The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #497 A Cancelled Christmas, Andrew's Wrong Pizza & Behind The Scenes Tea

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Nikki's Christmas plans got canceled, but honestly, she's not even that mad about it. It actually made her realize that being in a committed relationship means sticking by your partner when they're sick. Andrew totally gets it—it’s not that they’re selfish, they just get a little absent-minded sometimes when trying to do something nice, and he shares a couple of times he messed up in his own relationship without meaning to. Brian brings up the final Thursday Night Football gig, and they all start spilling behind-the-scenes stories about the writing sessions and writing live. Nikki’s been running sets to prep for her Golden Globes monologue, and she’s had this realization that people in entertainment getting facelifts clearly aren’t working hard enough. While on her press tour, Nikki says the Empire State Building is the spot to hit for promo, and in her Final Thought, she talks about the super successful but also nerve-wracking Instagram video she shot there. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here I am. Welcome to the show.

It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. We're in Los Angeles, California with Brian Frangie and Andrew Collin. We started the show before, but then we had to redo it. So we're just going to catch you up to what we were just talking about. And we didn't get that far in. So we got up to the 1989 when the wall fell in Berlin.

Yeah. And by the way, it wouldn't take me long to get up to there because I don't know a lot of what happened before then. I'm really bad on history. Please don't even bring up the history things. Okay, okay. I just like, I really want to. Well, you were talking so smartly about it. Traffic.

Earlier. In German. When we forgot to record. Yeah, you were speaking in German. You told us all about the Prussian Empire. I'm taking you hiding this. I'm under Prussia when you bring that Prussia up. Under Prussia.

I don't know what it is. And then mine goes and then mine goes we were talking about so we're recording really early because I had a flight out today to go home

so we're doubling so early two episodes back to back it's way too early Brian to catch you up he was walking his dog at 7 10 a.m. and no one's too early Brian to catch up he was walking his dog at 7 10 a.m. and no one's

and then he runs into another comedian walking his dog Ahmed what are you doing up yeah and he's like I'm always up and I was like what

it was wild and then he turned into a vampire and he flew away and then yeah and then we got into the Franco-Prussian war yeah

yeah that really realigned the nations in Europe and then and then we were talking about oh so we don't even need Franco-Prussian War. Yeah, yeah. That really realigned the nations in Europe. And then we were talking about, oh, so we don't even need to record early anymore because I'm not going home to L.A. because Chris is sick. And then we were talking about how I just assumed I would still go home when Chris got sick last night. And I was just talking like, oh, it sucks. Like, you can't go.

And he's like, but you're not going. And I'm like, oh, it sucks. You can't go. And he's like, but you're not going. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I forgot that in a partnership you have to be one unit. That's what... We're not married, but essentially we are. That's the deal. That's why when you have your vows, you say in sickness and in health. Yeah. We haven't done those

yet, though. So I felt like I could still... You have no vows. Also, I think it depends on the sickness. If it's cancer, you gotta stay okay but he usually like i was saying he usually just wants to isolate and when he's sick i literally he'll go to his apartment because he saw his place in st louis he'll leave and go to his house and i and be away from me because he's really worried about getting me sick that's why he doesn't want to go home for christmas he doesn't want to get his family sick he knows he'll have to be like they'll still want him around so he's just like making a decision no you can't have access to me but then so i was figuring oh he wants to just be alone like he's like luigi when luigi got sick

once he they just dogs just go under a deck to die like they just want to be alone to go die and that's always what he has done but this time he's just like well we can just stay here and i was like well i got that show with the funny bone like i'm just trying to get ways to go back and see my dog like i want to go hang out with goldie um but and like you know the nieces and nephews i guess yeah but um he's like well you could just cancel that show and it like he's never like he's always one to like you know you gotta stick to your commitment so like it was really it's really sweet that he wants me there and i felt like oh my god this is what like marriage feels like where you're just like this is my family now like i'm not going to see he comes before my my yeah that's really nice

that's right i love it it's new you changing it from a club gig to an arena just so you can go home. Is there any way we can move people around? Yeah, it's not a big enough show. It isn't. Yeah. That's the problem. So sorry to everyone at the Funny Bone who had tickets to come see me on Christmas night. It's Chris's fault.

Good news to everyone in LA because it's 7 a.m. and I've already booked sets for tonight and tomorrow. And hopefully Christmas will come through. Hopefully Santa will come through. Wait, there's sets tomorrow? Yeah. Christmas Eve sets? Oh, yeah. I guess there are Jews.

Yeah, there are Jews. Yeah, there are Jews. I'll find one. There are Jews in LA. You'll find a Jew. Maybe there aren't ones tomorrow. There's two right here. Maybe it's just on tonight that I have two or three.

But yeah, I'll find some. I'll find some way to perform. But then I also have tons of shows to watch for the Golden Globes and movies and stuff to catch up on. So that'll be good. This will be a memorable Christmas. But you were saying that you were on the way over here and you had the same thought about like partnership and how you used to remind yourself to like be there for someone. What was it? So I just, I'm not good at it.

I'm not good at thinking about other people. Me neither. I'm so, i don't think i'm selfish i think i was just raised to be selfish yeah i mean that you get it from somewhere yeah um yeah i think my dad my dad was a workaholic yeah but it didn't transfer to like showing other like working in other ways it was one thing being a doctor helping cancer patients what a selfish prick yeah but like doctors are detached in a way that doesn't really read as as selfless dude yes yes and you could hide behind you could hide behind it by being like oh i'm saving cancer patients

it's not and your kids can always have you like you always do that with your dad. You're like, well, he wasn't always there for us. But he was saving people with cancer. It's just like even you are like having an excuse for the abandonment. Oh, of course. Yeah. I mean, it can't. But your dad's an amazing guy. He is.

Loved him to death. Softened with age. Much more caring. Much more sentimental. Classic dad. Yeah. It really does. It's unbelievable

when they well he got cancer himself and I think that oh wait that's what my patients were going through and then he realized maybe

what did you do with Brenna that made you feel like oh well yesterday literally yesterday I'm just like I also have ADHD so it's a combination

we'll say it right ADHD ADHD Luigi not Gild Luigi ADHD ADHD So it's a combination of ADHD. ADHD. Luigi. Not guilty. Luigi. ADHD. ADHD.

