The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #496 Nikki Glaser NYT Comedian of the Year, Hollywood Events & Expectations

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Things are heating up for Nikki! All hail the queen—she’s been nominated for a Golden Globe, a Critics Choice Award, and now named NYT Comedian of the Year! Nikki, Brian, Sean, and Andrew chat about what it was like shooting promos for the Golden Globes. Nikki felt a little awkward because they were super cookie-cutter, but she felt better when Brian reminded her that no one looks cool shooting those things. You know where she never feels awkward? The NYT Crossword Puzzle—don’t mess with her, she’s all about that competition. They also review Emilia Pérez and other recent movies they’ve watched. Nikki, Brian, and Sean had a blast meeting Roseanne Barr. Nikki gave the opening monologue at The Hollywood Reporter’s 2024 Women in Entertainment Power 100, and she shares her thoughts on that experience. With Nikki being the first woman to host the Globes solo (which she thinks is kinda ridiculous to highlight), they ask her who her ideal co-host would be. In the Final Thought, Brian talks about his excitement (and skepticism) about trying hypnotherapy to help with his jaw problems. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. I am in Los Angeles once again. I'm going to be here for a little bit because I'm hosting the Golden Globes January 5th. Check it out on CBS Live and it'll be streaming on

Paramount Plus after that, but you better watch it live. I'm coming in hot. That sounded well practiced. I know, it really did. I did a promo shoot today. I will say, oh wait, by the way, Brian Frangie's here. Sean O'Connor's here. Pop, pop, pop. And Andrew Collin is here. We did a promo shoot today. Booyah Collin is here. We did a promo shoot day.

Booyah. Booyah. We did a promo shoot early November, I want to say. Was that? I don't even know. But it's like so weird because those days you just like, we wrote like Brian, me and Sean wrote like, and JP wrote a bunch of jokes for it. And then it like, then you get there. Sean, you were somewhere.

You couldn't be on set. Yeah, I was in Utah. Yeah, yeah. You were cliffhanging. I was cliffhanging in Utah with Allie and her parents, which was really fun. Wait, you literally cliffhanged? No, no, no.

I scramble, but I don't cliffhang. I think it's crazy to climb cliffs. Scramble is the funniest thing to picture someone doing. It's just like like it doesn't look like an animal it doesn't look like you're falling it just means like

you're just skittish and you're running from something have you ever seen that lizard being chased or a lizard chasing a no a lizard is being chased by a Komodo dragon

have you ever seen that oh no it's like an epic saga that someone captured like a David Attenborough but it's like a lizard running from like

I think a Komodo dragon and God, that's so horrible. You're rooting for the lizard and then you're rooting for the dragon and then it's like it's one of the best chase scenes of all time. Oh, and then they get on a cliff, right? Isn't there a moment where they get on a cliff and they both fall off a cliff? Possibly, but it looks, it's cinematic. It's shot cinematically and it's just like this clip that was

circulating wild. Anyway, they were scrambling everywhere. I'm glad both those guys are dead and all of their families. And we'll never know anything about them. Even though I just did listen to a podcast or at least five minutes of it

with Sam Harris talking to a guy who's trying to bring back the woolly mammoth because he wants biodiversity and it could like save the world to bring back

the woolly mammoth until everyone starts shooting it. All the trumps. Yeah, to try to get the tusks. Yeah, you got to put it in your living room wall. I'm interested in learning

why that would save the planet, but... I wish I could tell you, but I fell asleep to Sam Harris's dulcet tones. Yeah, his dulcet tones. Holy mammoths are really good at math. They'll literally save the planet by coming up with the equation. They know the quadratic equation by heart.

I love that there's... The easiest way to save the planet is to abolish the fossil fuel industry. And we're like, no, let's bring back the woolly mammoth and see if that works. It just, we can't get, we can't stop it. They are fast. You can ride them around. Who needs? My dad still, I still get triggered because my dad, every single time I would leave a

light on in the house, he was like, there is a big plant somewhere with a smoke sack billowing out smoke and part of that smoke is because you left on this light like a bird is choking on smoke right now the smoke your light that you left on because you didn't even need it while we're out to dinner it's just in your bedroom because those smoke sacks like when you're a kid at least when i was just was so sensitive to like why are we ruining this beautiful planet like smokestacks are just are so ominous looking yeah i mean it's like in instinctually you know this is a bad thing when you're a little kid yes i do love you turning your light off though and the plants like fuck gotta shut down yeah you did it this tonight but it is true like we all like think

well it's not true because we i I mean, I don't know. It's... No, putting it on the individual consumer is a... A failure. It's a move from Exxon. Exxon created it in 1977. Will you tell us about that? That's eye-opening. Basically, they've known about how the Industrial Revolution is the whole

cause of the destruction of this planet since the 70s, at least. But in the 70s they put it all on the consumer and that's where like carbon footprint comes from and like recycling is all to put it on you so they don't have to change a single thing right and it gives you a false sense of control that you're doing something yeah good for the planet and then that's why like any celebrity if you look on their instagram like like, anytime they go political, it's like, but you fly a private jet. And it's like, yeah, honestly, they could stop that for the rest of their lives.

And if fossil fuel ended tomorrow, we're fine. Yeah. God. We did an Adam Ruins Everything on that same thing, like the commercialization of your individual responsibility for saving this planet. And the Earth Day and recycling in general, which is a scam. Like everything from the 80s and 90s that were like about like rah, rah, rah, no litter and all that stuff. Save the whales. All to just make us feel like we can have some control over it.

What would happen if they stopped doing the fossil fuel industry stopped? How would it affect our lives? Immediately, it would be bad for us, I think. We have to ease out of it. Right, but what? If they turned off the fossil fuel industry today, we wouldn't be able to drive or turn

on lights. We need to just start finding alternative fuel sources but that's but that's why like trump is constantly making fun of windmills because it's a threat to fossil fuel industry so we're trying to fight we're trying to find alternative sources but they're just bullying them and like making fun of them and saying they're gay yes exactly because a windmill sounds gay as hell like it's like and then honestly we're not dutch we're not playing putt-putt yeah i saw twisters recently and man the windmills really took a

beating in that movie oh yeah it's like you know what maybe these aren't good okay solar energy i think is kind of probably the future like uh there's like that solar farm as you're driving to vegas that's like so big that could could like power Vegas for a month every day. Like it generates enough. I talked to the person who was an engineer on that very solar farm. And I asked the question, if you ever drove from L.A. to Vegas, you're going to drive in through the desert and you're going to see two towers that are glowing like the eye of Sauron in the distance. And you're like, what the fuck is that? And then around it are all these things that look like solar panels.

And what I learned is that the fuel source is not what's on the ground. Those are not solar panels, Sean. The solar farm, those aren't solar panels? What are they? They're mirrors. And the fuel source is the eye of Sauron. The sun is going down onto the mirrors. And the mirrors are all reflecting up to the eye.

And that's where the power is. Oh, that's really cool. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Oh, my God is right. Wow. That just, like, drained you of all your power. You just look deflated after that.

