The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #61 My Captain, By Captain

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Between you and Nikki having a dependent dog on Independence Day was very stressful. Nikki and Andrew's girlfriend watched Sex/Life and Andrew is still hanging on to a shot seen in episode 3. They open up about introducing friends to partners and Nikki locks in to Andrew's girlfriend's feet and learns about a dating hack. In the news, techniques of gaslighting, what a guy's face says about his sex habits and no shame in taking out implants. In Top 1 Bottom 1 they go around the horn talking about movies that changed their lives. And in the final thought they conclude that hard work pays off. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, I hate the 4th of July I know I'm starting off on a negative foot I just, you know what There are some things in my life that I've always not been a fan of And I swallow my American pride And I get through it And I put on a happy face Even though I secretly don't like it

And then And then This is I did this with so many things in my life Where I did not like them number one bill cosby never liked him never ever enjoyed the comedic stylings of bill mr bill cosby didn't like the cosby show like i i understood that it was it was you know i was a little too young to to like it when it was out and popular um and then hated his stand-up my dad tried to

show me a stand-up before uh you know before everything um before he got out of jail he was just the last december he was showing me some old cosby stuff just really trying to get me on board no uh you know when i was a kid he put in some fucking cd when we were on a car trip of like you love cosby and um i felt my dad's always so on the money about what's funny um you know especially when he talks about I was gonna try to keep rhyming it and I just gave up it was money honey uh uh funny money honey bunny it just like it was not even gonna be good it's better if I just call it out so my dad's always really good about he exposed me to conan and seinfeld and all you know he's a funny dude he puts on this like cosby album that's like about cosby as a kid storing up ice or snow and

saving up snowball for the summer i mean it's kind of a good concept did not enjoy it had to like swallow that and be like i liked it dad gritted teeth and then he came to my college in 2006 and i went to go see him. This is before, you know, it was after he had been accused of stuff, but like before Hannibal Buress like brought it to light, which is so fucking weird that that's why all of this kind of kicked off, even though it was in front of all of us the whole time. He came to my school. We probably paid him $200,000 dollars something disgusting and um i went to go see him because everyone had said you know when you i just started comedy three years prior and so i was just the movie comedian chris rock is in it talking to seinfeld about going to see cosby and he does this i'll never forget he's telling because i've seen the

movie so many goddamn times comedian the documentary is so goddamn good it holds up it's just uh really uh just shows you the world of comedians if you're interested i mean so much has been done about comedians we really like to talk about ourselves but um there's this one scene when chris rock is talking to jerry about seeing cosby he's like jerry he did three hours of killer shit killer shit and at one point he's like and it was all new like he did like two two separate shows and it was all new and like I just remember seeing Chris Rock be so reverential being like okay Cosby's the greatest he has to be and I just was like okay I'll give him another whirl went to go see him

in college I fucking fell asleep and that is a joke. I fell asleep because it was so goddamn boring. And then, you know, insert joke here of maybe he didn't, you know, drug those women. Maybe he just was telling a story, a comedic story about going to the dentist as an 11 year old. So I never liked Cosby, swallowed that my whole life. Never liked air shows, never liked fat men on diving boards. I would always, didn't like scary movies, didn't like IMAX, anything that would be scary, heights, roller coasters, all of that. Had to pretend that like, had to make up lies

for like why I didn't like it, even though I was just scared. And then you you get to be an adult and you go on roller coasters and you realize they're pretty fucking fun and sometimes they make you come uh x factor never stop and thinking about you you're still out there somewhere and I'll find you someday um but fourth of July has always annoyed me I as a kid I was terrified of fireworks I just can't imagine not being scared of fireworks when you're a child. It's exploding fire. And even in my child brain, I knew that things could

detonate and things could go wrong. And what if they exploded on the ground? Or what if they shot into your face? And, you know, I just hated them. And I was always just like this odd kid out that didn't like it and had to go inside and was scared and cried and so embarrassing. Come to find out, fireworks are fucking annoying. I'm sorry. Everyone on Twitter got on board this year. Let me just say, I was on Twitter last night.

Everyone hates fireworks now. It's almost kind of like the woke thing because it harms dogs and veterans who might be ptsd or you know anyone who just doesn't like loud explosions i mean like nikki what do you remember snaps are those little things you throw on the ground that are like yeah look like little uh pieces of toilet paper you find in your vagina yes i think that's the best comparison no one's ever made that one people talk about the vagina papers which is a a thesis i'm working on but no one ever talks about those little pop rocks i love those things those are safe they're predictable yes i was terrified of them interesting okay well i i honor your fear sparklers were safe for me too it was a controlled

thing i never saw those explode the snap things they didn't really this made a noise and it wasn't too loud but fireworks are bullshit we live first of all dogs hate them animals hate them it scares animals it's just suddenly like your city is in war i mean what other time isn't it supposed to be reflective of the war as well like that's why we do it is to like bombs bursting in air like isn't that like we want a war isn't it isn't that it like why are we replicating war in a celebratory way like war is hell i think someone said that. And so, when I hear these explosions across town, I mean, it is crazy. It's just, like, not festive. I understand having young kids and, like, little boys like fireworks. I understand there's some fun to it. And then adult

men like to put them off because, you know, it reminds them of their childhood. And, like, I get it. I get people that like pyrotechnics. I understand it. I really do. I'm not trying to be, like, totally naive and say that there's nothing fun about fireworks. They are beautiful. It's fun to watch, you know, a spectacle that's controlled. But overall, the damage it does is I don't think very worth it. Like, although I am annoyed by Twitter, let me say let me go on the other flip side of this. Oh, is your doggy doesn't like the fireworks. Oh, just so the whole celebration be shut down because you got a doggy and you suddenly understood empathy for animals. Well, then you better be a fucking vegan. If you're on Twitter bitching about the animals are don't like the bomb noises and the sparks scare my dog and I have to go get, then you better, then I hope you're vegan because

that, that annoys me when people have all this, like my dog and don't extend it to other animals. Just, just try, just try to like trickle that like a, like one of those fireworks that looks like a weeping willow tree. Let the embers of empathy trickle down to the animals that are being abused and so terrified. Just like your little dog shaking underneath the table because of firecracker. Those animals are constantly feeling that way because you like bacon. All right. That's all I got to say on that. So there's a part of Twitter that I'm like, oh, good. They're acknowledging that 4th of July sucks. We're all getting on board with this.

However, don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't act like you like animals. And I know you eat meat and you're like grilling out and you're like, my dog's scared. And then you're eating meat. Just I'm sorry. But I like meat. Well, people like fireworks. So suck it. Took care of my dog Marion this weekend. Am i in a tooth this weekend perhaps do my dogs not like fireworks they don't give a fuck about fireworks so i am one of the lucky ones but my dog marion if you didn't know my parents dog marion um was attacked last week by a dog who was just you know acting on instinct um i forgive that dog immediately forgave that dog i have no problem with the dog people keep asking me about what happened and i go i don't

even know and i don't want to know it just happened and it doesn't matter i understand like preventing it from happening again clearly that that's being taken care of but my parents don't even really want to talk about the incident i don't want to hear about it it sounds so traumatic i told them i was sorry they went through it multiple times they don't really know how to accept that but they act I I don't even know what they witnessed it must have been horrible because she has a gigantic scar that I literally can't even put on Instagram really like the depths of it because people would be like what the fuck and um and they would resent me for like even posting us me smiling because it's like how could you be smiling if your dog is ripped shreds um I had to watch her this weekend because my parents

went out of town and it has been a full-time not even a full-time job around the clock only not anxious about it when I'm sleeping and even then waking up every second because she might move in a way that the stitches get ripped out um I can't walk my dog Luigi without her wanting I can't leave her or she'll freak out and she'll move in a way that will rip the stitches so I have to constantly have her see me and then to walk this so Luigi's being neglected because I can't walk him as much because I can't really like jostle her around and carry her it's just a nightmare it's like it's so I need a husband so fucking bad I just want a partner to help me and it's like situations like this that I realize that partnership is crucial when you're caring for something or you know even if I had like um just like

I guess if I ever want to be a single mom I would get help right away I didn't have any help lined up for this and so and my parents have each other when they were taking care of her so they don't really understand like she's fine leave her in the cage when you take Luigi for a walk okay well if no one's at home she's gonna jump up on the cage and stretch out her things, her stitches. So I can't leave her. Oh yeah. We didn't realize we never actually left her alone. Okay. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I guess never leave her alone. Oh, okay. Well that is a lot to ask when I have to eat, I have to bathe, I have to give her medicine three times, like all these different times of day um it was just a lot and I'm complaining but shout out to anyone out there who has been a nurse for

an animal or um a loved one in in your life it is a it's it's nice to like realize you haven't showered or changed your clothes or had timed like I felt like a mom I felt like a like a single mom this weekend because I just felt a lot of bending down carrying this like I had to carry it marry on like a baby all weekend like in a bundle really wrapped tight so that her leg kept the stitches together because it's right on her leg like when she it's you guys it's a nightmare it's a fucking nightmare but um I did have help from Andrew and his girlfriend Brenna it was really nice that they stuck around they hung out with me this weekend here at the apartment I got a Roomba that was exciting I got three pets my Roomba is like I don't know if anyone here has had a Roomba before, but you give

life to something that was not alive before. And I really felt like I was like, have a new pet. And I turn it on and it goes out and it cleans. And all I do is I'll sweep and I'll sweep in its line of travel. And it just picks it. I help it out. I feed it. That's what I call feeding it.

