The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #504 When You Should Lie to Friends, A Gentle Vegan & Will Nikki Fix Her Pelvic Tilt Finally?

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Tone is EVERYTHING, especially when your friend’s going through a breakup, right? Nikki’s always got her friends’ back and she’s definitely not afraid to roast the ex. Nikki, Brian, and Noa dive into the friend zone and how to handle it while dating. Nikki’s loves about being in a relationship where she can have friends of all genders. With her Moxie BBL appointment coming up, Nikki asks Noa what she loves about it. Nikki keeps her passion about veganism in check because that’s how you actually influence people. The TikTok ban just proved that influencers aren’t even doing their own workouts. Nikki’s got a new tool for her pelvic tilt, while Brian's got his bone density and body fat test results. In the Final Thought Nikki drops an old fashion habit and steps foot into a new one. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians, people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.

Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome. My name is Paola Pedroza, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones.

It's about learning through them and their new perspective. I think God sent me this gift so I can show it to the world. And most of all, I help people every single day. Listen to the Ghost Therapy podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports.

I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. What's

up everyone? Brian, Noah, how are you? Hello. We're doing fine. We're both doing fine. How are you? Don't speak for Noah. How dare you? I was drinking Okay I'm fine Yeah, that's all I text Brian. I'm fine. I'm fine Has anyone said I'm fine and it's been not like I'm fine. It means not good. Oh, yeah. Yeah This is why English is such a difficult language to learn because people, none of the words mean

what they actually mean. I'm fine. And it's tone obviously, or girl, you're fine. Oh yeah. Oh, you're fine. Like fine is like, oh, don't worry about it, you're fine, or it's like, you look fine. You look hot.

You say to someone in hospice that they're fine. Yeah, I don't like that. You're fine. Yeah, you'll be fine, everything's gonna be fine. I really, Iice that they're fine. Yeah, I don't like that. You're fine. Yeah, you'll be fine. Everything's gonna be fine. I really, I use that tone a lot. I really try to like make people feel better about things they're worried about

by being like, come on, ah, you're fine. Oh, it's fine is different. I love going, it's fine. Who, literally, who cares? I think I say that a lot. That's a great tone. Sometimes I'm looking for that tone when I feel like I did something wrong

or there's something that's gonna be a catastrophe. I know people are. I am too. That's why I give it. I try to give it as much as possible. Oh my God, not a big deal at all. Oh, come on. Yeah. Right, so the worst thing you can do is,

so let's say you go like, oh man, do you think I messed up that job interview? So what would you do if I said that? Nikki, do you think I messed up that job interview? what do I think you did? What do you think you should do? And then I'll give you the what you shouldn't do. Well, I don't know if you did or not. I want to be honest with you. Oh, okay. Okay. So yes, I definitely messed up the job interview. Although, you know, not so bad. I didn't like going there and take my dick out. Yeah, you probably did, but like literally who cares? Like you don't even want that job anyway.

It's gonna lead to something else and everything happens for a reason. And the truth is, you might have messed up that job interview, but what mistakes you made in there, you won't do in the next one that might be more important. And that is the real lesson here. But yeah, you fucked it up big time. Yeah.

So, wait, that's not what you promised us. No, no, I will give you a don't, if I I really think it is not a big deal then I'll go right Okay, okay. Okay. So how about this maybe lower the stakes a little bit and I go and I go oh man Do you think I was rude to that? Barista what no? They don't care It sounds like you think I was horrible to the barista. Oh, it does?

No. Oh, no. Well, I'm being honest. Yeah. Oh, you are? No. They don't care. They deal with stuff all day long.

And you weren't. Isn't that count for something if you didn't mean to be? If you don just all if you if you don't mean to be rude and someone thinks you're rude Can't you let yourself off the hook? I? I can but I can't let myself off the hook if someone thinks I Suck at something I did like Career wise and I tried that won't that won't make me feel better be like well you tried your best Right that won't that won't make me feel better be like well you tried your best Right that doesn't help but if someone thinks I'm rude when I really wasn't being rude. I'm like, oh well, that's kind of their problem well, that's a great corollary because

Let's say I just went up on stage and I didn't do well and then I come off stage and I go did I just bomb? Yeah, how would you what would you just go? Yeah? Yeah, and then you go up there and annihilate Yeah, I have a friend. I have a friend who does that Yeah, and then you go up there and annihilate. So what's that? Then what do I think? suck They just Listen somebody's I bomb all the time That's what I would say. I would say oh, I've had a set like that. You were just off like yeah Yeah, it's not always them and it wasn't them this time because I just killed but yeah, you just had a bad

I'm not gonna judge you for it. I would never look at that performance and be like That guy sucks like you're allowed to have a shitty set. That's what I would say. Okay. So what do you think about this? I have a friend who does the exact opposite tact and he just says like the worst possible thing you can say in an effort To get you to just come to terms with it immediately so you can move on. So like, for example, I had a girlfriend once and she broke up with me and I go, I go to my friend, do you think she's like having sex with other people right now? And he was like, probably. Yeah. What do you think about that tactic? Oh, that's just-

That's just- Brutal honesty. That's some- Probably. Yeah. What do you think about that tactic? Brutal honesty. Probably, yeah. She's probably. Puts the tact in tactic. I think that, yeah, I don't think that's, yeah, sometimes you just do need to know the truth.

Yeah, because sometimes people are like, my life sucks, and I'm like, yeah, it kind of does, but it's gonna get better, it can't get worse. I think being lied to doesn't do anyone any favors. But yeah, I think that's what happened where someone is like, is just the pain of thinking them hooking up with someone else and I'm like they definitely are and I've thought that.

I just am like, yeah, but it's like sad and empty and. Oh, so you would undercut it. They'll miss you. It'll make them miss you faster, so let them go out there and do that stuff. That's interesting. Yeah, whenever someone goes through a bad breakup, I always give them,

my tact is always to give them false hope. Cause you gotta slowly dribble it out of them until they have no hope. But you can't just go straight to, yeah, they're fucking someone else and they love them more than you and then never coming back. Oh no, I never do the never coming back.

I always say, girl, I got back with my boyfriend who I'm with now so many times. We broke up so many times, I thought it was over forever. There is never, you are never out of hope and I will never judge you if you reach out to that person at a time of weakness. Like, just make, do be as messy as you wanna be,

it's part of it. Yeah, having that glimmer of hope and then on top of that, the person who you say that to, that's exactly what they want to hear, whether it's true or not. When you will go through a breakup, the number one thing you want to hear is you're probably going to get back together. Yes. Even if that's not good for you.

I always say that. I know you're getting back together. I don't ever want to say that. That's so interesting that that's what you say. My go-to is always like, which I don't know if it's a good one, but it's always like, you know, every relationship has a purpose. That's, you know, this one will mean something in your life, maybe you can't see it now. You're already making me sad about a relationship

I'm not out of, just based on this. Every relationship has a purpose. Okay, when people are like, you are starving to get back into that, and you're like, no, don't work. But what if it doesn't happen? But just give them hope, like what is it, because sometimes you just need the hope.