PTSD. Yeah. Manicardi. So yesterday, for instance, I ordered Domino's for us. Okay. And she wanted pepperoni and onions. And I did pepperoni banana pepper just because I don't listen. Hold on.

Walk me through that. You literally did it. You just did what you wanted. Or did you get biscuits through peppers and onions? Yeah, you know me. Because they can be... I can see how in your brain, hearing it while you're pulling up the app, you're just like, onion, pepper,

like, oh, that thing. Yeah, they sound similar. They look similar when they're cut up. Yeah, they both have like a spiciness to them. Where were you guys yesterday? This is what I need. I need a team, like a fucking defense team. We need to know your intention. Now I'm on her side. So, sorry, I've been sick too,

but I'm good now. I'm just coughing. And you already had it. I already had it. I'm good. So, there was onions. I got two pizzas one i got onions like you're on the stand right now and you're sweating there were two pizzas there were two feet okay why not one for yourself why not one for me okay you're on yeah how how okay that's a few good men but anyway so i I was gonna get One onion And pepperoni One pepperoni

And peppers But I got Two pepperoni And peppers And I don't know How I did that Two Does she hate peppers

She doesn't hate peppers She doesn't love peppers Peppers on a pizza Is a specific thing And it really Will compromise the flavor Yeah it's overwhelming flavor So will onions

I put pretty much anything Banana pepper Soaks in Olives Oh yeah These are all very strong flavors What's the best topping That you could remove It's overwhelming flavor. Soapy onions. I put pretty much anything. Banana peppers are strong. Olives. Oh, yeah. These are all very strong flavors. What's the best topping that you could remove without ruining the integrity? I would say mushrooms, I think.

But I know some people hate mushrooms so much, but they don't have a pungent lingering flavor. No, no. Tomato slices? Yes. Oh, that's perfect. That's the best one. Spinach? Spinach, yeah.

It's hard to get the spinach off. You's the best one. Spinach. Spinach. Yeah. You can pull, it's hard to get the spinach off. You always have remnants. Oh, I love. Why would you ever not have spinach on a pizza? Like it's tasteless. Spinach does though. If you, if you have spinach, the juices of the spinach, because if you cook it at home, it seeps in and then it does wind up tasting weird.

Oh, this, this weekend I ordered a pizza and I said, I want extra spinach. Like a lot, like three times the amount you put on. And then Chris chimed in and said, like three times the amount you put on. And then Chris chimed in and said like try to get weird with spinach. Like try to make her like hate spinach. And they never do that, but this place actually did. Too much spinach? Like it was – it looked like turf, like astroturf on my pizza because I get vegan and it was like – it was so good. I know.

They didn't ruin it for me, but like it must have been a field full of spinach to get it that much because it just we all know. Spinach is one of those things that like you get a big bag and you're like oh my god, this is so much spinach. And then you put it in a pan. It's a dime. Wild. Yeah, it turns into a little It's the opposite of those little pills that you put in water and then they turn into like a dinosaur

Yeah, it's the opposite Okay, so the pizzas arrive Brenna is just pissed. So Brenna went to work and she came back. I was trying to surprise her. Sorry, when you're like getting pizza and you're like, you are already in your mind like, I'm going to let myself have fucking pizza.

Like I'm going on vacation. Diet vacation. Yes, it's a little cruise. And then your flight's canceled. Or it's like you were going to fly first class and the canceled flight and you have to fly Spirit with a bunch of fucking peppers. Yeah, a bunch of fucking banana peppers. That's what she did because she still got to go on the vacation of the pizza, but it's shittier.

Yes. And I'm just trying. My problem is I really do try to be a good person. I witness it all the time. And I constantly fail. Yeah. And I try, though. In my brain, I'm going, I'm getting these pizzas i'm getting a ranch with it too she loves that she's gonna come home it's

gonna be sitting there everything's perfect and next thing i know the guy shows up and he i go i open up the pizza i go these are both peppers he goes that's what you got and i was like no i didn't i got onion oh no and then you then now you have an attitude with him and you look at the order and then he's right over. And I go, I got a ranch too. And he goes, no, you didn't. And then I didn't get the ranch either. I don't know what I'm doing on this Domino app.

What happened? Because I'm fucking going back and forth. There's too many apps. Yeah, there's too many apps. On my thing. It's okay. Yeah. Wait, so how did Brenna respond to the peppers?

She fucking was, she's like, you don't think. Yeah. Maybe you need't think. Yeah. Maybe you need some medicine. Oh, no. Maybe you need to get on Vyvanse. Well, she didn't know the name. That'd be weird if she knew. Yeah, like 30 milligrams.

Maybe you need 30 milligrams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden she has wire in glasses. She knows like the generic long name. She's like, here's Dr. Rubenstein. Yeah. He's on Melrose. So what happened

when you were flipping through the apps? Like, why couldn't you just do it right? I think I know. Like, okay, because sometimes I do it, like, it's happened to me twice this week that I've ordered, like, an Uber Eats order, and albeit like I was in the middle of something else and I'm trying to put this order in so that all the salads

get there on time for the writers meeting and, like, and I was, like, at the time having injections put into my face and I'm trying to, this order in so that all the salads get there on time for the writers meeting. And like ever. And and I'm I was like at the time having injections put into my face. And I'm trying to like talk to the doctor, but also press the app and not be rude to him who he's, you know, trying to analyze my face. Like, yes, filler and trying to put peppers in. Yeah. Trying to put some peppers and he put onion. I ordered ranch. So I was pressing it.

And then Chris, you even witnessed, I think you were there the other day, when Chris, like, we were getting an order. We've done so many of these writers meetings where the food shows up. And he's like, Nikki, I love you so much. You're so good at so many things in your life. But you are so bad at clicking the add utensils button. I just can never remember to do it, even though every single time it is a fucking hassle

because we don't have enough silverware in our apartment. It always comes to like me having to beg someone to use chopsticks. And also, yeah, and I ordered it to the wrong address. And I know every time I go, Nikki, next time you open this app, check the address. And then I don't. And so it's just like, it's just too much. You just like in your head. It's like when I poop before I go, Nikki, next time you open this app, check the address, and then I don't. And so it's just like, it's just too much. You just like in your head.

