The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #516 Nikki 'The Famous Aunt', Writers' Room Moments & 'Get Out of My Elevator!'

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

You know you're in a serious relationship when you're talking finances with your partner right before buying a house. While Nikki’s figuring that out, Brian’s talking about trying to open a safe deposit box at the bank. Sean got into trouble for laminating his social security card when he was 17. Nikki recently watched Mr. McMahon on Netflix and now wonders if people lose their empathy when they get rich. Nikki’s all about setting boundaries, and Brian’s a straight shooter. They spill the tea on the dynamics of their writers' room and share some of their favorite moments working on the Globes. For The Final Thought, Nikki hopes her fame is enough currency for her nephews and niece at school. They’re also curious what compliment would actually land with Sean, and Nikki’s hoping the phrase 'Get Out of My Elevator!' becomes a thing. Subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/nikkiglaserpodcast  . Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram: @NikkiGlaserPod Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange More Nikki: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, what's up y'all? This is Eric Andre. Well, I made a podcast called Bombing about absolutely tanking on stage. I tell gnarly stories and I talk to friends about their worst moments of bombing in all sorts of ways. Bombing on stage, bombing in public, bombing in life. I want to know what's the worst way they ever bombed or have they ever performed way too drunk or high or was there ever a time where they thought they were going to crush and they stunk it up. Listen to Bombing with Eric Andre on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bombing with Eric Andre. Hey Will, do you ever get overwhelmed by how much science happens these days? Constantly. I'm like, ah, there's so much science, I can't keep track of it all. Then it's a good thing our podcast, Part-Time Geniuses, is counting down the 25 greatest science ideas from the past 25 years. That's right, Mango. We're talking animals. In a paper called, quote, chickens prefer beautiful humans.

Right. This was actually the title of the paper. I like this. They all discovered that much like humans, chickens are attracted to symmetrical faces. Got it. We're talking medical miracles. He's an endocrinologist who found a way to stimulate insulin-producing cells using, wait for it, the saliva of a Gila monster.

There's no way to make that not sound crazy. We even talked to some of the experts behind these breakthroughs. It's a week full of fact-packed stories you won't want to miss. So listen to the part-time genius countdown of the 25 greatest science ideas of the past 25 years, starting Monday, March 3rd on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery

of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hook Up on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Hi, I'm Bob Pipman, Chairman and CEO of iHeart Media. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear how they reach the top of their fields and the lessons they learned along the way that everyone can use. I'll be joined by innovative leaders like Chairman and CEO of Elf Beauty, Tarang Amin, legendary singer-songwriter and philanthropist, Jewel. Being a rock star is very fun but helping people is way more fun. And Damian Maldonado, CEO of American Financing. I figured out the formula is you have to work hard then that's magic. Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics, the math, and the ever important

creative spark, the magic. Listen to Math and Magic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. I'm Nikki Glaser.

I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I'm a music teacher. I, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser podcast. Starting off having to respond to a text urgently. Let's set the stage. Noah's here. Sean's here.

Brian's here. I just have to tell Chris that he's talking to my money guy and he just said, can you please let him know that he can tell me the state of your finances? You have full permission to tell Chris anything. I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going

to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that

I'm going to tell him that I'm going to tell him that I'm going to let him know that you he can tell me the state of your finances? You have full permission To tell chris anything About my money, okay I'm interested in that Tell him it's gay, tell him it's green, tell him it's whatever Finances and couples that's like a a topic that's hard to talk about, like death and sex. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, I guess. I just don't, I don't, yeah, yeah, I guess it is. But I'm just like, I don't care what people, I just don't really have any secrets. So I don't- There's also big, like, it just shows commitment. Like I remember when Avi and I like combined our finances, you know, our bank accounts or whatever. We still have our separate ones.

But how do you do that? Like how do you determine what's separate and what's conjoined? Well, we just went to the bank and opened a joint one. And then every month we put the same amount of money into it to cover our expenses. So like, what do you, if you're getting your hair done, where do you pull that from?

Oh, that's my money. That's Noah's money. Well then, if you're buying a new hairdryer for your home that you're gonna mostly use. Avi has no hair, so that's a Noah expense. But like, isn't that also- What other hair things might you buy that? Okay, what if you're buying a snack that only you eat?

Like, Utz's like, hot, but whole fire chips. Yeah. Combined, even if you're buying a snack that only you eat like UTS's like hot Yeah combined even if it's a snack that you want Yeah, that's what I love those. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah. It's um, how do you like how do you not like if you Yeah, it's it's I don't know how anyone does it. It is fucked up. It's different for everyone. What are you doing, Noah? Just either put it all together or keep it separate. Stop this half-assing thing. No, that's nice because then you can be like, I'm buying this for myself and you don't get to weigh in on what I spend my money on because I'm using my own thing on this.

Yeah. Yes. It's very Destiny's Child of you, too. Oh. I'm going to make them, that song. Yeah. I think in my head, I'm like, I want those Bills, Bills, Bills about. Oh, Bills, Bills.

Yes, yes. Bills, that telephone bill. Wait, that's not your child? Oh, that was me. Oh, I'm terrified of being a bugaboo. That is like my least favorite. What about a scrub? Yeah. I don't want no scrubs. Oh, I'm terrified of being a bugaboo. That is like my least... What about a scrub?

Yeah. I don't want no scrubs. Unfortunately, I know I'm a scrub. Yeah. I could see you. Are you hanging out at the passenger side of your best friend's ride? Trying to holler. I have separate bank accounts with my wife and the way we handle... Yeah. How do you do the combined things? How do you do like combine things? We just pay for certain bills individually.

Like I have Allie's cell phone on my cell phone contract or whatever. And she pays for health insurance because I'm on her health insurance. So it's like, we just have like different responsibilities that we take care of. Okay. But we don't have a joint.

I tried to get a safe deposit box at the bank the other day, so we can put our important valuables in there and I go in there and I go, can I get a safe deposit box? And they said. Isn't a safety deposit box? Oh, is it? Guys?

A safe deposit box? I've never heard of that. I thought Uh... A safe deposit box? I thought it was a safe deposit box. I thought it was a safety. Because it's in a safe. It's in a safe, and it's like a deposit box. What the fuck? Okay, sorry. Go on. The positive. Well, the story...

Did they tell you that it's no longer the 1930s? Why would you do it? They said... But the way he said it was, he's like, we don't have those, and we won't have them for a long time. Well didn't they burn? Did people lose stuff in the fires? Yeah I would be worried if like not only do you have to grab your valuables from your

house in a fire you have to then go down to the post office. I guess it is wise to put your safe deposit box in a bank that's kind of far away from your house in case the whole town. I don't like the safe deposit box. It is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I feel like I'm being, I feel like this is Mandela effect. Like I've never heard anyone call it a safe deposit. It's always been safety.

I'm not crazy. I think it's both. Oh, thank God. Because both are showing up on Google. This is Nike logo all over again. It's a regional thing. Okay. It's a regional thing.

Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Pop soda. This whole time I thought it was Destiny's Children regional thing. Yeah. Okay, good. Pop, soda. This whole time I thought it was Destiny's Children. It should be. Wait, there's three of them. Yeah, no, it doesn't make any sense. Or four.