I wipe off all the crumbs off the table and I go, time I feed it that's why I call feeding it I wipe off all the crumbs off the table and I go time to feed Roomba it's so fun and um the dogs are kind of scared of it but not that much as much as I thought they would be and then you press a little button and it'll go back to the dock it's so I cannot believe this but it truly feels like a separate entity has entered my life that uh yeah so that was nice so I didn't have to like sweep as much this weekend oh my god it was just we watched a lot of uh we watched two movies this weekend me Brenna and Andrew um my parents are coming back tonight I had to take Marion to the vet later on today um I don't like having responsibilities like this it's it was there

is something nice about it because you really truly don't think about yourself at all and now I understand when moms are just like bedraggled and like say like I don't even know the last time I took a bath or like I I'm not talking about moms that I go wow she looks gross she should take care of herself I don't think that I'm just saying like when I hear moms talk about like I don't even know when the last time I ate and you're like what it's like because I'm sure so many of you are rolling your eyes like wow Nikki have you ever took taking care of anything of your in your life and the answer is no no I mean I have but like nothing with an open wound and today Andrew was like because I said something about maybe someday we were talking about

having kids someday, not me and Andrew, but like separately. And I was like, I would be down to adopt like a disabled child. And I like, that's something that I like might want to do someday. I don't, I was just looking at my future and like, just like a teenage, like just a case that's hard and that and and the kind of hard where you're like you don't even know how hard it's gonna be and Andrew was like you couldn't like you would have to do like your life would stop and I go no well I'd be rich enough to get help with the kid but it you know maybe I could do it and then today he was like or

the other day he was like you know this is like what you said with the disabled child like what it would be like and I'm like okay maybe a disabled child that has doesn't have an open wound if like I was thinking about if Marion was just a baby it would be so much easier because babies you can like set in a pram and like put in a bath like I put her in a basket and you can like set it down and like yes the baby will cry and like be discomforted but it won't have an open wound that if the baby moves in a certain way it rips open not to say that all babies it won't have an open wound that if the baby moves in a certain way it rips open not to say that all babies are don't have like some babies do have surgery and you have to be very careful the idea of having a small dog that has an open wound who is behaving

like it doesn't is fucking crazy you just have to watch it all the time now she's like passed out she's like sitting in andrew's chair and um thank God I have history with Marion because if anyone else was babysitting Marion this weekend and did not know what she's like anyway, they would think she's dying all the time because she always has a face like, and then she'll make little noises like, it's just, and it's like, it sounds like she's like her wound is just,

you know, exploding into her throat, but it's, that's not it, it sounds like she's like, her wound is just, you know, exploding into her throat. But it's that's not that she just makes those noises. So she would have been rushed to the emergency room a million times by whatever caretaker they gave her to. So I was lucky that I was available for her and that no one asked me to do anything this 4th of July weekend, and that I was completely free. It is the last weekend of my life for a while that I'm going to be free. So grateful for it. Grateful for you listening. Let's get Andrew in here and recap the weekend. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. not even close my god so funny andrew's like obsession last night came to a head no literally it's so funny so i mean do you want to go into it because yeah okay i'm fascinated by your fascination by it because i literally have not thought about that in since then and i bet brenna hasn't either but you have been it was a you were like top of the long dick to you like it was the first thing you thought of this morning yeah it was the first thing you thought of this morning. It was the first thing you thought of even when I even mentioned watching this yesterday.

So last night, we're getting ready to watch a movie. Brenna is showering. We're in the living room, and I go, oh, we can watch that sex life show. I've already watched two episodes. That's the one where everyone talks about the third episode where you see his gigantic penis. And I go, I've watched sex life. That would be fun for us all to watch talked about the third episode where you see his gigantic penis um and i go i've i've i've like

watched sex life that would be fun for us all to watch and like make fun of you know we were andrew and i're picking out something to watch and andrew's just like you've already seen it and i go it's so funny though it'd be fun to watch again i could just tell he was like i don't really want to see long dick with my girlfriend sitting here like there was a vibe of that past andrew i i've it was a big moment for me because past andrew could not sit next to a girl that he has sex with and look at another man's gigantic elephant trunk cock and and feel very comfortable with it i was a little scared luigi was afraid of fireworks i was afraid of her reaction she smiled i never realized she had all those teeth she she did react in a way that was like

she like grew teeth yeah she was like a shark like all of a sudden there were layers rows and rows i videotaped it i really felt like i i farted afterwards. Well, hold on. Let's back up. So I mentioned Let's Watch Sex Life. Brenna's not in the room. And he goes, you've already seen that. You don't need it. And I go, it would be really if I would watch it again because I was like half watching it when I put it on by myself. I go, it'd be fun to make fun of.

And then we just drop it because I go, oh, wait, Long Dixon that I don't want to make him feel weird with Brenna. It's like a sex show. Like he might feel inadequate or something they just had had had sex it was very clear because they a couple hours before this they had come i had come back from a walk i'm carrying the dog my bleeding dog i'm gonna have the other dog i'm like struggling with a bunch of shit and andrew's just waiting for me at the door with this like kind of like energy that i'm like hi and he's like so um brenna you ask her it's okay brenna you can ask her and she's like hiding and he's like just just say it i'm like

can i just put down my stuff before whatever is about to happen goes off and i put i'm put down all the stuff and he's like can uh brenna pick out one of your sex can we borrow one of your sex toys like do you have any extra and i was like yeah sure just there's. And he's like, can Brenna pick out one of your sex? Can we borrow one of your sex toys? Like, do you have any extra? And I was like, yeah, sure. Just, there's a box.

He's like, okay, Brenna, come out. You can, you can, you can go through them. And I'm like,

let me just bring you guys the box. You can go through it. So I just go get the box. They, they dig through it. They pick out something and then they go in their room and I figure they're like having fun. And then afterwards is when we watch sex life. So I knew they were coming off of a romp and I didn't want you to have to put on sex life after a romp after you

had just performed i get it because the show is like so sexy that it like well it's funny well it was interesting your vibe is neither one of us actually uh had an orgasm before the show then we had sex after the show both orgasm so if that's not a positive review for this show uh and a negative one for the sex toy you borrowed yeah it did i know we went all natural later we were watching the fireworks through the window while having sex it was pretty actually nice pretty cool um the guy not a good actor i mean great cock obviously but i mean i really think like without his cock that show would do 30 less views like i really do think his dick really just like blew that show up i mean because it came viral to like film your reaction i mean

it was a whole marketing thing i was thinking about the marketing company women say oh you know size doesn't matter and then this guy's instagram i mean he's not a good actor his dick has literally made him famous every show or movie he's gonna be in he's gonna have to show whether it's a disney movie or what his dick needs to show he's just doing a voice of a character a voiceover and they still have to like somehow work in and i have a nine inch guy flaccid i mean what did you feel about that dick i mean i didn't care at all i watched so much porn that dick means literally not who is the people that react to dicks don't watch porn don't watch porn i mean like i'm sorry like that did not affect me at all there was nothing about that it was that was disney compared to the stuff i watched i mean yes it was a long penis but it

was like i i don't know it just didn't i didn't care that much it's when it's not expected that's like it's like seeing a dick in walmart or whatever it was expected though like the whole scene was building up to the husband going to stalk this guy's dick in the shower that was the best we all knew the dick was coming and also we all knew because everyone says episode 3 19 minutes blah blah blah seconds and like seconds yeah so how funny is it that the guy bought a $600 monthly membership to see a dick three times longer than his yeah well i feel like the funniest thing that happened was after we saw the dick we were all laughing and we're just giggling about the dick or or andrew and brenna are watching her reaction that he filmed and he laughed so hard

that he accidentally farts and like a big fart like massive fart and then he kind of just like let it all out and brenna even goes why is it that every time you fart if it seems like you've been holding them in all day and i'm just quietly like because he has been and that definitely just came out because you laughed you didn't mean for it to yeah but it wasn't like i have been farting in front of her i know but that one was, you wouldn't have just unleashed insane ass right after she saw Big Dick. So then Andrew goes, I was just trying to distract you from the dick.