It's like when I poop before I shower, and then I don't want to, I don't flush the toilet, and then I go, I'm going to flush the toilet when I get out of the shower. Oh, and then you forget to flush the toilet. And then I always forget to flush the toilet. It's like uncap, things not being capped, toilets not being flushed. I constantly am not flushing toilets. Literally constantly. The worst is when your partner

goes in there and it's just like fucking really? Chris would never say anything. Ever. That's even sadder. You just hear like a sad, quiet flush and you go, oh no, that was too quick for him to do. He couldn't have peed in that time and there must have been, what was in there? What did he see?

What part of me did he see? Oh God, that's a nightmare i'd rather yeah it's like it's it's it's but i always forget to i think that's an add thing too like i forget to flush toilet all the time so it's really just about distractions and not being and having too many things you're focusing on at once which i can relate to yeah i think i think that's must be it but i i can't stand it when you're like i know what i meant to do and then i did the opposite thing yeah and that's when i get very defensive because then it's like how could you do this it's like but i was trying so hard to be oh that's always what i tell my dad when he gets mad at

my mom for not remembering something i'm like she can't help that it's not like she's choosing not to remember yeah she's not no one would choose to like set their life up so that they have two peppered pizzas yeah not like why would i choose that but it's also the person has an argument to be like you need to be more thoughtful like yeah you know it's like everyone has like a point also my reaction to it doesn't mean that that other person should have the same reaction like so if you ordered two banana pepper and pepperoni i'd'd be like, oh, sweet, pizza. It wouldn't be like, how could you not think about this? I'd be so chill.

She's a different person. So was she like that before you got married or has this changed now? The day I got fucking married. It's the same. Well, now she's locked in. So now she's like, am I married to a man who gets two pepper pizzas? Now she's got really stakes to try to get you to be more thoughtful. Then I'm going to teach my kid to be a pepper pizza person.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. It just never stops. Everyone just talks about how great marriage and partnership is, but you forget that if you're a person that's pretty on their own, like doing things, like that's a nice, being single might be horrible in some ways because you're lonely and you just feel like you're always lacking and you're always trying to find someone. But enjoy the fact that you don't have to care about anyone else.

It's the best. I didn't have cups. You know that. I didn't have really sheets. One towel maybe. You gave a girl after she spent the night romantically. Oh, yeah. After she spent the night, she asked for a glass of water and I brought her back a bowl.

Oh, my God. Because that's all he had. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Red flag. It is a red flag that she didn't enjoy. The fact that you brought her something is funny, though, and nice, I think.

Yeah, I was just trying to be. She had to have known what she was getting into with you. She couldn't have been shocked by the bowl. But at that moment, I didn't have anyone to answer to. No. But I was falling apart. You've come a long way. What are you, in the CIA cia like why are you yeah yeah i was trying your house yeah i'm trying to look like a poor loser so people didn't know who i was yeah this happened the

other day i fucking my washer dryer i so i have i live in a very small apartment we have a washer dryer but it's like a two-for-one yeah Yeah. Oh, we have that right now. It sucks so much. You have to empty the dryer water. Yes, and it's only one. You can only put like a wash rag in there. And it doesn't get hot. It just dries it cold. Oh, man. I thought that invention was good. No. No, it's kind of fun to see the

water, though, that comes out. It's kind of satisfying. It's like, where does it go? It's so much water in your clothes, and you have to drain it in the sink. And I told Chris, I kind of like that. Like, I see the process. But it's such shit in the clothes. Don't get dry. They're all constantly damp even when you wear them for hours.

So the other day, two days ago, I was having the same thing where I was very distracted. I was thinking about a million different things. And I had to bring Jack to the vet for his monthly thing. And I walked into the car. I put Jack in the car. Yeah. And I had to get his bed out of the trunk. And I put it in the back seat.

I put Jack in the back seat. I get in the car. And I'm sitting in the car and I'm like ready to go. And I'm like, man, it's like weird noise. There's a weird noise happening. What is this? And I'm like about to go. And then I turn around and I realize I just left the trunk open.

Yeah. Like the whole thing. I was about to drive around with like the trunk just open. That's so normal. But I mean. Like I thought Jack was going to be like outside the car scratching. Yeah, I did too. Or like his leash would be caught in the door.

Something like way more horrific. Guys, I was. I looked down. I forgot to tie my shoe. No. Yeah. That's how. That is tough.

No. Both of them. I don't think I've ever put, like I have the electric car whenever I take the thing out. I don't think I've ever put the flap back on. Every single time I get in my car and it goes, the flap is out. Oh my God. And I have to get out of the car. Literally every time.

I drove away twice with the gas tank in the car. I literally looked in the Did it break off? Yes it's the loudest thing It's so embarrassing They come out screaming like what are you doing Actually one time the guy was pretty cool about it He even charged me but then the other time my brother was driving

And he didn't love it How much does that cost? I think only like 80 bucks Probably happens all the time Wait there is a set charge for if you do this? I guess. And what happens? The nozzle rips out of the device or it rips out of your car?

The pumps are designed to rip off because it happens so often. Okay. But we were down the road and my brother looks in his side mirror and fucking- Just dangling out. Just dangling. Because if your music's loud enough anything can be happening oh sister hazel was bumping

honestly this is why I don't want kids because I would leave them in the backseat oh that's my yeah that's like the big fear because I have read

on purpose I have read so many articles about people forgetting their kids in their backseat and it happens there was this article that was like it happens to everyone

don't think you're a type of person it doesn't happen to it's happened to every kind of person. This responsible CEO, this mother of three who had everything going for her,

this person who has never touched a drug in their life, this person who gets good sleep and does ice baths, this person who's a piece of shit. Like it's every, like you can't avoid it. So unless you get a car that's like, beep, beep, beep, beep,

like has, I would only have a kid after that because I can't trust myself. And they die? Because you just think, yeah, beep, beep, beep. I would only have a kid after that because I can't trust myself. And they die? Yeah, because it's hot outside. Even the CEO? Yeah, it happens to everyone. And it's like, there's nothing you'll ever recover. It's like the worst thing that will ever happen

in your life. You kill your kid in your own car? That's pretty bad. Yeah. It's probably worse than like, the banana peppers. I don't know. It's close. Every parent, because that is a fear, they must convince pep the banana peppers i don't know it's it's close but you but you you every parent because that is a fear they must convince themselves that could never happen to me i'm just telling you it could and so that is why i do not want a kid because it could it's the same reason i never want

to hold a baby because they say you won't drop the baby you won't drop the baby and it's like everyone thinks they're better than accidents right it's like I'm not I do the risk is so high to hold someone else's baby for what I think that's crazy but yeah I've never touched a baby

I feel like if you hold someone else's you've never touched a baby not even my own little sister no way who's 13 years younger than me no way I've never touched a baby

you're being silly I've never held a baby stop it I've never held a baby up right now do you want to hold me literally've never touched a baby. Are you being silly? I've never held a baby. Stop it. I've never held a baby up right now. Do you want to hold me? Literally, you could drop a baby and they'll be fine. I'm not kidding you.

