The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #508 Nikki's Table, Plastic Surgery & A Private Jet Ride!?

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

Nikki sure knows how to set a table of friends. The pre-show chat about chin implants had to keep going, and Nikki, basically a plastic surgery guru, is leading the convo. Sean’s lips are goals, but growing up with these ‘DSLs’ wasn't all it's cut out to be. 'Beat Bobby Flay' is the perfect show to just throw on, but let’s be real—no one at this table can cook. They shout out Liza Treyger’s new special Night Owl, and Brian gives a quick comedy lesson about the Chicago scene in New York. Nikki spills the tea on what she's got going on with the NFL- it involves a private flight with some people she spotted at the Grammys! While chatting pop music, Nikki accidentally coins a new term. In the Final Thought, they chat some more about the Super Bowl and the Halftime show. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of Ruthie's Table Four. This week, my guest is Zoe Saldana, and what a woman she is. I come from a family, and I do know this, that it's a cultural thing. We dance. If you failed a test, we danced. If you passed it, you know what I mean? You just dance, and you dance merengue, and you dance salsa salsa and everybody sits in someone's backyard ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Listen on the iHeart radio app, Apple or wherever you find your podcasts What if you ask two different people

the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe and

Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Wherever you get your podcasts, 7 questions, limitless answers. Welcome. My name is Paola Pedroza, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy Podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones. It's about learning through them and their new perspective. I think God sent me this gift so I can show it to the world. And most of all, I help people every single day.

Listen to the Ghost Therapy podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh We are recreating the magic of yesterday's episode with the same crew different day next day different studio different place

It's like a sequel they like it so much. They bought the sequel they have to update the Background or else people wouldn't realize there's a different it's like rush hour We're rush hour the first ones in LA and then they go to China then they go to China. Oh, yeah Heck octagon yeah, well we've been here before. Yesterday Noah was saying the podcast was so good. She was saying that on the girls chat today. And I was like, was it because we were like on top of each other?

Was that like, does that add an energy to it? Or was it just like, you know, sometimes we have good podcasts here too. It's not, I don't know if it's the space. I'm trying to like, what makes? Well, without a doubt, being in person is five times better than being on Zoom. Yes. Oh my god. because you can just talk you know

You're like Kramer at a restaurant. Yeah, I mean we were on fire yesterday, and I feel like we're on fire today Yeah, I'm feeling the energy like during the pre-show somebody came in like should we start recording? Yeah, this is we some good podcast where we were talking about what? So but to set the the table We were talking about what, to set the table. Go around, yeah, there's a table that we're at. We could set it. It's unusual. Brian Frangy, Sean O'Connor, Andrew Collin.

Yes. All here. Can't buy a table like this at Ikea. Yeah, you can. No, look at it, there's only, oh wait. I think you could. I thought there was only two legs. I like it, I mean, I like Ikea.

I'm complimenting it by saying that absolutely. I'm saying literally you can't. Oh. Like this is not mean I like Ikea that I'm complimenting it by saying that absolutely I'm saying literally you can't oh Like this is not for sale at Ikea Okay, I don't ever know that please recently on the Ikea app yeah um Andrew was just saying Well, I was just what how did we get into the same implant circling each other's problem area? Yeah, it wasn't good Andrew asked Andrew asked what he should get done. And I was just saying that chin implants, I just read a thing. I guess it was in New York Magazine or something.

I forget where, but they did a report about how chin implants are the new cosmetic surgery that every man is getting. That was Ikea.com. Yeah. Yeah. I read that. But it's not there anymore.

Not there, it's gone. It's gone. So but it was a. What does it do Not there, it's gone. It's gone. What does it do? Well, it was interesting to me because it seems affordable to me. It was $12,000, and from what I can tell, it really does change the shape of your face in a way that I haven't seen male plastic surgery

in a subtle way that like, I know all the girl tricks to make it look like you haven't had work done, and people just go, wow, you look a lot prettier. I'm not doing all of them, but I'm aware of when they happen, when they're subtle, like you haven't had work done and people just go wow you look a lot prettier and you know I I'm not doing all of them But I'm aware of when they happen when they're subtle and you can't really tell someone's had plastic surgery And I think the chin implant for guys is that subtle thing I'm like you just got hotter, but we don't know why. Like a thicker chin. I think they just like add a I don't know, but it's like around $12,000, and I don't think it's like a really intense like recovery

I'm not advocating for it because like you don't know one really needs one but to me it was like oh I would make I would probably do that well if you're a man and you feel like you need a chin implant if the next step is just to grow a beard because that covers up anything no but like the beard everyone knows the beard the beard is actually is like a 20 trick. I do think a chin implant is different. A 20s trick? It is, like I, listen, I'm always like kind of unshaven, but like it is a trick to like distract.

It's like a comb over. Yeah, but if you get this chin, you go in and you go, give me the Leno. Give me the Leno. You're coming out, you're so confident. I think you want the rife. Yeah, I want the rife. I think you want somewhere between a rife and a leno.

Yeah, you definitely don't want the leno, but I bet it's like $6,000 less. The thing, and it comes with a denim ensemble. That's what they put on you for the surgery. The thing is, I don't think, the only reason this is happening right now is because there's a trend in men needing structured faces. I was reading this article and it was like,

that's what's in right now is not these doughy, kind of more dad bod, but the thing is, you might not wanna get it because it might not be in that much longer. This is all because of right now, handsome Squidward is the vibe right now. But then your face is so structured and everything's so, and then your body is fucking droopy. What, and then your body is like fucking droopy.

What are you gonna do? It doesn't add up. So then what do you, then you have to work out. I mean, this is, you should not do this if you're not someone who like cares about the entire package. Oh, I care. That's what I'm saying.

You're eligible for this, I feel. Like you have focus on working, like you want to be seen as hot. I believe I think yes Yes, you could taste it. I felt it before I have to as a young man I taste it and you're a good looking guy like there's no question about it But I'm just saying like I think you're a good candidate because this is it will it will make you do that face in the mirror That I've seen you do so many times that you got caught doing when I was on set My mom did it on set too, but you were in my dressing room using my mirror to take your shirt off

When it worked out when you were writing for me on FW Island and you were supposed to be on set It's giving in my ear. You didn't have to know I told you all this in confidence But instead you stayed behind to use my ring light And you would have never been caught if later on a PA hadn't come up to me to give me a water bottle and it was the PA who caught you in there and you got embarrassed because you thought the PA was gonna tell me, which he was not, so you just outed yourself and go,

hey, he saw me naked, he saw me with my shirt on, I was posing in the mirror, you just, you completely just like broke down and told me all the truth, it was so funny. Dude, I was kidding, man. That was actually writing really good jokes down there. Seeing that guy, knowing that guy that likes to- Who shaves his body.

Who told me, Nicky, it's not fair. You always get to look in the mirror. I don't get to look in the mirror at all, because you're a writer. Yes, yes. It seems like this has been on your mind. No, I actually love you for it so much. No, I know, I know.