And then he starts going, see if that guy could fart like that. He was making it a joke like it was a tactic to make her feel like like to gain back uh yeah to to reroute control andrew decides to fart and i was in brenna yesterday gave me the book why men prefer bitches and i was just reading that book yesterday and it's there's so much in it of like when he does this you need to do this when he texts you this say sorry i have plans like there's all these when this happens and so i was thinking about a

book where it's like if your girlfriend sees a big dick when you're watching tv release the biggest fucking fart just to let her know that that guy couldn't fart like that it was just like the dumbest thing it was so funny i was crying laughing dude i was laughing so hard when you farted and then then joked that it was on purpose it was uh it's a good well in the show they say subliminally put subliminal messages in in a in whatever whatever you write so then your partner knows what to do even if it's about someone else so what do you mean in the show remember the husband finds the writing and her friend is like wow that's brilliant you should cone that or whatever you should put that in a book we could sell that oh right like messages to write up and not even subliminal just write in a

journal what to do to me yeah that someone else did yes so that's the movie you guys this woman is like rehashing this amazing sexual partner old long dick that she had in the past her husband finds the journal and he's really turned on by it also threatened but turned on and so the husband suddenly is like fucking her well because he read her journal so i'm saying out there if you guys if you're a guy out there and your lady is uh you know just saw a huge cock let out a fart uh as loud and as long as you can and one that sounds like it came out after that kind of dick was in your ass. Yeah.

Because the old, like the fart. It's smart because it will completely, you're not competing. It's too, it's like, isn't that what Republicans do? Like a baldism, isn't that? Like, oh, well, that's true. Well, what about this? Yes.

So that's what that is. Oh, that dick is big. What about, can he fart like this probably not it's true it's true i i don't see that guy farting as good as me and i had sex after long dick because you were thinking about long dick this morning when i saw you you mentioned it before i did but yeah you mentioned in the kitchen at one point oh i didn't think so and then you mentioned it in here. There is no way Long Dick wasn't on your mind when you went to bed after we watched Long Dick and had sex. Was that a weird moment for you?

You know, I thought it would be. And I think it just shows how much I feel comfortable with Brenna and how much I like her. And how much I like myself these days where long Dick did not affect my performance or even come up in my mind of when I was having sex. Great. Yeah. I don't know. It should be that way.

There's nothing she would ever, I mean, she, there's nothing she ever says or does that would be the type of behavior that I see so often that sometimes people don't even know they're doing that would accidentally make someone else feel insecure. Yeah. Like she's unquestionably into you and there's no doubt about it.

So there's, you feel secure because she makes you feel secure. Yeah. It's awesome because she's a, a real person that isn't like, you just don't get anything shifty with her. I was telling her yesterday, like there's just

nothing else going on with i love y'all's friendship i think yeah i got addicted to brenna this weekend luigi and i fell in love with brenna this weekend and um she of course andrew's girlfriend is leaving for chicago i don't even want to talk about it uh she's leaving for chicago yeah nicky's moving to chicago i might be right behind her. I think that Brenna and I are going to do a long distance friendship. No, Brenna and I seriously had a great heart to hearts this weekend because, well, Andrew left us alone because he couldn't handle, I mean, we've been alone before, Brenna and I, but we got to bond while I was using a scalpel on her foot. I got to go after her corns on her feet.

She has these adorable her corns on her feet she has like these adorable hot corns like she has like the she has like the cutest feet i got to um go after her corns andrew really was not happy with it happening i cut my finger and he really doesn't like blood and so that scared him too which i get so we stopped and then he was like actually you guys can keep going i'm just gonna go take a shower and then we just sat down and watched put on the bachelorette and then we just talked for a really long time and I um scraped her corns and it was like so fun and like we just she just lets me I can say anything to her and she's not gonna be like judgmental of it and she tells me things

that like I feel like someone tells like good friends that you trust and I just feel like very I'm just like oh my god it just and I told you this before it's the first time that I can realize uh my my best friend who is a man or a girl like this happens with girls too when my when my girlfriends get boyfriends no matter how great they are there's a part of you that goes I'm not gonna be able to hang out as much. And not that like, we wouldn't if you were married to someone, but that friendship,

our friendship can still remain the exact same. Yeah, dude. And I could even have like a great friendship with, which I've never been reticent to have, but it's just like, there was just never the opportunity for it and this week and i just felt like i just like there's a level oh sorry sorry no there's a level of being like me being scared in a way of like letting someone become friendly with you because in that let's say

whatever something bad happens in our relationship and uh it doesn't work out then it's like not only am i breaking up with her, I'm breaking you guys up. Or then I have to have that discussion of like, can I still be friends with her? It just adds another level when you introduce your friends to whoever you're dating.

And they, you know, you form a bond. And I think I was reluctant to even be close with her until you guys were official because of that. Because I, yeah, I think there was part of me being like okay, is this actually happening? Can I lock in? Because when I lock in with someone

I lock in. But we had a really good weekend. I appreciate you guys helping me out with the dogs and just like hanging out with me. It was really nice. We watched good movies. Other than running after you for a dildo, we were pretty helpful, I think. Yes, you were.

Brenna picked up Luigi's dog shit with her bare hand. I'll never forget it. It was a long story, but she's awesome. Let's get to the news. That news, apparently. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, boy. I hope you had a great July 4th. I hope no wives were killed. What was it from? I just said, don't kill your wife or kill a wife. I don't know. A wife was in the rant about having a good fourth. I don't know how that came up.

You said kill your wife. And then Nikki said, please don't do that. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, you got to say swells first of all and have all the swells right there we go of course i mean that goes without saying but i have to say it um gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that makes a person

question their own perceptions and there are five tactics that they use do you want to guess or do you want to yeah okay yeah um uh five tactics that they use um lying number one they lie about things you know to be true um uh making you feel stupid call you crazy emotionally unbalanced, or too sensitive. Ignoring your feelings or just saying that your feelings aren't real. I guess that's the same thing. Well, no. Deflect and distract when confronted and blame you for their behavior. What are some others?

Keep going. Undermine you in subtle ways by weaponizing your insecurities against you. Yeah, that's the biggest red flag. and accuse you of doing things they are doing uh yeah aka projection you really production though you sometimes don't see until down the road where you're like he was always so scared of me cheating on him and he was cheating the whole time it's usually like if that's happening he's probably unfaithful to you if he's worried about it or who knows um but that's the the big that's the big thing is like if someone uses something that you've told them in a vulnerable moment against you like usually it's pillow talk when you like kind of share something like about your insecurity

and they use it against you i almost think it's like there's no there's no apology there's no accepting their apology you gotta go yeah like i don't think i would i would have zero tolerance for that i believe i think like with gas lighting there's i feel like there should be degrees of it because i do feel like some people can do it and they don't even it's not my boyfriend had a master's degree in it but do you think he did it that was just a cool line oh oh do you but do you think that like i feel like there's people that do it because it's like they're even it's like psychopaths for sociopaths right you know what i mean like they're doing it for an end goal as opposed to just doing it naturally and they don't even realize they're right about love bombing that's a new term that

a lot of uh gen z are using of like he love bombed me where but love bombing actually is when someone does it is lying to get you to be in love with them and then they're gonna they know they're gonna pull away but a lot of times guys love bomb not knowing that they're gonna pull away and that's very different and so you're right like some people gaslight not knowing that they're gaslighting they don't but the thing is whether you know it or not uh still being able to identify it being able to putting up with it is where someone has it's really not about the person doing it and being like don't do that it's you going no i'm not gonna put up with that I'm leaving I swear to god like this men prefer bitches book kind of spells it all out like it's all about just like it's a bad title

but it's just like respecting yourself like not letting someone talk to you that way but I was talking to Brenna about it like it was really hard for me in relationships to say don't do that because I thought the guy would just be like you're overly emotional um i didn't mean it that way i'm i like to joke that way and i'm gonna keep doing it and then i go well i don't like when people do that well i guess then you have to break up with me and then i have to break up with someone that just won't change for me so i'm so scared of putting my foot down about stuff sometimes. I know. It's so fucked up when you call out someone's bullshit and then you don't win. And then you're like, well, shit, that didn't go how I planned. So what do you do?