There were four. There were four. One really got left out. The other two only mildly got left out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like in every great band, there's always one person who got left out early on. Pete Best. Yeah, Pete Best happened to me and Huba Stank.

That would be amazing. I was the fourth. I was the stank. Wait, so what made you, like, what valuables do you have to go, like, put in this thing? I don't even understand what you would put in a safe deposit box. Recently my brother came to me and he said, I have your birth certificate, your actual you have to go put in this thing. I don't even understand what you would put in a safe deposit box. Recently my brother came to me and he said, I have your birth certificate, your actual

birth certificate. And I don't know why he had it, but he had it and he mailed it to me. And I was like, I'm not going to, like that is so valuable because it's your original birth certificate. No it isn't because you didn't even know it existed until he called you. So just go back to a life without out it. I had to use it for something. He sent it through the mail. I forgot what I had to use it for,

but there was a thing, like I think it was like setting up a payment thing where they were like, I had my passport was expired, so I couldn't use my passport. The only other thing is your birth certificate. Okay. A psychopath still has their birth certificate.

Yeah, I don't know where mine is. I don't know mine. Or a social security card, that limp little piece birth certificate. Yeah, I don't know where mine is. I don't know security card that limp little piece of paper Yeah, like literally every driver who gives me their card has a more sturdy caught like card Than the Social Security card. Yeah, which is made with Perforated edges that you pull off Terrible. I I laminated my Social my social security card when I was like 17. And I got yelled at trying to get a passport saying that this is illegal to laminate.

I'm like... It's illegal to protect it. We want you to lose this and damage it by the time you have to do anything. Yeah. Yeah. Here I am just trying to sell it to like a Malaysian teenager. God, laminating was so fun. I can't believe 17 year old Sean laminated something. My mom had a laminator and I was going ham on it.

Yeah, you were looking for anything. What were you doing at 17 Sean? What were you like? Oh, I was drinking, smoking, and laminating. Laminating. When you were in high school, did you hang out with like nerds? Did you play sports at all? What was going on? I played sports and I was in an emo band, which I've talked about on this before.

What did you play again? Base. Base. Base and baseball. Yeah. I, I, I play baseball and base and baseball. Okay. And like truly, truly just a pathetic person. But someone, someone pointed out recently that I was semi popular in high school and it just, uh, it, it redefined everything. I like it. It changed how I viewed myself in high school.

I actually, Sean ran into a woman this weekend at the Vanity Fair party who came up to me and said that she saw us both in Cabo, her and her husband. And she was the one that went up to you afterwards and was like, I went to the same high school as you. And she disclosed to me that she was like, and it was really awkward because we both suffered so much trauma at that school being beat. Is that true? Oh, no, no. Well, this was the woman who came up and she was like, I went to that high school and then I was like, Oh, what year did you graduate? And she was like 1989. And I was like, what?

And she looks so young. Yes. Yes. I like froze when she said that because I was like, I remember Sean telling me something about how either she looked too old or too young. And I just didn't want to say anything. So I was like, oh, that's crazy. Even though I knew some, but she said that like, she was like, oh my God. And I just was like, I don't know. She didn't say she was reliving trauma hearing you talk. She, you like had a story about the school or something and in your standup. And she said that it like, she was like, oh my God, we were both so traumatized by that school. Oh, interesting. I was not beat at all.

Like, if anything, I could have... Do you think it went on though? Oh, absolutely. Because like my mom went to that school and she would always talk about how they would like hit the students. Oh, great. And so she sent you there. Yeah, she sent me there because... Thanks, mom.

Yeah. And they didn't even hit me. And I was like ready for it. No, you don't seem like someone who would get hit Speaking of getting hit have you guys seen the Vince McMahon documentary? No Okay, I watched the first part of it last night with my parents. I went over there and like the first Episode is all just about like him kind of

taking over the WWF from his dad and then like expanding and stealing all these territories and the WWF from his dad and then like expanding and stealing all these territories and making it like this cultural phenomenon. And then they did this one, they talked about this one part in like the late eighties, I'm guessing maybe mid eighties, where, you know, pro wrestling was like all the rage and people were starting to have this kind of discourse of like, it's fake. Is it real? Is it fake? Which like I grew up hearing all the time.

That's all you talked about was that you thought any guy who liked pro wrestling was so dumb because it's obviously fake. And it's like, yeah, duh. It's like, it's like a play. What's wrong with that? Like, why couldn't we accept that about it? Like, I don't even understand, but like, why did you guys do such a poor job of describing what it was? You were just like, no, it's real. Like I just, you should have just been like, yeah, it is. But so is TV that you watch. Like, why did you all not have really a good defense for it?

You just were like, it is real. When you didn't believe it was real, right? When you're six and you're seven, when you're first getting into it, you think it's real. And then slowly, when you get into like, the age, I don't know if it's quite like Santa, but. It's a little bit because you are living the lie and like, but you don't know if it's quite like Santa, but a little bit because you are living the lie and like, you don't realize it until like somebody older than you points it out. But like also like when I was 13, I thought it was real because me and my friends would do like backyard wrestling and like we were really hurting each other.

Right. That's the thing about it. Yeah. Is that it actually does hurt. And especially when like the ECW came out, which was another wrestling league that's still around, like they were particularly into like actually hurting each other and making sure that like the moves were vicious and, and people do get hurt. And they throw each other into thumb tacks and just be glad.

Yeah. They're still getting injured, but it's still, you know, like there are people that are, you know, that do a role, like, you know, what's his name? Jeremy Strong gets injured emotionally from portraying someone like it's still fake though. Like I'm not saying it's, it is, it is a play. It is fictional and like, yes, things can happen where it's like, you know, what's his name? The, the Andre the giant, like his body kind of failed him during one match. And so Hulk Hogan ended up winning it, even though it was kind of predetermined that the other guy would win because he couldn't get it back up. And Hulk was trying to tell him like,

keep falling into the rope so it can spring you back up. Because once he would fall on his back, he like couldn't get up because his body was like starting to crumble. So there's like, I'm sure there's things on the fly that happened that are like, Whoa, that's not predetermined, but it's okay that it's fake. And, but there was this. So anyway, in the mid eighties, there was this's okay that it's fake. And, but there was this, so anyway, in the mid eighties, there was this huge backlash of it's fake.

And they were kind of covering up being like, it's not, which is not, I just don't think that was a good defense. So then did you guys remember John Stossel did a report for ABC News or something like that? Yeah. And he went under the guise of like saying, like, I wanna just, you know, see, interview Hulk Hogan and like kind of cover this phenomenon that is this, you know, Hulk mania.

And but instead it started getting around that he was asking about like the fakeness of it. And he was saying like, I hear you guys cut your like, cut yourselves with razor blades. I just assumed they use fake blood, but I guess they literally cut themselves with razor blades. There's a way there's a place to cut over your eyebrow like Like I've, that like, if you do like a little cut, it doesn't leave a mark.

A scar. And it will gush. Yeah, it's like when Trump got shot in the ear. Yeah, got it, got it. Like, okay, but okay, so then John Sassel's backstage interviewing someone and the guy fucking punches him two times, like he gives him tinnitus in the ear, like permanent ear damage.