You know I do. It was one of those things where- It was so funny. I was just, I don't know. I was so grateful for it. It was a good mirror. It was a good- you find a good much, you know I do. It was one of those things where- It was so funny. I was just, I don't know. I was so grateful for it. It was a good mirror. You find a good mirror, you ruin your whole career. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Good lighting. You're defensive, like, but Nikki, you get to be in the mirror all day long. And I'm like, I don't even like it. But you, and why would you get to? It's not like I'm hogging it. This is unprecedented that a writer should be supplied

a ring light and a mirror. Well, she has to appear on camera like I was next to the camera Talk about me being on camera. Oh my god being ragu. Yeah. Yeah, we like you dressed up like a guy who is Way past the submission age to be on F-way Island and you were like he took a gold chain from one of the guys and like had a button down shirt that you bought and unbuttoned it a lot and then you walked around with like your gray chest hair coming out and pretended to be a guy named Ragoo.

That's so sad. But the saddest part is like I wanted to be those guys so bad. I mean it's hard not to get swept up in the ritz. Those guys are so cool. Oh my god, you were there, you witnessed it, it is. I fist bumped it, I mean I felt I was in love yeah it really it's in talks that you want their approval yes yes how do you not

listen being young and hot is like the greatest it's the greatest currency we have in America like really oh yeah it's like 40 bitcoins it's like it is it absolutely is and you should really capitalize on it If you can if you if you want to I don't begrudge anyone just being like a hot specimen But what's the name of the man from the claw the iron claw? Jeremy Allen why no the Yeah, why can't remember Zach is the least movie I would ever think to he's the guy from the iron They're hottest in that movie Paris Dickinson. I think is hot Yeah, why can't I remember Zach Efron? That is the least movie I would ever think to pull. He's the guy from the Iron Claw.

I think he's the third hottest in that movie. Because Harris Dickinson, I think, is hot. Oh, is Harris Dickinson in that? Yeah. He's the guy from Baby Girl? Yeah. Ooh. That guy, that twitchy way he acts,

like someone did an impression of him, and I was turned on by the impression. Do you remember that? Did you see someone do an impression? Whoa, that's transference. I did see somebody do an impression of him on it. And I didn't realize I was attracted to the Harris guy from the movie until I saw the impression

I was like I got like kind of lit up from it because it was just He's the male model and I'm So he has he fucked up his chin falling on a kitchen table they say yes He didn't get an implant there. No that looks like there was was like there's like some metal in his like like kind of like Kanye Yeah, yeah, Kanye seems to have that too, but he got a car accident. He got a car accident. He didn't wear a safe belt He didn't wear a safe belt Safe belt yeah, and that's why he got his jaw wired shut, but then that's why his jaws a little bit I just want to say every a lot of your listeners think I'm gay and maybe like he's not even in the top three

Honest is not really going to You're not gay, but you do have strong opinions a lot of about male looks open Saw this Okay, okay, I want everyone to blindly like lock in a number I got it already Like no so Ryan Reynolds 1 to 10 of hotness and you have to blindly lock in a number now you're all gonna stay at the same time and I saw a tick-tock about like Something that that reveals about you. Okay, so 1 to 10 Ryan Reynolds. Are you ready? Yeah

3 2 1 9 8 you said 8 Andrew. Yeah nine nine you guys are all straight 40 guys of like a really You know half queer men and half straight men and she found that on average Queer people queer men rate Ryan Reynolds like a 6.5, like sevens and sixes. And any straight guy, it's always eight and above. I was gonna give him a nine. You're really straight.

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, you're really straight. Just to prove that I'm really straight, I was gonna give him a nine, but then I was comparing him to Hugh Jackman, who was like, that's a 10, so I'm not gonna make. Oh, to you, Hugh Jackman's a 10? A 10.

You think Hugh's hotter than Ryan Reynolds. Hugh is hotter than Ryan. I like, you know,man's a 10? A 10. You think Hugh's hotter than Ryan Reynolds? Hugh is hotter than Ryan. I like, you know, he's got a lot of hair. What's it say if I say Ross the Intern is a 10? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha specific type yeah it's just it's that's why they have so many names for different kinds of body types yeah they will really are they I don't know any other there are other I know twink bear otter bear otter twink bear otters are not just these are not just things in our case it's our way to describe different congrats to RFK by the way for getting

his nomination pushed through. Oh, really? Did that just happen? Well, yeah, he's almost there. Oh, okay. Well, someone called, oh my God, I swear did I see, they called, oh, The Daily Show, some, no, no, no, people are watching The Daily Show.

Like, every time I see a clip, I'm like, this is some of the best writing going on. Well, with Jon Stewart only, or with anybody? No, with anybody. Like, when they do the segments with all the, you know, guest hosts coming in and everyone. But they called him a leather bag of coughs. And I really love that because it's just so simple.

And you feel like you've heard it but you haven't. More people watch the Jon Stewart monologues on YouTube than they do on the TV show. Every monologue he releases on YouTube gets circa three million to four million views. Yeah, no one's watching TV shows when they do on the TV show every monologue he releases on YouTube gets that makes circa 3 million to 4 million Yeah, no one's watching TV shows when they air on TV. No, it's over those days are over and they're never coming back It's gonna turn into a I think it'll return to like a cable like system But it'll be streaming still but it is sad to think like the days of turning on your television

And then just something being on and then like I do it at hotels What I'm is that nice? Yeah, I just put on, even though it could let me connect to Netflix. I go, I don't feel like it's like connecting and doing scanning the QR code. It's better. I'm just gonna watch Beat Bobby Flay cause that is on and that is trusty and I know where I am in the show when I turn it on.

Beat Bobby Flay and Diner's Drive-Ins and Dives are all I watch in hotels. Do you watch Beat Bobby Flay? Oh! I don't do Diner's and Drive-Ins and Dives but whatever. I do, I love Diner and Drive-Ins and Drives, but whatever. I do. I love Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and I love Be Bobby Flay.

I love the Food Network. I think the Food Network is the best channel. They each have their own streamer. Be Bobby Flay is a perfect TV show because it just is, they, two chefs make something, and they get a mystery ingredient, like Iron Chef style, and then one of them wins based on the judges eating, and I did the show, and then that chef who wins is like, the thing that I do best, the thing I'm most famous for

is my empanadas, my grandmother's passed down tradition, and they're like, and Bobby just has to find out what they do, he has no, blindly, has no idea what he has to cook, and then he goes head to head with someone with their best dish, the thing they're known for, that they started a restaurant in their town, that's the Hitch restaurant,

and then he wins half the time. If you lose, that is so upsetting. So upsetting. It's so crazy, I love it so much, because it's like the most competitive you could possibly be. It's like, really, he's like taking on like an Italian guy doing his grandmother's spaghetti sauce,

and he beats them. And you must feel incredible. That's like more competitive than Jordan. But does this show you that cooking might not be as hard as we think it is? No, I think that that's just someone who is like an expert. Yeah, and everything. It's blind taste testing? And they don't do the same judges from the beginning.

They bring in food critics. But maybe it is random. Maybe it is like a coin flip. And that's why it's 50-50. Because it's like half the time he wins. If he won 9 out of 10 times, then I'd be like, oh wow, he's the best chef. No, it's the precision though, because they're not just basing it on taste, they're basing it on presentation, they're basing it on like usage of the ingredients and all that stuff.