I mean, then I guess it's not meant to be. Well, I just feel that way. Well, here's an example. I was in love with someone who was teasing me about my looks in like a very like and to him it was like a complete insane it was insane that i would get offended because he thought i was like the most beautiful woman ever he's like i don't think like there was a i was doing an impression of predator you know like that and i've never seen predator but i was just like making predator noises with a bunch of people and like it was in it was dark and i was like standing in like the moonlight like it was hard to see me and i'm like and this guy looks up to looks up at me and he

goes oh and you kind of look like predator too and i was just like no and he was already like bugging me he was already like saying a little things like that over and over that were just like and i was like i just was like and then later on i go i can't handle i don't if you need to make fun of my looks in any way or it's not gonna work i will not be with someone i know that that that's a fun thing to do and maybe that's a part of your personality to constantly tease and like make jokes that seem innocent enough yeah but i'm not gonna put up with it and i you i will not be with someone who makes fun of my looks and he's just like you don't look like that is insane and i go i'm gonna go on stage this year and i'm gonna prove to you that i kind of do look like predator like there's a way

for me to because predator has like dreadlocks you know like i could look like Predator. Like there's a way for me to, because Predator has like dreadlocks, you know? Like I could look like Predator. And like there is a way that I could take offense to that. Why even say it? Like it's, I go, if that's important to you in a relationship, I'm not your lady because I will not tolerate looks, jokes about my looks. And he's like, but that's why it's funny. It's because like that wouldn't,

you would in no way resemble Predator. That's insane. You would be, and I I go I feel ugly I it's a thing I will I felt when I was a child it will always be with me and if you want to make fun of my looks it's just not going to work you can do there are many girls that you could date that don't mind it it ain't going to be me and that's where I was like okay that's the difference what if the thing that makes you upset and you want to put your foot down about they can't invalidate it because it's just how you feel. And it may be you're weird or different than most girls, but that's how you feel. And if, if, if it's so important to that

person that they get to insult you in that way, that one way that triggers you, then they like that more than you. It's like, what is they, we all make a, make a we all can adapt to the people we love and make and not say the things that we you know no we don't curse in front of grandma okay so don't make looks jokes about my looks in front of nikki that's her weird thing yeah so just do that and it was hard for me to say because it's it seems so irrational and it seems like I hate being a girl. That's like, you're a comedian, you're a comedian,

you're, you're a roast comedian. So you're like, Oh, she'll love that. Like Dave probably feel pressure to be funny. Yeah. And like,

Oh, she'll love this about me calling her predator. Like, yeah. And when you say, Oh, you're being sensitive, like,

Oh, you're being sensitive. You're not predator. It's such a, I fucking hate it because then if you argue that,, you're being sensitive. Like, Oh, you're being sensitive. You're not predator. It's such a, I fucking hate it because then if you argue that, then you're just, you're being even more sensitive. It's such a great tactic.

Since being sensitive is not a bad thing. Like, so when, if your husband out there or your girlfriend or someone is like, you're such a baby, like you're, Oh my God, you're upset about that.

And it's just like the dumbest thing to say to someone because you are what you are and you can't help it. So don't ever feel bad about feeling sensitive. And it's something that I have to work on. I mean, I've definitely done that to you of like, oh, really, you're upset. It's hard not to have that reaction when someone seems like so,

like for me to hear Noah's scared of those pop rocks. I'm like, Noah, come on. But guess what? She is. And it's not for me to police or to invalidate. Wait, you're afraid of pop rocks that you put in your mouth? No, snaps. The things you throw on the...

Yeah, I can see how that could be a thing. I'm mostly afraid of someone throwing them at me and it exploding on my body. Yeah, that would not be good. Did a kid do it to you when you were a kid? No, it's never been done to me. Oh. No BDN? But it could. It could be done to you. So're a kid no it's never been done to me oh no pd but it could it could be done

to you so it's a valid fear but it's hard it reminds you nom i just hope that more people i've taught my mom to do that with my dad because my mom like wanted to cry about marion when she was still in the hospital and she came over here to do some to help me move some furniture and she was like i just i just can't i i just want to cry all the time and you're i just and i go it's okay you witnessed marion being shredded up by a dog yeah you dad fell you shattered your phone it was a very traumatic experience not to mention the ride to the vet where she's bleeding all over getting to the vet having her in the hospital for three days you can't even see her you're not getting calls from the vet you don't know what's happening you don't know if she's gonna survive yeah I can understand you'd want to cry mom and

she was like no I don't it's just I don't want to and we're going up the elevator and I go you're safe here I took her hand I was like do you want to cry with me because I want to cry too and I don't like I need someone to cry with she's like I don't need to cry it's fine it's fine I go if you want to cry and dad says to you it makes you feel bad about it which sometimes happens because my dad's uncomfortable with that like uncontrollable emotions of women it happens he's not a bad person I said just tell him your feelings are your feelings I didn't know until my my parents didn't teach me this so I'm trying to teach my parents you can't help your feelings you really can't so never feel guilty for them because you are not choosing to feel that way you're not choosing to cry i mean sometimes you do because you need a release but needing that release is not a choice you need it so get it and don't feel bad

and i hope that helps someone out there next story um a sixth way of gaslighting what if the whole thing was just gas yeah that's all we do from now on is oh wait you're sensitive to another story about it nikki can't handle it i bet you could five times what i've gaslight you on this podcast it's hard not to it's like yeah should we have our fans go through no how about no i love you guys but please do not backlog all the times i've emotionally a list yeah yeah and when i've done it you know um a new study finds that facial structure okay predicts attitudes about casual sex especially when judging men so uh i don't so self-reported sociosexuality a measure of how accepting a casual sex of someone is correlated with having more masculine looking

facial features that makes sense so a woman with more masculine features might be more open to casual sex because she might have more testosterone which would no no not an even close who have men who have more testosterone are more prone to be okay with like one night stands and women who have higher estrogen levels are more prone to be what socios sexually unrestricted thank you okay so but what about the masculine the the the bone structure of your face what do you mean but what's that tell it does estrogen make your face do different things okay so that's oh okay no well you just yeah well you just well i'm reading this yeah guess what you mean please no it's fine i i read from top to bottom oh no just kidding so basically it said that when women

see a man with masculine features because of higher testosterone doesn't mean a more attractive man they will likely say oh that guy is into one night stands and they might be reluctant to hooking up or like dating if they're a woman that isn't into that. Right. Exactly. And then the study, they found that women point out men who are, uh,

more masculine features on their face. And those men were like in the survey that, that they did said that they were like, okay with one night stands and flings and stuff like that so women could differentiate so if you look like a little church boy you're not more likely to eat ass on the first night you know what i mean i don't know that church boys don't look masculine though like what what what does a masculine face you don't have a lot of facial hair you're very like, like just puppy eyes.

Like, oh, I love the world. Yes. If you just look like a nicer guy. Yeah, if you look like a nicer guy, not a bad boy. What about the structure of their long dick? Well, that's the thing. Long dick has a very,

he has a long nose. He's very, you know, manly. He's got his facial hair. His, I don't know. He has a lot of hair um long structure see he seems feminine features to me on his face really yeah i think he's kind of nerdy i think you take away the hair and the facial hair right so that's what i'm saying i bet he like isn't into casual sex yeah but i think his character, he tries to look like that. I don't know. Like a masculine man, like a guy at a truck stop,

looks like he'll fuck the first night. You know what I mean? A trucker. It makes sense that a more manly looking man is probably wanting to spread his seed more, thus wanting more novel puss. Yes. Yeah.

Do you think doing that over time, like having these one night stands and stories will make your face look more masculine? No. You know what I mean? Like you see when someone's like hardened, like, you know, whether it's by drugs or alcohol or life just has really like, they've taken in a lot of life.

So you see it on their face. You know what I mean? I just feel like, yeah, I feel like I can get a, I don't know if I can sense if a guy is like someone who fucks a lot because I'm not drawn to those guys. I don't know what I'm drawn to. What do you like, a feminine or masculine? Probably something in the middle.

