The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #495 Jimmy Kimmel LIVE, A Wild News Cycle & Nikki at The Last ERAS

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

Watch Nikki on Jimmy Kimmel Live ! Nikki tells Brian, Sean, and Andrew that TV shows and movies need to be top-tier, and she wouldn't mind if they were a little faster. After sharing some stories about hanging out with Julie over the weekend, Brian and Sean get into how their moms make them feel guilty in totally different ways. It’s been a wild news cycle, and they process it with some funny takes. Nikki talks about what topics she’s thinking of discussing with Jimmy Kimmel. She also shares some highlights from the last Eras Tour. Brian got some instant karma at the gym for being on his phone. In the Final Thought, Nikki’s baffled as to why people don’t follow the golden rule. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast.

I'm in Los Angeles. Joined with me here, of course, is Brian Frangie. Hello. Hello. Sean O'Connor. Hi. And Andrew Collin. What's up?

What's up? Remember that? Yeah. I don't remember that, actually. Really? Oh my God. No, yes you do. Where the hell were you?

What's up? What is that? Is that from like an airline? Yeah, it's, well. I had a bit for a while that i whatever the um the song save tonight fight the break of dawn whenever that would be playing and like at a restaurant or you know the bar or whatever i just go like what is this song this is great and just just see what people do around you when you claim to have never heard that song it wouldn't work as well now

because i'm sure gen zm like hasn't heard that song before I love doing stuff like that. It wouldn't work as well now because I'm sure Gen ZM hasn't heard that song before. Yeah, nobody has heard of Eagle Eye Cherry. Eight years ago, that song, there's no one that existed in the adult world that wouldn't have recognized that song. But it's so funny. There is something in your knowledge that hasn't gotten to you that you just coincidentally have missed every single time. Yeah.

And someone eventually will go, you've never heard of that? And it's like, yeah, because it wasn't my fault. It's not like I'm like trying not to. I just, it didn't get to me. Like I didn't know what a CPA was until I was 24. A CPA? Yeah. I had no idea.

It never, it just never got to me. There's no reason for you to need to know what a CPA is. You would have, I would have loved for you to be there when people found out that I had not known what a CPA was. That's the machine you put on your face when you're sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. The CPAP machine.

Yeah, CPAP. I remember I have like a pivotal growth moment for me was when I was, I interned at UCB Chelsea in like 2004 or 5 or something. And I was, the interns there

just get treated like shit. You know, they make you literally clean like bloody tampons out of the toilets. Oh my God. And in return, you get a discount on classes. It's unbelievable.

Oh, God. And improvisers always have a really heavy flow. But I remember I was sitting in the box office, and I said something like... Scientology. I've never seen some ridiculous movie, like Back to the Future. And they ridiculed me for the rest of the summer for not having seen yeah that's like i'm like 10 years younger than everybody in here yeah that's the that's the i have a joke about it's like that's what old people do to young people to make ourselves feel better

about the fact that we're not young as we just make them feel bad about things they weren't alive to experience like yeah there's a million movies that gen ZM hasn't seen that I'm like, I want to go, you haven't seen Clueless. You haven't seen, what was it? Shawshank Redemption. I don't even know if that was one of them. But there was one recently where I was like, you have to see it. And she was like, okay, just add it to the list. And I'm like, no, no, this one came out three years ago. This one, like, I can't recommend.

But the others, I'm like, no, I haven't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. I haven't seen Back to the Future. I haven't seen Star Wars. I haven't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. I haven't seen Back to the Future. I haven't seen Star Wars. I haven't seen Empire Strikes Back. But I'm entitled to because I was too young. Yeah. And they look blurry and old and shitty now. And it doesn't aesthetically, it's not pleasing to look at.

Like, I'm sorry, but black and white things aren't. That's why you make your phone grayscale when you want to look at it less. Because it's not visually interesting that's why like like when you used to do cameos in our apartment you wouldn't turn on a light it would be like blurry and i'd be like you gotta like make it look nice so people like looking at it no i'm punk rock people pay extra for that it's the grittiness i respected the grit i expected you gotta go full grit You can't go half grit Yeah no You don't have to be too glossy No that's like when you put on makeup as a girl

You're like You're getting ready You're like I should put on mascara And then you're like Well if I'm doing mascara I should do an eyeliner If I'm doing eyeliner I should probably do a lip liner

And then you just are Full like drag queen makeup eventually Because it's either all or nothing Yeah But I do kind of love that Current art being made Like TV and I do kind of love that current art being made, like TV and movies, all kind of look so shitty now.

Like everything is just like, it's like you're in the room with them where that's what they want you to feel. And it used to be like, come on. It's like a play happening in front of your eyes. Yeah, I like when things look real. Yeah, you want it to all be reality TV. Sean, have you watched anything on Netflix in the last five years?

They're all like perfectly shot. They're not. It looks. Unless it's Amelia Perez. It looks so fake. Well, I feel like everything on Netflix has this particular aesthetic where it's meant to look perfect. Yeah, it looks, but it's like cheap. They're just using like the best camera they could

possibly do. But like, if you I don't want to be like, I'm the 70s movie guy, but like when you like watch that, it's like everything is like a real house and like there's like so much care put into everything that's in the background. Anytime I see a clip of

Jamie Lee Curtis looking young, she's in a real house or Cher. I don't watch old movies, but whenever I see a clip of one, it looking young, she's in a real house. Or Cher. I don't watch old movies, but whenever I see a clip of one, it's on a real set. It's not perfectly aesthetically everything's curated. Things should look sloppy. Even sloppiness now looks too manufactured. It's great that you mentioned Jamie Lee Curtis. If you see an old clip of her, her hair looks, no offense to Jamie Lee Curtis,

it looks like shit. Yeah. It looks like there was no care put into it. But it also gives like, oh my God, that's like a real teenager who's going to be murdered

and I care more. Yeah, yeah. I want things to look more real. Spielbergian. Yeah. I want to, I want to, I want to. Does it cost more though to make it look less real?

Like using film as opposed to digital, it takes more time. Film costs so much money, and then, like, on top of that, it's, like, gonna, it disintegrates over time. So, like, there's no reason to do that when you can just put everything on a computer. It is so interesting that things, like, there's no way, unless you, like, digitally enhance them and have people spend hours like getting them back to looking good like there are things that are shot that will never look the way they looked when they aired no and you just think no it's on tv it's of course it will but no it's it's literally gotten old like everything else does everything goes oh yeah i mean people spend i mean wonder brother spends millions of dollars, every three years to make Friends look good still.

Oh, yeah. You're so right. Because, like, if you watch, like, Seinfeld on Netflix, it still kind of looks like the 90s. But, like, Friends, they've enhanced, like, the colors pop. Like, they're spending so much money to make this. And this has been going on for, I think, over a decade or more, but, like, reruns of Friends. Everyone talks like this. Everyone sounds like they're on helium because they're speeding it up so they can fit in more commercials.

So literally, Monica sounds like this. And Chandler, it's all sped up by 0.2, I would say. Oh, yeah. 1.2. You're right. It is. To fit in one more commercial. It's one more $250,000 ad they can sell.