You're not going gonna be scrambling anytime soon after that sentence but let's get back to what you were talking about that i don't even no one gives a shit about what the promos oh some of them are so funny they're like some of them are just like misses but some of them i was watching yesterday are really funny and i'm excited because they're like really weird like the jeff bridges one oh yeah it was um there's there was something i was like really proud of and then others i said you have to kill that that makes no sense there's one where i'm like i like they wanted to have us do something about how like the golden globes are like a party night and like it's off the rails

and people are drinking but like this this is a lesson in comedy everyone listening like so that's the premise right like we want a joke that talks about how everyone's partying. And it's like, I think the line was like, it'll be a night. It'll be a night. You remember forever, except any of the celebrities in the audience. Cause they're going to be blackout because they'll be blackout. So,

but that doesn't work because I have to establish that people are drinking first. Like just coming out hot to an audience at CBS who are watching like Matlock. and then all of a sudden i'm like and everyone's gonna be blackout they're gonna be like what is i mean i guess it'll get eyes on it but it doesn't make any sense contextually like it's a joke in reverse yeah like i need to set up the fact that people are drinking and and so i'm and the problem is i'm like writing in like this needs a setup and they're like yeah why didn't you write it that's not on us bitch

and I'm like yeah that's a good point yeah that same time you took writing this needs a setup yeah well I can't shoot it like it's not there's nowhere in the edited footage that it's like exists so there should be at least three pickup days for all

promo shoots so we can figure promos are just a humiliating thing. Like I, you, I think when they first started coming in, I was like, these are embarrassing. And then you guys all reminded me,

like no one's ever looked cool in a promo ever. Yeah. Ever. They're so they're awful. There's a reason why they stopped doing promos for like that stretch where like they would do the lower third. People would walk on and go, Hey, and point to the like Thursday at 9 a.m.

Because it's like, this is just as embarrassing as having you talk to camera. Yes, yes. Like young Sheldon. Leaning up against the CBS logo. Oh my God, you're so right. But I've been enjoying watching CBS football games

that are on CBS. And then you pop up probably like two or three times a day when you're watching football. And I haven't seen any of the quote-unquote funny promos yet. It's always just like, Nikki Glaser hosts the Golden Globes on January 5th and then it's just you going...

Alright, well, I'll take that over something confusing, I guess. I just want the Nicole Kidman one to air because I feel like that one is going to go down in history. What is that one? I wonder if they'll even air it. It's so funny.

If someone sees it, will you please record it and send it to us? Because that's the thing. I've said this before. When you have stuff that airs, no one in your life records it or tells you about it because they know it's airing. And I'm like, no, I don't. I don't know when I'm on TV. Record it for me. Send it to me on Instagram.

Please tell us, because if they don't air that, we could use that in the show. Yeah, okay, so if you see the Nicole Kidman comment about her at the Golden Globes, we're not going to give it away right now. We can say that it's a seating one, right? Is that what it was from? Oh, yeah, it's about me talking about the seating arrangement at the show.

I don't even think it made the cut. Do you remember? It was in the cut that we saw after before Black Friday. You know, I think I talked about it before. There was one joke in there that would have

made me lose the show. It's so hard. It is so... it's like the most aggressive joke. Wait, can I just whisper it to Andrew? Okay, it was like, it was me, it was about me like roasting, am I gonna roast or am I gonna toast? Like, no, I shouldn't

roast people. I'm gonna toast. And it's like, here's to blah, blah, blah. And then I would roast, you know, but it sounds like I'm being nice. But it was like, Oh, yeah. it's too harsh there's the there's a word in there that's yeah but that would be maybe good also to like there's a lot of jokes we wrote for that that were like i like that one that joke's very funny and i feel like that would work in the show but you know like a promo that's airing during like FBI Los Angeles. Well, not even, but I think the

problem is that it says people would misconstrue it and I know this is annoying to the listener who's like, well, we don't know what you're talking about. It implies it has like a man who's dated famous women and then it's talking about how he's kind of been not great to these women.

That's like the gist of the joke is it's talking about that. And it sounds a little bit like I'm throwing the women under the bus. But if you're not listening closely, I'm absolutely not. It also empowers the man to have the ability to defile something. Yes. And the woman should have control over whether or not she's been defiled. Right. But it's just a joke.

It's a great joke. It's just a joke. It's a hilarious joke. Well, you know what? Sorry. Go ahead, Andrew. No, no, don't worry. You know what you should do? By the way, I love that hat. Third time's a charm. It's a great joke. It's just a joke. It's a hilarious joke. Well, you know what? Sorry. Go ahead, Andrew. No, no, don't worry. You know what you should do?

By the way, I love that hat. Third time's a charm. Oh, thanks. Go ahead, Andrew. You know what you should do, though? You should try it. I don't know if they were solar panels. You should try it on stage and see what happens.

Right. Because we don't know if it's funny or not. Yeah, yeah. We don't know. What if it bombs? Well, none of those three people are going to be in the audience. Oh, then that's... I think still just try it on stage once

and let's see. I do like that hat a lot. It's a great height. I want to get a Colts hat that's like that. Maybe you can do it on Kimmel. Like, maybe talk about... That might be a place for it. Because if I'm commenting on the fact that it's a crazy joke and then I tell the joke,

it's like, I'm so glad I've got this pulled from, you know, or something like that. It could be interesting. Wow, this is interesting because the people listening to this will have seen Kimmel last night.

And so they know possibly, but I doubt I will. I don't know. We'll see. I say save it for Stern. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best one. He'll love it.

Yeah, I'm doing Howard Stern the day after the Golden Globes, the morning after. So I will not have slept the night before. Or do it on here the day after. Oh, yeah. I'll love it. Yeah, I'm doing Howard Stern the day after the Golden Globes, the morning after, so I will not have slept the night before. Or do it on here the day after. Oh, yeah, I could do that, too. I'm also doing this podcast the day after as well. Those are my only two things that I'm doing the week after.

It reminds me of there was a joke about James Cameron a few years back that is the same vein, and everyone loved it. Everyone was like, I mean, it was a shocker. What award show was it? Do you remember? It wasn't the Golden Globes. Oh, it it. Everyone was like, I mean, it was a shocker. What award show was it? Do you remember? It wasn't the Golden Globes. Oh, it was about how the woman got away from him, like was in a relationship for like three years.

Yeah, how annoying it was. Yeah, I recall this now that you say that. It's a similar vein, and that joke was great. I don't know. It did get an ugh, but I don't know if that's such a bad thing. I feel like with James Cameron that was on the show. It wasn't a promo. She was there.

And he was there. I don't know if he was there. I haven't been following the controversy surrounding Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron. Sure. That was good. Great job. That was Tina Fey. Cameron. Sure. That was good. Yeah. Great joke.

Great joke. That was Tina Fey. I wrote it, actually. Tina and Amy, yeah. Yeah. But James Cameron isn't struggling with mental health and addiction. Yeah, that's the thing. The punchline of our joke is a guy who's very publicly.

