The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #498 Andrew's Étouffée is NOT Ok, Nikki's New Goal & Favorite Christmas Songs

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

The best thing about spending Xmas in LA is that Nikki can get in to any pilates class she wants. Andrew finds that as he gets older he gets more emotional for passionate instructors. At least once a year Nikki likes to watch her friend Hamish get eaten by fire ants. On the topic of pain, Andrew tells his story of getting violently ill while on the road with Nikki from a bad batch of Étouffée. Brian has breaking news; No One Had A Better Year Than Nikki Glaser. Nikki's shares her new goal for 2025. In the Final Thought, Brian asks everyone to share their favorite Christmas song.  Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Back in studio with Brian Frangie and Andrew Collin. It's Christmas in L.A. No one's here. It's beautiful. It's wonderful to be able to drive around with minimal. There's still more traffic than I thought, than I remember there being the last time I was here for the holidays. Yeah.

My Pilates classes, I'm just going to pick what time I want to go today and when I want to go. I don't have to think ahead because they're all open and I can go anytime. Usually I have to schedule that shit a week in advance to get a spot. Is that how it is in St. Louis? Yeah. Wait, is it a week in advance? If you want to make a little money, open a Pilates studio. I've never gone to a class that isn't 100% full.

What about you, Andrew? Aren't they all full? Everything's full. All full. Yeah, it's all full? Everything's full. All full. Yeah, it's all full. It's all full. People want to work out. I went to a class the other day in

Marina Del Rey when I was there for the Thursday Night Football. They have shoved these reformers in where they are limiting the exercises so you can't do things where your legs go out to the side. Because you are next. They are squeezing these in. Because why wouldn't they?

They get probably. Throw two people on each one. 50 bucks a class. You make an extra. How many classes a day? Six classes. You make an extra $350. Or whatever that is.

It adds up. It's the same reason why they make all the drinks two ounces smaller now. Because you think people don't really notice. I don't need to do a hamstring stretch at the end of class where my foot goes out to the like. I don't need that. Yeah. They need smaller reformers. Maybe that's a shout out to my teacher that day in Venice.

It was actually Venice. And he said, you want to make your back straighter than I wanted to be in high school. I really like that. That was laced with a lot of pain. Did he know you were a comic, you want to make your back straighter than I wanted to be in high school. I really liked that. That was laced with a lot of pain. Did he know you were a comic, you think? No, because I gave him a review because I thought he might, and I thought, I'll give him a nod, and then he wrote back a generic

thank you, and I was like, okay, he probably doesn't know. But I was giving him good laughs because I felt like maybe that would have messed with him. I thought he might recognize me, so I was like, I want to make him feel like he made a comedian laugh because it was funny. Yeah. And no one else was laughing.

I was like, come on. Is he an actor? I mean, he might be. No, he had mentioned that he has worked in this space for over 10 years. He was a really fit gay man who was really cute. Do you ever find yourself in these Pilates classes and you get an instructor that speaks from the heart? And you're doing this for you.

Oh, yeah. Thank your body. And I start laughing at them. And then by the time they get done with the sentence, I get emotional. Oh, man. That's like your defensive nature. Yeah, yeah.

At first, I'm like, what a fucking loser. And then I'm like, it really is just for me. Yeah. Like, I do been fine. Like I'm at that moment. That's like your defensive. Yeah. Yeah. At first I'm like, what a fucking loot. And then I'm like, I really is just for me. Like I do find myself the older I get, getting more emotional. Yeah. Oh, that's sweet.

You realize the pain, you know, you have pain that you suffer throughout your life and you get these things make more sense to you as you get older. Yeah. I know lyrics have been getting a little deeper for me or like, I'm like listening to the same. You're like, who let the dogs out? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, they should have been ch a little deeper for me or like I'm listening to the same. Who let the dogs out?

Yeah, I was like, they should have been chained up. Yeah, look for these dogs. It's an existential question, yeah, really. It's about like, why are we here? I know, you just wanna make fun, like just wanna fucking, oh, loser. So yeah, I definitely have been feeling it lately. Yeah, I get it too.

I get emotional in classes classes especially if I'm going into one and I'm already like depressed and it's already on my agenda and I have nothing else to do so I'm like I guess I gotta go and I'm just feeling weakened emotionally like doing something physical can sometimes make me tear up because I'm just like I'm so hard and my

life is hard and it's I hate this and like I'm looking at myself in the mirror and i'm kind of like seeing things i don't like and i can get like emotional in classes and like it lets you get out some you know yeah it's working out is so good so good it's i've never regretted it in my life it's amazing what the fuck is that i remember sarah talmash having a joke about you've never gone to the gym and regretted it after you never left and been like, what the fuck was that about? Ever. Not even once.

Wait. Can you think of anything else in your life that you have not at least one time regretted after doing? Cocaine. No, no, no. Every time. Every time. Yeah. I've done cocaine. I've been sad. No. I mean, there's been times where I'm like,

that was good, but I could have gotten some work done instead. Like, I don't know. I don't think there's anything. Maybe snuggling my dog. Yeah. No, you don't regret that. You don't regret ever. Well, spending time with loved ones, I feel like.

Yeah. But no, it's Christmas time. Yeah. This might be Christmas when you're listening to this, right? Oh, yeah, that's true. so I think we should talk about Christmas a little bit or the holidays in general it's nice we used to do

because I'm Jewish but I'm a Christian stepmom we'd do a Jew vs. Goy basketball game and it was like intense and it was just like all my redneck stepfamily you got Jake the snake you got Bobby now you would all my rednecks that family yeah jake the snake you got bobby now you would think the rednecks would win no you're very uh you're a good athlete yeah but

they're all like six two and taller and then the jews are all like we're scrappy and we play good defense and we have on the place and we would the jews would always win yeah well that's how it was you know we weren't as athletic the nba had a lot of Jews in it back in the day. Really? Before black people could play. Name one. Rasha Glickstein. He was a great point guard.

No, but because it really is attributed to class because basketball is a very, you don't need a lot in order to be able to play basketball. You just need the hoops. And a ball. Yeah. And same thing with soccer, which why there's a lot in order to be able to play basketball. You just need the hoops. And a ball. Yeah, and same thing with soccer, which is why there's a lot of Latin American countries and South American countries where they're so good at soccer

because all you need is a net. You don't even need a net. You could just have two polos. Polo is the richest one because you need a fucking horse. Yes, exactly. And land. Exactly. And so back in the 40s, the Jews were the ones that were poor,

and they were playing basketball all the time, and so a lot of them made it professional. And then it changed. And the height kind of got in the way. No. But Jews aren't tall. Wouldn't running be the cheapest sport? Well, that's why Ethiopia and Kenya are so good at the marathons.