Yeah, that's art. We're just a commodity used to sell toilet paper. And I'll tell you, I love speeding things up. I was watching Conclave over the weekend, which I love, but I would have loved to speed that up. I get it. I can just insert here this, just in your head, Isabella Rosalina took longer to walk down this hall. Just remember that it was intended to be longer. I miss that.

Like things used to be quick and like move. And now everyone, like, I don't know what happened like in the last 10 years, but everyone wants like to see people like parking. Then getting out of the car. I like that. I like the slow.

You like, I like hearing like the, like going like beep, beep, like the slow. You like hearing the beep, beep, like the doors open. Will it open? So many latches being... Like Boardwalk Empire or something?

I want to see four people sitting at a table talking real fast. I want the speed of a veep. I want the speed of a Sorkin speed. That's what I want. One theory a Veep. I want the speed of a Sorkin speed. Yeah. That's what I want. One theory is that they need to justify people going to the movie theaters by making the movies longer so it's like an event. Right, where you can just really tap out of your life.

That's another reason why comedies have gone extinct. Yeah. Because are you really going to drive to the movie theater and park and buy a ticket for a 70-minute, 80-minute movie? Right. I'm so touched when a movie is 90 minutes. It's like, you respect my time. I don't get it. Like, why are we trying to keep everything else so efficient in our lives,

but movies are getting so much longer? It's a really weird paradox, I feel like. Everything's like self-checkout. Like, everything's like go, go, go, and especially the American way. It's just like everything is catering to that except movies. I think there's a well, no, not YouTube is also being like this. The most popular videos on YouTube are like four hours long. Yes, where they're like, here's the history of Fastpass at Disney.

And it's like eight hours long and it has like 70 million views. I think this is a response to places like TikTok shortening everything. People crave just like sitting down with something for a long time and they don't want to read a book yeah reading books is like so out people don't read anymore i'm it's really hard for me to do it i keep trying to do it it's tough what do you think about when chris has youtube tv and i don't watch tv but i'll see when he has sports on like it'll come on sometimes and it'll be like here's a moment of zen and it'll just give you like some like you know just like grass waving in the wind for about 20 seconds why would they do

that there has to be a monetary gain from that because they don't care about us having a second to meditate why would a it's ad it's ad that they didn't fill there's no way they can't fill it with some bullshit like why not sell make an ad sell an ad, sell an ad for $20 instead of that? Like, why put that there? I think what happens is the ads that they are running are, like, through Fox. Oh. Or, like, NBC.

And people, like, local ads will play there and YouTube won't do, like, the local, like, YouTube, which uses Google's, this is right in Allie's wheelhouse. This is what she does for a living. Your wife, yes.

Yeah, she points out stuff like that all the time, and she's like, why didn't they fill that? Or then explains like the... There's just no way they're doing it out of the kindness. No, no. Like, you need a ton of relax. It could be a trick to keep you watching. Like, oh, you took a break.

No. Like, we gave you a break. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, if they've done studies that it maybe keeps people watching because they're like, YouTube cares about me. Yeah. Yeah. Like they're like, no, that's not it.

They're petting you. I mean, honestly, I feel like Google's cynical enough to think that. Like going like, we could trick people into thinking that we're a good company. Yeah, I mean, they definitely have studied us. If they could study us and learn that if we like them more, if we feel like they care about us, which we do. Like we all want companies to care about us. None of them do. But they wouldn't spend that much money. Especially if we feel like they care about us, which we do, like we all want companies to care about us. None of them do.

It's like when they wouldn't spend that much money, especially if it's like Sunday ticket. But if it benefited them, if it kept people watching more than filling it with ads to generate a sense of trust. It's like a palate cleanser. I like that as a theory, but I guarantee you it's due to some contractual. We can't play an ad here because we're running the Fox ads and maybe in three, we'll be able to do it after the contract expires and we rewrite it. But there's no, they would just, no one's doing anything out of kindness. No, no, no.

Anything that, well, at least corporations. I mean, your mother might do something out of kindness. Barely that. I got into a fight with her this weekend. We got into a huge fight. We were in Vancouver for ERA's tour And mom if you're listening I'm really sorry

Because I should have just left it But like a thing that irks me That I think everyone does Is like she was commenting On how beautiful Vancouver was And how it's kind of like Reminiscent of Seattle And I go have you been to Seattle

And she was like one time And I go well you could have gone twice Because I filmed my special there But you guys didn't go Which obviously I'm still holding Onto resentment of that But the reason they didn't go and i remember was because they had traveled too much that month like they were just for fun and stuff but i'm like oh so they were just worn out from traveling they're older and they went to schumer

special are you talking about your stand-up special that's been nominated for a critic's choice award an emmy uh grammy and a golden globe wait what so what is that is that egot wait Stand up special That's been nominated For a Critics Choice Award An Emmy A Grammy And a Golden Globe Wait what So what is that Is that EGOT Wait Grammy

Grammy Golden Globe Double G Critics Choice So Kicked Could be a Tony Yeah

Gek Gek I mean I'm starting to see a pattern That maybe they shouldn't come Yeah yeah No kidding The first Maybe a little less pressure

But like She was like Well Yeah well we didn't go Cause we just Maybe they shouldn't come. Yeah, yeah. No kidding. Maybe a little less pressure. But like, she was like, well, yeah, well, we didn't go because we just, we wanted you to just have that weekend. We were always at things and we just felt like we were just too much for you. And I go, no, you didn't. Like, you're changing the narrative. It was because you guys had traveled too much and you were tired. I mean, Elon Gale came. I mean, if he came, then.

It's like you were. I just don't like. We love Elon. Yes. There's one good Elon. So, no, the reason they didn't come is because they were tired, which is totally fine. And I like. And yes, I can still give them shit about it.

But it was like because they had traveled for fun too much. They couldn't come see their daughter tape her future Emmy. They were too pooped from having fun. Yes. But then she goes, we just, we, she made it about her being like, you know, virtuous. Like we wanted to step back and let you have, we bother you too much on those things. And I go, that's not, that's not what the story was. And she goes, yes, it was.

And I go, no, it's because you're tired. She goes, it can be both. And I said, it can be, but it wasn't. Because I go, I've invited you to hundreds of tapings that you have come to. Never once have you ever said, when you had the energy to go to something, never once had you said, it's too much for us to be there. You don't want to deal with us. So why on that one did you?

It just bothers me when people, not just my mom, even I do it sometimes, where you just feel bad about something because you did something selfishly and by selfish i don't mean like it's a bad thing you just did something out of your own self-preservation because they were tired and they have a right to be and to say no to something but then don't change the story that like i go mom you do this a lot when you don't want to go to a party you'll go i don't want to go to this goddamn fucking party and she goes and you know what they don't need us there you know what we they they have too many people going and we're and they don't have enough food for us they start making they have to make excuses why it's a moral

justification for their behavior but but it all comes from a place of like not honoring what you want like you i'm tired that's reason enough to want not want to go to something she should just come up to you and say i don't want to go to your special i'm tired yes and that would have been fine because i would i would have been a little hurt and be like come on but ultimately yeah i would respect that you did you don't want me to come to your special you hate me yes you think i'm a piece of shit that's what it was and i was like don't put me into this don't make me feel guilty about like. It's your fault. Yeah.