I kind of like a feminine face. Like I like a pretty face. Like I like a face of a guy that looks like You know like I like a Zac Efron And he has just like a beautiful woman's face You know like I like a manly body With like I like good bone structure I like a structured jaw

Like I like pretty eyes pretty smile Like he's masculine though Because remember masculine And attractiveness are not Related Really? Yeah. But masculine face.

Just the facial structure. Well, Zac Efron, have you seen his- His new face? Jawline? Yeah, his jawline. He does have a- But there's something very pretty about his bone structure. He does have a-

There's something feminine about it in a good way. Yeah, his eyes are beautiful. He has womanly eyes. But I agree, Noah. He does have a structured face. I don't know. I'll start paying more attention to this. I'm trying to think about guys that you find attractive.

Next story. I'll think about it. I mean, I think I'm attracted to men that are not. You liked a lot of those soccer players the other day. Yeah, I did. I was pretty horned up for them. I've been pretty horned up recently. I have a lot of suitors.

I'm in a good place right now. I mean, I'm very spread out in terms of like potential guys. There's like a lot and which is good because none of them disappoint me too much. There's always one that's hitting me up. I don't really require too much from any of them.

And that, but why men love bitches, I just needed, I needed a refresher of how to deal with fucking men because dude, it's, it's,

here's the book. Don't ever be available to them. And if you are make them work for it there you go that's it that's the that's how to get a man don't text them first of all act like you're busy and like you don't give a shit because literally everyone wants something they can't have the chase is everything that's what if you're sad when you're alone because you're playing these games so much that i am the guy never comes over and then you're alone and sad because then that guy is not meant to be that's not the guy that's why i get so fucking frustrated

by all this because i play it cool where i don't text and i don't but the good part is it when you when you don't text them you forget about them eventually and then you don't you actually aren't bothered by it when you keep this ball going of like, when are they going to text me? And giving them a little thing here and there, it keeps your liking of them going. Where if you were just to stay away, you learn that they're not into you faster

and you wouldn't be as attracted. Good point. But it's really frustrating. Yeah, I can only imagine. Yeah. Why do I can only imagine. Yeah. Why do I care? Why do I care?

Why do I care? The Bachelorette's Claire Crawley reveals that she's removing her breast implants because she's experiencing a lot of symptoms, including an upper body rash, high white blood cell counts, and a recent mammogram and ultrasound showing sacks of fluid behind her implants. an upper body rash high white blood cell counts and a recent mammogram and ultrasound showing sacks of fluid behind her implant yeah she says her body is like attacking the implants which can happen when you have a foreign object put into your body your body can think it's something that needs to be removed and so it just sends your body to attack your immune system to attack it so um good for her getting those out they looked fantastic on her

season um they look great i mean i bet she's gonna have great boobs otherwise um what a risk though to take that to learn that to do something cosmetically and to have it backfire like that would be would be really really hard so i feel for her especially if you're getting a lot of positive uh affirmation from people being like your tits look great you're so hot now what did you do different i mean that's like by the way everything yeah like makeup spray tans outfits when people compliment you go it's not really me it's like i just put on a dress and you just go oh they don't even like me for me like i'm only getting compliments because of this thing and yeah if that dress was also killing you. Yeah. I feel like it's for a guy because we don't wear makeup.

It's a beard, I guess. But you shave. But I think when I put on a suit or something, I don't realize how shitty people think of me until I put on a suit. And then people are like, whoa. Look at you. And I'm like, dude, I just put a tie on. Why the fuck does this matter i know

it's just yeah but for a woman it's a thousand times harder like i would yeah if i put on makeup every it's like a clown putting on makeup me like you're hilarious and it's like uh the makeup helps like it's it's so just it's it really i used to talk about it all the time i've let it go but when i get a spray tan the amount of compliments I get from both my mom, like being like, you look so great right now. And like, just like people who love me and really know,

like when I'm happiest, it's like, she thinks I'm happiest, but I'm just look hot, you know? And like in the amount of compliments you get when you get a spray tan are so it's, it's so disturbing how much the world opens up to you.

And when you're just a pretty woman yeah when when walking down the street when i look hot walking down the street because i like sometimes when i wake up in the morning to walk luigi around my corner there's a lot of people out for breakfast there's starbucks people are out it's like a very busy little square and some days i just all that i could find are like short running shorts and like a little tank top and i'm just like whatever I'm, not trying to be hot, but I just have more skin. I get so much more attention than when I look like a Vagabond when I grab something that's like not like it's just your people are more aware of you and as someone that craves attention From people it's like hard not to maybe go towards that but that's not the kind of attention I want so I feel

weird about it sometimes, but i will say the other day i happened to put on a cute outfit just on a whim because it was all that i could find it was in my all the lululemon stuff i want to return because it doesn't quite fit and i've been too lazy to do it even though it's literally downstairs um i just keep going like i'll just wear it and then i just take off the tag and i end up wearing it so I looked really cute the other day and I was walking in the building and should I say this for final thought but like I that guy I met a guy you remember oh that guy yeah July 3rd it was on um July 4th no it was on the third it was on Saturday Noah I was walking into the building I was carrying both the dogs and I saw this guy like yelling at the people so the pool area is kind of like you can see it from it's like on the third level of

our apartment but he was shouting to people that were up at the pool and I could see that they were like come on in what and go up to the third level and I saw this guy we're trying to get in the front door there's someone loading a couch it's totally blocked and I go hey dude do you want to go around the back I'll show you the back entrance and he's like okay and so he follows me and i'm like are you going to meet your friends he's like yeah uh meeting janie and rick and i'm like i don't know anyone in this building but uh and he's like you just move in i'm like we just like small talk his friend meets he's on the phone with her he's like i've met someone she's taking me around the back this girl in the swimsuit comes out and is like, oh, thanks for finding our friend.

She goes with him. I'm carrying both dogs or I'm carrying one dog, Luigi on a leash. And then I see my Amazon package I really want to bring up because it's my new pet Roomba. And the guy, he's waiting at the elevator with the girl. And I go, I'm sorry. Do you mind if I borrow your friend so he can help me bring up this Amazon package? Because he was kind of cute, actually. And he was like, I needed help with this package. I really did. And he was, she was like, yeah, I go, I'll let him down. I'll tell him where to go afterwards. And so he was

like, okay. And so he helps me. We're in the elevator. And he, we're on the way up. And he's like, so what do you, what do you do? Like, he asked me what I do, which which no one ever asked that i'm always dying for them to ask me that because i got a cool job but most people don't because everyone has shitty jobs you know yeah which i i understand and i was like oh i'm a comedian he's like oh do you wow okay do you like perform around here and i was like not really i actually like i'm like do mostly like tv stuff and um i i mean i was just like i'm i wanted to be like i'm kind of famous like i just want to cut, I, I mean, I was just like, I'm, I wanted to be like, I'm kind of famous. Like, I just want to cut to the chase. Like,

but, uh, I was just like, no, I'm actually doing a tour pretty soon of like a countrywide tour. It's starting at the end of the month. I know it feels like bragging, but you're just being honest.

Yeah. And he's like, wait, what's your, what's your last name? I was like, Glazer. And he's like,

but you're Nikki Glazer. And he was like, and if, if you're listening, I, that's not your voice. It's just any dude's voice. And then he, he was really nice. He was like, you're ra Glaser. And he was like, and if you're listening, that's not your voice. It's just any dude's voice. And then he was really nice. He was like, you're raunchy, right? And I was like, and I was just telling Brenda the other day that I hate when people are like,

you're raunchy. But his reaction was great. I go, yeah, I am. I go, I'm just honest. And he goes, absolutely. He was like, I remember the first time I saw Amy Schumer and I was just like, like, this is awesome. And I was like, thank you. Because I thought I heard saw amy schumer and i was just like like this is awesome and i was like thank you because i thought i heard him say amy schumer and i was about to like brace myself because a lot of people a lot of dudes like say that say bad stuff like it's like kind of cool to think amy is like not cool or something now and they're just wrong and it makes me so mad and i always have to like and then it makes me go from liking this guy to being like you don't fucking know like and they compare you to yeah she's like amy but funnier or she's like this like that and they did it to amy when they would and when amy was

coming up with someone who was already like they'll they'll do it to me someday you get built up and then they everyone the new people they talk about the last person that was big and they go, you're funnier than her, whatever. So, but he didn't say that. He was like, I loved her.