I think there's other things about that. Like there's passages of rituals around becoming a man and you have to run a really long time and suffer. Even just like rituals of manhood where you have to suffer through intense pain to prove. And we don't really go through that here in America of having to just brace and not show a tear when you're feeling like extreme pain. Like Hamish from Hamish and Andy, if you've ever seen where he puts his hands in the bullet ants thing, I could feel it.

He goes to South America. They do a Hamish and Andy gap year, which is you just every I've talked about it before on the podcast, but if you're a listener that didn't look this up back then, the worst and most intense pain in the world is from a bullet ant and hamish and andy who are these guys from australia who are really good friends of me and chris's um they they're hilarious but they had this show where they would go to different countries and like you know kind of do a um conan type show before conan was doing it. And they do all these adventures.

And one of them was like doing this manhood ritual in this South American remote Amazonian tribal village. And it was like, oh, this is like the most pain you'll feel. They like had plans the rest of the day. We're going to do this shoot after and this thing. Like after he recovers from the pain, he puts, he, they, they have to like do some, you should watch it, but they decide that they're both not going to do it. Only one's going to do it.

And it's going to be the one who the, the tribe leader deems needs to become a man more than the other. So they have to like prove their manliness to, and then the one who wins being most manly, I think doesn't have to do it because he's already a man. So the boyish one has to do it. Hamish has to do it. Oh no. And they're like, he's Oh no. He's scared but he's not that scared. So they have these like

woven mitts, like oven mitts that have bullet ants woven into it. So the ants butts are sticking into it and you stick and then they just all sting you. How the hell do they do that? It's such animal cruelty. I don't even want to talk about it. It makes me upset that this even is a thing.

But they stick their hands in the mitts. They get bit, bit or stung like so many times. And the pain is so excruciating. Like it's not funny at all. He like goes into nearly cardiac arrest. They're like doing all these like kind of tribal dances and he's like trying to like keep it up. He's like, he's sweating. They, It's like, I think it ends up being like 11 hours of the worst pain where it feels like your bones are all breaking. Like it's the worst pain known to man. And he felt it for 11 hours.

He had to be like taken out of the village, emergency style, like to a hospital, put on IV drips, like had to have morphine, didn't help. Like it's an insane thing to watch watch the most Hamish and Andy ants is all you need to type into YouTube and it's gone viral so many times you'll see it on Reddit all the time

does he feel like he learned a lesson though did he feel more manly after it or does it actually make him feel less I think his wife had just either gotten pregnant or there was something around it that was like it made him I remember talking to him about it actually in February when we were out in Sydney

because I bring it up every time I see him I'm like can we just talk talk me through that again because there's so many details that were behind the scenes because they had the production team like had they were going to go to dinner they had like a whole night of like events planned like you know you wrap a production you're like oh it was like I think one of their last days of shooting on this really long

shoot that had gone on for weeks and it did not go that way at all but i think it made him like reassess what he does in terms of like performing because he had like a wife and a baby on the way and he was like being reckless with his health and he didn't even realize that he was and i think it made him like a it learned it taught him like it actually probably did teach him to be a man in the end. Yeah. That's interesting. Whoa.

Yeah. It worked. Yeah. But it's really – it's so sad because I love Hamish so much and you just see this guy who is like truly – Chris and I always say he's probably one of the funniest people that's ever lived. I think I put him with David Spade just in terms of like always has a funny line after everything.

Yeah. He's just constantly funny yeah just a gift to the world like i would with martin short david spade hamish uh blake and i think i said hamilton before but hamish hamilton directed my special so i get them confused uh but hamish blake out of um sydney but anyway but you just see it like i can't really even watch it because i love him so much and seeing someone in pain but it is fascinating yeah I do play for people because it's just a good youtube watch you ever see those I don't know there was like two girls and they ate that ghost chip no you know the the hottest chip on earth and they're like haha right you need to go you know you just see and

then you just see it like transpire to where they're, you can't do it. And the more you try to do, when I was in a fraternity, they put crab boil on us. You know what that is? It just like burns your skin. It's like how they, what the fuck? That's what I used to remove spray tans, I think. It literally burns my skin. It's crazy. It hurts so much.

And you can't put water on it because it just displaces it. You have to put milk on it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like hot ones. Oh my God. Where they're drinking milk. And they'd pour it in your pants. That milk on it. Yeah, it's like hot ones where they're drinking milk. And they'd pour it in your pants. That is so disgusting. Because I wanted friends, Brian.

Oh, my God. That's friendship. That's friendship. But yeah, no, it's like you can't run away from that pain. No, it reminds me of when I was having my gallbladder attacks, the 11 hours. Like I made it to 11 hours once, and I can't imagine being.

11 hours of pain? Oh my God. That was. Yeah. Spinal shivers. Yeah. No, that was the worst pain. I bet you the bullet ins is worse.

I'm not kidding you. Like if anyone, I've said it before, but it just bears repeating. If you, whenever I'm going through a chronic pain thing of like a headache, and this is just like very minimal compared to what even you're talking about. There is this meditation on the Waking Up app that is free. If you just sign up for it now, if you're someone who has had headaches or whatever, and you're going to get one in the future and you know it. It's a meditation on the Waking Up app called Dealing With Pain.

Just type in the word pain on the Waking Up app and you can get the Waking Up app for free. Just write to info at wakingup.org dot org i think just look it up but you can get it for free if you can't afford it because sam harris is a is a good person but there's this pain meditation that is so helpful when you are trying to get to sleep and you're in pain and like it's it helps you accept your pain helps you like meditate through it in a way it's like kind of the only time i've meditated in the past couple of years is when I have pain. And it's like almost I look forward to having pain so I can put this meditation on because

it works and soothes you so much. You could have used that in Arkansas. Oh, my God. Let's go to break and then we'll come back and talk about. I cannot believe we haven't didn't discuss it last time you were on the podcast. I like cursed myself that I didn't ask you about it. So we'll hear about Arkansas when we get back up to them. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of

today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so we're in Arkansas a few weeks ago, about a month ago, doing shows. It's me, Anya, and Andrew.

One show. On tour. One night. Just one? Yeah, yeah. We flew all the way there. One show, one night. Over the weekend. There's no other shows.

Usually I have three shows in a week. Where in Arkansas? Hot Springs? It was the 30th. It was November 30th, I believe. Yeah. No, no, No, it was maybe October. What? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Where in Arkansas was it?

Outside of Little Rock. Hot Springs. It was Hot Springs. National Park. Not the park. It was at a casino. That's a Hot Springs, Arkansas. Yard.

Oak Yard. Get off my Oak Lawn. He looks like he says get off my Oak Lawn to his own Oak Yard. Hot Springs National Park, which is there. I bet it's amazing. It was the trashiest. Oh. It's the number one trashiest national park out of all 63.