For thinking I'm such a shitty person. So we got into like a really big fight, like right on the waterfront. My presence will destroy your special. It was not worth it. Yeah. Honestly, everything can't be beautiful at the same time. And I feel like that generation like loves gaslighting. It's how they've like learned to live. Yes.

It's a way to still feel comfortable in an uncomfortable moment. Yeah. It really is about like it's not about her wanting to kind of evade some kind of blame. It's like about her not wanting to acknowledge that her

feelings matter. It really is like just her being like, me being tired is not enough to get out of something because I don't, I can't, that's not an excuse enough. I'm not important enough to like, you know, value that. So I have to make it about other things. This is like reverse Jewish mom guilt. This is like, are you Protestant, Catholic? Trickle down Catholic.

It's like Catholic guilt because Jewish guilt would be like the reverse where like you try to get your kid to do something by being like, you don't want to go to this. Oh, I'm just a piece of shit. Oh, my mom would never do that. And this is the reverse because I don't want to go to this. I'm a piece of shit. Yes.

Yes. My mom is the piece of shit. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It is. It is. Oh, treat your mother like this.

Go ahead. Why don't you just throw your beautiful mother? Yeah. I've never related to that Jewish mother stereotype. The Catholic is I'm a shithead and you don't want just throw your beautiful mother yeah i've never related to that the jewish mother stereotype the catholic is i'm a shithead and you don't want me around you hate me yes yes yes yeah i my mom is catholic very catholic and she's the the combination of the two is at times she's always putting it on me so to let me know that like she's she's base level guilt guilty at all times,

but then puts everything on me so I feel that guilt. But then also she will be like, oh, it's like this could be the last time you ever see me. Whoa. Oh, God. You're like, God willing. And then I'm like, oh, cool, I'm going to Target just thinking about my mom. Oh, my God.

No, that's, yeah. To any moms listening and my mom in general, this is, it's not about you. I have the best mom ever. It's like, I don't think there's a single mom who gets out of being ridiculed and overanalyzed and being annoying to their kid. Thanks, Floyd.

It almost like makes you not want to have kids because you know no matter what you do, unless you have an Italian son, they're going to hate you for stretches of time and resent you and say shitty things on their podcast even though you're the best. Speaking of Italian sons. Oh my god, Luigi.

What's his last name? Luigi Mangione. It's as if, it's like that rap generator name or whatever. You know, like it's Italian generator name. Who got their name from Childish Gambino got his name from

that generator. Post Malone got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we allowed to say about this guy publicly? Okay, I know who he looks like now because I read on Reddit. Someone finally nailed it because I was like, he looks exactly like someone and it's Dave Franco. Oh, yeah. I know who he looks like now because I read on Reddit someone finally nailed it because I was like, he looks exactly like someone and it's Dave Franco. That's who he looks like. Another Italian. He's very

attractive. Yeah, he's so handsome. Do you think he's more attractive or less attractive now that he's shot somebody? Oh, well, less. Oh, less. Not into the bad boys. Have you seen pictures of people, him with like people at dinner and like him

having friends? I'm just dying to know what he was like socially leading up to this. Well, he's a valedictorian of his high school. Yes, he went to Penn. He went to Penn. He's an Ivy League student. Yeah, he's from a super wealthy family in Towson, Maryland. Yeah.

He's so into it. That's where Bob Castor's from. Well, really? Mm-hmm. He, I mean, he's so cool. I think he's cool. Everything I've learned about him. Oh, no, Bob went to Towson. Sorry, never mind.

But there's an incredible thing where somebody found a tweet of a guy being like, from the summer, being like, hey, I haven't heard from you in months. Like, you promised me that you would be in my wedding.

Please answer your phone. Wait, it tweeted at answer your phone tweeted at him tweeted at him like his friend and then there's just like now like 13,000 quote retweets being like dude was locked in oh my god he was so locked in he shut out everyone you imagine being friends with this? Like, this guy had friends. Yeah, well, what's most compelling to me about this is, well, we need to go to break. Okay, let's go to break and talk about Louisville when we get back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily show podcast

has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from john and the team of correspondents and contributors the podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, back to this shooter guy. What's most compelling to me about this is he got a surgery on his back,

and they're saying that his personality changed uh he got a surgery on his back and they're saying that his personality changed after he got this surgery because he's he was in chronic pain um and then he got this probably spinal fusion or something like that you all know that uh back surgeries have a 50 chance success failure rate and there's a problem that thank you we all know that now there is a there's a good it's like a coin flip. You don't know that? Yeah. You don't know that? Yeah. I saw Andrew. He was like nodding, pointing, being like, yes.

Yes, queen. L7, L8. L8. Yeah, the cervix. But I do believe that either he was driven mad by this surgery because of his interactions with the health insurance company. He also has two grandparents that died over the last four or five years. There's a theory

that he had interactions with the health insurance company then. I feel like they died in 2017, I saw. It's been longer than that. It's been long enough for him to go nuts. That's a bullshit theory. You can't use your grandparents' death for anything. They're like 80 years old. Oh, I shot up a school

because my grandma died from old age the only thing you can do when your grandparents die is write a My Chemical Romance album that drummer died yeah he did oh yeah yeah

yeah my favorite band but I do think that it's possible he was in horrible pain yes and then he was dealing with the health insurance companies and they

wouldn't pay for his surgery he probably was in financial trouble and that's why he targeted and read that book definitely the deny uh delayed uh whatever depose depose defend the unabomber one too i that's my theory is that he this was a targeted attack because of a personal medical issue that was

making him go crazy and then brian sent to chris and i yesterday like the sarno book could have like of all this could have been avoided if you just read the book about healing back pain that's right you don't have to get back surgery if you just avoid the surgery i know let's if the the if the surgery is what radicalized him that's absolutely true that that book i'm sure he probably got addicted to pills i'm sure painkillers were a thing. And then he tried alternative medicine apparently. Mushrooms, yeah. But so many people are angry at insurance companies and are super smart geniuses and

are in chronic pain that don't go this far. It's going to be, I wonder what we're going to find out. It just sucks that we don't have information. And they're not going to, it's going to be like, it's going to trickle out and then just stop. And what about the picture of him? I was reading on Reddit, people were like, when have we ever seen a perp shot from

inside the cell where he's standing like he's asking his buddy to take his Tinder picture? Like, full body shot on a camera phone. Like, literally, someone goes in the, he was like, I look at this stuff all the time. I've never seen this even once in my life of someone inside a jail cell standing upright, full body shot, but that isn't a mugshot. It's like the best mugshot I've ever seen.

It's not even a mugshot. It's him in his cell. The mugshot is not up against the wall. He's posing. It's crazy. He has a, well, he's a political martyr

in a way, and he's doing everything that you would do if you were trying to start a movement. Wait, what do you mean? What does he do? He didn't ask for the picture.

He doesn't get to determine what the facts put out. But the way that, it's just like when Trump took his mugshot, he knew that this was a moment that he could use to fundraise. And this guy is using this. The hotter he is-

But he didn't make a face or anything. He just stood there. He was hot. But he can't help but be hot. He did a bit of a lean. He's been hot. He did a lean.

