy. He's like Fred Flintstone in a way. Or the guy from Dinosaurs. The dad from Dinosaurs. Oh, yeah. That short-lived. I mean, everyone loved Dinosaurs. They got rid of it too soon. guy he's like fred flintstone in a way or the guy from dinosaurs the dad from dinosaurs oh yeah that short-lived i mean everyone loved dinosaurs they got rid of it too soon just like the actual dinosaurs that that show was really fucking sad at the end do you know that show

yes i have seen it on reddit a lot because i watched the ending on reddit it pops up probably like once a year about like one of the most sad endings ever of a show was dinosaurs and the fuck okay so if you don't know dinosaurs is this like uh jim henson uh puppet life-size live-action dinosaur show that started dinosaur family in prehistoric times it was kind of like the flintstones except instead of people it was dinosaurs being dinosaurs and the end of the show it was a comedy it was a comedy and it followed family matters right it was like a sitcom where every episode was full house family matters dinosaurs dinosaurs yep you might remember the baby who would say not mama, and then hit the dad at the club. Yeah, it was cute.

The last episode of Dinosaurs. I'm the baby, gotta love me. Wait, what'd you say? Wasn't it, I'm the baby, gotta love me? Oh, yeah, I think that was another catchphrase. Yeah, he had two catchphrases. I used to have the baby as a stuffed animal, and he would say those things.

I'm the baby, gotta love me. Yeah, which is so true. It wasn't hearing. Truer words have never been said. So the last episode of dinosaurs um a meteor is coming towards earth and there's some sort of environment i don't know if it's a meteor but an environmental calamity is occurring that is going to destroy the planet and wipe out all the dinosaurs and the family the sitcom family is just sitting in their living room going like so we're all gonna die and even the kids are like i'm not gonna get to grow up and enjoy my life and they're like yeah this sucks

we're all dead and then it just fades to black i feel like what makes it even sadder are we on dinosaurs it's the new are we on hacks we are okay what makes it even sadder is that the reason why the world is ending is something the dad did what oh wait i forgot this part of it like the dad supported some anti-environmental company that wound up like blowing volcanic ash into the sky which blocked out the sun it was was his fault. And they're all going to die. His whole family is going to die. And they're just sitting there like in the Titanic when the water's rising and the couple's in the bed.

They're just sitting there waiting for the world to end. And that's the end of a sitcom. Well, that's how it's going to end for some group of people that are on Earth together. There is a mass extinction. It will, will like just because you know i'm not even gonna say what i was gonna say because it just gets me into rough territory

but like but it won't be us we're not that special that's that's we're not special enough to be the last i think we might be i mean i think i i think i think there's it's cool i think it'll be a generation or two this this podcast has been very we're very close and very depressed and imagine if the people but imagine if the people listening to it are like kamala one what are you guys talking about oh my god okay hi guys sorry what a fucking like oh my god she swept it. This is so exciting. Like everything that we maybe imagined has come true. I just, why can't I picture it at all?

I can't, I can't picture myself like, but I think I, man, it would be so, you know what, man, I'll be so fucking happy. I didn't even think about like how much it will make my life fucking great. And my mood and my depression, it will actually improve my life so much. Oh, God.

Please, wear those hats. You know what's getting swept under the rug, too? This is really wild. If Kamala wins, she would be the first woman president and i feel like no we don't even talk about it shit about no no no it's not that they don't give a shit about it it is not what she's been running with because she knows much like on veep i'll quote selena meyer on veep where she they go ma'am we think you should put out a statement there's some you

know thing happens and they said we think as a woman she goes no not as a woman i can't identify as a woman they can't know that men hate women and women hate women hate women and don't you think i've been most women do hate women and she was and she goes and women who hate women hate women or something like that and then she asked amy she's like and most women do hate women don't you think and amy's like yeah and. But I love that she goes, I can't. They can't know that. But that's true.

Kamala, Chris said it as soon as she started reading. He was like, running. He said, she needs to not get into this first woman stuff. It's going to turn people off. And she fucking did it at all. It's not talked about at all. now she succeeded i don't i what i don't think that she it's awesome i don't think that she should lead with being the women uh being the first woman

president but the fact that like our society is not even really it's not even clocking in my mind that she's a woman that she could be the first woman president that's that's how weird the election is when it was hillary i feel like that was like no number one or two it this is designed to to be this way yeah it is hillary leaned into woman and it didn't fucking work people women were not that excited they worked i mean the some women were a lot of women were not everyone so they did they pivoted they it was a choice to not lean into that why wouldn't you lean into that i mean it's the most obvious thing yeah it's it's insane well because she's young and vibrant and gorgeous like they didn't lean into any like femininity i don't think at all well as soon as she announced or as soon as

she was selected as the nominee the first attack from the trump campaign was dei hire so i think in a way they helped because they had to thwart off that attack by pretending like that she's a clear uh like silhouette microsoft outlook without your profile picture inserted candidate. Wait, what, what, what's DEI? I always hear this.