He sued the WWF, got a settlement out, we don't know how much he got. And then Richard Belzer also got attacked by Hulk Hogan who put him in a headlock on the show and then when he like let him out of the headlock, because he was kind of giving him a hard time, him and Mr. T, and they were like, oh, well we'll show you.

He put him in a headlock and he fell out of the headlock and slammed his head on the ground of his studio. He had a talk show. And he's bleeding from the back of his head. And he's like, yeah, that's real. But it was so lame that they were like, we're gonna fuck up these little nerdy reporters. It was so lame.

It was so gross. And that but I'm not even happy. I haven't gotten to I'm like, get to the poop. I know Vix, Vince McMahon like made like pooped on women or something. I'm like, let's get to that. Yeah, the first episode is basically very, very pro Vince McMahon. Like, yeah, you're like kind of like this guy rules. He really knew what he was doing. He redefined he like, he kind of went out and conquered the United States in terms of wrestling He was like he his dad never really loved him didn't really believe in him kind of sold him the company under the guise of like He'll never actually own this company. He set him up to fail. He actually succeeded. He's like kind of a

You're like rooting for him and then he's gonna poop on women or something I can't I mean, yeah me this I'm sicko like when are's gonna poop on women or something. I can't, I mean, me, I'm sicko, like, when are we gonna poop on women? But even though I don't want that to happen, like, do you guys get like that on these documentaries? Like, get to the sick shit. It's, it's coming. They had to, they had to set up, like, he's not rich yet. Like, rich rich. Got it. Like, once he gets rich rich, that's when the depravity shows up. Yeah.

But is it always there? Like, I'm looking for it in his eyes as like a young boy where he's trying to like earn his dad's respect like I'm trying to see like the psychopathic tendencies and I don't really see it and Then they cut to like an interview with him now and you're like, oh it's there like what does does? Becoming a billionaire like corrupt people in this way that I think like the power and control that you start to feel is just like, it has to feel like you're kind of godlike where no one could like touch you. But I wonder is in the first episode, because I watched the whole thing, the part where he's talking about like his abusive stepdad?

No. Okay. So I think it's always been there. Because there's like a line he says about his abusive stepdad going like, it's a shame he died because I would have enjoyed killing him. That like is like so insane that you're like, this guy is, has always been this way. Yeah, yeah. It will that kind of vengeance and being beat in that way just knocks... If you're never taught empathy or shown any kindness, you just don't have a chance. I was watching

a fucking Instagram reel the other day, which is... I shouldn't even say that. If I have any information, it's from a fucking Instagram reel. But it really does not even need to be said anymore. So I was living. was living. And so I, you know, came across this video of like these inmates that were doing some kind of like therapy session one day at the thing. And they all stood in a circle in the yard. And then like in the middle was this therapist being like, step forward. If you were raised by one parent. And then they like all step forward, step forward. If you, you know, witnessed animal abuse in your life,

step forward. If you witnessed abuse in your life, step forward if you witnessed abuse. And it's just like all of them and it's like, they pretty much are like, these people didn't have a fucking chance. Like, they never were shown even an ounce of love or compassion or even example of it in any part of their life. Can you really blame them that they ended up here? And it was so sweet because there was this one guy that was like, this was the literal best day of my entire life. And it was like the first time he had ever like talked about his feelings. And he's like sitting in this prison, he's like an old man withering away. And it's the best day of his life that like a compassionate woman came in and like asked

him how he's feeling or like how he was raised. It's like, it's so fucked. Poor people. We're so lucky. If like we even anyone care about us at all ever once, because some people don't have it literally ever. True. Yeah, no, it's sad. Where are we heading? Nature and nurture is definitely, nurture is important, so is nature. But I think you can overcome a lot of nature problems with nurture.

And yeah, there are people, it doesn't even have to be like an abusive parent. It can be like so little too that makes, that sets you down that path and makes you lose that ability to empathize and be a member of society. Yeah. It never even, I guess this is not very empathetic of me, but it never crossed my mind that people are actually going through their life without that, especially because I've dedicated my entire life to seeking out the approval of love of others. So it's like so baffling to me that somebody could make it that far and be like, no one's ever asked me how I'm doing.

No, whenever I see like someone in public blaring their phone and listening to it full volume. I mean, there's a part of me that I think the first part of me is just like, what a fucking asshole. How could you even be that kind of person that has no regard for anyone around you? And we all want to hear this sermon or whatever you're listening to at full volume and not even good speakers, like your phone fell in some water and it sounds tinny and you're blasting it in this common area. And then I realized, oh my God, this person never had a parent look out for them in terms of their like hearing, they probably were blaring the TV and screaming while that kid

was sleeping. That kid is, that person has no example in their life of someone being like, hey, let's, let me like respect you. And so why would they show it to anyone else? And that's kind of like what it's about. Like I just, I have to remember that more times than when I get like upset about how someone's acting or like, and just the idea that, you know, like the idea that anyone thinks anyone like wants to be homeless, because there's this whole argument now about homeless people. It's like, they don't even want help. You try to give them help and you have to want it.

They want to be on the streets. It's like, no one really wants to be on the streets. They're there and they've been hurt by the system and so they don't have an option. But they didn't actually start just like, they don't love camping so much that they were just like, oh, I want to end up here. People don't choose to do drugs and become drug addicts. They're predisposed to do it and you would too if you had their whole life. But people just seem to think I would never do that if they weren't me.

I think they love camping. I think that they went to REI, they spent too much money and they're like, well, I guess we have to use all this stuff. Yeah, it's just, you know, but I have to be reminded of it all the time because I constantly am getting mad at my fellow man and being like, how could you do that or think like that? But it's like, okay, if I was them, I think like that too. But no, thank God I'm not.

I'm so thankful that I guess my parents were the people who were like never do heroin or like the dare program did not work. The DARE program made drugs seem so fucking cool. Like, I'll never forget. It kind of scared me. Did it scare you? Oh, they played Pressure by Billy Joel and they're like, this is what cocaine feels like. And I was like, this song is incredible.

I can't wait to do cocaine. Oh my God. No, I think I just wanted to be good though. Did you not want to be good, like and not get in trouble? That's what scared me of drugs. I think I, there was definitely a shift where I started wanting to get into trouble a little bit. Because you're such a good boy. Like you follow all the rules. Like as someone who's worked with you, you like are like have the assignment in right on time. You're just like aim to please and like, you know, in not a way that you're like scared and like, Oh, whatever you want, but like you seem to like to be good. Or do you like

being good? I do like being good. I came way later. Yeah. Like, interesting. I like poking buttons and I liked, like, I really hated that already. Oh, I've seen that side of you as well, by the way. I have, I've seen that, that's... When did I see that come out of you where you were kind of being a little rabble rouser? And I don't even know what that... But I was like, oh, Sean, there's like some time where you were kind of like being a little bit, where there's just someone that like, I could tell was annoying you and you're like, I'm going to let them have it and I've really enjoyed it.

Yeah, no. They needed to really break me down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do it sometimes too. I will give an example when we get back right after this. Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up there? We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons and birds. But what if there's something else, something much more ominous that appears under the cover

of night, silent, unseen, watching? They may be right above your car late one night as you cruise down the road, or look like mysterious lights hovering above your home. Drones. Or are they? We used the word drone because it was comfortable to other people. One minute it was there, one minute it wasn't. Oh, that is beyond creepy.

