The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #514 An Elevated Gift, Restaurant Pet Peeves & Helping Your Younger Self?

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

Nikki absolutely adores her team, and they’re so grateful for the gift she gave them for their work on the Golden Globes. Looking back on her tour, Nikki honestly never imagined she’d be where she is now. Oh, and there are a couple more restaurant pet peeves from yesterday that still need to be addressed. Sean and Brian weigh in on what they’d do if they accidentally sent a mean text about someone to that person. They also talk about how the pandemic impacted so many years of their lives. Noa points out where Nikki’s name has been popping up lately. In the Final Thought, Nikki asks what advice everyone would give their 13-year-old selves that they'd actually listen to. Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hook Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if mysterious drones appeared over your hometown? I started asking questions. What do you remember happening on that night of December 16th? It actually rotated around our house, looking as if it was peering in each window of our home.

I'm Gabe Linners from Imagine, i I Heart Podcasts, and Linners Entertainment, listen to Obscureum, Invasion of the Drones, wherever you get your favorite podcasts. I'm Mark Seale. And I'm Nathan King. This is Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli. The five families did not want us to shoot that picture. This podcast is based on my co-host Mark Seale's bestselling book of the same title. Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli features new and archival interviews with Francis Ford

Kobla, Robert Evans, James Kahn, Talia Shire, and many others. Yes, that was a real horse's head. Listen and subscribe to Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nicky Glaser podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, It's Noah, it's Brian, and it's Sean. What's up, guys? I've got a really big team. Wait, what's that song? Does anyone know it?

It's a great song. What? Hey, I was thinking. It doesn't sound like a song. That sounded like words spoken. Well, it's rap. I don't like what Nicky just said. So I have a question.

I think that kicked off Groupon's annual investors meeting. Is podcast called podcast because of the iPod? Like did they get away? Did Apple get away with like branding this entire like Kleenex? Yeah. Or dumpster? Yeah. Do you know dumpster is not what it is? No, that's like that's a brand name. No, it's not.

I could be wrong, but look it up. This might be so embarrassing. I had a moment this weekend like this, I'll tell you in a second, but I do think that Dumpster might be a brand name. Dumpster was invented by Harvey Dumpster in 1860. No, it wasn't. I think it's a brand name.

Dumpster, Dumpster? The Dumpster Brothers in 1936, trademarked the word in 1936 trademarked sounds like it sounds like it. Yes. Q-tip Kleenex dumpster bandaid bandaid. They call it plasters in England. Plasters for a bandaid that really sucks. The dumpster brothers is so I think you should leave coded. So was Brian saying I love like I love my whole team. I love oh yeah, I got a really big team.

I love my whole team. Actually, I just wanted a group of people that were all really bad people to get together. Like I just wanted to make a group Of really what is that one? You got to watch the Tim Robbins? Skateboard video where he's putting together a team What is the team? I don't even understand what now that I'm thinking back on it. I'm like what team is he forming? Just a group of people that skateboard together. Yeah like a skateboarding group They all they have to be a really bad person

He wants people to think he's a really bad person. He wants when people leave the room He wants them to say man. That guy is a piece of shit It's just it makes no sense, but it makes all the sense. Yeah It's Drake and future. I've got cuz I got a really big team and they need some really big rings They need some really nice things better better be coming with no strengths. It's about Drake and Future talking about how when they get a deal with a record label, you also gotta pay the team

and everyone needs really big rings and why? Because I have a big team. That's all. Okay, speaking of really big rings and buying things for your team, I got you guys some jewelry for the Golden Globes that you both have. You did.

And it's truly the nicest thing I own now. That's what I said. I realize I love giving cool gifts that elevate someone. I got some people on my team that were like the... We had a bunch of people on the Golden Globes team, but there were some members that were involved from the beginning to end in a very serious, dedicated way. Chris and I got them Rolexes, and Emily sourced them and found them. It took forever. They just got them last week or like a couple days ago. And they're engraved and they say Golden Globes 2025. And they're really cool. Yeah.

They're so cool. Thank you so much. I now know to hide my arm while being out on the street. Yeah, you are more prone to assault. But it was just like a cool thing to do. I just well first week well this weekend I was able to give Sean his in person and then later on in the night he was wearing it and I was like whoa that's a nice watch like it caught my eye so I was like oh it works this is really nice. That is a really nice well I mean it's ridiculous it's you know there was that one story with like Chris Rock or something who there's a story where Chris Rock, I think it was for top five or something or maybe it was a stand-up special where he like brought in like five comedians like Louis CK was one of them to help him write for this script or for his special or something like that.

And then he gave them all maybe it was even Rolex's or was $5,000. And when I heard that story back then, I was like, that's ridiculous. And never in a million years would I think that I would be in a position to receive something like that for a similar reason. Oh, you guys definitely deserved it. And yeah, it is crazy when you, I was just having that moment today when I was like posting about my sold out shows in Boston, like six shows at this gigantic theater that is bigger than the theater I was at last year

in Boston and I did two shows at the Wilbur and it was like, whoa, that's incredible. And then it's five shows at this even bigger theater. And I was like thinking, oh, I remember when like Ali Wong started doing like five shows, two more added, seven shows, 11 shows. And just being like, that is awesome for her, and that isn't even something that would ever,

it wasn't even like, it's like the way I think about having kids now. I'm just like, good for them, that is literally never gonna happen for me. I don't even like, I'm not even mad about it. You know what I mean? That's the way I used to think about those kind of things. And I wanna just say to anyone who

might look at someone's life and get like jealous, I wasn't even jealous, it was just like out of, it was just like, well that's just a different kind of comedy that someone's doing. Mine's never gonna be that accessible or I'm never gonna be that beloved because I'm not lovable, so that's fine. Like that was my reasoning was like, I am not not like some people

like me, but it's never going to be thousands in one city. Like it's just impossible. And it wasn't even like, I really promise you, I wasn't like sad about it. I was just like, yeah, that's just the way it goes. Like, I think I grappled with this early on when Amy, when Amy Schumer like blew up and you know, we had all been kind of like on the same level. She was always kind of like skyrocketing ever since I met her. But when she reached the levels of like train wreck and stuff, I just remember being like, there's not even anything I can let in my body of jealousy or like why her not me?

Like it's so on a different level that like I don't even, it's like comparing yourself to Neil Armstrong. Like it truly felt like I just, I'm friends with someone who's doing something different than me even though we're in the same field. So having those kinds of moments is really cool when they come through and you're like, oh whoa, that's me now.

Okay, so someone else is looking at my profile going, well that'll never be me. I'm telling you girl, it could be. You don't even fucking know. You don't know anything. You know shit, you're dumb. Someone could give you a gift someday. Yeah.

Yeah, you're not smart and you need to, yeah. You need to dream big. No, but the Rolex is amazing. I've never had a nice watch. In fact, for my wedding even, I didn't even wear a watch because when I bought my suit from the suit lady, she said, because I wear that Casio watch all the time, and she said, if you wear that watch while wearing this suit,

I'm not gonna give you the suit. And so I didn't wear a watch at all. And I would've worn this Rolex for sure if I hadn't at the time. Now you can get really married. You need to get divorced and remarried. I think that's what this calls for, truly. But yeah, I mean, it's amazing.

I can't wait to wear it at the next Golden Globes. Yeah. It ties everything together. Like I was wearing it with like a hoodie and I felt like, you know, like, oh my God, I'm like a tech billionaire. This is incredible. Like, look at how dressed down I am.

Yeah, it does make you feel cool. But I know the truth. It's fun. It was really fun. I'm not saying that to, I just was excited about this weekend. I just like, it's really fun to give gifts. Do you guys like getting gifts or giving gifts more?