That's diversity, equity, and inclusion, which is like when companies have these policies that, um, bring in people of different, uh, diversity,

diverse ethnic groups and stuff and hire them. And then a lot of people say, well, those people didn't deserve the jobs because they're less qualified and they just got them because of some DEI policy. And so when Kamala… Wasn't that called affirmative action? Or we got rid of…

They changed it to DEI because people were… Affirmative action became such a hot-button phrase that a lot of the companies changed it to DEI. Oh, okay. So you could have just said affirmative. Okay, so they re-ran it. They got a new logo? Well, there is a slight difference, I guess you could have just said affirmative they okay so they rerun well there's a slight difference i guess you could say like dei is like a policy and affirmative action is like sometimes the government stepping in and filling up those quotas and sometimes it's the company but dei is just

like a policy the company has we're like it would be nice if we created some situations where we would allow diverse candidates to flourish whereas affirmative action is like we're going to put a black person here and force you to have this person here okay kind of like it's a suggestion de is a suggestion it was a little bit of a softer push that had the same outcome which is more diverse uh people and so but then obviously fox news and stuff was like, DEI is evil, and we hate it. And so when Kamala was the nominee, they were like, she's a DEI hire.

She doesn't deserve it. She's not qualified. The only reason she's there is because she's a woman, and she's black. It didn't work. It didn't stick. I mean, it worked in some circles. Or it just tired out. No, I mean, I think that's still part of some of the attacks. Actually, I've heard DEI a ton, and I've never once she's still no i mean i think that's still part of some

of the actually i've heard dei a ton and i've never once looked into it so i'm sure that's what i was reading and just not knowing what it was but she's not a dei hire i mean she's um preeminently qualified she's you know obviously been the vice president which is so fucking bubbly and acute and happy and energetic and thriving like it's so cool to see someone who's just showing up and like looks like they want to be there it's giving obama first run like like just endless energy the right energy it just feels so good like i just like her so much and but it it doesn't even matter because it could be anyone to me right it doesn't matter but i'm so glad that it's her i like that sam harris quote you posted this

morning because i i kind of feel that way i mean i'm not like if i could vote in a primary and pick my ideal candidate it would not have been kamala i'm not like super excited specifically by kamala the positive hair case the positive case for harris is simple she will be a normal president surrounded by normal experts seeking normal political ends the scientists she consults will be real scientists the doctors real doctors her administration will not be a 4chan thread come to life her foreign policy will not be made in consultation with podcasters who hawk gold, ivermectin and MREs. The notion of banning someone, someone, some vaccines will not be will not receive serious consideration.

Grifters and lunatics like Alex Jones, Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens won't be shortlisted for weekends in the Lincoln bedroom. The final stage of her campaign wasn't organized and funded by an increasingly erratic billionaire who hallucinates about the strategic replacement of white America. And she will owe him no debt of gratitude. The saying like Kamala is the ideal choice. She is the best possible. She's normal. Right. She's just normal versus crazy and chaos yeah um so you know when i voted um last week and i met that woman who like kind of saved my life in that line um this angel that just appeared behind me and just whispered something affirmative to me

yeah the therapist um okay so last night i went over to my parents house for um emotional support and we were sitting at the dinner table and my dad was talking and my mom got a text and like interrupted him and that turned into a kind of a fight because she interrupts him all the time and i said i go dad and he goes she does it every time and i go either get used to it or get out i go it's not going to change we know she does it it's like i, that's what I say to my parents so much. I'm just like, stop with the same complaints. Yeah.

Either accept it or divorce. That's right. And they're not going to do divorce or just accept it. That she just doesn't, she's going to interrupt you. Chris accepts it about me.

I interrupted all, you guys accept it about me. I'm an interrupter and I know it's rude and I do want to work on it and, but, I like that.