But James Cameron is probably just a psychopath. He probably just has some kind of personality disorder that we can have sympathy for he spent six months of the year underwater like he's like trying to find new octopi like you know what people that are like um i was watching a clip on kimmel last night it was jeremy strong was on last night talking about um you know how he thinks takes things seriously but he was you know kimmel set him up to tell like a story and then he just started talking about um you know someone who did the granddaughter of julius and ethel rosenberg who were executed unfairly did a documentary about roy cone who he plays and roy cone was the guy

who sent his grandpa her grandparents to the electric chair and she did a really empathetic documentary about them even though they obviously killed her grandparents but she was able to see him as a complex character and hold him to task but also have empathy and he said and it made me realize you know what I do I take very seriously because the people there are

people on the other end of it watching it in theaters and watching it at home and I take them very seriously and I've been accused of taking things very seriously but i do take them seriously and he just like stuck it like i'm sorry this is just who i am and i just love it i can't even make fun of it i love it so much and so i commented i take jeremy strong taking things seriously very seriously because i do and now i'm like i'm on board i love and and the still image that they used you know like when you see a reel and it's like locked on an image it's of him kind of smirking and you watch the whole clip and they

it was a millisecond that they found of his lip going up to look like he was having a good time or like you know they found the only like it was like a flash you know how people have like flashes of like emotions they found the millisecond it was really funny I think people love

making fun of him because they themselves wish they could take what they do seriously. Seeing somebody work really hard on something that you find frivolous is like, you're like, have some shame. That's how I feel when someone does a puzzle.

Yeah. What are you doing? Puzzles confound me. when someone does a puzzle yeah what are you doing oh puzzles can found me yeah i'm not a puzzle person i'm not it seems like a real like i'm like was that earning you anything in this world like i and puzzles don't to me um mean and i'm a three so they don't like prove you're intelligent in any way what if you glued it together and framed it and then put it up on the wall then i'm guessing COVID had just happened again or something. Why would I ever do it? Sometimes I'm with people that want to do puzzles, and I have anxiety over it because it's so boring.

Yes. I don't like self-satisfaction. I like external validation. That's right. So a puzzle, if you did a puzzle and like waiting for somebody to say great job you did it right like that's not gonna happen it's not gonna feel right like i need i need to create something that people are like that's really great well i have a perfect example of this there's a thing on the new york times crossword um app that's like a mini daily crossword

and it's just like you know it's a mini one It can take under a minute. It can take under 15 seconds if you're super good at it. And I never was interested in doing it because why would you do it just so you can be like, I'm fast. But then they created this thing called leaderboard and you can invite your friends and then you compete every day against your friends. I am so competitive. Before I even pull it up, I take a deep breath because you can't have one typo. Like, no, I'm against Anya's sister is like changed our game because I am against my sister, Emily, Anya, Chris. I forget who else is on it, but like send me a request if you want to compete with me on it, even though I don't think you can because you have to have my number.

But but Anya's sister is so good that I'm almost like, is she cheating? How could this be? But she's just so fast. And it's changed my life. It's made me so, I'm so into it every day. I wouldn't care at all unless it was competitive, at all. I got 27 seconds on Tuesday.

You're on? Oh my God, no, Sean. And I brought it up to my wife when I got home last night being like, did you do the mini? I got it in 20 seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. I want to look up my time.

I'm already competitive with you. I have a complaint about this. I had the New York Times crossword games app and I was paying for it and I was like, oh, I love this. And then New York Times advertised to me I love this and then New York Times advertised to me that you can buy the New York Times app which includes the newspaper end games right oh and then sorry I just opened the crossword and the time started no no no no I can't I can't I can't oh my god that sister now. Oh, Tuesday, I bombed. You had 27 seconds on Tuesday?

As soon as I, there was a lot of X's. You beat the girl, you beat Maya, Anya's sister, who got 48 seconds. I'm beaming right now. I got one minute and 38 seconds. Chris got 221 and he's really fast. That's amazing, Sean. Yeah, but I struggle every other day For some reason I was like locked in

It's so fun I really recommend people get the mini And it's free I think Wait so you got this app They advertised me the New York Times app Which is a separate app that you can buy And then you get like the newspaper You get access to the newspaper Sure I have that one too

But it also said you get access to the games And the crossword puzzles And so I cancelled my crossword puzzle New York Times app And I just kept this one Why would I have both And then I see that in the New York Times app You can only play the crossword from that day

So if you miss it You can't go back to like Mondays Where you can actually finish it. So I was like, this is bullshit. So now I'm going to cancel my New York Times app. Just so you know, if you're going to download that and pay for it, you're not getting the full catalog of crossword

puzzles. No, you need the catalog. Have you ever done September 11th's one or September 12th? Sometimes I go back to 2001 and I'm like, or big days of news things. Someone did the crossword the day after September 11th. And like, are there any clues that have anything in it? It was, it's really fun to go back in time. Wow.

I mean, there was probably somebody like sitting at their desk doing that exact. There was no computers either. Oh, a hundred percent. I would think at least like nine, 15, like I don't, my brain doesn't turn on till 10. Yeah. And they didn't have smartphones back then. All they had was crossword puzzles. Yeah, like pen in their mouth.

Oh, no. What was that? Pencil. You've got to use pencil. What's that thing coming at the window? Oh, that's flying low. Oh, God. Can I get a five-letter word for about to die?

Thing that's about to kill us? Plane? Yeah, plane. about to die thing that's about to kill us plane yeah plane it's gotta be annoying though with the Jeremy Strong guy to sit there like all day

in the in the trailer and for cause you're only acting for an hour of the 15 hour oh and he has to be Roy Cohn

inside a trailer oh and you're like sitting next to him and you're like so how about the you know the Jets today or whatever

and he's just like. I would have so much fun with it. I'd be like. Yeah. But I can see why Brian. Brian Cox was the one that got annoyed. Right. Because he's been acting for 100 years and he's like, OK, it's not that serious.

Well, British people like they go to school and they're like, well, you act and it's a job. And like here, like method acting is such an american thing where it's like you have to like live the part and it's so foreign to them being like you just go and do it and then you leave and go home and have like a nice cottage yeah and like jeremy strong is like no i'm living as a gay lawyer in 1973 yeah that's why method actors go. That's why Daniel Day-Lewis retired, even though he's the greatest actor of all time. Yeah. He was Method, and he was like, I can't do this.

I can't just do this every day of my life and become someone else. It's so weird, too, because when you watch Robert De Niro on a talk show, he's just a husk of a person, because he puts everything into the character, but then he has nothing to talk about, because he has not lived a life. He just has strong opinions about Kamala. And he loves Trump. He hates Trump so much. Oh, so much.

And he turns everything to a Trump. Yeah, he really does. At the beginning of Megapolis, there was a talk about what this movie is. And Robert De Niro's one quote is, Donald Trump could never make Megalopolis. What? What? Something must have happened in New York City with them, too. and Robert De Niro's one quote is, Donald Trump could never make megalopolis. What? What? Something must have happened in New York City with them two at like a bar.

They were at a fish restaurant. Yeah, yeah. And Trump like big-timed them or fucked his wife or something. I don't know. I just want to say, Donald Trump could absolutely make megalopolis. Yeah.

That is true. That is true. You saw it, right? Oh, I saw it. Wait, I watched Amelia. We probably have to go to break, right? Oh my God, I stopped paying attention. Yeah. That is true. You saw it, right? Oh, I saw it. Wait, I watched Amelia. We probably have to go to break, right? Oh, my God. I stopped paying attention.