And we all, like, I know it sounds like I'm a hero or something, cause I'm like, I just like giving, but I think getting gifts can be truly uncomfortable. And you also had a reason to give it, right? Like it wasn't kind of, you want to like put on the spot. And it was like kind of like a reward when you wrapped. Yeah, they weren't just like living one more year, like their birthday, you know, like back to me,

it's just like, sorry, that's not like good enough. It's like, because you like, like you deserve, you worked so hard. Yeah. A gift as a work reward is like, I think one you worked so hard. Yeah. A gift as a work reward is like, I think one of the best types of gifts. Okay. Yeah. I agree.

Like it was like, oh my God, like we went above and beyond. This is amazing. Well, I got a work gift today too, oddly enough, from another person I gave this same gift to. He sent this before he even got his, but Mike Gibbons, our- Gibby, Gibby, Gibby, Zuzu. Our head writer on The Globes,

he sent Chris and I the Stanley Tucci, like I think the New Yorker did a Stanley Tucci cartoon, you know, of like the cologne? Maybe it was in the magazine, but he had that framed and sent to us. Oh, that's so nice. The cologne which was called, what was it called again? Why am I drawing a blank?

Oh, you know it was actually ballroom salmon. Ballroom salmon. Which was, let me say, a Seth Meyers joke. Seth Meyers gave us that line of ballroom salmon. Which was, let me say, a Seth Meyers joke. Seth Meyers gave us that line of ballroom salmon because he had been maybe flirting with doing another bit with us, and he had just written that or texted it or something, and we all laughed at ballroom salmon.

And I wrote him and I said, hey, we're not doing that bit where you riffed that, but can we use ballroom salmon somewhere else? And he was like, go for it. He's so funny. So that's kind of how things get made sometimes. Yeah, that's the process. Remember how we were talking about that yesterday?

Oh, yeah, so sorry. Okay, so it's from the eastern tip of Italy where this type of joke writing comes from. And we used a little bit of Fort Lauderdale flair. Like, I'm sorry, that's what the bothered me was that the dish that was being made is like, they said it was like from a part of Italy or whatever, or from, you know, like a part of Turkey or something.

And like the region that I've never heard of. And then they go, but we used a little local flair with it. And it's like, well, you, Fort Lauderdale? Like, that's, what's the opposite of elevates the dish? You have to use the word local when it's about Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, you can't say. Yeah, it's like, oh, there's like suntan lotion?

Like. I, yeah, the hummus had an SPF of 45. It just, it was, I'm still feeling regretful that I'm making fun of that because I think some people do care. But I also was saying this weekend, it's almost like a hack meme at this point to make fun of the paragraphs of writing

that comes before a recipe when you find it online. No one reads it. And why do no one read it? And why do those presses jump to the recipe, which I learned from Julie Glazer, by the way. Really? I didn't realize that there was a tab that says, jump to the recipe, you could skip all of it pretty fast

until I talked to your mom, and she's like, did you know? I wish there was a tab on a waiter's head. Skip to bringing this to me. Skip to putting it down and leaving. Also, here's another pet peeve of restaurants. What a fucking bitch I am. I'm so sorry to be working in the restaurant industry.

And you're like, we're trying our best and these are actual things we have to do or we'll get docked pay or written up because I know some places are so dumb. But okay, so if you're ordering a bunch of dishes at a restaurant and they come over and like Why is it that they never know where okay? This is I'm gonna get so much pushback because people are gonna be like we have enough to remember

We why does the person who's bringing them never know where they're going and they always and this is this is also a problem I have with people I'm dining with Everyone always kind of doesn't know what they ordered. And I can see my plate, I can tell from beneath my plate, the weight of it, what it is. And I go, me, right away. But sometimes they'll be like, the enchilada, the chicken enchiladas, and everyone will look at each other

like a murder mystery, like who done it? It's like five seconds, which is too much of silence until someone's like, I guess that's mine. And it's like, what you just ordered. Are you not hungry and thinking about this? Like put it and then they put set it down. And sometimes I just wish they just set it all down and then let us all kind of distribute

it because the hovering and the questioning just slows things down. I will say I know I think about this quite often because I always try to give like a pause in that moment because I feel like I'm just fat enough where I can't be so excited to be like, oh, that was fine. Like, I can't. It's awesome. Yeah, OK, so you're fat enough that like, you don't want to be the guy who jumps the gun on like hearing any food is yours.

And then everyone at the table is like, wow, Sean is so fatty. Just like every dish is. Yeah, we have the bacon cheese. That's fine. And it's not even yours. That's so adorable because it, you know, that is a really good point. I have to factor in that people are like cautious of how they might be perceived in different circumstances.

That is a very interesting detail of your personality that I did not think about. But I also have that with different things where I'm like, everyone assumes I'm like this, so I can't, you know at the karaoke place where they kept putting in my comedy bits in the title of the person's name. I felt so narcissistic thinking that was me.

But I will say the other thing I flubbed this weekend so hard and I was so embarrassed, but then I redeemed myself was we were, like you know how I always have like, well actually fun fact, Dumpster is a brand name and then everyone goes, no it's not. And I go, check it, yes it is. And I just like school everyone

because I read something late at night on Reddit that I retained for once in my life. And I like stake my whole identity on these little factoids. But so I had one this weekend that was like we were talking about the Nike logo. No, we were talking about forget who we're talking about Larry Bird or something like a white guy in the NBA. And I was like, Oh, you know, the Nike logo is like not Jordan. It's like some random white guy from the 80s. And everyone was like, um, you know, the Nike logo is like not Jordan. It's like some random white guy from the 80s. And everyone was like, um, like quietly. But like they were all like, we're not going to like tell her she's wrong

because we're scared of her. But that's not right. And then someone finally was like, I think it's Michael Jordan. I'm like, no, it's actually somewhat a white guy from the 80s. And everyone was like, no. And then everyone looks it up and it's like very clear. And then I look it up and I'm like, shit, it's Jordan. What am I getting this from?

What is this? And then I was like, you guys, I swear to God, there is some logo that everyone thinks is Jordan and is not, I promise you. And it turns out it's the NBA logo. So I was redeemed, thank fucking God. Yeah, Jerry West, Jerry West. Okay, it's Jerry West and he's not a random guy. I thought it was Thank fucking God. Yeah, Jerry West. Jerry West. It's Jerry West.

And he's not a random guy. I thought it was Adam Sandler. But the NBA logo is like a guy dribbling and he's kind of like, urgh. You know, it's not the dunk. Jordan dunking. I do know that. Yeah.

But the swoosh is actually a white guy. It's Air Jordan. It's a white guy's canoe. And everyone thinks it's... But the swoosh is just a swoosh. No, no, it's a canoe. No, the swoosh is an Indian sign of peace. But yeah, I guess I.

Similarly, the reason why I don't announce that that's my dish is because I don't want to be wrong, because sometimes they come out and they say something that wasn't on the menu. Like if you ordered like- Or they call it the official name. Exactly. And I ordered a French onion soup

and then they come out and they say, did someone order like the onion pastay? And I have to wait. Yeah. Yeah, like if you, if they're like, nacho, ordinary nachos, you're like, but I think I ordered ordinary nachos. So you get like.

Right. That is just a weird moment where everyone is just kind of looking at each other like, is it you? Like, I just, and then they're kind of, everyone's kind of like scared to speak up about it. Like, I'm just, just started clocking it because I think it happens to everyone where everyone's a little bit nervous

But maybe it's because we all don't want to see seem overeager and fat like give me give me food like anything All right Yeah, I often think like when food hasn't come out in a really long time and you're like waiting at the table for a really long Time I'm like I really have done the math on this that like I can't ask where the food is. Wait, what do you mean? Like I, this is a- Oh, because you're too fat to ask?