It's not gonna lead to, they're already as upset as possible, right? What if that raw, you're not ready to have a holistic big picture approach to this relationship. No, not at all, just tell people they'll get back together. Tell them that they're going to regret it because ultimately they probably will get back together. A lot of times that does happen.

So you won't be wrong. I never trashed the other person because of this risk. Oh, I do that so hard. I go so hard. I will find I... There are people that are currently with people that I have said horrible things about their physicality because that's what I do. When Schumer used to do that with me and my friends, like when we would be obsessing over a guy, she would just like find, like, you know, if I think one guy looked like a, like

she was like, he looks like a marionette. And so we just were sending each other pictures of marionettes and being like, do you really want this guy? And you just like write, you write the most awful things possible about the person so that the person is almost tries to be disgusted by them. And it's fun. It's fun to just like really bully someone with your group of friends in a really cruel way.

When they're an enemy. When they're proving to be evil. But then they get back together and yeah, it's a little bit weird, but like I stand by what I said. He did look like a fetus. He does have fetus face, but it's like a hot fetus. Like a lot of guys have fetus face and it's like a hot look. What is fetus?

I can't even go into it because I feel like it will implicate my friend. But you know when you see it. Like you know how fetuses like look like, like they're like, their eyes are almost quam like. Does, does Elon Musk have fetus face? I say quam as in like clam, like they're like clam shells. Like they're like kind of like, and I'm don't think that I'm saying anything about an ethnicity

here. This is like not an ethnic thing. Isn't quam one of your high school terms? Yeah, there was a guy who my friend was dating, and this was while they were dating and very happy. But we called him. We can't really, I can't really get into it, but we said he, it's too cruel because if anyone were to connect it, I can't handle it. But his

eyes were quam eyes, where the skin on the top was the same as the skin on the bottom, so they looked like clams. Like little clams. Like clams. Like a cartoon character drawn poorly. He kind of talked like this, like he had like, he kind of just like had a locked jaw. And so he would have said it like quam. So we called him quam eyes. Yeah. And so he would have said it like quam. So we called him quam eyes.

I mean, this is insane. But yeah, so, so I once called a guy a fetus face and I like put his picture next to pictures of fetuses. Like I downloaded an app so that I could like have the square next to the, like, you know, pictures of fetuses and then him and be like, fine, which one is him? Like, you can't tell just so I could really drive it home that he was not attractive, which one is him. Like, you can't tell. Just so I could really drive it home that he was not attractive. But he is attractive and there's no denying that. So a fetus is in the womb, it's a fetus.

As soon as it comes out, it's not a fetus? No, newborn too. Fetus newborn. Okay, okay. Like, you know, like where their eyes are like, oh, like, oh, like, like, um, like Pokemon balls. Yeah, yeah. Like a kind of lizard-like. Yeah, like Pokemon balls. Yeah, yeah. Like a kind of lizard like.

Yeah, a little bit. It's, it's rude. And someone could call me horse face and they have, I mean, there's a million things that I could be called. I also sometimes have quam- So when you were sending this to your friend, did she laugh at it? Or was she- Yeah, she laughed.

But she was also like, stop. Like she told me to stop. So I stopped pretty quickly. But I, I just wanted them to know. I just, yeah, I was trying to help and yet it didn't because they're together and I'm sure she doesn't think about it and I don't really think about it because now I love this person I could never see that in them. Now it's like a hot look.

And I even went so far as to prove that this was a hot look by making a collage of every Hollywood actor that has fetus face. And there's tons. Who? Can you give me one example? I can't because then we're going to be able to connect who they look like and you're going to be able to decipher and I just cannot have that out there. But it's not fetus. I was just trying to be the meanest version of this, even though I was calling a hot guy feature a bad thing. Yeah, that's just what you do. Do you do that, Noah?

What? No, I have to be honest to friends and I also am very cautious because a lot of my friends have gotten back together with their exes. So I've learned my lesson to not trash the ex because then it's like, wait, you know what? But I am a very forgiving person. And so I guess I extend that to all of my friends where if like, I've thought things about Chris

that are not kind because I've been broken up or I've been in a fight. And we all have about our partner where we've like, sure. And if I can get back and like never see those things again or like have no problem with those things, I expect my friends to be able to do the same thing. But when they're in a place of hurt,

I think it's nice to pile on. And I just expect them to be able to lift it as soon as they get back together. I guess I do. Yeah. The opposite where I just kind of like pile on the compliments to my friend and say why she was so great and or in some cases it's a guy and why like it's the other person's loss and stuff like that.

Yeah, but that's not going to work. That's just like banging your head against the wall because the person doesn't believe that in the moment because they've broken up with you feel like such a piece of shit. Oh, I always think of when Harry met Sally where she goes, but he didn't want me. She was like, I said, he said he didn't want to get married, but now he's engaged.

So what's wrong with me? And it's like, oh man, haven't we all felt that where the, like the guy tries to let you down softly by saying, I don't want to date anyone, I'm busy. And then you find out he's dating someone else. And so you're like, it has to be me and it is you. Yeah. I have a friend. Maybe you guys can help me. He is just constantly getting friend zoned and I feel so bad for him

because he'll tap into the dating scene. He'll get someone's attention and then he gets friend zoned. And, um, I don't know. How tall is he? Uh, he's like five, 10. Okay, so, okay, that's not bad. So, is he attractive? He's average looking.

Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. So he shouldn't have a problem. There isn't like some huge barrier to him. I think, well, I think he's a hopeless romantic, to be honest. And he just puts the cart before the horse sometimes, you know, yeah, he piles on the gifts and things like that too early. That's the mistake and compliments and all that.

So every day, every day he goes on, he has to treat like, um, this is not going to go anywhere. This is just for fun and we'll see where it goes. He's gotta apply that SoCal vibe mentality. Whatever happens, happens, man. Which is like the most frustrating thing to hear from someone you actually like, but it's the only way to lock someone in. Whatever happens, happens.

I'm just seeing where this goes. I don't know. Maybe this is something, maybe it's not. For at least like a month, you gotta do that. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Or he just needs to be direct about what he's into right away and like,

that's exactly what I told him yesterday. And not, because I think he's probably scared of the rejection that has happened so much that he's like, if I can at least keep her around and go out with her and hang out with her a lot, if I just kind of keep it nebulous of like whether or not I'm romantically interested and not like lead either way.