Do you feel like this drone was targeting you specifically? Yes, absolutely. Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Will, do you ever get overwhelmed by how much science happens these days? Constantly. I'm like, ah, there's so much science,

I can't keep track of it all. Then it's a good thing our podcast, Part-Time Geniuses, counting down the 25 greatest science ideas from the past 25 years. That's right, Mango. We're talking animals. In a paper called, quote, "'Chickens prefer beautiful humans.'"

Right, okay. This was actually the title of the paper. I like this. They all discovered that, much like humans, chickens are attracted to symmetrical faces. Got it. We're talking medical miracles. He's an endocrinologist who found a way to stimulate insulin-producing cells using, wait for it, the saliva of a Gila monster.

There's no way to make that not sound crazy. We even talked to some of the experts behind these breakthroughs. It's a week full of fact-packed stories you won't want to miss. So listen to the part-time genius countdown of the 25 greatest science ideas of the past 25 years, starting Monday, March 3rd on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRad Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said

the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone.

I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out-of-his-element hero as he engages

in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

So this past week, there was a circumstance where I was getting ready for something and a producer was talking to me about a thing I was going to do. And it was someone that I just I had spoken with on the phone. We had a really good conversation, but then I met them in person. They were kind of like talking to me about what I was about to do. And they said that I couldn't mention this part of myself, that there's nothing wrong with mentioning it, but it's like a conflict of interest within the thing I was going to be on. Like, let's say I was going to be in an ad for Sephora. It would have been like mentioning like one time I shopped at Ulta or I was in an ad for Walmart. And I was like, I just part of it was like, let's say like my grandfather started Target, like I wasn't

allowed to say anything about my grandfather. And it's like, but that's who I am. Do you know what I mean? This is really tracking, but it's like literally a part of who I am, I couldn't mention because of a conflict of interest within this other thing. And I understood it was like way above his pay grade where this kind of was coming down this mandate. But I was annoyed because it wasn't told to me before and I didn't really know who was, I knew where it was coming from, but it was just kind of getting to me too late.

And I was like in the makeup chair and I just said to this really nice guy, I go, this would have been nice to know that I can't say this part of myself beforehand, because I never would do this if, if I knew that I couldn't say this. And I go, and then, and he was just like, good to know. And I was like, so just next time, like, I just need to like that. I just know I wouldn't be here right now if I would've known this ahead of time. And I wasn't trying to be an asshole, it was just true. So you really wanted to talk about Target. I really did. My grandfather, Earl Target, I felt was an important part of my origin story.

Anyway, so I said that. And then I instantly was like, oh, that might be kind of bitchy. And I don't want this guy to feel like I'm mad at him. I go, listen, I know this is not your decision. You're just the person. You're just the messenger. I'm not mad at you. I'm just letting you know that I'm kind of pissed off. And then we joked about something else and everything was fine. And then my makeup artist after he left was like, that was so bad ass.

You stood up for yourself. You let him know like exactly like I wouldn't fucking be here right now. I didn't say fucking but she's like, you let him know you wouldn't be here. And that was so cool. And then you like totally like made him feel comfortable again by like joking and smiling and laughing about something to let him know that like, it him feel comfortable again by, like, joking and smiling and laughing about something to let him know that, like, it was okay. And I really appreciated that she noticed that because it wasn't insincere that I was, like, trying to make him feel better. I wasn't like, and I love your shirt, like, just giving him some kind of flimsy compliment to, like,

soothe him. I really did feel bad, like, it's not this guy's fault. He's just doing his job. And I wanted to reestablish, like, we're still cool, man. Like we're still joking. It's still fine Because I feel like I can be both like I want to be able to Let people know exactly how I feel But I also want to be able to just instantly go back to being friends like I like I think sometimes people Misconstrued when I like and like hey, we're not doing that and I don't want to do that again Don't bring it up and they're like, oh my god, Nikki's mad at me. I'll never recover from this

She's gonna fire me. This'll never recover from this. She's going to fire me. This is all bad. And I like, I, but to me, I'm just like, Oh, I'm just saying like what I feel in the moment. And that's doesn't, it's not going to negatively impact the rest of our lives. It's just like a thing I needed to know right. It's like, Hey, by the way, we're not doing that. And I never want to make a joke like that or like whatever I'm saying. And then I feel like I forget sometimes that like it's other people aren't inside my brain and don't know that like I'm fine. So I feel like I'd further go into my life did a good job of kind of like reestablishing that we're okay, like without having to say it. And he walked away feeling okay.

Jared Saskar I think that's interesting because I think it's funny that you put it back on yourself because I do think when you do that, I think everyone is kind of not used to pure honesty. Especially in Hollywood where everyone is like double speaking and like really not telling you how they feel. All positive. Which by the way is exactly how this person got into this situation is they knew that you couldn't do that, but they had to wait for the last moment because they're like, by the way, you can't tell any jokes.

Right. Yeah. Yes. Yes. No jokes. Super serious. It's just being direct. And I think that a lot of times being direct is misconstrued for being mean. Yeah. You're setting boundaries. And me giving a boundary and saying, I don't like when you do that, or I don't like when that's happening, it doesn't mean I hate you. And I think we are all, a lot of people, including

myself, I, you know, I'm trying to consider what I'd be like on the other side of this, but like, when someone gives me a boundary of like hey I really don't like when you do that like I could I can take that and make a fucking meal of it and be like Well, then I'm the worst person in the world And if that one part of me is bad, then I must be the worst all over and I do that all the time so I Should have more empathy about it but I just feel like

you know a lot of times have gotten back to me later on of like, I thought you hated me because you said that one thing and I'm like, Oh, I just was like, I don't want that brand of water anymore or whatever. I think that's like the stigmata that women have to carry that when you're direct and you ask for something, you're kind of labeled as like either emotional or a bitch. So I think it's harder for women to do that. Whereas with men, it's kind of like, oh, wow, look, he's taking the leadership role. He's sort of the line in the sand.

Right, but one of the qualities that I really, well, many qualities that I admire about Nikki, and I know that like, you don't like to be set on this pedestal as like, you know, like advancing the women's agenda. But like, you're so good about setting these boundaries in like a very assertive, but neutral way. And you're also really good at asking for what you want,

which I think it's so challenging for women to do it because we are more inclined to be like emotional. So we just overthink it, but you don't have that, which is a really an admirable quality. It's me saying no one drinks at this table. You don't need to tell us the drink menu. Like it's instead of just like sitting there and listening to it to be polite or like, yes.