Yeah. Let's see. We'll go to break. I'll tell you where I watched last night after this. It's time for break. Yeah, seven minutes ago. Okay, we'll be back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Last night I watched half of Amelia Perez. So, the man. So, two hours? No. Yeah, it was so long. It's a musical, so they're allowed to be a little longer, I guess. I cannot believe this movie.

I'm guessing 99% of our listeners have no idea what I'm talking about. Have you heard of it? I tried. I started it. I can't read that much. It's all Spanish. There's no English. No, there's some English. It gets English. read that much. It's all Spanish. There's no English.

No, there's some English. It gets English. It gets English. That's a new campaign I'm doing. It gets English for people struggling to watch more films. Let me know when that starts. It's interesting because when they go to China, the Chinese doctor speaks in English. Oh, right.

Yeah. Here's my thing is that Chris and I were confounded because we're like, is this the way musicals are in Mexico? Like, because none of the songs really sound like songs. They're just talking like this and then they talk like this. It does

like, doesn't ever break into like a chorus or it just seems to all be versus. This movie has nothing to do with Mexico. In fact, Mexicans hate this movie. Yeah, it's a This movie has nothing to do with Mexico. In fact, Mexicans hate this movie. It's French, right? Yeah, it's a French movie. Oh, that explains everything. And that is how French musicals are.

Like, there's like. It explains everything. Like, The Umbrellas of Schomburg and, like, The Young Girls of Rochefort. Oh. Which are amazing. It's even giving Amelie. Yeah. Even though Amelie is not a musical.

Yeah. French movies always feel very French. The substance feels French. As soon as you said that, I go, oh, that's the thing Chris and I could not put our finger on last night was it's French. Yeah. Because it's- Soccer in blue.

So if you don't know what it is, it's about a drug cartel mob boss guy in Mexico who hires a lawyer. Why? I don't know. Because he wants to hire a lawyer, Zoe Saldana, to find – he wants to become a woman. And he's transgendered and he's like this really gruff, terrifying cartel leader. And he kidnaps her. And he's like, I want you to find me a doctor to perform a sex change or, you know, everything operation so I can be a woman. And then it happens. And then we see their lives like play out after that.

And it's a musical also. And they break into song. Every single time they break into song, I forget it's a musical. It's break into song all the every single time they break into song I forget it's a musical there's never it's always jarring to me because they'll be talking like this and then they'll go but then this this and then they'll start and I go what is why are they talking like that and I'm like oh fuck it's a musical yeah like when

they're in when Zoe Saldana is interviewing one of the doctors that is so bad and then he starts singing he's not a singer yeah I just I always wanted Zoe to be like why are you talking like that yes yes because what is this thing about like let's just put yeah lady like actually i really ended up liking the doctor because it seemed like a choice and he's not a good singer yeah but why does every woman in a musical have to be a good singer but um every man

can just be shit wicked did that too that too. That's what I'm saying. I'm kind of tired of this. The women have to be these operatic superstars, and then the men can literally be bad singers. They're just thankful that the men agreed to be in a musical. But no, even like La La Land, Ryan Gosling is bad,

and Emma Stone, she's got the voice of an angel. Yeah, I don't get it. And also, when are we going to see Marie Callas, Angelina Jolie singing opera? I'm dying to see this. And why is everyone a good singer? How is everyone? I'm serious. Singing is really hard.

Like, we need to give credit to actors who are suddenly good singers. And we didn't know about it because that shit's fucking hard. And I can't wait to see Angelina Jolie sing. I think a lot of people who did acting growing up also took singing yes that makes sense to me you never know you might become either an actor a serious actor you might become a musical person you have to train for all kind of okay that makes sense but also i can't explain why i was a lawyer that he chose because he needed an executor for the estate because he was going to provide a trust to his children after he disappeared okay well then riddle me this.

Why, sorry to everyone listening that hasn't seen this, but you will also be confused by this. Why did Selena Gomez straight up move in with this aunt when she has no idea? How did that happen where Zoe Saldana is just like, you're moving in with the aunt, and Selena Gomez just has to? I didn't get that far, so I don't know.

Oh, damn it. I'm only 30 minutes in. Did you finish? I haven't even started far, so I don't know. Oh, damn it. I'm only 30 minutes in. Did you finish? I haven't even started. It's pretty hard to finish. Didn't you try watching it in your car when you were driving

and almost died? No, that was me. That was you? I was like, I started watching it in my car to save time because I had a 30-minute drive. Sure.

Not that I'm going to be paying attention to it, but I didn't realize it was a subtitles movie. I was like, I can't even watch this at all. I've been watching that movie while driving.

Impossible. Even in a hands-free car, it's impossible. If you got into a car accident, the cop would pick up your phone and be like, he killed himself. I just can't believe this got made and anyone signed on for it. I'm compelled by it. I like it. But I'm just confused it. I like it, but I'm, I'm just confused how things get made.

Well, you know, I mean, nevermind. Definitely not going to say that. It does feel like now. We know what you're going to say. Now everything's coming from like international funding.

So you have that. And like France is like, whatever is the most artistic, let's do it. And then like. It does feel like the opening ceremony of movies. Like the Paris opening ceremony. Everyone's just like, what's happening?

Why are there jugglers on a boat in the Seine with Celine? Yeah, that was. But also it feels like for a movie to stand out now, it has to be fucking batshit insane. To like, I mean like the substance stand out like yeah like for like a small movie that okay like based on reading the premise you're like i'm never going to watch that right like but the conclave they're picking a new pope that's very simple yeah and that good luck getting through that movie and it's what it's a great movie i loved it but it you will

fall asleep because it's so it's you you're in a Catholic church the whole time, and it's dark. You're sequestered with a bunch of popes, and it's low tones, really dark. I'm into the Catholic church now because of this movie. I think it's good propaganda for them because I love Ralph Fiennes. Yeah, Ralph Fiennes is the greatest actor. He's just so good. He is amazing.

And by the way, if you're confused, maybe he ends up being evil in it. I don't know because I haven't seen the last 15 minutes. So if you're like, why do you love him? We have to watch so many movies. It's like we can't have time to finish them. I can't finish anything. But I did Challengers. I loved.

Yeah, Challengers was good. It was a fun romp. It kept me going. Challengers is, remember the movie Whiplash? Yeah. Challengers is Whiplash for is... Remember the movie Whiplash? Yeah. Challengers is Whiplash for women. I never saw Whiplash, but I know that I watched Challengers for men. I loved,

loved Whiplash. I loved Challengers as well, but Whiplash... Who did it? J.K. Simmons? That's one of my favorite movies. J.K. Simmons and Miles Teller. And a drum kit. And a drum kit. Similar ending. Oh, the ending of Whiplash in fact similar overall overall plot no it truly feels like the the feeling i got from that i got goosebumps but

it felt like you come like yeah and it just feels like you come oh i love that you know what i love in a movie more than anything that i was realizing when i was reading about um i guess i think it was reading anthony jeselnik like some kind of piece on him because he likes dark stuff and i've and i'm like yeah like i think i like that kind of stuff too but it was um i love movies that don't have happy endings i the first time it started happening in my childhood that i'm seeing movies that didn't like titanic titanic was blew my mind that they don't get to be together spoiler alert it was like i loved it because it felt so real and it felt like they were it just stuck with me i love a movie that doesn't resolve the way you want it to i hate going to movies that's why i

loved wicked because i was like looking at my like i wasn't really looking at my watch the whole time because i didn't i don't wear a watch who, but I wasn't checking the time that much, but I liked that there was a part two coming because all the things that seemed unresolved, I wasn't like, okay, so they got to make up again, and then we got to see them fight. Anytime a rom-com, you're like, okay, they're happy. Wait, so I got to see them fight,

and then I'm going to see them make up. Let's just skip. Nothing interesting ever happens. It's always the same formula. I hate when you know what you have to get through to get to the end. Yes, I want, I kind of want either no resolution or just a downer ending.