I think he's just that good that he can. I believe that. And he's done this show like 50 seasons and there's like 30 episodes a season, so he's done this kind of competition style, like he's primed to do this so much. He actually has an advantage because it's almost like home field advantage,

because he's cooking in the kitchen He cooked in 40 times that week yes person comes in and they don't know why they throw in like the celebrities to like fuck him up and like mess with him and kind of like Yeah, like they come oh like they come over and they or they'll be like shouting at him But they're not doing that to the person who does it like Shaq, but it's all done But like everyone loves Bobby's all done kind of like do we have like when they're not doing that to the person who does it like Shaq, but it's all done But like everyone loves Bobby So it's all done kind of like do we have like when they were like you got to fuck him up

I'm like I don't really want to like interrupt what he's doing that seems distracting So I just like said a couple jokes and stuff, but how often? They just like you know it's segmented out. They really cook in real time, which I thought was cool It's cool like they they you are waiting there as they make the food and then they're like okay, Nikki go go see what's going on over there And then you just go over and you're like supposed to fuck with Bobby and then support the other person Because you weren't supposed to be rooting against him It's like ever we're trying to beat him and we're like mad when he wins But I was like no I kind of want him to win. I think it's

To see a master in action is fun. It really is. It's like rewarding excellence Like I mean that's what people want to see Luke. there is there a dish you guys can cook that you think What can I beat by Yeah, I can't cook I've never never made I've made a grilled cheese like really yeah, I'm not You've made eggs. Yeah, I've made eggs I really made eggs, but like what if you if you had to go on the show and face off against Bobby Flay what? I'm not even kidding if I had to face Bobby Flay. I would put my head in the oven Ingredients I don't have to like cook anything and I think I can make a delicious thing with like, the way my mom, I would even put a sweetness,

like a jelly on it maybe, which would be unexpected, and I don't think would even work, but like, and then I would add some kind of way to crunch it. Can I just say with avocado toast, which I am literally obsessed with, I don't want full avocados on it. I want it mushed up. Do the mushing for me, don't make me mush it up.

Not the chopped into nice little design. I don't like avocados unless they it. I want it mushed up. Do the mushing for me. Don't make me mush it up. Not the chopped in a nice little design. I don't like avocados unless they're guacamole-ed out already. Yeah, they're disgusting. I get them out of my sushi rolls because I don't like the texture. It just feels like they're rotten.

It's awful. It's the worst texture, I think. Agreed. What's the best texture? Rice krispies after they've been sitting for a minute? I agree, and milk. Yeah, I was trying to get something better. I want a crisp cookie.

I love a crisp cookie. With a softness in the middle, or just crisp all through? Oh, with a softness. Like honestly, hard on the outside, a little soft on the middle. Like a little soft on the inside, or like oozy out of the oven. Oh, I want it out of the oven.

I want like, messy. It's gotta be out of the oven. Yeah, like ooey gooey is what I'm looking for. You're not talking taste though. I am not beating the gay Brulay of creme brulee oh creme brulee I think can be that can that can be like eggs in terms of consistency can be Real off and yeah There's quite a few breakfast items that are not good unless they're mashed up like Eggs as well. I don't think I don't like eggs. well. I don't think, I don't like eggs.

Oh, I don't like sunny side. Hard boiled egg is an animal eats that. Yeah, an animal eats that. No, the middle of a hard boiled egg where it's like gray and it's like chalky looking is one of the worst things I could ever imagine eating. What's worse, peeling a hard boiled egg or chopping a hard boiled egg?

I used to like the egg whites. Part because it's rubbery and like, ah. Peeling it though is pretty... I'm a scrambled egg whites boy. I only like egg whites. Yeah, but peeling the dough is pretty... I'm a scrambled egg whites boy. I only like egg whites. Wait a second. It goes against your cum thing. But it's hard.

You like when it's hard? Yeah, cum doesn't curdle. Yeah, if you fried up some cum, I'd probably eat it. I'm glad we know. So that's what you bring to the Bobby play. Right, cum. All right, we gotta go to break. We'll be back after this.

Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse and so many commercials about back pain. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians to tell them a buck wild tale from across history and time. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Zoe Chow. Titanic. Charles Manson. Alcatraz. Asada Shakur. The sketchy guy named Steve.

It's giving funny true crime. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yin. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of

your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Olin is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party.

That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my get your podcast. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness. We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us, but it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me.

I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time women's world cup champion and goalkeeper for the U S women's national team. And my new podcast, wide open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of i heart women's sports catch John Stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show years edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors. It's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews

and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So yeah, I told Andrew that he would be a good candidate for surgery. So I have a question. Is there a surgery that you can get where you make one half of your face exactly the same as the other half of your face? That's interesting because that's like the ideal, right?

Yeah. Well, because I feel like I have a good side and a not as good side. Can we guess? Can we guess? I don't even want to. I would never do that. Oh, sorry. Never guess? Because I don't want to re- I don't want to confirm your deepest fears.

Well, no, well if you accidentally say that the bad side's good, then I'm like, oh. But what if we verify the bad side? Oh, you will verify the bad side. I think we did this once in the pod and you were like, I see it. I know. I have a bad side. I literally can't choose. It's not a bad side. It really can't it's not a bad side

It's just like not as good as the other side the other side is like exceptional and the the other side is like a good I never know when people say what's your good side and for pictures. I've never known, but I definitely have one I just can't memorize it you have a bad side. Yeah, they're pictures I hate of myself, and I'm always like why do I hate that? But I think it's because of the side but so many people in doing meet-and-greets know what they're good and bad side is they like have memorized it I just never even think so is there a surgery you can get where you just make it the same every surgery is is that It's corrective in that way like when I've gotten Botox or Even like even with makeup. They'll like do different things on one side

So they I think that's part of the thing is like we'll do more Units on this side to pull this up but yeah I think I don't think I would like do anything per se but it would be interesting to go into a plastic surgery office and just say what's wrong like what is it that's making this I want to get the circles I don't want to get surgery okay so they let me tell you what they do. He holds your face like this. I've been consulted for surgery on my face twice. One time it was just they set pictures and you have to turn.

And then the other, he just looked at me like we were about to kiss, like this close. And he's just looking. And he's going like pulling this, doing this. And it's intense. And you're trying not to look in his eyes because you might feel something. And it's like intense and you're trying like not to look in his eyes because you might feel something and

It's really awkward and then and then they just suggest things and you hope that it's the same things you were thinking Because if it's not it just like I Was right about what I thought I needed but then the thing that I was gonna get like a lip lift Which is where they take out like a little bit of this. Oh, I need that. Like, yeah, you would actually be a good candidate for it. Yeah, I have so much skin in between my nose. But then you need to fix your teeth. Oh, okay.

Yeah, my teeth, I need a lot. I like your teeth. I was just kidding when I said that. I hate my teeth, man. I hate smiling. You shouldn't have said that because you hate your teeth and I forgot. No, I don't hate it, I don't hate them.

Like you hate how they look. They say this now, but when you have these luscious DSLs, like people, people. Yeah, yeah. What are DSLs? I got a secret DSL though, I have SDSLs I think. You have, your upper lip is literally what every girl dreams of having. But you're not gay.

Everyone needs to go to YouTube right now and look at Sean O'Connor's upper lip. Look in the camera. It is perfect, yeah. It's like, it looks like you've had filler. They are juicy. What are DSLs? Dick sucking lips.