You know when the waiter, like I find my friends like when the waiter is like, does we have any dietary restrictions? Like Kirsten, if you're listening like, hey, so I have a mango, like mango, if there's mango in anything, it's just like, I can't have mango. Like if literally anything a mango, I'm going to die. So just no mango. It's not mad at him. It's just like, we don't need to be like, I'm sorry, like mango. But she's a nice person. And so like, I get that that goes,

and I can be thought of as rather harsh sometimes. Sure. The song and dance is getting harder and harder, I feel like, as I get older. You're like this too, Brian. Like, you're really direct and like, you can come off as rude when you're just saying exactly how you feel. And I was saying this to you, I think Sean and I were talking about you behind your back the other day. And I don't know if it was behind your back the other day. And I was being, I was being comical when I said that, but, and I don't know if it was behind your back. We could have been facing you. We were just in a different country. We could have been facing the same way, but you, I don't, based on latitude and longitude, I don't know if we were literally

behind your back, but we were talking about how like you, you will never lie. And like we even talked about that the other day on the podcast of like, and you were like, I would just tell them the truth or I would want to know because I'm like, why would you lie to me? And I'm like, Brian doesn't lie. He's just like always going to shoot you straight. Like I never question where I stand with Brian. I'm never like, is he mad at me about something? But I think that you probably encounter that a lot where people think you're mad or something and you're like, what? Has that happened to you a lot? Well, when I was, I had to learn how to turn this down because I remember when I was in my twenties or maybe even a little younger, I would jokingly, as a joke, I'd pretend

to be angry or upset about something. Oh yeah, I've seen that too. Yeah. Yeah. And it just always backfires where it's like, oh my God, and then it becomes a big thing. Because it's exactly what you were saying where it's like, in my head, I know that I'm all cool and everything's fine. But to them, they just see some guy yelling. Yeah. And that's not good. So there was a moment in time, I think I've talked about it before, in history where I realized, oh my God, I got to stop doing this.

And it was during an improv warmup or whatever. I was at, I was at an improv theater and there were these two people who I know who are on my improv team who were talking and I was just walking towards them. And as a joke, I thought I was like, get out of my way. And I went right through the middle of it. Funny, like imagine if I actually did that. Yeah. Yeah.

Actually did just do that. No. Yeah. You did actually do it. And there were people that would actually do that and you might be one of them. No. Yeah. Yeah.

So I had to be like, okay, I gotta be like, and I'm just kidding after I do it maybe. But I learned the phrase, I'm kidding. We were talking about how sometimes you will, you like in a writer's room, like if something's not funny, you'll just say something like, you'll be like, uh, yeah, we could do that or we could do something that's funny. Something like that. And you're not trying to even be like, sometimes I think you're trying to be comical the way you're like presenting that and trying to just kind of like, you know, just bust balls

a little bit. But sometimes you will literally say that like you're not even insulting because everyone's allowed to not be funny sometimes. Like in your world, I'm imagining like you're not funny sometimes or like you've presented something that isn't good. So you don't feel bad calling it out in someone else. Whereas everyone else is like, we all have to like just fake laugh at everything everyone says and go, yeah, maybe that would work, but not right now.

It's like, why are we doing- We're all just trying to make this project as good as possible. So a quick- No. A quick yes. Exactly. Is, totally it's not tied to your identity. And I think that that's what I've learned in writer's rooms because I've never been

on the other side of it as a writer. And so I've never felt the rejection that I think I would feel if someone was like, no, not that one. Like, oh God, you know, like it would, but you guys have kind of grown like a callous to that, because I know Sean, you're very sensitive to that more so than I think even Brian would be about like

having a joke or an idea rejected. And now you have an immunity to it. At this point. There's definitely an immunity. But I also know, for some reason, the only place I'm empathetic is in a writer's room. And I know exactly how people are feeling at all times. And that's why I really enjoy teaming up with Brian because I feel like he has a paternal energy and I have a maternal energy. And like, especially the gloves room, I was like looking around being like, all right, I know who's feeling a little insecure. So I know who I could like compliment so they'll do a better job.

Yes. Yes. It's you got to, I do want to like take care of people's feelings all the time. And I feel like I am aware of like if someone's, you know, uncomfortable or whatever, but I definitely have those blind spots because I'm definitely someone that people have told me is like, like, I'm just harsh and I'll just tell you exactly how I feel or if I don't like something. But what I have, what I notice I do do that I really want to stop doing is when I'm having an insecurity, finding a way to blame someone else for it. I think it's like I get it from my dad of like, if my hair looks shitty, I'm just like, well, I'll blame whoever did my

hair last or something. Or I won't even think about my diet, which is not like good for my hair or like what, whatever it is like, or I'll be like, well, I'm not getting it if I'm not getting enough sleep, my publicists aren't looking out for me and they're not looking at my schedule and Chris isn't like, I have to find some other one else to blame when really it's just like, just let it be instead of trying to like, when I'm, when I'm under slept, it just becomes like a blame blame game and I really hate that so much It's so hard not to blame others like especially because like, you know Like, you know, sometimes it is other people's fault like occasionally. I'm like I didn't like I

Really have asked this and I know that so I like, I could be hard on myself for that. But most of the time I'm like totally willing to be like, no, I could really get to the bottom of this and tell you exactly whose fault this was. And it wasn't mine. I'm the exact opposite. I blame myself exclusively. I could have done better. I should have worked harder.

I should have figured out that this person was going to do this and I should have been able to So I took someone's advice once and I it's something that I deeply regret that I did Like in a performance that I had and I took some advice and like I didn't even question it I was just like the person was so sure of it that I was like, yeah I'm gonna do that and then I did it and I look back and I'm like, oh, that's the one thing I like why did I do it that way? but it was like the person that was giving me the advice was just so confident and so like, like just sure of it that I took it.

And I wanted to blame them so much of like that person, like sabotaged my performance, but it's like, but bitch, you listened. So like I, I had to then go, it is not that person's fault whatsoever. That person actually did believe they were confident. So I can't be mad at them for being confident. And I have to be better about knowing my gut and what works instead of just, even like with my house, I'm like,

I'm starting to have like a little bit of like cold feet of like, do I really want this? And I'm like, well, my mom really liked it. And then Chris's mom really liked it. Now I'm like feeling like, now I am, I don't even know if I like it or if I'm just liking it because of them and it's like well that's still your fault bitch like you still need to can't blame the people's influence. It's the I'm not going to name names but it's the the Golden Globes host prior to use problem which is like you're blaming your writers but ultimately you chose to tell those jokes. Yep. Yep. And that's, I get there almost right away now. Like where I'm like, I have a knee jerk response of like, oh fuck, that's their fault. And I'm like, no, it's like, I'm okay.

Great. Now this is a lesson that like the next time someone is emphatic, I have that feeling of like, well, I thought the other thing, but man, this person's really confident about this. Just give it one talk to one more person about it. One more like don't just like blindly trust. And now I'll be more perceptive of that. It's just like these lessons just keep coming in. Like they'll never end. You're you're right.

I mean, I succumb to this all the time. Like confidence is the most assuring thing in the entire world. If somebody is confident with me, I'm like, well, they have all of life's answers. I should absolutely get in the back of their van. Yep. Yep. Like I was talking to my mom. Oh, sorry. The key to, I think you do this too. So the key to being blunt successfully and saying like something's bad, something's good is to also be free and open with your compliments. Like if you think something,

like sometimes people are just negative all the time, but if you think something's good, you also have to be blunt about that. And that's how it evens out. Then you're just a good judge of things as opposed to just being a negative piece of shit. Judgemental. That's beautiful, Ryan. I love that. Yeah. You can be blunt either way.