Yeah. Sean. I don't want that being like, oh, this guy thinks he's starving to death. He's waited 15 minutes. Oh my God. Okay, I will say similarly similarly when I was super thin, I would, I could never say I didn't want to eat anything because I would think that everyone thought I was being anorexic. So like I would

always have to eat anything that anyone ever gave me because I would always fear that they would be like, she's just like being sneaky and weird. And then they would judge me and talk about me behind my back. So I would always like overeat in front of people to prove the opposite. So it's really, it's a similar thing. It's like you're just trying to get ahead of what people are going to say. But I would never in a million years, if you were checking on food, be like, man, he's so fat. He can't eat.

He needs... Ever. Well, I'm not worried about like the people I'm on a table with. I'm worried about like the waiter being like, there's a fat guy who's real eager to eat. Oh my God. Then they just start roasting my ass behind my back. I'm so worried about what people think

about me behind my back, but I don't care what they say to me, to my face. Okay, do you wanna know though, if you could have a recording of the cook, the waiter's talking to the chef about you. If you knew it happened, would you wanna hear it? I don't think so. No.

Because then it's like my worst, my worst fear is like confirmed. Okay, good. Yeah. Okay, good. Let's go to break it. I'm gonna tell you a thing I told everyone this weekend that I wanna just get your,

I want Brian and Noah to weigh in on what you think about this and how you would handle this after this. Hey y'all, it's your girl, Cheeky's, and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys. And I know a lot of people are gonna attack me.

Why are you gonna go visit your dad? Your mom wouldn't be okay with it. I'm gonna tell you guys right now, I know my mother. And I know my mom had a very forgiving heart. That is my story on plastic surgery. This is my truth. I think the last time I cried like that was when I lost my mom. Like that, like yelling. I was like, no. I was like, oh, and I thought, what did I do wrong? And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies.

So my fiance and I have been together for 10 years. In the first two years of being together, I find out he is cheating on me, not only with women, but also with men. What should I do? Okay, where do I start? That's not love. He doesn't love you enough, because if he loved you, he'd be faithful. It's going to be an exciting year,

and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and Chill, season four, as part of the My Kultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, I'm Maria Fernanda Diaz. My podcast, When You're Invisible, is my love letter to the working class people and immigrants who shaped my life. I get to talk to a lot of people who form the backbone of our society, but who have never been interviewed before. Season two is all

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Listen to When You're Invisible as part of the MyCultura podcast network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation Island, stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future, we will all be cancelled for 15 minutes but don't worry we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's

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Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, I Heart Podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers

about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out-of-his-element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah.

Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. OK, so speaking to the fact of like Sean saying he wouldn't want to hear, he's like kind of concerned what people are saying behind his back wants to control it. Doesn't want to actually know the details. We were talking this weekend about, um, if you were to accidentally send, um, when you're talking shit about someone, a text to the person you're talking shit

about. Yeah, we've all almost done it or we've all done it. Right? when you're talking shit about someone, a text to the person you're talking shit about? Yeah. We've all almost done it or we've all done it, right? Like you're saying the person's name and you then you that you just are thinking the name. So you write it to them. Yeah. Correct. Okay.

So I made a promise to my team this weekend that if they ever accidentally send me and I'll extend this to Noah and Brian as well, literally anyone listening, literally anyone. If you ever, that has my number, if you send me a text that is talking shit about me and it's supposed to be about me to someone else, if you just write, oh my God, oh my God,

and fill up the screen so that I can't see it, you know, and then write, Nikki, I'm so sorry, I just sent the wrong text to the wrong person. I will not scroll up and read it. I promise you 1000%. In fact, I will blur my eyes. I will click more. I will select all the texts and I will delete them so that you and I promise you I will not read it because I don't want to know what people are saying about me behind my back. Um, what do you think of that? And do you think I'm I I, I, I know in my heart that I'm a hundred percent sure that this is true because I don't want to know what people are saying about me.

But, um, could, would you guys do the same? I mean, it would be if the person knew the thing and was going to send me a bunch of texts afterwards and tell me not to read it. I mean, I don't know. Right away. They realize I'm talking to Brian and then they go, Oh my God, oh my God. And they just write like, you know, X, X, X, X, X, I don't know if I could do it. Like right away they realize I'm talking to Brian and then they go, oh my God, oh my God. And they just write like, you know,

X, X, X, X, X, X, and they like send it up. So it's scrolled up, right? So it's hidden. Yeah. And then below the X's they write, hey Brian, I accidentally sent you a text that was meant for someone else. Please don't read it.

I really appreciate it. Would you read it? Well, are they saying please don't read it because it's like shit talking to me? Or are they saying please don't read it because it's like private for someone else? Doesn't matter. I mean, you can assume. it's like shit talking to me or they saying please don't read it because it's like private For some matter. I mean you can assume You know, they're not gonna say I was shit talking. Yeah, just gonna say please don't read it. Yeah, I would okay

I if it was shit talking to me, I would be like, why don't you just tell me this? I would be mad that they weren't telling me the thing that's bothering them to my god This is do you not talk shit about people, Brian? I, no, I mean, I've talked shit to you about many people before. I know, but would you say it to their face? Mostly it's like creatively, you know, I only talk shit about like people in a creative sense.

Like if someone does something creatively horrible, I can't help but say how horrible it is and how they don't deserve to live. Right, so you would probably say that to that person's face too, because don't you understand the idea of like, someone might not want to say it to your face? Would I say it to their face? No, I wouldn't say it to their face. But your response is, why don't you say this to me?

They're my friend. They have my number, you know, and they're texting. Oh, they have your number. You know, it really pissed me off that Brian keeps canceling plans five minutes before the play or whatever. I'd be like, you need to tell me this so that I understand the problem. I try to make it better. Oh, see, that's not that's healthy. That's very healthy.

See me, I'm too no, I know I'm too nosy. Like I would want to know what they say. And then I would never confront them about it. What I would do is I would really just like hold on to it forever. And just think about like, this is what this person really thinks about me. Oh, boy. Yeah. But I've also gotten into trouble with this in the past. So I know that's a funny one. Can you talk about it without specifics? Yeah, my friend broke up with his girlfriend once,

like an old girlfriend, and he text messaged me saying they broke up, and he's like, hey, don't tell anyone about this. And then I immediately was text messaging my roommate to tell him about it. And I was like, Blake broke up with his girlfriend,

but I just texted it to him. Oh my God. Right after he said, don't tell anyone. And- Oh my God. And then Sean tried to make it seem like it was a joke because it was so obvious, like right after he- Yeah.

And the guy was like, no, we know you're not joking. Like, I really tried to play it off, like, where it's like, there's no such thing as stupid questions. Like, question, is there such thing as stupid questions like question is there such thing as stupid question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it could have maybe worked. It's nice try. Oh, that's rough. That's so rough. So I'm very selective with who I talk shit about over text. There's like five people none are on this. On this.

You don't want you don't want there to be if you're talking shit, it's best to talk You don't want, you don't want there to be, if you're talking shit, it's best to talk about shit in person, because you don't want there to be a written record on the off chance that somehow they get your cell phone and they search for their name in your texts and they find it. Yeah, but that is like, then that friend sucks if they're like searching through your phone,

looking for their name, like fuck you, like that's so lame. Like you deserve to hear shit talked about you. But also like, I just think who was it that oh, Aliza Trager on her special just said a thing about like, I think everyone should just talk like talking shit is fun. And like, I guess I don't think she made this point. But maybe she did. I just feel like if I'm allowed to talk shit, then people should be allowed to talk shit about me. I like expect it. I would be sad if you guys didn't. It wouldn't really,

Sean, if you didn't talk shit about me, it would not go with your personality. You have to. It just. I really don't. I bet you don't. I'm protecting myself being like he doesn't, but if you find out you did,

it would not bother me because I would. I'm so weird. It's so annoying. What are you talking about, Sean? I mean, what about the thing. It's so annoying. And you're around me so much. What about the thing you told me just the other day? No, x, x, x, x. Do not read, Brian. Eighth grade, I found a note that like,

I think one of us was like sharing our old notes or something like, you know, we were going through and in eighth grade, we would always write each other notes and we'd always save them. And I was going through like Kirsten's notes from Hala or whatever. And they were all talking shit about me wearing makeup for the first time

and how I thought I was so cool and like how I wore too much and I didn't even wear it right. And it was a devastating. And I remember them like seeing that I saw it and then I had to protect them. Do you ever do that where you like get mad about something and then you have to protect the person you're mad at?