If I had to hear that back to me all my life, I would just, I couldn't. What'd you say Noah? You know it's rude and i do want to work on it and but um if i had to hear that back to me all my life i would just i couldn't what'd you say i said i like that you're the interrupter it's a cool little title there the interrupt it's like it's such a rude thing to be but i i do do it a lot well it helps with um writing because um frequently you're like a couple of steps ahead and so like if I throw out like a premise or something I'm like yeah what if then you just let you interrupt me and

hit us with the punchline and the tag then we don't have to think of any punchline and tag because you just do it. That's really nice of you that really just built my self-esteem more than you know okay thank you Brian clip it for my own personal collection don't even post it on

i just need to send that uh to make myself feel good about myself the other day i was feeling really down about like i am not a good writer and i can't write or whatever and emily was like i'm going to edit together footage of you writing because i've i've witnessed so much of it and she was like backstage no she she was like i'm in the middle of it. She was like backstage. No, she was like, I'm in the middle of it. And I was like, you don't need to. Thank you. This was nice to hear. She was like, I have enough to make a very compelling video.

And I was like, I know you do. I trust you. This really did make me feel better. I just need someone I trust who's not going to bullshit me to like tell me that I am. And then I'm like, I'm cool. Just tell me I'm hot and you won't go to the gallows. Okay.

So my mom, see, my mom interrupts my dad uh with a message from her friend her friend saw something on facebook and this was what she saw please share she said please share this with nikki one of my dear friends posted this on her facebook page um and this woman is just like a friend of a friend of my mom i don't even know but this is the post that this woman saw on her facebook feed yesterday was the most memorable day of voting for me and only partly because it was halloween i talked for the full hour-long wait with the woman in front of me she was smart genuine and open and we talked about our work she's a comedian and lots about our journeys delving into self-compassion and personal growth in general we also talked about kirkwood and

realized that her sister has been this woman's daughter's Spanish teacher. When we said goodbye, we told each other our names and it wasn't until I talked to my husband later, she says his name, later and told him what she does for a living and what her name is, Nikki, I didn't ask her last name, that he informed

me I had spent the hour talking with famous stand-up comedian Nikki Glaser. Tagged or untagged? Untagged. My mom didn't send me the rest of it. There was more to it. Come on, mom. Hey, mom, can you send me the rest of that text from your friend?

You only sent me the first part. Period. Thanks. So she posted this somewhere? On Instagram or somewhere? Nice. On Facebook. What Instagram or somewhere? It's so nice. On Facebook. Yeah, on Facebook. And let it, because I was kind of like,

what's the conclusion? Bye. Like we kind of like floated away from each other because you just go to vote and then it's like very, you have to like just, you go to your like

a little separate booth and I'm just like, ah, bye. I just go, what's your last name? You know, like I was just like, I wanted to like connect

because she's someone I would obviously be friends with. When I see, when i talk to a girl at a thing or whatever and then yeah we and i'm like there's a chance then we separate i don't know her her name yeah and then you got to like do all this sleuthing to figure out what their name is so you could find them on facebook and then at the time it was just facebook and then well i got her last name and then so i could and And I did it under the guise of wanting to ask my sister about her daughter. But I really was like, I want to be friends with this woman and find her maybe. But also the other thing. But no, I honestly did want to tell my sister.

But we don't know the conclusion of this post. We don't know the conclusion. Well, it sounds like she had a great time with me. Who knows? I got a good name for you standing next to me in line. And she did not know I was a comedian. There was no reason for her

to have... That made me feel so good. That would be so funny. What? If you had a Yelp page for your interactions, there's pictures of the interior. That's where we're headed.

Well, yeah, that was a Black Mirror episode. But wouldn't I get a lot of points for that? Yeah, you would get super points. Five stars. Sweet. sweet oh my god um but we don't know the conclusion could be and then i found out it was comedian nikki glazer dot dot dot she is the worst person we don't know what's after that ellipses oh my god wait there was a woman when i was in kansas city um i was this is so crazy i didn't talk about this on the podcast

um my sister and kirsten and me and chris were all at dinner and i went to go to the bathroom and as i was walking back i passed this table and chris and lauren and kirsten like kind of saw me talking to the table but they stopped me and the guy was like oh my god i'm such a huge fan what are you doing in town talk to me and he goes huge fan and then this other was like oh my god you're so funny and then the girl sitting with them goes i don't like you oh my god and she goes she goes their fans i'm not something like that it was that cutting i'm not joking you let me i wish i could remember she thinks she's on the internet she doesn't she doesn't realize she's in real life right now and she's actually talking to a person she was like and i don't like you and i'm not a fan it was something

very like matter of fact and like being like like i had said something that really upset her or something and i was beef disarmed i just was like oh all right well fair we all are entitled to our own opinion i said something like that and was like okay and then i just immediately went back to the table was like you won't believe what the girl behind me just said to me. And they were like, what? And they were like, oh, my God. And then Lauren and Kirsten were furious. Chris was like, I don't know that she said that.