They're very durable. You can't leave them in a car for hours. But if you drop them, they hit their head and they have a brain injury for the rest of their lives. No, they're actually, they're not going to hit their head. You're not going to drop, you've never dropped something that you're paying attention to holding delicately. I just left my trunk open. Yeah, but like if you're, it's not like you're like, we're asking you to hold thatately. I just left my trunk open. It's not like we're asking you to hold that and throw bowling pins at you to juggle. You would be concentrated

on it. There would be no worry. You'd be sitting on a couch and someone could set it in your lap. I'm never touching a baby. If you're laying down, hold the baby. Start laying down and work your way up to your feet. Start with a laying down baby. It's not going to do it. Why? What's the point? I don't want to hold a gun. I'm the same way with guns.

Because babies smell nice. I don't want to hold a baby and a gun at the same time. No, no. That's a recipe for disaster. But, yeah. I'll give a gun to a baby, but I'm not going to hold either of them. Yeah, baby, you hold this gun. I'm not holding either of you.

Yeah. All right. We've got to go to bed. We'll be back after this. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more

from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So we were all at Thursday Night Football for the last one. And so we were in the bowels of the stadium. And Andrew was there in a box.

Oh, no, I was just a lower seat. The guy that's actually in charge of all the boxes. It's his seat. Oh, wow. Somehow I work. How does the box guy only have seats? Yeah, that's a good question. Cruel.

The guy that's in charge of who's in the boxes that's a that's an alanis morissette lyric yeah when you run all the boxes but oh they give you a seat yeah that's it that's a good one it's like right um did you have access to like the food though and stuff like the uh no no actually but it was cool no it was definitely like 10th row behind the chargers who was playing i forget now yeah me too the broncos well we're we're in the bowels we're all writing and and you know you're on zoom so you can put jokes in and every once in a while through the zoom, we just hear like, there isn't enough onions on my hot dog or something like that. Yeah, we'd hear you like bartering with the snack bar staff.

It's like, no, I'm just on mute. No, they don't even know. I can do whatever I want. They'll pay me for anything. Did you hear that? Did you hear me? Yeah. I was like, yeah, no, they're fucking working like a bunch of losers while I own

those stadiums you were asking the cotton candy man for a joke about the last play that's pretty good he came up with that yard one

did you write the yard one yeah that was a great what was the yard one the one that was like he looked like someone says

no that doesn't mean you're not you probably had it I just changed it. Here's a little insight into joke writing. Here we go. It was like that Yarbaugh?

Harbaugh? What's his name? Stalwart? What's the other coach's name? Jim Harbaugh. Harbaugh? It is hard to say. Harbaugh.

I don't like his name. I don't like him and his brother's names. It sounds like Yard. Okay, you said that he looked... I take him seriously. He looks like someone who yells, get off my yard to his own yard. Yeah. And you changed it.

I said, cause it's usually get off my lawn. I know. So I changed it to lawn too. And then we said, oh, maybe it'd be better to say he yells, get off his lawn to his own yard. And we all agreed that worked. And then I said it out loud and I was like, no, it needs to be the same word. And so then we changed it to lawn.

And it did work yeah it hit hard that was good yeah that was a good one thank you thank you but yeah yard and lawn it's the difference

between peppers and onions well Nikki does this thing where she she bolds or you bold Nikki bolds oh you bold so we submit a bunch of jokes

and then you see the bolds and you get yeah it's like a little heroin hit oh yeah but then those bolds don't make it to the final because then you get really good's like a little heroin hit no yeah but then those bolds don't make it to the final because then you get really good ones in the room of like what that person specifically looks like yeah yeah so it's hard to get a bold to another no are you aware of this

side of things where when you bold something the writers get well sometimes i'm in the document where all the jokes are and i will see other little like anonymous kangaroo in the google you know what I mean? Like, I'll see someone watching. which is one of our writers from Australia. He's really good.

And he'll say, naru. No, I am aware of that because I obviously, like, if I could never be on the, not never,

but it would be hard for me to be on the other side of it and submit jokes and actually, it'd be kind of fun because be on the other side of it and submit jokes. Actually, it would be kind of fun because I like the competition. I would like the reward. It would make joke writing – it's almost like the same as stand-up. When you write a joke and it works in front of a crowd, you get this dopamine hit of like, I'm good. I figured out something.

So it would be that equivalent of being in a writer's room is having the person that you're writing for pick yours and go, you're good. Exactly. Gold star. So it would be like, so in this instance, you're the crowd.

Yes. So you, you should know that when you are bolding something, you are making someone happy. I, now I do know that. And I understand that. And,

um, I will, uh, heavy is the hand that bolts. Well, don't, don't do that. No, everything's going to be bolded. Oh, no. Heavy is the hand that bolts. Well, don't. Don't do that. No.

No, everything's going to be bolted. Oh, no. Heavy is the hand that bolts. That is a big responsibility. It's weighing on me. Yeah. Don't be weight. Don't extra bolt because that makes it worse.

No, I would never extra bolt. But I would never. Because I don't want to give positive reinforcement to something that isn't, like, people only grow if they're like. And also, I would also say say if any of the writers are listening anything i don't if you put in something that's great it could be great it's just my taste it's not a crowd it's one person yeah one person who has proven to have a really good taste but like gestures and you're gonna cut off our head if you're not giving one of these i would just

if i were you guys i would convince myself that she's just like Nikki just has bad taste today or like she doesn't get it like she doesn't see the potential of this. And so yeah I would I would I would do that if I were you. But no it's it's so fun. And it's like like you know but I still feel it too when I'm able to write a joke and it like gets in And obviously I kind of know that everyone's going to be nicer about my jokes than I am. Like I can easily be like, no, not, you know, and I'm not rude about it, but like, I don't, I don't convince myself that like, wow, everything I say is so funny. Cause you know, like no one's going to be like, but, but yeah, I know when something bombs and then when something's good and it feels so good when you're able to write a joke.