And so then by the time he's like, can't take it anymore, it's too late. Yeah, I was talking about if you're going on dates with people on like an app or something, like it's a clear date. No, this isn't that. If he's just hanging out with girls that consider him his friend,

then yeah, he shouldn't be friends with them if he wants to not be their friend. And I'm sorry, these girls fucking know, like listen, we've been there before, but I think you can know when a guy has a crush on you and it's not up to them to say something because I think that sometimes it's like, I've had guys turn on me and be like I like you and I'm like I just want to be friends and then they're like don't want to be friends anymore and it hurts your feelings because you're like but I had there's a good friendship here but girls you know when a guy is crushing on you and that he you're just trying to give him all the signals without saying it bluntly, like, no, you know, but you don't. And then finally he gets the nerve to do something a little romantic and

then it's just awkward. It's like, just, you need to talk about boys a lot in front of these guys. If you want a guy friend, they got to be comfortable hearing about guys or like, you know, you can't avoid those kind of subjects to keep the guy happy or to keep the guy your friend. And I think sometimes that happens. Yeah, don't avoid the subjects. And also, yes, I think it's on both people. I think it's on if the girl knows that the guy is crushing on him and there's no chance, then she's being selfish because she doesn't want to be mean and just say like, no, we can't be friends if you if this is the way it's going to be, because that seems mean. And also it's selfish because it's like, well, I kind of like having

this guy fawn over me, especially if I'm going through a bad situation with a guy actually like it's so nice to have some guy who would like take a bullet for me, fawning over me for as long as I want doing whatever I want. Yeah. It's hard to let go of something like that for the guy. It's like, if you want to get down with a chick, then you can't you gotta you can't let that happen. You just got to walk away. I mean, you can't be in that situation. It's just so right.

It's just so I don't want to be mean to this guy, but it's just so pathetic. If you go on if you go on like man internet like stuff, like the Joe Rogan sphere, they'll say this phrase, don't put the pussy on a pedestal. And you know, obviously that's a crazy phrase and it says pussy and whatever, but it's so true. And when I was dating, it actually helped me to think like that.

It's like, you can't just, because they're a hot girl, you can't just say that they are above you and like they're the queen and you're this peasant. You have to put everyone at your level. Yeah. Yeah. The easier said, but yes, especially if she's so hot and you guys are just craving sticking your dick in something so badly, you like can't help it. It's like it's the, you can't have mind over matter. Like you just, your body wants it

and you'll just fall over yourselves to get it. I mean, yeah, even hot girls intimidate me and make me wanna act differently around them. And I have to not put the pussy on the pedestal and just be like, just because she's hot does not mean she's better than me or doesn't mean I, yeah, doesn't mean she's better than me or doesn't mean I, yeah, doesn't mean she's better than me or that I am somehow beneath her.

But I tend to feel that way a lot of times. You know what Neil Strauss said, the game or the Pelican or whatever. Well, that's what these guys need to read. Yeah. The Pelican. Oh, what's the mystery? Peacock. Peacock.

The mystery peacock guy. He said, um, Yeah, that girl's hot like you're hot and all but um, Hotness is common. He would say there's so many hot girls out there It's like just your tick tock and Instagram and you're like, there's so many hot girls Yeah, yeah, and maybe none of them will fuck you fine But there's there's because move on to the next one if they don't like you there's plenty of none of them will fuck you, fine. But there's, you just move on to the next one if they don't like you. There's plenty of, one of them will fuck you.

One of them will fuck you eventually if they're in the right state of mind. If they're just like depressed and wanna rebound. Or if they've just been through a relationship where the person was hot and a piece of shit, they're gonna be open for a nice guy who's maybe not as hot, but is ready for like a relationship that's

loving. You just got to meet the person where they are. You'll find them eventually. That's why I'm really glad to be in a relationship because I can have guy friends because I'm in a secure relationship where my boyfriend doesn't care if I have guy friends that are like my friends that I've known forever and we have our own relationships and he doesn't need to monitor it because he's secure in our relationship. If he wasn't he would be like, what, you hanging out with new guys? And then also the guy friends I have know I'm in a relationship that's secure and so there's no weirdness there either. And it's like I think it's a place I've

never been in in my entire life where I feel secure on both sides. Yeah. I didn't think that I would ever have that of being able to have guy friends that are separate than my friendship with Chris or like, you know, from, they don't need to be our friends. I mean, most of them are because why not? I love Chris and he's my friend, so why wouldn't I? I always want to combine all my friends, but I'm able, I would be able to have male friends because, and I don't think Chris and I have always been in that secure where I would have

been okay with that or him having girlfriends or hit me having guy friends and now I feel like oh this makes sense because we just both know we ain't going nowhere. Do you have guy friends that are not in in the industry? Um no because that's how I don't have friends that are not in the industry. I mean I have girlfriends you know from high school but other than that I mean, I have girlfriends, you know, from high school. But other than that, I mean, Sarah Lena is my only friend that I've made that's new, that's not in the industry, but she is in the industry now. So everyone I know, I've met through work. Well, that makes, so that makes more sense to me, even outside of comedy, like, because

these are like coworkers that have become your friends in a way. Yes. And even if you just start out doing open mics with them and it doesn't feel like a workplace in a way, it is a workplace. And so like if Allie just had some guy friend that was like, I don't know, she met at a bar or that was in a Pilates class, that would be intriguing. But if there's a bunch of guys that she is friends with because she worked with them for four years, that to me is no threat at all. Yeah, I agree, I agree.

I think it is different if I just walked in one day and was like, I'm gonna go start hanging out with Tom, who I met in my Pilates class, who's a straight man who just wants to hang. First of all, he knows that I'm not hard up for new friends, and unless this person was hilarious, like that's the thing is I get to be friends with like really hilarious people. And so it justifies it where I'm like, okay, I'm sorry, I'm going to be friends with David Spade. Yeah, that's a, that's a, anyone would,

you know, and you don't get, you don't have to question that because it's like, okay, that's a premium friend. Yeah. Okay, we gotta go break and I want to, when we get back, I'm having this laser thing that we talked about yesterday done to my face in a couple hours. And I want to ask Noah, like, what it's going to be like, because I'm a little scared. We'll be back after this. Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City, and Narcos, and Roadhouse, and so many commercials about back pain.

And now, I'm starting a podcast because honestly guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors, and writers, and comedians to tell them a buckwild tale from across history and time. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Zoe Chao. Titanic. Charles Manson.

Alcatraz. Asada Shakur. The sketchy guy named Steve. It's giving funny true crime. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my

bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness. We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the US Women's National Team.

In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a Playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior.

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him.

Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Luta podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. So after this, I'm going to get the Moxie BBL, Brazilian butt lift. Is that the BBL? Yeah, BBL. Don't know what it stands for, don't care. What made you get it, Noah? Was it just recommended to you by your esthetist?

So my hairdresser recommended it because I like her skin is beautiful. She's maybe two years younger than me and she just looks great. So she's very forthcoming with all the things she does, which is what I really appreciate about her because she shares it. And she was the one who told me about it. And she had sent me to the girl who does it for me now. And it's great. How many times have you done it?