And I was like, thank you for saying that. I was like, she is one of my favorite comedians ever. And yeah, she totally is like, I'm very much like similar in her vein. And,

and, um, and then I walked in and I go, Andrew, we have a guest. And he came on in and he dropped down the Roomba. And then he was like, come on down to the pool. And we were going to go down, but then he left before and I go, Andrew, we have a guest. And he came on in and he dropped down the Roomba. And then he was like, come on down to the pool.

And we were going to go down, but then he left before we could go down. But we watched, if you're listening, Tommy. I waited for you to slide in my DMs, by the way. He never did. He had a masculine feel to him. Yeah, I bet he did. But with a feminine, he had long hair and a mustache. He had a ridiculous look. He had a Theo Von Mullet type thing mustache but he

was really cute and really nice yes and um but strong like he came off like yeah he carried the fuck out of that room yeah he slammed it down yeah yeah but he's got a he's like there's room but for this cock and that puss but we watched him go down to the pool and like tell the story to his friends of who i was like we got to watch from bird's eye view of him because andrew was like you're not gonna believe it so he walked over and was like he's like next to this and like we saw him like telling the story and then we were like we were kind of like talking as he was you know gesturing like and then she was and then the people at the table were kind of like not impressed they were all just like okay let's let's play

jenga and um but then andrew and i were joking that he could have been like guys uh so up there there was a plane i saw on the way in and then like he could have been telling a totally different story you do with nikki but it just like yeah oh my god i caught a fish earlier this morning yeah that was so fucking big dude and i brought it in on a tackle that you wouldn't even believe this old lady who let me in she like her roommate looked cool as fuck dude he had all these like golf clubs laying around like he could have been not he was wearing i think lulu lemon that was too tight on her but she took

the fucking tag off anyways i mean that's wild right oh my god uh let's get to the top one bottom one are us and and please do slide in tommy if you do hear me or any of tommy's friends he was cute he was nice i just want to be friends not asking for anything more uh top one bottom one is when we say the top one and bottom one experience of a certain category um and it's maybe not experience maybe a thing person place or thing what is today's category no Noah? Inspirational movies. Yes. Okay. So this is any movie that inspired the course of your life and it could be the worst inspiration and or it could, it is. We're coming up with the worst one that like impacted our lives in a way that we wish maybe we wouldn't have seen it.

And then one that impacted our lives in a way that we're glad we saw it. Can you kick us off, Andrew, with the worst? The worst, you kind of gave it away in our text chain, but it is the movie Kids. It had a horrible influence on me. It made me a complete hypochondriac. It made me afraid of the disease HIV. If you did see the movie, this girl who is a virgin gets AIDS on the first guy that she had sex with.

And then it's just the whole movie is her trying to find this guy while he's having sex with other women. And just giving AIDS to everyone. AIDS to everyone. And then it ends with her giving the guy's friend casper a like having sex with him unprotected so where did you see this under what circumstance were you watching this movie i don't know i guess it was like i guess i was probably like a freshman or eighth grade and so i wasn't too young but i was i was old enough where like sex was starting to become a thing yeah so it made me think any girl that had sex with maybe like two or three guys in

high school, she was dirty and she, there's a strong chance that she, you know, had some kind of disease that would kill me. So it made me really afraid of women, like having intercourse with women and being sexual with women and thinking of sex as a positive thing,

not HIV positive, just a positive at all hiv positive just positive at all like like and so i was afraid and it made me and it gave me an irrational fear you know and even the other night when i cut my hand i was like working on your girlfriend's foot you were like what if her blood gets on your blood and i'm like i don't have aids i know but it was just a it was just like a but but and i'm not trying to't have aids i know but it was just a we it was just like a but but and i'm not trying to invalidate it but that was that's still that's still there for you not that it was like i i was bleeding so i should have stopped working for sure but i but my fear

wouldn't have been to give her i don't think it was aids at that point i just i don't know i don't think you have a disease i just thought it was just like you were very scared about a scalpel and like i obviously care about her feet like i didn't want you to like slice her foot and then make it worse or like right because you know you're good with a scalpel once you really start digging yeah but i cut myself with it so it can't be that good you're like oh it's just a little wound but it really is look at it look at it but your finger was bleeding a good amount any doctor would put gloves on no i mean you're right yes i should have the gloves on but i literally can't even find where i cut myself because it was so it was like

a paper cut that was bleeding a lot but you're right i mean you're not wrong but i felt like that was a little bit of oh for sure and even i had to tell brenna like we have to stop because i saw you even before the blood happened you were squirming in a way that i knew you were deeply deeply uncomfortable and i didn't want to make you feel that way and i think like sometimes if i'm like well you know i just think maybe put gloves on or like just be a little bit more you get defensive about that it's like no i'm fine with a scalpel what are you talking about while you're waving they can cut through gloves too true two two um but yeah so that movie really fucked me up yeah i would say so and i talked to other

people and it's it fucked them up a lot too whenever i'm on reddit and there's like a what movie fucked you up the most that's always up there for sure noah what's your um bottom movie of influence if you if you can come up with one this is really this was a very hard one for me because i don't have the patience for movies and all the movies I watch are like fucked up or horror movies. Yeah. So maybe. But as a kid or anything. I love how Noah has this sinister side.

Noah's into heavy metal. She plays heavy metal. She is. She only watches horror movies. I mean, I don't I don't even know who you are sometimes. You are in your you have the sweetest little voice. She's her brown root sometimes. I just love how much people love Noah.

And even though she talks like twice a show, but people still get Noah. It makes me feel so good when besties are like, and I love Noah. I'm like, Noah barely talks, and because I'm such a fucking talker, but they get how sweet you are. They know.

So I love you. There's this very dark side, though, this very dark side yeah so tell us what movie made you this so fucked up secret no no okay so i think the movies that i definitely have a hard time with are any war movies like full metal jacket or any of those i just can't watch them yeah why is it just it just it just makes me depressed because it's like oh it's a movie but it's also like very like a very harsh reality that people have to go through to make you think of poppers yeah it's those little snaps you don't like you're worried about snaps yeah probably all whatever she sees civil war doc like uh you know she's going off she's thinking about getting hit with snappers yeah i couldn't watch 1917 or band of brothers because it just reminded me of the idea that someone might throw little paper pieces

at my gym shoes um no i totally agree with you when my dad loves war movies and i know band of brothers is like this epic series that you just must see and And there's been, you know, Braveheart, any kind of war. War is so stressful. And we're on the brink of it constantly. Why would you ever want to go into a movie theater and live war? And I understand that some people like it. And that's why some people like Fourth of July and some people like reenacting Civil Wars. There's something thrilling about it. But I completely agree with you. My bottom one is very easy for me to say it was in eighth grade we were reading this book called z for zachariah which is about the end of the world and like one person one girl or boys left and so my teacher mrs cannon um actually it was ninth grade i'm sorry no it was eighth grade sorry she was my eighth grade and ninth grade teacher she

uh she wanted us to see this movie that was about the same themes of like the end of the world called and by the way mrs cannon is one of my parents best friends now and was even then and she showed us the day after tomorrow i believe it was uh i think that's what it's called it was a mini series made in like the late 80s early 90s maybe about lawrence kansas about a bunch of people that survived the apocalypse like a nuclear explosion and are just like have like you know open sores and are just trying to survive but we watch this in eighth grade when the explosion goes off there's like a big bright light and then everyone that's like there's like kids playing on a soccer field and like you know just people like out and about in in traffic and they all their skeletons flash

and then they're all dead and their skeletons are all having a great time because we all know that skeletons always be smiling yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah mars attacks but that that that scared me so much that the world could end in a flash and there's nothing i can do about it and then i couldn't sleep for i slept on my parents floor for another year after that and i was really really embarrassed of it and i would come downstairs and then i've told the story before but i used to just not be able to sleep because i just knew that somewhere a button could be pushed and then everything's gone yeah and i went downstairs one time and i remember creaking open my parents door same

door that they have now i know the sound of it and just going like making sure they weren't having sex i was old enough to know like my parents could be fooling around so i would knock first wait to hear them then open the door quietly they were asleep and i just remember my parents going nikki what because it was just every night and i was in ninth grade at this point and I go I can't sleep my dad goes why and I go I just can't handle the idea that somewhere someone could push a button and we all die in like this flash and he was like honestly there is nothing you can do about it like just understand that there's nothing that you can do like you have no control over it and for whatever reason that was the greatest gift to me because i for some reason the reason i was staying up was because i felt

like i could do something yeah and as soon as i was told like you can't do anything and i don't mean to relate this to sex but when i'm tied up and i can't do anything i feel so much easier to relax and like let myself enjoy what's happening because i can't do anything yeah and i like having i like when there's nothing i can do and um and so that that but that movie fucked me up so much and now i'm comforted by the fact that there just might be a flash and then there's no warning i don't have to say goodbye i don't have to go like oh my god we're about to die it's just gonna be like skeleton then everyone's dead. I don't have to say goodbye. I don't have to go like, oh my God, we're about to die. It's just going to be like, skeleton. Then everyone's dead and you don't have to compete with anybody.