That's fucked up. There's this video of this man, it was in the 50s or the 60s and it was being recorded and it was in Congress and this guy, this congressman takes out a gun and he shoots himself in the head. And it's all on film and you can watch it. Oh wait, are you talking about R. Bud Dwyer?

Yeah, we know about Bud Dwyer. Bud Dwyer, but. I probably reference Bud Dwyer every week. So Bud Dwyer. So right before he kills himself, everyone is like, oh my God, stop. And he goes, no, no, no, no, it's OK. It's OK. Pop. And then he shoots himself.

Yeah, it's the equivalent of him like if it's like him protecting them from thinking that this is bad Feeling bad about him shooting himself in the head He goes no no no it's okay. It's okay pop. No. It's not I'm not gonna hurt you. Yeah, right exactly It's almost like he's saying I'm not I'm not shooting you guys. I'm shooting myself. It's fine, but little does You know it's like devastating to watch that. Yeah. Yeah it is I mean, it's something that I'll never forget where I was seeing that video for the first time cuz the first time I ever saw Like somebody like or like maybe the only time I I realized Anyone die people die

I hate those videos Taking off the internet and the first thing that showed me was laughing the entire time. Oh dear. He told me he was gonna show me the funniest fail. And then showed me that. And it traumatized me. It was Or McDonald who did this. That was not a fail.

That was success. I swear. Okay, now I like it. He brought me into his office to be like, this is the funniest fail you'll ever see. And then it was a guy shooting himself. No! Dude, don't ever, besties, don't watch the video. It's not worth it.

It's not gonna be interesting enough. It'll just scar you. No, traumatize you and then it's stuck in your head forever and really sticks with you. Oh my God. How many Reddit threads have I seen of Ask Reddit where it's like, what's the most disturbing thing you've ever seen on Reddit? I love reading about them.

And Bud Dwyer comes up quite often, but there are so many more like teen boys see the craziest shit, you know, like faces of death that that compilation that used to go around like there are I've heard the most I Can't even know how these people are functioning I really think people have PTSD from stuff that they have watched on the internet without question If you watch like a beheading video that used to be going around. Yeah. Police shootings. Come on.

I refuse to do that. And I am like, I think, yes, it's just fucking you up. You are getting PTSD. Don't watch it. And then it makes you think that life is cheap and meaningless. And then you get these like- Desensitized. Yeah, desensitized.

Like I have a friend who was addicted to porn, who I think some of you know, but when he was trying to... I don't really know myself that well, but okay. He was trying to quit his porn habit, so he started watching ISIS beheading videos so he wouldn't get horny anymore. Whoa, that is the dumbest, most twisted logic

I've ever heard. I don't even understand. Now I'm talking shit. In, so when he was like horny, he would like ruin his boner by watching beheading videos. Yeah, which to me- I need to find out who this person is off air. That is truly insane.

And that person, I feel so sad for that. And now all he's doing is getting horny to the beheading video. Exactly. I would be so worried about rewiring my brain. Yeah. Totally. I mean, I used to, when Chris and I would, you know,

do hanky panky, we used to shut the dogs out of the door, like out of the room, and they would scratch on the door during it. And I started to Pavlov's dogs, the scratching of dogs on a door would like make me a little bit horny because it would remind me of the feeling I was feeling during that it was starting to like those words combining. You can't fuck with you can't fuck with your know, you can retrain your brain. It's just like practicing.

Turn on. Don't put something with that. Yes. Yes. It's like anything. You can do that with literally anything like I a scale on another instrument. Don't put something with that. Yes. Yes. It's like anything. You can do that with literally anything. Like I was in an MRI last month or two months ago, no, a long time ago, actually, like eight months ago. Whoa. And I freaked out in the MRI, couldn't handle it,

and I had to get out and I had like a panic attack. And then I somehow in my brain, that anxiety I felt, I connected with the crown that I got put into my mouth on my tooth crown. And so every time I touched the crown on my tooth, I felt the anxiety of being in the MRI. Oh my God. Yeah, and so I had to get the crown removed

and it's been gone for many months, so now I think I'm like over it, but. But I understand because the crown was like contributing to the pain that you were getting checked on for the MRI. No, the MRI was for my gallbladder, but the crown was just a moment of anxiety. And I was. You were touching it with your tongue probably, right?

Maybe, yeah, like I would touch it with my tongue and then I would feel a little bit of anxiety. And then I would think about the MRI. And if you do that enough times, and if you get scared, and then I was like, oh my god, I hope I don't connect this. And I get a little scared, then I focus on it. If you do it enough times, then all of a sudden it's automatic. And every time you touch the tongue, you're back in the MRI.

And you could do that with anything. You could also do that with positive things. You could train your brain to do something good for yourself. But most of the time you're driven by fear and you can't let go of the fear and so then you wind up connecting things stronger because of that. Oh my god. But anyway, so the point is that's why I get horny every time I'm in an MRI machine. I would not recommend watching disturbing videos. I don't understand when people wanna click those things. I wanna read all about them, and I wanna read every little detail about what happens.

But I don't wanna see anything. When I was growing up, I was traumatized by The Ring, the movie. Oh yeah. And that's the way it should be. It should be a movie about a demon coming out of a TV, and then every time you see the snow on TV, the static, you freak out.

And like that's healthy amount of trauma. That's the amount of trauma that you should introduce into your lives. I have like 13 years old or 12 years old. I don't think it's I really I don't really like horror movies, but I really hate like when you talk to somebody who really does and they just keep going deeper and deeper to the point where they're like watching like stay low like the this like Italian movie that like I totally was at the one with the tunnel where the rapes yeah and it's like the right like I have like several friends who like love this movie and I'm like I will never watch dude I've read about that movie so much I don't know if it's exact is that the one that is there a tunnel

and rapes in it yeah there's a tunnel rapes and much. I don't know if it's exact. Is that the one that is there a tunnel in rapes in it? Yeah, there's a tunnel rapes and then there's like, you know, like there's like 120 boys that are like, yeah Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, like sometimes you read these Wikipedia synopsis for these movies and it's so fucking insane You can't believe I just can't believe something like that got made, yet I can't say like, like some of the jokes that get censored from us on TV, like it's just like, how do these both coexist in the same, like world?

I just don't even understand it. And then porn, let's like, porn is just, I mean, I think I'm probably traumatized by some of the stuff I've seen in porn. Or just like- I mean, porn certainly desensitizes you to sexual activities in real life. I have to, when I'm watching porn,

I have to put in, even if I'm alone, I have to put in my AirPods. I cannot listen to it. Like, it has to be this like thing I do that's so, my door is locked on my bedroom, which my bedroom door is always locked. I don't understand anyone who has a home and you go to sleep at night and you don't lock your bedroom door. Let's just, like, walk through this for a second. If there's a home invasion, you have one more level of security.

Always lock your bedroom door. I don't even have a lock on my bedroom door. I bet you do. There's no lock. Really? No, it's just a pure, it's a pure solid place. This is interesting because now you're giving me anxiety about this. I am always worried about home invasions.

That is like the thing I'm most worried about. But you have a sign. I'm worried about fires. And in my head I'm like, I worry that like something's going to burn and then I then I'm not gonna be like, I don't wanna touch the hot handle. Yeah. Oh, so you leave your bedroom door open. Wait, so do you sleep with the door open? I sleep with the door open.