You think there was a lean? He had a cigarette. He had a cigarette. He's like, yeah, I feel like- He had his wife put out. He was leaning against a lead. He had a cigarette. Perceptible hotness. He had a cigarette. He's like, yeah, I feel like. He had his wife put out. He was leaning against a Tesla. Holding the gun.

In a way, well, I don't think anyone should get murdered. I do think this guy is like a Che Guevara figure. He's a hero. This is like when Bin Laden got killed. Oh, it's. You were saying that, but what does that mean? I don't want to say that publicly? I don't think anyone should get murdered podcast.

However, I don't think anyone should get murdered. I don't think there should be a murder spree. However, it's been incredible to see the unity online between Democrats and Republicans left and right. We have news and CNN. We haven't all collectively gotten together on something since the slap. Like we were saying that before the slap was the last time we all got together but you just you can only drive people so far and the fact of the matter is these corporations have given people truly no out for the way that they've been treated corporations are getting more

and more powerful and consumer rights are getting lower and lower and people are like well what do we do and the only answer is well I guess I'll just kill you. I guess I'll just kill you. Literally, I can't do anything to fix this health insurance problem. Press 9 for more options. It's like, well, you know what? That's the one thing that this guy just put on the table. He's like, now this is an option.

Are you going to get better? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, someone was saying that they're upping their security and someone had tweeted snarkily. yeah yeah now well someone was saying that like you know every they're upping their security and someone had tweeted snarkily i for it was like screenshotted that um oh there could be another way that these people could protect themselves by maybe offering more health care to people and it's like well that would cost money the security is a lot cheaper security for billionaires is not expensive for them no what A couple hundred thousand a year

A couple million a year A couple million a year That's a tax write off Either that or give people Healthcare You probably shouldn't go kill people That's the only thing If there was another way to do it without killing somebody

What about tickling them Make them embarrassed. No one should die. I'm just saying there's like eight healthcare CEOs and so many people have been fucked by insurance companies. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I saw a thing where they denied 32%. They're the most denial company. And they have AI. Yeah, that was the biggest thing. This CEO is responsible for implementing AI claims reps to their company.

And they denied the most out of any company. And then they went in and they discovered that 90% of the AI claims were made falsely. Were decided falsely. So like they were wrong. They were wrong. Yeah, that's another. But what is their right and wrong? Like what is there?

It seems to be arbitrary. That's how it feels. I didn't even know there was a litmus to decide if it's right or wrong. I would assume it's all wrong if things aren't covered for a symptom of the thing. Yeah, I feel like if you're paying into something and you're paying in for this exact time to use it, they should approve it. And they don't. They deny. They defend. They deny, they defend, they

defund the police. Yeah. I've been following. And then this plus the Jay-Z thing. It's been a very exciting week of insane news. And I went to Aris tour in Vancouver over the weekend. And I was, before the show, I'm walking

on the floor. My mom and I are going to get water in between Gracie and Taylor or maybe it was even before Gracie and this girl comes to me and goes Nikki and she gets a picture and it's like I'm a fan and she goes I'm a journalist and I work for NBC or whatever

and I was like oh and she was like and did you hear Jay-Z accused of raping a 13 year old with Diddy and I was like what? And she's like Jay-Z is accused of raping a 13 year old-old with Diddy. And I was like, what? And she's like, Jay-Z is accused of raping a 13-year-old. There's like so many 13-year-olds. It's on the Jumbotron. There's so many 13-year-olds and they go, who's Jay-Z?

Yeah, no kidding. And that's exactly my mom goes, who? And I'm like, Jay-Z rape 13. Because it's so loud. Lady Gaga's playing the pre-music. And I go, no, my God, what? She was like, you're going to see it on your phone. And I opened my phone and it was nowhere to be found. And I even wrote to Emily. I wrote to

Chris. I was like, did you see the breaking news? Because I'm in a bubble right here. I can't get good service. And I was like, oh, this isn't going to get as much traction as this girl is claiming. But then, I mean, it did kind of blow up. But she was like, I broke the news story. I was like, an hour ago, I broke it. And her name is on all the things. Forget her name now. Sorry, it's not off the top of my head but um she's like yeah i gotta fly out

of here as soon as this concert's over to go to new york to do a bunch of uh you know interviews for it and you know um but it was it was wild to hear it from the horse's mouth so to speak are all the diddy rapes just gonna get swept under the rug is this another epstein 2.0 where it's just like we thought that this was gonna like blow open the world and then yeah chris was saying cosby's free like nothing ever he's one of the most prolific rapists of uh ever i mean yeah he has almost as many rapes as albums i think it is hard when there's when there's so many when you get so many rapes it's hard to like pinpoint one you gotta pinpoint just one but then, it's hard to pinpoint one. You've got to pinpoint just one. But then when it's one, they say that's a lot.

Yeah, that's true. There's a sweet spot number of rapes. But I will say those Cosby accusers are all so famous now. They got what they wanted. They really wanted fame and notoriety because it makes you so instantly popular. And you can get on the cover of Vogue if you just say that you've been raped by a comedian It makes you like a global sensation overnight. The Cosby accuser for hosting the SAG Awards I have something to tell you guys, Jay-Z raped me

When you know. Yeah, yeah, it instantly gets you millions of followers. But Cosby's blind now, isn't he? Yeah, one eye is like falling out. Oh just he? Yeah, one eye is falling out. There's one going bulging out the other way. He's not fully blind. R. Kelly is still in prison. He might be. R. Kelly is in prison. Yeah, that's right. We still have him in prison.

Did you see Jay-Z's apology? It's one red penny. It's not an apology. It's not an apology. Someone said that he didn't even say he didn't do it. He did not deny it at all in the whole thing. Yeah, think of Blue Ivy. No proofreading.

Think of my 13-year-old daughter. Yeah, he did voice to text on it. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Too many exclamation marks. It really, like, you know, just joking about this rather serious issue. It was just like, it gave old man texting into his phone, screaming into the ether. It gave angry Facebook political posts. He definitely also thinks he's completely untouchable.

Why wouldn't you? Literally, the dude was a crack dealer who became a billionaire. Yeah. Like, in what way do you think he's, he thinks he's gonna go down

for this? And you're married to Beyonce. You're married to Beyonce. And she won Grammys for writing an album about you cheating. Like, even your failures

have turned into gold. Let me ask a question. So I saw a picture of Beyonce and Jay-Z that they used in this article for them and then Beyonce was wearing this they were at like the beach or something and Beyonce had this makeup on where she had like green eyeliner underneath her eyes.

How come that's not a thing more often? You liked it? I thought that looked really good. Not over the eyes. I didn't know where this was going. Under the eyes. I think that's just a very specific makeup choice that's too costumey for regular folks. Let me find the picture

because it didn't look costumey to me. Okay, yeah, find the picture. I'll find the picture. That sounds cool though. And I think that the reason is is because that would look insane on most people. But she's Beyonce, she can do anything. Yeah, I think her complexion compliments it.

Yeah, that's a good question though regarding all this. Yeah. That's a good question, though, regarding all this. Yeah. I think the most important part of this Jay-Z story is what? Yeah, yeah. But I just know that was a tense screening of Mufasa last night. Oh, yeah. That was a weird vibe in the room.