Yeah. Just don't hold back anything. There were times during the Globes where I was not effusive about a joke, but then there were other times where I was like, I think this might be the best joke that was ever written. effusive about a joke. But then there were other times where I was like, I think this might be the best joke that was ever written. Yes. Yes. And we, we would often tell people if that person was like in the bathroom while you said that about them, we would be like, when you were gone, Brian said this was the best joke ever written. It was so exciting to relay that because, you know,

there was one joke that I did say that, but do I remember what it was? We didn't wind up using it. It was someone who was sitting to the left of me. Who was sitting? It was Sean. Maybe it was, who was sitting to the left? No, it wasn't John Max. It was so I forget. I don't think we ended up using it, but it was something. Well, there was one moment, one moment that like I think was one of the funniest moments was when I think we'd already talked about it, but it's funny to repeat again, when we were trying to get the word still out of a, like we had said still too many times in one joke. Like we had started off where it's still time to say this and we needed to stay still again,

but you don't want to say the still twice in one joke. So we were like, how do we get that still out? Like we got to take it out and we were like struggling. It's like, but I think we need it. And Noah, I think it was Noah Garfingle, right? He goes, well, if we really need it, we can just put it in another joke. Like it was about the whole act itself. Like this still just needs to be somewhere in there.

That was so fucking funny. Okay. I'm remembering a little bit. I don't remember the joke, but it was a Jess Dweck joke. Okay. It was, I think it was about Wicked and I don't remember the joke, but I remember that was the best joke ever written. Oh yes. Where we were certain, we were certain that we had cracked the case.

Yeah. Like Wicked was the bane of December for- Because we said that we were going to give out a trophy to whoever cracked the Wicked joke. And we didn't even- Okay, I guess the one cracked it was my- Wicked was amazing. I loved it. My boyfriend loved it. My boyfriend's boyfriend really loved it. That was our wicked crescendo, I think. Yeah.

I think Conan cracked it in the Oscars. I really liked his wicked joke. What was his wicked joke? His wicked joke was, you know how we all love the Wizard of Oz? What if we took all of the supporting characters that we didn't even care about and find a story where they're going to college? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, that's pretty good. There was some, it was fun to watch the monologue and see like, oh, we were really close to that joke, but we didn't quite get it. Or like, oh, we did do that joke, but we didn't keep it. Or like, it was really- Oh, there was one in particular that was like, oh man, we came up with that joke and we didn't use it.

And then Conan used it. Do you remember? I felt that at least three or four times of the monologue where we had tried out that joke and like it we we cut it and then whatever like yeah like cuz yeah like just through testing we like because a lot of jokes just didn't work because of the rest of it like it was like there's that's not to say that if Conan did a joke that we decided not to do or some version of it, it's like it wasn't a good joke. It like didn't fit with the rest of the tone of whatever.

Yeah. One of them was we seriously discussed for a long time the possibility of doing a sandworm costume that appears in the audience. Oh, really? Did it? Yeah. No, we talked about it for a long time. I remember because I was in the audience. Oh, really? And did it, yeah. No, we talked about it for a long time. I remember cause I was in the park.

It came up like maybe five times. They killed it with that. That was so fun, so silly. Yeah, I went to my parents' house last night again. I didn't spend the night, but I went to go hang out with them again. And yeah, I was talking about, it was I just about to say. Did Julie show you her new spear?

Yeah, they did show me their, they found Indian artifacts, Native American artifacts. Do we say Indian anymore? Depends on what you're talking about. Well, I've heard Indian casino a ton and I'm like doesn't that that doesn't sound appropriate to me. I mean, yeah I don't I I think in the commercials for Indian casinos. They still say Indian cuz they do Advertisements all over the place in this DFW I was walking around and said Indian casino is some and I was like, okay

I'm sure there's a casino is too verbose. Yeah, I guess. I'm sure there are some Indians who don't mind Indians, and I'm sure there are some Native Americans who don't mind Native Americans. I think it's up to the individual to decide what they want to be called. Well, my parents found Native American Spears. They love looking for arrowheads. That is a big part of their relationship. And just my dad loves Native American culture and reading about, he knows everything about

that. And so they're always like looking at riverbanks for hours and they found two the other day. And I asked, my mom picked me up from the airport and she was like, your dad and I found two arrowheads. And I go, is I go as yours better than his and she goes, you know it. They really found arrowheads like recently. Yeah, they find them all the time. Like it's crazy. Yeah, my dad has hundreds. Nikki, don't say that people are going to try to steal them. They're worth literally nothing. Please don't go steal my parents' Missouri Indian artifacts. They need a safe deposit box.

Exactly. That's where they are. So you can't even find them in their house. Please. Wait, so they find these on like the side of a river? Yeah, like on river banks. They're just there? Isn't that like incredibly hard and difficult to find? An arrowhead? I think they're, no, not in my family. And they follow a guy online who like finds them every day, like multiple ones every day. They're like all over the place. Like they, they were, you know, before we got to this land, I think they were around for hundreds and hundreds, maybe thousands of years. I don't really know anything. And so, and they were cutting things

all the time, you know, and that's how they ate. So there's like, that was before us. they ate. So there's like 1000 live before us. Hate to tell you a pair. Allegedly. I think they were put there with the dinosaur bones. Right. Yeah. Use us. That's a good point. Um, but yeah, I'm, I'm impressed by it too. It's like, it's insane. But my sister, my brother-in-law find them all the time because they're out in nature. And yeah, whenever we are kids, whenever there would be like a field we were driving past that would be freshly tilled, we would have to like pull over and they would go like look.

And you know, it's fun because like an Easter egg hunt, when you find one, you just like are so excited. And yeah, it's a cool, it's a really cool thing. Actually during your wedding, Brian, when I was in wherever that was, Colorado, what was the town called? Grand Lake wherever that was, Colorado, what was the town called? Grand Lake. Grand Lake, Colorado.

There was a shop that had a bunch of fake arrowheads and I bought a handful of them to trick my parents and like sprinkle them out on it. Like whenever I would go out to their cabin and I haven't been out. And Chris thought that was the most diabolical thing he had ever heard of. He was like, Nikki, you cannot do that to your parents.

And I'm like, it's a joke. And it'll make them happy. I'll never even tell them they're not real. They don't get them checked. They won't know and it'll just make them happy. I think it's actually a nice thing to do. But if they hear this podcast, then I guess they'll know. Yeah. There was a commercial where I forgot what it was for. It was like for Duracell batteries or something, where one of the daughters was really into dinosaurs. Yeah. This parent's daughter was into dinosaurs. So she got a bunch of fake bones and buried them in the backyard so that she could find the bones.

No! And she found the bones. No. I find that to be diabolical. I think it's diabolical. I think it is. I recently did something like that to my nephew, and I feel really, really bad. Oh my god. I'll tell you when we go back from break.

And I feel really, really bad. I'll tell you when we go back for a break. Oh my god. Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up there? We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and birds. But what if there's something else, something much more ominous, that appears under the cover of night, silent, unseen, watching. They may be right above your car late one night as you cruise down the road, or look

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Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Will, do you ever get overwhelmed by how much science happens these days? Constantly. I'm like, ah, there's so much science, I can't keep track of it all. Then it's a good thing our podcast, Part-Time Geniuses, is counting down the 25 greatest science ideas from the past 25 years. That's right, Mango. We're talking animals. In a paper called, quote, chickens prefer beautiful humans.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, I Heart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person?

Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out of his element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived, investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.

And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my bra. ["I Heart Radio"] Listen to The Hookup on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I already told this story in the podcast, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

I already told this story in the podcast, but we made it seem like my nephew broke a world record for sitting on a ball on a bath tub. What happened? Wait, was there a fallout? Yeah, he bragged about it at school, and then one of his schoolmates said that he had sat longer on a ball than my nephew did, which was, I think he did an hour and three minutes and someone at his school did an hour and five minutes

or something and didn't get a record, so didn't get a certificate. And so he was like, I know it's fake. And so I felt so bad because I'm like, oh my God, I made my nephew look stupid at school. Like that's, I didn't even think of the fallout from that. And I should have, because I am like, I'm so upset still about my parents never not telling me that Santa wasn't real until so late because it made me look so dumb for so long. But you know, you make mistakes. I learned, I won't do that to him again.

But it was real fun. Here's how you make up for it. You gotta find the other kids that told him he was a liar. And get him a certificate. And you gotta trick them. No, you gotta trick, yeah. You can either give them a certificate or you can tell them something wrong about like, uh, the Grand Canyon or something so that they're, they have some stupid thing rattling around.

Yeah. Show up at the, oh, I would, I would say show up at the school, find that kid and be like, hey, listen, I'm, uh, this boy's aunt. Uh, Santa isn't real. I'm this boy's aunt. Santa isn't real. I feel like he just can be like, my aunt is famous. And that will be a currency for the rest of his life that I actually do think about as a gift to my niece and nephews. I do think that is a gift. I don't care. I don't look at it like wow, I'm famous I don't walk around like that, but I know that if I were a kid Final thought I know if I were a kid. Yeah, I would have killed for a famous and her uncle I mean I remember one time might my TV TV Bob. My uncle TV was on TV One time for a segment for being a mailman and I talked about that endlessly

I was like my uncle was on TV. So I'm like, I do think there's part of the reason I like success is so that people in my life can brag about it. So whenever someone is like, I didn't tell them I know you. I'm always like, please, that is all the reason I do this. Isn't that, that's like a cool thing to give your friends and family.

I'm not kidding you. Like I don't do it for myself. I do it for them. I tell people that Nikki Glaser is my aunt all the time. Do it, Brian. Do it. We have a really weird family where, yeah. I love it. That should be every child's dream. When I was 10 at basketball camp, I told everyone I was Chris Farley's cousin. Great, yes.

And I'm not, but like. Well, Sean, even you, sometimes I'm like, no one, like you'll, I'll be on the road with you or something and be able to be like, how should I introduce you? And you're like, uh, just say Comedy Central and, uh, just like he's a guy. And I'm like, how about you were like Norm MacDonald's best friend and opener and show like, like, and you were, you know, like having a Norm McDonald next to your name and like being having the approval of Norm McDonald is like the best achievement in comedy like any comedian and like

instantly gives you this like status within our community even with fans of comedy and that's always surprising to me that you like kind of hold back on that. Oh, I just like I just so so embarrassed to give credits like I really wish I could still do clubs and colleges all over. We'll still let you have that. But like, what is that in you that like, finally reached that level where like, you know, if someone would have asked you what your dream job would have been when you first got in this business, it would have been like being buddies with Norm MacDonald, like writing for him, writing with him, being on the road with him, and then you achieve it and you don't want to talk about it.

I know. What is that? I don't know. I, you know what? This is actually a great thing that I should probably bring up in therapy because like, it really was like my dream. It's anyone's dream in this business. Maybe it's like low self-esteem.

Like you don't believe that you deserve that type of accolade. I think that's it too, because you also don't you, didn't we just talk about this? Don't you feel like you tricked Norm in some way that he actually, even though he did tell you you were hilarious, you still think you like somehow tricked Norm? Yeah. I thought I tricked him or he was fucking with me and I can't, I'm constantly going between the two. God, it's like, even once you get it,

you can't even, it will never, like we were talking about this, it will never land. The other night we were talking about with Emily Catalano, we were on the road in Canada backstage and we were talking about, is there any compliment that would ever land for you where you wouldn't kind of go like, that where you wouldn't try to weasel the compliment away or kind of

excuse it. And I went through every compliment I could ever get from anyone. And I just couldn't really, I couldn't really let any of them in. There was always some kind of excuse I could bake of like they're being nice or, or they've only seen this work that I've done. And that thing was actually really good, but like the rest of the work I've done and that thing was actually really good, but like the rest of the work I've done was like crap. And if they really saw that, who did I just see that was talking this way? And I was like, oh, oh, oh, it was this morning. Do I have to say where I saw it?

No, I don't. Okay. So this morning, my eyes were open so you know where they were looking. And I saw a thing about, it was Billie Eilish singing beautifully. It's like her and Phineas in their bedroom that they share, I'm guessing. And they were recording and she's on the bed. She's on their bed. He's at the desk and they're recording. And she does some like amazing whisper, falsetto, beautiful, like, you know, run. And she's singing. And then he goes, all right, that was good. And he said, like stops the tape. And she was like, that was disgusting and horrible.

And it sounded literally perfect, right? Like Billie Eilish, perfect perfection. And she was like, oh, she was like, that's so I'm so bad. And he was like, no, it wasn't. That was great. And he's like used to this. You can tell he's like used to this at this point. And she's like, I cannot believe we have to have this album done a day before my birthday. He goes,

no, we have to have it mastered a day before your birthday. It'll be done weeks before that. And she was like, well, it's not going to be because I'm crap. And I always have been crap. And I'm horrible. And I'm terrible. And I'm the worst singer. And it's just like, it was, I sent it to Chris because I was like, oh my God, this is you are Phineas. I am Billy. Like we only have sex like once a month. When we're in the creative process, there's not like a lot of romance going on. No. So I was like, that's so us. Like it felt really good to see that kind of, it feels really good to see that kind

of doubt in someone that is inarguably just insanely talented and almost seems to be naturally talented. Doesn't even have to try, even though I think there's definitely a lot of effort behind it in a good way. Like she's trained, you know? But it was so good to hear her say like, literally she's dog shit. She was like, I'm horrible. And she believes it.

I mean, she really believes it in a way that I'm like, that's the way I feel about myself when I'm trying to convince someone who's like, no, you're good. I felt so hard the exact same way she felt and it felt so good to see someone that I know is in arguably the best feel that way. It's like that really made my day to see that Billie Eilish is insecure. Of course she is. Yes. Why wouldn't you? Everyone should be insecure. Insecurity is honestly, feeling secure is just so foreign to me. I love being insecure. I

embrace it. And also it helps me push through. I try harder. Insecurity is one way in order for you to become great as you, as you constantly, it manifests in different ways for different people, but I think like you need to constantly be saying you're bad in order to actually propel yourself to greatness. I'm sure Michael Jordan was like, this is, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough all over and over again. Kobe was probably like that in order to become the great, the greatest.

I think there is, I think it's harmful at some point to be like that self-loathing. I think there's some happy medium like where you, um, and, Oh, I wanted to share this quick thing about like, let's talk about famous people. I said it yesterday where I've learned about some famous person that actually like there was a story that really disappointed me. So this weekend at the hotel for the Oscars, Emily was running down to go get something urgently and she had to jump in this elevator that was kind of full because the elevators were kind of all fucked up, you know?