I don't have to care about marrying anymore. Do you think that movie hit you too? Because, you know, living in the Midwest, you always think, oh, if they're going to attack us, they're going to blow up New York and we'll be fine.

But since it was in Kansas, that's like kind of right next to you. Yeah, it was in Lawrence, Kansas where I ended up going to college and I maybe just knew that maybe it was a really depressing city and i was like i don't even want to live to go to school there no it was a great town okay top top influential go jay hawks um top influential movie i would have to say for me was a movie called rudy i thought you were

gonna say roots and i was like jesus christ wow I remember I rode my bike to watch Crooklyn. Like two miles to see. I don't know why. I was into Spike Lee for like a week and a half. All I know from it is Rudy. Rudy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So Rudy is a story of this guy who he always wanted to play football in Notre Dame. And he got old. You know, he never went to Notre Dame. He never went to college. He was older. He was small. So I related like,

cause I played football. I was tiny. I was the underdog. No one expected anything from me. So when he was like, like old, like 25, 26,

his friend died in a, in a, in an accident inside a factory. And it inspired him to go, you know what? Life is short. I want to go after my dream so he went back and he went to a small college like community college and he got a good enough grades to get into notre dame and then everyone's like oh yeah okay you got into notre

dame that's unbelievable no but i'm gonna play football there and it's whole is that allowed can you play football for notre dame if you're in your 20s like yeah yeah there was this guy chris wanky who was 28 and he played quarterback for Florida State. Oh, okay. Anyways, so he goes back, plays for Notre Dame. All his brothers laughing at him. Can this be my least influential movie?

Can I change mine? Just hearing the synopsis? I'm just kidding. Is this gaslighting? Wait, can you fix her leg? tuck it up yeah so anyways long story short it was about a small guy that uh went against all odds when people said you couldn't play and it really inspired me he ended up playing he got he got a sack in the in his senior game on the quarterback and when did you see this movie and in what ways in your life has this like inspired you to like well it definitely inspired me in high school when i think it came

out and all i know is my one movie i had in college i had that movie in dumb and dumber in college freshman year in college and that's all i watched probably like 75 times each movie uh dumb and dumber was also very i love that rudy i feel like is just one movie that men fucking love i gotta see it sometime we should watch it sometime i feel like is just one movie that men fucking love i gotta see it sometime we should watch it sometime i would like to to see that and he ended up in uh i think he went to jail recently for like insider trading wait rudy yeah wait so it's based on a real true story yeah it's a true story oh cool and rudy's a great name by the way uh to root my sister and i were coming up with baby names the other day for potential children in our family and uh good for

a girl too love it for a girl there was a girl named rudy on uh bachelor's uh last season listen to your heart uh the the one where they were like musicians and she was the most talented one her name was rudy she was so cute uh noah what is your most top one influential movie that is like you know changed the course of your life i guess okay so there's a movie called enter the void it's a very sad movie about a guy who's a drug dealer and died from drugs and then the movie shows uh the impact that his death had on his friends and his girlfriend and all that whoa i like this yeah so it's like his soul leaves his body and just kind of goes and sees what what happens to them it is so fucked up really um but it it i guess like the positive way that it affected me is that like while all my friends were doing drugs i was too scared to do it

because i didn't want to die so it's like relatable to andrew oh so it influenced you to not do hard drugs because you might be like enter the void. Right. And also just like making sure that my decisions are not impacting other people in such negative ways. Oh, realizing, like seeing a movie that made you realize how your life has a butterfly effect. Like how, yes, how you could leave behind a lot of sadness and damage.

That's really, I love that. Wait, have you seen Requiem for a dream i have now is that movie similar because again on reddit every month they have this question of like what's the movie that you wish you wouldn't have seen or you saw that movie does fuck you i haven't seen it i read about i've my hobby is reading about movies that are too disturbing for me to see so there's a lot of movies i've read about that are like you know kind of either uh art art films that like are have been banned you know the type that people walked out of the can screening because it was so disturbing the depiction of rape or whatever it was there's a movie the um the horror movie i just read about god what is it called? Hereditary.

Have you seen that? Mm-mm. Oh my God. That apparently, to anyone who was listening and has seen Hereditary with Toni Collette, it's a recent film. It was in theaters. I love a podcast that says reviews about reviews.

Honestly, I can't watch Saw movies. I can't do, but I love reading descriptions of them. I can read horror any day. Does anyone relate to that? I don't want to't do, but I love reading descriptions of them. I can read horror any day. Does anyone relate to that? I don't want to see it, but I want to read it and just read about how fucked up it is.

Well, Requiem for a Dream is wild. Hereditary, even the synopses and Requiem for a Dream, I will say, they cannot capture how profoundly weird those movies are because I can't get a sense from reading them

how fucked up it is but just based on people on reddit saying like this i this movie i've watched once i'm glad i saw it but i will never watch it again i try to see like what was it and they it's like mushrooms you can't describe it until you see it so i might have to but noah cannot will you watch hereditary for me if you like horror movies it's supposed to be the most disturbing one ever i mean it was in theater so i'm not asking you i can give you other disturbing ones like the most disturbing okay but literally i think hereditary might be i would i bet you based on my research it might take the cake for you i don't know dark noah she's seen some what's the one noah no what's the one movie

that you think is the most fucked up movie you've seen? Is it Enter the Void? No, the most. Well, I won't watch it because of what it has in it. But the one that like all the horror freaks. Well, it's not really. I mean, it's horrifying, but a Serbian film. And it's because it involves rape and incest. Yes, I've heard of that one as well. Yes, there's those like hostile. I won't watch any kind of torture movies.

But yes, I know what you're talking about. Like those those movies that there's there's definitely some horror films that like even Parasite last night you were like we were thinking about watching Parasite and I go isn't it like really like fucked up. It's going to make me like kind of fucked up and you were like you just have to read the whole thing because it's subtitles and I go I read anyway. I have subtitles for everything. I read literally everything i watch and it's kind of becoming a problem you would like parasite parasites i know i would like it okay my number one influential

movie i still don't know what it's gonna be even though i'm gonna give it to two different ones you've got mail because it makes me believe in it's just a good representation of movies that have given me this crazy rom-com uh view of life and wanting my life to be a movie and needing everything to be for a reason. And like, Oh, isn't it fun? Like I, my life,

I kind of, in my interactions with men, I make into great scene. Like there's some things that have happened that are such great scenes in movies. And I think it's all because I've just been inspired by, I want my life to look like a rom-com, which by the way, don't,

these things don't exist it doesn't work out that way um have you ever been in the moment present and you're like this is just like wow you're kissing the guy be like this is just like clueless or whatever no not like that like i've just been like oh my god like that was the best line i just said that would be in a movie about like a girl that's dealing with a guy like I've just had some lines that I'm like that's straight up Nora Ephron like snarky ism or like

just a line that's you know but do you think you're saying the line because of not not to like no feel like clever yeah but then in that like there was one time that i said a line to a guy where he we were accusing this guy of like uh we were making fun of him for uh using

like the mystery method of pickup artistry because he like had a bunch of ridiculous jewelry on and stuff we were like oh my god that's you're so trying to pick up girls but i kind of had a thing for this guy and he had no idea. Like I, it was, that's, that's always where I have my most fun is I'm like getting knots on my stomach. Just even thinking about how thrilling this was. But like, I like when I just,

my favorite part of a relationship is when you, the guy has no idea that I like him. And then I start to leave little crumbs that he goes, did she just like, did she just say that? Like, wait, was that, did she just mean to touch me? Like just little things that he goes fashion eggs did she just like did she just say that like wait was that did she just mean to touch me like just little things that that make and i'm not doing it to