Whoa, that's like hot. Because there's a sun that needs to maybe get in. The sun I get, I get the sun. The bedroom door. I mean, every other door is locked and... I leave the front door open and just, you know. I lock the bedroom door, leave the front door open. Well, if you're a single person or you you don't have kids lock that bedroom door,

give yourself an extra. And I would go, so you're, I worry about fires too. And I've never done this, but I, um, I want to get for my fire escape a ladder. Oh, that's smart. Isn't it like a built in ladder for the fire escape? No, sorry. It's not a fire escape. It's just a balcony. Oh, that's smart. Isn't it like a built-in ladder for the fire scapes? No, sorry. It's not a fire scape. It's just a balcony. Oh, okay. Okay. So that would make that makes much more sense.

Yeah, that would make no sense to add another ladder. I want to add a second ladder so that if I have a home invasion, then they can climb down too. I just like a cloth ladder and I don't want to get rust on my hands. But okay, so porn though, I have to have door locked, AirPods in. Oh, I definitely need it to be like, I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. And I'm giving away too much now Emily, when she sees like Do Not Disturb is on she's gonna think I'm like whacking off For a lot of reasons mainly that though and then um and

Then I have to close out ever like it has to be I feel like it's weird though with the air pods even when I'm like There's no one that could hear it. I'm home alone Why I need to do that, but I think it's because I need to keep it in my brain and it can't be like, it's too fucked up for anyone to accidentally hear, not because they're gonna judge me, but because I don't wanna scar anyone through a wall. I really, I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's just like a seat,

but I also don't have like private, you know, like I don't go to like a private window. I'm just like yeah, you know incognito mode now I don't care like what am I gonna do? I just it's who's gonna catch me and if they do I'll just like laugh about it But I don't want to like actively harm anyone with it and then probably they're saving your cookies, so they know what you want Yes, you go back and you know't have to type all that stuff in. You're not confusing them. Oh yeah, so porn, when you're on privacy mode,

they don't learn about what you want and curate it. They definitely do. Fuck, incognito mode is a bunch of horse shit. It really is, because it's still, like, we've kind of done it. It's your IP address that is what they're looking at. Oh, masking that, they know exactly where you are. And do you know that companies are changing the prices

of items based on the cookies they learn about you? If they just know that you're willing to pay $5 more for a jacket, it should be, but guess what? It's probably, no one's regulating this stuff anymore. So Uber rides, I mean, I have been getting gouged with Uber because they just know I'll just do it. You know, like I am kind of like, oh, whatever. It's 89 bucks.

Like a friend will open an app, it's 49 bucks for the same ride. Like I, so I've been going to Lyft a lot because I feel like Lyft like kind of stays true to the price and they will often be 20 to $30 less for a ride than Uber. Uber just fucks me now. Yeah. Well, so, yeah, keep switching. That's the only way you can fight against corporations is through pure capitalism. You got to vote with your dollar. Okay, so that just means you have to like just make sure you can't just always go, oh, you have

to check. You have to price compare, which is so annoying and it's such like a boomer thing to do, but like you have to do that. That's why, remember when your like parents would clip coupons and they'd be like, I'm saving 10 cents. And you'd be like, God,. That's why remember when you're like parents would clip coupons and they'd be like I'm saving 10 cents and you'd be like god who gives a shit and you're going through all this effort to clip coupons just to save 10 fucking cents on a can of soup but really that is for the greater good. Yes they were standing between us and corporate greet. Okay. Yeah. How interesting. I always just like I always chalk it up in my head being like, time is money. Yeah, that's what I think too. Yeah.

Well, or my dad, every time my dad, probably a lot of people's parents do this, they clock every single gas station price in town and they drive by and go, oh my God, that's 10 cents cheaper. Oh my God, that's 20 cents cheaper. And then you get the 20 cent cheaper one and then you drive five more miles You say oh no, that was a dollar cheaper. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did no wait? I have an electric car so I don't go to gas stations anymore But I will say that I fucking miss it because there's something about filling your tank that makes you feel like you've done something

Oh, yeah It's like it's like a chore. That's not like it's really not that hard to do It takes what like seven minutes at most. But when you do it, you feel so accomplished. I think there's something about keeping things in your life that just give you little boosts of like, I fucking did something today. That one is gone for me and you get a little treat,

get a little Diet Coke, pick up a Laffy Taffy. Death patients are fun. They are fun. I mean, they're like a top five place I like going. I love, I kinda love the smell. Me too. People watching, I love people watching at a gas stop. Yes, there's always something interesting going on.

There's always someone doing scratchers that lives there. There's always a guy who lets you go ahead of him. There's always someone eating the hot dogs or whatever they have in there. They're like, I can't believe anyone actually buys this shit. And they're being picky about it. They're like, well, let's see what you got today.

And they're actually acting like there's different selections of the day. There's always someone who's having the worst day of their life and having to take a shit in the outdoor bathroom. And let me just say that most of the time, the people that work at gas stations are, I would say across the board from a mom and pop one

you run into on the road to a quick trip that is in a downtown area, the people that work at them are really nice. They're always kind of having a good time. Is there something, I think they're treated well as employees from what I can tell. They just seem like kind of jovial. Honestly, it is to me the best kind of job to have is you're just constantly interacting with people. Yeah, you never have to get to know anyone really.

Like you just you're just like kind of having fun and the day goes by so fast when you're doing that. Because it's just constant. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I can tell you this from my experience in the deli that the day does, did not go by fast for me. I mean, what's the fastest time flies for you guys? Like if you're really thinking about it, like if we're, you know, time is a construct and it's not real or whatever, but like when do you find time goes by the fast fastest? Anytime I'm not doing anything What that's the opposite? I feel like I feel like when I when I have like Actual time like after I've like completed all my work and stuff and I'm like now I can like just do all the stuff

I want to do time flies and I'm like now I can like just do all the stuff I want to do time flies and I'm like oh no wait time goes fast when you have nothing to do yeah when you when you're like watching shows and you're like oh I want to relax like and now I can like treat myself that's when it's like this it's never enough it's never enough yeah it's not like a procrastination thing where you're like I have all this stuff I want to get done. It's more just like, now I get some time for myself where I can watch TV or whatever. Yes, just watching TV or doing like, playing like a weird game with Nolan.

Like I'm like, it flies by. But then like, if I'm like working, it's like, it's like slow and normal. If there's a deadline and you are under a time crunch, it goes, it speeds past because you're just depending on it going slower. If you're, you know, there's always a meme about like, if you want time to like, if you wanna like

make your life last longer, just hold a plank because it's like the slowest thing can ever go. Yeah. But how, okay, this is the first time I've ever felt this like in such a profound way where you see something and you're like, that was a year ago? That feels like literally three years ago. I think everyone feels this.

This is literally Mandela effect. I think that they are fucking with us. The Willy Wonka, remember the Willy Wonka experience that was really shitty? That was like a, that a girl was like, it just looked depressing, it was like the fire fest of like a kind of child wonder immersion. It was like in a warehouse or something.

Yeah, it was like in England or Scotland or something. Yeah, it was incredible. Yeah, the oompa loompa. That was one year ago. To me, I would have at least said it was two. It's like that was wild to me. And I went through the comments being like, someone else has gotta feel this way.

Literally, everyone felt that way. Everyone. Everyone said it felt like five years, and I was like, I cannot believe that was one year ago. That is really crazy to me. Here's a question for you. How many years ago did Russia invade Ukraine this time around?

What year was that? Okay, I'm going to say that was three years ago. Four is my guess. Oh yeah, it was three years ago, so you have it right. It was 2022, almost exactly to the day. To the day. Yeah, it was the anniversary the other day, but I didn't realize what year it was. Yeah.