And they were out for blood. They couldn't stop watching her because they were facing her. And they were like, she's not even looking over here. Wait, she really said that to you?'m gonna say something i was like maybe she was joking maybe she was being sarcastic maybe she really didn't know who i was or some people are not good at comedy that's the thing and she that might have been her attempt to be sarcasm does take me by sometimes i am kind of autistic with it and take it as pays value and so i this could have been a joke and i even said that i was like

i could be and they were like no that is not a joke and they but they didn't really hear it but it did it i if i were a betting woman i would say this woman did not like me and knew exactly who i was you should have said well i don't like so that was weird was kirsten pumping was kirsten pumping yeah was she pumping at this time oh she was blood was pumping through her veins in her neck because she was so mad on my she could have pumped some neck blood um no she wasn't pumping at the table she uh she she was thinking about pumping though if i know kirsten when she's not pumping she's thinking about pumping and she was talking about pumping because pumping's life man pumping is life i need to get you guys a pumping shirt that the the boob flaps come down and it says pumping his life.

It would be great. I have to alter my whole wardrobe. It's crazy. Every time I hear Kirsten's girls chat, it's in the background. Always pumping. Always pumping. Yeah. So that was really like, it made me feel so good.

I was like, dad, mom is allowed to interrupt you with this one because it was important because then he wasn't listening. I go, do you just hear what she said? And he was like, I'm not, what do you mean? And I go, the woman that was in line, she sent a message in a bottle out to me on Facebook. Yeah.

I just felt like she made, like, I feel like we're going to be friends now. This is it. How old is she? I think she's probably, well, she has a daughter in my sister's class, probably in her 50s in her 50s and she's a therapist yeah yeah i mean i feel like that's appropriate yeah it's great to have older friends i just want to say oh my god it's the best make older friends and younger friends and younger friends well you have to we have to make older

friends make me as a friend for nikki and i least, we need to make older friends in the hopes that when we're old, we can make younger friends. Yeah, and they'll take care of us. Yeah, it's like pay it forward. I feel so cool when young people do want to be friends with me, but that will mean a lot to me. If I'm in my 60s and a 30-year-old wants to hang out with me, that'll be fucking cool. Because it does bum me out that I won't be able to have kids that are old adults that would be my friends. Because I like my relationship with my parents now so much. That's been maybe the best part of it all.

And that kind of bums me out. I wouldn't have that. So maybe I'll adopt one when I get to my 60s. You have to be, if you're real cool when you're in your 90s, you've got some 40-year-old friends. That's hard to maintain coolness that late. You have to be like

posting on Instagram and stuff as a 90-year-old and having your nephew send you prompts. You don't have to be cool. You just have to be a good friend. I'm friends with a 90-year-old woman who's my downstairs neighbor. Yeah, Irene. That's so sweet.

I wouldn't say she's cool. She is pretty cool, but she's not on Instagram or something. She's not keeping up with the trends, but she's very active. I'm saying I need to make fans fans though to take care of me. You need, you need like a,

you need like, I'm not going to be as lucky as I mean, and just like have like a neighbor boy who's like nice to me. Like you can't guarantee that. No, no, you can't. But she makes an effort.

She makes an effort to try to make friends. That's what it is, is that she goes out with her dog. She walks around the neighborhood and she talks to everybody who has a dog or not. You have to make an try to make friends. That's what it is, is that she goes out with her dog. That's so sweet. She walks around the neighborhood and she talks to everybody who has a dog or not. You have to make an effort to make friends. That's a shitty part of it. Do you ever follow that grandma Dormak or something? I forgot her name.

Drozniak? Oh, here she is. Droniak. Grandma Droniak on Instagram. If you aren't following her her i'm talking to every single person right now take out your phone and go follow grandma underscore draniac d-r-o-n-i-a-k you will not be disappointed she is a hilarious grandma who sets up her camera and talks about how she's gonna slay from the grave and how she's getting ready. She like goes to pick up guys at,

um, at funerals. She has a boyfriend. She just dumped. She is a thriving, probably 90 year old woman who is like always wearing cute earrings. And let me just play you an example of something she said. Okay,

here we go. Get ready with me to go on first day. This is the first one since I dropped my boyfriend. It's been a month, so it's time. This fella's been wanting to go out with me since I've been living here. I'm feeling flirty. Why not? Because I am single and he has all his teeth, so I couldn't say no. And if it works out, he's only a few doors down. I always see him eating bananas. So I got bananas earrings. I never kiss on a first date, but this is for me.