be manipulative and be like maybe he knows maybe he doesn't it's just like the littlest thing to like ease into like i like you you know and this guy i had been making fun of for using like the mystery method and he did this really dorky thing because he was just trying to flirt with me I think and he did this thing where he like like he like let's just say like he like slammed a door in my face but as I was walking to a door he just slammed it like and to so it would just like slam in front of me and it was just like lame and you could just tell he was like nervous and just did a thing to get my attention and I just opened the door and like kept walking and i was like cool and he was like mystery uh mystery taught me that because we had already been doing stuff like joking about it and i just kept walking and i go well it's working and then i just kept i just

said it over my shoulder and then i kept walking and like i know that he was just there being like wait is she saying that it's working like she likes me or she could have meant this but maybe she didn't and i but when i was walking away it was like i was walking away from an explosion like you should have seen my face i was like that was such a good line i do that i'm really good at those lines of just making guys feel like you walk you walking into a sliding door after saying that would have been the funniest thing on earth so that's my number that's my number one is you've got mail because it just represents rom-coms that i try to make my life about and then i will say that uh dead poet society was the one in high school that uh

much like when noah said like you realize the impact that suicide can have that was like a precursor i'm really glad i saw that movie because it prepared me for losing a friend to suicide and kind of seeing it happen in my own life and it just like profoundly it made me sad in a way that I now look back on and realize like I it was a foreshadowing that I was going to struggle with suicide thought suicidal thoughts and when we watched up in the air this weekend unexpectedly we were watching up in the air if you haven't seen it george clooney and anna kendrick and um via formiga which one time a guy on twitter said uh i'm watching via formiga and she looks very formiga

she's there i saw a girl and she looked very formiga too so in the movie though there's this they're firing people all they get hired to fire people though there's this they're firing people all they get hired to fire people and there's and they're just showing all the people getting fired different faces and this one woman is just like all right well guess what i'm gonna do later today and anna kind of just like what are you gonna do she's like i'm gonna jump off a bridge and she just stares at her and anna kendrick's like what and she was like yeah there's a nice bridge by my house I'm gonna go over and I'm gonna jump off that bridge and it the way this woman said it I like started crying we're like you didn't even know but I like teared up it came on the woman is such a good actress and I just know that feeling of telling people you're gonna kill

yourself just to get a reaction to get some kind of like and and meaning it like meaning like because i've said it before like i'm probably going to kill myself someday like and i don't feel that way now but i've said it before and meant it and just that uh just see knowing that i'm not alone with that feeling and seeing it in that character this weekend and also in dead poet society remembering that that jim carrey kind of character the guy he wasn't jim carrey but he looked like him that kills himself oh sorry spoiler um i love that movie so much it just like made me so sad and it it just it it hit me in a way that it didn't hit my friends and i look back and i realized because it was like i uh was a deeply

emotional child that didn't know how to handle it and it just makes me like realize i had some depth to me when i was a little girl and like was obsessed with that really sad movie and no one understood but it's so good dude my captain by captain when they get up on the desk my captain by captain or something my captain oh captain my captain or something like that but it's not my captain by captain but i will say that i was thinking about robin williams this weekend yeah robin williams is a comedian that's been able to do really sincere work and like he's funny and that stuff but like and that's made me realize i can write music because robin williams can be the silliest and then also the most serious and no one goes wait you can't be both.

Will Ferrell did it. Adam Sandler's done it. You're right. Sarah Silverman did it recently. Yeah. Final thought. I mean, how, what do you... Well, Dead Poets Society,

remember the scene when he's drunk at the party and he's trying, he goes to the girl. Oh, he's trying to impress, he's trying to get the girl's attention I forget that that scene is I can't watch talk about a scene I can't watch because it's just so uncomfortable him being drunk and being like and he kisses her

and he gets caught and gets beat up by her jock boyfriend oh yeah that did that just like embarrassment that movie yeah embarrassment is really a hard thing to process like we watched can't hardly wait the other night did we talk about that noah oh we watched it with we watched it with besties holy shit i never even talked about it so i want to do it regularly the other night uh andrew and i both didn't have anything going on and i was in the mood to watch a movie and i was like oh you know it'd be really fun if we just did this on instagram live so that's why you have to follow us on instagram

because sometimes if you're also bored and it was like a friday night or something yeah uh we didn't have anything going on so we decided to uh pull up can't hardly wait and watch it with besties it was so much freaking fun um how did we do it we like we had it on the tv and then we just commented with it and yeah and on us as well but yeah no what was the scene for oh when he when he uh admits his love to her oh yeah you didn't like that i loved that scene where he's like amanda and he's like i just i love you and she's like you know what why don't you just take your dick and shove it up like she's like so mean to him but it's just so that movie can't really wait is fantastic it is available on hulu even though i bought it on prime because i

didn't realize it was free on hulu uh in the movie it was my favorite movie in high school so funny so well done seth green is in it seth green plays kenny who no have you seen can't really wait no okay that's not in your genre no one gets stabbed yeah no one has their jaw ripped open any flesh eating zombies and their soul removed and it haunts children in the neighborhood well yeah that's after the credits though that scene um the movie is so much fun it is a great movie to watch with our besties and thank you all to who joined us and i got so many replies that it was so fun people didn't have anything going on that night and they enjoyed it so um the wild part was that i was watching this and realizing how young all

these actors were like seth green who we've seen do a ton of stuff even before can't hardly wait i think he was on buffy and what was he he was like a young austin powers austin powers i think he did that after can't hardly wait yes it was definitely after um he was just so good in this role of this kid that's trying to be a black guy yeah and then in the monologues he said like i remembered so much of the dialogue as a kid so anyway i was watching it i'm like oh my god i'm friends with seth green like i've become friends with him through jeff ross through i don't even oh we did a um we did the historical roast together he was playing uh david bowie and we met there and then um he asked me to do Robot Chicken. I did a voice for that. I don't even think it's aired yet, but that was fun.

But I was like, I gotta let Seth know how fucking good he was. So I wrote to him, and I said, I watched Can't Hardly Wait Again for the first time in maybe decades last night, and God damn it, are you phenomenal in it. He said, thank you, that was a lot of fun. How was your Sunday? And I told him, he told me what he was doing,

and then he goes, wait, you did shows in la we blew it on hanging out and i'm like he goes next time gadget which i love next time gadget because it's like uh inspector gadget they would always like end like gadget like it was just i just love next he goes next time gadget and i said we really did we missed out blah blah blah and i got but seriously i forgot how I had your monologues from can't hardly wait memorized I was obsessed with your performance in high school and it came flooding back last night. I'm friends with a genius He said thanks and this is what I love He goes. Thank you the result of tons of practice and prep so disciplined in that moment crazy to think about genuinely I love that you spent time with it and that I love that

because it's like I knew it watching his performance that was a guy that had worked tirelessly to do that performance and like so much work had gone into that and I'm I didn't know it at the time because I would have guessed like he's just that good but the thing is no one's just that good like you have to be that good and you have to have the practice so he was like the most elite like talk about like the elite athlete when he did that movie like i never think of actors as like really training and being like he did especially for like a role a role that you would assume is kind of silly you know what i mean like yeah like oh you're really gonna put in a ton of work and playing like a guy who wears a neon green tracksuit and who's ridiculous and it's like yeah i am because that's gonna set me apart because like rudy you gotta work hard you know it was so well

casted whoever that that movie is so tons of fun so many cameos from people you now know yeah it was a blast to watch but j... Jason Segel's in it. Jason Segel is in it, like going down on some watermelon. He eats out of watermelon, yeah. I mean, there's tons of people. The whole time you'll see cameos. It's such a fun movie.

I want to do it again with besties, but again... Write us in and say what movie from like the 90s you want us to watch. I mean, I think we... We'll just pick it? Yeah, because I don't i kind of i think 10 things i hate about you i would watch she's all that i want to go back to these kind of

ones or even just yeah record for a dream yeah if you guys think there are movies that you've seen that we would love based on this podcast today please send them in and as always right into the show leave a voice memo uh on our instagram i'm going on tour nikki glazer.com slash tour i'm going to be in waterloo new york this weekend on saturday at a casino please come see me tickets available on my website then at the end of the month san antonio and then we're off to the races with the tour it's going to be so much fun can't wait to see you all there i can't believe i'm going to be on tour in less than a week doing stand-up again i'm ready i'm fucking ready guys i'm fucking ready, guys.

I'm so excited. I love you. Can't wait for the show tomorrow. Great shows all week. Thank you, Noah. Thank you, Andrew. Don't be care. And don't be care.

All the swells. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.