So doesn't it feel like Russia't it feel like they that Russia invaded Ukraine like four months ago? Can you believe they've been fighting for three fucking years? Really long. Yeah. But it's like World War Two was four years for us for America. For America's four years. The Ukraine war has been going on for almost the entire length that America was involved in World War Two. What about fucking COVID, dude? That was five years ago. That is so nuts. That's a big chunk of your life. I look like I have pictures of myself in 2020. I'm like, your eyebrows are an inch higher. My face looks like I'm a child. And I felt like I was so old then. Like I literally feel like I'm the same age at 2020 as I am now. I have not aged whatsoever.

I mature. I, I'm so pissed. I'm still pissed off about COVID, uh, just because I do feel like we lost, I lost my mid thirties and I'm so pissed off about it that I like emerged as a late thirties guy. And like. Oh, interesting. Okay, so we're just like, we're stunted. We're where we're where we lost four years because that's what that is.

Like I look at those pictures and I go, my face looks so young, but I feel like I'm that same age. And I think, is that a, that's probably a universal feeling. Noah, do you feel the same way? Like actually hearing Sean describe it like that, that makes total sense because I feel like I lost out on living the last of my 30s because of COVID. Yeah, everyone feels like they were robbed

of whatever time that was. Yeah, but COVID's a tricky one about... What were we supposed to be doing in our late 30s? Let's talk about this though, because I think some people lost high school, some people lost their late 20s. I mean, that's when you feel the energy. My's talk about this though, because I think some people lost high school. Some people lost their late 20s. I mean, that's, yeah, that's what you saw. My heart goes out to them, but I feel like my late 30s were supposed to

be me and my girlies going out. Well, it didn't make me excited to turn 40. I like didn't even celebrate my 40th birthday. I was just like, Oh, yeah, that's bullshit. They always told me the late 30s are the best years of your life and you're gonna look back on your late 30s and think, man, what? Those were the days. Yeah, I know. But at least we discovered Zoom like the early days of Covid when we were like, let's play games on Zoom.

I liked Covid. I know that this is not an original thing to say or like makes me interesting and cool, but like I did, I was very wildly depressed during COVID for a lot of it, but there was, man, I don't know, I do think we'll get that back at some point. I think there will be another pandemic or something that keeps us all like inside, you know?

Or just climate change. Yeah, yeah, that will keep us holed up or war or something that will like steal our ability to socialize and work for a while. But what a delicious time where everyone really couldn't work. I really like, I love when the race was canceled. Like I do, I love running. I love competing. But man, when the race is canceled and I'm not, it's not I'm injured and have to sit it out. It's like everyone's injured. Love it. Oh, no, you're a hundred percent right. I love the, like everyone's injured. Love it. Oh, no, you're 100% right. I love the

Eve. Like everyone was even like everyone was working the same. Until people started doing zoom comedy shows and I go you stop it. Yeah. Or well really happened with Tik Tok. I mean the Pete there was while we were all playing fucking catchphrase on zoom. There are people who are making tik tok videos I know and they're doing the renegade and millions of followers and we were laughing about it yeah yeah yeah and now they have a they were able to leave covid with a worldwide tour Alright, we're gonna go to break and come back after this

Hey y'all it's your girl cheekies and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast Cheeky's and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys. And I know a lot of people are going to attack me. Why are you going to go visit your dad? Your mom wouldn't be okay with it. I'm going to tell you guys right now, I know my mother and I know my mom had a very forgiving heart.

That is my story on plastic surgery. This is my truth. I think the last time I cried like that was when I lost my mom. Like that, like yelling. I was like, no. I was like, oh, and I thought, what did I do wrong? And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more.

And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies. And what should I do? Okay, where do I start? That's not love. He doesn't love you enough because if he loved you, he'd be faithful. It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Chiquis and Chill, season four,

as part of the MyCultura podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all, I'm Maria Fernanda Diaz. My podcast, When You're Invisible is my love letter to the working-class people and immigrants who shaped my life. I get to talk to a lot of people who form the backbone of our society but who have never been interviewed before. Season two is all about community, organizing, and being underestimated. All the greatest changes have happened when a couple of people said,

this sucks, let's do something about it. I can't have more than $2,000 in my bank account or else I can't get disability benefits. They won't let you succeed. I know we get paid to serve you guys, but like, be respectful. We're made out of the same things, bone, body, blood.

It's rare to have black male teachers. Sometimes I am the lesson and I'm also the testament. Listen to When You're Invisible as part of the MyCultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like Bad Touch Football, Anti-Racism Spin Class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us? Cancellation Island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation Island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person?

Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out of his element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived, investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.

And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my bra. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Wait, we have to just announce because it's blowing up. Nikki was on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. People are loving it.

Really? Yeah, we just gotta let people know that. Okay, yes, I am on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Probably I'm going to say it, the most fun podcast I've ever been a guest on. That is no shade to any other podcast because I've said so much fun. But I was really nervous going into it because I wasn't an avid listener beforehand. You know, I kind of binge some episodes beforehand and like right before and I've obviously watched the clips a ton. And I have a lot of good friends.

Like I think all my like, you know, think all my smartest friends listen to the show, so I had a respect for it. I like Dax, I like Monica, I like the vibe. But I was a little bit nervous going in because I just didn't, I feel, the whole booking was off, I felt, was off of a joke I made about Dax Shepard that I told on Howard Stern Show

about how the Golden Globes brings everyone from TV and film together for one common purpose, to get out of here without Dax Shepard inviting us, you know, asking them to do their podcast. And so they like heard the joke and they laughed about it and Monica wrote me and was like, you gotta come on the show or I forget how it went down but it was something like that. So I was kind of nervous that they were gonna be like, who do you think you are making a joke like that? But they were so cool. And I just like, I don't know, I've just instantly felt so at ease. They had a really great studio.

The way they just get started, you just sit down. They're just so nice. And I just felt, I saw you guys right after, like I came from it. Yeah, you were on Cloud 9. I loved it. I felt so emotionally connected to both of them. I felt like, you know, a lot of times you record a podcast

and you forget that there are cameras there and you're just like having a moment. And I felt like I learned about myself. I learned about them. Like it was just extremely fulfilling. A lot of people like what you had to say. There was like a topic, a weed topic, whatever that was. Oh yeah.

It's really resonating with people. That's the one I'm getting people. Resonating. So many people are writing to me about the weed stuff that I was talking about, how I struggle with giving it up and it's been the hardest thing to kind of get, completely eradicate from my life. And man, it is the one thing I struggle with, you guys.

And so it is so nice that so many people are writing to me about it, saying that they struggle with it too, because it's all these people that, I'm like, oh, I'm not alone. So not only was I able to make them feel less alone, them writing to me is making me feel like, oh good, this isn't just me.

And it's like a bunch of normal people that don't, I can see their profile pictures and they're like normal people that you'd be like, I wanna be that girl and she's struggling with the same fucking thing. Another honorable mention in pop culture, actually I have two, but this one was really cool. New season of The Kardashians,

Kim gives you a really nice shout out on the roast episode. I know, I couldn't even watch it because I was like nervous to see it, because I just, but I saw the screenshot of it, and I heard that she said that Nikki killed it or something like that. And then the third Nikki in pop culture is Shaquille O'Neal wants Nikki to roast him.

Oh yeah. Okay. Incredible. I mean, he's the Kim Kardashian of the NBA to me. Oh my God. Yeah, that is really exciting. He did DM me and was of the NBA to me. Oh my god. Yeah, that is really exciting He did DM me and was like, please roast me and yeah, that was really thrilling Yeah, that was he that that sound bite came out like I would say he did me like what was it?

You guys were all over at my place when he DM me and I made you all guess guess who just DM'd me and Really fun guessing game and you all got it game. Yeah, we were writing the Black Friday Thursday. Oh yeah, so it was like, yeah, it was around Thanksgiving where Shaq slid into my DMs and was just like, please roast me. And I was like, I'd love to. And he was like, you know, just said really nice things. Last night on the TNT post-game show that Shaq is on,

there was like a really strange moment where like, the host of the show show who I'm not sure it's like an ex basketball player, he's like a white guy and he doesn't seem like he was an athlete. Ernie? He was like, is it Ernie? Who is that guy?