She jumped in this elevator and she like immediately felt the vibe in there was like, what are you doing in here? And she got on the elevator and instantly someone, she's standing next to a very famous person and that person who we all thought was like cool, I would have been like, oh my God, I can't wait to be friends with this person. That person gave her like a really dirty look. And Emily, by the way, is like, she's never like that person's a bitch. She's always like understanding of like, no, they're a famous person. They should be that way. But she was like, this was so disappointing. And then that person like kind of gave her a look like, what are you doing on this elevator? Even though it's a public fucking elevator,

the person that person's like handler or whatever was like, um, do you, uh, are you staying in this hotel to Emily? And she goes, no, my client is. And she goes, do you really need to be in here right now? And like at almost asked her to get out of the next floor. Emily stayed the whole time. And so she said it was like, there was another example of like, there's a person that like Emily once encountered in an elevator who like, it was the vibe at this event

where you do not ride the elevator with this person. Like they, if they're in the elevator, you do not ride with them. Like they. If they're in the elevator, you do not ride with them. They are to ride alone, which is standard. And she accidentally got on this elevator in a rush because she was in a rush and she slid in and then she got in and realized, oh, I'm in the elevator with the person.

And it was like, and you're just not supposed to. So she was like, it was giving that energy, even though that person would deserve to have their own elevator. It wasn't a bad thing. It was just kind of the vibe of, it was like the rule, because that person needed like deserve to have their own elevator. Like it wasn't like a bad thing. It was just kind of like the vibe of, it was like the rule, you know, because that person needed to be wherever they need to be. This person, however,

didn't need to have this vibe and it instantly ruined them for me. You'll never know who it is because I'm not going to divulge enough. And just, I just know though that I like, I went from like loving this person always watching everything they do on my feed. And I went to like almost to the lengths, I'm almost at the point where I'm, because I got served them so much yesterday. And I'm like, I need to mute this person's name. Like I don't want to see this person ever again because they were rude to my friend.

Not cool. Like now doesn't surprise me because I'm like looking at all the signs. I'm like, yeah, of course they're rude. And so our new phrase, when someone, when I like, because then later on we were talking to like my hair and makeup team about this person, we were like talking shit. And then Emily said something that was kind of like ball busty to me. And I was like, I'm going to need you to get out of my elevator. And so that's our new phrase for when someone is like needs to just stop what they're saying

because you're not in the mood for it. You need them to get out of your elevator. So I want to like spread that. I think we can all use that right now. Like, Hey, I'm gonna need you to get on my elevator right now where you like need to be left alone and you need to ride in peace. Yeah, I love it. I can't believe June Squibb was such a cunt. Yeah, this person I'm not even going to give them a gender, was just like, it's just so disappointing when someone is like, you think they're going to be cool and they're not. Like, man, I just want to celebrate the people who are cool.

And like here, let me think of a, let's end on a high note. I just posted a picture with Jackie Tone, who is on Nobody Wants This, among many other things. She was also on Glow, I believe. But Jackie Tone, T-O-H-N, so funny, so charismatic, so kind. I ran into her at the Elton John party. She invited me into her People magazine photo shoot. We did a picture together.

And then Lisa Curry, another comedian after I posted that picture, wrote to me and was like, I love her so much. And I was like, isn't it? And she just got upgraded to a series regular on Nobody Wants This. She was a, you know, a supporting character before. And then they made her a main character, which is like speaks to her talent.

Like they only do that when the person like, people want more of them. And she plays like a bitch on the show. Like it's amazing that she's able to build this character. Like she just shines, She's so good. But Lisa Curry wrote to me and was like, she was so nice to me at this one event. She like remembered my name was so kind. And we were both just like, isn't it great when nice people are successful?

And we were both like, yeah, fucking Jackie Tone. Like that's the kind of person you want succeeding. And I would have thought the elevator person was a Jackie Tone. I really would have. So sometimes they trick you man sometimes they trick you just be nice everyone should be nice it's free yeah oh I mean I would argue that it costs something to be nice it takes yeah it does it takes extra I would so much rather just like ignore everything you know and just like oh my

god it's so easy to be a cunty. When you're in a good mood, it's easy to be nice. But when you're in a bad mood, it's just like, can't you? Can't I just keep going? Yeah, people go, oh, smiling takes this many muscles and frowning takes four times as many. I'm like, but no one is like walking around like, yeah, I'm not frowning either. I'm just doing nothing.

Lily Rose Depp on the red carpet. It's like doing nothing takes no muscles. I love this song that's that reference. Lily Rose Depp is art. Lily Rose Depp, go look, go Google Lily Rose Depp on red carpets. She makes this face every single time. Wow.

It's just, it's constant. And it's art because a second, I've seen like some of the video of her posing on the red carpet The second she's done posing she goes into a smile and is like natural again She is trying to look like Conti on the red carpet and I I used to judge it and be like why is she making that face and now I'm like I fucking love it. I love a choice that is like kind of antagonizing people who are supposed to just

You know, you're always supposed to be cheery and like so effervescent on the red carpet. Fucking cool, cool move. I love it. All right, gotta go. Thank you for listening this week. We'll be back next week. Don't you think we won't? Sean O'Connor, Brian Frangy, thank you.

Noah, and thank you for listening so much. We'll be in Hartford, Connecticut this weekend. Portland, Maine, two shows. I'll see you then, or maybe I won't, but we'll see you next week on the show. Don't be cut, bye. The Nikki Glaser podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcast. Created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser,

co-hosted by Brian Frangy, executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sani, and Noah Avior. Edited and engineered by Lien and Loaf. Video production, Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on YouTube. Follow at Nikki Glaser pod and subscribe to our channel.

Hey, what's up y'all, this is Eric Andre. Well, I made a podcast called Bombing about absolutely tanking on stage. I tell gnarly stories and I talk to friends about their worst moments of bombing in all sorts of ways. Bombing on stage, bombing in public, bombing in life. I want to know what's the worst way they ever bombed or have they ever performed way too drunk or high or was there ever a time where they thought they were going to crush and they stunk it up?

Listen to Bombing with Eric Andre on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Bombing with Eric Andre. Hey Will, do you ever get overwhelmed by how much science happens these days? Constantly. I'm like, ah, there's so much science, I can't keep track of it all. Then it's a good thing our podcast, Part-Time Geniuses, is counting down the 25 greatest science ideas from the past 25 years. That's right, Mango.

We're talking animals. In a paper called, quote, chickens prefer beautiful humans. Right. This was actually the title of the paper. I like this. They all discovered that much like humans, chickens are attracted to symmetrical faces. Got it. We're talking medical miracles.

He's an endocrinologist who found a way to stimulate insulin producing cells using wait for it, the saliva of a Gila monster. There's no way to make that not sound crazy. We even talked to some of the experts behind these breakthroughs. It's a week full of fact pack stories you won't want to miss. So listen to the part time genius countdown of the 25 greatest science ideas of the past 25 years Starting Monday March 3rd on the I heart radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower from Blumhouse TV I heart podcasts and ember 20 comes in all new fictional comedy podcast series

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