Oh, OK. You grew up in Long Island and never heard that? Yeah. Do you know what THO is? THO? Titty honking ovaries? Yep. You got the first part right?

Do you guys know THO? Do you have that titty hard on? It's like when you can see through a shirt. Oh. THO, THO. Oh, like Jennifer Aniston on Friends? Yeah. THO throughout.

So dick sucking lips, huh? No, I never heard of that one before. Yeah. I know DSL is like a type of internet. Yeah. Yeah, C.H.O. throughout. So dick sucking lips, huh? No, I never heard of that one before. I know DSL is like a type of internet. Yeah, it was. And then it was like a perfect insult for people to always say to me when I was like 17 in high school. Oh, really? Because you had luscious lips then?

I had luscious lips. That's a compliment. Because no one said DSL to me because I don't have those. But you don't want dick sucking lips in high school as a man. No, no, you don't. DSLs, what? Call me white Jay-Z.

Oh, no. That's actually kind of cool. I would take that. That was pretty cool. At the time, it was the coolest time to be compared to Jay-Z. Oh, my god, yes. Did you prove that they weren't by blowing them? Yes.

Look, these are not made for that. I swear to god, dude, they're not. You'll never call me that again. Take down your pants. Oh, I'm so angry. I should suck your dick right now. I swear to God I'm so angry. I should suck your dick right now. I'll tell you how terrible my lips are Yeah, I those are good ones. I got me from my nipples got me from I got I gotta get smaller nipples Oh are they you got peps What's peps mean pepper Pepperoni. Never heard pepperoni. Venus eating. Well, I've heard of pepperoni, but I've never heard of peps. Peppaloni.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never heard of them called peps. There was a lot of, like, in the high school locker rooms, people would, if you had anything outside of the normal nipple, like, people were like saucers. Wait, did they make you shower in gym class? Yeah. In high school?

Canadian bacon. You would have to do one-on-one with your gym teacher. What? Saucers wait did they make shower in gym class? Yeah, like in school. Yeah, Joe bacon You would have to do one-on-one with your gym teacher Why do guys though hate Other guys with bigger nipples like they like women with nipples. It's an affront to our women a bigger nipples. Is that what it is? Yeah, I mean it's too much. Oh, it's too much. Oh, it's not man like it's attacking us It's feminine if you like it on women you wouldn't like something on a man Oh, you think they actually like yeah, he's getting even though guys having luscious lips is in, it's still like was used against you as like that's a girl thing.

Yes, and I remember like looking at the like the soccer players, they all have like whispers of nipples and I was like, oh, I wish I had whispers of nipples. This kid Alex Horst had tiny little nipples and I always said, if I had your fucking nipples, I would look so jacked. Like, probably Brown's eyes. You said that to him?

Yeah, all the time. He had the best nipples there were, man. You should get your nipples done, dude It would be such a minor procedure, and it's something that you think about a lot And then you would be free to be like the Florida man you're meant to be Comfortable with your shirt off like you've never felt Finally be ragu In all seriousness why I got why man

In all seriousness, why men... And I might start writing jokes instead. Golden Upway Island. Why men in school would make fun of big nipples or anything feminine is because if a man even makes them feel attracted in any way at all, they'll get angry because they'll feel like, oh no, I'm gay. I'm gay, so I'm going to fucking make fun of you. So if there's a little twink walking around

and he's looking hot, and just for a second, a straight guy looks at him and gets a little bit of a boner, he'll beat the shit out of him. Okay. Yeah, they're angry about the boner you gave them. Yes, exactly. That's so true, it's so true. That's why I would hear stories of, you know, there's a lot of gay guys

that are attracted to straight men, they just almost like, it's like a challenge, it's almost probably like a fear of abandonment. A guy that's not gay will never actually be with you, so you're not risking anything. But they do risk something because guys, after they come, have that post-nut clarity of a straight guy that's getting his first blowjob

from a guy and they get violent because they're so mad that they're gay and this guy fucking sucked it out of them. I wasn't gay until you did this. So that's like a really, yeah, there's an anger that comes with that. I mean, that goes with anything like anytime you see something that reminds you of the thing that you're afraid of Scared of being you or your trauma. It's like it's honestly the Dane Cook joke

Which I always think about boiled down of when he's like trips on the sidewalk. He's like fucking like he gets like man Yeah, yeah, what that that like screaming like the reaction is so overblown cuz you're so embarrassed We give Dean cook his flowers. We did give them flowers all the time. He's great I can't wait for his comeback album not to call it a comeback album But he's working on an hour that is is amazing. Did you see it? Well, I saw it several times while we were going around. Oh really he was up before you like maybe like three or four I was always In the zone. I know it's all Rosanne or something. Yeah

His hour is gonna be amazing. This is gonna be your scene. Yeah, I'm I I Love his material. Yeah, I would I would watch the hell out of that Yeah again, Lisa Trager special is the one that I'm like obsessed with right now in like a way that is just Amazing so funny. Yeah, it really is. Really just made me laugh so much. I went on a deep dive of her on different podcasts. And even I'm talking like her right now.

It rubs. I have to stop watching her because I'm doing too much Liza. She's so casual and calm and comfortable up on stage. But also neurotic. Yes. Sure. But it's so inspirational to be that kind of like. So clear about who you are.

The material is just falling out of her. Yes, she's so relaxed. But even it's so cute because she's trying to keep in mind that her hair needs to be a certain way for the cameras. So she's being cute about fixing it and being in the right light. There's a little anxiety, but it's still like,

she's so, yeah, it was, it's just, you feel like you're friends with her afterwards. Very conversational. There's a manic confidence that like, I mean, as somebody who's manic, I wish I had the confidence, because it was like, yeah, no, it was inspiring. Yeah, it really was.

It's cool to see something that makes you go like oh, I want to do something like I don't know how I do more That but that was fun. I remember when her and her Chicago crew came to New York you remember this and they just took over There's like 40 of them. They took over the city within like three months, and I was just like it's over for us I mean they were all so good all of them. They did a lot of stand-up in Chicago Yeah, I met her. And they all came together as a team. And they were all friends. And it was just like, and there was a power vacuum in New

York because all of the big name open mic style comics had left, gone to LA. You were probably gone, I'm assuming. Mike Lawrence had left, Dan St. Germain. I was a big gun at the open mics. All the big guns had been. So there was a power vacuum. The Chicago people came in at the insane journey. I was a big gun at the open mics. All the big guns had, so there was a power vacuum. I remember that.

The Chicago people came in at the perfect time and they were drafting off of the success of their previous cohort, like Malaney and Hannibal and stuff, and they just took over the scene within months. It was like the Germans going into Poland. I mean, that's, the Chicago people did that for our generation too, where it was like Pete, Nate, Hannibal, Kumail, Jared, Logan,

like they all kind of moved at the same time. It makes me feel like, man, why didn't I go to Chicago after, because that crew was so tight, they were all friends. And I started in Indiana, could have gone up there. I never noticed this in any way. I always felt like I, I don't know. You were beyond the pale. It was over.

No, I struggled for so long. I was I resented coming up in the business of like, man, they just, but I always was like, they're just more talented than me, I guess. I've never once thought, there's been a few times where someone gets a thing and I'm like, they're terrible and I don't get it.