No. Arkansas? It's because it's just, it's a strip of strip of like you know it used to be like a place where people go to get medical care in like a hot springs and like facilities and it's just like a strip like you're in downtown Nashville or something and it's like so that's fine. The hot springs are cool because they're like the hot water that comes out of the ground. Yeah. But other than that it's just like filled with the trashiest people. It was filled with like people were like driving by.

They're like motorcycle gangs and loud cars just like driving down the street. It truly felt like we were in downtown Nashville or something like that and dangerous. It felt dangerous. No, Arkansas. It's supposed to be a national park. Listen, I'm from St. Louis. We've got some really trashy areas too. And it's, you know, making fun of trashy people is kind of making fun of poor people generally.

So I don't want to be too mean. But don't get offended if you're from Arkansas. There are awesome people in Arkansas. One of my best friends lives in Arkansas. But, yeah, it's got some problems. No, yeah. And no one had any respect for, like, the history or the nature. It was just people driving by being as loud as possible with their loud motorcycles blasting black smoke out of their loud cars yeah no over it it's it's

i scream louder than their car at them i can't i can't handle it it is so good so we're in arkansas we do a really great show so fun great crowds great um hospitality at this casino as well. Loved everything about it. Got in, did our show, went to dinner afterwards at the restaurant there. Yeah. They immediately serve us a complimentary amuse-bouche because they're making it a nice night for us. And so they're giving us little treats, which is really nice you know to the talent and it's like a beef

little beef like a steakhouse kind of a little beef soup oh the little beef soup yeah how little is this yeah he took all of ours they're like little amuse-bouche so it's like little it's like a little ramekin of a beef stew yeah so Andrew

takes all of ours which is great and fine. I'm glad it didn't go to waste. And then we order. And I see there's etouffee on the menu. And I just think that's hilarious in Arkansas that there's a etouffee because it just seems like that's seafood and you wouldn't want seafood in Arkansas. That's close to Louisiana. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, you're right. But I also was like, I love when Andrew does his like Bayou character like a touffee down there by the gumbo oh yeah down there yeah get down there yeah eat it up yeah so I would he would go and do that voice and then he he orders it oh no and Anya and I kind of like I don't have a moment where we're like, all right. Well, Arkansas has lakes. There is beautiful parts of Arkansas. I'm not good with weed, and so I had one hit.

Oh, no. Was that it? That encouraged you to do the etouffee? I did the etouffee after I had a little weed down in Arkansas. And then you also ordered a duck gumbo. I didn't know it was duck but i'm not a big duck guy no no one should be so i'm ordering vomit i'm ordering throw up it looks like throw up yeah but i was like all right i ate the etouffee there was scallops in it there was coffee it

looked it looked decent it looked yeah it didn't feel good going down? Not great. Really? Truly? In retrospect, there was a taste? In retrospect, I think I made a lot of bad choices in life. My meal, let me just say, was fucking delicious. I was so jealous. You got veggies and asparagus. It was so good. This place, please do not judge. Just don't get the etouffee.

But that fucking meal was one of my favorite meals I've had in recent times. So no, like this place is legit. But just maybe just not seafood in Arkansas anywhere. Not just like this place. Yeah, I felt like I ordered it and it's like that lobster bit from SNL where they're like, someone really got the etouffee. And by the way, we don't know it was that. This is all speculation.

That is true. This is alleged. We're joking. We're jesting. there is no slander here Because I was at Thanksgiving two days before that Next to someone who claimed to have Food poisoning But in retrospect

I think they might have had a stomach bug Okay, so this is, it could It's easy to blame the etouffee Because why wouldn't you? There's a crawfish with eyes looking at you And you're like eating its head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a, yeah.

So I eat that. There's some duck gumbo that does look like vomit, but that doesn't mean it's not good. By the way, lots of foods that are good look like vomit. Chili. Chili. Soups, most soups. A lot of Indian dishes have like that consistency, and they're fucking amazing. Yeah.

Thai food looks chewed up a little bit yes totally totally okay go on i love food that's already chicken parmy yes we love it i love a food where it's like oh someone's already been here yeah let me get in after yeah yeah baby bird yeah a little baby bird me baby boy down there so we have dinner we have a great time so many laughs so i get back to hotel we to it. Like there's a song playing when we leave called Disco Boy, Disco Boy. And I really felt like it embodied who Andrew is. And so I added it to my Spotify. It comes up all the time now.

And I always think of you, Disco Boy, Disco Boy. He's a disco. And he's dancing around. We're taking pictures at the casino. We're having a good time. All our hotel rooms are right now. Oh, and we filmed a TikTok. Nikki and I always joke because we always, like don't give us adjoining rooms or whatever so we both could

hear ourselves watching pornhub by ourselves like whatever we just don't want to be that spank bank sorry spank bank i can't even tell you where i go now but i'll tell you golden globes.com wait a second spank bang good. And then I find that Reddit, you can find some really good stuff. Interesting. Do you have a special profile? Oh, they said Reddit. Reddit will take you. So if you go to a Reddit and it has like a bunch of gifs or whatever, and it's like you want the whole video.

Yeah. A lot of times you can go into the comments and it'll have like source. And it'll be like people will be asking for sauce, which is what they. Do you guys know this lingo? Oh, no. no okay i'm in the deep in the world what's gravy but like someone will say sauce because i guess that's just like a funny way to say source and then people will link the source and take you to the that's how i found the website that i really do like that i cannot share it's just too it's too specific people it's not even like carbone it's just it's not okay what's going on on this website.

It's not illegal, but it should be. This is why we can't have adjoining rooms. Was it FoxNews.com? Yeah, it's Drudge Report. It's so, no, it's, anyway- I feel like sometimes with Reddit or if you're on those things, it feels too personal where then you're cheating because it's like- It's like you're looking for something. like it feels like you're looking for something. It's almost like you're on Craigslist.

It's almost like as specific as an actual person. Yes. So it's like you invented a new person. When you're judging through Reddit for these porn links, is it your own profile? Do you have another profile? I'll use my own. You're not afraid of it like ruining your algorithm? My actual profile, Nikki Glaser, which I never use. i would only go to that one to comment on things as myself like i

used to comment like on the conan thing if they would say something about like you know or taylor swift if i want to be nikki glazer and um but i never would i would never like uh scroll as nikki glazer it would only do it and then I use an anonymous one that has a name, but it's anonymous. Yeah. And is not linked to me at all. So I, recently there was a Swifty thing that I wanted to comment on and I went on

as Nikki Glaser and I commented and I was like, what's going on on my, like, I don't even, what do I, what have I done on here? Could anyone, have I ever done anything weird?