Lost in translation. Yeah, like, I love, my favorite feeling after a movie is having to go outside to smoke a cigarette and process what I just watched. I want a few, I want movies to make me feel bad. go outside to smoke a cigarette and process what I just watched. I want movies to make me feel bad. Me too. That's how I felt after Birdman.

Yes, oh, Birdman. I was like, I left the theater like, what the fuck? I mean, like... Bronx Tale, I felt that. The Safdie brothers. Romeo and Juliet, oh my God.

Oh, I did, because I was too young to have known what really happened in that play at the time. But when she fucking, when she shoots herself, oh my God, it's so good. I love the Leo Claire dance.

I think it's one of the best movies ever. Maybe I was so young and naive, but it was so good. The way she sobs when he's dead. Oh, oh. Her ugly sob is one of the best ever. It looks awesome. It just looks like you're in this heat wave

in Florida. Everything's yellow tinted. Jamie Kennedy's cool in it. He's amazing. What the hell? Man, The Little Mermaid, when Ursula loses, it's so sad. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm just like, I like... A movie I gotta recommend, you must have seen this movie, is Sicario. Have you ever seen that? I bet you Chris loves Sicario. Really? I guarantee you. Go to Chris and say, what do you think of Sicario? Sicario?

Yes. I'll ask him right now. So Sicario is a great movie that kind of, I don't want to say what happens at all, but it subverts expectations. It does. And that's why it's a brilliant movie. And then Sicario 2, Day of the Soledad does the exact opposite

and is not a good movie yeah I really did not like that one who's in Sicario Emily Blunt Emily Blunt's the lead and Benicio Del Toro okay

but I loved Enora Enora really made me feel like a punch in the gut oh yeah yeah I did I saw it in theater it was great it was so good

and it's really funny, too. Yeah, it's great comedy. The bad guys, when they would get hurt and they felt human, made it so fucking comical. And you're not expecting the comedy. God, and some of the subtitle when they're speaking Armenian, where it's like, God, America sucks. I want to move back to Armenia.

It's like, I love it. I can't wait to see that. Oh, you'll love that. I'm glad I've lived in LA because I really related to the Armenians. I never knew any Armenians in New York,

but when I moved to LA, every single doctor or dentist that I have is Armenian. And then when I was in Glendale, everybody that went to the gym was Armenian. I just feel like

I intimately know Armenians now. Yes, I love... That's why it's important to be multicultural, Everybody that went to the gym was Armenian. I just feel like I intimately know Armenians now. Yes. I love. That's why it's important to be multicultural, to like you have empathy when you're around people. Even if you think, oh, I would empathize even if I don't know them. When you know people. No. It makes it easier to.

The people from my small town in New Jersey do not empathize with anyone that isn't like white, working class, Irish, Italian. And like, I think like, yeah, like I'm like, I'm like a mini United Nations in my phone book.

Oh, I just got a call from Roseanne's podcast booker. So that's happening. Yeah. Wait, she called you? I thought it was supposed to be

you contacting her. I think it was supposed to be, I her. I think it was supposed to be I told her, don't expect me to respond until after the goal is close. Right, because you're really busy right now. She wanted to get into this morning. Roseanne cannot wait. Roseanne, yeah.

Roseanne, yeah, was, oh my god, during my set, it was the first time I ever met Roseanne and she comes up to me from behind and sees like the detail on my jacket and goes, I want this. I want to do this. Did you do this? And I'm like, no, I am not crafty. And she sends her to a friend, and she goes, I want this.

And I was like, oh, you should do it. It would look awesome on your jacket. And Roseanne looks good. She looks good. It was very interesting to see Roseanne in. She's an icon. No matter what's going on with her today, she's, like, one of the greatest. She's just a little daffy.

And she's really nice. Daffy, yeah. She introduced herself to me, and she had no reason to. That's so nice. She said, are you going up? Oh, yeah. And I said, no. She's so cute.

Yeah, no, Roseanne was cool. I saw her, like, smoking a bone outside. Really? She still smokes? Yeah. Good for her. She was smoking. Like, she had the vibe of somebody who, like, owns a casino floor.

Yeah. But it's falling apart. Yeah, like, this rocks. And I heard her laughing during my set very loudly. Like, distractingly loud. She was having a good time. I think people in Glendale heard her laughing. She was having a good time. I think people in Glendale heard her laugh. She's having a good time.

It must be interesting being Roseanne. Being Roseanne is like being, like, Shaq or something, where just everywhere you go, every single person is like, is that? You're constantly being pointed at, probably. Yes. It's like a different level than, like, Nikki. It's like, we walk into a room and every single person is like, oh my god, that's blah blah blah.

They're not even a person anymore at some point. I always think that I was watching Jennifer Lawrence through the curtain at that women's event I did last week because I was backstage waiting for everyone to sit down, which they would not fucking sit down. All these women at this luncheon, I had to go out and open the show and they keep telling them, please take your seats.

It'll be beginning soon. It's a half hour after it's supposed to start. No one's hearing the voice. And then the voice starts getting like, please, please take your seats. And then they just start playing the music and going, Nikki Glaser, everyone. And I walk out, and I'm like, no, no, I'm not walking out. First of all, they didn't dim the lights, and everyone's still standing. Literally, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Jennifer Lawrence And Anna Kendrick

Are all taking pictures Right in front of the podium Standing up Having a conversation When I'm supposed to Say my opening line Yeah So did you go out?

Yes Because it said Welcome Nikki Glaser I was like Oh god You should watch John Mulaney Had to do the same thing

I forgot what the awards Was it the DGA or something? Yeah it was I remember It was last year He came out And he had to tell people To sit down for like A good three minutes and that's all on tape hilarious he did

do it in a funny way i forgot what he did exactly be funny when i'm angry we haven't talked about this on the podcast yet have we maybe not yeah what did you do it was called the hollywood reporters power 100 women's breakfast luncheon breakfast breakfast gala and the search for curly's gold part one that was my joke it was like the longest thing and it was at 8 a.m god that's the biggest crime i'm not even kidding you i think i would have turned it down had i known that was the time like you just when you agree to a gala and you says breakfast you assume maybe 11 or something like it was in being there at eight and then openings then they ask so they tell you you're a hunt women's hunt you're a part of

the hundred yes that's the first thing i got and i go oh very cool great that'll be a cool event to go to they're like it's a big press event every lots of famous people great i'm so honored then a week before because they definitely asked chris convy who produces things uh you know confirmed that they definitely went out to other people and they got turned down so then they finally went to you and asked if you would do the opening remarks chelsea handler had done it will ferrell had done it for some reason um uh who else had done it he's not a woman yeah it was molly shannon did it um instead they sent me all these opening remarks yeah so they sent me all their monologues.