We have a space right now in the script for the Golden Globes that is just like, it is just, we're holding space. Yes, yes. Huge gap. Huge gap. We need this trophy awarded. There's no way we can step on stage without having a big joke about this movie. And we just haven't nailed it yet. There's literally nothing that could even come close to filling that space.

We need to write a joke about the confines of a fig or whatever the movie is called. I can't think of it. That's definitely the one that's the least. That would have been the proper thing to say for the joke if I could remember. The sacred of the fig. Yeah, the sacred. Yeah, there's some movie that has a fig in it. That's the correct movie to say for the joke if i could remember the sacred of the fig yeah the sacred yeah there's some movie that has the fig that's the correct movie to say for that joke to work that joke to work it's so unimportant yes but um but last night we're at this restaurant oh yeah yeah that was fun golden uh for the golden gloves and we we had this other

thing we wanted to fill uh like a kind of another gap we wanted to fill and we've been trying to like crack it for a long time. And then we're just going through all the names of all the nominees. And then, I mean, it just came out of Nikki's head. Just, like, sometimes a joke comes out, like, fully formed. Yeah, that's so good. Just came out. And you said it, like, you said it because it made you laugh.

And then we were all like, yes, that's correct. That's the joke. Oh, it feels so good when that happens. When you're just kind of, like, saying something and people go wait that yeah you know but that that that joke only came out of because we were trying to crack this joke that um like we kept pitching things that were like sexual in nature because that was kind of like seemed to be where we were going with it and it seemed like the easiest way to crack that nut and then the only way i thought of that was to be like okay if i can't be sexual what is this right like what is something else

and then that's i think what helped it's like sometimes you just have to come up with barriers make things work even though you think that having no barriers is like anything could happen like sometimes it's too much room. Yeah. Or you start all of a sudden thinking about something sexual. It's like it doesn't have to be that. Right. I was thinking I was making the job easier, but I was making it a lot harder. Yeah. Well, then we tried it at the comedy school.

Oh, and when it worked, it was like such a good feeling. Like Bob said, me and Bob shook hands like we just did the moon landing. It was just like, because I said to him before, I was like, if this joke doesn't work, I don't, I lose all faith in my ability to judge comedy. Oh, wait, there's been some moments though of running this set where like

the other night, there was a joke that like, the whole premise of the joke is that there's this movie and within this movie, there's this one performance that is just kind of weird. And like, and that's the whole premise of the joke. It's like, this part

of this movie is weird and doesn't line up with the rest. And it's solid. This is a solid observation that every single person that has weighed in on this script has noted as well. So I'm on stage and it doesn't do well. Like, it doesn't resonate. It's not even that it doesn't do well. It gets literally nothing.

It's not even a titter. Not even a titter. It wasn't even a groan. It was as if they didn't recognize that a joke had just been told. So I stopped and I go, did you all see this? Who's seen this movie?

The whole room, 80% of the room, whatever, 70% of the room claps. I go, did you think this thing was weird in it? This thing that I'm talking about. Did you, do you agree that it was not good?

This part. They all agree. And I go, well, then why didn't you laugh? What? It was just dead silence. They're just like, we don't know. Like, it's just not. And I got backstage and we're like,

we still just can't figure out why i'm making an observation about something that we all agree is the thing and it's actually saying something bold too like it's it's kind of it's not it's not mean it's just like it's pointing out something that no one's really said but it's like it's there that's inherently funny why is this not working it's a mystery i want to see it one more time. I think just to – No. I mean, it's a scientific anomaly. It needs to be studied. Oh, there's – oh, wait.

There's been some so many funny moments. There was one last night. I wish we could get it. I'm like nervous to even get into it. Which one? Oh, God. No, we can't. We'll talk to Andrew about it. No, you didn't even want so something happened at the show last night

and I'm sorry to besties who are like don't talk cryptically but there was a moment during our running of the sets last night that we do you ever in a group of people

you're all friends and then something weird happens and you all are like this is so weird but you can't say it out loud because the weird thing that is happening is like it would is so weird, but you can't say it out loud because the weird thing that is happening is like, it would be rude to call it out because that weird thing is not part of the group. Right? So you all look to each other like, are you okay with this? And

you go, I guess they are. So I'm not going to say anything, or I guess they know what's going on here. So I shouldn't say anything. Each one of us, us we collectively found it was a group of six of us after after this happened we all got together and then we all go so you guys all knew about this right and they no one knew what was no one was okay with what was happening but we all had can gaslit ourselves into thinking that everyone else was okay with it, but none of us were. And it was so bonding. Yeah, this is like the Nazis. This is exactly like the Nazis. I loved it.

Are you okay with them taking away? Chris was walking around being like, I should have done something. I can't believe I did. I was seconds away from saying something, but I thought that you were okay with it. And I was like, no, this was the greatest thing that could ever happen.

This is so funny. It's making us laugh. It's team building to have a common thing. It wouldn't have been as funny if we confronted it. team building to have a common, like sure thing that like, it wouldn't have been as funny. You got to have a scapegoat just like the Nazis. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Okay. It all comes. We've experienced. I had a much more positive take on it. Now we understand how it could get that far. But I love, I loved that moment so much. Um, yeah,

it's, uh, the monologue's coming along. We're getting, we're two, we're less than two weeks out. Yeah. Every time I go to the Golden Globes nominees page

to like, because it's all, it's a beautiful site that has it all lined up for us. Wonderful site. We're very grateful for that. Yes. Because whenever you want to check a reference,

it's like right there. Yep. They have a countdown clock on the top. Oh, God. Oh, wow. So today, like it always says like, today it'll be like 13 hours.

Wow. So you know exactly how much time you have left. 13 days, 14 hours. Yeah. Which you know exactly how much time you have left. 13 days, 14 hours. Yeah. Which feels like a lot, but it's like whenever you have something looming, I'm sure you felt this way about your wedding or something. You're like, oh my God, it's a week away.

It used to be months away. How did we get here? But time fucking happens, man. Also, I hate when the clock starts so far from the thing. Yes. Oh my God. I want a clock. Give me a clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh, my God. I want a clock. Give me a clock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like rent or whatever. But I don't know. No, time is weird. That's just a year and minutes. It's 575,600 minutes. I remember. Is that how long someone lives?