And I look and it is porn. Someone's, someone's taken over my account. It's not my face. It's a porn star but it's Nikki Glaser read it I have nothing to do with it yeah they hacked in and they like have posted porn and stuff but it's not me yeah it's not even like deep fakes of me it's like it's literally a porn site so it obviously that's not me I don't know how to get it back I don't know

what to do I don't really care I can't do anything about it I just have to create a new Nikki Glaser one but um but I will say just for porn for people looking at porn a good uh because i think some people are lost in that world and i just don't think you need to feel as bad about it and there are some like shortcuts that i had to learn the hard way the wet way um is clean up well this christmas episode is just i do feel like holidays porn hub is like uh porn hub is like if you go to fast food and you get a burger you don't feel bad but if you get a burger at like a place where you don't usually get a burger that's why it feels a little dirtier interesting you know what I'm going to like a gourmet place that makes them just the way I am okay so you're expecting a burger yeah yeah

sometimes they go we have this new topping that you didn't even know you wanted blue cheese inside your burger. So in this gourmet place, is it like a displaying of videos or are there specific people that are like, you can go to their page, you can go. There's definitely producers that have their stuff on here a lot, but I don't think they are aware of it. But that's where I would go to find like this one there is this one production company that does the most insane stuff and a lot most of the i would say 90 of their stuff is way too extreme

for me and i end up being like literally disgusted yeah but there are some times when that 10 they hit it well and then it'll start spiraling you'll get more and more intense it's time all i want is just let's all keep this content going let's just be nicer every every all the guys just need to be nicer just keep doing what you're doing making porn but just don't be mean and don't like actually hurt the women because i can't imagine that doesn't actually hurt there's ways to do it that don't hurt and i'm just like that's when i go nope that looks like it's actually painful yeah um and that's when i i but some people like that some some women like that i yeah but that's not for me anyway so oh yeah back to the etouffee so we oh we also are shooting a a um tiktok where it's like we have to do all these weird dances and we're in the

hallway right before we say good night oh because all of our rooms are like close to each other. We're all on the same floor. Yeah. So we're very close to each other. I'm literally adjoining Anya. Yeah. So you're hearing her Pornhub. Yeah, I'm hearing her Pornhub.

I can't imagine she watches Porn. She reads a book. Yeah. It's very delicate and tasteful. Yeah, it's like Annie Leibowitz or whatever. Leibowitz? Annie Leibowitz? It's a photographer?

Anthology of Rolling Stone covers. Or Tori Amos is like putting a guitar in her asshole or something. Yeah, it's gentle. But like gently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. While it weeps. Yeah. Anyhow, so I end up feeling sick around 11.

And you guys are so close, but I don't want to annoy you you're probably awake but you have a flight at 5 a.m or something yeah we had to get out at 5 a.m so I start feeling sick I throw up yeah and like but to the point where it's like you duck gumbos dude I gumboed up and it was bad it was like and then I was at both ends just yeah I haven't felt sick like this since I was like 11 when you get like the random. Sounds like a gallbladder attack. Dude, I would, it was so bad. And all night I threw up in the shower.

And so then if I went in the shower, there was throw up in the shower. It was like, and I'm on the floor at a bathroom and I'm literally thinking I'm going to die. And I'm like, but the last thing I want to do is call anyone at 2 a.m. I really wish you would have called me. I would have never been upset. Like I was so sad when i heard you went through that alone like luckily i'm guessing you called brenna brenna's on the phone with you uh yeah she was just like put it on silent honestly you have to call me next time i'm not kidding you like i would i would not have been mad like well i ain't getting that touffee again i don't care if we're even on the coast you don't

do don't do that alone again i felt i felt so horrible you had to go through that. But then, so what happened? So the morning comes around and that marketing lady gave us the card. We're staying at a casino. And, you know, when you're sick, you're having like, you don't really think clearly. And I was like, well, I'll just get an IV drip. I'm like picturing all these TikToks where guys are just like, oh, yeah, I can be vitamins in my arm. Yeah. They come to your room. I I get B vitamins in my arm. Yeah.

They come to your room. I got one last week. 500 bucks. Okay. Did nothing. Did nothing. Really? Literally did nothing for me.

Sean gets them and it does stuff for him. It makes you hydrated. It'll affect you in a way that you can't really consciously perceive. Should I get one for Chris for the flu? Yeah, I think so. If you got one for yourself, you might as well get one for him to keep him in the loop. Yeah, but I thought I was just – I didn't have the flu. All it does is it keeps you hydrated, which maybe will help you feel a little bit more energy.

And then the problem is if you get dehydrated and you're like diarrhea and vomiting, you could get really, really sick. So it's really preventing that from happening as opposed to curing you from your flu i just i wonder if chris would be annoyed having to have to do that okay so it's 7 a.m i text that lady i'm like hey i just want to let you know i think i have food poisoning or a stomach bug i'm very sick i do you guys have emts on site because it's a casino is there any way i can get fluids and she's like yes i could take care of you and then what time is this like three like 7 a.m oh wow or 8 a.m and i'm like dying like and i have a flight that day and i'm like am i gonna try to catch the flight i don't want to stay another night in fucking arkansas no so she goes yeah someone calls me from the hotel and i'm like you guys can cover it and they're like yeah we can cover it so in my and I'm like, you guys can cover it. And they're like, yeah, we can cover it. So in my mind, I'm like, okay, no matter what I do, I'm covered.

Next thing I know, I think they're just going to come to my room to fucking put the IV in. They go, no, an ambulance has to come and you have to go. I like how you say ambulance. Yeah, I probably. You said ambulance. How do you say it? Ambulance.

Ambulance. I think we talked about this one anyway. Yeah, this one's not good. No, I can. It was cute. It's endearing? Ambulance. Ambulance. I think we talked about this one. Anyway, go on. Sorry. No, I can. It was cute. It's endearing. Ambulance. So I, so I, and he loved the ones.

So I end up, I end up getting fucking, they come, they come to my room and it's fucking the full on EMTs, not the casino with a stretcher. Were they hot? So hot. No, it was like one girl was like learning. Oh, no. Oh, no. We don't want that.

Yeah, they're like, it doesn't matter. He's the opener. If he dies, it's fine. It's not Nikki. Oh, my God. But I'm also thinking they might give me somewhat a better treatment because I am here with Nikki who just sold thousands of seats. Like, maybe they will give me the IV just in my room because-

Yeah, concierge service. Yeah, I'm thinking, you know, I am somewhat a talent. Sure. And they don't think that because then they're like, no, we can't give it to you unless. So I'm like, all right, I'll walk down. They're like, well, you might as well get in the stretcher. So I got in the stretcher and I'm in. Is there like shit and throw up all over your room?