They go, you need to do 10 minutes or two minutes. And I looked and everyone's done like eight to 11 minutes. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, God. And then so then I wait till I, you know, Bob, Bob and Sean helped me write it. And it's, you know, we're bogged down with Golden Globe stuff and like everything else. And so it was just waited till the last night to really start working on it. And it was like 8 o'clock at night.

And then I also had to go do four sets that night. We were at sets doing Golden Globe stuff. You helped as well, yeah. I didn't help with that. No, you were weighing in on it. I was around, but we were doing Golden Globe stuff. And then I was also like, guys, I got to work on this speech

I have to give in four hours. And then because I have to read the prompter at seven, I had to be there at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Is that where it was? At seven to run prompter. Great hotel. Which means I have to be in hair and makeup at 4.30. And I went to bed, I think, at three after staying up after the sets all night

to work on the monologue. And then I'm in hair and makeup with my laptop working on it. And it ended up being good, but it was just like, you get there at my table was Pam Anderson, Julia Fox, Anna Kendrick, Kathy Bates.

Kathy Bates was, I didn't, and Emily was my plus one, Gen ZM. Cool. And she told me afterwards that, and Gen ZM got hit on by one of the waiters at seven in the morning. Nice.

What happened? He was just like, he was like a very friendly guy and he wasn't bad looking. But she was like that waiter just asked for my number. I was like, do it! She was like, no! But then I realized he was just, his energy was off. He's a waiter at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Next stop, sitcom!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave the opening remarks. It went well, but it felt to me like a C- because it just felt like I stumbled over some of the lines. Even though I rehearsed it a million times, instead of getting a picture with Jennifer Lawrence, I'm back reading the prompter. I could have mingled.

And you're friends with Jennifer Lawrence. I didn't get any pictures with famous people. Because I did opening remarks, I didn't get to have any of the glitz and glamour of it. I mean, I did the red carpet, but I was like, I missed out on some stuff. But anyway, and then after I give the speech, I was like, it's this weird thing

when you have to like open something and then you have to hang out. Like I love if I'm doing meet and greets, I like to do them before the show in case I bomb. I don't have to like see anyone. I don't want to like sit down after I do something and have people have to like tell me good job when I didn't do a good job. And so I felt like I bombed, but Anna Kendrick was next to me and was like, how does it feel to have just killed in this

room? And I was like, really? Like, she's just being nice. And I'm sitting there just like wanting to shove all the avocado toast at the table down my throat because I'm just like nervous and like anxious. I'm like, I want to binge. And no one's eating their avocado toast. It's crazy.

No one's touching it, any of it. It's the biggest waste of avocado toast in the history of avocados. It's crazy. No one's touching it, any of it. It's the biggest waste of avocado toast in the history of avocados. It was crazy. Even avocado toast? You'd think that would be something. It's just an awkward thing to eat because you have to pick up the whole thing and be like, I love food! Or you have to cut it with a knife and then you're

the woman cutting avocado toast with a knife and fork. Everyone's taking pictures of you. You gotta be careful. Avocado's messy, too. And people are crying about women leadership and representation and ethnicity in film and you're like, it's not the, everyone's quiet

and then there's applause, but when it's applause you have to stand up and applaud. You can't be eating the toast so anytime there's a loud moment you can't even eat. So anyway, but I'm like kind of like, ugh, I kind of just bombed. Like, not bombed, but I just like, it wasn't what I wanted it to be and I'm not really paying attention. I'm like kind of like oh i kind of just bombed like not bombed but i just like it wasn't what i wanted it to be and and i'm not really paying attention i'm kind of just like trying to text on my phone to chris like that was really awkward i just want to get out of here like

i feel so embarrassed and the woman that's like runs the event or is like she kind of looks at me and smiles and i'm like oh does she like me like i was trying not to make eye contact with her she was like an older woman that i'm like she probably like is disgusted that i said anal bleaching like at her lunch at her brunch and she kind of like smiled at me and i'm like oh maybe she doesn't hate me like or maybe that was a sympathy but then first of all julia fox is at her table i did see this she is filming everyone that gets up to speak like a proud mom like holding the phone like i'm like zooming in and like so excited, and just perfect posture, and just cheering

everyone on. It was really, really cute. She was adorable. And I got to meet her beforehand and got to tell her how much she means to me. I love her. She's, I think, very inspiring to someone who's just being them. She's very Jeremy Strong. The world needs Julia Fox's. Yes. You need somebody

who... More More please. Who like, it's like she kind of has her hand in every little pot, but like she doesn't have like a thing. She's just Julia Fox. Yes. And she's just like, I feel like she's, she's, there's, there's a lot of effort going in in terms of fashion and like her, her appearance. And I guess, but it's like, it also is like, she's doing it for her.

Like she even said she bleached her eyebrows because she realized it was the one thing men like are disgusted by when they see a woman without eyebrows so she did it on purpose to have men be like repulsed by her and I kind of loved that yeah because she's just been hurt you know hurt too many times or whatever it was but she was like I just make and then

she realized like being skinny is something that men desire she's like I wanted to get fat because I just want like I I mean, obviously, you know, that's probably trauma response, but I just kind of liked that whole. She's just like badass. Anyway, Emily was sitting between me and Kathy Bates. And did Emily know who Kathy Bates was? No, she said that woman.

That woman. The woman that was sitting on it. So of course not. She's fucking Matlock, Emily? Yeah, she was in. She is the new Matlock. She was in misery at this table too she couldn't believe it what was the result of this so then i got up from then the event ends

after nicole kidman speaks to selena gomez speaks um jennifer lawrence speaks and i got up and it so many people came up to me and was like that was incredible like in a way that i couldn't deny that it was good so it was it felt i felt good that because i was like i want to beeline out of here i don't want to talk to anyone like i i'm so embarrassed like it wasn't that i didn't want to talk to anyone i didn't want anyone to feel like they had to be nice to me so i was kind of like walking with my head down like emily just follow behind quickly and then people were stopping like molly sims came up to me was like that was insane i'm obsessed with you there were so many like i'm obsessed with you moments like that was amazing you had me dying and apparently i made nicole kidman laugh really hard amazing

and someone else what at um oh i made a joke that um you know i'm in the hollywood 100 and um i said oh what ranking am i and they're like that's it's not a ranking you guys are all equal and i go oh in that case can i sit in nicole kidman's table and that's when the correspondence ended it was something like that like and she really loved that even though i was right next to her table um and i got to i think she did eat her avocado toast which i thought was badass this is an amazing honor and also it's um really good because now you're gonna have some really solid goodwill at the golden globes with the people in the room the right move i even though i like wish i wouldn't have said yes to it because I

didn't sleep for three days and I felt insane and that meant I cried at a photo shoot later that day because I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was just like, I can't. I was just weakened. You know when you haven't slept, you're just insane. But in the end, it was good because now

at the Golden Globes, there will be at least a smattering of people all throughout. 50 people who know what I'm capable of and are rooting for me. Yeah, it'll be good. Nicole Kidman may laugh again. And handling a cold room like that. And you only had two minutes, so you didn't have time to deal with. And I did like seven. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Because you end up doing more. The videos online that you crushed. That's so nice. Yeah, where can you find the video? You just like Google Nikki Glaser glazer speech hollywood women's 100 oh google all that and it comes up yeah thr is a good yeah youtube.com slash the hollywood thr slash yeah you can find it if you really want it you can find it but it's great like you did such a great job and thank you i'm not just saying this because you said Nicole Kidman laughed.