Yeah, he's just a regular broadcaster. He's just a regular guy. And he was like, we have these clips of Shaq when he went to the Lakers and he had to play against his old team, the Magic. And Shaq was like, don't play those clips. And then he was like, oh, come on. He was like, I think he was, and Shaq was like, don't play those clips. And then he was like, oh, come on, I think he was talking to the producer saying,

don't play the clips, nobody wants to see these clips, that was from 30 years ago, I'm Uncle Shaq, now to people, no one remembers me as that other guy, that's a different guy, don't play the clips. And then Ernie was like, play the clips. They played the clips, and then afterwards, I don't know if it was a bit or what, but Shaq seemed genuinely angry.

You- Not a bit, not a bit. I get it, I get it though. Because when you see young Shaq, he's so muscular. He's so thin. Is that what it is? He's faster, he's stronger. He was like seven foot one and like 320 of just pure muscle.

And now when you see Shaq, he is like an elderly friendly giant. You don't. It's got to be hard for him to see that and know how much it hurts to get out of bed. Well, I never related to someone more than Ernie after that. Did this thing where he was like, see, he was like thinking in his head, like, I'm going to do this thing, even though he's saying no, he doesn't really mean no, and he's gonna like it, then afterwards we're all gonna be buddies.

And then they did it, and he's actually mad. And then Ernie did this thing after the video, and he says, wasn't that good, or wasn't that nice? And then he holds out his hand to shake Shaq's hand, which is such a weird thing to do. And he laughs. Oh, because he was just trying to confirm and get reassurance that everything was okay. When was trying to confirm and like get, you know, get reassurance

that everything was okay. Like when you're floundering like that, you just want something like a human touch to be like, it's okay. No. And then Shaq slapped his hand away and said, get the hell out of here, man. Oh no, no, no.

I never related to someone more than Ernie in that moment where he's just like, oh my God, he's actually mad at me. I don't know what to do. And then he's just like, anyway, the war years also played. Oh my God. Nikki, Shaq's quote in the article is, Nikki, you can say whatever you want about me,

my mama, my kids, let's do it. So you get a pass. Yeah. I mean, that's the kind of guy you want. Just don't remind me what I was like when I was 22. Yeah, I relate to Shaq too with like, I don't like when people like play clips of me from when I was young because it's almost, it's just jarring.

You can see your age way more clearly when it's juxtaposed with how young you are. And it reminds people of like, you are becoming slowly irrelevant. You're like decaying before their eyes. And like, it's just, or like, you were, I was like, like, you know, 20 pounds thinner or something. And like, you would never think that I'm like overweight

or like not thin right now. But then you're like, whoa, look at her potential. And it's just like, makes for like a weird vibe. Final thought, I would even say if there was a picture of me from before where I look not good, like when I was on Jay Leno, or when I did not safe and my hair was bleached and cropped and I didn't know how to wear makeup.

I hate seeing those pictures too, because it reminds people of the potential for how ugly I can be. And I don't want them to think that that can happen again. Like I just, I don't want any record of me ever, ever. I just want it to be now. I just want to live in the present. I don't like motion pictures.

I don't like pictures. I don't, I just want everything to be live. I would have done really well in Shakespearean times where it's like you're famous if you perform live and that's it. Yeah. The only types of... Yeah.

There's a cutoff though. The only types of pictures that are okay is when you're like a kid. Like you go 13 and younger. You can show those. I can't go back to that, but if it's like you're 21 plus, no, no, no. No, no, no. You just see you but younger and full of life. Oh, I love baby pictures. I can't get enough of them.

I want them of everyone. Never get tired of it. Love it. There are pictures of me in my young 20s where I don't have a beard. And like, I don't want anyone to see that shit. I kind of want to see it. Yeah. No one's seeing that shit. God, I would love to see you without a beard. No, no. I think it's really weird when people get nervous about, like, don't show my baby picture or when I was like, you know, like seven years old, I'm just like, no one cares what you were like that.

No one's gonna judge you based on that. It's funny. If you look weird back then, that's funny. Whereas if you looked weird when you were 25, or you looked good when you were 25, it's not funny. Yeah. Yeah. I funny. Yeah, yeah. I mean, high school too. High school, that's fine too.

When people get weird about high school, I'm like, I assume you were a dork. Everyone, if you are cool, you were definitely a dork then. Anyone who was cool in high school, I don't really, I'm not that intrigued or impressed by that. Yeah, no one gives a shit about people who are cool in high school when they're adults. Is there a way to tell kids in high school

that it doesn't matter that we'll really get through that? Oh my God, can we go back in time and tell ourselves that so that we can crush them? But would you listen? Probably not. No, because it's all you know. I mean, that song, I wish I knew what I knew now that I'm older. I mean, that's like that's like the number one thing I would want.

Okay, so let's go around the horn. If you had to if you could talk to your 17 year old self, what would you tell me? It needs to be younger. It needs to be 13. Oh, really? Okay. So 13 free entering high school. Okay. 13 entering high school. What would you tell your 13 year old self? One sentence.

One sentence. You can have sex with anybody you want in this school. No one's gonna believe that? What are you? That's what I would say. Even the administration, that is not okay. All you need is confidence. All you need is confidence.

Okay, all you need is confidence. And you can have sex with any girl in this. All you have to do is go up and say, would you want to go out for a date? Do you want to go on a date? And they'll do it. Like that's how little people know. No, confident dorks still can't get laid. I'm sorry. It's not all about confidence.

It's about, it's about, it's not about, it's actually about actually liking yourself. And that is so hard to do. It's not about pretending to be confident because that's, you know, that's. So much of a young boy's high school career is spent, so much energy is spent trying to get laid and trying to fit and being scared of going up to girls. You can watch it on, there's people on TikTok

who are Uggs, major Uggs, who prove it, where they go up to girls and they hit on them and they get their number and they're like, all it took was me to actually just do it. But that's not high school. High school, like Riz doesn't come into play in high school. Totally it doesn't. Yeah, like I feel like, I mean, as somebody who a a total Riz Meister It did not come into play. It was like it was like they want a beautiful boy at that point Like that is what they're really looking for. I feel no, what would you say? Oh, sorry, I Would say nobody cares that you're poor and you live in a tiny apartment.

Invite friends over. Okay, would you believe that person though? But yes, you just wish you could shake you. Yes. I wish I could shake myself and be like, the poor thing is your mom or your parents. It's not your fault. Kids don't care about what class you're in.

So would your mom project that onto you? People don't wanna come over here because we're poor? Not that part of it, but other things about presenting poor and all that stuff. Right, so it was a complex for you of people can't know I'm poor. And I had boys come over that a friend of mine knew, and they made a comment, they're like, how many people live here?

And that stuck with me, and I just never invited anyone over. Okay, I'm really sorry to say this, but I think in high school, people do judge you if you're poor. People are assholes. The thing about high school is, they're all fucking losers, and their brains aren't developed

and they're like mean and the real thing is, is like it won't matter later. But I was zoned, you know, like I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, so there was no like rich mansions or anything like that where I grew up. Everyone lived in an apartment basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, so yeah.

I would go back to my 13 year old self and I would say, take all of your bar mitzvah money and put it, invest it in Amazon. I'm going. That's all you need to know. That's a good one. And then you'll be able to have sex with anybody you want. Yeah, exactly.

I feel like. That is good advice. What about you, Nikki? What would you say? I would say take singing lessons and guitar lessons now and don't give up. And that's a good one. I would say you sucking is part of it.