But most of the time I'm just like, they're probably just better than me. The thing about the Chicago cohort that came in, I think probably both times, they were great. We just laid down our arms and said, I guess this is Vichy France. Well, they're funny. They're absolutely funny. But they also like, starting in like Chicago, really, it's so local. And like you are, there's no industry to pull you,

you're not getting opportunities. So it's like, you're bonding with each other and you're just making each other laugh. That really helps to have that kind of scene. Community. Like friends, but then you're, I think in any industry, you get, there's jealousy. Then it starts like who's getting what and then the shit talking starts

and then there's like, you know, fission, is that the word? Fissures? Fissures is a scene. Yeah, like the ass. Yes, yes. They come and they ask. Cause also what inevitably always happens is like when you have that community,

it all becomes very incestuous, you start fucking each other, then there's like weird divides. You can't be fucking, yeah. That's the downfall of any regime. My St. Louis scene had so many like old men in it like it was so diverse It was there wasn't like a young youthful like we're the future of comedy kind of scene It was always like old road dogs that were never gonna leave town so there was never like a let's all move together

We're doing this together The Florida scene was ridiculous, dude There was no one there was no one that moved out, well, maybe two other comics I can think of that moved out of Florida. You couldn't even. And when you get bigger, it becomes solitary again. There's no scene because you're not doing open mics and you're not hanging out all day waiting in line

and stuff like that, so then you get lonely again. And that's why it's been so fun to reach a point where you're like, well, now I get to make my scene again and I get to pick my scene and you hang out with comics. And you can find that kind of, like the camaraderie of a writer's room is so fun when it's right. When there's not like-

Well now you're the nucleus. You can get your electrons to- I just wanna hang out with friends. Like isn't it the fucking goal? Like all I want in life, my favorite thing is meals with friends. And just talking and playing talking and medians and cars After the meal and hoping they don't bring the check too soon because I just want to keep hanging and yeah

I go to the next place and I just say something about last night. Yeah, that pancake was a disaster Really? Yeah, like I'm thinking about this swingers pancake. That was the miracle and I was like this will be at least comparable Yeah, but you weren't you might have been starving when you eat that swingers pancake. I was high from the you were Yeah, but no I wanted a sad okay. What can you pancake how much I gotta go back to no pancakes can be really really? Too dry and flavorless people I play I mean that's what I'm saying yeah I don't know what a body what makes of but I say this to Chris I'm like he's like he'll get like a I mean, sugar and chocolate, like, it's delicious. There's no way it's not delicious. Get out of here. I don't think I've ever complained about food

that I can swallow other than like a weird vegetable, like a mushroom. Like a mushroom. You're on a lower spectrum, but I rarely don't like food. When I don't, I almost am proud of myself because I feel like a girl that's like, it's too rich. Like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like,

I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, mushroom yeah lower spectrum, but I rarely don't like food when I don't I almost am proud of myself because I feel Like a girl that's like it's too rich like I can't like I've never garbage disposal. Yes, I don't discern taste I like textures, but taste I don't really care. I'm like who am I to discern did you like did you ever smoke cigarettes? I stole a few from my mom. I can't picture hell. Yeah Yeah I stole a few from my mom. I can't picture you smoking. Hell yeah. Because I feel like if you've ever smoked cigarettes, it fucks up your taste in a way that it does make everything just muted.

Yeah, muted and just like, no, but kind of like, no matter what, you're kind of like, this is pretty good. So do you need extra then? Oh, so that's why nothing's ever too sweet for me, because I'm like, this is. Starting with such a savory mouth. Yeah Yeah, no, I'm starting like where my mouth is just always like this smash Mouth lead singers asshole But I just want to be clear though, okay, go ahead what eggs were good, okay?

There was a good the restaurants not shit. That's that pancake. I love that I don't want the people to think the restaurants bag we're not gonna name it, but like Denny's doesn't have good pancakes, okay? Yeah, we would never go to Dunny's the lighting would did you hear what that happened? Denny's Waffle House has added a 50 cent surcharge per egg because eggs are so expensive now. Why are eggs so politicized? Oh, all right, well, the reason why-

Both the ones in our bodies and the ones in terms. Yeah, you can't get an egg. Preach! And go off sister. It smells like it's a bird flu, that's why everything is like- Yeah, there's an egg shortage. And bird flu, none of us know about it

because he fired everyone that would tell us about it. Yeah, and now RSK is gonna be in charge, so like- We just smell burning birds and we're like, I guess there was a flu. Like we're just going by what we're noticing in the sky. So many dead birds. But there's the Fox News people believe that it's Joe Biden's fault. And it's really that there was a bird flu that happened while Joe Biden was president. But there was a bird flu that killed a lot of birds. And that's why there's an egg shortage. And that's why eggs are expensive.

It doesn't have to do with inflation right? I mean, I guess it does have to do with inflation We had to murder Six billion birds, and it's like well you would have anyway like they just you did it well Like those birds were laying eggs no they kill them any they have horrible lives as soon as they're not able to lay eggs They take a card of that they die horrible deaths because of our hands. Yeah, they don't get to like retire out in a pasture Why don't we give a flu shot? You would get elected to Congress in Florida

People get flu shots, but not the birds. You laugh, but that's how things get made, dude. That's how things happen. Yeah. I'll talk to Doge about it. So are you excited for this weekend coming up? You're going to New Orleans. Oh, you know, I'm like overwhelmed by it because tomorrow I'm on a charter jet. So I'm Presenting this will be on Thursday. So tonight I'm presenting at the NFL honors. Take it away from me. I dare you

I leaked it Mickey Glazer's 90 seconds at most I'm presenting at the NFL honors on when on Thursday in New Orleans, which is a huge You know what honor are you allowed to say what? I'm presenting at the NFL honors on Thursday in New Orleans, which is a huge honor. Are you allowed to say what? That you don't want to leave? Yeah, it's not even worth it. It's actually a cool category that I actually am like 100% behind and I'm invested in it. I love what it is. Best Jaden. Best Jaden? Wow. It's hard to pick.

I know the worst one But no it um and so I'm I'm so the NFL honors which is like Being so cool was like you don't need to we're gonna fly you out with a bunch of other celebrities that are also presenting Like we are going to put they have a lot behind this to treat us right so I'm on a flight with Celebrities and you can't say it's like be interesting after well. I'm being told as John Hammond Shaboosie So exciting I've been listening to Shaboosie song you know tipsy which is already beloved name Yeah, I think so, but I know I know John. Why would you pick? It was a little deep think But Shaboosie is his real name

Oh, I get it. I'm too stupid to understand You know who'd get it the Chicago crew Real name is John Shaboosie That I'm like kind of stressed out because I'm like my luggage has to be cute I have to wear a cute outfit I might have to talk the whole time. So I was kind of today thinking okay, Nikki, you know, you're being your antisocial self You're getting like anxiety cuz Chris not might not be able to come with me So Chris you generally like can really carry a conversation. He can hold I become The least interesting version of myself around people who kind of are famous

and want me to be funny. I kind of can't do, I don't know what happens to me. I kind of go brain dead. So I'm a little bit nervous of that. But I'm also like, I don't need to do anything I don't want to do. But I was asking myself, Nikki, do you want it to be a really interesting flight

that you talk the whole time, you have a great time? Is that the story you want? Or would you rather sleep and get put down, have that vibe? And I'm like, rather like sleep and like gets put done like to have that vibe? And I'm like one is exhausting and the other is comforting But I think I ultimately want a really fun time if I yeah, even though it's only it's your only shot If you sleep through it, you'll never get to know if it was yeah fun or not I wonder what I wish everyone could privately vote secretly and then Jeff probes reads our vote He'll be on the flight privately vote, secretly, and then Jeff Probst reads our vote. That's his thing. Whether or not.