Is that what it is? It's a time of year. Oh. 525,000. It's in the song. I thought that's how long you have AIDS. I really didn't. Well, that's what they mean. That's that's how long you have AIDS. I really didn't. Well, that's what they mean.

That's what they mean. That's what they're saying. We have so little time to live. We need to recognize that a year is just this many minutes. This is what Chris said to me about Christmas because we were talking about going back. And he's like, it's a bummer. I really wanted to go back with my family. He's like, you only get so many.

He's like, you get, what, 50 Christmases with family in your life? And then 87 Christmases, you know, total. And he's like, I hate when people do that. And I'm like, that is like one 50th is a lot. Yeah. 2% of the Christmases with my family is squandered this week because of flu. Yeah. But, you know, it's not good to think of things like that.

If we constantly, I mean, yeah, I don't, I don't like that either. Where it's reminding you. Remember, you used to like this, that, um, I mean, yeah, I don't like that either where it's reminding you. Remember, you used to like this, that chart with the dots on it. I don't like that chart. I just think it's fascinating. It's fascinating, yeah. It's terrifying.

I don't want to talk about that chart, actually. Yeah, it doesn't help me to look at that. The chart that has one dot for each week of your life and then you look and it's way less dots

than you would think. That's terrible. You would think it would be a wall of dots, but it is like a fucking postcard of dots. Yeah. You know what I hate? It's so small. Of weeks.

1995 is closer to 1940 than it is to 2020. Oh, yeah. I hate those. I just hate when people are accomplishing things in their 20s and you're like, oh my – like you just think about what you were doing at that time and i know that i'm an accomplished person and you could say oh but it's just there are still times when it's like someone hosts snl when they're 23 and they still they have like a body of work yeah and they've sabrina carpenter is like 27 has like six albums and has like i'm just like how have and you you're not

even in your 30s yet you haven't even been like i am old and i'm 30 yet and it's like god fuck you why it makes me so upset i also hate when people are like he finished med school at 58 it's like quit already you fucking dick and i don't really appreciate those things that are like, listen, so-and-so didn't get started on their dissertation until they were 38. I'm like, well, I'm 40. I missed the boat. That doesn't help me. Someone said the other day, like, I'm not going to get a facelift until I'm like 45. And I was like, yeah.

And I was like, I'm 44. That's next year. Holy shit. No, I know know I'm due yeah I'm due I can't I'm sorry to people who get I think I've said

it on here before if you're getting facial surgery in this business you're lazy because you don't work hard enough if you if you have time to get a surgery and recover from it you you're not working. I do not have time for it. I work hard enough that I have things to do where I have to be on camera.

I have to work. I have to show up. I don't get to take off a week or two to have drains in my face and sleep, you know, on my back. What surgery are you talking about? A facelift, a BBL. A facelift? A BBL.

Are you kidding me? A facelift? It pulls everything back. Oh, but then you get the scars right here. Yeah, but I don't have time to do this shit. Yeah,

they look amazing. My mom got one. It was crazy. What do you mean crazy? No, my mom got one like, you know, 25 years ago, probably 30 years ago,

when it was like a different deal. We'll talk about it when we get back. We have to go to break. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, your mom got a facelift back when they were still kind of experimental, almost.

Well, my grandma even got a... Her mom got a facelift. I come from a long line of facelift women. Oh, I'm doing it. For sure. But it's crazy when they get to surgery they really look like monsters oh yeah you look in the room i go into her room and she'd just be like yeah i think i'm getting my mom a facelift oh really yeah i i she's she's letting me because she was you know there's just some things that i'm like mom like there's fixes for this like

when people get facelifts i always i see them. It's gone better now. It's good, Brian. I'm not kidding you. Can I see a picture of someone who got a facelift that actually looks good? Yeah. And while you're looking that up, I'll say there was this influencer on Instagram who I don't follow anymore because they're making me so mad because of how much success they're having. Just a random influencer. And they were like, me and my husband just bought a uh our cabin upstate and

she's 24 she has a house she's an apartment in new york and then she had a cabin upstate and i'm like you're 24 and it just made me so mad yeah that's upsetting well social media has expedited everything yeah with that kind of stuff especially if you're in your 20s i mean back in the day it was like literally there was like five 23-year-olds that could do that. Oh, yeah. There was like Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yeah. Yeah. And his older brother. Yeah.

No, it's. I think I really do think that Silicon Valley and social media and disruptors have done more damage to society than like the oil industry. Oh. Damn. Whoa. They've destroyed our society. What do you think about TikTok being removed on the 19th? Wait, what?

Really? Well, Trump is on the 19th. Yeah, that's the last day. Yeah. Is it really? It's really rolling towards that conclusion. But even though Trump said he's going to intervene because he likes that TikTok, but I don't think he's going to do anything. I don't think he's going to be able to pull it off.

I don't think he's going to put together the correct people to actually stop this from happening. I can't find the facelift thing, but I'll show you an example. I love when Trump talks about it because he goes, his whole reason for TikTok staying is because he did good numbers. It has nothing to do with like the small business. Oh, I'm not. I mean. Everything he does is from a place of does it benefit him? And it will never not be that way.

It's anyone who is surprised by that. You're a moron. It's the way he is. Accept it. I have accepted it. He only operates from a place of, of me, me,

me. And that's why if I ever come into contact with him, I'll just tell him he is really hot and I love him. Yeah, of course. And it'll, everything will be okay for me. Yes.

And everyone will be, you just, just, it's really a good thing that someone is so. Susceptible to. Yeah, susceptible to just flattery. And it's like, it's a good thing for. Good and bad. No, it's obviously horrible, but I'm trying to see the benefits of it. But anyone who is under the, I don't even think

he would want you to be under the illusion that he cares about you. Right. Anymore. No, it's all about transaction. I think, I'm not saying anything

crazy here to say that he doesn't care about literally anyone but himself. That is, there's just no way. And he expects, he probably thinks

that everyone's the same way. Everyone else is just thinking about themselves too. So why would he think about others? I could see that. Yeah. Speaking of Trump. I'm not even mad about it.

You were in New York doing a million press thing. I don't think we talked about that yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went to the top of the Empire State Building and then you did a video, lip syncing video. Yes. And it was shared. It was a joint post with the Empire State Building. The Empire State Building is a press tour stop now.