Yes. Like a bad situation? Like on the carpet and stuff? Yeah yeah you couldn't keep it when you did you let them in did you were you able to even get up and let them in or did they have to let them so I was able to get up and I was I was functional were you like oh you were I was I had a condom on and two bottles of champagne and trying to cover up for the illness and no so I was just like I mean please like I was like just I do i have to

get in the stretcher they're like you want the full treatment i was like i really don't i was like i'll walk next to district they're like just get in it and i was like all right so i'm in the stretcher oh my god and i'm getting strap you in yes and i'm being wheeled past like people that are like partying at a casino and i'm like i didn't drink I just started telling people I'm not yeah yeah I didn't gamble yeah I'm like I had the etouffee that was a gamble but I'm not I'm not an idiot yeah not like you yeah not like you people out on a Sunday morning yeah they think oh this fucking bachelor loser yeah I'm like no I did seven minutes pretty good actually uh no so then I was like now I'm in the stretcher and then they give me right when they gave me fluids they gave it to

me in the ambulance ambulance and uh I started to feel great and that's the most annoying because they're dehydrated I hate feeling great after you like have made a big deal out of feeling bad fuck dude it's happening you know how many times I've been to the ER where it's anxiety and not a heart attack? Oh, no, no, no. No, no. So, anxiety. So you start feeling good. I start feeling good and I'm laying there

and all I'm thinking about now is the bill. And I'm like, wait, are they going to cover it? Do you have health insurance? I do, but it's like HM. It's like the one where I think they charge you more. You know? Yeah. It's like they add 10% to your bill.

Yeah, yeah. But you're insured. Their CEO doesn't even make that much money. We insure you that you will pay more. Yeah, we insure you that you will pay more. Your deductible is... There's like peace of mind in that. Yeah.

To know that you're going to pay more. Yeah, if I shoot someone, they'd get it, I think. Yeah. But I probably couldn't afford to bullet. Anyway, so I go and I'm in the emergency room, and then they take my blood. I'm like, I don't think. I was like, can we check for, you know, HPV or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're like, maybe I can. Can I double up here? Yeah, yeah. So they come back, and they say, like, hours later, I'm there. What are you doing? You're just on your phone? I'm just sitting there. I'm trying to get comfortable.

Oh, yeah. You were texting me and Anya. Anya and I are, like, both on each other like separate planes going like did you andrew was in the emergency room like i was i felt so sorry for you man dude it was and so i get and so i text the lady that says because i'm like oh you guys will cover it she calls me she goes look i'm so sorry about your illness and dealing with that, but I don't know who told you that. There's no way we could cover it.

If we do you, we'd have to do everybody. And I was like. No, because you performed. I'm talented. Yeah, you performed part of the show. Sorry. So what happened? I don't know.

What was the bill? I still haven't got the bill. What? I haven't talked to them. So I'm hoping. I thought it was resolved. No, it bill? I still haven't got the bill, and I haven't talked to them. So I'm hoping. I thought it was resolved. No, it's not. What do we think the bill will be?

It could be anywhere from $500 to $75,000. I know. That's what I'm saying. Like how I. This is the problem. Yeah. It could be a colossal amount of money. But if you have any health insurance at all, even if it's an HMO, there is an out-of-pocket

maximum at some point. Now, for you, it might be $300,000. No, it's like $9,100,000. That's your out-of-pocket maximum at some point. Now, for you, it might be $300K. No, it's like $9,100. That's your out-of-pocket maximum is $9,100? I think so. That's great. Oh. There you go.

Well, don't worry. You're not going to pay. When they ask for my address at the- Just keep me in the loop about it. I thought it was resolved. That sucks, man. I'm so sorry. No, I mean, that's, yeah.

I mean, it's, I'll start a GoFundMe. So then you went back. So did they make you pay for another night at the hotel? No, no, they did cover that. I got back to the hotel. They didn't clean it, which was weird. Whoa. And then I stayed another night.

No, no, there was a disturb. That's really, please disturb this room. It's already been disturbed so much. It's been so disturbed. When you were being wheeled out. It's so funny. You don't still have wheeled out. I think it's so funny. I still have a sign that says, please disturb. Please disturb.

I'm lonely. Oh, my God. Molested. I need something in my life. So I go and I stay the extra night. And yeah, I come home. It was also Brenna's birthday. Oh, my God.

Yeah. That's when I get home. Fuck, dude. Brenna's in and out in the car. And I'm like, really? That's the food you paid? It's pretty funny. But anyhow car, and I'm like, really? That's the food you paid? It's pretty funny. But anyhow.

Yeah. I'm sorry. You had just been out, and things were out and out of you. Dude, it was one of those moments where, you know, I have these moments in my life now where I like, remember when you used to chase a story? You lived that a little bit, where you chase a story because you get- You try to have an interesting life. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you're living in your own own movie yeah yeah sure but i find myself having these moments in my life where like almost like costanza where like i can't escape like the story the story is chasing you like the other day with the washer dryer it caught on fire that's well let's go to break and hear about this goodbye john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in Well, let's go to break and hear about this when we get back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. What happened to your washer and dryer? My washer and dryer is like a real piece of shit. It's a two for one. Yeah, two for one.

And it was smoking. And like a ton of smoke. And Brenna's like, call 911. And I had a Yeti in my hand. And I threw water on it. And she's's like it's an electrical God wait is that not good to do no because it will go current will go through the water and you could get electrocuted really theoretically but fuck I know you're not supposed to throw

it on a grease fire water like on a pan you need to smother you need to smother that's why that's why so what should I have done? Fire extinguisher. But who has that? If you have a fire. Do you have one? No. Wait, are you in an apartment? Are you an apartment complex?

I think I do, but I don't know where it is. And so I can't honestly say. If you're in an apartment complex, it'll be in the hallway next somewhere in your hallway. You should know where that is. We should. I should know where that is. I'm in a studio apartment in between a house. But yeah, you should get one. You should Amazon one. Well, you can get

a fire blanket. You know, if there's a grease fire on your stove, you can put a fire blanket over it. You have to buy a special thing. You need to smother it. That's why the fire extinguisher shoots out the foam that just... Dude, I took my fire alarm off my wall because it was making a noise. I've

ripped it out. The battery's low. You gotta replace the battery. You can't do that. My house is so small. wall because it was making a noise. That's insane. I ripped it out. That's the battery's low. You got to replace the battery. You can't do that. My house is so small. I'll know there's a fire. Yeah, that's a good point. So are you guys just like sitting watching TV and start smoking? Yeah.