He'll be on the flight. He will be. I mean, this lineup. Who else? Ham's from St. Louis, right? Yeah. Yeah. So you guys know each other.

And he'll probably be with his wife, and she's nice. I've met her just in passing, and he's obviously nice and funny and cool. And Shaboozy, I met his in line the other night when I was in line for the red carpet. I met his producer, so I've been in with him to be like, I met his in line the other night when I was in line for the red carpet I met his producer so I've been in with him to be like I met Nevin and so I feel good with and I've listened to A song a thousand times in a Pilates class. Where are you flying from to LA to? Tomorrow yeah, I think we'll probably do the thing where we talked the first half hour that everyone kind of like stops talking Yeah, pick it back up again when it's on the runway and nothing happened yeah yeah even on the runway don't feel sometimes you can't even park like

parked is not good no it's parking is look I used to feel like I'm not gonna get worried until I start to take off. Nope. Once you are disconnected from the gate, start praying. Stop. It's pop is Annie. Being at your gate, who knows what goes on in there. I refuse to let being scared of air travel into my being. It's not an option for me to be able to go. I don't wanna do it anymore.

It crossed my mind of like, okay, could I just switch to buses? But I have, statistically, obviously bus crashes are much more likely than a plane crash, but it gives you a false sense of safety that I do like, but it doesn't. I told Sean about it when I was on the bus tour for Burt Kreischer's thing a couple summers ago,

I had so much fucking anxiety that in the middle of the night I'd be laying horizontally and we'd go off a bridge and I would die like drowning in a river because our bus driver fell asleep because he didn't have the right amount of red bull. I literally made my agent or my assistant ask their team about the rules about drivers sleeping and seeing the schedule of a driver sleeping

because I needed to know. Because I just watched the bus drivers face the whole time. Think of how much a pilot has to, how many hours a pilot has to fly to of a driver sleeping because I needed to know. Because I just watched the bus drivers face the whole, the whole, the whole. Think of how much a pilot has to, how many hours a pilot has applied to become a, this is like a guy who was like a shitty bassist that became a tour bus driver. Yeah, he fell into it.

You don't know the story. They could be like amazing and like have done it so long and like there's, had no safety issues, but you don't really know. You just trust the bus company that maybe could have the regulations in place You don't know it's not like the FAA. Yeah is overseeing tour bus like exactly. There's no FAA for us I think being in the sky is the safest place in Trump's America

Air travel is still the safest form of transportation. Yeah. I refuse to get scared. Other than trains. Listen. I just can't let it in. It's like ghosts. I can't believe in ghosts because if I do, my life is over.

Listen, this is the best flight to be on. Shaboosie is... Oh, if this one wins? He's touched by God. Oh my God, that in memoriam. That would be something. Next year would be off the hook. I think you might be number one by God. Oh my God, that in memoriam. That would be something. Next year would be off the hook. I think you might be number one right now.

Oh my God. Well, I don't know. The popular hat picture that I'm using. Really, it's gonna light up the place. Yeah, you're the popular thing. It's Don Draper and then Chiboozy. I think though that I have reached a point where I would make the in memoriam.

I think like now. Oh, just now? I would make the in memoriam. I think like No, no what happens no matter when I die if the world keeps going the way it is I will be on an in memoriam at some point. Yeah, I think I've reached that level You've guaranteed an Emmy like you're no matter what Here's the thing like the next year We just have to work on getting you in that Oscars in Memorial and that's like to me That's the gold standard of the in memoriams. Yes. Like they'll never bring out jelly roll.

Like they just sing. All right. Actually, let's go to break. We'll be back after this. Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse, and so many commercials about back pain. And now, I'm starting a podcast because honestly guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history.

Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians to tell them a buckwild tale from across history and time. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Zoe Chow. Titanic. Charles Manson. Alcatraz. Asada Shakur. The sketchy guy named Steve. It's giving funny true crime. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Olin, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yin. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Olin is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me.

It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness. We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the US Women's National Team.

In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show

and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast lists. voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners,

like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I will say the other night at the Grammys, Chris Martin did the In Memoriam and sang that, you have all my love, whatever that song is. And Chris is not a huge Coldplay fan. If anything, I think he's probably not one.

But we were kind of sitting, we were facing this, looking at the stage, but he's performing behind us. They had a stage in the middle. So we were just watching the In Memoriam and Chris Martin singing behind us, pretty far behind us. And Chris just whispered to me and he was like, can you believe that it sounds like a stage in the middle. So we were just watching the memoriam and Chris Martin singing behind us, like pretty far behind us. And Chris just like whispered to me and was like, can you believe that it sounds like a recording, but it's actually Chris Martin live singing to us? Because we were like getting touched.

Like, and we turned around and I was like, he's right there. It was such a magical moment. I really want to see Coldplay live, I think, because I think he's a good captivating performer. I think Coldplay. Really? I cried during it.

Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I cried during it. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. And I blamed it on my dead grandpa. Yeah. Or was that Dave Matthews? I don't know.

I think that was Coldplay. I thought it was Coldplay. It was called Fix You. Yeah, I was crying watching Fix You. Yeah. My buddy Rusty looked over. He's like, are you fucking crying? Yeah.

I was like, my grandpa died. He's like, that was like six months ago. And I was like, fucking dude. We haven't buried him yet. They they get a lot of songs about about like you know yeah remind you of dead people they do they write good month slow motion montage scientists that video was backwards everything that was huge yeah like music video that might be the last ever music video that I can remember really I remember that one everything was backwards there's lots of music videos That might be the last ever music video that I can remember

Everything was backwards there's lots of music videos. Yeah, I was your last music video you can think of That new one oh yeah, and Gaga's back is she back. She's back in a big way She's taken all elements for bad romance and has made a whole album with Come out like several months. Yeah, but that's no it's mayhem that comes out next month. There's like another one is not Back on and done other things you see when Satanic pop again like I swear in a lot of like red latex while like I like I guess she's always been weird. I kind of fell off her for a while, but I love her. I love Lady Gaga.

She was mean to me in 2007, and I've been hard since. What'd she do to you? Because Sean had a show, and you're not gay. You're not gay, though. Again, not helping. Sean had a show at the same place that Lady Gaga had a show. And Lady Gaga's show would be after Sean's

and she would be like, hurry up you guys, wrap it up. What was it? She was just like, get off this, there's no one here, why are they still performing? Did she say you're not funny? You guys aren't even funny. Yeah, no, and honestly it only made me like her more.

Yeah, you love a mean girl. I love a mean girl before she got big She was sharing like a it was lady starlight review and she was Lady Gaga who was just a performer It was a burlesque show after our show called here's the thing and like we were just doing like the worst comedy ever Like just like for eight people and then like Chelsea Peretti would be sleeping You have to wake her up be be like, you're on, and then she would be making fun of us. And then I'm like, oh my god, all my Italian queens are making fun of me tonight.