I've done it three times. Oh, wow. How often? Yeah. So I told the girl I was like, this is my push present to myself. Yeah. Which is a present that you get after you push out a baby. And I was like, for the first year, I just want to be like, on top of it, aggressive

and just like, you know, give myself a little bit of a rejuvenation. So I did it, I think I did it every like two months and then this year I'll do it once a quarter. Like, taxes. And have you already seen results? Oh yeah, for sure. It definitely improves the surface of my skin. The one thing I wanted to warn you about

that freaked me out at first. So basically what will happen is like your skin, like all these like brown spots happen from like burning it. And then all this stuff comes out and you'll see kind of like varicose veins on your nose. You might see that. Oh, I've seen that before on like micro needling and stuff. Yeah. And I was like, Oh my God, am I going to have an old man's nose from now on? It's like my grandfather's nose.

Right, right. It looks like an alcoholic, sun-beaten, shipwrecked nose. Yeah. Exactly. But it does go away in time. It's like five days, right? And then you can probably put makeup on it after like the second day, I'm guessing. It just depends how much of it starts to fall off.

Like for me, it started to flake off from center to like where my ears are, so I could kind of put foundation over the front. But it- What is this doing? It gives you good skin texture. It burns off. By burning off the top layer of skin

and then you just have like fresh skin underneath. I think it's much more complex than that. It like boosts your collagen. I mean, I barely have any makeup on and it gives me like a glow. Like red, not red cheeks, but just kind of like healthy looking cheeks. You know? Wow. And how much was it?

I mean, this is not cheap shit. No. It also depends on where you live and stuff. Yeah, that's true. It also depends where you live and stuff. Yeah, that's true. It's a little cheaper here. Tucson, you can just go lay out in the sun. And it'll burn off.

Well, the sun here is really bad. I mean, I used to never put sunscreen on my face, but I have to now. You never put sunscreen on before? Unfortunately, just like the way that I was raised, my parents were always putting us out in the sun and lathering us up with baby oil. Oh my God.

So, yeah. It says baby in the name, put it on your babies. Exactly, we would spend the whole day at the beach just lathering up in baby oil. Wait, is baby oil not for babies? I think it is for babies, but I don't think it's for babies bathing in the sun. No. Yeah.

I don't know what it's for, baby. I looked up some information on the BBLs. Okay, let us know what it does. Now I'm subscribed to like seven OnlyFans accounts. But I have Moxie and BBL is actually two different things. Yeah. And you're getting a bundle probably where you get both at once.

Yes, exactly. I'm so glad you look at this off. I just blindly go into these things. Okay, go on. I just say, I don't care, just make me look good. BBL is a intense pulsed light that stands for broadband light. And MOXIE, they say, is a non-ablative,

fractional laser energy. Now- Don't know what that means. Okay. Um, does it hurt? I heard it doesn't hurt. Moxie feels like you're getting warm kisses on your face. Great. BBL feels like you're getting little nails dug into your skin, but they

usually numb you before, but still feels like a little bit, but you'll, you'll be able to handle it. Here's also what you need to know. Moxie is more expensive, almost twice as expensive as BBL. Oh, all right. Maybe Moxie is like the more advanced one that like doesn't hurt as much. This isn't fair to people who can't afford it.

I just wanna just reiterate that if you can't afford this shit, just please know that it's like when you look at someone's nice car and your car is not nice, like you can't compare it. You're just like, oh, that person has a nice car. But it's not fair because people aren't just slapping Moxie BBL brand sticker on their foreheads

so you know that's what they've done. They just seem to be better than you for some reason. Or they eat cleaner or something, which is a part of it too. Well, that's why people love making fun of someone when they get bad work done, because it's like, ha ha, you spend all your fucking money and now you look like this. When their palisades house burns down,

like I'm jealous you have money and I want it to backfire on you. Yeah. And you know, it's a natural reaction to feel that way. I almost went off, you know how sometimes I'll just like write out a comment and I'll be like, brrrr, and I wanna send it and then I don't? I did that today with, there was something about Taylor Swift's jet and it was like, all of the shortest trips

Taylor Swift ever took on her jet, the shortest trip she ever took was four miles, which is walking distance. It's like, okay, you want Taylor Swift to walk four miles in Paris? Or like in the Paris countryside or the French French French countryside. Why not take a car though? Why'd you take a jet for mine? I don't know I don't know but they're like it was to save money. I'm like I doubt that I think it was probably for security and like it's not the problem again like this is the oil companies are the problem with climate change not celebrities taking private fucking jets it's is the oil companies are the problem with climate change, not celebrities taking private fucking jets.

It's what the oil companies did was they made a bunch of propaganda. And that is part of it is just to blame it on celebrities and you and your carbon footprint when really they could do even a little thing and it would be immensely more than you could ever do in a thousand lifetimes of recycling and not taking jets and taking the bus and riding your bike. It doesn't put a fucking dent in anything compared to what they could do just a fraction of.

So stop blaming Taylor Swift. And by the way, Taylor Swift, if you were her, you'd be taking these people who are like, I can't pull it. She could have walked that bitch. You would have taken a private jet a mile. Like all these people who are judging, they would kill for that kind of money to be able to not fly southwest. They all would do it I unless you are like the head of PETA or the an ambassador of Greenpeace I don't think you can put your money where your mouth is and when you when you judge these people for spending all this money

I think you would do the same thing if you have even the ambassadors of money. Well, even the ambassadors of Greenpeace do it. The people who are in charge of these charities, once they get a little bit of money, they start doing all this shit. And then it comes out five years later where it's like corrupt CEO of Greenpeace actually spent $7 million on a house in the Turks and Caicos.

Yeah. And you go, what the fuck? Well, I read on some, there was some, on the vegan subreddit, there was an article about me being a vegan or whatever. And they got into a huge, there was all these bickering inside the subreddit of, and I don't usually read the stuff, but I'm like, vegans are nice.

I would like to see what they're saying about me and maybe they appreciate what I'm doing. I'm one of very few Celebrity vegans at this point because they're always like I'm not big I used to be vegan and then they get louder than ever about it because it didn't work with my body and my lifestyle shut up You just wanted to lose weight and you had your tone keto Yeah, I'm just like shut up if you if you stop being vegan shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut up Yeah, you know you were vegan once so you know it was the right thing, right?