Lipstick. I feel pretty. Let me show you my outfit. This is my date outfit. If he doesn't like it, forget about it. We're going to dinner so much confidence how original he's gonna be here any minute i just came back from dinner and it didn't go well he tried to kiss me but i didn't like it i wanted to throw a banana at him but i couldn't dare that that wouldn't be ladylike whatever on to the next i love you she wow is out there trying to like get

it at a nursing home and she's going on a date and the great part is she can talk blatantly about these guys because they're not online they're not on social media so she can tell you all about her date like i couldn't do that kind of thing it's like that point who gives a shit she is so cute i like and i've seen her kind of you know she like fell i've been following for for a couple years and like she wasn't she was living on her own when i first started following her now she's in a home but she's like having a good time and she's so cute and her nephew or maybe her grandson is this other kid who um he travels he takes day trips to like tokyo and shows you how to do one day in Tokyo by yourself. And he's really cool.

And I forget his name, but I relate to that. Day trips. Doing one day in a place? Doing one day in a city? Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, no. But I don't relate to making the most of it.

I relate to driving from airport, hotel, hotel to venue to hotel to airport you skip something starbucks 14 starbucks yes in between uh we gotta go to break we'll be back after this john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to

the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts okay so one more thing i wanted to hit is that i um became i trended on tiktok oh right niktok yes i made a video last weekend to the gracie abrams song that's so true that i love and um i've been waiting for a gracie song to like be a thing on tiktok and emily has been like patrolling it and she was like oh my god nikki gracie gracie's that's so true is like a thing on tiktok and i was like i don't know that song it was like one that just came out last week i'm like i haven't learned it yet do one that i know so i just quickly learned it i had to like memorize it and it took a minute because it's fast but i learned the second verse that um it wasn't it was just on

instagram like i guess people were like putting in the background of their videos and stuff like it was just a song that was a trending sound yes yes but no one was doing anything with it that I know of that was like a trend yet so I just sang the song lip synced it and it's like it's I was in a dressing room so I was like let's start in the mirror and then I'll turn

to the camera and then it's something about taking down your hair so I'll take down my hair and then it's taken off your shirt I'll take off my shirt I did that once twice and then i was like and then you go oh and i like asked andrew to stand on the side so i would i would like be like oh to him and he would be like what and then so it was just like a fun like series of things that we timed out and i didn't cut at first emily and i were cutting it so i could memorize each little part because i can't remember the whole thing. And then we were like, no, let's just try to do it in one take.

And I did it finally. And then I think Gracie posted it, which was so cool. She commented on yours. And commented on it and said, like, this is my dream music video. It was like Emily was like, Gracie commented like an hour after we posted it. It was so nice and then um uh and then a couple days later like she emily's like not you like starting a tiktok trend that's how emily took you know like oh my god not you starting a tiktok trend and then she would send me all these videos of people doing it where they start looking in the mirror and then they turn, they take down their hair and then they take off their shirt and then they go once, twice.

And then the rest of it, I didn't do many funny things or whatever. But and people are doing this and recreating. It was so touching. And it was just like a bunch of random people. And then today I woke up to Emily saying, let me go back far on the feed because i've been like i lost my dress and she's like don't panic we're gonna figure it out okay uh she wrote 6 26 a.m waking up to see see hamilton doing your trend pls please and then she sends me it so funny i love the way she texts i love the way she talks um she sent me a video

on instagram of someone's like tour video like a tour recap speaking of how she talks and um and she and i have joked about her leaving me for this person someday because i'm like that's just how it works like if you ever get offered to work for this megastar you should go you know like and she really is a fan of this megastar so she sent me the megastars a reel that they had posted of like a recap of their tour and she goes um wait why are our tour recaps a hundred times better than this pls capitalized please tbt tbt to when you said you'll leave me one day to work for blank like and then all caps nah girl please pls please the word written out in all caps please as a never and then that's in like uh stars and i go oh my god you should totally leave me this girl needs help I wouldn't blame you and

she was like and then she freaked out because she thought that I was really she was really she thought that I thought she was saying she was leaving me for this girl or something or that she would and I was like first of all I don't think that like why would you say that to me and you should if you ever get the opportunity I would be like very happy for you um but then she like then I went into a pilates class and she was like wait nikki you know i'm joking right and i was like and i was in this class and so she said she spiraled in her therapy session about it and that made me so sad and i'm like she goes that's just the way i talk you know that i wasn't actually saying that i was saying

like like please like oh my god like i wasn saying, please let it happen. And I was like, no, girl, I know how you talk now. You don't have to decipher it. She is very cute. But Hamilton did my trend. That's amazing. Like the cast of Hamilton? I mean, I didn't watch it yet because I'm too nervous because it's just like too much for me. But yeah, dude, I'm watching it now.