Yeah, yes, all the cutting, hot girl, mean hot girl. They were all over the place. It's gotta be exhausting to be Lady Gaga, to do all the production. Well that's what that one documentary was about. Yes. Where she was like, you know, her body was breaking down from it, and she was tired.

And you know, and she asked her, and then she embodied her aunt, her dead aunt. Joanne, yeah. Her dead aunt was, she was reincarnated as her dead aunt. And she told her grandma, who is her dead aunt's mom, that I'm Joanne reincarnated. And you can tell her grandma's like, no you aren't bitch. Like I know you're my granddaughter, I love you so much,

but you are not my daughter. Yeah, I'm sorry that you grew up rich, you're not interesting. Her grandma, she goes, she plays a song for her grandma. I really like, I love Lady Gaga. The scene is really funny though, because I understand that idea of like, you're only making art and trying to become famous

and trying to become beloved to show your family members that make question your lovability outside of the family, that like see other people love me. And like I'm doing, I want you to finally get it. And so she's showing her grandma this song that she wrote about her dead grandmother and her grandma's kind of just like, or her dead daughter and her grandma's just kind of like,

I don't really wanna be in camera listening to this and she's like, just listen to it grandma and she like holds the phone up to start playing the demo and her grandma's just kind of stone faced and then she's like, grandma don't cry, it's okay if you cry grandma but you don't have to cry grandma and then she starts, the song, she just starts like moving the phone from my memory

I'm probably exaggerating but she starts moving the phone like closer until it's like up in her grandma's face She's like grandma don't cry but like desperately wanting her grandma to cry. That's it. She needs to get the shot But yes, that song is incredible. It's such a good song. I love that album that whole album is Wall to wall bangers. I am such a good song. I love that album. That whole album is wall to wall bangers. I am such a little monster. I think I am too. The one song she does with Florence and the Machine, Hey Girl, is like a female anthem of like,

we all like kind of talk shit about each other, but we need each other. It's so girl. It's so girl. It's so girl. That's the new brat. It's so girl. It's so girl. It's so girl. That should be new brat. It's so girl. It's so girl.

It's so girl. That should be the new brat. Listen, I know I'm not beating the allegations, but at the same time, I did have a mini meltdown two weeks ago because on Apple Music on Artpop, they took off her song with R. Kelly that's no longer on the album, and that song is such a fucking banger.

All I want to do is listen to that song. Oh, that's weird. I guess it's because of her. She probably asked banger all I want to do is listen to that She has one because I like the song is heavily implying that her and our Kelly are fucking doing Crazy you just lose a whole song. It's such a good song Wow she should rerecord. I'm so mad at R. Kelly again Open up this wound. Yeah, it's really- I can get over to the others. Is Shibuzy gonna be, like, making an appearance in the halftime show? No, he's not. I don't really think he is.

Why is he on this plane? I just think he's presenting NFL honors. Oh, it's just the NFL honors. Oh, my. Good lord. Yeah, he's just doing that. I've seen him a lot. I did the, um, I Heart- no, the- what was it? Yeah, it was the I Heart, like, Christmas jingle. He performed on that, it was so good,

and then saw him at the Grammys the other night. He was so good. I love that song. He did the halftime show or something at one of the, like Christmas Day football. I forgot which one it was. I like really heard that song today. I put it on, I was like, and then for the first time,

you know when you've heard a song 100 times, but the lyrics suddenly like pop out, and you're like whoa, this is like, it's about like, what the hell am I working for? My girlfriend wants a Birkin bag. I can't even afford to pay the rent. I work nine to five, what the fuck is all this for? I'm just gonna go get drunk.

And I was thinking of walking out to it in New Orleans, because I'm gonna hang with him, and I think that's a good song to walk out to at Birk Show. It's like, instead of like a Taylor Swift song, it's like a more common, like you know, and I was like, and she goes, and Emily was like, but you don't get tipsy, and I'm like, but I do. Like it's not just about drinking,

it's about like, fuck it, let's just lay in bed all day. Let's just overindulge in skinny pop. Like whatever it is, get tipsy. Like it all sucks. And like I said yesterday about the Livia Rodrigo song Pretty Isn't Pretty, I love a song that doesn't have like a happy it's all gonna be okay right it's just like let's get drunk yeah it's it's it not catch on

It's not gonna do anything at all Shaboosies were like six five. He's a big man. What are you dating Emily? Red did you can really yeah, who's he was? Yeah, she do be wanted berkin back. So girl seen her but maybe it's cuz I'm muted See the celebrity bits cuz their body trigger do enough that you were like I can't seen her, but maybe it's because I muted her. You muted her belly button? Do you ever feel like you haven't seen a celebrity, but it's because their body triggered you enough that you were like, I can't watch this anymore. I like her. She, I think, is so iconic, and I think

she's really smart and cool. But she, I think I, because there's no way she's not still putting out content. I think I just muted her. You thought she was talking about the content moratorium. I probably wrote her name into triggering this. Any misspelling of her name, too, just to be safe. Oh, god.

I need to unmute her, because I think I'm confident enough to invite her torso back into my feed. Yeah, into my feed. I'm ready to see that. So are you going to ask Shaboozy, are you going to mention to him, like, hey, I want to use your song to come out this show? No, he doesn't care.

That would be weird to me to be like, you know the song that's the hit song of the year that everyone listen to a million times I think I'm gonna be real different and unique and walk out Yeah, maybe I'm wrong and he would be like tickled by that but I feel like he would just be like, yeah, of course she would Yeah, I'm surprised not everyone. Yeah, you know, I don't know feel it out I think 30 years that would be an interesting Yeah, so Thursday's the NFL honors and then Friday tour in Pennsylvania.

Pittsburgh, yeah. And then Saturday you're doing this big show with Bert Kreischer at, where is it? At some big. Uno Arena. Really? Thank you for knowing. Pizzeria Uno?

Yeah. I think so, yeah. That's Pizzeria Uno? They have the namesake? I don't think they would. I think it's a deep dish. It's going to sell out, I think. I think it would be a very interesting story 30 years from now when you're doing the White House Correspondents dinner for President Shaboos

30 years three months Yeah, then I do that show and That'll be fun, and then I get to go to the Super Bowl the next time in the Super Bowl And you're rooting for the Chiefs. I'm assuming yeah I mean I I think I'll be I hate to say Maybe rooting for both teams like I'll be excited but at some point I'll have to choose what I want I think when the underdog reveals itself, I'll be rooting for them Just wearing like

Or the I love the Rob Lowe thing of just the NFL Just wear all things that just say NFL hat. I thought I was gonna do like a joke on that and just wear all things that just say NFL and be very middle of the road, you know? But I thought people might not get the joke, but I think that would be funny. Because I- Dressed like a baseball umpire. Why did time slip?