But now you're feeling guilty, right? So you have to be extra loud about why it didn't work for you Just don't be vegan and shut the fuck up. You don't need to you don't need to blast this everywhere Everyone's already not vegan. You don't need to like retell us why you're not because you need to justify it You know what you're doing isn't right. You know you're probably doing it to lose weight or to do something for some selfish reason that isn't about the animals. And by the way, I've done it too. We all justify these behaviors, but just shut the fuck up. We don't need more people telling us not to be vegan. We really don't. And to everyone who is annoyed with vegans being loud, there's like four of us. So you can shut the fuck up to honestly

We're never gonna win if we went over three people and you have 30 less cows killed a year So be it let us talk and then just flip past it. You don't have to listen But anyway in this vegan subreddit, they were getting so mad Or a couple people defended me this one person shout out to whoever that was Who was like because they were they were getting in an argument about how I'm not loud enough had. Or a couple of people defended me. This one person, shout out to whoever that was, who was like, because they were getting in an argument about how I'm not loud enough and how I'm too gentle when I go on certain people's podcasts where I don't overdo it. And I kind of say, I don't care what you do. I'm not going to preach at you. I just know

what I do. I'm right for what I do and you're wrong and that's fine with me and you have to live with that. And I really really I'm not judging you for it I did it for years I'm gentle about it when it comes to judgmental and like shaming people even though I just said fuck you a million times to both vegans and non-vegans um But well you're saying fuck you specifically to the person who quits veganism and then goes and loudly exclaims Defining their yes, that's particular. Yeah, they should just shut the fuck up. Yeah, just shut the fuck up.

And, but anyway, this person was like, well, she has to be delicate because these people, if she wants to get the word out at all on these podcasts and keep getting invited on these podcasts, she can't go fucking nuts. And that person saw me, I felt seen. You can't overdo it. And I do have to be understanding.

And I wish that a lot of... I wish PETA and a lot of these different organizations would kind of come from my perspective of like a gentle approach to getting people to quit eating meat, because I know that's how I quit smoking cigarettes. I know that's how I quit alcohol. It's not being punitive to yourself. It's not feeling guilty. It's not feeling... It's not shaming you about, it's shaming people about cigarettes, showing them a picture of a dirty lung doesn't get them to stop smoking. It makes them smoke more because they're stressed out about the fact that they're smoking and the only thing they have to do to calm that stress is to smoke more. So you yelling at people about being vegan or not being

vegan is going to make them dig their heels in more because they're going to feel distressed about it. And what makes you feel good when you're distressed? Food that you like to eat. It's basic persuasion. Like you can't just yell someone into agreeing with you. You can't. Dig in more. With politics, like if you like just think about this in any situation. Like if you have an uncle or something who disagrees with you politically, if you just go over to his house and you start telling him he's a bad person and stuff, he's just gonna believe his thing more and then he's gonna

plant a flag on the back of his pickup truck because you did that. And guess what? Calling him weird doesn't work either. We thought that worked for a second. Yeah. Man, was that funny. That was so funny when we were all like, it's working. Weird really pisses them off and they don't like it. We call them weird, we're all like, it's working. Weird really pisses them off and they don't like, We call them weird. We never thought about that to call them weird. Game over. Weird. We solved it. That was so funny, dude.

As soon as we caught it weird, all of a sudden the flags came down. Oh, so funny. You're like, wait a second, am I weird? Yeah. I just like do a gentle approach. Once in a while I see a post, because I'm in a certain mood, I'll be in like a depressed mood and I see a picture of a chicken that looks dirty and sad and I'll just post it because it's just a gentle reminder. It's not, it is a little in your face, but it's not me being like, you're a bad person. I just say, Hey, your, you know, your favorite breakfast food enjoys warm baths.

Just think about that. It's just like a nice little kind of sneaky way to do it because over the top is just, you want to do over the top. Of course I want to scream and berate and shame. You want to throw the paint on the fur coat. Yeah. Oh God, yeah. Yeah, and I want to every time I see a post of Haley Bieber wearing some you know long

Fox coat I want to write this is disgusting or whatever It's like that doesn't that's only gonna make people be like what a bitch. What does she stand for? I read that on all the posts anyway, even if it doesn't No, it's just like it's just not right. It's not the right approach. But anyway, it's like, it's hard not to get, not to see your name and get drawn into what could they be saying about me. Well, it's just irrational for them to say like, you got to go on to like the Tiger Belly podcast and start like vehemently yelling about veganism. It's just not going to convince anybody and it's going to ruin your career.

Yeah. And, and they wonder why there's no celebrities that are vegan. It's just like it makes it turns people off. And also you're a comedian. It's like it's not your job. I get you have a platform, but it's not your job to convince anybody of anything. Your job is to make people laugh. And like that's the whole problem with the joke, the great joke during the Golden

Globes where it's like you can do anything except tell people how to vote. It's like stay in your lane. Like you don't need, the public should not expect celebrities to fix the world. That's not why there's celebrities. That's not why they were chosen to be celebrities. If you want people to fix the world, you should be looking to activists and politicians. And of course, celebrity can become an activist, but like, you can't expect like, uh, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise to fix climate change. It's, it's insane. Yeah, but it just seems like they should be able to because we have them, they, we have

their pussies on such pedestals. Yeah. Right. Like it does make sense that we go like, why can't you speak up more? Like, you know, Taylor Swift endorsing Kamala felt like That was gonna do it. Yeah, and it just did and we calling them weird. I mean what the fuck How could that combination not have worked? It's so funny Yeah, well And to say then their whole strategy was I mean we decided to call them weird and yet Taylor Swift to endorse them and it didn't work and their whole strategy was just what to like convince the majority of Americans to vote for them. I mean, how could how did that work by running incessant ad campaigns that instilled fear where there's shouldn't be. I mean, it's not like they didn't do anything. They weren't just like, Brian, you can't just say

they weren't just running a honest, sincere, noble campaign by any stretch of the imagination. No, no, no, certainly not. And isn't it, it is, have you guys, the TikTok ban was insane. I think it's so funny that like, there's so many people working on like sketches about it. And by the time they like shot their sketch that was

gonna be like so viral on reels about the TikTok ban. It was already lifted. That was so funny. I loved it. Did you see that a bunch of there was a... People were crying. People were going crazy. People on TikTok who decided to come clean about their accounts before the... did you see this? I'm gonna miss this community where I got $6,000 a week from posting a video of my tits. Wait, what? Wait, oh, I saw one guy coming clean was like, I'm just gonna say it. I don't like black people. It's just like, wait, what? This isn't what this is. This isn't like you're on the gallows and you get to say your last final statements. Are you talking about that guy? There was one guy that was like, I want to talk about who I don't like.

And he said that he didn't like black people at the gym because black people are already physically superior. So why are they at the gym when he should be at the gym trying to keep up with whatever they are naturally. I mean, it was insane. First of all, lead with that. Don't end with it. It's like the ship's going down. That's such a weird impulse. He was like, I don't care anymore. If you're in the Titanic and it's going down, your last thing to do is to be like, guess what? I hate black people. That's so crazy to

think that. It was, it was nuts. So I saw that. Wait, what did you see? So shit you should care about the account, shit you should care about was leading the journalism on this and They found that there was a bunch of accounts on take a popular accounts where the influencers came clean as to why their accounts were frauds Like for example, there was one fitness influencer who says I posted those workouts I never did any of those workouts like stuff like that. Oh my god I I or like a cooking channel and they were like. Don't they know there are other platforms that they can go? Yeah. That's the thing about TikTok. That's the TikTokers. That's insane. Is that they're acting like TikTok is the only social media platform.