Yeah. I would say no one that you are not, you can be as good as anyone you wanna be if you just work hard enough. And I know that they try to tell us that like, practice makes perfect, you'll see. They like teach us these songs about like, everything's practice.

Even that song, they're too good. Yeah, yeah. I just didn't believe that not being good at something right away meant you couldn't be good at something if you tried hard enough. If you like something enough and do it enough, you can be just as good at someone who is naturally inclined to it.

And you can be better than them. That's what I would tell myself. Sure, especially if you put in more work than the person, if the someone who is naturally inclined to it. And you can be better than them. That's what I would tell myself. Sure. Especially if you put in more work than the person who, if the person who's naturally inclined to it doesn't put in the work. Sometimes the person who's naturally inclined is too naturally inclined so they don't feel like they have to put in the work. And then there is a point when you can surpass them. Johnny Manziel, maybe Luca. We don't know. Yeah. No, Luca Lucas so good

Too much beer is that why the Mads got rid of them? I think 13 years old and 26 years old I'd say the same thing don't listen to your friends. Just do what makes you happy Yeah, stop thinking trying is gay Makes you gay. Yeah, that was a big Well, this is so much more appreciate for you. What if we're in our 60s, what would we tell ourselves now? Oh my God. If you could predict what we would say, if we're recording a reel like Jane Fonda does,

where she talks to people in their 40s. Well see, so I have a neighbor who's now 92, and I've asked her this question. I was like, is there anything you can tell me? What can you tell me to make, what can you tell me to make, you know, what would you tell me, what would you tell you if you were my age? And she goes, I don't fucking know.

I don't fucking know. You should have asked her five years ago. I think right now she's just too exhausted. I don't know what to say. I will say that this- But based on her behavior, I can say this. The number one, I think this is without a doubt, scientific. The number one way to live a long life is to not worry.

Yeah. The people who don't worry, who go, oh, whatever, that happened, this happened, I don't care. Those are the people who live until they're 100 years old. Yeah. I did tell, like, I met some kids from Harvard this weekend. Okay, wow. And we were all, they were,

like, they weren't asking for advice, but I just felt the need to give it, and I said, if you wanna, they were all, like, you know, comedy writers and people who were interested in comedy. I'm like, the one thing I will tell you that I think will make you all succeed more than your peers, and that's what you're gonna need,

because all of you work extremely hard and you're gonna be at the top, trying to make it past that person that's right next to you about to win the race, if you wanna inch ahead and do something that they cannot do, quit drinking. I go, you all like drinking right now, I promise you, is the one thing that none of them

that keep drinking will ever look to as a reason why they're not succeeding, but it truly will give you such a huge advantage that only you will know after you stop. And then it's the same way I feel about not having kids right now, like I'm getting to, I have more energy to work right now than other women my age that have kids that are in the same position as me. Some of them are managing to do it, but it's like this advantage by opting out of this thing that drains you. It's really fun. Drinking is really fun. You're going to miss out on a lot. Having kids is really

fun. You're going to miss out on a lot. but if you are wanting to succeed in your job and you want energy to do that, don't drink. And they were all like, kind of like, whoa. But you don't have to do that until I go, I quit when I was 27. Quit when you're 27. You have many years ahead of you. Yeah, 27's a good, yeah, 27.

I have a counterpoint though to that. Cause I didn't drink. You know, I'm the example of the person who didn't drink. I stopped drinking when I was 20. Before it was legal, I stopped drinking. And I think that if I drank in the comedy scene in New York coming up, I probably would have been slightly more successful

because so many connections were made, so many connections were made just by staying up late, hanging out at the bar, and drinking with these folks. I'd tell someone like you who doesn't drink to drink, because I don't think you're ever gonna have a problem with it, and I think that it could help you socialize and be more ingratiated in the scene. But most of the people I was talking to were hungover.

Yeah, and they were currently drinking as well. Yes, yes. But I do agree with you, I think that you could have used a couple like that's why I've been like Brian, you should have hit the weed, the vape pen and you should have like, I think it would benefit you to loosen up a little bit. Yeah, I think I think in your early 20s, if you move to New York or any like cool comedy scene, it's important to drink a little bit or a lot for a little bit to make those connections

and then do it, quit before you embarrass yourself or humiliate yourself. Cause then people, that sticks with people. Yeah, like sure. People can't do it. It's such a hard thing to do. People do not quit drinking. And it's, if you can get do that, you can do anything.

I can think of a list of dozens and dozens of comedians who didn't quit when they were supposed to, drinking and comedy, I guess. And they went too far. And now, it's like when you get into your mid-30s and you're just trashed at the comedy show, then it becomes like, oh, you have a problem. It's really sad. When you're in your mid-20s,

and you're just like, let's party, let's hang out, then you're making friends that in the future you could work together with. I kinda notice scrolling through Instagram, just people that I started with or I met along the way, and they're still holding a drink on stage, and they just look fucked up and it's just. I think drinking on stage is so disrespectful.

I just, I can't like, it's just like, you're, so you're going to see a performer who's like getting worse at what they're doing. I think people like that. I mean, I think. No, people love it and obviously I don't, like I've been high on stage before. I don't really think it makes you worse at what you're doing.

Like I always, whenever I brought a drink on stage, it was like to look cool. Yeah. And so I think it's on stage before. I don't really think it makes you worse at what you're doing. Whenever I brought a drink on stage, it was like to look cool. Yeah, it's a crutch. And so I think it's kinda cool. And I also think it sends a bad message to your audience that you don't respect them because you're becoming more dumb when you drink. I mean, some people go on stage with puppets.

Drunk puppets. Yeah, no one's ever looked cool with a puppet. No, but there are some people that pull off drinking on stage. It is part of the act and it's part of their persona. And I'm not coming for them when I say that. Like Ron White. Exactly. I don't think I could watch Ron White without holding the drink.

I think he quit drinking though. Now he just holds a cup. We gotta get him back on it. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We gotta go. We will see you next week on the show. Shows this weekend in Canada.

Can't wait to go up there. Worried about customs. Always have anxiety that something's up my ass, like some hair, like something that I'm smuggling something in the country. I will not be. But there's always a guilt. Sean, I'll see you there. I hope you have a safe flight. Going to Victoria?

Victoria and Vancouver. But in America, what you're doing this weekend. Wait, what am I doing? Oh, Oscars! I'm going to the Oscars Vanity Fair party on Sunday night. So we will have a recap of that. And then on Monday I will be on Kelly and Mark,

Kelly Ripa and Mark live on Monday morning to talk about the Oscars. So tune into both those things. I can't believe I'm not gonna do the podcast until I do all that stuff. Wild weekend, I'm also doing Nardwar in Vancouver if you're a fan of that. So that'll be fun.

Big weekend, tons of work, tons of fun. Gonna go crazy with Nardoir. Yeah, I'm gonna scream a lot and go, whoa, how do you remember that thing from my past? Yeah, and he's gonna give you a Taylor Swift album of some kind. Yes, I can't wait. It'll be so fun.

Thank you guys for listening. Love you besties. Don't be kid, bye. The Nicky Glaser podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me, Nicky Glaser, co-host by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser. Co-hosted by Brian Frangy. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sonny, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lien and Loaf. Video production,

Mark Canton. And music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser Podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser pod and subscribe to our channel. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, I Heart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery

of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. What's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hook Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm Mark Seale. And I'm Nathan King. This is Leave the Gun, Take the Canole. The five families did not want us to shoot that picture.

This podcast is based on my co-host Mark Seale's best-selling book of the same title. Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli features new and archival interviews with Francis Ford Cobola, Robert Evans, James Kahn, Talia Shire, and many others. Yes, that was a real horse's head. Listen and subscribe to Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast, Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people

to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smashed it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, it's your girl, Cheekies, and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheekies and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys. And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice

to you on episodes of Dear Cheeky's. It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheeky's and Chill, season four, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.