It was. At a kid's movie. That, you know. I would love to, I mean, like, they definitely had to have talked for like three hours about whether or not he should go. Oh my God, yeah. And he was like, I'm going. I'm going. I love Billy Eichner.

I want to know. Is he Timon? I want to know so badly How that response that he put out What came to be He's on the toilet feverishly talking Texting into his phone Does not run it by anyone

In his I would say millions and millions of dollars Of PR The team around him A PR person didn't even see it until we saw it. No way. Whoa, I read it so differently. I read it like it's been prepared,

ready to go. No, dude. It was a mess. It was a mess. He got me then. No, no, not like that. It was misspellings. I mean, he's meant to say psychics,

but he wrote physics. Like there was misspellings in it. It was not. One red penny made no sense to capitalize one red penny. And like in it it was it was not one red penny made no sense to capitalize one red penny and like it just oh my god that's an old saying it's it's such an you can tell that's like when he was like holding his phone shaking screaming one red it was like but it didn't capitalize it so then he had to go and he had to hold it down and highlight it and then find the thing on his phone that caps it and And because, you know, it doesn't do or he went all caps one red.

But either way, he had to go in and underline. It reminds me of when, like, I have to remember sometimes I said this to you one time that Eminem must go to RhymeZone.com. He has to. It's just so cute to see someone so badass having to do something technical and highlight it or press it down and go, where on the Google Doc does it have the

underline? Is it up on edits or tools? And he had to ask Blue Ivy for help on it. She's like, that's how she finds out. He's like, someone's going to tell her. It's like,'s gonna tell her it's like no dad i had to show you where how to all caps something and why by the way like we're talking about editing things why can't you highlight something and then make it all caps you have to like go back and

retype it in all caps yes why can't you instantly all cap something if you if you get some more of these independent word processors you can do that. Why are they holding that back from every single, like that's the easiest fix ever. That's for the billionaires to use, not us. That's so annoying. They get the special features. Is that the picture of the green eyeshadow? Oh, that is very cool. Okay, so that's like a dusting of green eyeshadow, like glittery green eyeshadow on the under, like it's really cool.

I'll try it and show you why I shouldn't. And they're just at the beach. It's not like this is some kind of... I think that's an eye infection. Well, yeah, it's also because Beyonce has an incredible face. You could do anything. Why aren't people wearing more diarrhea

creams down their cheeks? Exactly. She can put a Doritos bag on her head and be like Sheik Cool ranch Yeah He also did two albums With R. Kelly

And he's been friends With P. Diddy For 20 I mean it's like That's the thing You can't not At the very least He knows

Yeah he must have seen something Absolutely My mom said And what does Julia Glazer know A lot But she kept saying I just keep getting Shivers down my spine because my mom's been obsessed with this Diddy stuff.

So she's been watching tons of video. And she's like, and I haven't seen it, but she said there's a lot of footage of him at white parties where he's like, get the cameras off me. Like, really weird about cameras at white parties. Like, more than anyone. Oh, okay. I mean, like, yeah, he feels like the guiltiest man in America. Yeah.

Like, he's guiltier than the united healthcare shooter or luigi mangione but everyone split like anya was like this is the exact statement i would write if i were innocent and i go i i have to say literally everyone disagrees with you yeah everyone this is the most like people it seems the opposite vibe but it's like teach their own feeling about it i i'm i'm not i think though he like took the trump approach where you attack attack attack and it works like what and trump is what innocent like that's what i'm saying but you get away with it i'm not saying you get away with it i'm saying like what it reads to people who know i don't see that as innocent but i do

think the biggest liar of all time it does work yeah it's all time it's the best out the best way to handle anything is to attack yes and not apologize even though that makes you the biggest piece of shit in the entire world it's good i will say that every time i have ever been in a fight with someone and i take full responsibility and i literally go whatever you did was in a response to the shitty thing i did like i really like you don't have to be sorry about anything i started this with all the shit it has never once not worked to to mend a relationship to make you feel you both feel better about it and then that person who may or may not owe you an apology never doesn't give you the what you need back and you may or may it's not even i'm doing it to manipulate them into

giving me an apology, but they never don't go, actually, you know what? I could have been better too. It always leads to that. It's always good to just take full responsibility when you can. Absolutely.

It softens the ground. You're at even footing. And then all of a sudden, all of that anger washes away and you could actually just be real with each other. Yes. Yeah.

If you're the pedophile and just apologize, it would be fun. This works for personal relationships. and you could actually just be real with each other. Yes. Yeah, if he was a pedophile and just apologized, it would be fine. This works for personal relationships. Maybe if he gave her one red penny. Now that I'm a father, I would never do that. I love, we love that.

When men become fathers, it's something they would never rape again. That only works for personal relationships. That's the old me. Yeah, yeah. As a son of a mother. Yeah, yeah. It is true. Once they become fathers of daughters, they're like, I get it now.

You shouldn't rape. They're people. And for some reason that does give it some gravitas that even me as a person who knows it's bullshit kind of goes, oh, yeah they they would never do that but um i wonder i was just thinking i think it was whitney cummings on her podcast was talking about the white parties how that's like the worst color to wear at those freak offs and that's how you would know if you already raped someone is if they were just staying she's like oh maybe that's how they keep track of like oh that person's been raped already because it is so funny doesn't really no it's all you need an off-white party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For cum, you just need... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, but blood or feces or... Okay, that's bad. Okay, what am I doing? No, you really want a tarp party, but that's saying too much. You're giving away the game. Also, it'd be very slippery with the baby oil. A tarp party.

The baby oil, it'd become a slip and slide. Yeah, you know what? I think the giveaway is the freak off part. I love the idea of a white party where it's transitioning to a freak off and they're just waiting for one Gayle King to leave. They're all looking at their watch like, Oh, look at them. About that time, 934.

They're pushing her out of the yard. Oprah's gone, so maybe. They all pretend to go to the valet to drive around the corner. Yes, yes, yes. Because you know that the white party, anyone that went to a white party doesn't mean they were involved in raping teenagers at all. No. But the freak-offs, for sure.

You were either watching or getting. Yeah, Oprah was gone. Connie Chung left. Stedman stuck around. Let him have some fun. Yeah, Oprah's with Gail. That's why I say just do all the pedophile stuff before the party. Get it out of the way.

Then you can just hang out with Gail and not have to make her leave. Do it around 4 p.mpm Plus then they can get a homework I feel terrible about this I want to apologize Let's talk more about shooting a CEO Yeah let's get back to something Safer Something that everyone can agree on

Tonight you're going to be on Kimmel When this comes out Oh my god is it already happening it's tomorrow what is this what I'm an appearance yeah just an appearance for promoting something um the Golden Globes oh yeah wait but Kimmel's on

ABC yeah yeah they they are so nice to me over there like Kimmel likes me he's always reached out and said nice things and uh yeah it'll be my third time in a year being on Kimmel. Amazing. And he hosted the Oscars. In six months, I think.