They're acting like with TikTok, they can't have any other access to social media. That's really interesting. I never even considered that people that are telling me what workouts to do might not be doing them They're not doing that. I'm like, how do their bodies look like that then but it's like, oh they could just be like naturally Fit in that way or they're doing like less like half of them or eating well I'm doing half of them but like they're doing posting every day of a workout cool sculpting cool sculpting I don't know that I would not do because I've seen too many horrors of cool sculpting. But I will say, I would love to go through my phone and see how many different squat workouts that I have saved

that I've never once done. Ever. Ever of like the right positioning. I have this one girl who's Irish who screams at me about, your lady's in the gym doing your fucking squats. You fucking need to do it the right way. She just, her thing is that she cusses at you. She's really cool. I like her. I forget her name. Fuck, I wish I could remember it. She pops up all the time for me.

And then I have, yeah, but I have so many different, if I'm doing a squat the wrong way, it's because there's no excuse for me to do a squat the wrong way. All I have is videos showing me the wrong way, it's because there's no excuse for me to do a squat the wrong way. All I have is videos showing me the wrong way and the right way. What? Is that what you're saving on Instagram?

Mostly workout videos? Yeah, workout videos. And like every morning I get up and I do this with my hands, gua sha, where it's like draining your face of puff. Or it's all those where I'm just saving different workouts that I never do and I did do some gym workouts when I was in Hawaii from our vacation and I just did ones I never went to the ones on Instagram that I saved I just went to like gym workout 20 minutes and did those and those are really fun yeah

that's what I used to do all the time. I mean, before I went back to Equinox, I would do the, I would do pop sugar. Oh, in your house? I would do pop sugar. I would do TV 12, as we all know, but I would do pop sugar also. Yeah, in my house. You could just type in 20 minute workout on YouTube, pop sugar, and they have a lot of great ones. They have Apple fitness now, which is also good. But yeah, that's, there's no replacement for, in my opinion, weightlifting. So when you do squats, are you using like a bar?

You're talking about like bodyweight squats? No, what I'm doing like, you know what I'm doing? Like with dumbbells, I would say dumbbells. Yeah, and sometimes like sometimes I'll do a bar and do like, you know, deadlifts. Uh huh. Yeah, that kind of like just the positioning. I know all the positions for the different squats variations you can do because I've just watched the videos a million times and I also watch like videos about you know pelvic tilt constantly and there is literally no one I can find who is fixed with evidence their posterior pelvic tilt. There's a million videos about doing it,

but it must be something that takes literal years to do. I got this special chiropractic thing that you're not even supposed to be able to buy unless you're like, you know, the guy that was talking about it, he was on the YouTube video, he was like, it's a traction tool, and it's like a foam kind of block, and at the top it has like a thinner line, so it's like really digs in, you know? And it's like a five inch block,

and you lay your back on it, because I'm just trying to open up my lower lumbar back and get some lordosis back in that bitch, and you just lay on it. But he said, you should only do this, hold it for one minute on it. Hold it for one lay on it, but he said you should only do this Doses back at this bitch Yeah Lord doses is when your spine kind of goes in and in order to have an ass you got to have that little like

Curve of the spine in so your ass goes whoop and mine does not it just goes straight down And if I had the curve my already flat ass would get it would give it something else straight down. And if I had the curve, my already flat ass would get, it would give it something else. So I'm trying to bend my back in by laying on this fucking block that the guy said you should never, you should not do this without a professional. And I'm just laying on it all day long. I'm going to fuck up my back so bad. I can just feel it already, but stretching out my back, I think, I hope it's, it seems like a medieval torture device. I have a, I want to say something about just like exercise in general, because I did something yesterday

that I've never done before, which is I got a Dexa scan. Ever done one of those? No, what is that? A body spec. It's one, it's a full body scan that measures your body fat and your muscle and your bones and stuff like that. Do you have to like breathe while you're, like with a mask on while you're running on a treadmill? I did that No, no, it's just laying down. It was really easy. It's like less than 10 minutes

Yeah, I just you just lay down and you this thing that slowly scans you and they say so weird they say The fact the FAQ is a lot of radiation to do these dexascans And they say it's about the same amount of radiation as eating for bananas Did you know that you get radiation from bananas? No, well Yeah, that's nuts, okay, so I'm doing this scan that comparison $60 for the whole- Where? Yeah, where's your gym? There's lots of facilities all over, at least SoCal. So you just got some numbers, you got your body fat percentage, you got what else?

You got a whole breakdown. Your bone density, your body fat, your visceral fat, like all these little categories. And it's really easy and quick. And so I wanted to find out if I was a fat piece of shit or not. You're not. I would have told you by looking at you. I went to a gastro doctor and I said, am I a fat piece of shit? And he said, no, you look like you're in great shape. You're doing better than me.

And I said, oh, great. And then I went to my primary care physician and I said, am I a fat piece of shit? And he said, well, you know, you got a lot of fat around your belly so you could lose weight so I wanted to get a DEXA scan to see which person was right am I fat or not turns out I'm fat. You are? Yeah I'm fat. What what do you let me guess your percentage can I guess? Yeah my body fat percentage? Yeah Noah you want to get on this because I believe men are supposed to be around like 6% or something. I think women are like a hundred and fifteen

percent fat. Like our fat is like crazy compared to men's. Yeah. Yeah, I think men are under 10. So I'm gonna guess you're like 9? No, under 10 would be like... 9-11? Yeah, 9. You have to be between 9 and 11 in order for. Wait, is it? Am I so off? What is, what's you're supposed to be? If you're under ten, you are like a ripped god. Okay, that's what I want for you. You're like a professional athlete. I think if you're under twenty, you're in good shape. You're not fat. Are you under fifty? But if you're, if you're, what?

Are you under fifty? He's definitely fifty. I don't even think it's humanly possible. Is it possible to be over half fat? You know what? I don't even know what this BMI thing is. You can be 50%. BMI is an old archaic tool. I believe.

No, what are you? Drum roll. 30.8% body fat. Really? What's interesting is that it's all around my stomach. My arms and legs are mostly muscle. Is that new for you as you've aged? It's definitely been getting bigger.

It's because I stopped weightlifting. Oh. Now I've started again and I'm getting my muscle back and it's doing TB12 and pop sugar only. I'm telling you, it just doesn't work. Just doesn't work. Gotta lift weights. God damn it, I know you gotta lift weights.