Thank you for your help on it. Oh, my God. I like I am so grateful, too, because I was when we were at the improv working on it and I was about to go on stage and do Golden Globes jokes. But like I was just what did I didn't I say to you? I want to die. Yeah. You said right before you went on stage, you said either I want to die or I want to kill myself. And I think I said I want to die.

It was more of like I wanted something else. I't think you heard me but I was like don't do it until January 6th I was really so tired and I just saw the amount like it's like it's like it honestly was like um do you ever have nightmares that papers are due or tests are due or something like yeah it felt like a nightmare of like I have to get this thing done by the morning i don't see how i'm just not when i don't see sleep ahead of me i start getting really angry and sad um but we got it done and it's over and um and i can't wait for kimball to be over because i'm feeling that same thing like i have a lot of work ahead of me today to figure out what i'm gonna do but it'll all be okay and then tomorrow it i get to go to new hampshire amazing and honestly i told chris today i was like this weekend is like days off even though i'm traveling and doing shows it

feels like completely like i have shows on the road this weekend i get to get out of this town and every photo shoot and every glam sash it's gonna be great we have to take a break okay we'll take a break we'll come back after this john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show,

ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, final thought. Did you guys see that I was New York Times Comedian of the Year? Yes. Oh, that's what that was? Of the year? Yes. Of the year. Whoa, that's amazing.

I didn't even know it was a thing. Because people keep saying, I don't read things about me, so I just see the press. Emily is like, girl, slay, queen. Look what just came through. Wait a second. And I posted blindly. At the store last night, one of the comedians said, how does it feel to be comedian of the

year? Yes, that's a literal thing. I thought they were just saying that because you really did like win the year. No, but they meant literally. New York Times, comedian of the year. And I go, because I said to Emily this morning, I was like, I feel like we need to make a post about this because it's like, I want to just just it's not even to be like look what I am I like the guy who wrote it

like put a lot of effort into it and it's like it is a big honor that I need to like acknowledge the people that gave it to me and I go but where does it say comedian of the year and she's like right below your name and I'm like why is this even a I didn't even did was this a thing I'm gonna look it up I want to see who else was it must

be Yvonne no oh in the past there's other people that are like kind of Was this a thing? I'm going to look it up. I want to see who else was Comedian of the Year. It must be. Theo Vaughn. No. Oh, in the past? Yeah, in the past. There's other people that are kind of talked about this year. That could have possibly been Comedian of the Year, but didn't make it? They're like special mentions. Yeah, special mentions of the year. Yeah.

Oh, so since I have the New York Times app that I pay for, I can see all of the history of New York. Oh, my God. Amazing. Because I don't recall this being a thing that because I would have obviously been jealous of whoever had been crowned it before and thought, oh, it'll never be me. This is not fair. This is a December 5th, 2023 best comedy.

It seems like maybe Jim Gaffigan was comedian of the year in 23. But they just list them as best special. They don't say comedian of the year. Hmm. Yeah, I think this is a new thing. Yeah, this is kind of the year. They don't say comedian of the year. Yeah, I think this is a new thing. Yeah, this is kind of the year. You're the first comedian of the year. That's so nice.

And immediately I'm sad because I can't be next year. Does that ever hit anyone like that? Like, I can't. Like, I hate the day after my birthday. I hate the day after Christmas. Like, I hate that it's like, I don't like getting things because it means I can't get them. My son just dealt with this for the first time

in choir class. He got star student and then the next week I was like, he was like, I'm not going to be star student this week. And it's like, hey man, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. Sorry. I can't stand it. And the thing is, I would never have dreamed of being comedian of the year.

In the years past, if I would have seen that, I would have been like, man, that just sucks that I'm just not talented enough to ever even be considered. Like, it wouldn't have even been a thought of mine that I could have it. Like, I'm not like, man, I want that to be me. It's just like, man, I wish I was born more talented that even could be considered that. That's what my thought would have been. There are some things that I look at and I go, why did they get that? I want that.

I deserve that. But this title, I would have never thought. But it's very nice. But immediately I'm like, next year it's going to be someone else because it can't be me again. And what's the point of keeping trying? And isn't this the beauty of just being alive is getting like honored, bestowed this honor of being the comedian of the year. And like you can't truly enjoy it because you're just looking ahead. But does other people feel this way about like when you find, let's say like, you know,

one big pursuit in life is finding your forever person. So like after you get married, is there a little bit of like, I can't find my forever person again. Like I'll never get married again. I mean, like you could. I mean, I didn't feel that. I'll never get married again. I mean, you could. I didn't feel that. I just felt relief. Yeah.

Relief. That's one thing off the dock. Interesting. I guess I do start now feel that way about Chris. And I think before I was a little bit scared of like, I'll never have a crush on anyone again. You can still have crushes. Yeah, but I mean, not one that I can act on

because that's what causes you to feel excitement. It's like, oh my God, our hands are touching. Wait, are we going to kiss later? Like, that's all the thing. Yeah. And you kind of just close that chapter. But, like, I don't know. There's, I think that it's not just me in this position of, like, this kind of award feeling.

I think I feel this all the time of, like, oh, I can't get that again. Yeah. Well, you could. I mean, you just got top this year. No, I have have to go away i have to be like canceled or something that i when i'm like 72 i can get that yeah and i just did some very basic research but it does seem like this was the first ever comedian of the year which means that you were the first one to get it and to quote lebron james who um the lakers last you know i what I'm going to say? No. You just heard LeBron James

and you nodded. I love LeBron. Yes. So last year in the NBA, they did the first ever in-season tournament where they give out a trophy and then a lot of the players get money that don't normally get money, and even coaches. And the Lakers won. LeBron James is on the Lakers. And he said,

records can be broken. Any said, records can be broken. Any of my records can be broken. There's only one thing that you can never break and that's being first. And they were the first ones to win and they'll never be taken away from you. And you're the first one

to ever win Comedian of the Year. No one will ever be able to get that again. No, you're the first. Oh, that's good. I'm also the first solo woman to host the Golden Globes,

which is, I think, really funny. Yeah, the first solo. I'm doing it alone. Like, is she going to be okay? I'm also the first solo woman to host the Golden Globes, which is, I think, really funny. Yeah, the first solo. I'm doing it alone. Like, is she going to be okay? I'm going to talk about it on Kimmel tonight, I think. That actually might be. It's just so funny to me. Like, why is that even an accomplishment?

Like, it seems like something in, like, the 1928s. Should that be an interstitial? That they first let women host things alone. Yeah, well, think about the first woman to ever fly across. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm going to be eaten by coconut crabs. I think that's what happens to her. woman to ever fly across. Oh my god. I'm going to be eaten by coconut crabs.