So maybe you'll get advice. Yeah, I think I'm going to ask for advice. I think, so how these late night appearances work is that you, the producer, I have a call with them actually right after this to talk about what I'm going to talk about tomorrow. They usually have been combing through my Instagram. They've been listening to podcasts. They do a bunch of research and then they have ideas of like oh i heard you talking about this thing maybe we talk about this jimmy asked you about this uh you went

to the last era store you know and then i also usually come with like a bunch of ideas but generally i think just celebrities don't have any ideas and then the person just presents it so because every time i talk to a producer they're like you have so my god you make my job so easy yes of course like those late night shows like the comedians come prepared i don't know why they don't book comedians almost they want to get they want to get bits in they want to they they care about this and then like if you watch like just any celebrity i'm not gonna name names but like most of the time it's like so i just heard you uh you just got back from Sweden. Yes. And then they just talk about being at a hotel.

I understand your daughter likes singing. Yeah, and then it's like, cut to the video of it that no one cares. Yeah, no, she just started and we're really proud of her. Yes. So cool. Oh, and she loves Wicked, right? And you took her to see Wicked. I mean, you heard about that?

Well, we have a picture. It's an interesting question. It's an interesting question. Not many people ask that. Well, I was going, okay, so can I pitch some ideas? I hate when people do. That's a really good question. Don't you hate when people do that?

Oh, I always say that's a really good question that allows me some time to think by saying it's a really good question. It's a really good question. It's just buying you time to figure out what the fuck you're... It means that question makes me uncomfortable and I need a second. And you're like complimenting yourself through it somehow i don't know i have said it before because sometimes there are good questions yes and it does make me feel good when i have it said but it i would say 50 of the time i say it to someone it's buying me time yes yeah um uh so i was thinking of well i'm going to talk about to possibly talk about a show that Sean and I did together that we've mentioned on this show that was the worst show of my life.

Because Chris Rock also just had a headline where he walked out of a billionaire's show that he had to do. Apparently, he made a joke about putting Mexicans on a plane or something. And then he saw someone filming him, and he didn't want a Tony Hinchcliffe moment. So he walked off stage because someone was filming him and people are saying oh he walked off because he got caught saying a racist joke and it's not that he was just doing a dumb joke yeah uh that's it's a private event but it was it was a private event for like republicans yeah essentially is he was like giving them what they want which is what you do when you get hired by republicans you give them what they want before they bring in the... And this

person filming wouldn't stop filming? And I guess someone was filming and he walked off stage like, fuck this, I'm not doing this, and walked through the crowd and just left, which I wish I would have done, except I would have walked into the ocean. It was right there. So yeah, Sean and I had

this gig in Cabo that was fucking terrible and one of the worst hours of my entire life And so I might talk about that Because I just think that People love to hear about comedians having a shit gig And it's especially funny when it was literally A month ago And a lot of people don't know about these types of gigs

That comedians do get hired by corporations To do like Events for the staff Dance monkey dance Yeah exactly and then you get hired by corporations to do like events for the staff. Dance, monkey dance. Yeah, exactly. And then you get hired by these billionaires just to make their parties seem more cool. Yes. And so I think I'm going to talk about that.

And then there was a moment at Eras where a girl was in front of me standing up. And I posted it on my story. But she was like, had her phone above her head, like put her hands all the way up to go above all the people doing it in front of her. She was 5'10", I think, already. Then with her arms up, it was like 6'2". No, no, no.

6'3". With the arm span? What is that? How much arm am I getting? Two and a half feet. Above my head? No, above your head. Maybe two feet above your head. You have pretty long arms. Okay, so she was seven and a half

feet tall in front of me 40% of the show before Taylor even got on stage. And she didn't even know Gracie Abrams song. She could do it for a short amount of time. One song. This is what I said. I want to kind of go through the etiquette of going to a concert because I think that I said. I want to kind of go through like the etiquette of like going to a concert

because I think that could be like a fun clip to pass around of like here's because I just think based on what I've read from people going to Charlie XCX and people going to Sabrina Carpenter and all these like girly like people are just rude at concerts. They're singing too loud. They're not appreciating it. They're not thinking about other people

around them when you're okay. Here's a big thing when you're doing the moment where you're waving your phone light to do the kind of 70s thing where everyone used to take their lighters, you don't need to put it... This did not occur to me until way later because I was going to Aera shows and during Marjorie, the song

about her grandma, everyone does that. And it looks really cool. And you're really doing it for her. You're not even doing it for yourself. You're doing it for Taylor so she can see this amazing mass of people with their lights up. You're not even doing it for yourself. You're like doing it for Taylor so she can see like this amazing mass of like people with their lights up. You don't need to lift it. You could just put it right in front of your face and not ruin anyone's view.

And the light is still being shown. It doesn't change that it's higher for her. Like, you don't need to block anyone's view. Just put the light right next to your head and sway back and forth. And the same with capturing video. Like, I understand that sometimes I do need to get up because someone in front of me

is up. And, but only 30 seconds at a time. No more than that. Yeah. And then you go back down and you can't do it every fucking song.

I agree with the, with the electronics, but I have the, I had the opposite experience where I was at the Billy Joel concert and Allie and I stood up and we were dancing. That's different.

And then someone threw stuff at us almost immediately. but how shitty were you dancing? You're not creating more body mass Allie and I stood up and we were dancing. That's different. And then someone threw stuff at us almost immediately. Yeah, but how shitty were you dancing? You're not creating more body mass than you are. You're not raising your arms to capture a video that you're not going to fucking do anything with. The video I'm watching them capture is shit. Their phone screen is smudged, so it's blurry.

They're not even doing the thing where you tap it and then you lower the resolution or lower the brightness so that she pops on stage. It looks horrible. They don't have a YouTube account where they're feeding this to the masses. This is just for them to watch alone in bed later and wake up their boyfriend because they don't have any decent

Well, or to brag to their friends that they went to the concert. I guess, but it's not even good footage. It's like, I have a right to do it which I don't do it, but if anyone has a right to be ruining other people's time, it's because I capture good footage that is literally being fed to a Taylor Swift fan account that I send her all my Dropbox videos so she can make videos of it and disseminate it to hundreds of thousands of Swifties who are enjoying it. So I'm actually making content for the masses that looks good. I'm zooming in at the right times. I memorize where she walks on stage so I'm not missing it it's not herky jerky i have it on the right 10k resolution speed with 60

fps or whatever that emily's taught me i'm not blurly shaking the camera holding it not even looking at it and just holding it up so i can capture that i was there like so you can send it to your sister and be like look at me and she won't even watch it because it's unwatchable it doesn't even look good. It doesn't matter. So you're wasting everyone's time. It's not about the quality of video. It's about you going, I'm better than you

because I'm at this concert. Take a selfie of yourself being there. That's all you need. We don't need footage of it. Everyone's, look around you. Everyone's capturing this moment. Watch it. There's literally every single moment

that she was on stage in Eras. There's 14 different angles of it captured really well on YouTube and instagram but even if you want your specific show yeah you know like i always tell people when there was going to shows don't film everything like you can find this show on youtube shot better from a better angle than where you were like just relax and usually i'm the one shooting it like i did take it as my job to make good content and i couldn't do it because the fucking bitch in front of me was shooting god i was filming what she was filming your footage is just maybe that bitch has her own taylor swift account that she's trying to build but i understand

but she shouldn't because she was bad at videography yeah she was horrible i was filming what she was filming to prove that it was getting i became obsessed i couldn't relax there was someone else filming you filming her. I was hoping someone would witness it again because I would love. Do you have this footage? Yes, I have. And then I had my mom take a video of me filming so I could show it because I knew people were going to be like, Nikki,

how can you complain about this girl? Now you're posting video of Taylor Swift. How did you get that? I'm like, here's how I got it. You hold it right in front of your face so that you're not blocking anything that's not already blocked. Yes. And I would say to the short girlies who wrote to me and said, what am I supposed to do? You can absolutely do the thing where you raise your head, hands above your head.