So it starts smoking. And then Brenna's like, call 911. I'm like, dude, I'm going to have to call the firefighter. And they come over for this little washer dryer. Yeah. Oh, my God. My little studio. I don't think the

casino's gonna cover that. No, I called the casino first. It's Etouffee's fault. I shit my pants and that's why I had to even use the washer dryer. So they fucking... Here's the thing in LA, firefighters will come because they don't want the rich houses to get burnt down. But if you get shot and call the cops,

they won't come. So tell cops you're on fire. I think that's the way to do it. Yeah, that's how you get help if you're being raped. Three fire trucks show up. No! Three. And then you think that's bad. Two more showed up.

There were five fire trucks. Five fire trucks. That is the biggest truck. That's so much truck. And an ambulance truck. So how big was the fire? There was just smoke. There was no, I never saw a flame.

Okay, well smoke is something. Were they annoyed or were they kind of like happy to be there? They didn't seem to care. They didn't seem to care, but I cared. Yeah. So the funniest part. Does that cost you money? I don't even know.

No, that's the crazy part about this stuff. Firefighters are amazing. And firefighters, there are certain firefighters who they need to hit a quota. So going to their, that's maybe why five fire trucks showed up. Because you all get the clock in and you say, oh my God. So five fire trucks show up. And then the funniest part is right before the fire, Brenna ordered something from Target. So this guy, this Amazon drug, shows up with a Target bag.

And he goes, what's going on here? I go, oh, my house is on fire. And he's like, your house? And I was like, don't worry about it. How long were they there for? Dude, so they go in there. I live in a 200 square foot. There's six firefighters with their big boots

just trucking through my fucking little ass apartment looking at the smallest little big annoying ass washer dryer and i'm trying to like man up you know i'm like thank you so much sir thank you for it you're like like you want them to go like you should you be on our team yeah yeah i want to hop on the truck i was like i know we could use i threw a yeti on it i threw a couple yetis oh well and then my old lady you heard her on that one yeah oh my god and they were like yes you did the right thing i was like thank you like it was like backdraft for like queer eye this happens all the time. It was so bad, Dean. When I try to be manly.

Oh, my God. My whole life. You shouldn't feel bad because this happens all the time. My dad's a firefighter. What? Volunteer firefighter. In Port St. Lucie? No, in Wanta, on Long Island.

I think probably like six out of every seven calls is a false alarm. Where you show up, the alarm's been going off, and it's like, oh, it's just nothing. Yeah. They're used to this. You err on the side of, you did the right thing. Because if Brenna wouldn't have been telling you to do that, what do you think you would have done? I would have lived in smoke for about six months. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I mean, yeah. And you have a new washer dryer now? Well, that's the whole other thing. Oh, God. Just. I mean, they they they the landlords they were like well let's check on and i go we've already gone through this like

we've had problems with this thing give us a new one or put a dishwasher in there yeah no one's using this little ass washer dryer anyways so they brought a guy out and he's like he checks it i don't even know he like like he knocked on it anyone in there he tried guy out and he's like, he checks it. I don't even know. He like, like. He knocked on it. Knocked on it. Anyone in there? He tried to listen. Yeah. He's like, list like an ocean shell. And he's like, yeah, no, you need a new one.

We don't have the parts for this. Yeah. So now you're just hanging stuff to dry or can you use the wash part? Here's the thing. We've been going to the laundromat. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Which. Is it like a cute, fun, romantic exc excursion do you guys like flirt and do you put her in the basket twirl her around yeah i put her in the dryer and then just burn her it's kind of fun no it is kind of fun i mean it's fun and then it's fun when you're rich yeah it's not fun when it's a when you're poverty yeah it cool. It's like. I remember my brothers used to be like, just get a bottle of wine and go to the park. For a date. Yeah. When you would need a date idea.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Isn't that the worst? When rich people are like, no, it'd be. Yeah. I mean. Final thought. Final thought.

But we have news that broke. What? So your Wall Street Journal post just broke. Oh, that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Breaking. Headline. Nobody had a better year than Nikki Glaser. What? So your Wall Street Journal post just broke. Oh, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Breaking. Headline, nobody had a better year than Nikki Glaser. Oh, that's so nice.

Wait, a new one since the, since you're a comedian of the year? Yeah. Well, no, I saw this this morning. As soon as I woke up, I saw my feet. Do you ever, maybe you don't relate to this. This isn't probably a very relatable thing. Sorry to announce that. Do you ever see a you don't relate to this. This isn't probably a very relatable thing. Sorry to announce that. Do you ever see a picture of yourself on Instagram?

Come on. Whoa. Keep going. Yeah, yeah. It's like going to a laundromat. You can maybe relate to it. Is it like going to a laundromat? You just get a bottle of champagne and a penthouse suite. Do you ever, no.

Are you ever flying private and like you feel no do you ever see this could happen to you like because you do shows around la people take pictures and then you see have you ever seen a picture of yourself on your feed you didn't know it was you because it's someone else posted it and you like think it's someone else it's kind of the same vibe as like when you catch your own reflection in a window or a mirror and you don't know. It's that split second of you think it's someone else and you're like, oh, that's I like that. That's a cute whatever.

And then you see it's you and you're like, oh, all the time. Yeah. Any side my wedding photo, anything from the side, I wanted to kill myself. Oh, really? Why? It's just a lot of like my shit is just falling. Dude, gravity. I mean, Oh, really? Why side? Or unalive. Why side probe? It's just a lot of jowls. Like my shit is just falling.

Oh, man. Dude. Gravity. I mean, there's procedures for that. That's what my mom. It's easy, too. Like a neck thing. Yeah. But also, it is expensive, but it's not crazy.

It's with it. It's, you know. You know what's cool and rare? If you're driving by a reflective. It's a great first It's, you know. You know what's cool and rare? If you drive by a reflective. It's a great first date idea. What? To do the neck jowls. Yeah, yeah.

Get a bottle of wine. Couple's neck jowls. Go to a park. And get your jaw. Jaw. You drive past a reflective building and then you see your car. You rarely get to see you and your car. That's why when I was shopping for cars, I'm like, I don't care what it looks like on the

outside. I never experience that. It's only about my experience inside, I don't care what it looks like on the outside. I never experience that. It's only about my experience inside. I don't care what it looks like on the outside. I want the interior to be cool as fuck. I had this moment when I was dog walking and I would see another dog walker and then I would reflect that I'm that person. Yeah. That's always tough.

I don't know if that would, yeah. No, I could see that. Anyhow. I saw this Wall Street Journal picture today and I was like, oh, look at that older lady. Like, it wasn't like, there was no, like, wow, she's amazing. But I was just like, that's a, look at this, who's this woman? I'm starting to have that where I'm like, oh, I'm a, like, I am an older woman. And I don't hate it, like, but I am not a girl.