For sure, I did that once. Yeah. They started with mir oh my god so it's one person from hamilton yes not my business but i had to Okay, I hope we don't get like a strike This song rules so much It goes on and on It's

She did it good I can't see it really Oh, she did a cool wall thing that I should have done. I mean, it rules. So is that Hamilton video on TikTok? Yes. Is that reposted with Nicki's original sound? No, no, no.

I think it's... So on YouTube, I played it while Nicki was talking about it. So if anyone wants to see it, please go to her YouTube channel if you don't want to go to her TikTok. It's not reposted with my sound. I think it's just reposted with no it's it's reposted with her music so they you do it to her music but you created this choreography yes i yes which is the most ironic thing that could ever be said about anything that i've done is like a choreography but yes i did i invented and i want

to do more because i have to be honest with you this this is my talent this is my big like i think that i am the probably capable of being i think i need a lot of practice but being one of the best lip syncers to songs and then doing things while I'm lip-sinking that really sell the words. I mean, you're going to be better than a lot of people. I mean, I see people like the hottest girls on TikTok are the worst lip-sinkers and they have the most views. I can't watch them. Their mouths aren't even moving. It's like they're not even trying to say the words.

It's like they're purposely a little bit late and not saying like they say like half the word like if the word is jacket their mouth will just say like it is confounding why these are it's it's just because they're hot and it's like it's really distracting i can't stand when the sound is off in fact emily like emily has grown up watching these videos of girls like with like a half a second lag and so it's normal to them it's like it isn't jarring to look at for me i'm like do it right so emily has one time posted one that was like a point zero zero one second off and literally only i would notice it because i am obsessed about it being perfectly on and i was like hey girl you need to take that down and she was like she was horrified and i was like you're allowed to make a mistake. And you didn't notice.

I wouldn't expect you to notice because I'm weird about this. I'm, as you're not supposed to say, OCD. This is my, like, I'm not okay with it being a little bit off. But I see it all the time. Yep. It's almost, like, you rarely see one that's good. Do we have to change very very difficult that's the thing talking ones are impossible singing ones not so hard because you're on a beat but

talking finding the rhythm there's no rhyme or reason for it so you just have to like kind of either so sometimes i've done a thing where i'm like keep a beat with my hand and i count the seconds and i go okay before between i say these, it's going to be three of these. Because otherwise, you don't, you can't know it. Well, you know who, you know, I mean, like Sarah Cooper, remember her from Oh, she was great at it. I mean, she still is. What's she doing now?

Sarah Cooper. Haven't heard from her in a while. She was everywhere. Yeah, in 20, in the last election. In 2020, 2021. Yeah. No, no, it was actually, it was during COVID. Yeah. So it was like before the election 2021 yeah no no it was actually it was during covid yeah so it was like before the election i think was when it really peaked 2020 pre-election during covid while trump was still president she was doing those lip sync videos what happened to her i wonder what happened to her is she writing for something maybe i i haven't seen or heard from her in a while i know i don't

know the answer to this um should we file a missing persons report i'm now realizing oh my god i don't know where she is yeah um yeah final thought sarah cooper um where are you um i'm sure you're still working the thing is i will forget about people all the time as i'm sure people forget about me like sometimes i'll be like oh my god i used to be like really obsessed with this thing or like oh i used to be you know comparing myself to this girl or this guy a lot and i don't see them anymore are they still doing stuff and then i go and they have a full career they're still charging ahead as much as they were it's like the algorithm knew that i wasn't interested anymore or something or like

and i've even talked about this if you mute someone they go away forever like you do not see them anymore like you don't realize how muting a person that is triggering to you truly makes them not exist in your life within a week. Like I would say even sooner because I, I have a joke in my act about it right now that I'm trying to work on, but it's like, I muted a friend because during COVID, because her life was growing great. And it just,

I just was tired of seeing it, you know? And I was like, Oh, I'll just unmute her when I'm more mentally stable. Cause like, it's all about me. Right.