You are short, so you're entitled to more space that you're not getting from height. And also, but just don't do it for longer than I would give you a minute. But longer than 30 seconds for an already tall person is just really disrespectful. And also, dim your fucking phone screen because it's not fun to watch Taylor Swift with an arm and then also a really bright screen in your face. Also, people just pay attention to bright screens. When you are on a plane, it is really hard to watch a movie when there is a window open when everyone else has their window shut. And we're trying to watch you with your window open. Why?

So you can read your book with natural light. I hope you get skin cancer from the fucking natural light coming through. I really hate you. I think it's so, people are just, it is, we're living in a world where people do not care about other people

and don't even consider other people's experiences around them at all. Sharing space, it is completely just disintegrated since 2020. What's going on? I mean, they're getting it right in Tokyo. Singapore. In North or South Korea.

North Korea, they're really getting it right. They don't even have it. They don't even have windows. We've got to take a break. Okay, let's take a break and I'll come back and pitch some more. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Final thought. Has it really been since 2020 that this has gone to shit? Like, Anya wrote to me today.

She was sitting in a diner and she said, there is a woman who is on speakerphone with someone on FaceTime talking so loudly at this diner and everyone's dining quietly around us and the table next to them

are trying to get work done and they can't. She was like, I can tell they're annoyed, I'm annoyed, and I go, say something. And she like, I can tell they're annoyed. I'm annoyed. And I go, say something. And she goes, I can't. And I knew exactly what that meant.

She couldn't say something. And I go, just do it. But she goes, Nikki, I can't. I'm going to look a certain way if I do. And I was like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Well, now you, yes, we understand now why you can't. No, but I feel like after 2020, when we were all locked down, like for a while, like being away from everyone for like nine whole months,

no one assimilated well when things opened up. Well, it's a combination of that and also everyone was being told what they can and can't do, which just, it woke up something inside people. Yes, the mask thing.

The mask thing, you can't go outside. You can't go to a restaurant. And for certain people, that makes them go insane. It turns out I am such a sub, where I'm like, I love when people tell me what I can and cannot do. I can't imagine even,

I would never listen to anything on my phone at full volume. I hardly ever do it when there are friends around who aren't like really being working on something and they're just sitting there on their phones too and it's something

I even want them to hear kind of. Like I wouldn't even do it then kind of. I can't imagine. Like the psychopathy of someone who would listen to something and I know this has been fully discussed online. We all are perplexed at these people

but they are, there are so many people that listen to things on their phone and talk on speakerphone and talk on FaceTime and talk loudly on planes what's going on yeah i really think they should let's let's get luigi on it i'm like i really think these people it's such an anti-social behavior that they need to like yesterday um benedict polizzi was on a plane and he tagged me on it because he i this thing of on the plane, someone talking loudly behind me.

I just go, I'm not that and act like I'm listening to them. Because it's crazy that it happens so often on planes where people just feel so important. They have to talk really loud because it's always kind of like a saucy subject where they're like, and I told her, I'm not putting up with this anymore. And I blocked his number. It's always kind of like They think they're so interesting That you should want it over here Which I've been guilty of before Because my stuff is actually interesting

Like I will say I know what people are entertained by Well sometimes you can do that For an Uber driver Yes I give them a little bit of a gift Let's have the juice Come out during this Yeah if I'm gonna talk anyway

But I'm not screaming in a way That is like obnoxious In a place where people My Uber driver is not Not trying to sleep right now. Yeah. Where everyone else on this plane might be because it's a 7 a.m. fucking flight.

I don't mind during boarding, like when you're waiting for the plane to take off, I don't mind when people are on their phones because that's a fun little thing to listen to. What? You can't do it on the plane. No, you never ever have your volume on your phone. Oh, no, no.

I'm talking about someone talking into a phone. No, even that is rude. The moment your ticket gets blooped, you are now a part of a group. And that group does not ask, is this home for you? No asking people. I'm no fun on a plane. No, I am zero fun on a plane. You're not a three.

I think I'm a three. Yes, he is. He's a three for sure. I'm the same way. I'm a three. Yes, he is. He's a three for sure. I'm the same way. I'm a three. What's a three? Can I say I had instant karma happen to me at the gym. The exact same thing happened.

So I go to the gym and I have my headphones into my phone. And a few days ago, I got a phone call while I was at the gym listening to music. And I answered it. And I was like, hey, I'm at the gym. But you can talk to me and I can talk like pretty quietly and I looked around me I had like an hour-long phone call I looked around me everyone else has headphones in yeah so I was like no one can even hear what I'm saying so I started I started testing it I was like you know I said like ass shit and like no one even looked at me so I was like oh this is something I can do so then the next yesterday, I did the same thing.

I probably think you're listening to Cardi B. I was at the gym. Or the person at Anya's Diner. I got a phone call from the same person. CEO. And I was like, oh, yeah, I can just talk on the phone at the gym now. And I saw there was a couple of people who didn't have headphones in. And then I go and I go do sit-ups

When you hang on the sit-ups And you're hanging upside down basically Yeah And my phone fell out of my pocket And it broke my headphones So I couldn't do the phone call anymore Oh my god It was instant karma

Whoa And I was like you know what God you're right You're right I shouldn't be doing that Yeah I made a mistake And now I have to buy new headphones Guess what Speakers on phones You're right. I shouldn't be doing that. I made a mistake. And now I have to buy new headphones.

Guess what? Speakers on phones can pick up your normal voice. There's almost never a reason to yell unless you are on the stock trading floor in 1994. Yeah. There's no reason to ever scream on a phone ever. But people can't help themselves. Andicans are just notoriously very loud and i realized that being in canada we were in vancouver and we were at this like you know vietnamese restaurant that was all vietnamese people and then like me and my mom and then this table of americans that were this little woman was so fucking loud especially on vacation and she wasn't saying sorry so it was just like yeah oh

what was that oh i had an interaction that was really bad with someone where i oh oh oh i can't tell it fuck i guess yeah oh go ahead i mean to talk about that tall woman uh like like you kind of expect better from canada of like oh and this girl she had her boyfriend with her who was like all over her but she was kind of like uh so my mom and i determined like a hundred percent he got her their aero store tickets and she's gonna break up with him right after because he couldn't stop touching her i am so disgusted by couples that need to constantly rub each other's fucking backs at a show to show you how much in love they are and i'm again 30 seconds at a time is fine not the whole goddamn show we get it you're so in love just stay home and grope each other i don't need

to and maybe i'm jealous but i don't think i am it's just too much pda like i was like grossed out by pda in my 20s like i truly i truly do not need to go to an Olivia Rodrigo concert and see somebody get fingered. Yeah, I know. Especially by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that is why I'm there. Yeah, to do it, not to watch it. Sometimes I hear someone, like, I'll just be walking in a hotel or something, and someone

laughs, and the laugh is so uproarious and loud, I get angry. Oh, yeah. Because I'm like, there's nothing in the world. Or a sneeze that's loud. Oh, well, the sneeze, that's different. I think that the laugh, I'm like,

there's nothing in the world that's as funny as your laughing. No, that woman has a crush on someone nearby. Oh. Because women do a thing. I mean, I know that I have done,

like, when you are horny for someone, you'll laugh really loud and, like, throw your head back and, like, it's, like, orgasmic, kind of. And so it's a way of, you'll laugh really loud and throw your head back. It's orgasmic. It's a way of signaling, this is what it looks like when I'm coming. Wow, that's interesting. If I think about it that way, it makes it a little better.