I even asked Emily the other day, I'm like, how how often do you get ma'am'd and she's like never and I'm like oh it's gonna start soon for you but like no one ever says thank you ma'am or it's over there ma'am to her and I get ma'am'd only yeah I only get ma'am'd and it's and I do clock it every time I hear it it's I'm getting obviously I'm used to it now because it's but but it's, it truly, it's not, it is, it is the only thing that happens to me now. And I remember when it first started,

I remember the first time a person told their daughter to stop playing with that lady's bag when I was in line and I was that lady. No, that sucks. That was a sad moment.

But yeah, I saw that picture this morning. It was the first thing that came up on my feed and i was like oh ma'am like it was like there was a ma'am moment and i was like oh that's a good that's fine and then i quickly scooted away from it because i don't need to i don't need to dig into that i hate when i get ma'am do you think it helps sir you're standing or how you're perceived because you're perceived as an adult now. Then your thoughts are now somehow more valid.

Yeah, more valid. Oh, totally. That is the thing that I feel about for younger people is that's the only bad thing about being young. I mean, there's many things, but, like, people – there is a vibe that people don't respect you. No, yeah. Why? They don't know anything i mean and it's like rarely do they have the wisdom to take the knowledge they might have and apply it correctly to the world yes yeah if anyone's younger than me i realize like i i always i'm

always more comfortable around people who are younger than me sure always that's why nobody listens to greta thunberg it It's because like, you know, maybe what she's saying makes sense, but it's like you're not old enough to be able to tell the world what to do. Right. We don't, but like there's a part of what you're saying that just feels naive.

Like you don't understand how the world works. It feels like what you're saying is this fantastical world where everyone's holding hands and peaceful together. And it's like, we just don't, but if she was like 70 and she was like Bernie Sanders type and she was just like this is the way we'd be she'd have more

traction I think yeah that's a good point but it is that's the one nice thing about I think aging is that people do take you more seriously yeah and as a comedian until you get too old once you turn 75 and then they treat you like a baby yes and then you're like Aww so cute

Because you do become a baby again You talk slower You go no the world's getting hotter Yes It's like sure it is And these mad peas There's this fine window though Where you are taken more seriously

But like you have to like dress it Like sometimes I forget That I have to dress like a woman And not a girl Even though it's so uncomfortable To dress like a woman Like I just Anytime I like Want to like I don't want to wear nice clothes.

I feel like I can't stain them. I feel like I feel bad wrinkling them. But there is something about if you put on a really nice outfit, you don't have to do your hair as nice. You don't have to do your makeup as nice. There are women that are worshipped who don't do any hair or makeup and they wear just designer stuff and everyone thinks they're a style beauty icon. And I'm like, oh, maybe that can free me from doing more hair or makeup and they wear just designer stuff and everyone thinks they're like a style beauty icon and i'm like oh maybe that's maybe that can free me from doing more hair and makeup as if i just wear clothes worth thousands and thousands of dollars all the time sure but then

people will just attribute yeah niceness to your the way you look but you won't because i'm trying to think of examples but there are people who look like grubby in their, the way they keep themselves manicured, but their clothing is Gucci. And so you go, they're important and they know what they're doing and they've got everything under control. And I couldn't even begin to come up with a reference. I think I want to start doing that. Like I'm, I think I, I need, but I need someone else to go buy stuff for me because I cannot look at price tags of things and I need the price tags to be taken off before they end up in my closet because if there is a $500 skirt in my closet that someone

has bought with my money styling me I am so horrified by it I will leave the price tag on forever because I also think that if I ever resell it I know that things with price tags on it resell better even if they're clearly used like just even in my mind if I find something with a tag on it at Goodwill I'm like even if it has a stain on it and it smells like deodorant or whatever i'm still like it's new psychologically so i keep the tag on and then i also don't want to wear it as much because i'm like thinking about the fact that i'm going to resell it so then i don't even wear it like i cannot get past this block of i cannot wear things that are over 300 like in my daily life those are only for

appearances those are only for appearances. Those are only for like red carpet events. They were only for things when other people are dressing me. I can't go to the improv wearing something that's $300 or something nice ever. I got to get past it. Do you think psychologically though, when you do have these moments, when you do put on an outfit, when you do hair and make that you feel more confident and more excited because you don't do it all the time. Like, do you think that? No, I feel like a fraud.

I always feel like a blank dress up. Like when, when people will go, Nikki, you look, you know, I was on this press tour. You look amazing. Where's that from? I, I always just go, I don't have anything to do with this. I literally go, I, yeah, my stylist pick it out, but like, I don't, people are like, what are you wearing for the golden globes? I'm like, I'm not worried about that at all.

Is that bad? Every girl is like, show me your dresses. It's not that I don't care, but in the scheme of things, I don't care. Well, that's why you're good at what you do. I don't want to offend the people that do care about those things around me that are doing it because my stylist, it's very important to them that I feel good in what I wear. But when I'm on Kimmel, it is so at the bottom of the list of things that I care about what I'm wearing as opposed to what I'm saying. And I know that I'm very focused on looks,

but it's not that I don't care. I've hired them because I do care. I trust them so explicitly. This is the most care I can put into this because I don't have to think about it then. And so that is like leaving something to someone else. But then sometimes I feel like people in my life that are paying attention to those things want like to make sure like I'm weighing in, that I like it.

And I'm like, I don't even want to have to talk about this. Like you just do it and then I hop into it and then I don't take any credit for it and I give you all the credit. But I don't know what it is. I really, my goal, I know this is such a dumb goal for 2025 is to get really nice clothes have no shit clothes anymore that i can slip into like this is a shit clothes this is shit clothes like no more shit clothes but comfortable high-end clothes and i don't know what those are but i i know that i can afford them It's not crazy to put them in my life

and I don't know what the block is. It almost feels like I don't know what it is. I feel like once you do it, you just need to- It's such a dumb thing to be like, I can't you guys, but it literally is a weird block for me. I feel like with anything you do it, if you just get a fucking five fucking pieces

and you do it for three weeks, you'll completely forget that you're wearing even designer. It's just one of those blocks. You just have to just. I just can't. I got to get rid of my options of shitty clothes. Yeah. Well, remember when you hired those people to like.

Yeah, buy me some new clothes. Organize your shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Or you had Brandon buy you that stuff in Florida. Yeah.

She would love to do something like that. Yeah, honestly. I should hire her. I did this thing in New York like 15 years ago called Trunk Club. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You go and it's like you get to get styled and they send you a bunch of clothes in the mail.