And then I didn't because i forgot because as soon as i muted her she disappeared from my thoughts i she wasn't a person i ever even knew so in that time like she like got married and had a baby and like this was a friend of mine and like had like really cool things happen in her career and it's someone if if i would have seen that happening i would have texted them to be like congratulations or like been a friend but because they disappeared i didn't know she had a baby and she's like a friend of mine and um and then i saw her i ran into her and she was like yeah i had a baby i'm like oh and you run into the person then you realize oh my god i don't know anything about their life. Oh my God, I think I muted them.

Oh my God, do they know I muted them because I haven't liked anything? That's a clear indication. And they don't fucking notice. No, you can't notice that. You can't notice that someone stopped liking your stuff. But I will say that a crazy person could. This person wasn't crazy though. But you just assume that you have so many followers and that your, your Instagram is probably so busy. You probably,

and most of the people would assume that you're not even looking at your Instagram anymore. That someone else like Gen Z M is in control of it. And so there's like so many excuses that you have for not liking posts. I'm going to remind you of what you have always told me that always sticks in front of my mind. And I constantly think about it. Is that like,

she's not thinking about you she's like oh you know it's it's not your wedding it's her wedding yes yes but i will say that if i i guess when i i don't feel this way about this person anymore because we aren't friend friends anymore not like it's like we had bad blood or something like we just i would if she was pregnant now i wouldn't text her it's like we're not close anymore but at this time that we were close and i just think i thought at that time if if the the tables were turned would i have been like why didn't she like reach out and say congrats on your baby i think i would have thought that so i think that's why i was like oh okay i maybe would have been that shallow person but

you're right noah like most of the time no trust And I don't know how all-consuming being a mom is for your brain. She doesn't remember anything. Yeah. Yeah. As you shouldn't. There was a pregnant woman today in my Pilates class. Shout out. Ooh.

Like, I can't believe you were doing that. I can't believe you were doing that. And did you have to pay double? Because we live in Missouri, where a fetus is a person. Yeah. Did you have to pay double? I live in Missouri where a fetus is a person? Yeah. Did you have to pay double? I think you should. I think you should.

Um, can I just give a Sarah Cooper update? We're dying to know. Yes. I've been researching. She's working a lot. Okay. So anything Sarah Cooper released a memoir in 2023 called foolish.

That's got 4.4 out of five stars on Amazon right now. Very good. Very good very good um she was in unfrosted the jerry seinfeld movie i knew that i saw her in that she was good yeah um she uh she was in something else talented as fuck and then is she touring is she is she like what's her instagram like is she doing lips yeah her doesn't have, four days ago she posted a, she's not really posting lip syncs anymore, I don't think. So maybe she's moved on from there. But she's not, you know what happens?

I'll pick up from here, girl. Once you reach a certain level, like Scott Seiss, you know Scott Seiss? Yeah. So he kind of did a similar thing where it's like, nobody really wants to be posting that frequently content to Instagram. It's exhausting. So once you reach a certain level and you're like, oh, I'm selling tickets now. I can move on to my other projects. You just stop posting stuff or you post something once every few months, maybe.

And it's fine. your followers stay the same now there's also the other route like what you're doing where you hire a team to help you now keep this ball in the air right but you know for them i don't think it's like as as helpful for them to do that like they're they have a different type of career than you right now anyway yeah yeah and that's not easy to do by the way to find someone to do that and also i mean i'm still struggling with it even though she's like i will do anything for you i'm like i i i don't know what to make i don't know how to make like me making that video that night like i was just in the right mood to do it it was a song that i had been waiting a song that i knew and i was excited about like it's i just have to be so to wake up every day and have to feel like you would have to make content i really like that's a job for these people well there's that's why they look hot and like be

bubbly and fun i think there's three types of people i think there's people like you who are now like you're you're not a person anymore you are like an industry like you are you are nikki glazer the concept and online that needs to be like a company like you're like coca-cola releasing like ads every day for selling tickets to your comedy shows yeah that's what you need to be right you're a commodity that's a better word than saying you're not a person you're a commodity and then there's that, there's two types of people. There's people who make content for the purpose of raising their profile so that they can do something else. And then there are people who are on the internet.