It's not enough. But here's the weirdest thing that I discovered. So I don't have an unhealthy amount of fat. The fat's actually pretty good. But it's just superficial fat that I can get rid of. But what's really interesting is my bone density. I am in the lowest 8% of bone density in the, in the country of my age group. That's horrible. I've got horrible.

And so, and here's the thing, my arms and legs bones are in like the 80 percentile. So I have super good bones in my arms and legs bones are in like the 80 percentile. So I have super good bones in my arms and legs, but I have really low bone in my torso and head. I think you need to get a second dexatrim study. I really do. Dexascan. You think this was a mistake? This is crazy that your pelvis is like four bananas in terms of its sturdiness. And then the rest of you is steel beams. Yeah, exactly.

That's crazy. Okay. I got really bad bones in my head. What are you supposed to do for that? What do you do for your bone density in your torso? Well, so I don't know. In your skull. You can gain bone density by taking supplements like vitamin D, magnesium and calcium, which

I'm already taking. I was already low on D. Do you feel that your bones are kind of brittle? Can you feel it? No, my bones feel great, but it is something over time. You can get osteoporosis as you get older. They can break easily. But the way you build your bones is by exerting weight

on them so that your body is like, we need more bone here. And that comes from weightlifting, which I need to just get back to and I get my bones up, but I just don't know how to make my head bone bigger. Like how do you put weight on that? Like I just think. Helmet. I'm gonna have to wear a helmet. Just get a helmet, honestly.

Yeah. That's okay, so I'm glad you got this information. I don't know what you're gonna do with it, if it's gonna make you better or worse. When we get back, I want to ask you one more question. Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse and so many commercials about back pain. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories

in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians to tell them a buckwild tale from across history and time. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Zoe Chow. Titanic. Charles Manson. Alcatraz. Asada Shakur.

The sketchy guy named Steve. It's giving funny true crime. It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness. We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and

goalkeeper for the US Women's National Team. In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. We want to speak out.

We want to raise awareness and we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a Playboy model.

Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread

than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager, responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding.

I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. I have a question for you guys. If you could have one thing in your life just snap with the fingers and it's done. Like whether it's a home project, a personal project, a physical thing that you want done that is within the realm of you could do it. Okay? Like it isn't just, it's not like a you win the lottery kind of thing and you have a yacht or something, but like something that you're like, God, it's not like you win the lottery kind of thing and you have a yacht or something But like something that you're like god

It's just like weighing you down that you could do and you maybe aren't gonna get around to what would that thing be? Like are you saying like a task or like a skill a task a task? Not even tasks, but like it could be like I want to get in good shape and I wish I could just snap my finger I know that would take months to do but it could be that. But what is your guys's? Mine is, although it would be the get in shape thing, but the more practical one is to finally finish my wedding album. What? No one's clamoring for that, hon. We have already paid for this wedding album

and it's been almost a year and I have not finished hardening the photos. Why are you doing it then if you're paying for it? Because every time I start doing it I get distracted and I'm like I don't want to go through like eight lane photos. No, no, no, I mean like why aren't they putting it together for you? Because we have to choose which photos we want in there. Okay. And then they the company puts it together and so it's like out of thousands of photos you have to choose which photos we want in there. Okay. And then the company puts it together and prints it. So it's like out of thousands of photos, you have to choose like 100. Yeah, I'm like three quarters of the way there, but I just cannot finish.

You're gonna wisk your wish on this? I feel like you could do this in an afternoon. Wait, why, what is the holdup? Why can't you do it? Like when you have like a stillness and it's like I should do that, what is keeping you from doing it? You don't wanna see pictures of yourself,

you don't wanna remember a time where things felt better and easier, what is it? So a part of it is option paralysis, which I struggle with. And because I'm almost done, I know that I'll have to go back and do a round two of all the folks, because there's only a certain amount that can go on the album yeah and I'm dreading the start of round two okay why don't you give it to someone who would like to do that like a Kirsten that's a great idea I actually give it

to someone who like you know throw it on the girls chat and be like could anyone help me by looking at these photos and pick the ones you like? Anya, I think, like loves to do that kind of stuff. She's really good at like helping make decisions when it comes to like, I felt the same way about photo shoots where I'm like, I have to choose the ones they're gonna edit.

I only get 10 to edit, like I can't decide, I don't know. Because ultimately, yeah, it should be like what you want, but you won't notice if someone else is choosing. No, I honestly wouldn't care. I'm not good at asking for help, so thanks. That's actually a very good suggestion. Because I think there are people that would like to do that. Like it wouldn't feel burdensome for them.

But I understand that the option paralysis is that like, but isn't that with like, isn't it with everything like picking out furniture and picking out yes an outfit yeah i think one of the problems is there's too many options like you need to limit like you need to just like take half the photos and throw them in the garbage so then you just have less to choose from but i still have to go through them which is what i'm not good at don't even go through them just throw them out you don't have them and then you have half left. And then that's one of the, they've done studies on this

about happiness in general, where if you have more than like three to five options, it actually makes you less happy because you were just thinking about all the different ways that you could get the choice wrong. Whereas if you just have like A or B or C, then you just make that decision quickly and you're much happier. Even if the thing you ultimately wind up with

is not as good as if you had a hundred different options and you could pick the number one best one. Right, well that makes sense. I'd just be happy with the fact that I got the task done. How many times have you been ordering makeup online and there's too many colors to choose from and so you just don't choose any? I mean, all the time. Literally every time, all the time for me. Whether it's like a color of lipstick or a color of foundation. makeup online and there's too many colors to choose from and so you just don't choose any.

Literally every time, all the time for me whether it's like a color of lipstick or a color of foundation. I'm like, I know that it's nice that they have many colors because there are many different colors of people and lips and things like that. But good God, I don't think we need that many. Yeah, I'm with you on that.

Like with shoes, like I get these running shoes and they have, I get Brooks running shoes that like with shoes like I get these running shoes and they have I get Brooks running shoes and like They have like three choices of color variations. I love how certain shoe companies are just like fuck you Yeah, one page of results. Yeah You're not even gonna go to the book when I go to like anthropology to look at like new arrivals or like just tops it's like a to look at like new arrivals or like just tops. It's like a thousand pages of things that you can go through.