What? We're on the way there. No offense, Empire State and the social media team. But I was like, it was a really long day. I had just gotten done doing literally 17 interviews with affiliates where you just sit down. And then they go, okay, Nikki, we're patching you through to Sacramento. Five-minute interview with the news team there. Now to St. Louis.

Now to Philadelphia. Now to Chicago. Now to Arizona. Now to St. Louis, now to Philadelphia, now to Chicago, now to Arizona, now to LA, now to New York, literally 17 in a row for two and a half hours. Then a photo shoot with New York times before that it was the V it was, uh, Kelly and Mark. And then before that it was Gail King. This was all in one morning. It's like, now it's crazy. Now it's one 30 and I have to go to the Empire State Building. And it was sick. Now it's time for you to jump off the building. I literally said that I go next I have to go to the Empire State Building. And it was sick. Now it's time for you to jump off the building. I literally said that. I go, next we're going to Empire State.

I'm jumping off. And then you're going to live. We're on the way there. And I said to my publicist in the backseat, I go, this was something I probably should have said no to, right? And she goes, no, no, no. This is like a big press stop. And you go in and it's like every famous person has been there. Final thought.

The Empire State is like the new Carson. Whoa. Well, it has about a million followers. Late night show. Yeah. You go there. You take a tour. You go up.

The press team is so good. They keep you in this like amazing green room with all these snacks and stuff. And then they bring you up. And then you shoot a video of you like sitting with the like the statues you do up so there's like a model of the Empire State Building on the ground floor

and you like stand there and they're like oh this is a photo op so I go to stand there I have no idea I think it's just going to be like their social media team taking a picture maybe one photographer there's like 15 photographers that

are all there going i've never seen it it's like i've done the emmy red carpet i've done uh you know critics choice i've done so many red carpets nothing has ever been this intense of like i was i literally there's a picture of me going what's happening because i thought i thought bts like a k-pop band was behind me. It was that insane. But they were all there just to make a picture of me. And I'm like, this is a waste of their time. But it was so nice because I'm just like, who cares about me?

Star Power goes a little further in New York than it does here. I guess so. But I was, I truly, because I was not planned for it. And I'm looking over my publicist like, what's happening? Like, is this a bigger thing than I know about? Like, it was – Nicky over here. Was it old-timey cameras?

It looks like – Because it was the Empire State Film? It looks like a – You know what I mean? Yeah, but it felt old-timey. It felt like I was in a movie. It felt like I was in Notting Hill. I love the Chrysler building being Ed McMahon.

You just walked out of a courthouse defending Boo Radley. Yeah, yeah. It was a perp walk. I wish that some of the pictures – because there's definitely pictures of me going, what's happening? Like looking behind me because I don't, I'm so clueless. I'm like, are other people coming to this? Because why would all these people be here for me?

But it wasn't about me. It's just like they all get called every day when there's a celebrity there. So it's like the same people. And then some of the photographers. They get the call like they're Batman. Can you move? We're trying to get a celebrity at the Empire empire state building i've never seen anything like it and then i walk off and i'm like someone could someone have told me that was like i had no what they're like yeah well it's a

press op or whatever it's called and i go but i've never done anything that was insane yeah and then we go up and that you walked down a hall and there's all these pictures of every celebrity you you've ever heard of it's like playing playing Hollywood. In the modern era. In the modern era. Not like Johnny Carson went to the Empire State Building. No, in the modern era, it's like they have made a huge effort to be like, this is a mess up. I don't know.

What does the Empire State Building need from us? Well, they make so much money off tourism. So it's like I went where Nikki Lager went. So I am like rushing past hordes of people that are there to see it. So it's like all these people, tourists, and they're like coming through and they're like making room for me. And like, I it. So it's like all these people, tourists, and they're like coming through and they're like making room for me.

And like, I'm getting in the elevator before all these people cutting in line. Like you kind of feel like an asshole the whole time. And then you go up to the 102nd floor and then they're like, you have to sign a waiver if you want to go to the 103rd floor. That's only for like celebrities and press ops. So I got to go to the highest observation deck

in the Western Hemisphere. Whoa. I don't even know what that means. I mean, that's higher than Sears Tower. In the Western Hemisphere. So where is the hemisphere? That's the Tropic of Cancer. Where is it?

Is it in the middle of the Atlantic? The Western Hemisphere? I don't know the Atlantic, no. Yeah, that's a good question. Like what observation deck is killing it on the other side? I want to know. Probably Dubai. Yeah, the Burj Khalifa or something. They don't have an observation deck though that's just like a big big sharp dick I don't like heights and they keep asking like are

you okay with heights my makeup guy like couldn't go up because he's scared of heights and I was like oh god like you don't need to do this I love I love honoring people's anxieties I'm like no this is and he's like what if you need to? I'm like, I think I'll be okay. So he stays down there. We go all the way up. And you can just jump off. I mean, you had to sign a waiver that you won't do anything squirrelly because they wouldn't trust the public up there. Yeah, you could jump off like in that one building that you referenced.

Oh, yeah. What's that building? Oh, that's the one that they don't let you go up alone because people are killing themselves. So if you go with a person, they figure you won't commit suicide. But then a kid was with his family and did it. So then I think you can't even go up anywhere. It's the one in Hudson Yards. It's like a really cool looking building.

It looks like a beehive. If you want to Google it, if you're like a morbid person, look up a building in Hudson Yards, suicide. Yeah. There's a lot of them. Anyway, so we go up and they told me Jared Leto dropped his phone off it. And his phone didn't break. No, he didn't. His phone didn't break.

It went all the way down to the 90th floor. Off the entire floor. Oh, okay. So it fell 13 floors. That would have went right through someone's skull down through their pelvis. Yeah. 12 seconds to someone's pelvis. Yeah.

So is that as banned? 12 seconds. 12 hours or something? Yeah, yeah. 30 seconds. But if you drop a penny is that as banned? 12 seconds. 12 hours or something? Yeah, yeah. 30 seconds. But if you drop a penny from that, if you drop a penny from that height and hit somebody. I know it can like go down your. It's like, it's like a laser.

Why does that happen that more though? It happens. Because it's wind. Well, no one holds pennies. No, wind makes the penny not go. That's true. Totally. Yeah, that's a good point.