They are internet personalities that will have to be making content every day for the rest of their lives because the second they stop, the money stops coming in. Oh, my God. And both of them are equally as risky because you might not get any money from doing jobs in this hellish industry. Or if you stop running on the hamster wheel, you'll stop getting money because you won't get that ad revenue or that Patreon or whatever. Oh, my God. It's all hard. I'm writing this Joan Rivers thing, speech that I'm giving on Thursday and I'm going through old jokes of hers

about like aging and thinking about like what it meant to me and what it means to me that she was like so open about it. And, and how like it was it's like you know she's passing down wisdom of like here's what's gonna happen to your bodies ladies but here's like some really visceral jokes about it you know like one is like i took off my bra the other day or i i took off my swimsuit at the beach the other day and clubbed a baby seal um and uh there's just tons there's not i mean i i'm i'm mad that i can't remember them all right now what was what was another one that was but

anyway so i'm like i'm like thinking i'm trying to like analyze the english major in me is like writing a paper right now i'm like i have to say something about all of this like i can't just be like here's joan's jokes and then here's my jokes like i want to say something um or like continue the conversation that she started but i'm like landing on like um i mean i guess the thesis that i've always landed on which is being pretty rules and when you're not you develop other things to make people like you just as much and i and my whole thesis is like joan wouldn't be funny if she thought she was pretty and the and i have the receipts to prove it i'm like i because i even wrote in the thing i'm like i who knows if it'll make the final one but i just wrote today i was like

joan let i'm gonna say that i don't't think Joan would have been a comedian if she thought she was pretty. And that's not just speculation. There's proof. Here's all the proof. And then here's this joke. Here's the joke. You would not write these jokes if you thought you were pretty. And then also, but then she has this one joke where she's like says something and about a, she was like, I heard this woman did this surgery for this.

And she was like, don't laugh a she was like i heard this woman did this surgery for this and she was like don't laugh it was me and i'm like the realest part of this joke is don't laugh because like she she obviously wants you to laugh because it's a joke but like she's also like don't laugh at this person that i'm describing because she talks about her plastic surgeries too which she always got mocked for like i'm like she was a model she was like she mocked a lot of people obviously on the red carpet and stuff but she was made fun of so much for her plastic surgery like she was the punch line to like if you need a person that has had bad plastic surgery you say joan river's name yeah and all she was trying to do was stay beautiful all she wanted was to be

pretty that's all she wanted and then instead she got made fun of for her efforts to do so and it's just so sad and um but in in the speech i'm gonna mention dr diamond's name twice so that i get um like i save some money on because it's going to be on nbc like he's going to get promotion from it so i'm going to say his name and then i'm going to say his name again um and this is like a thing that's predetermined. Wait, it's like he says, if you do this twice, you'll get a discount. No, but I can't imagine I won't. Right, right.

Like, it's going to get the word out. I can't imagine he wouldn't like, I mean, I'm not like, I would still go to him because he's the best. And I'm not doing that. I'm not saying that to get anything free. This would not be, that would be, no, it is not. No, it is not an ad. I found him through one of the prettiest people I've ever met in my life. I asked her, where do you go?

And that's who she said she went to. So that's who I go to. Diamond is the hardest mineral. Yep. And that's his real name, I think. I don't care. Cuss or anything. And I just trust him.

He's amazing. Anyway, so I'm going gonna drop his name twice to get a discount which i think joan would have approved of as well but i i i also wanted to be like i want to say some things that like maybe are a little offensive like i don't because i'm like i need to like embody joan's spirit and like say something fucking crazy not crazy but just like whoa she went there like it's not even like nikki glazer style like i think if i were to be me in this kind of setting on nbc like prime time like play by the rules but i'm like no joan wouldn't want that at least i hope i would hope that if

someone was memorializing me in this way that they would try to like channel what i would do yeah why not i'm gonna try to do that i think she would mention seven times all right well we can go now i have to go catch a plane uh New York City. I'm going to be planted on a couch all night. Really? I'm usually planted on a couch, but tonight particularly. Yeah, I'm going to be watching Property Brothers Season 7. Anya says she wants to just go out in the woods for five days.

Oh, that would be nice. She lives very close to the woods. That's pretty easy for her. I was like, but she's like, I'm just not going to pay attention easy for her I was like But she's like I'm just not gonna pay attention to it I'm like Aren't you living with someone though? Like don't both people

Because otherwise I would just be like Watching my partner Look at their phone And be like What's Like trying to decipher their face I'm like

You can't avoid it Unless you live alone Right And don't pick up your phone Or there's a truce And there's an agreement Okay well future listeners In the future,

I hope everything's good with you guys. And we'll be back next week to talk about it after it's happened. The fallout. Yeah, we'll talk about it then. I hope everyone's well. Meditate today if you need it. And don't be cut.

Bye. The Nikki Glaser Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcast created and hosted by me Nikki Glaser co-hosted by Brian Frangie executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Noah Avior edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina you can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube follow at Nikki Glaser pod and subscribe to our channel. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

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