Wait, why don't people ever dress like the refs? No, that's what he did. Wait. He was wearing a ref hat. Who? He was just wearing an NFL hat. Oh, I thought he looked like a ref. But he was wearing a ref hat

Commissioner yeah, I'm good Dell don't dress no I look good in red. I'm and obviously it's like Taylor. It's Travis I know him he's great and you know where you're sitting Patrick and um No, not yet. I haven't even looked I probably could see but I don't I don't care to look yet because I can only be disappointed I think I'd rather be like surprised like whoa I mean I see it's because right now. I'm thinking they're shitty because why would they know why who you getting them through? Oh, and I don't mean like being in the building is not shitty like the tickets are so they're gonna be good because you are Presenting a cool award at the NFL honor so like they're so happy sitting next with Yeah, I So like they're so happy sitting next with Arm in arm with Roger Goodell if they're flying you out there for the honors then like with other celebrities No, I mean like we went last year, but that was amazing

But we were high I was 50 yard line, but we were high up not that high we were those are great See those were they were amazing yeah um I guess my point is I'm not looking because I want to be surprised yeah Yeah, it'll be a box though Like an NFL box Football like you know a little bit about football. Like you know a little bit, enough. Oh no, I can follow a game and have a final thought. I can follow a game and have a good time now because of this year and what it's done for me.

I will have a much better, last year I actually had a really good time with Brian because he explained the game to me and it was just, that was, it was so fucking fun. And that's when I said I wanna go to every single Super Bowl for the rest of my life. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You were like, Travis Kelsey's going off, and I was like all right And you're like ten receptions. I was like whoa whoa whoa you're like ten and I get ten

Yeah, I mean I've got a lot of parlay with the spread on the eagle game negative one Eagles are the underdogs I'm gonna negative we bet the over on Barclays rushing yards for me. I'll give you. Yeah, absolutely I'm just saying I can't do it. I can't do it, but someone else will. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I can't do it. Yes. We heard you and we saw your sly look. We saw your good side of your face and your bad side. You look like the guiltiest man alive.

Both of your sides look bad. You look like Harvey Weinstein at his trial. Bigger penis. Did you hear Diddy just hurt his knee? And they're thinking it's because they it's really advantageous for Someone who's being tried for something to show up like looking weak He's trying to get those crutches. You might even be real pain like sarna level pain. Oh, yeah There's no question. He's a deep pain like that guy is not having a good time. Yeah, I can't imagine

He's having a good time. Yeah deep pain. Yeah, but that was I don't I guess it's girl again How are you feeling about what's your excitement level for the halftime show um Kendrick I mean I'm excited for not like us, but I'm not really familiar with Kendrick's work Kendrick you know like the Black Panther soundtrack. I think you you know, I'm gonna use this as an oppor- I don't think I'm gonna have time to like get into Kendrick before then in the way that I need to. I'm obviously aware of him. I know I can recognize him when I hear his voice, but I'm not a big fan. But I'm gonna use this opportunity to be like, that's when I discovered Kendrick Lamar. I mean like I know that's lame, but I think it- if there's any place where I'll be like, holy shit

I have been sleeping on this even though I know that I would like him That'll be the time that's what I truly think the Super Bowl halftime show is specifically designed for America to It's wake up to wake up and like kind of like figure out like oh Kendrick Lamar is like a worthwhile artist It's like I think that's how it's traditionally been used. I mean like. Kendrick Lamar's the way I feel about like Breaking Bad or The Wire. Like things I know that I would love and are like without a doubt amazing

and I respect them deeply, but I just am not aware of them yet. Like you can't know everything. And so I, yeah, I'm hoping to, like the other night with that Ray girl, everyone's just like, oh my God, who is this? Like I know Kendrick'm hoping to like the other night with that ray girl. Everyone's just like oh my god Who is this like I know Kendrick Lamar is like you bake with us now, but I just haven't let it in except I don't know ray his uh I know ray gun

He's on bad blood with Taylor Swift, and I know that's ridiculous that I know that I feel like what you should look up his Grammy performance from like 2014 or 2015 or 2016 maybe but like it's a Grammy performance he did. It's so incredible. It's like one of the best. Okay. He's a wordsmith. He's like, yeah.

You know, but that was like- Everyone I love and respect loves him. That was my introduction to him. And I was like, damn. But then like also like, it's gonna be crazy to have like a whole stadium of people screaming Drake's a pedophile. I love it.

What? This is the worst week of Drake's life right now. I don't think he's shown up, right? He's not said a statement or anything? No. You can't win. If you come out and say something, you lose. Yeah.

Why? He's just gonna. If you're friends with Drake, reach out to him. Yes. He needs it. Tell him he's just gonna your friends with Drake reach out to him. Yes. He needs it. It's tell me he's not alone What if he came out during the halftime show with Kendrick oh that'd be sick I mean, but that's why it's like so exciting That's something like you can be on top of the world and think you're so fucking cool and one of the like most popular Artist that has ever lived and one song can be written about you.

I think it was kind of a series, but you can get taken down so much, taken from your tower so quickly. I think it's kind of, and that they're willing to go there, that they're willing to risk it all by calling something out is exciting. It's ballsy. It's in your face. that they're willing to go there, that they're willing to risk it all by calling something out is exciting. It is, I mean.

It's ballsy, it's in your face. It had, I mean, honestly, in the 90s, the Tupac and Biggie thing, finally it feels as big as that again, where it's like, I love drama. Well, CharlieXDX did the whole song about Lorde and her feeling competitive with her, and then they did the remix

and then they worked it out on the remix. So that was another, I like a feud. I love the Machine Gun Kelly, Eminem, Back and Forth. Could you do a good enough comedy bit or another rapper do another rap song where you take down another pedophile? Does the song have to be that good?

Like, you know what I mean? So many pedophiles get away because everyone's like, oh, it's all boring shit. But if you put it to a beat. Oh yeah, that's how we take down pedophiles if we just put it to a good beat. A good beat or something insanely creative. That's the only way you could take them down.

Well that's Hannibal Burris. He was, the way he presented the Cosby thing to everyone made us all wake up. It was like, go home and Google it. That's what I'm saying, so let's think about something for- It cut through because it was a way of delivering the information that people kind of woke up. I don't think Drake is being tried for anything

because of that song, but it's embarrassing as fuck. It's just embarrassing that everyone just like, now, even like, hey, without a confirmation, you are a better file. It's crazy. I'm going to make a rap song about Sean being gay. Yeah. Yeah.

You're going down, bitch. Oh, man. The commenters on the Nikki Glaser podcast YouTube are gonna really Which it's not even yeah, it's um oh, it's not bad. Yeah, what are making not that it's a bad thing What a dream what a dream for me to wake up and be gay cuz then I could just be like yeah No, I like Lady Gaga, I'm not gay. Like. Yeah.

You'd be free to like all the things you actually like. Yeah. I'm like, listen, 13 going on 30 is better than big, but I can't say that as a boy. Do you believe it is? I kind of love 13 going on 30. I don't know that I've seen it. Oh, you got it, it's better than big.

Oh my God, this is gonna hurt. I don't know about that. Whatever,. Oh, you got it. It's better than big. Oh my God. I don't know about that. All right, we gotta go. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We will be back next week with a, let you know what happened on that charter jet. Hopefully we make it there. So girl, so girl.

That's so girl, they have a plane crash and die with your boobs. That would be girl as fuck. Okay, remember me as girl you guys. Okay, don't be good, bye. The Nikki Glaser podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser.

Co-hosted by Brian Frangy. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lien and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube.

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