Oh, maybe the wind. I think wind does affect it. But anyway, I'm up there and they're like. Well, you're dead but cut a bullet. Emily came up with a great idea to like because they were tossing around their social media team was like you want to film something

and we're going through all these like ideas they pitched me the Gracie Abrams TikTok trend that I started to do they copied it on SNL

I know like verbatim what we did in the hallway it's a trend so it's not copied that's like what you do no you started you wrote the song

trends are not copies you wrote the song it's so funny that I take any credit for a gracie abrams song i did that right i just lip sync to tiktok has made plagiarism fun and acceptable no it's fun to do trends like it's it's not about the artists anymore no it's like you know you hope that you can create something sometimes original but i like trends i don't think it's copying at all i was so so flattered that that took off and i wasn't like why aren't people tagging me it's not even my that that took off. And I wasn't like, why aren't people tagging me? It's not even my song. If it were my song, I'd be like, why aren't people tagging me?

If you're not tagging Gracie in that, that's weird. But you looking in a mirror and then walking down a hall, I don't care. Yes, I know I started it, but I don't really have a lot of ownership over it. I don't think she'd ever be on SNL if it wasn't for that day. But anyway. Oh, sure, sure. She has no connections. What you did was awesome.

Yeah. So Emily, because I was like, Emily, we need yeah. She has no connection. But – What you did was awesome. So, yeah. So, Emily – It was badass. Because I was like, Emily, we need to come up with a song. And I'm like trying to think of – I would trust no one more than her to come up with this. And she was like, what about Defying Gravity? And I'm like, oh, it's been done.

It's like, Wicked's like late now. And then she was like, I don't know. It's like, it could work. And I'm like, oh, but then I'm on my way from the – from, you know, all these press interviews. And we're going over there. And I'm like trying oh, but then I'm on my way from the, from, you know, all these press interviews and we're going over there and I'm like trying to memorize Defying Gravity because I've like, I like have listened to it a lot. But like that part that's like, what is it? It was a great selection. It's me.

Yeah. If you dare to die me, look to the western sky. And it's a perfect thing to do the western sky and she's on a cliff when she's doing it yes it was perfect Emily nailed it

and so we filmed it twice we nailed it both times but that was just the better one and the guy that was

filming it the team there shout out to the Empire State Building social media team this kid was walking backwards

on this observation deck 103 floors up I was posing for pictures and i was just having to like just close my eyes until then i opened for the picture because i was so nervous being up there but it helps to have something to do because i if you're focused on a performance you can't be scared yeah like it's so it really made me realize like you know i always talk about my feet don't hurt wearing shoes when i'm performing until i stop performing and then

my feet will hurt if you're, your other fears go away. And you can do so, like, you know, talking to someone really famous on camera, doing a scene, not scary. Second cameras go off, my teeth are shattering because I'm so nervous talking to this person. When the camera's on, you both have an obligation to perform. And when the camera's off, the hierarchy resumes.

Yes. And it's like, it's up to you now. Yes. Are you going to be boring? Yeah, that's why, like, people are like,ris is always like after a show like let's go hang out with all like if we'll go to like an award show like i'm nominated for a critic's choice award and but i'm they're not giving out my award at the ceremony and i'm like i don't want to go if they're not giving out my like if i don't have a chance to perform like what's he's like just you can just go and like

meet people and mingle and i'm like i don't that's not me that's not i'll be too nervous and i'll feel it's oh you hit it that yeah i did you did you like actually in my own way you did it was beautiful um yeah just i get more anxiety that way like i just that makes uncomfortable to, if I'm there for a purpose, as soon as I get off stage, I want to like run away and go back to my, like to being around people I'm comfortable with. Yeah.

Even though I'm always having a good time when I meet famous people. Shout out to Anna Kendrick, who I sat next to at the Hollywood reporter thing. And who is the only celebrity that I've ever met. Who's like, who I said, we should be friends. And she was like, she, well, she slid into my DMs after we met and she said really nice things.

And then, did I say this on the podcast already? No, I'm riveted. Okay, so we met at the Hollywood Reporter thing. She was sitting next to me at my table. She was so nice. She told me that my show like got her through a hard time when she was, not a hard time, but like just a time where she needed like company. i kept her company during a maybe a shoot she was on or she

was somewhere where she was kind of isolated and i don't know what show she was talking about but i didn't even want to ask because sometimes people i think just like conflate two things and i didn't want to be like well that show wasn't on in that year like i don't know what she was talking about but i was so it was so nice and then she slid into my dms afterwards yeah maybe she slid into my dms afterwards to be like hey I'm sorry fangirled I'm like no I'm sorry I didn't fangirl like I couldn't even tell you like all the things I love of yours and then I was like are should we be friends and she was like ew no she wrote ew no and let it sit which is so funny and then she obviously wrote like JK yes for sure And so that's a moment that a lot you have with celebrities in your DMs.

Like, yeah. Or like at a general meeting, you're like, we should actually be friends. And like, let's, you know, maybe let's work on this project, but like, let's be friends first. And it never happened. No, the Hollywood hello.

It never, and I don't expect it to, but Anna Kendrick literally followed up that DM with inviting me to dinner a couple days later with her and her friends. And I couldn't go. But it was so nice. And, like, I was like, that is – that's awesome. Yeah. That really made – so –

Kelly, Anna Kendrick's great. Yeah, she is. She really is. And she's really funny. That ooh, no after I said should we be friends was so funny. And she was really funny in conversation like because I was talking to her before my speech at the Hollywood Reporter thing I was like I think most of my I was like I'm just gonna go there I'm gonna talk about how fucking early it

is and she was like oh yeah we're all wearing borrowed diamonds and it's 7 a.m. like she had like funny things that she was like if they really respected women they would make this in the afternoon like she had she had funny lines like I was like, can I use that? I was like, she should yeah. That morning thing was great. Oh, thank you. I just watched it a couple days ago. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I mean, for however

you described it, it was from what I saw. Oh, yeah. I thought it was a B minus when I got, no, a C minus. No, it was far from it. Thank you so much. Okay, we're going to be back with tomorrow's episode just after this, but we have to go on this one. This one's done. Thank you guys for joining.

This one's fucking. It's over, everybody. What are you doing here? Hit that note again. I got in a horrible car wreck. Oh, sorry. Oh, wait, we do want to talk about how you got sick in Arkansas on the next episode of the Laser Podcast.

That's a country song. Right after this. Don't be good. Bye. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team

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