You get angry when women come. Some people also have very annoying laughs. I am one of these people. But it's not loud. I've ruined many a New York Comics album recording.

No, your laugh is great. Is it your current laugh or did you change it? I know it's still there. It came out last night and I heard myself doing it. What does it sound like? I can't do it. No, you can't do it artificially. No, it's not artificial, but it sounds fake. No, your laugh

is great. I totally disagree. But I want to say one more thing. So, remember when I went to the concert in Indy with my mom and there was a woman that snuck into our section and she kind of smelled bad and she was just taking up too much space and then I got her kicked out and I told her to move and then she moved in

front of us and I was like, I forget what the interaction was but she took a picture of me do you remember that girl? oh yeah and then I go bitch I took a picture of you

don't even don't even try to post that like I got you too like we're both on I am we're at Vancouver Eras and I go mom

no look who it is and she fucking snuck in our row again the same gutter punk bitch the same woman with her little twitchy squirrel with rabies behavior.

And she's by herself. And she's just. Whoa. Whoa. She makes me so sick. And she snuck in again. And then she didn't fit in our row. So she moved to the one in front of us.

And she's not even paying attention to the show. She's just on her phone. Just trying to get footage. And her energy makes me sick. I know I'm being so mean because she's probably just like a struggling person but i don't think she just was the and i was so wanting to sick a security guard on her but i was like no be a better person just let her enjoy her night this girl literally probably doesn't have much living to live for she's alone

she has a shirt where she's put all the confetti she's collected at taylor swift shows and stapled it on her shirt so it's just like dirty confetti all over this shirt. But I took another picture of her and she saw me too. And I just goes like, mom, there she is. And my mom goes, no.

And I go from Indianapolis. She goes, no, remind me. And I pulled up the other picture. I go, that's her. How could she be such a wreck,

but then also have the money to buy these tickets? She's like, you're Newman or something. She was the, she's my mortal enemy. I just, I can't stand this girl. Is she like fish, like fish fanning Taylor Swift?

I mean, I'm the same thing, you know, like we're doing the same thing, but she, but she's, I would never ever have a seat in a section that I didn't like and then try to weasel my way to the front by finding, like, she was a weasel and she's by herself and she was trying to blend in. Like these people are just disgusting. Like stay in your seat. I understand. Like I just,

I was really just, I don't know why she, cause I guess like even when I have shows and there's a couple of seats in the front row that I see empty, I'm like, someone should come up here and get them. So I'm a hypocrite, but she really bothered me.

Yeah. Not her though. If she would have just done what she did at Arras Vancouver, I would have liked her and been like, oh, her shirt's cute and fun but because of my indie interaction and then seeing her again

and being like, you made it here too? You're beginning to understand how racists feel. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's interesting. I don't understand why I just don't want this person near me.

Could you smell her again? No, no. I didn't smell her the first time. My mom said she was really bad. But man, I just didn't. It person near me. Could you smell her again? No, no. I didn't smell her the first time. My mom said she was really bad. But man, I just didn't. It's not fair when you just don't like the way someone moves. You're just like, this isn't fair. When you get the ick for a boyfriend or something,

you're just like, everything you do disgusts me. And it's all based on something from my past. She reminded me of someone. I can't. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, oh, they don't do this that often. Like, someone on a plane will get up right away or they'll do something they'll grab your chair when they stand up oh god which i lose my mind over but then i'm like oh maybe they just don't fly a lot and i try to be empathetic but it's like how do you not know like

how are you just not a human being i just don't understand how the golden rule didn't get like i remember learning about the golden rule and being like, Oh my God, that's such a great way to move through life. Just picture only do things that you would want. Like think it's a, it's almost a selfish way to look at things. Like should,

would I want to be next to someone who's loudly listening on their phone? No. So I'm not going to do that. Like, it's not even like being nice to others. It's actually like, I'm putting out there what I want. Why didn't,

why didn't don't people absorb it because i literally what i was going to do to the woman if i did approach her about her holding her phone because my internet my poll on instagram which i don't think most 92 percent of people said that they would have said something to her i go do i say something or i do not say something oh you didn't say anything i didn't say anything because she stopped doing it because your arm hurts from doing that that long and she kind of lost and i i kind of knew she would probably tie her out by the time taylor got like halfway through so it stopped so i didn't need to say anything but i would have said something what i was going to say is just

show her the picture of herself and say would you like this in front of you the entire show i that's what i was gonna that was my plan of being like hey do you mind maybe at first i was gonna say hey do you mind like recording just a little bit lower and then if she gave me attitude i go would you like this in front of you because i could stand in front of you and do it if you if you think that's an acceptable weight i was gonna then start some shit yeah because that's the truth it's like would you want this then don't do it i think it might be because that there's now we're blending our online personality which is becoming half of our life with our in public personality and it's becoming we're getting less practice at interacting with people in the real world right everything is

online i mean everything that's important is online yes everything that you do even when you do stuff live all that matters is what happens the next day on the internet oh i said the most awkward thing yesterday to the barista that i'm friends with at the starbucks down the street like we're buddies like i see him twice a day every day and um i go hey david good to see you again i go how's it going he's like it's it's crazy out there like he must have had like a day or something he's just but it sounded like he was talking about the world he's like you know what's wild i go i know jay-z raped a 13 year old andold. And I said it loud, like, not loudly enough for anyone to, like, be disturbed. But you could just tell that was, like, not what he was referring to at all. I thought he was kind of like, God, the news cycle.

And he was like, it was just so, it was, and thank God he's, like, a nice guy who, like, knows my sense of humor. Because he knew who I was. But, like, it just didn't land right. And I was obsessed with that at that moment. So, of course, to me it was just a colloquial thing to say. God, that is so funny. What did he say back? Did he just give you a look?

He just goes, yeah, our heroes just disappoint us so much. He has said it. He is David at Starbucks on Sunset, West Sunset is Alta Loma, I think, and Sunset is a real one. That's it for us. Yeah, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back tomorrow with more show with the same group. I can't wait.

And we're recording it tomorrow, so you're not getting a doubled up one. And watch me on Timbal tonight. And don't be killed. Bye. Bye. The Nikki Glaser Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcast. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser.

Co-hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser Podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser Pod and subscribe to our channel. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

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