And I just can't, I can't. Just give me the best ones, the ones that are proven to be the best. And then you go to best sellers and that's just, they could lie to you. It's like when I used to work at a restaurant and whenever they would do the special of the week, it was just whatever leftover shit they had,

they would throw it in a stew and say, this is our special and it would make it seem special, but it wasn't special. It was just the leftover. So I always feel like the best sellers are stuff they're trying to like offload. There was someone saying this to me or something, or I heard it on a TV show where it's like,

no matter what you do, when you go to a restaurant, don't get like the fish stew or the bouillabaisse or something because all that is is two-day-old fish put in to a stew. So never get... I don't think there's ever a fish stew anywhere. That sounds insane. They've been telling me for years never get the fish stew. I just think that specials are oftentimes not, unless it's a really nice restaurant where they're like we just got the certain amount of this fish like I think specials generally are things they're running out of and they just want to like kind of shove them all

together, but I could be wrong. That's one. What are your guys? Restaurants too. If you go to a restaurant, I mean if it's like Cheesecake Factory and they have like every single food on the menu it's much harder to make a decision than if you go to a place that just has like 15 options that we know are good. Yeah. I mean, my thing that I would want done if I snap my fingers is getting rid of crap and like little cords and little like buttons and shit, like all the drawers, all the things that I have that I don't want. Like it's been really hard for me to,

I just went through my, I did a purge the other day and got rid of like five suitcases of clothing. And I finally got rid of underwear that I don't want, that I've been like having for five years, you know, like just this, and I just don't wear that underwear, I only wear thongs now, like I just don't really, unless I'm going unless I sleep in underwear that are like on my ass, you know what, bikini style.

But like I only wear thong, I've trained my ass to be chapped and calloused enough that I don't feel it. It's like flossing. Wearing thongs is like flossing. If you do it every once in a while, it's highly annoying and you're like. You're bleeding, your ass is bleeding. And everyone knows that you don't wear thongs a lot because you're like, oh, but then if you wear them every day, you just get used to them.

It truly is so uncomfortable when you first wear thongs. I couldn't even believe that anyone ever did it. And now I hate wearing them to bed because I want to, but I only kept some underwear to wear to bed. And then I got rid of, and you can't donate underwear, right, so it's just like putting all this underwear in a bag and like just throwing it into a landfill. Like it's not going anywhere, there's no recycling going on and that really stresses me out. And I got rid of all my socks that aren't ankle socks.

All of my socks that go below my ankle, gone. And that was like, I'm not not joking you seven pairs of socks that I So what's up through a bag? Just saying ones that go above my ankles like high above or that Emily told me to buy up I'll show you how it's gonna say is that an Way up oh they go all the way up yeah, I just love them. They're like those are the best socks They're so comfortable to put on I like the fabric They don't have that like fuzzy feel like I like them to feel like I don't know that some socks when I can see

If you're sock is a silhouette of your sock. You can see the fuzz. I want to die Yeah, I don't want a hard like I want a sock that doesn't have like fuzz or wool. I don't like wool I don't like no, I don't like polyester because that makes me sweat I want to be cotton, but I want to be like a hard cotton. I don't know what I'm saying, but like the gray-toed Hanes ones with the white and the gray-toed, that's what I'm talking about. Those are great.

With the fuzz, yeah, that's horror. So I can't believe in the early 2000s we were convinced to wear socks that go below the ankle. Final thought. I look back at those and I'm like, especially guys, I'm like why, I, I'm like, why? Like the, I can't think of anything less flattering than wearing a sock that like you basically I still think it looks good, but I can't wear it because it makes you look old.

I, you know, it's like the middle part thing. I just won't do it. It may, I feel like it just, I would wear it because I have long legs and I feel like it makes your legs look longer to wear no sock Oh, yeah If you have more legs if you have long legs, especially skinny long legs, especially if you're a guy you have to wear long socks I mean, there's just no there's no way around it Why you don't want your legs to look long and skinny? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Oh, yeah. Okay guys

pick trunks I have Long muscular legs and so I don't like the ankle sock look because I feel like it makes me look stubby and muscular and I wanted that extra ankle length, but I don't get it anymore. You know, like I do think it looks better to have your ankle exposed, but that's just not what the trend is. That's not it. No more.

It'll be that in 20 years. In 20 years, it'll be disgusting to wear high socks and you'll have to wear what an ankle socks again. I do kind of like how everything is trending back towards the 80s now Like if you go to like at the gym or something everyone's wearing like the same type of stuff tops Oh my god, yeah baggy tank tops Some people are just wearing like full-fledged like baggy sweatshirts, but also like the socks are 80s socks They're just like workout video. What are those called? Those ankle socks? Yeah, like ankle warmers going into leggings. That's just the 80s. Amazing.

No one, they didn't think of this. Gen Z did not think of this. No, we thought of it. I don't even wear like, I don't even know what to wear for leggings anymore. I don't think leggings are in. And if you do wear a legging I saw a thing about this You have to wear a sweatshirt that covers your butt like it is not cool anymore to wear a sweatshirt above your butt Yeah, and with yoga pants girls. Did you know this? I didn't know this but you it makes you look like a soccer mom And so you have to wear a really long sweatshirt that covers your butt, which I think is a better look

It's like more modest. Mm-hmm, and I'm not one for being like cover yourselves up ladies But like with me with my flat ass that can actually have four quadrants sometimes like I feel like I have four butt cheeks Sometimes I like to have more coverage on my butt Girls, you should be showing off your butts all the time. I would be flashing my ass Non-stop if I had a good ass. It's not in style anymore. You just said we have to cover it. Big sweatshirts.

No, no, I mean your bare ass, I would be getting little itty bitty bikinis. Girls are always complaining about like, why is there no butt coverage? If you have a full big ass, don't cover it up. You don't need butt coverage. You have a big butt that has like a nice shape to it. Even if it's big, it's like,

if yours has like all these different divots in it, I understand why wanting to cover it up. Mine has divots. So that's how it's always been? I mean, I could try anything. I could probably get a BBL in the right place. It's in front of my face in an hour to fix it. But it's just like I'm always like kind of a flat ass.

That's not like something that's happened over time. That's, it's always been like that you're saying. No, I think it's like with age, it's like with kind of the sagging nature of skin. But it's also with when I used to be really skinny, like that's the first place, like I already don't have fat there anyway. And then when I used to be really skinny like that's the first place like I'd already don't have fat there anyway and then when I'm really skinny it's like there's it's just a little hanging skin and the skin so you

need more great skin you need more fat there on my ass yeah that's what the Kardashians do they literally get their fat put on their ass and they take it from other places if you get the fat put in your ass does that just for ever I mean I would love to donate some if that was possible. I would love to. That'd be great. I would love to have your stomach on my ass. I wonder if it stays there, I don't know.

My stomach kind of looks like an ass, to be honest with you. Really? Yeah, like the way that it's hanging out now, it really, like if you just like took out of context the picture of my butt and removed the belly button, then it would look like an ass. Yeah, all right, I'll take your word for it. We got to go. Thank you for listening to the

podcast this week. Happy birthday, Kirsten. You guys, we'll see you next week. Tickets are on sale. They're all selling a lot. So I really appreciate you all coming out to see me. There are some tickets available in certain markets, nickyglazer.com. Keep listening to the podcast. We'll see you next week. Don't be good, bye. The Nicky Glazer podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me, Nicky Glazer.

Co-hosted by Brian Frangy. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. Hansani and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lien and Loaf. Video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser pod and subscribe to our channel. Hi I'm Arturo Castro and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like

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