I think that's what happens to her. But yeah, I'm trying to think of things. Maybe you come out with a life preserver. Or I want to just come out with my keys between my fingers. Walking to your car alone. As a woman, what do you do when you're a woman alone? A mace and a cardboard cutout.

Maybe you're holding another woman. There are times where I look at Tina and Amy's monologue and I'm like, man, it would be nice to have another person because it's just a fun device to have in a monologue. Who is Nikki's Amy to Tina? It would be Rachel Feinstein? Yeah, that would be fun. That would be fun. I'm trying to think. I mean, I would take anyone. Jennifer Lawrence would be a reallyinstein? Yeah, that would be fun. That would be fun. I'm trying to think.

I mean, I would take anyone. Jennifer Lawrence would be a really fun one, I think, because she is already looked at as a comedic figure. I think that would be so fun. Yes. I would feel like it would be harder to write for a two-person thing. It would be harder because I would have to deal with her team. I would just want to write it and be like, Jen, will you just

read these lines? I don't want to work with you on this. No, I would. I think that would be interesting. Now that I'm doing it solo, I don't want to. What about you and James Franco? Would you do that? I can't believe they did that one year. It was fun that they met

for the first time on stage. Alright, five minutes. It was fun that they met for the first time on stage. All right. Five minutes. Anything else to discuss? Well, I'm going to go to hypnotherapy tomorrow. So stay tuned to see if that works. We're so excited about this working. I hope it works.

My only hope. What's it for? For clenching at night. Okay. Everyone who talks to me about hypnotizing myself says that it worked for them or their friend or their aunt. I've never heard somebody say hypnosis didn't work on them. Yeah. That's a really good point.

Yeah. So it seems like it has 100% success. 100%. Yeah. And that's what I have to believe. It's definitely going to work. And if it doesn't, just go to a different one. Yeah.

So my hypnotherapist, I am very hopeful, but they have an accent that is, I don't know if it's like Austrian or something, but for whatever reason, I feel like hypnotherapists should have like a soothing voice that gets you like sleepy, like a Sam Harris type or something. Yeah, yeah. like a soothing voice that gets you like sleepy like a sam harris type or something and this person's voice it just like doesn't soothe me to my core and i'm a little worried about that when i got hypnotized and did that like she did that past life bullshit yeah she literally had the spinning a wheel spinning that i had to look at like yeah i just felt my struggle was like

giving in to that like believing that this is a thing. You feel the struggle in your mind of buy into it or be cynical of it. I kept trying not to be cynical, but then I felt stupid whenever I wouldn't be. I think it was because this woman was so wacky. I went in being like, I want this to work so bad, but I just couldn't let go because she was just, she's, she just seemed so, she's digging through her purse. She like can't get things going. She puts the wheel right in front of me and then she goes, that's too close. And then she's putting, she's propping it up on phone books.

Like it was just, yeah. And so I just couldn't let go. That's all important. That's working on your subconscious. Yeah. And because I was like, I don't want to be like, I don't want to be defenseless with this woman. Yeah.

You didn't feel comfortable. Like I don't want to be defenseless with this woman. Yeah, you didn't feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable. Yeah. I have to say, I had a consultation with this woman, and she was very comforting. And I do trust her. Just the voice. I'm like, I think my subconscious is going to reject it because it's like. No, don't say that.

Yeah, I just want to say, when in history has an Austrian person done anything? I don't know if she's Austrian. What time tomorrow are you doing this? Actually, it's not tomorrow. Well, it is tomorrow if you're listening to this on Thursday. Oh, got it. Friday. Yes, it's on Friday.

That's right. But yeah, I mean, her name is very strange. I don't want to say it on the podcast because she's not good. Right. I don't want to say it on on the podcast because she's not good but her name is very strange and that to me makes me think that she might be good at this wait can I see her name I'm going to show you my phone it has a bunch of words on it you're not even going to know which of those words is her name

is there like a Yelp kind of review like are there reviews that you can see for her that is a crazy name. Oh, I have to see that. It sounds like a prostate medicine. Oh, my God. It sounds like a sound that you would relax to.

Yeah, it sounds like a mantra. Yeah, that's my mantra. Whatever works. I'm a very impressionable person. Well, you've got to stop blundering. So you're grinding your teeth? Well, this is the thing. I learned last night that perhaps because he gets really.

Can I say that you get depressed if you. I mean, he wears a mouth guard because he has to wear a mouth guard. And if he wears a mouth guard to stop the grinding, which the grinding causes insane pain for him. So he has to wear a mouth guard. But if he wears a mouth guard, he wakes up insanely depressed. I don't know why anyone knows why this would be and he he thinks that maybe grinding your teeth is a thing that we do to uh release dopamine throughout the lower cortisol and to lower cortisol so when he's not grinding he is insanely like

wildly depths of depressed depressed when he wakes up in it like in a man almost manic it lasts all day, yeah. I have all the symptoms of low dopamine. So he's either in extreme pain from grinding or he's in extreme pain from low dopamine. So he has to stop grinding. I have to stop. It's clenching, really. It's not even the grinding. So if anyone has any

insight into that, because that's crazy to, like a mouth guard would cause depression, but it makes sense. It could be psychosomatic, but it could also, I, all my psychosomatic tools that have worked

for every single other thing I've ever had don't work for this, for this problem. I wonder if there's an Alan Carr book for a question. Have you tried using

the mouth pieces like maybe during the day? Maybe you get used to it so it's not just at night? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, no, I've tried. He's tried like seven different mouth guards

and thousands of dollars. I forced myself myself to you and the thing about it is the last mouth guard i had especially is incredibly comfortable it's like the most comfortable mouth guard i've ever had i can sleep in it fine i fall right asleep i liked it but then i would wake up and i would have all of these horrible how's the mattress going is that saga so mattress was definitely a similar issue where i have a psychosomatic obsession with this agency every time yeah but uh no i just decided the way i solved that problem was i just was like i need to buy the most normal mattress i can find and then just say everybody is fine with this mattress you can't right you can't complain about this because

of so many people being everyone is fine this is is fine. This is in hotels. This is people just, this is fine. If you can't get used to this mattress. That's a really good device to normalize it for you. And then the second thing I did was I said, and you're not buying another one. So this is it. This is a good mattress. You're on the right path, Brian. I feel like this is going to work.

Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Oh my, it has to. It's going to. Do not get held up By her name And her accent

Oh no Just trust No I know I feel good Because I actually That's the name of a hypnotist That's right That's a crazy name

That's right That's a wizard She learned it at birth It's been passed down Yeah she went to Shiz University That's right That is the name

Of a professor We can wrap Alright we gotta go Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. I'll see you in New Hampshire and Vermont this weekend. And then tour dates resume. That'll be my last tour dates of 2024. It's been a great tour.

Thank you all the besties for coming out. And then I'll see you again in 2025 on that epic tour that you need a magnifying glass to read any of the dates. So check that out. NikkiGlazer.com. Thank you, Brian. Oh, thanks. You already watched that, I'm sorry. Yeah, Brian, Sean, and Andrew,

thank you for being here and we'll see you next time. Don't be scared. Bye. The Nikki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcast. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glazer. Co-hosted by Brian Frangie.

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser Podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser Pod and subscribe to our channel. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more.

Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.