There was one jacket I got out of that that I was like, oh, I'll wear this really. But everything else, I felt like a fraud. I'm uncomfortable in it. Yeah. I feel like I have to sit straighter. Yeah. I just can't. And then everything's dry'm uncomfortable in it. Yeah. I feel like I have to like sit straighter and like, I just can't like in it. And then I, everything's dry clean only to every nice thing you own is dry clean only.

And even if it's not, you don't want to dry it in the dryer because it might catch on fire and something. And then it's a thousand dollar sweatshirt or whatever the fuck these things cost. It's like, it's so insane. And it's not okay that they cost so much clothing.

Shouldn't I know that there is clothing that's $500 and it's not okay that they cost so much clothing shouldn't i know that there is clothing that's 500 and it makes you look so much nicer that's too much money i don't care how much money you have i'm going the other way i'm not doing this i don't think you should i don't think i should i can't do it i think it's ridiculous i think it's a good thing that this is your thought process it'd be you'd be insufferable if you were like if i'm wearing designer i don't fucking want it like thank god you're like that when you have these thoughts and that's why you're a good comedian like this is all it all like you know what i mean like if you were like like you're getting

your confidence by a brand but emily is like you don't want to be that like i do agree that like the way you carry yourself and the way you dress like if you wear nice things that you spend a lot of money on are finely tailored they look better they make they're even more comfortable sometimes yes i just haven't been able to find like actual comfortable things that are like really finely made so everything always pills it looks shitty like clothing is just so shitty now i sent it to the girls chat this like 15 minute uh deep dive into why even designer clothes like you literally can't find good clothes even high-end clothes are all made in china even if they say made in italy they're made in china and my friend holla who works in um has a friend

who works in fashion design um said that do not ever wear anything new because it's been on a floor in China with puke and vomit. They don't clean it. They just get the stains off, but they don't clean. Everything's disgusting. All the fabrics are disgusting. They're making these factories

that is just piss and shit everywhere. That's what she said. And I don't believe it because I'm like, that would linger. I like new things. I'm still not washing things. I'm not heating this advice. Why are they pissing and shitting on the factory floor?

Because the conditions are bad. They had that touffee. Wow. Yeah. Everyone's eating that touffee over there in China. It all comes back around. Yeah. So I had that headline.

It says no one had a better year than Nikki Glaser. I think I can think of someone. I had some dark times. Trump. Elon Musk. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty cool. They have like a video And not a picture

Oh my god Yeah Oh that was Yeah so Oh my god Oh that's great That's so funny Yeah that

They were taking video Like while I was shooting The photo shoot And I didn't realize It would look like this That's kind of Me rolling around

To the crowd Dude that's great Yeah it looks like We were trying to do Like the Fiona Apple criminal video. So that was the inspo. Oh, yeah, the lighting doesn't seem like that.

Yeah, I just weigh 60 pounds more than she did in that video, so it doesn't track as much. It's a two-minute article to listen to, and you need a subscription, but... That's crazy. Yeah. How slow are they?

When it says, like, it's two minutes to listen to, I'm always like, I could read this in 15 seconds. Yeah, I thought this would be longer. It's the way that when people say how long it takes to minutes to listen to. I'm always like, I could read this in 15 seconds. Yeah. I thought that's the way people say how long it takes to walk somewhere on Google. Oh, I'm always getting there 40% earlier than the walking direction. Yeah.

Who's doing this? The laziest person on earth. Yeah. 59 minutes to go 0.8 miles. Yes. On crutch. They should have, it should be crutches.

Yeah. It should be crutches. That is the walk thing on there. Two fucking subs in your hand. Yeah. Before we go, what's your favorite Christmas song? Probably Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, like Frank Sinatra classic. It's like really sweet.

I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you didn't say like, I mean, I love like Sia, but I'm glad you didn't say like Candy Cane Lane or something. I don't even know what that is. And I would have to say that I love simply having a wonderful Christmas time. I know it's like the worst Paul McCartney song ever. Oh, God, the Paul McCartney? I like it.

That one ruins my life. You want to know my least favorite one, though? Sure. Oh, God, yes. I hate that one, yes. I hate that one, too. Merry Christmas. I hate.

I know that it's supposed to be off key, but I don't like it. It's not interesting to me. I don't care about the story behind it. Honestly, it brings back horrible, traumatic memories. I don't know what. I hate that song. And it's been argued to me by musicians who I respect, a.k.a. Anya know what, I hate that song. And it's, I've, it's been argued to me by musicians who I respect,

AKA Anya, that it is a great song. I hate it. No. And that final answer. It's not, it's not the right mood. What's your favorite?

What's your least favorite? The, it's called the Christmas song, which is chestnuts on a open fire. What version? Nat King Cole. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, absolutely. I also really love the entire Vince Giraldi Peanuts Christmas jazz album that has like

a Christmas tree oh yeah that's good he's incredible least favorite that one's definitely up there unfortunately

I like the Kelly Clarkson song the new one oh there's a new one no like the one that's like her like her big Christmas song it's not new but it's like within

the past 10 years oh do you remember how it's not new but it's like within the past 10 years what is it it's um oh god let me look it up keep talking least favorite is that song that you just said but I also don't like that Paul McCartney song I hate that noise I don't know what that noise is I think it's

blink at the beginning of it I don't know what the fucking noise is but I hate it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think those are probably my least two favorites. Doesn't Mariah Carey have a... Yeah, well, yeah.

She has... Born on Christmas Day. That's the one that I like, Underneath the Tree. I won't play too much. There's so many Christmas songs. Yeah. That's good. That's much. There's so many Christmas songs. Yeah. That's good.

That's good. That's good. Not bad. That's a great new, like new-ish. I'm sure it's from 2006, but it's so good. Okay. Fave hates. I like Silent Night.

Is that a Christmas song? Whoa, really? Yeah, that's beautiful. That's a deep cut. That's rare. Yeah, I like it by Neil Armstrong. I don't know. Neil Armstrong? The astronaut? Yeah, that's beautiful. That's a deep cut. I like him. Rare. Neil Armstrong. I don't know.

Neil Armstrong. The astronaut? Yeah, the astronaut. He sang it up there. Yeah, not many people. Yeah, it's a studio version. You're questioning whether it was real. Whether or not he sang Silent Night on the moon. Look, I know there's 70 other stations that played it,

but I don't believe it. Yeah, I'm a loud earther, or a silent night. Wait, wait, I'm there's 70 other stations that played it, but I don't believe it. Yeah, I'm a loud earther or a silent night. Wait, wait, I'm a loud nighter. I think it wasn't a silent night. I think earth is a bigger circle than what they say. All right, we have to go. Noah's giving us a wrap up. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Happy holidays. Thank you for listening. We'll be back in the new year with new shows. Yeah, we'll see you then. Don't be good. Jingle bells. Bye. Jackpot.

Jackpot. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.